EB: then what is it?
AG: I know how this is pro8a8ly going to sound, especially to a human.
AG: 8ut I just killed someone.
EB: you did?
EB: who was it? you mean like, a bad guy?
AG: Not exactly.
EB: oh yeah, karkat mentioned that he was in trouble, and then had to go.
EB: it made me a little worried! are you guys under attack or something?
AG: I'm not sure what his deal is. I haven't seen him in a while.
AG: 8ut we are not under attack.
AG: Not yet, at least.
EB: well, then...
EB: who did you kill?
AG: He was a friend.
AG: Someone from our team.
AG: It's a little complicated.
EB: well, did he attack you or something?
AG: 8ut really, that's not why I killed him. He was no match for me, and I could have just incapacit8ed him or flown away or whatever.
AG: The truth is I killed him 8ecause at the time, I thought I wanted to, and sort of felt like I finally had to.
EB: why did you have to?
AG: 8ecause enough was enough! You don't even know how frustr8ing it was to 8e friends with him.
AG: I used to really like him and always wanted to help him get stronger, so that he might stand a fucking chance to actually make it on our world.
AG: 8ut he was just soooooooo weak and indecisive. He wouldn't change!
AG: And when he tried to change, it was too little and too l8. Always l8. L8ey L8ey L88888888.
AG: Too l8 to kiss me.
AG: Too l8 to kill me.
AG: He couldn't do it when I really needed him to. So when I saw he was actually serious a8out trying to kill me now of all times...
AG: I just got SO AAAAAAAANGRY. I am still a 8it upset thinking a8out it.
AG: So I killed him.
AG: And I'm pretty sure he's dead for good now.
EB: you're right, vriska. that does not sound good.
AG: I know!
AG: I know our races are completely different. And I really h8 the idea of you thinking worse of me 8ecause of this.
AG: 8ut I don't have anyone else to talk to a8out it!
EB: you don't?
EB: what about all of your friends?
EB: i bet karkat would listen.
EB: or what about terezi? she's pretty nice, isn't she?
AG: No no no no no no no no!
AG: I mean, yeah, they're fine. 8ut I can't talk to them!
EB: why not?
AG: For one thing, they would pro8a8ly just 8e pissed off at me for killing Tavros.
AG: And more importantly, there's no waaaaaaaay I could tell them how I really feel a8out it.
EB: well, how do you feel?
AG: If any of my friends knew that, they would think I'm weak.
EB: i guess i understand. i mean, i'm trying to, with the cultural difference and all.
AG: Do you?
EB: like, trolls are more violent and angry, right? kind of like klingons or something, which is an angry race of alien savages from a human tv show.
AG: We aren't savages, you dope!
EB: oh, i know, that's not what i meant! but i am guessing you all have to act tough to make it in your world, and have a sense of honor about fighting, and like to beat people up and stuff, right?
AG: Uh, yeah........
AG: Let's say close enough!
EB: but i think that no matter what alien culture you are from, killing is still wrong!
EB: and it sounds like you do too.
AG: Yeah, see.
AG: This is where our cultures clash, I think.
AG: It would 8e difficult to explain exactly how killing is viewed on our planet with all the nuance involved.
AG: It just isn't the 8lack and white thing humans seem to think it is!
EB: well, you could try. i am listening.
AG: On my world, I would 8e completely vindic8ed for killing him! He is far lower on the hemospectrum than me. He managed to disrespect me time and time again, 8ut I kept letting him live! In fact, the amount of slack I cut him would 8e considered scandalous 8y those in my class.
AG: I had every reason to kill him. And yet...
AG: I feel 8ad a8out it like a lame weak fudge8lood, just like he was.
AG: And the fact that I feel 8ad is why I'm sort of freaking out right now!
EB: i think if you feel bad, it just means you have a conscience. which is good, right?
AG: No. That's not how it works.
AG: I'm supposed to 8e just fine with it.
AG: This was sort of like a test, and I'm afraid I might 8e failing.
EB: how was it like a test?
AG: Well, it was the first time I killed some8ody.
AG: W8! Ok, that's not really true. What I meant was, it was the first time I killed some8ody I cared a8out.
EB: you killed other people, that you didn't care about?
AG: Yes. Sort of a lot, actually. 8ut there was a really good reason for that!
EB: hm. how many?
EB: or... do i want to know...
AG: Oh, it doesn't matter. Pro8a8ly many thousands.
EB: hopy shit...
AG: God, I know how this sounds! 8ut I had to feed her. My lusus I mean. I've 8asically 8een playing this role as a slave in the food chain my whole life. It is what she selected me to do.
EB: i guess that is why you didn't get along with her?
AG: Hell yes.
EB: i see.
EB: still, that is a LOT of killing. jesus...
AG: Yeah, 8ut I never felt anything a8out it. It was just normal life for me.
EB: but then you finally killed a guy you liked, and...
EB: not so cool anymore?
AG: Yeah. OH!
AG: Ok, that's not quite right. He's the second person I cared a8out who I killed.
AG: Man, I always forget a8out her!
AG: I guess she wound up getting me 8ack pretty good though, so we're even.
AG: Oh, also, TECHNICALLY I attempted to kill that same guy around the same time.
AG: 8ut I just wound up paralyzing him! Oops, hahahaha.
AG: 8ut man. That was sweeps ago.
AG: I think I had a really juvenile attitude a8out killing 8ack then. I think I was trying too hard?
AG: I was always really o8sessed with 8eing the 8est at stuff, and I guess I was trying to 8e precocious in that respect as well, and prove to everyone how 8rutal I could be.
AG: 8ut I was such a confused kid! I didn't know anything a8out what killing really means. I was trying to fake it, and it caused me nothing 8ut pro8lems.
EB: i guess i had no idea how different we really were.
EB: what i am hearing is seriously scaring the shit out of me!
AG: Yeah, I know. I wish we didn't have to 8e so different. I'm just trying to 8e honest with you, 8ecause like I said, I have nowhere else to go.
EB: ok, well i appreciate the honesty.
EB: so... if killing isn't exactly wrong, then what is it?
EB: what do you mean by "what killing really means"?