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I THINK I'VE BEEN FORCED TO UNLOCK THESE SCREENS. AND VIEW THESE POINTLESS EVENTS. LONG ENOUGH.
MY QUEST IS DUMB. I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET ON WITH THE REAL ADVENTURE.
Has it occurred to you that your quest in its limitless tedium and thankless busywork was designed to facilitate your personal growth?
To prepare you for your ultimate destiny beyond this game?
NO.
ANYWAY DIDN'T YOU SAY ONE TIME. I WAS INCAPABLE OF GROWING???
Oh right.
Well, has it occurred to you that it might have been designed to fuck with your head and serve as a punishment for being such a horrible little shit?
YES!!!
YES.
THAT OCCURS TO ME. EVERY SECOND I THINK ABOUT IT.
I HAVE TOLERATED MANY AGGRAVATIONS.
AND AM PREPARED TO TOLERATE MANY MORE.
IF IT GETS ME CLOSER TO TRIUMPHING OVER YOU AND THIS MORONIC GAME.
I WILL FIND MORE KEYS UNDER RANDOM ASS UNLABELED STONES.
I WILL WATCH ANOTHER MILLION HOURS OF NUMBSKULLS WHIMPERING ABOUT THEIR ROMANCE NOT COMING TRUE.
I WILL EVEN ENDURE MORE OF THESE PATENTLY LUDICROUS ACT ACT ACT ACT ACT ACTS EVEN THOUGH THEY APPEAR TO MEAN NOTHING AT ALL.
BUT WHAT I WILL NOT STAND FOR.
IS GOING.
FUCKING.
BACKWARDS!!!
Fair enough.
But I already told you how to accelerate your viewing.
WHAT? WHEN.
See those two panes of glass there?
Take your crowbar and smash them.
OH. YEAH.
UGH. I FORGOT.
IS THAT REALLY THE ONLY WAY. TO GO TO WHAT'S NEXT.
SO THAT I CAN PUT MY PLANS IN MOTION?
Yes.
You should be pleased by the irony.
Smashing the glass will cause you to reflect upon a lifetime you have yet to spend...
Um.
Breaking stuff.
???
Is the irony not fucking delicious?
NO.
STOP TRYING TO BOGART MY SCHTICK. OF PLAYING INSIDIOUS MIND GAMES AND DOING SHITTY TWISTS.
YOU SUCK AT IT SO BAD.
I'm sorry.
IT'S NOT BREAKING THE GLASS I MIND.
THIS IS THE THING THAT INVOLVES.
*SHUDDER*
"TEAM WORK"
RIGHT?
Yes.
You and a buddy have to turn both keys simultaneously.
It will teach you a wonderful lesson about life.
FUCK!
Don't act like you aren't secretly having a great time there with your new friends.
You are practically the ringmaster of your own little dark carnival by now.
And you're loving every minute of it. Don't deny it.
NO I'M NOT!
Sooner or later you will have to face the fact that literally all adventures are about learning the value of teamwork.
Teamwork and friendship. The two razor sharp edges of the mighty excalibur which EVERY hero should keep in his scabbard.
Even shitty heroes like you.
FINE. I'LL DO IT.
BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE. WHERE I TALK TO YOU. FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND.
WOULD BE SO MUCH WORSE.
-- The narrative prompt has been locked. --

> Caliborn: Break glass.


Start Over | Go Back             Save Game (?) | Auto-Save! (?) | Load Game | Delete Game Data




Latest Pages:
1/19/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/16/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/14/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/12/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/9/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/7/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/5/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
1/2/15 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/31/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/29/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/26/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/24/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/22/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/19/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/17/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/15/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/12/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/10/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/8/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/5/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/3/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
12/1/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/28/14 - "[S][A6A6I4] ====>"
11/26/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/24/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/21/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/19/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/17/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/14/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/11/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/10/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/7/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/5/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/3/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 4"
11/1/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 4"
10/25/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3"
10/25/14 - "[S] GAME OVER."
10/17/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 3"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"

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RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 19 January 2015 by Andrew

So what do we call this pause? I've been batting ideas around all day. We could go with the obvious choice, the MINIGIGAPAUSE. Or maybe, MEGAPAUSE 2: BACK IN THE MEGASADDLE. Or if that makes too much sense, we could always settle on the MICROTERAPAUSE. As you can see, there are so many incredibly intelligent and meaningful things we could call this pause. Deciding how to refer to the pause is an exercise that I will leave to the reader. Feel free to discuss the matter with friends. Or strangers. Anyone who will listen really. If they start to run away, I strongly recommend you chase them.

Why don't we say that A665 begins on 4/13. That's a fun number that we all can get excited about. I have a lot of catch-up work to do between now and then. Not the least of which is drawing the actual content to be posted. But also a lot of gamedev work. Game production is rolling pretty hot right now. Stuff is being churned out almost faster than I can keep track of. Did I mention? I accidentally started running a game studio a little while ago. Whoops, sorry about that. There are all these people being paid to make things happen, and I have to be like "Yeah, keep doing that stuff, everybody." It's getting pretty easy to lose track of how many people work for What Pumpkin. My last estimate was somewhere between 30 and 1000. The true figure is a very frisky moving target.

A6A6A5, a.k.a. Caliborn's Masterpiece, is actually done. It's probably better to hold off posting it until 4/13, when more content will soon follow aftewards. I am sure pausing on that note for months would mess with your head a lot more than the note we're already pausing on. I sometimes feel I have at least a modest responsibility to manage your sanity. It'll be tough sitting on this content though. Tougher than sitting on all of A664 for the better part of a year. I don't think it is out of line to describe it as the best material this website will ever exhibit. It will be all down hill from there, in every direction. Even up.

Speaking of sanity management, way back when, I was pretty on the fence about posting A664 spaced out over months like I did, vs. all at once. Doing the latter in hindsight probably would have been a fucked up thing to do to the internet though. The GAME OVER fallout alone was a bit much as it was. Including it in tandem with the rest of it? Not sure what to make of that. Let's review the CONTENT CRUSH that would have entailed. Bad Anime -> Game Over -> Sadstuck -> Lowas Quest -> 100 retconned panels of oil -> A bunch of other shit -> Punky Serket -> Fantroll Storytime -> 8 password pages -> The Kiss On Horse Mountain -> and finally -> The Punchline. You know, that's an awful lot of baloney to publish. I think the fell-swoop reaction to all that would have been quite a thing to behold, but also, perhaps an irresponsible thing to do to a hapless fanbase after a year in hibernation. I'm told that in 2015, young people are heavily susceptible to "the feels", and trifling with those forces could be injurious to their future development. Wait, did that just sound like something your grandpa would say? Mother fuck, where did I put my cane. Oh right, I snapped it in half from shaking it at the sky.

I may have been in the process of making a point there, but we're going to have to pick this up another time. The comic isn't going to pause itself!!!

Posted on 7 January 2015 by Andrew

CRITICAL HORSE ADJUSTMENT

Over the last couple months, I have been surreptitiously collapsing several update horses into single, bigger horses. This means A6A6I4 is going to end a little sooner than previously advertised. Same total page count, but finishing sooner. Please consult the important horse calendar below.



So what happens when A6A6I4 is done? I'm not quite sure yet. I'm still working on everything that comes after that. I've written it mostly, but haven't drawn anything yet. There will almost certainly be another pause, but I'm not sure how long it will be yet. I will let you know after 1/19.

Posted on 9 December 2014 by Andrew

Here is one last drop of cool stuff for you to buy before your chimneys are plundered by a mythical oaf.

A new one of these guys, who is red:


Charms!:


Cute stickers?? (yes):



Posted on 30 October 2014 by Andrew

Adventure Game Update

I am letting this one be viewable to the general public. (It will also be posted to the backer page of the Kickstarter.)



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