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==>

FINE. NOW WHAT.
Caliborn, first let me explain something to you.
I guess it falls on me to teach you these life lessons, because as unpleasant as the idea is for both of us, I am the closest thing you will ever have to a father.
You see, teenagers are sensitive and beautiful creatures.
Well, not you. You are repulsive. But most teenagers, I mean.
You can't just force them to settle all their issues with insane psychotropic game powerups.
They have to face all those issues themselves, or they will never learn and grow as people.
WHO CARES??
Well, you don't. But human beings do.
The journey itself is more important than the destination.
The struggle is what builds character and teaches us about ourselves and about life.
BULLSHIT.
I DID THEM ALL A FAVOR. BY GIVING THEM MY JUJU.
THEY WERE GOING NOWHERE. AND BEING STUPID.
AND DOING LITERALLY NOTHING WHATSOEVER. EXCEPT FOR WALLOWING IN GROTESQUE EMOTIONS.
LOOK HOW MUCH GREAT STUFF THEY GOT DONE BECAUSE OF ME!
Of course you think you were doing them a favor. You're an alien.
So is your sister. She thought the juju would be a great boon for them as well. But she was wrong.
See, you cherubs are predisposed to love all this trickster crap. All that goofy squeaky candy coated nonsense is a critical part of your people's mythos.
That sugarized zillyjunk sort of embodies a unified field of absurd Platonic ideals to the cherubim, so when you see expressions of it in reality of course you're gonna go apeshit.
But that kind of stuff is freakish and disturbing to humans. Those aren't our ideals.
WHAT.
Furthermore, that could only be seen as a boon from an asocial species.
You never have to deal with other people. So if you lick a magic lollipop that flips a switch in your brain that says "all my problems are solved," I guess maybe that's fine for cherubs, but if you're a human you haven't actually solved anything.
By the same logic it's not much of a boon to a human's physical journey either.
Using an item that lets them start maniacally powering from point A to point B isn't doing them any favors.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
It's like when Mario gets the star.
You know when Mario gets the star?
WHO THE FUCK IS MARIO.
He's a small Italian plumber who goes on sideways adventures.
He jumps on stuff and bops bricks with his head to save a princess.
WHAT'S ITALIAN.
WHAT'S A PLUMBER.
Never mind what an Italian is. It's just a kind of guy on Earth.
And a plumber is a guy who fixes load gapers.
WHAT'S A LOAD GAPER.
Shut up.
Anyway, sometimes when Mario's running sideways he gets a star that makes him magic and invincible.
OH. YOU MEAN HE BECOMES TRICKSTER MARIO.
Yes, but less stupid.
So for a while he becomes flashy and hyperactive and nothing's challenging anymore.
He just starts barreling over mushrooms and leaping over pits as fast as he can, then gets to the end and jumps on the flagpole and that's it. Mario "wins".
But the point is, he didn't really win. That magic star was actually devastating to his development as a human being.
WHY.
Because he skipped over many critical trials on his spiritual journey.
Mario NEEDS to stomp on all those mushrooms. He NEEDS to bonk those bricks with his head, for the sake of his personal growth.
By using the star, he is denying himself many powerful moments of catharsis.
UH.
Well, I don't know. Maybe Mario isn't the best example.
Like I'm not sure if Mario really even has a soul?
He's just kind of a one-dimensional friendly cartoon plumber.
So maybe this stuff doesn't quite apply to him.
But these aren't one-dimensional plumbers we're talking about here.
These are TEENS.
And as we all know, teens have BIG FEELINGS.
I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS.
THE DISCOURSE WITH YOU HAS BEEN EVEN MORE GRATING AND UNPALATABLE THAN USUAL.
YOU SAID YOU'D HELP ME SPEED UP MY QUEST. BUT ALL YOU DID.
WAS TRICK ME INTO HEARING ANOTHER CONVERSATION. IN WHICH YOU INDULGE YOURSELF TO AN EXTENT. WHICH I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE.
I'M GOING TO HIT THINGS WITH MY CROWBAR AGAIN.
No don't!
Jane is still nursing a wicked hangover you ass.
THEN BE USEFUL TO ME.

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RSS: Adventure Updates


Gigapause: Commence.



Posted on 13 April 2014 by Andrew

Happy 4/13, a.k.a. 5 years of Homestuck being a thing! Since I know how much you like things, to celebrate I thought I would show you another thing that's been in the works for a while.



It's a new webcomic based on Homestuck, called Paradox Space! Have a look. That is all I will say about it here. But if you would like to know what the heck this ACTUALLY IS, here is a permalink to the news post where I talk about such matters.

Posted on 3 Mar 2014 by Andrew

2014 What Pumpkin Convention Schedule ... over there! ->

The What Pumpkin crew will be quite active on the con circuit this year. 11 cons by my count (for now). Take a look at the schedule, and make your plans accordingly!

What Pumpkin will be setting up a booth in all these cons where you can buy stuff and meet some friendly WP folk. I personally will only be attending two or three of these. I'm not sure which ones yet. I don't think I can lock myself into anything definite yet, since all that traveling is incredibly time consuming and tends to derail work. That's sort of what happened last year. I traveled way too much, and it really messed me up! So work schedule permitting, I'll probably pick a couple of these later and make some "surprise appearances". That way, if you happen to see me at a convention, you can be 100% certain that our encounter will be a result of PURE DESTINY.

Posted on 24 Jan 2014 by Andrew

introdoucing, 20104............ the NEWD YEAR

Gigapause status: STILL GIGAPAUSED.

It's almost over, right? Um, no, sorry. I still have no time estimate, or specific date I am shooting for. 4/13 would be the COOLEST date to shoot for, right? I doubt that's realistic though. Because in spite of my most religious wishes every single day, magic keeps on being fake. THANKS, "god".

What is the status, then? The status is this. Since pausing, basically all I have been doing is writing. No drawing or animation yet. Writing, writing, writing. Writing for Homestuck, and writing for the adventure game. More time has been allocated to the latter. The game is a big, big project. Let's not kid ourselves here. It's like this whole new major story and everything, fueled by millions of dollars. That's a very different situation from Homestuck, which is usually fueled by approximately zero dollars.

Homestuck probably needs another month of writing before I can start making panels. Not even to speak of Flash work. And of course, game development looms over everything as well. This feels totally different from the usual routine of write-draw-post, write-draw-post, write-draw-post, ad infinitum. Writing everything out beforehand is peculiar. And by peculiar I mean "totally conventional", in most other creative contexts. Let's see how that approach pans out. (You go out on a limb and guess it will result in the same silly bullshit as always.)

WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON?

Kickstarter - Speaking of the game, I sent out a backer update just before the newd year. The same update just went out to paypal backers too (it took a while to set up a system for that). If you backed the project but didn't notice an update, you might want to check your email. If you didn't back it, sorry these updates are <shhhh>secret</shhhh>. I mean, not really. The info gets "leaked" everywhere, if you know where to look. The point is, *I'M* technically not supposed to be the one tell you. Get it? Oh. You don't? Me neither.

One question I feel like I should answer out in the open even though I kinda thought it was obvious (there is no such thing as obvious) since I see it come up so much: yes, you will be able to purchase the game, even if you did not back the Kickstarter!

Contest - In the near future, I'm going to be putting out some neat things through We Love Fine. WLF is a cool company that makes a lot of nice stuff, that you will find particularly interesting if you are into "the fandoms". Do you like fandoms? When I was a kid we didn't even have those. All we had were shitty Atari games, and spankings.

But before they formally launch any Homestuck stuff, they're running a fun shirt design contest. There are sweet cash prizes. Hey, only participate if you think is sounds fun though. Most people won't win, because that's what a contest is, according to the way that common word is classically defined. I ain't out to waste anyone's time! I do hope plenty of people submit designs though. There's some nutty stuff rolling in. People will laugh at me if I pick the naked Gamzee shirt. DON'T MAKE ME PICK THE NAKED GAMZEE SHIRT!

Another Secret Project - Remember a while ago, I mysteriously mumbled something about a secret project? And then it came along, and it turned out to be Namco High? This is like that again. Except it's not a dating sim. Or a game, or anything like that. Also, it doesn't involve video game characters you've never heard of. It is a much more Homestuck-focused thing. That's all I'm gonna say! Ok, I lied, I will say one more thing: it's going to be really cool, and you will wonder where it has been all your life.

Vinyl Figures - These are up in the store now! For actual sale. Hehe... look at em!



Posted on 20 Dec 2013 by Andrew



Posted on 11 Dec 2013 by Andrew

Behold, it is the festive dump of none other than Father Christmas himself! *Puts on Santa suit, dives head-first onto Slip N Slide full of eggnog.*

But then I stagger to my feet, wring my beard into a glass, add a pinch of nutmeg, and apologize for ruining Christmas. These goods are now available for preorder.



Posted on 28 Nov 2013 by Andrew



This week I give you: THE MOTHERLOAD

Tune in next week for: THE FATHERDUMP

Posted on 13 Oct 2013 by Andrew

Homestuck book 3 and Problem Sleuth book 5 are here! The Homestuck book contains Act 3. The Problem Sleuth book is the final volume of the series.




(The cover of PS5 glows in the dark by the way.)

And now that the Problem Sleuth series is wrapped up, you can get the full set. Dedicating this much paper to three cartoon detectives trying to leave an office should be illegal. But it isn't, and we are exploiting that fact to our advantage here.





2014 Conventions Schedule

Anime Boston / Boston, MA / March 21-23 / Booth # 233, 234

MegaCon / Orlando, FL / March 21-23 / Booth # 1083, 1182

Emerald City Comicon / Seattle, WA / March 28-30 / Booth # 1420

Salt Lake Comic Con (April) / Salt Lake City, UT / April 17-19 / Booth # 1001

WonderCon / Anaheim, CA / April 18-20 / Booth # 1500, 1502

Calgary Expo / Calgary, AB, Canada / April 24-27 / Booths BF 3726 and BF 3725

C2E2 / Chicago, IL / April 25-27 / Booth # 268

Anime Expo / Los Angeles, CA /July 3-6 / Booth # TBA

Florida Supercon / Miami, FL / July 3-6 / Booth # 911, 913, 915

New York Comic Con / New York City / Oct. 9-12 / Booth 2274

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