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I THINK I'VE BEEN FORCED TO UNLOCK THESE SCREENS. AND VIEW THESE POINTLESS EVENTS. LONG ENOUGH.
MY QUEST IS DUMB. I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET ON WITH THE REAL ADVENTURE.
Has it occurred to you that your quest in its limitless tedium and thankless busywork was designed to facilitate your personal growth?
To prepare you for your ultimate destiny beyond this game?
NO.
ANYWAY DIDN'T YOU SAY ONE TIME. I WAS INCAPABLE OF GROWING???
Oh right.
Well, has it occurred to you that it might have been designed to fuck with your head and serve as a punishment for being such a horrible little shit?
YES!!!
YES.
THAT OCCURS TO ME. EVERY SECOND I THINK ABOUT IT.
I HAVE TOLERATED MANY AGGRAVATIONS.
AND AM PREPARED TO TOLERATE MANY MORE.
IF IT GETS ME CLOSER TO TRIUMPHING OVER YOU AND THIS MORONIC GAME.
I WILL FIND MORE KEYS UNDER RANDOM ASS UNLABELED STONES.
I WILL WATCH ANOTHER MILLION HOURS OF NUMBSKULLS WHIMPERING ABOUT THEIR ROMANCE NOT COMING TRUE.
I WILL EVEN ENDURE MORE OF THESE PATENTLY LUDICROUS ACT ACT ACT ACT ACT ACTS EVEN THOUGH THEY APPEAR TO MEAN NOTHING AT ALL.
BUT WHAT I WILL NOT STAND FOR.
IS GOING.
FUCKING.
BACKWARDS!!!
Fair enough.
But I already told you how to accelerate your viewing.
WHAT? WHEN.
See those two panes of glass there?
Take your crowbar and smash them.
OH. YEAH.
UGH. I FORGOT.
IS THAT REALLY THE ONLY WAY. TO GO TO WHAT'S NEXT.
SO THAT I CAN PUT MY PLANS IN MOTION?
Yes.
You should be pleased by the irony.
Smashing the glass will cause you to reflect upon a lifetime you have yet to spend...
Um.
Breaking stuff.
???
Is the irony not fucking delicious?
NO.
STOP TRYING TO BOGART MY SCHTICK. OF PLAYING INSIDIOUS MIND GAMES AND DOING SHITTY TWISTS.
YOU SUCK AT IT SO BAD.
I'm sorry.
IT'S NOT BREAKING THE GLASS I MIND.
THIS IS THE THING THAT INVOLVES.
*SHUDDER*
"TEAM WORK"
RIGHT?
Yes.
You and a buddy have to turn both keys simultaneously.
It will teach you a wonderful lesson about life.
FUCK!
Don't act like you aren't secretly having a great time there with your new friends.
You are practically the ringmaster of your own little dark carnival by now.
And you're loving every minute of it. Don't deny it.
NO I'M NOT!
Sooner or later you will have to face the fact that literally all adventures are about learning the value of teamwork.
Teamwork and friendship. The two razor sharp edges of the mighty excalibur which EVERY hero should keep in his scabbard.
Even shitty heroes like you.
FINE. I'LL DO IT.
BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE. WHERE I TALK TO YOU. FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND.
WOULD BE SO MUCH WORSE.
-- The narrative prompt has been locked. --

> Caliborn: Break glass.


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RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 22 October 2016 by Andrew

Just going to leave this here for now, and assume that the kids these days will know what to do with it.

Posted on 6 October 2016 by Andrew

Here is a quick look at the way this project has been shaping up. Whew, that is a nice looking game! Not going to lie, I am on some big time tenterhooks in anticipation of this release. I've actually started doing stunts on the tenterhooks, flipping around on them wildly, like a gymnast. It's an astounding spectacle of physical endurance and might. Sorry you can't check this out, it's absolutely unreal.

What else have I been up to? I sense that this has been being wondered about. Some I suspect wonder about the epilogue I mentioned, which I have been making some notes on here and there. But otherwise have been deferring in favor of attention to ~other projects~ which strike me as more pressing. It will be gotten around to. If you are wondering which of these projects may be related to Homestuck, I did have some "post-canon content" planned for later this month. That is as specific as I can be for now. Tune in here, let's say, a couple weeks from now.

The project that has occupied the lion's share of my professional time is one that you will understand completely why I have prioritized, when you eventually see it. Arguably it will prove to be the only relevant work of art in human history. I don't wish to give anything else away, or delay your experience of this unprecedented triumph of the human spirit. So instead I will light a fire under my ass, and attempt to deliver the content I know you have all been craving.

What else to report? Hmm. I know that usually the passage of time for creative individuals is tracked by the hours they spend which ultimately contribute to creative products which may be consumed. It is far from true that all of my hours this year have been applied that way. Suffice to say I've been on some strange adventures. I doubt I can do any of them justice here, in a newspost which is rapidly running out of words I'm willing to type. At one point I was thrown out of a stable. I've probably said too much already. Well, see you next time.

Posted on 12 June 2016 by Andrew

The final Homestuck album Volume 10 has been released. More fantastic music by many familiar names who have contributed to the comic over the years. Thanks to all who came together to make this. It's a great way to cap off an impressive discography, now standing at 27 albums.



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