CG: OK IT'S A FEW MINUTES LATER.
CG: LOOK HOW SANE AND LINEAR WE ARE BEING.
CG: OK AWESOME, NOW FUCK YOU AND GOODBYE.
EB: i was just looking at all these rascals, and i was wondering...
EB: how they go back in time and become us and stuff.
EB: does it have something to do with the reckoning?
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT.
EB: you told me.
EB: we had this great dare going.
EB: to see who could be the least helpful and informative.
EB: and you totally lost, dude!
EB: you were hella helpful.
CG: I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST SPITING YOUR STUPID POINTLESS HUMAN DARE.
CG: WHAT IS A DARE ANYWAY, IT'S NOTHING.
CG: SOMEONE SAYS DO SOMETHING AND THEN, OH LAUGH LAUGH, YOU LOSE IF YOU DON'T DO IT.
CG: THAT ISN'T ANYTHING THAT DESERVES A WORD.
CG: WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A WORD FOR DARE IN OUR LANGUAGE.
CG: THE CLOSEST APPROXIMATION WOULD BE "WORTHLESS FUCKING BULLSHIT WASTE OF TIME FOR SILLY LITTLE CHILDREN"
EB: oh, wow.
EB: is that the title of a movie too?
CG: YES, IT'S THE TITLE OF EVERY DUMB MOVIE YOU EVER LIKED.
EB: ha ha, that isn't even true and doesn't make sense!
CG: ANYWAY, HOW COULD WE HAVE MADE A DARE IF I'M MOVING BACKWARDS ON YOUR TIMELINE.
CG: YOU WOULD DARE ME TO DO SOMETHING, THEN I WOULD DO IT NEXT TIME, BUT THEN YOU WOULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE DARE.
CG: BECAUSE WE DIDN'T MAKE IT YET.
CG: THAT'S WHAT ISN'T TRUE AND DOESN'T MAKE SENSE YOU DAMP BAG OF PUKE.
EB: well yeah, the dare never happened, i was joking around and made that up to give you hard time.
CG: YOU HAVE SOUNDING STUPID DOWN TO SUCH A SCIENCE.
CG: WHERE IS YOUR LAB COAT AND TEST TUBES DOCTOR BRAIN PROFESSOR?
EB: i am wearing a lab coat!
EB: sort of...
CG: YOU LOOK LIKE AN ELF.
EB: that's bullshit!
CG: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SHOULD BE BLOWING INTO A FUNNY LITTLE SHELL, AND LIMBERING UP FOR A SILLY COOKIE DANCE.
EB: do you even have elves?
CG: YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE.
CG: WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!
EB: uh, what?
CG: YOU ASKED ABOUT THE RECKONING, SO WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT THAT INSTEAD OF ALL THESE PRETTY MUCH TERRIBLE THINGS.
CG: YEAH, SO WHEN THE RECKONING STARTS HAPPENING, ALL THESE PARADOX CLONES GET SHIPPED OFF TO METEORS, FLUNG THROUGH SKAIAN DEFENSE PORTALS, AND SENT BACK TO EARTH.
CG: END OF STORY I GUESS.
EB: so that means...
EB: we are all sort of like superman?
CG: UH YEAH, I GUESS.
CG: YOU ALL TRACE THE MYTHOLOGICAL FOOTSTEPS OF YOUR BELOVED HUMAN SUPERMAN WHO'S REALLY JUST A MUSCULAR CAUCASIAN ALIEN.
CG: IT'S HILARIOUS HOW HUMANS WORSHIP HIM AS A PINNACLE OF HUMAN HEROISM AND VIRTUE BUT HE ISN'T EVEN HUMAN.
CG: ACTUALLY IT'S INCREDIBLY PATHETIC.
CG: BUT ALSO IN A WAY KIND OF ADMIRABLE.
CG: BECAUSE IT MEANS DEEP DOWN YOU ALL MUST REALIZE WHO YOUR DADDY IS.
CG: WE ARE, BITCHES.
EB: yeah, superman is pretty cool, i guess.
EB: did you know nicolas cage was almost going to play superman one time?
CG: OH MY THROBBING PHLEGM LOBE, WHO GIVES A BARFING FUCK ABOUT THAT.
CG: JOHN EGBERT, YOU HAVE ASSASSINATED MY PATIENCE.
CG: ADIOS LOSER.
EB: get back to me in a couple minutes, ok?