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ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 5

I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE.
Puppet people?
PUPPET PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!
You're just calling them different things every time to bug me.
THEY ARE PUPPET PEOPLE.
Why are they puppet people?
I thought frog men was going to be your preferred headcanon.
BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE BIG ALIVE PUPPETS.
How so?
THEIR SKIN IS SOFT.
Soft?
What do you mean.
Soft as in smooth to the touch, like a baby's behind?
NO.
MORE LIKE. FUZZY.
AND SQUISHY.
What?
LIKE PLUSH.
YOU KNOW.
LIKE A GOD DAMN PUPPET.
Hold on.
Are you telling me these fuckers are literally made of felt???
WHAT'S FELT.
It's the fabric they put on pool tables.
Kind of soft and fuzzy.
OH. THEN YES.
EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
Well that's weird.
I guess you learn something new every day.
Speaking of which, I suppose you'll want me to tell you what these two frog puppets can do?
NO!
No?
THE ABILITIES OF PURPLE STRIPE HAT. AND ORANGE STRIPE HAT.
ARE AS PLAINLY SELF EVIDENT. AS THEY ARE IDIOTIC.
Patience.
In time, you will grow to love them as if they were two very special sons.
NO WAY.
Yes you will.
I can tell you kind of like them already, but you're just pretending you don't to be cool. Like you always do with members of your dark carnival.
I notice you aren't actually trying very hard to escape from the crowd there.
Looks to me like you're enjoying your time in the puppet mosh pit, frankly.
SCREW YOU!
I'm going to tell you their powers anyway.
NO!
Purple stripe hat has an egg timer juju which makes him time travel whenever it rings.
But he's too stupid to use time travel sensibly so he ends up making way too many copies of himself.
Orange stripe hat has a magic oven which he can hide inside.
And that's it. It serves no purpose other than that. Also he's just as dumb as Eggs.
I mean purple stripe hat. Forget I called him that again.
Also pretend I didn't call the other guy Biscuits.
YOU DIDN'T CALL ANYONE BISCUITS.
I didn't?
Oh.
Damn.
Then pretend I didn't say I did.
I DON'T CARE!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS!
ALL OF THAT WAS OBVIOUS!
I HAVE GROWN WEARY. OF YOUR EXCESSIVE DIVULGENCES!
Yeah, my divulgences haven't been too popular lately.
I can't seem to catch a 8r8k.
A WHAT.
A 8r8k.
WHAT'S A 8R8K.
Nothing.
Just something an old flame used to say a lot.
Well, not so much an old flame as someone who callously spurned my extraordinarily inappropriate advances one time.
She really blew it though. She could have been the star again, if only she said yes.
Things are pretty passive aggressive between us now.
WOMEN. Am I right?
NO, DON'T DO THIS.
I DON'T WANT US TO BOND OVER YOUR FEMALE PROBLEMS.
STOP TRYING TO BE BROS WITH ME!
You know how it is.
Sometimes a guy just wants to take a look at what an adorable salamander is up to, and scrutinize that situation carefully.
Like really see what's going on with that, you know?
Is that so wrong.
So what if I want to watch a young salamander spend several hours naming skeletons?
It's my right to do that. I should be able to watch Bubbles name a million fucking skeletons if I want.
I should be able to do that without a spiteful attention hog stealing back the spotlight while she does something "important".
Who cares about important stuff?
Important stuff is so overrated, IMHO.
I STOPPED LISTENING!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. BECAUSE I'M NOT READING IT ANYMORE.
YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND BABBLE ALL YOU WANT. ABOUT MEANINGLESS TRASH.
I'VE TOTALLY CHECKED OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. SO BYE.
I wonder what Spades Slick is doing right now.

> END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 5


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RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 26 January 2017 by Andrew

Status of Hiveswap: the game is just about done. It could still use some more testing to be absolutely certain we are not releasing a buggy piece of shit! To that end it will be worth waiting another several weeks or so. Perhaps more intriguingly I should mention that I've been working with some people on another thing, which will need to be announced when it is ready. I think it would be best to coordinate the announcement of the thing in question with the release of the game. So I'm not sure which will be done first, the thing or the testing, but neither will be unveiled until both are good and ready. Thank you as always for your legendary patience.

P.S. here is an ongoing reminder that you can still get cool Hiveswap stuff in advance of playing it, to aid you in your tireless quest to achieve supreme brand loyalty. God speed.

Posted on 22 October 2016 by Andrew

Just going to leave this here for now, and assume that the kids these days will know what to do with it.

Posted on 12 June 2016 by Andrew

The final Homestuck album Volume 10 has been released. More fantastic music by many familiar names who have contributed to the comic over the years. Thanks to all who came together to make this. It's a great way to cap off an impressive discography, now standing at 27 albums.



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