JADE: jeez you sure have some issues
JADE: honestly it has become very tiresome listening to this sort of thing
JADE: i thought davesprite had problems
JADE: his issues i could kind of understand
JADE: i thought you might be different, being the alpha dave and all
JADE: but no
JADE: you might be even more messed up inside than he was!
DAVE: why are you dragging that guy into this
DAVE: what happened with you and him anyway
JADE: none of your business >:p
DAVE: it kind of is
DAVE: hes bird me
DAVE: that clearly means i have a right to know
JADE: that doesnt make any sense!
DAVE: you said he had issues
DAVE: what issues
JADE: forget i mentioned it
DAVE: was he talking shit about me the whole time or something
DAVE: i know he resents me for being the real dave
JADE: dont say that, you arent the real dave!
JADE: well you are, but phrasing it like that is so mean!
JADE: hes just as real as you, and when you imply he isnt you sound like a jerk!!!
DAVE: man i knew it
DAVE: i knew he was poisoning your view of me all those years
DAVE: and i wasnt there to say anything or defend against his slander so now of course you think im a neurotic douche
JADE: THE ONLY REASON I THINK YOURE A NEUROTIC DOUCHE IS BECAUSE YOURE ACTING LIKE ONE NOW!!!
DAVE: yeah but i only started acting like a neurotic douche like half way through this conversation
DAVE: you clearly had an axe to grind with me from the start and i want to know why
DAVE: what did i ever do to deserve this shit from you
JADE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!
DAVE: i did
JADE: ok not you
JADE: davesprite did
JADE: BUT YOURE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY!
DAVE: whoa no way
DAVE: thats such an unfair characterization we are completely different dudes
JADE: you just said you had a right to know what happened between us because, and i quote, "hes bird me"
DAVE: no i know
DAVE: i was playing the "hes bird me" card because it was convenient to whatever it was i was saying at the time
DAVE: i forget what point i was making when i said that
DAVE: but thats not the point im making now
DAVE: he and me are just
DAVE: crazy different yo
DAVE: hes got fuckin wings!!!
DAVE: he also presumably takes a dump and lays eggs out of the same ghostly hole
DAVE: ew man whyd i have to go there
DAVE: ok if he broke up with you or whatever that was because of his dumb bird issues not my issues
DAVE: theres no way i would have done that to you
DAVE: my issues are totally different and probably way more serious
DAVE: i dont see anyone ordering him to master time travel or trying to pawn brittle welsh swords off on him do you
DAVE: nobody is telling him hes got to murder the incredible hulk
DAVE: did you tell him hes got to murder the incredible hulk jade
DAVE: no i think not