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4/13/16 - "[S] ACT 7"
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06/12/10
"ACT 5 ==>"



Elsewhere in paradox space, we examine another planet, forgotten by time.

But we will strive to remember. What was this planet's name?


06/12/10
"Enter name."



Oh, ha ha! Nice one, smartypants. Really hilarious.

But let's get real here. No more clowning around.


06/12/10
"Try again."



That is much better. In fact, as it happens, your guess is precisely correct. What are the odds??

We examine the planet ALTERNIA. Somewhere on this planet, there is a young troll.


06/12/10
"Hivebent"



This young troll stands in his respiteblock. It just so happens that today, the 12th bilunar perigee of the 6th dark season's equinox, is the day of this young troll's larval awakening, also known as his wriggling day. Though it was six solar sweeps ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

Six Alternian solar sweeps, for convenient reference, is equivalent to thirteen Earth years.

Earth, also for convenient reference, is a planet that does not yet exist.

What will the name of this young troll be?


06/13/10
"Enter name."



You enter something predictably derogatory and this guy gets fed up by your shenanigans in record time.

This guy has a lot of troll pals and their adventures are going to be quite extensive and convoluted, to an even greater degree than one perhaps may be accustomed. He thinks that if you think that we have time to drag out every little gag and expected pattern along the way, you've got another thing coming. He thinks you should cram that sobering understanding in your chitinous windhole, and tamp it down hard with your ugly stupid looking cartilage nub.


06/13/10
"Try again."



Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. As was previously mentioned, it is your WRIGGLING DAY, which is barely even worth mentioning. It is an anniversary, if anything, to lament the faults of your existence, of which there are assuredly plenty.

Equally plenty, and somewhat related to that topic, are your INTERESTS. You have a passion for RIDICULOUSLY TERRIBLE ROMANTIC MOVIES AND ROMCOMS. You should really be EMBARRASSED for liking this DREADFUL CINEMA, but for some reason you are not. You like to program computers, but you are NOTORIOUSLY PRETTY AWFUL AT IT. Your programs invariably damage the machines on which they are executed, which is just as well, since you like to believe you specialize in COMPUTER VIRUSES. When you mature, you aspire to join the ranks of the most lethal members of your society, the THRESHECUTIONERS. You like to practice with your REALLY COOL SICKLE, but just wind up looking like KIND OF A DOOFUS BY YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM.

You like to chat with some of your other troll pals, most of which drive you BATSHIT UP THE FUCKING BELFRY. You have been trying out a new chat client beta called TROLLIAN, and you are NOT REALLY SURE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT YET. Your trolltag is carcinoGeneticist and you speak in a manner that is ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY ORNERY, ALL THE TIME.

Later, you will play a game with 5 other friends, and go on a big adventure with them. This game, for convenient reference, is a game that DOES NOT YET EXIST.

But it will soon.

What will you do?


06/13/10
"Karkat: Examine slimy purple pod."



It is your RECUPERACOON full of nourishing SOPOR SLIME. Every young troll enjoys the cozy embrace of such a vessel each night, and the relaxing ooze helps assuage the terrible visions of blood and carnage that plague the dark subconscious of your species.

It is so inviting... a few minutes couldn't hurt.


06/13/10
"Karkat: Get in."



Ok, this sure is cozy and all, but you can't be napping all day like a chump. Dammit, you're a busy guy. You are sort of a big deal.

Goddamn slime. Now you have to change your clothes too. What were you thinking?

Luckily all your clothes are the same. Trolls think fashion is stupid.


06/13/10
"Karkat: Examine movie posters."



Ok, it's time to get serious here. Sweet Troll Jegus. Let's get real and get down to some major business.

You space out and get caught up reading the titles of the films for about five minutes. Wow these movies are great. You don't care what anyone says. Pure magic.

Is that...

Is that John Cusack?

The thing that most people don't realize is that John Cusack is a universal constant.


06/13/10
"======>"



This movie...

Ok, this one even you have a hard time defending. But still, it's so good.

The best thing about it is how Troll Sandler doesn't make you want to punch anything.

Like, nothing at all, really hard or anything.


06/13/10
"Karkat: Captchalogue sickle."



You grab your trusty SICKLE with your ENCRYPTION MODUS. To retrieve it, you'll need to hack the code to open the CARD VAULT left behind.

This will obviously prove to be a completely ridiculous and untenable way of managing an inventory, and lead to a great many follies. Later on, you would swap your modus with your hacker friend, a guy who unlike you happens to be competent with programming. It would only make sense.

But for the time being it makes your life kind of a nightmare. There are so many stupid things that happen because of this modus. So many, you just have no idea.


06/13/10
"Karkat: Take card vault."



GOD.

DAMMIT.

You hear some unhappy grumbling through the hole below. This was not the coolest thing you could have done just now.


06/14/10
"Karkat: Examine large black book."



You make quite sure NOT to captchalogue it, and simply pick it up and read it.


06/14/10
"======>"



It is a thick programming manual called "~ATH - A HANDBOOK FOR THE IMMINENTLY DECEASED."

~ATH is an insufferable language to work with. Its logic is composed of nothing but infinite loops, or at best, loops of effectively interminable construction.

The above page in the intro section documents the simplest possible ~ATH code structure. Any code deviating from this basic structure will not compile.

You have a whole bunch of code samples you've been messing around with on your computer. It's been frustrating at best, and debilitating to your machine at worst.


06/14/10
"Karkat: Leave your room."



You step outside your respiteblock, onto one of your hive's numerous extraterraneal landing slats. You were allowed to design this hive when you were young, after you emerged victorious from your trials deep in the brooding caverns. You have lived here with your CUSTODIAN ever since.

It's almost as if your people have placed great cultural importance on teaching children to become architecturally adept while very young. It has been this way since ancient times. No one seems to know why that is.

Getting to build your own hive at a young age using whatever meandering design you chose likely has left you jaded to the notion of customizing your abode. You certainly wouldn't get all that worked up about a game that happened to allow you to do such a thing.

At least not for that reason.


06/14/10
"Karkat: Examine neighborhood."



The lawnrings are empty. Blood skims the voids in your porous cranial plates, as if grazing the hollow of a threshed stem, or say, an abandoned cocoon. A sour note is produced. It's the one Agitation plays to make its audience squirm.

It is your sixth wriggling day, and as with all five preceding it blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Look.


06/14/10
"======>"



You don't have time for fancy poetry. It's almost as useless as those arm-swing flappy things on mailboxes, assuming you even knew what those were, which you don't. Trolls don't have mail. Mail is almost as useless as poetry to them. Poetry is the swing arm flappy dealy of words, and mail is the red tilty lever doodad of giving people shit.

Frankly you don't know about things skimming voids or grazing hollows or whatever. You've got AMBITION. You were meant to be a bigshot. To be in charge of something huge and really important, and to be totally ruthless about it. You just haven't found the dominion in which you're destined for greatness yet. Or even a vague concept of it. You haven't found your purpose. But you will tonight.

You stew in your own impotent aggravation in the cool dusk breeze. During the dark seasons, it remains dusk for most of the day. It can stay dark for many bilunar perigees at a time. But even if it didn't, you would still have this feeling...

You have a feeling it's going to be a long night.


06/14/10
"Karkat: Go back inside."



You head back into your block and hit up your computer station. No word from any of your loudmouth pals. No news is good news. Sweet music to your auricular sponge clots.


06/14/10
"Karkat: Check out magazine."



It's the latest issue of GAME GRUB.

This one appears to boast about "exclusive leaks". They all boast about that. You're not even really sure what it means.


06/14/10
"Karkat: Check out DVD."



It is a DVD of one of your favorite series, THE THRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR.

It's about a green threshecutioner cadet who sasses up the bluebloods in his flaysquad pretty good. Their blood is literally blue. Lousy snobs. But Troll Will Smith shows them all how to loosen up. He is pretty much your hero.

Troll TV shows have shorter titles than troll movies because TV is a much newer form of media in their society. Which is a good thing because it would be pretty hard to make this funny joke otherwise.


06/14/10
"Karkat: Get down to business on computer."



Ok enough messing around time to get some work done maybe a little programming or oh god.

It figures that installing this new beta chat client would open the floodgates. All your moron friends are going to be hounding you relentlessly. Not that they needed an excuse before.

You wonder what this chump wants.


06/15/10
"Karkat: Answer troll."



|PESTERLOG|
terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TC: wHaT iS uUuUuP mY iNvErTeBrOtHeR?
CG: WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK DO YOU WANT.
TC: NoT a MoThErFuCkInG tHiNg BrO.
TC: oThEr ThAn I bE cHeCkIn OuT hOw My BeSt MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNd Is At Yo.
CG: I REALLY CAN'T STAND YOU AND I HATE HOW YOU TYPE, IT JUST BOTHERS ME SO MUCH, HAVE I MENTIONED THAT?
TC: YoU SaY iT pReTtY mUcH eVeRy TiMe We TaLk YeAh.
TC: but uh, i don't have to...
TC: uhhh see?
TC: but i mean man this feels so motherfuckin unnatural and shit.
TC: YoU jUsT gOt To Be GoInG wItH wHaT fEeLs RiGhT aT wHeRe YoUr HeArT's Up In, YoU kNoW?
TC: bEsT fRiEnD.
CG: I WONDER WHAT KIND OF SHITTY THING I DID TO DESERVE SUCH AN AWFUL BEST FRIEND.
CG: OR MAYBE WHAT TERRIBLE THING I'M GOING TO DO AND GET PUNISHED FOR IN ADVANCE.
CG: MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE PREEMPTIVELY THE WORST FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH WHO EVER LIVED AND DON'T EVEN KNOW IT YET, BUT HEY LOOK, YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS EXHIBIT A I GUESS.
TC: It'S sUcH a BeAuTiFuL tHiNg.
TC: ThIs TrOlL dIsEaSe CaLlEd FrIeNdShIp.
CG: FRIENDSHIP ISN'T A DISEASE SHITSPONGE.
CG: IT'S LIKE...
CG: A MISTAKE.
CG: A BIG JOKE OF NATURE.
TC: iT's A mIrAcLe.
CG: OH NO, DON'T.
CG: DON'T START WITH THE MIRACLES AGAIN.
TC: MaN eVeRyWhErE i LoOk...
TC: aLlS i SeE iS mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS.
TC: It'S sO sPiRiTuAl, AlL tHeSe mIrAcLeS aNd ShIt.
TC: oK lIkE jUsT bE tAkIn tHiS fUcKiN tItS bOtTlE oF fUcKiN fAyGo I jUsT cRaCkEd Up OpEn.
TC: AnD hOw It'S bEiNg AlL lIkE hIsSiNg AnD sHiT.
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN hIsSiNg MaN, wHo WeNt AlL aNd ToLd It To Do ThAt?
TC: HoW wOuLd It EvEn Do ThAt, It'S cRaZy.
TC: iT's A mIrAcLe.
CG: IT'S CARBONATION YOU IGNORANT DOUCHE.
CG: TRY GETTING SCHOOLFED SOME TIME INSTEAD OF SLURPING DOWN THAT WEIRD SWILL ALL DAY AND FONDLING YOUR STUPID HORNS.
TC: No No BrO, i DoN't WaNnA kNoW, dOn'T eVeN tElL mE.
TC: kNoWiNg ShIt JuSt StEaLs Up AlL tHe FuCkIn MaGiC fRoM mY mIrAcLeS lIkE a MoThErFuCkIn ThIeF.
TC: AnD tHaT aIn'T cOoL.
CG: THE ONLY MIRACLE IS THAT YOU LIKE THAT DISGUSTING SLUDGE, WHERE DO YOU EVEN GET THAT STUFF.
CG: IT'S ALSO A MIRACLE HOW YOU DRESS LIKE AN IMBECILE AND ARE BASICALLY THE STUPIDEST ASSHOLE I'VE EVER KNOWN.
CG: ACTUALLY YOU'RE RIGHT, THERE ARE MIRACLES EVERYWHERE, I'VE BEEN A FOOL.
TC: sEe MaN, i Am StRaIgHt Up TeLlInG yOu.
TC: MiRaClEs.
TC: iT's LiKe, AlRiGhT, cOmPuTeRs, RiGhT?
TC: WhAt ThE fUcK?
TC: mIrAcLeS iS wHaT.
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: FUCK YOU FOR ME JUST READING THAT.
TC: AnYwAy WhAt'S uP wItH yOuR bAd SeLf, FoR sErIoUs HeRe.
TC: iSn'T sOmEtHiNg BiG aLl GoInG dOwN?
CG: WHAT?
TC: i HeArD sOmEtHiNg bIg WaS gOiNg AlL dOwN.
TC: JuSt AlL bE tElLiNg Me AlL wHaT mOtHeRfUcKiN iT's Up AnD aLl AbOuT.
CG: STOP SAYING ALL. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TA'S THING?
TC: yEaH!! fUcK yEaH mAn, So MyStErIoUs.
TC: I'm NeVeR bEiNg GeTtInG cEaSeD tO bE aMaZeD bY aLl ThEsE fUcKiN mYsTeRiEs LiFe'S gOt FoR uS.
CG: UUUUUUGH.
CG: ANYWAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH THAT.
CG: MAYBE I'LL TALK TO HIM TONIGHT ABOUT IT. MAYBE I WON'T.
CG: IT'S PROBABLY JUST ANOTHER ONE OF HIS PROJECTS THAT WINDS UP BEING COMPLETELY USELESS AND A HUGE WASTE OF MY TIME.
TC: yEaH mAyBe BuT hE's YoUr BeSt FrIeNd ThOuGh So It'S aLl CoOl.
TC: AnYwAy I tHoUgHt ThIs SoUnDeD lIkE a PrEtTy BiG mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaL mY mAn.
TC: aAaUuUhHh...
CG: WHAT.
TC: Aw BrO nEvErMiNd, I jUsT fUcKiN dId LiKe To ScArE tHe ShIt OuTtA mYsElF hErE.
TC: tHeSe DaMn HoRnS.
CG: YOU'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THOSE THINGS.
CG: THEY MAKE IT MORE EMBARRASSING TO KNOW YOU.
CG: WHICH IS A FRIGGIN MIRACLE THAT THAT'S EVEN POSSIBLE.
CG: LIKE, WOW, GOD SURE COOKED UP A DOOZY THERE.
CG: TWINKLY EYED SON OF A BITCH JUST KEEPS YOU GUESSING, DOESN'T HE.
TC: MaN yOu KnOw YoU wAnNa GiVe My HoRnS a GoOd SqUeEzE. :o)
CG: ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE MIRACLE TO END ALL MIRACLES?
CG: IT'LL BE IF I EVER MEET A KID I DESPISE MORE THAN YOU.
CG: THAT WILL MAKE ME A MOTHERFUCKIN CONVERT.
CG: I'LL SEE LIGHT SO BRIGHT I'LL NEED GC TO WALK ME AROUND SO I DON'T BUMP INTO SHIT.
CG: SIGN ME UP FOR YOUR IDIOTIC CLOWN RELIGION OK.
TC: hAhAhAhA yOu fUcKiN gOt It BrOtHeR!


06/15/10
"======>"



Whoa what the motherfuck, who's this motherfuckin' motherfucker?

It's cool, life is like that sometimes. It's full of mysteries. You'll be doing one thing then something else hits you just like that and you roll with it. That's what you do when life hands you lemons. You sure as fuck don't make lemonade because who the fuck knows where that fuckin' shit comes from?

It's squeezed out of miracles is where.

So what's this motherfucker's name?


06/15/10
"Enter name."



Your name is GAMZEE MAKARA.

You get pretty excited by CLOWNS OF A GRIM PERSUASION WHICH MAY NOT BE IN FULL POSSESSION OF THEIR MENTAL FACULTIES. You belong to a RATHER OBSCURE CULT, which foretells of a BAND OF ROWDY AND CAPRICIOUS MINSTRELS which will rise one day on a MYTHICAL PARADISE PLANET that does not exist yet. The beliefs of this cult are SOMEWHAT FROWNED UPON by those dwelling in more common lawnrings. But you don't care, you got to be going with what feels right at where your heart's up in, you know? You like to practice on your ONE WHEEL DEVICE, which you are GOD AWFUL AT because your FEET DO NOT REACH THE PEDALS. You enjoy a FINE BEVERAGE, and like to do A LITTLE BAKING SOMETIMES. You've got ALL THESE HORNS all over the place, and sometimes you step on them and SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF.

You like to chat a lot with your pal Karkat, who is usually pretty cranky, but he is your BEST FRIEND. You have a lot of OTHER GREAT FRIENDS who you also like a lot. Your trolltag is terminallyCapricious and you speak in a manner that is JuSt A lItTlE bIt WhImSiCaL.

What will you do?


06/15/10
"Gamzee: Captchalogue bottle of Faygo."



You snag a bottle of FAYGO. To consume the beverage is what your fellow devotees refer to as KICKIN' THE WICKED ELIXIR.

It is captchalogued through your MIRACLE MODUS. You have absolutely no idea how this thing works.

And you don't want to know.


06/15/10
"Gamzee: Captchalogue computer."



You take your HUSKTOP.

Sometimes you just like to pick stuff up and watch the colors. It's so beautiful. Life is beautiful.


06/15/10
"Gamzee: Ride one wheel device."



You decide to give this diabolical contraption another shot. Maybe one of these days you will get one more suited to your proportions. For now this is all you have to work with.

You just have to figure out how to stay on the thing without flying off the handle.


06/15/10
"======>"



You do some sort of acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and into a big pile of horns.


06/15/10
"Gamzee: Sample delicious pie cooling on the counter."



It is still piping hot but you can't help yourself. You sneak a taste of the SOPOR SLIME PIE.

You aren't supposed to eat that slime. It does funny things to a troll's head.

But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea.

That is where he is now. Maybe you will go outside and see if you can spot him.


06/15/10
"Gamzee: Take a juggling club."



You grab a JUGGLING CLUB. You'll need it if you are going to go out. It is dangerous to leave unarmed.


06/15/10
"Gamzee: Go outside."



You leave your hive and head out to the beach. There is no sign of your custodian.

You should not stay out here very long. The SEA DWELLERS are quite hostile.


06/16/10
"======>"



Someone is bugging you. This is exciting. You're always down for shooting the wicked shit with anyone that who'll put up with you.

Now if only you could figure out how to get your HUSKTOP out of this stupid thing. It'll be a miracle if you can manage.


06/16/10
"Gamzee: Retrieve husktop."



You say a short prayer to your beloved MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS, and splash a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST in your face.


06/16/10
"======>"



Your sylladex launches your beverage far, far into the ocean.


06/16/10
"======>"



You wonder if you can just...

Just sort of reach over...

And...


06/16/10
"Gamzee: Answer troll."



|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

GC: H3Y G4MZ33Z YOU W4NT TO PL4Y G4M3Z3Z W1TH M3??
TC: hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!
GC: >8\
GC: 1T SUR3 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 TH3 W31RD TH1NGS YOU S4Y SOM3T1M3S!
GC: BUT 1M GONN4
GC: TH3 ONLY R34SON 1M 4SK1NG YOU 1S B3C4US3 YOUR N4M3 1S L1K3 G4M3
GC: 4ND NO OTH3R R34SON
GC: G3T 1T??? >:]
TC: HaHa WeLl I hEaRd Of WoRsE fUcKiN rEaSoNs To Be GeTtIn AlL aBoUt To Do SoMeThInG.
TC: :o) hOnK
GC: NO TH4T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU, TH4T R34SON
GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU??
GC: NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU
GC: BUT WHO C4R3S 4BOUT H1M, W3R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 SOM3 MOTH3RFUCK1NG SH1TTY B1TCH3S PL4Y1NG TOG3TH3R!
GC: OR WH4T3V3R YOU S41D
TC: sO iS tHiS tHe GaMe I'vE hEaRd AbOuT?
TC: ThE bIg MyStErY?
GC: Y34H
TC: wHoA oK uHhH...
TC: ThIs Is GoInG tO bE fUcKiN iNsAnE.
TC: bUt CaN wE pLaY a LiTtLe LaTeR?
TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT.
TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY.
GC: NO, NOT R34LLY!
GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP
TC: Oh YeAh...
GC: DURRRRRRRRRRRRR
GC: W4Y TO GO, HOW DO3S TH4T STUP1D BOTTL3D SYRUP OF YOURS T4ST3 W1TH YOUR HOOF SO F4R UP YOUR MOUTH???
GC: >:]
TC: sOoOoOoOrY.
TC: AnYwAy I'lL gO iNsIdE iN a WhIlE, wHy DoN't YoU gEt KaRkAt To FiRe Up ThAt MoThErFuCkEr WiTh YoU?
TC: hE lIkEs GaMeS.
GC: OH NOOOOO.
GC: GOD C4N YOU 1M4G1N3 4LL TH3 B1TCH1NG 4ND MO4N1NG?
GC: 1 US3D TO TRY TO PL4Y STUFF W1TH H1M BUT WOW D1D 1 L34RN MY L3SSON.
TC: AlRiGhT, wElL i'Ll TrY tO gEt In AnD gEt Up On My ChIlL rEaL sOoN aNd We CaN pLaY.
TC: jUsT gIvE mE a MiNuTe!
GC: BULLSH1T!
GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 JUST GO1NG TO S1T TH3R3 ON TH3 B34CH 4ND SP4C3 OUT 4ND LOS3 TR4CK OF T1M3.
GC: H3LLO?
GC: G4MZ?????
TC: WhAt?
TC: oH mAn SoRrY.
TC: I sPaCeD oUt, DiD yOu KnOw HoW bEaTuFuL tHe SoUnD oF tHe OcEaN iS?
TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn?
TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT...
TC: SoRrY.
GC: >:[


06/16/10
"Karkat: Get some programming done."



Finally some peace and quiet. Now you can bear down on your coding. This will surely last all evening, without interruption.

You reopen one of your ~ATH projects you started recently. You are still horsing around with the conditions for terminating the loops.

What many ~ATH coders do is import finite constructs and bind the loops to their lifespan. For instance the main loop here will terminate on the death of the universe, labeled U. That way you only have to wait billions of years for it to end instead of forever.

You have bound a subloop to the lifespan of the code's author, which is you. Any routine at the end will execute when you die. You figure this might be handy for coding something to release a final will and testament. Or maybe some doomsday virus. You spend a lot of time thinking of ways to make the perfect doomsday virus.

Conveniently absent from ~ATH's extensive import library are entities with short lifespans. Like a rapidly decaying particle that only lasts a millisecond sure would be handy. Or even a fruit fly or something. But no, coding with this language is all about finding ways to trick it into doing what you want.

Your hacker buddy is obnoxiously good at it. He's sent you some files which you still don't understand, but you're not going to admit that. He is even better at making viruses than you, which really gets stuck in your nook.


06/16/10
"Karkat: Check out one of his files."



This code, when executed, immediately causes the user's computer to explode, and places a curse on the user forever, along with everyone he knows, and everyone he'll ever meet.

Not surprisingly, later on you would run this code in a fit of stupidity.

You don't know how he does stuff like this. What does this even mean? It's nonsense. Is it even syntactically viable?? Are you allowed to color text like that??? ARGH. Maybe you should ask him about it some time.

Oh speak of the devil. Here he is bugging you about something. Time to put on your game face and pretend you don't think very highly of his abilities.


06/16/10
"Karkat: Answer troll."



|PESTERLOG|
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: KK dont fliip your 2hiit about thii2 but iim 2ettiing you up two play a game wiith 2ome people.
CG: WHY WOULD I FLIP MY SHIT ABOUT THAT.
TA: becau2e you fliip your 2hiit about everythiing.
CG: WELL WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS.
CG: HERE IS MY SHIT, AND YET IT REMAINS UNFLIPPED.
CG: JUST SITTING THERE ON THE SKILLET, GETTING BURNED ON ONE SIDE.
CG: IT'S A MIRACLE.
TA: oh no are you iinto miiracle2 now two becau2e iif you are youre fiired preemptiively from the game.
CG: FUCK NO.
TA: ok niice.
CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR.
TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.
CG: THAT'S WHY HE HIDES THEM, THEY'RE FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
CG: GOD LAUNDERS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
TA: eheheheheh riight on but let2 2hut our mouth2 a 2econd and talk about thii2 game.
TA: iitll only be a 2econd really you dont have two do two much.
CG: OK, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY BUSY TONIGHT.
CG: WHAT IS THIS THING ANYWAY, WHY ALL THE SECRECY.
TA: well the 2hort 2tory ii2 that iit2 an iimmer2iive 2iimulatiion that you play wiith a group.
TA: the long 2tory ii2 that the fate of our ciiviiliizatiion depend2 on u2 playiing iit.
TA: heh ii gue22 the long one wa2 2horter than the 2hort one FUCK.
CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE MELODRAMATIC BULLSHIT BUT COMING FROM YOU COLOR ME UNSURPRISED.
TA: 2crew you vanta2 thii2 2hiit2 more real than kraft grub2auce.
CG: RIGHT OK.
CG: SO YOU MADE THIS GAME?
TA: no no.
TA: more liike ii adapted iit.
CG: FROM WHAT.
TA: 2ome crazy technology AA dug out of 2ome ruiin2.
TA: havent you talked two her about iit?
CG: MAN, NO.
CG: I CAN'T TALK TO HER, SHE'S SO SPOOKY.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY MOST OF OUR FRIENDS ARE SUCH PSYCHOS.
TA: probably iit2 becau2e mo2t troll2 are.
TA: iif you heard what ii heard every niight ii mean WOW FUCK.
CG: NO LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR WEIRD MUTANT BRAIN.
CG: AND DON'T SCAN MINE OR WHATEVER, IT'S OFF LIMITS YOU DOUCHE.
TA: ii told you liike a biilliion tiime2 ii cant do that you nub2lurping fuckpod.
CG: WHY ARE YOU TWO UP TO THIS SECRET STUFF.
CG: WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?
TA: KK iim 2orry but really iit2 kiind of a priivate matter between me and her and iid appreciiate iit iif that wa2 re2pected.
CG: OH GOD.
CG: STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE.
CG: IT'S A REPUGNANT QUALITY.
TA: ok how about you take your own adviice you are 2uch a blubberiing hypocriite.
TA: youre lucky iim 2o fuckiing magnaniimou2 and chariitable cau2e otherwii2e there2 no chance iid wa2te my tiime on you.
CG: WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT, THIS ACT THAT YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE A HOTSHOT, YOU KNOW YOU HATE YOURSELF.
TA: nobody hate2 hiim2elf more than you iidiiot.
CG: YEAH WELL I HATE YOU WAY MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF, AND THAT'S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING.
CG: IN FACT I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF AND YOU HATE YOURSELF AND YOU HATE ME COMBINED.
TA: oh fuck that noii2e iin every leakiing oriifiice iit2 got you know ii hate the combiined product of you and my2elf more than you could ever begiin two hate me and my2elf and you and your2elf on your wor2t day 2o FUCKIING DEAL WIITH IIT.
CG: OK, TIME OUT FOR THE IDIOT.
CG: THE IDIOT GETS A TIME OUT AND SHUTS UP FOR A SECOND.
CG: THAT'S YOU.
CG: JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS GAME.
TA: ok well iill 2end you a download 2oon.
TA: iim 2ett1ng up two team2.
TA: liike two 2eparate competiing team2 2o that there2 a better chance of at lea2t one group wiinniing.
TA: and al2o ii gue22 two 2ee which one can wiin fa2ter.
CG: OK LET ME GUESS.
CG: THERE'S A RED TEAM AND BLUE TEAM, RIGHT?
TA: yeah.
TA: youre on the red team.
TA: ii wiill be the leader of the blue.
CG: OK, THEN I GUESS I CAN PICK MY TEAMMATES THEN?
TA: uh...
TA: bro youre not the red team leader.
TA: ii piicked GC for that.
CG: WHAT????????????????????
TA: dude ii diid NOT thiink youd be iintere2ted iin thii2 dont act all offended.
CG: OH WOW NOW I SEE.
CG: REALLY FUCKING CLEVER, PICKING THE BLIND GIRL TO LEAD THE TEAM YOUR COMPETING WITH.
CG: I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATER LOWLIFE FUCKING SCUMBAG WITH NO SCRUPLES OR SELF ESTEEM AND WERE BASICALLY WORTHLESS ON EVERY LEVEL, BUT SOMEHOW I'M STILL DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
TA: yeah ii am 2uch an iidiiot for not rewardiing your bubbly per2onaliity and iimpeccable people 2kiill2 wiith a leader2hiip giig.
TA: what an iincon2iiderate knuckle2ponged a22hole ii have been.
CG: I AM A HATCHED LEADER AND YOU KNOW IT.
TA: ii know your fiilthy 2eedflap ii2 flutteriing iin the profane breeze that2 2hootiing out your 2tiinkiing meal tunnel.
TA: ii do know that much.
CG: HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR COCOON IN THE MORNING KNOWING YOU'RE THE WORST THING A UNIVERSE WAS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR?
CG: ALSO IT MUST BE HARD WITH YOUR HANDS TO PERSISTENTLY BOTHERING EVERY MUTATED SET OF GENITALS PEPPERING THAT GHASTLY HUSK YOU PAWN OFF AS A BODY.
CG: HAS A FEMALE EVER LOOKED AT YOU WITHOUT AT ONCE TURNING SKYWARD AND ERUPTING LIKE A VOMIT VOLCANO, ANSWER ME THAT.
TA: thii2 ii2 2o iimmature, iim ba2iically ju2t laughiing here at how iimmature you are.
TA: liike ii really giive a fuck who the red leader ii2.
TA: you want two be the leader fiine talk two GC about iit.
CG: I GUESS THESE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE DO GET KIND OF EMBARRASSING IN RETROSPECT.
CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID.
TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing.
TA: ii cant even tell anymore.
CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON.
CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.
CG: ACTUALLY WHY DON'T WE MAKE A PACT TO DELETE THIS ONE FROM OUR LOGS, I'M JUST SHUDDERING HERE SCROLLING UP AND READING THIS.
TA: yeah ok.


06/16/10
"======>"



Sounds like someone downstairs is getting pretty crabby. This is not an encounter you are looking forward to. You'll probably put it off as long as you can manage.


06/17/10
"======>"






06/17/10
"======>"



Why, who's this young lady?


06/17/10
"Enter name."



Your name is TEREZI PYROPE.

You are pretty enthusiastic about dragons. But you have a PARTICULAR AFFECTION for their COLORFUL SCALES, which you gather and use to decorate your hive. Though you live alone, deep in the woods, you surround yourself with a variety of plushie pals known as SCALEMATES. You often spend your days with them in rounds of LIVE ACTION ROLE PLAYING. You used to engage in various forms of MORE EXTREME ROLEPLAYING with some of your other friends before you had an accident.

You take an interest in justice, holding particular fascination for ORCHESTRATING THE DEMISE OF THE WICKED. You have taken up study of BRUTAL ALTERNIAN LAW, and surround yourself with legal books. You have no need for copies printed in TROLLBRAILLE, because you can SMELL AND TASTE THE WORDS. You hope one day to join the honorable ranks of the LEGISLACERATORS. Your trolltag is gallowsCalibrator and you SP34K W1TH TH3 NUM3R4LS TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS ONC3 US3D.

You are presently the leader of the RED TEAM, poised to begin a mysterious game with 5 other friends, in direct competition with another 6 of your friends, comprising the BLUE TEAM.

What will you do?


06/17/10
"Terezi: Cut to the chase and begin LARPing immediately."



It's pretty hard to live action role play when there is no one who is alive nearby. But all of your Scalemates are alive to you.

At least you pretend to believe that to annoy people.

You prepare a new campaign for one of your favorite scenarios, COURTBLOCK DRAMA. His HONORABLE TYRANNY presides. On trial is an especially detestable fellow, SENATOR LEMONSNOUT. You have sparred with this scumbag before. Tonight he faces justice.

You will play the role of the prosecuting attorney. On Alternia, there is no such thing as a defense attorney, or a defense. In a courtblock, the word defense itself is offensive.


06/17/10
"Terezi: Interrogate."






06/17/10
"======>"






06/17/10
"======>"



Most of the interrogation is in the intimidating silence.


06/17/10
"Terezi: Slap him around a bit."






06/17/10
"======>"



You don't want to slap too hard. Enough to sting, but not to bruise. It must be methodical, business-like. And persistent. You only stop when you smell tears.


06/18/10
"======>"



Mr. Senator, you smell very nice. Your luscious yellow scales are like the sweetest gumdrops to the prosecution's nose.

But your deceit STINKS.

Did you honestly think you could dip your corpulent snout into the imperial beetle coffers like that and get away with it?? Did you think your revolting abuse of the public trust would go unnoticed??? THINK AGAIN, GOOD SENATOR. WHILE THE PROSECUTION MAY BE BLIND, REST ASSURED THE LEAGUE OF LEGISLACERATORS SEES ALL.


06/18/10
"Terezi: Call a witness."



Oh, well played, Lemonsnout. Well played. The prosecution's key witness, murdered. How convenient! The courtblock has little choice but to acknowledge your cunning. You have earned just a teensy sliver of your respect back. For now.

But wait...


06/18/10
"======>"



Oh my!

What have we here???


06/18/10
"======>"



The prosecution begs your pardon, dear senator, but you appear to have dropped something. A personal satchel, perhaps? CHOCK FULL OF ILLICIT, EMBEZZLED BEETLES, WITH WHICH YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED CHEEK TO WALTZ BEFORE HIS TYRANNY, CONCEALED BENEATH YOUR ILL-GOTTEN FINERY??????

The prosecution requests a short recess from His Honorable Tyranny so that all law abiding and Mother Grub fearing citizens may go outside and puke.


06/18/10
"Terezi: Sentence the criminal."



As the prosecutor, it is your job to reach a final verdict and sentence the reprehensible felon, while His Tyranny watches in silence and submits grim approval.

But you take pity on this miserable bureaucrat. You are feeling merciful. You will give him a fighting chance.

You will flip a DOUBLE-HEADED TROLL CAEGAR to decide his fate. You do this quite often when making important decisions. Kind of like Batman's nemesis, Two-Face. Or that guy from No Country for Old Men. It turns out there are lots of badasses out there flipping coins. But those are Earth things and you've never heard of them. It's safe to say you borrowed this gimmick from one of the many, many troll things out there that's got hard boiled dudes flipping coins for major stakes. You base the habit on whichever one smells the most badass.


06/18/10
"Terezi: Flip."



The coin tumbles through the air. Lemonsnout is sweating bullets!!!


06/18/10
"======>"



A favorable flip. The senator exhales in relief.


06/18/10
"======>"



But, what are you so happy about, Mr. Lemonsnout?

He looks a bit confused. He quivers his lowly proboscis at the coin.

See? The coin has exonerated him.


06/18/10
"======>"



Coin? What coin?

Surely you jest, Mr. Senator. The prosecution sees no coin.


06/18/10
"======>"



SHE'S BLIND, REMEMBER?


06/19/10
"======>"






06/19/10
"======>"






06/19/10
"Terezi: Adjourn."



Another triumph for justice. The courtblock is adjourned. You offer final salutations to His Tyranny in the customary manner.

Ok, that's not customary at all. You're just kind of weird.

It's just that your red chalk is THE MOST DELICIOUS CHALK. You cannot get enough of it. Anyone who says there is a more delicious chalk out there simply reeks of deceit.


06/19/10
"======>"



You sure had to go to a lot of trouble to do that.


06/19/10
"Terezi: Go get cane."



You take your WALKING CANE, which you use as a weapon kind of like Earth Daredevil who you've never heard of. You will use it to wallop enemies when you enter the Medium.


06/19/10
"======>"



Like this.


06/20/10
"Terezi: Begin recruiting red team members."



Your nose begins scouring your chumproll through the saliva smears on your monitor for potential teammates so you can start playing. Hmm, no not her. Nope, not her either. DEFINITELY not that guy.

Ok how about this girl. You like to roleplay with her sometimes via chat. You pretend you are a member of the mysterious and noble DRAGONYY'YD RACE, while she does her own goofy thing.

You don't have it in your heart to tell her that your chat RPing is meant f4c3t1ously I mean facetiously.


06/20/10
"Terezi: Troll AC."



|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

GC: *GC L4NDS ON YOUR WH3LP1NG STOOP 4ND R4PS ON YOUR C4V3 W1TH H3R NOBL3 4ND 3L3G4NT T4LON*
GC: *4ND ONC3 W1TH H3R M1GHTY SNOUT FOR GOOD M34SUR3*
AC: :33 < *ac saunters from her dark cave a little bit sl33py from the recent kill*
AC: :33 < *ac uses one of her mouths to lick the fresh blood off her paws*
AC: :33 < *and the other one to blow you a kiss!*
GC: >8O
GC: *GC W1TH 4 M1GHTY WH1SK OF H3R M1GHTY T41L PLUCKS TH3 K1SS OUT OF TH3 41R M1GHT1LY*
GC: *GC POCK3TS TH3 K1SS 1N H3R 3NCH4NT3D RUCKS4CK FOR L4T3R, TO DO SOM3TH1NG M4G1C4L, L1K3 M4K3 GOBL1N W1SH3S COM3 TRU3*
AC: :33 < *yes! ac finds that to be a most admirable use of a kiss!*
AC: :33 < *she thinks that goblin wishes n33d to come true too just like any other kind of purrsons wishes*
AC: :33 < *ac begs your pardon while she rips apart this tasty beast to prepare a meal for her cubs*
GC: *GC 3Y3S THE B34ST HUNGR1LY 4ND M1GHT1LY*
AC: :33 < uh oh!
GC: *GC 3Y3S THE CUBS HUNGR1LY!*
GC: *4ND M1GHT1LY*
GC: *3SP3C14LLY M1GHT1LY*
AC: :33 < dont you dare!
AC: :33 < i mean
AC: :33 < *ac shouts dont you dare!*
AC: :33 < *indignantly*
GC: *BUT 1T 1S TOO L4T3! GC SCOOPS UP 4 PLUMP CUB W1TH H3R GL1ST3N1NG M4J3ST1C T41L 4ND FL13S OFF M4G1C4LLY*
GC: *TH3 1NNOC3NT CUB 1S CRY1NG 4ND CRY1NG 4ND CRY1NG*
AC: :33 < *ac says noooooooo and looks a bit crestfallen*
AC: :33 < *ac gets a clever idea to slake the majestic dragons mighty hunger*
AC: :33 < *she prepares the lions share of the slain armored cholerbear for gc*
GC: >:? *GCS M4GN1F1C3NT CUR1OS1TY H4S B33N P3RK3D*
GC: 1S 1T 4 BULL CHOL3RB34R??
GC: OOPS *SH3 4SK3D TH4T*
AC: :33 < *ac pawses a moment and nods knowingly with a couple of smug grins on her face*
AC: :33 < *she confirms it is ind33d the bulliest of bears!*
GC: *GC 1NST4NTLY LOS3S 1NT3R3ST 1N TH3 PUNY CUB 4ND DROPS 1T TO TH3 GROUND F4R B3LOW!*
AC: :33 < *but as it happens the really cute cub lands in a bush safe and sound, whew!*
GC: *GC'S 4L4RM1NG 4ND SPL3ND1F3ROUS G1RTH S3TTL3S OV3R THE SUCCUL3NT CHOL3RB34R ST34K*
GC: *WH3N SH3 F1N1SH3S TH3 S4VORY R3D M34T SH3 L1FTS H3R PROUD W1S3 H34D 4ND OP3NS H3R GR34T B1G MOUTH 4ND SP34KS TH3 4NC13NT TONGU3 OF 4 THOUS4ND W1SDOMS*
GC: *SH3 S4YS:*
GC: H3Y DO YOU W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3 W1TH M3?
AC: :33 < *ac crinkles up her nose and prepares for a really unprecedented marathon of baffling feline obstinacy*
AC: :33 < *her dragonyyydy suitor will make neither rhyme nor reason of her purrplexing behavior for even an instant!*
GC: NO NO TH4T W4S 4 R34L QU3ST1ON
GC: W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3??
AC: :33 < oh! h33h33
AC: :33 < ok if you mean a computer game then yes that sounds like fun
GC: OK YOU C4N B3 ON MY T34M
AC: :33 < team?
AC: :33 < who else is playing?
GC: 1 H4V3NT D3C1D3D Y3T
GC: 4 WHOL3 BUNCH OF US 1N TWO T34MS
AC: :33 < oh
AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first
GC: BL4R!!!!!
GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D
GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU
AC: :33 < i know!
AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything
GC: TH1S 1S STUP1D 1N SUCH 4 T3RR1BL3 MYR14D OF DUMB W4YS
GC: YOU SHOULDNT B3 4FR41D OF 4NYON3
GC: YOU K1LL B1G 4NIM4LS W1TH YOUR B4R3 H4NDS!
GC: 4ND 1N 4NY C4S3 H3 L1V3S NOWH3R3 N34R YOU SO TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG 1S 3XTR4 STUP1D
AC: :33 < i knooow
AC: :33 < but i dont think itll be a big deal
AC: :33 < ill just mention it casually and itll be fine im sure and then we can play in just a little bit!
GC: >XO
GC: F11111N3
GC: 1N TH3 M34NT1M3 1 W1LL GO ROUND UP SOME MOR3 P3OPL3 TO PL4Y
AC: :33 < k!


06/20/10
"Terezi: Troll TC."



|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

GC: H3Y G4MZ33Z YOU W4NT TO PL4Y G4M3Z3Z W1TH M3??
TC: hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!
GC: >8\
GC: 1T SUR3 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 TH3 W31RD TH1NGS YOU S4Y SOM3T1M3S!

You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read. No luck in getting this guy to play with you right now either.

You guess that leaves...


06/20/10
"======>"



Oh no. Not Karkat. You were only going to ask him as a last resort. You wonder what he wants? You will try to avoid mentioning the game. Hopefully he hasn't caught wind of it yet.


06/20/10
"Terezi: Deal with Karkat."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: HEY GUESS WHAT, BIG NEWS.
CG: LIKE HOLY SHIT STOP THE PRESSES THIS IS A HUMONGOUS DEAL SORT OF NEWS.
GC: BL44444RRRRR WH4T 1S 1T
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE RED TEAM LEADER.
CG: THAT'S ME.
CG: I'M THE LEADER.
CG: IT'S BEEN DECIDED.
CG: ON AN OFFICIAL BASIS.
GC: OK SO 1 GU3SS 1M SUPPOS3D TO M4K3 4 B1G ST1NK 4BOUT TH1S 4ND S4Y W4H W4H 1 W4NT TO B3 TH3 L34D3R >:[ >:[ >:[
CG: WHAT, NO.
CG: I MEAN YOU CAN BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD BECAUSE I'M THE LEADER AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO EVACUATE THROUGH YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ON THE MATTER.
GC: W3LL 1T M4Y SURPR1S3 YOU TO KNOW TH4T 1 DONT G1V3 4 CR4P WHO G3TS TO B3 L34D3R B3C4US3 UNL1K3 YOU 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 4 FUCK1NG SM1DG3N OF M4TUR1TY 4ND S3LF R3SP3CT
CG: THAT'S A LIE, YOU'RE MORE OF A MELODRAMA SPAZ QUEEN THAN ME AND YOU KNOW IT AND THIS STUFF YOUR SAYING IS A PRETEND STUNT.
CG: YOU'RE LIKE A ROCKET PROPELLED SPAZ MAGGOT SPRINGLOADED UP THE ASS OF A PSYCHEDELIC FUCKING FREAKOUT WEASEL ON IDIOT DRUGS SO LETS NOT PLAY MAKEBELIEVE GAMES HERE.
CG: LEADER.
CG: ME.
GC: UUUUUUUUHNG
GC: K4RK4T 1 DONT C444R3
GC: YOU C4N B3 TH3 STUP1D L34D3R 1 JUST W4NT TO PL4Y TH1S G4M3
CG: OK, GREAT.
CG: IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION I HAVE SELECTED YOU TO BE MY SECOND IN COMMAND.
GC: R333334444LLY????
GC: SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON >;] <3 <3 <3
CG: FUCK YOU OFFER RESCINDED.
GC: OK BUT S3R1OUSLY
GC: 1 WOULD H4V3 SUGG3ST3D YOU B3 TH3 L34D3R BUT HON3STLY 1T COM3S W1TH S3R1OUS R3SPONS1B1L1T13S 4ND 1 W4SNT SUR3 1F YOU W3R3 UP TO 1T
CG: HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT.
CG: I'M AN INCREDIBLE LEADER WITH ALL KINDS OF PRIORITIZATION AND COMMAND SKILLS.
CG: I'M GOING TO ROCK THE COCK OFF THIS WEATHERVANE AND THE BLUE TEAM WILL WISH THEY NEVER SLITHERED OUT OF THE MOTHER GRUB'S HEINOUS UNDULATING ASSHOLE.
CG: SO JUST GIVE ME THE FULL BRIEFING, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
GC: OK TH3 TH1NG YOU N33D TO KNOW 1S TH3 L34D3R ST4RTS OUT BY RUNN1NG THE CL13NT 4PPL1C4T1ON
GC: WH1L3 1 TH3 LOWLY S3COND OFF1C3R CONN3CTS TO YOU W1TH TH3 S3RV3R WH1L3 1 R3M41N G3N3R4LLY 1N 4W3 OF YOUR M4NLY GR4ND3UR
GC: 4ND 1 S1T 4T MY COMPUT3R DO1NG M3N14L CHOR3S 1N SUPPORT OF YOUR H3RO1C 3SC4P4D3S WH1CH HON3STLY 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34DY FOR BUT WH4T3V3R
CG: SEE THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
CG: THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE FOR.
CG: BEING IN CHARGE OF ADVENTURE, RUNNING AROUND AND STUFF, AND FUCKING SHIT UP LIKE A GODDAMN HERO WITH A RIPPERWASP IN HIS JOCK.
CG: LET'S GET CRACKING HERE.
CG: LAUNCH YOUR SERVER OR WHATEVER, I'LL INSTALL THE HERO PROGRAM.
GC: TH3 CL13NT
CG: YEAH.
GC: OK 1F YOU 1NS1ST
GC: F4R B3 1T FROM M3 TO STOP YOU FROM B31NG SO D4SH1NG 4ND COUR4G3OUS
GC: 4ND TO B3 P3RF3CTLY HON3ST 4 L1TTL3 B1T H4NDSOM3 >:]
CG: YES, EXACTLY.
CG: NOW YOU ARE MAKING SENSE.
CG: THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT SANE PEOPLE SAY.
CG: KEEP AT IT, THERE'S HOPE FOR YOU YET.
GC: OK 1LL TRY
GC: 4NYTH1NG TO G3T YOU TO STOP B31NG SUCH 4 B4BY
CG: WHAT'S A BABY.
GC: OH
GC: 1TS L1K3 4 MYTH1C4L L1TTL3 P1NK MONK3Y
GC: SOM3TH1NG MY LUSUS DR34MS 4BOUT
CG: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE.
GC: 1 DONT
GC: Y3T
GC: 1M NOT 4LLOW3D TO
CG: WHY NOT?
CG: WHY HAVE YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS ANYWAY?
CG: HONESTLY TEREZI IT SOUNDS LIKE MORE FROTHING LOONEYBLOCK NONSENSE.
GC: 1F 1 3V3R D1D H4V3 ON3 1T WOULD M34N TH3 WORLD W4S COM1NG TO 4N 3ND
CG: OH THANK GOD YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING NORMAL, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY THERE.
CG: WHEW BACK IN SANE LAND.
GC: 1TS TRU3! >:P
GC: 1 DONT COMPL3T3LY UND3RST4ND 1T BUT TH4TS WH4T 1T TOLD M3
CG: WE NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF THAT FUCKING TREE AND INTO A PROPER GODDAMN LAWNRING.
CG: YOU'VE BEEN STUNTED LIVING UP THERE, BY THE WHISPERS OF FUCKING BARK GNOMES OR SOMETHING.
CG: I THINK ONE OF MY NEIGHBORS WAS JUST CULLED RECENTLY, MAYBE YOU COULD LIVE THERE.
GC: NO W4Y SCR3W L4WNR1NGS!!!
GC: MOR3 L1K3 Y4WNR1NGS
GC: 1 LOV3 MY TR33!
GC: BUT YOUR3 W3LCOM3 TO V1S1T SOM3 T1M3
GC: 1TS 3SP3C14LLY N1C3 1N TH3 TH1RD 4UTUMN
CG: OK WELL
CG: SPEAKING OF THAT
CG: I SHOULD GO DOWNSTAIRS AND DEAL WITH THIS GRUMPY CUSTOMER.
CG: IT'S GOING TO FONDLE MAJOR SEEDFLAP, BUT HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE QUICK.
CG: YOU CAN ESTABLISH YOUR CONNECTION AND DO YOUR TRIVIAL SIDEKICK STUFF I GUESS IN THE MEANTIME.
GC: OK! >:D


06/20/10
"A little later..."



After the KNIGHT OF BLOOD'S heroic arrival to the LAND OF PULSE AND HAZE...


06/20/10
"======>"



You quickly crafted a new weapon, HOMES SMELL YA LATER. Plus some other cool stuff.


06/20/10
"Karkat: Deal with Terezi."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: YOU CAN SEE ME RIGHT.
CG: TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.
GC: NO 1 C4NT S33 YOU DUMB4SS
CG: OH YEAH.
CG: ANYWAY, PRESS YOUR NOSE AGAINST YOUR SLOBBERY SCREEN AND TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.
GC: SM3LLS PR3TTY T3RR1BL3!
CG: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU JUST TOOK A HARD DRAG OF MY LOAD GAPER WHICH FOR SOME REASON I HAVE DISCOVERED OUTSIDE ON THIS LITTLE ISLAND.
GC: YOU M34N YOUR TO1L3T?
CG: WELL OOH LA LA.
CG: EXCUSE MY DISDAIN FOR YOUR BLUE BLOODED VERNACULAR.
GC: WH4T COLORS YOUR BLOOD?
CG: WHOA NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
CG: SERIOUSLY WAS THAT A SERIOUS QUESTION?
CG: UNBELIEVABLE.
GC: 1 W1LL F1ND OUT SOM3 D4Y
CG: WHAT IS WITH YOUR OBSESSION WITH COLORS.
CG: IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU WASTE ALL MY HARD EARNED GRIST RAMBLING MY HIVE AROUND LIKE THAT NOT EVEN IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FUCKING GATE.
CG: BUT THEN YOU GO AND SPEND IT ON AN UGLY PAINT JOB.
CG: I KILLED A LOT OF IMPS FOR THAT GRIST.
GC: K4RK4T, PL34S3
GC: DONT PR3T3ND YOU D1DNT 3NJOY GO1NG 4ROUND K1LL1NG TH1NGS
GC: 4ND TH4T YOU WOULDNT 3NJOY K1LL1NG 4 WHOL3 LOT MOR3
GC: PR4NC1NG 4ROUND W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 S1CKL3 B31NG 4LL 4DOR4BL3
CG: YEAH RIGHT.
CG: MORE LIKE...
CG: ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
CG: I'M PRANCING AROUND BEING THAT, OK?
GC: >:]
CG: ANYWAY THIS IS AWFUL, THIS IS NO WAY FOR A LEADER TO BE TREATED.
GC: SORRY TH1S 1S WH4T YOU W4NT3D
GC: TH3 L34D3R 1S TH3 F1RST ON3 1N
GC: TH1S 1S WH4T TH3 L34D3R 1S SUPPOS3D TO DO
CG: NO, THIS IS NOT ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR WHAT BULLSHIT IS.
CG: A LEADER SHOULDN'T BE AT THE MERCY OF THE HIVE RENOVATION WHIMSY OF A PSYCHOTIC BLIND GIRL.
CG: WHEN DO I GET THE CHANCE TO FUCK UP SOMEONE'S HIVE.
CG: I SHOULD BE THE NEXT ONE TO CONNECT TO A CLIENT.
GC: NO YOU C4NT!
GC: YOU H4V3 TO B3 TH3 L4ST ON3 TO CONNECT TO COMPL3T3 TH3 CH41N
CG: MORE LIES.
GC: TH1NK OF 1T TH1S W4Y
GC: 1M YOUR S3RV3R PL4Y3R SO PR1OR1TY H4S TO B3 ON M3 G3TT1NG 1N TH3 G4M3
GC: B3FOR3 1 G3T K1LL3D BY M3T3ORS
GC: 1N WH1CH C4S3 YOUD B3 SCR3W3D 1N TH3R3
GC: TH3N TH3 N3XT GUY COM3S 1N, TH3N TH3 N3XT
GC: 4ND YOU BR1NG TH3 L4ST ON3 1N
CG: WHOA WAIT, WHAT?
CG: METEORS?
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
CG: WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH METEORS.
GC: OH BOY YOU N33D TO G3T W1TH TH3 PROGR4M K4RK4T
GC: H4V3 YOU T4LK3D TO 44
CG: 44 WHAT?
GC: 4POC4LYPS34R1S3N SORRY
CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT.
GC: OR T4
GC: OR 4G 1 GU3SS
GC: OR C4
GC: R34LLY TH3R3S L1K3 TH1S WHOL3 CONSP1R4CY 4BOUT TH1S
GC: 4S 1M F1ND1NG OUT
CG: WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO ANY OF THOSE DOUBLETALKING ASSHOLES.
GC: 1 C4NT!
GC: 1 GOTT4 ST3P OUT OF TH3 TR33 FOR 4 MOM3NT
GC: WH3N 1 COM3 B4CK 1 W1LL 3NT3R TH3 G4M3
GC: CY4!


06/21/10
"A little while ago..."






06/21/10
"======>"






06/21/10
"======>"






06/21/10
"======>"



You're not sure why you did that, really.

There'll probably turn out to be a reason. There's a reason for everything. Understanding this lets you be reckless.

Whoever you are.


06/21/10
"A little later..."



Somewhere else entirely...


06/21/10
"======>"



Rubbish from the LAND DWELLERS. Makes you sick.

Whoever you are.


06/21/10
"And later still..."



We return to the Land of Pulse and Haze, so that we can rewind a bit. Before all that paint got slopped on your hive and before that mysterious hole was made.

Man how'd that hole get made??

(It was when Karkat ran TA's cursed ~ATH program and his computer blew up. That's what happened. We'll see this happen later. It will be startling and unexpected.)


06/21/10
"Karkat: Deal with crabby customer."



You go downstairs and confront your custodian, which is another term for a frightening beast known as a LUSUS NATURAE.

Your lusus has looked after you since you were very young in lieu of any biological parents, whom you have never known. No young troll ever knows his or her blood parents, nor could such lineage ever be accurately traced. Adult trolls supply their genetic material to the FILIAL PAILS carried by imperial drones and offered to the monstrous MOTHER GRUB deep underground in the brooding caverns. She then combines all the genetic material into one diabolical incestuous slurry, and lays hundreds of thousands of eggs at once.

The eggs hatch into young larval trolls which wriggle about to locate a cozy stalactite from which to spin their cocoons. After they pupate, the young troll with his or her newfound limbs undergoes a series of dangerous trials. If they survive, they are chosen by a member of the diverse and terrifying subterranean monster population native to Alternia. This creature becomes the troll's lusus, and together they surface and choose a location to build a hive. The building process is facilitated by CARPENTER DROIDS left on the planet to cater to the young. But only for building. They're on their own otherwise.

The vast majority of adult trolls are off-planet, serving some role in the forces of ongoing imperial conquest, besieging other star systems in the name of Alternian glory. The culture and civilization on the homeworld is maintained almost entirely by the young.

Trolls sure are weird!


06/22/10
"[S???] ======>"



You leap into the domestic fray in an attempt to mollify your nannying aggressor. After a lot of kicking and fussing and gnashing of teeth and carapace, you just pull out a few CHILLED ROE CUBES from the fridge to settle the beast down.

Trolls and their custodians have a peculiar arrangement of codependence. The lusus behaves as a lifelong bodyguard, caretaker, and visceral sort of mentor, while the young troll must learn to function as a sort of zookeeper.

We decide to agree this conflict is not a big enough deal to warrant a detailed examination of the action, or an embedded musical accompaniment. We also agree that while that would have been pretty sweet, we are also in kind of a hurry here. But if it were to be accompanied by something audible, it would probably sound something like this. We decide to listen to that track, close our eyes, and imagine what might have been.

Wow that sure was awesome.

Anyway, moving on.


06/22/10
"======>"



In fact, we are in such a hurry, you could almost say we need to get moving...


06/22/10
"======>"



ON THE DOUBLE

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />


06/22/10
"Yeah."



There's this pretty cool dude, ok? Some people seem to think he's cool. Sometimes. He guesses they're right. I mean, maybe. If they say so. Actually, you know what? They're right. This guy's dynamite lit in a box of hot shit. Screw the haters. Anyway, he's standing around being all chill, like cool dudes are known to do sometimes, when they're not moping around or nursing migraines or whatever. A cool dude like this probably has a real cool name. Or at least a name that doesn't completely fucking suck. Like at least not the kind of name that belongs to someone you'd want to just perpetually wail on. Maybe just a name that makes you cringe a little, but you guess you can deal with it if you've got to. It's just a guy's name, it's not like it really matters. Who cares? But he probably wouldn't just tell you what it was if you asked. He'd be way too moody for that. In fact, this guy probably thinks you've got some attitude and probably doesn't want a damn thing to do with you.

You could always try to guess his name. But instead of that, here's a better idea. Why don't you just fuck off and go to hell?

Here, name this kooky broad instead.


06/22/10
"======>"



Ok, what's her name?

Wait...

You've got to be kidding me.

Looks like we're going back to the other guy again. Alright, hang on...


06/22/10
"======>"



It appears this cool and moody dude had a change of heart. He feels pretty bad about flying off the handle like that, as if shit wanted nothing to do with the handle. Shit would like to reconcile with the handle, and perhaps seek marital counseling.

So what's his name gonna be?


06/22/10
"Enter name."



Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR.

You are apeshit bananas at computers, and you know ALL THE CODES. All of them. You are the unchallenged authority on APICULTURE NETWORKING. And though all your friends recognize your unparalleled achievements as a TOTALLY SICK HACKER, you feel like you could be better. It's one of a number of things you SORT OF BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT for NO VERY GOOD REASON during sporadic and debilitating BIPOLAR MOOD SWINGS. You have a penchant for BIFURCATION, in logic and in life. Your mutant mind is hounded by the psychic screams of the IMMINENTLY DECEASED. Your visions foretell of the planet's looming annihilation, and yet unlike the typical sightless prophet of doom, you are gifted with VISION TWOFOLD.

For now.

You have developed a new game, adapted via CODE PARSED FROM THE RUNES AND GLYPHS IN AN ANCIENT UNDERGROUND TEMPLE. You believe this game to be THE SALVATION OF YOUR RACE, though you are not sure how yet. To ensure success, you will distribute the game to two teams of friends, a RED TEAM and a BLUE TEAM. You will lead the latter group. Your trolltag is twinArmageddons and you tend two 2peak wiith a biit of a lii2p.

What will you do?


06/23/10
"Sollux: Equip throwing stars to strife specibus."



Why would you do that?

A high level psionic has no use for any particular specibus allocation.


06/23/10
"Sollux: Fling stars specibus-ward."



You make short work of the specibus and...

Oh God, one of your BEEHOUSE MAINFRAMES. The silicomb was sliced clean through by your foolish maneuver. What were you thinking???

The workers pair up and dance angry messages to you in beenary code.


06/23/10
"Sollux: Taste honey."



No!!!!!!!!!

You do not under any circumstance eat the MIND HONEY. The consequences are highly unpleasant.

You cultivate this honey for your lusus. It helps him not be such a complete idiot all the time. Merely most of the time instead.


06/23/10
"Sollux: Calm those bees down."



Nap time.


06/23/10
"Sollux: Get to work at computer."



You are always up to your nook in the newest and hottest games. It is hard to walk around the place without squishing them. Whenever that happens you are screwed, and you have to grow a new one from scratch. Or just pirate it you guess.

But tonight is no night for games.

Well, ok, it is.

But just one game in particular, and this game is no joking matter. It is delirious bugnasty.


06/23/10
"Sollux: Recruit team leader."



|PESTERLOG|
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TA: TZ you want two be the leader of one of the team2?
GC: YOU M34N FOR YOUR G4M3 TO S4V3 TH3 WORLD?
TA: yeah.
GC: OK 1 P1CK TH3 R3D T34M!!! >8D
TA: ok ii diidnt 2ay anythiing about a red team, or even that there were two team2, but fiine.
GC: OBV1OUSLY YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO S3T UP R3D 4ND BLU3 T34MS COM3 ON
TA: you dont know what iim goiing two do, 2top beiing a2 though you can read my miind.
TA: iit2 not a power you have, your 2trength2 are beiing bliind and triickiing people about 2tuff.
TA: and ii gue22 beiing generally 2avvy and pretty decent at other 2tuff, but that2 why iim piickiing you and not 2ome other fuckiing 2chlub from retardatiion row.
GC: SOLLUX, PL34S3
GC: YOU 4R3 MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST 4ND 3V3RYON3 KNOWS THOS3 4R3 YOUR F4VOR1T3 FL4VORS
GC: 3V3N THOUGH YOU TYP3 1N YUCKY MUST4RD
GC: WH1CH 1S W31RD >:\
TA: maybe there ii2 more two me than you thiink.
TA: maybe ii am not the two triick hoofbea2t you want two make me out a2.
TA: maybe ii ju2t want two giive the red and blue thiing a re2t for a change and not make iit 2o iit2 liike, oh look iit2 that prediictable fuck wiith tho2e two 2tupiid color2, iit2 amaziing how much everyone fuckiing hate2 hiim.
TA: maybe red and blue arent that great and ii hate them 2uddenly, have you thought of that.
TA: maybe iim more of an aubergiine guy plu2 whatever that putriid color is you type wiith, what ii2 that, turqoii2e?
TA: maybe iit2 makiing me turquea2y.
TA: maybe the new name for that color ii2 2ummer 2hiithead mii2t, have you con2iidered that?
TA: but iim 2tiickiing wiith red and blue 2o maybe you 2hould 2uck on iit.
GC: M4YB3 M4YB3 M4YB3
GC: M4YB3 M4YB3 1S 4 STUP1D WORD
GC: M4YB3 TH4TS TH3 B1G M4YB3 W3 SHOULD 4LL POND3R TON1GHT
GC: OV3R SOM3 HOT SHUT TH3 H3LL UP T34
GC: SO YOU TH1NK 1M S4VVY?? >:]
TA: yeah ii thiink 2o.
TA: piick out whoever you want for the red team and iill lead the blue team.
TA: iill 2end you the download 2oon, talk two you later.
GC: W41T!
GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD T3LL M3 MOR3 4BOUT TH3 G4M3 F1RST?
GC: HOW 3X4CTLY 4R3 W3 S4V1NG TH3 WORLD?
TA: ii dont know yet.
TA: ii ju2t know what iive 2een iin my vii2iion2.
TA: that the world wiill end and our whole race diie2 and thii2 ii2 how we 2ave iit.
TA: and aa can back me up on thii2 2o dont be all doubtiing me about iit.
GC: 1 4M NOT DOUBT1NG YOU
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 R1GHT!
GC: MOSTLY
TA: mo2tly, what doe2 that mean?
GC: W3LL WH3N YOU T4LK 4BOUT HOW YOUR3 GO1NG TO D13 TOO
TA: ii am goiing two diie.
TA: ii mean we all are.
TA: but e2peciially me.
TA: ii am goiing two get my a22 2erved two me twofold.
TA: double the 2erviice.
TA: liike two dude2 on doublebutler ii2land.
TA: gettiing worked over by a 2iiame2e twiin ma22eu2e.
TA: but before ii diie, iim goiing two go bliind liike you.
TA: iit ha2 two happen liike that.
TA: iim not 2ure why, but ii thiink iit2 liike...
TA: fulfiilliing 2ome requiirement for a true prophet of doom.
TA: iin order for the vii2iion2 two be riight, that ha2 two happen, and the uniiver2e wiill make 2ure iit wiill.
TA: iit2 kiind of liike how a prophet earn2 hii2 2triipe2, by beiing bliind, liike how an angel earn2 iit2 wiing2.
GC: WH4TS 4N 4NG3L
TA: 2ome terriible mythiical demon.
TA: wiith the2e awful feathery wiing2.
GC: Y1K3S
TA: paradox 2pace u2e2 them two u2her iin the end.
GC: HOW DO3S 1T KNOW WH4T 4NG3L TO US3... ........
TA: huh??
GC: >:?
TA: 2o yeah.
TA: we wiill all diie but mo2t e2peciially me, end of 2tory.
GC: BUT
GC: DONT T4K3 TH1S TH3 WRONG W4Y BUT HOW C4N YOU B3 TOT4LLY SUR3 4BOUT 4LL TH4T?
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW SOM3 OF TH3 R34L V1S1ONS YOUR3 H4V1NG 4R3NT G3TT1NG K1ND OF T4NGL3D UP W1TH UHHH
GC: SORT OF TH3 W4Y YOU 4R3 4BOUT YOURS3LF
TA: what do you mean.
GC: HOW YOU G3T MOP3Y 4ND YOUR3 4LW4YS TH3 V1CT1M OF SOM3TH1NG 4ND HOW SOM3T1M3S YOU TH1NK YOU SUCK WH3N YOU R34LLY DONT
GC: M4YB3 TH4T 1S CLOUD1NG YOUR V1S1ON?
TA: ok that2 ju2t 2ome per2onal priivate emotiional ii22ue2 and iim dealiing wiith that, and hone2tly iid appreciiate you not alway2 throwiing that iin my face every goddamn opportuniity you get.
TA: liike thii2 ii2 a biig ciircu2 act two you, and that ii2 your 2peciial clown piie.
GC: S33, GOD
GC: SO S3NS1T1V3
TA: 2eriiou2ly talk two aa 2he wiill corroborate everythiing.
TA: you and 2he are pretty tiight arent you?
GC: NOT R34LLY 4NYMOR3
GC: SH3 US3D TO B3 4 LOT OF FUN
GC: BUT NOW T4LK1NG TO H3R, 1 DONT KNOW
GC: 1T JUST SOM3HOW 4LW4YS M4K3S M3 S4D >:[
TA: ok well toniight2 not about fun, thii2 ii2 2eriiou2.
TA: deliiriiou2ly 2o.
TA: we are iin 2meariiou2 2hiit2taiin ciity.
GC: SCR3W YOU 4ND YOUR SH1TST41NS
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 4 FUCK1NG BL4ST 4ND YOU C4NT STOP M3
GC: BLU3 T34M 2222222CUM >:]
TA: oh 2h11t 11t2 onnnnnn 2uck4.


06/24/10
"======>"






06/24/10
"======>"



That...

Ok that was completely meaningless. What was the point?

Whoever you are.


06/24/10
"Sollux: Deal with apocalypseArisen."



|PESTERLOG|
apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

AA: did y0u set up the teams
TA: 2tiill workiing on iit but yeah more or le22.
TA: we 2hould all be playiing 2oon.
TA: and ii gue22 leaviing thii2 diimen2iion.
TA: that ii2 what happen2, riight??
AA: yes
TA: 2o ii gue22 you 2hould be pretty happy when we fiinally get out of here?
AA: i d0nt kn0w ab0ut that
TA: oh.
TA: wiill you at lea2t be able two leave the voiice2 behiind?
AA: i d0nt kn0w ab0ut that either
TA: ii2nt that kiind of depre22iing?
TA: the thought that they miight 2tay wiith you tiil you diie?
AA: n0t really
AA: im 0k with it
AA: im 0k with a l0t 0f things
AA: even 0ur inevitable failure
AA: th0ugh it will briefly masquerade as vict0ry
TA: wow FUCK.
TA: that wa2 2o much more depre22iing than the thiing ii ju2t 2aiid.
TA: terezii wa2 riight, you are 2uch a drag two talk two the2e day2.
AA: she was right ab0ut a l0t 0f things
TA: wow what a my2teriiou2 thiing two 2ay, ii am 2o iintriigued.
TA: do me a favor and 2pare me your 2pooky conundrum2 twoniight, youre kiind of pii22iing me off.
AA: but y0u like t0 talk t0 me
AA: this a fact n0t a questi0n
AA: they t0ld me
TA: oh your 2ource2 have 2poken!
TA: relay a me22age for me, tell them two go haunt my huge creakiing bone bulge.
AA: why d0 y0u like t0 talk t0 me
TA: oh ii dont know, maybe becau2e we are 2uppo2ed two 2ave the world twogether???
TA: ii al2o talk two you becau2e iin ca2e you havent notiiced ii de2pii2e my2elf and perpetually 2eek two dupliicate through emotiional paiin the cacophony of phy2iical paiin my hiideou2 mutant braiin cau2e2 me every day.
TA: oh my god ii ju2t had a breakthrough!!!
TA: thank you 2o much for thii2, iit wa2 great.
TA: that wa2 a joke, here type "ha".
AA: ha
TA: now type iit agaiin.
AA: ha
TA: there you go, you are now offiiciially the liife of the party.
TA: eheheh ii ju2t took an embarra22iing viideo of you cuttiing loo2e there, boy ii 2ure hope thii2 juiicy nugget doe2nt wiind up on the iinternet!
AA: 0_0
AA: s0llux i actually w0uld like it if you were happy
TA: ok. thank you for 2ayiing 2o.
AA: y0u seem sad and angry all the time
AA: what d0es anger feel like
AA: i f0rg0t
TA: have you ever been angry?
TA: ii dont remember you gettiing angry about anythiing.
AA: maybe i never was
AA: i feel like i was th0ugh
AA: 0nce
TA: why dont you a2k karkat, he2 way angriier than me.
TA: for that matter why dont you get on HII2 ca2e about iit iin2tead of MIINE.
AA: i think his anger serves a greater purp0se
AA: its part 0f his destiny and thus 0urs
AA: it will help him t0 sab0tage his 0wn designs
AA: which are very much in 0pp0siti0n t0 the br0ader purp0se
AA: and will s0w the seeds 0f 0ur failure
AA: a failure which will ir0nically pr0ve t0 be missi0n critical
TA: iif you thiink we are goiing two faiil why wouldnt you get mad about that?
TA: at the voiice2 2endiing you down thii2 bliind alley the whole tiime?
AA: they never lied th0ugh
AA: this is h0w it had t0 be
AA: i have t0 be t0tally h0nest
AA: th0ugh at n0 p0int did i ever lie
AA: but thr0ugh 0missi0n
AA: this game will n0t save the w0rld
TA: the fuck??
AA: and th0ugh it is still very imp0rtant even in 0ur defeat
AA: unf0rtantely it is much cl0ser t0 serving as the instrument 0f 0ur pe0ples demise than that 0f their salvati0n
AA: and we twelve will behave simultane0usly as the pawns and the 0rchestrat0rs of the great und0ing
TA: ii dont want two play anymore then.
AA: y0u will th0ugh
TA: fuck that ju2t watch, thii2 2hiit ii2 du2ted.
TA: check me out, all du2tiing iit liike a 2aucy fuckiin maiid.
AA: it cann0t be st0pped
AA: mete0rs are en r0ute
AA: y0u kn0w this s0llux
TA: who care2, iim yankiing the grubtube on thii2 overpunctured biitch.
TA: iim telliing red team leader two forget the whole thiing.
TA: iim quiittiing a2 blue team leader.
TA: iif you want two 2hamble through thii2 macabre fanta2y of your2 2olo be my gue2t.
AA: y0u were never g0ing t0 be the team leader th0ugh
AA: which is t0 say
AA: the first t0 enter
TA: are you me22iing wiith me??
TA: you do realiize iim p2ychiic two.
TA: ii could pull 2o much triippy 2hiit out of my 2piinal creviice, iit would make your head 2piin liike dervii2h iin a fuckiing blender.
TA: 2o GET OFF YOUR HIIGH HOOFBEA2T.
AA: im c0ming up
TA: huh???
TA: up where.
TA: hello??????????????


06/24/10
"Sollux: Abort."



|PESTERLOG|
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TA: hey change of plan, we arent playiing thii2 game anymore.
TA: you dont have two bother recruiitiing, 2orry two wa2te your tiime.
GC: 1M NOT TH3 L34D3R 4NYMOR3
GC: K4RK4T 1S
TA: he ii2?
GC: H3 THR3W 4 T4NTRUM 4BOUT 1T SO 1 L3T H1M B3 TH3 R3D L34D3R
TA: ok that wa2 faiirly prediictable but that2 fiine.
TA: iill talk two hiim about iit.
GC: WH4TS GO1NG ON?
TA: nothiing, thii2 game 2uck2 and aa ii2 full of crap.
TA: 2orry about all thii2.
GC: >:?

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: hey change of plan, we arent playiing thii2 game anymore.
CG: HEY.
CG: GUESS WHO THE RED LEADER IS?
CG: I'M THE LEADER. IT'S ME.
CG: YOUR PLAN TO CRIPPLE YOUR RIVAL TEAM HAS FAILED.
TA: ii know, 2he told me, ii dont care.
TA: the game ii2 bad new2, iit wiill cau2e the end of the world, not 2top iit.
TA: 2o forget iit, ju2t go back two whatever you were doiing.
TA: wriitiing your 2hiitty code or whatever.
CG: HAHAHA! SO PATHETIC.
CG: THIS IS YET ANOTHER FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO WEAKEN YOUR OPPOSITION.
CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED A CONNECTION AND WE ARE MAKING GREAT PROGRESS HERE.
CG: WE ARE A GREAT TEAM, AND I AM A FANTASTIC LEADER.
CG: WE WILL BEAT THIS GAME IN NO TIME, WHILE YOUR TEAM IS CLEARLY STILL ASLEEP AT THE THORAX.
TA: oh god.
TA: no you iidiiot, ii dont care about the game anymore.
TA: ii ju2t quiit, iim not playiing, you 2hould two.
CG: AMAZING.
CG: YOU'RE EITHER BEING REALLY PERSISTENT WITH THIS TRANSPARENT RUSE, OR YOU REALLY ARE JUST THAT SAD AND INCOMPETENT.
CG: NEITHER CASE DESERVES MY RESPECT OR MY FRIENDSHIP.
CG: IN FACT, YOU KNOW WHAT, FRIENDSHIP CANCELED.
CG: THERE IT'S OFFICIAL, BYE BYE FRIENDSHIP!
TA: oh liike you havent 2aiid that liike a biilliion tiime2.
TA: you arent iin any po2iitiion two que2tiion my competence.
TA: youre the wor2t programmer iive ever 2een, you dont know anythiing about computer2, why do you bother.
TA: the only thiing youre good at ii2 yelliing and makiing huge mii2take2.
TA: and beiing UGLY AND HORRIIBLE IN EVERY WAY, AND HAVIING 2TUPIID LIITTLE NUBBY HORN2.
CG: TO BE HONEST I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT YOUR PROGRAMMING OR HACKING.
CG: WHAT IS A HACKER EVEN? JUST SOME SMUG ASSHOLE IN MOVIES DOING FAKE THINGS AND MAKING UP WORDS.
CG: IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL THING TO BE, IT'S JUST SOME BULLSHIT TITLE YOU GAVE YOURSELF SO YOU CAN FEEL JUST A TINY BIT LESS LOATHESOME.
TA: oh no, more chiildii2h burn2, ii dont have two prove anythiing two you, iim a great hacker, periiod.
CG: NO IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW, YOU WERE A FRAUD ALL ALONG.
CG: WHAT DOES ALL THIS NONSENSICAL CODE YOU WROTE EVEN DO?
CG: IT'S ALL NONSENSE.
CG: LIKE A BLUFF. YOU JUST SAY, OH KARKAT WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT I WROTE IS BULLSHIT BECAUSE HE'S TOO DUMB TO FIGURE IT OUT.
CG: WELL YOU'RE BUSTED, THESE VIRUSES HERE I BET DO NOTHING AT ALL.
TA: waiit, KK...
CG: I BET IF I RAN THEM NOTHING BAD WOULD HAPPEN.
CG: MIGHT EVEN IMPROVE MY COMPUTER'S PERFORMANCE!
TA: no don't.
CG: HOW ABOUT THIS IDIOTIC PROGRAM WITH THE RED AND BLUE CODE, WHICH IS A MEANINGLESS THING TO DO WITH CODE ANYWAY.
CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? IT'S ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SCAMS.
CG: WHY NOT SNEAK SOME BAD CLIP ART INTO THE FILES TOO, AND PRETEND THAT'S CODE???
TA: oh god, no dont run that, iim 2eriiou2.
CG: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?
TA: iim not 2ure, but iit would be really, really bad iif you ran iit, ju2t dont.
CG: AH HA. JUST AS I THOUGHT, YOU CAN'T EVEN COME UP WITH A GOOD LIE WHEN I PRESS YOU ON IT.
CG: YOUR BLUFF HAS BEEN CALLED.
CG: COMPILING AS WE SPEAK, IT WILL AUTORUN WHEN IT FINISHES.
CG: AND NOW I HAVE TO GO ATTEND TO SOMETHING OUTSIDE, BECAUSE TEREZI IS DOING SOMETHING JUST UNSPEAKABLY STUPID RIGHT NOW.
CG: WHOOPS, FORGET I SAID THAT. IT WAS PRIVILEGED INFORMATION.
TA: you are the dumbe2t grubfucker on the planet, ii 2wear.
CG: LATER DOUCHE BAG.
TA: KK DO NOT RUN THAT CODE.
TA: hello??????????????

carcinoGeneticist's [CG'S] computer exploded.

TA: oh my god.


06/25/10
"======>"



You are highly startled by the totally unexpected explosion.


06/25/10
"======>"



Karkat and his friends and everyone they would ever meet thereafter would experience great misfortune on account of the curse unwittingly implemented through Sollux's esoteric MOBIUS DOUBLE REACHAROUND VIRUS.

Every troll's lusus would soon die. All but one of their kernelsprites would be prototyped with a dead lusus, each prior to entering the Medium. Upon entry, they would each have a bittersweet reunion with the creature after the kernel hatched, triggering the sprite's metamorphosis. For the first time, the trolls would be able to have verbal conversations with their custodians, and would be guided by them along their journeys.

Unfortunately, the underlings and warring royalty would gain the benefits of the monstrous prototypings as well. Each sprite, except for one, would only be prototyped once. The players would learn quickly that while one pre-entry prototyping per player was absolutely necessary for ultimate success, additional pre-entry prototypings merely empowered their enemies unnecessarily.


06/25/10
"======>"



The game has no explicit rule that demands something dead for prototyping. But in practice, the kernelsprite has particular attraction to the deceased or the doomed. Across every session ever played, exceptions to this pattern are extremely rare.


06/25/10
"Sollux: Lament."



Why did you send Karkat that code? It was such a bad idea. You suppose it was a boastful gesture to get a friend to think more highly of you. But why would flaunting your superior skills accomplish this? It was foolish.

You ought to wipe all these clever viruses you wrote off your computer. They can only bring more trouble.


06/25/10
"Sollux: Delete."



While deleting your virus folders, you pause on one oddball file you have lying around.

You did not write this virus. You copied it from an obscure server, far beyond your planet's global network. This application is running on that server perpetually.

It is an extremely simple ~ATH program. Its main loop is tied to the lifespan of the universe. When the universe dies, a mysterious subprogram will be executed. You have no way of knowing what that subprogram does. It runs on a protected part of the server. It is completely unhackable.

You delete the file, but it won't do much good. The program is already running elsewhere. Luckily, whatever harm it will do will not be done for many billions of years. And even then, what harm could a virus do after the expiration of the universe? This file always struck you as quite odd.


06/25/10
"======>"



But Sollux, even with his vision twofold, does not have the perceptional luxuries of our vision omnipresent.

When executed, the subprogram will summon an indestructible demon into the recently voided universe. This monstrous being with the power to travel through time is inconvenienced very little by his arrival upon THE GREAT UNDOING. He has the entire cadaver of the expired universe to pick apart at his whim. From its birth through its swelling maturity and tapering decay. In a reality he is known to have marked for predation, he will go about assembling followers through various epochs, even going as far as personally establishing the parameters for his future summoning.

Sollux couldn't know that the virus is essentially a formality.

The demon is already here.


06/25/10
"======>"



Sounds like your lusus is agitated about something up there. You already gave him his serving of honey today. If he thinks he can get more, well that's just greedy.

You wonder what could be bothering him?


06/25/10
"======>"



You keep your enormous BICYCLOPS chained to the roof of your COMMUNAL HIVE STEM. It is the only place there is room for him. Dueling with him on the roof during feeding time is a daily ordeal.


06/25/10
"======>"






06/26/10
"Be the other girl."



You are now one of the five other girls.


06/26/10
"======>"






06/26/10
"======>"






06/26/10
"======>"






06/27/10
"Stop being the other girl."



You are now no longer the other girl, or any of the other five for that matter.

What's the name of this dude sitting in his FOUR WHEEL DEVICE?


06/27/10
"Enter name."



Your name is TAVROS NITRAM.

You are known to be heavily arrested by FAIRY TALES AND FANTASY STORIES. You have an acute ability to COMMUNE WITH THE MANY CREATURES OF ALTERNIA, a skill you have utilized to CAPTURE AND TRAIN a great many. They are all your friends, as well as your warriors, which you pit in battle through a variety of related CARD AND ROLE PLAYING GAMES. You used to engage in various forms of MORE EXTREME ROLEPLAYING with some of your other friends before you had an accident.

You like to engage in the noble practice of ALTERNIAN SLAM POETRY, possibly the oldest, most revered, and certainly freshest artform in your planet's rich history. You have a profound fascination with the concept of FLIGHT, and all lore surrounding the topic. You believe in FAIRIES, even though they AREN'T REAL.

Your trolltag is adiosToreador and you uHH, sPEAK IN A SORT OF, uHH, fALTERING MANNER,

What will you do?


06/27/10
"Tavros: Cut to the chase and play card games immediately."



You kickstart a rousing match of FIDUSPAWN, with the only friend you've got to play with in person, your loyal lusus TINKERBULL.

You take a look at the favorable hand you dealt yourself and crack a mischievous smile. With a HOST PLUSH at the ready, you quickly lob an OOGONIBOMB and catch your adversary off guard!!!


06/27/10
"======>"






06/27/10
"======>"






06/27/10
"======>"






06/27/10
"======>"






06/27/10
"======>"






06/27/10
"======>"



HORSARONI, I CHOOSE YOU!!!!!!


06/28/10
"Tavros: Command faithful steed."



With a brooding whinny, Horsaroni shuffles his mighty hooves and makes short work of the fidusucker, boosting his vitals!

Horsaroni is now primed and raring for battle. Look out Tinkerbull!!!


06/28/10
"Tavros: Horsaroni: Spawntech -> Slumberbuddies."



You use your awesome bestial communion abilities and bend the ferocious stallion to your whim. Tinkerbull can't stand the suspense!


06/28/10
"======>"



Nap time!

Everybody wins. Horsaroni gains a bunch of levels. In no time he will be ready to breed and you can put him out to stud.


06/28/10
"======>"



Good game everybody. That was a lot of fun. Time to do some other stuff you guess.


06/29/10
"Tavros: Roll up your ramp."



This is how you get up to your recuperacoon when it's time to rest. It's kind of a production getting in and out.


06/29/10
"Tavros: Hop in."



You can't fit all the way in because of your huge horns. It makes it hard to get any solid shuteye.

Oh great, now you're covered in slime. Why did you do this? You're going to have to change your clothes. There goes another solid hour down the tubes.

Aw damn and there goes your four wheel device down the ramp. That happens a lot.


06/29/10
"Tavros: Take lance."



After a major cleanup rigmarole and a lot of crawling around your respiteblock, you equip your JOUSTING LANCE.


06/29/10
"======>"



You like to practice your jousting outside. One day you hope to prove yourself worthy of recruitment into the halls of the dreaded imperial CAVALREAPERS. Assuming you are not slated for culling first on account of your disability. Or really any other arbitrary reason.


06/29/10
"Tavros: Admire posters."



You wheel over to your favorite poster featuring PUPA PAN, which is your favorite thing. You have always fantasized that one day intrepid young Pupa would come and take you away, and together you would fly to a beautiful paradise planet of legend, that has all sorts of fanciful stuff like pirates, treasure, a cruel villain with a missing arm and a missing eye, and these weird aliens called "indians". You have left your window open since you were very young, just in case Pupa stopped by one night and decided to splash a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST in your face.

You have had this interest far prior to your accident. Being paralyzed isn't what made you want to be able to fly. That would be dumb and would make no sense.

Being paralyzed does sort of make you want to be able to walk, though.


06/29/10
"Way in the future..."



Over the course of your long journey, at one point you were fitted with a cool pair of robolegs. The guy who likes to build robots built them for you.

But then, he does like to break them more than he likes to build them. It's usually why he builds them in the first place.

Occasionally though, he will allow philanthropy to override misanthrobopy.


06/29/10
"======>"



You were lucky enough to have a friend who didn't mind getting her hands dirty on account of your best interest.

A friend with a chainsaw.


06/29/10
"======>"



The guy who likes to build robots just stood there and watched. It would always make everyone uncomfortable whenever he would just stand there.

And watch.


06/29/10
"And way back again..."



But before that you had to scoot around in your wheel device throughout the various worlds of the Medium, and endure all sorts of follies related to your disability, which on account of their great plurality and marginal relevance we will not get to see. Just as well.

Wow, look what happens when you space out and contemplate the future like that. The messages start piling up.


06/29/10
"Tavros: Deal with AG."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Taaaaaaaavros.
AT: hEY,
AG: Red team is going to 8ite the dust!
AG: And I know you are on the red team.
AT: wHOA, rEALLY,
AG: Yeah, you totally are.
AG: My team's got no use for a 8oy that can't make no use of his legs!
AG: You were f8ed for a team of losers, full of 8lind girls and lame 8oys and cranky iiiiiiiim8eciles.
AG: ::::)
AT: oK, yOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT THAT,
AT: bUT i SHOULDN'T BE TALKING TO YOU,
AG: Oh????????
AT: i PROMISED I WOULDN'T TALK TO YOU ANYMORE,
AG: Whaaaaaaaat. Promised who?
AT: rUFIO,
AG: Omg, who's that????????
AG: I h8 this guy already!
AT: hE'S, uHH,
AT: oKAY,
AT: sOMEONE SAID i SHOULD GIVE MY SELF ESTEEM A NAME,
AT: aND TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT i SAY, tO MAKE SURE i DON'T HURT HIS FEELINGS,
AG: Haha! So he's imaginary! A fake.
AG: Like a made up friend, the way fairies are.
AG: Made up make believe fakey fake fakes.
AG: Who told you to do something so fraudulent?
AT: gA,
AT: bUT i DON'T KNOW IF SHE WAS JOKING ABOUT IT,
AT: iT MIGHT BE A JOKE, uHH, i DON'T KNOW, bUT i DID IT ANYWAY,
AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, what a meddler.
AG: I h8 her meddling! Why is she always meddling?
AG: I don't know if it was a joke, 8ut man.
AT: uH,
AG: I don't think it was a joke. It was more like........
AG: Ok, complete this analogy.
AG: Laughing is to a joke as meddling is to ........?
AT: uUHHH,
AG: Exactly! That's what she just did to you.
AG: It is worse than a joke. It is worse than anything you can do.
AG: Next time tell her to can it! That's what I do.
AG: But she keeps 8ugging me. 8ugging and fussing and meddling. What's her deal!
AG: I guess it's flattering that she wants to talk to me so much though. I guess I don't mind. It's cool.
AG: Anyway Tavros, you've been amazingly 8oring as usual, so I'm going to go.
AT: oKAY,
AG: This show needs to get on the freaking road.
AG: 8elieve it or not, the 8lue team doesn't have a single player in the session yet!
AG: While you guys have like two or three or such!
AG: Un8elievable, I wonder what the holdup is. Oh well, let's face it! You guys need the head start.
AT: uHH,
AG: Ok, anyway, good luck to you. It will be just like old tiiiiiiiimes.
AG: :::;)
AG: Adios, Toreasnore!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AT: bYE,


06/30/10
"Tavros: Rap with TC."



|PESTERLOG|
terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

TC: mOtHeRfUcK mY bRoThEr, Im So SoRrY i KiNd Of ZoNeD oUt ThErE.
AT: hI, tHAT'S OK.
AT: i WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO NOT BE ZONED OUT FOR ANY REASON.
AT: sO i GUESS, i DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR APOLOGY.
TC: AlRiGhT, fUcK yEaH, iT's AlL gOoD aNyWaY.
TC: i JuSt ZoNeD oUt WhEn I wAs SuPpOsEd To Be AlL aBoUt BeInG tO tElL yOu YoU'rE aLl On My TeAm.
AT: uH, yEAH, tHE RED TEAM YOU MEAN,
TC: ShIt MoThErFuCkIn YeAh My WiCkEd MoThErFuCkEr!
TC: :o) hOnK hOnK hOnK
AT: oK, tHAT'S GREAT, i JUST HEARD ABOUT THIS,
AT: fROM SOMEONE i DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT,
AT: bUT IT STILL BASICALLY QUALIFIES AS GOOD NEWS,
TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk
AT: }:o), hEH,
TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO!
TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT?
AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST,
AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO,
AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE,
AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS,
TC: hAhAhAhA.
AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT,
TC: YeAh, I cOuLd KiCk ThE sHiT oUt Of SoMe RhYmEs BrO.
TC: aLl StIr Up SoMe FuCkIn HeLl MiRtH aNd RiP oPeN a FuCkIn BaG oF hArShWhImSy.
AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH,
AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY,
AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY,
AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS,
AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS,
TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo.
TC: bUt FiRsT hErE's ThE tHiNg WiTh ThE gAmE.
AT: oH YEAH, i ALMOST FORGOT, aBOUT,
AT: tHE RED TEAM GAME,
TC: YeAh Ok If I rEmEmBeR rIgHt ThIs Is HoW wE'rE jUgGlInG tHiS sHiT.
TC: lOt'S oF fUcKiN bAlLs In ThE aIr, HaHaHa.
TC: TeReZi CoNnEcTeD tO kArKaT, sO hE's FuCkIn ChIlL.
TC: tHeN i'M sUpPoSeD tO cOnNeCt To HeR sOoN tO gEt HeR aLl ChIlL tOo.
TC: BuT sHe'S iN tHe WoOdS dOiNg SoMeThInG.
TC: wHeN sHe CoMeS bAcK sHe StArTs PlAyInG.
TC: So In ThE mEaN mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE i'M sUpPoSeD tO gEt YoU tO cOnNeCt To Me.
TC: bUt I fUcKiN sPaCeD oUt AnD fOrGoT.
TC: BeCaUsE i GuEsS i WaS wAy ToO mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl AlL uP iN tHiS sHiT, hAhAhAhAhA!
AT: yEAH, i UNDERSTAND,
TC: sO jUsT dOwNlOaD tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR i'M sEnDiNg YoU sO wE cAn KiCk ThIs BiTcH dOwN tHe StAiRs.
AT: oKAY, i'LL DO THAT, aND,
AT: iN THE MEANTIME, sHALL i,
AT: cUE UP THE,
AT: sTRICT BEATS????? }:D
TC: AwWwWw BrOtHeR nOw YoU aLl FuCk AnD uP aNd DoNe It.
TC: yOu ArE fUcKiN wHeEl DeEp In A bIg SlOpPy MaSsAcRe PiE tOpPeD wItH mOtHeRfUcKiN wHiPpEd RhYmE.
TC: HoW sTrIcT aRe ThOsE bEaTs At, MoThErFuCkEr?
AT: wELL, i,
AT: tURNED UP THOSE BITCHES TO PRETTY STERN,
AT: sET BEATS TO LECTURE, aND, i'M KIND OF GOING HOG WILD ON THE CURMUDGEON KNOB,
AT: wHICH, i HAD RECENTLY INSTALLED,
TC: gOd DaMn!!!
TC: TeLl Me MoRe WhIlE i GeT mY rEaCh On FoR tHiS fRoStY bReW.
AT: oKAY,
AT: iMAGINE AN ARRAY OF BEATS THAT SET LIMITS,
AT: tHEY GOT A RULEBOOK, iT DOESN'T PAY TO SKIM IT,
AT: bECAUSE, tHERE'S NOT A LOT OF LATITUDE,
AT: tHEY WON'T STAND FOR AN ATTITUDE,
AT: aND, cROSSING THEM'S A HABIT YOU'D,
AT: (nOT REALLY WANT TO GET INTO BECAUSE, uHH),
AT: tHEY'D GET PRETTY MAD AT YOU,
TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH.
TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA.
AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT,
AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,
TC: oK i WiLl.
TC: JuSt LeT mE sNeAk Up On ThIs BoTtLe Of FaYgO aNd SnAp ItS nEcK lIkE iM a FuCkIn LaUgHsSaSsIn.
TC: oK.
TC: ArE tHoSe BeAtS sTiLl ChIlL?
AT: yEAH,
TC: aRe ThEy MoThErFuCkIn StRiCt???
AT: yEAHHHHH,
TC: AiGhT.
TC: cRaCk......
TC: HiSsSsSsSsSsSsSs.
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN kIcK iT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You both then proceed to have one of the worst rap-offs in the history of paradox space.


06/30/10
"======>"



You make your way through the burning woods to meet the lusus you never had.

It's time for her to hatch. It's now or never.


06/30/10
"======>"



Since the world is about to end anyway, you suppose it no longer matters if the DOOMSDAY SCALE is tipped.


06/30/10
"======>"



The counterweight is the skull of an ancient mother grub, slain thousands of solar sweeps ago.

The egg contains a rare species of dragon which remains blind until maturity, using its other senses to survive. It has balanced the skull here for millennia, waiting for the warmth of a meteor-sparked forest fire before hatching.

In case it wasn't clear, dragons are real.


06/30/10
"======>"



While she slept in her egg, she would communicate with you in your sleep.

After your accident, she would use your dreams to teach you to detect the world around you without vision.


06/30/10
"======>"



As you learned, your dreams became more vivid. Where before there was darkness, odors and flavors painted a striking picture. You found yourself surrounded by bright honey walls, and in the sky was a huge tasty ball of cotton candy, which is this sweet troll delicacy we wouldn't know anything about.

The first time you caught a glimpse of this world in your dreams, there was no turning back.


07/01/10
"======>"



The young lusus would take to the sky and promptly get herself killed. This would be much more shocking and maybe a little bit more sad if we didn't already know it was going to happen.

We already knew this. But of course, you didn't.


07/01/10
"======>"



The dragon never smelled it coming.

She would fall to your treehive. On your return, she would be scooped up by a sympathetic ally and deposited into the kernelsprite.

Then you and she could talk! There would be plenty to discuss.


07/01/10
"======>"



The doomsday device would display the amount of time you had to get back to your hive and enter the Medium before the forest was destroyed.

At the time, it wouldn't occur to you to wonder whether the device was directly responsible for the apocalypse, or merely served as its precisely calibrated harbinger. And it certainly wouldn't occur to you to cast doubt on any perceived difference between those two things.

It wouldn't until later, when you better understood the game you were about to play.


07/01/10
"Be the other other girl."



You are now the other other girl.


07/01/10
"Render the girl in a more symbolic manner."



That's better. We can now be properly introduced.

Who's this spooky lady?


07/01/10
"Enter name."



Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO.

You once had a number of INTERESTS, which in time you have LOST INTEREST IN. You seem to recollect once having a fondness for ARCHEOLOGY, though now have trouble recalling this passion. It nonetheless has led you to find your PRESENT CALLING, which came through the discovery of these MYSTIC RUINS on which you presently stand, and which you recently DESECRATED OUT OF BOREDOM.

Guiding you to this calling were the VOICES OF THE DEAD, which you have been able to hear since you were young. The voices have become louder as THE GREAT UNDOING approaches. This trend in escalation began after an ACCIDENT involving a CERTAIN KIND OF ROLE PLAYING, which might have been another of your interests once upon a time. It doesn't matter much anymore.

The accident resulted in the DEATH OF YOUR LUSUS, which prompted you to leave your home and take up these ruins as residence. On the instruction of your ANCESTORS, you have recovered MYSTERIOUS TECHNOLOGY from the ruins, and convinced a friend to adapt it into a GAME THAT WILL BRING ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR CIVILIZATION. And by convinced, you suppose you mean tricked.

He has tentatively named the game SGRUB, which is a word that is NOT TERRIBLY ELEGANT. If it were marketed by a legitimate game company instead of rapidly patched together by a young hacker, it would ostensibly be given a better title. He is presently mobilizing twelve friends to play it, including him and yourself. He believes he will lead the blue team. But he is wrong.

Your trolltag is apocalypseArisen and there is typically a pr0n0unced h0ll0wness t0 y0ur w0rds.

What will you do?


07/02/10
"Aradia: Retrieve computer."



It's not up to you to decide what you retrieve from your sylladex. It's up to the spirits.


07/02/10
"======>"



Looks like the spirits are being cooperative today, if a bit cryptic, as usual.


07/02/10
"======>"



Who's this douchebag?


07/02/10
"======>"



You found this baffling artifact some time ago on one of your digs. The creature on its facade is completely mystifying. You have taken to using it as your primary computing device on account of its bizarre novelty, as well as convenient portability.

Oh, look who's bothering you again.

She's always bugging you. Bugging and fussing and meddling. What's her deal! You guess it's flattering that she wants to talk to you so much though.

You're ok with it. You're ok with a lot of things.


07/02/10
"Aradia: Humor GA."



|PESTERLOG|
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GA: Hi Again Aradia
AA: 0h n0000000
GA: So I Guess Tonight Is The Night You Blow Everything Up
AA: 0_0
GA: Is There Nothing I Can Do To Change Your Mind
AA: n0
AA: 0r yes
AA: yes theres n0thing
AA: and n0 y0u cant
AA: but y0u sh0uldnt pretend as if y0u believe this has anything t0 d0 with the state 0f my mind
AA: 0r the decisi0ns it will make 0r has already made
GA: Yeah I Guess Not
GA: I Thought Id Be Friendly Though
GA: And Remind You That You Do In Fact Have A Hand In All The Terrible Things That Are About To Happen
GA: Because Thats What Friends Are For
GA: And The Fact That What Ensues Will Be Terrible
GA: Is An Immutable Fact I Am Stating For The Record
GA: And The Fact That We Will Not Be On The Same Team Is Similarly Immutable
GA: It Does Not Mean That Teamwork Is What Isnt Taking Place Here
AA: s0rry i didnt f0ll0w that
GA: Ill Be Here To Help
GA: If You Need Me
AA: 0k
AA: thanks


07/02/10
"======>"



Tick tock tick tock tick tock.

Waiting for the apocalypse is so boooooring.

You guess you'll check on Sollux to see how he's coming along with those teams.


07/02/10
"Aradia: Check on Sollux."



|PESTERLOG|
You then had a conversation we already read, which began like this:

AA: did y0u set up the teams

And ended like this:

AA: im c0ming up

And then you went up.


07/02/10
"Aradia: Go up."






07/02/10
"======>"



Hmm, you wonder what she wants.

What's with all these girls bugging you? Bugging and fussing and meddling.


07/02/10
"Aradia: Get bugged by AG."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Araaaaaaaadiiiiiiiia!
AA: 0h b0y thats way t00 many of the same letter in a r0w twice
AG: I know!
AG: So we're a8out to get started right?
AG: Have you tricked Sollux yet?
AG: Do you have Mr. Two Eyes all 8efuddled and flustered in your we8 of lies?
AG: Or Mr. Four Eyes?
AG: Hmmmmmmmmm.
AG: I don't know. Which nickname do you think would 8e suita8ly derogatory in this case Aradia?
AA: h0w ab0ut
AA: eight eyes
AA: minus seven
AG: ::::P
AA: i didnt trick him
AA: its n0t like that
AG: Ok, whatever. The point is.
AG: Once you have pulled the finely woven silken mesh over his dum8 different colored eyes, you and I will start playing the game and 8e the 8lue team leaders.
AG: That's how this will work right????????
AG: Wait do you mind if we are co-leaders? I forgot to ask! I just assumed it was ok with you.
AA: i d0nt care
AG: Great. That's the spirit!
AG: And when I 8ring you into the game, whatever the hell that means, then we can send each other stuff right? That is how this works right?
AA: yes
AG: Awesome!
AG: 8ecause I have a present for you. It's a surprise, and it's going to 8e great. From me to you.
AG: Just from me. From me alone and no8ody else.
AG: I can't wait to see the look on your face when you see.
AA: 0k well im sure it will be very th0ughtful
AG: Hey speaking of which, what will the name of our team 8e?
AA: uh
AA: the blue team
AG: No no no no no. I know that.
AG: I mean the name of OUR team. You and me. Just uuuuuuuus.
AG: ::::)
AA: i havent given it any th0ught
AA: n0r did i think such a thing was up f0r c0nsiderati0n
AA: but if y0u want t0 pretend we b0th have a separate team t0gether
AA: and name that team
AA: then kn0ck y0urself 0ut
AG: I just thought it would 8e really fitting.
AG: Kind of like a fresh start, you know?
AG: I don't know, what are our shared interests? I guess I never really thought a8out this! I guess I'm used to thinking of you as the enemy. There must 8e some overlap in profiles.
AG: Come oooooooon, let's 8rainstorm!
AA: 0_0
AG: Man, it'll 8e great. We'll 8e unstoppa8le. Surely you must admit it will 8e nice to re8ound from the Team Charge de8acle!
AA: i never think ab0ut that anym0re
AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, I'm so dum8! Here I am running my mouth and opening up old wounds, while at the very same time trying to make amends! What an idiot.
AA: its 0k
AG: Hey speaking of which, that loser isn't going to 8e on the 8lue team is he?
AA: which l0ser
AG: Your old team 8uddy!
AA: n0
AG: Oh thank fucking goodness! Talk a8out dead weight. You made the right choice, leader! I mean co-leader.
AA: i didnt exclude him f0r that reas0n
AA: 0r at all
AA: y0ure just n0t getting it
AA: y0u never listen
AG: Man, now I've got this huge 8eefgrub lodged in my nook just thinking a8out him.
AG: I'm going to go give him a hard time.
AG: Let me know when you're live! Later.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AA: d0nt d0 that its really childish
AA: uh w0w


07/03/10
"Be the mysterious spider girl."



You try to be the mysterious spider girl and fail.

She's way too mysterious for you to be her yet! Seriously, what's up with those glasses? What's up with that robo-arm? What's her deal!

She guesses it's flattering that you want to be her though. She guesses she doesn't mind. It's cool.

We'll learn all about her a little later.


07/03/10
"Sollux: Get back to Aradia."



|PESTERLOG|
twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: aradiia ii would liike two apologiize, ii flew off the handle there.
TA: iit wa2 liike the handle wa2 a bald guy goiing really fa2t, and ii wa2 hii2 twoupee.
TA: 2o iim 2orry, iit wa2 my fault.
AA: its 0k
TA: ii hope we are 2tiill friiend2.
AA: yes we are
TA: 2o anyway, ii thiink even though ii quiit a2 leader iim 2tiill goiing two play the game now.
TA: becau2e iit2 eiither that or get totally creamed by all the2e fuckiing 2pace boulder2.
TA: hey maybe we can make the be2t of the game anyway, even though ii guess we are goiing two lo2e.
AA: n0 im s0rry
AA: y0u cant s0llux
AA: n0t yet
TA: oh my god!!!
TA: youre goiing two giive me 2hiit agaiin???
TA: after ii crawled on my belly liike that all groveliing at you.
TA: liike 2ome low cla22 guy wiith... whatever color blood ii2 lower on the hiierarchy than miine.
TA: what2 wor2e than yellow?
TA: fuck thii2 confu2iing ca2te 2y2tem.
TA: anyway 2crew you, iim playiing thii2 game riight now.
AA: n0 y0ure n0t
AA: trust me
TA: waiit what2 thii2...
TA: are you heariing that 2pooky me22age from the grave?
TA: iit ii2 from my abiiliity two giive a 2hiit.
TA: whiich ju2t diied.
TA: thii2 ii2 where you laugh agaiin!
AA: c0me t0 the wind0w
TA: why.
AA: because im 0utside
TA: b2.
AA: take a l00k
TA: ii dont 2ee anythiing out there.
AA: c0me cl0ser y0ull see me
AA: i pr0mise
TA: god ii am ju2t bulge deep iin the fecal matter of a wiildly iincontiinent hoofbea2t but ok, iill iindulge you.
TA: here ii go!


07/03/10
"Sollux: Look out window."



Ok, looking out this lousy stupid goddamn window.

Lousy stupid goddamn psychics.


07/03/10
"======>"






07/03/10
"======>"



Nap time.


07/03/10
"Much later..."



When you would finally wake up, you'd discover all of your teammates had connected to each other and entered the Medium. You would be the last to enter. Your long nap would facilitate a series of important dreams that would prove essential in support of your teammates.

But here and now, the destruction of your hive would be imminent unless you could quickly establish a connection to the first player of the group and complete the chain.


07/03/10
"Sollux: Wake up."



The mind honey.

Thpppptthhhhhh.

Some of it got in your mouth.


07/03/10
"======>"



YOU DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE EAT THE MIND HONEY


07/03/10
"======>"






07/03/10
"======>"






07/04/10
"======>"



Since that moody kid is busy flipping his bifurcated lid, we might as well take a moment to get to know this silly cat girl.

Gosh who is she??


07/04/10
"Enter name."



Your name is NEPETA LEIJON.

You live in a CAVE that is also a HIVE, but still mostly just a CAVE. You like to engage in FRIENDLY ROLE PLAYING, but not the DANGEROUS KIND. Never the DANGEROUS KIND. It's TOO DANGEROUS! Too many of your good friends have gotten hurt that way.

Your daily routine is dangerous enough as it is. You prowl the wilderness for GREAT BEASTS, and stalk them and take them down with nothing but your SHARP CLAWS AND TEETH! You take them back to your cave and EAT THEM, and from time to time, WEAR THEIR PELTS FOR FUN. You like to paint WALL COMICS using blood and soot and ash, depicting EXCITING TALES FROM THE HUNT! And other goofy stories about you and your numerous pals. Your best pal of all is A LITTLE BOSSY, and people wonder why you even bother with him. But someone has to keep him pacified. If not you, then who? Everyone has an important job to do.

Your trolltag is arsenicCatnip and :33 < *your sp33ch precedes itself with the face of your lusus who is pawssibly the cutest and purrhaps the bestest kitty you have ever s33n!*

What will you do?


07/04/10
"Nepeta: Retrieve claws from arms."



You are always wearing your CLAW GLOVES. You never know when you might encounter some unsuspecting prey. Or when some prey might encounter an unsuspecting you!

On Alternia, everything is considered unsuspecting prey by everything else.


07/04/10
"Nepeta: Scratch lusus behind ears."



She sure enjoys a good scratch! POUNCE DE LEON is the best kitty cat. You and she go on adventures together in search of the FOUNTAIN OF CUTE. You ride your sure-pawed mount into the rugged frontier. And sometimes she rides you when she gets tired, which is frequently.

It sure will be sad when she dies. But who knows when or how that will happen. We might not even really have the time to find out!


07/04/10
"======>"



Later there was a cave-in.


07/04/10
"Nepeta: Examine computer."



You saunter over to your DRAWING TABLET COMPUTER. You use this to draw... on a computer!!! It would be cool if this could somehow be adapted to serve as a fetch modus as well. That would be so much more fun than the frustrating one you're using now.

You wonder what this grumpy fellow wants? Probably something to do with that game. That seems to be all ANYBODY'S talking about lately!


07/05/10
"Nepeta: Answer Karkat."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CG: HEY.
AC: :33 < *ac perks up curiously*
AC: :33 < *she wiggles her rear end a bit and then chases something she s33s bounce into one of karkats shoes*
CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAS TO SINK THIS LOW.
CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S ASKING AN AUTISTIC GIRL IN A CAVE TO JOIN HIS TEAM.
CG: KARKAT MYSTIFIES IN INFINITE BEFUDDLEMENT OVER THE FACT THAT YOU ARE PRESENTLY THE BEST REMAINING CANDIDATE FOR THE RED TEAM.
AC: :33 < i am???
AC: :33 < i mean *ac says i am??? wondrously*
CG: YES AND KARKAT CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT.
CG: KARKAT THINKS ABOUT THAT A BIT AND HIS JAW DROPS OPEN AND BREAKS A HUGE COLUMN OF BRICKS LIKE A FUCKING KUNG FU MASTER.
AC: :33 < *ac gathers up all the brick pieces and builds a cute little house and invites karkat inside*
CG: OK GOOD, IT'S GOOD THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUILDING.
CG: EVEN IF IT'S IN THE MOST INANE POSSIBLE CONTEXT.
CG: YOU'RE GOING TO BE DOING A LOT OF IT.
AC: :33 < yesss that sounds fun
AC: :33 < ok what do i do?
CG: OK, BRIEFING:
CG: ME, TEREZI, GAMZEE AND TAVROS ARE ALL PLAYING NOW.
CG: THE CONNECTION ORDER IS AT -> TC -> GC -> CG.
CG: WE NEED SOMEONE TO CONNECT TO TOREADOR AND GET HIM IN THE GAME.
CG: I HAVE GA LINED UP FOR THE RED TEAM BECAUSE SHE IS ONE OF THE FEW REMAINING SANE ONES LEFT TO PLAY.
CG: OK, THE ONLY SANE ONE.
CG: BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO CONNECT YET BECAUSE OF SOME MYSTERIOUS BULLSHIT, SO I WAS LIKE WHATEVER, WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
CG: SO I GUESS THAT LEAVES YOU.
CG: TEREZI SAID SHE HAD YOU LINED UP TO PLAY BACK WHEN SHE WAS THE FAKE LEADER, SO I SAID FINE.
CG: SO JUST CONNECT TO TAVROS AND LATER WE'LL WORRY ABOUT GETTING YOU IN.
AC: :33 < alright! i will talk to him about that
AC: :33 < oh
AC: :33 < *ac pawses and looks up with a little bit of chagrin*
AC: :33 < i forgot i have to talk to someone else about this
AC: :33 < i have b33n purrcrastinating :((
CG: OH GOD.
CG: ARE YOU REALLY SERIOUS.
AC: :33 < its not that big of a deal!
CG: THIS BOGGLES MY MIND.
CG: HOW CAN YOU BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE ONLY GUY ON THE PLANET WHO'S A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN ME.
AC: :33 < hes not so bad!
CG: HE'S SCUM.
CG: BUT DO WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT TO DO I GUESS.
CG: TAVROS IS WAITING.


07/05/10
"Nepeta: Consult with friend on the matter."



|PESTERLOG|
arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 < *ac twitches her friendly whiskers at ct*
CT: D --> Hi
AC: :33 < *ct purrplexes over where he put that important wrench that he n33ded for building a fancy robot or something*
AC: :33 < *he says, now where did that silly old wrench go??*
CT: D --> 100k
CT: D --> What are you e%pecting to accomplish with this
AC: :33 < *but oh look! ct p33ks around the corner to find that a very playful kitty has stolen the robot wrench and is now kicking it vigorously with her hind legs!*
CT: D --> This is f001ishness upon one hundred thousand prior, equally unsolicited f001ishnesses
CT: D --> You'll stop now
AC: XOO < rawwrrrrr
AC: :33 < youre so lame!
CT: D --> I'm not
CT: D --> I'm fine
AC: :33 < no! lame
CT: D --> No I'm not
AC: :33 < lame
CT: D --> No
AC: :33 < youve never played a fun purrtend game with me ever even once!
AC: :33 < even karkat does it sometimes, even if he does mean it in a grumpy and insincere way
AC: :33 < but at least its still fun!
CT: D --> Yuck
CT: D --> Don't pol100t my incoming data stream with his name, or any sort of e%cremental language you pick up from his ilk
AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid!
AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs
AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!!
AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent
AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games!
AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33
CT: D --> If you're 100king for a 100phole through which you may e%tract concessions from me, you'll have to 100k elsewhere
AC: :33 < s33! what the hell???
CT: D --> Nepeta, what did I say about that awful language
CT: D --> I won't stand for it, and you'll stop
AC: :33 < oops
AC: :33 < sorry :((
CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this
AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun
AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter!
AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!
CT: D --> Well, green b100d is ok, but it's not great
CT: D --> But that's why you're lucky to have me to 100k out for you
CT: D --> Because you don't know better, and you can't fight the role the mother had in store for you
AC: :33 < rawrgh, you are such a hypurrcrite!
AC: :33 < you pretend to be so high and mighty but i know you're not and i know you like games
AC: :33 < look at that silly little bow and arrow you always type!
AC: :33 < its always there, you never furget
AC: :33 < why would you do that if it wasnt a playful fun thing, i am so on to you!
CT: D --> My bow and arrow are highly dignified symbols
AC: :33 < lol! bs!!!
CT: D --> Archery is among the highest and most e%ceptional crafts, held in tremendous regard by the most a100f classes for centuries
AC: :33 < you suck at archery
CT: D --> No
AC: :33 < yes
CT: D --> No
AC: :33 < yes
CT: D --> No I don't
AC: :33 < yessssss yes yes yes
AC: :33 < have you ever even successfully fired an arrow?
AC: :33 < like actually got one to leave the bow??
CT: D --> I think
CT: D --> We need to stop talking about archery
AC: :33 < nuh uh
CT: D --> Yes
AC: :33 < no
CT: D --> We will stop talking about archery
CT: D --> The topic is making me
CT: D --> Sweat
AC: :33 < eww
AC: :33 < youre so gross
CT: D --> No, you're the one who e%ercises distasteful practices
AC: :33 < nooo, thats you
AC: :33 < everyone knows youre a weirdo and a cr33p!
AC: :33 < thats why youre lucky to have me to k33p an eye on you
AC: :33 < no one else can stand you!
CT: D --> You e%terminate beautiful, innocent creatures by the hundreds
CT: D --> I can't condone such wretched behavior
CT: D --> Beasts are meant to be 100ked upon with adoration
AC: :33 < but
AC: :33 < i eat them!
AC: :33 < i dont kill anything i dont eat, that would be mean
CT: D --> I guess that's basically acceptable in principle, but I still find it a bit unsavory
AC: :33 < well i think YOUR habits are unsavory!
CT: D --> No they're not
AC: :33 < yuh HUH
CT: D --> You're wrong about me, Nepeta
CT: D --> I do like to play games
CT: D --> But they must be e%tremely important games with very high stakes
CT: D --> Not the kind played by trans100cent green wigglers who let 100se an e%cremental surge hard in their wiggler-bottom diaperstubs
CT: D --> As it happens I have arranged to play just such a game tonight
CT: D --> Aradia and I have a private engagement to be co-leaders of the b100 team
AC: :33 < oh yeah??
AC: :33 < *well just by purrchance it happens that ac has a private and sneaky engagement to play this game as well!*
AC: :33 < *and by a purrsnickety twist of fate, she will be on the R33D TEAM, with her other great friends who like to play their childish diaperpoop games!!!!*
AC: :33 < :PP
CT: D --> Absolutely not
AC: :33 < absolutely :PP
CT: D --> I forbid this
CT: D --> You will take your position on the b100 team with me
AC: :33 < yeah right! i will take my purrsition into this funny pounce ball and tackle you!
CT: D --> That's nonsense, you're nowhere even remotely within my pro%imity that would be necessary to e%ecute such a maneuver
AC: :33 < *ac rolls her eyes almost as hard as she is rolling around in this really interesting smell*
CT: D --> The thought of you fraternizing with and abetting those stink-b100ded h001igans strikes me as scandal beyond measure
CT: D --> I'm afraid you're too delicate to withstand that sort of corruption
CT: D --> It's forbidden
AC: :33 < nuh uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> You won't
AC: :33 < no
AC: :33 < i will
CT: D --> You won't
AC: :33 < you cant stop me!
CT: D --> I am telling you not to
CT: D --> And you will be on my team
CT: D --> That's final
AC: XPO < bllllraaaaaawwwwwlllllrrrrghgghghgh
CT: D --> Quiet
AC: :33 < why do you do this, why are you so confurdent about your stupid commands?
AC: :33 < dont you know you cant ACTUALLY tell me what to do??
AC: :33 < its not like you even have any special mind pawers or telepurrthy or anything!
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> I do not
CT: D --> And yet
CT: D --> You will do as I say
AC: :33 < yes well we will just s33 about that!
CT: D --> Yes we will
CT: D --> You will join me on my team shortly
CT: D --> Stand by for further instru%ion
AC: :33 < hisssssssss!
CT: D --> You're angry, and I appreciate that
CT: D --> But it doesn't matter
CT: D --> Di%ussion over
AC: :33 < :((


07/05/10
"======>"






07/05/10
"Nepeta: Give Tavros the bad news."



|PESTERLOG|
arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AC: :33 < *ac curls up in tavroses lap*
AT: oKAY, *i,
AT: fOR THE TIME BEING, aND,
AT: fOR THE SAKE OF THIS FANTASY SCENARIO, i PRETEND,
AT: tHAT MY CAT ALLERGIES AREN'T THAT BAD,*
AC: :33 < *ac takes a long nap*
AC: :33 < *and then wakes up and frowns because she has bad news*
AT: *oH NO,*
AT: iS,
AT: wHAT i SAY,
AT: aBOUT THE BAD NEWS, nOT THE NAP,
AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :((
AC: :33 < im not allowed
AT: oH,
AT: tHAT'S OKAY,
AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN,
AC: :33 < yes unfurtunately
AC: :33 < rarg im so mad!
AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST,
AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM,
AC: :33 < i dont know
AC: :33 < you think so?
AT: wELL,
AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE,
AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE,
AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU,
AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps
AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad
AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,
AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING,
AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM,
AC: :33 < ok thanks :((


07/06/10
"======>"



You fondly recall your days of far more intensive role playing. It seems like so long ago now. Aside from a few unfortunate moments, it was a lot of fun. If you had to do it all over again, you suppose you would select better company. Maybe this game you are playing tonight will rekindle some of that excitement.


07/06/10
"======>"



Tinkerbull?


07/06/10
"Some time ago..."



You stand in your room on a healthy pair of legs and in a plucky little outfit. You are a low level BOY-SKYLARK, and you wield an inexpensive DAGGERLANCE, which is the closest thing to a jousting lance you can wield that is still compatible with your favorite class.

You are about to play a popular game called FLARP, which unlike most games published by major developers, was given a graceful and aesthetically pleasing name. It's a title under the EXTREME ROLE PLAYING genre, and playing it without caution can have serious real world consequences! But that's what makes it fun.

When you activate Flarp's grub, the campaign programmed for tonight will begin. TEAM CHARGE will duel TEAM SCOURGE as usual. This is going to be great.


07/06/10
"Tavros: Contact fellow Team Charge member."



|PESTERLOG|
adiosToreador [AT] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AT: aRADIA,
AT: mY GRUB IS LAYING NOW, sO
AT: i'LL BE READY SOON,
AA: c00l!
AA: mine t00
AA: i d0nt kn0w where terezi is th0ugh
AA: shes running late
AT: oH, uHH
AT: sHOULD WE WAIT,
AA: n0
AA: ill be here cl0uding her campaign f0r her regardless
AA: with 0r with0ut her!
AA: her l0ss if she d0esnt make it
AA: itll give y0u a chance t0 gain s0me gr0und
AT: oKAY,
AA: y0u picked a t0ugh class tavr0s!
AA: n0ne 0f the really useful c0mbat abilities c0me int0 play until y0u reach a very high level
AA: but i supp0se it will be rewarding when y0u get there
AT: yEAH, i THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, bUT,
AT: iT'S THE CLASS i THINK IS MOST FUN, aND, bATTLE SKILL IS NOT ALL THERE IS,
AT: tO BEING A GREAT ADVENTURER,
AA: i c0uldnt agree m0re
AA: y0u might be the 0nly flarper in the w0rld wh0 really understands the true spirit 0f the game
AA: every0ne else is s0 aggressive and treasure hungry!
AA: but thats what makes beating them all the m0re satisfying
AT: yEAH, i GUESS,
AA: remember y0ur cl0uder isnt g0ing t0 pull any punches t0night
AA: d0nt fall f0r her mind games
AA: ill be here t0 assist 0f c0urse
AA: if y0ure in tr0uble d0nt hesitate t0 ask f0r help
AT: yEAH, i WON'T,
AT: tHANKS, aRADIA,
AA: n0 pr0blem!


07/06/10
"Tavros: Hatch campaign."



Your campaign's GAMING FLAPSTRACTIONS hatch out of their eggs. These comprise all the data and procedures you will need for your adventure tonight.


07/06/10
"======>"



They disperse throughout the terrain surrounding your hive. They follow both preprogrammed and live instructions by your CLOUDER, a member of Team Scourge, whose role is to provide you with a challenging scenario, while your teammate does the same for Scourge's other player.


07/06/10
"Tavros: Go outside and begin adventure."



You take your starting position in the field. The game is afoot, and anything can happen now. It's up to you to consult your maps and work with your teammate to discover the objective of the quest, find treasure, and slay monsters.

Your STAT BAT has bonded with you. This keeps track of every attribute for your character, including vitals. While these attributes in principle remain abstractions, due to the fact that this is EXTREME role playing, they will always relate in some way to your real life attributes as well. You've got to be careful out here!


07/06/10
"A little later..."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AG: Wellllllll?
AT: uHH,
AG: Hey 8oy-Skytard, are you going to just stand there all night?
AG: Make your move, make your move, make your move!
AT: i JUST THINK,
AT: tHESE MONSTERS ARE TOO STRONG,
AT: sORRY, bUT, tHEY DON'T SEEM APPROPRIATE FOR THIS CAMPAIGN,
AG: Weak! Weaky weaky weak.
AT: uHH,
AT: wEAKY, iS THAT A REAL,
AT: tHING TO SAY,
AG: Yes. Your 8l8tant excuse making is the weakiest lame that ever shit the coward 8ed.
AG: Roll your dice. Make your move.
AG: Advance or a8scond!
AT: i CAN'T ABSCOND,
AT: tHERE'S NO,
AT: uHH, aBSCONDING PLACE,
AG: 8ut a8sconding is what you do 8est!
AG: I 8n't managed to cloud a scenario yet you couldn't squawk out of in a 8lazing trail of cluck8east feathers.
AG: You cannot hope to 8eat Tavros Nitram in an a8scond-off.
AG: He is simply the 8est there is!
AT: uHH, tHAT SOUNDS FLATTERING, tHEORETICALLY,
AT: bUT, i DON'T THINK,
AG: Hey pipe down!
AG: Make your move!
AG: Advance or a8scond, advance or a8scond!
AG: Roll, Tavros! Roll!!!!!!!!
AT: oKAY,
AT: hOLD ON, fOR ONE MOMENT,


07/06/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
adiosToreador [AT] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AT: aRADIA,
AT: hEY,
AT: aRE YOU THERE,
AT: uHHH,
AT: hMM,

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AT: hEY,
AT: tEREZI,
AT: i HAVE A PROBLEM,
AT: uHHHHHHH,

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT]

AG: No one can help you, Taaaaaaaavros!
AG: ::::)
AT: oKAY,
AG: Time to decide!
AT: wHERE IS EVERYBODY,
AG: What does that have to do with your present cowardice?
AT: i DON'T KNOW,
AT: pROBABLY NOTHING,
AG: Are you going to roll?
AT: hMM,
AT: nO, i CAN'T,
AG: Why not?
AT: bECAUSE, i WAS THINKING ABOUT THE NUMBERS, aND,
AT: iT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR THERE TO BE A FAVORABLE OUTCOME,
AT: nO MATTER WHAT THE DICE DO,
AG: So, you give up?
AT: yEAH, mAYBE,
AG: Why not roll and make it official?
AG: Why would you want to cheapsk8 me out of 8onuses like that? It's so thoughtless.
AT: uHH,
AG: Am I going to have to take matters into my own hands?
AG: To make your move for you?
AT: i THOUGHT,
AT: yOU COULDN'T USE POWERS,
AT: i MEAN, rEAL LIFE POWERS, nOT GAME ONES,
AT: iT'S AGAINST THE RULES,
AG: 8ut if you are going to 8reak the rules and refuse to roll, what choice do I have!
AG: I h8 that it had to come to this 8ut what can I do!


07/06/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Tavros, have I mentioned how cute you look in that plucky little outfit?
AG: Why if I didn't know 8etter, I'd say I was playing with Pupa Pan himself!
AG: Isn't that what you want, Tavros? To 8e like Pupa?
AG: Of course you do! What 8oy wouldn't want to 8e like Pupa! So dashing and 8rave.
AG: He is everything you are not!
AG: For one thing, he can flyyyyyyyy.
AG: Do you want to flyyyyyyyy, Tavros?
AG: Have you ever tried to fly? I 8et you haven't!
AG: How a8out we take to the skies, Pupa!
AG: Hahahaha, oh you like that idea, Pupa? Yes, you do. I can feel it in your simple, mallea8le 8rain.
AG: You want to fly so 8ad!


07/06/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Fly, Pupa!!!!!!!!
AG: Flyyyyyyyy!
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!


07/06/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!
AG: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
AG: Haaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!
AG: Adios, Toreadum8ass.
AG: :::;D

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]


07/07/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
adiosToreador [AT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AT: aG JUST JUMPED ME OFF A CLIFF,
AT: wITH MY BRAIN,
AT: aND, uHH
AT: mY LEGS, aLSO,
AT: aND NOW, tHEY FEEL,
AT: iNVISIBLE,
AT: wOW, i'M SURE THERE WAS A BETTER WAY TO SAY THAT,
AT: aNYWAY,
AT: tHAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS,
AT: tO REPORT ON THE SUBJECT,
AT: oF ME GETTING HURT,
CG: HEY ASSHOLE, STOP PLAYING GAMES FOR GIRLS.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]


07/07/10
"Back in the present..."



|PESTERLOG|
But not too far into the present. Right around this moment, with Karkat and the toilet, during a conversation we have already read, which ended like this:

GC: OH BOY YOU N33D TO G3T W1TH TH3 PROGR4M K4RK4T
GC: H4V3 YOU T4LK3D TO 44
CG: 44 WHAT?
GC: 4POC4LYPS34R1S3N SORRY
CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT.
GC: OR T4
GC: OR 4G 1 GU3SS
GC: OR C4
GC: R34LLY TH3R3S L1K3 TH1S WHOL3 CONSP1R4CY 4BOUT TH1S
GC: 4S 1M F1ND1NG OUT
CG: WELL WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME SO I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO ANY OF THOSE DOUBLETALKING ASSHOLES.
GC: 1 C4NT!
GC: 1 GOTT4 ST3P OUT OF TH3 TR33 FOR 4 MOM3NT
GC: WH3N 1 COM3 B4CK 1 W1LL 3NT3R TH3 G4M3
GC: CY4!

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AG: Psssssssst.
AG: Hey 8rave leader.
CG: OH MY GOD, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME.
AG: Can I join your team?
CG: YES I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, BECAUSE THERE IS A WIDE OPEN SLOT FOR THE MOST VILE BACKSTABBING SOCIOPATH WHO EVER LIVED.
CG: YOU REALLY HELPED ME OUT OF A JAM BY STEPPING FORWARD.
AG: Vile 8acksta88ing sociopath? Karkat, did you copy and p8ste that phrase directly from your personal ad descri8ing what you are looking for in a lady?
CG: HA HA HA!
CG: MORE CAGEY CUTESY BULLSHIT.
CG: LIKE I'M NOT UP TO MY LOBE STEM WITH THAT ALREADY HAVING TO DEAL WITH TEREZI.
CG: YOU BOTH MUST HAVE BEEN INSUFFERABLE WHEN YOU WERE A TEAM.
CG: YOUR OPPONENTS PROBABLY ALL JUST TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF PUTTING UP WITH YOUR FANGY GRINNED DRIVEL.
CG: THAT'S PROBABLY HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN WHEN THE SHIT HIT THE THRESHER.
AG: That's not a 8ad guess! 8ut man! Karkat you sure are giving me a hard time.
AG: I don't see how we're supposed to 8e 8ecoming friends if you recoil from my olive 8ranch like I'm twitching a mummified 8ovine phallus in your direction.
CG: BECOMING FRIENDS, WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS, MORON.
AG: Not even h8 friends?
CG: NO. MORE LIKE TWITCHY EYED PROJECTILE VOMITING IN UTTER DISGUST FRIENDS, WHILE I PERFORATE MY BONE BULGE WITH A CULLING FORK.
AG: Yessssssss. I'll take it!
CG: GET LOST.
AG: Anyway, I was just joking a8out wanting to 8e on your team.
AG: I'm already on the 8lue team.
CG: OH! OH REALLY?????
CG: WAIT, LET ME COUNT OUT EIGHT OF THESE THINGS, HOLD ON. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
CG: THERE, I AM NOW AN ENORMOUS TOOL FOREVER.
AG: Yes, Aradia and I have an arrangement. We will 8e co-leaders.
AG: (But really I will 8e the leader! Heh heh. Shh! Don't tell anyone!)
AG: What do you think, Karkat? Can you take on two dangerous laaaaaaaadies at once?
CG: YAWN.
AG: Come on! Aren't you a little nervous that I will oppose you? You should 8e!
CG: NO YOU'RE JUST A RUN OF THE MILL LITTLE PSYCHO GIRL, A TROLL CAEGAR A DOZEN.
CG: I'LL BE TAKING APART THE BLUE TEAM WITH BRUTAL EFFICIENCY, YOU'LL SEE.
CG: YOU NEVER PLAYED ONE OF YOUR DUMB GAMES WITH ME SO YOU NEVER HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF SEEING WHAT I CAN DO.
CG: ENJOY THE SHOW, SWEETHEART.
CG: JUST DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT USING YOUR MIND CONTROL TRICKS ON MY PLAYERS.
CG: REMEMBER YOUR TRUCE?
AG: Pshhhhhhhh. Those days are far 8ehind me.
AG: Anyway, I can't control just any8ody. They've got to 8e impressssssssiona8le. Like you!
CG: YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME.
AG: Sure I can. I just choose not to.
CG: YEAH OK.
AG: I find your mind totally unpalata8le to 8rowse. Looking into your 8rain is like pawing through a smelly dumpster.
AG: Full of 8roken glass and razor 8lades!
AG: And poop. D::::
CG: WHATEVER, DON'T EVEN TRY IT.
CG: I'VE GOT THE BETTER SCOURGE SISTER ON MY TEAM AND IF YOU BREAK YOUR TRUCE YOU'LL HAVE TO ANSWER TO HER.
CG: THE FUNNY THING IS SHE WAS ALWAYS WAY BETTER THAN YOU EVEN WITHOUT ANY POWERS.
CG: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I KNOW YOUR WHOLE STORY.
CG: YOU WERE ALWAYS JEALOUS SHE COULD MANIPULATE PEOPLE SO WELL WITHOUT RESORTING TO CHEAP MIND TRICKS.
CG: HAHA, I CAN TELL THIS BURNS YOU AND I CAN'T EVEN PAW THROUGH YOUR DUMPSTER!
CG: CHALK IT UP AS ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY.
CG: OH WHAT'S THAT, NOTHING TO SAY?
CG: WOW SPEECHLESS I GUESS. YOU'RE PROBABLY CRYING RIGHT NOW. THAT WOULD MAKE MY FUCKING DAY.
CG: HEY LOOK AT ME BEING THE ONE TO TALK SHIT AT WARP SPEED THEN LOG OFF BEFORE YOU CAN REPLY.
CG: BYE, IDIOT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

AG: Oh, 8ack so soon! Did your thum8 slip on the 8utton????????
AG: I guess you can't get enough of me.
AG: ::::)
CG: YOU MADE ME DO THAT.
CG: AND YOU KNOW IT.
AG: You 8n't got nothing on me and you can't prove shit!!!!!!!!
AG: Anyway, Karkat, I just wanted to say.
AG: <3

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]


07/08/10
"Karkat: Be the other asshole."



You are now the other... oh.

Oh god.

You decide that we could probably stand to delay this guy's introduction a little longer. Why don't we see what someone else is up to.

Anyone.


07/08/10
"HURRY"



You switch to a vague teaser of the final unseen troll in the nick of time.


07/08/10
"======>"






07/08/10
"======>"






07/09/10
"Aradia: Go home."



You head back to your hive to get the blue team's session started.

It's been a while.


07/09/10
"======>"



You revisit the remains of your quaint rural hive. Your lawnring and the small excavation sites you dug up for practice are all overgrown with vegetation.

You haven't been here since the night of the accident. On that night you found your CALLING. The voices of the dead grew louder, urging you to return to the ruins you discovered not long before. You left so abruptly, you didn't even have time to bury your lusus.

But that's fine, because trolls don't typically bury their dead. Leaving bodies to be consumed by wild animals is more customary.


07/09/10
"Aradia: Begin session."



You have an arrangement to begin the session as co-leader with one of the blue bloods. You understand this player intends to make a power grab, and take sole possession of the leadership role. Such subterfuge is typical of their caste. But you're perfectly ok with this. It's one of the many things you're ok with.

You allow your co-player to take the lead and enter the Medium first. You understand that the leadership role is essentially meaningless, aside from offering the distinction of being the first player to enter. You also understand that entering the game second was always your intention.


07/09/10
"Aradia: Connect to server player."



You have a server player connect to you, someone you personally selected for the role. The devices required for entry are deployed.

The kernelsprite awaits prototyping. But unlike all eleven other players, your dead lusus is not available. You have to use something else.


07/09/10
"Aradia: Tier 1 prototype."



Prototyping with the frog head before entering the Medium would prove to be critical for later success. Just another of many assurances whispered by the dead. You've long since stopped questioning them, or doubting the future significance of even spontaneous acts of frivolous desecration.

Compelling your nonplussed server player to perform this task might have proven difficult. Luckily your telekinesis, an ability greatly magnified through your CALLING, would be sufficient to move the massive object, whereas the game cursor likely would not.

Your server player simply watched in mystification.


07/09/10
"======>"



She really just had no idea what the hell was going on.


07/09/10
"Aradia: Enter."



You enter the Medium, taking your place in the LAND OF QUARTZ AND MELODY as the MAID OF TIME.

Meanwhile, your client player has been exploring another world. The blue blood has a present for you. The present cannot be duplicated via alchemy at this stage of the game. It would cost too much grist, a detail which this player had not been aware of. The player would have to progress to the second gate of their own world, arrive through the gate above your hive, and deliver it in person.

Facilitating this delivery was one of the reasons why it was important for you to enter second.


07/09/10
"======>"



Your server player's confusion is only in part due to learning the ropes of a new game. There is a more significant reason for her befuddlement.

While she followed your advice and went through the simple motions of game setup, at no point were you visible on her monitor. She saw your damaged hive. She saw the alchemiter and other devices she deployed. She saw the strange computing device on the floor, bearing the visage of a species she didn't recognize. She even saw a great big stone frog head fly through the air all by itself, and become the Frogsprite.

And though she would ask why, and you would always delay the answer, the fact remained.

She couldn't see you.


07/09/10
"Aradia: Tier 2 prototype."



She couldn't see you up until the moment after the sprite's second prototyping.

Because you were dead all along.


07/09/10
"======>"



We are all completely blown away by this stunning revelation.

Wow. Dead. Really? Like a ghost?

Huh.


07/09/10
"Nepeta: Interrogate frog girl."



|PESTERLOG|
arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AC: :33 < aradia i can s33 you!
AC: :33 < that is you right
AA: yes
AC: :33 < why are you the floating frog all of a sudden?
AA: im dead
AA: my spirit merged with the fr0gsprite
AC: :33 < wow
AC: :33 < dead
AC: :33 < really?
AA: like a gh0st
AC: :33 < huh
AC: :33 < well i hope this doesnt make me sound dumb
AC: :33 < but i am completely blown away by that stunning revelation!
AA: y0u d0nt s0und dumb
AC: :33 < whew! :33
AC: :33 < how did you die?
AA: i ign0red the advice 0f a friend
AA: and made s0me bad ch0ices
AC: :33 < *ac rumples up her nose in purrplexment at aa's really vague and spooky answer*
AC: :33 < but actually thats good because i kind of think i dont want to know
AC: :33 < its making me sad to think about :((
AA: 0k
AA: nepeta can y0u please keep this a secret
AC: :33 < yes i purrmise i wont tell anyone about it
AC: :33 < and by purrmise i mean promise just so you know im serious!
AA: thank y0u
AA: ribbit
AA: wh00ps
AC: :33 < h33 h33 h33!!!


07/10/10
"Aradia: Be the huge bitch."



Bluh bluh.


07/10/10
"Enter name."



Your name is VRISKA SERKET.

You are a master of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING. You can't get enough of it, or really any game of high stakes and chance. You have persisted with the habit even in spite of your ACCIDENT. But then again, you don't have much choice.

Your lusus is VERY HUNGRY, ALL THE TIME. She can only be appeased by the FLESH OF YOUNG TROLLS. You cloud campaigns for teams of Flarpers, utilizing your abilities for ORCHESTRATING THE DEMISE OF THE IMPRESSSSSSSSIONA8LE. Your victories supply you with treasure, experience points, and SPIDER FOOD.

You are something of an APOCALYPSE BUFF, which is something you can be on Alternia. You are fascinated by end of the world scenarios, and enjoy constructing DOOMSDAY DEVICES for the hell of it. You are drawn to means of DARK PROGNOSTICATION and the advantages they offer, particularly in gaming scenarios. Your abilities in this department were hobbled with the loss of your VISION EIGHTFOLD, and you have since sought alternatives through various BLACK ORACLES. You consult with these ominous globes, but routinely destroy them in frustration over the PUZZLING GUARANTEED INACCURACY of their predictions. Breaking them has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC, and with each you destroy, you add to an insurmountable stockpile of TERRIBLE LUCK. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

Your trolltag is arachnidsGrip and your st8ments tend to 8e just a little 8it overdramaaaaaaaatic.

What will you do?


07/10/10
"Vriska: Check out cool drawing on wall."



You drew your own role playing character for fun, as many Flarpers are prone to do. She is the best character, and you wish you were her. Oh wait, you are her! Your wish has been granted. Probably as a special boon for being so great at everything.

Her name is Marquise Spinneret Mindfang, scourge of land dwellers and sea dwellers alike, and worst nightmare to silly BOY-SKYLARKS everywhere. She has accumulated more treasure and gained more levels than any member of the PETTICOAT SEAGRIFT class ever. She gained all the levels. All of them.

Yeah!!!!!!!!


07/10/10
"Vriska: Proceed to computer."



You have a lot to do. So many irons in the fire OW!

Lousy dice. You just can't ever seem to go anywhere in your hive without stepping on an errant D4. Pointy little bastards.

It's just your bad luck, you guess. You've had such terrible luck ever since your accident. And it just keeps getting worse. As far as you're concerned, the world can't end soon enough.


07/10/10
"======>"



As you were saying. So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons and mixed metaphors.

Tonight is a big night. You have a lot of meddling to catch up on tonight. Bugging and fussing and meddling.


07/10/10
"Vriska: Take dice."



You equip your enchanted dice set, the fabled FLUORITE OCTET.

It consists of eight D8, plundered from a ghost ship during a particularly challenging campaign. In ancient times such weapons were employed by roving bands of GAMBLIGNANTS, deadly marauders with a passion for chance. They all died off though. Took too many crazy risks.

Rolling the dice will execute a wide range of highly unpredictable attacks. Very high rolls can be devastating to even the most powerful opponents.

Of course with the luck you've had lately, you couldn't make a good roll to save your life. Got to do something about this awful luck.

Gotta catch a br8k!!!!!!!!

When you get worked up about stuff you put 8's in places that don't really make a lot of sense phonetically.


07/11/10
"Vriska: Begin meddling."



Time to get this show on the road. There are SO MANY people to meddle with tonight.

After you ditch an unwelcome solicitor first, that is. Doesn't she realize how rude it is to meddle??

You'll fuss with her meddling later.


07/11/10
"======>"



What now?

Oh, him. You thought he'd washed his hands of you. Strange timing that he's bugging you tonight after so long without a peep from him.


07/11/10
"Vriska: Deal with this guy."



|PESTERLOG|
Hello.
AG: Oh my god, why are you talking to me????????
This is the last time we'll ever talk.
AG: Still sticking with the white text I see. So smooth and stylish!
AG: I forgot how much I loved highlighting it to read all the 8oring things you have to say.
AG: It's like a fun game for super extra handicapped retarded people. Like opening a present! Find out what o8noxious thing the mystery tool typed.
AG: What is it!
A parting courtesy, I suppose.
All the ways I've exploited you were meant to bring about the events that will take place this evening.
Knowing this will provide context for the events in your near future, and will affect how you behave in response.
These events will be just as important as those preceding it.
I've gone to great lengths, you see.
AG: You didn't exploit me.
AG: You are just a petty douche with a 8ad temper who likes to pl8y g8mes, and all I did w8s humor you.
I did exploit you, very thoroughly. It was easy.
AG: So full of yourself!!!!!!!!
Have I ever lost a game?
AG: Don't ch8nge the su8ject!!!!!!!!
What subject are you referring to?
AG: XXXXO
AG: I'm going to log off in a 8ig huff and you have to promise not to use that nasty trick where you log me 8ack on out of petty douchey spite!
AG: And then we can go 8ack to never ever talking, 8ecause man! That was heaven when it was like th8t!!!!!!!!
There's no need for that kind of assurance.
I'll be brief.
I no longer hold you accountable for any wrongdoing. In fact, I've given your transgression very little thought since the incident.
If you acknowledge this amnesty and regard it as sincere, you may begin to find the odds falling in your favor again.
This may be essential if you are to succeed on your journey.
AG: Mm hmm. Slow down! Man.
AG: I am just wearing out so many pens taking all these important notes! Fuuuuuuuuck!
AG: Fuck you for ruining all my good note-taking pens and giving me this terri8le cramp in my good note-taking hand!!!!!!!!
Incredible, the risks you take with your scorn.
But of course it was your unpleasant, simplistic temperament that made you so easy to control.
Vicious and predictable, like an insect.
If you turn a swarm of wasps on a crowd, the outcome is certain.
It takes no skilled strategist to understand this. You were in fact a waste of my talents.
A primitive expedient.
AG: Blech. What a sno8. You're worse than my meddley meddler meddlefriend.
I wonder why they waste their camaraderie on you. I'll never understand it.
AG: I thought you said you would 8e 8rief????????
I'll say one last thing.
Though the magnitude of the ensuing destruction resulting directly from your actions will be neither possible or necessary for you to fathom, there nevertheless ought to be a silver lining.
The only question is whether you will live long enough to see it.
I'm not a gambling man.
But if I was, I wouldn't bet on it.
Goodbye.
AG: Zzzzzzzz. 8ye, assh8le.


07/11/10
"======>"



More hollow comebacks. As hollow and wishywashy as the inside of one of these dumb black globes. What use is all that attitude against a guy who's never wrong? It's so depressing, you can't even work up the energy to smash this stupid thing.

Maybe you could stand to have some camaraderie wasted on you, even if it comes from a meddley meddler meddlefriend.


07/11/10
"Vriska: Endure meddling."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AG: Whaaaaaaaat.
GA: Just Wanted To Know
GA: Is Your Lusus Dead Yet
AG: Huh? What kind of question is that!
AG: Is this a trick? Are you trying to sa8otage me? Are you in cahoots with someone????????
GA: Uh No
AG: Cahoooooooots!!!!!!!!
AG: Cahoots I say.
GA: You Sure Do Seem To Be Saying Cahoots
GA: Im Just Asking
GA: Because Mines Dead
AG: What? Oh no.
AG: How did that happen?
GA: It Was Just Her Time
AG: Really? Are you sure it wasn't sa8otage? I would suspect sa8otage if I was you.
GA: No There Was No Plot Or Conspiracy Or Any Trace Of Saboteurs Operating Through The Special And Magical Union One Can Only Describe As Being In Cahoots With Another
GA: When A Virgin Mother Grub Abdicates And Renounces Brooding
GA: Her Time Will Be Relatively Short
GA: I Always Knew This
AG: ::::(
AG: She was so cool, you had the coolest lusus of anyone I know.
AG: I wanted to meet her some day.
GA: Maybe You Still Can
AG: Yeah, meet her corpse! I guess that's not so bad a consol8tion prize.
AG: Seeing a 8ig dead cool mother gru8. Wow!
AG: You were so lucky. My lusus sucks! Haha.
AG: Why did you ask if she's dead, anyway? Do you know something????????
GA: They Are All Dying
GA: Or Are Going To Soon
GA: I Believe Its A Preemptive Consequence Of The Game We Are About To Play
GA: If A Preemptive Consequence Is A Concept That Can Be Said To Hold Any Meaning
GA: But From What I Understand If It Is Applicable In Any Sphere At All Then This Game Holds That Sphere
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, I don't really get that. So you can just go ahead think I'm some dum8 flighty 8road again.
GA: I Wasnt Going To Think That
GA: You Know What I Dont Think Even I Really Understand What I Just Said So Nevermind
AG: Now you have me a little worried. Man! I hope she's ok.
AG: Why would this happen? This is just my luck. Have some died 8esides yours????????
AG: And uh, you know who's, I guess. ::::o
GA: Yes A Few
GA: Karkat Thinks Its His Fault
GA: He Believes His Actions Triggered An Inauspicious Chain Reaction
AG: You mean a curse?
GA: Sure
AG: Wow, between his curse and my shitty luck we are so screwed.
GA: Im Not Surprised To See You Endorse His Paranoia Without Hesitation
GA: But I Was Attempting To Illustrate A Point In Bringing It Up
AG: Whew! There goes another one sailing over the idi8t girl's head! Ok, lay it on me.
GA: These Events Are Inevitable And Regardless Of Whatever Emotional Entanglements Obfuscate Their Significance They Will Ultimately Serve An Important Purpose
GA: The Curse Had Nothing To Do With It
GA: And Karkats Notion Of A Curse Is Inseparable From His Perception Of Events As Intrinsically Negative And As Tailored To His Personal Dissatisfaction
GA: And Your Bad Luck Is The Same Way
GA: I Believe Anyway
AG: Uh. Ok.
GA: What Would Happen If You Just Cleaned Up A Bit
GA: Dont You Think You Would Step On A Few Less Hard Triangles
AG: Why do you try to help me and stuff? What's the point!
AG: It's kind of bothersome. And insulting sometimes!
AG: So I have a messy room. 8ig deal. My luck fucking 8lows! It's got nothing to do with it and you just don't even know.
AG: Meddler. Why you so meddley, Miss Meddlesome McFussyfangs????????
GA: Because Youre Dangerous
AG: No way! I'm just fine. Why don't you can it.
GA: Every Time You Tell Me To Can It I Think Its Funny
GA: I Mean Its Just A Funny Thing To Say Dont You Think
AG: ::::P
GA: Its Ok To Be Dangerous
GA: Lots Of People Are
GA: And Dangerous People Can Be Really Important
GA: Maybe Even The Most Important Sometimes
GA: But It Just Means Theres Got To Be Someone Around To Keep An Eye On Them
GA: And If Not Me Then Who
GA: Everyone Has An Important Job To Do
AG: Ok, so you're spying on me. Kind of creepy! Man, m8y8e you should get a l8fe.
AG: Or you know, if you're so h8gh 8nd might8 an8 th8nk you're so gr8at, m8y88 you c8uld oh I d8n't kn8w........
AG: TRY AND ST8P ME FROM DO8NG B8D THINGS????????
GA: That Wouldnt Work
GA: If I Tried To Stop You You Would Regard Me As An Enemy
GA: Instead Of Merely As A Nuisance
GA: And What Good Would That Do
GA: So Im Afraid Mcfussyfangs It Must Be
AG: U88888888h!
AG: Ok, gr8. Fine! I'm going to check on my lusus now.
AG: 8ut I'm starting to think you are full of shit, and I am quite sure she will 8e QU8TE FIN8!
GA: Youre Right Anything Can Happen I Guess
GA: But Just So You Know Im Sorry For Your Loss In Advance

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

AG: Aaaaaaaah!
AG: Man, why d8dn't I just get th8 last w8rd and sign off real qu8ck like I usu8lly do????????
AG: Let you sne8k th8t stink8n' littl8 ninja quip in th8r8. Ah! So m8d.
AG: Lousy st8pid godd8mn supportive fri8nd!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]


07/11/10
"Vriska: Check on lusus."



You go down the like fifty million stairs to her nest below. You wonder if any other kid on the planet has such a high maintenance lusus? You DOUBT it.


07/11/10
"======>"



You pass by one of your completed doomsday devices. You promised you'd build it for an especially powerful and influential member of the nautical aristocracy, in return for his collusion during your campaigns. Some guy you were in cahoots with! You guess none of it matter now though.

It was tough to build, and isn't perfect yet. Luckily one of your pals nearby is pretty handy with technology. He can be tapped for parts and favors frequently.

You wonder if any other kid on the planet has as many irons in the fire as you.

YOU DOUBT IT.


07/11/10
"======>"



See, look at this. She's fine. Fine and huge and hungry as ever.

You... guess you're relieved? Yes, of course. Whew! Why wouldn't you be. It would be devastating if anything happened to your dear sweet custodian.


07/12/10
"======>"






07/12/10
"======>"






07/12/10
"======>"



You guess there's no delaying this guy's introduction anymore.

As long as we're in the neighborhood.


07/12/10
"Enter name."



Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK.

You love being STRONG.

You are so strong, you would surely be the class of the elite legion of RUFFIANNIHILATORS. And while such a calling would be quite honorable, you would prefer to join the ranks of the ARCHERADICATORS, perhaps the most noble echelon the imperial forces have to offer. Unfortunately, you SUCK AT ARCHERY. You have not successfully fired a SINGLE ARROW. Every time you try, you BREAK THE BOW. You are simply too strong. You have broken so many bows, it has developed into a habit BORDERING ON FETISHISTIC. You have to stop. But addiction is a powerful thing.

You have a great appreciation for THE FINE ARTS. You use your aristocratic connections to acquire PRICELESS MASTERPIECES, painted in the oldest and most respected Alternian tradition of NUDE MUSCLEBEAST PORTRAITS. These striking depictions of the EXQUISITE FAUNA native to Alternia remind you of the PUREST PHYSICAL IDEAL that must be sought by anyone who professes a LOVE OF STRENGTH. When those of lesser bloodlines turn up their uncultured noses at such stunning material, it MAKES YOU FURIOUS.

Practically everything MAKES YOU FURIOUS. You have so much rage, it can only be expressed through STAGGERING QUANTITIES OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. You build strong and sturdy robots, set them to kill mode, and BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM in caged brawls. Sometimes you LOSE TEETH. But they usually grow back.

Your trolltag is centaursTesticle and with your bow and arrow ever at the ready, you D --> Take e%ception to 100d language unbefitting of b100 b100ds

What will you do?


07/12/10
"Equius: Check on lusus."



Now where did that craven excuse for a custodian go. It makes you furious when he goes missing like this. Probably off somewhere nursing his bruises. You swear, the old boy is made of glass. You are starting to get agitated.

Aurthour! Where are you???


07/12/10
"======>"



Oh, there he is. He was just preparing an ice cold glass of nutritious LUSUS MILK for you, with a thick foamy head on it, just the way you like it.

You cannot hope to beat Aurthour in a butler-off. He is simply the best there is.


07/12/10
"Equius: Thank Aurthour."



You accept the frosty beverage and give the good fellow a grateful pat, as gently as possible.


07/12/10
"======>"



Seriously, he's like a soft summer peach.


07/12/10
"Equius: Drink lusus milk."



Lusus milk is the secret to being STRONG.

Actually it isn't. You like to think that though. The truth is you're really strong because you're kind of a freak. You were chosen by one of the strongest lusus species on the planet. It was the only sort of custodian that could handle raising you.

Whoops there goes the glass, as usual.


07/12/10
"======>"



And as usual, it sends you into a rage. The spilled milk quickly evaporates.

Got to do something to calm yourself down. Let off some steam.


07/13/10
"Equius: Equiup a bow."



You mean equip.

A little archery practice ought to cool you off. But of course the piece of shit snaps like a twig the moment you pick it up.

Actually, the feel of the brittle wood giving way under the astonishing might of your mangrit is starting to calm you down already.

You equip it to your 1/2BOWKIND SPECIBUS, which is pretty much useless.


07/13/10
"======>"



You also keep a plain old BOWKIND SPECIBUS in the event that you are able to fire an arrow some day. Because a boy can dream, right?

But for more practical purposes, you keep a FISTKIND card on hand. You stow them all in your STRIFE PORTFOLIO.

Remember the STRIFE PORTFOLIO? It still exists. It didn't stop existing or anything.


07/13/10
"Equius: Answer."



You proceed to have a conversation we read not all that long ago. It went mostly like this.

CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no CT: D --> Yes AC: :33 < no

But when all was said and done, you are quite sure you convinced your good friend to stay on the right team. Not the team full of degenerates with swill coursing through their veins. You're starting to get worked up again.

Routine helps calm you down. Maybe you will talk to another friend. You talk to him every day for some reason. Though it's not exactly right to call him a friend, since you despise him. Your relationship with the fellow is difficult to describe.

It should be noted that in troll language, the word for friend is exactly the same as the word for enemy.


07/13/10
"Equius: Talk to friend/enemy."



|PESTERLOG|
centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CT: D --> Have I ever told you what a reprehensible disgrace you are
TC: hAhA, fUcK yEaH, oNlY eVeRy MoThErFuCkIn DaY bRo!
CT: D --> I'm not in a very good mood
CT: D --> There are a few things I'd like to get off my chest
TC: MoThErFuCkIn SpIlL iT, dOn'T bE aLl KeEpIn ThAt ShIt BoTtLeD uP
TC: lIkE a FuCkIn AlL sHaKeD uP bOtTlE oF fAyGo.
TC: FuCk DoGg I'm ThIrStY.
TC: i'M dOwN tO mY lAsT bOtTlE aNd I dOn'T fUcKiN kNoW iF i CaN gEt AnYmOrE iN tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiN mAgIc LaNd So I dOn'T kNoW.
CT: D --> What you do appear to know is e%actly how to ma%imize my livid contempt for you
CT: D --> With your revolting language and your sense of decorum
CT: D --> At such breathtaking odds with the richness and perfe%ion of your b100d
CT: D --> I just hate you so much
TC: ThAt'S cOoL, i CaN't AlL bE mAkInG nOt EvErYbOdY hApPy AlL tHe TiMe.
TC: iF wE eVeR mEt I cOuLd BaKe YoU a FuCkIn PiE aNd We CoUlD cHiLl AnD mAyBe We'D bE bEtTeR bRoS tHaT wAy.
CT: D --> And the degrees to which you pollute your precious b100d
CT: D --> With your bottled fizzy sugar and soporific to%ins
CT: D --> Maddening
CT: D --> You will stop
TC: WhOaAaA, i WiLl?
TC: hOw Do YoU kNoW tHaT?
CT: D --> No, you don't understand
CT: D --> It's not a predi%ion, it's an order
CT: D --> I command you to stop
TC: Oh, AlRiGhT bRoThEr.
TC: yOu MoThErFuCkIn GoT iT.
CT: D --> What
CT: D --> Are you serious
TC: yEaH.
TC: I mEaN, yOu GoT tO sHoW sOmE fAiTh In YoUr FrIeNdS, cAuSe ThEy'Re AlL tHe OnEs WhO'rE bEiNg To LoOk OuT fOr YoU.
TC: sO fUcK iF yOu SaY i'M nOt DoInG tHe ShIt RiGhT, tHeN wHaT tHe MoThErFuCk Do I kNoW!
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> This is una%eptable
CT: D --> Ok, let's start over
CT: D --> I apologize
CT: D --> I was completely out of of line, and I'm sorry
CT: D --> I have no right to talk to you like that, or tell you what you can't do
TC: aWw, No WoRrIeS!
CT: D --> It's not my place
CT: D --> Your habits notwithstanding, I am lesser than you
CT: D --> An inferior
TC: hAhAhA. oK.
CT: D --> Don't you understand that you're better than me
CT: D --> Can you please act like it
CT: D --> That's not a command, it's just a polite request I guess
TC: oK, i CaN tRy, BuT mAn I dOn'T kNoW iF i KnOw HoW tO bE lIkE a BeTtEr MoThErFuCkEr ThAn AnY oThEr MoThErFuCkEr.
CT: D --> 100k, it isn't that difficult
CT: D --> Try to be cognizant of your desires and needs
CT: D --> And attempt to regard those around you as simple vehicles meant to bring about your gratification
TC: WoW, wHaT?
CT: D --> What are you doing
TC: uHhHhHh.
CT: D --> Right now
CT: D --> It sounds as if you have begun playing with the red team
CT: D --> Is this true
TC: yEaH!
TC: fUcK yEaH. i'M aLl Up In ThE fUcKiN sHiT oF tHiS wIcKeD mYsTiCaL mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: i BoNkEd An ImP oN tHe HeAd WiTh A cLuB.
TC: AnD tHeN a LiTtLe LaTeR i ScArEd OnE wItH a HoRn.
TC: :o)
CT: D --> Good
CT: D --> This is very good
CT: D --> It really pleases me to hear tales of physical subjugation
CT: D --> I presume these were lesser beings, toiling in the lower ranks of some hierarchy
TC: wElL yEaH, tHeY'rE uNdErLiNgS.
TC: AnD tHeRe'S SoMe SuBjUgGlAtIoN iNvOlVeD fOr FuCkIn SuRe!
TC: bUt NoW wE kInD oF sEtTlEd DoWn AnD mE aNd ThE iMpS aRe ShArInG sOmE pIe
TC: tHeSe MoThErFuCkErS aRe PrEtTy DoPe AcTuAlLy, I lIkE tHeM.
CT: D --> Ok
CT: D --> It pleases me considerably less to hear things like that
CT: D --> But I've already stated I have no right to be disappointed by your conduct, so I will try to control myself
TC: aW sHiT bRo, I dOn'T wAnT tO bE aLl LiKe To DiSaPpOiNt YoU!
TC: WhAt CaN i Do To MaKe A bRoThEr FuCkIn ShApE hIs ShIt Up?
TC: iF i CoUlD mAkE yOu SmIlE iT'd Be ThE bEsT fUcKiN mIrAcLe I eVeR dId PaRt Of.
TC: hOnK hOnK hOnK! :o)
CT: D --> Hmm
CT: D --> Would it be too much to ask
CT: D --> For you to maybe
CT: D --> Boss me around a little
TC: UuUhHhHhH.
TC: yOu MeAn LiKe RoLe PlAyInG?
CT: D --> If it would help to couch it in those terms
CT: D --> Then yeah, I guess so
CT: D --> But not the especially juvenile kind
CT: D --> Let's keep it serious and professional
TC: i'Ll TrY, bUt I'm NoT mUcH fUcKiN aNy GoOd At It I tHiNk.
CT: D --> Just
CT: D --> Say anything
CT: D --> As long as it's authoritative
TC: oK.
TC: uH, hEy YoU, dOn'T gO nEaR tHe MoThErFuCkIn OcEaN, cAuSe I aLl ToLd YoU nOt To A bUnCh Of TiMeS!
TC: ShIt Is StRaIgHt Up DaNgErOuS, aNd I'm GeTtInG mY hArSh On AbOuT iT.
CT: D --> Hmm
CT: D --> Decent
CT: D --> I don't live near the ocean though, so it's hard to immerse myself in the scenario
TC: aLrIgHt, WeLl, WhAt ArEn'T yOu AlL nOt SuPpOsEd To Do?
TC: WhAt KiNd Of MiScHiEf Do YoU gEt YoUr BaD fUcKiN sElF uP tO?
CT: D --> I do so many bad things
CT: D --> Just awful things
CT: D --> I'm incredibly impudent and a superior needs to put me in my place
TC: uMmMm, Ok WeLl.
TC: DoN't Be DoIn AlL tHoSe BaD fUcKiN tHiNgS bRo!
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Yes, that's good
CT: D --> Like that
TC: cUt ThAt ShIt OuT, i'M sO aLl MeAnInG tHiS! hAhAhA.
CT: D --> E%cellent
CT: D --> Now tell me this, highb100d
CT: D --> I've been roughhousing a little too hard lately
CT: D --> I've made a bit of a mess and anyone in a position of authority would surely be % about it
TC: Uh.
TC: %?
CT: D --> Cross
TC: oHhH.
CT: D --> What do you make of it
CT: D --> This wretched misbehavior
TC: fUcK mAn, I aM sO mOtHeRfUcKiN sAlTy AbOuT aLl ThAt BuSiNeSs YoU sAiD!
TC: FuUuUuCk, Im LiKe AlL mOvInG mY mOuTh AnD tHe WiCkEd NoIsE iS cOmInG oUt In ThE fRoNtIeSt WaY pOsSiBlE.
TC: aNd It'S gOiNg At YoUr DiReCtIoN, cAuSe ThAt'S tHe DiReCtIoN tO fUcKiN bE aNgRy At!
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> So good
CT: D --> I am presently whipped into a state of contrition
CT: D --> One befitting of our class disparity
CT: D --> But I'm starting to perspire again so it's best that we stop
CT: D --> Thank you for indulging me
TC: hAhA, nO pRoBlEm BrO.
TC: It'S cOoL wE cOuLd AlL uP aNd MoThErFuCkIn OpEn Up A lItTlE bIt WiTh EaCh OtHeR.
TC: lIkE bRoS.
TC: If ThErE's StUfF yOu WaNt To GeT oFf YoUr ChEsT dUdE, lIkE i SaId I'm FuCkIn HeRe FoR a MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: kInD oF lIkE a MiRaClE, hOw It'S aLwAyS tHeRe.
TC: It NeVeR gOeS aWaY, yOu KnOw?
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> But I comprehend the sentiment
CT: D --> I have lots of thoughts, but they're difficult to communicate
CT: D --> If you'll listen
TC: sUrE! :oD
CT: D --> Honestly I'm confused by the social order
TC: mAn, Me ToO. i DoN't KnOw WhAt Of FuCkIn WhAt CoLoR iS wHaT, sO i DoN't BoThEr WiTh ThInKiN oN tHaT mOtHeRfUcKeR.
CT: D --> See, that's what I mean
CT: D --> How is it possible for one of your distin%ion to be so ignorant
CT: D --> And loathesome
CT: D --> Whereas
CT: D --> A member of the most abject, verminous b100dline of all
CT: D --> Can conduct herself with such grace and possess nothing but admirable mannerisms
CT: D --> I find these striking ju%tapositions perple%ing, and I confess strangely into%icating
CT: D --> I wonder if I have gone mad
CT: D --> To form such a pact with her
TC: WoW, i GoT nO fUcKiN cLuE wHaT yOu'Re TaLkInG aBoUt
TC: wHo Is ShE?
CT: D --> I shouldn't be talking about this
CT: D --> You're the enemy

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]


07/13/10
"Vriska: Be in cahoots with Equius. Cahoooooooots."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AG: Equiiiiiiiiuuuuuuuus.
CT: D --> What
AG: Hey! I'm a8out to meddle with so many losers right now.
CT: D --> How many
AG: So many! All the losers. All of them.
CT: D --> Good
CT: D --> Use your cunning and venom to make them envy our nobility
AG: Oh man, was that sarcasm? That sounded like sarcasm!
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> Humorous insincerity is for pedantic wigglers
AG: Pshhhhhhhh, I know! I know you never make jokes. I was the one 8eing sarcastic, you stooge!
AG: I was 8eing sarcastic a8out you 8eing sarcastic. Duh.
CT: D --> That's because you're a little worse than me
AG: The fuck I am! Anyway. Hey!
AG: Did you finish Aradia's present yet? I'm a8out to fuss with her and I want to know if I can keep my promise or if you're gonna make a liar out of me.
CT: D --> It's finished
CT: D --> I'll deliver it shortly
AG: Great! Thanks, 8uddy. I'll 8e w8ting here for you.
CT: D --> I'm happy to help
CT: D --> But I don't understand why you're intent on gratifying that worthless peasant
AG: 8ecause I promised I would and it's none of your damn 8usiness! Man.
AG: Quit your prying! Always fidgeting and poking and prying.
CT: D --> Fine
CT: D --> Then let's proceed with the plan in a curt and professional manner
AG: Agreeeeeeeed.
AG: So just to review!
AG: We will let Aradia perpetr8 her cute little ploy on Sollux and usurp his power.
CT: D --> Yes
AG: Isn't it funny when these chumps try to get all tactical and underhanded? It's really adora8le!
CT: D --> I guess it is pretty quaint
AG: Anyway. She makes her little powergra8, and that's when we 8oth step in and usurp her as co-leaders.
AG: Right????????
CT: D --> That's the plan
AG: Ok, good. Then the 8est team will 8e led 8y the two highest 8loods, the way it should 8e!
AG: Or at least, the highest 8loods who aren't shitty clown worshippers or under water freaks. Sound good?
CT: D --> Yes, we're in absolute agreement
AG: Yes.
CT: D --> Yes
AG: Yes.
CT: D --> Yes
AG: Yeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!
CT: D --> Stop
AG: Gr8! What a gr8 team we are.
AG: Heeeeeeeey........
AG: You wouldn't 8e planning anything sneaky, would you????????
CT: D --> No, don't be absurd
CT: D --> Are you
AG: What! How could you suggest such a thing! Man, so insulting.
CT: D --> Ok
AG: Perfect. We have the perfect plan, and no one is plotting any sort of dou8lecrossings or 8acksta88ery or anything like that.
CT: D --> There are no %%ings up my sleeve
CT: D --> Also, I don't have sleeves
CT: D --> I am as transparent as can be, and my word is my bond
AG: I know! Don't worry, dude. I trust you completely.
CT: D --> You know
CT: D --> I can feel you trying to read my mind
AG: 8ullshit!
AG: Pro8a8ly just another one of your many daily rage aneurysms.
AG: Why don't you cool your jets and have a glass of gross muscle8east milk????????
CT: D --> Get out of my head, it's making me angry
CT: D --> Try to remember who built your arm for you
AG: Oh g8d!
AG: D8n't you d8re!!!!!!!!


07/13/10
"======>"






07/14/10
"Equius: Go check on Aradia's present."



You delve deeper into your hive where you store many of your robotic projects. The lair doubles as the caged arena where you battle them.

Under the tarp is the completed gift. You of course have no intention of delivering this to your neighbor as promised. You naturally will doublecross your accomplice, just as you assume she has plans to doublecross you. You assume she is assuming the same of you. Business as usual for blue bloods.

You will deliver it to Aradia yourself to gain her favor, and then doublecross her and take your rightful position as team leader. How ironic that someone of your blood purity must work to win the favor of the lowest sort of peasant. Humiliating. Strangely titillating, even. But in the end, class order will be restored.


07/14/10
"Equius: Remove tarp."



You reveal her sparkling new chassis. You have paid a great deal of attention to quality and detail in this model. She is perfect.

You don't know what to make of the feelings she stirs. For one like you to entertain thoughts of attraction for such genetic filth would be utter depravity.

Exquisite, delectable depravity.


07/14/10
"======>"



Why, Aradia. It appears the red glass of your eye has caught the pink and green glint of the moons in their perigees. The sweet poetry almost makes a man forget how the grime that once filled your veins made his stomach turn. It is a good omen for illicit lovers. Could you imagine the scandal if anyone found out?? No one must ever know.

But worry not. Your heart will pump no more of that despicable red sludge. You have been given a new heart. You can be taught the ways of the class you were always meant for. No one is beyond redemption.

Be grateful, dear Aradia. For the first time in your meaningless life you have met a man with true compassion.


07/14/10
"======>"



And just what do you think YOU'RE looking at??? Keep your cold, mechanical judgment to yourself. As if your own record is so spotless! Don't forget who made you. Oh, what's that? My, that is a smart mouth you have. That was the last straw. An example must be made of this insubordination.


07/14/10
"======>"






07/14/10
"======>"






07/14/10
"======>"



The CATENATIVE DOOMSDAY DICE CASCADER is unfortuitously activated.


07/14/10
"======>"



The lousy thing breaks.

You seriously cannot believe how unbelievably shitty this doomsday device is.


07/14/10
"======>"






07/14/10
"======>"






07/14/10
"======>"






07/14/10
"======>"



AURTHOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUR!


07/14/10
"Moments earlier..."






07/14/10
"Vriska: Meddle with Terezi."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: It looks like tonight we will have to 8reak our truce. Or at least suspend it. Hope you don't mind!
GC: HOW DO YOU F1GUR3 TH4T
AG: Because tonight we will play a game together. For the first time in I don't even know. Forever!
GC: TH3 TRUC3 W4SNT 4BOUT NOT PL4Y1NG G4M3S TOG3TH3R DUMMY
GC: 1T W4S 4BOUT NOT ST4BB1NG 34CH OTH3R 1N TH3 B4CK 4NYMOR3
GC: 4ND STOPP1NG TH3 3NDL3SS CYCL3 OF R3V3NG3
GC: 4ND 4BOV3 4LL NOT US1NG YOUR POW3RS TO HURT P3OPL3 WHO DONT D3S3RV3 1T!
AG: Man, you like to give me such a hard time a8out all that. I can't catch a 8reak!
AG: Can't you see I'm trying to put all that 8ehind me and make amends with every8ody?
AG: No, of course you can't see that. What am I saying!
GC: 1T'S H4RD TO B3L13V3 YOU W1TH 4LL TH3 LY1NG YOUV3 DON3
GC: YOUR BLU3B3RRY BUBBL3GUM WORDS ST1LL SM3LL PR3TTY GOOD BUT YOUR D3C31T ST1NKS! >8O
AG: ::::(
AG: I'll prove it to you. I'm giving Aradia a present that will make her feel all 8etter finally.
AG: Then I'll 8e in the clear. Phew! Totally redeemed. You'll see. I mean smell.
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOUR3 BOTH3R1NG TRY1NG TO H3LP H3R
GC: SH3 WONT C4R3
GC: WH4T3V3R 1T W4S YOU D1D TO H3R 1 TH1NK YOU BROK3 H3R BR41N
GC: 1TS SO T3RR1BL3
AG: Man, why can't you cut me some slack for once????????
AG: It's not like I even did anything that 8ad to you.
AG: I lost seven eyes 8ut you only lost two! I would say you came out ahead in the 8argain.
GC: 1 KNOW
GC: 4ND 4CTU4LLY
GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY GOT TH3 CH4NC3 TO TH4NK YOU >:D
AG: Ugh! Your sarcasm really stings when here I am just trying to 8e nice. Ok, I guess I deserve it.
GC: 1M S3R1OUS THOUGH
GC: BUT 1 DONT 3XP3CT YOU TO G3T TH4T
AG: Aaaaaaaah!
AG: Fine, 8e that way. But you shouldn't sit there and pretend we're so different.
AG: Remem8er Team Scourge? How convenient all that must 8e to have forgotten! You were so nasty.
AG: Oh man, if you crossed Terezi Pyrope you were fucked!!!!!!!!
GC: Y34H 1F YOU W3R3 4 B4D GUY
GC: W3 W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 L1K3 4 V1G1L4NT3 DUO D1SP3NS1NG JUST1C3
GC: 4ND YOU COULD T4K3 TH3 B4D GUYS HOM3 4ND F33D TH3M TO YOUR STUP1D SP1D3R
GC: BUT 1NST34D YOU JUST F3D H3R 3V3RYBODY!
GC: 4ND L13D 4ND L13D 4ND L13D
AG: Yeah, those were the days.
AG: I mean, days full of mist8kes and r8gret!
AG: But it was still a lot of fun. Watching you dismantle huge teams of Flarpers with nothing 8ut politics and head games.
AG: Without even using any special powers! Wow.
GC: M3H
AG: Come oooooooon!
AG: What do I have to do here?
GC: 1 DUNNO
AG: Well if you want to know what I think, you should start changing your tune.
AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer!
AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in.
AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!!
AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is!
AG: You'll seeeeeeee!
GC: 1 DOUBT 1T
AG: You'll see.
AG: I am whispering that and it is echoing and ominous.
AG: You'll seeeeeeee........
AG: You'll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
AG: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........
GC: OH W1LL YOU C4N 1T S3RK3T!
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GC: >XO

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Whoa, what was that????????
GC: WH4T W4S WH4T
AG: There was a loud noise outside my hive!
AG: It sounded like an explosion.
GC: WOW R34LLY
AG: And then another one!
AG: And now something that sounds like an avalanche!!!!!!!!
GC: W3LL 1F 1 H4D TO GU3SS
GC: 1 WOULD S4Y
GC: 1T W4S PROB4BLY TWO 3XPLOS1ONS 4ND TH3N 4N 4V4L4NCH3
AG: That dum8ass is probably punching ro8ots again.
AG: I will go outside and look.
GC: OK
GC: TRY NOT TO G3T BURN3D OR CRUSH3D TO D34TH OR 4NYTH1NG TH4T WOULD B3 4WFUL
AG: You got it! ::::::::)

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]


07/15/10
"And much earlier than that..."



|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

GC: HOW 1S H3
AA: 0k
AA: he cant walk th0ugh
AA: pr0bably never will
GC: >:[
GC: M4YB3 H3 COULD B3 F1X3D
GC: W1TH ROBO PROSTH3T1CS
GC: 1F YOU D1DNT M1ND G3TT1NG H3LP FROM...
GC: UH >:\
AA: n0!
AA: neither he 0r i sh0uld have ever had anything t0 d0 with th0se hateful sn0bs
AA: it was a big mistake
AA: n0 0ffense 0_0
GC: TH4TS OK
GC: 1M 4 L1TTL3 TOO T34L FOR TH31R T4ST3S 4NYW4Y >:]
AA: i d0nt see why theyd lift a finger t0 help him
AA: they hate us b0th s0 much
AA: im s0 mad!
GC: 1 HOP3 YOUR3 NOT TH1NK1NG OF DO1NG 4NYTH1NG 1N R3T4L14T1ON
GC: 1TLL 3ND B4DLY
GC: YOU SHOULD L3T M3 H4NDL3 1T
AA: im n0t scared 0f her
AA: she cant c0ntr0l me
AA: shes tried it d0esnt w0rk
GC: 1 KNOW
GC: BUT TRUST M3 1F YOU P1SS H3R OFF SH3LL F1ND 4 W4Y TO G3T YOU
GC: TH1S 1S R34LLY TR1CKY JUST L3T M3 D34L W1TH 1T
AA: but it was my fault
AA: i was distracted when i c0uld have helped him
GC: 1 W4S TOO
GC: W3 W3R3 BOTH D1STR4CT3D BY TH3 S4M3 TH1NG
AA: yeah
AA: wh0 was he anyway
GC: PR3TTY SUR3 1T WAS VR1SKAS FR13ND
AA: what was he d0ing there
AA: watching us
GC: WHO KNOWS
GC: H3S NOT R34LLY H3R FR13ND THOUGH
GC: YOU SHOULD S33 HOW H3 T4LKS 4BOUT H3R B3H1ND H3R B4CK
GC: SH3 H4S NO 1D34 HOW B4D H3S PL4Y1NG H3R
GC: BUT TH3N 1 DONT TH1NK H3 KNOWS HOW B4D SH3S PL4Y1NG H1M 31TH3R
GC: S33 1TS COMPL1C4T3D
GC: YOU R34LLY N33D TO ST4Y OUT OF 1T 4ND L3T M3 D34L W1TH TH1S
AA: i guess s0
AA: i feel p0werless sitting here d0ing n0thing th0ugh
AA: its like she wins even if y0u get her back!
GC: DONT TH1NK OF 1T TH4T W4Y
GC: 1 KNOW HOW TO STOP H3R
GC: TRUST M3
AA: i guess 0ur gaming days are 0ver then
AA: us f0ur at least
GC: Y3P
GC: 1M PR3TTY MUCH DON3 W1TH H3R


07/15/10
"======>"






07/15/10
"======>"



It's probably best you listen to the advice of your friend.

And yet, the voices are as lucid as ever. They urge you to make her pay.


07/15/10
"Aradia: Make her pay."



It's a shame it had to come to this. You don't like summoning the spirits of the dead to settle scores.

But if she had to face her victims again, maybe she'd finally learn to feel remorse.


07/15/10
"======>"






07/15/10
"======>"






07/15/10
"Vriska: Answer white text guy."



|PESTERLOG|
Well?
AG: Well what! I am surrounded 8y ghosts and kind of fre8king out a8out it!
I know.
I'm asking what you intend to do about it.
AG: I don't know, I guess I will just curl into a little 8all and cry and hope they go aw8y!
AG: Is that what you want to hear you sick f8ck????????
Aren't you going to kill her?
AG: Who????????
Your friend.
The one who summoned the spirits.
AG: Will that make them go away?
Does it matter?
She brought them here to torment you. This obviously warrants revenge.
You know you're going to anyway. You won't be able to help yourself.
AG: I don't have to do shit!
AG: May8e I don't mind ghosts. May8e they'll 8e gr8 company once I get used to them!
No, they are terrifying you.
There's only one thing to do.
AG: Ok, so why don't YOU kill her! 8e my guest! Wow, thanks for offering. Wh8t a pal!
That's not how I work.
AG: Oh really, well you seemed pretty excited a8out killing Tavros too.
AG: And you even helped! So I guess that is how you work after all.
Not really.
All I did was stand somewhere for a few minutes.
I just gave you an opportunity to do something you wanted to do anyway.
You hated him, remember?
AG: I know I did! I still do, I guess. I dunno.
AG: 8ut I was never gonna kill these people. They were like, off limits I guess?
AG: These games were just supposed to 8e fun and serve no other purpose!
They were serving a very important purpose.
AG: Yeah ok, you getting off on talking a girl into killing her 8uddies sure is important!
AG: Los8r.
Again, I didn't talk you into anything, nor am I doing so now.
You were, and are, going to do this regardless.
I only ever place myself into positions of tangential involvement with events that will bring about my employer's entry into this universe.
I oversee the events as they take place, and ever so slightly nudge them into motion when necessary.
AG: I'm 8eginning to think you really 8elieve that! So delusion8l. You're just a path8tic, lonely gamer who 8uys into his own character profile 8S.
The omniscient have no need for beliefs and no room for delusion.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: You're the dum8est omniscient person I ever met.
AG: Sure you know a lot, 8ut I know for a FACT there's stuff you don't know.
That's true.
But the gaps in my knowledge exist by design.
They are the pillars of shadow on which my comprehensive vision is built.
Necessary pockets of void meant to effectuate outcomes I've foreseen and which will require my influence.
Each dark pocket, in time, will be filled.
But I wonder why I waste this nuance on you.
AG: 8ecause you need to add more 8l8tant lies to patch up all the holes in your sad cover story.
I don't lie.
Deception is only necessary for those like you to achieve their objectives.
I play with my cards face up.
Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?
AG: ::::P
AG: Yeah, 8ut I'm getting closer to 8eating you. You'll see.
Look at that. The short amount of time I have reserved for arguing with a child has expired.
I will go.
But maybe you're right. Maybe you are a person with free will and you won't kill your friend.
What do I know?
Enjoy your haunting.


07/16/10
"Vriska: Make her pay."



Of course he's right. Not much point in living with all these moaning spooks just to spite some guy you don't give a shit about.

But how to go about it? Can't control her. It can be difficult to manipulate the mind of the psychically gifted.

Let's see, who else is there. Terezi? Forget about it! What about that guy? Nah. Her? Nope. Not him either.

How about this guy? Unfortunately, you can only control him about half the time.

Then again, that should be all the time you need.


07/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: Araaaaaaaadiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaa.
AA: what
AG: Nice trick! With the ghosts and all. Man, you got me pretty good.
AA: id rather n0t talk t0 y0u
AG: Fair enough!
AG: Just wanted to say I'm sorry, that's all.
AA: im n0t the 0ne y0u sh0uld ap0l0gize t0
AG: Yeah I know. I'll make it up to him some day. Don't worry!
AG: Anyway, hey guess what?
AG: I've got a message for you from your 8oyfriend.
AG: He's outside your hive right now!
AA: n0t falling f0r it
AG: Take a look.
AA: i d0nt see anything 0ut there
AG: Well ok, I'm just the messenger. If you want to risk missing him then suit yourself.
AG: L8er!!!!!!!!


07/16/10
"======>"



It must be a trick! He surely would have told you if he was making the trip all the way out here from his hive stem.


07/16/10
"======>"






07/16/10
"======>"



Sollux??


07/16/10
"======>"






07/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Arrivederci, Megido.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]


07/16/10
"======>"






07/16/10
"Be the white text guy."



You try to be the white text guy, but fail to be the white text guy. No one can be the white text guy except for the white text guy.

The white text guy is known as Doc Scratch.

He is an officer of an indestructible demon known as L<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/o.gif" border="0" />rd English. His job is to pave the way for the arrival of his master, who will be summoned upon the termination of the universe. He has worked at this task for many centuries, and will continue to do so until THE GREAT UNDOING.

Scratch is Alternia's FIRST GUARDIAN. Every planet destined for intelligent life has such an entity meant to protect it, and facilitate the planet's ultimate purpose. A first guardian is typically almost as old as the planet itself, and each has a unique, circuitous origin through the knots of paradox space. They can be born into a great diversity of forms, though they all share a common, especially potent genetic sequence. The code grants them near omnipotence, and when merged with a host of great intelligence, near omniscience as well.

What will he do?

It's up to him. All we can do is stand here.

And watch.


07/17/10
"======>"



What's he up to now? Hard to say since we're not telling him what to do. Guardians can never be told what to do. Neither the omnipotent kind, nor the ordinary kind who raise kids in houses. It's a universal law of reality.

Looks like he's pondering over his next move in a game he is playing with some wicked troll girl down on the planet. Usually these matches are no contest, but she has been getting closer to beating him lately, and he has no idea how this is possible.

Uncertainty, though rare, is quite a troubling sensation for the omniscient.


07/17/10
"======>"



What's this? It appears someone is contacting him. More bothersome uncertainty. How is it this youngster is able to relay an unsolicited message? He doesn't even have an account name.


07/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
GC: H3Y WH1T3 T3XT GUY
GC: 1 H4V3 4 T1P FOR YOU
How were you able to contact me?
Never mind, I figured it out instantly.
GC: R34LLY?
Yes, through my limitless intellect.
Occasionally I discover there are things I have not always known.
It gives me the opportunity to make deductions, which are practically always flawless.
It's gratifying.
GC: UH OK
GC: TH4TS N34T 1 GU3SS
You asked your clever friend with the colorful spectacles to trace the source of my messages.
He then established a relay for your messages to reach this source through some sort of computational proxy.
I gather he has recovered from his implementation as a weapon in the sabotage of your mutual friend, whom you both believe to be dead.
GC: OH MY GOD WH1T3 T3XT GUY!
GC: SHUT UP! >:O
GC: 1M TRY1NG TO G1V3 YOU 4 M3SS4G3 H3R3
I have a name.
It is not White Text Guy.
GC: OH WHAT 1S 1T
I'm not going to tell you my name.
But if you wish, you may refer to me as Mr. Vanilla Milkshake.
GC: YOU 4R3 SO W31RD
GC: WHY WOULD 1 DO TH4T
It is perfectly in keeping with a habit which you will develop in the future.
GC: 1 DOUBT 1T
Why?
GC: SOUNDS K1ND OF S1LLY 4ND FR1VOLOUS
GC: BL4R WHY DO YOU K33P D3R41L1NG M3!
GC: YOUR3 R1GHT SOLLUX 1S WORK1NG W1TH M3 4ND W3 H4V3 1MPORT4NT BUS1N3SS FOR YOU TO CONS1D3R
GC: W41T
GC: YOU S41D W3 B3L13V3 OUR FR13ND 1S D34D
GC: 1S SH3 NOT?
Yes, I said you believe she is dead.
And soon, you will believe she is not.
Both statements are true.
And yet each exhibits a trace of falsehood.
GC: WOW WHY D1D 1 BOTH3R 4SK1NG
GC: NO WOND3R SH3 SN4PP3D SH3S GOT TO D34L W1TH YOUR STUP1D R1DDL3S 4LL TH3 T1M3
GC: 4NYW4Y C4N YOU JUST H3LP M3 G3T R3V3NG3 SO W3 C4N C4LL 1T 4 N1GHT
Why would I involve myself in your paltry feud beyond the extent I already have?
I believe the need to exert such influence has come to an end.
GC: B3C4US3 YOULL W4NT TO
GC: WH3N YOU H34R WH4T 1 H4V3 TO S4Y
I doubt it.
GC: H4V3NT YOU WOND3R3D HOW SH3 C4N COM3 CLOS3 TO B34T1NG YOU 1N G4M3S L4T3LY
GC: HON3STLY 1M SURPR1S3D YOU H4V3NT D3DUC3D 1T Y3T
GC: W1TH YOUR SH1NY WH1T3 SUP3RBR41N
It's disturbing.
But sometimes that is the nature of these hollows in my perception.
It feels a bit like dark water, sloshing about the cavity in my head.
What do you know of this?
GC: SH3S CH34T1NG
GC: SH3 4LW4YS CH34TS 1F SH3 C4N F1ND 4 W4Y
GC: L4T3LY SH3S US3D TH3 S4M3 4DV4NT4G3 SH3 US3S 4G41NST M3 WH3N W3 PL4Y G4M3S
GC: BUT SH3 TOLD M3 4BOUT 1T
GC: SH3 T3LLS M3 LOTS OF STUFF L1K3 TH4T PROB4BLY TO RUB 1T 1N MY F4C3
GC: BUT SH3D N3V3R R1SK T3LL1NG YOU
What advantage is this?
GC: HOLD ON
GC: 1 H4V3 TO T4LK TO YOUR P4RTN3R 1N CR1M3 FOR 4 S3COND >:]
I thought you were hers.
GC: >:P


07/17/10
"Terezi: Orchestrate demise of the wicked."



She went too far this time and she knows it. She's got to pay. Justice is long overdue.

The only sad part is how easy it's going to be. It will take no skilled manipulator to orchestrate her downfall. She's a waste of your talents.


07/17/10
"Terezi: Contact partner in crime."



|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

GC: H3Y VR1SK4
GC: 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y
AG: Ummmmmmmmm, no?
AG: A8out what?
GC: 4BOUT K1LL1NG H3R
GC: 4FT3R YOU S41D YOU WOULDNT
AG: Oh, that? I thought we were done talking a8out it!
AG: We concluded I messed up and I'm completely horri8le in every way.
AG: I can only feel SO AWFUL, you know. Here, I'm 8anging my head against the desk now.
AG: 8ang 8ang 8ang. Are you happy?
GC: NOT R34LLY
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, what do you want from me????????
GC: 1M NOT SUR3
GC: 1 GU3SS 1M LOOK1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON TO CH4NG3 MY M1ND
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T YOU C4N S4Y TH4TLL DO 1T
GC: 1 SORT4 HOP3 TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG THOUGH
AG: You should lighten up a 8it. May8e even congratul8 me!
AG: Wow, great jo8 Vriska! Single handedly taking out Team Charge like that.
AG: No more competition from those low class clowns!
GC: N4H TH4T W4SNT 1T
AG: Ok, well, change your mind a8out what!
AG: What are you going to do, Pyrope!
GC: 1 W4S PROB4BLY JUST GO1NG TO K1LL YOU
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: You mean from your tree? With all your AMAAAAAAAAZING POWERS?
AG: Tell me, what sort of powers do tree girls have? Swinging from vines and stuff?
GC: MY TR33 DO3SNT H4V3 V1N3S >:[
GC: SOM3T1M3S 1 L3T OTH3R P3OPL3 SW1NG FROM ROP3S THOUGH >:]
GC: Y34H 4NYW4Y YOULL B3 D34D 1N 4 COUPL3 M1NUT3S
AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!!
AG: Complete and total muscle8east shit!
GC: 1F YOU DONT B3L13V3 M3
GC: WHY DONT YOU CONSULT W1TH YOUR L1TTL3 4DV4NT4G3
GC: 1T S33MS TO H4V3 4LL TH3 4NSW3RS
AG: I don't need to do that to know you're 8luffing.
GC: Y34H
GC: BUT
GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 GONN4 4NYW4Y
GC: 4DD1CT1ON 1S 4 POW3RFUL TH1NG >:]
GC: S33 Y4

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]


07/17/10
"Vriska: Consult little advantage."



She can't be serious. What could POSSIBLY lead to your demise in a matter of minutes?

WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE???


07/17/10
"======>"



You consult with your MAGIC CUE BALL, an extremely rare treasure you recently plundered from an ancient crypt, and one of many rumored to be hidden across the globe. Each at one time belonged to the strange and powerful man fabled to live on the green moon, but have since managed to escape his vision.

It is said to make predictions with alarming precision and specificity. Unfortunately it lacks a portal on its surface that allows you to view the prediction.

So who could say for sure whether its predictions were accurate? It would require someone with x-ray vision.

Or, just maybe...


07/17/10
"======>"



Someone with VISION EIGHTFOLD.

You channel your powerful eyesight through your customized lenses and whisper to the faithful little oracle: Should you be worried about Terezi's threat?


07/17/10
"======>"






07/17/10
"Terezi: Inform Mr. Vanilla Milkshake about his missing orb."



|PESTERLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shehaswhat.gif" border="0" />
GC: >:o


07/17/10
"======>"



Ok, little ball. Fine. If you're so smart, then answer this! How is it going to happen!

HOW????????


07/17/10
"======>"






07/17/10
"======>"






07/17/10
"======>"






07/17/10
"In the aftermath of more recent misfortune..."



One retrieves his dead custodian from the rubble below.

Another finds hers struggling to survive.


07/18/10
"======>"



You guess you've got to put her down.

The question is, do you have the luck to get it done?

Would a sufficient roll even qualify as good luck in this case? You don't know.


07/18/10
"Vriska: Roll."



Maybe the dead girl is on to something. Maybe the only way to beat your bad luck is not caring about the outcome.


07/18/10
"======>"



Seven of the FLUORITE OCTET land, narrowing the field down from the full 8^8.

One tumbles through the air. It will decide among the eight remaining techniques.


07/18/10
"======>"






07/18/10
"======>"



Au revoir, spidermom.


07/18/10
"======>"



Your mercy killing triggers another avalanche. More rotten luck!


07/18/10
"======>"






07/18/10
"Vriska: What's her deal????????"



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AG: What's your deal????????
AA: what d0 y0u mean
AG: Did you just zap Equius into the game? His hive disappeared!
AA: are y0u n0t happy ab0ut that
AG: Hell no! I was supposed to get your surprise present from him! Um, that he was keeping for me! 8ut only temporarily!
AG: And then we were going to jump in the g8me tog8ther! As co-le8ders! Remem8er????????
AA: y0u were ab0ut t0 be killed by his hive
AA: pr0ceeding with that plan w0uldnt have made sense
AA: we certainly d0nt need tw0 dead players
AG: 8ut!
AG: Aaaaaaaah!
AG: You knew this was going to happen! You were planning it all along! You're planning all this. I know a schemer when I see one!
AA: yes it was the plan
AA: it had t0 g0 this way
AG: No! It had to go the way we said it would. I was going to give you the present I convinced him to m8ke for you. Me! It wo8ldn't have got m8de if not f8r me!
AG: And then you could have a 8ody again and everyth8ng would 8e fine. Then we could go 8ack to 8eing friends again.
AA: were we ever really friends
AG: Yeah!!!!!!!!
AG: I don't know. I felt like we were even if you didn't think so.
AG: I guess I'm not very good at acting like a friend. Or saying stuff like, hey friend! You're my friend! It doesn't really occur to me.
AG: 8ut we were! Why would you play with me if you didn't think I was your friend?
AA: i d0nt remember
AA: it d0esnt matter
AG: 8arf. More of this apathetic 8aloney. Why don't you cut the ghost girl act already? I get it! You're dead and spooky.
AA: ribbit
AG: Hm.
AG: Uh, okay?
AG: Haha. Pretty odd!
AA: s0rry
AG: That's cool, you can ri88it if you want. In a weird way it almost makes you sound normal!
AG: So what now? I guess you and Equius co-lead since he managed to usurp me. That cunning 8astard.
AG: I guess I follow you into the game instead? Fine 8y me! I'll follow you guys. Just give me my orders, 8oss.
AA: n0
AA: y0ure n0t 0n the blue team
AG: Oh what the fuuuuuuuuck!
AA: y0u were never g0ing t0 be
AG: I get it. I finally see now. This is your revenge.
AG: You finally did it, Megido. You got me pretty good. Well played.
AA: its n0t revenge
AA: y0u were always supp0sed t0 be 0n the red team
AA: y0ull believe me later
AA: when y0u wake up
AG: What a load of SHIIIIIIIIT. You've 8een plotting your revenge since day one. And I fell for it like a sucker. Can't say I 8lame you.
AA: ive never th0ught ab0ut revenge at all
AG: 8ut why not!
AG: I killed you!!!!!!!!
AA: i d0nt care
AG: AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
AG: You're so infuri8ing! Why c8n't you just h8 me? It would 8e a lot easier th8t way.
AG: Or at least feel 8othered or annoyed or S8METHING! God!!!!!!!!
AG: May8e I sh8uld just rip my he8rt out of my chest and pound it to a 8loody pulp here on my desk with my sup8r strong ro8ot arm.
AG: Pound pound pound pound pound pound pound pound!
AG: Look at that, more nasty 8lue 8lood all over me. Why not! Might as well op8n the floodg8s and p8nt my whole hive with this oh so envia8le cerulean SWILL.
AG: 8ecause clearly it's up to me to feel em8tions for the 8oth of us, you misera8le soulless witch!
AA: 0_0
AG: I h88888888 you!
AG: H8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 h8 haaaaaaaate!
AG: I only regret killing you cause it m8de you so 8ORING!!!!!!!!
AA: s0rry
AG: I don't want to 8e on the red team. ::::(
AG: It's full of jerks who just think I'm a 8ig jerk.
AA: they need y0u th0ugh
AA: and its where y0u need t0 be
AA: karkat will be in t0uch with y0u s00n
AG: Oh god, I can't w8 for THAT convers8tion.
AA: als0 if its any c0ns0lati0n
AA: the teams are meaningless anyway
AG: What? Why would that 8e consol8tion? It's more vague spooky nonsense!
AG: Fuck you for me trying to help you.
AG: Fuck the 8lue team, fuck your conniving, fuck Equius's dou8ledealing and the stupid muscle8east he rode in on, and fuck you for s8ving my life.
AG: FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]


07/19/10
"======>"



And soon, in a place known as the LAND OF CAVES AND SILENCE...


07/19/10
"Equius: Let her know the deal."



|PESTERLOG|
centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CT: D --> Aradia, here's the deal
CT: D --> Now that the game has begun, the plan will be modified slightly
CT: D --> We will not be co-leaders of the b100 team
CT: D --> I alone will be the leader
CT: D --> Is that understood
AA: thats fine
CT: D --> Good
CT: D --> Wait
CT: D --> You have no objection
CT: D --> Are you sure
AA: n0
AA: im 0k with it
CT: D --> Do you typically embrace such a passive attitude when your superiors give you orders
AA: i d0nt usually receive 0rders fr0m superi0rs 0r 0therwise
AA: but really its fine
CT: D --> Hmm
AA: what
CT: D --> I think I should get a towel
CT: D --> I'm perspiring heavily again
AA: why
AA: whats wr0ng
CT: D --> Never mind
CT: D --> I'm trying to stay professional about this
AA: ab0ut what
AA: what are y0u talking ab0ut
CT: D --> Forget it
CT: D --> It's just pleasant to consort with one of lesser breeding who clearly understands her place
AA: ive underst00d f0r s0me time that this will be my r0le
AA: t0 functi0n as y0ur server player
AA: and that y0u w0uld be the team leader as the first in the chain
CT: D --> Perfect
CT: D --> Then we are on the same page
CT: D --> I 100k forward to seeing how well you serve me, server player
AA: uh
AA: thats n0t quite the meaning 0f the w0rd server
CT: D --> What do you mean
AA: as y0ur server i manipulate y0ur envir0nment t0 help y0u advance
CT: D --> I don't understand
CT: D --> Are you
CT: D --> Are you saying
CT: D --> That
CT: D --> You are in a position of control over me
AA: i supp0se s0
CT: D --> Oh
AA: what
CT: D --> Oh my God
AA: 0_0
CT: D --> This is
CT: D --> Impropriety of a caliber I cannot even
CT: D --> It's
CT: D --> You are as low on the hemosprectrum as possible
CT: D --> To consider that someone so low could be in a position of authority over me is
CT: D --> It's just so
CT: D --> Disgusting
AA: y0u really are quite a sn0b
CT: D --> No it's
CT: D --> FILTHY
AA: 0_0
CT: D --> I need some air
CT: D --> Or some cold milk
CT: D --> Or a towel, I need a towel
CT: D --> Where the fuck are all my fresh towels
CT: D --> I mean
CT: D --> Fiddlesticks, please pardon my language
CT: D --> It won't happen again
AA: y0u l00k really agitated
AA: are y0u sure y0ure alright


07/19/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CT: D --> I'm fine
CT: D --> I'll be fine
CT: D --> I just need to breathe
CT: D --> And to break something possibly
AA: break s0mething
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> It helps me rela%
AA: 0h
AA: i think i understand
CT: D --> Do you
AA: i like breaking things
AA: i didnt used t0 but n0w i d0
AA: its fun
AA: um
AA: hell0
AA: are y0u sure y0ure 0k
CT: D --> Yes
AA: y0u really d0 l00k like y0ure sweating pretty hard
CT: D --> I just need a blasted towel
CT: D --> Where ever did that Aurthour get off to
AA: maybe y0u sh0uld break s0mething
AA: t0 try t0 calm d0wn
CT: D --> Perhaps
AA: d0 y0u want me t0 break s0mething
CT: D --> Whoa what
AA: i c0uld break s0mething if y0u want
CT: D --> Do you
CT: D --> Want to break something
AA: kind 0f
CT: D --> I, uh
CT: D --> Ok


07/19/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
AA: equius im ab0ut t0 thr0w an abluti0n trap thr0ugh y0ur wall
AA: heads up
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Yes that was wonderful
AA: it was pretty c00l
CT: D --> But could you please refrain from dipping into the vernacular of commoners
CT: D --> In fact, this is an order from your leader
CT: D --> Call things by their proper names
AA: what
AA: y0u want me t0 call it a bath tub
AA: that s0unds ridicul0us
CT: D --> Nevertheless, do it
AA: fine
CT: D --> Now
CT: D --> Could you please
CT: D --> Uh
CT: D --> Do that again
AA: what
AA: y0u want me t0 thr0w the trap thr0ugh y0ur wall again
AA: i mean the tub
CT: D --> Yes
AA: is that an 0rder
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Wait
CT: D --> I don't know
AA: what d0nt y0u kn0w
CT: D --> Maybe I don't want to order you to
CT: D --> Maybe I want
CT: D --> You to do whatever things that you want to do
AA: i really have n0 idea what y0ure talking ab0ut
CT: D --> You could cause quite a bother for me, with the power you wield
CT: D --> I can do nothing to stop you, peasant girl
CT: D --> It's so magnificently depraved
AA: y0u are s0 weird
AA: and this is c0ming fr0m a gh0st
AA: ribbit
CT: D --> What was that
CT: D --> Are you role playing now
CT: D --> Stop, it's unbecoming
AA: s0rry
CT: D --> You're better than that
CT: D --> And by better, I mean worse
CT: D --> Much, much worse
CT: D --> Downright coarse and degenerate
CT: D --> Just reprehensibly sordid
AA: 0_0
CT: D --> Actually
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> You may role play and proceed to deepen this already irretrievable debauchery
CT: D --> In fact I command it
CT: D --> I command you to have free will and do as you please
CT: D --> And continue being bothersome and unpredictably destructive
CT: D --> I mean
CT: D --> If you want
AA: im n0t really r0le playing
AA: im part fr0g
AA: but 0k
AA: i guess i can break s0me m0re stuff
AA: ribbit
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Ribbit again
AA: i cant really c0ntr0l the ribbits


07/19/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CT: D --> I will make haste through this mysterious realm and find your gate
CT: D --> It will pose no challenge for me at all
AA: yeah i kn0w
CT: D --> I will then give you your new body, and you may take your rightful place as my subordinate
AA: sure
CT: D --> Actually
CT: D --> Now I'm beginning to wonder
AA: what
CT: D --> Whether I want you to be my subordinate
CT: D --> Hmm
CT: D --> I hope this doesn't sound too strange
AA: everything y0u say s0unds strange
CT: D --> Maybe I would like you to be the co-leader again
AA: 0k
CT: D --> In fact
CT: D --> Oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm entertaining this thought
CT: D --> It feels just vile
CT: D --> Try not to roll your eyes at me
AA: i d0nt have pupils
CT: D --> Would you mind terribly
CT: D --> Being the leader
AA: fine
CT: D --> But
CT: D --> Don't tell anyone
CT: D --> You will be the leader of me, and I will lead all else
CT: D --> You would in effect be the secret leader
AA: yeah sure
AA: thats pretty much h0w it is anyway
CT: D --> Yes, that's the spirit
CT: D --> You take to authority well for one of your b100d
AA: i d0nt have bl00d
CT: D --> Not yet
CT: D --> But soon your heart will beat anew, and through it, fresh b100d and fresh passion
AA: 0_0
AA: w0w uh
AA: can y0u just bring me the r0b0t already
CT: D --> On my way

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

AA: ribbit


07/19/10
"Equius: Proceed to second gate."






07/19/10
"======>"



This poses no challenge for you at all.


07/20/10
"Equius: Enter."






07/20/10
"Equius: Deliver present."



|SPRITELOG|
ARADIASPRITE: it l00ks nice
EQUIUS: D --> Yes
EQUIUS: D --> It is perfect in every way
ARADIASPRITE: ribbit
EQUIUS: D --> Do you
EQUIUS: D --> Have a clean towel anywhere


07/20/10
"Aradiasprite: Enter soulbot."






07/20/10
"======>"



|SPRITELOG|
EQUIUS: D --> I think it suits you
EQUIUS: D --> Much more so than the form of a levitating ghostly amphibian
EQUIUS: D --> How does it feel
ARADIABOT: it feels
ARADIABOT: different!
EQUIUS: D --> Ok
EQUIUS: D --> But I mean
EQUIUS: D --> Do you feel anything else
ARADIABOT: uh
EQUIUS: D --> Any sort of
EQUIUS: D --> Stirring sensations
ARADIABOT: stirring?
EQUIUS: D --> Yes
EQUIUS: D --> Such as
EQUIUS: D --> Sensations which may be stirred by flowing b100d and a beating heart
ARADIABOT: im n0t sure
EQUIUS: D --> Can you detect anything within you might describe as
EQUIUS: D --> Smoldering passion
EQUIUS: D --> I mean
EQUIUS: D --> Just out of curiosity
ARADIABOT: wait
ARADIABOT: what is that
EQUIUS: D --> What's what
ARADIABOT: this feeling
ARADIABOT: 0h g0d
ARADIABOT: 0H MY G0D WHAT DID Y0U D0!


07/20/10
"======>"



|SPRITELOG|
ARADIABOT: did y0u pr0gram this r0b0t t0 have feelings f0r y0u?
ARADIABOT: R0MANTIC FEELINGS???
EQUIUS: D --> Hrrrk
ARADIABOT: ANSWER ME BLUE BL00D SCUM
EQUIUS: D --> I
EQUIUS: D --> Yes
EQUIUS: D --> Uh
EQUIUS: D --> It's a chip in your heart
EQUIUS: D --> Is that not ok
ARADIABOT: get it 0ut
EQUIUS: D --> Urrk
EQUIUS: D --> I guess I can
EQUIUS: D --> Uninstall it if you would just
ARADIABOT: GET IT 0UT!!!
EQUIUS: D --> Sorry
EQUIUS: D --> I'll
EQUIUS: D --> Hrrrrrrk
ARADIABOT: GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT GET IT 0UT


07/20/10
"======>"






07/20/10
"======>"






07/20/10
"======>"






07/20/10
"======>"






07/20/10
"======>"






07/27/10
"======>"






07/27/10
"Nepeta: Update wall."



You consult your SHIPPING WALL. Clearly some changes are in order. You must admit you didn't see this one coming, even with your remarkable matchmaking acumen.

You should probably recolor all the Aradia panels so she looks like a robot too. It is a major commitment keeping up with all your ships, but it is worth it.


07/28/10
"Karkat: Recruit Vriska."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

CG: OK THIS IS GOING TO SOUND PREPOSTEROUS GIVEN OUR LAST CONVERSATION.
CG: AND I GUESS PRACTICALLY EVERY CONVERSATION PRECEDING IT.
CG: AND I'M PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING COMPLETELY DISGUSTING LIKE APOLOGIZE.
CG: AND EVEN THOUGH I'LL HATE MYSELF FOR IT I WILL TOTALLY MEAN IT, I PROMISE.
CG: LIKE, REALLY REALLY MEAN IT.
AG: You're going to ask me to join your team, aren't you.
CG: YEAH.
CG: HOW DID YOU KNOW.
AG: I don't seem to have much choice now! Aradia kicked me off the good team.
CG: HAHAHAHA WOW THAT IS GREAT.
CG: WAIT, SORRY.
CG: NO WAIT, I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE NOW.
CG: I APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF FOR OFFERING YOU A SHITTY MEANINGLESS APOLOGY.
CG: APOLOGY ACCEPTED, KARKAT. LET'S BURY THE THRESHER WITH A TOTALLY PLATONIC BRO BULGE BUMP.
CG: BUMP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
AG: You dork.
AG: Do you really think your usual pedantic quips are going to 8ug me now????????
CG: I'M NOT TRYING TO BUG YOU I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO JOIN MY DAMN TEAM, NOW STEP IN LINE SERKET.
AG: I was just 8etrayed and a8andonded 8y my two accomplices and 8est pals, and on top of that I am soaked in the 8lood of my lusus which I just had to decapit8 myself.
AG: So listening to a cra88y asshole 8e all tickled with his own mediocre retorts isn't going to spoil my evening!
CG: OK, WELL, SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
CG: BUT I MEAN YOU CAN JUST DUMP HER CARCASS IN THE KERNEL AND BRING HER BACK STRONGER THAN EVER.
AG: Wow.
AG: Uh, good to know.
AG: I guess. ::::\
CG: NOW WHY DON'T YOU HOP IN THE TRAP, WASH THAT NASTY BLUE SHIT OFF, AND JOIN OUR FUCKING SESSION ALREADY.
AG: What! It's so rude to dict8 hygiene procedure to a lady. Under any circumstance! Even for douchey loudmouths with delusions of leadership.
AG: May8e you should try to think a8out the dum8 things that fall out of your protein chute for once, Vantas.
CG: BLAH BLAH BLAH.
CG: NOW MY CHUTE IS DOING A FUCKING STELLAR IMPRESSION OF SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.
AG: Anyway, you know my 8lood's the prettiest and you'd o8viously kill to have it.
CG: NO IT SUCKS.
CG: TOTALLY HAPPY WITH MINE, NICE TRY THOUGH.
AG: 8S!
AG: Why would you hide 8ehind your lame gray anonymity then?
AG: You do realize everyone thinks that's totally lame, right????????
CG: IT'S NOBODY'S BUSINESS.
CG: I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD BE A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD.
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR THAT SHIT ON MY SLEEVE LIKE YOU DO.
CG: LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY.
CG: IT'S PRIVATE, SO EVERYONE CAN GO POINT THEIR PROBING BUSYBODY SNIFFNODES UP THEIR OWN IMPERTINENT SEED FLAPS.
AG: Fine. Like anyone really cares! It's just lame and insecure.
AG: So why don't you tell me what I've got to do here???????? I await instruction from my 8igshot a8looded leader.
CG: OK FIRST THING'S FIRST.
CG: YOU'VE GOT TO CONNECT WITH TAVROS QUICKLY AND GET HIM IN THE SESSION BEFORE HE GETS KILLED.
AG: Uggggggggh.
CG: WHAT.
AG: Can't someone else do that?
CG: NO. WHY.
AG: XXXXO
CG: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL, JUST DO IT.
AG: 8ut I h8 that guy!
CG: WHO CARES.
AG: This is your command decision? Getting someone who h8s a guy to save his life? Pretty weak, 8oss!
CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM.
CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM.
AG: I know. I don't really understand it.
AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense.
CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK.
AG: Oh god, what?
CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB.
CG: BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO HATE EACH OTHER EQUALLY, I MEAN LIKE TRUE HATE.
CG: MAYBE YOUR FEELINGS COME SOMEWHAT CLOSE TO FITTING THE BILL BUT I DON'T THINK HE CAN HATE ANYONE, IT'S WEIRD, HE'S KIND OF BROKEN IN THE HEAD.
AG: Fuuuuuuuuck, WHAT are you talking a8out?
CG: I THINK THIS SUBJECT IS BEYOND A LOT OF PEOPLE'S GRASP BUT I KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT, NOBODY EVER REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT THOUGH.
AG: Whoa really? Oh no shit, REALLY????????
CG: OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY.
CG: PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE.
CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.
AG: Karkat, holy fuck.
AG: So.
AG: 8oring.
CG: A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS.
CG: HAVING A GOOD BALANCE KEEPS ALL THE EMOTIONS SHARPER, SEE I THINK THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
AG: Oh????????
AG: I hope you know I already wore out some good note-taking pens today. All the pens.
AG: All of them.
CG: SEE, MY HATE IS LIKE A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT BECAUSE I'M AWARE OF THESE PRINCIPLES.
CG: I COULD HATE A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, STRAIGHT THROUGH TO A NEW REALITY FRESH FOR THE HATING.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, you don't even know how much I'm laughing at this.
CG: BUT SEE, YOU'RE TOO HEAVY ON THE HATE SIDE, OR AT LEAST YOU PRETEND TO BE WHICH IS MAYBE WORSE.
AG: You aren't reading anything I say are you? You just want to talk and talk and talk.
CG: AND YOU THINK YOU'RE HATING UP EVERYONE HARD WHEN YOU'RE REALLY JUST BURNING OUT THAT ENTIRE EMOTIONAL HEMISPHERE.
CG: IT'S LIKE LUKEWARM HATE. PRETENDER'S HATE, WITH NO COUNTERPOINT AT ALL.
CG: AS SUCH THERE'S NO REAL SUBSTANCE TO YOUR HATE, IT'S LIKE A CARDBOARD MOVIE PROP.
CG: WHICH IS WHY YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN, KIND OF LIKE TAVROS'S BUT ON THE OPPOSITE HEMISPHERE I GUESS.
CG: OR MAYBE YOUR BROKEN BRAIN LED TO THE IMBALANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I DON'T KNOW.
CG: WHATEVER THE CASE IS, YOU'RE KIND OF EMOTIONALLY SCREWED, SORRY TO SAY.
CG: YOUR HATE'S TOO DULL FOR A PROPER KISMESIS, IN MY OPINION.
CG: AND I DON'T SEE ANYONE CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO BE YOUR MOIRAIL HONESTLY, UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY BOTHER PITYING YOU.
CG: AND LANDING A MATESPRIT? HAHAHAHA!
CG: SERIOUSLY, LIKE THAT WOULD EVEN INTEREST YOU.
CG: BASICALLY ANY FEATURE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL PROFILE THAT USUALLY MAKES SOMEONE VIABLE IN THE REDROM DEPARTMENT MUST BE TOTALLY FRIED.
CG: YOUR BLACKROM POTENTIAL'S PROBABLY TOAST TOO.
CG: HEY.
CG: ARE YOU THERE.
AG: Oh, yeah.
AG: I started tuning you out.
AG: Are you done?
CG: NO WAY, I COULD GO ON.
CG: THIS IS FASCINATING, TELL ME HOW THE FUCK THIS ISN'T FASCINATING.
AG: Did you learn this crap from your awful romance movies?
CG: THEY'RE REALLY INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY.
CG: INCREDIBLY COMPLEX, SOPHISTICATED STORIES, YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.
AG: Hey asshole, stop watching movies for girls.
CG: WHAT PART OF INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND.
CG: ALSO THEY'RE AWESOME, SHUT UP.
AG: Argh, ok! Man! Just let me connect to stupid 8oy-Dum8fuck so I don't have to listen to this anymore!
CG: YEAH OK.
CG: OH, WAIT!
CG: I NEVER EVEN GOT TO THE DAMN POINT.
AG: What is it now!
CG: I DIDN'T NEED YOU SPECIFICALLY TO CONNECT TO TAVROS, I MEAN I COULD GET ANY SCHLUB TO DO THAT.
CG: YOU JUST HAVE TO GET IN HERE ASAP BECAUSE I REALLY NEED YOUR MIND POWERS.
AG: You do????????
AG: I mean.
AG: O8viously you do. Duh.
AG: What for?
CG: I RAN INTO SOMEONE HERE.
CG: A SORT OF DOUBLE AGENT I GUESS.
CG: HIS NAME IS JACK.


07/28/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CG: HE HAS SOME INSIDE INFORMATION ABOUT HIS KINGDOM.
CG: HE WANTS TO WORK TOGETHER WITH US TO OVERTHROW THE BLACK QUEEN.
CG: SO I SAID OK.
CG: AND NOW I NEED YOUR HELP.
AG: Um, ok.
AG: I can try.
AG: What does he know?
CG: HE RECENTLY GOT HOLD OF SOME INTEL REGARDING A WEAKNESS IN THE QUEEN'S DEFENSES.
CG: I DON'T KNOW ANY MORE THAN THAT.
CG: BUT WE'VE GOT TO HURRY AND GET STARTED ON THIS THING, OR IT COULD GET KIND OF AWKWARD.
AG: Awkward? What do you mean?
CG: I MEAN HE'S JUST STANDING HERE NOW.
CG: WAITING FOR ME I GUESS.
CG: BUT IT'S OK, I THINK HE'S PRETTY MUCH SETTLED DOWN.
AG: Settled down?
CG: WELL, HE STABBED ME ONCE.
AG: Oh, only once!
AG: Are you sure you should trust him? I don't know if I would, 8ut hey I'm not the leader.
CG: NO, NO, IT'S COOL.
CG: HE'S COOL, IT'S FINE I DON'T REALLY MIND THE STABBING, IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING.
CG: WELL OK I'M PRETTY SURE HE MEANT TO STAB ME.
CG: BUT I KIND OF THINK THAT'S LIKE
CG: THE WAY HE GREETS PEOPLE?
AG: This game is so stupid.
CG: IN ANY CASE I THINK HE'S PROBABLY ALL STABBED OUT.
AG: Whew!!!!!!!!
AG: Oh, man.
AG: Since you're 8leeding I should ask Terezi what color your 8lood is.
CG: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
CG: SHE CAN'T SEE ME OR SMELL ME OR ANYTHING, I'M WAY OUT OF MY HIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE PLANET.
AG: Ok, then I'll ask Jack.
CG: NO, JACK WON'T TELL, I MADE HIM PROMISE HE WOULDN'T TELL.
AG: Dammit! Stupid lousy tightlipped sta8happy dou8le agents.
AG: Doesn't Trollian have some kind of viewport feature?
CG: YEAH BUT I'M PRETTY SURE ONLY SOLLUX KNOWS HOW TO SET THAT UP, AND HE'S BEEN INCOMMUNICADO FOR HOURS FOR SOME REASON.
CG: ANYWAY THAT WHOLE FEATURE SEEMS TOTALLY INVASIVE AND LARGELY POINTLESS TO ME, SO JUST FORGET IT.
AG: Yeah ok, here we are a8out to em8ark on an espionage mission. A spying tool sounds totally useless!
AG: Another gr8 point, captain.
CG: WHATEVER.
CG: JUST GET YOUR ASS IN HERE SO WE CAN DETHRONE THIS GODDAMN QUEEN.
CG: IT'LL MEAN ONE LESS GOD BOSS WE HAVE TO FIGHT.
AG: Fine, I'll be right there.
AG: Just try not to lose too much of your mystery blood and die.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]


07/28/10
"Be Jack a few minutes ago..."



You find the kid you've been looking for. He's got a pretty sharp tongue and can't seem to keep it sheathed. He should learn up front you're no stranger to sharp objects yourself.


07/28/10
"======>"



He still won't shut up. He doesn't seem to care about the wound. He's just going on and on about the freakish color of his blood. He doesn't want you to look at it. Just look away, he says.

You've got to admit. Now you're curious.


07/28/10
"Jack: Look at knife."



You don't see what the big deal is. Nothing special. This kid's out of his mind.

But he's still blubbering on and on about it.


07/28/10
"======>"



It seems he's the only one of his kind with this mutant candy-red blood. An outcast. He thinks he was put on this planet covered in an ocean of his own blood to be taunted. Punished for something.

Saddest story you ever heard. Got to do something to shut him up.


07/28/10
"======>"






07/28/10
"======>"






07/28/10
"======>"






07/28/10
"======>"






07/29/10
"Karkat: Be in cahoots with Jack."



You and your like-blooded accomplice soon put OPERATION REGISURP into motion, a contingency plan which the archagent conveniently had on file and named himself. If it were drafted by a legitimate contingency firm, it would ostensibly have been given a better title.

Your whole team executes the plan along the course of its journey, employing espionage, mind control tactics, political sabotage, vicious interrogations and cold blooded assassinations. Everyone does their part and you begin to learn the true meaning of teamwork, as well as this troll disease called friendship.


07/29/10
"======>"



But before a single step is taken, Jack briefs you on the intelligence uncovered by one of his agents. It is an advantage over the queen you will seize upon while she has let her guard down.

With each prototyping by each player, the royalty of both sides would evolve. The queen with her RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD would first take on the claws and ridged carapace of your lusus. And then the wings and scales of Terezi's young dragon. And then the horns and gills and cloven hooves of Gamzee's fallen custodian. And so it would continue.

Though a queen is a vain creature, she is also sworn to her duty. She would be braced for the heavy load of augmentation ahead. She could certainly withstand the eight eyes of an arachnid. The fairy wings might at worst be frivolous, and the great bull horns could even be regarded as striking additions. For that matter, the sultry lips of a mother grub might very plausibly suit her. She perhaps would wear a brave face even behind a dignified mustache, and the centauring of her lower torso could transpire without much complaint. She would dutifully indulge a lactating udder. And when all was said and done, doubling her head count would surely be insult to elevenfold injury, but nothing she hadn't essentially endured already, all in the name of her kingdom.

But she would spare herself all of these additional debasements. Because before the rest came, there would be one corruption to her figure she could not abide. Her vanity wouldn't allow it.


07/29/10
"======>"



She could not stand bearing the visage of the most loathsome creature known to existence. So vile is its appearance, so contemptible its purpose, all depictions of the creature let alone members of its population are permanently banned from any jurisdiction in the reach of her agents. Those of its kind go by many names, and so does the reviled patron god they herald - THE GREAT DETESTATION, KING PONDSQUATTER, SPEAKER OF THE VAST JOKE, or most commonly, BILIOUS SLICK.

His true name is of course forbidden. And wearing his face is where she drew the line.


07/29/10
"======>"



She removed the ring and concealed it in the ROYAL VAULT while she was quite sure no one was looking. She then retired to her private chamber from which she would dispatch orders, no one the wiser of her disadvantage.

Or so she thought.


07/29/10
"Red team: Execute Operation Regisurp."



The operation in time would be a total success. The BANISHED QUASIROYAL would make the future Alternian wasteland her home.


07/29/10
"======>"



Until she was given a new purpose.


07/30/10
"======>"



But at the onset, you would know nothing of the queen's aversion to an amphibious likeness, or about her orbs twelvefold, or any such details. You were informed of her disadvantage, and would act accordingly. You and your red teammates would work to dethrone the queen in your session, while the blue team members would take on the entirely separate set of royal adversaries in their own session. This was to be a competition, after all.

Or so you thought.


07/30/10
"======>"



You would begin to notice a strange pattern. The blue team's prototypings would affect the mutations of your session's underlings.


07/30/10
"======>"



And your prototypings would affect theirs.


07/30/10
"======>"



Though the signs pointed to two distinct sessions - two sets of mystic ruins, two opposing teams, two separate chains of connected players - this was all misleading.


07/30/10
"======>"



You were joining a particularly unusual bifurcated session, meant from the start to receive all twelve players through two separate connection chains. A session with one Skaia about which twelve planets would circle. With one army of dark and one of light. With one pair of kings and one pair of queens. And with one cantankerous archagent and his typical disdain for authority. It wouldn't be until later in the session when the full chain was nearly closed that you would realize the truth.

The truth was it had always been the same session all along. That your teams were not competing, but cooperating toward a common goal.


07/30/10
"======>"



In the more drawn out form of this adventure's narrative, figuring this out would have been a huge deal. We would have been completely blown away by this stunning revelation.

Wow. Same session all along. Really?

Huh.


07/30/10
"======>"



But since we've decided to engage this epic in shorthand, you feel you must insist that we continue with this expository interlude.

It would turn out the arrangement of planets looked like this, rather. Bifurcated from each other, each team appearing to comprise a distinct chain in a distinct session without the luxury of the complete picture we see here.

It appeared that way until it was time to link the two chains, completing the circuit of twelve and uniting the teams.

For these final two links, Skaia had a plan, as it did with the order of every preceding link, and as it did with the paradoxical seeding of its own players on the surface of the planet it would later devastate to buy itself time. Its plan was as inescapable as all others, as inevitable as the reckoning it would ultimately face.


07/30/10
"======>"






07/31/10
"======>"



After watching the phrases MOBIUS DOUBLE and REACH AROUND toggle for a few minutes while in a sort of stupor, you finally snap out of it. Your attention drifts toward these two symbols.

You would try to be these mysterious characters but you suspect you would fail, so you don't bother.

They're way too mysterious for you to be them yet! Seriously, what's up with these guys? Do they live under water or something? What's their deal!

We'll learn all about them a little later.


07/31/10
"======>"



For that matter, what about this young lady? What is HER deal???

We'll probably find out about her later too. It will probably be quite some time before you get to be her. It could very well be pages and pages and pages.


07/31/10
"And pages and pages and pages."



Seriously, it could take forever.


07/31/10
"Enter name."



Your name is KANAYA MARYAM.

You are one of the few of your kind who can withstand the BLISTERING ALTERNIAN SUN, and perhaps the only who enjoys the feel of its rays. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who has taken a shining to LANDSCAPING. You have cultivated a lush oasis around your hive, and in particular, you have honed your craft through the art of TOPIARY, sculpting your trees to match the PUFFY ORACLES from your dreams. You have embraced the tool of this trade, which conveniently is the weapon of choice for those who would hunt the HEINOUS BROODS OF THE UNDEAD which crawl from the sand at sunrise to feast on the light and the living.

It would be convenient if you actually hunted them, but it is of course far too dangerous, every bit as suicidal as attempting to poach the terrible MUSCLEBEASTS who roam at night. So you indulge in your bright fascination with the grim through literature. Just before the sun goes down and you join your flora in rest, you immerse yourself in tales of RAINBOW DRINKERS and SHADOW DROPPERS and FORBIDDEN PASSION.

You are one of the few of your kind with JADE GREEN BLOOD. As such you are one of the few who could be selected and raised by a VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB, an event so rare as to elude documented precedent. She would defend you from desert threats, and though her life would be short, in time you would assure her of progeny.

You are one of the few of your kind whose affection for the aesthetic strongly overpowers instinctive regard for the utilitarian. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who has developed a zeal for FASHION and DESIGN and LIVELY COLORFUL PATTERNS. You decorate your hive with FLORA and FABRIC, as delicately or aggressively as inspiration demands. You are a SEAMSTRESS or a RAGRIPPER or a TREETRIMMER or a LUMBERJACK, whichever you care to be, and your unique hive is equipped with a great supply of advanced technology to accommodate your interests. The technology and indeed the hive itself were all recovered from the ruins nearby when you were very young. The seed of your hive was deployed on the volcanic rocks beneath the sand with the assistance of your lusus and her remarkable burrowing skills, and you have lived there happily together since.

You know the ruins and the hive and everything here that is not sand and rock originated from the world of your dreams. You also know that one day you will visit this world while you are awake. That day is today.

Your trolltag is grimAuxiliatrix and you Tend To Enunciate Each Word You Speak Very Clearly And Carefully

What will you do?


07/31/10
"Kanaya: Equip chainsaw."



What CHAINSAW? You are quite sure there is no CHAINSAW leaning on that bookshelf.

There is however a tube of LIPSTICK on the floor.


07/31/10
"Kanaya: Fine, equip that then."



Alright, let's settle down. No need to get hysterical.

Oh, there goes your WARDROBIFIER again. Never a dull moment in fashion when the randomized cycle is on.


07/31/10
"Kanaya: Apply."



You can choose between your trademark jade or black. Even though a troll's lips are naturally black.

But they can always be blacker, and a lady with a true sense of style knows this.

In any case you think you'll mix things up and go with green for a while.


07/31/10
"======>"






08/01/10
"Kanaya: Answer CC."



|PESTERLOG|
cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CC: )(-ELLO!
GA: Hey
CC: KANAYA )(I!
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
CC: 38)
GA: You Seem More Excited Than Usual
GA: Or Less
GA: I Cant Tell
GA: Help Me Tell Without Saying Glub
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub glub glub!
GA: Im Going To Type This Face Now
GA: :?
GA: Even Though No One Knows How To Make A Mouth Do A Question Shape Like That
CC: )(a)(a sorry!
CC: I cant really control t)(e glubs.
GA: Yes You Can
GA: But Thats Fine You Can Glub To The Content Of Your Collapsing And Expanding Bladder Based Aquatic Vascular System
GA: If It Means You Are Excited About Something
CC: I AM -EXCIT-ED!
GA: Ok Why
CC: -Everyt)(ing we are about to do next is exciting.
CC: It is always exciting.
CC: I'm -EXCIT----------------ED!
CC: Pc)(ooooo.
GA: It Looks Like One Of Your Letters Got Away From You
CC: )(a)(a yea)( I really launc)(ed t)(at one.
GA: You Forked An Innocent D Loitering Over There By The Shout Pole Minding Its Own Business
CC: )(-E)(-E!
CC: Glub glub glub!
CC: )(-EY! Lets stop being retarded for a minute.
GA: Yeah Sure
CC: I am just worked up about t)(is game, it will be great.
CC: Ive been waiting a long time to get started! We all )(ave.
GA: I Thought So
GA: I Have Been Cloaked In A Mood Of Perpetual Anticipation For Some Time As Well
CC: We s)(ould compare notes. Even t)(oug)( we are on different teams!
GA: Well
GA: Not Really
CC: )(mm really?
CC: See t)(is is w)(y we s)(ould be comparing notes! 38O
GA: What Notes Would You Like To Submit For Comparison
CC: )(mmmmmm.
CC: Well I am going to join my team pretty late.
CC: I t)(ink I )(ave to!
CC: I will need to connect after my goofball moirail does so I can keep my goggles on )(is nefarious escapades.
CC: Its a toug)( job but its important! Everyone )(as an important job to do.
GA: Yeah
CC: Isnt t)(at w)(at youre doing too? Joining late to keep an eye on yours?
GA: I Dont Know For A Fact That She Is Mine
CC: )(a)(a youre not supposed to know for a FACT dummy!
CC: You just do w)(at you t)(ink is rig)(t and even if you were wrong t)(e worst t)(at )(appened was you )(elped somebody and )(elped t)(e w)(ole world too!
GA: I Know
GA: But What If I Dont Really Want Her To Be That
CC: Glub glub glub glub S)(RUG.
GA: Yeah Glub Glub Shrug Is The Right Attitude I Think
GA: Our Minds Are Already Made Up Anyway Arent They
CC: Yes probably!
CC: Your clouds tell you everyt)(ing so w)(at do you even )(ave to worry about?
GA: They Dont Tell Me Everything
GA: Just As I Am Sure She Doesnt Whisper Everything To You
CC: T)(ats true.
CC: O)( s)(ucks now Im going to get sad.
CC: S)(e will be gone soon. 38(
CC: T)(oug)( I guess it will be a relief not to )(ave to worry about keeping )(er voice down anymore!
GA: I Wonder If Any Other Kid On The Planet Has As Many Burdens In The Fire As You
GA: I Doubt It
CC: T)(ey arent burdens!
CC: Ok I guess t)(ey are )(a)(a.
CC: But I love t)(em and I wouldnt )(ave it any ot)(er way because t)(is is w)(y Im )(ere!
CC: On t)(at note I t)(ink Im going to go say goodbye to )(er. Maybe you s)(ould too w)(ile you )(ave t)(e c)(ance!
CC: Even t)(oug)( Ill see )(er again soon w)(ic)( still seems kind of strange to me.
CC: But t)(ats w)(y t)(is is all so -EXCITING!
CC: KANAYA BY----------------------------E!

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]


08/02/10
"Kanaya: Check on lusus."



You had nearly forgotten. Today her time would come.

Maybe you should be there in her final moment. But then it isn't exactly final, is it?

Death is pretty confusing without the finality.


08/02/10
"======>"






08/02/10
"======>"



It's too late.

You'd better change back into your work clothes. No point in getting a good dress dirty.


08/02/10
"Kanaya: Go downstairs."



She brought you this far. Now to live up to your end of the bargain.


08/02/10
"Kanaya: Operate."






08/02/10
"======>"






08/02/10
"======>"






08/02/10
"======>"






08/02/10
"Kanaya: Captchalogue that thing."



You secure the MATRIORB through your CHASTITY MODUS. Safe and sound!

You will serendipitously discover the key to unlock this card when and only when you are ready to use this item, and not a moment before!


08/02/10
"======>"



Look at this mess. All this blood and sunlight is stirring bright feelings within. You often fantasize about being a true rainbow drinker from your literature. It would be a life of darting between the shadows, of persecution and being misunderstood. And of ROMANCE. You would drink heavily from its multicolored well, and the hemospectrum would be your wine list preceding the great feast of passion.

Surely it couldn't hurt. While no one is looking...


08/02/10
"Kanaya: Just a taste."






08/02/10
"======>"






08/02/10
"Kanaya: Meddle with moirail."



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Whaaaaaaaat.
GA: Just Wanted To Know
GA: Is Your Lusus Dead Yet

You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read, bugging and fussing and meddling through the special and magical union one can only describe as being in moirallegiance with another.

At least, you guess that's how you would describe it. Maybe.

Troll romance sure is confusing!


08/03/10
"======>"



You will put her out of your mind for a while. It should be hours before you have to connect with her anyway. Might as well pack this thing up and head inside.

Oh what now. What could this guy want?

It never ends!


08/03/10
"Kanaya: Answer CA."



|PESTERLOG|
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin
GA: Who
CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho
GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative
GA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok
CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone does
CA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to
GA: Why Do I Got To
GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less
CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing
CA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs
GA: If Your Slander Werent So Predictable Id Block You Too For Saying That
GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery Ovverbearing
GA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment
CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith her
CA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right
GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent
GA: What Do You Want From Her Anyway
CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangement
CA: she wwill delivver it wwhen wwe meet in this game but i dont knoww wwhat the logistics are yet
CA: im tryin to connoiter wwith her here but shes blowwin me off again fickle dirtscrapin landhag
GA: What Is It
CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin
CA: ok wwell not that obvviously
CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after
GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That
CA: wwell
CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable
CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be
GA: Also Speculate For A Moment That Self Preservation Might Not Be What Would Sway My Decision
CA: yeah go ahead and kiss us off but therell be blood on your hands
CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to
CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps
CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworks
CA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at once
CA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish
GA: Its Just
GA: Laborious Listening To This
GA: Im Sorry
GA: None Of It Matters
CA: yeah it does its important sorry but the fate of the race and purity of the bloodline is important excuse me for being concerned
GA: I Know
GA: But You Really Should Know By Now The World Will End Tonight Regardless
GA: Land And Sea Dwellers Alike Will All Die
GA: Because Of The Game We Are About To Play
GA: And I Agree The Fate Of The Race Is Important But Its In My Hands Now
GA: All Of Ours Really
CA: huh
CA: wwell ok
GA: Really
CA: ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuff
CA: unless its to yourself
CA: but thats wwhy i bother evven talking to you i wwouldnt evven be here SAYIN any of this otherwwise
CA: so did your clouds tell you that
GA: The Doomsday Scenario In Particular
GA: No Not Exactly
CA: i got clouds and they dont tell me SHIT they hide nothin but misfortune and monstrosities
CA: fuckin pain in the ass fuckin clouds
CA: so howw do you knoww then
GA: I Have Another Source
CA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymore
CA: wwhatevver wwe wwill just play and find out i guess
CA: so can you tell her to talk to me anywway
GA: No
CA: god dammit
CA: she and me are teammates wwevve got to havve a powwwwoww or SOMETHING
GA: You Arent Actually On The Same Team
CA: fuck
CA: fine i get it ill step off
CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that
GA: No Thats Not It
CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it
CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly
CA: but its cool its totally fine dont wworry ill leavve you alone and givve you a shot
GA: Its Unbelievable
GA: Her Patience
CA: wwhat
CA: wwhoa wwait wwho
GA: Never Mind
CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today
CA: wwhat did she say
CA: or glub or wwhatevver
GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely
CA: WWWWHAT
GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You
GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be
CA: wwait
CA: did she actually say that
CA: in confidence
GA: To The Letter
CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said
GA: Absolutely Not
CA: this is bullshit youre bee essing me in some wway awwful
CA: you dont lie but you do tease and ill tranfuse my kickass royal blood out wwith incontinent musclebeast discharge if i wwont knoww wwhen im gettin hooked
GA: Yeah
GA: Shes Just A Concerned Moirail
GA: Looking Out For You
GA: Thats All
CA: awwww fuck
CA: see im tellin you
CA: you got to play your cards right
GA: What Do You Mean
CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to people
CA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward
GA: Oh
GA: Hmm
CA: kan its hard
GA: What
CA: being a kid and growwing up
CA: its hard and nobody understands

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]


08/03/10
"Kanaya: Return to room."



There is a lot to do before you enter. There will be a lot of people to talk to and help along the way. No, not meddle with or mediate. HELP, dammit! You are very helpful.

You have a lot of inside information on what you and your coplayers are about to face. You are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many ways we don't know what to say anymore. And it's not just cloud visions either.

You have another source.


08/03/10
"Kanaya: Consult source."






08/03/10
"======>"



In one dream, the clouds pointed you to the address of a server hidden in an obscure pocket of a realm unknowable to mortals. It contains a journal written by a young member of an alien species. She has documented her experiences playing the game you are about to play.

You can only assume this took place a long time ago. This race is likely ancient, preceding yours by millions of sweeps. Maybe billions! You like to try to imagine the adventures of these players. Were they successful in repopulating their race? Did they manage to protect their matriorb and hatch a new mother grub? Could they hold it together, or were they torn apart by the complex social dynamics, the matespritships and moirallegiences and auspisticisms and kismesissitudes that will surely plague your group along the way?

You have little doubt they succeeded with flying colors.


08/03/10
"======>"



You have little doubt their victory was because of their leader, a great heroine, the TENTACLETHERAPIST. From what she recorded, it seems the group had very little knowledge of what they were getting into. And yet they appear to have been the only of their kind to have risen to the challenge in a session stacked heavily against them. You are convinced her leadership was the difference.

It would be nice to have the chance to talk to her. Alas, she's likely been dead for millennia. Only the incomplete record of a long forgotten quest remains.

On the other hand, if you were to discover her quest ended in failure, it might be somewhat disillusioning.

But that thought never crossed your mind.


08/04/10
"Tavros: Enter."



Having narrowly dodged obliteration, you take your place as the PAGE OF BREATH in the LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR.


08/05/10
"And in time..."



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Taaaaaaaavros!
AG: Go outside and look at what I 8uilt for you! You are going to FLIP!
AT: oKAY,


08/05/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
AT: i THINK THIS, iS,
AT: pROBABLY MEANT TO ANTAGONIZE ME,
AG: What are you talking a8out. Look at my 8eatiful 8uilding. Don't you think it's a8out time someone got a little cre8tive with this game????????
AT: uMMM, mAYBE,
AG: Everyone always wants to do things the 8oring way.
AG: Didn't we make a truce, Tavros? That we would try to 8e less 8oring from now on?
AG: You don't want to 8reak your truce with me, do you Tavros?
AT: nO,
AG: Gr8. Now get clim8ing!
AT: pLEASE DON'T READ THIS AS,
AT: a BORING THING, i HOPE,
AT: bUT,
AT: iT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO THAT, mOSTLY,
AG: Man. I knew it. Toreasnooze is 8ACK IN ACTION.
AT: wHY DON'T YOU, iN LIKE,
AT: a NOT BORING WAY, bUILD,
AT: mORE INCLINED SURFACES, lIKE YOU DID OVER THERE,
AT: mAYBE YOU COULD COLOR THEM, wITH FUN COLORS,
AT: sO YOU WON'T THINK THEY'RE BORING AND GET ANGRY AT ME SOME MORE,
AG: I 8uilt that ramp 8ecause we were in a hurry to save your life, remem8er?
AG: A dead Tavros is even more 8oring than an alive and crippled Tavros 8y a slim margin.
AG: My stair structure is lovely and I'm not changing it.
AG: Now hop out of your wheel device and get clim8ing!!!!!!!!
AT: uHH,
AT: cLIMBING,
AG: Or crawling. Whatever! Stop 8eing so helpless. It's pathetic.
AT: iT WILL TAKE A LONG TIME,
AG: What's the rush! You're in the game, safe and sound. Look in the sky. Do you see any meteors? I sure don't!
AT: bUT, tHERE ARE IMPS AROUND,
AT: aND i'LL BE SORT OF DEFENSELESS,
AT: lYING DOWN ON STAIRS,
AG: Siiiiiiiigh.
AG: You did not just use that excuse. We 8oth know you can commune with these things.
AG: Hey! Why don't you psychically command them to carry you up????????
AG: Oh my god that is a gr8 idea. Once again, leave it to Vriska to come up with the cre8tive solutions.
AT: i WOULDN'T REALLY,
AT: WANT TO MAKE THEM DO THAT,
AT: i JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, wHY,
AT: wE CAN'T DO THIS THE EASY WAY,
AG: What good would that do you?
AG: Whatever the purpose of this game is, it makes you work hard for it!
AG: That way you 8ecome stronger along the way and you are 8etter prepared for whatever's next.
AG: Remem8er when we used to flarp together???????? It was the exact same principle. And that's why you were always outmatched! You were too soft and not well prepared.
AG: Nothing comes easy, Tavros. That is why we go through the trials in the 8rooding caverns when we are young.
AG: To make sure we are strong when we come out!
AG: Do you remem8er the trials, Tavros?
AT: nOT VERY WELL, nO,
AG: Well, I do, and they were a 8itch.
AG: 8ut now that I think a8out it, it would make perfect sense if your trials were really easy 8y some mistake.
AG: That is why you are such a soggy phlegm sponge, and why you got picked 8y such a sad, frail little lusus!
AT: }:(
AG: 8ut that's ok, it pro8a8ly wasn't your fault. Just a 8ad 8r8k!
AG: You're lucky you have me as a server player, so I can challenge you and help you get strong.
AG: Now hop out of that seat and get clim8ing! I will deliver the device to you once you are at the top.
AG: Clim8, Pupa!
AG: Cliiiiiiiiim8!
AT: mAYBE i SHOULD ASK TINKERBULL ABOUT THIS,
AT: hE'S REALLY SMART, nOW THAT HE CAN TALK,
AG: No!!!!!!!!
AG: You don't need help from your lame 8ull fairy. He is only holding you 8ack.
AT: hE'S MY FRIEND,
AG: God. Pathetic.
AG: This is getting frustrating.
AG: Why did I have to get stuck with the cripple? Just my luck.
AG: Do you have any idea how inconvenient this is? Do you have any sympathy for what I'm dealing with here?
AT: uHH,
AG: You're so inconsider8. You just sit there looking smug. It's infuri8ing to look at you.
AG: You haven't even thanked me! Or apologized for that matter!!!!!!!!
AG: uHHHHHHHH THANKS VRISKA, fOR sAVING UHH MY LIFE,
AG: uMMMMM IT SURE WAS 8RAVE AND HEROIC AND PRETTY OF YOU,
AG: aLSO uMMM dUHHH,,,, uMMM,,, i AM SORRY FROM THE 8OTTOM OF MY NOOK,,,,,,,,,,
AG: Seriously, how hard would that have 8een?
AT: oKAY,
AT: tHANKS, i GUESS,
AT: bUT,
AT: sORRY FOR WHAT,
AG: For 8eing crippled, you ass!
AT: yOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE,
AT: fOR BEING PARALYZED,
AG: Yes.
AG: Say you're sorry.
AT: i DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, oR bORING,
AT: bUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS, gIVEN,
AT: uH, tHE CIRCUMSTANCES,
AG: 8ullshit!
AG: It's something called 8asic decency and civility you fudge8looded 8oor.
AG: Now get down on your useless wo88ly knees and apologize.
AT: nO, i DON'T WANT TO,
AG: >::::O


08/05/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Apologize, Pupa!
AG: Apologiiiiiiiize!!!!!!!!
AG: Say you're sorry for being a cripple! Wheeeeeeee!
AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!


08/05/10
"Tavros: Summon Rufio."



Now she's done it. She has awoken the mighty inner fury that is...

RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


08/05/10
"======>"



But unfortunately, Rufio is not real. He's imaginary. A fake. Like a made up friend, the way fairies are.

You continue to be sad and alone.


08/06/10
"Vriska: Wheeeeeeee!"






08/06/10
"======>"






08/06/10
"Kanaya: Mediate."



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Hey, what's your deal!
AG: Shouldn't you 8e helping me out of this jam instead of fussing with my plum8ing????????
GA: Just Presenting A Floating Reminder That Tavros Will Need Plenty Of Inclined Surfaces For His Ascent
AG: That's silly. I made so many ramps, you wouldn't even 8elieve it.
AG: I specifically decided I wanted to 8uild something ugly and 8oring. It is now the land of ramps and yawns.
GA: Hes Reported Otherwise
AG: That lousy snitch! May8e I should take his computer away so he can't go crying to fussyfangs anymore.
GA: Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head
AG: No, don't!
GA: Im Still Learning The Interface
GA: It Could Happen Accidentally At Any Moment
AG: I'm only trying to help him. ::::(
GA: Think Of Another Way To Help
AG: Fine.
AG: I'll do something NICE.
AG: I have an idea. I will 8e right 8ack.
AG: And for the record, I was going to do this anyway! I was just trying to make him a 8etter player first.
GA: Ok
AG: In the meantime, how a8out I serve my client player the way I think is 8est, and you can do the same for yours????????
GA: Hmm
GA: I Thought I Was


08/06/10
"Vriska: Scurry downstairs."






08/06/10
"======>"



You make your way down to one of your innumerable LOOT STRONGHOLDS where you stash riches and gold and jewels and prizes plundered during your campaigns.

There they are. Your ROCKET BOOTS. You must confess you will find favor with just about any kind of footwear as long as it is bright red. You would wear these striking boots even if they were broken pieces of junk!

But as it happens they work just fine and they are awesome.


08/06/10
"Vriska: Take them."






08/06/10
"Vriska: Go back up."



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Quit cleaning up after me!!!!!!!!
AG: You are so ridiculous.


08/06/10
"Vriska: Get code."






08/06/10
"======>"






08/06/10
"Vriska: Send code."






08/06/10
"Tavros: Alchemize."






08/06/10
"Tavros: Fly, Pupa!!!!!!!!"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Flyyyyyyyy!


08/07/10
"And again, in time..."






08/07/10
"Tavros: Lead fearsome entourage into ruins."






08/07/10
"======>"






08/07/10
"Tavros: Confer with teammate."



|PESTERLOG|
AT: yESSSS, aNOTHER PIECE FITS,
AT: wE ARE MAKING SOME STRICT PROGRESS ON THIS PUZZLE,
AG: Oh. That's cool I guess.
AT: sO WHERE DO YOU THINK, iS THE NEXT ONE,
AG: Um, I don't know? Pro8a8ly 8uried in the stupid sand somewhere like all the others.
AT: oKAY, THAT'S MOSTLY WHAT i WAS THINKING TOO, bUT,
AT: iT SUDDENLY DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU THINK THE PUZZLE IS COOL,
AG: The puzzle sucks! All these puzzles suck.
AG: If I have to help you put one more dum8 sla8 of 8oring rock into another stupid wall indent8tion I am going to put an indent8tion in my desk with my f8ce.
AT: bUT IT, uHH,
AT: iT LOOKS LIKE A FROG,
AT: aND THAT'S KIND OF FUN,
AG: Snore. These puzzles are for wigglers. I solved way 8etter puzzles than this in my heyday as Mindfang.
AG: Oh look some ruins. Oh look another mysterious recess in the wall! I wonder if something fits in there????????
AG: It pro8a8ly just opens a secret passage to more wall indent8tions. I am so over this puzzle.
AT: uHH, bUT,
AT: tHEY ARE NECESSARY TO SOLVE, aREN'T THEY,
AT: tO FIND NEW MAGIC ARTIFACTS AND THINGS, aND LEARN MORE ABOUT THE LORE OF THIS LAND,
AG: Tavros, let me let you in on a little secret a8out the lore of your land.
AG: It's 8oring!!!!!!!!
AT: }:o
AG: The minds of your consorts are very soft and impressiona8le.
AG: As easily manipul8ed as all those imps you've 8een 8ossing around.
AG: I have picked apart their tiny little lizard 8rains and seen through all the smoke and mirrors of their riddles.
AG: I have gotten to the truth they are guarding. The great 8ig mystery 8ehind this planet. And you know what it is, Tavros?
AT: nO,
AG: It's 8ullshit!
AG: Meaningless, 8oring, fanciful 8ullshit wrapped in flowery poems to keep you guessing.
AG: It all leads to one thing anyway, and that's what we should put our attention on.
AG: Real gamers cut to the chase. They power through all the nonsense and go for the gold.
AG: They cheat, Tavros.
AG: It is time you learned to start cheating.
AT: i THOUGHT, i KIND OF WAS CHEATING,
AT: bY MAKING FRIENDS WITH MONSTERS,
AG: Well, it's a good start. You are 8ending the rules and getting stuff done.
AG: Ok I will admit, I am fairly impressed with your progress so far. Even though you still pro8a8ly haven't even killed a single enemy!!!!!!!
AT: uMM,
AG: No, don't 8other. I know you haven't.
AG: 8ut may8e that's ok. May8e it's just your style, and your real strength is surrounding yourself with allies who are much stronger than you.
AG: Like me!
AG: I'm sure there is more than one way up the echeladder. In your case pro8a8ly the only way is to roll gently up the echeramp.
AG: The path of the invalid.
AT: yEAH, i AGREE,
AG: 8ut I think it's time to stop fucking around! You need to 8e challenged more.
AG: I have 8een designing a quest for you that should test your true limits.
AT: oHH,
AT: iS THAT WHAT YOU WERE DOING, aLL THIS TIME,
AG: Yes.
AT: i MEAN, nOT THAT i DON'T,
AT: aPPRECIATE IT, BUT,
AT: dON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN QUEST TO DO,
AG: Yeah, well, after she got me in the game, Kanaya just left me in the lurch, pro8a8ly 8ecause she's dealing with her own crisis now.
AG: Which is just as well 8ecause I was starting to get nannied HARD. You wouldn't even 8elieve it.
AT: nANNIED,
AG: So I had some time to kill.
AG: I drew you a map!
AT: wHOAAA,
AG: Here, take a look.
AG: It marks what will 8e your new destination. Where you will find the ultim8 challenge.


08/07/10
"Tavros: Look at map."



|PESTERLOG|
AT: wHERE DOES IT GO,
AG: I have determined from your consorts that there is a terri8le monster deep underground.
AG: It guards a hoard of treasure 8igger than either of us can imagine!
AG: It is called a denizen, and it is the 8oss of your whole planet.
AG: Tavros, you will go and face your denizen.
AT: wON'T THAT BE,
AT: tOO DIFFICULT,
AG: It will 8e the most powerful adversary you have ever met.
AG: 8ut you can handle it. I 8elieve in you!
AT: uM, tHANKS,
AT: i MEAN, i RESPECT THAT YOU HAVE LOTS OF,
AT: pIRATEY BRAVADO ABOUT STUFF, aND YOU TYPE FAST ABOUT IT,
AT: bUT i THINK THIS IS FOOLISH AND NOT SENSIBLE,
AT: i WILL PROBABLY JUST GET KILLED, rEALISTICALLY,
AG: May8e! That is the risk you take 8y 8eing a 8rave adventurer.
AG: 8ut it is a good opportunity to apply your cunning.
AG: May8e you can rally a huge army to 8end to your will and overwhelm the monster???????? Who knows! It is up to you.
AG: This is it, Tavros. It is time to sink or swim.
AT: i SHOULD GET kANAYA'S ADVICE,
AT: oR MAYBE kARKAT SINCE HE IS THE LEADER,
AG: No!!!!!!!!
AG: Oh god, every time. Always going and getting to others to 8ail you out.
AG: Anyway, Kanaya is missing in action, and Karkat has his head up his nook with his new sta88y h8friend.
AG: Neither can help you.
AT: iT'S JUST HARD TO FIGURE OUT,
AT: iF YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA STRATEGICALLY,
AT: oR IF IT'S JUST MORE OF THE THING, wHERE YOU HARASS ME BUT SOUND EXCITED ABOUT IT,
AG: Tavros, I know no8ody 8elieves me a8out this, pro8a8ly not even a gulli8le dope like you.
AG: 8ut I actually care a8out your advancement as a player.
AG: Everything I have done has 8een to make you stronger!
AT: oKAY,
AT: i STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE, aBOUT THAT,
AG: Ugh, you are useless!
AG: I'm done talking a8out this. Now shut up and point that cherry vehicle of yours toward the X on that map.
AG: Next stop, g8 seven. Let's go.
AT: uHHHHHH,
AG: This isn't optional. You know very well that I can make you go to that g8 whether you want to or not!
AG: 8ut I would rather it not have to come to that.
AG: What will it 8e?
AG: Advance or advance?
AT: oKAY,
AT: i WILL GO,
AG: Oh one last thing.
AG: Equip your 8oy-Skylark outfit.
AG: This will 8e Pupa's last stand!
AG: I mean sit.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.


08/07/10
"Tavros: Point cherry vehicle toward X on map."






08/07/10
"======>"



You proceed through what seems to be your second gate, into the LAND OF MAPS AND TREASURE. The THIEF OF LIGHT lies in wait.


08/07/10
"======>"






08/08/10
"Vriska: Wake up."



Oh my!

It appears Pupa Pan himself has flown through your window while you were asleep. How exciting! Surely he is here to take you away on the adventure of a lifetime. He is more dreamy and heroic than you ever imagined.

But what's this?? It seems the legendary Boy-Skylark has misplaced his shadow. He is looking EVERYWHERE for it, to no avail. He is having a devil of a time, what with being paralyzed from the waist down and all. He clearly needs your help.


08/08/10
"Vriska: Help Pupa find shadow."



Pupa! You truly are a silly goose. Your shadow has been trapped underneath your useless torso the whole time! Honestly, where else would it be you stupid sack of shit?


08/08/10
"======>"



Of course, the secret to reuniting with your shadow is to get up and walk around. And play and dance and frolic! Your shadow will surely join in your gaiety.

But it appears Pupa has lost the use of his legs. There will be no frolicking in this young man's future. ::::(

Unless...


08/08/10
"Vriska: Apply special stardust."



Everyone knows that just a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST along with a happy thought will allow any boy to get up and walk again. Everyone knows this because it is in the classic tale, PUPA PAN. Young Pupa flies through the window of a fairy girl's respiteblock, falls on the floor, and has trouble getting up like an enormous pansy. The fairy girl then helps him walk again, and in return, he teaches her to fly, even though she probably already knows how to fly. Because she's a fairy. They fly out of her window together, and have magical adventures for many sweeps thereafter.

To be honest, you hardly know a damn thing about Pupa Pan. But you do not care.


08/08/10
"======>"



Pupa remains as pathetic and useless as ever. The stardust did nothing! Probably because it is just glittery powder with no magical properties whatsoever and is basically bullshit. Because in case it wasn't clear, magic isn't real, and neither are miracles.

OR

It could just be that Pupa has failed to have a happy thought!

Your duty is clear. You will have to MAKE him have happy thoughts.


08/08/10
"Vriska: Make Pupa have happy thoughts."






08/08/10
"======>"






08/09/10
"======>"






08/09/10
"======>"






08/09/10
"======>"






08/09/10
"======>"






08/09/10
"======>"






08/09/10
"Kanaya: Deal with your own crisis."



Whew, crisis resolved. It was no doubt harrowing and suspenseful.

But in the meantime, you have left your client player in the lurch. Ideally she has not gotten herself into too much trouble.

And ideally the dramatic irony has not gotten so thick you could draw a dotted line on it with a tube of lipstick and cut it in half with a chainsaw.


08/09/10
"Kanaya: Return to serving client."






08/09/10
"======>"



So THAT'S why she had you make this dress for her???

And you just went along with it like a sucker.

Argh, you are such an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


08/09/10
"======>"



|SPRITELOG|
MOTHERSPRITE: There there, sweetheart.


08/10/10
"======>"



Kanaya, it's hard.


08/10/10
"======>"



Being a kid and growing up.

It's hard and nobody understands.


08/10/10
"Try to understand."



The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.

But we will do our best to understand regardless.

Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.

<3

Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.


08/10/10
"======>"



Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT.

Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.

RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.

On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.

There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.

The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.

Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.


08/10/10
"Examine flushed quadrant."



When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.

This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.


08/11/10
"Examine caliginous quadrant."



When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.

For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.


08/11/10
"======>"



Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.

The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.

The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.

This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.

TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization.


08/11/10
"Examine ashen quadrant."



This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.

When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry.

Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.


08/11/10
"======>"



The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa.

In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.

This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance.


08/11/10
"======>"



An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on.

Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though.


08/12/10
"Examine pale quadrant."



This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.

But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.


08/12/10
"======>"



And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.


08/12/10
"Wait! More troll romance exposition please."



God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist.

Now see, what's going on here is...

It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh...

Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway.


08/12/10
"======>"



Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts.

He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would.

But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage.


08/12/10
"======>"



But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY.

In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were...


08/12/10
"======>"



MADE FOR EACH OTHER.

Wow, another great transition. You wonder if it will stick this time. You have no choice but to take a stab at the rare and extremely dangerous 2x TRANSITION COMBO.


08/12/10
"Attempt 2x transition combo."



Looks like it worked.

So who IS this guy, anyway?


08/12/10
"Enter name."



Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA.


08/13/10
"Eridan: Do something awesome."






08/13/10
"======>"






08/13/10
"======>"



Wait for it...


08/13/10
"======>"



Wait.


08/13/10
"======>"






08/13/10
"======>"



THAR SHE BLOWS.


08/13/10
"======>"






08/13/10
"======>"






08/13/10
"======>"






08/13/10
"======>"






08/13/10
"======>"






08/13/10
"======>"






08/14/10
"======>"



Ok, that guy is pretty much squared away.

What about her?


08/14/10
"Enter name."



Your name is FEFERI PEIXES.


08/14/10
"Feferi: Do something adorable."






08/14/10
"======>"






08/14/10
"======>"






08/14/10
"======>"






08/14/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"======>"






08/15/10
"Feferi: Go home."



That should keep her quiet for a while.

At least until she dies.


08/15/10
"Eridan: Go home."



That should keep her happy for a while.

And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere pretty sad.


08/16/10
"Eridan: Examine block."



You conveniently return to your respiteblock so that we may study your variety of INTERESTS.

This was very considerate of you.


08/16/10
"======>"



Flowing through your veins is nearly the richest blood the hemospectrum has to offer, penultimate on the scale. As such, you are a SEA DWELLER, a sub-race of troll distinct from the commoners by mutation and habitat, a caste which rules over the entire species.

But ruling, in your view, is not enough. You have an overpowering GENOCIDE COMPLEX, and have made it your sworn duty to KILL ALL LAND DWELLERS. You have amassed resources and deadly weaponry from around the world for this ambition through many sweeps of EXTREME ROLE PLAYING, while pursuing a working DOOMSDAY DEVICE which will bring armageddon to all those on the surface. Haven't had much luck with that, but maybe tonight's your night.

You hold a fascination for MILITARY HISTORY AND LEGENDARY CONQUERORS. You have dubiously modeled your profile and exploits after the most notorious figures and their stories, which are bristling with the GLORY OF VICTORY and the STING OF DEFEAT and POLITICAL MACHINATIONS and ROMANTIC INTRIGUE. It is an image you are careful to craft through EXAGGERATED EMOTIONAL THEATRICS, and your penchant for mass murder notwithstanding, people tend to regard you as a BIT OF A TOOL.

You also like MAGIC, even though you know it to be FAKE. Like a made up friend, the way wizards are. Made up make believe FAKEY FAKEY FAKES. It's still fun though.

Your trolltag is caligulasAquarium and you speak wwith a vvery wweird and sort of wwavvy soundin accent.

You hold off on doing anything for the moment on account of courtesy to fellow royalty.


08/16/10
"Feferi: Examine block."



On the subject of courtesy, you have also returned to your block so we can get a better look at you. Again, quite considerate.

Royalty sure is civilized!


08/16/10
"======>"



You are also a SEA DWELLER. You have the most noble blood possible, the only of your kind known to possess it, and the only to share it with GL'BGOLYB, a deep sea monster also known as THE RIFT'S CARBUNCLE, EMISSARY TO THE HORRORTERRORS, or in more hushed tones, SPEAKER OF THE VAST GLUB.

This makes you the HEIR APPARENT for Alternian rulership, which ordinarily would place you in considerable jeopardy. HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION would steer the flagship from the fleet and make an attempt on your life herself, if not for the protection of your monstrous lusus.

And if not forewarned of your race's extinction by the whispers of that lusus, you would have BIG PLANS FOR THE THRONE. All the plans. All of them.

You would redefine what it means to be CULLED in troll society. Under your rule it would mean caring for the unfit and infirm rather than exterminating them, and you have put this idea into practice by CULLING THE FAUNA OF THE DEEP. You tend to wild and beautiful AQUATIC HOOFBEASTS, grooming and feeding them daily. You capture and cage CUTTLEFISH by the thousands for their own good, and also because they are funny and colorful and you love them. They often swim through the bars of their cages, but that is fine. You run your whole palace as a sort of WILDLIFE ADOPTION FACILITY, even if the wildlife's need for care is dubious at best, and the practice really just amounts to an elaborate ROLE PLAYING SCENARIO. It's still fun though.

You would also look forward to using your reign to UNITE THE TWO RACES. You were told you would do this one day by your lusus, even if it does contradict her message of extinction. Oh well, you suppose NOT ALL PROPHECIES CAN COME TRUE.

Your trolltag is cuttlefishCuller and you )(ave a )(ard time not getting R-EALLY -EXCIT-ED ABOUT PRACTICALLY -EV-------ERYT)(ING!


08/16/10
"======>"



What will you both do?


08/16/10
"Eridan and Feferi: Do something ridiculous."



YES.


08/16/10
"======>"



FUCK YES.


08/16/10
"======>"



HELL


08/16/10
"======>"



FUCKING


08/16/10
"======>"



YES.


08/17/10
"Eridan: Bother Feferi."



|PESTERLOG|
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: fef
CA: hey
CC: ?
CA: glub
CC: Glub glub!
CC: 38)
CA: yeah
CA: hm
CC: W)(at is it!!!
CA: wwhat
CC: I am wondering if you can forego t)(e exaggerated emotional t)(eatrics for once and actually tell me w)(at's on your mind!
CA: nothins on my mind wwhy cant i just fuckin talk and glub at you for a reason i dont havve
CC: 38|
CA: wwell fine but you dont wwant to hear it
CC: Yes I do.
CC: We are supposed to talk to eac)( ot)(er, t)(at is w)(at moirails are for.
CA: uhuh wwhatevver
CC: Glub glub glub glub siiiiig)(.
CC: Will you take t)(e c)(ip off your nub and tell me w)(at's t)(e matter?
CA: yeah wwell ok since wwe are the PALEST OF PALS A GUY COULD EVVER ASK FOR
CA: i wwill tell you
CA: evven though you wwill only humor me as usual since you dont agree wwith my agenda
CA: any of my agendas really
CA: none of the agendas
CA: none of them
CC: Are you fretting over anot)(er one of t)(ese dumb contraptions?
CA: see
CA: more condescension
CA: you are goin to make a hell of an empress
CC: No I'm not! But t)(at is beside t)(e point.
CC: None of your plots to kill t)(e land dwellers ever work out, and every doomsday device you get your )(ands on turns out to be a piece of junk!
CA: so
CA: i got to keep tryin thats howw all the great military masterminds became great through upright persevverance
CC: I t)(ink deep down you stack t)(ese plots against you so you fail because you know it's wrong.
CA: it isnt wwrong
CA: im not going to explain it to you again
CA: at this point all you need to knoww is its important to me
CA: and im doing it for us
CA: i mean our kind
CA: nobody understands not evven you
CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is.
CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!!
CC: GLUB. >38(
CA: pshh
CA: hemospectrum begs to differ
CC: If you're as sickened by t)(em as you say, w)(y do you spend so muc)( time on land?
CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at...
CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!
CA: wwhatevver
CA: i havve to keep an eye on em up here
CA: its all about tactics
CC: W)(at about your friends? Do you ever t)(ink about t)(em?
CC: If t)(ey are beneat)( you t)(en t)(ey )(ave to die too.
CC: And I know you like talking to some of t)(em. You say you )(ate t)(em but I t)(ink you are pretending!
CA: history is full of cases wwhere conquerers consort wwith members of the enemy in a mannerly wway before wwipin them out
CA: evven goin as far as growwin fond a some
CA: its only civvilized
CC: Mmm )(mm.
CC: I )(ave a fis)(y feeling...
CC: T)(at t)(is stupid doomsday mac)(ine t)(ing is just anot)(er excuse to consort!
CC: Wit)( someone in particular...
CA: all your feelins are fishy
CC: 38P
CA: GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB
CC: 38O
CC: DON'T YOU GLUB IN T)(AT TON-E OF GLUB WIT)( M-E MIST-ER!
CA: ill glub in wwhatevver dumbass bubbly soundin fishnoise i wwant to glub
CC: O)( S)(IT, you are angling for SO MUC)( TROUBL-E NOW.
CA: ok please lets just not get into the wwhole fuckin fish pun thing again ok
CA: like wwe get it wwe are nautically themed
CC: )(-E)(-E ok. 38)
CA: but yeah i dunno
CA: i dont knoww wwhy she ignores me i guess shes just bored wwith me
CA: wwe had it all set up for her to givve me this thing tonight that probably doesnt evven wwork but yeah maybe that wwasnt the point
CA: i mean you think wwe havve a pretty good rivvalry goin right
CA: or at least had
CA: it wwas pretty fuckin bitter and contentious for a wwhile there and there wwas some good chemistry i dont knoww wwhat happened
CC: Um, I guess?
CC: I wouldn't really know.
CC: Sometimes people just drift away I t)(ink, or just aren't as into t)(e quadrant as t)(e ot)(er wants to be.
CC: So you really t)(ink your feelings for )(er run t)(at dark?
CA: it doesnt matter like i said shes bored shitless
CA: i guess im not as good a advversary as i thought
CC: T)(at is so ridiculous, any girl would be lucky to )(ave a kismesis as diabolical as you, especially T)(AT one.
CC: W)(o knows w)(at )(er problem is! S)(e )(as issues.
CA: ehhh
CA: wwell ok thanks for sayin so
CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations.
CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING!
CA: shrug
CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro.
CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail!
CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember.
CA: maybe
CA: seems kinda
CA: odd though
CC: Your stupid fis)(y face is w)(at's odd!
CC: )(AV-E YOU -EV-ER T)(OUG)(T ABOUT T)(AT??
CA: fine
CA: wwell those are my stupid feelins wwhat about yours
CA: seems to me like you get along too wwell wwith evverybody to be harborin any black sentiments
CC: Um...
CC: Yea)(. I can't t)(ink of anybody I feel t)(at way about. 38\
CC: Maybe I am just not old enoug)( to )(ave t)(ose feelings yet? We are still pretty young you know.
CA: yeah
CC: So ok. T)(ose are your black leanings.
CC: W)(at about R-ED, ------Eridan???
CC: )(MMMMM??????? 38D
CA: oh god
CC: Is t)(ere a lucky lady you are waxing scarlet for?
CC: OR LUCKY F-ELLOW??? 38O
CA: uh
CC: Tell me!
CC: Don't pretend you're all -EMBARRASS-ED SUDD-ENLY!!!
CA: ok fef
CA: this is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS
CC: 38o
CA: i gotta go
CA: be back later wwhen its time to play

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CC: 38(


08/17/10
"Eridan: Go get a beverage."



Another emotionally exhausting conversation. Too many FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS. It couldn't be any clearer to you. You and this sea princess have splashed down hard into the moirail zone, and now you don't know which way's upward. Perhaps tonight you will reveal your true feelings toward her, and end these exaggerated emotional theatrics once and for all, one way or another.

You need a stiff drink.

But... ugh. Not this swill. You're not THAT desperate.


08/17/10
"Eridan: Check fridge."



You pay a visit to what the common land dwellers refer to as a THERMAL HULL, instead of the more aristocratic and especially esoteric and alien sounding term, a REFRIGERATOR.


08/17/10
"Eridan: Open it."



A bunch of UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY WANDS tumble out.

Of course you knew these were in here. You're not even sure why you looked.


08/17/10
"Feferi: Go get a beverage."



Another emotionally exhausting conversation. Too many FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS. That guy. Talk about a high maintenance moirail. Perhaps tonight you will reveal your true feelings toward him, and end these exaggerated emotional theatrics one way or another.

You need a sugary drink.


08/17/10
"======>"






08/17/10
"======>"






08/17/10
"Feferi: Disarm."



You decide to unwind and take your mind off the drama for a while before starting the game. You nearly forgot this is going to be an exciting night. Everything you are about to do next is exciting. It is always exciting. You are excited.

You unequip <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/psi.gif" border="0" />DON'S ENTENTE, a golden DOUBLE CULLING FORK, a legendary weapon reserved for royalty, and generally only used for ceremonial purposes.


08/17/10
"Eridan: Disarm."



You unequip AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS, which is YET ANOTHER legendary weapon, about as powerful as your KIND ABSTRATUS will allow.

You plundered it from a ghost ship during a particularly challenging campaign. It was the same old gamblignant's ship from which your accomplice at the time also plundered a set of extraordinarily powerful dice.

You almost feel sorry for the adversaries you will face tonight. They will likely pose neither team much challenge at all. Unless one of the links in the prototyping chain includes something especially huge and monstrous, but really, what are the odds of that happening?


08/17/10
"Eridan: Bother Vriska."



On the subject of your old accomplice/rival, you guess you'll try talking to her one more time, even though you know she won't answer. You know she is bored shitless with you and your drama. You are almost starting not to care about this stupid doomsday device which probably won't even work. She probably KNOWS you know it won't work. She has probably put all the pieces together and knows it was an elaborate ruse to be in cahoots with her again.

And she just went along with it playing you for a chump.

You are such an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


08/17/10
"======>"



Yeah, see? No answer. Bored shitless, just like you thought. She has much hotter irons in the fire than you these days.


08/18/10
"======>"



But it wasn't that long ago that you were the hottest iron. At the height of your prowess as seagrifts, Marquise Mindfang and Orphaner Dualscar were in alliance an unmatched terror, and in competition, unbridled tempest. Either way, spoils were typically traded and shared. No levels were left for anyone else to gain. None of the levels.


08/18/10
"======>"



She would have the victims of your conquest walk the plank.


08/18/10
"======>"



While you would reap the custodial spoils.


08/18/10
"======>"



And while yet another partook not in revelry, but necessity.


08/18/10
"======>"



She had to keep her fed to keep her calm, to keep her terrible voice down.


08/18/10
"======>"



If she were to raise it above a whisper, trolls would begin dying. First, the lesser bloods, those more psychically susceptible.

If she raised it to a shout, all on the planet would die. Land and sea dwellers alike.

And if she were ever to get really upset, she might release THE VAST GLUB, a psychic shockwave that would exterminate every troll in the galaxy.


08/18/10
"======>"



In truth, it would be all too easy to solve the land dweller problem once and for all. You'd just need to lighten up on the feeding schedule for a while. Maybe you'd be a little too busy to bother with that hassle for once? Or maybe you could happen to be off your game for a spell? It happens, even to the best sometimes.

But nah. It would make her upset.

More emotions. More problems. That's all you need.


08/19/10
"Some time later..."



The WITCH OF LIFE takes her place in the LAND OF DEW AND GLASS.


08/20/10
"Feferi: Report to Eridan."



|PESTERLOG|
cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CC: W)()()()()(-E-E-E-E-EW.
CA: fef are you in
CC: Yea)(...
CA: that took forevver
CA: i wwas gettin wworried kinda
CC: Yes, it was a pretty close call, and got kind of complicated.
CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete!
CA: man that guy
CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic
CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB.
CC: 38P
CA: fuck SORRY
CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life.
CA: yeah sorry
CA: i wwas just really wworried and stressed out i thought you wwere dead
CA: and i didnt evven get to thank you for savvin my life or really for anythin
CA: and i just spent all this time here wworryin and thinkin about stuff
CA: and i decided i havve something i wwant to tell you
CA: that ivve been meaning to get off my nub for a wwhile noww
CC: O)(, really?
CC: T)(at's good! Actually, I )(ave somet)(ing I )(ave been meaning to say to you too.
CA: wwhoa really
CA: uh
CA: wwhat is it
CA: you go first
CC: Mm, okay.
CC: But t)(is isn't easy to say!
CA: yeah i knoww
CA: its ok maybe i wwill understand more than you think
CA: wwe might evven be sayin the same thing
CC: Okay, I )(ope so.
CC: I t)(ink...
CC: Now t)(at we are bot)( in t)(is game, and )(ave left our world be)(ind...
CC: And you can no longer pose t)(e danger to our people t)(at you )(ad always planned to...
CC: I t)(ink it is not really necessary for me to be your moirail anymore.
CA: wwhoa
CA: wwait
CA: wwhat
CC: 38(
CC: I am really sorry, -Eridan. It )(as just been so )(ard looking after you and keeping you out of trouble!
CC: It )(as taken its toll, and )(onestly I am really ex)(austed.
CA: fuck
CA: this isnt what
CA: i dont knoww i wwasnt expectin this at all
CA: im not sure i can handle this
CC: I'm sorry!!! 38'(
CC: It will be t)(e best for bot)( of us. We can just sort of be...
CC: Regular friends instead.
CA: no
CA: please dont
CA: look im bein serious here dont do this
CA: i wont even use my weird accent while i type ok so you know im bein really dead serious and honest about this
CC: Uh...
CC: Okay, I am being serious and honest too. SEE?
CA: ok good
CA: are you sure you arent bein hasty about this youve just been through a lot
CA: i mean we are supposed to be fated to be moirails arent we
CA: isnt that how it works
CA: you cant just throw all that away cause youre sick of me
CC: I am not sick of you, Eridan! I still really like you.
CC: In order to be destined for moirallegience, both people have to be on board, don't you think?
CC: But I cannot do it anymore. So I think it just wasn't meant to be all along.
CC: And really, you just don't need me anymore. You are free to do as you wish! We both are.
CC: I can't look after you anymore.
CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME
CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble
CA: and really none of your fuckin business QUITE FRANKLY your majesty
CA: and the only reason i put up with stickin my flipper in this fuckin shithole quadrant with you was
CC: Was what?
CA: nevermind
CC: Tell me!
CA: ok fine
CA: i apologize for losin my shit over this i was just caught off guard is all
CA: but maybe its a good thing really
CA: actually i might a been proposin the same thing to be honest
CC: Oh?
CA: yeah
CA: fef have you thought about
CA: since you dont wanna be pale with me no more
CA: the possibility a some other type of arrangement with me
CC: What do you mean?
CA: i mean
CA: somethin a bit more
CA: kinda reddish
CA: like
CA: brighter red
CC: 38O
CC: No, I hadn't thought about it!
CA: ok well what do you think about it
CA: now that youre thinkin about it
CC: Um...
CC: I really don't know about that.
CA: why not i thought you said you liked me
CC: I do! But I don't know if it's really in that way.
CA: couldnt it be though
CA: dont you think theres room in your collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vascular system for those feelins
CC: I've never had a chance to consider anything like that! I have just spent all my time worrying about you and trying to keep you from killing everybody or hurting yourself.
CC: It took all my energy.
CC: I don't think I have anything left for those feelings either.
CA: oh god
CC: What?
CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived
CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin
CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker
CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody
CA: im worse than anybody
CA: EVERYBODY
CA: all the bodies
CC: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!
CC: God.
CC: Will you just clam up for once in your life?
CC: Always carping and carping and carping!
CC: You go completely overboard with your emotions, always looking to reel in drama wherever you can.
CC: I am up to my gills in it! I just can't salmon the strength anemonemore.
CA: i cannot
CA: BELIEVE
CA: you are doin the fish pun thing while youre breakin up with me
CA: real nice
CA: whoops i mean REEL nice
CC: HEHEHE, sorry.
CC: But really, this shouldn't be as bad as it sounds.
CC: When all is said and done, I am still your friend.
CC: We have left our world behind. Everyone is dead, and there's no use in worrying about it now.
CC: It's over! It is time to play this game and focus on building something new and ------EXCITING.
CC: So )(ang in t)(ere, -Eridan.
CC: I )(ave to go now! Sollux is in serious trouble, and I )(ave to go )(elp )(im.
CC: BY------------------------E!
CA: wwait
CA: dont go

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: glub


08/20/10
"======>"






08/20/10
"Feferi: Proceed to gate."



YOU'R-E FR-E-E-E-E-E-E---------------E!


08/20/10
"Karkat: Check on Sollux."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: BRO ARE YOU OK.
CG: HEY
CG: OH GOD
CG: WHAT HAVE I DONE.
CG: SOLLUX?
CG: PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S JUST HONEY.
CG: PLEASE JUST BE HONEY PLEASE JUST BE HONEY PLEASE JUST BE HONEY
CG: HAHA, OK, MAKE-BELIEVE TIME IS OVER!
CG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD


08/20/10
"======>"



It is all your fault. You couldn't get him in before the glub.


08/20/10
"======>"



There, there, you blubbering goddamn pansy.


08/20/10
"======>"






08/20/10
"======>"






08/21/10
"Gamzee: Indulge emotional theatrics."



|PESTERLOG|
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CA: gam i need to talk to kar wwhere is he he isnt answwerin
TC: He's bUsY BeInG SlApPeD MoThErFuCkIn sEnSeLeSs bY ThE GuY WhO LiKeS KnIvEs
TC: BuT I CaN ReLaY WhAt mEsSaGe yOu gOt, My bRoThEr
CA: i dont feel comfortable wwith that
CA: i havve some serious feelins and problems here and i need some advvice
TC: HaHa, YeAh i fEeL YoU, hE'S PrEtTy wOrKeD Up tOo
CA: wwhy
TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt
CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that
CA: are you sayin hes dead
TC: YeAh :o(
CA: oh fuck
CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole
TC: YeAh i'd sAy tHaT An aSsHoLe iS ThE ThInG ThAt jUsT AbOuT WhAt eVeRyBoDy fEeLs lIkE
TC: KaRkAt bLaMeS HiMsElF On iT, pOoR MoThErFuCkEr
TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl
TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It
CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice
CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say
CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT
TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG
TC: HoNk
CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter
CA: put kar on
TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me
TC: ArE YoU SuRe i cAn't hElP A bRoThEr Up iNtO HiS MoThErFuCkIn cHiLl?
CA: i dont knoww
CA: it probably doesnt matter
CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww
CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit
CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her
CA: so forget it thanks anywway
TC: BrO My aDvIcE Is yOu jUsT KiCk bAcK AnD MoThErFuCkIn sNaP InTo sOmE RuDe eLiXiR AnD MaYbE GeT YoUr wIcKeD ZoNe oN
TC: ThErE I SaId mY PeAcE
CA: wwhat the FUCK are you fuckin babblin about
TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS
CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin
CA: is that wwhat this is
TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO
CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand
TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt?
CA: oh
CA: oh god youre right i do
CA: i totally forgot about it
TC: YoU SeE MaN
TC: MoThEr
TC: FuCkIn
TC: MiRaClEs
TC: :o)


08/21/10
"Eridan: Slam a Faygo."



You prepare to kick back and motherfuckin' snap into some rude elixir and maybe get your wicked zone on.

It sure would be startling if what followed was a crudely drawn spit-take accompanied by an odd, short exclamation.


08/21/10
"Eridan: BLUH!"



What.

It's just soda. Not great, but not that bad either. What's the big deal?

We all need to settle down here.


08/21/10
"And later still..."



A princess prepares to administer a universal remedy for the unawakened.


08/21/10
"======>"






08/21/10
"======>"






08/21/10
"======>"






08/21/10
"Karkat: BLUH!"






08/21/10
"======>"






08/21/10
"======>"






08/21/10
"======>"



Goddamn troll kids. Every time you turn around they're smoochin' each other. Makes a man want to stab his own gut and puke blood.


08/22/10
"======>"






08/22/10
"======>"



It is like I am the kid from the Never Ending Story. I was chased by some bullies into this fucking attic and now I am watching people watching people watching more people kissing and stuff basically forever. How many metalayers removed this story can we get??

This attic is spooky. I wish those bullies would just leave me alone.

Later I am going to ride a long magic dog through the sky and fuck their shit up.


08/22/10
"======>"



Ugh. This troll paint is making a mess. This was such a bad idea.


08/22/10
"MSPA: Quick, become more meta while AH is brooding."






08/22/10
"==========>"






08/22/10
"====================>"



AH employs a daring execution of AUTHORTECH -> LADDER TO SELF INDULGENCE behind his own back. It keeps happening.

All MSPA readers make a solemn vow to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the stump and blow their brains out if it doesn't stop keep happening.


08/22/10
"AH: Ok, ha ha, get back to the story jackass."



Excuse me?

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I not going fast enough for you?

Well QUITE FRANKLY, your majesty, I don't think you realize what kind of hell I've been through.

Do you have any idea how long I've been trapped in this attic??

Do you have any idea how FUCKING SCARY it is in here???

Do you have even the SLIGHTEST CLUE how many times that wolf head over there has SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME?????


08/22/10
"Uh... Wolf?"



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH


08/22/10
"This is ridiculous."



No, this is MY LIFE we're talking about here. Bullies. Wolves. Musty attics. Huge spiders. Did I mention the spiders? Let me tell you, I got HELLA spiders up in this...

Fuck, this horn fell off. Dammit. Piece of shit. Wonder if there's any glue in here... oh screw it.

Do you have any idea how much power I wield over you?? To what extent I can RUIN the shit you step in with that squeaky clean sunday loafer you use to stomp that bookmark and stamp that F5 key, day goddamn in and day fucking out??? Do you possess even the most infinitesimal kernel of cognizance for the degree to which I can make the shorn, shivering weasel that is the totem spirit representing your wretched fascination with this website squeal in heartrending remorse????

It would be so easy! I could snap my gray smudgy fingers RIGHT NOW, and make you read all the troll romance exposition segments all over again, BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK TO BACK.

Oh, you don't think I'll do it????????


08/22/10
"Oh my god."



The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.

But we will do our best to understand regardless.

Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.

<3

Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.

Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT.

Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.

RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.

On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.

There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.

The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.

Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.

When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.

This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.

When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.

For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.

Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.

The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.

The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.

This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.

TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament that the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization.

This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.

When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry.

Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.

The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa.

In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.

This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance.

An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on.

Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though.

This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.

But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.

God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist.

Now see, what's going on here is...

It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh...

Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway.

Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts.

He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would.

But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wouldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage.

But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY.

In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were...

MADE FOR EACH OTHER.


08/22/10
"Wow."



THAT'S WHAT JUST HAPPENED BITCH.


08/22/10
"Alright, now you're DEFINITELY trolling us. Come on."



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


08/22/10
"AH: Recap, then?"



Hmm.

Nah, I think we're good.


08/22/10
"AH: Reel it in."



Yeah ok. Guess I've trolled you guys enough.

Where were we? Oh yeah. Slick.


08/22/10
"SS: Move this along."



It's bad enough you had to watch this broad smooch a corpse and this kid bawl his eyes out once already, even if it was centuries ago.

NEXT.


08/22/10
"==>"



Oh for the love of...

Why would they even DESIGN a button like that if it doesn't print the right advancement characters???

You are getting really tired of mashing the '=' key.


08/22/10
"SS: Type '====', then ==>"






08/23/10
"======>"



This moon is different. It's very...

Purple.

And quiet.

Doesn't look like anyone here is awake yet.


08/23/10
"======>"



Not like the yellow moon you were just dreaming about. Plenty of friends there, all up and around, making a racket.

It was fun for a while. Until you woke up with honey in your mouth, killed your lusus, saved a princess, and died.

Luckily you had a couple lives to spare.


08/23/10
"======>"



Most other players only get one extra.

But you're kind of a special case.


08/23/10
"BOY."



Huh?


08/23/10
"YOU THERE. RED AND BLUE EYE BOY."






08/24/10
"I REMEMBER THIS!"






08/24/10
"IT WILL ONLY BE A MOMENT."



Just what you need. Another voice of the imminently deceased invading your head. Haven't they caused you enough trouble already?

Get iit out.


08/24/10
"TROLL ETIQUETTE SURE IS CONFUSING."



GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT GET IIT OUT


08/24/10
"OH JEEZ."






08/24/10
"======>"






08/24/10
"Sollux: Blast off."



You've wasted enough time on sleeping and dying. You've got to get back to adventurin' while the adventurin's good. And also change out of these stupid pajamas.

PCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


08/24/10
"Sollux: Get back to adventurin'."



The revived MAGE OF DOOM returns to the LAND OF BRAINS AND FIRE for a surprise rendezvous with the WITCH OF LIFE.


08/24/10
"======>"



Hey what the heck is going on in here???


08/25/10
"Vriska: Get back to adventurin'."



Somewhere on LOMAT, the Thief and the Page plunder the untold riches of innumerable pointless side-quests.


08/25/10
"======>"






08/25/10
"======>"






08/25/10
"======>"






08/25/10
"======>"






08/25/10
"======>"



The Thief is proving useless. Completely unresponsive to commands.

You'll need to rely on someone else. Someone less stubborn.

Someone craftier.


08/25/10
"8th exile: Type "=> SWITCH 2"."






08/25/10
"======>"



While the KNIGHT OF BLOOD charges ahead, the SEER OF MIND remains behind to unravel the mysteries of the LAND OF THOUGHT AND FLOW.


08/26/10
"Seer."






08/26/10
"It is time."



It's the voice again.

You were wondering when she'd come back. This time you are ready for her.


08/26/10
"Terezi: Retrieve chalk."



You search for the appropriate card through your SCRATCH AND SNIFF modus.

The card will be unmistakable. It is the one that smells like a fruity rainbow that makes you sneeze.


08/26/10
"======>"






08/26/10
"======>"






08/26/10
"Terezi: Inquire."






08/26/10
"To begin your mission."






08/26/10
"You must eliminate the archagent."






08/26/10
"Nepeta: Surely you must be adventurin' by now."



Why yes, as a matter of fact. It does appear that the ROGUE OF HEART has been keeping herself quite busy.


08/27/10
"Nepeta: Aggress."






08/27/10
"======>"






08/27/10
"======>"






08/27/10
"======>"






08/27/10
"======>"






08/27/10
"======>"






08/27/10
"======>"






08/27/10
"======>"



You inquire into whereabouts of the MAID OF TIME. The HEIR OF VOID has no idea where she went! She just disappeared.


08/27/10
"Equius: Get up and commence the adventurin'."



The underlings have been getting enormous lately. Must have been something one of those other clowns prototyped.

Speaking of clowns...


08/28/10
"Equius: Answer Karkat."



It does not appear to be a message from Karkat directed at you specifically.

He has just updated one of the many memos on the transtimeline bulletin board he set up a while ago. You've since no longer bothered keeping up with the endless and mostly incomprehensible communique.

But while checking the update, you can't help but skim through the first memo in the long sequence, which was written hours ago from your present perspective.


08/28/10
"Equius: Read first memo."



|PESTERLOG|
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 6:12 HOURS AGO opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PCG 6:12 HOURS AGO opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

PCG: OK I THINK I SET THIS UP RIGHT.
PCG: FUCK I SHOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A BETTER BOARD NAME.
PCG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S THE NAME IT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SINCE THAT'S THE NAME THAT
PCG: UH
PCG: I ALREADY READ.
PCG: WOW THAT PROBABLY WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ANYBODY.
PCG: WHATEVER, IT'S JUST A STUPID NAME, LET'S JUST DO THIS.
PCG: THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN USING TROLLIAN'S WEIRD TRANSTIMELINE FEATURES WHICH I DON'T EVEN REALLY UNDERSTAND YET.
PCG: BUT I'M GUESSING MIGHT BE USEFUL.
PCG: I'VE INCLUDED ALL TWELVE PLAYERS IN THE SUBSCRIPTION LIST SO YOU SHOULD ALL BE ABLE TO READ THESE MEMOS AT ANY TIME.
PCG: THAT IS, ALL THE MEMOS POSTED, PAST AND FUTURE. I THINK.
PCG: IT COULD GET PRETTY TEMPORALLY CONFUSING OBVIOUSLY. I'M GOING TO TRY TO KEEP THE MEMOS AS SIMPLE AND LINEAR AS POSSIBLE.
PCG: ALSO LET'S KEEP THIS A ONE-WAY-ONLY BULLETIN TO MAKE THIS AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE.
PCG: DO NOT REPLY TO MY MEMOS!!! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CHATROOM, ASSHOLES.
PCG: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME IN RESPONSE TO A MEMO, MESSAGE ME IN PRIVATE AT THE APPROPRIATE POINT ON THE TIMELINE.
PCG: FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS IS ABOUT THE TEAMS.
PCG: AS OF NOW, YOU SHOULD ALL BE AWARE THAT THERE IS REALLY ONLY ONE TEAM, AND WE ARE ALL WORKING TOGETHER.
PCG: AND BY "NOW" I MEAN TIME LOCAL TO ME AS OF WRITING THIS.
PCG: SO IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE PAST...
PCG: UH OK FIRST OF ALL, HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE ALREADY? SECOND WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME.
PCG: WHATEVER I DIGRESS.
PCG: IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN THE FUTURE THEN WHO CARES, IT'S PROBABLY OLD NEWS TO YOU.
PCG: ACTUALLY NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT READING THIS IN THE FUTURE?
PCG: IT'S LIKE ANY BULLETIN BOARD, YOU POST STUFF AND IT SITS THERE FOR A WHILE AND PEOPLE IN "THE FUTURE" READ IT.
PCG: HUH. BIG FUCKING DEAL I GUESS.
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 5:51 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PGC: OH MY GOD K4RK4T!
PGC: WHO C4R3S!!!!! >:O
PCG banned PGC from responding to memo.
PCG: ANYWAY LIKE I WAS SAYING.
PCG: ONE BIG TEAM, OVER WHICH I HAVE ASSUMED TOTAL LEADERSHIP.
PCG: I WILL ASSUME THAT IT WILL CONTINUE TO STAY THIS WAY FOR THE DURATION OF OUR QUEST, AND THAT I WILL REMAIN AN IMPECCABLE LEADER FOR A SPAN OF HUNDREDS OF HOURS WHILE I GUIDE US ALL TO A STUNNING VICTORY.
PCG: IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN NEED TO ASSUME.
PCG: I BROWSED THROUGH THIS WHOLE BULLETIN IN ADVANCE, AND IT DOES APPEAR TO BE THE CASE. GO ME.
PCG: IN FACT, SINCE I'VE SEEN WHAT I WILL WRITE IN THE FUTURE, I WONDER WHAT IMPETUS I WILL HAVE FOR WRITING IT LATER WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO?
PCG: I WONDER IF I COULD JUST COPY/PASTE IT... HOLD ON.
PCG: DAMN.
PCG: I GUESS THEY THOUGHT OF THAT? I DUNNO. I TRIED TO LOOK AT THE WHOLE BULLETIN AGAIN, BUT NOW THAT I'VE OPENED THIS ONE FROM THE BEGINNING, I CAN'T SEE THE WHOLE THING ANYMORE.
PCG: UNLESS I LOOK AT IT ON ONE OF YOUR COMPUTERS...
PCG: OR MAYBE IF YOU SEND ME LIKE A TEXT FILE OF IT? WOULD THAT CAUSE A PARADOX OR SOMETHING?
PCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS SO STUPID.
PCG: I ACTUALLY REMEMBER READING ALL THIS SHIT LIKE A HALF HOUR AGO, AND NOW HERE I AM TYPING IT ANYWAY.
PCG: I PROBABLY CAN'T AVOID TYPING ANY OF THIS, HOW WEIRD IS THAT.
PCG: I HATE TIME TRAVEL.
PAST twinArmageddons [PTA] 0:34 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PTA: eheheheheh KK iim ba2iically ju2t lmao here at thii2, WOW.
PCG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, ARE YOU PEOPLE RETARDED.
PTA: dude don't worry ii wont fuck up your memo for long, ii ju2t cant beliieve thii2 wa2 the biig rea2on you wanted "future me" two help you open tho2e port2.
PTA: two ba2iically ju2t babble about paradoxe2 and argue wiith your2elf for hundred2 of page2 heheheh.
PCG: OK SO YOU'RE SAYING THIS FROM LIKE 5 HOURS IN THE FUTURE JUST TO GIVE ME A HARD TIME, NICE.
PCG: WELL THANKS FOR THE HELP, SO WHEN DO I BAN YOU, FUTURE BOY?
PTA: a few liine2 down, after ii pretend liike iim goiing two diie.
PTA: iim 2ure for a laugh on account of my iimmiinent banniing, FUCK how could you even do that two me.
PTA: 2o cold man.
PCG: ARE YOU REALLY STILL SORE AT ME FIVE HOURS LATER FOR RUNNING THAT VIRUS, GOD DAMN GET OVER IT.
PCG: IT WAS YOUR FUCKING VIRUS ANYWAY, YOU'RE TO BLAME.
PTA: eheh no bro we're cool about that, now future you ii2 connectiing wiith me 2o ii can enter the game.
PCG: OH YEAH?
PTA: yeah 2o thank2 for that fiive hour2 iin advance.
PCG: THIS IS BS ISN'T IT.
PCG: TROLLING ME FROM THE FUTURE, HOW JUVENILE CAN YOU GET.
PTA: no man iit2 true, we are bulge bumpiing pupa pal2 agaiin.
PCG: OH FUCK THIS CONDESCENDING FUTURE KNOWITALL ACT, WE AREN'T BUMPING SHIT, YOU ARE SO BANNED.
PTA: nooooooo, not the ban, it buuuuuuurn2, oh god hahahaha.
PTA: waiit.
PTA: oh god.
PTA: iit doe2 burn.
PTA: 2omethiing'2 wrong, iim 2eriiou2!
PTA: that horriible p2ychiic noii2e
PTA: the voiice2
PTA: they're all goiing two diie
PTA: oh 2HiiT iim bleediing
PTA: 2hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
PTA: thii2 ii2 bad
PTA: ii have two get her iin quiick
PTA: got two go
PCG banned PTA from responding to memo.
PCG: AND SO THE PORCINE HOOF BELONGING TO THE SWOLLEN HAG KNOWN AS LADY DESTINY HAS STOMPED ANOTHER THROAT.
PCG: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS IS NEXT?
PCG: NOBODY???
PCG: OK, GOOD.
PCG: ALTHOUGH I'M FAIRLY SURE I REMEMBER SOMEONE ELSE CHIMING IN BEFORE I CLOSED THIS MEMO.
PCG: YOU ADD DISORDERED SHIT RINSERS CAN'T KEEP YOUR LASCIVIOUS PRONGS OUT OF THE ROE HOLE, CAN YOU.
PCG: SOLLUX, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, OR PAST REFERENCE OR WHATEVER
PCG: IF YOU WANT TO DO THAT KIND OF ROLEPLAYING, YOU CAN START YOUR OWN BULLETIN.
PCG: YOU CAN ALL ACT LIKE BRAINDEAD ASSWIPES IN YOUR OWN FESTERING FLAP OF PARADOX SPACE, FINE WITH ME.
PCG: EVERYONE WILL BE SO CONFUSED BY THE TIME PARADOXES, IT WILL DISTRACT THEM FROM HOW AWFUL THEIR TERRIBLE HOBBIES ARE.
PCG: CHOOSE YOUR CLASSES NOW! LEVEL 69 NOOKSNIFFER IS UP FOR GRABS, WHO WANTS IT.
PCG: NO THAT'S NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU FUCKING NERDS TO COME IN HERE AND CORRECT ME ON YOUR GODDAMN FAIRY ELVES.
PCG: JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND KEEP ME BANNED FROM THAT ONE OK.
PCG: I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR IF YOU NERD UP MY MEMOS, I SERIOUSLY CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY FUCKING NERDS ARE ON THIS TEAM.
PCG: JUST REMEMBER THIS IS MY PERSONAL PODIUM, A STUMP IF YOU WILL, FOR SOLE USE BY ME AS LEADER FOR IMPORTANT LEADERSHIP BUSINESS.
PCG: GOT IT?????????
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 612 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: GROAN.
FCG: THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
FCG: WHAT WAS I EVEN THINKING.
PCG: STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
PCG: OK, I'M FED UP WITH THIS MEMO, GONNA CLOSE IT OUT.
PCG: YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN LATER WHEN I GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY, I.E. JUST SCROLL DOWN YOU DOUCHE.
PCG: IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE ALREADY.
PCG: BECAUSE OF
PCG: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVEL!
PCG: I KNOW, RIGHT?
PCG: ANYWAY, JUST TO REITERATE:
PCG: FULL STEAM AHEAD
PCG: LEADER = ME FOREVER, OBVIOUSLY
PCG: PEACE THE FUCK OUT DBAGS
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCT: D --> I'd like to add to this useless memorandum
CCT: D --> That I still don't recognize the validity of your leadership
PCG: SWEET MOTHER GRUB'S OOZING VESTIGIAL THIRD ORAL SPHINCTER.
PCG: HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BE SO STUPID.
CCT: D --> It may be true that we are all playing in the same session, but I see no reason to disband the former power structure
CCT: D --> Especially if it means instituting a tactical midget with a short fuse, a foul mouth, and paralyzing insecurity over the color of his b100d
CCT: D --> That's all I have to say
PCG: OH I HAVE A SHORT FUSE! THAT'S VERY FUNNY, YOU CAN ALMOST HEAR ME LAUGH OVER THE SOUND OF THE ROBOT YOU ARE PROBABLY BEATING TO DEATH.
PCG: OR DOING WORSE TO.
PCG: HEY, YOU DO KISS YOUR ROBOTS, RIGHT?
CCT: D --> Uh
PCG: MIGHT AS WELL CLEAR THE AIR AS LONG AS WE'RE BROADCASTING THIS ACROSS THE ENTIRE SPACETIME CONTINUUM.
CCT: D --> Not usually
PCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
PCG: THE FUNNY THING IS IN THE FUTURE EVERYONE WILL RECOGNIZE ME AS THE UNDISPUTED LEADER, EVEN YOU.
PCG: YOU WILL BE STANDING ON THE TIPPYTOES OF YOUR IDIOTIC METAL SHOES, TAKING DELICATE PURCHASE OF MY NUBBY HORNS AND HOISTING YOURSELF OVER MY HEAD TO PUT YOUR SWEATIEST TOUGH GUY SMOOCH UPON MY TWITCHING SPINE LUMP.
PCG: IT WILL BE TENDER AND DEFERENTIAL, LIKE A PAUPER KISSING A NOBLE'S RING.
PCG: JUST SCROLL DOWN, READ THE LOGS.
CCT: D --> Nowhere have I seen evidence of this
CCT: D --> Most of this is you from various points in time raving about nonsense and arguing with yourself
CCT: D --> Do you realize that here in the future, this bulletin has come to be regarded as something of a joke
CCT: D --> A lengthy piece of comedy, often quoted amongst ourselves in private moments of levity
CCT: D --> It seems I'm the one to inform you of this up front
CCT: D --> Which is likely why you persist with the ingratiating charade against better judgement
PCG: YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS AREN'T YOU
CCT: D --> What do you mean
PCG: THIS EXCITES YOU, BEING THE TOUGH GUY AND PRETENDING LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING THE AWESOME LEADER IN HIS PLACE.
PCG: YOU'RE PROBABLY WORKING UP A GOOD SWEAT.
PCG: HOPE YOU ALCHEMIZED A BUNCH OF SPARE TOWELS.
PCG: HEY WHY DON'T YOU && THEM WITH YOUR SPONGEY BRAIN FOR EXTRA ABSORBENCY.
CCT: D --> How do you know about my perspiration problem
CCT: D --> I mean, aside from reading about it in this memo
CCT: D --> Wait
CCT: D --> Fudgesicles
PCG banned CCT from responding to memo.

PCG closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


08/28/10
"======>"






08/28/10
"======>"






08/28/10
"======>"






08/29/10
"Karkat: Begin another memo."



|PESTERLOG|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

CCG: THIS IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY TO START A NEW MEMO.
CCG: IN FACT IT'S A BETTER TIME THAN ANY BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE LAWS OF CHAT CLIENT PREDESTINATION I DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE DO I.
CCG: FUCK.
CCG: IT DOESN'T MATTER, IT'S STILL A GOOD TIME TO DO IT.
CCG: PEOPLE, WE NEED TO GET ORGANIZED HERE.
CCG: SHIT IS GETTING SERIOUS.
CCG: WE ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON OPERATION REGISURP, A CUNNING PLAN DEVISED BY DOUBLE ARCHAGENT JACK NOIR TO EXILE THE BLACK QUEEN.
CCG: WE WILL NEED ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THIS, EVEN THE IDIOTS.
CCG: AND ONCE AGAIN, A REMINDER
CCG: DO NOT TROLL ME IN THESE MEMOS FROM ANY POINT IN TIME OR IT'S AN INSTA-BAN.
CCG: ALSO A NOTE TO MY FUTURE SELF
CCG: IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING SMUG, DO ME A FAVOR AND SHOVE A THROB STALK IN IT.
CCG: JUST SIT THERE PATIENTLY AND WAIT FOR ME TO BECOME YOU IN THE DUE COURSE OF TIME, THUS IMPROVING YOUR INTELLECT DRASTICALLY.
CCG: OR, INTELLECTS PLURAL.
CCG: I FORGOT, THERE ARE A LOT OF YOU FUCKERS OUT THERE.
CCG: ALL OF YOU, JUST ZIP YOUR CHUTES. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, LIKE THERE'S NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN THE FUTURE???
CCG: IT'S THE FUTURE FOR GOD'S SAKE, A REALM OF ENDLESS FUCKING POSSIBILITIES.
CCG: NOW
CCG: BEFORE WE GET STARTED, LET'S TAKE A TOLL OF THE SITUATION AT THIS POINT IN TIME.
CCG: *MY* POINT IN TIME.
CCG: WHO'S IN SO FAR, WHO'S NOT, ETCETERA.
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 3:11 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCA: hey sorry for bustin in on the memo but i cant get ahold of you youre not answwerin
CCG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
FCA: gams advvice is fuckin useless all he told me wwas to enjoy a bevverage
CCG: NO, DUDE, DON'T DRINK THAT SHIT. IF IT WERE UP TO HIM WE WOULD ALL DRINK FAYGO AT ONCE IN SOME RITUALISTIC RAP CLOWN SUICIDE PACT.
CCG: BUT INSTEAD OF COMMITTING SUICIDE THE THING THAT WE ALL ACCOMPLISH IS BECOMING INSTANTANEOUS ASSHOLES WITH AWFUL TASTE.
FCA: i mean
FCA: its not evven that bad
FCA: its just soda but wwhatevver this isnt the point
CCG: THIS ISN'T THE VENUE FOR AIRING YOUR FUTURE PROBLEMS, COUNT SEA DIPSHIT.
FCA: i knoww i knoww
FCA: its just
FCA: i got a problem
FCA: wwith feferi
FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin
CCG: OK, WELL
CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO
CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU.
CCG banned FCA from responding to memo.
CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN?
CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.
CCG: OK.
CCG: IS EVERYBODY GOOD?
CCG: JUST GONNA SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE, LOCAL TIME, AND SEE IF ANYONE ELSE HAS ANY SHIT THEY WANT TO SCRAPE OFF THEIR BULGE ON TO MY CLEAN NUTRITION PLATEAU.
CCG: NOBODY?
CCG: GREAT, WONDERFUL.
CCG: I NOW OFFICIALLY DECLARE THE NONSENSE PORTION OF THIS MEMO TO BE OVER.
CCG: THIS DECREE SHALL BE BINDING AND LASTING.
CCG: BACK TO PLANNING REGISURP.
CCG: BEAR DOWN EVERYBODY, THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT, THERE IS A QUEEN ON THE LOOSE AND WE'VE GOT TO SHOW A BITCH THE DOOR.
FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAG: ::::D
CCG: UN BE FUCKING LIEVABLE.
FAG: Kaaaaaaaarkat!
FAG: I'm sorry!
FAG: 8ut do you have any idea how funny this thing is? I mean this whole thing???????? I can't stop laughing!
CCG: HEY CAN FUTURE YOU MIND-PREVENT ME FROM HITTING THE BAN BUTTON?
CCG: I'M GENUINELY CURIOUS! GO AHEAD, TRY TO STOP ME I DARE YOU.
FAG: I'm not going to try, I'm just here to say this whole thing is ridiculous.
FAG: We didn't really need you to pretend to 8e a little angry general to get any of this done.
FAG: We kicked the queen out of there no sweat! It was easy. In fact, I did most of the work myself, right 8efore I found all the treasure and scaled all the rungs.
CCG: OH, ALL OF THEM YOU SAY?
CCG: FASCINATING.
CCG: HEY FORGET THE BAN BUTTON, USE YOUR MIND POWERS TO HELP ME LOCATE THE DESPERATELY ATTEMPT TO GIVE A SHIT BUTTON. WHOOPS WE BOTH FAILED, IT DOESN'T EXIST.
FAG: Hey, I'm gone. I just think you should relax.
FAG: You were wound up so tight through the whole adventure, and now here in the present you're a8out to explode. It's insuffera8le!
CCG: EVERYBODY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?? SUPERFUTURE VRISKA HAS AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON FOR US ALL.
CCG: WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT OUR PRESENT RESPONSIBILIES AND OBLIGATIONS!
CCG: BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT, IN THE FUTURE ALL THAT STUFF ALREADY HAPPENED. WE'RE OFF THE FUCKING HOOK!
CCG: TIME TO RELAX. LET'S ALL CRAWL INTO OUR COCOONS AND GET BUSY STIMULATING OUR AUTOEROGENOUS SHAME GLOBES.
CCG: FIRST ONE TO START A WANK FIRE GETS A SHINY BOONDOLLAR.
CCG: THIS IS AN ORDER FROM YOUR LEADER.
FAG: Hahahahahahahaha.
CCG banned FAG from responding to memo.
CCG: LATER, FAG.
CCG: TOO BAD THE ACRONYM WASN'T "HAG" INSTEAD, IT WOULD HAVE SUITED YOU MUCH BETTER.
CCG: INSTEAD OF THAT NONSENSE WORD
CCG: MAYBE ITS ASSOCIATION WITH YOU WILL COLLOQUIALLY CAUSE IT TO TAKE ON A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
CCG: MAYBE FAG WILL BE "THE NEW BURN!" EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY MEANS NOTHING IN OUR LANGUAGE.
CCG: I DON'T KNOW, THIS IS STUPID, FORGET IT
CCG: OK I'M RAMBLING HERE, I'M AWARE OF THAT.
CCG: FUTURE ME, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE WEIGH IN ON THIS, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
CCG: IF I WERE FUTURE ME, WHICH I GUESS I AM, I WOULD READ THIS AND BE ALL OVER IT, LIKE DAMMIT KARKAT WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING.
CCG: GET TO THE POINT.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 0:20 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH.
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
CCG: SO I'M SAYING IT TO MYSELF ALREADY HERE AND NOW, SO I WON'T HAVE TO LATER, GOT IT YOU TRENCHANT BACKBITING PRICKS?????
CCG: DAMN, I'M LOSING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT.
CCG: MAYBE I'LL PICK IT UP AGAIN IN A FRESH MEMO LATER.
CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S RIGHT THOUGH, BECAUSE I VAGUELY REMEMBER THIS ONE BEING LONGER THAN THIS.
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 0:38 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAT: hEYY,
CCG: OH SON OF A BITCH.
PAT: i THOUGHT,
PAT: sINCE IT LOOKS LIKE, yOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE OUT OF IMPORTANT MEMO STUFF TO SAY,
PAT: uHH,
PAT: mAYBE YOU COULD HELP ME, hERE,
PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME,
PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL,
PAT: lIKE,
PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT,
CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES.
CCG: ALL OF YOU.
CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE.
PAT: sORRY,
CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY.
CCG: JUST
CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.
PAT: oKAY,
PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW,
PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK,
PAT: lYING DOWN,
PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK,
CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY???
CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.
PAT: uH, yEAH, aNYWAY,
PAT: sHE TRIED TO KISS ME,
PAT: wELL, sHE DIDN'T TRY, sHE ACTUALLY DID,
PAT: aND THEN, kIND OF DROPPED ME,
PAT: aND ALSO WE ARE WEARING COSTUMES,
PAT: wOW, i'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL,
CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKED UP, WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO.
PAT: aND NOW, tO MAKE IT,
PAT: uHHHHH,
PAT: a LOT WEIRDER,
PAT: tHERE IS AN ANGRY VOICE IN MY HEAD,
PAT: i DONT THINK IT'S rUFIO THIS TIME,
PAT: rUFIO'S NOT THAT ANGRY,
PAT: hE'S ALSO IMAGINARY,
PAT: lIKE, a FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
PAT: yOU KNOW, lIKE,
PAT: tHE WAY FAIRIES ARE, }:(
CCG: GOD, ACTUALLY I REMEMBER READING THIS BULLSHIT.
CCG: OR SKIMMING IT AT LEAST.
CCG: HOW COULD I FORGET???
CCG: MORE LOONEYBLOCK THEATER, AND HERE I AM DRAWING THE CURTAINS FOR YOU GUYS LIKE A DOPE.
PAT: aNYWAY, i THINK VRISKA IS UPSET ABOUT IT, aND SHE'S NOT TALKING OR ANYTHING,
PAT: wHAT DO i DO,
CCG: OK WELL, I CAN ADVISE YOU AND STUFF
CCG: BUT YOU DO REALIZE THIS IS A PUBLIC BULLETIN.
CCG: WE SHOULD BE HAVING THIS CHAT IN PRIVATE.
CCG: EVERYONE CAN READ THIS, EVEN HER.
CCG: I MEAN FUCK, SHE WAS *JUST HERE* TALKING YOU DUMMY!
PAT: i KNOW, i READ THAT,
PAT: bUT,
PAT: tHAT'S FUTURE HER, wHICH,
PAT: dOESN'T SEEM SO BAD,
PAT: mAYBE FUTURE HER CAN READ THIS, aND,
PAT: i GUESS,
PAT: kNOW i'M SORRY ABOUT IT,
PAT: i DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HER FEELINGS,
CCG: WELL, FINE, IF YOU WANT TO BROADCAST A TRANSTIMELINE APOLOGY THEN FINE.
CCG: BUT YOU SHOULD REALIZE THE FUTURE IS KIND OF A WIDE OPEN THING, I MEAN SHE COULD READ THIS LIKE TWO MINUTES IN THE FUTURE AS WELL AS 600 HOURS.
CCG: AT THAT POINT YOU WOULD ESSENTIALLY BE TALKING TO PRESENT HER, COMPLETELY DEFEATING THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SPINELESS MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE APOLOGY.
PAT: oH,
PAT: yEAH,
PAT: i DIDN'T, rEALLY THINK OF THAT,
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 0:08 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAG: Hi.
CCG: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
PAG: Karkat, shut up! This does not concern you.
CCG: OK WHATEVER. MY MEMO, BUT WHATEVER.
PAT: uH, wOW,
PAT: hI,
PAG: Tavros, it's ok. Really.
PAG: So you don't feel that way a8out me! That's fine. I shouldn't have expected any different.
PAG: I can deal with it! I am not a wimp like you. I roll with 8ad 8r8ks all the time. No 8iggie.
PAG: In fact, I already have dealt with it. I was over here dealing with it while you were over there on the floor fooling around with your computer after a cute girl tried to kiss you for some reason.
PAG: As it turned out, fooling around with your computer to........
PAG: Go cry on future Karkat's shoulder a8out this????????
PAT: uM,
PAT: yEAH,
PAG: Hahahaha. You are a str8nge and funny 8oy, Tavros.
CCG: OH GOD
CCG: THIS IS
CCG: COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.
CCG: NOW I SEE WHY EVERYONE HAS BEEN RIPPING ON MY MEMOS.
PAG: Karkat I said shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!
PAG: Anyway, though totally unnecessary, your apology is accepted.
PAT: oKAY,
PAG: Now pick yourself up off the floor so we can go wring some fucking treasure out of this misera8le magic rock!
PAT: yEAH, i'LL TRY,
PAG: Actually, never mind, I'll 8e over there to help you with that too, kind of like I do with everything.
PAG: Just lie still and try not to start crying or anything, and w8 a few minutes for your timeframe to catch up with mine.
PAT: uH,
PAT: wHAT,
PAG: Exactly! I aaaaaaaam smarter than you. You see? You're learning!
CCG: FUCK, ENOUGH ALREADY.
CCG: THERE, GREAT, ANOTHER HAPPY COUPLE
CCG: IN WHATEVER HIDEOUS QUADRANT THIS BATSHIT PAIRING WILL SUSTAIN.
CCG: NOW OFF YOU GO.
CCG banned PAT from responding to memo.
CCG banned PAG from responding to memo.
CCG: HOLY HELL.
CCG: THIS IS EXHAUSTING.
CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.
CCG: OK, MAYBE I'LL TAKE A MINUTE TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND GET BACK ON TOPIC HERE.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 609 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: NO YOU WON'T.
FCG: THIS ONE WAS PARTICULARLY NAUSEATING IN RETROSPECT, I'M SHUTTING THIS DOWN.
FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.

FCG closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


08/29/10
"HEY RUNT"






08/29/10
"I SAID GET YER ASS UP AND GO KISS THE GIRL YOU PIPSQUEAK"



You are having trouble bringing yourself to get up and kiss the girl.


08/29/10
"YOU KISS THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT"






08/29/10
"======>======>======>"



You cannot do it. You cannot kiss the girl.


08/29/10
"Thief."






08/29/10
"You will need to be strong."






08/29/10
"======>"



And in time, though prone to distraction and obstinacy, she would.

But not alone.


08/29/10
"======>"



To bring every circle closed, her partner and rival would have to be guided in tandem. The Thief and the Seer were to serve as twin lashes of the scourge cracked by a quasiroyal against her own former kingdom to settle a score. To make him pay. Scourge's black inches would rip red miles through Derse, and the bright rivers gushing from its wounds would wash her mutineers down the drains of exile. In time they would have to answer for their treason.

Patience would be necessary. But then, she'd recently come into all the time in the universe.


08/30/10
"======>"






08/30/10
"Snowman: Continue briefing."






08/30/10
"Find the ring before he does."






08/30/10
"And then,"






08/30/10
"======>"






08/30/10
"======>"






08/30/10
"======>"






08/30/10
"======>"






08/30/10
"======>"






08/30/10
"Centuries ago..."



And yet, right now...

The SYLPH OF SPACE was able to vacate the impact site with several features of her buried landscape in tow. She sits atop her session's dormant FORGE.


08/30/10
"======>"






08/31/10
"Kanaya: Reply to memo."



|PESTERLOG|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 599 HOURS FROM NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.

FCG: FINE THEN.
FCG: SINCE PAST ME JUST BANNED CURRENT ME FROM THE PRECEDING MEMO
FCG: AND DOESN'T APPEAR TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY FUTURE WISDOM, AS USUAL
FCG: LOOKS LIKE I'LL JUST HAVE TO START ANOTHER MEMO FROM SCRATCH.
FCG: HEY PAST ME, GO HAVE A BLAST KILLING THE KING, I'M SURE IT WILL BE AWESOME.
FCG: IN FACT, IT WAS AWESOME. BANG UP JOB WITH THAT, DUDE!
FCG: TOO BAD IT WAS ALL A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.
FCG: OH, WHAT'S THAT, PASTHOLE? YOU DIDN'T READ THIS AND FIGURE THAT OUT AHEAD OF TIME?
FCG: OR MAYBE YOU JUST SKIMMED THIS AND IT DIDN'T GET THROUGH YOUR THICK BULGE???
FCG: WHAT A SHOCK!
FCG: MEMO-WITHIN-MEMO TO PRESENT SELF: PUT FORTH A MORE CONCERTED EFFORT TO IMPRESS UPON EVERYONE IN THE PAST, MYSELF INCLUDED, WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS THEY ALL ARE.
FCG: I AM LEARNING A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY!
FCG: IT TURNS OUT YOU CAN'T ALTER THE OUTCOME OF DECISIONS MADE BY MORONS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL AT THEM.
FCG: ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS GIVE THEM A HARD TIME AND TRY TO MAKE THEIR LIVES JUST A LITTLE MORE MISERABLE.
FCG: WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A MORE NOBLE PURSUIT THAN CHANGING DESTINY FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY, FRANKLY.
FCG: LOSERS SHOULD BE FORCED TO FACE THE MUSIC, EVEN FOR THE MISTAKES THEY HAVEN'T MADE YET.
FCG: THEIR PUNISHMENT IS BEING ALLOWED TO MAKE THE MISTAKE IN THE FIRST PLACE. TALK ABOUT POETIC JUSTICE!
FCG: AND THEN GETTING SOUNDLY BERATED BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER THE MISTAKES ARE BEING MADE IS JUST THE MUCUS ON THE GRUBLOAF.
FCG: THE SWEET, TANGY MUCUS.
FCG: THIS IS DUMB.
FCG: WHY DID I EVER THINK THESE MEMOS WERE GOING TO BE A GOOD IDEA.
FCG: NOBODY CARES
FCG: I MEAN
FCG: NOBODY'S EVEN TROLLING ME ANYMORE.
FCG: AND I'M LEAVING MYSELF WIDE OPEN TOO, SAYING SOME PRETTY DUMB THINGS HERE.
FCG: I GUESS MAYBE I WROTE TOO MANY.
FCG: AND FILLED TOO MANY OF THEM WITH LONG ARGUMENTS WITH MYSELF.
FCG: NO ONE'S GOING TO READ THROUGH ALL THIS, ALL THE VALUABLE INFORMATION IS JUST GETTING LOST IN THE YELLING.
FCG: YOU STUPID STUPID IDIOT.
FCG: OH FUCK YOU, WHY'D YOU EVEN START ANOTHER MEMO THEN??
FCG: I GUESS
FCG: THERE ARE A COUPLE THINGS I WANT TO GET OFF MY CHEST, OK?
FCG: OH GOD, NOW I'M ARGUING WITH CURRENT ME.
FCG: I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I WAS DOING IT, THIS IS REALLY FUCKED UP.
FCG: I'VE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER.
FCG: THINK BACK TO WHAT WE MIGHT HAVE DONE WRONG.
FCG: BUT THE THING IS
FCG: AS MUCH AS OUR PAST SELVES ARE A BUNCH OF STUBBORN UNLISTENING ASSHOLES
FCG: I CAN'T EVEN REALLY IDENTIFY ANY MISTAKES WE MADE.
FCG: IT WAS ALL PRETTY MUCH LIKE CLOCKWORK.
FCG: A 600 HOUR CAMPAIGN TO COMPLETE A GAME LIKE THIS IS PRETTY GOOD IF YOU ASK ME.
FCG: AND I HAVE ASKED ME.
FCG: IT TURNS OUT ME AGREES.
FCG: I CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING SOMEONE ELSE MUST BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS.
FCG: IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN OUR SESSION.
FCG: SOLLUX HAS THE SAME INTUITION ABOUT IT AS ME, HE THINKS THERE'S SOMETHING FII2HY ABOUT IT.
FCG: IT'S REALLY INSUFFERABLE THE WAY HER FISH PUNS HAVE RUBBED OFF ON HIM, IT KIND OF MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT.
FCG: ANYWAY
FCG: HE SAYS HE'S WORKING ON TRACING THE ORIGIN OF THIS DISASTER.
FCG: IF I FIND OUT WHO'S RESPONSIBLE
FCG: I WILL
FCG: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT NOW.
FCG: WASTE OF GOOD FRESH RAGE.
FCG: I'M A LITTLE TIRED OF ALL THE OLD THINGS I'VE BEEN ANGRY ABOUT.
FCG: IT'S GOTTEN SO STALE.
FCG: IN A WEIRD WAY I'M SORT OF LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING SOMETHING NEW TO BE PISSED OFF ABOUT.
FCG: IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR NOW ANYWAY.
FCG: SO I'M KEEPING MY PRONGS CROSSED.
FCG: IT WILL BE LIKE FUCKING 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE UP IN HERE.
FCG: LAST SWEEP'S EVE WAS PROBABLY THE LAST HAPPY MEMORY I HAVE IN FACT.
FCG: WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO FOR THE LAST HOLIDAY?
FCG: ANYONE?
FCG: I REMEMBER MY LUSUS HAD BEEN GONE FOR DAYS AND I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED.
FCG: BUT THEN HE FINALLY RETURNED, TRIUMPHANT.
FCG: HE BROUGHT THE FRESH BEHEMOTH LEAVING INTO OUR HIVE, AND TOGETHER WE DECORATED IT.
FCG: AND
FCG: I DUNNO
FCG: THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY, I'M GETTING A LUMP IN MY SQUAWK BLISTER.
FCG: I GUESS I'M DONE.
FCG: I'M GOING TO LIE DOWN NOW
FCG: ON THE STEEL FLOOR OF THIS FRIGID METEOR DRIFTING THROUGH THE BLACK UNCARING VOID OF OUR NULL SESSION.
FCG: NULL, KIND OF LIKE THIS MEMO I GUESS.
FCG: LATER.
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGA: I Dont Think We Did Anything Special
FCG: WHOA, HEY
FCG: WHAT?
CGA: Last 12th
CGA: We Stayed In
CGA: And I Read Stories To Her It Was Nice
FCG: OH
FCG: THAT'S COOL.
FCG: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE RESPONDED TO A MEMO THAT I CAN RECALL.
FCG: YOU TOOK IT RIGHT DOWN TO THE WIRE. I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CLOSE THIS THING.
CGA: Yeah I Know
CGA: I Wasnt Sure If I Was Going To
CGA: But Then I Noticed A Conversation In Which I Was A Participant
CGA: Which As It Turns Out Is The Conversation Taking Place Now
CGA: I Scanned It Briefly And Then Perused Other Memos For My Presence
CGA: I Found None And Returned To This One
CGA: But My Part Of The Conversation Was Gone
CGA: I Regarded This As A Prompt To Begin Typing And Record My Contributions Live
CGA: That Is How This Works Isnt It
FCG: PRETTY MUCH.
FCG: FOR A WHILE IT WAS FRUSTRATING.
FCG: WHEN I DISCOVERED THE FEATURE I KIND OF BREEZED THROUGH ALL MY FUTURE MEMOS, NOT REALLY READING ALL OF THEM CAREFULLY OR THOROUGHLY.
FCG: THEN I LOOKED AT IT AGAIN, AND THE WHOLE BOARD WAS GONE.
FCG: BECAUSE IT WAS TIME TO MAKE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO I DID.
FCG: AND THEN I KEPT MAKING MEMOS WITH ONLY FOGGY RECOLLECTIONS OF WHAT THEY CONTAINED.
FCG: WHILE ALL THESE OTHER CHUMPS FROM DIFFERENT TIMES KEPT GIVING ME SHIT.
FCG: INCLUDING MYSELF.
FCG: BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD, BECAUSE AS I EVENTUALLY BECAME MY OWN FUTURE SELVES, AND GOT TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDES OF THOSE CONVERSATIONS.
FCG: AND COULD DO MY PAST SELVES THE SERVICE OF INFORMING THEM HOW STUPID THEY WERE BEING.
FCG: I STOPPED BOTHERING TRYING TO REMEMBER HOW ANY OF THESE MEMOS WENT.
FCG: HONESTLY THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN A BLUR TO ME, JUST NON STOP YELLING AT MYSELF, HAGGLING WITH PAST AND FUTURE KNUCKLEHEADS, KILLING MONSTERS AND SOLVING PUZZLES, CYCLING THROUGH ALL THE GATES AND PLANETS LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES, ZIGZAGGING DOWN TO THE BATTLEFIELD, OUT TO THE VEIL, OVER TO PROSPIT, BACK TO DERSE, AND ON AND ON AND ON LIKE THAT UNTIL WE THOUGHT WE WON.
FCG: BUT WE DIDN'T WIN. WE LOST.
FCG: WE LOST AS HARD AS FAT GUYS FALL.
CGA: What Exactly Happened
FCG: DID YOU READ THE MEMO JUST BEFORE THIS?
CGA: No
FCG: GIVE IT A READ, I'M DONE RANTING ABOUT ALL THAT FOR NOW.
CGA: Alright
CGA: In A Moment
FCG: BUT YEAH, THAT'S HOW TROLLIAN'S TIMELINE STUFF WORKS. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.
FCG: OR NOT! SINCE APPARENTLY THIS IS YOUR ONLY MEMO REPLY. YOU WERE PRETTY SHREWD IN SIDESTEPPING THIS WHOLE CLUSTERFUCK.
CGA: It Seems Like A Logical Way To Engineer A System Wherein One Simultaneously Functions As The Reader And Author Of The Transcripts
CGA: Its Temporally Sound Construction
FCG: THEN YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS SO.
FCG: HELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MAID OF TIME THAN THE ONE WE WERE STUCK WITH.
FCG: SHE'S COMPLETELY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED.
CGA: I Think We Are Given Roles To Challenge Us
CGA: That Dont Necessarily Suit Our Strengths
CGA: At Least I Was
CGA: I Have No Idea What Im Doing Here
FCG: SURE YOU DO.
FCG: OR, YOU WILL. TRUST ME YOU'LL DO FINE.
FCG: SO WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO RESPOND ANYWAY.
FCG: I MEAN ASIDE FROM BEING STRONGARMED BY CONVERSATIONAL PREDESTINATION.
CGA: Oh
CGA: At This Point Im Not Even Sure If Im Inclined To Ask Anymore
FCG: YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE A CHOICE.
FCG: DO YOU REMEMBER IF THIS MEMO WAS MUCH LONGER THAN THIS?
CGA: Um
CGA: There Is A Good Way To Go I Think Yeah
FCG: THEN MIGHT AS WELL SPIT IT OUT.
CGA: Its Such A Silly Question
FCG: RED OR BLACK?
CGA: What
FCG: YOUR PROBLEM, DOES IT PERTAIN TO REDROM OR BLACKROM INTERESTS?
CGA: Thats Not What This Is About
FCG: COME ON. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN USING THESE MEMOS TO SIFT THROUGH THEIR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS FOR WEEKS, I AM A FUCKING VETERAN AT THIS SHIT BY NOW.
FCG: SERIOUSLY, I DON'T MIND, IT'LL BE A WELCOME REPRIEVE FROM SHOUTING AT MYSELF.
CGA: Im Not Sure What To Say About It
FCG: DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST GET A SENSE OF WHAT THIS CONVERSATION WAS ABOUT WHEN YOU SKIMMED IT?
CGA: Not Really
CGA: If I Were Thinking About It I Probably Wouldnt Have Wanted To Anyway
CGA: Dont You Think Its Better To Have Unrehearsed Conversations
CGA: Even If The Subject Matter Is Awkward
FCG: YES I COMPLETELY AGREE.
FCG: IT'S GOOD YOU DIDN'T READ IT. WE CAN AVOID THE SORT OF VERBAL SLAPSTICK ROUTINES I'M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF BY NOW.
FCG: I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING ALL COY AND TELLING ME WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SAY BEFORE WE SAY IT, AND THEN WE WIND UP FUCKING SAYING IT ANYWAY.
FCG: AND THEN WE PROVE TO THE INVISIBLE RIDDLER THAT IS FATHER TIME BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS WE ALL ARE.
FCG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OLD THAT GETS AFTER A WHILE?
FCG: SO REALLY, TELL ME.
FCG: I KNOW IT'S ON YOUR MIND, I GOT A SENSE FOR THESE THINGS.
FCG: R OR B???
CGA: Ok
CGA: Red Then
CGA: But I Guess
CGA: Not Really Red Enough
FCG: HAHA, WELL ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE CASE?
FCG: STORY AS OLD AS TIME.
FCG: EVEN IN PLACES WHERE STRICTLY SPEAKING TIME DIDN'T EXIST UNTIL RECENTLY.
FCG: WHO'S THE TARGET OF THESE FLUSHED LEANINGS?
FCG: IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING.
CGA: Its Not The Asking I Mind
CGA: Its The Telling
CGA: In A Public Forum
FCG: I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S READING.
FCG: DID YOU NOTICE ANYONE ELSE JOIN IN LATER?
CGA: No
CGA: It Appeared To Be Just The Two Of Us
FCG: SEE
FCG: NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO BOTHER.
CGA: I Dont Know Whether Thats Reassuring
CGA: Or Just A Bit Disheartening
FCG: WELL I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
FCG: THEIR DISINTEREST IS MORE A REFLECTION ON ME THAN YOU.
CGA: Disinterest Is The Operative Concept Here
CGA: Shes Not Even Responding To My Messages Anymore
CGA: Could Be Busy
CGA: But Im Rapidly Approaching A Resolution To Discard The Preposterous Infatuation
FCG: SHE? WELL I GUESS THAT NARROWS IT DOWN SOMEWHAT.
CGA: Shit
FCG: IF I THINK BACK ON EVENTS KNOWING THIS I COULD PROBABLY PIECE IT TOGETHER...
CGA: How About
CGA: If I Agree To Consult With You About It In Private
CGA: We Can Drop It Here
CGA: Before You Crack Me Like A Vault
CGA: With Your Weird Romance Sleuthing Acumen
FCG: ALRIGHT, DEAL.
CGA: It Still Puzzles Me That You Are So Versed In The Topic
CGA: Do You Have Access To A Manual Archived On A Remote Server Somewhere
FCG: WHAT
FCG: NO OF COURSE NOT.
FCG: I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ALL THAT MUCH.
FCG: I JUST KNOW THIS STUFF WILL DRIVE YOU SHITHIVE MAGGOTS IF YOU DON'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.
CGA: That Figure Of Speech You Keep Using Puzzles Me Too
FCG: LIKE
FCG: NOT THAT I EXPECT YOU TO GIVE A SHIT BUT PERSONALLY I AM ALL TWISTED UP ABOUT BLACKROM STUFF ESPECIALLY.
FCG: HONESTLY I DON'T THINK I WAS CUT OUT TO HAVE A KISMESIS, I THINK MY STANDARDS ARE WAY TOO HIGH.
FCG: DID YOU KNOW THAT...
FCG: THIS FEELS SO INSANE TO ADMIT, BUT
FCG: OVER THE COURSE OF THIS ADVENTURE, AT TIMES I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO SUSPECT I WAS MY OWN KISMESIS.
FCG: HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT???
CGA: Im Not Qualified To Say
CGA: Neither Romance Nor Psychology Are My Strong Suits
FCG: BUT OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT TRUE, I NEVER EVEN DID ANY LEGIT TIME TRAVELING WHERE I COULD MEET MYSELF, I JUST BICKERED WITH PAST AND FUTURE GHOSTS ON A CHAT CLIENT.
FCG: FITTING REALLY. EVERY CALIGINOUS ADVERSARY I'VE CONTEMPLATED HAS ELUDED ME LIKE A PHANTOM, EVEN MYSELF!
FCG: WHATEVER, I'M DONE WITH IT.
CGA: And What Of Scarlet Ambitions
CGA: Fare Any Better In That Quadrant
FCG: NO NO NO I'M NOT AIRING THAT SHIT OUT HERE.
FCG: MAYBE PRIVATELY.
FCG: IT'S PRIVATE.
FCG: LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT, WHAT WERE YOU ORIGINALLY GOING TO ASK ME.
CGA: Oh Fine
CGA: Heres This Silly Question For You
CGA: I Was Just Wondering Given Your Vantage Of Hindsight
CGA: If Youd Had Cause To Observe At Any Point In Time
CGA: Magic
FCG: UH...
CGA: Like Real Magic
CGA: I Guess What Im Asking Is
CGA: Is Magic A Real Thing
FCG: WOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT'S KIND OF THE DUMBEST FUCKING QUESTION I'VE EVER HEARD.
CGA: I Know
CGA: Its Just That I Have A Good Reason To Believe Magic Is Real
CGA: Our Ancient Predecessors Discovered How To Use It
CGA: But Then They May Have Surpassed Us In Skill By A Great Deal
FCG: YOU PUT WAY TOO MUCH STOCK IN THAT RATTY OLD GUIDE.
FCG: BUT ANYWAY NO, WE NEVER USED MAGIC.
FCG: I MEAN, LET ME TRY TO PUT INTO PERSPECTIVE HOW RIDICULOUS THE WHOLE NOTION IS ANYWAY.
FCG: WE CAN ALCHEMIZE PRACTICALLY ANYTHING WITH THE RIGHT MATERIALS AND GRIST.
FCG: WE CAN, AND DID, MAKE SUPER POWERFUL WEAPONS AND ITEMS THAT CAN DO PRACTICALLY ANYTHING.
FCG: WHAT ADDITIONAL ADVANTAGE COULD MAGIC OFFER? ALL THIS SHIT IS PRACTICALLY MAGIC ANYWAY.
FCG: BUT MORE LIKE
FCG: GOOFY SCIENCEY MAGIC. YOU KNOW?
CGA: Sure
FCG: BUT EVERYTHING HERE IS KIND OF MAGIC IN A WAY, ISN'T IT.
FCG: FORTUNE TELLING DREAM CLOUDS AND GOLDEN MOONS AND SHIT.
FCG: IF YOU LOOK AROUND
FCG: THERE'S MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH.
FCG: IT'S ALL AROUND US.
FCG: MOTHER FUCKIN MIRACLES, RIGHT?
CGA: Heh
FCG: WHAT DO YOU NEED MAGIC FOR ANYWAY?
CGA: Im Running Out Of Ideas
CGA: I Need To Figure Out A Way To Stoke This Volcano
CGA: In Case You And The Others Are Successful In Recovering The Queens Ring
FCG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
FCG: AND YOU WON'T NEED MAGIC, TRUST ME.
FCG: JUST BE PATIENT, THE ANSWER WILL COME TO YOU SOMEHOW.
CGA: I Guess You Would Know
FCG: YEAH, REALLY THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
FCG: AT LEAST AS FAR AS THE DETAILS OF THE ADVENTURE GO.
FCG: WE WERE ALL PRETTY AWESOME AT THIS GAME.
FCG: REALLY AWESOME IN FACT.
FCG: UNTIL A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
FCG: WHEN IT TURNED OUT WE WEREN'T ACTUALLY ALL THAT AWESOME.
FCG: TURNS OUT WE WERE PRETTY FUCKING UNAWESOME ALL ALONG.
CGA: Still Baffled By What Would Conceivably Cause Such A Crisis In Awesomeness Post-Victory
FCG: WELL
FCG: FOR STARTERS
FCG: HAVE YOU SCROLLED UP TO THE TOP OF THE TIMELINES YET?
CGA: No
FCG: CHECK THAT OUT
FCG: MAYBE READ A FEW RECENT MEMOS
FCG: BUT OTHER THAN THAT IT'S NOT FOR YOU TO CONCERN YOURSELF WITH.
FCG: JUST DEAL WITH GETTING THROUGH THE QUEST.
FCG: I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU ABOUT IT WHEN YOU CATCH UP WITH ME ON THE TIMELINE.
FCG: WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE RIGHT NOW.
CGA: Say Hi To Me For Myself
FCG: OK I PROBABLY WON'T DO THAT, BUT ALRIGHT HA HA.
FCG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE ANYWAY?
CGA: You Mean Future Me
FCG: YEAH.
FCG: YOU'RE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR CHAINSAW.
FCG: WHILE TAVROS IS SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR.
FCG: OH GOD.
FCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING???????
CGA: What
CGA: What Did I Do
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist 2 [FCG2] 600 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG2: OK.
FCG2: EVERYTHING'S FINE I GUESS.
CGA: What Happened
FCG2: I PASSED OUT FOR ABOUT AN HOUR.
FCG2: FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
FCG2: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, YOU KNOW.
CGA: Shithive Maggots You Mean
FCG2: YEAH
FCG2: IN A GOOD WAY THOUGH.
FCG2: OK I'M SHUTTING THIS MEMO DOWN FOR MY PAST SELF.
FCG2: SINCE HE'S CURRENTLY LYING UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR AN HOUR AGO.
FCG2: SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE-NOW.
CGA: Til Then
FCG2 banned CGA from responding to memo.
FCG2 banned FCG from responding to memo.

FCG2 closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


09/01/10
"Kanaya: Scroll up."






09/01/10
"Terezi: Fly up."






09/01/10
"======>"






09/01/10
"======>"



|SPRITELOG|
DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff
DRAGONSPRITE: hey terezi!
DRAGONSPRITE: heeeeeeeyyyyyyy!
DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiii terezi!
DRAGONSPRITE: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff sniff
DRAGONSPRITE: heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!


09/02/10
"======>"






09/02/10
"======>"






09/03/10
"Terezi: Respond."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: OK I GOT YOUR MESSAGE
CG: THANKS FOR NOT HASSLING ME ABOUT IT IN ONE OF THE MEMOS TO GET MY ATTENTION, I APPRECIATE THAT.
CG: UNLESS YOU DID, BUT IT WAS IN A FUTURE MEMO I HAVEN'T WRITTEN YET, IN WHICH CASE HAVE A BIGTIME FUCK YOU ABOUT THAT IN ADVANCE.
GC: NO 1 D1DNT BUG YOU 4BOUT 1T 1N YOUR STUP1D M3MOS!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 4NNOY1NG 4ND 1M T1R3D OF G3TT1NG B4NN3D FOR NO R34SON
CG: POSTING IN THEM AT ALL IS THE REASON. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO REPLY MEMOS PERIOD, THAT'S THE REASON.
GC: M4YB3 1 W1LL ST4RT MY OWN BULL3T1N BO4RD
GC: 4ND 3V3RYON3 W1LL B3 4LLOW3D TO R3PLY 4NY T1M3 TH3Y W4NT
GC: 3XC3PT FOR GUYS W1TH NUBBY HORNS, OH NO, TH3Y W1LL NOT B3 4BL3 TO R3PLY 4T 4LL
GC: GRUMPY K4RK4TS W1LL B3 3XPR3SSLY FORB1DD3N FROM R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN!
GC: >:P
CG: SOUNDS LAME.
GC: BY TH3 W4Y TH4T W1LL B3 TH3 N4M3 OF TH3 BO4RD 1N C4S3 1T W4SNT CL34R
CG: YEAH I GOT THAT.
CG: THIS IS AN EMPTY THREAT, BECAUSE IF YOU MADE A BOARD AT ANY POINT ON THE TIMELINE I WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE IT RIGHT HERE AND READ THE WHOLE THING ALREADY.
CG: WAIT...
CG: OH GOD, YOU ACTUALLY DID.
GC: Y3SSSSS!
GC: FUTUR3 T3R3Z1 1S LOOK1NG PR3TTY COOL R1GHT 4BOUT NOW >8]
CG: LOOK I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.
CG: WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT GOING AFTER THE QUEEN'S RING.
GC: W3LL
GC: TH3 TH1NG TH4T 1S 4LL 4BOUT 1T 1S
GC: W3 H4V3 TO GO 4FT3R TH3 QU33NS R1NG
GC: 1T 1S 4 N3W M1SS1ON
CG: BUT WE'RE STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF TRYING TO PULL OFF REGISURP WITH JACK.
CG: WHY DON'T WE TAKE IT ONE MISSION AT A TIME.
GC: Y34H 4BOUT TH4T
GC: TH3 WHOL3 PO1NT 1S TO D3STROY TH3 R1NG SO J4CK DO3SNT G3T 1T
CG: WHY WOULD WE WANT TO DO THAT, JACK'S AN ALLY.
GC: 4LSO
GC: TH3 M1SS1ON SORT OF 1NVOLV3S 3X1L1NG J4CK TOO
GC: >:|
CG: THIS IS BULLSHIT.
CG: WE'RE NOT EXILING JACK, HE'S COOL.
GC: K4RK4T, H3 1S NOT TH4T COOL!
CG: YES HE IS, HE'S A TOTAL BADASS WITH A FUCK TON OF BLADES AND SHIT, AND HE'S HELPING US OUT.
GC: OK, 1 TH1NK 1TS PR3TTY CUT3 TH4T YOU SORT OF LOOK UP TO H1M L1K3 TH4T
GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY, 1 DO NOT G3T 4 GOOD F33L1NG FROM H1M!
GC: H3 K1ND OF
CG: STINKS?
CG: LET ME ACTED SHOCKED LIKE I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.
CG: O:
CG: FUCK I FORGOT MY HORNS, I ALWAYS FORGET THEM
CG: O:B
GC: NO!
GC: W3LL
GC: SORT OF
GC: H3 DO3SNT SM3LL B4D 4CTU4LLY
GC: H3 SM3LLS R34LLY CL34N 4ND SH1NY 4ND D4RK D4RK D444RK L1K3 4N O1L SL1CK 4ND TH3R3 1S 4 T1NY H1NT OF L1COR1C3 TH3R3 TOO
GC: 1TS MOR3 L1K3
GC: TH3 W4Y H3 MOV3S
GC: 1 SM3LL H1S SMOOTH MOT1ONS 4ND TH3 W4Y H3 SQU1NTS H1S 3Y3S 4ND 1T G1V3S M3 TH1S R34LLY N3RVOUS F33L1NG
CG: WHAT A SURPRISE, YOU ARE DRAGGING YOUR SCHIZOPHRENIC NOSE INTO THIS, WHAT AN OUTSTANDING CHARACTER WITNESS.
CG: OBJECTION YOUR TYRANNY! HAHAHA
GC: >:D
CG: THE BOTTOM LINE IS I AM NOT GOING TO EXILE JACK BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN SMELL MALICE OFF AN INTERPRETIVE DANCE.
GC: K4RK4T, H3S 4 J3RK!
GC: H3 H4S ST4BB3D YOU ON MOR3 TH4N ON3 OCC4S1ON!
CG: SOME OF THOSE STABBINGS WERE ACCIDENTAL!
GC: >8|
CG: OK, WELL I KNOW FOR A FACT THE THIRD TIME WAS ACCIDENTAL.
CG: ANYWAY YOU'VE BEATEN THE SHIT OUT OF ME A FEW TIMES YOURSELF.
GC: BUT 1 D1DN'T DR4W BLOOD!
GC: 1 M34N 1 COULD H4V3 TO S4T1SFY MY CUR1OS1TY >:]
GC: BUT 1 D1DNT 4S 4 COURT3SY TO YOU
GC: S1NC3 YOU ST1LL W4NT TO K33P 1T 4 S3CR3T FROM M3 L1K3 4 P3TUL4NT L1TTL3 W1GGL3R >:P
CG: HEY I PROMISED I'D TELL YOU.
CG: I JUST
CG: WASN'T READY OK
GC: W3LL
GC: 1TS OK
GC: 1 KNOW WH4T COLOR YOUR BLOOD 1S 4NYW4Y >:]
CG: NO YOU DON'T
GC: YUP, 1 TOT4LLY DO
CG: LIES, I'VE BEEN VERY CAREFUL.
CG: NOT LIKE ALL YOU CLASSLESS SHITBAGS WHO SLOP YOUR BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE EVERY GODDAMN MINUTE LIKE IT'S SOME WEIRD FETISH.
GC: 3RR
GC: HM >:\
CG: WHAT
GC: BL4R
GC: HOLD ON
CG: WHAT IS IT?
GC: 1 S41D HOLD ON! SOM3T1M3S 1TS H4RD TO P1CK OUT TH3 L3TT3RS FROM TH3 HOLO PROJ3CT1ON
GC: 1 N33D TO G3T 4 CLOS3R LOOK!
CG: ARE YOU LICKING YOUR GLASSES AGAIN?
CG: I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT, IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING.
GC: NOMP, WH4TH WOULB EBER G1TH YOU TH4TH 1BE4???
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3


09/03/10
"Terezi: Get closer look."



|PESTERLOG|
GC: TH4T 1S B3TT3R
GC: 1TS MUCH 34S13R TO R34D YOUR COLOR TH1S W4Y
GC: YOUR DR4B D1RTY P4V3M3NT GR4Y
GC: ON TOP OF BR1GHT C4NDY R3D, L1K3 4 SH1NY LOLL1POP
GC: DO3S TH4T SOUND F4M1L14R K4RK4T??
CG: YES, I'M EXTREMELY FAMILIAR WITH THIS SORT OF NONSENSE BY NOW, SURE.
GC: NO 1 M34N
GC: GR4Y ON R3D
GC: L1K3 TH3 W4Y YOUR SK1N
GC: CONC34LS YOUR BLOOD
CG: WHAT
GC: C4NDY C4NDY R3D!
GC: L1K3 YOUR PL4N3T
GC: YOU H4V3 STRONG CH3RRY COUGH SYRUP 1N YOUR V31NS! 1T 1S COMPL3T3LY D3L1C1OUS.
CG: WHO TOLD YOU
CG: DID JACK TELL YOU
GC: NO H3 DO3SNT T4LK MUCH
GC: 1 F1GUR3D 1T OUT MYS3LF
CG: HOW
GC: 1 GOT 4 CLOS3R LOOK
GC: R3M3MB3R >:]
CG: NO
GC: PFFF YOU 4R3 PL4Y1NG SO DUMB, YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T 1 4M T4LK1NG 4BOUT
CG: I CLEANED UP MY WOUND AND CHANGED MY SHIRT BEFORE I EVEN MET YOU, I'VE BEEN EXTREMELY CAREFUL.
CG: SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FILL ME IN.
GC: 1T W4S WH3N 1 GOT CLOS3 3NOUGH
GC: TO SM3LL 1T UND3R YOUR SK1N
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T, DO NOT PR3T3ND TH4T YOU FORGOT 4BOUT OUR L1TTL3 MOM3NT
CG: WHOA
CG: YOU MEAN
CG: DURING
CG: FUCK.
CG: OK SHHHHHHHHHH SHH SHH SHH...
CG: LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THIS, NOT HERE.
GC: TH1S 1SNT 4 M3MO!
GC: 1TS 4 PR1V4T3 CORR3SPOND3NC3 JUST B3TW33N US, R3M3MB3R?
CG: I KNOW BUT
CG: DAMMIT
CG: WRITING ALL THESE MEMOS HAS MADE ME PARANOID.
CG: IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL SECURE CHATTING ABOUT IT OVER THE CLIENT, I DUNNO.
CG: WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT IN PERSON.
GC: HOW "1N P3RSON" DO YOU M34N?
GC: UH OH LOOK 4T MY 3Y3BROWS G3TT1NG C4RR13D 4W4Y H3R3
GC: >;]
GC: > ;]
GC: >;]
GC: > ;]
GC: >;]
GC: > ;]
GC: K4RK4T H3LP, TH3Y 4R3 OUT OF CONTROL!!!
CG: THOSE ARE EYEBROWS?
CG: I THOUGHT THEY WERE HORNS.
GC: TH3Y 4R3 HORNS TOO
GC: TH3Y 4R3 4R3 WH4T3V3R 1 W4NT TH3M TO B3
CG: ?:B
GC: DONT CH4NG3 TH3 SUBJ3CT BY B31NG CUT3!
CG: WELL APPARENTLY I JUST CAN'T FUCKING HELP MYSELF CAN I.
GC: NOP3
CG: HOW CAN YOU EVEN SMELL SO DAMN WELL, ANYWAY.
CG: YOU GIVE ME A HARD TIME ABOUT BEING COY ABOUT SHIT
CG: BUT WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CRAZY SENSES YOU'RE SO VAGUE, IT'S LIKE TRYING TO DECIPHER THE DAILY HOROSCOPE RIDDLE.
CG: OR THE RIDDLES FOR ALL 48 SIGNS COMBINED.
GC: 444RGH
GC: YOU 4R3 4 R3L3NTL3SS SUBJ3CT CH4NG3R! >XO
GC: F1N3, 1TS OK 1F YOU DONT W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T
GC: GOD YOU 4R3 SOOOOO SHY FOR 4N 4NGRY GUY WHO W4NTS TO B3 4 B1GSHOT L34D3R, 1TS R1D1CULOUS
CG: LOOK
CG: WE'LL TALK
CG: I PROMISE
CG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY SOME STUFF ABOUT YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE
CG: AND CUT ME SOME SLACK.
GC: OK >:]


09/03/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
GC: 1M SUR3 1 M3NT1ON3D 4FT3R YOU M3T MY SPR1T3
GC: 1 L34RN3D FROM H3R THROUGH MY DR34MS
GC: B3FOR3 SH3 H4TCH3D!
CG: YEAH, BUT IT'S STILL SO VAGUE.
CG: THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
CG: HOW ABOUT A STRAIGHT ANSWER?
GC: OK, 1LL TRY
GC: WH3N 1 W3NT BL1ND, TH4TS WH3N 1 F1RST WOK3 UP
GC: 4ND MY LUSUS H3LP3D M3 W4K3 UP!
GC: SORT OF
CG: YOU MEAN ON PROSPIT'S MOON.
GC: Y3S
GC: BUT
GC: 3XC3PT FOR 4 V3RY BR13F MOM3NT...
GC: 1 W4S BL1ND 1N MY DR34MS TOO
GC: TH3 DR34M S3LF 1M4G3 1 PROJ3CT C4N'T S33, B3C4US3 1 GU3SS D33P DOWN 1 DONT R34LLY W4NT TO
CG: WHY IS THAT.
CG: IS IT OUT OF SPITE TO VRISKA?
CG: I KNOW I'D PROBABLY BE COOL WITH IT OUT OF SPITE MORE THAN ANYTHING.
GC: NO
GC: NOT TH4T TH3R3 W4SNT SOM3 S4T1SF4CT1ON 1N B31NG OK4Y W1TH 1T
GC: GR4T3FUL 4BOUT 1T 3V3N!
GC: 4ND M4K1NG SUR3 SH3 KN3W TH4T
GC: BUT TH4TS NOT 1T
GC: TH3 D4Y 1T H4PP3N3D W4S TH3 F1RST T1M3 1 3V3R H34RD FROM MY LUSUS
GC: SH3 WOK3 M3 UP, 4ND 3V3R S1NC3 H4S B33N T34CH1NG M3 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TO S33
GC: 4 D1FF3R3NT W4Y TO P3RC31V3 3V3RYTH1NG 1 GU3SS, NOT JUST 1N 4 S3NSORY W4Y
CG: OK, SO WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME ANY OF THIS?
GC: YOU WOULDNT H4V3 GOTT3N 1T!
GC: 3V3N NOW YOU ST1LL DONT R34LLY
GC: YOU H4V3 NOT 3V3N S33N SK414 Y3T
CG: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WAKE UP.
GC: 1 DONT KNOW!
GC: SOM3TH1NG D1FF3R3NT DO3S 1T FOR 3V3RYBODY
CG: HOW MANY OF US ARE AWAKE NOW?
CG: HOW MUCH OF THE FUTURE DID YOU "SEE" BEFORE WE STARTED
CG: IN THE CLOUDS, LIKE KANAYA
CG: ALSO HOW DID YOU GO BLIND ANYWAY???
CG: WHAT DID SHE DO TO YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO CAGEY ABOUT THAT.
CG: I STILL DON'T SEE HOW SHE COULD BLIND YOU WITHOUT BEING ANYWHERE NEAR YOU.
CG: OBVIOUSLY SHE CAN'T CONTROL YOU, SO WHAT GIVES?
GC: K4RK4T SHUT UP!
GC: GOD
GC: HOW 4BOUT 1F
GC: 1 T3LL YOU 4LL 4BOUT TH4T STUFF N3XT T1M3 W3 4R3 "1N P3RSON" >;]
GC: 1N F4CT, 1 W1LL T3LL YOU WH3N YOU W4K3 UP!
GC: UNT1L TH3N 1 W1LL K33P T4BS ON YOU 1N YOUR TOW3R WH1L3 YOU SL33P L1K3 4 L1TTL3 HON3Y P4J4M4'D PUP4 N3STL3D 1N H1S COCOON
CG: WAIT LET ME GUESS.
CG: DO I LOOK ADORABLE?????????
GC: 4CTU4LLY
GC: YOU LOOK K1ND OF L1K3 4 B1G P1L3 OF SM3LLY B4RF
CG: WOW, WHAT THE FUCK.
GC: OF COOOOUUUUURS3 YOU DO, DUMB4SS >:]
CG: OH
CG: THEN
CG: GOOD I GUESS
GC: OK 1V3 GOT TO FLY
GC: DONT WORRY 4BOUT TH3 R1NG M1SS1ON
GC: YOU C4N ST4Y BUSY W1TH R3G1SURP
GC: 1 W1LL ORG4N1Z3 TH3 N3W M1SS1ON MYS3LF
GC: L4T3R!
CG: WAIT
CG: TEREZI
CG: PLEASE DON'T TELL THEM ABOUT MY BLOOD.
CG: I WANT TO TELL THEM, I MEAN I WILL TELL THEM.
CG: LATER
CG: ONCE THEY RESPECT ME AS A LEADER.
GC: OK
GC: 1 W1LL K33P TH4T S3CR3T 1F YOU K33P TH1S ON3 1 T3LL YOU
GC: WH1CH 1S TH4T
GC: B3TW33N YOU 4ND M3 K4RK4T
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3Y 4LR34DY DO
GC: BY3!
GC: <3
CG: BYE

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: <3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]


09/03/10
"[S... BAHJ] Terezi: Ascend."



<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/puase.gif" border="0" />


09/08/10
"[S] Make her pay."






09/09/10
"======>"






09/09/10
"======>"






09/09/10
"======>"






09/09/10
"======>"






09/09/10
"======>"



Atta girl.


09/10/10
"DD: Move this along."



Someone needs to grab the reins on timeline management here. These delinquents waste too much time. Can't seem to conduct their business with any efficiency at all.

Payback scenarios notwithstanding. There's always time to be made for a good comeuppance.


09/10/10
"Skip to the end."






09/10/10
"======>"






09/10/10
"======>"






09/10/10
"======>"






09/10/10
"That's what I like to hear."






09/15/10
"Aradia: Skip to the end."



|PESTERLOG|
FUTURE apocalypseArisen [FAA] 2:16 HOURS FROM NOW opened private transtimeline bulletin board r0ad t0 the und0ing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FAA 2:16 HOURS FROM NOW opened memo on board r0ad t0 the und0ing.

FAA: this private b0ard will and has already served as a l0g 0f past events f0r future selves t0 rec0rd and a guide 0f future events f0r past selves t0 f0ll0w
FAA: i d0nt kn0w which half 0f its r0le has been 0r will be m0re imp0rtant
FAA: p0ssibly neither is critical since deviati0n fr0m the c0urse is m0stly imp0ssible and reflecti0n 0n its traversal is c0mpletely irrelevant
FAA: but im typing this anyway
FAA: because im b0red again
PAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 601 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PAA: and here i was thinking we were finished taking 0rders fr0m v0ices!
PAA: weve 0nly swapped the imperatives 0f the dead with th0se 0f 0ur future selves
PAA: wh0 are als0 dead
FAA: yes it seems that way
PAA: 0h well it was an enj0yable reprieve fr0m fatalism while it lasted
PAA: id nearly managed t0 sav0r it
FAA: an err0r narr0wly av0ided then
FAA: i think we sh0uld refrain fr0m dial0gue in this mem0
FAA: with0ut res0rting t0 bannings 0r absurd exchanges 0f self repudiati0n
PAA: yeah i agree
PAA: i just th0ught id interject that and g0
FAA: 0k


09/15/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: we will and have already amassed an army t0 c0nfr0nt the black king
FAA: an army c0nsisting 0f 0ur alternate future selves
FAA: each 0ne rer0uted fr0m a d00med 0ffsh00t 0f the alpha timeline
FAA: each given an0ther chance at a c0nstructive influence 0ver the ultimate 0utc0me
FAA: by the way if y0u didnt kn0w already
FAA: a future self returning t0 the past fr0m a d00med timeline will always be slated f0r imminent destructi0n herself
FAA: its 0ne 0f the rules
FAA: and the unf0rtunate reality is
FAA: this will and has already been a mass suicide missi0n
FAA: 0r it w0uld be
FAA: and already w0uld have been
FAA: if we all werent already dead
FAA: 0_0


09/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: m0bilizing 0urselves in such numbers w0uld be required t0 neutralize the kings psychic attacks
FAA: it w0uld take 0ur c0mbined c0ncentrati0n t0 dampen the abilities he inherited fr0m glbg0lyb
FAA: with0ut the cumulative eff0rt 0f 0ur d00med reserves
FAA: with0ut the heightened mental and physical endurance 0f 0ur r0b0tic vessels
FAA: with0ut the untimely demise we all shared bef0re this began
FAA: vict0ry w0uld n0t be p0ssible
FAA: he w0uld kill us all with 0ne dreadful s0und


09/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: i d0nt kn0w if it was just bad luck
FAA: 0r an extensi0n 0f the curse karkat insists he br0ught 0n us
FAA: that lead t0 the incidental and unf0rtuit0us pr0t0typing 0f feferis p0werful lusus
FAA: with0ut which the battle w0uld have p0sed little challenge
FAA: i think
FAA: it was m0re likely just an0ther inevitability
FAA: a pr0duct 0f c0llusi0n between the disparate f0rces at play
FAA: a bargain struck between what skaia kn0ws already and what the g0ds demand up fr0nt
FAA: t0gether they 0rchestrate trials sufficient t0 ensure
FAA: that in 0verc0ming them we w0uld be pr0ven w0rthy
FAA: 0f inheriting <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/ultimatereward.gif" border="0" />
FAA: ribbit
FAA: wh00ps


09/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: and s0 it w0uld be and has been already
FAA: that while distracted by the c0mbined eff0rts 0f 0ur d00med legi0n
FAA: the king w0uld be aggressed by the 0thers
FAA: and even th0ugh each w0uld be well prepared
FAA: perched 0n the highest rungs 0f their echeladders
FAA: equipped with the best weap0nry grist c0uld build
FAA: versed in the deadliest fraym0tifs b00nd0llars c0uld buy


09/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: even th0ugh the mete0rs fr0m the kings 0wn reck0ning w0uld be turned against him


09/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: and even with 0ne imp0ssibly lucky r0ll 0f the dice at the final m0ment


09/16/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: we w0uld 0nly narr0wly succeed


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: but ultimately


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: we w0uld pr0ve 0ur w0rth


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: and the reward w0uld be within 0ur reach


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: but 0nly m0mentarily


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: bef0re we w0uld be able t0 claim it
FAA: we w0uld be interrupted
FAA: by s0mething
FAA: which w0uld be ushered int0 0ur sessi0n by a rift in parad0x space
FAA: a rift which we w0uld determine
FAA: will be 0pened by f0ur members 0f a fledgling species
FAA: wh0 will be playing in an0ther sessi0n 0f the same game that we will and have already played


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: their rift will lead t0 the great und0ing
FAA: with0ut necessarily causing it
FAA: n0t directly
FAA: such rifts are themselves supp0sedly benign
FAA: useful even
FAA: they are catal0gued phen0mena within the game itself
FAA: with a pr0vided means 0f creating them
FAA: and a wide range 0f scenari0s f0r which it might be prudent t0 d0 s0
FAA: the incipisphere l0cals have a m0re f0rmal term f0r them
FAA: they typically refer t0 such a rift as


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
FAA: a scratch


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: the direct effects 0f a scratch are limited t0 the sessi0n inv0king it
CAA: we w0uld n0t experience 0r 0bserve th0se effects fr0m 0ur sessi0n
CAA: but we w0uld experience the c0nsequences
CAA: in the f0rm 0f that which prevented us fr0m claiming 0ur reward
CAA: he wh0se hand w0uld be f0rced by the scratch
CAA: t0 emerge fr0m hiding


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: but there w0uld be n0 adequate way t0 prepare
CAA: even with all the f0resight at 0ur disp0sal
CAA: f0r a f0e m0re p0werful than the king we will and have already defeated
CAA: f0r a dem0n wh0 is indestructible
CAA: 0mnip0tent
CAA: and enraged


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: while the rest 0f the party w0uld absc0nd
CAA: 0ur duplicates w0uld buy us time
CAA: they w0uld all be killed
CAA: again


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: all except f0r me
CAA: this is just as well i supp0se
CAA: what w0uld we even d0 with all th0se c0pies anyway


09/17/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: we w0uld return t0 the site 0f 0ur hatching
CAA: s0 t0 speak
CAA: where we w0uld hide
CAA: amidst a veil depleted by the reck0ning
CAA: and wait
CAA: drifting in the wide 0rbit 0f 0ur s00n t0 be null sessi0n


09/18/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: banished fr0m the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/universeblue.gif" border="0" /> we left behind


09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: and yet in being denied <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/ultimatereward.gif" border="0" />


09/18/10
"======>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: we w0uld be barred fr0m entry


09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"======>"






09/18/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
CAA: int0 the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/universered.gif" border="0" /> we created


09/19/10
"END OF ACT 5 ACT 1"






09/19/10
"[S] ACT 5 ACT 2 ==>"






09/20/10
"==>"



You finally found him. After hours of searching.

No.

SWEEPS of searching.


09/20/10
"Karkat: Troll this worthless human."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: ATTENTION WORTHLESS HUMAN.
CG: THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING.
CG: IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO DESPISES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DARED TO FEAR.
CG: I HAVE WATCHED YOUR ENTIRE PATHETIC LIFE UNFOLD.
CG: I HAVE OBSERVED YOU WHILE YOU WOULD QUAKE AND TREMBLE IN PERSONAL PRAYERS OF SHAME.
CG: WHILE YOU PLEADED FORGIVENESS FOR BEING SUCH A WRETCHED DISGUSTING FAILURE ON EVERY CONCEIVABLE LEVEL.
CG: PROSTRATE BEFORE THE STUPID AND FALSE CLOWN GODS YOU HAVE SCRIBBLED ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BLOCK.
CG: BOGUS DEITIES WORSHIPED BY A PRIMITIVE "PARADISE" PLANET.
CG: BUT YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.
CG: THERE ARE NO MIRACLES IN STORE FOR YOU, HUMAN.
CG: ONLY MY HATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE SO PURE AND HOT IT WOULD CONSUME YOUR SAD UNDERDEVELOPED HUMAN THINK PAN TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT TO FATHOM MUST BE PUT INTO SONG.
CG: SHRIEKED BY THE TEN THOUSAND ROWDY SHOUT SPHINCTERS PEPPERING THE GRUESOME UNDERBELLY OF THE MOST TRUCULENT GOD THE FURTHEST RING CAN MUSTER.
CG: IT IS A HATE THAT MADE YOU AND WILL SURELY DESTROY YOU.
CG: MY HATE IS THE LIFEBLOOD THAT PULSES THROUGH THE VEINS OF YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: IT IS MY GIFT TO YOU.
CG: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
CG: YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT.
EB: hi karkat!
CG: WHAT
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME.
EB: oh man.
EB: this is it, isn't it?
EB: i've been looking forward to this!
CG: WHAT IS IT.
CG: ME HATING YOU IS WHAT'S IT.
CG: IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN, YEAH, BINGO.
EB: no, i mean this is the first conversation between us, from your perspective.
EB: right?
CG: YEAH.
CG: ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE'VE SPOKEN BEFORE.
EB: yeah, lots of times!
EB: actually...
EB: i should introduce myself properly.
EB: hi karkat, i am john!
CG: JOHN, WHY WOULD I GIVE A PUNGENT WHIPPING LUMPSQUIRT WHAT YOUR NAME IS.
EB: because we are buddies!
CG: I ADMIT I AM NEW TO HUMAN SOCIAL CONSTRUCTS
CG: BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE OUR RELATIONSHIP CAN OR WILL EVER BE DESCRIBED AS "EARTH HUMAN BUDDIES".
EB: yup, we totally are.
EB: we just became earth human buddies in a kind of weird way.
EB: you decide to keep talking to me backwards through my adventure.
EB: and then when you are done with that you come back and talk to me more recently on the timeline for a while.
EB: you talk to my friends a whole bunch too.
EB: you and your alternian troll buddies help me and my earth human buddies hatch a plan!
EB: which we are busy putting into motion right now, as you can see.
CG: THESE ARE LIES.
CG: I KNOW WHEN I AM BEING TROLLED, WHO DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO HERE.
CG: I AM YOUR GOD, REMEMBER.
EB: yeah yeah, i know.
CG: WHY WOULD I TROLL YOU BACKWARDS? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE.
CG: AND WHY WOULD I HELP YOU AND YOUR IDIOT FRIENDS?
CG: I WOULD JUST BE HELPING YOU BLUNDER DOWN THE PATH THAT ENDS WITH YOU OPENING THE RIFT LIKE A BUNCH OF MORONS.
EB: you mean the scratch?
CG: WHATEVER.
EB: yes! that is the plan.
EB: you yourself said it was the only hope now.
CG: RIDICULOUS.
CG: I DIDN'T WRIGGLE OUT OF A PUDDLE OF SLIME YESTERDAY.
CG: THAT WAS SEVERAL WEEKS AGO, OK?
EB: heheheh.
CG: I DO NOT THINK YOU APPRECIATE THE GRAVITY OF MY ANTIPATHY, JOHN HUMAN.
EB: egbert.
CG: OK, HUMAN EGBERT.
CG: I FUCKING LOATHE YOU, AND I HAVE TUNED INTO YOUR CHANNEL MOMENTS BEFORE THE ERADICATION OF YOUR TIMELINE AND THAT SMUG LOOK ON YOUR FACE, WITH JUST ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO BASICALLY COMPLETELY FUCKING DESTROY YOU WITH HOSTILE RHETORIC.
CG: THERE IS NO CHANCE I WILL EVER HELP YOU.
CG: YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU OR WHY I HATE YOU.
CG: I WASN'T JOKING WHEN I SAID I WAS YOUR GOD, LIKE THAT WASN'T JUST A LOT OF BRAVADO AND USELESS PISSING AROUND.
CG: I AM LITERALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR EXISTENCE.
CG: WE BEAT THE GAME YOU ARE PLAYING AND CREATED YOUR UNIVERSE.
CG: WE WERE GOING TO ENTER YOUR UNIVERSE AND RULE OVER IT.
CG: LIKE TYRANTS.
CG: IT WAS TO BE OUR PLAYTHING, JOHN.
CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SWEET IT WAS GOING TO BE.
CG: BUT THEN WE COULDN'T CLAIM OUR PRIZE BECAUSE OF THAT MONSTROSITY YOU SPRUNG ON US.
EB: man...
EB: i knoooow.
EB: none of this is news to me, karkat!
EB: but to be quite honest, it doesn't sound like your intentions were all that great.
EB: wanting to be tyrants and all.
EB: maybe you got what you deserved, you stutid fuckass!
CG: STUTID?
CG: WOW, YOUR SPECIES REALLY IS BRAINDEAD.
EB: eh, it's an in-joke, never mind.
EB: anyway, hey!
EB: i thought this was supposed to be the conversation where you do all that AMAAAAAZING TROLLING!
EB: come on bro, flame me!
EB: i have been really excited about this.
CG: YOU ACTUALLY WANT ME TO TROLL YOU?
CG: I MEAN
CG: DON'T WORRY, I CAN AND I WILL, AND IT WILL BE A GODDAMN BLOODBATH WHEN I GET STARTED.
CG: IT'S JUST KIND OF WEIRD YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT IT, IS THAT NORMAL FOR YOUR RACE?
EB: um...
EB: i don't know, probably not.
EB: i just think it's kind of funny when you do it.
CG: THAT'S REALLY CONDESCENDING AND IT'S HARD TO CONVEY HOW MUCH MORE I JUST GOT PISSED OFF THAN I ALREADY WAS.
CG: BUT MAYBE IT MAKES SENSE ACTUALLY
CG: THAT YOU WELCOME MY ACRIMONY SO READILY
CG: ON ACCOUNT OF PROBABLY SOME WEIRD GLAND HUMANS HAVE, LIKE A PUNISHMENT THROBBER OR SOME SILLY SOUNDING THING LIKE THAT.
CG: IT MIGHT MEAN THAT I'M RIGHT ABOUT YOU.
EB: right about what?
CG: I MEAN THAT IT SEEMS LIKE WE ARE CONNECTED IN SOME WAY, DON'T YOU THINK JOHN.
CG: SORT OF COSMICALLY.
CG: LIKE OUR HATE FOR EACH OTHER IS SO STRONG IT MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN IN THE STARS.
CG: YOU KNOW, THE ONES I FUCKING MADE FOR YOU.
EB: ha ha, i don't hate you!
CG: HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY CLAIM TO HAVE TALKED TO ME A LOT ALREADY AND NOT HATE ME, SEE IT DOESN'T ADD UP.
EB: wait...
EB: are you saying that we are kisme-whatevers?
CG: WHAT, NO.
CG: WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, THAT WOULD BE SUCH A BRAZEN SOLICITATION.
CG: IT'S INSULTING.
CG: I MEAN
CG: OK I'M NOT SAYING I'M RULING OUT THE IDEA OR ANYTHING.
CG: LIKE IF LATER OVER TIME YOU STARTED REALLY HATING ME MORE
CG: LIKE REALLY GOT TO KNOW ME AND FOUND OUT ABOUT HOW MUCH THERE WAS TO HATE
EB: er...
CG: BUT... IN THE PAST I GUESS? I'M JUST SAYING WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN.
CG: OR HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.
EB: uh.
CG: FUCK WHAT AM I BABBLING ABOUT.
CG: THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS, WE JUST MET FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
CG: AND IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EVER GOING TO MEET IN PERSON, SO IT'S ALL A MOOT POINT.
CG: SO FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.
CG: GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
EB: well...
EB: i just didn't really have any idea that you had any sort of feelings like that, so i am kind of caught off guard.
CG: WHAT FEELINGS, THERE ARE NO FEELINGS, END OF DISCUSSION.
EB: hey, i don't have a problem with your weird sort of alien hate-love thing!
EB: it is just that, uh...
CG: WHAT
EB: i am not a homosexual.
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
EB: it is like, when a boy likes another boy.
EB: or i guess hates, in this case.
CG: HUMANS HAVE A WORD FOR THAT?
EB: yes.
CG: HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING?
EB: shrug. it just is.
CG: HUMAN ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD.
EB: i am just as confused by your troll shenanigans.
EB: so many shenanigans!
EB: anyway, i kind of got the impression that you and terezi were a thing.
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A THING.
EB: like, i dunno.
EB: going on weird fight dates and beating the crap out of each other, and being in hate-love or love-hate.
EB: isn't that how it works?
CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IGNORAMUS I COULD SHIT MILES OF RAGE SNAKE TO CHOKE YOU TO DEATH.
EB: ew.
CG: WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO, WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT.
EB: um, i talked to you...
EB: and her...
EB: and some others. i don't know! like i said it's just a sense i got.
EB: sorry!
CG: OK FIRST OF ALL, IF THERE WERE A "THING" WITH HER, AND THAT'S A HUGE IF
CG: IT WOULD BE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT QUADRANT THAN WHAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT.
EB: oh god, the quadrants...
CG: SECOND, WHETHER SHE AND I HAVE A THING OR DON'T HAVE A THING, OR TOOK A ROMANTIC HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE SUSPENDED IN A GODDAMN FILIAL PAIL TOGETHER
CG: IT'S DEFINITELY NONE OF YOUR FUCKING EARTH BUSINESS, EGBERT HUMAN JOHN.
CG: GOT IT????????
EB: ok, sheesh!
EB: karkat, i am going to be honest...
EB: this first conversation is not going how i thought it would at all!
EB: it is really kind of...
EB: awkward.
CG: YEAH
CG: WOW, IT IS
EB: yeah...
CG: HUH.
EB: well...
EB: um...
CG: OK, LOOK.
CG: LET'S JUST AGREE TO NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.
CG: THE STUFF I WAS BABBLING ABOUT EARLIER.
EB: yeah, well we never really talked about it in the past, so i guess we do agree to that.
CG: BUT IF I TALK TO YOU AGAIN
CG: IN YOUR FUTURE, LIMITED THOUGH IT IS
CG: YOU'LL REMEMBER MY EMBARRASSING SHIT
CG: SO I GUESS
CG: I'LL HAVE TO TROLL YOU BACKWARDS?
EB: told you bro!!!!!!!
EB: hahahaha.
CG: YOU REALLY ARE A SMUG NOOK WHIFFER, JOHN EGBERT.
CG: I THINK WE NEED TO GET BACK ON POINT HERE.
CG: WHICH IS ADDRESSING THE MATTER OF WHAT INCOMPREHENSIBLY PUTRID GARBAGE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE AND HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.
EB: you mean platonic hate?
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, WE AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT, REMEMBER.
EB: oh yeah.
CG: SO YOU WANTED TO GET TROLLED, WELL YOU GOT IT.
CG: PREPARE TO GET YOUR PUNY HUMAN BULGE FLAMED INTO NUCLEAR HATEBLIVION.
CG: WELCOME TO THE TROLLOCAUST. THE PAINSTAKING GENOCIDE OF YOUR FRAGILE SELF ESTEEM WILL BE MY SWAN SONG.
EB: oh boy, this sounds great.
EB: but...
EB: we're out of time!
EB: i have to go put this plan into motion.
CG: OH I SEE, TAKING THE COWARD'S WAY OUT.
CG: SCAMPERING OFF TO GET ANNIHILATED BY A DEADLY RIFT, HOW CONVENIENT.
CG: WELL FINE, SAYONARA YOU WORTHLESS CROTCHSTAINED BARFPUPPET.
CG: I WILL BID YOU ONE FIRST AND FINAL FUCK YOU.
CG: FUCK YOU, JOHN EGBERT.
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE JOKE BOOK YOU RODE IN ON.
CG: FUCK.
CG: FUCKING.
CG: YOU.
EB: :D
EB: see you soon!
CG: WAIT
CG: WHAT

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]


09/21/10
"Terezi: Open memo."



|PESTERLOG|
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.

CGC: WH4T DO YOU GUYS TH1NK 4BOUT K4RK4TS N3W PL4N
CGC: TO TROLL TH3S3 K1DS
CGC: P3RSON4LLY 1 TH1NK H3 H4S F1N4LLY SN4PP3D 4ND 1T DO3SNT M4K3 4NY S3NS3
CGC: 1 F1GUR3D M4YB3 W3 COULD T4LK 4BOUT 1T H3R3 1N S3CR3T WH1L3 H3 ST4NDS OV3R TH3R3 M4K1NG H1S BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH
CGC: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 H3S STOPP3D BOTH3R1NG TO 1NV4D3 P4RTYTOWN, H3 H4S L34RN3D H1S L3SSON >:]
CGC: OBV1OUSLY TH1S 1S JUST FOR US H3R3 1N TH3 PR3S3NT TO R3M4RK ON
CGC: 1F YOU 4R3 FROM TH3 P4ST 4ND 4R3 CUR1OUS 4BOUT TH1S 4ND W4NT TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG YOU W1LL NOT B3 B4NN3D 4S 1S TH3 G3N3R4L RUL3 H3R3
CGC: BUT 1 W1LL POL1T3LY 4SK YOU TO K33P YOUR 1NT3RJ3CT1ONS TO 4 M1N1MUM!
CGC: 1 W1LL H4V3 ORD3R 1N TH1S RUMPUSBLOCK >:D
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG: YOU THINK I STOPPED KEEPING TABS ON YOUR VAPID, SEDITIOUS BULLSHIT???
PCG: THINK A FUCKING GAIN.
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.
CGC: TH3 TOP1C 1S NOW OP3N FOR 4RGUM3NT4T1ON
CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY Y13LDS TH3 FLOOR W1TH 4 M1GHTY B4NG OF H3R G4V3L*
CGC: B4NG B4NG B4NG!
CGC: THR33 M1GHTY B4NGS
CGC: WH4T DO YOU H4V3 TO SUBM1T ON TH3 SUBJ3CT OF K4RK4TS T3NUOUS GR1P ON TH3 T4TT3R3D R3M41NS OF H1S S4N1TY, COUNS3LOR N3P3T4?
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAC: :33 < *the especially impurrtant pouncellor looks really serious and thoughtful as she scoots her chair out from under the official courty looking table and begins to pace around thoughtfurry*
CAC: :33 < *she doesnt understand why
CAC: :33 < i dont understand why we are doing this!
CAC: :33 < what was the point again?
CGC: 3XC3LL3NT QU3ST1ON M1SS POUNC3LLOR
PAST carcinoGeneticist 2 [PCG2] 5 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG2: ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED.
PCG2: I CAN PLAINLY SEE YOU ARE GOING TO START WRITING THIS MEMO IN FIVE MINUTES.
PCG2: ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO MAKE MY "BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH" AND THEN WALK OVER TO YOUR COMPUTER AND START FUCKING WITH YOU.
PCG2: GO AHEAD, BAN ME ALL YOU WANT.
CGC banned PCG2 from responding to memo.
CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY 3XPR3SS3S D1SD41NFUL Y3T 4UTHOR4T1V3 1NT3R3ST 1N OTH3R OP1N1ONS ON TH3 STUP1D3ST PL4N 3V3R CONC31V3D*
CGC: 4NY THOUGHTS?
CAC: :33 < i dont s33 why karkat has to always be banned from these memos!
CAC: :33 < what if he promises to behave himself?
CGC: W3 H4V3 B33N OV3R TH1S >:[
CAC: :33 < what if i talk to him in the past and told him he could post here as long as he was not purrticularly disagr33able?
CAC: :33 < thats a good idea! brb
CGC: OH GOD!
PAST carcinoGeneticist 3 [PCG3] 10 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG3: THANK YOU NEPETA, FOR ALERTING ME TO THE PRESENCE OF YET MORE OF THIS TAWDRY ROLEPLAY-INFESTED CLOAK AND DAGGER RUBBISH.
PCG3: HOW VERY INTERESTING.
CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY F4C3 P4LMS 1N 4 R34LLY D1GN1F13D 4ND 1NT1M1D4T1NGLY JUD1C14L M4NN3R*
CGC banned PCG3 from responding to memo.
CGC: *TH3 D1ST1NGU1SH3D POUNC3LLOR R3C31V3S 4 HUNDR3D B1LL1ON RUMPUS D3M3R1TS FOR 1NV1T1NG UNCOUTH R4BBL3 1NTO H3R ORD3RLY BLOCK*
CAC: :33 < :((
CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTA: ii already told KK what ii thought about thii2 awful iidea.
CTA: iit ju2t make2 NO 2en2e, you can count me out.
CTA: you all can troll the2e iincompetent aliien2 all you want, iit won't change anythiing.
CTA: ii'll ju2t be over here waiitiing two diie wiith diigniity, ok well maybe iit'2 two late for that, but ju2t diie ii gue22, and y'all can 2uck iit biitche2.
CGC: TH3 M4G1STR4T3 FROM TH3 D3L1C1OUS 4PPL3B3RRY JUR1SD1CT1ON M4K3S 4N 3XC3LL3NT PO1NT 4BOUT TH3 OV3R4LL SH1TT1N3SS OF TH3 PROPOS1T1ON
CGC: 4ND 4BOUT M4N4G1NG TO B3 4N 3V3N GRUMP13R P41N 1N TH3 4SS TH4N OUR F34RL3SS L34D3R SOM3HOW
CTA: ii don't get why you're RP'iing about thii2, iit doe2n't make 2en2e, you're all out of your fuckiing 2ponge2.
CTA: why don't you ju2t u2e our name2.
CGC: >:O
CGC banned CTA from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned CTA from responding to memo.
CGC: OK SORRY 4BOUT TH4T
CGC: THOLLLLUUUUUUXXXXTHHHH
CGC: TH3R3 4R3 YOU H4PPY
CTA: whatever.
PAST carcinoGeneticist 4 [PCG4] 4 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG4: YOU BASTARD, IS IT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK TO TAKE A FEW TOOLS OUT BEHIND THE GRUBSHED.
PCG4: ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO IS HASSLE SOME ALIENS, GOD.
PCG4: AFTER ALL THOSE TIMES I SAVED YOUR LIFE YOU THINK YOU COULD DO ME ONE LITTLE SOLID.
CTA: yeah after you got me kiilled iin the fiir2t place.
PCG4: HOW CAN YOU THROW THAT IN MY FACE AGAIN, I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL.
CTA: ii 2aiid whatever.
CGC: UUUGH
CGC banned PCG4 from responding to memo.
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAA: i will n0t be participating
CAA ceased responding to memo.
PAST carcinoGeneticist 5 [PCG5] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG5: OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW.
PCG5: THAT'S IT GUYS, THE PLAN IS CANCELED.
PCG5: ARADIA ISN'T GOING TO MOPE AT THESE LOSERS FOR US, THE WHOLE PLAN HINGED ON THAT.
CGC banned PCG5 from responding to memo.
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCC: I still don't quite understand t)(e plan eit)(er.
CCC: I mean, I don't really mind talking to t)(em! It could be fun and t)(ey look interesting.
CCC: But I really don't t)(ink t)(is is all t)(eir fault.
CCC: Can't we say nice t)(ings to t)(em instead of troll t)(em?
CCC: Maybe even )(-ELP t)(em! 38)
PAST carcinoGeneticist 6 [PCG6] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG6: NO, FUCK.
PCG6: YOU CAN'T BE NICE TO THEM.
PCG6: YOU ARE COMPLETELY MISSING THE GLUBBING POINT, FISH PRINCESS.
CGC banned PCG6 from responding to memo.
PAST carcinoGeneticist 7 [PCG7] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG7: HEY TEREZI I'M ABOUT TO MAKE THIS AWESOME SPEECH AND INSPIRE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU GUYS.
PCG7: WHEN I'M DONE I'M COMING OVER TO YOUR STATION AND THEN YOUR ASS IS MINE.
PCG7: ENJOY THIS GARBAGE DUMP OF A MEMO WHILE IT LASTS.
CGC: BL444444R >XO
CGC banned PCG7 from responding to memo.
CGC: TH1S 1S WHY W3 C4NT H4V3 N1C3 TH1NGS
CGC: 1M T3MPT3D TO CLOS3 TH1S M3MO NOW >:\
CGC: 1F 4NYON3 H4S 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y S4Y 1T QU1CK!
PAST carcinoGeneticist 8 [PCG8] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
CGC banned PCG8 from responding to memo.
CGC: NOT YOU
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PTC: YeAh iM NoT FoLlOwInG ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiN PlAn uP At aLl
PTC: wHo aRe wE TrOlLiNg
CGC: G4MZ33 TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 1S T4K1NG PL4C3 W33KS 1N TH3 FUTUR3
CGC: 1T DO3S NOT CONC3RN YOU!
PTC: oH
PTC: WeLl mOtHeR FuCk i gUeSs
CGC: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T >:P
CGC: JUST SCROLL 4ROUND 4ND LOOK FOR ON3 OF TH3 RRPT OP3N CH4T M3MOS
PTC: oKaY
PTC: HoNk :o)
CGC: LKSD;GDKNLN
CGC: ASDM SDFSFD9W30
CGC: DFD;
CGC: GH
CGC: EUHFHSDKLNVSDJKLSJKBSDJKF
PTC: wHoA
CGC: K4RK4T IS M4SHING MY K3YBOSDVFDNFLBLGBGSDGFSB['A
CGC: AKJFA
CGC: SEUFHWEUIONDN
CGC: AUIHDF
CGC: SDSAD
CGC: 4444UGH H3 1S SUCH 4 L1TTL3SDKJGBSDJKBG
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC: FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: OH NOW WHAT'S UP???????????
CGC: GOD D4MM1T H3 LOGG3D ON TO MY COMPURO3IHHGRNVNFSDKS'SD
CGC: 4ND H3S ST1LL M4SH1NG M3!!! >:[
CGC: SDKLFSDK FHS
CGC: YUGUFY
CGC: G3T OFF!!!!!!!!!SFBSDJB
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CCG: WHY ARE YOU BANNING YOURSELF TEREZI????
CCG: PRETTY FUCKING MENTAL IF YOU ASK ME.
CCG: REALLY FUCKED UP OF YOFDIHFNGNJKGLJS
CCG: ASKJSKF89UG
CCG: YDRHHGH
CCG: WEFOWEGWLKNGNIOV
CCG: SDIJS
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
CGC banned CCG from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned CGC from responding to memo.
CGC banned CCG from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned CCG from responding to memo.
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
CCG: OK QUIT THADJKNFSDK
CCG: FUCK OW GOD DAMFFJKSNFBGB
CCG: OW!!!!! FUCKALKLKDNJJV
CGC: 1 4M GO1NG TO SH4RP3N YOUR STUP1D LOOK1NG NUBBY HORNS 1N YOUR SL33P!!!
CGC: TH3N TH4TS WH4T W1LL B3 UP, BY3 BY3 NUBS
CCG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST FILE THEM ALL THE WAY DOWN.
CCG: SINCE YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO EMASCULATE ME IN FRONT OF MY TEAM.
CGC: W1LL YOU G1V3 YOUR BOR1NG L34D3R COMPL3X 4 R3ST FOR ONC3
CGC: 1TS G3TT1NG SO OLD!
CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
CAG: You are 8oth ridiculous.
CCG: HEY VRISKA, YOU'RE DOWN WITH MY TROLLING PLAN.
CCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE IN RAINBOW ASSGRAB JUNCTION WHAT A GREAT IDEA IT IS.
CAG: I'm 8usy.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK COULD YOU BE BUSY WITH???
CAG: I'm making my own plans! I'm a pretty 8ig deal, remem8er Karkat?
CGC: 1T LOOKS L1K3 YOU FORGOT HOW M4NY 1RONS SH3 H4S 1N TH3 F1R3
CAG: Exactly!
CCG: WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT GOING ALONG WITH MY SIMPLE PLAN TO SERVE A FEW PINK SKINNED DOUCHE BAGS A PIPING HOT NUTRITION PLATEAU FULL OF FUCK YOU.
CGC: M4YB3 W3 W1LL BUT W3 4LL JUST K1ND OF W4NT TO DO OUR OWN TH1NG!
CCG: THERE IS A WORD FOR THAT, IT IS CALLED GROSS INSUBORDINATION.
CGC: TH4TS TWO WORDS R3T4RD >:P
CAG: Do you guys realize you are sharing a key8oard and taking turns to argue with each other?
CAG: That is kind of cute. ::::)
CTA: yeah ii hate to 2ay iit, but iit really 2ort of ii2.
CCG: OK FUCK THIS.
CCG: EVERYONE IS OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM THIS TRAIN WRECK.
CCG banned CAG from responding to memo.
CCG banned PTC from responding to memo.
CCG banned CCC from responding to memo.
CCG banned CAA from responding to memo.
CCG banned CTA from responding to memo.
CCG banned CAC from responding to memo.
CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned CGC from responding to memo.
CCG: YOU C4N'T B4N M3 FROM MY OWN M3MO!
CCG: WHOOPS >:[
CGC: YOU C4N'T B4N M3 FROM MY OWN M3MO!
CGC: LOOKS LIKE I JUST DID.
CGC: SHIT. D:B
CCG: LOOKS LIKE I JUST DID.
CGC: F1N3 1 W1LL JUST SHUT TH3 M3MO DOWN
CGC: SO YOU W1LL G3T TH3 H3LL OUT OF H3R3!
CCG: FINE, I'M GONE.
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
CGC: UUUUUUUUUUUGH
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 6:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGC: H3Y!
CGC: OH H3Y!
FGC: 1 JUST THOUGHT 1 WOULD 4DD ON3 L4ST R3M4RK TO TH1S S1LL1N3SS
FGC: 4 R3M4RK OF R34SSUR4NC3!
CGC: OHH >:?
FGC: Y3S, YOU SHOULD TROLL TH3 HUM4NS
FGC: 1T W1LL B3 FUN >:]
CGC: W3LL, W3 BOTH KNOW TH4T 1 W4S PL4NN1NG TO 4NYW4Y
FGC: OF COURS3! 1 TRUST YOUR JUDGM3NT ON TH3 M4TT3R
FGC: JUST H3R3 TO S4Y YOU WONT R3GR3T 1T
CGC: TH4T 1S N1C3 TO KNOW!
CGC: 1 TRUST YOUR JUDGM3NT 4S W3LL
FGC: Y3S!
FGC: 4NOTH3R TR1UMPH OF SOUND JUDGM3NT 4ND GOOD T1M3S FOR T34M PYROP3 4ND TH3 LOY4L SUBSCR1B3RS OF R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN
CGC: HOOR4Y! >:D
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 6:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: I'M GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK.
CGC banned FCG from responding to memo.

CGC closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


09/22/10
"==>"






09/22/10
"John: Land already."






09/22/10
"==>"






09/22/10
"==>"






09/22/10
"Vriska: Manipul8 this worthless human."






09/22/10
"==>"






09/22/10
"==>"



It is no use. It seems your abilities cannot cross between sessions. Or cannot influence his species. Or both.

Or MAYBE you just aren't TRYING HARD ENOUGH.


09/23/10
"==>"



You wonder what this goofball is dreaming about. Too bad these stupid viewports can't see into dreams. This software SUCKS!!!!!!!!


09/23/10
"==>"






09/23/10
"==>"






09/23/10
"==>"






09/23/10
"==>"






09/23/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"John: Reunite with your loving father, and also scarf lady."






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"Vriska: Try harder."






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"John: Answer troll."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

AG: Joooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooohn!
AG: W8ke up!!!!!!!!
EB: heheh. i am pronouncing that like a really long "june".
EB: that is so many o's.
AG: It is 8ight groups of 8ight. I specifically counted them.
AG: It's sort of a thing I do.
EB: you typed my name in 64 bit.
AG: Wow. What a nerd!
EB: have i talked to you before?
AG: Um, possi8ly? This is the first time I have contacted you that I am aware of.
EB: i'm pretty sure i remember you. you hassled me a long time ago.
EB: i think you threatened to kill me at some point.
AG: John, give me a 8r8k! That was o8viously just my way of getting to know you.
AG: Or it will 8e, whenever I get around to it.
EB: well, yeah, i know that about you guys by now.
EB: but also i know that it is probably not exactly an empty threat!
EB: since one of you already managed to trick me into getting myself killed.
EB: well, in another timeline at least.
AG: Man.
AG: That was pro8a8ly Terezi! I should have known she would pull something like that. What a meddler.
EB: terezi?
AG: Yes. The pesky 8lind troll who licks her monitor and smells words and stuff. The one who got you killed. I'm sure of it!
EB: huh. it never really occurred to me to ask what your names are.
EB: kinda rude of me!
EB: what is yours?
AG: Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. ::::)
EB: man, that sounds so made up!
EB: but if you say so, marquise.
AG: Spinneret! Marquise is a title, stupid.
EB: oh, ok.
AG: And you don't have to worry a8out me manipul8ting you to your death!
AG: It is completely 8eneath me. Unlike her, I plan on taking the high road.
AG: You see John, you and I actually have some things in common, 8ut you couldn't possi8ly understand why yet.
AG: So I'm planning on helping you!
EB: ok, i will be sure to let my guard down.
EB: psyche!!!!!!!!!
EB: oh damn, that was 9 !'s.
EB: !!!!!!!1
EB: shit!
EB: never mind.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.
EB: anyway, nice meeting you spinneret.
EB: if you don't mind, i would like to try to go back to sleep.
EB: i was dreaming about something important.
AG: You can't sleep now, John!
AG: What a8out J8de????????
EB: oh god, i forgot!
EB: poor jade... :(
EB: i hope she is alright.
AG: She's fine. I can see her right now!
AG: 8ut she will not 8e for long if you don't get her into your session.
EB: yeah, you're right.
EB: i have to hurry and go save her!
EB: see ya!
AG: Wait!!!!!!!!
AG: Where the hell do you think you're going to go? You don't even have your copy of the game yet!
EB: oh yeah...
EB: duh, stupid stupid dumb.
EB: do you know where i am supposed to get it?
AG: Easy! Just w8 around for a few minutes.
EB: hmm...
EB: ok?
AG: See, John? You need me to advance.
AG: Even though you were going to do this stuff anyway, it turns out I am the reason you were going to do it anyway in the first place!
AG: Your timeline is my we8, and suddenly you are all tangled up in it, wriggling and helpless.
AG: Isn't that cooooooool????????
EB: meh.
EB: so, you seem to like 8's a whole bunch, and i guess you are like, kind of spidery themed or something?
AG: Yeah!
EB: haha, spiders are gross!
AG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!


09/24/10
"John: W8 around for a few minutes."






09/24/10
"==>"



You got the server copy of the SBURB BETA!

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/yeah!!!!!!!!.gif" border="0" />


09/24/10
"==>"






09/24/10
"Jade: Land already."






09/24/10
"==>"






09/25/10
"WV?: Survey casualties."



Everyone is dead.

Everyone except you.


09/25/10
"==>"



Your RAG OF SOULS begins to soak in the BLOOD OF THE FALLEN. You suppose it could be poetic?

No, instead you think it is just sad.

You were very foolish to believe you could be a leader of men. Look at what bearing that flag has wrought.

Perhaps one day you will find something new to bear. A burden befitting of the peasant you truly are.

Oh my what's that shiny thing in the water.


09/25/10
"John: Prepare for flight."



|PESTERLOG|
EB: jade is not answering!
EB: are you sure she's ok?
AG: She's asleep!
AG: She sure seems to sleep a lot. She sort of reminds me of my goo8er teamm8.
AG: He napped through most of the adventure, and was practically useless.
EB: oh...
EB: you mean carcino geneticist?
AG: Hahahaha, no way! Karkat is so up tight, he hardly slept a wink over the whole 600 hour span of our quest.
AG: He didn't even wake up on the moon until AFTER we won the game, hahahahahahahaha.
AG: What a loser.
EB: heheh. car cat. that is how i am saying that.
EB: beep beep, meow!
EB: i will have to remember to give him a hard time about that.
AG: John, you are pretty weird! I can see why you would piss him off so much.
EB: it is really not hard to do that.
AG: Tell me a8out it!
AG: Speaking of telling me a8out things...
AG: Why don't you tell me what you were just dreaming a8out that was so important, fellow Prospit dreamer????????
AG: Prospit is the 8est. Derse is where all the rejects hang out. Am I right?
EB: i never even saw prospit.
EB: aside from flaming bits and pieces of it i guess.
EB: something happened, and it blew up, and dream jade died, and then i was wandering around this place that was like a chess board with a huge crater in it, with loads of dead black and white guys everywhere.
AG: Yes, I know all that! That place is the 8attlefield, which is where your dream self lives now. You will appear there any time you go to sleep.
AG: Prospit dreamers are supposed to end up there eventually. If they're any good, that is. ::::)
AG: 8ut you got there so much sooner. Normally a dreamer's journey to the 8attlefield will not 8e so spectacularly sudden and violent. Meteoric, if you will!
EB: oh, huh.
AG: 8ut you didn't answer my question! What was so important that you wanted to go 8ack to sleep again for?
EB: my dad was there.
AG: What's that?
EB: um, you know...
EB: my guardian?
AG: Oh, you mean the adult male human who lived in your hive?
EB: yes. if by hive you mean house.
AG: Haha, I was wondering a8out that. I was like, what the hell is this guy doing in this kid's hive? Where is his lusus? Is he an orphan contending with some sort of meddlesome grownup squatter????????
EB: um...
EB: these observations are very alien of you.
EB: but that's pretty cool i guess, seeing as you are an alien.
AG: Yes, I just chalked it up as generic alien weirdness and didn't think too much a8out it. Just another series of strange exhi8its from an inferior civiliz8tion.
EB: the funny thing is, he is not even really my dad.
EB: i mean, i was adopted by him, although we are not actually unrelated, i think.
EB: he is the son of my grandmother, who isn't really my grandmother...
EB: nanna is sort of like my biological mother, and my biological father would be jade's grandpa, sorta.
EB: both of which i just created, with slime and stuff, and sent back in time as babies.
EB: so i guess, if anything, that makes my dad...
EB: my half brother???
AG: ::::\
EB: tell me about it!


09/25/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: W8! 8efore you wander too far off course like a doofus, you need to know how to get to a return node!
AG: So you can get 8ack to your computer. Here, hang on, I am making you a map.
EB: but i know where i'm going!
EB: terezi already made me a map.
AG: What!!!!!!!!
EB: first she made a really crappy one, then a really nice one that works kind of like google.
EB: she started helping me after she tried to kill me.
AG: Ugh. She is still trying to one up me I see. Even preempting my awesome helpfulness!
AG: When did she do that? I mean from my perspective? Do you think she already did it, or hasn't done it yet?
EB: wow, how could i possibly know that!
AG: I don't know. Forget it.
AG: I will show her though. I will show her the meaning of helpfulness.
AG: I will help this little human nerd under the ta8le. The very same ta8le you dined at, while I w8ted on you prong and fucking nu8.
EB: you mean like a candle light hate date?
AG: God, no!!!!!!!! With a human? Gross.
EB: oh...
EB: well then, thanks, i guess?
EB: why do you want to be so helpful, anyway?
EB: i mean, with her i got the sense she was being kind of jokestery about it, which is something i can understand.
EB: but why bother helping, if we aren't going to win anyway?
AG: You won't win? Says who?????????
EB: you guys.
EB: it is practically all you ever say.
AG: Well, ok yes, you are screwed. And so are we.
AG: 8ut so what!
AG: Just 8ecause you are going to fail doesn't mean it won't 8e any fun along the way!
AG: 8y the looks of things, you have a very exciting 24 hours ahead of you.
AG: It'll 8e one hell of a reckoning!


09/25/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: that is nice to know.
AG: Yes, and 8esides. Continuing on this path and 8ringing Jade into the game I think you will agree is very important!
AG: And not just 8ecause she is your friend and you would 8e kind of upset if she died.
AG: Again.
EB: yes, i think i would be.
EB: but why else?
AG: 8ecause you need to complete your prototyping chain!
AG: Only when all players have entered with a prototyped kernel does the 8attlefield assume its final form.
AG: That form prepares Skaia to grow the new universe you will cre8te.
AG: Or in this case, fail to cre8te. 8ut whatever!
AG: That is no reason to deter you from completing worthwhile game o8jectives.
EB: we are supposed to create a universe?
AG: Yeah! You didn't realize that yet?
EB: no!
AG: 8oy. How clueless can you get.
EB: why are we supposed to do that?
AG: What a stupid question! It is the point of the game. It's what happens when you win, and winning is the only point of anything.
EB: oh. that's true, i guess.
AG: Anyway, you should 8e glad it's the point. And you should 8e glad your predecessors were not such a sad sack group of players like you guys.
AG: Otherwise your universe would not exist, seeing as we cre8ted it 8y 8eing incredi8le in every way.
EB: you did?
AG: Yep. You're welcome. ::::D
EB: hmm...
EB: i don't know what to think about that.
AG: Not knowing what to think a8out things appears to 8e your specialty!
EB: hurrrrr oh man what a burn!
EB: (j/k it was actually lame.)
AG: ::::P
EB: well to be honest, i never really believed any of your guys's doom and gloom nonsense.
EB: not because i think you are lying...
EB: i just feel like there must still be a way to win!
AG: That's the spirit, John!
AG: That is a winner's attitude, and there is always hope for someone who has that.
EB: yes, i agree.
EB: also, there is always hope for someone who has good friends to count on!
AG: Pff.
AG: Laaaaaaaame.


09/25/10
"John: Return."






09/26/10
"==>"






09/26/10
"==>"



IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPS!


09/26/10
"John: Dispatch these pests."



That is IT.

EVERYBODY OUT.

You are DEAD SERIOUS.


09/26/10
"John: Examine room."



Look at this mess.

Will you just LOOK at this slightly bigger mess than usual.


09/26/10
"John: Examine computer."



They chucked it out the window. Little oily bastards. You'll have to get your hands on a new one somehow.


09/26/10
"John: Examine Posters."



This is just insult to injury. You almost want to cry.


09/26/10
"==>"



Just look at that face.

A sad face. A forlorn face.


09/26/10
"Vriska: What's his deal????????"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: John, why are you standing around wasting time????????
EB: um, i don't know. you can see my future, can't you?
EB: how much time am i wasting?
AG: Enough to make me wonder what the hell your deal is!
EB: then i would venture to guess i am wasting time because you chose to pester me just now!
AG: Dammit, John.
AG: Stop sounding smarter than me. It is un8ecoming of someone so inferior.
EB: i mean, i was just pausing for a moment...
EB: to look at my trashed movie posters.
EB: they bring back memories, of a life that i guess is long gone now.
EB: but you probably know what that is all about.
AG: Yeah, I know.
EB: it wasn't even that long ago, but it already seems like forever since i was on earth!
EB: it was a pretty nice place, i bet you would have liked it.
AG: It seems a little too sunny for my liking.
EB: well, what about you? do you miss your planet, and your parents and such?
AG: The life I left 8ehind wasn't so hot, to 8e honest.
EB: oh. that's too bad.
AG: Why don't we not talk a8out that!
AG: What are these movies, anyway? They look just awful.
EB: but you see, that is where you are wrong. these films are the finest earth has to offer!
AG: Are they a8out clowns?
EB: no, no. i drew those clowns in my sleep, for some reason.
AG: ::::|
EB: this one here is so great. it is about this street tough renegade who did hard time behind bars, and wants nothing more in the world than to reunite with his loving wife and daughter. but not so fast! he has to go on crazy and dangerous escapades through the sky with a motley assortment of rogues led by john malkovich, who is wise to cage's heroic nature and pure heart. they tether a grumpy police man's awesome car to the plane and smash it, and then later they crash into some casinos. cage gets out of the wreckage and hugs his family, and i usually tear up a little.
EB: that is my working troll title for the movie, i hope it was ok.
AG: John, even though your title is quite amusing and pro8a8ly kind of cute, that movie sounds hilariously 8ad!
EB: yeah, well you are hilariously WRONG!
EB: here, hang on, i will show you.
EB: http://tinyurl.com/hullohumminburr
EB: oh, but you will probably have to use your troll thingy to rewind time or whatever, to before the earth internet blew up so you can watch it.
AG: Is this like the Earth equivalent of Gru8tu8e or something?
EB: i guess??
AG: Man. I am not watching this shitty video. It looks so 8ad!
EB: ok, suit yourself.
EB: but there it is, in case you are ever hankering after some incredible movie magic.
AG: Ok, I will 8e sure 8ookmark it and la8el it "dum8 kid's retarded nonsense."
EB: ok, good idea.
AG: 8y the way! Why aren't you using your computer glasses to talk suddenly????????
AG: This device seems less efficient, and doesn't look as cool!


09/26/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: oh, the goggles are cool and all, but they kind of restrict my vision stupidly when i'm using them!
EB: i should remember to make a new hands-free device, that is less obtrusive.
EB: maybe after i make a new computer so i can install this game.
AG: How will you duplic8 it? Isn't it smashed out there on your lawnring?
EB: yeah, but i can use one of my old previously punched cards.
AG: Oh, gr8.
AG: Uh........
AG: John?
EB: what?
AG: Ok, I will slide you a 8r8k 8ecause clearly your 8lock was just ransacked.
AG: 8ut may8e you want to put that away? Somewhere discreet, where you usually keep it?
AG: There is at least one girl spying on you right now, you know.
EB: put what away? what are you talking about?
AG: Your pail is showing, stupid!!!!!!!!


09/26/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: my pail?
EB: you mean this bucket here?
AG: Yes! Come on, will you take a hint and show some decorum????????
EB: umm...
EB: i'm really not following. what do you have against buckets?
AG: Man! Nothing, really. It's just........
AG: Ok, may8e humans don't really have any sense of shame over this sort of thing?
EB: shame over what?
EB: it's just a bucket! you know, for putting soapy water in and cleaning stuff with.
EB: why, what do trolls use them for?
AG: Oh.
AG: Haha, yeah, of course!
AG: That's what I was talking a8out. Your cleaning 8ucket.
AG: In troll culture we consider cleaning products to 8e really indecent or something!
AG: I am 8lushing furiously a8out it right now. Please try to 8e sensitive to my cultural ways and understandings.
EB: wow... uh. that is definitely pretty odd.
EB: but ok, i'm sorry you saw my bucket. i will just chuck it out the window i guess.
AG: Thank you, John. That is very gentlemanly of you.
AG: Now will you quit shitting around and get on with it!!!!!!!! God.
EB: well i was GOING to but you started babbling at me!
EB: jeez, spinneret.
AG: That isn't my real name, you dope!
EB: ok, then what is it!
AG: I ain't telling you that!
AG: It's a sekret. :::;)
EB: *ROLLS EYES*
EB: all eight gross spidery eyes!
EB: oops i mean !x8.
AG: You don't even need to say that. I can see you rolling your eyes, remem8er?
EB: oh yeah.


09/26/10
"John: Discard sordid receptacle."






09/27/10
"John: Exit to balcony."



What a surprise, more lousy imps having their way with the place. You wonder where nanna could be. Someone needs to get this motley assortment of rogues under control.


09/27/10
"==>"



Now what in the hell is going on over there??


09/27/10
"==>"



Oh no, more embarrassing cleaning apparatus. You've got to hide it before Sekret Spinneret or whatever her name is sees it and gets upset.


09/27/10
"John: Assail rogue."



GET THAT SHIT OUTTA HERE!!!


09/27/10
"==>"



Being culturally sensitive is really hard work.


09/27/10
"John: Look up."



It looks like someone's server player has been busy.


09/27/10
"John: Pester someone's server player."



|PESTERLOG|
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

EB: hey rose!
TT: Hi.
EB: how are you doing? i don't even remember the last time we talked.
EB: i have been so busy.
EB: and it looks like you have been too.
EB: i mean, hopy shit!
EB: my house is HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!
TT: Actually, building up your house has been one of the more trivial ways I've passed the time.
TT: Great swaths of the structure may be copied and pasted with little architectural consideration.
TT: I've only bothered to do so while in contemplation.
TT: It's relaxing.
EB: oh.
EB: well, it must have cost a fortune!
TT: We have a lot of grist.
EB: how much?
TT: I don't recall any hard figures off hand.
TT: Last I checked, more than a million units of several different types.
TT: Torrented between the three of us.
EB: torrented?
TT: Shared, through an application.
TT: I unlocked the disc from your registry, and deployed it.
TT: I convinced your nanna to install it on your computer.
TT: Before an imp threw it out the window, that is.
EB: you got her to do that? but she's an old lady! also, a ghost.
TT: My methods of persuasion have been improving.
EB: also, she is really tricky, and plays lots of pranks.
EB: did she try to prank you?
TT: No.
EB: huh.
EB: i guess you enjoyed the prankster's gambit on that exchange then.
TT: ?
EB: oh yeah...
EB: what's up with the alchemiter?
EB: it looks weird.
TT: Upgrades.
EB: did you get nanna to do that too?
TT: No, your consorts were utilized for that.
EB: the salamanders??
TT: Yes. They seem eager to receive simple instruction.
TT: I'm guessing they find their way back to your house to allow the client player to remain productive while the server player is away.
EB: they aren't very smart...
TT: No, they aren't.
EB: i'm surprised they even understand what to do.
TT: Like I said.
TT: Coercion hasn't been much of a problem.
EB: yeah...
EB: uh...
EB: what exactly does that mean?
EB: what have you been doing this whole time???
TT: Why don't you tell me what you've been up to first?
TT: I've been curious, but too preoccupied to inquire.
EB: well,
EB: i have been talking to a lot of trolls, for one thing.
EB: they sure are a talkative bunch!
TT: I've noticed.
EB: and then i cloned some slime babies in the veil.
TT: Did you?
EB: yes. um...
EB: ok, long story short is, jade is my slime clone sister, and dave is your slime clone brother, and we were all born today!
TT: Yes.
EB: yes?
TT: I figured that out.
EB: oh.
TT: Anything else?
EB: umm...
EB: then i fell asleep, and woke up on the battlefield.
EB: oh!
EB: rose, i am fairly sure i saw your mom!
TT: You did?
TT: Are you sure it was her?
EB: well, it was a nice and proper looking lady, with a pink scarf, so...
EB: i dunno, who else would that be!
TT: That was likely her.
TT: How was she?
EB: fine, i guess...
EB: she was with my dad.
TT: That's interesting.
EB: yeah!
TT: Did she seem happy?
EB: happy?
EB: wow, i dunno.
EB: i don't really know her well enough to say, i guess?
EB: plus, i was a little distracted.
EB: maybe i will find out next time i go to sleep.
TT: Fair enough.
EB: now stop being so spookily mysterious and tell me what you've been doing!
TT: Investigating, mostly.
EB: investigating what?
TT: Everything there is to investigate.
TT: Information hidden in the lore of our lands, concealed in ruins and riddles.
TT: I'm looking for whatever there is to discover about the game, and more importantly, whatever exceeds its boundaries.
TT: The cloaked traces of myth beyond its scope.
EB: its scope?
EB: oh, rose, did you know that we are supposed to be creating a universe with this game?
TT: Yes.
EB: i think that's pretty neat!
TT: It is, in principle.
TT: But it won't happen.
EB: so you believe the trolls then?
TT: It's not a matter of believing them.
TT: The writing is on the wall. Literally.
EB: it is?
TT: This session was never meant to bear fruit.
TT: It's barren, so to speak.
EB: that's a bit of a bummer!
EB: i am still skeptical about that, though.
TT: That's why you're our leader, John.
EB: huh?
TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is a defect not everyone is lucky enough to be cursed with.
EB: that's stupid.
EB: i'm not your leader, i am your FRIEND, there is a BIG difference!
TT: Statements like that are also why you're our leader.
EB: pff.
EB: laaaaaaaame.
TT: Yes, kind of.
EB: so, if you're sure that we are going to fail...
EB: what is the point of everything we're doing?
TT: Simple.
TT: The objective is no longer to win.
EB: um...
EB: i mean, what are we actually shooting for here?
TT: To do as much damage to the game as possible.
TT: To rip its stitches and pry answers from the seams.
TT: We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility.
TT: Are you ready to wreak some havoc, John?
EB: i suddenly don't understand anything.


09/28/10
"==>"






09/28/10
"==>"






09/29/10
"==>"



Salamancer.

Wand, please.


09/29/10
"==>"



Thank you, Viceroy.

It's way more dramatic relying on a familiar than a boring old sylladex.


09/29/10
"==>"






09/29/10
"Rose: Investigate."






09/29/10
"==>"






09/29/10
"==>"






09/29/10
"==>"






09/29/10
"Rose: Answer."



|PESTERLOG|
-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GA: Okay This Will Probably Strike You As An Odd Moment For Me To Mention This
GA: But Actually
GA: There Are Not Many Moments Ive Observed On Your Timeline Which Wouldnt Qualify As Odd
GA: And Somehow
GA: Your Idle Moments Seem To Invite Interruption The Least
GA: And This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach
GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand
TT: You're rambling again, Kanaya.
GA: Okay Sorry
GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say
GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide


09/29/10
"Rose: Be the troll girl."



You are suddenly the troll girl.

In a different game session.

In the past.


09/29/10
"Kanaya: Confer with leader."



|PESTERLOG|
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GA: Your Speech Was Really
GA: Emotional
CG: OK I DEFINITELY DON'T NEED YOU BUSTING MY BULGE ABOUT THE SPEECH NOW.
CG: I'VE TAKEN ENOUGH SHIT. I GOT A LITTLE WORKED UP OK?
CG: AND IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, WHY DON'T YOU COME SAY IT TO MY FACE.
CG: I'M FED UP WITH THESE BACK DOOR NOOKBITING SHENANIGANS.
GA: I Dont Mean To Critique Your Speech
GA: I Just Wanted To Ask You Something In Confidence
GA: About The Humans
CG: OK, WHAT IS IT?
GA: Are You Sure Theyre Responsible For Our Misfortune
CG: YES. THERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
GA: Was It On Account Of Malice Or Incompetence
CG: I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE BOTH?
CG: WHY DOES IT MATTER.
GA: It Sort Of Does
GA: Im Not Even That Sure Why
GA: This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach
GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand
CG: GOD DAMMIT.
CG: NO MORE MYSTERIES, PLEASE.
CG: YOU'D THINK WE'D HAD OUR FILL OF THEM BY NOW.
CG: IF I HAVE TO SOLVE ONE MORE RIDDLE, I'M GOING TO...
CG: I DON'T KNOW.
GA: Will Your Response Involve An Athletic Maneuver Of Some Sort
CG: NO
CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT.
CG: I WILL JUST GO OVER THERE AND WEEP GENTLY IN THE HORN PILE.
CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?
GA: Um
CG: WHAT I CAN TELL YOU IS
CG: THEY ARE ALL LUDICROUSLY INCOMPETENT.
CG: SOFT, PINK FRAGILE THINGS WHO DO NOTHING BUT WASTE TIME.
CG: THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE HORNS!
GA: What
GA: Really
CG: YEAH, I WAS LIKE, WHOA DID THEY GET FILED DOWN OR SOMETHING
CG: BUT NO IT TURNS OUT THAT'S JUST HOW THEY ARE.
GA: Weird
CG: THEY'RE A MISERABLE POINTLESS CROP OF LIFEFORMS FROM A MEANINGLESS BORING PUSTULE OF A PLANET.
CG: IT'S INFURIATING THEY WERE SOMEHOW ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVER US.
GA: It Is Pretty Disheartening
GA: But
GA: You Are Absolutely Sure They Are All Failures
GA: And That They Have No Chance Of Succeeding
CG: YEP.
CG: IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE.
GA: Im Not Sure Which Depresses Me More
GA: The Sabotage Of Our Session Or The Futility Of Theirs
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
CG: YOU'RE BEING REALLY WEIRD ABOUT THIS.
GA: Well I Havent Asked What I Wanted To Ask
CG: THEN ASK!!!
GA: Its About TentacleTherapist
CG: YEAH. THAT'S THE ROSE HUMAN.
CG: SHE'S APPARENTLY PRETTY SARCASTIC.
CG: IT'S IN MY NOTES.
GA: You Have Notes On Them
CG: YES.
GA: I Guess
GA: Thats Why Youre Our Leader Karkat
CG: NO, I'M YOUR LEADER BECAUSE OF MY INCREDIBLE TACTICAL SKILLS AND MY ABILITY TO MOBILIZE AND MOTIVATE A BUNCH OF USELESS PEOPLE TOWARD A COMMON GOAL, AND BECAUSE I'M EXTREMELY AMBITIOUS AND INTREPID. ALSO BECAUSE LEADERSHIP IS IN MY BLOOD. WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.
GA: Statements Like That Are Also Why Youre Our Leader
CG: OK, I'LL ACCEPT THAT.
GA: Have You Talked To Her
CG: WHO
GA: The Rose Human
GA: Also
GA: Do We Really Have To Say Things Like The Rose Human
CG: OF COURSE WE DO.
CG: IT SOUNDS SUITABLY DISDAINFUL.
CG: I MEAN, IF A BUNCH OF ALIENS STARTED HASSLING YOU, YOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO ACT REALLY HIGH AND MIGHTY, AND SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY, RIGHT?.
CG: WHICH WE ARE, OF COURSE.
GA: Uh Okay
CG: AND NO, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER.
CG: I WILL PROBABLY STEER CLEAR OF HER FOR THE MOST PART.
CG: I HAVE MY SIGHTS SET ON THE JOHN HUMAN, AND PROBABLY ALSO THE JADE HUMAN, SHE'S A HUGE CULPRIT TOO.
GA: It Just
GA: Feels Really Silly When We Say Things Like The John Human In Confidence Amongst Ourselves
CG: WE HAVE TO COMMIT TO THIS. STAY IN CHARACTER, YOU KNOW?
CG: REMEMBER THE SPEECH.
GA: The Speech Has Become Emblazoned On My Think Pan
GA: Virtually Ensconced In The Fold Of My Personal Mythology
CG: DID YOU WANT TO TROLL HER? ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING?
CG: BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE GREAT, I'D REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.
GA: I Dont Know
GA: Im Not Sure If Ive Got It In Me Right Now
CG: COME ON. YOU'LL BE GREAT AT IT.
CG: PLEASE JUST DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME. WE'VE GOT TO STAY COORDINATED ON THIS.
CG: TOO MANY OF THESE FUCKS ARE GOING ROGUE.
CG: LIKE WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING.
GA: Fine
CG: GREAT! THANKS KANAYA.
CG: I'LL EXPECT A FULL REPORT SOON.
GA: A Report About What
CG: LIKE
CG: HOW HASSLED YOU GOT HER TO BE
CG: BUT LESS STUPID SOUNDING THAN THAT.
GA: Is There A Metric For That Concept
CG: NO
CG: WELL THERE COULD BE
CG: WE CAN GAUGE YOUR RESULTS WITH THE "FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER".
GA: That Seems Just As Disparaging To Me As It Is To Her
CG: YEAH WELL
CG: USE IT AS MOTIVATION
CG: I GOTTA GET CRACKING HERE, LATER.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Troll the Rose human."



You begin trolling the Rose human, even though you aren't really feeling this at all.

You can't seem to figure out how to get the viewport feature to work. You muddle through the FIRST CONVERSATION blind.

She does not prove to be the intellectual adversary you anticipated. But this is no longer all that surprising, now knowing the true fate of her team.

Nethertheless, you manage to find yourself vehemently fondling the short end of the antagonism stick. The FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER ticks a few notches in her favor. Your aggravation and curiosity are simultaneously piqued. You wish you could get a look at her.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Open viewport."



There she is.

How underwhelming. No horns. Skin as white as a ghost! You wonder how she manages to look in a mirror without falling asleep.

You resume your stance of alien complacency. The SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER ticks back in your favor.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Keep viewing."



You continue to spy on the Rose human. What's that nonsense she wrote on her walls? What did she do to her totem lathe?? Idiot.


09/30/10
"==>"



OH DEAR GOD.


09/30/10
"==>"



The exhibit of depravity maxes out your side of the HORSESHITOMETER.

You had this girl wrong all along. She is an utter buffoon.


09/30/10
"==>"



You hope nobody caught you looking at that.

The horseshitometer swings back to her side, as she has inadvertently caused you to flush with the shame of one thousand cocoon-wetting children.

You win this round, Lalonde.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: View the past."



You need to put some distance between yourself and that egregious display.

These look like simpler times. Probably better to mess with her earlier on the timeline rather than later.


09/30/10
"==>"



Hmm.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Enter name."



Why Ms. Lalonde. It does appear you have once again fallen out of favor with the FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER.

Your move, Therapist.


09/30/10
"==>"



This is boring. Where's the challenge in teasing a mentally retarded alien girl? Her stupid walkthrough was probably plagiarized from another more advanced civilization or something.

Maybe bothering her friends will be more interesting.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Troll the John human."



|PESTERLOG|
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling ghostyTrickster [GT]

GA: Hello
GT: hi...?
GA: Allow Me To Make This Simple
GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction
GA: Im Looking For Evidence Of Intelligence In Your Species
GA: A Reason
GA: Any Reason At All Really
GA: To Justify Wasting The Few Precious Remaining Moments Of My Life On You
GA: It Has Fallen On Your Shoulders To Supply Me With That Reason John Human
GA: Go
GT: ha ha, what?
GA: What Indeed
GA: I Was Just Leaving
GT: so you're a time traveler?
GA: No
GA: We Dont Actually Travel Through
GA: Uh
GA: Well
GA: Not All Of Us Do
GA: One Of Us Does Though
GA: Thats Not What We Are Talking About Here And Is Aside From The Point
GT: so let me see if i have this straight...
GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans?
GA: No
GT: are you from mars? is it a mission of peace?
GA: No John You Werent Listening
GT: what does your time machine look like? a phone booth? phone booths are a popular thing for some reason.
GA: Damn It
GT: were you lured to earth by a huge gyroscopey thing that jodie foster piloted in contact, while matthew mcconaughey sort of acted as her spiritual guide i guess...
GA: What The Hell
GT: and then he kind of preached to her about having faith instead of believing in the sciences so hard all the time, and i guess in the end she believed him, maybe?
GT: actually, im not even sure what the point of mcconaughey was in that movie. but he was still awesome.
GT: and then jodie found her dad on an alien planet... but i think he was a ghost or something? or maybe an alien in disguise.
GT: and then she went home and nobody believed her, but you just KNOW mcconaughey believed her.
GT: because he had all the faith. and i mean ALL OF IT.
GT: anyway, does that have any applicability to your cosmic interstellar astrojourney?
GA: Okay Youre Even Dumber Than The Rose Human Thats Incredible Really
GT: pff, i know i'm dumber than rose, that is not much of a burn, dude!
GA: Im A Girl Not A Boy
GT: oh, sorry.
GT: i don't know why i thought you were.
GA: It Happens
GT: were you trolling rose too?
GT: TIME TRAVEL TROLLING???
GA: Yes As A Matter Of Fact
GT: oh boy, let me go put on my quantum space hat, and extra terrestrial adventure boots, and you can tell me all about it.
GA: If You Werent So Stupid Id Suspect You Were Being Insincere For The Benefit Of Your Amusement
GT: ha ha ha. i don't follow!
GA: I Just Spoke To Her In The Future
GA: Shes An Imbecile And Conveying How Much I Dislike Her At This Point Presents An Overwhelming Gauntlet Of Personal Expression
GA: But Regardless She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation
GA: To Get You To Understand Whats Going On
GA: I Have Strong Doubts It Will Be Effective But Here Goes
GA: GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works
GA: GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like
GA: TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like.
GA: TT: you look kind of like...
GA: TT: howie mandel from little monsters.
GA: TT: even though, to be perfectly frank, he was kind of a big monster.
GA: TT: because he was a big goofy adult.
GA: TT: and fred savage was like his child prankster sidekick.
GA: GA: Is This An Adversary You Have Encountered On Your Quest
GA: TT: no, it's a movie.
GA: TT: you should ask john about it, because he thinks it's awesome, which it is.
GT: hahaha! oh man, you blew it!
GT: now i know for sure you're trolling me. rose hates that movie.
GA: Are You Suggesting
GA: I Was Being Trolled
GA: That It Was A Charade Meant To Make Me Look Foolish
GT: possibly! i know that sure didn't sound like her.
GT: but i think it's more likely that you made it all up cause you know i like that movie.
GT: so i tip my cap to you, well played miss troll!
GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well
GT: ok well, just between you and me...
GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled.
GT: and it just might be all three of us.
GA: Okay
GT: but you shoulda told me you liked little monsters!
GT: we could jam about that. what was your favorite part?
GA: Suspicions Pitching Once Again Toward The Conclusion That You Are Just Very Stupid
GT: i really want to get a little monsters poster, but they're hard to find!
GT: i asked my dad for one for christmas. fingers crossed!
GA: Im Guessing Thats The Human Equivalent Of 12th Perigees Eve
GA: Will Your Adult Human Custodian Forage For Leavings As Ours Do
GT: yup, that sure keeps sounding alien of you.
GT: keep up the good work!
GT: listen, i'm kind of busy, i have to wrap this present and mail it in a hurry.
GT: so i'm going to block you!
GT: but i might unblock you again soon, because you're kinda cool.
GA: Your Blocks Mean Nothing But Dont Worry You Wont Hear From Me Again
GT: yeah well...
GT: you might just hear from me!
GT: also, you should give rose another chance.
GT: she is really great! whatever she did, she was probably just pulling her mind games on you, it's all in fun.
GT: there is more to her than that, you'll see.
GT: bye!

ghostyTrickster [GT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA]


09/30/10
"==>"



AUGH. Stupid trolls.

Looks like this package is going to be late.


09/30/10
"==>"



The conversations with the other two humans didn't go that well either.

Must be something about the human intellect, and a specific posture it assumes. Particularly when a certain subject is broached.


09/30/10
"==>"



And yet...

Your curiosity. It remains piqued.

How maddening.


09/30/10
"==>"



Earth is surprisingly pretty.

It seems very...

Bright.


09/30/10
"==>"



Ok, you will have to admit that is a nice outfit. Humans get points for fashion too.

You begrudgingly concede a single SNARKTICK to the stylish human and her loyal snowlusus.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Troll Rose human again."



In a little while, she is back in her hive.

You prepare an ambush. This time, the fashionable, hand-crafted gloves are coming OFF.


09/30/10
"==>"



You proceed to have your SECOND CONVERSATION.

You feel pretty good about your effort. It was a measured balance of barbs and condescension. Your leader will be pleased with the report.

And yet...

It seems the John human was right. This is not the same Rose human you dealt with before. She has been toying with you all along. Oh, the curiosity. How it persists. The maddening, maddening curiosity.

Your arbitrating gauge decides on a draw. Snark reaped and sown in equal distribution.

This is far from over.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Explore this human emotion called friendship."



You can only assume this is a somewhat typical way for human relationships to blossom. It seems friendship for some humans is a basic aggregation of shallow and insincere hostilities. Human friendship sure is complicated.

You skip ahead to a point on her timeline when you suspect friendship may plausibly have been established already. You have your THIRD CONVERSATION. It does not go as well as you'd hoped.

Rose takes the lead.


09/30/10
"==>"



Your FOURTH, FIFTH, AND SIXTH CONVERSATIONS don't fare much better. This friendship is stalling fast. What are you doing wrong?

You are now getting your ass handed to you on a silver nutrition plateau. You are in serious need of a ploy to turn the tables in this duel of snarky one-upsmanship.

Some advice couldn't hurt, you suppose.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Troll the Dave human."



You decide to SEEK COUNSEL from the Rose human's dark spectacled friend.

You believe you understand how to proceed.


09/30/10
"Kanaya: Have seventh conversation."



You put into motion a cunning plan in your SEVENTH CONVERSATION, in which you have attached a MISSION CRITICAL TEXT DOCUMENT.

Lalonde has finally been outmaneuvered. The horseshitometer is lopsided in your favor. And most delightfully of all, this fiendish ploy has ensured that all previous snarkticks against you have been rendered completely irrelevant. It turns out they were just a consequence of your future design all along.

You cannot hope to beat Kanaya Maryam in a snark-off. She is simply the best there is.

(heheheheheheh)


10/01/10
"Kanaya: Hop to 8=8."



You scan her timeline for the right moment to sync up both your sides of the dialogue. Ideally she will have long since discarded her train of thought.

You will finally reap the spoils of all your careful subterfuge. You will reap them good.


10/01/10
"==>"



Uh...


10/01/10
"==>"



The FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER explodes.

It simply cannot take this much horseshit.


10/01/10
"==>"






10/01/10
"Kanaya: Have eighth conversation."



|PESTERLOG|
-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GA: What
GA: The Hell
GA: Did You Just Do
TT: Hi there.
GA: You Actually Did It
GA: Blew It Up I Mean
GA: I Had Begun To Believe That Was Embellishment
TT: This is it, isn't it?
GA: What Is It
TT: This is the eighth conversation between us, from your perspective.
TT: As well as mine.
GA: Yeah
TT: I've been looking forward to this.
GA: Really
TT: Yes.
TT: I have some questions for you.


10/01/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
GA: What Questions Do You Have
TT: I'll start with a simple one.
TT: Do trolls have names?


10/02/10
"John: Make backup computer."



You make a new COSBYTOP so you can do some serious computing on the go. You barely got a chance to mess around with the first one you made before it was pilfered by a scurrilous imp. Ok it was actually a sylladex mishap but whatever.

Remember how that happened? That didn't stop being a thing that happened or anything.


10/02/10
"John: Reunite with loving fatherly comedian themed laptop."



|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

AG: What.
AG: The hell........
AG: Are you doing!!!!!!!!
EB: oh hey.
AG: John, stop kissing that adult 8rown male human computer at once.
EB: but...
EB: it is bill cosby.
EB: he's back.
EB: in laptop form.
AG: Man. It is just another waste of time.
AG: Everything you do is a huge waste.
AG: A stupid pointless 8unch of w8stey w8stey w8stes.
EB: excuse me, but spending just a little quality time with my man bill here is not a w8stey w8ste at all.
EB: no amount of 8's in words will make that true.
AG: You have important things to do!
AG: Remem8er Jade????????
EB: of course i do! jeez!
EB: ok, i'm going.


10/03/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: Noooooooo!!!!!!!!
AG: XXXXO
EB: what?!?!?!
AG: What the fuck are you doing now!
EB: i am going to blast off and fly a little higher, to see if i can find nanna up there!
EB: and then i will install the game.
EB: it will only take a second!
AG: No, that's not what I mean!
AG: I know that's what you're going to do.
AG: You're just not supposed to do it now!
AG: You are supposed to do something else first. And then fly up. It's right here on your timeline. 8y attempting to do the thing you're not supposed to do yet, you are just wasting more of our time!!!!!!!!
EB: jeez!!!
EB: you are incredibly bossy.
EB: more like marquise bossyfangs.
AG: I told you, that's my role playing name, not my real one! So your weak 8urn means nothing.
EB: no, you did not tell me that you like to play troll dungeons and dragons.
AG: Oh, yes John. I am really going to know what that stupid Earth game is, just 8ecause you put troll in front of it. Stupid.
EB: i will find out what your name is, i am tricky and i have ways.
AG: Pffffffff, dou8t it.
AG: Now shut up and do what you are going to do next!
EB: i don't know what i'm going to do next!
EB: apparently what i thought i was going to do next was wrong, so why don't you tell me?
AG: 8ecause.
AG: That's ridiculous!
AG: That would 8e a ridiculous way for us to do things.
EB: has it occurred to you that i might be wasting so much time because you keep pestering me telling me how much time i'm wasting?
EB: and then when i'm about to make progress you tell me i am doing the wrong thing!
EB: if it weren't for you i would be playing this game already.
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, shut up!
AG: Fine. I will hold your hand every step of the way, since that's apparently how you want to do this.
EB: but it isn't!
AG: I said shut up!
AG: Look, you are a8out to make yourself a new outfit, and THEN you will fly up and install the game.
EB: oh...
EB: but why would i do that? my ecto labsuit is rad!
AG: 8ecause you look like an idiot!
EB: :(
AG: Seriously, it's a good thing I did decide to 8other you now. Otherwise you would go through the game looking like a little weenie 8oy-Skylark.
EB: what is a boy skylark?
AG: It is the most terri8le, gutless class for wimpy losers, ones who have no idea how to handle themselves when a girl talks to them and stuff.
EB: actually, i think i remember passing that rung on my echeladder a while ago.
AG: Yes, exactly! It is 8eneath you, John.
AG: You are clearly much 8etter than that. You should dress like it.
EB: who cares what i dress like? it is what's inside the adventurer that counts.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: I watched you actually say that with a str8 f8ce. Oh my god.
EB: why are you taking such an interest in my fashion, anyway?
AG: Trolls are an extremely fashion-minded race, John. You should make a note of this, since you pretend to 8e a scientist or something.
EB: ha ha, it sounds like you have a really lame culture.
AG: John, that is an outr8geous thing to say. You don't even know how important the fashions are, so 8e quiet.
EB: laaaaaaaame.
AG: Look at that! You counted out 8 a's for me, John! That is so thoughtful of you.
EB: oh, ha ha...
EB: i didn't even count. it just...
EB: turned out like that.
AG: Really????????
EB: yeah.
AG: <33333333
EB: er...
EB: ok, anyway, i will make a new suit, but i am not ditching my ectosuit!!!
EB: it is so sweet, i look like link, if zelda was a quest about an elf scientist.
EB: i am the wind waker. it's me.
AG: I know you are, John.
AG: Now empty out your sylladex and let's see what sort of killer gear we can make for you. 8ut do it fast!


10/04/10
"Kanaya: Have sixteenth conversation."



|PESTERLOG|
-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

GA: Okay This Will Probably Strike You As An Odd Moment For Me To Mention This
GA: But Actually
GA: There Are Not Many Moments Ive Observed On Your Timeline Which Wouldnt Qualify As Odd
GA: And Somehow
GA: Your Idle Moments Seem To Invite Interruption The Least
GA: And This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach
GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand
TT: You're rambling again, Kanaya.
GA: Okay Sorry
GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say
GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide


10/04/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TT: Oh?
GA: Yeah
TT: Sorry to hear you were subjected to that.
GA: Why
TT: It was a little melodramatic in retrospect. Heavy-handed.
TT: But now it's stuck on that server forever, broadcasting the notes of very confused girl sifting through the aftermath of just another pedestrian apocalypse somewhere in paradox space.
TT: Have you ever written a message you regretted instantly upon sending?
GA: Lately
GA: Almost Perpetually
TT: That line included?
GA: Wow Yeah Kind Of
GA: Also
GA: That One
TT: I'm sure you must regard the walkthrough as pretty quaint.
TT: As a veteran of the game.
GA: Actually
GA: At The Time Of Reading It Lent Some Useful Insight
GA: Into The Nature Of The Game I Hadnt Yet Considered
GA: And
GA: The Author I Guess
TT: At the time?
TT: When exactly did you read it?
GA: Uh
GA: By The Way
GA: What Are You Doing Here
GA: Is This Part Of Your Ongoing Investigation


10/04/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TT: Yes.
GA: Are These Tactics Really Necessary
TT: It's faster this way.
TT: If there's one thing you and your friends regularly remind us, it's that time is not on our side.
GA: I Know
GA: But I Thought Our Methods Earlier Were Effective
GA: In Illuminating The Underpinnings Of The Game
GA: You Ask Some Questions
GA: And I Answer
GA: If I Can
TT: Yes, that has been effective.
TT: But you don't know everything, do you?
GA: No
TT: My current strategy is comprehensive.
TT: Your notes have been helpful, but the facts you've supplied are being cross-referenced with understandings I already have, and data gathered by the sort of means presently on display.
TT: I still have more questions for you, which I will ask in time.
GA: Okay
GA: But These Means Presently On Display
GA: Are Making Me A Little Nervous
GA: I Think Its Kind Of A Reckless Use Of
TT: Of what?
GA: These Forces
TT: Dark magic, you mean?
GA: Yes
GA: Well
GA: Influence By The Gods From The Furthest Ring
GA: The Communion You Seem To Have Developed With Them I Find Kind Of Troubling
TT: I don't think they are as nefarious as you might imagine.
TT: Many of them seem to be intent on helping us.
GA: How Exactly Do You Know That
TT: From their whispers in my dreams.
GA: How Much Time Have You Really Spent Sleeping
GA: Since You Began Playing
TT: Not much.
TT: But quite a lot in a failed timeline.
TT: And now and then, memories surface from that alternate reality.
TT: Vague memories, but unmistakable in familiarity, like spontaneously remembering a dream from years ago by some inexplicable catalyst.
TT: In that reality, they spoke to me in my sleep and told me much of what I needed to know.
TT: Including what to do to reset our timeline and create the present reality.
GA: That Makes Me No Less Nervous
GA: Our Understanding Is That Influence From Doomed Timelines
GA: Though Seemingly Necessary To Advance In The Alpha Reality
GA: Is Generally Inauspicious
GA: Travelers From Such Branches Are Marked For Death
GA: And Though It Was Only An Insubstantial Part Of You Which Traveled
GA: Just Memories I Suppose
GA: Its Still Troubling
TT: I have assurances I'm on the right track.
TT: Surely you must have spoken to the gods by now.
TT: What did they tell you to make you so suspicious?
GA: Actually
GA: I Havent
GA: I Have Never Visited Derse Or Traveled Beyond The Veil
GA: Prospits Moon Was My Home
GA: For Most Of My Dreaming Life
TT: It was?
GA: Yes
TT: This surprises me.
GA: Why
TT: ...
TT: Good question.
GA: Skaia Was Always The Foil For My Curiosity
GA: But It Only Showed Me What I Needed To See
GA: It Very Much Had The Presence Of Something Sentient
GA: And
GA: Benevolent
GA: But Silent
GA: Not Something To Converse With Or Be Instructed By
GA: Or Anything With An Agenda Beyond Which It Knows To Be Manifest Already
GA: Like A Very Clear Mirror
GA: That Has Everything There Is To See Inside It
GA: But Only Some Things Are Visible At Any Given Moment
GA: I Always Trusted It
GA: And I Dont Trust Gods That Would Eschew Its Light
TT: You didn't actually answer my question.
TT: When was it exactly that you read my walkthrough?


10/04/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
GA: Oh
GA: A While Ago
TT: Before you first contacted me?
GA: I Have To Confess That
GA: Ive Been Experiencing Something Like
GA: Impression Whiplash
GA: Since That Time
TT: What do you mean?
GA: At First I Thought You Were Foolish And Incompetent
TT: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression.
TT: It was an honest mistake, I swear.
GA: You See Thats What Im Talking About
GA: That Was A Very Snarky Remark That Happened Just Now
GA: Stratified By Your Signature Varieties Of Insincerity Which Cut Through The Literal Meaning Of The Statement Like Colorful Ribbons
GA: And The Net Intent Is Something Maddening To Try To Know
GA: Its Meaning I Think Exists At The Inscrutable Nexus Of Semantic Space Where Humor Chafes Against Soft Malice
GA: A Place Perhaps The Human Mind Occupies More Comfortably I Dont Know
GA: Xenopsychology Isnt My Strong Suit
GA: Or Even A Real Word
TT: ...
GA: Uh Yeah I Know Im Babbling Again
GA: The Point Is Its Not The Type Of Behavior A Very Stupid Person Can Perpetrate
GA: And So My Impression Has Thrashed Around From Conversation To Conversation
GA: And Now
GA: Rather Than Suspecting You Of Incompetence
GA: I Have Begun To Fear Just The Opposite
GA: I Think You Might Be Dangerous
TT: To whom?
GA: Maybe Not Knowing That Is What Really Bothers Me
GA: Why Dont You Put The Turtle Ruins Down
GA: And Return To Your House
GA: I Have Sketched Some New Outfits For You That I Think Are Nice
GA: We Could Try To Make Them
GA: It Will Be Fun
TT: You seem to have taken quite an interest in my wardrobe decisions.
TT: Are all trolls so fashion-minded?
GA: Urrgh No
GA: Sadly
TT: Maybe later.
GA: What If There Isnt A Later
TT: Well, we already know there won't be.
TT: That's nothing new.
GA: I Mean
GA: There Not Being A Later Might Happen Sooner Than You Think
TT: Wow, what?
GA: I Mean
GA: For You Specifically
GA: Okay
GA: This Was Something Else I Wanted To Say
GA: Or Ask About
GA: But Im Afraid My Asking Might Play A Role In The Outcome
GA: And I Dont Know If I Want That


10/04/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TT: The outcome will happen one way or another.
TT: Whether you have something to do with it or not.
TT: You might as well ask me.
TT: At least when it happens, you'll understand what it is that's happening.
TT: And just maybe, if we're really lucky, so will I.
GA: Um
TT: I have a question for you too.
TT: Let's swap ignorance, ok?
GA: Alright
GA: I Cant See You In The Future
GA: The Viewport Wont Let Me After A Certain Point
GA: Its Black
GA: But Only For You
GA: Not The Others
TT: When?
GA: Several Hours From Now
GA: Do You Know Why This Could Be
TT: I have no idea.
TT: I can't see the future.
TT: I'm a disreputable Derse Dreamer, remember?
TT: But I promise that if I have a hand in it, it won't be because you told me.
TT: Does that make you feel better?
GA: Sort Of
GA: But It Remains Ominous
TT: Is that why you want to dissuade me from my admittedly zealous investigation to go play dress-up again?
TT: Because our time here is almost up?
TT: And you hope what's on the other side of the dark curtain for me is not some sort of corruption or damnation?
GA: Also Sort Of
TT: That's thoughtful of you.
TT: To strive to pacify me as I scuffle down this black corridor.
GA: Wait
GA: Is That What Im Doing
TT: Is it?
GA: On Second Thought
GA: Thats Not What I Want To Do
TT: Oh.
TT: That's a pity.
TT: Who will make sure my soul isn't forfeit in service of gods then?
GA: Well
GA: I Hope That Doesnt Happen
GA: But Id Rather Not Get Stuck In That Kind Of Pattern Again
GA: So If You Want To Wreck Turtle Villages And Tear Your Planet Apart On The Counsel Of Dark Gods
GA: Fine With Me I Guess
TT: What do you mean, "again?"
GA: Ur
GA: Ill Do The Thing You Do When You Dont Say Anything
GA: "..."
TT: One simple word can so easily begin a story in a very thick book.
TT: But I guess we won't open this one?
GA: What Was Your Question
GA: I Believe Youre Owed Some Compensatory Ignorance
TT: Yes.
TT: I was wondering.


10/04/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TT: What do you know about the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/greensun.gif" border="0" />?
GA: Ive Never Heard Of It
TT: Thank you.
TT: The transaction was very tidy.
GA: Agreed


10/04/10
"John: Empty sylladex."



|PESTERLOG|
AG: This is the most ridiculous pile of useless crap I have ever seen.
AG: Why did you pick up all this junk???????? Rocks, mushrooms, shoes........
AG: Jegus, John.
EB: jegus?
AG: Yes. Jegus!
EB: how do you know about jegus? do you even know what that is?
AG: I have no idea! It's something Terezi has 8een saying non stop for some reason.
AG: It is weirdly infectious.
AG: What is it, some sort of human profanity?
EB: no. well, yeah kind of.
EB: it is a misspelling of an adult male bearded human, who was magic.
AG: 8ooooooooring.
EB: shrug!
AG: John! Is that a frog I see there?
EB: uh, yes. it is.
AG: How do you have a frog already????????
EB: i dunno. i found it, and i decided to captchalogue it for some reason.
EB: frogs are pretty cool.
AG: It seems awfully early in your game for you to 8e finding frogs. Your session sure is weird!
EB: huh. ok...
EB: apparently it is considered illegal contraband.
EB: why would a frog be illegal?
AG: John, shut your trap! We are in a hurry here.
EB: bossy!!!!!!!!
AG: Ok, I think I can make you a completely faaaaaaaa8ulous outfit using this trash, and may8e some other stuff around your hive.
AG: 8ut you have to do exactly what I say!
EB: bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy.
EB: to the eighth power.
EB: times eight infinities!!!
AG: H8RRY 8P!!!!!!!!!
EB: that was nine !'s.
AG: Oops.


10/04/10
"==>"






10/05/10
"John: Hurry up!"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: so, uh...
EB: red sneakers, some jeans, a tee shirt, and another shirt...
EB: this is the fabulous outfit you had in mind?
AG: Yes! Isn't it awesome?
EB: it's pretty cool and all...
EB: i was just picturing something...
EB: more elaborate? like maybe more adventurey.
AG: Fuck that.
AG: This is a really hot look for you, John. It makes you look a million times more cool, instead of some kind of overa8sconding daggerlance fl8ling pansy.
EB: what?
AG: Now move your ass!
AG: Go go go go go go go go!!!!!!!!
EB: ok, jeeeeeeeez.


10/05/10
"John: Blast off."



|PESTERLOG|
EB: pchoo.
AG: D::::
EB: ha ha, just messin' with ya.
EB: pchoooooooo!
AG: Yessssssss.


10/05/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: ok...
EB: marquise bossyfangs mcsekret, this has been a lot of fun...
EB: but i have to go talk to my pals now, and also rescue jade!
AG: Yes, I know that, dummy! I am in complete command of your timeline, remem8er?
E8: oh yeah. sure, if you say so.
AG: We will not speak again for a while. 8ut for me it will only 8e a moment.
AG: I do not envy the Serketless coldspell you are a8out to endure, John.
EB: that's too bad.
EB: how long will it be?
AG: Man, calm down! It will only 8e a couple of hours or so.
AG: Sweet Jegus, I have clearly done a num8er on you to engender such a frothing o8session so quickly.
AG: Not surprising. It's just the 8urden that comes with 8eing so damned awesome. 8ut you will figure that out soon enough John, 8ecause I have you well on your way.
EB: ha ha, i guess...
AG: Phase two of my program for you 8egins in a little while.
AG: In the meantime, try not to get corrupted 8y anyone too lame. Especially no8ody with 8rown text or gray text, or any shit ugly color at all for that matter.
EB: ok, i will try.
EB: thanks for all the help. bye, ms. serket!
AG: 8ye, John........
AG: W8.
AG: John what?
EB: Anderson.
AG: Ok. Til next time, Mr. Anderson.
EB: (hehehehehehehehe)

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --


10/05/10
"John: Pester someone's server player's server player."



|PESTERLOG|
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

EB: hey dave!
TG: hey
EB: wow, it's been a while since we talked, hasn't it.
TG: has it
EB: i think the last time i talked to you, i was doing exactly what im doing now...
EB: which is blasting off from my house.
EB: or was it?
EB: wow, i can't remember...
TG: man who cares
TG: i mean thats great and all
TG: but i talked to you plenty more times since that from where im standing
TG: ive got to make this quick
EB: oh.
EB: you mean like the trolls?
EB: are you using the troll time chat gizmo?
TG: fuck no fuck that trollian horseshit
TG: its just regular old time travel
TG: im from the future
EB: oh ok. is this dave sprite?
TG: no
TG: just regular ordinary dave from the fucking future nothing special dude come on
EB: well, excuse me, but i still think time travel sounds kind of special.
EB: sorry you are so jaded by awesome shit!
TG: yeah ok it is awesome but im in a hurry
EB: what is it?
TG: i need to borrow some boondollars off you
EB: boondollars? i thought they didn't do anything.
TG: no they do do something
EB: what do they do?
TG: what do you think they buy shit its fucking money
EB: what do they buy?
TG: i cant answer all these questions dude youll find out anyway its not like youll even really need your money
TG: you you might as well give it to me
EB: uh...
EB: how much do you need?
TG: all of it
EB: oh, fuck that!!!
TG: man you just said you thought it was useless why do you care
EB: but you just said it wasn't useless!
TG: ill pay you back
EB: really? when?
TG: in the future
TG: if theres one thing im not short on its the fuckin future
EB: how far in the future are you from?
EB: i thought we only had something like 24 hours until, like...
EB: game over.
TG: yeah we do
TG: but chronologically ive been around for at least triple that
EB: wow. how...
EB: i don't get how that works!
TG: no shit your deal is wind not time
TG: youre on easy street what is there even to think about with wind
TG: like what angle to blow it at to fly a damn kite or how gentle its gotta be to make a picnic go swimmingly
TG: its kiddie bullshit time is serious fucking business
TG: leave it to the pros ok
EB: but, doesn't going back in time make an alternate reality?
EB: i thought that's what happened with dave sprite, he came back to make sure i didn't die and this is a new timeline now.
TG: yeah it can work that way
TG: or not
TG: ive been very careful
TG: this whole operation is strung together with stable time loops
TG: no timeline offshoots cause thats when daves start dying and that isnt no good for nobody
EB: daves, plural?
TG: yeah
TG: there are a bunch of daves running around the timeline
EB: oh, man.
TG: but they are all me
TG: i mean they will all become me and ill become them one way or another
TG: thats how stable time loops work shit takes a lot of planning and precise choreography
TG: ive got some help though
EB: help?
EB: sounds like you have been talkin' to some trolls!
TG: yeah
EB: they seem to be getting more talkative lately.
TG: man dont even get me started with that
TG: the 24 hour span of the reckoning is like some kind of critical spike in us dealing with troll bullshit
TG: i guess its just when the most shit is going down so they figure thats the best time to mess with us
EB: yeah, that makes sense.
EB: i guess since you've lived three days in one day, you've just been hassled that much more?
TG: i dont know man they seem to flock to me
TG: ive been laying waste to chumps nonstop
TG: its like they heard somebody over here was handing out asses and theyve known nothing but years of bitter ass famine
EB: heheh.
EB: so what is the future like?
EB: or uh, the 3x future...
EB: do we win???
TG: oh you know
TG: noirs outta control
TG: rose is crazy jades crazier and youre
TG: well youre you
TG: and together were up to our bulges and miscellaneous bullshit alien physiology in hot sloppy shenanigans while hatching plans under our feathery asses like a bunch of cage free farm fresh motherfuckers
TG: but im not about to get into specifics cause this is complicated enough as it is
TG: and if i started ranting too much about the future id start sounding like one of these smug alternian shitheads and im not about to drop that retarded science on my good bro
TG: so im staying on track here
TG: speaking of which
TG: give me your money
EB: but...
EB: i worked hard saving up that money!
EB: i have a whole boonbuck now.
TG: oh christ
TG: only one
TG: well fuck nevermind then
TG: i thought youd have more by now but thats goddamn peanuts
EB: :(
TG: i mean
TG: ill take it anyway but damn
EB: tell me what you want with it!
TG: im working the system here
TG: using time loops to manipulate the incipispheres financial sector
TG: making a goddamn killing in the lohacse
EB: lohacse?
TG: lohac stock exchange
EB: um...
EB: lohac?
TG: my planet
TG: land of heat and clockwork dude come on
TG: you know like gears and lava and shit
EB: oh, huh.
EB: that sounds unpleasant.
TG: wrong it kicks ass
EB: your unpleasant face is what kicks ass!
EB: or DOESN'T, more like.
TG: egbert stfu and give me your goddamn boonbuck j3gus fuck
TG: ill turn it into a boonmint in an hour and youll get it back ok
EB: j3gus?
EB: *narrows eyes suspiciously...*
TG: no comment
EB: i don't even know how to give it to you!
EB: they are just more weird gaming abstractions, how do we do this?
TG: you can wire it to my account
TG: ill send you the app
EB: i'm really pretty busy you know. i have to help jade!
TG: i know
TG: but this takes like two seconds
EB: bluh...
EB: fiiiiiiiine.
TG: dude
TG: dont do the vriska thing ok
TG: shes messed up we talked about this
TG: or will talk
EB: who?
TG: whatever
TG: alright app incoming
-- turntechGodhead [TG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] the file "virtualporkhollow.exe" --
TG: gotta go later

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --


10/06/10
"Dave: Make a goddamn killing in the LOHACSE."






10/06/10
"==>"






10/06/10
"==>"



It is the perfect crime.


10/06/10
"Dave: Receive transfer from John."



Looks like Egbert came through. He wires you his measly BOONBUCK. It's not much, but it is immediately funneled into the pipelines of your various investment scams, and quickly begins paying dividends.

The figures are tight. You have this shit on fiduciary lockdown. The economy belongs to you.


10/07/10
"Dave: Answer."



|PESTERLOG|
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: H3Y D4V3
GC: B1G N3WS
TG: hey
TG: have i made enough money yet
GC: OF COURS3 YOU H4V3
GC: MOR3 TH4N W3 COULD 3V3R POSS1BLY F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TO DO W1TH
GC: BUT TH4T 1S NOT TH3 B1G N3WS! >:]
TG: ok
GC: 1 M4D3 YOU 4NOTH3R COM1C
TG: fuck
TG: bout time
TG: what took so long
GC: 1 R3S3NT TH3 1MPL1C4T1ON D4V3
GC: TH4T 1 4M NOT WORK1NG T1R3L3SSLY ON YOUR B3H4LF 4S W3LL 4S ON B3H4LF OF TH3 F1N3 4RTS
GC: JUST B3C4US3 YOU GO FOR HOURS W1THOUT H34R1NG FROM M3
GC: DO3SNT M34N 1 4M NOT SL4V1NG 4W4Y H3R3 4T M4K1NG YOU R1CH
GC: F1N4NC14LLY 4ND 4RT1ST1C4LLY
GC: 1TS JUST 1 DONT H4V3 TH3 LUXURY OF YOUR 3XP4ND3D T1M3FR4M3
GC: M1ST3R THR33 D4YS 1N ON3 >:[
TG: k cool lets see it
GC: 1S TH3R3 4NYTH1NG TH4T 4 HUM4N COOLK1D C4NNOT DO???
GC: http://tinyurl.com/T34CHM3D4V3
GC: 1 DOUBT 1T! >8D
TG: damn
TG: thats incredible
GC: TH3 PH3NOM3NON OF TH3 COOLK1D 1S 4 F4SC1N4T1NG ON3 D4V3
GC: 1 H4V3 STUD13D 1T
GC: D1D YOU KNOW TH4T W3 DO NOT H4V3 COOLK1DS ON 4LT3RN14?
TG: oh shit really
TG: that loud sound of shock you just smelled was my jaw hitting the floor
GC: 1TS TRU3
GC: SOM3 TRY TO B3 1 TH1NK, W1THOUT 3V3N B31NG 4W4R3 OF TH3 T3MPL4T3 TH3Y 4R3 STR1V1NG FOR
GC: 1T 1S 4 S4D SP3CT4CL3
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 PROB4BLY TH3 COOL3ST COOLK1D D4V3
GC: 4LL TH3S3 OTH3R HORNS3S 4SS3S SURF1NG ON K3YBO4RDS 4ND PUTT1NG H4TS ON TURNW4YS 4R3 4 BUNCH OF STUT1D NUMPNUTS
GC: TH3Y H4V3 NOTH1NG ON TH3 ON3 TRU3 STR1D3R
TG: yeah i mean
TG: i cant possibly argue with any of that
TG: so are we done making money yet or what
GC: OH 1 DONT KNOW
GC: T3CHN1C4LLY W3 W3R3 4 LONG T1M3 4GO
TG: yeah i kinda figured
GC: BUT 1TS 4 FUN W4Y TO STR3TCH OUT TH3 T1M3 YOUV3 GOT L3FT, 1SNT 1T?
GC: >:]
TG: im not complaining
TG: but you said there was something specific we were working toward here
TG: i mean aside from buying up all the nastiest fraymotifs
GC: Y3S BOTH 4R3 TRU3
GC: 4ND TH3R3 4R3 SOM3 YOU H4V3NT BOUGHT Y3T!
GC: TH4T 1S 1MPORT4NT, W3 N33D TO K33P YOU COMP3T1T1V3 W1TH JOHN
TG: competitive
TG: man
TG: dont matter what i do im not gonna outpace egbert
GC: DONT S4Y TH4T! YOUV3 GOT TO B3L13V3 1N YOURS3LF D4V3
TG: hey its not like the futures a mystery or anything weve both seen it
TG: well
TG: ive seen it
TG: youve just caught a whiff of it
TG: like a hungry beggar loitering cross the street of an olive garden
TG: just cause a filthy vagrants barred from entry dont mean a dude doesnt know italian foods nearby its a fucking fact to his nose
GC: DO NOT D1STR4CT FROM TH3 1SSU3 W1TH YOUR S4SSY R3M4RKS 4BOUT 34RTH 1T4L14N FOOD
GC: Y34H OK, JOHN M4Y S3RV3 YOU YOUR OWN BULG3 ON 4 S1LV3R TURN T4BL3 PR3 SCR4TCH
GC: BUT WH4T 4BOUT 4FT3R TH4T?
GC: W3 N33D YOU TO K33P P4C3
GC: 1T 1S TH3 CL4SS1C STRUGGL3, TH3 HUM4N 34RTH COOLK1D V3RSUS TH3 34RTH HUM4N N3RD
GC: WHO W1LL W1N??????? >:O
GC: (D4V3 D4V3 D4V3)
TG: yeah fine
TG: so whats the other thing we were accomplishing here
TG: does that get to be not an obnoxious secret yet
GC: Y3S, NOW 1S TH3 T1M3
GC: YOU MUST W1R3 YOUR BOONDOLL4RS TO MY 4CCOUNT
TG: ok so this was your game
TG: to get rich off me
GC: Y3SSSSSSSSSSSS >8]
GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY 1TS 1MPORT4NT!
GC: 1T 1S CR1T1C4L TO 4LL OUR PL4NS
TG: alright well its not like i even have a problem parting with this useless bullshit money
TG: how much do you need
GC: 413 BOONBONDS
TG: thats all
TG: i can afford to give you a fuckload more than that
TG: how bout i give you an even boonbank
GC: NO!!!
GC: 1T MUST B3 3X4CTLY TH4T 4MOUNT
TG: ok just to be clear
TG: thats 413
TG: not "aie"
GC: Y34H
GC: J3RK >:P
TG: whats up with that number
TG: ive seen it around
GC: TH3Y 4R3 TH3 NUM3R4LS OF TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS
TG: whats that mean
GC: 1 DONT KNOW >:?
TG: ok awesome
GC: 4LSO
GC: 4T TH3 3X4CT 3ND OF TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON
GC: YOU MUST W1R3 TH3 MON3Y TO MY 4CCOUNT 3X4CTLY 6 HOURS 4ND 12 M1NUT3S 1NTO TH3 P4ST
GC: MY P4ST! R3L4T1V3 TO MY PR3S3NT MOM3NT 4S OF TYP1NG TH1S
TG: you mean i can do that
TG: then
TG: why werent we just wiring money into the past for these investment escapades instead of doing all this time traveling
GC: B3C4US3!
GC: TH4T W4SNT TH3 PL4N
GC: W3 H4D TO PL4Y 4LONG W1TH TH3 ST4BL3 T1M3 LOOPS W3 W3R3 PR3S3NT3D W1TH
GC: YOU KNOW, M4K3 SUR3 4LL THOS3 D4V3S RUNN1NG 4ROUND 3X1ST3D 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3
TG: oh yeah
TG: i knew that its just frustrating sometimes its like paradox space makes you do everything the hard way
GC: Y34H T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T
GC: BUT H3Y 1TS B33N FUN PL4Y1NG 4LONG, H4SNT 1T?
TG: sure
GC: W3V3 GOT TO K33P B31NG D3L1C4T3 W1TH T1M3
GC: 1F YOU ST4RT B3ND1NG TH3 RUL3S 4ND T4K1NG SHORTCUTS
GC: TH4TS WH3N D34D D4V3S ST4RT P1L1NG UP
GC: D34D D4V3S 4R3 TH3 3N3MY!
GC: 4S D3L1GHTFUL 4S 1T 1S TO SM3LL TH31R SW33T C4NDY BLOOD 3V3RYWH3R3
TG: yeah
TG: reminds me
TG: i made you a comic a while ago
GC: YOU D1D???
TG: yeah here
GC: >:o
GC: D4V3...
GC: TH1S COM1C 1S BORD3RL1N3 PORNOGR4PH1C
GC: YOU 4R3 4 R34LLY FUCK3D UP K1D
TG: yeah ok whatever you say
TG: fuckin aliens
GC: (1T 1S F4NT4ST1C, 1 LOV3 1T)
TG: ok cool
TG: hey boonbonds incoming now
TG: brace yourself six hours ago


10/12/10
"Dave: Be the troll girl."



You are suddenly the troll girl.

In a different game session.

In the past.


10/12/10
"Terezi: Sniff Skaiaward."



You have recently retreated to the Veil to hide from a mysterious demon which appears to be bent on your destruction. Suddenly nobody understands anything.

There is not much to do but wander around the laboratory while the others squabble amongst each other and search for answers. You point your nose Skaiaward. It is a refreshing blue minty dot against the Medium's dark canvas. It is very far away from this meteor though. It is hard to pick up its scent clearly.


10/12/10
"Terezi: Deploy smelloscope."



You make use of your trusty SMELLOSCOPE, an item you crafted during your adventure. It came in handy so many times.


10/12/10
"Terezi: Take a whiff."



Your keen nose penetrates deep into the Insniffisphere I mean Incipisphere and zeroes in on the familiar honey-sweet smell of Prospit.

Thank goodness it is still safe. It would be terrible if the demon were to...


10/12/10
"==>"



OH NO!


10/12/10
"==>"



You take the brunt of the stellar smellsplosion like a sour apple punch to the snout!


10/12/10
"Terezi: Return to party."



You suppose you'd better report this to your teammates. Perhaps a memo is in order. But today, there will be little reason for rumpus in your partytown. Today is a very sad day. You are all in bigger trouble than you suspected.


10/12/10
"==>"



Unsurprisingly, you return to a room full of commotion.

What is this guy staring at? Always with the staring. He is so weird.


10/12/10
"==>"



And what is she doing with that chainsaw over there?? The rich scent of chocolatey blood fills the room.

Good grief. You can't turn your back on these lunatics for a second!


10/12/10
"==>"



And here is your bold leader, passed out on the floor. He is sleeping like a wiggler.

You wonder what he could be dreaming about? Prospit is gone now, and he never even had the chance to wake up. Poor guy.


10/13/10
"Terezi: Report news to partytown subscribers."



It is important to keep your loyal subscribers of the past and future informed. It is your duty as a dedicated bulletin administrator.

Still, it's hard to find the words to break this to them. The partytown has been host to nothing but bad news lately.


10/13/10
"Terezi: Open memo."



|PESTERLOG|
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.

CGC: B4D N3WS 3V3RYON3!
CGC: UM
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [CGC] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGC: T3R3Z1 SOM3TH1NG H4S COM3 UP
CGC: OH?
FGC: Y3S YOU W1LL N33D TO CUT TH1S M3MO SHORT
FGC: 3V3RYON3, TH3 BOTTOM L1N3 1S TH4T PROSP1T W4S JUST D3STROY3D
FGC: 1 4M SORRY TO S4Y
FGC: >:[
CGC: >:[
FUTURE adiosToreador [FAT] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAT: iS,
FAT: tHAT WHAT HAPPENED,
FGC: Y3S T4VROS
FAT: }:(
FGC: WOW 1T TOOK YOU THR33 HOURS TO F1GUR3 TH4T OUT?
FGC: WH4T TH3 H3LL H4V3 YOU B33N DO1NG
FAT: mOSTLY,
FAT: gETTING USED TO THESE LEGS,
FAT: fALLING DOWN STAIRS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT,
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCT: D --> I'm quite sure I warned you about attempting to navigate stairs while adjusting to the new equipment
FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAG: Yes, you told him 8ro!
FAG: I distinctly remem8er you telling him a8out stairs. 8ut he didn't listen.
FAG: He never listens! None of you do, really.
FAG: And now all of your extra lives are waaaaaaaasted.
FAG: What a 8unch of losers! I'm outta here.
FAG banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC: W3LL
CGC: NOT 4LL OF TH3M
CGC: TH3 D3RS3 DR34M3RS 4R3 F1N3 4S F4R 4S 1 KNOW
FUTURE arsenicCatnip [FAC] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAC: :33 < ummm no not quite :((
FAC: :33 < she is refurring to the fact that derse was just destroyed too
FAC: :33 < i saw him during my catnap, he blew it right on up!
CGC: >8C
FAC: :33 < :'CC
FAC: :33 < feferi was sl33ping too, and now she will not wake up!
FAC: :33 < i am very purrturbed by this
FGC: 3V3RYON3, PL34S3!
FGC: P4ST T3R3Z1 H4S SOM3TH1NG 1MPORT4NT TO 4TT3ND TO 1N 4 MOM3NT
FGC: SO 1 4M 4FR41D 1 MUST CLOS3 TH1S M3MO!
FGC: PL34S3 SC4N TH3 BULL3T1N FOR FUTUR3 M3MOS TO CONT1NU3 D1SCUSS1NG TH1S 4ND OTH3R 1NTR1GU1NG TOP1CS
FGC: 4S 4LW4YS, 1T H4S B33N 4 PL34SUR3 S3RV1NG YOUR TR4NST1M3L1N3 D1SCUSS1ON N33DS H3R3 4T TH3 R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN
FAG unbanned herself from responding to memo.
FAG: You doofus!!!!!!!!
FGC: SHUT TH3 FUCK UP!
FGC banned FAG from responding to memo.

FGC closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


10/13/10
"Terezi: Wait for this important thing to happen."



On the instruction of yourself from three minutes in the future, you wait for something to happen.

You wonder what could possibly happen that will cause you to become your future self in three minutes and interrupt your past self's memo and tell her to wait for three minutes doing nothing but wondering what could possibly happen that will cause her to become her future self in...

Hey. Someone just wired you some money. That's odd.


10/13/10
"Terezi: Accept transfer."



Huh. 413 boonbucks. The numerals of the blind prophets. A sign, perhaps? A secret message? But from who? This makes no sense.

Wait... those are not boonbucks. Some of the digits are obscured. You need to take a closer look. Which is to say, a closer lick.


10/13/10
"Terezi: Lick screen."



413 boonbonds???


10/13/10
"==>"



This is an absolutely preposterous amount of money.


10/13/10
"Terezi: Confer with network administrator."



|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: SOLLUX 1 N33D YOU TO TR4C3 4 MON3Y TR4NSF3R
TA: 2omeone 2ent you money?
GC: Y3S
TA: why'2 2omeone 2endiing you money.
TA: and why now of all tiime2, liike we can even u2e iit.
TA: who'2 thii2 doucebag?
GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 W4NT YOU TO F1GUR3 OUT!
TA: ok.
TA: bam, done.
TA: ii am fuckiing iincrediible.
GC: WHO 1S 1T?
TA: 2omeone iin our uniiver2e.
GC: C4N YOU B3 MOR3 SP3C1F1C?
GC: UN1V3RS3S 4R3 K1ND OF HUG3.
GC: SOM3ON3 FROM 4LT3RN14?
TA: no no, ii mean 2omeone from OUR uniiver2e, the one we ju2t made.
GC: WOW, 4LR34DY?
GC: TH4T W4S F4ST
GC: W3 JUST M4D3 1T!
TA: yeah 2ure but we are completely out2iide iit2 temporal envelope remember.
TA: the entiire hii2tory of the thiing exii2t2 already iin iit2 entiirety from our per2pectiive, iit2 flow of tiime mean2 nothiing two u2.
TA: 2o we don't have two waiit for anythiing, iit'2 all already there.
GC: Y34H TH4TS TRU3
GC: ST1LL S33MS W31RD THOUGH >:?
TA: 413 boonbond2? damn.
TA: 2omeone here ha2 been playiing 2grub ii gue22. wonder why they'd 2end u2 money.
TA: maybe they know we made them? maybe iit'2 liike a tiip. liike thank2 dude2 for makiing u2 exii2t.
GC: >:???
TA: why 413, why that number.
TA: any iidea?
GC: NUM3R4LS OF TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS
GC: OTH3R TH4N TH4T, DONT KNOW
TA: well, 2eeiing a2 we don't know 2hiit about the guy...
TA: bliind 2eem2 liike the operatiive concept.
TA: kiinda liike a bliind donatiion.
TA: and now we're fuckiing riich.
TA: 2o ii gue22 you could 2ay...
TA: they're the numeral2 of the bliind profiit2.
TA: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />
GC: HURRR >8P
GC: SO TH3N 1 GU3SS 1TS FROM 4N 4L13N
TA: yeah.
GC: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD T3LL K4RK4T
GC: WH3N3V3R H3 W4K3S UP
TA: ehhhhh, thii2 2hiit'2 probably not iimportant enough two bother hiim wiith.
TA: iif he fiind2 out, he'll probably want two hatch 2ome dumba22 plan that make2 no 2en2e.
TA: and badger me iintwo doiing a lot of miindnumbiing bu2ywork.
TA: ii'd leave hiim alone.
GC: WH4T DO3S H3 LOOK L1K3
GC: OUR BL1ND DONOR
TA: here come here ii'll open hiim up iin a viiewport.
GC: OK
TA: let'2 2hed 2ome...
TA: LIIGHT on the 2ubject.
TA: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />
GC: H4H4H4 TH4T W4SNT 3V3N 4NY SORT OF PUN YOU DOOFUS
TA: that wa2 the joke 2hut the fuck up.


10/13/10
"==>"






10/13/10
"==>"






10/13/10
"==>"



Who'th thith douthchebag?


10/14/10
"Terezi: Examine douthchebag."



The youngster receives striking new eyewear. Quite a handsome set. Perhaps it is customary for this species after emerging from the trials in the brooding caverns?

Or just MAYBE, this is some sort of coolkid you are dealing with here.


10/14/10
"==>"



It seems the child's lusus was slain in the collision. He will grow up an orphan, just like you.

This adult alien male appears to be taking on the role of his custodian, instead of killing the boy outright. What a fascinating culture.

The fellow retrieves the lusus carcass. This appears to be a gentleman who knows better than to let good pony meat go to waste.


10/14/10
"Terezi: Observe coolkid."



You learn much of this young creature's civilization and its customs.

The adult's puppet assistant commences the standard feeding ritual.


10/14/10
"==>"



The little coolkid is making a mess of his lovely new horseleather bib. It is about as adorable as it gets.


10/14/10
"==>"



This race appears to be quite martially adept, even from early childhood. They must have proven to be very powerful Sgrub players. No wonder they managed to make so much money.

You suddenly understand everything.


10/14/10
"==>"






10/14/10
"==>"






10/14/10
"Sollux: Enter name."



You cannot name him yet, no matter how inthufferable you find this coolkid to be! You will need to wait until his wriggling day, when he turns six solar sweeps.


10/14/10
"==>"



Mr. Appleberry Blast needs to step off. This kid is yours to mess with. You smelled him first!


10/15/10
"Terezi: Troll this awesome coolkid."



|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: H3Y 34RTH BOY
GC: W41T...
GC: 1 JUST 4SSUM3D YOU W3R3 4 BOY
GC: M4YB3 YOUR3 4 G1RL?
GC: 1 DONT KNOW MUCH 4BOUT YOUR W31RD HORNL3SS SP3C13S, 1 GU3SS YOU COULD B3 >:\
TG: yes im a girl
GC: OH R34LLY?
GC: 34RTHL1NGS 4R3 R34LLY B1Z4RR3
GC: NO OFF3NS3
GC: WH4T 1S YOUR SP3C13S C4LL3D
TG: north american hollering phallus baboon
GC: >:?
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU M1GHT B3 PULL1NG MY FROND, F3M4L3 34RTHL1NG
TG: no its true we are highly endangered
TG: when our territory is threatened thats when the indiscriminate fucking begins
TG: could fuck a circus tent down a gas tank
TG: bunch it up in there good
TG: slam the lid and drive away
TG: beep beep albino hairless dickmonkey coming through
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 WH4T TH4T M34NS
GC: BUT 1 SUSP3CT 1T W4S SOM3TH1NG H1GHLY L4SC1V1OUS >:|
TG: the glittering civilization before you was built on angry apefuck power alone
TG: stand agog and marvel bitch
GC: H4H4H4 OK TH1S 1S NONS3NS3, YOU 4R3 4 JOK3R
GC: L1K3 M3 >:]
GC: MY N4M3 1S T3R3Z1, WH4TS YOURS
TG: shaggy 2 dope
GC: OK SH4GGY, S33
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL D3C31T
GC: L13S H4V3 4 SUBTL3 ODOR, 34SY TO M1SS 4T F1RST
GC: BUT TH3 MOR3 TH3Y P1L3 UP TH3 MOR3 TH3Y ST1NK!
GC: TH4T 1S NOT YOUR R34L N4M3
TG: ok sorry
TG: its ben stiller
GC: 4LSO 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34LLY 4 G1RL
TG: nope
TG: sorry to disappoint you dude
GC: 1 4M 4 G1RL NOT 4 BOY!
TG: dont care
GC: >:[
GC: TH1S F1RST 3NCOUNT3R 1S NOT GO1NG 4S W3LL 4S 1 HOP3D
TG: oh man another failed trolling attempt
TG: i had such high hopes trapezi it started out brilliantly
GC: T3R3Z1!!!!!!!!
GC: 4ND 1 4M NOT TROLL1NG YOU, 1 4M JUST TRY1NG TO G3T TO KNOW 4 L1TTL3 4BOUT YOU 4ND YOUR SP3C13S
GC: 1 JUST D1SCOV3R3D 1T 4ND 1 4M CUR1OUS
TG: excuse me but it says right in the header of this conversation that youre trolling me
TG: persterchum always knows
GC: OH...
GC: OH Y34H
GC: BUT
GC: OK TH1S M1GHT B3 H4RD FOR 4N 34RTH B4BOON TO UND3RST4ND
GC: BUT TROLL 1S 4 V3RB TH4T H4S 4 LOT OF NU4NC3
GC: TH3 WORD C4N M34N 4 LOT OF TH1NGS
GC: FOR 1NST4NC3, 1 4M 4 TROLL!
TG: no shit
GC: NO 1 M34N
GC: TH4TS WH4T MY SP3C13S 1S C4LL3D
TG: ok
TG: let me just set aside some time to be stupid enough to believe that
TG: hey looks like next month is chemical lobotomy month youre in luck
GC: OH GOD WH4T 4 SM4RT4SS!
GC: SM4RT4SS13ST 4L13N 3V3R
TG: so what do you think
TG: time to block you yet or what
GC: NO!
GC: L3TS K33P T4LK1NG
GC: UM
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG NOW
TG: drawing a comic
GC: H3Y 1 L1K3 TO DR4W TOO
GC: 1M R34LLY QU1T3 GR34T 4T 1T
TG: awesome
GC: C4N YOU SHOW M3 YOUR COM1C
TG: nah
GC: COM3 ON
GC: 1 W1LL DR4W YOU SOM3TH1NG 1N R3TURN
GC: 1T W1LL B3 4 CULTUR4L 3XCH4NG3
TG: i dunno
TG: you seem kinda young to me and this thing is like
TG: borderline pornographic
TG: how old are you
GC: 6
TG: goddamn
TG: ok now youre messing with me arent you you arent 6
GC: NO 1TS TRU3!
TG: whatever thats bullshit
TG: ok fuck it
TG: just dont tell your parents
GC: WH4T 4R3 P4R3NTS
TG: thats just about the saddest thing i ever heard get said
TG: here
TG: http://tinyurl.com/CDandSL
GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 WH4T 1S PORNOGR4PH1C 4BOUT TH4T
GC: 1TS JUST K1ND OF STR4NG3
TG: i guess
GC: 1TS PR3TTY GOOD THOUGH
TG: its ok
TG: im not thrilled with this direction though i think its too much like my bros stuff
TG: need to figure out my own ironic statement to make
TG: spread my wings you know
GC: Y3S
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU C4N DO TH4T
GC: YOU JUST H4V3 TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TH3 TRUTH 1S 1NS1D3 YOU
TG: pretty deep troll girl
GC: 1TS TRU3!
GC: TH3R3 1S 4 LOT 1N YOUR M1ND WH1CH 1S CONC34L3D FROM YOUR SURF4C3 P3RC3PT1ON
GC: YOU JUST N33D TO TRY TO B3COM3 4W4R3 OF 1T
GC: CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S
GC: 4ND T3LL M3 WH4T YOU S33 1N YOUR M1NDSP4C3
TG: ok
TG: i see
TG: that fucking puppet
GC: H4H4 Y3S YOUR 4DULT CUSTOD14NS S3RV4NT PUPP3T
TG: uh what
GC: WH4T 3LS3 DO YOU S33
TG: man i dunno
TG: wheres this drawing you promised me
GC: OH Y34H
GC: H4NG ON
GC: OK H3R3 YOU GO B3N ST1LL3R
GC: http://tinyurl.com/FORB3NST1LL3R
TG: oh my fucking hell
TG: that is horrendous
TG: in the most beautiful way
GC: TH4NK YOU B3N >:]
TG: god damn
TG: that mouth
TG: its like
TG: i dont know
TG: a fucking pork chop
TG: jegus
TG: i mean jesus
TG: so overwhelmed i cant even damn type
GC: Y3S W3LL
GC: B3N 1 4M DR4W1NG W1TH 4 MOUS3 YOU KNOW
TG: is there even any other way to draw on a computer
TG: fuckin doubt it
GC: 1M ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK YOUR N4M3 1SNT B3N
GC: 1 TH1NK TH4T W4S 4NOTH3R RUS3
GC: T3LL M3 YOUR R34L N4M3!!! >:[
TG: ok lets say its
TG: dave why not
GC: D4V3!
GC: TH4T SM3LLS L1K3 TRUTH
GC: 1 W1LL D3C1D3 TO B3L13V3 1T >:]
TG: fuck
GC: OK D4V3, 1 H4V3 4 LOT TO DO
GC: BUT 1 W1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU
TG: what the hell could you possibly have to do
TG: doesnt seem like youre into trolling us as much as your numbnut friends
GC: MY FR13NDS?
GC: 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG OTH3RS L1K3 M3 H4V3 TROLL3D YOU
TG: yeah what didnt you get the memo
GC: 1 WR1T3 TH3 M3MOS!!!
GC: 1 M1GHT NOT H4V3 WR1TT3N TH1S ON3 Y3T THOUGH...
GC: 1 SHOULD PROB4BLY RUN TH1S BY
GC: UH
GC: MY L34D3R
TG: your leader
TG: thats a retarded thing to say even by the standard of your own bullshit made up vernacular
GC: SM4RT4SS!
TG: whos he really
TG: your boyfriend or something
GC: PFFFFFFFF Y34H R1GHT
GC: W3LL OK
GC: 1 M34N
GC: 1TS B33N SORT OF COMPL1C4T3D W1TH H1M
TG: ok asking for an explanation on that is pretty much the exact opposite of what im doing
TG: and interesteds the opposite of what im being
GC: SM4RT
GC: 4SS
GC: >:P
GC: 4CTU4LLY H3S K1ND OF SM4RT4SSY L1K3 YOU NOW TH4T 1 TH1NK 4BOUT 1T
GC: BUT YOU S33M C4LM 1NST34D OF SHOUTY 4LL TH3 T1M3
GC: 4LSO
GC: YOU TYP3 1N BR1GHT BOLD R3D
GC: YOU DONT H1D3 TH3 COLOR OF YOUR BLOOD L1K3 4 STUP1D W1GGL3R >:]
TG: ok that remark was almost as boring as it was weird
GC: OH P1P3 DOWN D4V3, 1 4M TRY1NG TO P4Y YOU 4 COMPL1M3NT!
GC: 1 4M HOLD1NG OUT TH3 1NT3RSP3C13S OL1V3 BR4NCH H3R3, 4ND YOU 4R3 G1V1NG 1T 4 GOOD F1RM S4SS GR4B
TG: haha
GC: ON3 D4Y YOU W1LL RU3 4LL TH1S S4SS YOU H4V3 D1SH3D D4V3
GC: YOU M4Y NOT B3 4 G1RL, BUT YOU W1LL CRY L1K3 ON3 WH3N 1 4M THROUGH W1TH YOU
TG: i dont cry
GC: YOU W1LL
GC: TH3R3 W1LL B3 T34RS
GC: TH3Y W1LL SM3LL S4LTY, 4ND TH3N YOUR CH33KS W1LL B3 MY S4NDY B34CH >8]
TG: oh god
GC: OK, 1 W1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU 4FT3R YOU B3G1N PL4Y1NG
GC: TH4T W1LL B3 N3XT SOL4R SW33P FOR YOU
GC: TRY NOT TO B3 TOO 1MP4T13NT FOR MY R3TURN
TG: i plan on forgetting about you instantly after this conversation
GC: Y34H R1GHT
GC: YOU KNOW 1 H4V3 L3FT MY M4RK
GC: 1 4M S33R3D 1NTO YOUR R3T1N4S
GC: L1K3 4 B1G R3D SUN
TG: well maybe
TG: even if thats the case
TG: ill just forget on principle
GC: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 SOM3TH1NG TH4T 4 COOL K1D WOULD TRY TO DO
TG: yeah
TG: pretty cool guy here
TG: case you hadnt noticed
GC: 1 MOST C3RT41NLY D1DNT H4DNT NOT1C3D >:]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]


10/15/10
"Terezi: Be the awesome coolkid."



You are suddenly the awesome coolkid.

In a different game session.

In the future.


10/16/10
"Dave: Pester Terezi."



|PESTERLOG|
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

TG: what the fuck was the point of this again
GC: WHY D4V3
GC: WH4T 1S TH1S TH4T MY NOS3 D3T3CTS
GC: COULD 1T B3
GC: T34RS??? >:O
TG: this is bullshit
TG: this was a setup all along
GC: 1 TOLD YOU YOU WOULD CRY D4V3
GC: 1 TOLD YOU BRO................ >8y
TG: ok jegus
TG: dont say it
TG: if you say i warned you about tears or something one more time
TG: i swear to gog
GC: DONT!
GC: DONT S4Y YOUR3 GO1NG TO DO 4N 4CROB4T1C SOM3RS4ULT OR P1RHOU3TT3 OFF OF SOM3TH1NG, J3GUS
GC: 1 G3T 1T 4LR34DY!
TG: ok fine
TG: our memes can cancel each other out this time
GC: Y3S 4GR33D
GC: NOW DRY THOS3 SORRY 3Y3S D4V3
GC: TRY NOT TO B3 SUCH 4 FUCK1NG W1MP
GC: 1T 1S UNFL4TT3R1NG B3H4V1OR FOR 4 COOLK1D OF YOUR ST4TUR3
TG: god dammit
TG: im not actually crying
TG: its the fucking onions
TG: these piece of shit crocodiles are lambasting me with them
GC: TH4TS TH3 L4M3ST 3XCUS3 1V3 3V3R H34RD
GC: WHO 3V3R H34RD OF 4 S1LLY L1TTL3 ON1ON M4K1NG SOM3ON3 CRY, 1T 1S 4BSURD
TG: i guess the stench of onions is covering up the smell of the truth how convenient
TG: also your nose sux youre not even any good at smellin at all
GC: >8O TH4T 1S OUTR4G3OUS
GC: BUT 1 KNOW YOU 4R3 JUST TRY1NG TO G3T MY 34RTH GO4T
GC: FOR HUM4N 1RON1C PURPOS3S
TG: the only thing im getting
TG: is out of this goddamn idiot cauldron here
GC: NO D4V3 DONT! YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 TH3 MOST D3L1C1OUS SOUP
GC: 1T 1S M4K1NG M3 HUNGRY JUST TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T >:O~
TG: the only thing im going to make
TG: is like banana and split
TG: out of this bubbling pail of misery
GC: OH GOG...
GC: YOUR3 R1GHT
GC: YOU 4R3 S1TT1NG 1N 4 HUG3 P41L >:o
TG: why whats the relevance of that
TG: tell me its more alien nonsense it will be so awesome to hear more of that
GC: 1 4M NOT GO1NG TO 3XPL41N 1 WOULD B3 TOO 3MB4RR4SS3D
TG: man
TG: why did i ever agree to go along with this horseshit
GC: B3C4US3 YOU H4D TO, 1T W4S 1N YOUR FUTUR3
GC: 4ND B3S1D3S YOU MUST US3 D1PLOM4CY TO W1N OV3R YOUR CONSORTS
GC: S33 LOOK D4V3, TH3Y 4LL LOV3 YOU NOW! YOU 4R3 TH3 H3RO, 1TS YOU >:]
GC: NOW TH3Y W1LL G1V3 YOU 4LL TH3 S3CR3TS OF TH3 L4ND
TG: what secrets
TG: they dont have any secrets
TG: look at them theyre morons
TG: the only secret theyve got is how many times a day they accidentally flush their medical alert bracelets down the toilet
GC: D4V3, TH3Y 4R3 STUP1D 4ND Y3T V3RY W1S3
GC: YOU H4V3 MUCH TO L34RN 4ND 1 W1LL K33P H3LP1NG YOU L34RN 1T!
GC: 3V3N 1F YOU 4R3 4 HUG3 CRYB4BY WHO 1S 34S1LY UPS3T BY CHOPP3D V3G3T4BL3S
TG: ok im gonna change out of this wet suit
TG: and into a dry shut your fucking mouth
GC: >8Y BLUHHHHHHH


10/16/10
"Dave: Change into Four Aces Suited."



|PESTERLOG|
TG: there now i wont be satisfying your crazy red fetish either
GC: >:'C
GC: NOW 1 4M CRY1NG TOO YOU S33 WH4T YOU D1D
TG: all you get to smell is black
TG: like licorice or something
TG: you hate licorice right
GC: 1 LOV3 L1COR1C3
TG: shit
TG: ok lets say i dont smell like licorice then
TG: i smell like
TG: a coal miners asshole
GC: TOO L4T3!
GC: 1T 4LR34DY SM3LLS L1K3 L1COR1C3 S1NC3 YOU S41D TH4T, 4ND NOW 1 C4NT UNSM3LL 1T
TG: whatever
TG: anyway
TG: probably bout time i got on with this game
TG: sans these pointless sidequests you want drag me through for kicks
TG: later terezi nice knowing you
GC: W41T!
GC: YOU C4N'T D1TCH M3, W3V3 GOT 1MPORT4NT STUFF TO DO TOG3TH3R
TG: unlikely
GC: OH
GC: H3Y >:o
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY N4M3?
TG: you told me remember
GC: Y34H, BUT 1 THOUGHT YOU FORGOT!
TG: why would i forget
GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 4 PO1NT OF FORG3TT1NG!
TG: oh
TG: i guess i forgot i was supposed to forget
GC: W3LL TH3N
GC: M1ST3R D4V3 STR1D3R
GC: 1 4M GL4D TH4T YOU FORGOT TO FORG3T >:D
TG: uh alright
GC: OH!!!
GC: SP34K1NG OF FORG3TT1NG TO NOT FORG3T TH1NGS
GC: 1 FORGOT TO SHOW YOU TH1S
GC: PR3TTY SPOT ON DONT YOU TH1NK
GC: http://tinyurl.com/SPOTONSTR1D3R
TG: what the hell
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4
GC: 4BSOLUT3 P3RF3CT1ON!
GC: 4ND TH3R3 GO3S TH3 B1G M4N 1N H1S 34RTH SPORT, DR1V1NG TH3 HOOP THROUGH TH3 P41NT........
GC: DOWN TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TG: whats your obsession with making this goofy bullshit anyway
TG: is it troll irony
GC: 1 H4V3 D3V3LOP3D 4 P4SS1ON FOR COMB1NG YOUR 1NT3RN3T FOR TH3 COOL K1DS
GC: 4ND M4K1NG TH3M COOL3R
GC: BY STR1D3RFY1NG TH3M >:]
TG: dont get me wrong its awesome
GC: TH4NK YOU D4V3
GC: HON3STLY 1 TH1NK 1 4M 4 B3TT3R 4RT1ST TH4N 1 H4V3 PR3S3NT3D SO F4R
GC: 1F ONLY 1 COULD DR4W YOU SOM3TH1NG W1TH MY CH4LK >:\
GC: OH!!!
GC: 1 KNOW, 1 C4N BORROW MY FR13NDS DR4W1NG T4BL3T
GC: 1 W1LL DO TH4T 1N 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
TG: thats cool
GC: D4V3 W3 SHOULD TR4D3 SOM3 DR4W1NGS
GC: YOU 4ND M3
TG: sure thats fine
TG: im still gonna go off and do my own thing though
TG: later
GC: W41T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TG: dammit what
GC: OK 1 G3T TH4T YOU 4R3 TH1S R4D LON3R 4ND YOU TH1NK YOU H4V3 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT
GC: BUT HOW 4BOUT TH1S
GC: 1F 1 4M M34NT TO H3LP YOU, TH3N YOUR FUTUR3 S3LF OUGHT TO V1S1T YOU R1GHT NOW 4ND G1V3 YOU 4 THUMBS UP, R1GHT?
GC: 1T W1LL B3 YOUR W4Y OF CONF1RM1NG TO YOURS3LF TH4T 1 C4N B3 TRUST3D
GC: TH3R3 1S NO W4Y YOU WOULD PL4N TO DO TH4T 1N TH3 FUTUR3 1F YOU 3ND UP R3GR3TT1NG MY H3LP
GC: DO3S TH4T SOUND F41R?
TG: yeah fine but i doubt that i
TG: oh fuck there i am hiding behind that column
GC: >8D


10/16/10
"==>"






10/16/10
"==>"






10/16/10
"==>"






10/18/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TG: ok so whats the plan
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU WOULD N3V3R 4SK
GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY PL4NS
GC: W3 4R3 GO1NG TO B3 SO BUSY D4V3, YOU H4V3 NO 1D34
TG: thats cool
TG: but whats the answer that doesnt have anything to do with meaningless bullshit
GC: 1SNT 1T OBV1OUS?
GC: NOW TH4T W3 4R3 4 T34M D4V3
GC: YOU 4ND M3
GC: 1T 1S T1M3
TG: time
TG: for
GC: T1M3
TG: for
TG: come on
GC: FOR............
TG: ......
TG: ...........
GC: .............................
GC: FOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..............
TG: god dammit
GC: 4 MOTH3R FUCK1NG D4NC3 P4RTY!!!!!!! >:O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GC: http://tinyurl.com/OMGD4NC3P4RTY
TG: whoa


10/18/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TG: its like
TG: watching a miracle made of nothing but twitching schroder legs
GC: YOU S33 D4V3
GC: 1 TOLD YOU, YOU W1LL NOT R3GR3T H1TCH1NG YOUR SH1TTY JP3GGY FOUR WH33L D3V1C3 TO MY CONST3LL4T1ON
GC: TH1S 1S WH3R3 TH3 P4RTYS 4T
TG: look at us go
TG: i cant stop watching
TG: damn
TG: those moves
GC: TRUST M3
GC: TH3S3 MOV3S DONT STOP K33P T4K1NG PL4C3
GC: NOT 4T TH1S P4RTY
TG: i can see im going to have to drop everything
TG: drop it like its simultaneously hot and i just tripped over the rug
TG: dedicate my undivided attention to this shit
GC: D4V3, WHY TR1P OV3R TH4T RUG...
GC: WH3N YOU C4N CUT 1T????? >:]
GC: T4PP4 T4P T4P 4 P4P!
GC: SHOOSH SHOOSH!
TG: damn youre right
TG: truth be told everyone will be tripping when im done
TG: once i upset this biznasty with my swift cuts
TG: dudes will phalanx themselves agape like theyre offerin to store my shit in their mouths for the night
TG: rows of glasseyed human fly catchers beholding categorical fucking domination of the dance floor
TG: but they wont catch none cause the flys all mine
GC: YOU H4V3 4LL TH3 D3L1C1OUS FL13S
TG: theres not any i dont have
TG: im crafting a new dance move
TG: to shock the shit out of asses in pants
TG: fred astaires ghost will weep in the arms of his own nimble rotting corpse
GC: WH4T 1S YOUR N3W MOV3 D4V3 >:?
TG: its called
TG: the smug cracker parlor wiggle
GC: >:O
GC: 1 1M4G1N3 TH3S3 GYR4T1ONS W1LL SM3LL QU1T3 FR3SH
GC: L1K3 R3C3NTLY L34V3N3D GRUBLO4F
TG: of course
TG: and just when the scene thought it was startin to recover from its ridiculous erection over that
TG: thats when i bust out another fierce move
TG: i call it rageclock me in the douche smirk plz
TG: cut out to the rude jam "askin 4 it!"
GC: HOW RUD3 WOULD YOU S4Y TH1S J4M 1S D4V3
TG: id say if i had to take an educated guess it was outright goddamn unmannerly
TG: needs to get worked over by some stuffy prude at finishing school
GC: W1LL YOU T34CH M3 TH3S3 MOV3S
TG: i dont know about that
GC: PL34S3 D4V3
GC: YOU ST4ND TH3R3 4ND DO TH3 UNM4NN3RLY MOV3S, 4ND 1 W1LL OBS3RV3 STUD1OUSLY
TG: i dont know if you can keep up with me kid
TG: no offense
TG: theres just magic in these shoes and the coy gnome i ransacked wants them goddamn back
GC: COM3 ON
GC: YOU T4K3 TH3 L34D
GC: 4ND 1 W1LL FOLLOW
GC: L1K3 TH1S
GC: http://tinyurl.com/T34CHM3YOURMOV3SD4V3
TG: ahahahahahaha


10/18/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TG: i feel like i should be offering some visual rebuttal here
TG: you arent giving me any time though dammit
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 1 H4V3 YOU 4T TH3 T3MPOR4L D1S4DV4NT4G3
GC: 1 C4N P4US3 4ND DO WH4T3V3R 1 L1K3 4ND TH3N CONT1NU3 OUR CONV3RS4T1ON W1THOUT M1SS1NG 4 ST3P!
GC: BUT DO NOT WORRY D4V3
GC: 1T WOULD B3 4 SH4M3 TO H4V3 TO WH1FF YOUR FR4GR4NT T34RS 4G41N
GC: 3V3NTU4LLY TH3 T4BL3S W1LL TURN 4ND TH3 4DV4NT4G3 W1LL B3 YOURS
GC: YOU W1LL H4V3 4LL TH3 T1M3 1N TH3 PR3N4T4L UN1V3RS3 4T YOUR D1SPOS4L
GC: B31NG TH3 KN1GHT OF T1M3 4ND 4LL
TG: oh yeah
TG: i keep forgetting i can time travel
TG: thats fine i guess
GC: 4ND ONC3 YOU H4V3 TH3 UPP3R H4ND
GC: 4ND TH3R3 4R3 MOR3 D4V3S SCR4MBL1NG 4ROUND TH4N YOU C4N SH4K3 4 BROK3N SWORD 4T
GC: TH3N YOU W1LL G3T YOUR CH4NC3 TO 1MPR3SS M3 >;]
GC: L1K3 SO
GC: http://tinyurl.com/TH3FLO4R-1SONF1R3
TG: see
TG: i cant compete with this
GC: H3H3H3H3H3


10/18/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TG: but seriously what is the real plan here
TG: that has to do with not fucking around
GC: TH3R3 1S NO PL4N TH4T DO3S NOT 1NVOLV3 FUCK1NG 4ROUND
GC: BUT W3 W1LL M4K3 SUR3 4LL OF OUR FUCK1NG W1LL B3 4PPL13D 1N 4 CONSTRUCT1V3 D1R3CT1ON
TG: ok could you try to be somehow even less subtle when you hit on me thanks
GC: WH4T
GC: WH4T D1D 1 S4Y?
TG: man
TG: nevermind
GC: YOU W1LL H4V3 TO FORG1V3 M3 D4V3, 1 TH1NK SOM3T1M3S TH3 M34N1NG OF WORDS 1S LOST THROUGH OUR CULTUR4L D1FF3R3NC3S
TG: no shit
TG: im going to infer that your species reproduces by having sex with a grub in a bucket or something
TG: am i close
GC: D4V3
GC: TH4T 1S 4BSOLUT3LY TH3 F1LTH13ST TH1NG 1 H4V3 3V3R H34RD 4NYON3 S4Y >:\
TG: ok sorry
TG: back on point
TG: what are we doing
GC: W3LL, W3 N33D TO ST4RT M4K1NG YOU SOM3 MON3Y
GC: LOTS 4ND LOTS 4ND LOTS OF 1T!
TG: ok
GC: WH3N YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP 3NOUGH
GC: W3 W1LL BUY YOU YOUR F1RST FR4YMOT1F
GC: TH3N YOU C4N ST4RT CUTT1NG OUT TRULY TH3 FLY3ST OF MOV3S
GC: 4ND TH4T 1S WH3N W3 W1LL B3G1N TH3 MOST POORLY B3H4V3D D4NC3 P4RTY OF 4LL >:D
TG: sounds cool
GC: D3MONS 4ND D3N1Z3NS 4L1K3 W1LL TR3MBL3 B3FOR3 YOUR F1DG3TY GYR4T1ONS
GC: 4ND MOST 1MPORT4NTLY, YOU W1LL PROV3 YOURS3LF TO B3 TH3 B3ST HUM4N BOY OF 4LL
GC: W4Y B3TT3R TH4N TH4T DORKY 3GB3RT 4ND WHO3V3R M1GHT B3 M3DDL1NG W1TH H1M 4T 4NY G1V3N MOM3NT
TG: huh what an odd thing to say
TG: it demands no explanation whatsoever
GC: NO OF COURS3 NOT
TG: so how do i start making all this money
GC: P4T13NC3!
GC: R3M3MB3R HOW 1 S41D YOU H4V3 PL3NTY OF T1M3
TG: tell me anyway
GC: OK W3LL T4K3 WH4T YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP FROM CL1MB1NG YOUR 3CH3L4DD3R TO ST4RT W1TH
GC: HOW MUCH DO YOU H4V3?
TG: dont know
TG: i never even looked at it
GC: D3RRRRP, N1C3 JOB 4C3 G4M3R
GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD H4V3 4 LOOK 4T 1T
TG: k
GC: 4ND TH3N 1 W1LL 4DV1S3 YOU L4T3R 4FT3R OBS3RV1NG TH3 GR4ND SCH3M3 OF 4LL TH1NGS 4ND 4LL D4V3S
GC: 1 W1LL L34V3 YOU 4LON3 FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3 TO W4ND3R 4ND 3XPLOR3
GC: BUT 1 W1LL B3 B4CK!
GC: 4ND 1 W1LL COM3 B4CK W1TH 4 DR4W1NG T4BL3T
GC: 4ND TH3N YOU W1LL S33 SOM3 TRU3 M4ST3RP13C3S
TG: ok after all this hype you better be prepared to fucking dazzle me
TG: are you gonna bring it?
GC: 4LLOW M3 TO PROV1D3 4N 4NSW3R THROUGH 1NT3RPR3T1V3 D4NC3
GC: http://tinyurl.com/H3LLFUCK1NGY3S
TG: awesome
TG: peace out t-z
GC: >:)
TG: oh shit
GC: >:?


10/18/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
GC: WH4T 1S 1T?????
TG: fuck


10/19/10
"John: Pester Vriska."



|PESTERLOG|
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] --

EB: hey vriska!
EB: ok, i still cannot find my nanna up here, so now i am just installing this game.
EB: what are you up to?
AG: John! What the hell. There are so many things wrong with what you just said.
AG: First of all, who told you you could just hassle me without warning like this? That's not how this works!
EB: why not? you guys do it all the time.
AG: Yes, 8ecause we are trolling you! Those are the rules. We get to 8ug you any time we feel like, and you have to sit there and t8ke it like a chump.
EB: bluh...
AG: I am too 8usy to 8e fielding your nonsense at the drop of one of your a8surd human hats. I have a ridiculous num8er of irons in the fire. You will speak to me only when I am ready to contact you, is that clear????????
EB: that's dumb. i'm going to talk to you whenever i want!
AG: Secondly, I am very pissed off that you figured out my name.
EB: well, i didn't know it was your name for sure until you just told me now.
EB: so, haha.
AG: Dammit!
AG: Who told you?
EB: heheh, i am not telling.
EB: a true wise guy never reveals his tricks.
AG: I will find out who told you. And then I will m8ke them p8y.
EB: nuh uh!
EB: anyway, i was just wondering if you had a chance to watch that awesome video i linked you to?
AG: What video?
EB: you know...
EB: the one about the renegade hero who busted loose from the slammer to save the day.
AG: John, the way you descri8e movies makes them sound extremely stupid. Why would I want to watch this crap????????
EB: just do it, you won't be sorry.
EB: i mean, when you are not so busy and have less irons in the fire or whatever.
EB: ok, i am starting this game now and saving jade, like a street tough maverick with nothing to lose.
EB: see ya, vriska!
AG: XXXX|
EB: oh, damn...
AG: ::::?


10/19/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
AG: What is it now!
EB: fuck.


10/19/10
"==>"



John is suddenly preoccupied with something. How dare he bother you and then leave you hanging like this.

You guess you can spare a moment to watch this terrible video. Why does that nerdy kid have to be so persuasive?


10/19/10
"[S] Vriska: Watch street tough maverick with nothing to lose"






10/20/10
"John: Answer Karkat."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: HEY SHITHEAD YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE.
CG: A WORD WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.
EB: oh no.
EB: which conversation is this for you? your second or so?
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
EB: i mean...
EB: the second time you have spoken to me?
EB: or first??
CG: JOHN, FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, THIS IS OUR TEN MILLIONTH CONVERSATION.
EB: oh.
EB: i thought you were going backwards though.
CG: I WAS
CG: GOT BACK TO THE BEGINNING
CG: AND THEN JUMPED AHEAD AGAIN A BUNCH OF TIMES.
CG: STOP BEING SO LINEAR, IT'S GETTING OLD.
CG: NOW I NEED YOU TO JOIN THIS MEMO SO WE CAN DISCUSS SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
EB: memo?
CG: CLICK THE AWESOME BANNER I MADE.
CG: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/FRUITYRUMPUSASSHOLEFACTORY.gif" border="0" />
EB: uh...
EB: ok.


10/20/10
"Dave: Answer Karkat."



|PESTERLOG|
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: HEY SHITHEAD YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE.
CG: A WORD WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIEND.
TG: i thought you were asleep
CG: YES DAVE, I WAS ASLEEP AT ONE POINT.
CG: IT STANDS TO REASON I AM NOW AND WILL ALWAYS BE ASLEEP AT EVERY POINT ON ALL TIMELINES.
CG: THAT REALLY MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE.
CG: NOW YOU, ME, AND EGBERT NEED TO HAVE A CHAT.
CG: HERE I MADE A COOL BANNER USING SOME OF YOUR SHITTY EARTH CLIP ART.
CG: CLICK IT.
CG: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/FRUITYRUMPUSASSHOLEFACTORY.gif" border="0" />
TG: not cool
TG: luring me into your cyber boobytrap with shitty clip art who told you my weakness
CG: IT'LL WORK, WON'T IT?
TG: obviously


10/20/10
"John and Dave: Respond to memo."



|PESTERLOG|
?CG AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG: what
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CEB: ok, i am here.
CEB: oh, hi dave!
CTG: hey
CEB: what is going on in here?
CTG: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like
?CG: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC.
?CG: NOW THAT THE PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.
?CG: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER.
?CG: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS.
?CG: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.
CTG: ok later windbag
?CG: STRIDER FUCK OFF
?CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.
CEB: yeah, dave, don't go!
CEB: i think we should listen to what he has to say.
?CG: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER DAVE.
?CG: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY.
?CG: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.
?CG: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND
?CG: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE:
?CG: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.
CTG: nah
CEB: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? really??
CTG: no
CTG: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop
CTG: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right
CTG: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets
?CG: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.
?CG: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.
CEB: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?
?CG: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.
?CG: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT.
CTG: pretty sure she is
CTG: or he thinks she is or something
CTG: made it pretty obvious when he started ranting at me months ago
CTG: back when i suspected these trolls were full of shit
CTG: but now look how far weve come
CTG: theres not any doubt left about that at all
?CG: EVEN IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GOING ON, WHICH THERE DEFINITELY [OOPS TIME TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AGAIN, ASSHOLE!]
?CG: OUR ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE JOKE THAT PASSES FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT.
?CG: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT! THAT'S JUST ABSURD.
CTG: right
CTG: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude
CEB: what is so different about your romance?
CEB: what's a quadrant? how many do you have?
CTG: john god dammit stop embarrassing us
CTG: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that
CTG: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on
?CG: JOHN, I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU BEING THE SMART ONE.
?CG: DAVE IS NOW THE LEADER, EVEN THOUGH HE'S A SMUG SHITSTAIN WITH SHADES AND A POKER FACE.
?CG: IF THERE WERE FIVE, THEY'D BE CALLED QUINTDRANTS, GET IT???
CEB: wow, okay!
CEB: who cares, jeeeeeeeez.
?CG: YES, EXACTLY. WHO CARES?
?CG: AS FASCINATING AS A LECTURE ON ALL THAT WOULD BE, IT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
?CG: WHICH BRINGS ME TO A RELATED POINT OF BUSINESS.
?CG: JOHN, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE.
?CG: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO.
CEB: what does?
?CG: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS.
CEB: what!
CEB: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!
?CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
?CG: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO.
?CG: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFUCK MURDER-THICKET.
?CG: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE.
CEB: well, yeah...
CEB: but terezi killed me in an alternate timeline, so that isn't too bad i guess.
CEB: plus, i am pretty sure that she is sorry about it.
?CG: OH GOD, YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT?
?CG: AND YOU'RE STILL GETTING UP TO THESE ANTICS
?CG: YOU ARE BOTH FUCKING HOPELESS, I GIVE UP.
CTG: k then bye
?CG: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT.
?CG: I'M NOT DONE.
CTG: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me
CTG: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible
?CG: YOU DON'T GET IT.
?CG: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.
?CG: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.
?CG: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
CEB: wait...
CEB: are you saying that vriska is interested in me?
CEB: like, romantically?
?CG: EGBERT JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS!
?CG: HE HAS REACHED A NEW RUNG ON HIS ECHELADDER, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS"
?CG: "BUCKAROO"
?CG: OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
CTG: smooth
CEB: oh man.
CEB: uh...
?CG: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT
?CG: AND THEN FUCKING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD?
CEB: i'm not sure what to think about this.
CEB: dave, what do you think i should do?
CTG: i dunno
CTG: do you like her
CEB: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool...
CEB: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly.
CTG: yeah ok
CTG: but i mean
CTG: anything more than that
CTG: like
CTG: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits
CTG: and she was on earth visiting your town or something
CTG: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies
CTG: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron
CEB: mcconaughey!!!!!!!!
CEB: um, wow, i don't know.
CEB: i mean, yeah, sure it would be fun to do something like that with her, i think.
CEB: but...
CEB: beyond that, it's a little confusing!
CEB: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do...
?CG: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE?????
CTG: doesnt concern you dude
?CG: OK JOHN, ARE YOUR FEELINGS QUITE SORTED OUT YET?
?CG: ARE YOU QUITE DONE SLOGGING THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL MORASS OF ADOLESCENCE, EMERGING FROM THE SLUDGE IN YOUR JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGY WADERS?
?CG: ARE WE FEELING JUST A LITTLE BIT WISER? DID WE GROW TODAY? THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL!
?CG: YOU WOULD THINK WARNING YOU GUYS THAT FRATERNIZING WITH THESE FEMALES IS PUTTING YOUR LIVES IN DANGER WOULD BE ENOUGH.
?CG: REALLY, DANGER YOU SAY? OH GOODNESS, WE NEARLY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE! WHY THANK YOU, MR. TROLL, HOW GRACIOUS OF YOU TO ALERT US TO OUR FOOLISHNESS.
CTG: i dunno man doesnt sound like you really got our interests in mind here
CTG: you just sound kinda bitter
CTG: did one of the human ladies reject you
?CG: OF COURSE NOT.
CTG: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square
CTG: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and jade was like no thanks bro
CTG: is that how it went down
?CG: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS
?CG: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU)
CTG: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you
?CG: FUCK OFF.
CTG: haha wow bingo
CTG: see how i look right now thats a poker face might want to take some notes
?CG: I SEE NOTHING BUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLEARLY DESIGNED FOR WOMEN AND A PAIR OF IMPUDENT LIPS PURSED SO TIGHT IT'LL SOUND LIKE AIR SQUEALING OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT.
CTG: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time
CTG: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it dude
CTG: john just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances
CEB: uh oh!
?CG: JOHN DON'T LISTEN TO THIS FUCKER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN.
CEB: yeah, i dunno dave, i have talked to karkat a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me.
?CG: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN.
?CG: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND...
?CG: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
?CG: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE
?CG: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT
CEB: uh...
?CG: IT MIGHT BE THE CASE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL
?CG: AND GET CARRIED AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WERE BLIND TO HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO PURSUE ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH ANOTHER SPECIES
?CG: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A CALIGINIOUS RELATIONSHIP
CTG: what
CTG: the fuck
CTG: are you talking about
?CG: BUT I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I HAVE A FIRM GRASP ON HOW DERANGED AND UNNATURAL ANY SORT OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE, WHETHER CALIGINOUS OR CONCUPISCENT.
?CG: SO I ASK
?CG: NO I'M FUCKING BEGGING YOU BOTH
?CG: TO QUIT CHATTING UP THESE SHITHIVE BROADS AND LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
CTG: thats obviously not gonna happen
?CG: FUCK.
?CG: LOOK.
?CG: ALRIGHT I ADMIT THIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY HERE.
?CG: WE'RE ALL SORT OF COOKING UP A PLAN RIGHT NOW.
?CG: MY RIGHT NOW.
?CG: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MAY, AND I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WITH ALL OF US MEETING FACE TO FACE.
?CG: AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE
?CG: IS TO HAVE THIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LOT OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.
?CG: THAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FOR ME, OK?
?CG: REALLY THE ONLY SCENARIO THAT I AM SURE WOULD CAUSE ME TO REGRET SUCCESS. GOT IT?
CEB: er...
CEB: do...
CEB: you think that vriska is going to try to make out with me?
?CG: SHUT UP.
?CG: I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH SNOGGING YOU'RE IN FOR AND I'M NOT PLAYING INTERSPECIES MATCH MAKER HERE.
?CG: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?
?CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE SAYING THIS.
?CG: GOD DAMMIT, IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ACTUAL HUMAN FEMALES NEARBY FOR ACTUAL BIOLOGICALLY VIABLE MATESPRITSHIPS!
?CG: DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM???
CEB: rose and jade?
CEB: so, uh...
CEB: you want us to like, date them?
?CG: WOULD IT REALLY FUCKING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT??????
?CG: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME?
?CG: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN.
?CG: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS.
CTG: dude
CTG: no
CTG: just
CTG: stop
?CG: OH OK, SO THE ALIEN HERE IS THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED WITH THE PROPAGATION OF YOUR SPECIES.
?CG: THAT MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE. WHY DON'T YOU WISE THE FUCK UP, COOLDOUCHE?
CEB: i think he is right, i think we are all a little young to be thinking about that!
?CG: WELL NO SHIT, NOW YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY.
?CG: BUT WHAT ABOUT LATER? THINK ABOUT THE BIG PICTURE.
?CG: HOW DID HUMANITY GET AS FAR AS IT GOT BEING SO DUMB?
CEB: um, also,
CEB: we are kinda all related! sort of. through shared ghost slime genes. right?
CEB: so, uh...
?CG: OH RIGHT, THE BIZARRE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT.
CTG: oh my fucking god
CTG: please let this conversation not be taking place
?CG: OK WELL LET'S SAY THAT'S HYPOTHETICALLY A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACKING MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE.
?CG: I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT STUPID.
?CG: HERE
?CG: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS
CTG: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us
CTG: and thats saying something
?CG: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST
?CG: NOW
?CG: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FOR LEGITIMATE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS.
?CG: DAVE AND ROSE ARE "RELATED"
?CG: JADE AND JOHN ARE "RELATED"
?CG: THAT ONLY LEAVES TWO PAIRS.
?CG: ONCE AGAIN, THE DECISIONS PERTAINING TO HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLY SIMPLE.
?CG: AND YET I STILL HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
?CG: NOW GO HASSLE YOUR FUTURE MATESPRITS AND LEAVE THE TROLL GIRLS ALONE.
CTG: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with jade right now
CTG: no peeking k
CEB: wow, i have to marry rose?
CEB: uh...
CEB: wow.
?CG: AND NOW THAT I HAVE SAVED YOUR ENTIRE WORTHLESS SPECIES WITH MY IMPECCABLE ROMANCE BROKERING SKILLS
?CG: I WILL BID YOU A BITTER FUCKING FAREWELL.
?CG: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED.
CTG: you should go back to sleep
CTG: it was so much cooler when you were asleep and i basically never had to listen to you ever
?CG: I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP
CEB: why not?
?CG: BECAUSE I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN WHY IS WHY.
?CG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER.
?CG: MEMO OVER.
?CG: GET OUTTA HERE.
?CG banned CEB from responding to memo.
?CG banned CTG from responding to memo.

?CG closed memo.


10/24/10
"Karkat: Be Past Karkat."



You cannot be Past Karkat because in the past, Past Karkat is asleep!


10/25/10
"[S] Past Karkat: Wake up."






10/25/10
"John: Connect to Jade."



Aw, there she is. All tuckered out. You wonder what she is dreaming about? Surely something adorable.

Anyway, guess it's time to get down to business and save her life! You prepare to initiate an uninterrupted sequence of life-saving events.


10/25/10
"John: Deploy... huh?"






10/25/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
NANNASPRITE: HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!


10/26/10
"==>"






10/26/10
"==>"



<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/sweetcatchblue.gif" border="0" />


10/27/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
JOHN: nanna, what the heck!!!
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!
NANNASPRITE: John, you remind me so much of your father when he was your age. He was just as easily bested by this crafty old prankstress!
JOHN: really?
NANNASPRITE: Yes. It would be many years before he would take the gambit in an exchange with your nanna.
JOHN: but nanna, did you know he is not really my dad? and also, i am not technically your grandson.
JOHN: you are actually sort of my mother.
NANNASPRITE: Of course I knew this, John! I have known for many years.
NANNASPRITE: I have also known that in a sense, you are my father as well. You were the one to push all those buttons, after all!
JOHN: huh, oh yeah.
JOHN: don't you find it all a little strange?
NANNASPRITE: John, I am the ghost of an old lady with one arm who is dressed like a clown. Why would that seem strange to me?
JOHN: heheh.
JOHN: so where have you been, nanna? i have been looking all over for you.
NANNASPRITE: I have been looking for you too, dear!


10/27/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
JOHN: you have?
NANNASPRITE: Yes! It seems you have been rising through the rungs of your echeladder quite swiftly.
JOHN: yeah!
JOHN: now i am an ectobiolo...
JOHN: ectobiblio... shit!
JOHN: (oops! sorry.)
JOHN: ectobioblobabby sitter.
JOHN: damn it, you know what i mean.
NANNASPRITE: Yes, that is quite high. You have climbed so much faster than I did in my youth. I am so proud of you!
JOHN: thanks!
NANNASPRITE: You should have returned sooner! I could have given you this boon at a much lower rung.
JOHN: boon?
NANNASPRITE: Here, John. Take this.


10/27/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
JOHN: ok. what is it?
NANNASPRITE: You can use it to summon me wherever you go.
NANNASPRITE: Now we needn't endure those long spells without a good visit!
JOHN: oh cool, that is great!
NANNASPRITE: And now, the most important question of all.
NANNASPRITE: When was the last time you have eaten anything, young man??
JOHN: hmm, i guess it has been a good while!
JOHN: i've been snacking on gushers a whole lot. bluh...
JOHN: i never realized how terrible they were, actually.


10/27/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
NANNASPRITE: That is completely unacceptable.
NANNASPRITE: I will prepare you a healthy home cooked meal while you relax in your ghost bed and rescue your paradox sister.
JOHN: oh boy!
NANNASPRITE: What would you like? Name what your heart desires. I will use my spooky ghost powers to make it.
JOHN: wow, hmm...
NANNASPRITE: Why, John! Do you hear that sound?
JOHN: uh... no?
NANNASPRITE: It sounds as if your meal is nearly finished!
JOHN: really? already?
NANNASPRITE: BZZZZZ!


10/27/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
JOHN: naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
NANNASPRITE: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!


10/28/10
"==>"






10/28/10
"Rose: Get hassled."



These chumps just won't quit hounding you!

It's like they heard somebody over here was handing out asses, and they've known nothing but years of bitter ass famine.


10/28/10
"Rose: Answer Eridan."



|PESTERLOG|
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
TT: ?
CA: magic is NOT REAL
CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
TT: Why do you keep addressing me as if I'm some sort of spokesperson for the reality of magic?
TT: You can't needle me into a defensive posture on the subject. I just don't care.
CA: youre not usin magic just DEAL WW IT
TT: Fine. You win.
TT: These are science wands. I am a charlatan.
CA: ok i didnt say that
CA: i think you wwear the role pretty wwell wwhich is somethin i can appreciate
CA: theres a lot of showwmanship thats put in to comin off as a diabolical sort
TT: Thanks for the insinuation that I'm making an effort to project myself as a cartoon villain. What a compliment!
CA: wwell fine you dont havve to behavve vvillainous if youre bent up on actin against the grain a your nobility or somesuch
CA: i can play that role its not like i evver didnt get my gils dirty before
TT: Nobility? What are you talking about?
CA: wwell arent you
TT: No. What gave you that idea?
CA: the wway you
CA: ok
CA: i had a misconclusion about that so my fault
CA: obvviously you got rich blood so maybe when you crash landed you wwerent recognized for it by wwhatevver vvehicle upholds the class structure in human society
TT: That is exactly what happened. You figured it out.
CA: must of been fuckin brutal raisin up a commonblood wwhen you knew you wwere better than evverybody and its probably got you all messed up inside but maybe theres hope for you
CA: see i got a lot a experience bein nobility so ill let you knoww if you got a shot in hell at cuttin it pinkscarf
TT: ...
CA: fakemage pinkscarf howw does that sound
TT: You're a complete idiot.
CA: see this is good i think this could be a good thing
TT: What?
CA: this thing wwe got goin
CA: you obvviously hate me and i think i got it in me to get the dark propensities smolderin
CA: and wwere both obvviously dangerous elites in nature
CA: i think theres somethin there i mean look at howw you evven came into the wworld
TT: And how was that?
CA: killed a fuckin fuck ton of marine life accidental
CA: doin thats all i evver done practically the ocean wwas my killin cauldron
TT: Accidentally?
TT: Or on porpoise?
CA: hahahahaha see youre good wwith fish puns too i got so many a those you havve no idea
CA: i just think theres a fate thing here
CA: i mean i dont mean to strike you as too forwwardsuch but are you seein wwhere im goin wwith this
TT: Oh, right. Alien romance, I forgot.
TT: Pass.
CA: look i understand you dont understand that kind of thing in your culture i get that
CA: but maybe i could teach you to get it
TT: That's really sweet of you to offer.
CA: yeah and in return maybe you could teach me howw to bullshit magic like that
TT: You want to learn magic?
CA: yes teach me your secrets wwitch
TT: Sure. Let's begin.
TT: Consider this your first lesson in showmanship.


10/28/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.


10/29/10
"==>"






10/29/10
"Rose: Answer Aradia."



|PESTERLOG|
-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

AA: what d0 y0u think y0ure d0ing!
AA: just st0p
AA: st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p
AA: maybe if i say st0p en0ugh s0mething else will happen instead 0f the thing that d0es
TT: Hi.
AA: y0u arent g0ing t0 st0p are y0u
TT: Do you want me to stop using magic too?
AA: n0 i d0nt care ab0ut that
AA: its y0ur quest t0 tear y0ur sessi0n apart
AA: i kn0w its exciting
AA: breaking stuff
AA: and n0t w0rrying ab0ut it
AA: but there are c0nsequences t0 hum0ring y0ur destructive impulses
AA: and c0nsequences t0 f0ll0wing
TT: ?
AA: what they say
TT: Who?
AA: y0u kn0w wh0
TT: You sound frustrated.
TT: Like you know you can't change my mind.
TT: I presume your future footage of me has already verified this?
AA: i d0nt even need t0 watch y0ur future acti0ns t0 kn0w this
AA: the kn0wing is the same as this elusive feeling 0f sickness thats been with me f0r years
AA: pr0bably since bef0re i died c0me t0 think 0f it
AA: it was always a big setup
TT: You died?
TT: Revived via dream self, I take it?
AA: n0
AA: i never had 0ne
AA: s0rt 0f a special case here
TT: Hmm.
AA: i just wish
AA: back when i was behaving recklessly
AA: i had s0me0ne t0 tell me t0 st0p listening
AA: even if i ended up ign0ring their advice
AA: it w0uld have been nice
TT: What did they tell you?
AA: i was assured i w0uld be saving my race
AA: which is maybe still true i d0nt kn0w
AA: but if it is then it will be the punchline t0 the vast j0ke
TT: Is that anything like the ultimate riddle?
AA: y0u really d0nt understand anything yet d0 y0u
AA: and yet y0u bug and fuss and meddle
AA: with things m0re danger0us than y0u can imagine


10/29/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
AA: what d0 y0u want with the s0urce 0f the first guardians
AA: what g00d d0 y0u really think c0uld c0me 0f it
TT: Do you know about it?
TT: The sun?
AA: y0u cant p0ssibly wield its energy 0r put it t0 c0nstructive use
TT: That isn't exactly my plan.
AA: y0u w0nt find it either
AA: its imp0ssible
TT: How do you know that?
TT: Could you please share your information with me?
AA: n0!
AA: y0u still havent gathered that y0ure the pr0blem
AA: im thr0ugh with c0nsci0usly c0ntributing t0 inevitable 0utc0mes
TT: Well,
TT: Aren't you doing that regardless? Right now?
AA: 0bvi0usly
AA: but im just talking
AA: maybe the things i say will indirectly trigger y0ur critical acti0ns
AA: maybe n0t wh0 kn0ws
AA: maybe!!!
AA: maybe if i behave in a manner s0 rand0m
AA: parad0x space w0nt kn0w h0w t0 handle it!
AA: blah BL00P blee BLUH!@#$%^&*()_+
AA: didnt see that 0ne c0ming did y0u pspace??? + ?*rand(413^612)
AA: oh look and now i suddenly refuse to type zeroes in my sentences
AA: isnt that crazy! who thought that was even a possibility
AA: bslick never would have imagined THAT little vestibule of probability was tucked somewhere in his huge glistening blow sack
AA: ribbit ribbit ribbit
AA: WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT
AA: I JUST CONTROLLED THE RIBBITS AND I DID IT DELIBERATELY
TT: O_O
AA: hahaha!
AA: 0h w0w im sure y0u were just being faceti0us with that but y0u have n0 idea h0w funny that is right n0w
AA: y0u had n0 way 0f kn0wing thats a thing i d0 all the time but with zer0es
AA: this is great
AA: i think im 0n t0 s0mething here
AA: maybe if i dig deep en0ugh int0 my circuitry and rer0ute all 0f my reserve p0wer thr0ugh my quantum based rand0m number generat0r i can pr0duce behavi0r s0 c0mpletely 0ff the wall that parad0x space will have n0 ch0ice but t0 change everything!
TT: You have circuitry?
AA: maybe i will also rig my p0wer s0urce t0 the 0utc0me 0f the functi0n and rand0mly bl0w myself up!
AA: that w0uld be just
AA: really
AA: really
AA: really*rand(rand(rand(rand(rand(0M)*0M)*0M)*0M)*0M) where 0M = s0me number drawn quite at rand0m fr0m 0ne 0f y0ur absurd human hats
AA: !~M~0~D~N~A~R
AA: g00dbye r0se
AA: enj0y y0ur rampant indiscreti0ns
AA: talk t0 y0u later assuming i havent rand0mly bl0wn myself up!
TT: Wait, don't go!
TT: You were actually interesting.

--- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --


10/29/10
"Aradia: Randomly explode."



You fail to randomly explode.

Of course you were just venting about all that. Why would you blow yourself up on account of that silly conversation? What rational reason could you possibly have to blow yourself up, or explode from any cause for that matter, now or at any point in the near future?

It just makes no sense.


10/30/10
"==>"






10/30/10
"Rose: Answer Nepeta."



|PESTERLOG|
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

AC: :33 < pst :oo
TT: Yes?
AC: :33 < heyyyyyyyyyy
TT: Why, what ever could you want?
AC: :33 < ummmmmmmmmm
TT: What could it be? I am completely confounded.
AC: :33 < sorry to bother you again!
AC: :33 < is
AC: :33 < um
TT: Is what?
AC: :33 < he available?
TT: Who?
TT: What is the name of this mystery fellow you seek?
AC: :33 < aaaaa youre just teasing me now!
AC: :33 < i f33l bad about bugging you about it
AC: :33 < but do you think you could purrhaps please spare your computer for just the most fl33ting of moments?
AC: :33 < i miss pounce a lot :((
AC: :33 < and talking to him reminds me of her
AC: :33 < sorry for the hassle
TT: It's ok. I understand.
TT: I think I have a more permanent solution.
TT: I mean purrmanent.
AC: :33 < yay! :OO


10/30/10
"Rose: Summon mystery fellow."






10/30/10
"==>"






10/30/10
"Rose: Give Jaspersprite laptop."



You won't need it anymore. It served you well. You suppose there are a lot of things you've outgrown, now that you think about it.


10/30/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
ROSE: Hi Jaspers.
JASPERSPRITE: Hi rose!
JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr.
ROSE: Jaspers, I am releasing you now.
ROSE: You are free to go do as you please.
JASPERSPRITE: Really rose ok if thats what you want i will go do that.
JASPERSPRITE: Oh rose!
JASPERSPRITE: Rose did you get to do any of the things that are important to your quest that i said?
JASPERSPRITE: Did you learn to play the rain rose?
ROSE: Not yet, Jaspers.
ROSE: It's a little complicated, but I believe I've embarked on another quest, one which surpasses the scope of the objectives local to this planet.
JASPERSPRITE: Meow what :3
ROSE: I'm saying there's something more important to accomplish now. Something more important than creating a universe.
JASPERSPRITE: Oh thats ok rose i wouldnt want you to feel obligated to do that.
JASPERSPRITE: I think that winning this game and getting the prize is up to you and your friends.
JASPERSPRITE: You get to decide whether or not you feel its right to do that and what kind of prize you want to make!
JASPERSPRITE: Its part of becoming who youre supposed to become i think.
JASPERSPRITE: But i really think you should consider going on the quest i said anyway!
ROSE: Why?
JASPERSPRITE: Because its not just an important thing to do to win the game.
JASPERSPRITE: I dont know i hope im not being too pushy rose its not my place to be im just your cat!
JASPERSPRITE: But the thing that made me how i am now seems to really want me to say this to you.
JASPERSPRITE: Your quest is really important for you to do.
JASPERSPRITE: Not really because thats how to get the prize.
JASPERSPRITE: But because its what you need to do for yourself!
ROSE: I see. I promise I will consider it seriously then.
JASPERSPRITE: Oh good!
JASPERSPRITE: I love you rose! I always have even when you were a little girl and i was an alive cat.
ROSE: Thanks, Jaspers, that's nice to hear.
ROSE: It's hard to remember, but I'm pretty sure I felt the same way back then.
JASPERSPRITE: It was fun getting to be your cat again rose even if it was just for a little while and also while being a princess ghost.
JASPERSPRITE: Bye rose!
ROSE: See you, Jaspers!
ROSE: If you see my mother in the course of your travels, tell her I said hello.
JASPERSPRITE: Ok I will do that! :3


10/30/10
"Dave: Get hassled."



Chumps as far as the eye can see.

They are lining up for the sick fires. Your gaping furnace is hungry for coal, and they are poised to get goddamn shoveling.


10/31/10
"Dave: Answer Gamzee."



|PESTERLOG|
-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

TC: AlRiGhT My pInKeSt oF MoThErFuCkIn sTaR MoNkEyS
TC: ArE YoU ReAdY
TC: To gEt tHe hOrNs yOu dOnT HaVe
TC: CoNfIsCaTeD AlL LiKe tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN HoNkTrAbAnD ThEy aRe
TC: BeInG AlL IlLiCiT As tHe vAsT JoKe iTsElF
TC: AnD ThEn
TC: HaNdEd aT RiGhT BaCk tO YoU?
TG: what
TC: HaHa, SeE BrO, tHiS Is hOw i rOlL
TC: I SuPpLy tHe hOrNs tOwArD YoU, mEtApHoRiCaLlY SpEaKiNg
TC: SeE, lIkE
TC: ThAt's kInD Of a tRoLl mEtApHoR
TC: YoU GeTtInG YoUr hOrNs aLl hAnDeD To yOu, If yOu pEePs aNaToMiCaLlY WeRe sUcH To bE LiKe tHaT
TC: DoInG ThAt's tO MeAn lIkE YoU GoT MoThErFuCkIn sAsSeD OuT
TC: As iN TrOlLeD
TC: BuT BrO WhEn i tElL ThAt nOiSe aT YoU
TC: Im lIkE DoInG
TC: A DoUbLe mEtApHoR AlL ThE WaY
TC: AcRoSs sKaIa :o)
TC: BeCaUsE My hOrNs iM AlL AbOuT ArE ThEsE FuNnY HoNk hOrNs InStEaD oF hEaD hOrNs
TC: LiKe wHaT DoEs cLoWnS UsE
TC: AnD WhEn i'm aLl tO InViTe yOu tO GeT A LiTtLe mOtHeRfUcKiN SqUeEzE On
TC: It'lL Be a dOwNeD In, StRaIgHt fLaT, bOaRd sIdEd mIrAcLe iF YoU DoN'T GeT ScArEd sHiTtEnT ClOwNcArS
TC: ThAt's hOw wE PlAy tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN GaMe
TC: HoNk hOnK >:o)
TG: oh god thats right
TG: you were the best troll
TG: i remember now
TC: WhOa, I WaS?
TG: yeah
TG: i mean
TG: in the most ironic and hilarious ways possible
TG: but that really shouldnt even need to be said
TC: ShIt, I MuSt hAvE GoT To nOt rEmEmBeRiNg tHiS SoMeHoW
TG: it was months ago for me
TG: you did your bizarrely oblivious juggalo thing
TG: then bitched and moaned at me for ruining your religion or some horseshit
TG: like i guess a weird crisis in faith i dunno
TG: and then
TG: you kinda got over that i guess
TG: and we both proceeded to have one of the best rap-offs in the history of paradox space
TG: remember
TC: AwW MoThErFuCk, No :o(
TC: I MoSt sUrElY wOuLd gEt mY ReMeMbEr oN FoR A BiTcHtItS TiMe hAd lIkE ThAt
TC: My mInD'S NoT ThAt sHaRp nOw tHoUgH, iT'S BeEn aGeS SiNcE I HaD A GoOd pIe
TG: could be time shit
TG: you might not have had the conversation yet
TC: DoGg, I DoN'T KnOw tHaT Im aT A PlAcE To eVeN CoNtEmPlAtE FoR EnTeRtAiNiNg tHaT KiNd oF ThInG
TC: I DoN'T GeT TiMe
TC: I WaSn't tHe dUdE Of tImE
TC: I WaS ThE
TC: ThE MoThErFuCkIn
TC: BaRd oF
TC: FuCk
TC: I FoRgOt :o(
TG: do you remember if you watched any videos
TG: from earth
TG: that i might have sent
TC: nO
TG: dude i was telling you
TG: youve got to check this out
TG: trust me itll lift your spirits shit will all make sense to you finally
TG: youll finally figure out who you are and why you worship all this ridiculous clown bullshit
TC: Oh, MaN
TC: ThIs sOuNdS AmAzInG, i cAn't sEe hOw i wOuLdN'T Be aLl kIcKiNg tHe wIcKeD ShIt oUt Of sUcH KiNdS Of oPpOrTuNiTiEs
TG: and also why your planet has faygo for some baffling reason
TG: actually no nevermind it doesnt explain that
TG: that still makes no damn sense
TG: but like
TG: the thing youre looking for
TG: your dark clownish salvation or whatever the fuck
TG: your mirthful messiahs
TG: ahahahaha i cant even type that without lmao
TG: anyway theyre here dude
TG: check it out
TG: http://tinyurl.com/MoThErFuCkInMiRaClEs
TC: :oO


10/31/10
"Gamzee: Watch."



This...


10/31/10
"==>"



Is...


10/31/10
"==>"



Motherfuckin...


10/31/10
"==>"



<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/BlAsPhEmY.gif" border="0" />


11/01/10
"Gamzee: ENGAGE HERO MODE."



This is completely pointless.


11/01/10
"==>"






11/02/10
"Dave: Answer Equius."



|PESTERLOG|
-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CT: D --> I'm attempting to determine what it is that ranks humans in their class stru%ure
CT: D --> I'd assumed the color of your b100d would serve as the basis for placement in the hierarchy, as would be e%pected and natural, but I was mistaken
CT: D --> I was similarly in error believing the color of what you type corresponds with the color of your b100d
TG: it does bro
TG: my bloods red
CT: D --> Well, obviously
CT: D --> I understand that now, I'm not a f001
TG: on earth class is sorted out by who can drop the most delirious flow
CT: D --> I see
CT: D --> So, in other words, a sort of b100d letting ritual
CT: D --> To assess whose pulse is steadiest and thus whose flow is the most STRONG
TG: no
TG: well yeah
TG: verbal pulse
TG: rap battles
TG: the kings of wordtech ascend to godhood and look down on us patriarchally like urban watermarks in the sky
TG: this is like
TG: our religion man
TG: its fucking serious business its like what our whole culture revolves around
CT: D --> Really
CT: D --> So your social e%elons are dictated by the noble artform of the ancient slam poets
CT: D --> Or the Earth equivalent
TG: yeah well
TG: used to be dictated
TG: til the rapocalypse happened
TG: i still believe though
TG: in my heart so long as it keeps thumping the righteous beat
TG: subwoofing out devotion every which way
TG: that he will come
TG: our savior
TG: was foretold hed come after meteors show up to drop it like its hot
TG: and hed gather up the ashes of our civilization and lift it like its heavy
TG: fuck im tearing up my ishades are gonna fry
CT: D --> I believe
CT: D --> That this is probably nonsense
CT: D --> I've already been hornswoggled repeatedly by your comrades, who I quite reasonably mistook for your superiors in b100dline
CT: D --> Your race makes a habit of deception, and I will not tolerate it
CT: D --> You will stop
CT: D --> I command that all verbal misdire%ion and hoofbeastplay will cease during my communications, is that understood
TG: hahahahaha
TG: douche
CT: D --> Did I say something entertaining
TG: if youre gonna spit that kind of bravado at me im just saying put it in rhyme
TG: lets hear what you got tooly mcsnoothole
CT: D --> I try to stay engaged with many aristocratic practices
CT: D --> But I'm not much of a poet
TG: come on
CT: D --> My poems are private
TG: whatever dude
TG: deprivatize them
CT: D --> If you're prepared to be particularly forceful about it
CT: D --> I may be suitably disgusted to comply
TG: just
TG: take whatevers in there
TG: that brorage lust youre feelin
TG: turn that bitch inside out like a broke ass millionaires pockets
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Those are the sorts of assertive statements which could get me
CT: D --> Flowing
TG: alright
TG: weird but alright
TG: you sound wound up
TG: but my gears are airtight
TG: steer clear a the seer and the knight if youre scared of unfair fights
TG: youll drop like the staircase impaired, seein em spareds a fair fuckin rare sight
TG: for poor eyes like that millionaire whos pockets i mocked earlier
TG: hes paradoxically me but richer and surlier
TG: broke as his sword before his stock picks skyrocketed
TG: worth more than all the chests lockpicked and gold croc bricks and boonbucks i pickpocketed
TG: fillin folios with millions im milkin to pad out my pockets
TG: more chock full than sad trollian villains cloggin my blocklist
TG: so thoughtful to popul-
TG: -ate my slate with propositions to copulate to a spate of hemoerotic hotpix
TG: which i posit you got shit of that nature in spades
TG: as my shades got you locked in
TG: spyin a guy whos eyed more cocks and dicks than i got clocks and they got ticks
CT: D --> Just a thought. Let's mock a topic with less awfulness
CT: D --> If you'd use the e%cuse to be less culturally myopic, what are your views on abuse to the walking apocrypha
CT: D --> Would you choose if duly cued to put your bruising clop to a flock of naughty roboti%
TG: ahaha wow YES
TG: dont really understand that but yes
TG: ok hold that thought im gonna pull this fuckin sword out of the thing


11/03/10
"Dave: Pull sword out of thing."



|PESTERLOG|
CT: D --> Perhaps it's that it's martial tacti% that matter for status. Unless you redact this
CT: D --> I'd hazard in practice that it's a glass of what's lactic that would impact this
CT: D --> Pragmatic to presume? A human metric for grandness stands on fondness in honest
CT: D --> For wanton aplomb with strapping song smithing, ripping sonnets of STRONGNESS
TG: yes
TG: still no clue what this shit means but keep going
CT: D --> But perhaps
CT: D --> To divine class divides in unclassified swine is butchering time
CT: D --> Your fauna I find requires too little strength to savage in rhyme
CT: D --> I fear inferiors have monopolized my highest priorities
CT: D --> Let's eschew crude inferiors, pursue nude superiorities
CT: D --> Review z001ogical peculiarities, great stalking enormities
CT: D --> Fle%ing in unison, baying at moons within fraternal sororities
TG: holy shit
TG: what
CT: D --> Great musclebeasts tussle, bu%om in heft
CT: D --> With thunderous muscle, buttock to spec
TG: what the fuck
CT: D --> Connect blows to discover, how invincible pecs are
CT: D --> Venture low to uncover, his inimitable nectar
TG: oh god
TG: ok stop
CT: D --> Should song serve to placate one
CT: D --> And fortune holds he lactate some
CT: D --> STRONG hands tugging teat make great ambrosia collectors
TG: hahaha
TG: jesus
TG: ok maybe youre actually the worst troll
TG: im thinking none of that was actually ironic that was all pretty straightup wasnt it
CT: D --> What do you mean
CT: D --> Are you ordering me to conceal my poems again
TG: nevermind
TG: god dammit
TG: fuckin piece of shit sword
TG: wont goddamn budge probably useless anyway
CT: D --> It 100ks to be a legendary weapon
TG: its a legendary piece of shit


11/03/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
CT: D --> Giving up on the treasure so easily
CT: D --> It strikes me as an artifact rooted in universal lore of nobility
CT: D --> As valuable an asset as strength is
CT: D --> And as much as anyone with his wits is fond of being STRONG
CT: D --> Such weapons require finesse to operate
CT: D --> And surely in this case, to retrieve without damaging
CT: D --> Hence your no doubt frustrating restraint
TG: ok im kinda starting to wonder why youre bugging me now
TG: youre a fuckin creepy dude
CT: D --> E%cessive force will shatter such weapons
CT: D --> We both know this from e%perience
TG: what
CT: D --> The adult human who trained you
CT: D --> And taught you the ways of being STRONG
CT: D --> Remember
TG: you mean the guy who spent years beating my ass down with a puppet
TG: yeah i remember
CT: D --> Yes, and now, being learned in the ways of STRONGNESS
CT: D --> You like myself are unfortunately limited in the weaponry you may wield
CT: D --> Ironically the training which has ennobled you beyond others has made instruments of high b100d brittle in your hands
CT: D --> Hence the state of your favored weapon, hobbling your specibus
CT: D --> I know what this is like
TG: man
TG: im not that strong ok
TG: just cause i broke a cheap ass sword doesnt make me the fucking hulk
CT: D --> Oh
TG: what did you go around breaking a bunch of swords too
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> Bows
TG: how the fuck do you even wield a broken bow
TG: did you go around clubbing shit with the two halves
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Sometimes


11/03/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
CT: D --> What are you doing
TG: whats it look like
CT: D --> Careful
CT: D --> About succumbing to these sorts of destructive
CT: D --> Urges
CT: D --> Addi%ion is a powerful thing
TG: so am i
TG: bow down before your new king bitch


11/03/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
CT: D --> I think
CT: D --> I need
CT: D --> Something to dry myself off with


11/03/10
"==>"






11/03/10
"Equius: Dry off."






11/03/10
"Dave: Take legendary POS."






11/04/10
"Dave: Answer Terezi."



|PESTERLOG|
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GC: D4V3 GR34T N3WS!
GC: 1 FOUND 4 DR4W1NG T4BL3T
GC: DO YOU KNOW WH4T TH4T M34NS D4V3?
GC: DO YOU KNOW WH4T 1T M34NS W3 C4N G3T?
TG: please dont say this party started please dont say this party started
GC: TH1S
GC: P4RTY
GC: ST4RT3D!!!!! >8D
TG: god everything is about parties with you
GC: D4V3 TH3R3 1S NOTH1NG 3V3N CLOS3 TO B31NG B3TT3R TH4N P4RT13S, COM3 ON
TG: ok
TG: lets see some fine art then
GC: WHY 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH4T 1 H4V3 4 FR3SH M4ST3RP13C3 FOR YOU
GC: HOT OFF TH3 C4NV4S
GC: 4ND ON TO YOUR COMPUT3R GL4SS3S
GC: WH3R3 1T W1LL S1ZZL3 YOUR 3Y3B4LLS
GC: TSSSSSSSSSSSSSS http://tinyurl.com/D4V3XD4V3
TG: ok that
TG: is every bit as shitty as all your other drawings
GC: SHUT UP!
GC: 1 4M ST1LL SORT OF G3TT1NG TH3 H4NG OF TH1S TH1NG
GC: 1 W1LL G3T B3TT3R >:P
TG: i like it though you dont gotta improve
TG: art skills are overrated
GC: TH4NKS D4V3
TG: its kind of weird though what the hell is actually going on here
TG: does this mean something
GC: Y3S
GC: 1T 1S TH3 COM1C R3PR3S3NT4T1ON OF TH3 N3XT L3G OF YOUR WOND3RFUL JOURN3Y
GC: YOU KNOW, TH3 ON3 TH4T 1 4M H3LP1NG YOU W1TH 3V3RY ST3P OF TH3 W4Y >:]
TG: yeah
TG: but
TG: why
GC: 1 4LR34DY 3XPL41N3D TH1S TO YOU D4V3
GC: TH3 COOLK1D H4S TO B3 TH3 B3ST, 4ND 1 H4V3 TO M4K3 H1M TH3 B3ST
TG: alright but
TG: i mean even if that made sense which it kind of doesnt
TG: karkat was saying how it was all a game and youre just flirtin and stuff
TG: and that we should quit it because he doesnt want you in my grill or me in yours or whatever
GC: OH, 1S TH4T WH4T H3 S41D???
GC: HMM 1 WOND3R 1F H3 COULD R33K OF J34LOUSY 4NY MOR3 PUNG3NTLY
TG: well yeah thats what i thought too
TG: and really if we got no other reason keep rolling with it at least theres that one
TG: to piss him off
GC: W3LL WH4T DO YOU TH1NK D4V3
GC: 4M 1 1N YOUR HUM4N GR1LL?
TG: im not saying i know for sure but it seems to me like
TG: my grill is your goddamn prison
TG: you are practically incarcerated in that fucker
TG: doing hard time on a bed of charcoal and lighterfluid
TG: privy to what i flame broil from below
TG: what im sayin is you got a front row seat to the brown side of my burger
TG: hows it smell btw
GC: 1T SM3LLS L1K3 D3L1C1OUS BURN1NG 4N1M4LS
TG: yeah i thought so
TG: so is that whats going on
GC: WH4T?
TG: is this some weird game involving flirtation and assassinations or whatever
GC: OH, 1 DONT KNOW
GC: M444444YB3...
GC: SH33SH!
GC: YOU 4ND H1M 4R3 4L1K3 1N SOM3 W4YS
GC: R34LLY BLUNT 4ND L1T3R4L M1ND3D
GC: 4ND QU1T3 FR4NKLY JUST 4 L1TTL3 B1T T4CTL3SS WH3N 1T COM3S TO M4N4G1NG TH3 L4D13S!
GC: H3 4LW4YS H4D TO KNOW 3X4CTLY WH4T TH3 D34L W4S 4ND 3X4CTLY WH4T MY MOT1V4T1ONS W3R3 4ND WH4T 3V3RYTH1NG M34NT 4ND BLUH BLUH BLUH
GC: 1T T4K3S TH3 FUN OUT OF 3V3RYTH1NG!
TG: thats pretty much the most insulting thing possible to say im anything like that raving gulf of shit
GC: W3LL OK 1M SORT OF 3X4GG3R4T1NG
GC: BUT R34LLY
GC: SOM3 S1M1L4R1T13S 4R3 TH3R3
GC: 1TS JUST YOUR 1SSU3S 4R3
GC: COOL3R >:]
GC: L3SS R1D1CULOUS 4ND TR4G1C
TG: issues
TG: what are you talking about
GC: W3LL, FOR 1NST4NC3
GC: K4RK4T W4S 4LW4YS TORM3NT3D BY H1S P4ST 4ND FUTUR3 S3LV3S
GC: 4ND TH31R M1ST4K3S
GC: L1T3R4LLY TORM3NT3D BY TH3M 1N TH3S3 4BSURD SCH1ZOPHR3N1C M3MOS
GC: 1T W4S 1D34L FU3L FOR H1S S3LF LO4TH1NG
GC: H3 B3C4M3 OBS3SS3D W1TH H1MS3LF 4S 4N 3LUS1V3 4DV3RS4RY
GC: R4TH3R TH4N JUST B31NG H1MS3LF 1N TH3 MOM3NT 4ND R34L1Z1NG WHO H3 W4S SUPPOS3D TO B3
GC: 4ND W4K1NG UP >:[
TG: wow ok what does that have to do with me
GC: NOTH1NG 1N 4 L1T3R4L S3NS3
GC: BUT 1 H4V3 OBS3RV3D YOU D4V3
GC: YOU 4R3 4LW4YS G3TT1NG B41L3D OUT OF J4MS
GC: 4T F1RST BY YOUR BRO
GC: 4ND TH3N BY YOUR OWN FUTUR3 S3LV3S!
GC: 3V3N FUTUR3 D4V3SPR1T3 G3TS 1N ON TH3 4CT OF SHOW1NG UP POOR OLD PR3S3NT D4V3
GC: WH3N DO3S PR3S3NT D4V3 G3T TO ST3P OUT OF TH3 SH4DOW OF 4LL THOS3 FUTUR3 D4V3S??
GC: WH3N DO3S H3 G3T TO B3 TH3 H3RO, TH4T'S WH4T 1 W4NT TO KNOW >:D
TG: i dunno i guess maybe when i become future me
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4
GC: TH4T 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T K4RK4T US3D TO S4Y
GC: 1T W4S 4LW4YS TH3 4NSW3R
TG: fuck who cares
TG: like i even give a shit about being a hero whatever that even means
TG: im not seeing the problem here future me is awesome he can bail me out if he wants
GC: Y3S, 3X4CTLY!
GC: B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 COOL 4BOUT YOUR PROBL3M
GC: 1NST34D OF 4CT1NG L1K3 4 S1LLY L1TTL3 PUP4
GC: BUT DONT WORRY, ON3 D4Y YOU W1LL G3T TO T4K3 YOUR TURN 4S H3RO!
GC: 4ND ON3 D4Y
GC: YOU W1LL T4K3 OFF THOS3 DUMB GL4SS3S 4ND L3T M3 G3T 4NOTH3R SN1FF 4T YOUR 3Y3S
TG: not gonna happen
GC: COM3 ON!
GC: 1 ONLY GOT ON3 L1TTL3 WH1FF 4T TH3M
GC: WH3N YOU W3R3 4 T1NY P1NK W1GGL3R W1TH 4RMS 4ND L3GS S1TT1NG 1N 4 CR4T3R ON TH4T S4D HORS3 YOU 4T3
GC: TH3Y W3R3 PR3TTY!
GC: 1T 1S SO S3LF1SH OF YOU TO K33P TH3M COV3R3D UP
GC: 4ND TH3 L4M3 S3CR3CY SURROUND1NG 1T 1S ONC3 4G41N R3M1ND1NG M3 OF 4 C3RT41N YOU KNOW WHO >:|
TG: hey look at this change of subject going down
TG: about this comic
TG: are you saying im about to fall asleep
GC: Y3S


11/04/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
TG: why
GC: 1 DO NOT KNOW
GC: M4YB3 YOU 4R3 R34LLY T1R3D!
GC: YOU DROP SUDD3NLY 4ND SW1FTLY, L1K3 4N 3X3CUT3D F3LON F4C1NG N4PPY JUST1C3
TG: i dont feel tired
TG: could be rose waking me up again
TG: bonkin me with yarn or some shit
GC: OH?
TG: can you see in my dreams
GC: NO >:[
TG: too bad
TG: last time i promised rose id take off my shades and look in the sky for some reason
TG: youre gonna miss a hell of a show
GC: BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH >XO
GC: MOST 4WFUL COOLK1D!!!!!
TG: so i guess i have to summon davesprite too
GC: Y3S
TG: whys that
GC: WHY DO YOU TH1NK!
GC: TO B41L YOUR STUBBORN SP3CT4CL3D BUTT OUT OF TROUBL3 4G41N
TG: huh
TG: ok
GC: WH3N YOU 4R3 4SL33P, SOON 4 HORD3 OF V3RY POW3RFUL MONST3RS W1LL 3M3RG3 FROM TH3 RU1NS
GC: TO D3F3ND TH3 TR34SUR3 YOU H4V3 STOL3N
GC: OR D1D YOU TH1NK YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO W4LTZ OUT OF H3R3 W1TH TH4T COOL L3G3ND4RY SWORD 4ND F4C3 NO CONS3QU3NC3S?
TG: yeah kinda
TG: didnt think this useless horseshit was boss grade loot to be honest
GC: W3LL 1T 1S!
GC: NOW R3L34S3 M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S, ST4T
GC: 4ND H4V3 DR34MS 4S SW33T 4S H3 T4ST3S >:]
TG: ok see ya


11/04/10
"Dave: Summon Davesprite."



|SPRITELOG|
DAVE: sup
DAVESPRITE: hey


11/04/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: oh looks like you got caledfwlch
DAVESPRITE: you found that pretty fast
DAVE: is that how you pronounce that
DAVESPRITE: yeah i guess so
DAVESPRITE: i think its welsh
DAVE: what are welsh things doing in this game
DAVESPRITE: thats an awesome question
DAVE: fuck yeah it is
DAVE: is this thing as pointless as i think it is or do i need it for something
DAVESPRITE: tactically yeah its a downgrade since its what i used to make caledscratch which is obviously way better
DAVE: yeah thats what i figured
DAVESPRITE: caledscratch cycles the sword through its own timeline to points when its broken or nonbroken or old and rusted or recently forged etc
DAVESPRITE: and your snoop snowcone swords probably even better than that so yeah you got options
DAVE: fuck it ill just power through the rest of the game with the SORD.....
DAVESPRITE: hahahaha
DAVESPRITE: with unreal air as a mount fit for a true artifact knight
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: goddamn jpeg hero
DAVE: right here
DAVESPRITE: did that shit ever land or what
DAVE: dude its long gone
DAVE: up in skaia now or something
DAVE: thrashing ill grinds on clouds
DAVESPRITE: fuck
DAVESPRITE: top priority make more
DAVESPRITE: thats an order from your celestial fuckin spirit guide
DAVE: yeah you got it
DAVE: so why wasnt this legendary pos in the sylladex you gave me
DAVE: did you chuck it after you alchemized it
DAVE: should i just chuck it too
DAVESPRITE: it was stolen
DAVESPRITE: by one of hephaestus's minions
DAVE: hes the denizen right
DAVESPRITE: yeah lord of the forge
DAVE: isnt that like a greek god
DAVE: or roman or whatever
DAVE: what is greco roman shit doing in here you know what never mind
DAVESPRITE: yeah pretty much
DAVESPRITE: anyway he gets pissed off you broke it
DAVESPRITE: and he wants it back
DAVESPRITE: to do something important with it though not really sure what
DAVESPRITE: hes a pretty ornery dude
DAVESPRITE: kept raving about how he was waiting for the forge to come
DAVESPRITE: which he needs to complete his work
DAVESPRITE: but in my timeline the forge would never come
DAVESPRITE: so he was extra pissed off
DAVE: whats the forge
DAVESPRITE: volcano
DAVE: huh
DAVE: you mean jades volcano
DAVESPRITE: yup
DAVE: so do you know this stuff cause youre from the future or cause youre a sprite
DAVESPRITE: both
DAVESPRITE: theres all sorts of stuff i suddenly knew about the game when i became this orange feathery asshole
DAVE: so now youre like
DAVE: a wise feathery asshole
DAVESPRITE: i am fuckin filthy with wisdom its sick
DAVESPRITE: i mostly know stuff about your personal quest
DAVESPRITE: what used to be my quest but i guess i got to deal with not being alpha dave no more
DAVE: yeah i guess
DAVESPRITE: shrug
DAVESPRITE: its all good
DAVESPRITE: anyway that sword
DAVESPRITE: its important to getting your shit figured out
DAVESPRITE: you were supposed to break it to get it out of the thing
DAVESPRITE: like another personal sort of mythological milestone you were supposed to clear
DAVE: really
DAVE: there was no other way to get it out
DAVE: thats kind of retarded
DAVESPRITE: well i dont know
DAVESPRITE: maybe if john was to try with his pure heart and shit it woulda popped out like a champagne cork and fuckin hero confetti woulda blasted him in the face
DAVESPRITE: but you
DAVESPRITE: we
DAVESPRITE: we had to break it
DAVE: ok
DAVESPRITE: theres a lot more i know about your quest
DAVESPRITE: all tangled up in ridiculous riddles and bullshit enigmas
DAVESPRITE: and maybe its all a moot point anyway in this timeline who knows
DAVESPRITE: but i think ill spare you all that crap
DAVESPRITE: cause its kind of boring
DAVESPRITE: and youll find out anyway
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: that sounds about like something id do if i were you
DAVE: which i am
DAVE: so hey
DAVE: apparently im about to fall asleep


11/05/10
"==>"



|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: oh yeah why
DAVESPRITE: rose beckoning you again
DAVE: yeah probably
DAVE: anyway monsters will show up soon and try to eat my sleeping corpse
DAVESPRITE: yeah they werent too happy with my reckless indiana jones bullshit either
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: so thats where you come in
DAVESPRITE: i got your back dude dont worry
DAVE: ok
DAVE: guess ill make myself comfortable here
DAVESPRITE: when you wake up
DAVESPRITE: ill probably get going
DAVE: what do you mean
DAVESPRITE: ill just sort of
DAVESPRITE: release myself
DAVESPRITE: go do my own thing
DAVESPRITE: after this i dont think youll need me
DAVESPRITE: seems like youve got the stable time loop thing figured out already
DAVESPRITE: which means youll be alright
DAVESPRITE: future yous will get you out of trouble
DAVESPRITE: if youre gonna live up to the responsibility of eventually becoming them
DAVESPRITE: and by virtue of loop stability it sort of means you cant technically fuck up anymore
DAVESPRITE: but dont let that idea go to your head itll mess you up
DAVE: where will you go
DAVESPRITE: dunno
DAVESPRITE: fly around
DAVESPRITE: up away to the sun like a fucknig piece of gargbage
DAVESPRITE: see if i can catch up with bro maybe
DAVESPRITE: elusive bastard
DAVE: oh yeah
DAVE: where do you think he is
DAVE: what happened to him in your timeline
DAVESPRITE: who knows
DAVESPRITE: i completely lost track of him
DAVESPRITE: in that timeline and this one
DAVESPRITE: the dude is fucking inscrutable we both know that
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: ok good luck with that
DAVESPRITE: thanks man


11/05/10
"==>"



N8p time.


11/05/10
"==>"






11/05/10
"Davesprite: Defend."



|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: caw caw motherfuckers


11/08/10
"Jack: Examine."






11/08/10
"==>"






11/08/10
"==>"






11/08/10
"==>"






11/08/10
"==>"






11/08/10
"==>"






11/08/10
"==>"






11/10/10
"[S] Jade: Wake up."






11/11/10
"==>"



You suddenly understand jack shit.

Where are you? What just happened?

Oh great, now someone's bothering you. Boy are you not in the mood for getting trolled now.


11/11/10
"Jade: Answer."



|PESTERLOG|
cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CC: Glub glub. 38)
GG: what!!!!!
CC: S-E-E??
GG: see what!
GG: go away
CC: I told you!
CC: T)(ere is not)(ing to worry about at all.
GG: bluhhh what are you talking about....
GG: my head hurts
GG: just stop it, stop trolling me
GG: i hate you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CC: )(oly mackerel, looks like SOM-EON-E woke up on t)(e wrong side of t)(e absurd )(uman bed!
CC: C)(ill out, Jade. I am just following up on w)(at I told you earlier.
GG: about what!
GG: i dont remember talking to you at all
CC: About your dream! Your post-dreamdeat)( dreamself's dream.
CC: Errr. W)(ic)( is a term I just made up now. 38|
GG: my dream was horrible!!!
GG: i dont know what that was, i have never dreamed anything like it
CC: Yes, I imagine not! You )(ave spent your w)(ole life dreaming about prospit, no?
GG: oh god....
GG: prospit :(
GG: is it really gone?
CC: Yes, Jade. It is time to face t)(e facts!
CC: Our moons are gone too. If we wis)( to sleep now, our dreams must take place in t)(e bubbles glubbed by t)(e gods w)(o live in t)(e Furt)(est Ring.
CC: It is t)(e infinite space w)(ic)( divides all sessions, completely unnavigable and unfat)(omable, untouc)(ed by t)(e time or space of any universe in existence.
CC: Its lords are our slumberbuddies now. 38)
GG: uuuuuuuuugh D:
CC: Don't be ridiculous. T)(ey are not as dreadful as t)(ey look.
CC: In fact, t)(ey are quite )(elpful if you know )(ow to talk to t)(em!
CC: Don't you remember our dream? I was trying to s)(ow you t)(at t)(ere is not)(ing to fear.
CC: But t)(en... you kind of freaked out! )(umans are so M-ELODRAMATIC.
GG: oh......
GG: that was you?
CC: )(ELL YEA)(! 38D
GG: argh
GG: sorry but
GG: could you please
GG: not use all those stupid parentheses??????
GG: i can hardly read what you type and its giving me a migraine
CC: GLUUUUB oh fine.
CC: I will suspend my neato quirk just for you.
CC: I hereby renounce the royal mark of sea dweller supremacy in the interest of INT-ERSP-ECI-ES DIPLOMACY.
GG: what about the -E thing, can you stop that too? it is also annoying and stupid
CC: JEGUS JADE.
CC: Look! It is like a cool trident I throw sometimes.
CC: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/psifef.gif" border="0" />oooooo ---------------E
CC: How is that not awesome!
GG: meh :\
CC: Okay, you win. I have officially humbled myself before you. Entirely glubbing peasant-IFICATED for your pleasure.
CC: Shall I clip my fins for you as well, your majesty?
GG: hehehe
GG: ok, sorry for sounding bossy
GG: you seem pretty nice, and you sure do look exotic
GG: i kind of always thought you were all like
GG: a bunch of really obnoxious humans
CC: Well, thank you! On both counts, of being likened to something other than an obnoxious human, as well as on my exotic looks.
CC: For the record, you look pretty awesomely weird too.
CC: I introduced myself before, but since you do not remember, I will do so now. My name is Feferi, and I was going to be the Empress, but now I am not!
GG: hey feferi, i would like to remember......
GG: but everything is so foggy right now
GG: i remember prospit being attacked
GG: and
GG: falling.....
GG: aaaand
GG: i dunno :(
GG: do you know what happened?
CC: Hell if I know!
CC: In your pre-death dream at least. Oh, well you died obviously, so there's that.
GG: fffffff
GG: yeah, i gathered that! XC
CC: All I could see was what happened in your hive.
CC: You were asleep, and then your robot exploded.
CC: And then your lusus saved you! Kind of like mine saved me.
CC: Before she died. 38C
GG: ohhhhhhh!!!!!
GG: i do remember you!
GG: i remember you were talking to me about my lusus, and i had no idea what you were talking about
GG: and still sort of dont :\
GG: but you must mean bec
GG: also it was shortly before your friend sent me a weird message
GG: about how my robot was going to explode, and i should talk to him when it happens
GG: this was months ago
CC: Oh? Who was that?
GG: it was the most awful and angry one
GG: i am so sick of him, i really dont want to talk to that pathetic jerk ever
CC: Ah, Karkat. Of course.
GG: thats his name?
CC: Yes, he's our leader. Why did he want you to talk to him?
GG: hmmmm
GG: thats right, it was about some kind of plan...
GG: which he said me from the future told him about?
GG: i thought it was total nonsense at the time
GG: but
GG: i guess he was telling the truth
GG: so maybe i should talk to him? i dont know
CC: Glubshrug.
CC: He's pretty harmless, really. You get used to his yelling.
CC: I do not even process it as yelling anymore. More like a lot of blubbering.
CC: More blubber spills out of that mouth than a gash in a poached whale.
GG: ewwwww
CC: Gluuuuuub, I just made myself hungry. 380~
GG: ewwwwwwwwwwww!
GG: fish aliens are weird
CC: Hey! We're the aristocracy. We've got a duty to be weird.
CC: Anyway, go talk to your shoutfriend I guess.
GG: ok feferi, it was nice talking to you
CC: And hey, if you want to take another nap sometime, let me know! They will be more than happy to glub us up another bubble.
GG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
GG: i am never going to sleep again!
GG: never never never never never never
CC: PSH WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, MISS HORNLESS MCFINLESS.
CC: Why, if I'm not mistaken, you are looking a little drowsy right now. We may meet again sooner than you think. 38D
GG: yes, im so tired
GG: :(
GG: well, ok
GG: bye

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased being trolled by cuttlefishCuller [CC]


11/12/10
"Jade: Pester Karkat."



|PESTERLOG|
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GG: ok, my robot exploded
GG: now what smart guy!
CG: HOLY SHIT, IT'S HARLEY
CG: COMMUNICATING WITH ME OUT OF NOWHERE OF HER OWN VOLITION
CG: HOLD THAT THOUGHT WHILE I GO INFORM MY DISGRACE OF A CLOWN FRIEND ABOUT THIS TRUE REAL LIFE MIRACLE, IT MIGHT LIFT HIS SPIRITS
CG: I HAVE TO SPREAD THE WICKED WORD LIKE I'M MASSAGING SHITTY SPARKLEDUST AROUND MY NETHER REGIONS TO ASSUAGE A VICIOUS RASH
CG: IT'S LIKE I'M SEASONING A FUCKING STEAK HERE.
GG: i knew i would regret this
GG: talking to you is so terrible
GG: its making my headache worse
CG: OH YEAH, BECAUSE TALKING TO YOU HAS JUST BEEN ABSOLUTE EUPHORIA.
CG: DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT HEADACHES.
CG: RIGHT NOW THERE'S A LUMBERJACK SPLITTING WOOD ON MY THINK PAN.
CG: HE'S GOT THE FOREARMS OF A CHOLERBEAR, A MOUNTAIN OF LOGS, AND NOTHING BUT FUCKING TIME.
GG: uuuugh shut uuuuup!
GG: will you just tell me what you wanted?
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
CG: I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO CONTACT ME, NOT THAT I'M NOT TICKLED BY THE SURPRISE.
CG: LET'S CATCH UP. HOW IS EVERYTHING? HOW WAS YOUR DEATHNAP?? I CAN ONLY HOPE IT WAS AS REFRESHING AS MINE.
CG: WHAT'S THAT? HOW AM I? I'M GREAT, FEEL LIKE A MILLION BOONBANKS EVER SINCE MY LITTLE POWER SNOOZE.
CG: STILL PRETTY TIRED THOUGH. YOU LOOK A LITTLE DROWSY YOURSELF. BUT WE WON'T BE GOING BACK TO SLEEP ANY TIME SOON, WILL WE JADE?
CG: NO WAY. A PAIR OF FEISTY GOGETTERS LIKE YOU AND ME, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DREAMS OF HORRORTERRORS FONDLING EVERY RECESS OF OUR NAKED PSYCHES, PLEASANT THOUGH THEY ARE.
CG: YOU HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT USELESS SCAMPERING AND GIGGLING TO DO. WHEREAS I HAVE A CRUCIAL DATE WITH A PNEUMATIC DRILL, TO BORE A HOLE IN THE CENTER OF MY FOREHEAD, DEEP INTO THE PLUMP ANGUISH BLADDER WHICH STORES MY ALIEN DISMAY FLUID. THAT'S A REAL THING WE HAVE, FYI.
CG: I WILL THEN PERFORM A LITTLE SOFT SHOE NUMBER IN THE PUDDLE OF FLUID THAT ACCUMULATES ON THE FLOOR, WHILE MAKING THE BIGGEST SMILE EVER ATTEMPTED BY SOMEONE NOT CLINICALLY RETARDED.
CG: I WILL DO THIS FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, JADE. TO SAY THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
GG: i cant believe i fell for this
GG: it was just a setup to troll me some more
GG: why do you go to such lengths to troll me? i just dont understand it
CG: TRY TO BE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE
CG: TROLLING IS AN ACTIVITY THAT SHARES A NAME WITH MY ENTIRE SPECIES
CG: DO I GET ON YOUR CASE FOR ALL THE TERRIBLE HUMANNING YOU DO?
GG: thats ridiculous, humanning isnt a word
GG: and if it was, it would be a nicer thing to do than trolling!
GG: you know what i mean, stop pretending you dont
CG: TELL ME JADE
CG: WHY ARE YOU SUCH A RACIST?
GG: aaaaaaa that is something a troll would say!
CG: YES, EXACTLY.
CG: I AM A TROLL. IT SEEMS WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE.
GG: i mean you are being patronizing and disingenuous to get a rise out of me
GG: and that is really really shitty!!!!!!
GG: i am so tired of it, and i am done talking to you forever
GG: bye karkat, it was awful knowing you!
CG: WAIT
CG: OK LOOK
CG: I SERIOUSLY, HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
CG: YOU SAY YOUR ROBOT BLEW UP, AND THAT WAS SOME SORT OF SIGNAL TO MESSAGE ME?
GG: yes
GG: as if my day needed another reason to get worse
CG: YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T CONTACT THE RIGHT ME.
GG: what does that mean!
CG: I MEAN FUTURE ME IS PROBABLY THE ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS.
CG: SINCE IT'S ALL NEWS TO ME.
GG: is this another prank
GG: you are seriously the worst at pranks
CG: I DON'T PLAY PRANKS, THAT'S JUVENILE NONSENSE.
CG: I DO TWO THINGS AND TWO THINGS ONLY, I DEVASTATE SORRY MOTHERFUCKERS, AND GET SHIT DONE AS AN AWESOME LEADER.
CG: IN THIS CASE, I AM ACCOMPLISHING THE LATTER.
CG: HERE, CLICK THIS AND WE WILL SOLVE THE MYSTERY TOGETHER.
CG: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/FRUITYRUMPUSASSHOLEFACTORY.gif" border="0" />
GG: :|


11/12/10
"Karkat: Open memo."



|PESTERLOG|
CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

CCG: HEY FUTURE ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS EXPLODED JADEBOT BUSINESS?
CCG: MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY MISSION CRITICAL, OR JADE WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED GETTING IN TOUCH WITH US, RIGHT?
CCG: SOMETHING IMPERATIVE TO OUR SURVIVAL NO DOUBT?
CCG: HEY DOUCHE BAG, ARE YOU THERE
??? gardenGnostic [?GG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.
?GG: oh jeez, why am i doing this
?GG: this is so stupid!
CCG: PIPE DOWN HARLEY, THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN'T EVEN CONCERN YOU AT THIS POINT
?GG: bluhhh youre so funny!!!!!
CCG: NOTHING TO SAY, FUTURE ME?
CCG: NOT EVEN A FEW PARTING WORDS OF SCORN FOR ME OR THE NARCOLEPTIC IDIOT?
CCG: IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE'VE SPARRED, HOW I'VE MISSED THE SWEET STING OF YOUR BARBS
?GG: are you enjoying yourself karkat?
CCG: HAHAHA YOU ARE SO DUMB YOU ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS A RUSE.
CCG: YOU'VE COME ALL THIS WAY AND YOU STILL DON'T GET THAT ALL THE SHIT WE'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT IS REAL.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE PULLING A STUNT LIKE THIS, WHAT A WASTE OF TIME.
CCG: I REALLY AM TALKING TO FUTURE ME, HE'S JUST BEING AN EVASIVE TOOL.
?GG: well obviously i know some things youve said are true
?GG: its just hard to take everything at face value when youre always so nasty!
CCG: YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY AMAZING HOW BEHIND THE TIMES YOU ARE.
CCG: IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU'VE SLEPT THROUGH THIS WHOLE ADVENTURE
CCG: OH WAIT, THAT IS ESSENTIALLY TRUE.
CCG: IT WAS HILARIOUS WATCHING YOU GROW UP.
CCG: YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ALL THE ANSWERS, FROLICKING ALL OVER YOUR ISLAND BEING INFURIATINGLY CHIPPER, BUILDING ROBO-BUNNIES LIKE A MORON AND ULTIMATELY RUINING EVERYTHING.
CCG: YOU WERE SO SURE YOUR DREAMS TOLD YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED TO KNOW.
CCG: AND NOW LOOK AT YOU
CCG: YOU SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT.
?GG: ok i understand that you are another group of players and you are in some sort of trouble
?GG: but maybe if you had been nice to me instead of terrorizing me all those years i would have believed you
?GG: and we could have worked together to solve your problems as well as ours
?GG: it just makes me sad to think thats probably impossible now because you are so angry and stubborn!
CCG: DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE I'M ANGRY AND STUBBORN.
CCG: I FUCKING KNOW WHAT THOSE ASSETS MAKE POSSIBLE.
CCG: THEY MADE YOU POSSIBLE, GOT IT???
?GG: uh huh
CCG: DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE GRACED BY MY DIVINE FURY?
CCG: TO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF GETTING TO BE STUDIED AND MOCKED BY ME FOR YOUR WHOLE PATHETIC MISERABLE LIFE?
CCG: DO YOU REALIZE I'M YOUR GOD? YES, YOUR LITERAL GOD, THAT'S RIGHT.
?GG: sure karkat, whatever you say!
CCG: AND I HAVE TAKEN TIME OUT OF MY BUSY GODLY SCHEDULE TO SCRUTINIZE YOUR POINTLESS EXISTENCE.
CCG: OUT OF THE COUNTLESS TRILLIONS OF LIFE FORMS I BROUGHT INTO REALITY THROUGH ANGRY GRUBFUCK POWER ALONE, I HAVE SELECTED YOU FOR EXAMINATION AND HARASSMENT.
CCG: PERSONALLY I THINK THAT WARRANTS A LITTLE GRATITUDE, AND JUST MAYBE, A BIT OF DEFERENCE.
CCG: A CURTSY, PERHAPS?
CCG: BUT YEAH GO AHEAD AND KEEP BLOWING ME OFF LIKE THE FLAKEY LITTLE TWERP YOU ARE.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: HEY DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT YOU UNCOUTH PIECE OF SHIT.
FCG: THIS IS REFLECTING POORLY ON BOTH OF US, IT'S GODDAMNED EMBARRASSING.
CCG: OH WOW, ANOTHER MIRACLE.
CCG: IT MUST BE PERIGEES EVE, BECAUSE GET A LOAD OF THIS HUGE BEHEMOTH LEAVING THAT JUST GOT DRAGGED IN.
CCG: JADE, OUR DUTY IS CLEAR. WE MUST DECK THIS TURD TO THE NINES.
FCG: OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS A CLEVER THING TO SAY. WHAT A DIPSHIT.
?GG: aaauugh what the hell!!!
FCG: JADE, I'M SORRY ABOUT PAST ME'S RETARDED BEHAVIOR.
FCG: I'M NOT GOING TO DRAG OUT A HUGE APOLOGY OR ANYTHING BECAUSE I ALREADY APOLOGIZED IN AN EARLIER CONVERSATION, OK. I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW.
CCG: GOD DAMMIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
CCG: I MEAN, AM I SERIOUS?????
CCG: WILL I BE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT. WILL I REALLY BACK DOWN LIKE A LIMP FRONDED STOOGE? PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING.
FCG: PLEASE, JUST
FCG: SHUT UP
FCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT FUTURE ME WAS THE STUPID ONE
FCG: PAST ME IS THE DUMBEST BUCKET OF FESTERING DISCHARGE I EVER FELL ASS BACKWARDS INTO.
FCG: COME ON, YOU KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE. REMEMBER ALL THE PAST USSES WE USED TO TALK TO??
FCG: THEY WERE EVEN PASTER THAN YOU, AND THEREFORE DUMBER.
CCG: YEAH, I REMEMBER ALL THOSE DUMBSHIT PAST USSES, BUT THEY DON'T HOLD A FUCKING JACKASS CANDLE TO FUTURE USSES.
CCG: AND YOU'RE THE FUTUREST ME I EVER HAD THE CROTCH BLISTERING MISFORTUNE OF JAWING WITH, SO THE FUCKHEAD TROPHY GOES TO YOU.
CCG: I MEAN, MY GOD, WHY.
CCG: IS PROXIMITY TO THAT NASTY LOOKING SPACETIME RIP ON THE TIMELINE MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD?
CCG: IS THAT WHAT'S CAUSING YOU TO FEEL PITY FOR THIS IMBECILE?
FCG: LOOK, JADE'S NOT THAT BAD OK.
FCG: YOU JUST GOT TOO WORKED UP, AND YOU CAN'T SEE THAT.
FCG: AND NOW ALL THIS FROTHING PANDEMONIUM JUMPING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS JUST RIDICULOUS OVERCOMPENSATION FOR YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS AND MISTAKES, AND MASKING SOME FEELINGS YOU'RE NOT REALLY IN TOUCH WITH.
FCG: THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS, I'M FLUSHING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER IN EMBARRASSMENT HAVING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, AND EVEN WORSE, REMEMBERING HAVING IT EXPLAINED TO ME BY THE SMART ONE THREE HOURS AGO AND STILL ACTING LIKE A MOIST GLOBE EVEN AFTER BEING SO SOUNDLY SCHOOLFED.
CCG: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE.
FCG: YOU SAID SO YOURSELF, WE DON'T JOKE AROUND. IT'S JUVENILE, REMEMBER.
CCG: I'M GOING TO VOMIT.
CCG: I'M MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO SLAP MYSELF THREE HOURS FROM NOW, FOR BEING ENOUGH OF A SAP TO START DEVELOPING RED FEELINGS FOR A DUMB ANNOYING HUMAN, IF I'M READING BETWEEN THE LINES CORRECTLY.
FCG: I JUST SLAPPED MYSELF! I REMEMBERED MY LAME NOTE TO MYSELF FROM THREE HOURS AGO, AND THEN SLAPPED MYSELF SPECIFICALLY TO MOCK YOU.
FCG: IT STINGS TOO, YOU'LL FEEL IT IN A WHILE. AND THEN THE GHOST OF PAST ME WILL CRY.
FCG: PAST ME DOESN'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. HE'S A STUPID BAWLING WIGGLER PHANTOM. HE'S DEAD, NOT A REAL GUY ANYMORE, LIKE ME.
FCG: I'M THE REAL ONE. YOU'RE FAKE, A SHADOW OF A SAD MEMORY THAT PISSED ITS PANTS WHILE SCREAMING.
FCG: TIME TO DEAL WITH IT.
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
FCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
FCG banned CCG from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
?GG: i cant take this anymore!!!!!!!!
?GG: i dont even know what im reading here but its preposterous and ive had it!
?GG: i am just so angry, i cant believe i let you push me around all those years
?GG: you are completely out of your mind, i was too nice by just blocking you and typing frowny faces and stuff
?GG: i should have let you HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FCG: YES!!!!!
FCG: LET THIS FUCKER KNOW THE SCORE JADE. THIS IS HOW WE ROLL.
?GG: SHUT UP!!!!!!!
?GG: future karkat, if you really are future karkat......
?GG: where do you get off thinking you can just suddenly act like were pals because you said you apologized????
?GG: if you want to apologize then great i am all ears! but just mentioning it off hand and then yelling at yourself the same way you yell at me all the time as if i need a knight to come save me from yourself is so lame, not to mention completely insane
?GG: i cant even believe the things im typing here! this is so stupid, talking to two of you at once is the worst thing imaginable
?GG: you treat everyone horribly, even yourself, i cant even fathom how awful it is to be you
?GG: past karkat, youre acting like a bigger jerk than he is and i think you know that! why dont you take his advice and grow up
?GG: as if theres even a real difference between you two. three hours is hardly any time at all, you are the same person YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!
CCG: OH SHIT
FCG: YES, THAT WAS GREAT. WE BOTH HAD IT COMING, ESPECIALLY HIM. GREAT WORK JADE.
?GG: stop it!!!!
?GG: ugh, i dont know whats worse, jerk karkat or goofy sycophant karkat
?GG: i cant stand it, whether youre trying to be nice or just being a crazy asshole, you are just so weird!!!
?GG: im through humoring you, i dont even care about this stupid exploded robot mission, whatever that was
FCG: OH RIGHT, ABOUT THAT
FCG: YEAH WE NEED TO TALK
FCG: I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
FCG: BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY SOON, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR SESSION
FCG: SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO, THEN JUST HIT ME UP, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT
?GG: hahaha, FAT CHANCE!!!!
FCG: LOOK I KNOW THINGS ARE WEIRD BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD.
FCG: ESPECIALLY AT THAT LOSER.
FCG: BUT THINGS WILL CHANGE, IN TIME YOU'LL SEE I'M NOT QUITE SO AWFUL, OK?
??? turntechGodhead [?TG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.
?TG: ahahahahah oh god
?TG: dude i cant believe you were just getting on our case about hitting on the troll girls
?TG: and then literally the very next memo you are slobbering all over jade
?TG: thats just perfect hahahaha
CCG banned ?TG: from responding to memo.
FCG rebanned ?TG: from responding to memo.
?GG: dave wait dont go!
?GG: youve got to save me from this insanity :(
FCG: OH I SEE, NOW YOU COULD USE A KNIGHT, HOW VERY INTERESTING, HMMM.
FCG: GOD I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO BE FUTURE YOU, SLIGHTLY LESS FUTURE YOU IS SUCH A GOD DAMN PILL
?GG: i cant wait for future you to future kiss my ass!
CCG: YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
?GG: i also cant wait for past you to past drop dead and go to hell, PAST TENSE!!!!!!!!
?GG: when are those things going to happen?? or will have already past/future happened?????
?GG: i want to put another reminder on my finger so i know when its time to throw a party!!!!
FCG: HAHAHAHA, YOU HEAR THAT YOU OBSOLETE PILE OF GARBAGE? JADE JUST FLIPPED YOU OFF WITH A COLORFUL FINGER.
CCG: MAN, SHE OBVIOUSLY HATES YOU MORE. SHE CALLED YOU A SYCOPHANT WHICH IS A HUNDRED TIMES MORE DESCRIPTIVELY WORSE THAN JUST BEING A RUN OF THE MILL SCUMBAG LIKE ME.
CCG: SHE IS TOTALLY ON TO YOU AND HOW DESPICABLE YOU'VE BECOME, CAN YOU BLAME HER FOR HATING US?
FCG: NO, I CAN BLAME YOU, YOU'RE THE ONE WITH NO MANNERS WHO'S ALL TWISTED UP INSIDE.
FCG: HOW'S THIS FOR A PACT, EVERYBODY.
FCG: PAST KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO PAST JADE FROM NOW ON, AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BICKER LIKE SHITTY LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HOURS/YEARS RESPECTIVELY.
FCG: AND FUTURE KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO FUTURE JADE, AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN ONLY INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO CIVILIZED, MATURE, GROWN ASSED ADULTS.
FCG: IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??????
?GG: jesus will you just ban me already????
?GG: my head hurts so bad now i think im going to cry
FCG: MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST BAN HER ALREADY AND END THIS TORMENT SINCE YOU DRAGGED HER INTO THIS.
CCG: FUCK THAT YOU BAN HER. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SEEMS TO "CARE".
FCG: WILL YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, MAN THE FUCK UP, AND BAN THIS POOR GIRL ALREADY?
?GG: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa XO
?GG: i will just ban myself!!!!
?GG: *JADE HARLEY BANNED HERSELF FROM RESPONDING TO THE GRUMPY SHIT HEAD MISERY ZONE, AND IS NEVER COMING BACK*
?GG: pchoooooooooooooooo
[?GG] ceased responding to memo.
FCG: OK, THERE. SHE'S GONE.
FCG: MAYBE NOW YOU GET IT.
FCG: HOW HIDEOUS EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE, MAYBE YOU'LL FINALLY STOP FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
CCG: HUH
FCG: WHAT
CCG: I THINK
CCG: I WAS PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT JADE
CCG: SHE'S A LITTLE LESS LAME THAN I THOUGHT
FCG: SHHHHSHHSHSHSHSH
FCG: SHE CAN STILL READ THIS YOU STUPID FUCK
FCG: NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO OPEN YOUR VEINS AND WRITE POEMS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
CCG: FUCK YOU, I'M JUST VOICING A HARMLESS OBSERVATION OK
CCG: IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS IF SOME LUNK HEAD IN THE FUTURE GETS CARRIED AWAY WITH WHATEVER LITTLE THOUGHTS I MAY OR MAY NOT NOW BE THINKING
FCG: I...
FCG: BUT
FCG: HOW COULD THAT EVEN BE A REAL THING I TYPED THREE HOURS AGO, HOW COULD I BE THIS STUPID.
FCG: WE ARE JUST THE DUMBEST FUCKERS WHO EVER LIVED AREN'T WE.
CCG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
FCG: I DON'T EVEN HAVE THE ENERGY TO BAN US.
FCG: I'M JUST LEAVING.
[FCG] ceased responding to memo.
CCG: YEAH
[CCG] ceased responding to memo.


11/12/10
"Jade: Consult reminders."



That was not a conversation you were hoping to wake up to. You feel more agitated and disoriented than ever.

You consult your reminders to get your bearings on what to do next.

But you can't remember what they mean at all. You have a feeling these are all useless now.


11/12/10
"Jade: Remove reminders."



You ditch the strings. All but one.

You don't remember what it was for, but it reminds you of something nonetheless. Something you can't believe you forgot about...


11/12/10
"==>"



John!

He was falling in your dream. You tried to save him. You hope he is ok.


11/12/10
"==>"



You look up at your house. Your cool satellite tower bedroom is gone.

What's that thing floating there?


11/12/10
"Jade: Head home."



Someone has connected as your server player.

You are pretty sure you know who it is.


11/13/10
"John: Be the someone who is Jade's server player."



You are suddenly John being the someone who is Jade's server player.

Since you have made short work of a delicious home cooked meal, you decide to bear down on this game. However, aromas from the ghost oven persist. What is that... lasagna? Wow, that smells great. Focus, Egbert, focus!

Since your paradox sister is still napping, you guess it couldn't hurt to set a few things up first.


11/13/10
"John: Deploy cruxtruder."






11/13/10
"==>"



This seems like the obvious place for this thing.

Be careful with that! Don't want to wake the doggy.


11/13/10
"==>"



Jade's family sure is weird.


11/13/10
"John: Deploy totem lathe."



For such a huge house, things sure are cluttered in here. Got to make some space.


11/13/10
"==>"






11/13/10
"==>"






11/13/10
"==>"






11/13/10
"==>"






11/14/10
"John: Deploy alchemiter."



You suppose you could upgrade this thing right away, if Jade can spare some time to cooperate. You've got plenty of grist to spare.

There's a lot of new junk in the registry. You wonder what all this stuff is for.

It costs a fortune. You have a lot of grist, but not nearly that much.


11/14/10
"Jade: Go inside."



|PESTERLOG|
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

GG: john are you there???
EB: whoa, hey!
EB: you're awake!
GG: yes!
GG: im so relieved to talk to you and hear youre ok
GG: i mean.......
GG: are you ok john? your dream self i mean
EB: oh, yeah.
EB: i am pretty sure that i...
EB: he?
EB: am/is fine.
EB: i woke up on the battlefield which was on fire, and had flaming bits of prospit everywhere.
GG: :(
GG: yes, but that was not prospit. that was its moon which was severed by the crazy derse agent
EB: oh, you mean jack?
GG: i dunno!
EB: that is his name, karkat told me.
EB: i saw him there too.
EB: oh!!!!!
EB: i also got your present, and it saved my life!
GG: really?? :D
EB: yes, the bunny was so awesome, it was definitely the best bunny i got today.
EB: thank you so much, jade!
GG: <3
EB: when jack saw it, he flew the hell away. and then the bunny and i went on an adventure together.
EB: does the bunny have a name? i asked him but i don't think he can talk.
GG: i dont know! i did not give him one after applying the upgrades
GG: i gave her a girls name when i was very young, but now she is a different bunny, and also a boy i guess?
GG: its up to you john, he is your bunny
EB: oh, i did not even think of that.
EB: well if she grew up as a girl, then it's not right for me to suddenly make her a boy.
EB: hmm...
EB: you have no idea how tempted i am to name her casey again.
GG: hahahaha
GG: again?
EB: yes, i named a young salamander casey earlier, but then i left her at rose's house.
GG: you were at roses house??
EB: yes, but she was asleep.
EB: also, apparently i am supposed to marry rose. karkat said so.
GG: what!!!!
EB: it is true, it is a fact from an alien.
GG: ugh he is so weird
GG: you shouldnt listen to him!
EB: heheh, i did not take him that seriously.
EB: but karkat is cool, he is angry and funny.
GG: D:
GG: he is angry and a huge pain in the ass
GG: have you ever talked to two of him at once????
EB: haha, no!
GG: dont ever do it! you will get a headache
EB: that sounds kind of awesome.
GG: noooooooo, think again
EB: i've got it.
EB: i will name her liv tyler.
GG: ????
EB: the bunny.
GG: :|
GG: you mean from armageddon?
EB: yeah!
GG: john that is so stupid
GG: but also kind of cute i guess
GG: ok then the bunny will be named after your silly movie star fantasy crush
EB: it's too bad i can't marry liv instead of rose.
EB: the girl i mean, not the bunny.
EB: but i guess she is probably dead now, along with all the other glamorous movie stars who come out to shine on the silver screen.
EB: that's pretty sad.
GG: yeah......
GG: that reminds me john
GG: have you looked in the lab yet?
EB: the lab?
GG: the big room in the sphere at the top of the tower
EB: oh, no. why?
GG: could you do me a favor and not look in there?
EB: ok. why, is there a secret in there?
GG: its nothing that secret or personal or anything....
GG: it is just something kind of sad and weird for you to see
EB: what is it?
GG: it is my dead dream self
GG: it has been there for years, i always knew i would die but i did not realize it would go like this....
EB: oh...
EB: errr...
GG: what?
EB: i have sort of already seen... that.
EB: not in the lab, but on the battlefield.
GG: oh no!!!!!
GG: im sorry john :(
EB: it's ok.
EB: i was so confused and sad when i saw you lying there...
EB: i'd rather not talk about it i guess.
GG: i understand
EB: but, i wonder...
EB: if your dream self died...
EB: then what were you just dreaming about now?
GG: ummmmmmm
GG: i think i would rather not talk about that either
EB: ok, that's cool.
EB: oh, also...
EB: i found your ring.
GG: you did????
EB: yes...
EB: but then i woke up, and didn't have it anymore.
EB: so i am not sure where it is now.
GG: oh nooooooo
GG: john that ring is really important, it belongs to the white queen!
EB: oh, whoa.
GG: when you go to sleep again, you should try to find it and keep it safe!
EB: ok, i will do that.
EB: hey jade, we have a lot to catch up on, but how about later?
EB: we have to hurry, remember there is a big meteor heading for you right now?
GG: yes i have seen it, it is so huge ._.
GG: how much time do you suppose we have?
EB: i will find out now!


11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"==>"






11/15/10
"John: Open cruxtruder."






11/15/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: oh fuck!


11/15/10
"==>"






11/16/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: ok, we have 10 minutes and 25 seconds.
GG: hmmmm i wonder what the significance of that number is
EB: why would it be significant?
EB: numbers don't always need to have significance!
GG: but they usually do!
EB: ok, well the number is now less than it was, and therefore less significant.
EB: and by less, i mean more! you had better hurry upstairs and make your special item.
GG: yes, youre right
EB: hey, what do you think we should prototype this fussy little orb with?
EB: heheheh, it seems like so long ago that rose fed mine a clown.
EB: we were just messing around, we didn't even know what we were doing.
GG: i dont know...
GG: there are so many possibilities
EB: yeah...
EB: it's almost like your grandpa put all this crap here knowing we'd have to make that decision.
GG: hmmmmmm!
GG: yes, it sure seems that way
EB: he seems like he was an awesome guy, i would have liked to have the chance to talk to him.
GG: well
GG: maybe you will get that chance john
EB: oh?
GG: yes, as a matter of fact i am sure we will both get that chance!
GG: i once dreamt that we would
EB: huh...
EB: wait, are you saying we will prototype him?
EB: like i did with nanna, to bring her ghost back to life?
EB: as...
EB: another ghost?
GG: sure, why not!
EB: i guess that makes a lot of sense, actually.
GG: that is what i believe this game is for in part
GG: you got to bring back your nanna, rose brought back her cat, i can bring back grandpa, and dave...
GG: dave got to bring back a dead bird because of course he is too cool to have any dead family members
EB: yeah, also he brought back himself from the future.
EB: who... wasn't dead, but was going to die maybe? i dunno.
EB: specifically to save my life, as well as yours, i think.
GG: wait, he did????
EB: yes.
GG: that is
GG: soooo cooooool :O
EB: it's pretty neat, i guess.
GG: i almost completely forgot i was his server player!!!!!
GG: i hope hes not in trouble, i should check on him
GG: we probably have so much to catch up on
EB: i just messaged him, he is not answering.
GG: i dont see him in his house either :(
EB: ehhh, he's fine, he has been doing a lot of time traveling.
EB: i talked to him from the future, so he must be ok now to make it that far.
GG: oh, ok...
GG: jeez, i feel so out of the loop :(
EB: yes, that is why we need to get you in the loop!
EB: the loop being the game. hurry upstairs! your transporty pad thingies take you straight up, right?
GG: yes! ok here i go
EB: oh, wait!!!
GG: what!
EB: what do we do about prototyping?
EB: we shouldn't put your grandpa in yet, unless we want lots of imps and ogres and stuff that look like your grandpa.
GG: augh, nooooooooooooooo
EB: we could put in something really lame, to make all the monsters weaker!
EB: or at the very least, more ridiculous looking.
EB: like one of these weird pictures of blue ladies lying around.
EB: what's the deal with those, anyway?
GG: oh god, dont get me started :|
GG: he was a strange and silly man
EB: i guess we could just put nothing in and see what happens.
GG: hmmmmmmm, perhaps
GG: is that allowed?
EB: i don't see why not.
EB: maybe i will ask rose, because she suddenly understands everything for some reason.
GG: yes, thats a good idea
EB: we have ten minutes to think about it.
EB: whoops! i mean a lot less than ten minutes!
EB: hurry upstairs, go go go!!!


11/16/10
"==>"






11/16/10
"==>"






11/16/10
"==>"






11/16/10
"==>"






11/16/10
"==>"






11/17/10
"==>"






11/17/10
"Jade: Proceed to stairwell."



|PESTERLOG|
EB: what is this thing, anyway??
EB: and why is it blocking your transporter?
GG: it is some sort of terrible creature my grandpa hunted
GG: he called it the typheus minion
GG: i always hated it!
EB: typheus?
EB: like the web browser?
GG: i guess so
GG: it is probably a coincidence though
EB: hmm, i don't know...
EB: if you think numbers always mean something, why wouldn't browser names?
GG: yeah maybe.....
GG: i guess it would make sense for someone to name a really awful web browser after such a hideous monster
EB: wow, you sure do hate that thing!
GG: well sorry, i just found it sort of a weird and creepy thing to grow up with!
EB: i think it is pretty cool.
EB: and he is actually sort of cute to be honest, :p
GG: :p!!!!!!
EB: oh, and screw you, typheus is an awesome browser!
EB: it is old school.
GG: joooohhhhhn, it is so crappy
EB: typheus is the best and that's really all there is to say on the matter.
GG: YEAH RIGHT
GG: now is obviously not the best time to have the argument about whose browser is better....
GG: but really john you should upgrade to echidna, its so much nicer
GG: after you upgrade your clunky old computer of course :P
GG: maybe when i am in the game, i can give you one of mine!
EB: oh please.
EB: i will have you know, miss fancy computer dork...
EB: that i DID upgrade my computer.
GG: oh???
EB: yes, you are talking to the proud owner of a brand new BILL COSBY COMPUTER, ok?
GG: :O
EB: it is a stylish laptop in the shape of none other than bill cosby, the comedy LEGEND himself.
GG: omg
EB: he is looking a little sly, and fatherly, and he is wearing a sweater, and he is bill cosby.
EB: i made it with my alchemiter.
GG: john that is incredible
GG: i cant wait to make stuff like that!!!!!!
GG: except...
GG: all my awesome stuff exploded with my room :(
EB: then you will just have to make lots of NEW awesome stuff!
GG: yay!!!
EB: ok hold that thought, im going to yank this stupid monster off of the thing.


11/17/10
"John: Yank monster off of thing."






11/17/10
"==>"



|PESTERLOG|
EB: augh!!!!!!!!!!!
EB: i am making such a fucking mess in here.


11/18/10
"Jade: Go upstairs."



|PESTERLOG|
GG: what is the problem!!!!
EB: oh, nothing.
EB: i am just dropping monsters all over the place, that is all.
EB: are you upstairs?
GG: yes
EB: ok, good.
EB: i left the cruxite by the lathe, as well as the punched card with the green thingy on it.
EB: you should have plenty of time to make it. no drama here!
GG: nice!
GG: how much time?
EB: a little more than 6 minutes.
EB: in the meantime, i will try to contact rose and get this prototyping nonsense sorted out.
EB: it's so confusing...
EB: in my foolishness, i came very close to prototyping your grandpa.
GG: D:
GG: john, try to be more careful!
EB: we very nearly had to face our grandfatherly paradox-dad as a last boss.
EB: that would probably be the worst case scenario.
GG: um.....
GG: what?


11/18/10
"==>"






11/18/10
"==>"






11/18/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/19/10
"==>"






11/20/10
"==>"






11/20/10
"==>"






11/20/10
"Rose: Answer John."



|PESTERLOG|
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

EB: rose, i have a question, and i am in a hurry!
EB: so hurry up and answer!!!
TT: Did you know your planet was on fire?
EB: oh.
EB: it is?
TT: Yes. It makes a good light for reading, actually.
EB: ok, haha, that's a confusing thing you said, but that topic will have to wait!
EB: jade is minutes away from entering, and i need to decide what to do with this kernel sprite.
EB: i really don't want to mess up and do something stupid.
EB: i was thinking about not prototyping at all, to not give the monsters any new powers.
EB: what do you think, rose?
EB: i thought i'd ask since you seem to know all the mysteries.
TT: Yes, I do seem to be shadowed by each mystery and its somber cortege of riddles, don't I?
EB: yes.
EB: that is exactly what i was going to say.
TT: First of all, I should preface this conversation by saying I know exactly what you and Jade are going to do.
EB: um...
EB: ok?
TT: The more of our future I've been allowed to see, the more I'm presented with a challenge I'm not very comfortable with.
TT: The trolls have tipped us off about what's to come without any regard for the consequences, as appears to be their nature.
TT: But maybe that's why it's worked for them.
TT: Maybe their indiscretion mingles with the cosmic noise that is the fabric of temporal uncertainty.
EB: bluhhhhhh...
EB: rose, tick tick tick!!!
TT: Sorry, John.
TT: I'm just nervous about it.
TT: About whether telling you what you definitely will or won't do will alter a predetermined outcome.
TT: The result would be a splintered timeline, and we would all be sentenced to eventual oblivion.
TT: I'm presently optimistic this has not happened yet, and this is still the alpha timeline. I'd like to keep it that way.
EB: oh, wow.
EB: you mean like when i died in another dimension, because terezi hornswoggled me?
TT: Yes, sort of.
TT: It isn't much fun, John.
EB: what's not?
TT: Living for months in an offshoot reality, waiting for the curtain to drop.
EB: oh, ok, i see.
EB: well, uh...
EB: is there anything you can tell me?
TT: Hmm.
TT: I guess I can permit myself to tell you this, somewhat definitively.
EB: what?
TT: Failing to prototype the kernel is the absolute worst thing that you could possibly do.
TT: Like, ever.
EB: oh no!
TT: We would come into possession of all the disasters.
TT: Exhaustive possession. Monopolization, in fact.
EB: then i guess i will not do that.
EB: why is it so bad?
TT: Because the battlefield will not be able to heal, and then transform.
TT: It will not reach the stage which allows it to become ready to receive our universe.
EB: but...
EB: i thought you said it wasn't going to be able to make a universe anyway?
EB: wasn't it barren or something?
TT: Yes.
EB: so why is it important?
TT: Because if it does not reach this stage, we will not be able to recover the treasure hidden in its core.
TT: Which is to say,
TT: You will not be able to recover it.
TT: When you go to sleep again.
EB: OHHHHHH.
EB: why didn't you say so, of course the answer is treasure.
TT: Yes. This is the treasure that will give us hope.
TT: But only if it comes into being in the first place.
EB: what is the treasure exactly?
TT: John, what is that sound?
EB: what sound?
TT: It seems to be a ticking noise.
EB: aaaahh!
EB: yeah, i've got to go. we can chat about treasure later.
EB: anyway, i will sort out this prototyping silliness myself.
EB: thanks rose!

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --


11/20/10
"Jade: Examine punched card."



What the heck is this?


11/20/10
"Jade: Carve totem."






11/20/10
"Jade: Pester Dave."



|PESTERLOG|
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

GG: dave!
GG: are you busy?
GG: i dont have much time!
GG: i am about to make my entry item, and its a little confusing
GG: i think the more players we add, the trickier they are to... um......
GG: activate!
GG: like yours was
GG: i figured we could brainstorm about it, while john fusses with the kernel
GG: helloooooo?
TG: nak nak nak
GG: :o
TG: nak nak nak nak nak nak
GG: :\
GG: whaaat....?
TG: nakka nakka nak
GG: dammit dave!!!!!!
GG: this is really urgent!
TG: MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME MY GLASSES ARE TALKING TO ME
TG: naknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknaknak
GG: ._.


11/20/10
"==>"






11/21/10
"Dave: Visit paradox sister."






11/21/10
"==>"






11/21/10
"==>"






11/21/10
"==>"






11/21/10
"==>"






11/21/10
"Rose: View John."






11/21/10
"John: Wake up."






11/21/10
"==>"



Wait, what happened? Where are you? Hey is that your...

NO BILL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

How many times must you say goodbye??


11/21/10
"==>"



NO NANNA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well, at least you are pretty sure she doesn't live in there. She is probably still back at your house, baking or something.


11/21/10
"John: Pester Jade."



There is no answer.


11/21/10
"==>"



YOU ARE JUST SO FRUSTRATED wait why the hell would you do that, what was the point.


11/22/10
"John: Equip goggles."



In spite of being an idiot, you still have a viable remaining communication device.

And as fortune would have it, someone is communicating with you now. This girl better have some damn answers!!!


11/22/10
"John: Answer Rose."



|PESTERLOG|
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --

TT: John.
EB: blaaauuuuuuuuugh, what happened!!!!!
TT: You were sleeping.
EB: yes, i know!
EB: on the corner of my ghost bed!
EB: in the middle of an oil ocean!
EB: for some reason!!!
TT: Why were you sleeping?
TT: Everywhere I look, I see boys taking naps.
EB: um...
EB: i have no idea.
EB: i don't remember what happened, i was in the middle of helping jade...
EB: and then...
EB: i guess my bed crashed?
EB: and i got knocked out i guess.
EB: i was dreaming.
EB: i couldn't have been out for that long, because my dream was really short.
TT: You weren't.
TT: Ten minutes, I'd say.
TT: What were you dreaming about?
EB: i was on the battlefield again.
EB: but i did not have time to seek the treasure!
TT: I wouldn't imagine so.
EB: but...
EB: i did see a black guy wrapped up in my ghosty bed sheets.
EB: he was acting very suspicious.
TT: A black guy?
EB: oh...
EB: i do not mean like, an african american or anything.
EB: like bill cosby.
TT: Thanks for clearing that up.
EB: r.i.p. bill. :(
EB: this fellow had a hard black shell, like all the dead guys do.
EB: i followed him for a bit...
EB: and then some sorta ruckus transpired, and i woke up.
EB: and now jade won't answer!
EB: do you know if she's ok?
TT: She's fine.
TT: But you're not.
EB: i'm not?
TT: Remember how I said your planet was on fire?
EB: oh yeah...
EB: that didn't by any chance stop being a thing that was true, did it?
TT: It did not.
TT: Do you see that pinkish hue behind you, bleeding over the horizon?
EB: fuck!!!
EB: rose, this is all oil! it'll all just explode any second, won't it???
TT: I don't think the fire's rate of propagation is quite as fast as you're imagining.
TT: But the danger is still significant.
TT: Especially considering that your bed is sinking.
EB: fuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!
TT: Relax.
TT: Look to your right.


11/22/10
"John: Look to your right."



|PESTERLOG|
TT: This will at least buy you some time.
TT: If you stay calm, and we work together, we can get you out of this.
TT: I'm practically an expert at escaping fires by now.
EB: ok, thank you rose.
EB: hey, how do you know these things anyway?
EB: can you see me somehow?
TT: Yes.
TT: I have a crystal ball.
EB: oh man, really?
TT: Yes.
EB: like a magic one?
TT: I think so.
EB: can it show you the future?
EB: is that how you know what's going to happen?
TT: No, it can only show me various locations in the present moment, as far as I can tell.
TT: My perception of the future has been informed by other sources.
EB: like what?
TT: Informants.
EB: durrrrr.
TT: Whispering gods, memories sifted from dreams, cryptic readings from unearthed talismans, conclusions drawn from riddles deciphered - every gambit you'd expect a quest to extend to an emerging seer.
TT: Just as I presume an heir would be supplied with what's needed for his maturation, assuming he's looking for it.
EB: oh... yeah.
EB: point taken. i guess i should be looking, huh?
TT: You should probably be doing what you're doing.
EB: okay, so...
EB: with what you've learned from your dreams and gods and magic and stuff...
EB: do you have it all mapped out now? do you know everything?
TT: I didn't know why you were asleep, did I?
EB: yeah, but...
EB: neither did i!
TT: I have more pedestrian sources too, you know.
TT: Sometimes trolls blither tidbits about the fu