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Latest Pages:
10/19/14 - "SOMETHING IS A MISS."
10/18/14 - "YOUR UNIMPATIENCE HAS BEEN APPRECIATED."
10/17/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 3"
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Adventure Log

View oldest to newest

06/04/07 - "With elf powers, order the pony to trample children and man"
06/04/07 - "First, be the pony. Second, trample the children and the man"
06/04/07 - "bite off your own leg and use it to play fetch with the pony"
06/04/07 - "Use runes to commune with pony and feed it a majyyk'd carrot"
06/04/07 - "Use magical prowess to summon Moscovite elves."
06/04/07 - "Enact Total War: set house on fire and flee east to Moscow"
06/04/07 - "invite the horse, children and madman in for tea party"
06/04/07 - "Continue your downward spiral of mental instability"
06/04/07 - "Throw two kids in the chimney. Maybe it'll smoke out elves"
06/04/07 - "Tie kids together with the horse and use as battering ram"
06/04/07 - "Give bus of children to elves so you can go inside"
06/04/07 - "Go on a hunt for children to repay the elf for his kindness."
06/04/07 - "Dig up stump"
06/04/07 - "Cast fireball at bungalow, so you stay extra warm tonight"
06/04/07 - "Cut open the horse to sleep inside for the cold night"
06/04/07 - "Wish to get out of jail, then trample the elf with the pony."
06/04/07 - "Ask for a pony. Ask for second wish by promising twin babies"
06/04/07 - "Offer the elf a baby in exchange for one wish."
06/04/07 - "Strike the elf."
06/04/07 - "With your trusty Hunk's Junk magazine, forge a sword"
06/04/07 - "Recite spell while spilling blood, invoking elves and such"
06/04/07 - "Using key, carve spell into stomach invoking elves and such"
06/04/07 - "Using key, carve spell into pumpkin invoking elves and such"
06/04/07 - "turn around."
06/04/07 - "Continue"
06/04/07 - "Grab the other guy's hand and run off into the forest"
06/04/07 - "Load gun and fire at stump, while singing King Henry V"
06/04/07 - "Look around and thank guy for quick thinking with harpoon"
06/04/07 - "POINT HUGEIFIER AT PUMPKINHEAD AND ACTIVATE"
06/04/07 - "Take off helmet and use it for flotation. Flip switch again"
06/04/07 - "Climb down ladder and randomly press buttons on panel"
06/04/07 - "ask harpooned man where rest of the few thousand pieces are"
06/04/07 - "Apologize to the man."
06/04/07 - "Pull lever and reel in the harpoon"
06/04/07 - "Use harpoon to get across to building and shoot down hole"
06/04/07 - "Survey surroundings, possibly sneaking a bite of ambergris"
06/04/07 - "Try to climb up the rope thing."
06/04/07 - "Jump out the window."
06/04/07 - "Bring the gun along in case you have to off yourself."
06/04/07 - "Oh shit"
06/04/07 - "Carve pumpkins to match faces on the wall and put them in"
06/04/07 - "Plug up the hole with a pumpkin."
06/04/07 - "Drink as much as you can as fast as you can."
06/04/07 - "Put it in the sad recess"
06/04/07 - "Carve the pumpkin into a surprised face!"
06/04/07 - "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO THROUGH THE DOOR!!"
06/04/07 - "Play the get out of jail free card"
06/04/07 - "Eat the pumpkin portions just cut out of the head-pumpkin"
06/04/07 - "Use intestine like scarf / Climb intestine"
06/04/07 - "Greet him"
06/04/07 - "Return to the courtyard to show off new suit."
06/04/07 - "Build pumpkin-armour."
06/04/07 - "Check that door to see if it is locked."
06/04/07 - "Open pumpkin and cuddle whatever is inside!"
06/04/07 - "Place head on "X""
06/04/07 - "Drill through door"
06/04/07 - "Be the other guy."
06/04/07 - "Ask man to throw intestine up to you"
06/04/07 - "Greet him"
06/04/07 - "Go to window to show off new helmet"
06/04/07 - "Carve holes for mouth and eyes"
06/04/07 - "Ease head out of hole."
06/04/07 - "Dig deeper! Search for Prime Minister's gold hookers"
06/04/07 - "Eat whatever is in the hole"
06/04/07 - "Clean the place up a bit."
06/04/07 - "Climb intestine"
06/04/07 - "Unpause"
06/04/07 - "Pause"
06/04/07 - "Cry."
06/04/07 - "Make a robot out of that guy"
06/04/07 - "With great prescience, move away from end of the intestine"
06/04/07 - "Examine that rope-like object"
06/04/07 - "Get a bachelor's degree in robotics"
06/04/07 - "Get down tonight."
06/04/07 - "Rebuild logorg"
06/04/07 - "Sacrifice your soul to the heathen gods."
06/04/07 - "Make a little love."
06/04/07 - "Wreck(Reek?) havoc"
06/04/07 - "Put your brain inside Logorg's head."
06/04/07 - "Use logorg as a battering ram to open the door"
06/04/07 - "Command Logorg to dance"
06/04/07 - "Continue to enjoy Hunk Rump"
06/04/07 - "Drill through the wall right next to the door."
06/04/07 - "Drill hole through door"
06/04/07 - "Daub pictures of naked ladies on the wall with blood."
06/04/07 - "Proceed."
06/04/07 - "Wave legs in the air"
06/04/07 - "Poke head through hole and wave."
06/04/07 - "Drill through the floor"
06/04/07 - ">unpause"
06/04/07 - ">status"
06/04/07 - "Apologize to guard's body"
06/04/07 - "Use guard as battering ram on door"
06/04/07 - "Use guards pants to lasso keys through the opening in door"
06/04/07 - "Eat the pumpkin."
06/04/07 - "Leap over him in a desperate bid for freedom."
06/04/07 - "Try waking him by peeing on him"
06/04/07 - "Check on knocked out guard"
06/04/07 - "BARF!"
06/04/07 - "Spit pee at man out the window."
06/04/07 - "Serenade the guy about how you want the key"
06/04/07 - "Keep singing until guy drills through floor"
06/04/07 - "hollow out pumpkin, wear as helmet in case ceiling collapses"
06/04/07 - "Sing 'malaguena'"
06/04/07 - "Drill a hole in the floor."
06/04/07 - "Toss the contraption into the air to give it added lift"
06/04/07 - "Hook key to ladder and extend to jail cell guy"
06/04/07 - "Make clay from dirt and pee, use it to glue ladder into pole"
06/04/07 - "Hook key to the end of ladder and extend it to jail cell guy"
06/04/07 - "Turn long ladder into stilts"
06/04/07 - "Ignore all future input from betelgeuse"
06/04/07 - "Talk to the guy in the jail cell"
06/04/07 - "Use ladder as battering ram"
06/04/07 - "Pretend broken ladder is broken train track"
06/04/07 - "Use key on door."
06/04/07 - "Go through door."
06/04/07 - "Rub key on chest."
06/04/07 - "Throw shoe at key"
06/04/07 - "Search room thoroughly for pumpkin"
06/04/07 - "Say hello to the pumpkin"
06/04/07 - "Examine floor"
06/04/07 - "Ask dungeon master if there is one fucking way out of room"
06/04/07 - "Knock on door."
06/04/07 - "Do a dance"
06/04/07 - "Open door"
06/04/07 - "Pee out the window in an attempt to bring him back"
06/04/07 - "Loudly tell that guy to pick up key and try it on the door."
06/04/07 - "Throw the key down to that guy so he can open that door"
06/03/07 - "Look for keyhole"
06/03/07 - "Grow two muscular arms with which the manhandle the key"
06/03/07 - "Graft pumpkin to yourself so that you have one hideous arm"
06/03/07 - "Attempt to pry open window."
06/03/07 - "Start Jailbreak Adventure"




RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 19 October 2014 by Andrew

Next update is 10/25.

Not that it's particularly relevant, but remember I'm not actually working on the next update in the meantime. I wrote all this stuff almost a year ago. Just spacing out the content while I get more stuff done. Feels odd to be pulling content off a dusty shelf like this instead of making it all on the fly at breakneck speed, with my keen finger GLUED to the PULSE of the fandom and "the cyber zeitgeist". So if you read a joke and go, pff, that was SO last year, that's why. But really, the joke is on you, because cracking wise about DeviantArt weeaboo culture I believe was en vogue in 2007, so in summary, eat it nerds. Actually it's amazing how DA still seems to be running about as strong as ever on that front. It will be our cultural touchstone for crude anime while we are all being lowered into our sad lonely graves.

Ok, I lost track of what I was actually talking about, so see you next week.


Meant to put this here sooner along with the updates, but still been tweaking some server stuff. Caliborn's self insert guy is a nod to some classic fan art from 4 years ago, which to my memory was the first speculative drawing of LE before he was introduced. (Actually I guess two people made it? Didn't know, but thanks to both of them for the inspiration.) Also definitely wanna point out I'm not making fun of that art, which I think is a good drawing. I do remember once upon a time thinking it was pretty funny to imagine LE as a cool anime guy though. So maybe that idea stuck with me all these years and led to the inspiration for this ridiculous arc? Who knows how inspiration really works. Anyway it's all in good fun, and I still sometimes try to do the "reader input influencing story outcomes" in little ways like this to keep that part of MSPA alive, even long after the fanbase got too big to do it directly through commands.

Posted on 16 October 2014 by Andrew

The Itinerary.

Or maybe, since Halloween is coming up, I should call it The Itinerscary. Especially because we may be in store for some spoooooky server crashes with these first few update dumps. Eep, I'm gettin the willies here!

One page today to test the waters (or uh, yesterday). When that's done and the coast is clear (it won't be), I'll post a bunch of pages on the 17th and 18th (oops, now the 18th and 19th). Then there will be nothing until 10/25. And then nothing until 11/1, at which point regular updates will begin again, according to an update schedule which I will share with you on that day. Then you will know which precise pattern of dates you will need to handcuff yourself to a computer and plug in your custom keyboard that only has a single giant F5 key.

It would seem against my better judgment, or really my ability to control in any way whatsoever, a fair amount of hype has been brewing for the return of Homestuck. People are jacked up. They are doing little dances in places they cannot be seen. They are writhing in kiddie pools of pins and needles for the return of all their favorite fantasy children. "John." "Karkat." And more. So it's hard to avoid finding it just a LITTLE funny that after a year-long drought, hopping back in the saddle means we will have to wade through 50 pages of completely atrocious garbage before anything happens. It's funny how life works out sometimes. Funnier than a clown tickling a horse. Sometimes you pause your famous webcomic for a year, and then your grand reopening is a lot of bad anime. On such occasions, when life hands you those kooky lemons, there is really only one thing you can say.

Fuck lemonade. These lemons are incredible.

Posted on 27 September 2014 by Andrew

Giga-Almost-Unpause, Probably.

Let's see if I can "tldr" a few things up top, since this news item might begin to nose dive dramatically through the vertical space of this web layout. Am I finished HS yet? Um, nope. But I think enough is probably enough on the site's indefinite period of hibernation, so it's likely I will just start posting some stuff I have anyway, starting next month. Either mid or late October, let's say.

I said it would be a long pause, didn't I? Let's face it, a gigapause is just one big ass pause. It contains the smaller word "giga", which, in addition to literally meaning "one billion", you will find to be the root of the word "gigantic", which as we all know, means super huge. This intriguing fact reminds us that in our culture of words, we hold the number one billion as the indivisible quantum of general bigness, as a matter of principal. Food for thought!

We're coming up on almost a year since I paused. So that means I got like, SO much done on the story, right? Wow, no. Innumerable unspecified problems happened which badly prevented this from being true. I'd estimate out of those 12 months, I maybe squeezed in a grand total of 3 months worth of work on HS in there. Kinda dribbled across the year in the most frustrating way possible. So, I'm just gonna cry uncle on this dogshit pause and start posting stuff, but probably in a regimented way so I don't blow through everything I have too fast, thus giving me some time to work on the rest.

Back at the onset of the pause, I said I'd just post everything at once. (I was oversimplifying. I had always intended to stagger the final content to whatever extent, so as not to destroy the server.) But also that "post everything at once" idea was predicated on actually sorta... having it all done. Which as I have already culpa'd, is not the case. So I'm improvising at this point. I'll (probably) relaunch the story next month, come up with some kind of update schedule, and we'll see how it goes.

What have I been doing all year? Let's chalk it up to, in this order of relevance, a swirling multitude of Daunting Life Challenges, a flurry of accidental weird adventures causing me to thrash wildly across the nation, and the escalating complexities of running a business while tending to peripheral creative projects, not the least of which has been overseeing the development of an expensive video game. Actually, all things considered, I'm surprised at how much I actually HAVE gotten done this year. It just happens that "making a ton of HS pages" isn't one of those things.

What were the problems? What were the adventures? Sorry, nothing to see here. Me and the General Public just aren't that tight, and wild sob stories ain't my bag (unless they pertain to visits to the Olive Garden). Well, maybe I'll mention some things some day. But definitely nowhere in the proximity of a virtual stage adjacent to the sphere of rhetoric which could conceivably be construed as a series of excuses for why a mammoth load of free entertainment hasn't been finished yet. Did you follow that? Look over there. (When you look back at me, I am slowly rolling into a pile of trash.)

The good news is, I'm still all about horses. Did you know that about me? It's true as shit. Horses; wow. Pretty good weird big animals? Or pretty GREAT weird big animals??

What else should I say here. Oh.

We've also been chipping away at upgrading the server over the last year. It's been surprisingly complicated and slow-going. Actually, prior to the pause, it was one of the most difficult things about updating, having an insufficient server that was GUARANTEED to crash every time I posted something. This was even after many, many upgrades over the years. It gets a little demoralizing trying to make tons of cartoons every day for a small nation of lunatics when the server constantly struggles to keep up with the ever-burgeoning readership, no matter how much I upgraded it. This was one of the (lots of) factors which contributed to me finally just saying, fuck it, time to pause.

Hopefully it can handle it now, but guess we'll see. It all runs on fancy clouds and such now. Which has been tricky to configure for such a complicated site utterly dependent on all the garbage ass-backwards code I've written over the years. Maybe... maybe once I start updating again, nobody will notice?? Man, wouldn't that be sweet. It will just be me and like a cozy little clique of 50 randos and 10 web bots, just like the old days. We'll bring this sucker home together, then hit up the local bargain Italian restaurant to celebrate. (Then a horse nuzzles me out of my sleepy dream fantasy, and the hammock flips over and dumps my screaming body on to the lawn.)

Feels a little odd even TALKING about revving up this monstrosity again. It's been pretty serene on the web these days. I've been reluctant to even drop a pebble into the pristine glass-like state of the fandom, before being good and damn well ready to. Why wake the beast prematurely? We'll enjoy more than our share of blistering pandemonium when all is said and done. We are slowly building to a particular moment I foresee on the horizon. It's not just characterized by the end of the story, though that should be a factor. It's more than that. Things I have planned, and some other things we'll say may be fortuitously aligned. Invisible pieces of a heinous machine all snapping together, mechanically congealing with a grim sense of purpose. I'm tentatively branding to this moment as The Rapture, and it will be more than you can bear. More than anyone can. And everyone won't.

How has your year been?

Posted on 13 April 2014 by Andrew

Happy 4/13, a.k.a. 5 years of Homestuck being a thing! Since I know how much you like things, to celebrate I thought I would show you another thing that's been in the works for a while.



It's a new webcomic based on Homestuck, called Paradox Space! Have a look. That is all I will say about it here. But if you would like to know what the heck this ACTUALLY IS, here is a permalink to the news post where I talk about such matters.

Posted on 17 Oct 2013 by Andrew

Gigapause: Commence.



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