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==>

FINE. NOW WHAT.
Caliborn, first let me explain something to you.
I guess it falls on me to teach you these life lessons, because as unpleasant as the idea is for both of us, I am the closest thing you will ever have to a father.
You see, teenagers are sensitive and beautiful creatures.
Well, not you. You are repulsive. But most teenagers, I mean.
You can't just force them to settle all their issues with insane psychotropic game powerups.
They have to face all those issues themselves, or they will never learn and grow as people.
WHO CARES??
Well, you don't. But human beings do.
The journey itself is more important than the destination.
The struggle is what builds character and teaches us about ourselves and about life.
BULLSHIT.
I DID THEM ALL A FAVOR. BY GIVING THEM MY JUJU.
THEY WERE GOING NOWHERE. AND BEING STUPID.
AND DOING LITERALLY NOTHING WHATSOEVER. EXCEPT FOR WALLOWING IN GROTESQUE EMOTIONS.
LOOK HOW MUCH GREAT STUFF THEY GOT DONE BECAUSE OF ME!
Of course you think you were doing them a favor. You're an alien.
So is your sister. She thought the juju would be a great boon for them as well. But she was wrong.
See, you cherubs are predisposed to love all this trickster crap. All that goofy squeaky candy coated nonsense is a critical part of your people's mythos.
That sugarized zillyjunk sort of embodies a unified field of absurd Platonic ideals to the cherubim, so when you see expressions of it in reality of course you're gonna go apeshit.
But that kind of stuff is freakish and disturbing to humans. Those aren't our ideals.
WHAT.
Furthermore, that could only be seen as a boon from an asocial species.
You never have to deal with other people. So if you lick a magic lollipop that flips a switch in your brain that says "all my problems are solved," I guess maybe that's fine for cherubs, but if you're a human you haven't actually solved anything.
By the same logic it's not much of a boon to a human's physical journey either.
Using an item that lets them start maniacally powering from point A to point B isn't doing them any favors.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
It's like when Mario gets the star.
You know when Mario gets the star?
WHO THE FUCK IS MARIO.
He's a small Italian plumber who goes on sideways adventures.
He jumps on stuff and bops bricks with his head to save a princess.
WHAT'S ITALIAN.
WHAT'S A PLUMBER.
Never mind what an Italian is. It's just a kind of guy on Earth.
And a plumber is a guy who fixes load gapers.
WHAT'S A LOAD GAPER.
Shut up.
Anyway, sometimes when Mario's running sideways he gets a star that makes him magic and invincible.
OH. YOU MEAN HE BECOMES TRICKSTER MARIO.
Yes, but less stupid.
So for a while he becomes flashy and hyperactive and nothing's challenging anymore.
He just starts barreling over mushrooms and leaping over pits as fast as he can, then gets to the end and jumps on the flagpole and that's it. Mario "wins".
But the point is, he didn't really win. That magic star was actually devastating to his development as a human being.
WHY.
Because he skipped over many critical trials on his spiritual journey.
Mario NEEDS to stomp on all those mushrooms. He NEEDS to bonk those bricks with his head, for the sake of his personal growth.
By using the star, he is denying himself many powerful moments of catharsis.
UH.
Well, I don't know. Maybe Mario isn't the best example.
Like I'm not sure if Mario really even has a soul?
He's just kind of a one-dimensional friendly cartoon plumber.
So maybe this stuff doesn't quite apply to him.
But these aren't one-dimensional plumbers we're talking about here.
These are TEENS.
And as we all know, teens have BIG FEELINGS.
I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS.
THE DISCOURSE WITH YOU HAS BEEN EVEN MORE GRATING AND UNPALATABLE THAN USUAL.
YOU SAID YOU'D HELP ME SPEED UP MY QUEST. BUT ALL YOU DID.
WAS TRICK ME INTO HEARING ANOTHER CONVERSATION. IN WHICH YOU INDULGE YOURSELF TO AN EXTENT. WHICH I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE.
I'M GOING TO HIT THINGS WITH MY CROWBAR AGAIN.
No don't!
Jane is still nursing a wicked hangover you ass.
THEN BE USEFUL TO ME.

> ==>


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Latest Pages:
11/21/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/19/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/17/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/14/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/11/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/10/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/7/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/5/14 - "[A6A6I4] ====>"
11/3/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 4"
11/1/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 4"
10/25/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3 (Already in progress)"
10/25/14 - "[S] GAME OVER."
10/17/14 - "ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 3"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
10/16/13 - "[A6A6I2] ====>"
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RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 21 November 2014 by Andrew

A friendly reminder that the designated artist for all Calliope art in Homestuck is Shelby Cragg. So please buckle up. We have entered the Shelby zone, and we may be here a little while. She and her pal Taz have also just completed a webcomic which you should also take a moment to check out. It looks good!

Posted on 19 November 2014 by Andrew

Around this time of year, people just seem to be in the mood to buy things. I can't seem to put my finger on it. Could it be enthusiasm over Eat A Red Apple Day? (Cool fact: every day is this day if you are a horse.) Or maybe it's the notorious early shopping rush for Bathtub Party Day. Wait, no, it must be due to the usual hustle and bustle surrounding Oatmeal Muffin Day. That's the ticket.

Actually no, those are all stupid holidays that make no sense to anybody. I will have to remain just plain stumped over this. Nevertheless, What Pumpkin is more than prepared to facilitate your inexplicable 4th quarter spending impulses. Please observe this desirable merchandise which you can computer-click on at any moment of your choosing.

A CALENDAR


SOME FESTIVE CARDS


SCARF(S)


Plus way more stuff!

Posted on 8 November 2014 by Andrew

I recommend moseying over to Paradox Space, which is currently running a 24 page comic I have written about Crowbar. I am alert to the desires of readers every single day, and the one thing I hear them clamor for above all else, is more stories about CROWBAR. We want more content about Crowbar, RIGHT NOW, they say, and make that content consist of 24 beautifully illustrated comic pages, MINIMUM. I just give the people what they want.

Fortunately, Homestuck's Premier Felt Fan #1 Jones was available to do a spectacular job of illustrating this comic. My rambling noir-style monologues have never before overlapped such lovely artwork.

Posted on 1 November 2014 by Andrew

A6A6I4 is approximately 450 pages. It begins 11/3. Here is the update schedule for the whole thing.






Posted on 30 October 2014 by Andrew

Adventure Game Update

I am letting this one be viewable to the general public. (It will also be posted to the backer page of the Kickstarter.)

Homestuck continues this Saturday, with A6A6A4 posted in its entirety, resuming with the true focus of Homestuck, Caliborn's incredible journey as an artist. Then A6A6I4 starts on Monday, and will continue in a semi-regular manner thereafter, until it is done. I will find some horse calendar pages and illustrate the schedule for your convenience. You are, as always, welcome.

Posted on 25 October 2014 by Andrew

[S] GAME OVER.

Song is Carne Vale by Malcolm Brown. Always been a big fan of Malcolm's work, so it's cool to kick off the comic again with one of his songs.

Thanks to contributing artists Hanni, Matt, Jon, Rennie, Zack, and Jones. All of whom have contributed to Paradox Space as well. I haven't done a (non-game) Flash with a lot of contributing artists in a while. I think Cascade was the last one? Kind of a throwback to the old Art Team days. Remember that? Actually, the expanded network of PXS artists is almost like Homestuck Art Team 2.0. A number of the (now many) artists involved with that comic have sorta parlayed that work into other HS projects, including stuff for the game (more on that soon). It's been pretty awesome having so many great artists help build on the Homestuck universe.

About the Flash. Or really, A663 as a whole. Truly we are back in the saddle, with bad anime and mass murder - the quintessential Homestuck Experience. A year ago I knew I was going to have to pause for a long time. I made sure to cut it off just before this act, not after. Leaving you hanging on that note for a year... damn. Not even I am that cruel. Now you will only have to wait a week to see what happens next. I will say this much. It sure is a bunch of stuff that happens. The regular update engine lurches back to life on 11/1.

Posted on 19 October 2014 by Andrew

Next update is 10/25.

Posted on 16 October 2014 by Andrew

The Itinerary.

Or maybe, since Halloween is coming up, I should call it The Itinerscary. Especially because we may be in store for some spoooooky server crashes with these first few update dumps. Eep, I'm gettin the willies here!

One page today to test the waters (or uh, yesterday). When that's done and the coast is clear (it won't be), I'll post a bunch of pages on the 17th and 18th (oops, now the 18th and 19th). Then there will be nothing until 10/25. And then nothing until 11/1, at which point regular updates will begin again, according to an update schedule which I will share with you on that day. Then you will know which precise pattern of dates you will need to handcuff yourself to a computer and plug in your custom keyboard that only has a single giant F5 key.

It would seem against my better judgment, or really my ability to control in any way whatsoever, a fair amount of hype has been brewing for the return of Homestuck. People are jacked up. They are doing little dances in places they cannot be seen. They are writhing in kiddie pools of pins and needles for the return of all their favorite fantasy children. "John." "Karkat." And more. So it's hard to avoid finding it just a LITTLE funny that after a year-long drought, hopping back in the saddle means we will have to wade through 50 pages of completely atrocious garbage before anything happens. It's funny how life works out sometimes. Funnier than a clown tickling a horse. Sometimes you pause your famous webcomic for a year, and then your grand reopening is a lot of bad anime. On such occasions, when life hands you those kooky lemons, there is really only one thing you can say.

Fuck lemonade. These lemons are incredible.

Posted on 27 September 2014 by Andrew

Giga-Almost-Unpause.

Posted on 17 Oct 2013 by Andrew

Gigapause: Commence.



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