AC: :33 < jaspers i guess i should say furwell to you now :(( JASPERSPRITE: Why nepeta? AC: :33 < beclaws this is the end of your timeline and i dont know what catpuns to you after this AC: :33 < i mean happens to you after this, heheh, that one was kind of obtuse, sorry JASPERSPRITE: Whats a timeline? :3 AC: :33 < hmmmmmm thats a hard question AC: :33 < ok imagine a long tempting strand of yarn JASPERSPRITE: Yes! Oh yes so great. AC: :33 < now imagine instead of being made of wiggly enticing stuff, its made of what lets you exist AC: :33 < and you are right at the twitching tip of it, dont you s33? look at the sky! JASPERSPRITE: Meow yes i see the sky and can tell that indeed something is going on. JASPERSPRITE: But aside from that i dont really understand what you said being a cat and all. AC: :33 < thats fine, you dont have to try too hard AC: :33 < all you have to know is its the scratch and im not a hundred purrcent sure what happens next fur you JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr i still think its nice how you slip cat things in the things you say youre so clever and wonderful nepeta! AC: :33 < h33h33h33 :DD JASPERSPRITE: Whats the scratch? :3 AC: :33 < well you know roses friend john? JASPERSPRITE: Yes of course! AC: :33 < imagine that he is using this great big circle like a really fun scratching post, and it makes all this light come out that changes everything AC: :33 < just after he starts doing that the sky goes funny everywhere and then i cant s33 you anymore JASPERSPRITE: Yes. :3 AC: :33 < thats what it is JASPERSPRITE: I think i understand that completely! AC: :33 < im a bit nervous for you, especially since you remind me so much of someone i already lost AC: :33 < but maybe youll be ok? i dont know JASPERSPRITE: Im not worried nepeta so you shouldnt either its not as if i have never died before. AC: :33 < you are a brave kitty, just like pounce was <33 JASPERSPRITE: Pounce was a cat like me? AC: :33 < yes! she was amazing, i bet you and she would have gotten along famousely JASPERSPRITE: Ooh i bet youre right! Purr purr. JASPERSPRITE: Was she nice to sniff? AC: :33 < yes she smelled really good, and also, she was SUPER beautyifful. JASPERSPRITE: Wow! AC: :33 < did you ever have someone nice back on earth who you loved? JASPERSPRITE: Rose!!!!! I loved rose. :3 AC: :33 < h33h33, of course you did. i mean a nice cat who was your matesprit? JASPERSPRITE: There was a time i remember i was thinking about girl cats a lot for some reason. JASPERSPRITE: I would saunter around the house making all these big meows and looking out the windows with my nose touching the glass. JASPERSPRITE: But then roses mom took me to this place where i was scared to be for a while and then when i was at home again i didnt do the meows anymore. JASPERSPRITE: I guess i didnt think about the girl cats after that which is just as well because none ever came to the windows really not even when i did my biggest meows. AC: :33 < thats too bad AC: :33 < but i bet lots of girl cats would have loved to be with you, if only there had b33n some around to hear your lovely meows :33 JASPERSPRITE: Youre really nice to say so nepeta what about you though? AC: :33 < me? JASPERSPRITE: Yes. :3 AC: :33 < well AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33 AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it JASPERSPRITE: What dont you tell him? AC: :33 < hmmmmm JASPERSPRITE: Maybe you can win his affection by rubbing your cheek against him thats what i would do. AC: :33 < ohhh no no no, im too shy even for that! AC: :33 < and he is so adorably grumpy all the time, it probably wouldnt go over well AC: :33 < its hard to explain, maybe cats think diffurntly, but trolls tend to be pretty cautious about expressing their f33lings when it comes to the flushed quadrant JASPERSPRITE: Whats a quadrant? AC: :33 < it is AC: :33 < ummmmmmmm AC: :33 < okay it has romantic applications but it is also something more general than that AC: :33 < a quadrant is AC: :33 < how do i say this! JASPERSPRITE: :3 AC: :33 < a quadrant is a thing in a group of things that consists of four similar things JASPERSPRITE: Like paws? AC: :33 < EXACTLY like paws!!! :DD JASPERSPRITE: I see thats really easy to get. JASPERSPRITE: I think you should tell him that you like him you might not get the chance if you dont. JASPERSPRITE: For instance i think instead of meowing at windows i should have just scurried out a door before it could close! JASPERSPRITE: Then i might have found a girl cat to sniff oh well. :3 AC: :33 < i know, but its just not that simple. i could make someone else jealous i think, and what if he doesnt f33l the same way, and, urrgh, its so complickated AC: :33 < maybe i just n33d to let go of the silly infatuation AC: :33 < i think its never going to happen honestly JASPERSPRITE: You shouldnt lose hope! JASPERSPRITE: I have another story that might give you hope even though it should be noted again that im only a cat. AC: :33 < oh? JASPERSPRITE: Yes one time i was with rose and i was sitting there dressed up in my suit with her as happy as can be. JASPERSPRITE: But then she disappeared! JASPERSPRITE: The whole place disappeared and i was in another place. There was no rose there was someone else. JASPERSPRITE: I guess i loved her too in time but never as much as rose it just wasnt the same. JASPERSPRITE: I kept waiting to see rose again but never did and finally i lost hope that i would and then i died. JASPERSPRITE: But then i became alive again and i got to see her and i was so happy! Purr purr purr purr purr. JASPERSPRITE: Thats my story and thats why i think theres always hope even if you die. AC: :33 < so, youre saying that maybe i will have to die to get to be with him? JASPERSPRITE: Yes maybe. :3 AC: :33 < i hope thats not the case! AC: :33 < but i guess you just have a different way of looking at things AC: :33 < thank you for the advice jaspers! JASPERSPRITE: Purrrrr.
Not that it's particularly relevant, but remember I'm not actually working on the next update in the meantime. I wrote all this stuff almost a year ago. Just spacing out the content while I get more stuff done. Feels odd to be pulling content off a dusty shelf like this instead of making it all on the fly at breakneck speed, with my keen finger GLUED to the PULSE of the fandom and "the cyber zeitgeist". So if you read a joke and go, pff, that was SO last year, that's why. But really, the joke is on you, because cracking wise about DeviantArt weeaboo culture I believe was en vogue in 2007, so in summary, eat it nerds. Actually it's amazing how DA still seems to be running about as strong as ever on that front. It will be our cultural touchstone for crude anime while we are all being lowered into our sad lonely graves.
Ok, I lost track of what I was actually talking about, so see you next week.
Meant to put this here sooner along with the updates, but still been tweaking some server stuff. Caliborn's self insert guy is a nod to some classic fan art from 4 years ago, which to my memory was the first speculative drawing of LE before he was introduced. (Actually I guess two people made it? Didn't know, but thanks to both of them for the inspiration.) Also definitely wanna point out I'm not making fun of that art, which I think is a good drawing. I do remember once upon a time thinking it was pretty funny to imagine LE as a cool anime guy though. So maybe that idea stuck with me all these years and led to the inspiration for this ridiculous arc? Who knows how inspiration really works. Anyway it's all in good fun, and I still sometimes try to do the "reader input influencing story outcomes" in little ways like this to keep that part of MSPA alive, even long after the fanbase got too big to do it directly through commands.
Or maybe, since Halloween is coming up, I should call it The Itinerscary. Especially because we may be in store for some spoooooky server crashes with these first few update dumps. Eep, I'm gettin the willies here!
One page today to test the waters (or uh, yesterday). When that's done and the coast is clear (it won't be), I'll post a bunch of pages on the 17th and 18th (oops, now the 18th and 19th). Then there will be nothing until 10/25. And then nothing until 11/1, at which point regular updates will begin again, according to an update schedule which I will share with you on that day. Then you will know which precise pattern of dates you will need to handcuff yourself to a computer and plug in your custom keyboard that only has a single giant F5 key.
It would seem against my better judgment, or really my ability to control in any way whatsoever, a fair amount of hype has been brewing for the return of Homestuck. People are jacked up. They are doing little dances in places they cannot be seen. They are writhing in kiddie pools of pins and needles for the return of all their favorite fantasy children. "John." "Karkat." And more. So it's hard to avoid finding it just a LITTLE funny that after a year-long drought, hopping back in the saddle means we will have to wade through 50 pages of completely atrocious garbage before anything happens. It's funny how life works out sometimes. Funnier than a clown tickling a horse. Sometimes you pause your famous webcomic for a year, and then your grand reopening is a lot of bad anime. On such occasions, when life hands you those kooky lemons, there is really only one thing you can say.
Let's see if I can "tldr" a few things up top, since this news item might begin to nose dive dramatically through the vertical space of this web layout. Am I finished HS yet? Um, nope. But I think enough is probably enough on the site's indefinite period of hibernation, so it's likely I will just start posting some stuff I have anyway, starting next month. Either mid or late October, let's say.
I said it would be a long pause, didn't I? Let's face it, a gigapause is just one big ass pause. It contains the smaller word "giga", which, in addition to literally meaning "one billion", you will find to be the root of the word "gigantic", which as we all know, means super huge. This intriguing fact reminds us that in our culture of words, we hold the number one billion as the indivisible quantum of general bigness, as a matter of principal. Food for thought!
We're coming up on almost a year since I paused. So that means I got like, SO much done on the story, right? Wow, no. Innumerable unspecified problems happened which badly prevented this from being true. I'd estimate out of those 12 months, I maybe squeezed in a grand total of 3 months worth of work on HS in there. Kinda dribbled across the year in the most frustrating way possible. So, I'm just gonna cry uncle on this dogshit pause and start posting stuff, but probably in a regimented way so I don't blow through everything I have too fast, thus giving me some time to work on the rest.
Back at the onset of the pause, I said I'd just post everything at once. (I was oversimplifying. I had always intended to stagger the final content to whatever extent, so as not to destroy the server.) But also that "post everything at once" idea was predicated on actually sorta... having it all done. Which as I have already culpa'd, is not the case. So I'm improvising at this point. I'll (probably) relaunch the story next month, come up with some kind of update schedule, and we'll see how it goes.
What have I been doing all year? Let's chalk it up to, in this order of relevance, a swirling multitude of Daunting Life Challenges, a flurry of accidental weird adventures causing me to thrash wildly across the nation, and the escalating complexities of running a business while tending to peripheral creative projects, not the least of which has been overseeing the development of an expensive video game. Actually, all things considered, I'm surprised at how much I actually HAVE gotten done this year. It just happens that "making a ton of HS pages" isn't one of those things.
What were the problems? What were the adventures? Sorry, nothing to see here. Me and the General Public just aren't that tight, and wild sob stories ain't my bag (unless they pertain to visits to the Olive Garden). Well, maybe I'll mention some things some day. But definitely nowhere in the proximity of a virtual stage adjacent to the sphere of rhetoric which could conceivably be construed as a series of excuses for why a mammoth load of free entertainment hasn't been finished yet. Did you follow that? Look over there. (When you look back at me, I am slowly rolling into a pile of trash.)
The good news is, I'm still all about horses. Did you know that about me? It's true as shit. Horses; wow. Pretty good weird big animals? Or pretty GREAT weird big animals??
What else should I say here. Oh.
We've also been chipping away at upgrading the server over the last year. It's been surprisingly complicated and slow-going. Actually, prior to the pause, it was one of the most difficult things about updating, having an insufficient server that was GUARANTEED to crash every time I posted something. This was even after many, many upgrades over the years. It gets a little demoralizing trying to make tons of cartoons every day for a small nation of lunatics when the server constantly struggles to keep up with the ever-burgeoning readership, no matter how much I upgraded it. This was one of the (lots of) factors which contributed to me finally just saying, fuck it, time to pause.
Hopefully it can handle it now, but guess we'll see. It all runs on fancy clouds and such now. Which has been tricky to configure for such a complicated site utterly dependent on all the garbage ass-backwards code I've written over the years. Maybe... maybe once I start updating again, nobody will notice?? Man, wouldn't that be sweet. It will just be me and like a cozy little clique of 50 randos and 10 web bots, just like the old days. We'll bring this sucker home together, then hit up the local bargain Italian restaurant to celebrate. (Then a horse nuzzles me out of my sleepy dream fantasy, and the hammock flips over and dumps my screaming body on to the lawn.)
Feels a little odd even TALKING about revving up this monstrosity again. It's been pretty serene on the web these days. I've been reluctant to even drop a pebble into the pristine glass-like state of the fandom, before being good and damn well ready to. Why wake the beast prematurely? We'll enjoy more than our share of blistering pandemonium when all is said and done. We are slowly building to a particular moment I foresee on the horizon. It's not just characterized by the end of the story, though that should be a factor. It's more than that. Things I have planned, and some other things we'll say may be fortuitously aligned. Invisible pieces of a heinous machine all snapping together, mechanically congealing with a grim sense of purpose. I'm tentatively branding to this moment as The Rapture, and it will be more than you can bear. More than anyone can. And everyone won't.
Happy 4/13, a.k.a. 5 years of Homestuck being a thing! Since I know how much you like things, to celebrate I thought I would show you another thing that's been in the works for a while.
It's a new webcomic based on Homestuck, called Paradox Space! Have a look. That is all I will say about it here. But if you would like to know what the heck this ACTUALLY IS, here is a permalink to the news post where I talk about such matters.