ARQUIUSPRITE: E%cuse me, you there ARQUIUSPRITE: Unsavory concoction of royalty and peasantry ARQUIUSPRITE: Come grope my humongous biceps ERISOLSPRITE: no bloody wway. ARQUIUSPRITE: Yes, do it ERISOLSPRITE: equiiu2 wwhy are you actiin liike 2uch a bulge2niiffiin twwolbox wwhat the hell happened twwo you? ERISOLSPRITE: and wwhy are you wweariin that guy2 lame gla22e2. take tho2e off evven you had more 2tyle than that. ARQUIUSPRITE: Alright, no takers there I see. Only a pair of grotesque philistines blustering through the same coarse ignorance tunnel ARQUIUSPRITE: What about you, miss unpalatable combination of Feferi and ARQUIUSPRITE: And ARQUIUSPRITE: Oh ARQUIUSPRITE: Oh no ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat. FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38o ARQUIUSPRITE: Dirk ARQUIUSPRITE: Dirk, help, I'm having a problem DIRK: What?? ARQUIUSPRITE: A part of me is having a very STRONG emotional reaction which I don't like ARQUIUSPRITE: It's a part of myself I'm ashamed of DIRK: What part. ARQUIUSPRITE: The troll part. It did something shameful once ARQUIUSPRITE: I do not find such emotions to be an acceptable feature of my new e%istence ARQUIUSPRITE: How can I make this feeling go away ARQUIUSPRITE: Dirk, I command you to instruct me how to eliminate these emotions DIRK: Can't help you bro! DIRK: This is what you asked for. You said you were scared to not exist. DIRK: Well, this is what it's like to keep on existing. Better figure out how to deal! ARQUIUSPRITE: No. That's awful ARQUIUSPRITE: I don't know what to do ARQUIUSPRITE: With all of my astounding STRENGTH, both muscular and cerebral, how can I be stymied so? ARQUIUSPRITE: Dying was better than having to live with the shame which was ironically caused by the very death in question ERISOLSPRITE: equiiu2 wwhat the FUCK are you talkiing about. ARQUIUSPRITE: You, seadwelling mustard b100d ARQUIUSPRITE: Half of me commands the peasant half of you to resolve my emotional turmoil, while humbly requesting the noble half of you to do the same ARQUIUSPRITE: The other half of me doesn't give a flying hoot about your lame caste bull and is just kind of freaking out internally about this ERISOLSPRITE: ehehehe wwoww zahhak you miight actually be more a me22 than me, ii am fuckiin iimpre22ed. ERISOLSPRITE: but yeah talkiin iit out wwhen you got aiim2 a reconciiliiatiion help2, me and the feferii 2iide a thii2 abomiinatiion had a niice talk earliier, 2orta. ERISOLSPRITE: 2ay wwhat you got twwo 2ay, ju2t dont me22 wwiith the feferii part2 twwo much ok man? 2he2 vvery dear to me, ii mean both part2 a me got iit? ARQUIUSPRITE: You're right, I must speak to her ARQUIUSPRITE: Nepeta, I swore that I would protect you, but I failed ARQUIUSPRITE: In a moment of weakness my reverence for a superior got the better of me, and instead of standing up for you I decided to bow before a stupid juggalo or something? What? ARQUIUSPRITE: Wait, I actually did that? What the fresh nickering is WRONG with me? FEFETASPRITE: 38(( < 38\ ARQUIUSPRITE: I am not a perfect man, Nepeta. Nor am I "purrfect" as you might say. What the fudge? A cat pun? Let's pull our together dude, this emotional state is mad abysmal ARQUIUSPRITE: But in any case, I hope you can find it within your kind olive pump biscuit to... forgive... ARQUIUSPRITE: NO! ARQUIUSPRITE: GOSH DANGIT! I don't deserve to be forgiven, what am I saying! The I pulled on you was so bad... I just can't even... ERISOLSPRITE: hey can you maybe wwrap up thii2 p2ychotiic apology you wwretched freak. wwoww youre actually makiin me look liike the model a mental health. ERISOLSPRITE: anywway youre confu2iin the feferii 2iide of her wwiith your wweiird emotiional baggage. ARQUIUSPRITE: Allow me to finish, sir/peon ERISOLSPRITE: feferii try not twwo lii2ten twwo anythiin he 2ay2. ERISOLSPRITE: youvve had enough heartache twwo endure wwiithout lumpiing iin nepeta2 twwii2ted relatiion2hiip wwiith thii2 hor2ekii22iin mu2clefuck. ARQUIUSPRITE: Nepeta, you will disregard any conversation directed at Feferi and focus solely on my attempted statements of contrition ERISOLSPRITE: man wwhat riight do you havve to order nepeta to do ANYTHIN, let alone lii2ten to your confliicted wwhiiniing? ERISOLSPRITE: heheh, fef can you BELIIEVVE thii2 guy?? ARQUIUSPRITE: Do not address Feferi while I'm talking Nepeta ARQUIUSPRITE: It's confusing to Nepeta, who is critical in absolving me of guilt, even though I probably don't deserve it? ERISOLSPRITE: fuck your ab2olutiion ii take back my advviice. ERISOLSPRITE: 2top talkiin twwo nepeta and LEAVVE FEFERII ALONE. ARQUIUSPRITE: No ERISOLSPRITE: ye2. ARQUIUSPRITE: No ERISOLSPRITE: ye2. ARQUIUSPRITE: No ERISOLSPRITE: augh im not doin your dumba22 ye2/no 2hit!! ARQUIUSPRITE: Then leave us, for I and my morail have much to discuss ERISOLSPRITE: no you fliippiin DONT, thii2 conver2atiion ii2 over. ARQUIUSPRITE: Yes I do ERISOLSPRITE: no you dont. ARQUIUSPRITE: Yes ERISOLSPRITE: no. ARQUIUSPRITE: Yes ERISOLSPRITE: NO. ARQUIUSPRITE: Yes ERISOLSPRITE: NO THII2 HA2 TWWO 2TOP!! CANT YOU 2EE WWERE TEARIIN FEFETA APART??
Not that it's particularly relevant, but remember I'm not actually working on the next update in the meantime. I wrote all this stuff almost a year ago. Just spacing out the content while I get more stuff done. Feels odd to be pulling content off a dusty shelf like this instead of making it all on the fly at breakneck speed, with my keen finger GLUED to the PULSE of the fandom and "the cyber zeitgeist". So if you read a joke and go, pff, that was SO last year, that's why. But really, the joke is on you, because cracking wise about DeviantArt weeaboo culture I believe was en vogue in 2007, so in summary, eat it nerds. Actually it's amazing how DA still seems to be running about as strong as ever on that front. It will be our cultural touchstone for crude anime while we are all being lowered into our sad lonely graves.
Ok, I lost track of what I was actually talking about, so see you next week.
Meant to put this here sooner along with the updates, but still been tweaking some server stuff. Caliborn's self insert guy is a nod to some classic fan art from 4 years ago, which to my memory was the first speculative drawing of LE before he was introduced. (Actually I guess two people made it? Didn't know, but thanks to both of them for the inspiration.) Also definitely wanna point out I'm not making fun of that art, which I think is a good drawing. I do remember once upon a time thinking it was pretty funny to imagine LE as a cool anime guy though. So maybe that idea stuck with me all these years and led to the inspiration for this ridiculous arc? Who knows how inspiration really works. Anyway it's all in good fun, and I still sometimes try to do the "reader input influencing story outcomes" in little ways like this to keep that part of MSPA alive, even long after the fanbase got too big to do it directly through commands.
Or maybe, since Halloween is coming up, I should call it The Itinerscary. Especially because we may be in store for some spoooooky server crashes with these first few update dumps. Eep, I'm gettin the willies here!
One page today to test the waters (or uh, yesterday). When that's done and the coast is clear (it won't be), I'll post a bunch of pages on the 17th and 18th (oops, now the 18th and 19th). Then there will be nothing until 10/25. And then nothing until 11/1, at which point regular updates will begin again, according to an update schedule which I will share with you on that day. Then you will know which precise pattern of dates you will need to handcuff yourself to a computer and plug in your custom keyboard that only has a single giant F5 key.
It would seem against my better judgment, or really my ability to control in any way whatsoever, a fair amount of hype has been brewing for the return of Homestuck. People are jacked up. They are doing little dances in places they cannot be seen. They are writhing in kiddie pools of pins and needles for the return of all their favorite fantasy children. "John." "Karkat." And more. So it's hard to avoid finding it just a LITTLE funny that after a year-long drought, hopping back in the saddle means we will have to wade through 50 pages of completely atrocious garbage before anything happens. It's funny how life works out sometimes. Funnier than a clown tickling a horse. Sometimes you pause your famous webcomic for a year, and then your grand reopening is a lot of bad anime. On such occasions, when life hands you those kooky lemons, there is really only one thing you can say.
Let's see if I can "tldr" a few things up top, since this news item might begin to nose dive dramatically through the vertical space of this web layout. Am I finished HS yet? Um, nope. But I think enough is probably enough on the site's indefinite period of hibernation, so it's likely I will just start posting some stuff I have anyway, starting next month. Either mid or late October, let's say.
I said it would be a long pause, didn't I? Let's face it, a gigapause is just one big ass pause. It contains the smaller word "giga", which, in addition to literally meaning "one billion", you will find to be the root of the word "gigantic", which as we all know, means super huge. This intriguing fact reminds us that in our culture of words, we hold the number one billion as the indivisible quantum of general bigness, as a matter of principal. Food for thought!
We're coming up on almost a year since I paused. So that means I got like, SO much done on the story, right? Wow, no. Innumerable unspecified problems happened which badly prevented this from being true. I'd estimate out of those 12 months, I maybe squeezed in a grand total of 3 months worth of work on HS in there. Kinda dribbled across the year in the most frustrating way possible. So, I'm just gonna cry uncle on this dogshit pause and start posting stuff, but probably in a regimented way so I don't blow through everything I have too fast, thus giving me some time to work on the rest.
Back at the onset of the pause, I said I'd just post everything at once. (I was oversimplifying. I had always intended to stagger the final content to whatever extent, so as not to destroy the server.) But also that "post everything at once" idea was predicated on actually sorta... having it all done. Which as I have already culpa'd, is not the case. So I'm improvising at this point. I'll (probably) relaunch the story next month, come up with some kind of update schedule, and we'll see how it goes.
What have I been doing all year? Let's chalk it up to, in this order of relevance, a swirling multitude of Daunting Life Challenges, a flurry of accidental weird adventures causing me to thrash wildly across the nation, and the escalating complexities of running a business while tending to peripheral creative projects, not the least of which has been overseeing the development of an expensive video game. Actually, all things considered, I'm surprised at how much I actually HAVE gotten done this year. It just happens that "making a ton of HS pages" isn't one of those things.
What were the problems? What were the adventures? Sorry, nothing to see here. Me and the General Public just aren't that tight, and wild sob stories ain't my bag (unless they pertain to visits to the Olive Garden). Well, maybe I'll mention some things some day. But definitely nowhere in the proximity of a virtual stage adjacent to the sphere of rhetoric which could conceivably be construed as a series of excuses for why a mammoth load of free entertainment hasn't been finished yet. Did you follow that? Look over there. (When you look back at me, I am slowly rolling into a pile of trash.)
The good news is, I'm still all about horses. Did you know that about me? It's true as shit. Horses; wow. Pretty good weird big animals? Or pretty GREAT weird big animals??
What else should I say here. Oh.
We've also been chipping away at upgrading the server over the last year. It's been surprisingly complicated and slow-going. Actually, prior to the pause, it was one of the most difficult things about updating, having an insufficient server that was GUARANTEED to crash every time I posted something. This was even after many, many upgrades over the years. It gets a little demoralizing trying to make tons of cartoons every day for a small nation of lunatics when the server constantly struggles to keep up with the ever-burgeoning readership, no matter how much I upgraded it. This was one of the (lots of) factors which contributed to me finally just saying, fuck it, time to pause.
Hopefully it can handle it now, but guess we'll see. It all runs on fancy clouds and such now. Which has been tricky to configure for such a complicated site utterly dependent on all the garbage ass-backwards code I've written over the years. Maybe... maybe once I start updating again, nobody will notice?? Man, wouldn't that be sweet. It will just be me and like a cozy little clique of 50 randos and 10 web bots, just like the old days. We'll bring this sucker home together, then hit up the local bargain Italian restaurant to celebrate. (Then a horse nuzzles me out of my sleepy dream fantasy, and the hammock flips over and dumps my screaming body on to the lawn.)
Feels a little odd even TALKING about revving up this monstrosity again. It's been pretty serene on the web these days. I've been reluctant to even drop a pebble into the pristine glass-like state of the fandom, before being good and damn well ready to. Why wake the beast prematurely? We'll enjoy more than our share of blistering pandemonium when all is said and done. We are slowly building to a particular moment I foresee on the horizon. It's not just characterized by the end of the story, though that should be a factor. It's more than that. Things I have planned, and some other things we'll say may be fortuitously aligned. Invisible pieces of a heinous machine all snapping together, mechanically congealing with a grim sense of purpose. I'm tentatively branding to this moment as The Rapture, and it will be more than you can bear. More than anyone can. And everyone won't.
Happy 4/13, a.k.a. 5 years of Homestuck being a thing! Since I know how much you like things, to celebrate I thought I would show you another thing that's been in the works for a while.
It's a new webcomic based on Homestuck, called Paradox Space! Have a look. That is all I will say about it here. But if you would like to know what the heck this ACTUALLY IS, here is a permalink to the news post where I talk about such matters.