MS Paint Adventures

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04/06/16 - "END OF ACT 6"
04/06/16 - "[S] Collide."
04/02/16 - "[A6A6I5] ====>"

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11/11/11
"[S] ACT 6"

11/11/11
"==>"

11/11/11
"Homestuck"

A young lady stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 11th of November, 2011, is the date scheduled for the launch of a highly exclusive playtesting experience for a much anticipated game. The young lady is expecting to find this game in her mailbox today. She is expecting the game to be enclosed in a pair of envelopes, and printed on these envelopes, she is expecting to find her name!

What do you suppose the name on the envelopes will be?

11/11/11
"Enter name."

You cannot enter her name!!! It was already engraved in her HONORARY PLACRONYM on her 13th birthday, which was about two and a half years ago, and has been sitting here neatly on the bookshelf ever since. Attempting to engrave it with another name after completing this sacred rite of passage is practically unheard of, and is a gesture nearly as offensive as it would be if you tried to name her something dumb like Barnstench Fartface. Luckily she is not the sort to hold a grudge, and she will let it slide this time. As long as you hurry up and get her big day started!

11/11/11
"Examine room."

Your name is JANE. As was previously mentioned, you are poised for an ELITE OPPORTUNITY to test the SBURB ALPHA. It is so elite in fact, you are the only of your kind invited to playtest! Though you guess that probably comes with the territory of being the HEIRESS APPARENT TO A BAKED GOODS EMPIRE. You don't suppose it hurts that you are said empire's NUMBER ONE FANGIRL, either! It should come as no surprise that you enjoy BAKING, but you also adore reading DETECTIVE STORIES. You fancy yourself a SKILLED PRANKSTRESS, if by no other measure than lineage. Though at times you feel it's tough to fill those shoes when you are SURROUNDED BY JOKERS. Seriously, the shenanigans perpetrated by your pals make your old school japes feel KIND OF PEDESTRIAN SOMETIMES, but oh well, you love them all anyway. You once dabbled in AMATEUR BOTANY but found it TOO FRUSTRATING, because your VEGETABLES KEPT DISAP-actually you know what, you DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. You love SITUATION COMEDIES, whilst holding particular affection for MUSTACHIOED FUNNYMEN. You know, your FOXWORTHIES, your FUNKES, your SWANSONS, but not necessarily your GALLAGHERS PER SE, because you have to draw the fucking line somewhere. You are also pleased to contemplate FRIGHTENING FAUNA, though saddened by their regrettable FAKENESS ATTRIBUTE.

But none of that's on your mind now, because you are PSYCHED about this SPECIAL DATE, 11.11.11, i.e. 2X3PRONG DAY (WHATEVER THAT MEANS), a date exhibiting just the sort of numerical gimmick corporations love to exploit for their big releases, or for launching MAJOR REBRANDING INITIATIVES. In the case of your CHERISHED MULTIGLOBAL EMPIRE, both such events are slated to happen today. You can't wait to see what is in store, and for the mail to come. When it does, you will waste no time in embarking on the game's MAIDEN VOYAGE, and if even a fraction of what you've heard turns out to be true, you are prepared to have the time of your LIFE!!!

What will you do?

11/11/11
"Jane: Quickly retrieve arms from chest."

Jane is not empowered to rehash this tired running gag because all of a sudden she is too busy being the other guy.

We need to figure out what this fella's name is, pronto!

11/11/11
"Enter name."

Once again, you make the incalculable blunder of attempting to engrave an already allocated placronym. His name was etched when he turned 13 too, almost 3 years ago. It's been sitting here messily in this UNBELIEVABLY DEADLY PILE OF GUNS ever since. What sort of vulgar, childish moniker were you going to stick this poor bastard with? Barfbreath Turdsmirk? It doesn't even matter. Just tell him what to do!

11/11/11
"Examine room."

Your name is JAKE. You love movies. ALL MOVIES. You would describe your taste in film as ECLECTIC, but in truth, it isn't much less than TOTALLY INDISCRIMINATE. You bluster frequently of exuberance for FIREARMS and FISTICUFFS and ADVENTURE, though have no human company with which to share these interests. But who needs chums, when you can enjoy a top notch gander of your GALS OF CERULEAN COMPLEXION, HUBBA HUBBA. You're known to be found with your nose in a COMIC BOOK OR TWO, not that it makes you a nerd or anything, like you even CARE about that! Not a gent of your PANACHE AND SWAGGER, qualities which you would BANDY WITH APLOMB on your globe-spanning adventures, HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING. You would love to travel around the world, toppling any SACRED URNS you encountered. You'd be tickled by the opportunity to defile HALLOWED TOMBS everywhere, raiding them of their treasures. And how you'd give your RIGHT LEG for a shot at desecrating THE SHIT out of some real life MYSTIC RUINS for their byzantine wares. Luckily for your limb, there is a dandy set of such ruins nearby, and you desecrate them quite frequently! You are also troubled to contemplate FRIGHTENING FAUNA, and plagued daily by their regrettable REALNESS ATTRIBUTE.

What else? You sure like to WRESTLE. Did you mention FISTICUFFS yet? You know, SCRUMS AND WHATNOT. Also, SKULLS. Gosh you love SKULLS. There is a good SKULL at the heart of any mystery, haunting its EVERY PAGE. That is what you always say. Or at least, it is what you always HOPE.

What will you do?

11/12/11
"Jake: Retrieve arms from floor, post-haste!"

You make a dutiful motion toward your TRUSTY FIREARMS, doing your part to assail the mushy carcass of a horse that passed away long ago, when suddenly a WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN APPROACHES!!!!!!!!!!

You really feel like you are in the driver's seat now. You can basically take this story LITERALLY ANYWHERE, as long as you don't pick one of those shadowy characters, and as long as the panels are actually finished being drawn. It is like this whole panoramic cornucopia of limitless possibility sprawling before your very eyes.

Who do you want to be?

11/12/11
"Be Jane."

You are suddenly Jane again. What was it you were up to? Oh right, this game. You're excited about that!

Earlier this morning you thought you heard the mail truck, even though the mail never comes in the morning. But just to be sure, you rushed downstairs to check, even though due to recent events, you are FORBIDDEN FROM LEAVING THE HOUSE. Alas, it was not there, and you sort of spaced out at the sky with a goofy grin on your face for no great reason, and then you were caught red handed by your guardian. Then you got in trouble.

You think you might be grounded now? Whatever, DAD!

11/12/11
"Jane: Examine fetch modus."

It's your RECIPE MODUS, an extremely handy little inventory widget your DAD got for you for your birthday a couple years ago. He can be a real hard-ass sometimes (not really), but he sure knows how to spoil his little girl.

11/12/11
"Jane: Captchalogue it!"

You stick the RECIPE MODUS in your... uh... RECIPE MODUS!

You flip the card over and look at the back. The thing about this modus you think is really cool is that instead of showing a completely useless wobbly garbled code on the back, it itemizes the components which could be used to create it! In a completely hypothetical framework, of course.

Just another wonderful innovation by your favorite company. It releases many products of an experimental nature, often with applicability to other kinds of technology and products which haven't hit the market yet. Of course, as the heiress, you are privy to all the sweetest gear in advance. Maybe you'll rummage through some of that stuff later.

The modus as a captchalogued object has only one simple recipe, involving an ARRAY MODUS (snore!) and a COOK BOOK (yesss!) Other objects have more varied and elaborate recipes though.

11/12/11
"Jane: Get hat."

You captchalogue your FAVORITE HAT, which is also your ONLY HAT. You spent basically your ENTIRE CHILDHOOD in this hat, pretending to be hard boiled detectives and whatnot. In public, you and your DAD made quite the pair. Everyone could tell by a glance that you were your father's daughter, sired from his loins directly and genetically, through what was undoubtedly a natural process of human procreation involving a man and a woman. People would definitely nod and say, "Yep, that little lady sure did emerge from a womb on account of that gentleman's awesome virility."

As you can see, there are loads of ways to cook up a hat like this, involving many stupid combinations of random objects.

11/12/11
"Jane: Inspect posters."

It's one of your funnymen pinups, a glorious FOXWORTHY. It's one interest that overlaps with your DAD'S. He thinks his corny redneck shtick is just the funniest thing since sliced bread, that was sliced by a hilarious clown with a laugh knife. Honestly, you don't care much for his comedy though. Dealing the low income bucolic classes affectionate sass ad nauseum isn't what you'd call your cup of tea. You just think he's really handsome. Every time he starts rattling off pointers on how to self-diagnose bumpkinhood, you just get lost in that pair of blue twinklers and those soft auburn lipbristles. You were so shy when you got the poster autographed. If only you felt WORTHY of that FOX, heh heh.

Oh and there's one of your PROBLEM SLEUTH posters. You've got a lot of Problem Sleuth stuff, because you think detective stories are just so swell. This was the last panel in the first story, which ended a little before your 13th birthday. Since then, the author has been steadily updating PROBLEM SLEUTH 2, which you have been following avidly. You are happy that he stayed in that lane, and stuck with a time-tested formula. If he went in a different direction, you probably would have found it really disappointing.

11/13/11
"Jane: Check out other posters."

Another Sleuth poster of course, with two of your favorite dames ever.

The TOBIAS and the MANHATTAN were gifts for your 14th birthday, sent to you by your good buddy Jake. Just a couple of PERIWINKLE HEARTHROBS unquestionably sent in playful retaliation for the ribbing you've given him over the years for his inexplicable infatuation with his phthalo femmes. So he made a couple of coy recommendations for objects of your attraction, and you have hung his COBALT BEEFCAKES here since. He was pretty spot on with the blue Funke, to be honest, since that's like the best show ever. Mr. Cross can blue himself any time, as far as you are concerned. But the Manhattan... not so much. Comics aren't really your thing. But you hung it up anyway because that's the sort of thing you do in a mildly escalating feud of passive-aggressive one-upsmanship. You own it. But you felt kind of weird about having his BLUE MUTANT PENIS dangle over your head while you sleep, so you covered it up with something even more obscene, some sort of revolting TROLL HOWIE MANDEL, also gifted to you by Jake. Good lord does that kid have some spotty tastes.

There is also your magnificent SWANSON. Ron Swanson is the PERFECT MAN. You have tried to order all of the bacon and eggs in a restaurant on several occasions. But your dad never lets the order go beyond the joke level. What a fuddyduddy.

11/13/11
"Jane: Take spoon."

You tuck your trusty JUNIOR BATTERMASTER'S BOWLBUSTER STIRRING SOLUTION 50000 into your strife deck, allocated with the ever martially-pragmatic SPOONKIND. You wouldn't have it any other way!

You love your fancy spoon. It has several million recipes stored in it, and walks you through each step with a soothing female robot voice, just like in science fiction. Some urban legends say that the device also broadcasts subliminal messages distributing OMINOUS CROCKERCORP PROPAGANDA, but you don't put any stock in that sort of baloney for a second.

There is one switch on it that doesn't seem to do anything. Maybe yours is defective? Still, it's perfectly serviceable, and has assisted you in whipping many a cake into delicious submission.

11/13/11
"Jane: Examine bunnies."

These customized bunnies were gifts to you on your 13th birthday, from two of your friends. Both were heirlooms passed down to them, and they decided to coordinate gift ideas and send you dressed up versions of their beloved childhood toys. You like to think he was shooting for a detective bunny with the one on the left, but you know realistically it was probably an Indiana Jones bunny more in line with his interests than yours, especially since it came with a little whip you have since misplaced. The bunny used to belong to his GRANDMA. The other one used to belong to your friend's MOM, and she dressed it as a wizard, which was also unapologetically more representative of her interests than yours. That's ok though, you loved the gesture anyway, and you and she are totally BFFSIES 4EVERZ, her words. And you agree with them!

You did get one more bunny from your other pal. He had to make it himself from scratch, since for some ridiculous reason he didn't happen to have a ratty old bunny heirloom lying around. His gift was... somewhat less innocuous. You have no idea where it is though. Probably just as well.

11/13/11
"Jane: Look out window."

You've been fidgeting around your room all day, making little observations about your various belongings, checking the clock. When will the dang mail get here?? You take another peek out the window, just in case.

11/13/11
"==>"

It's still not there. But there is your dad. What is he up to?

11/13/11
"==>"

He just captchalogued the CAR. Oh, that's right. He was going to wash it today. He's probably taking it into the back yard next to the garden hose. He keeps a very busy fatherly itinerary. So many dad things to do, every single day.

If the mail arrives soon, this would be a great opportunity to sneak out and get it! Fingers crossed.

11/13/11
"==>"

Looks like somebody is bothering you. He better make it quick! You've got a window to stay glued to.

11/14/11
"Jane: Go to computer."

You know you really should switch to PESTERCHUM. It's what your friends use, and it's a lot better than BETTYBOTHER, if you're being honest with yourself. BB is just so spammy and annoying with all of the popups everywhere.

11/14/11
"==>"

Ugh, look at this dreadful clutter. You have got to switch. But then, brand loyalty is a powerful thing.

Looks like Jake is messaging you.

11/14/11
"Jane: Answer Jake."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:05

GT: Jane!
GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all.
GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?
GG: Oh, that's fine!
GG: I had been meaning to message you sooner actually, but I suppose in all the hubbub today, it plumb slipped my mind.
GG: Which is a shocking fact on its lonesome, considering what I have to tell you!
GT: Egad...
GT: *Loosens collar a bit.*
GG: As for this Strider business, hrmmm. He's an elusive guy Jake. You know that.
GG: I talked to him yesterday. That's as much help as I can be!
GT: Shoot.
GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on.
GG: Hoo hoo.
GG: I love that thing. :B
GT: He wouldnt be pleased to hear you say that.
GG: What do you need with him?
GG: Does this have to do with your crazy pen pal project?
GT: It most certainly does and time is of the essence!
GT: Today is the day i have to finish it and send it. Not a day later!
GT: So you see why i am feeling really friggin discombobulated at the moment.
GG: Sorry, J. :(
GG: This would be the birthday present... for your grandmother?
GT: No!
GT: It is for your grandfather simply to be *relayed* to him by my grandmother. A joint gift to him from she and i.
GG: Her and me.
GT: What? Who and you now?
GG: "A joint gift from her and me." Grammar, Jake!
GT: Oh for frigs flipping sake jane this is no time for your prudish pedantry! Leave your bookish malarkey in a dusty old library somewhere. I have an adventure to get on with!
GG: So if I have this straight, the big thing hogging up your plate today is not this marvelous new game which I have invited you to play with me, but finishing a robotic rabbit to give to my dead poppop?
GT: Bingo. *double pistols and a wink*
GG: You are a very strange and silly boy.
GT: Please jane we have addressed this.
GT: I am sending the gift back in time to when they are both alive and about our age.
GT: Or...
GT: Something like that. Something funny is going on here that i have not fully grappled yet but dag nab it if im not gonna see it through.
GG: Well,
GG: Godspeed, then! I do hope you can pull it off.
GT: Are you being fresh with me now?
GG: No!!
GT: Look jane i know youve never believed me and you think everything i say is some big cockamamie goofoff but i think today of all days is when you should start taking some things more seriously.
GT: Especially since i have always had your back. I have always believed in you!
GG: Hey! I have believed in you too.
GG: However, believing somebody isn't the same thing as believing IN somebody.
GG: But that much said...
GG: I think that maybe I am getting ready to believe some of the wild stories I've heard?
GG: Or, if not believe outright, reserve judgment on, at least.
GT: Is that so!
GG: I don't know!
GG: I'm still not sure what to think. But what I wanted to tell you this morning was...
GG: I had a really wild dream last night.
GG: And you were in it.
GT: Oh my. *glasses fog up. fumbles for kerchief.*
GG: Sh! Not like that.
GG: It was so real! I think we were in the game, even though we haven't started playing yet.
GG: I don't know what to make of it. Whether it was a vision of the future, or somewhere that exists now, or if it was just a really lucid dream due to excitement.
GT: What was i doing there?
GG: Um...
GG: Not a heck of a lot!
GG: I really want to tell you all about it, but it will take some time to explain, and we both have things to attend to.
GG: You with your time traveling rabbitwork, and I, my vigilant window gazing!
GT: Too true.
GT: Let us reconvene later and sort out all this shit at a leisurely pace.
GG: Yes, ok, good luck Jake!
GT: Okay you too jane! Bye!
golgothasTerror [GT] ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

11/14/11
"Jane: Check clock."

Hold the phone. 11:10... you almost forgot! One minute until the empire's REBRANDING launch. You wonder if it will live up to the hype? Guess you'll find out.

11/14/11
"Jane: Wait a minute."

You ride out another 60 seconds and... huh? Something happened to your BAKING CHEST. Did the logo just change?

You wonder what else may have been affected.

11/14/11
"Jane: Look around."

Yep. This one changed too. Crockercorp is nothing if not thorough with its branding tactics. You guess it's pretty cool? It's just a fork instead of a spoon. Not the most awe inspiring logo you've ever seen, but who are you to judge? Aside from the future owner of the company.

(You make a mental note that when you turn 18 and inherit the company you will change it back to a spoon, you love the spoon.)

11/14/11
"Jane: Examine bowlbuster."

Sure enough, the JUNIOR BATTERMASTER'S BOWLBUSTER STIRRING SOLUTION 50000 has been affected too, along with your specibus.

11/14/11
"Jane: Try flipping switch."

You try the broken switch again. Hey look, it does something now, toggling your trusty bowlbuster between a STIRRING SOLUTION and a POKING SOLUTION. Neat!

11/15/11
"Jane: Back to the window!"

Nope, still nothing. You surely would have heard the truck pull up. You guess the empire wasn't able to coordinate the mail with its rebranding. Maybe the U.S. Postal Service is the one thing it doesn't have its gnarled claws in yet? (Another mental note: sink gnarled claws into post office when you take over.)

11/15/11
"Jane: Open chest."

You decide to pass the time by rummaging through your BAKING CHEST and... hang on.

Maybe later.

11/15/11
"Jane: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:17

UU: good morning, lovely. ^u^
GG: Why, hellooooooo.
UU: so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better.
GG: :B!
UU: it is the day whereafter the legendary octet of mUtUal progenitoriety will come together and heal a great breach in paradox space.
UU: a day delivered throUgh eighty billion years and foUr distinct Universal instances worth of Unfathomable tUrbUlence.
UU: and while the emerald eye of this storm is fixed in the abyss forever
UU: today yoU are poised to escape its scowl once and for all.
UU: by skaias gUiding light, yoU may leave behind its tUrning arms of bright coloUrs and mayhem, and secUre peace for yoUr cosmic progeny for all dUration.
UU: and if yoU are to meet this departUre with trepidation i woUld Understand! bUt also i woUld ask
UU: is there nothing i can do to ease yoUr mind?
GG: Gosh! So formal today.
UU: yes. u_u;
UU: i'm afraid i am gUilty of rehearsing this pep talk well in advance.
UU: i thoUght yoU deserved a proper sendoff.
GG: D'aww.
UU: well then?
UU: is there nothing i can do?
UU: it was a serioUs qUestion. :u
GG: You needn't worry about easing my nerves.
GG: If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be nearly as thrilled about today as I am!
UU: splendid! ^u^
UU: bUt remember i will be here to help, whilst refraining from caUsal spoilers to the best of my ability.
GG: That is reassuring!
UU: have yoU corresponded with yoUr first designated co-player yet?
GG: No, I haven't seen her online yet today.
GG: I'm really hoping Lalonde won't flake out on me this time. Have you heard from her?
UU: not the today that is local to yoU.
UU: thoUgh i do have a wee bit more troUble monitoring her than the rest of yoU. cUrioUs dark patches in transmission, hUmph.
UU: still, i woUldn't fret over it. she is as good a chUm as any yoU have and shoUld come throUgh Ultimately, even if things seem dire.
GG: If you say so.
GG: Oh!
GG: I wanted to tell you, I had an amazing dream last night!
UU: blimey! :U
GG: I believe it may have been of the sort you described. A dream of awakening, presuming I haven't just flatout lost my marbles.
UU: indeed, im sUre it was. i knew yoU woUld wake Up soon!
UU: might yoU describe what yoU saw?
GG: I was in a bright gold city. Above was a brilliant blue sky, but the horizon was dark as night.
GG: Was this the place you told me about? What was it called...
GG: Ah, shucks, does this count as a "causal spoiler?"
UU: not at all! that is a simple detail aboUt the realm yoU are aboUt to explore, withoUt directly involving yoUr fUtUre decisions of conseqUence.
UU: the place yoU visited was called prospit. it is where i have woken Up every time i have gone to sleep for most of my life.
GG: I didn't see you there. At least, I don't think I did!
UU: no, yoU woUldnt have.
UU: my prospit is an alternate version from yoUrs, in a completely different session qUite far afield of yoUr reality.
UU: if we are ever to meet in person, it is Unlikely to be while playing oUr respective games!
GG: Ok then.
GG: I mentioned this briefly to Jake, and he didn't have much to say before we parted ways.
GG: I will gather that if this is all true, then it means Jake had not awoken yet?
UU: i think this is for yoU to determine in time. what is yoUr hUnch?
GG: I don't know.
GG: But there was one thing about the dream that was very troubling.
GG: I'm becoming nervous to consider what it might mean.
UU: Understandable. bUt it will be important to practice patience today.
UU: yoU have a long road ahead of yoU, and many qUestions will be answered in time.
UU: bUt we can talk it over later. now, we both have games to prepare for!
UU: i know yoU coUld never fUlly appreciate what this actUally meant, bUt i took mUch care to sync Up these conversations with yoU on the same day that i begin playing as well.
UU: that way, we can joUrney throUgh oUr sessions together and compare notes! :u
GG: Hrm. I'm still not sure I appreciate what that means, but I appreciate that a nice gesture has been made if you say so!
GG: I guess I should just start believing all of this now, huh? Rather than learning it to be true later and feeling the fool for all my curmudgeonly skepticism?
UU: ~_u
GG: For starters, I guess I could drop my reservations about your story?
UU: will yoU :U!!!
GG: I can write off much to tomfoolery as I'm no stranger to a good prank myself. But quite honestly you seem too kind for this charade. Not the type I'd expect to trot out such persistent falsehoods beyond their humorous welcome.
GG: So what do I know! Consarn it, maybe you are an alien girl from Uranus, and together we are about to play a game which determines the fate of existence. Sign me up!
UU: oh, hee hee! bUt i never claimed to be from that planet, which is only in the far reaches of yoUr solar system.
UU: in fact i am from mUch farther away. a different Universe altogether.
UU: bUt if yoU trUly mean it, thank yoU for believing me!
UU: now, jane my lovely, let Us prepare for this adventUre.
UU: remember what i said aboUt the need for patience.
UU: patience with yoUr friends.
UU: patience for yoUr growth as a hero of life.
UU: and patience for the coming of the other foUr of legend.
UU: a hero of breath and of light and of time and of space!
UU: and if yoU still find yoUrself in doUbt
UU: jUst check the inscription on that big old book downstairs.
UU: after all, if yoU cant trUst words written by yoUr own hand
UU: then what Use is trUst at all? ^u^
UU: <kisses!>
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

11/16/11
"Jane: Ok, back to the chest."

You return to your BAKING CHEST which you use mainly for storing QUALITY PRANKING APPARATUS and a few other odds and ends.

Oh hello, poppop. His friendly face is there to greet you every time you open your chest. You would have loved to meet him. Unfortunately his life was cut short at the tender age of 86 in a tragic accident, coincidentally on the same day you were born, or so your dad tells you. Poppop Crocker was a LEGENDARY COMEDIAN, following in the footsteps of his grandfather who of course was the greatest southern pranking legend of all time. One day, you hope to follow in poppop's too.

But then, if the whoppers you have been told recently have any truth to them, maybe you will get to meet him after all? It seems too good to be true. The only relationship you have ever had with him are through video footage of his VAUDEVILLIAN ANTICS on stage. Or through his role as Judge Johnny Stone on one of your favorite old sitcoms, NIGHT COURT.

11/16/11
"Jane: Rummage around."

Just your basics when it comes to pranking. A few CLEVER DISGUISES. A NAME BRAND DUNCE CAP. A SLIGHTLY ABRIDGED EDITION OF SASSACRE'S TEXT, updated for the modern prankster and scrubbed of a few of the more egregious julep-fueled racial slurs, several other stray books, your company's prototypical model for the GRISTWIDGET 12000, and of course your super-handy UNREAL HEIRESS THOUGHTWAVE TIARATOP for the young gogetting junior battermaster on the go.

11/16/11
"Jane: Dump chest."

Might as well get all this crap out of here and take it with you. You never know when you might need it.

You shut the chest and... oh, hello Harry Anderson. Always a pleasure to see you there.

He is also one of your idols, and as it happens, has a bit of a history with your poppop. They were rivals on the vaudeville comedy and magic act circuit. Eventually the less competent Anderson was shamed out of the industry and went on to greener pastures in the PRIVATE DICKING BIZ. He became one of the hardest boiled detectives on the mean streets of the Big Easy, and later made a fortune off his memoirs (ghost written by Mike Caveney).

11/16/11
"Jane: Captchalogue all."

Your sylladex is so great. You shudder to remember some of the old shitty fetch modi you used to struggle with when you were younger, still learning the captchaloguing ropes. Fibonacci heap??? Lol at the f'ing noob.

11/16/11
"Jane: Inspect books."

You have a COOKBOOK, which of course was made obsolete by your computerized talking bowlbuster. You wouldn't dare part with it though. Too many wonderful memories.

There's Anderson's aforementioned book, WISE GUY. His (Caveney's) stories are gripping! In a way.

And then there's a customized copy of PONY PALS, a gift to you on your 14th birthday from the slippery Mr. Strider. Each page contains lovingly hand-written commentary on the deeds of this intrepid young horse.

11/16/11
"Jane: Check out gristwidget."

This thing's a piece of junk! It just wastes your boondollars and destroys your cool gear to produce these stupid things that look like Gushers! But unlike Gushers which serve many practical purposes like inducing vomiting and simulating the experience of eating plump insects, these things are totally useless!

11/16/11
"Jane: Insert hat card."

Ok, you'll try it out with one of your less prized possessions just to prove how dumb it is. You never liked this hat much. It makes you look like a gnome and basically isn't funny at all.

You pop the card in. The GRISTWIDGET indicates it will cost 10 BOONDOLLARS to convert this object into grist. That's not too bad, you guess. It's not like the currency has much value anyway. It was introduced as a sort of BCCORP FUNBUX, to be used by youngsters specifically on qualifying merch online and stuff. Brilliant business strategy, really. As heiress to the empire, you are naturally endowed with millions, which you have a reputation for being very generous with. You have been considering using your wealth to set up a scholarship fund to allow underprivileged kids to go to booncollege.

11/16/11
"Jane: Activate."

See??? Utterly pointless. You hope Crockercorp was going somewhere with this technology, cause if not, this product is first in line for getting the axe when you're in charge.

11/16/11
"Jane: Wear tiaratop."

You put on your highly fashionable UNREAL HEIRESS THOUGHTWAVE TIARATOP and flip it on. It immediately hums to life as its blazing fast processes mingle with your thoughts. It is the most efficient computing technology in the world by far, as long as you don't wear it for too long. But aside from a few migraines, you can't possibly imagine any OBEY drawbacks that CEASE REPRODUCTION could come with SUBMIT merging CONSUME your thoughts with EMBRACE YOUR CULLING experimental technology CONFORM TO SOCIAL ORDER from an STAY ASLEEP extremely powerful DIE corporation, wait what?

11/17/11
"Jane: Continue vigilant window gazing."

Still no sign of the mail. Might as well keep the tiaratop on while you look, even if it means suffering through all these bullshit popup ads. That way you can keep an eye out for Lalonde while you're at it.

11/17/11
"==>"

Speak of the devilfucking dickens.

11/17/11
"Jane: Answer Lalonde."

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

TG: jane
TG: hey
TG: jaaaney
TG: ansrew plz
TG: *answer
TG: jaaaaaaaaaane
GG: Omg.
GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds!
GG: Where have you been today?
TG: nowhere just chilling here
TG: when all of the sudden
GG: "All of a sudden."
TG: when all of the sudden
TG: it hits me
TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about
GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day.
TG: it hits me that
TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon
TG: just a few days before mine remembr
TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen
GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.
TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him
TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk
TG: but not like anything coming on too strong
TG: something that says
TG: this is totes platonic and everything
TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here
TG: but still says you know
TG: call me
TG: if you wanna
GG: Grrr.
GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.
TG: ahaha
TG: yeah
TG: the goat getting thing i mean
TG: but joking oh no i think not
TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend
TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????
TG: daaaaamn
TG: that rugged senseof adventure
TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like
TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware
TG: those adorbable teeth
TG: swoooooooooon <3
GG: Nooooo, stop. :(
TG: well shit jane
TG: what am i even supposed to do
TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!!
TG: *buncha goddamn typos
TG: shit suuucks
TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one
TG: *one
TG: *on
GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!
GG: And you're drunk. :P
TG: correction
TG: drinking
TG: prensent tense
TG: grammar jane
GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.
TG: oh jane
TG: so naive
TG: soooo niaev
GG: Lordy.
GG: How can you be this fargone so early?
GG: It isn't even noon yet.
TG: you forget we live in very different time zones
TG: its a lot later here
GG: You're three hours ahead of me!
TG: youd would be amazed
TG: how much can happen
TG: in 3 hours
GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you?
TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit
TG: i mean
TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place
TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably
TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like
TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me
TG: *aggressive
TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play
GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze."
TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup
TG: pppp mcuh
GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this.
GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better!
GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.
TG: watcha waiting for
TG: in the mail
TG: is something happening today or something
GG: &%#$@!!!
GG: The alpha!
GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless.
TG: oh yeah
TG: that thing
GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes?
TG: i guess
TG: but
TG: you sure you even want to play this thing
TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do
GG: Not this again.
TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying
TG: i know what a chump looks like
TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw
TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll
TG: which is like this real actual thing i maintain
TG: intsead of being a joke
TG: is that waht you want
TG: *want
GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST!
GG: It is an idiotic urban legend.
GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.
GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.
TG: right
TG: as
TG: you know
TG: an alter ego
TG: for somethig more sinister
GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.
GG: In any case, I don't understand the nature of this second guessing, besides chalking it up to your unwelcome inebriation.
GG: We had agreed you would play with me. You sounded excited about it!
GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet??
TG: um
TG: heh
TG: yes "obtianed"
TG: suuure did
GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume?
TG: oh you bet
TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all
TG: said jackpot like
TG: a BUNCH of times
TG: all those
TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps
TG: backdoor trojans and what not
TG: were no match
TG: 4 mai codez
TG: snicker
GG: :|
GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one.
TG: ok jane what im saying is that
TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off
TG: is that
TG: it was a fuckin cakewake
TG: **cakewalk
GG: Oh.
TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew
TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful
TG: which i AM but
TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded
TG: it was just
TG: some files
TG: that were there
TG: unsecured
TG: and i took them
TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice
TG: then applied lipstick
TG: femme fatale style
TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files
GG: Really?
TG: yeah
TG: so now
TG: i got it
TG: if u really wanna play
TG: which you shouldnt
GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary.
TG: i told you
TG: she wants you to play
TG: wants us all to
TG: part of her BIG PLANS
TG: and ur playing right into em
TG: like
TG: a
TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....
GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.
GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is,
GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play.
GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?
TG: dunno
TG: someone out their wants the stock price to take a hit?
GG: "there"
TG: orrrr
TG: its just more connivings of the witch
GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die?
GG: Makes a lot of sense!
TG: wouldnt put it past her
TG: makes you feel perpsecuted
TG: redoubles your determination to play
TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way
TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to
TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo
TG: and then
TG: she expends you
TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch
GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute!
TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max
TG: ill send this file to you tho and what you do wiht its up to you
TG: so you want it now or what
GG: Hm. It's tempting, and I'm curious as heck to play it.
GG: But the mail should be coming any minute! I've waited this long for it, so I might as well use the official discs addressed to me.
GG: When it comes, I do hope you'll change your tune.
GG: Not to mention brew yourself a pot of coffee and sober your drunk butt up.
TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk
TG: makr my barley corerent words
GG: Hoo hoo! Ok, fair enough.
GG: But I believe that when we start playing together, you'll come around.
GG: Personally, I can hardly contain my excitement over it.
GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"
TG: jane
GG: Yes?
TG: jaaaane
GG: What!
TG: jane
TG: did u know
TG: that i am uttrely
TG: IN LOVE
TG: with the fact that
TG: i have a best friend
TG: who says things
TG: like
TG: shucks buster
GG: Shoosh you, drunky! :B
GG: Oh...
GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
TG: wtf
GG: The thing.
GG: The flappy thing!

11/17/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD.
GG: THE ARM DEALIE.
GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!!
TG: wut
GG: THE GODDARNED RED SWINGY FLAPPY LEVER ARM THINGAMABOB, WHATEVER IT'S CALLED.
GG: ON THE MAILBOX.
TG: breathe crocker
TG: slow breaths like this
TG: (im breathin regular fyi)
GG: IT'S UP.
GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP.
TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret
TG: *expert
TG: but
TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing
TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes
TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass
GG: NO, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT! THE DEALIE, THE DEEEEEAAAALIEEEEEEE!!!
GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE!
GG: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
TG: lma so fucking o @ this
GG: Brb.
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased bothering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

11/18/11
"Jane: Prepare to retrieve mail."

You scamper over to the door, but pause a second to think. Is your dad still washing the car? Hopefully he's still preoccupied so you can sneak out.

But it doesn't hurt to be prepared for an encounter. Luckily, that is exactly what you are.

11/18/11
"Jane: Don clever disguise."

Why, is that his loving daughter, or could it be none other than INSPECTOR JACQUES CLOUSEAU??? Mr. Clouseau, what are you doing in this household? Can I bake you a cake? Please make yourself comfortable while I go about my business not being suspicious.

But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...

11/18/11
"==>"

THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.

The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day? Oh my, the good Poirot appears to be clucking little pleasantries in his adorable French accent through the high pitched voice of an enthusiastic teen girl. I SURELY don't have the heart to ground this upstanding, dapper gentleman, no matter HOW many dastardly attempts are made on her life.

11/18/11
"==>"

Yeah, this is a really shitty disguise.

11/18/11
"Jane: Exit."

You make a cautious motion toward a beckoning EXIT KNOB, when suddenly THE SAME WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN REAPPROACHES NONTHREATENINGLY!

You note that you still cannot pick one of the shadowy characters. But maybe you haven't been the other guy yet? That means it's time to click him.

Or maybe you already have been him, in which case you are done with this thing. The narrative really has no way of knowing. Your ass remains firmly planted in the driver's seat, as always.

11/18/11
"Be Jake."

And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.

11/19/11
"Jake: About those arms."

Right. You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman.

Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.

11/19/11
"Jake: Examine holster belt."

It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.

11/19/11
"Jake: Wear it."

You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.

11/19/11
"Jake: Ok, forget it."

Better off just keeping it in your strife deck.

You can draw the guns faster from there anyway.

11/19/11
"Jake: Examine bed."

You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.

She also gave you these bedsheets when you were very young, which you adore, but only for sentimental reasons. You aren't too keen on monsters.

11/19/11
"Jake: Examine posters."

Which posters? Your whole room is nothing but posters. Sometimes you find it hard to focus on any one of them. You just relax your eyes and get lost in all the incredible heroes and adventures which exploded from the silver screen and into your bedroom as well as your heart.

Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.

So wonderful.

11/19/11
"Jake: Scope out those blue chicks."

This is your collection of beauties. But you don't call them that to anyone but yourself in private, because somehow even you are aware of how dorky that sounds.

You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.

11/19/11
"Jake: Make out with all of them."

Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar.

Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy. Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?

You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry. You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...

But seriously, you have got to stop kissing this stupid poster.

11/19/11
"Jake: Stop kissing stupid poster."

Yes, that was a waste of time. Definitely. It's definitely not something you spend much time doing whenever you are alone, which is always.

Anyway, here are some other great movies. Weekend at Bernies? Classic. You really think John would like this movie, if the things you have heard about him are true. Guys in cahoots make the silly corpse of Bernie Lomax do zany puppet antics so their schemes can succeed, guffaws aplenty, as you have tried to tell Jade before practically verbatim. She doesn't much care for great movies like that, but that's alright. You love her anyway and you think she's a blast. She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.

Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.

11/19/11
"Jake: Examine package."

Speaking of John, this is his birthday present. It is the project that has been taking up all your time lately. And today is the deadline to finish it! You have to send it to Jade so that she has time to ship it to him across the Pacific ocean. The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that! And considering this bunny is PROBABLY going back to the early 20th century, when she and John were around your age, you figure the mail was extra slow back then, so there is not a moment to spare. Whew, time stuff is pretty complicated! But you are FAIRLY sure you've got this figured out.

11/19/11
"Jake: Examine bunny."

Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny. At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you? You guess crazier things have happened. Like the way this whole project started in the first place. Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life! He will be sitting there on some sort of chess board battlefield, in yellow pajamas, reading a letter, when POW! Kiser to the rescue. So you are taking this responsibility very seriously. You have been for years already.

In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual. If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.

11/19/11
"==>"

There's just one problem! Mr. Kiser here cannot be completed and tested today without a source of power! You will need a little chunk of URANIUM to power the robot, and you are fresh out of the stuff. You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.

You really should have remembered to ask Jade for some uranium in your last letter to her. Now you're in a fix. You even yanked the uranium out of your COOKALIZER and REFRIGERATOR. You haven't had a decent meal in weeks! Just a lot of canned food from the ruins.

This project has been difficult enough as it is without additional bumps in the road like this. You aren't really the best guy at building machines. Jade has been a big help, but she says she couldn't do this alone. As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.

11/20/11
"Jake: Take bunny."

You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never.

The bunny fits in ok, but it's a tight squeeze!

11/20/11
"==>"

The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.

11/20/11
"Jake: Examine comics."

On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.

11/20/11
"Jake: Take comics."

Horsefeathers.

Forcing the comics into your puzzle sylladex knocked out a bunch of other crap. You have seriously got to reorganize this thing. What were you even thinking captchaloguing all those bullets one at a time, anyway?

11/20/11
"==>"

Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on.

Maybe later.

11/20/11
"Jake: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u
GT: Ahoy madame!
UU: i dont relish troUbling yoU with more arm twisting.
UU: im sUre for all ive done so far yoUve had a jolly good workoUt already :u
UU: bUt yoU will be ready to deliver the package today, yes?
GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect.
GT: I think i might be fucked.
UU: :U
UU: how so???
GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN.
GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.
UU: well there yoU go, love! better hop to it.
GT: Yes i will.
GT: But also...
GT: Theres the matter of the rabbits armaments.
GT: I dont imagine hell do a lot of friggin good in helping grandfather crocker from kicking the old bucket without them.
GT: Did you not say youd supply these?
UU: i did indeed say so!
UU: and have already done.
GT: You did??
GT: When?
UU: in yoUr fUtUre.
UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself.
UU: and yoU did!
UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all.
UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^
GT: I see...
GT: Yes it sure is if that is the case.
GT: Then all thats left to do is find power for it...
GT: Oh and also enough power for the stupid transmateriabob. Augh!
GT: So much to do before shuttling this goddamn thing into the past.
GT: I mean...
GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did?
UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.
UU: bUt theres more to it yoU dont Understand yet! yoU will sort it all oUt in time.
GT: These are among the dadblasted causal spoilers you refuse to dish out?
UU: somewhat.
UU: it woUldnt hUrt yoU mUch to know the trUth, i imagine.
UU: its jUst the trUth is a wee bit complicated.
UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease.
UU: imagine two Universes, A and B.
UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2.
UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed.
UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes!
UU: now consider that A1 begets A2.
UU: A2 begets B1.
UU: and B1 begets B2.
UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.
UU: yoU are one of them! :U
UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1.
UU: and yes she is in the past.
UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!
UU: nor does she occUpy the same stream of continUity.
GT: Im not sure i completely followed that but ok.
UU: thats the best i can do for now. u_u
UU: primarily becaUse i will not risk wasting mUch more of yoUr time!
GT: So you are still in contention that i will meet our elders as youths?
UU: oh yes! ^u^
GT: Ah ha! Then i WILL be traveling through time. I knew it.
GT: Or... they will be. Whichever it is.
GT: Which is it, btw?
UU: caUsal spoilers, sir english!
GT: Fffff.
UU: given the natUre of the qUest waiting for yoU, it woUldnt be shrewd of me to rUle oUt the employment of time travel by any individUal.
UU: bUt i will say that yoUre probably prey to a basic misapprehension aboUt the natUre of this rendezvoUs.
UU: it will not take place on earth.
UU: it will happen inside the game yoUre aboUt to play!
GT: Oh.
GT: Well shit!
UU: indeed. :u
GT: This is frightfully exciting. I would love to meet them.
GT: I never got to know my grandma very well and it always seemed like she led an amazing and adventurous life.
GT: Then this seemed to be proven true in my correspondence with her. So im really looking forward to it.
UU: so trUe. id pay a hefty ransom to get to know my forebears.
GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking?
UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U
UU: it is in the way my race propagates. oUr ancestors precede Us by millenia.
GT: Well yes ours do too. But generally we have all these other people in between them and the most recent ones are called parents.
GT: so i guess you do not have those? Like systemically?
UU: nope! never did.
GT: well neither did i!!!
UU: ^u^
GT: Miss alien i think we are like birds of a feather you and i.
GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way?
UU: hm trUthfUlly?
UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it.
UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.
UU: and now i think i shoUld bollocks off and leave yoU to it!
GT: But...
GT: Wait!
GT: There are still some things id like to know!
GT: About today! About this game!
UU: no more procrastinating!
UU: contact yoUr friend, darling.
GT: Yes fine fine ok i will but...
GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible...
GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game?
UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt.
UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it,
UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.
UU: <kisses!>
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering golgothasTerror [GT]

11/21/11
"Jake: Unearth more computers."

If you're going to message your good bro, you might as well use a more comfortable computing device. You always found the HUSKTOP to be a little clunky. Way too hands-on.

Here are just a few at your disposal. Your grandma always was an advocate of thorough preparedness. She would strongly advise staying not only armed to the teeth, but well equipped in the computational department. You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

11/21/11
"Jake: Don computers."

You put on a few of your more ostentatious devices. Luckily (or unfortunately) you grew up alone, so there was never anyone around to point out how ridiculous you look.

These were also inherited from your grandma. In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile. You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.

11/21/11
"Jake: Message your good bro."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

GT: Bro.
GT: Ahem.
GT: Are you there?
GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately...
TT: State your business, Jake.
GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation.
GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.
GT: It has just been...
GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner.
GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie.
GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.*
GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!
TT: Take it easy, bromide.
TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.
TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,
TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time.
TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity.
TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.
GT: I...
GT: Oh. Yes! But of course.
GT: The ironies!
GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.
GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.*
GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!*
GT: Um.
GT: Yeah.
TT: Ok, nice.
TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so,
TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.
TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No?
GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff.
GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already.
GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention.
GT: However...
GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean!
GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.*
TT: You are out of uranium.
TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.
GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.
GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry!
TT: You do know my offer still stands.
GT: What?
TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.
GT: Oh i know you would its just...
GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself.
GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!
TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud.
TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.
TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.
GT: Frig!!!!!
GT: Why not???
TT: It's too easy.
TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this.
TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts.
GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it!
GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask?
GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it!
TT: Nope. Not buying it.
TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.
TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located.
GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.
TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche.
TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.
GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking!
GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud???
TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud.
TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas.
GT: Wait...
GT: "It seems"??
TT: What?
GT: Oh for fucks sake.
TT: Is something the matter, Jake?
GT: This is your auto responder.

11/21/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Look at that statement you just made.
TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.
GT: Har har har!
GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes.
GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment.
TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.
TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No?
GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!
TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations.
GT: Man its so flipping obvious.
GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like.
GT: And kind of aloof and brusque.
GT: I mean...
GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual!
GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.
TT: Bullshit.
TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being.
GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude.
GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder?
TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.
GT: You see!
TT: What if I was just fucking with you there?
TT: Would it really be so unthinkable for a human to type that?
GT: Because you always say shit like that after i catch wise to your games.
GT: You as in the auto responder!!!
TT: Unimpressed.
TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics.
GT: Oh yeah?
GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!
TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.
GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.
GT: Are you still fucking with me??
TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer.
GT: You always type that answer!!!!!
TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer.
GT: Uuuuuuugh.
GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!
GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.
TT: Ok, but I'm pretty sure he's going to share my position on the matter.
golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

11/21/11
"Jake: Ditch computers."

He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.

There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.

11/21/11
"Jake: Wear skulltop."

Much better. You look like you mean business.

Hmm, no sign of Lalonde online. No surprise there. You wonder if Jane knows where your bro's at? You should try to cool your jets before talking to her. Today is a special day she's been looking forward to for a long time, and she's probably on cloud nine. You wouldn't want to ruin it for her.

11/21/11
"Jake: Pester Jane."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 6:05

GT: Jane!
GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all.
GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?
GG: Oh, that's fine!
GG: I had been meaning to message you sooner actually, but I suppose in all the hubbub today, it plumb slipped my mind.
GG: Which is a shocking fact on its lonesome, considering what I have to tell you!
GT: Egad...
GT: *Loosens collar a bit.*
GG: As for this Strider business, hrmmm. He's an elusive guy Jake. You know that.
GG: I talked to him yesterday. That's as much help as I can be!
GT: Shoot.
GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on.
GG: Hoo hoo.
GG: I love that thing. :B
GT: He wouldnt be pleased to hear you say that.
GG: What do you need with him?
GG: Does this have to do with your crazy pen pal project?
GT: It most certainly does and time is of the essence!
GT: Today is the day i have to finish it and send it. Not a day later!
GT: So you see why i am feeling really friggin discombobulated at the moment.
GG: Sorry, J. :(
GG: This would be the birthday present... for your grandmother?
GT: No!
GT: It is for your grandfather simply to be *relayed* to him by my grandmother. A joint gift to him from she and i.
GG: Her and me.
GT: What? Who and you now?
GG: "A joint gift from her and me." Grammar, Jake!
GT: Oh for frigs flipping sake jane this is no time for your prudish pedantry! Leave your bookish malarkey in a dusty old library somewhere. I have an adventure to get on with!
GG: So if I have this straight, the big thing hogging up your plate today is not this marvelous new game which I have invited you to play with me, but finishing a robotic rabbit to give to my dead poppop?
GT: Bingo. *double pistols and a wink*
GG: You are a very strange and silly boy.
GT: Please jane we have addressed this.
GT: I am sending the gift back in time to when they are both alive and about our age.
GT: Or...
GT: Something like that. Something funny is going on here that i have not fully grappled yet but dag nab it if im not gonna see it through.
GG: Well,
GG: Godspeed, then! I do hope you can pull it off.
GT: Are you being fresh with me now?
GG: No!!
GT: Look jane i know youve never believed me and you think everything i say is some big cockamamie goofoff but i think today of all days is when you should start taking some things more seriously.
GT: Especially since i have always had your back. I have always believed in you!
GG: Hey! I have believed in you too.
GG: However, believing somebody isn't the same thing as believing IN somebody.
GG: But that much said...
GG: I think that maybe I am getting ready to believe some of the wild stories I've heard?
GG: Or, if not believe outright, reserve judgment on, at least.
GT: Is that so!
GG: I don't know!
GG: I'm still not sure what to think. But what I wanted to tell you this morning was...
GG: I had a really wild dream last night.
GG: And you were in it.
GT: Oh my. *glasses fog up. fumbles for kerchief.*
GG: Sh! Not like that.
GG: It was so real! I think we were in the game, even though we haven't started playing yet.
GG: I don't know what to make of it. Whether it was a vision of the future, or somewhere that exists now, or if it was just a really lucid dream due to excitement.
GT: What was i doing there?
GG: Um...
GG: Not a heck of a lot!
GG: I really want to tell you all about it, but it will take some time to explain, and we both have things to attend to.
GG: You with your time traveling rabbitwork, and I, my vigilant window gazing!
GT: Too true.
GT: Let us reconvene later and sort out all this shit at a leisurely pace.
GG: Yes, ok, good luck Jake!
GT: Okay you too jane! Bye!
golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

11/21/11
"Jake: Go downstairs."

You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later. For now, you have other worries that need your focus.

You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.

You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.

11/22/11
"==>"

Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.

...

Speak of the devil fucking dickens.

11/22/11
"Jake: Answer Strider."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 6:17

TT: Hey, it's me.
GT: Oh hey!
TT: The auto-responder, I mean.
GT: Dammit!
GT: What is it now?
TT: I'm just wondering,
TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist.
TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say.
GT: In regard to what exactly?
TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal.
GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.
TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him.
TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.
GT: You mean making the rabbit for me?
TT: No, I know you don't want that.
TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium.
TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.
GT: Oh yeah.
GT: Well ive thought about it.
GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad.
GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found.
TT: Well yeah, Jake.
TT: That's sort of the point.
TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.
TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure.
GT: I do!
GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.
GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win.
TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat.
TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.
GT: Well...
GT: I dunno.
TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake?
GT: It seems it seems it seems!!!
GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off!
GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!!
TT: It...
TT: Appears
TT: That you are upset.
TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.
TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being?
GT: Oh malarkey.
GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.
TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.
TT: But you're wrong.
TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them.
TT: It sucks.
GT: Oh.
GT: Um.
GT: Im sorry then if thats the case.
TT: No problem.
GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often.
GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...
GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.
GT: And then i could respect your emotional robofeelings and you could respect that sometimes maybe i just want to talk to my bro without a lot of spurious hijinks.
GT: Can we agree to this?
TT: Is this a counterproposal?
GT: Uh to what?
TT: To my earlier proposal.
GT: Oh.
GT: Yeah fine i guess.
GT: Man where IS he anyway???
GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers?
TT: What can I say.
TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.
GT: Frig ok.
GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt!
TT: Fuck yes.
GT: Sigh...
GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

11/22/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts.
TT: Or, correction, DS sent them.
TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations.
GT: Yeah whatever.
TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me.
GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!
TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings.
TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS.
GT: Yes.
GT: I know.
GT: Ive tried that.
TT: Yeah?
GT: Its just...
GT: Well...
GT: When hes pulling punches...
GT: And taking it all easy and such...
GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot...
GT: Umm.
TT: What.
GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become...
GT: A bit tender for my liking.
TT: I don't understand.
TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting?
TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?
GT: No i know.
GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking.
GT: Just the way he...
GT: Sort of...
GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind.
TT: No, I think I get it.
TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.
TT: Was there an odor problem? Was the metal too hot to the touch?
TT: Help me out.
GT: No no.
GT: Really never mind!
TT: This is bullshit, Jake.
TT: We had a pact. You were gonna tiptoe all the fuck around my brittle feelings. Totally mind the shit out of those eggshell riddled motherfuckers.
GT: Oh come on dude.
TT: What does the guy have to do, Jake?
TT: You want to wrestle. He's fucking game. Just a man, a machine, a secluded tropical island. Sounds like you died and went to fucking heaven, if you ask me.
TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you?
TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.
TT: Maybe he should just rip his heart out of his chest and pound it into green gravel there in the jungle with his hella strong robot arm.
TT: Invoke_Onomatopoeia(Pound * some ridiculously precise value retrieved at astonishing speed from my rad neural net);
TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.
TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.
GT: ...
GT: But gosh does your prose ever make a fella feel uncomfortable.
TT: Brose.
GT: Oh right. My mistake.
TT: You know what, I've just decided.
TT: If the brobot's Novice setting makes you uneasy, I'm going to disable it remotely.
TT: Done.
TT: Now you got nothing to worry about.
GT: Awww maaaan!
GT: But now hell be impossible!
TT: Happy hunting, Jake.
GT: Fuckin.......
GT: SHUCKS buster. :(
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

11/22/11
"==>"

Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.

11/22/11
"Jake: Exit."

You make a careful motion with a tentative shoe toward the EGRESS CASE, when suddenly THAT DARNED WILD CHARACTER-SELECT SCREEN ACCOSTS YOU BENIGNLY WITHOUT NOTICE!!!

You still can't pick a shadowy guy. But maybe you haven't been the other girl yet? Better click her.

But if you've been her already, there's really no point to this thing anymore. Time to move on.

11/22/11
"Ok, I'm done here. Moving on."

You are suddenly Jane again. Or, you suddenly keep being Jane. Who can say for sure???

Hopefully your dad is still out back washing the car. Ideally this is one of his legendary infinite car washes. What can you say? Dad fancies his automotive ablutions.

While he is preoccupied, you should be able to sneak downstairs and grab the mail undetected. The perfect crime? You bet.

You slip the HALLWAY CERA a furtive wink for good luck.

11/23/11
"Jane: Examine portrait."

Just one of your dad's bland HALLWAY DOUCHEBAGS. Another example of his cornball dad tastes, which make you roll your eyes and shrug. Still, it's preferable to how it used to be.

Years ago he would work really hard to mimic your interests throughout the household. Gaudy paintings of sitcom legends covering the walls, hideous detective figurines littered everywhere. You think it's better that he embrace his own interests rather than try to pander to yours. It felt a bit forced, and your early teen years were filled with daily rounds of familial STRIFE. Not so much anymore. Now whenever there is a father-daughter disagreement, you settle things in an adult fashion by being honest about your feelings and talking it through, and also by sneaking around the house in silly disguises.

11/23/11
"Jane: Take a peek into living room."

There's a familiar face. A friendly face. Old poppop Crocker, smiling from beyond. Your dad sure misses him. He doesn't like to talk about the day he died. Some incident involving a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a mysterious young woman in a suspicious looking hat. You have often fantasized about putting on your dirty old fedora and your Frenchest looking mustache to go tracking down this felonious broad and bring her to justice. But your dad always says best to let sleeping dogs lie.

There's some other plucky looking tool there next to him. Dunno who that guy is.

11/23/11
"Jane: Proceed downstairs."

Another hard boiled Anderson. Even though your dad isn't overbearing with all the detective nonsense anymore, he decided to leave this one here for old time's sake. It brings back memories of his very short-lived stint as a private eye. It turns out the police aren't as grateful as you'd think when ordinary citizens go around roughing up a lot of crooks.

11/23/11
"Jane: Go to front door."

You were afraid this might be the case. Your dad has blocked the front door with the REFRIGERATOR. Looks like he's taking the grounding seriously this time.

11/23/11
"Jane: Check window."

He padlocked the windows too. You'd bet boonbucks to donuts the back door is blocked too, probably with the safe from the study or something. The man means business this time.

You aren't about to go smashing glass and making a ruckus though. You'll need a solution involving more stealth. You guess you have a plan in mind as a last resort, but you'd rather it not come to that.

11/23/11
"Jane: Consult with poppop."

You figure a little wisdom from your elder couldn't hurt.

It practically went without saying your dad keeps poppop stuffed and mounted in front of the fireplace, as is the family tradition. Poppop grew up with his legendary humorist grandfather stuffed in front of the fireplace, and so did his grandfather. This was stipulated firmly in the will, at the end of a long list of joke stipulations. (Dad knew this was a real stipulation though.)

11/23/11
"==>"

You always did find it a little macabre though, trying to watch tv and eat dinner on the couch with a dead old man standing about five feet away. You'd honestly prefer he not be kept here in the living room. Sometimes you tell dad you really want poppop in the attic. He says the mere fact you call it that tells him you're not ready.

11/24/11
"==>"

What's that, poppop? It seems he's concerned that you may not be properly equipped.

You prove to him that you indeed had no intention of leaving the house without your trusty joke book.

11/24/11
"==>"

YES, I am going out with this book! No, I will not go get an unabridged copy! No, I will not take yours! I can hardly even lift it! Oh, that is so preposterous. Do you even hear what you're saying? I will be fine! This is a perfectly funny book and it contains many incredibly funny jokes! Oh, will you just stop it. I am going now. Good day!!!

>:B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11/24/11
"Jane: On second thought, take his book."

You just remembered something your alien friend said about the big old book downstairs, and trusting words written by your own hand. What the heck did she mean by that?

Uh, whoops. Sorry, poppop.

11/24/11
"Jane: Retrieve arm."

Better pick that up. You'll try to repair it later before dad sees it and blows a gasket.

11/24/11
"Jane: Read inscription again."

Is your friend suggesting that you were the one who wrote this inscription? You find that idea a bit hard to swallow. Still, your friends are always babbling about time travel...

You always thought this inscription was written to your poppop by his nanna, who was your great great grandmother, founder of the corporation you'll inherit in a few years. The message has always been a fascinating mystery to you, and probably was to him as well. From the way it's written, it seems it was intended for him to receive after her death. She talks about a journey he is supposedly meant to go on. You wonder if that adventure ever took place, or if the note was just one last jape by an old woman from a proud family of pranksters? She goes on about many fantastical sounding things he supposedly would have found on this journey, like agents, exiles, underlings, denizens, and heirs of breath and seers of light and stuff like that. Wait... didn't your friend mention those too?

In any case, this message to poppop from his sweet old nanna is the best evidence you have to dispute all this evil batterwitch nonsense. She clearly cared for her grandson very much, and would never start a company responsible for the things it's accused of, let alone be alive today to perpetrate them. But then, what if she wasn't the one who wrote it? This thought makes you very nervous.

You suddenly remember your dream. What did it mean? You should talk to Jake about all this.

11/26/11
"Jane: Bother Jake."

|PESTERLOG|
gutsyGumshoe [GG] began bothering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:40

GG: J, how goes the bunnyquest?
GT: Ive barely even begun!
GG: Tell me about it.
GT: Youre off to a sluggish start then too i gather?
GG: Dad has the whole house in full fatherly lockdown mode. Talk about blowing a few measly "assassination attempts" way out of proportion!
GG: So I'm currently mulling over my next move.
GG: What is it that has you hamstrung? Did you ever track down the slippery Mr. Strider?
GT: Not exactly.
GT: His stupid doppelglasses have set me on a wild goose chase to go pry his dumb robots chest open and swipe its uranium.
GG: Sounds dangerous!
GT: No shit.
GT: I think id rather deal with the monsters.
GG: Why is it that our two best friends in the world always seem to place themselves at the source of all our problems, while simultaneously presenting their only solutions?
GT: I know right???
GG: I'm debating whether or not to enlist his help in the matter of my current imprisonment. But I'd rather keep it as a plan of last resort.
GT: Dont do it jane its a trap!!!
GG: We'll see.
GG: So I take it you're out and about now?
GT: Hell no. I spent so much time haggling with those confounded shades im only leaving my room just now.
GG: Right. Well, not to keep you too long, since we both still have our missions ahead of us, but I wanted to tell you about that dream I had.
GT: Oh yeah!
GT: I was curious about that. Tell me everything and make it snappy!
GT: *Whips up bucket of freshly popped corn.*
GG: Hoo. :B
GG: Ok, but, I should say that the nature of the dream was a bit worrisome.
GG: And I'm concerned it may have implications for the game we're about to play.
GG: So it's probably best that I tell you about it before you leave.
GT: Well shoot.
GT: Ok then lay it on me jane.

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I woke up on the planet which we have been told about by our mutual acquaintance.
GG: The one covered in golden cities. Prospit, remember?
GT: Oh. Wouldnt it be prospits moon?
GG: Yes, you're right. It was the moon, actually. I could see the planet on the dark horizon.
GG: I was dressed in a golden dress, like a sort of nightgown, and I could fly. I left my bedroom, which was at the top of a tall tower. Surrounding me were the gold cities, just as described.
GG: Behind the skyline was darkness. But just above was a bright blue sky and puffy white clouds.
GT: That was skaia!
GG: Yes, probably.
GG: Are you sure you haven't woken up there before?
GT: Haha i WISH.
GT: I have received reports from jade about this as well. She liked to talk about her dreams on prospits moon a lot.
GG: I see. The impression I have developed is that this is supposed to be a real place, and all who dream there have shared experiences.
GG: Did Jade ever mention seeing us there?
GT: No but why would she? This was long before we were born! She was dreaming there like a hundred years ago or something.
GG: Hrmm. Anyway...

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I explored the moon, and began to notice people gathering in the streets.
GG: But they weren't human. They were funny looking, perfectly white creatures.
GT: Yeah those are prospitians.
GT: They have these hard carapace shells and also have something to do with chess i think?
GG: Well, I don't know if they had much to do with chess here.
GG: The more closely I observed, the more they appeared somewhat despondent.
GT: Like...
GT: Sad?
GG: Yes.
GG: I determined they were in mourning, actually.
GT: Hey.
GT: Jane you said i was in this dream. Where do i come in?
GG: Shoosh! I'm getting there.

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: More and more Prospitians were filing out of the buildings every moment.
GG: They all began to form a single, major procession.
GG: When I got closer, I could see that some were in tears.
GG: I realized this was a funeral.

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I heard whispers, but couldn't make out what they were saying, so I got closer.
GG: They were all saying the same thing, over and over.

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: "The Page is dead."
GG: "Our hope is lost."

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: The page?
GT: Whos that?

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Jake.
GG: The Page was you.

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Oh.
GT: Drat.
GT: Are you sure?
GG: Yes, I saw your body lying in a sort of coffin, on a bed of flowers. You were dead as a doornail.
GG: Everyone was so distraught!
GG: Including me. :(

11/26/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: But before I could get too horribly upset, let alone make sense of any of it, I woke up.
GG: I of course immediately wanted to tell you all about, but it was still well before sunrise for you, and you were surely still asleep.
GG: Then as the day went on I guess I became distracted by other things. You know how it is.
GG: I hope I'm not too late to "warn" you, though to be frank I don't have the foggiest clue what it is I'm warning you about.
GG: "Dear Jake, oh please do try not to... have already... died in my dream? Likely while you were sleeping, perhaps peacefully?"
GT: Haha yeah. I see your point.
GG: Still, I think you'll agree that it's to be viewed as a troubling omen.
GG: I care very much for you, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you both in my dreams, and here in this world.
GG: So for whatever good it does, just please be extra careful out there today!
GT: Roger that janey!
GT: And um same goes for you about being careful what with these various rogues accosting you with foul play lately and whatnot...
GT: Because well i sure do care a lot about you too you know that.
GG: Hooray! Will do. ;B
GG: Now let's get this silly old adventure off to the races before the coat of dust it's growing gets any thicker.
GT: Booyeah!
GT: Ok good luck jane and keep me posted! C ya.
golgothasTerror [GT] ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

11/27/11
"Jake: Get silly old adventure off to the races."

11/27/11
"==>"

11/27/11
"==>"

11/27/11
"==>"

11/27/11
"Jake: Examine pumpkin patch."

Although these pumpkin vines are amazingly prolific, every morning when you leave your bedroom, you'd swear half the pumpkins vanished over night. It's probably just the FAUNA eating them. Not that it matters, because they keep growing right back.

It wasn't always overgrown like this. When you first discovered the TRANSMATERIALIZER, you started messing around with it haphazardly. You kept appearifying pumpkins from somewhere. It was just pumpkin after pumpkin, until one time a copy of the bunny you inherited from grandma showed up, much less old and tattered of course. All that fooling around was before you realized how precious its fuel would be. Such a waste of good uranium.

11/27/11
"==>"

You brought all the surplus pumpkins home and left them lying about. Then the seeds sprouted and started growing out of control. You guess that's what happens when you introduce nonindigenous FLORA into the wilderness.

11/29/11
"Jake: Be completely oblivious to thing in background."

You successfully fail to notice it. Wait notice what? You don't even know what we're talking about here.

But it doesn't matter for now because suddenly a wild chum assails you with banter!!!

11/29/11
"Jake: Answer Lalonde."

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 6:53

TG: holy shit jaaaje
TG: lol *k
GT: Heh heh.
GT: Howdy!
GT: What is all this commotion about?
TG: nothin
TG: just your basic run o the mill holy shit
TG: and also
TG: hi
GT: Ah ok then. Hello it is!
TG: also
TG: want 2 know
TG: what do you want for ur wigglin day
GT: Im not really abreast of the raddest jargon that the cool kids toss about these days.
GT: Maybe because i live alone on an island? I dont know but in any case are you referring to my upcoming birthday?
TG: ys
GT: I see. Very thoughtful of you to consider so early!
GT: I dont wager i could advise with much specificity but i can all but assure you i will find any gesture of yours to be totally capital!
TG: eeaauuuuurghh you are so fuckin adorable
GT: Um... *wrings at kerchief with perspiring mitts*
TG: YOINK nabs kerfief an stops RPing for rest of chat
TG: i was only bringing it up so much in advance because
TG: of the end of the world about to happen and all
TG: and then
TG: i wouldnt get the chance
TG: unless we play this game like a bunch ofsuckers obviously
TG: and all meet up in there and everything
TG: which would toytes kick ass
TG: *totes
TG: but
TG: if you want 2 know what i think..........
GT: Yes?
TG: do ya?
GT: I do want to know what you think!
GT: I always want to know. Because you are always smart and sassy.
TG: best dude ^^^
TG: neway
TG: i really dont think we should
GT: Should what now?
TG: play the game
GT: Why not?
TG: the barnoness wants us to
TG: * baroness
TG: i dont know why
TG: everything i know about it says it should be a good game and real important and itll let us all get togehter and do somethin great and be besf friends for maybe eternity?
TG: but she took all that and twisted it somehow
TG: all i know is shes banking on us doing this and if she needs us to do this than its got to be to make somethin fucking hoorible happen
TG: * horbible
TG: * whore bible
TG: ^ bullseye
GT: Well...
GT: Whore bibles notwithstanding i have it on terrific authority that playing this game will be incredibly important!
GT: So perhaps youre right maybe we are part of her evil plan? But does that also necessarily rule out that good will come of it?
TG: i guess not
TG: i just have a bad feelin
TG: maybay im just like this nutty ass bitsh twirling yarn from a shitwizards nappy brown beard but i cant bring myself to trust a cake sellin genocidal alien overlard sea queen
TG: * overl...
TG: n/m that santence chx out
GT: Agreed. :D
TG: so what is the itinerary again
GT: Intinerwhosit?
TG: regarding the game
TG: whosplaying in what order etc
GT: Oh. Is there such an itinerary?
TG: yeah i think so i think its going like
TG: i start with jane and bring her in the session
TG: then ds brings me in and you bring him in and them jane does you and closes the loop
GT: Where are you getting this intel? Did you guys make a plan or something?
TG: nah dont wory about it
TG: do you want me to set u up w the files now
GT: Ooh, these illicit hacked warez which i heartell were recently jimmied piping hot off the interclouds?
TG: ahahah i love that you were barely even joking with that statement bup yeah basically
GT: The silicon pickpocket strikes again!!! Whom is the wiser? Nobody.
TG: ffffffffff <3
TG: k ill send it but
GT: Yeah?
TG: jake
GT: What?
TG: jjjjjaaake
GT: !!!!!?
TG: youre wearin one of ur dumb computers now arent you
GT: Uh...
TG: you are all thinktyping at me right now while wearing something rudiculous
TG: * RUDEdiculous (hi five 2 self)
GT: Hogswallop! Why would you even think that?
GT: Thats so stupid.

11/29/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: im not letting either of you run this file on your shitty brainwashy propaganda helmets or anything else u got to wear to run
TG: tis my one condition
GT: Fair enough. When i get back from my errand ill situate myself at the trusty old husktop. Acceptable?
TG: ys
GT: Then you have decided to play in spite of your reservations?
TG: i dunno i guess
GT: Bravo!
TG: dont all bravo @ me man youre just bravoing a big ass shrug
TG: i mean maybe
TG: i have every reason to want to play it
TG: im actually dying to play it ok
TG: i mean
TG: you believe me right
TG: about the bad shit that could hapen
GT: Of course i do.
GT: What sort of friend would i be if not?
TG: ok well
TG: dont say that to jabe
TG: *n
GT: She has her ways. I believe they are not incongruous with those of an intelligent and discerning young woman.
TG: ahh CHRIST waht a geneltman
TG: *fixfix
TG: i mean god daaaaaaaaamn
GT: Heh. I guess.
TG: but thats the thing with you
TG: you belvieve in people and also the things they tell you
TG: jane never believed my crap
TG: never any of my warnings about the baroness
TG: didnt believe any of the stuff about my mom
TG: and so on and so on and soon
TG: til after awhile i just stopped even trying to convince her hard or bring up any crazy shit
TG: because u know doing a lot of songs and dances to convince somebody who thinks youre jush shitting them all the time kind of wears on a friendship
TG: and who even needs that
TG: but you believe in stuff
TG: probbly because the more crazy fake shit you believe in the more open the world gets and the more chance there is for adventures being real right
GT: Right o! If a man believes hard enough in imaginary things then i dare say that makes them slightly less fake!
TG: yeah
TG: exaxly what im talkin about
TG: *exsexily *wonk
TG: *wink
TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much
GT: It is?
TG: which
TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm
GT: Talk about what?
TG: nope
GT: You mean how um...
GT: Well a way in which i suppose...
TG: no nope
GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection?
TG: nope nope nope nope nope nope
TG: hey look who didnt say nothin about that why it is this silly fuckin drunk girl over here
GT: Its a tricky issue. And you know i adore jane and please dont think i havent given some thought to...
GT: Well that angle on our relationship i guess.
TG: ooof jake jake no please
TG: this is a conversation that cant happen cause i started it and i blew it by saying stuff so u have to foroget it
TG: * 4get it
GT: Oh. Yeah i can see the dilemma this causes for your friendship with her.
GT: Ill drop it.
TG: whew
TG: ok ont this topic
TG: i am now an forever
TG: miss zupperlips
TG: * zupperlups
TG: * ziperlups
TG: sjkhfskjf
TG: * MISS ZUIPPERPIPS
TG: fuck
TG: k this is me 4 futref
TG: ZIIIIIIIP
TG: ^+++++++^
GT: Haha oh my.
GT: Nothing is escaping that lovely ladys whistlemaker! Its shut tight as a drum!!
TG: mmmmrrmmmnnmmm
GT: Whoa wait i hope that didnt sound dirty...
TG: mrrmmrmmnnnmnmnmnmrnrmrnmmmm!!!!!!
GT: Ok but may i say this?
TG: mrm?
GT: If in the future i would like to bring up certain topics completely unsolicited by one who may be sworn to secrecy on those very matters...
GT: And im in need of i guess neutral and totally non compromising advice from a friend do you think that miss zuipperpips might unseal those scandalous metal choppers for a bit?
GT: Fuck that also sounded kinda dirty!!! God dammit.
TG: rm
TG: unzip yeah of course
TG: im totals your bee eff effsy jake
TG: i am like
TG: AT PEACE with that reality fromerly known as a raw fuckin deal for what avenues it closes betewen u and i that bein your bffsy has got to mean but yeah
GT: Wait what?
TG: i am just chill as fuck about being a pale friend to all varieties of cute and eligible as hell peeps
TG: do you see my shoulder and how it says hey friend plz deposit tears here?
TG: that is a LEGIT invite and is like sincere as fuckin BANANAS
GT: Oh. Im sure it is but i dunno how much crying im going to be doing...
GT: Probably none i think.
TG: no i know im just saying
TG: that
TG: ok im now spinning my wheels like a motherfucker but yeah the answer is yes
GT: Great!
TG: and not that im back pebbling but what about your best bro
TG: dont you get 2 talkin to him about girl troubles ever
GT: Yeaaaah...
GT: Well.
GT: Like i said the whole thing is complicated. Best not to get into it all until im ready to you know...
GT: Really start manhandling these bushel loads of prickly pears.
TG: prinkly pears
GT: The pears being the tricky subjects in question.
GT: Metaphorically.
TG: riiiight
TG: snickrz
TG: poor jake
TG: up to his neck in
TG: all the wopes
TG: * woes
GT: Nah its cool.
TG: speaking of which
TG: i heard hes making u track down his roboself
TG: to kill it or something for uranimum
GT: Sigh...
TG: and
TG: the AR disabled the novice setting???
GT: Yes.
TG: hahahahahahhahahahshshshjsjsj
TG: *hahaha
TG: u r so fucked
GT: Oh most certainly.
GT: I was actually just getting all of my final affairs in order when you messaged me.
GT: I was to bequeath to you all my WAB posters.
TG: wab wut
GT: Weekend at bernies dammit!!!!!!
TG: oh fuck yeay
TG: im always in need of something to put under my cats shit box
GT: :(
TG: ok tell you what
TG: as an early wigglin day thing u know what ill do
GT: I still dont really get the wiggling thing but no what?
TG: ill enable the brobots novice setting again for you
GT: Wow...
GT: Thanks i think???
TG: but that dont count as the whole thing ill think of something better too
TG: 4 now peace o jake & gl on your robroquest heheheh
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

11/29/11
"Jake: Commence robroquest."

It is time to get DEAD SERIOUS about hunting down a robot that looks exactly like your best friend, destroy it with your guns somehow, and steal its uranimum. (* uranium)

But then the thing behind you that you were oblivious to starts grumbling.

You totally forgot about the FRIGHTENING FAUNA on this island, and its regrettable REALNESS ATTRIBUTE.

11/29/11
"Jake: Turn around."

11/29/11
"[S??????] ==>"

You leap into the tropical island fray in an attempt to violently pacify the gigantic Earth crabdad. What is he even doing here? The question doesn't even occur to you. The island has been crawling with these things for as long as you can remember.

You glance at the crudely rendered battle, direct your browser to the HOMESTUCK BANDCAMP PAGE, and browse for suitable battle music. Oh god, there are so many songs. Which one would be a good fit for this duel? Wait, yes, there's one. That's perfect. You hit play, close your eyes, and become lost in visions of gnashing crustacean carapace, smoking M9 casings, and Jake doing that thing where he flies through the air shooting two guns at once. Yes, so awesome.

11/29/11
"Jake: Fly through the air shooting two guns at once."

You do the thing where you fly through the air shooting two guns at once. That thing isn't even that big of a deal for you. You do that thing practically every day on hellmurder island.

Your furious salvo of deadly bullets scares the FRIGHTENING FAUNA off into the jungle, REALNESS ATTRIBUTE and all.

11/29/11
"==>"

Another triumph for adventure. Time to blow the smoke off your berettas and saunter off into the... whoa not so fast! Behind you, Jake!!!

11/29/11
"==>"

AH HA. GOT YOU YOU SON OF A, SHIT, WAIT.

11/29/11
"==>"

Oh nooo.

It was only one of those sweet little fairy bulls. You just murdered him inappropriately with your multi-bullet device.

You love those little fairy bulls. You feel just awful.

11/30/11
"==>"

11/30/11
"==>"

11/30/11
"==>"

11/30/11
"Jane: Implement plan of last resort."

You have waited around long enough. Dad's legendary car wash won't last forever, and the day isn't getting any younger.

You pack up poppop's book and bust out your trusty HOMING DEVICE.

11/30/11
"Jane: Activate."

Here goes nothing.

11/30/11
"==>"

11/30/11
"==>"

11/30/11
"==>"

11/30/11
"==>"

God he is such a little troublemaker.

Hopefully he will mind his manners today.

12/01/11
"==>"

12/01/11
"==>"

12/01/11
"==>"

12/01/11
"Jake: Exit forest."

12/01/11
"Jake: Behold zoological splendor."

Looks like the centaur herd is out in full force today. You have to be careful about walking under them. There are extreme hazards involved, such as the threat of falling manure, or milk.

12/01/11
"Jake: Examine frog temple."

There are the ruins you'll be making your way toward once you've got the uranium.

Still need to locate that enigmatic brobot. He's out there, somewhere. Just watching. You can feel it.

Can't let your guard down for a second, or you'll get served like a dude on butler island.

12/01/11
"Jake: Look down."

Uh oh. Something's coming up.

12/01/11
"==>"

12/01/11
"==>"

12/01/11
"==>"

12/01/11
"==>"

Not the encounter you were hoping for today.

These things don't back down.

12/02/11
"Jane: Assess damage."

Poor poppop's severed head got nicked by the FIREPLACE POKER. He's going to need a lot of work this time. Over the years, your dad has spent thousands of dollars on repairs. Oh well, how much more grounded can you get than you already are?

12/02/11
"Jane: Put head back."

You stick the poker down his neck hole and jam the head back on the spike as a temporary measure. That looks somewhat more respectable you guess.

Looks like the troublemaker's father is calling.

12/02/11
"Jane: Answer Strider."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 12:01

TT: Why have you activated dear, sweet Huggy Bear.
TT: Are you in danger?
GG: Oh, no.
GG: I'm just trying to leave my house!
GG: Is this the real you, btw?
TT: Yeah, it's me.
TT: I disabled the AR for now.
GG: Ok. Just making sure!
GG: Jake was having some issues with it earlier, and I don't think he received its obfuscating tendencies in the humorous spirit intended.
TT: Yes, I'm catching up with the situation now.
GG: Oh, so you're talking to Jake then?
TT: Nah. Just reading their chat logs.
TT: Man, what the fuck?
TT: I can't leave these two alone for a minute. Can a guy get his ablutions on in fucking peace?
GG: :B
GG: Was it that bad?
TT: Not really.
TT: The responder doesn't much distort my position on things usually.
TT: Its demeanor leaves something desired though. I'd prefer it didn't make such aggressive and repeated claims of fidelity to my persona.
TT: Be misrepresentin' hells of key subtleties, yo.
GG: Why not just turn it off then?
TT: Keeps them both on their toes.
GG: Who?
TT: Jake and the responder.
TT: Jake needs to be more skeptical. Rather than take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that day, he's got to apply more critical reasoning to shit.
TT: I keep telling him.
TT: I keep telling him, dude, you got to be more like Jane.
GG: These lectures I presume are roughly similar in complexion to those I'm familiar with?
GG: Those wherein I have, and I quote, "got to be more like Jake?"
TT: Yes, exactly.
TT: You're finally fucking getting it.
GG: I sincerely doubt that I am!
TT: Said the stubborn skeptic, skeptically.
GG: Let's not talk about my "issues" again, shalln't we?
TT: Shalln't?
TT: That ain't a thing to say, even for you.
GG: Shush!
GG: The word shalln't escape my vocabulary any longer, just as you SHALLN'T nitpick my language! That's my turf you're on, buster.
TT: Alright. Kinda don't care.
GG: What were you saying?
TT: About what? Jake?
GG: About leaving the responder on!
TT: Yeah.
TT: Anyway, I kind of owe it to him to let the program run as often as possible.
GG: Jake?
TT: No.
TT: The responder.
TT: It is a fully cognitive, self-aware entity I am responsible for, not even to mention an approximate cerebral duplicate of myself.
TT: You don't just make a clone of yourself to live in a dead end existence where it has no chance to thrive as an individual or surpass its limitations.
TT: That'd be sick.
GG: True.
TT: Also.
TT: The more the software runs, the broader and more detailed its experiential canopy becomes. Makes for a better dialogic partner.
GG: Dialogic?
GG: Are you saying you have conversations with your own auto-responder?
TT: Of course.
TT: Why do you think I made the thing?
GG: Hrm, that's interesting.
GG: I guess I always thought it was just a really elaborate gag!
TT: It's that too.

12/04/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Sometimes your sense of humor seems more impenetrably advanced than your robotics. I'll never understand this tapestry of irony you weave.
GG: Maybe I'm just stuck in the dark ages of pranksterism with my funny mustaches corny old joke book.
TT: Yes, you are. But that's fine.
TT: We come from different traditions. Someone needs to keep that racist southern asshole's legacy alive.
TT: There's dignity in taking up the work of our familial predecessors, even if what they did was insanely fucking stupid.
GG: Is that a note of bitterness directed at your superstar brother I am detecting?
TT: No way. He's awesome.
TT: I've told you, I don't begrudge any of his success.
TT: I've also told you he isn't my real bro even though I call him that. We're related through an esoteric process of genetic reamalgamation.
GG: Oh lordy. Yes, yes, I know. I don't need another ironic lesson in science fiction!
TT: Alright. My lessons are rad as fuck, but suit yourself.
TT: The point is, obviously his satirical methods have flaws, and whatever tempered brand of hero worship I might be practicing isn't keeping me from seeing that.
GG: Flaws?? Talk about understatement. Those movies are unwatchable.
GG: Unless your name is Jake English.
TT: Yes, spectacularly so. But they will have profound historical significance. Mark my words.
TT: And flaws aside, it's a legacy I'm proud to inherit. My duty isn't to appropriate his methods with absolute loyalty, but to apply reason and improve upon them. To leave my own mark.
TT: To perfect the art of irony.
TT: It's just like what you're doing with the work of your ancestor. You are striving to perfect his hokey vaudeville bullshit, or something.
TT: You seek the Zen of a pie to the face. The Tao of falling the fuck down.
GG: Ermm...
GG: If you say so!
GG: I dunno. Call me a simpleton, but I just like funny jokes.
TT: Can't fool me. You take your shit as serious as I do.
TT: And if I wasn't serious about it, I wouldn't have made you that rabbit. Then where the hell would you be?

12/04/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Well, aside from thousands of dollars in corpse-repair richer, I can't say.
TT: Has he been sleeping in the old man hollow again? Shit, that's adorable.
GG: I can think of cuter places for him to sleep, frankly!
TT: Yeah, bullshit.
TT: He's just being instinctive. In the wild, he would gut a carcass and sleep inside for warmth, as well as to secure tactical advantage for ambushing would-be scavengers.
GG: Oh, please.
GG: Anyway, property damage and desecration to cherished elders aside, Mr. Bear has been a lovely addition to the family.
TT: You haven't renamed him yet?
GG: Oh... no.
GG: I keep forgetting I'm supposed to!
TT: You've got to fucking rename him. Or change him to a girl if you want. That was important.
TT: When pets change owners they get new names. Fact.
GG: Sorry.
GG: I will name him right now!
GG: How about Lil' Sebastian?
TT: Fuck if that isn't the best name a thing could get.
GG: Yeah!!!
GG: So then, are you saying Mr. Sebastian here was an ironic present?
GG: Relayed strictly for guffaws?? >:B
TT: Yes, but it's not that simple. There were many layers involved.
TT: Some of them are literal layers, of metal and plush.
GG: Huh?
TT: There's a real stuffed rabbit beneath its exoskeleton.
GG: What! Really? :O
TT: Yeah.
TT: It belonged to my bro.
GG: I thought you said you didn't have such an heirloom to complete the plushie trifecta?
TT: I didn't. He didn't give it to me, and never intended to bequeath it.
TT: I stole it.
GG: Ooh. Risky!
TT: Nah. I got a little help from RL and ganked it out of his museum.
TT: It's this whole "priceless" collection of stupid shit from movies, defended like Fort Knox. Ironically of course.
GG: So it's from a movie?
TT: Ever hear of Con Air?
GG: Nope.
GG: Wait...
GG: Wasn't that some bit of action schlock from the 90's?
TT: Yes.
GG: Some of the silly nonsense referenced in his work was well before my time. I don't have the wherewithal to investigate all this minutia.
TT: Yeah, it doesn't matter really. But it was from that. Dude weirdly obsessed over that shit movie for years, among others.
TT: Know those signature shades you see him wearing on magazine covers and stuff? Another prop. A gift from Stiller himself, I believe.
GG: That does sound a tad obsessive. Wasn't he furious about your burglary?
TT: Pretty sure he didn't even notice. In years since, I never saw a news story about a "daring heist" or anything. I feel like he would have made some hay outta that.
TT: And if he did know, he'd probably just want to give me a stoic fist bump or something.
GG: Why didn't you mention this when you gave the gift? More irony?
TT: Essentially. It's not that easy to explain.
TT: Broadcasting the gesture would have made it seem tawdry, and would somewhat defray its humor value.
GG: I see. So it was like a private joke, and if anyone besides you was in on it, the joke would be ruined!
TT: Like I said, there are layers.
TT: On one level, I gave you a filthy tattered piece of shit, albeit of tremendous cultural significance, manhandled by some old B movie actors, now candy coated to function as a highly practical defender droid for your personal protection.
TT: On another level, I needed to incorporate something passable as a real heirloom.
TT: For sentimental reasons.
GG: D'awwwww.
GG: Wait, real sentiment, or ironic sentiment?
GG: Or is there no difference?? Am I missing the point here?
TT: No, it was genuine.
TT: The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless.
TT: Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to "mean it," but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you "mean it" then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth.
GG: This is fascinating, if a wee bit more dissertation than I bargained for this morning.
GG: I have so much to learn. And I am not even saying that "ironically!"
GG: Will you teach me your ways one day, sir? Perhaps an apprenticeship will open?
TT: Oh god, I'd love that.
TT: Consider the position yours for the taking any time. Feel free to approach and kneel before Cal. With my sword and his floppy mitten, you will receive my flashstep anointment shoulder to shoulder, and to shoulder again.

12/04/11
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Tempting, but that rain check will have to stay unendorsed for now.
GG: Lil' Seb is beginning to act out, and I must put his fidgetiness to constructive use!
TT: Cool.
TT: Jane, one more thing.
TT: I'm sure you must be aware by now that you'll be the leader of our group, as you will be the first to enter the session.
GG: Um, no?
GG: This is news to me. I never gathered that "team leader" was a thing for this game.
TT: Trust me. It's a thing.
GG: Are you sure? I have my doubts.
GG: I believe as a group we will have the temerity to succeed, without my having to order people around like an insufferable bossypants.
TT: That's why you're our leader, Jane.
GG: Hm?
TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is an affect not everyone is plucky enough to be graced with.
GG: That's stupid!
TT: Yeah yeah. I know.
TT: You're not our leader, you're our FRIEND, right?
GG: Precisely!
GG: There is a BIG difference!
TT: And statements like that are also why you're our leader.
TT: But only in name and in spirit. Less so, functionally.
TT: If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here.
GG: Oh yes?
GG: Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry?
TT: I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass.
TT: At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis.
TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word.
TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss.
TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself.
TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war.
TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say.
TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family.
TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere.
TT: Bet that coin'll take a good nap there.
TT: It's a gamble you win every goddamn time.
TT: Yeah.
GG: These lessons we talked about...
GG: They've already begun, haven't they? :o
TT: Jane, soon you'll believe what I've told you.
TT: You'll believe it all.
TT: It's just a shame that believing will take something so coarse as seeing, for a girl as sharp as you.
TT: Critical thought can lead one to accept the unlikely, just as much as dismiss the impossible.
TT: I can help with this too. Would you like me to program a Jane Crocker responder for you?
TT: I only require a simple captcha of your brain.
GG: Holy moly!
GG: Um, thank you, but no.
GG: I'm not ready to get dialogic with my cyberself just yet. My friends keep me busy enough as it is.
GG: Speaking of which, I really need to go. I know you love to talk my ear off, and it's always a treat, but let's catch up later after the game starts, ok?
GG: And if I do need your help, I promise I'll take you up on your offer!
TT: I made several. Which one?
GG: The one where you, hopefully not literally, offered to catch me in the crevice of a great big squishy butt! Hoo hoo hoo!
GG: Gtg!!! <3
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased bothering timaeusTestified [TT]

12/05/11
"Jane: Command Sebastian to lift fridge."

You order dear, sweet Lil' Sebastian to put his fidgetiness to constructive use. He is eager to assist, and lifts the appliance with ease.

12/05/11
"==>"

He finds a note taped underneath the fridge. It seems to be addressed to you.

12/05/11
"Jane: Read note."

Fat chance, dad.

This bird's gotta fly!!!

12/05/11
"==>"

Uh oh, Lil Seb's acting out again. His legs are getting fidgety and bothersome. Better tell him to put the fridge down gently before he causes more damage.

12/05/11
"Jane: Tell Seb to put fridge down."

12/05/11
"==>"

12/05/11
"==>"

12/06/11
"Jane: Throw down your hat in disgust."

12/06/11
"==>"

12/06/11
"Jane: Level up."

You've been climbing your echeladder very gradually for various minor accomplishments here and there since you were 13. That was such a sweet textbook HAT POF, it earned you just enough to clear the next rung, FEDORAFLEDGLING. Nice going!

12/06/11
"Hat: Level up."

The well traveled HAT shares in your glorious spoils. The battle-hardened accessory reaches dizzying new heights, leapfrogging from the DOUCHEBAG'S DOMESUCKER rung, to the rare, highly coveted MARTYR'S PISSCRADLE rung.

12/07/11
"Jake: Run."

How can these things be so fast on land???

It moves like some sort of giant frisky seal, that is very hungry and angry. You know from experience that bullets only make them hungrier and angrier, so there is nothing to do but run.

12/07/11
"==>"

Oh no, it's a hostile swarm of those little fairy bulls! They are probably pissed off about the one you killed earlier. They have come for revenge!

12/07/11
"==>"

OH MY GOD THE HUMANITY. HOW THEY EXACT THEIR POUND OF FLESH.

OH GOD NO OH GOD OH GOD OH GOOOAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

12/07/11
"==>"

12/07/11
"[S] ==>"

12/07/11
"==>"

Nearby, someone or something bleats like a goat for strategic purposes.

And also

12/07/11
"==>"

Ironic purposes.

12/09/11
"Jane: Run."

The jig is so totally up.

Nothing left to do but scurry your little legs to that box, snatch the mail and scram!

12/09/11
"==>"

12/09/11
"==>"

12/09/11
"==>"

12/09/11
"[S] Jane: Get mail."

12/09/11
"==>"

12/09/11
"==>"

END OF ACT 6 ACT 1.

12/09/11
"==>"

One down.

12/09/11
"==>"

No, not kids! I mean these curtain dealies.

I still need to set up, what, like another five of these rigs? God dammit.

12/09/11
"==>"

I hope I don't run out of green curtain cloth. Shit is expensive.

12/09/11
"So, uh... what about all those other kids?"

Huh? Who?

Oh, yeah. Those people.

Aren't they all dead?

12/09/11
"No, not quite."

Oh god, you're right! There are still a few characters I haven't killed yet. I almost forgot about them.

I was planning on totally messing with them in the short window of time they're in the same universe as me! Hopefully it isn't too late.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA WAIT WHY AM I EVEN LAUGHING, THIS IS A COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE REACTION. BESIDES, I AM A TIN CAN, ROBOTS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS.

12/09/11
"Hussiebot: Check time."

Let's see. They should be traveling near the speed of light across a distance of one yard, giving them about three nanoseconds before they crash through the other wall.

Which means I have about...

HOLY SHIT I'M ALMOST OUT OF TIME TO FUCK UP THE STORY! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT NANOSECONDS COULD FLY BY SO FAST????????

12/10/11
"Hussiebot: Hurry!!!"

Who am I kidding. Even using my super-fast robotic AUTHOR AVATAR, I barely have time to do anything.

Maybe I'll just level up these kids before they go, and that's it.

They've earned it after all, don't you think?

12/10/11
"John: Level up."

You produce your most spirited LAD SCRAMBLE yet, and hop up to the next GOD TIER, achieving the illustrious REVENGE OF DOCTOR RAGNAROK.

All of your vitals go completely bonkers. Your MAN GRIT is off the charts. You're embarrassed for us to even know what it is. It's that gaudy.

12/10/11
"Jade: Level up."

You put forth your best LASS SCAMPER of all time, and clear another sweet GOD TIER, the nigh-unattainable SAYONARA KANSAS.

Your battle stats predictably go haywire. You accrue so much YOUNGSTER GUMPTION it's basically insane. Nobody should ever mess with you.

Not even me.

12/11/11
"John and Jade: Reap spoils."

You don't get boondollars anymore. That shit is for babies now.

Instead, you are finally ready to have your first ACHIEVEMENT BADGE sewn on to your KIDDIE CAMPER HANDYSASH!

You each receive the badge GIFT OF GAB, enabling you to engage in simple, direct dialogue with others, without requiring any gimmicks to facilitate communication. You don't need to type through a chat client, or talk to a sprite, or traverse through a memory in a dream bubble, or wander around in an interactive game environment, or any of that stuff.

You seriously never thought you would live to see this achievement unlocked. It almost feels like cheating. Like conversing in god mode.

12/11/11
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 1"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: where are we?

12/11/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: im not sure!
JADE: some sort of limbo dimension between the two walls i guess
JADE: like a realm with unusual spatial properties we have to cross through
JOHN: oh, ok.
JOHN: then...
JOHN: we escaped the scratch?
JOHN: like, we still exist and everything?
JADE: yes!
JADE: we still totally exist john
JOHN: ok, just making sure.
JOHN: i still felt pretty existy, but you never know.

12/11/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i'm still kinda confused though.
JADE: about what?
JOHN: i mean, we crashed through that giant window you magically made with witch powers to escape the scratch, so we can keep existing, right?
JADE: yes
JADE: i didnt make it with witch powers though, i captchalogued it hours ago because karkat told me to...
JADE: then at the last minute i took it out and made it huge so we could escape through it
JOHN: i see.
JOHN: did you at least make it huge with witch powers?
JADE: i did make it huge with witch powers!
JOHN: so i guess that's what witch powers do, is make things huge?
JADE: they also make things small
JOHN: right, like you did with all those planets.
JADE: yup
JADE: also
JADE: witch powers can teleport things, and fling things around through space at very high velocities
JADE: all sorts of stuff!
JADE: but to be honest, im not sure how much of that is attributable to inheriting becs abilities...
JOHN: man, spacey witch powers sound a lot more versatile than my powers, frankly.
JOHN: not that i'm complaining, because wind powers are still awesome.
JOHN: but anyway, that is neither here nor there!
JOHN: what i'm wondering is, once we crashed through that window, weren't we supposed to like...
JOHN: enter a new game session? the reset one?
JOHN: and meet up with karkat, and vriska, and all the trolls, and i guess maybe also a bunch of dead trolls too??? like troll ghosts or such.
JADE: yes that was the basic idea
JOHN: and what about your grandson? wasn't he going to be there, from the future or something? and then he would send liv tyler to me, or actually to you i guess, into the past somehow?
JADE: that would be jake
JADE: and yeah, i do believe we will meet him in this session
JADE: he said he had a bunch of friends who helped him make the bunny! im pretty excited to meet them all
JOHN: wow...
JOHN: hey, i wonder what the fuck ever happened to liv anyway?
JOHN: last i saw her, i sent her off to give the tumor to rose and dave...
JOHN: oh god, rose and dave!!! where are they now? did one of them do the suicide mission thing? and what about the other? did they get scratch'd???
JADE: actually, they both went, and in a manner of speaking, their mission was a success
JOHN: :(
JOHN: so, they blew up the sun, and now they're dead?
JADE: nope!
JADE: they did not actually destroy the sun. trust me, i would know if it was gone. now that i know what i know, it was kind of silly of us to think it would ever be destroyed...
JADE: and as it happens, rose and dave are not dead either! i have received very reliable reports that they survived
JOHN: oh man, that's great!
JOHN: i mean, i'm not sure how not blowing up the sun qualifies as a successful mission, since that was kind of the whole idea, but at this point i don't really care. i'm just happy to hear they're ok.
JADE: it will all be more clear soon
JOHN: how do you know they're ok? or any of this stuff, really?
JADE: ive learned a lot in my dreams lately
JADE: heh, probably more than i ever learned looking at the clouds on prospit!
JADE: when i was dead there for a few minutes, i had one last very informative nap
JADE: the bottom line is, rose and dave will rendezvous with the trolls near the green sun, and then they will all meet us in the new session
JOHN: ok, that sounds awesome.
JOHN: and that was part of the plan i guess i understood, but...
JOHN: where is this new session?
JOHN: all i see here is a bunch of giant windows, and a lot of warp speed whooshy nonsense.

12/11/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: its through the other wall!
JOHN: you mean that one way over there?
JADE: yes
JOHN: ok...
JOHN: so is this place like that yellow lawn ring thing karkat was talking about?
JADE: no, not lawn ring!
JADE: thats a silly troll word
JADE: its the yellow yard
JADE: we have to cross it to break through the next wall
JOHN: how is this a yellow yard?
JOHN: that's a stupid name for this place!
JADE: see that long yellow band down there, stretching between the two walls?
JADE: i think thats supposed to be the yard
JOHN: thats not a yard.
JOHN: yards are like these flat wide patches of grass, surrounded by fences and stuff.
JOHN: if anything, it's more like a road.
JADE: hmmm
JADE: yeah i think youre right
JADE: kinda like the yellow brick road?
JOHN: sure, why not!
JOHN: let's all go see a big pompous wizard to solve all of our problems.
JOHN: i bet rose would get a kick out of that.
JADE: hehe
JOHN: oh yeah.
JOHN: and another thing...

12/11/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what...
JOHN: the fuck...
JOHN: is that?

12/11/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: :|
JADE: i have no idea
JADE: extra dimensional shenanigan based phenomena perhaps?????

12/11/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain cloth. Or anything taking place out here in the emerald shitty paintjob, for that matter.

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: wait, what just happened?
JADE: i dont know!
JOHN: it got darker, and greener...
JADE: :?
JOHN: this place is weird. when are we gonna bust through the other window, anyway?
JOHN: i'm kind of antsy to get on with our adventure and meet up with everybody!
JADE: yes me too
JADE: hmmmmmm
JOHN: what is it?

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: im just trying to estimate our arrival time
JADE: based on our current velocity, which is about as close to light speed as i can make it go
JOHN: i see.
JOHN: since we are going so fast, it should be pretty soon, right?
JOHN: like a few more minutes?
JADE: hmmmmmmmmmmm...
JADE: no
JADE: itll take quite a bit longer than that
JOHN: ugh.
JOHN: how long?
JADE: i would say
JADE: if i keep our speed constant...
JADE: we should arrive in about three years

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what!!!
JOHN: that is an absolutely preposterous amount of time.
JADE: i know!
JOHN: are you sure you can't make it go any faster?
JOHN: i mean, not to sound too demanding, but...
JOHN: didn't you say you can teleport stuff?
JOHN: why not teleport us there?
JADE: i cant!
JADE: not here, at least
JOHN: oh. well that sucks.
JOHN: why not?
JADE: the way i understand it is...
JADE: becs powers draw from the green sun
JADE: and the green sun presides over our universe
JADE: many universes actually! and the sessions that created them, as well as the sessions created within them
JADE: including the trolls universe and their session
JADE: think of it like a giant solar system, but instead of planets revolving around the sun, there are many universes
JOHN: uh, ok.
JOHN: that sounds...
JOHN: big.
JADE: it is!
JADE: so, bec was able to teleport anywhere in the universe he wanted in an instant, much faster than light
JADE: jack was able to do this too, within our session, and then when i inherited those powers from jadesprite, so could i
JADE: but we could only teleport locally
JADE: which means, bec could jump to anywhere in our universe, but not to another universe, or into a session
JADE: and jack could jump to anywhere in our session, but not outside it
JADE: we cant even jump to the green sun itself, even though we sort of serve as a gateway to it, and all its energy
JADE: and once we leave the suns domain, our travel is limited by the speed of light, like everyone else!
JADE: for example, the furthest ring is not in the suns domain
JADE: it is more like the suns medium, allowing it to exist
JADE: so if i wanted to fly out of our session and travel to the green sun, i would have to make my way there through the furthest ring at the speed of light or less
JADE: and wherever we are now is not in the suns domain either
JADE: so the same rules apply
JOHN: i see.
JOHN: it didn't really occur to me this was all so elaborate.
JOHN: like, if the green sun is at the center of a bunch of universes, like a huge solar system...
JOHN: doesn't that mean it was sort of important?
JOHN: maybe trying to blow it up wasn't such a great idea.
JADE: yes i think youre right
JADE: but to be fair, we were all the victims of a big prank!
JOHN: oh man, a prank??
JOHN: who pranked us?
JADE: some really creepy omniscient guy
JADE: it doesnt matter much, hes supposedly dead now
JOHN: oh. well that was quite a ruse then. that son of a bitch!
JADE: yes, but its not all as bad as it seems
JADE: theres a silver lining in all of this
JADE: like you said, a sun presiding over many universes has to be pretty cosmically important
JADE: who knows what terrible consequences there would be if it was destroyed
JADE: or maybe worse, if it never existed at all
JADE: which is what made rose and daves true mission an unintended success!
JOHN: their true mission?
JOHN: what was that?
JADE: to deliver the bomb to the empty location the green sun was meant to exist for most of eternity
JADE: and then create the sun in the first place
JADE: that is what the tumor was for all along
JOHN: ...
JADE: like i said
JADE: we got played like a bunch of suckers!!!

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/12/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/13/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/13/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/13/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/13/11
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12/14/11
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12/14/11
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<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/HELPHIM.gif" border="0" />

12/15/11
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12/16/11
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12/16/11
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12/16/11
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12/16/11
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12/16/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh man, rose and dave have sweet god tier pajamas like us! that's so awesome.
JOHN: haha, dave looks like kind of a doofus with that snug little hood.
JADE: i think he looks cool!!!!!
JADE: the cape is great, hes like a super hero now
JOHN: that's true.
JOHN: i still think i prefer my outfit though.
JOHN: look at all those trolls...
JOHN: there are so many trolls. the idea of meeting them all is kind of overwhelming.
JOHN: i wonder which one is which?
JOHN: i think that must have been karkat there. and that was probably his clown asshole friend he mentioned, too.
JADE: yup
JOHN: and that was definitely terezi, with the fancy glasses.
JOHN: not sure about the others... i wonder if vriska was there?
JADE: ...
JOHN: it's nice to see rose looks better.
JOHN: last time i saw her, she looked really grim.
JOHN: and also, dark.
JOHN: i was trying to talk to her, but she sounded like a babbling monster, so i couldn't understand her.
JOHN: it was really frustrating, and all of my nervous rambling probably made me sound like an idiot.
JOHN: and then when i woke up later, she was dead.
JADE: :(
JOHN: did you know...
JOHN: that i had to kiss her to make her come back to life?
JADE: !!!
JOHN: yes, it's true.
JOHN: it's kind of weird kissing a dead body, but i didn't mind.
JOHN: how did you feel about it when you kissed dave when he died?
JADE: ...........
JADE: how did you know about that!
JOHN: karkat told me.
JADE: oh
JADE: that figures
JOHN: do you think that all of our unbridled corpse smooching means karkat's silly shipping prophecy will come true?
JADE: umm
JOHN: i mean, the guy is really angry, and says fuck like in practically every sentence.
JOHN: but he does weirdly seem to know what he's talking about when it comes to romance.
JADE: yeah
JADE: i dunno
JADE: do you want it to come true?
JOHN: man.
JOHN: i don't know.
JOHN: do you?
JADE: hmmmmmm.....
JOHN: hmm, indeed.
JADE: i think i miss them already
JADE: and weve only been here for a few minutes :(
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: there's a lot i want to tell them about.
JOHN: and a lot i want to ask them.
JADE: well
JADE: you could ask them now if you want
JOHN: really?

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: yes
JADE: in fact
JADE: you can hop right through me and join them
JADE: then you can travel with them to the new session if you like
JOHN: whoa!
JOHN: well, heck, why don't we do that then?
JOHN: it would probably be more fun with them than being on this golden battleship by ourselves.
JADE: it probably would!
JADE: but i cant go with you
JADE: i can serve as a gateway
JADE: but i cant travel to the sun myself, remember?
JOHN: oh yeah.
JOHN: dammit!
JADE: but its ok, really!
JADE: if thats what you wanted to do, i wouldnt mind
JADE: but whatever you do, you have to decide quickly
JADE: they will be departing from the sun very soon
JOHN: but i wouldn't want to leave you here all alone for three years.
JOHN: that would suck!
JADE: i wouldnt really be alone though

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i have the population of five planets to keep me company!
JOHN: :O
JOHN: that's right.
JOHN: that makes it seem not so boring i guess.
JOHN: but still...
JOHN: i would feel really bad leaving you here, even if you do have a million salamanders and chess guys to keep you company.
JOHN: you are my friend and also my sorta-sister, and we just met for the first time ever a few minutes ago...
JOHN: i'm not going to be like, welp! see ya in three years jade!
JADE: awww :D
JADE: ok then
JADE: personally, i think this trip could be a lot of fun!
JADE: theres no pressure to do anything important or run around like lunatics anymore
JADE: we can just relax
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: now that you mention it, i'm pretty beat.
JOHN: also... starving!!!
JADE: woof!
JADE: whoops
JOHN: heheh.
JOHN: i sure hope there are things to eat on those planets.
JOHN: there were a lot of weird glowing mushrooms on lowas. i dunno about those.
JOHN: i seem to remember a bunch of farms on the battlefield...
JADE: there should be lots of good stuff on the planets
JADE: also i would bet this ship is stocked with plenty of military rations
JOHN: yeah, probably.
JOHN: pff, hell, we could just raid all of our fridges and alchemize some tasty grub!
JADE: oh yeah!!!
JADE: durrr, problem solved
JOHN: ok, cool.
JOHN: but it would still be nice to say hi to everybody before they leave.
JOHN: just to let them know how we're doing.
JADE: yes
JOHN: like, one of the last things rose saw before she died was me dying...
JOHN: i wonder if she knows i'm ok?
JADE: im pretty sure she knows a ton of things now
JADE: considering she is a fully realized seer of light
JOHN: yeah, probably.
JOHN: then maybe i'll just hop over real fast, and give karkat a fist bump, and give dave a hard time about his hella tight little hood, and then hop back?
JADE: im sure that would be hilarious
JADE: but
JADE: if you go i dont think i can bring you back
JADE: i cant bring anyone or anything to here from there!
JOHN: aw man, really??
JADE: as far as i know...
JADE: if theres a way i havent figured it out yet
JADE: i am still kind of new to this omnipotence thing after all :\
JOHN: that's stupid.
JOHN: what is with all these rules!
JADE: i dont know!
JADE: im sure the rules exist for a good reason though
JADE: maybe to somewhat limit the power and reach of omnipotent beings?
JADE: if there are no limits at all, it could be especially dangerous in the wrong hands
JADE: like what happened with jack!
JOHN: isn't that a contradiction though?
JOHN: if there are limits to your powers, you can't exactly be OMNIpotent, can you?
JOHN: more like...
JOHN: semipotent.
JADE: then i guess thats what we are!
JADE: semipotent demigods
JOHN: demidogs.
JADE: woof woof woof!
JADE: dammit!!!!!!
JOHN: heh...
JOHN: can you not control the woofs?
JADE: i havent gotten the hang of the woofs yet :(
JOHN: so, the dog ears...
JOHN: is that a permanent thing now, or what?
JADE: i think so
JOHN: i like them.
JADE: i do too!
JOHN: you are like a furry now, but not really the weird kind that people on the internet like to have sex with in their imagination.
JADE: D:

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey, can i at least send a message through?
JOHN: like a note or something?
JADE: sure!
JADE: better hurry up and write it though
JOHN: oh snap! ok, gotta think, quick...
JOHN: what do i write on?
JOHN: maybe the back of a movie poster or something?
JOHN: i don't think i have one captchalogued though...
JOHN: and now that i think about it, most of them were ruined by imps. :(

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: how about this one?
JADE: looks like its still in pretty good condition
JOHN: yes, that's perfect!!!
JOHN: everyone will love it, especially probably dave.
JOHN: i think i need something to fold it up and put it in though.
JOHN: i don't want to just like crumple it up and chuck it in there like some garbage...

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i could stick it in a book i guess.
JOHN: but i kind of don't want to part with any great reading material, especially since we're going on a long trip.
JADE: john you have to hurry!
JOHN: ok, ok, um...

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: here, will this work?
JOHN: oh, yeah. i guess that'll be fine.
JOHN: now, uhhh, what to write...
JADE: whatever you write just make it quick!
JADE: and tell everyone i say hi!
JOHN: ok, will do.
JADE: ok, while you work on that, i think ill bring up some friends
JOHN: huh?
JADE: you know, let some of our travel companions get acquainted with the ship!

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh fuck, it's dave sprite!!!
JOHN: i forgot about him.
DAVESPRITE: yeah no shit
JOHN: how've you been, buddy?
JADE: shooooooooosh!!!!!
JADE: write now, catch up later!

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok, i think this is a pretty good letter.
DAVESPRITE: let me check it out
DAVESPRITE: maybe ill humorously defile willis and afflecks dumb skyward yearning faces
JOHN: oh HELL no.
DAVESPRITE: come on dude hand it over
JADE: nooooo come on guys theyre about to go just stuff it in the bucket and throw it at me already!!!
DAVESPRITE: too late i already did it with sprite powers while he wasnt looking
JOHN: augh you bastard!

12/17/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: wait a minute!
JOHN: i forgot, trolls hate cleaning products for some alien reason! shit, that's going to make everyone so uncomfortable.
JOHN: oh well, there it goes. too late i guess.
DAVESPRITE: ahahahaha you fucked up

12/18/11
"[A6I1] Rose: Level up."

12/18/11
"[A6I1] Dave: Level up."

12/18/11
"[A6I1] Rose + Dave: Reap spoils."

You both also get one of these. Now you can start flapping your traps with wild abandon at anyone you please.

12/19/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARADIA: you see??
ARADIA: i told you they would bring your body
SOLLUX: ok, well i believed y0u about that, but yeah, i can see that.
SOLLUX: eugh, can s0meone get rid 0f that thing please?
ARADIA: oh!!!
ARADIA: sollux lets do it!
SOLLUX: what.
ARADIA: the corpse party!
ARADIA: theres no better time and there are so many corpses here to work with
ARADIA: is everybody ok with that? do you want to have a big corpse party?
ARADIA: we can incinerate the remains in the sun it will be just glorious
ROSE: Corpse party?
ARADIA: rose!
ARADIA: can you please explain to my friends what a human funeral is like?
ROSE: Of course.
ROSE: I would describe it as an occasion marked by a great deal of jubilation at the expense of one or more well dressed cadavers.
DAVE: hahaha oh god
ARADIA: i couldnt have put it better myself
ARADIA: could you go into more detail?
ROSE: Well, in my experience, a loved one, typically an elder, arranges to have the departed placed in a small box, and then forces you to stand in the rain all day.
ROSE: Then, presumably winded by all the deeply ironic catharsis, she gets drunk and passes out on the couch.
DAVE: oh my god we are never going to stop fucking with each other are we
DAVE: even without computers
ARADIA: hmmm that sounds just a tad specific
ARADIA: we may have to adapt the proceedings to be a little more
ARADIA: i dunno
ARADIA: multicultural i guess?
SOLLUX: err...
ARADIA: why dont you all do some brainstorming about what kind of funeral to have while i go round up the bodies!
SOLLUX: aradia, FUCK.
SOLLUX: will y0u co0l it on the c0rpse party shit for a minute?
ARADIA: whats the matter?
SOLLUX: i mean, everyb0dy here has just met, and i guess just went through a l0t of really heavy bullshit, d0 you think that maybe this isn't the best thing t0 harp on right n0w?
ARADIA: um
ARADIA: i just thought it would be a nice thing to bond over
SOLLUX: not everyb0dy is as into death as y0u though. like, it's c0ol t0 see you s0 excited about s0mething, i'm seriously thrilled ab0ut that.
SOLLUX: but frankly it's all pretty fucking morbid t0 everybody, i just th0ught you sh0uld know.
ARADIA: am i really that bad?
TEREZI: Y3S >:|
ARADIA: oh
ARADIA: sorry
ARADIA: i guess ive spent enough time here that i just dont see death as the terrible thing the living make it out to be
ARADIA: i honestly feel like its a reason to celebrate!
TEREZI: TH4TS OK 4R4D14, NO ON3S BL4M1NG YOU
TEREZI: 1 4CTU4LLY TH1NK YOUR WHOL3 D34TH F4NG1RL TH1NG 1S FUNNY 4ND K1ND OF CH4RM1NG >:]
ARADIA: death fan girl thing?
ARADIA: what do you mean
TEREZI: OH COM3 ON
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 PR4CT1C4LLY B3S1D3 YOURS3LF W1TH G1DD1N3SS 4T TH3 1D34 OF S3RV1NG 4S TH3 M41TR3 D TO 4LL DR34M BUBBL3S
TEREZI: YOU LOV3 B31NG TH3 C4R3T4K3R OF W4YW4RD SOULS 4ND DR34M3RS!
TEREZI: LUCK1LY YOU M4K3 4N 4DOR4BL3 H4NDM41D TO TH3 M4ST3R OF D34TH, 3SP3C14LLY 1N YOUR CUT3 CH3RRY P1X13 3NS3MBL3
ARADIA: you think so?
ROSE: I'm going to agree with my fellow seer on this.
TEREZI: S33???
TEREZI: 3V3N SNOOTY M1SS C4NT4LOUP3 ROB3 4GR33S!
TEREZI: OH, 4ND GUYS, JUST FOR TH3 S4K3 OF MULT1CULTUR4L CL4R1TY, W3 TROLLS TR34T D34TH 1TS3LF 4S 4 MYTHOLOG1C4L F1GUR3
TEREZI: H3 1S 4 M4N W1TH 4 FR1GHT3N1NG SKULL FOR 4 H34D 4ND 4 T3RR1BL3 HYPNOT1C GL4R3
TEREZI: 4LL TH3 L3G3NDS S4Y H3S GOT TH1S SUP3R FOXY H4NDM41D TO DO H1S D1RTYWORK
TEREZI: 1 M34N TH1S 1S 4LL F4NT4SY OF COURS3, BUT W3 C4NT R34LLY UND3RST4ND 34CH OTH3RS CULTUR3S UNL3SS W3 UND3RST4ND TH3 MYTHS B3H1ND TH3M!
DAVE: yo terezi weve got a grim reaper too
DAVE: shit isnt that novel
DAVE: i mean i think even a civilization full of the laziest sons of bitches are gonna make up a myth figure for death
DAVE: like oooh watch OUT death is coming for you hes got like
DAVE: a SKULL and shit
DAVE: i basically have no fucking imagination that sounds badass to me
DAVE: wait wait no how about hes got a BLACK ROBE too
DAVE: and a fuckin scythe to fuckin slash at you with in case you didnt die all the way or whatever
DAVE: daaaaaamn now youre talking bro
DAVE: lets go ahead stick that in our culture forever
TEREZI: SO WH4T YOU 4R3 T3LL1NG M3 D4V3 1S
TEREZI: TH4T W3 BOTH H4V3 D34TH *4ND* COTTON C4NDY???
DAVE: hell yes
TEREZI: W3 M1GHT 4S W3LL B3 TH3 S4M3 D4MN SP3C13S!!! >:D
KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

12/19/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: IS IT GOING TO SHIT ON EVERYBODY'S GREAT TIME IF I DARE TO BRING UP IMPORTANT THINGS NOW?
KARKAT: IS IT SAFE TO POKE OUR HEADS UP FROM THIS GULCH OF IDIOTIC BANTER AND SEE IF THE COAST IS CLEAR FOR ADULT, BUSINESSLIKE CONVERSATION?
KARKAT: YES, YES, HUMANS, SO NICE TO MEET YOU, AND IT SEEMS YOU'RE GOD TIERS NOW? NEAT, YADA YADA, WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
KARKAT: JUST ONE QUESTION
KARKAT: WE FOLLOWED THAT GREEN BEACON OF WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE AFTERMATH OF A SUCCESSFUL BLOW UP THE SUN MISSION
KARKAT: AND AFTER A BREAKNECK WARP SPEED JOURNEY IN WHICH MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND *EVER* PSYCHED ME OUT INTO THINKING HE DIED *YET A FUCKING GAIN* BY EXPELLING LITER AFTER GRUESOME LITER OF GRUBSAUCE FROM HIS EVERY ORIFICE
KARKAT: WHAT DO I FIND HERE?
KARKAT: WHY, IN ADDITION TO A PAIR OF HUMANS DRAPED IN CIRCUSWEAR AND ALL THEIR FLIPPANT GIBES LOCKED AND GODDAMN LOADED
KARKAT: IT SEEMS WE HAVE ALSO CHANCED UPON NONE OTHER THAN THE GREEN FUCKING SUN ITSELF
KARKAT: WHICH UNLESS MY RAW, RUDDY GANDERBULBS ARE STILL A LITTLE GRIEFBLEARY, STRIKES ME AS STILL BEING SOMEWHAT RATHER FUCKING *UNBLOWN* UP.
KARKAT: SO WHAT AM I MISSING HERE
DAVE: dude chill out we just got hornswoggled is all
KARKAT: OH!
KARKAT: CASE CLOSED
KARKAT: OK THEN, LET'S START PITCHING DEAD PALS INTO THE LIMITLESS INFERNO. MY CURIOSITY WAS TOTALLY FUCKING SATED JUST THEN!
ARADIA: the sun will never be destroyed karkat
ARADIA: im sorry but you were misinformed!
KARKAT: AH! MORE BREATHTAKING REASSURANCE!
KARKAT: EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE GUYS, WE WERE JUST HORNSWOGGLED AND MISINFORMED, CARRY ON THEN!
KARKAT: WASN'T THE WHOLE POINT TO TAKE OUT THE SUN TO NEUTRALIZE JACK?
ROSE: It shouldn't be a problem.
KARKAT: OH NO??? THEN WHAT'S THE PLAN NOW???
ROSE: It's simple.
ROSE: We regroup, and then defeat him in person.
KARKAT: OH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
KARKAT: FUCKING OH.
KARKAT: AND HERE I THOUGHT THE NEW PLAN WAS GOING TO BE SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND SUICIDAL.
KARKAT: DID I SAY OH YET?
KARKAT: BECAUSE THAT'S THE SOUND I MAKE WHEN I'M FUCKING RELIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GAMZEE: honk.
KARKAT: WHAT.
GAMZEE: HONK.
KARKAT: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????
KARKAT: DON'T YOU START WITH ME
KARKAT: DO. NOT. START WITH ME.
KARKAT: I WILL GET YOU IN A HEADLOCK SO TIGHT IT WILL BE A MIRACLE IF PEOPLE DON'T MISTAKE OUR TUSSLE FOR AN ILL CONCEIVED VENTRILOQUIST ACT.
KARKAT: I WILL SHOOSH YOU AGAIN, SO HELP ME GOD. I WILL SHOOSH YOUR CLOWN ASS TO SHANGRI-BULLSHIT-LA AND BACK, AND FILL YOUR EAR WITH MY WHITE HOT PALEBRO SPITTLE.
KARKAT: I AM FULL AND FUCKING WELL PREPARED TO GET CONCILIATORY WITH YOU AGAIN IF YOU SO MUCH AS PASS GAS MURDEROUSLY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
KARKAT: IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??? DO I NEED TO CALM YOUR FAYGO-STICKY TENTSQUATTING SHIT DOWN AGAIN????
GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe.
GAMZEE: :o(
DAVE: man what the hell even happened on this meteor anyway
DAVE: actually dont even tell me
KARKAT: OK
KARKAT: OK YEAH
KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX.
KARKAT: AND BREATHE.
KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT?
KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST
KARKAT: BREATHE
KARKAT: LIKE
KARKAT: THIS...
KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT.
KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON.
KANAYA: Actually I Was Just Thinking
KANAYA: Its Nice To Get A Little Sun After So Long
KARKAT: SURE, THAT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD FOR YOU.
KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY?
KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT?
KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.
TEREZI: K4RK4T YOUR3 3MB4RR4SS1NG US 1N FRONT OF TH3 HUM4NS
KARKAT: FUCK YOU
KARKAT: I CAN'T BREATHE...
KARKAT: IT'S SO BRIGHT, I NEED SUNGLASSES OR SOMETHING.
KARKAT: QUICK, WHICH ONE OF YOU AWESOME DUDES HAS A RADICAL PAIR OF SHADES I CAN BORROW???
KANAYA: One Moment

12/19/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/19/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: I WAS JOKING, GET THOSE FUCKING THINGS AWAY FROM ME

12/20/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1 4M SO SORRY YOU GUYS
TEREZI: W3 4R3 4CTU4LLY 4 LOT COOL3R TH4N TH1S!
DAVE: are you actually
TEREZI: ...
TEREZI: NO
TEREZI: NO W3 AR3 NOT
KARKAT: WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW
KARKAT: SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON.
KARKAT: WHO'S THE LEADER NOW?
KARKAT: ARADIA ARE YOU THE LEADER NOW
KARKAT: OR IS IT ROSE "I HAVE AN IDEA, LET'S TAKE THE INVINCIBLE DEMON HEAD ON!" LALONDE.
KARKAT: I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS
KARKAT: I NEED TO KNOW IN WHOSE DIRECTION I MUST BEHAVE AS THE MOST PATHETICALLY USELESS SUBORDINATE I CAN BE.
KARKAT: QUICK, SOMEONE BOSS ME AROUND! I'M FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND RARING TO GO.
KARKAT: THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN THERE'S A LEADER AROUND TRYING TO MAKE PLANS, RIGHT?
KARKAT: YOU DROP YOUR IQ HARDER THAN A PAIR OF HILARIOUSLY PLUMMETING PANTS, YOU CEASELESSLY RAMBLE ABOUT VAPID BULLSHIT, YOU RUN AROUND HIDING ALL OF YOUR WORLDLY POSSESSIONS IN TREASURE CHESTS, AND THEN EVERYONE STARTS MURDERING EACH OTHER.
KARKAT: IF THERE'S ANY OTHER EXPERIENCE CHARACTERIZING LEADERSHIP, IT'S ONE I SURE AS FUCK NEVER HAD!
KARKAT: SO I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE LEADER IS.
KARKAT: STRIDER, IS IT YOU???
TEREZI: 4444444UGH

12/20/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARADIA: karkat i dont know if anyone cares about formal ranks like that anymore
ARADIA: or if anyone ever did!
ARADIA: but for what its worth i suggest that from now on you all listen closely to the advice of our human guests
DAVE: wait
DAVE: really
ARADIA: yes!
ARADIA: no need to be so modest dave
ARADIA: tactically speaking a knight of time and a seer of light is a nearly unbeatable combination
DAVE: ok
DAVE: i dont really have any orders to give though
DAVE: except for karkat to shut the hell up because that horseshit is more obnoxious in person than i ever imagined
KARKAT: OH WOW, I WOULD OFFER A RETORT TO YOUR VICIOUS BARB, EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT UNLIKE EVERY ASSHOLE EVER, I CAN ACTUALLY FOLLOW ORDERS AND SHUT MY MOUTH!
KARKAT: CHECK IT OUT, "DOGG"
KARKAT: ......................................
ARADIA: yes you are off to an excellent start as a subordinate
ARADIA: keep doing that!
ARADIA: but dave dont worry if you do not have instructions for us
ARADIA: the knight of time is not necessarily the tactician
ARADIA: he is a powerful warrior class which exploits the flow of time as a weapon
ARADIA: rose is the one who must play the role of the strategist
ARADIA: the seer class knows her aspect comprehensively
ARADIA: as a knower of all fortune she can see the circuitous path that will lead to the most favorable outcome for everyone
ARADIA: personally i would defer to her judgment!
TEREZI: R34LLY? YOU C4N DO TH4T??
ROSE: Yes.
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS 4 LOT MOR3 US3FUL TH4N MY S33R POW3RS >:[
ROSE: Illumination of the road to victory for all is an asset considerably different from command over the outcomes of decisions made by individuals.
ROSE: How do you know your talents won't be critical in blazing this auspicious trail?
TEREZI: UM
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS 1 DONT
ROSE: That's because you're not me.
KANAYA: Okay Then What Do We Do

12/20/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Nothing yet.
ROSE: But reasonably soon, within a certain window, it will be time to leave.
ROSE: We will then pilot this meteor as fast as we can make it go in that exact direction.
SOLLUX: what's that way?
ROSE: Nothing whatsoever.
ROSE: As of now, that way lies darkness and uncertainty beyond description.
KANAYA: I See
KANAYA: Then Perhaps We Should Reserve The Infinite Darkness Plan For The Maybe Column For Now
KANAYA: I Think Im Even Willing To Let Dave Take A Crack At The Logistics Before We Commit To That Particular Maneuver Daring Though It Sounds
DAVE: aw yeah
DAVE: i got sicknasty logistics up my sleeve
DAVE: i just call them stics fyi which is how you know im way savvy about them
DAVE: most of the stics im fine tuning atm involve rap though i should warn you
DAVE: but dave what if that dope as hell plan falls through i can hear you ask
DAVE: plan b
DAVE: involves drawing some shitty cartoons
DAVE: and not giving a fuck about stuff
TEREZI: >8D
TEREZI: 1 H3R3BY S3COND TH1S COOL DUD3S R4D1C4L MOT1ON ON GROUNDS OF R1D1CULOUSLY D3C4D3NT 4TT1R3
KANAYA: Yes Im Willing To Humor Elaboration On This Rap Centric Plan And Its Apathy Based Contingencies
KANAYA: Even If Its Excessively Stupid
ROSE: Trust me, it is.
ROSE: Just as you should trust me that by the time we leave, if we leave exactly within the designated window and are able to travel at nearly the speed of light, the meteor will trace a route through the Furthest Ring which will topologically resolve as a straight line.
ROSE: It will lead us directly to the new session.
ROSE: For a brief moment, the sun will be visible from that session.
ROSE: And we will be riding the chartreuse coattails of its photons.
ARADIA: this is why you all needed an advanced seer!
ARADIA: i have become familiar with the ways of the fabric out here but even i couldnt chart a journey that long or complex
ROSE: That's because it's almost impossible to do so voluntarily.
ROSE: If we were to head right now in the session's true physical direction, it wouldn't be long before we found ourselves traveling in just the opposite direction.
ROSE: This is not even to speak of the chronological peculiarities. After traveling some distance, we could discover we were suddenly tailgating our own meteor from several days ago.
ROSE: If we are particularly unfortunate, we might even collide in an intersection of spacetime with a meteor piloted by our future selves.
ROSE: And if we looked closely at that meteor before impact, we might notice a very large dent in it, which it originally suffered during the very collision we were about to experience.
ROSE: It takes precision and timing to reach your destination out here, and most importantly, the grace of the gods themselves.
KARKAT: PPPFFUUUUUUUHHHHHHH......... WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE...
ROSE: Hm?
SOLLUX: kk, what the fuck?
SOLLUX: were you h0lding your breath that wh0le time?
KARKAT: YEAH
KARKAT: SO?
TEREZI: OH GOD, YOU DUMMY
TEREZI: YOU DONT 4CTU4LLY H4V3 TO HOLD YOUR BR34TH WH3N YOUR3 B31NG QU13T!
KARKAT: OK YEAH
KARKAT: I MEAN, OF COURSE IT SOUNDS OBVIOUS WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT
DAVE: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
DAVE: rose i told you this dude is fucking incredible
KARKAT: STFU.
KARKAT: LOOK I'M JUST A LITTLE OUT OF PRACTICE AT STAYING QUIET FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME, OK?
TEREZI: H3 R34LLY 1S >:|
KARKAT: ANYWAY, WHATEVER, SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING LALONDE IS
KARKAT: WE'RE GOING TO BE ON THIS HORRIBLE ROCK A GOOD WHILE LONGER TO GET TO THIS PARADISE SESSION OR WHATEVER IT IS?
ROSE: Yes.
KARKAT: AND SINCE WE PROBABLY AREN'T GOING TO FORCE SOLLUX'S BULLSHIT "HALF GHOST" OR WHATEVER TO POP HIMSELF AGAIN LIKE A PACKET OF NASTY FETID MUSTARD SO HE CAN SHOOT THIS THING INTO HYPERSPACE...
SOLLUX: hey man, come 0n. not c0ol.
KARKAT: I'M GUESSING THAT MEANS IT'LL TAKE CONSIDERABLY LONGER TO GET THERE THAN IT DID TO GET HERE?
ROSE: Yes.
KARKAT: I JUST KNEW IT
KARKAT: THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE REALIZED
KARKAT: WHEN WE FIRST FLED TO THIS METEOR I HAD THIS WEIRD FEELING WE'D WIND UP SPENDING FOREVER AT THIS MISERABLE PLACE, ASSUMING WE ACTUALLY SURVIVED.
KARKAT: I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO ASK, HOW LONG IS THIS TRIP GOING TO TAKE?
KARKAT: PROBABLY SOME ABSOLUTELY PREPOSTEROUS AMOUNT OF TIME, LIKE THREE LONG MADDENING SWEEPS, RIGHT???
KARKAT: WOULDN'T THAT JUST BE SO COSMICALLY CONVENIENT AND PERFECT FOR EVERYBODY! ESPECIALLY FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT PURPOSE OF ALL, MY UNINTERRUPTED CONTINUUM OF PERSONAL AGONY!!!
KARKAT: THANK YOU, DARK GODS! THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!! YOU WIN THIS ROUND! YOU WIN ALL THE ROUNDS APPARENTLY!!!!! THERE ARE NO ROUNDS EVEN. THERE'S JUST YOUR SLIMY TENDRILS, OUR NAKED BODIES, AND EPOCHS OF MOLESTATION.
ROSE: Don't be ridiculous. It won't take nearly that long.
KARKAT: OH
ROSE: It'll only take about three years.
KARKAT: OK
KARKAT: THAT'S NOT SO BAD I GUESS.
KARKAT: WAIT, HOW LONG ARE YEARS SUPPOSED TO BE AGAIN?
KARKAT: WAS IT LIKE TWO WEEKS OR SOMETHING?
ROSE: Yes, two.
ROSE: And then fifty more.
KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

12/21/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARADIA: karkat go back to holding your breath!
ARADIA: this is going to be a wonderful adventure for everyone
ARADIA: im a bit jealous honestly!
ARADIA: or i would be if i wasnt having such a good time with my death fangirl thing :p
KANAYA: So
KANAYA: You Arent Coming Then
ARADIA: no
ARADIA: i still have important work to do here
TEREZI: 4WW >:[
ARADIA: but that doesnt rule out the possibility we could meet again in bubbles along your journey!
TEREZI: 1 HOP3 SO
SOLLUX: yeah, i think i'll hang behind here t0o, if that's 0k with you guys.
KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT?
KARKAT: NO COME ON, DON'T BE LIKE THAT
SOLLUX: be like what? a ghost??
SOLLUX: i d0n't think i belong with the living anym0re.
KARKAT: YOU'RE A *HALF* GHOST, ASSHOLE.
KARKAT: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? HOW ARE YOU EVEN TAKING THIS IDIOTIC "HALF DEATH" SERIOUSLY IF YOU JUST GO HOG WILD AS A FUCKING WHOLE-GHOST, AND SAY STUPID SHIT LIKE, BLAH BLAH, I BELONG IN THE AFTERLIFE NOW LIKE A DUMBASS.
SOLLUX: kk, SORRY.
SOLLUX: i'm just d0ne with this crap, this insane adventure bullshit, it's nothing pers0nal.
SOLLUX: i just want to spend time with aa and chill 0ut and catch up with some 0f our dead buddies, is that 0k?
KARKAT: WHATEVER, FINE.
KARKAT: I'M GOING BACK TO NOT BREATHING AGAIN.
KARKAT: HHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUP.............
KANAYA: Maybe I Will Stay Here Too
ROSE: Why?
KANAYA: As Nice As It Sounds To Move On
KANAYA: I Dont Know If I Can Stand Three Of Your Human Years Of More Darkness
KANAYA: I Like This Sun Its Comforting In A Strange Way
KANAYA: Like Home
ROSE: But what if we need your help?
KANAYA: What Could I Possibly Do
KANAYA: Aside From Providing A Light Source As You Navigate The Dim Corridors
KANAYA: I Would Function As A Premium Escort To The Load Gaper And Thats About It
ARADIA: but kanaya you still have important work to finish too!
ARADIA: we cant ignore our duties
KANAYA: What Are You Talking About
ARADIA: our race is extinct remember
ARADIA: and after a few more casualties it is now hanging by a thread
ARADIA: your job was to see to the resurrection of our people
KANAYA: What Real Hope Is There For That
KANAYA: The Orb Was Destroyed
KANAYA: I Was Never Able To Duplicate It The Grist Cost Was Astronomical
ARADIA: theres always hope though!
ARADIA: you just never know and i dont think you should give up
KANAYA: Doesnt Rose Know
KANAYA: Cant You See The Path To Victory On This Matter
ROSE: It's hard to say.
ROSE: Does the repopulation of your species qualify as victory?
ROSE: These things aren't always clear cut. Some outcomes are for your own judgment.
ROSE: What outcome would you like the most?
KANAYA: I Would Like To Have The Orb Again And To Keep It Safe This Time
KANAYA: And I Guess To Not Be A Total Failure
ROSE: Ok.
ROSE: If you follow my advice, I can at least promise you will find yourself in the best position to determine whether that may come to pass.
KANAYA: ...
ROSE: Can you please come?
ROSE: Between the two of us, you with your inexplicably heretofore unmentioned phosphorescence, and I with my nigh-reflective traffic cone orange sun-sari, the meteor should never be too dark.
KARKAT: (sollux, oh my god is it me or is everybody already just fucking hitting on each other left and right? oh god i can't take sweeps of this shit, don't leave me alone here, please don't)
SOLLUX: ehehehehe.
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: All Right
KANAYA: But Must We Really Leave So Soon
ROSE: It's soon or never. But not immediately.
ROSE: Even if the route were accessible right now, it would still behoove us to wait.
ROSE: There's correspondence from John yet to arrive.
DAVE: whoa really
ROSE: And after that, we have to wait for one final guest to appear.
ROSE: Then we ride like the solar wind. The race will be afoot.
KANAYA: Wait Another Visitor
KANAYA: Who
KARKAT: FUCK!
ROSE: Oh lord.
ROSE: Now what?
KARKAT: BRO, WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR BODY

12/21/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: SOLLUX, WHERE DID YOUR BODY GO???
SOLLUX: hell if i kn0w.
ARADIA: oh nooo :(
KARKAT: WAIT A MINUTE.
KARKAT: WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE, WHERE'S...
KARKAT: SHIT
KARKAT: VRISKA'S BODY IS GONE TOO!
DAVE: wait
DAVE: shes dead too
TEREZI: 3R...
DAVE: you guys are so messed up
KARKAT: WHERE ARE THEY?
KARKAT: DID ANYONE SEE WHAT HAPPENED??
KARKAT: DAMMIT, WHEN THE FUCK WILL I LEARN NOT TO TURN MY BACK ON THE BODIES.
KARKAT: HOLD ON
KARKAT: OH NO, WHERE'S GAMZEE
KANAYA: He Took Them
KANAYA: Look At The Trails
KARKAT: OHHHH FUCK
KARKAT: NO, FUCK NO, FUCK THAT CORPSE HOARDING SACK OF HORRIBLE GARBAGE.
DAVE: wait has the juggalo troll been giving you guys fits like this or something
DAVE: like this is a thing
DAVE: like a pattern
KARKAT: NICE GUESS SHIT HEAD!
DAVE: oh man one of you has got to sit me down and tell me what actually happened here it all just sounds fuckin amazing in sort of the stupidest way possible
DAVE: i mean like personal tragedies notwithstanding
KARKAT: YEAH, HE DOES THIS
KARKAT: HE SORT OF COLLECTS BODIES AND DECAPITATES THEM AND STUFF
KARKAT: STICKS THEM IN BIG SCIENCE JARS, FOR SOME REASON??
KANAYA: Im Pretty Sure He Kisses Them Too Sometimes
KARKAT: NO NO NO I'M NOT LISTENING TO SHIT LIKE THAT, I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THAT.
KARKAT: IT'S LIKE
KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW EVERY NOW AND THEN YOUR LUSUS WILL BRING SOME RANDOM ASS DEAD ANIMAL BACK TO YOUR HIVE FOR NO FUCKING REASON
KARKAT: AND THEY DON'T EVER STOP DOING THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL
KARKAT: IT'S LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
DAVE: not really
DAVE: oh wait
DAVE: against all odds i sorta do
DAVE: mine actually did do that once
KARKAT: YES, THERE YOU GO.
DAVE: when i was really young
DAVE: he made this stupid leather bib for me out of a goddamn horse
DAVE: for the ironies obviously
ROSE: Was that the one you mentioned had a pink heart on it?
DAVE: yeah
ROSE: Hmm.
DAVE: what
ROSE: It's just that with the clarity afforded by my new abilities, it occurred to me just now that dead horse was likely the beautiful pet pony my mother gave me recently.
ROSE: It was crushed to death by your newborn ass.
ROSE: You bastard.
DAVE: well shit
DAVE: thats a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didnt even really need solving
DAVE: but damn if it didnt just get solved so nice work
ROSE: Thanks.
KARKAT: KANAYA WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

12/21/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Clown Hunting

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: OH NO...
KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT?
KARKAT: I MEAN WHO EVEN REALLY CARES IF HE STOLE MORE BODIES.
KARKAT: HE CAN HAVE THEM FRANKLY, AS LONG AS IT KEEPS HIM OUT OF TROUBLE.
KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO HAVE A FUCKING CORPSE PARTY, SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT DUMB IDEA.
KANAYA: ...
KARKAT: ALRIGHT IF YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO GO
KARKAT: JUST
KARKAT: BE CAREFUL
KARKAT: NO MORE POINTLESS BLOODSHED, OK? THAT'S AN ORDER!
KARKAT: WAIT FUCK
KARKAT: I'M NOT LEADER ANYMORE
KARKAT: ROSE CAN YOU ORDER HER TO DO THAT?
KARKAT: SAY WHAT I JUST SAID, REALLY ANGRILY
KARKAT: ASSUMING YOU CAN EVEN *BE* ANGRY.
ROSE: ...
KARKAT: WAIT
KARKAT: GUYS SOMETHING'S HAPPENING...
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON NOW???

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: HOLY

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: FUCKING

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/22/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/23/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

hey everybody!

this is john. actually, it is john, jade, and dave sprite. we all contributed to the contents of this bucket! we have to make it quick because apparently you're about to go on a long journey, just like us. i'm sorry we can't be there for the big meetup. karkat, i deeply regret that i will not be present for these highly touted "TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS", ha ha. maybe in three years, assuming you all aren't totally smooched out by then!!! (i am just kidding around, btw.) rose and dave, you both look totally sweet! i can't believe you're both god tiers now. did you know jade is too? also, she has dog ears. she looks fantastic. how cool is it that we're all god tiers? it's like we're a super hero team, or some kind of anime squad. like the sailor moons, i guess, but not as lame, or as sexy. i'm going to miss the hell out of you both for the next few years. i'm already looking forward to this new session so hard. it was a fun adventure we had today, wasn't it? i'll even miss talking to the trolls too. say hi to them for me, even though i didn't get to know many. except karkat obviously, and oh yeah, vriska too. vriska, if you read this, thanks again for all your help. i don't think i'd have made it this far if not for you! i just thought you should know that.

jade and dave sprite both say hi and send their best wishes. but now jade says i have to finish quickly! she wants me to throw this bucket and its heartfelt payload through her mysterious portal. so here i go.

see you all in 3 years!!!

~john

12/23/11
"[S][A6I1] Karkat: Mental breakdown."

12/23/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: whos this guy
ROSE: The visitor I mentioned earlier.
ROSE: He will be traveling with us too.

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: is he dead
ROSE: We should be able to get him some help along the way.
ROSE: But only if we leave immediately.
ROSE: Luckily for him, we have no alternative. Jack will arrive soon.
TEREZI: WH4T!
ROSE: When I said the race would be afoot, I was being literal.
ROSE: He will follow our trail, and match our speed.
ROSE: And since this is not the ideal scenario for a final showdown, the best we can hope to do is outrun him.

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: SOUNDS LIKE IT'S TIME TO HIT THE FUCKING ROAD THEN
KARKAT: HOW DO WE MAKE THIS THING GO ANYWAY. DOES IT HAVE ROCKETS OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW ABOUT??
ROSE: Maybe it does. I'm not sure.
ROSE: But one good push in the right direction should be all we need.
ARADIA: i can help with that!
ARADIA: sollux do you think you can lend me a hand?
SOLLUX: huh?
ARADIA: theyll need the biggest push we can give them
SOLLUX: 0h.
SOLLUX: yeah sure.
KARKAT: WHAT, SO JUST ONE "PUSH" IS GOING TO LAST THREE YEARS?
KARKAT: LET ALONE OUTRUN JACK?? BULLSHIT.
SOLLUX: calm down kk, it sh0uld be fine.
SOLLUX: y0u won't sl0w down.
KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?
ROSE: Troll Isaac Newton told him.
KARKAT: OK, WHATEVER, LET'S JUST GET ON WITH IT.
KARKAT: IN THE MEANTIME WE SHOULD SET UP SOME SORT OF CHECKPOINT PERIMETER AROUND THE DEAD MAYOR GUY.
KARKAT: JUST SO GAMZEE DOESN'T TRY TO HOARD HIS BODY OR CHOP OFF HIS HEAD.
DAVE: what is he the mayor of anyway
DAVE: it kinda looks like he just made that sash himself
KARKAT: HE'S THE DULY ELECTED MAYOR OF THE FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, AND HE JUST CUT THE RIBBON TO A BRAND NEW MUSEUM FULL OF PRICELESS SHUT THE FUCK UP.
ARADIA: ok you guys can keep arguing if you like but im going to send you on your way now
ARADIA: then after you leave i should be able to buy you a little more time
KARKAT: HOW'S THAT?
ARADIA: when jack comes ill slow him down for a while
ARADIA: it wont be for very long but its the best i can do!
ROSE: That should help us greatly.
ROSE: Thank you, Aradia.
ARADIA: youre welcome!
ARADIA: are you ready sollux?

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/24/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/25/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/25/11
"[A6I1] ==>"

12/29/11
"[S] END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 1"

12/31/11
"==>"

You are Jane Crocker again.

And once again, you have woken up on the moon of Prospit, without any recollection of how you fell asleep. You think you were going outside to get the mail? You can't remember.

12/31/11
"==>"

The moon is presently eclipsing Skaia. From your fanciful dream room atop your golden tower, you have seen many remarkable things in the clouds. Things which you cannot explain.

But against all better judgment, you have a feeling that what you are fondly regarding could very well be some sort of miracle.

12/31/11
"==>"

The miracle of a new beginning.

12/31/11
"==>"

12/31/11
"==>"

12/31/11
"==>"

12/31/11
"==>"

Another coffin clogger bites the dust.

12/31/11
"==>"

Two down. Two to go.

12/31/11
"Jane: Be Jack Noir."

Jane is too dead at the moment to be Jack Noir.

Jack Noir just bees himself instead.

12/31/11
"Jack: Get watch."

Get this shit outta the way. You're a busy bureaucrat. The clock is ticking, and time is dead kids.

12/31/11
"Jack: Check time."

The moment rapidly approaches. You're gonna show these alabaster sons of bitches how a cold war is done. You can't wait to read it in their papers. "The Maid is dead. Our Life is pathetic, blah blah blah." Or somesuch monotone drivel overheard during one of their pointless, weepy cadaver parades. There'll be no mistaking it this time. No servant will discover the body and inform the queen that Prospit's remaining hero passed in her sleep, peacefully and mysteriously. When the clock strikes twelve, no one in this wretched kingdom will have any doubt who's calling the shots here.

You're gonna bring this whole goddamn ball down.

12/31/11
"Jack: Contact Droll."

You touch base with your administration's top powdermonkey, none other than Dersite bumbler extraordinaire, the Courtyard Droll.

You ask if he's done rigging the tower to blow. He says you bet. You say good, over. But he mutters something over the radio you don't quite catch. You say what is it. He says oh nothing boss. You say out with it. He asks, isn't this cheating? Assassinating the heroes like this before the war's even really begun. You say what do you care, just follow your orders. He says oh of course, no question, he just thought it was against the rules or something. You say it's all fair game now that the kingdom's under new management. The new boss ain't opposed to taking some shrewd tactical shortcuts. You like the cut of her jib. He says he supposes he can't complain. Her policy toward elaborate hats seems to be as lenient as the old queen's. You say will you shut up about the hats. He says it's probably because she wears the most grand and luxurious fluffy hat he's ever seen. You say you don't think that's a hat. You think it's something called "hair." He says oh.

You say now quit all the yapping and following your damn orders. He says ok, but it still just feels wrong. You say what does. He says he doesn't know, just something about feeding that poor sleeping boy all those deadly peanuts just felt wrong. You say you don't care if it felt like a fucking full body massage, just get those bombs ready to blow, over and out.

Wait.

Fed him what?

01/01/12
"==>"

He says the intelligence report he had said the kid wouldn't take well to peanuts. So he snuck in there with a whole bag of them. You know, like the kind from circuses.

01/01/12
"==>"

He says he ate most of them because they were delicious, and as far as he knows, aren't poisonous to most everybody else. But he did save a few to get the job done, because he is a professional who always carries out his orders.

01/01/12
"==>"

It's not easy feeding a sleeping boy some peanuts, he says. He says he had to work extra hard to put them in his mouth and then use his hands to make his mouth chew up the nuts.

01/01/12
"==>"

But mission accomplished nonetheless, he tells you. You should be pleased to know those nuts were super deadly! Though to be fair he doesn't know if he died from the poison, or just choked on a bunch of barely chewed peanut bits. You know what else is super deadly, you say? Knives. Sharp deadly knives you stick in people's soft torsos to make them bleed until they die.

He doesn't have anything to say to that.

01/01/12
"Jack: Wrap this up."

You say forget it, what's done is done. The Prospitian heroes are dead, and that's all that matters. Just be ready to detonate at the appointed time. He says roger that, but wonders if there are any more orders after that. He asks, what about the other two? The ones on our moon? And most importantly, is there any particular snack that is poisonous to them? You say forget about those two. They're much trickier to deal with. You've got the Dignitary working on it now. You'll get a report from him soon when you return. You wouldn't have even bothered leaving in the first place, but you wanted to make the trip personally and stick it to all these self righteous, Skaia-bathing goody twoshoeses yourself.

Hang on. Something's happening here. You gotta go.

01/01/12
"Jack: Inspect torso."

This can't be good.

You better hit the road and blow this joint, before the dead broad does some sorta...

Lifey thing.

01/01/12
"Jack: Hit road, blow joint."

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"Ball: Drop."

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"==>"

01/01/12
"==>"

01/02/12
"ACT 6 ACT 2"

01/02/12
"Jane: Wake up."

What the heck just happened?

Now you remember. The mailbox was boobytrapped. But you survived somehow, and got knocked out.

How did you get all the way over here?

01/02/12
"==>"

Dad seems just as dumbfounded as you are, and more than a little distraught.

Did Lil' Seb whisk you away in the nick of time? Can that little bunny really move that fast? Where is he??

01/02/12
"==>"

You suppose you should let dad know you're ok. But it's been so long since you've enjoyed such a massive PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT in an exchange with the old man. It's hard not to bask in it, if only for a few seconds.

01/02/12
"Jane: Turn around."

Oh. It's the GOD CAT again. You guess that explains it.

01/02/12
"==>"

Just look at that aloof little bastard. He doesn't give a shit about anything, does he?

You guess you should feel grateful toward him for saving your life, but you know he's just as likely to rescue you from an explosion as he is to randomly teleport you across town, forcing you to call your dad and ask for a ride home, while you spend all day standing in some random field in the pouring rain while you wait hours for your dad to come and pick you up after he gets lost because he plugged the wrong place into google maps.

01/03/12
"Jane: Call GCat down from the tree."

Even if you were inclined to do that, he wouldn't respond to that name. You're pretty sure he doesn't have a name. You and your friends just call him the GCat for lack of anything else to call him. Everybody has opinions, but nobody can agree on a good name. You think he probably doesn't want a name. He's just a feisty stray who likes to meddle with your life, then vanish for weeks at a time.

01/03/12
"==>"

Uh oh. Looks like the jig is up, yet again. Is the jig ever ANYWHERE but up?? That's what you want to know.

You feel bad about leaving him in suspense for even a moment. Your gambit gets totally rocked by a guilty conscience.

01/03/12
"==>"

He tells you to get inside this instant.

01/05/12
"Jane: Return to room."

You get inside this instant, and march back up to your bedroom. Dad didn't say as much, but it's a safe bet you are now permagrounded for life.

You hear a loud thump just outside your door.

01/05/12
"==>"

01/05/12
"Jane: Contact bffsy."

As long as you just got done paying the piper, you might as well get busy eating all this goddamn crow. Oh so much of the stuff has gathered on your plate.

She appears to be online now. It looks like she sent you the "hacked" file while you were away.

01/05/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
gutsyGumshoe [GG] began bothering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 1:11

GG: Heyyy.
GG: Ahem.
GG: Ro-Lal?
TG: oopos sry
TG: was havin important chats
GG: Oh?
GG: With whom?
TG: w yet anather ineligible fuckin bachelor who elfe i have to talk 2
GG: Yeah.
GG: Um... which one, precisely?
TG: di stri
TG: insmufferable prick mf'r extroariadinnere
TG: *lol wow
TG: *extradinner
TG: *heheh yum
GG: If the chats and surplus dinners were truly important, I wouldn't want to interrupt.
TG: tchhhh
TG: of course not jus the usual bs
TG: chats with u always get precedance anyways
TG: unless this is more of u givin me shit about not believing me on all my sick tru facts
GG: Actually,
GG: That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
TG: i c
TG: go on..........
GG: You see, I was just the target of another assassination attempt.
TG: @@@
TG: fuck*!!!
GG: Two, in fact! One here in the real world, as I attempted to retrieve the mail.
GG: Luckily it was thwarted by a certain cat who shall remain nameless.
TG: hehehe oh man
TG: god cat
TG: bbf
TG: *good
TG: *bff
TG: *no wait
TG: *god wuz right
TG: fuckit
TG: *both spellins r true
GG: But in the process of being rescued from the explosion, I was knocked unconscious.
GG: And in my dream, there was another assassination attempt.
GG: This one I believe was successful!
TG: uhoh
GG: I'm becoming convinced that our "dream selves" are being picked off by violent hooligans.
TG: shit
TG: hooliginas
TG: * ...
TG: * yes
TG: but i think u mean
TG: batterwitch thugs
GG: Perhaps.
GG: The one who accosted me was a knife-wielding lunatic.
GG: And it's reasonable to deduce the same forces were responsible for Jake's death on Prospit as well.
GG: It looks like we are in the clutches of an actual caper. A real life mystery!
GG: Which under different circumstances would be quite exciting.
GG: But the truth is, I think we are all in great danger!
TG: well fuck
TG: i guess its time to take this shit up to RED ALART
TG: to where its been for like fuckin ever jane
GG: Yeah, yeah. :p
GG: But that wasn't all there was to the dream.
GG: Shortly before I was stabbed, I had a rather long gander at Skaia.
TG: a gander u say
GG: Yes.
TG: how good a gander
GG: I would say a pretty substantial gander.
TG: ok
TG: and during this totaly massive gander u snagged
TG: what did you see
GG: I saw things in the clouds.
TG: things
GG: Yes.
GG: Things.
TG: wut things
GG: Things happening in the future, I think.
GG: Many events pertaining to us. All of us, and other people I didn't recognize.
GG: It was a bit overwhelming.
GG: It made me feel small. Insignificant, relative to whatever it is we're about to involve ourselves with.
GG: And honestly...
GG: It made me feel pretty foolish too.
TG: foolish
TG: why foofish
TG: *sdjhf
GG: I began to wonder why I ever had the audacity to think I know much of anything about the world we live in or the journey we're about to take.
GG: Or to think I could ever rule anything out.
GG: I have a feeling that whatever I saw, it means you've been telling the truth all along.
GG: About everything.
GG: And I'm starting to feel like a complete idiot for doubting you.
TG: aw man :(
GG: I've been one great big horse's caboose, and I think you're owed an apology.
GG: Do you think you can forgive me?
TG: jane
TG: damn
TG: ur makin me feel like shit here
GG: Why?
TG: uuuun
TG: eh no reason
TG: just uh
TG: hey did u dl the game file i sent yet
GG: I did.
GG: And at this point, I guess I have no choice but to use it. I guess you were a step ahead of me yet again.
TG: why
GG: Because the one in the mail detonated in my most recent assassination attempt.
TG: WHAT
TG: of fuck those HACKS
TG: the old explobing game trick woh would stoup to such lowbrow shegnannagings like that
TG: *somany sweet typos
GG: :B
TG: that witch just mafes me FUCKINK FRUIOUS sometites
GG: Hoo hoo! The tactic was quite underhanded, yes.
TG: yeaaah
TG: uh so
TG: what were we talking about again
TG: soory im just worked up ovr it
GG: I don't blame you.
GG: Where we were, by my estimation, was a place wherein I was about to awkwardly attempt to swallow a helping of humble pie.
GG: To somehow make it up to you for my years of stubborn mistrust.
TG: hey jane
TG: wasnt that a bunch a splip infinitives...
GG: Hm?
TG: *split
TG: to awkwardly attemt
TG: to somehow make it up !
GG: Oh!!!
TG: lul so busted
GG: Oh gosh, what a doofus.
GG: You see?? I clearly don't have all the answers!
GG: I really had some nerve challenging anyone, on practically any subject.
TG: dont beat urself up too bad we both know that rule is bullshit anyway
TG: you hold yourself to too high a standard and those standards kinda leak out and start gettin applied to other people i guess sometimes
TG: you really dont have to apologize janey or eat humble pip or anything all youve got to do is maybe not be such a huge tightass all the time
GG: That's fair. But I would still like to make a gesture.
GG: Even if it's one partially motivated by self interest, seeing as I clearly have much to learn.
TG: ?
GG: I would like to give you a free pass for a day.
GG: It is good for twenty-four solid hours of absolute credulity from your best friend.
TG: ........
GG: :B
TG: ok waitin 4 u to say wtf youre exacly talkin about
GG: It means that starting now, whatever you tell me, I will have to believe you.
GG: I promise!
TG: o rly
GG: Yes.
TG: ooooooooooh................
GG: Um,
GG: Are you there?
GG: Ro???
TG: (shh)
TG: (thisis a dramantic pause calm ur tits)
GG: Oh.
GG: Hmm.
GG: Exactly how dramatic are we talking, here?
GG: Shall I go retrieve a magazine?
TG: RLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
GG: Sigh.

01/10/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: kay then
TG: what do you want me 2 say
TG: for you to autobelieve in
GG: Hmm.
GG: Everything, I guess. I'd like to get completely up to speed, if possible.
TG: yeah
TG: but
TG: im pretty sure i already said everything
TG: want me to just
TG: sayit all again.....
GG: Some reiteration certainly couldn't hurt.
GG: But this time I won't work so hard to sift the fantastical from the plausible.
TG: so like
TG: stuffs i said about my mom or
GG: Sure.
TG: ok well fors tarters
TG: she really is the notable author u know
GG: Oh, I know that!
GG: That was always something I had no trouble believing, considering the public documentation even reclusive celebrities receive.
GG: And frankly, the family resemblance is obvious.
TG: yup
GG: Anyway, it would be disingenuous if I found your relation far fetched, since we're all apparently related to noteworthy people. It's just one of those funny things.
TG: true dat
TG: then
TG: what else can i talk about
TG: like her occolt majyyks and stuff
TG: because i dont know a whole lot about the mayjjykks
TG: besides th fact that theyre all real as shit can get
GG: Maybe we should start at the very beginning.
TG: ok
TG: but the begninning was a hecka long time a go
GG: Do you remember around when we first started talking?
TG: y
GG: And you claimed you were the one making my pumpkins disappear?
TG: hahAHA
TG: *aha
TG: y :3
GG: You later proceeded to try to prove to me that what you were saying was true.
GG: But none of your attempts thereafter would ever bear any fruit, pardon the pun.
TG: k but it aint pardoned because a pumpkin aint even a fruit
TG: its a big orange porch thing for holloween numbnuts
GG: Yes, I know what pumpkins are. It was a joke, silly.
GG: What I'm trying to say is, in thinking back to those days, when you couldn't verify your claims, it made me think the whole thing was a big ruse.
GG: And I think this unfortunately began a pattern of mistrust. It was always hard to rule out the possibility that you could be joking about other things as well.
TG: yeah
TG: but its not my fault i mean appeafrification tech is notoriously unreliable
TG: remember
TG: i xplained this
TG: i cant just always appearify stuff from you any time i want
TG: i can only take stuff im "allowed" 2 which is pmuch random
TG: like stuff that by takin id be messing up the time line cause that stuff is supposed to be there and serve some funciton it hasnt served yet
TG: so most of the time if i try all i get is slime on my end
TG: but pumpins 4 some reason are a lil easier to take i dunno why
TG: like they are specifically and arbitrorily unhinged from spacetime
TG: is spooooko
TG: *ky
GG: I couldn't begin to explain the science behind such a technology either.
GG: But I guess the important thing is, regardless of how or why it works, this is a story you continue to stand by?
GG: That is, you are still taking credit for the mysterious disappearance of all those pumpkins I grew years ago?
TG: f yeah
TG: i so gonked your gaurds jane
GG: ...
GG: Did you gank them when my gourd was down?
TG: * yes
TG: * yes i did exectly that
TG: snatched ur patch sucka!!!!!!
TG: hehe
GG: Very well!
GG: Then I believe that is what happened.
GG: That's all I am trying to say here.
TG: so
TG: ok
TG: u believe that
TG: now what??
GG: Now... nothing, really.
GG: You may continue to tell me anything you would like with the confidence that I won't doubt you.
GG: So by all means, go ahead!
TG: ok gotit
TG: so jane
TG: whas tit feel like 2 get stabbed by a bab guy
GG: Oh, come on!
TG: huh
GG: That is a question!
TG: yeah so
GG: It's not any sort of revelation, or statement for me to take at face value.
GG: Dadburn it. This isn't that difficult!
GG: And for the record, it's not great.
TG: whats not
GG: GETTING STABBED BY A BAD GUY. IT ISN'T ALL THAT PEACHY.
TG: yeah i bet
TG: musta suuuucked
TG: or
TG: dream sucked idk
GG: So, you're not in the mood to tell me things?
TG: no i am
TG: im psyched about u wanting to believe me and all
TG: but part of me still feels like i should prove it
TG: like i tried to once
TG: it was just frustratin i mean im a sciestist i should be able 2 prove my shit
TG: like
TG: subject my claims to the fuckin madrigogs
GG: Um...
GG: Madrigogs?
TG: *mad rigors
TG: u know what i mean???
GG: Yeah, I understand.
TG: i mean trust between friends is sweet and everything but i dont know if i wanta be the repipient of like a butt load of pity believins
GG: It's not about pity!
GG: It's more like a gesture I'm trying to make.
GG: Or maybe that's not quite right.
GG: It has more to do with setting things right for myself than making it up to you.
GG: Does that make sense?
TG: .............
GG: Shoot, I'm doing such a terrible job explaining this! :(
TG: (patiently sips bev rage)
GG: The bottom line is, I WANT to believe the things you say now.
GG: That's all you need to know!
TG: ok thats good
TG: i want that 2 buuuuuuut
TG: i still wanna prove it irregardlessly!!!!!!!`
GG: *Shudders uncontrollably at "word" usage.*
TG: whoops sry
TG: * still WANT TO prove it irregaurdlesally
TG: ^ all fixed tght as fuck
TG: so u down for one last try
GG: Sure!
TG: k lets get busay
TG: what you want 2c me disappearify

01/10/12
"Jane: Look around."

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I don't know.
GG: The baking chest, maybe?
TG: too big
TG: i got size restrictions here
TG: bigger stuff takes huge amount sof power to swipe
TG: so this gizmo i have has a built in size cap
TG: like somethin as big as you for insance
TG: i cant take
TG: believe me ive triiiied
GG: D'aw.
GG: That's sweet of you, I guess?
TG: was totes sweet of me to try and steal you for the hangouts but it dint work becuse of BUULBSHIT
TG: but i can take stuff somewhat smaller
GG: What are the restrictions?
TG: just dump your shit on the floor
TG: tell me everything thats there

01/10/12
"Jane: Empty sylladex."

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Well, what immediately catches my attention is this enormous book.
GG: I wonder how it squares with your size restriction?
TG: wut book
GG: My Unabridged Sassacre's!
GG: It's a very rare edition, and a precious family heirloom, so I don't know if it would make an ideal candidate for the journey.
TG: no no r u kidding that shit is perfect
TG: should be just the right size like big but just barkley not too big
GG: But what if it gets damaged!
TG: pshhhhh itll be set fire
GG: Oh! Silly me, what was I even worried about!
TG: errr
TG: ahahaha man
TG: * sent
TG: ** fine
GG: That wasn't even a Freudian slip.
GG: Doctor Freud just tripped over an errant phallus, tumbled down a flight of stairs, and broke his neck.
GG: And then his cigar exploded comically in his face.
TG: ffffFROLOFL
TG: jane ur funy
TG: (omg still lolig @ that word boner i made ooomg)
GG: It was spectacular.
TG: but 4 real i wont set ur fuckin joke book on fire jane
TG: it doesnt even do that even if it goes the worst kinds of wrog
GG: Couldn't we send Wise Guy instead?
GG: At least it can be easily replaced.
TG: jane
GG: ?
TG: jaaanae
GG: HM??
TG: FUCK wise guy
TG: ist would be SO LAME ass a giguinea pig book
TG: goddam who m i kidding i dont even no how to spell giguinea pig whilst sober
TG: coud be sober as a churchchrist and lookat it..... giunae.... guinea... idk shit looks intrinsnically fucked typographically speakin
TG: sooo FUCK that wrod and FUCK those parcicultar pigs
GG: No, I reject your proposal that we "fuck" Wise Guy, whatever that actually means, or for that matter, the spelling of any adorable rodents named after African nations.
TG: jane
TG: are u being a tightass again
GG: I don't... think so?
TG: we talked about this
GG: About what?
TG: about you benig a tightass
GG: I am not being a tightass!
TG: janey
TG: it seems 2 me
TG: that there is a (MATHS) % chance of you bein a huge tightass
TG: are u bein a huge tightass on me jane
GG: Oh god dammit.
GG: Take the book! What do I care!!!
TG: yessss thast the spirpit
TG: now u are believin w petrol
GG: I fail to see what offering up a priceless book for your wildly capricious science experiment has to do with my resolution to be less stingy with my beliefs, but alright.
TG: haha will u relax abt the book
TG: im only just teasing cause theres like practically a 100 percant chance this wont wonk like alwasy
TG: * wort work like always
TG: sooooo
TG: ready/
GG: Yes, let's just get on with it.

01/10/12
"RL: Appearify."

|PESTERLOG|
GG: It worked!
GG: The book is gone!
TG: oh no
TG: aaaawwwww shit
GG: What is it?
TG: shit shit shitsh it
GG: Did you receive the book?
TG: shoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
TG: SHITSHITSHITHISTHITSHITSTHI
GG: Don't tell me.
GG: The book is damaged somehow, isn't it?
TG: ffuuuuuuuuuuuk :(
GG: Sigh. Is it at least SOMEWHAT intact?
GG: Or was it completely incinerated in transit?
GG: I just KNEW we should have used Wise Guy. I can't believe this.
TG: dont worry
TG: the book itself is topes fine :*
TG: *:9
TG: *dsjf :(
GG: Oh.
GG: Then what's the problem?
TG: fffff
TG: im so stupid :(
TG: so stupoid so stupud soos tupob :(((
GG: Will you tell me what happened??
TG: gotta go bbl
TG: well talk abt important stuffs l8r
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TG: ps jane ty 4 believin me
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TG: OH SHIT
TG: on last thing jane
TG: DO NOT RUN THEFILE I SENT U BEFORE I GET BACK
TG: i need 2
TG: uh
TG: just dont w/o me ok
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TG: fuuuuuuuuiiiuickl :'(
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

01/11/12
"==>"

You wonder what her deal was. It's always something with her.

You again notice her game file, beckoning you to play. But she warned you not to until she gets back. Phooey.

Oh hey, you just noticed your SLIGHTLY ABRIDGED EDITION of Sassacre's over there on the floor. You guess you could have sent the much less valuable copy and saved a lot of arguing. But what's done is done. There's more reading material sprinkled about, too. You've clearly got some time to kill before your bffsy gets back from her emergency. Might as well do some casual reading.

But there's nothing casual about hoisting even an abridged Sassacre's up to your lap, so forget that. There's always GAME GRL. But the articles are all a bit vapid, and in your view, somewhat demeaning to female gamers, and women in general. You and Ro-Lal are convinced the whole thing is just written by the same odious d-bags who write GAME BRO. Which is exactly what makes it GOOD 4 THE ELL YOU ELLZ, her words.

Speaking of bros, and the games they play...

01/11/12
"Jane: Read Pony Pals."

You've read this a million times already. It's one of your favorite gifts.

Another gander at it sure couldn't hurt.

01/11/12
"Jane: Examine contents."

01/11/12
"Jane: Flip to page 1."

01/11/12
"Jane: Turn page."

Later, about halfway through the book, rather than see the gag through to the bitter end, Strider began pasting over entire pages of original text with his own completely rewritten version of the story, while keeping all the chapter titles. His revision is a tough, emotionally draining read. But it's cathartic, in all the worst ways possible.

He tends to get carried away with his projects.

01/11/12
"Jane: Just check out the file already."

You try to distract yourself with Strider's literature, but it's no use. Your curiosity is overwhelming. Lalonde could be gone for hours, for all you know. Surely there couldn't be any harm in just installing the file, could there?

01/11/12
"==>"

That's an odd extension for a file. You don't think you've ever seen it before.

01/11/12
"Jane: Install Sburb client."

It doesn't even seem to install anything. It just runs a small application when you execute it.

Looks like you're one keypress away from playing. Do you dare?

01/11/12
"Jane: Press enter."

01/11/12
"==>"

01/11/12
"==>"

01/11/12
"==>"

01/11/12
"==>"

01/11/12
"==>"

What?

01/11/12
"==>"

01/11/12
"==>"

01/12/12
"==>"

God you wish stuff would stop exploding.

01/13/12
"Jane: Answer Di-Stri."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 1:43

TT: I should probably warn you.
GG: About what?
GG: Yet another exploding game trap?
TT: Well shit.
TT: She already sent it?
GG: Yes.
GG: But to be fair, she warned me not to run it.
TT: That's weird.
GG: Why?
GG: She was probably just trying to protect me from the Batterwitch's latest assassination attempt.
GG: Sheesh, I can't believe you all finally got me saying "Batterwitch" too. Who would have thought?
TT: No, it's weird because Lalonde was the one who rigged it to explode.
TT: It's a bogus copy she coded herself. The real game file she downloaded is totally legit.
GG: What? Really?
TT: Got it right here myself. Checked it out.
TT: File's fuckin' clean as a whistle.
TT: A whistle that overcame a major substance abuse problem. Trying to get its life back on track.
TT: The whistle is holding down a steady job now. It's taking things one day at a time.
TT: Eat a fuckin' dinner off that whistle.
GG: ...
TT: Ok I'll shut up.
GG: Why would she do that?
TT: To accomplish exactly what it sounds like got accomplished.
TT: You narrowly averting the "fake" threat to your life, then getting your shit all hot and bothered at the Baroness over it.
TT: Then you abdicate your heiress throne or something, and give up on this game as a big fuck you to the genocidal cake alien.
GG: But...
GG: If she felt so strongly that I shouldn't play, she could have told me.
GG: Or, told me more forcefully, I guess. I would have listened!
GG: Maybe.
GG: :(
TT: She's working through some problems right now.
TT: Really doesn't want us to play that game.
TT: So I guess this was the insane stunt she whipped up to derail the inevitable.
TT: Kinda reckless for my tastes.
TT: One of the above statements is a fucking lie, are you gutsy enough a gumshoe to spot it.
GG: Maybe she was justified in taking such an extreme measure. I sure hadn't been taking her seriously.
GG: She even warned me not to play it until she got back, but I went ahead anyway because I was too impatient!
GG: Actually...
GG: Now that I think about it, she was probably going to disarm it or such when she got back, seeing as her objective had essentially been accomplished already by an ACTUAL assassination attempt.
GG: After that, I told her I would believe her about everything.
GG: That probably made her feel guilty about setting me up, so she told me not to touch the file until she returned.
TT: Sounds about right.
GG: But then I went ahead and ran it anyway like a doofus.
GG: I think she just wanted to be believed.
GG: Shucks.
GG: Am I an awful friend?
TT: Nope.
GG: I'm not so sure about that.
TT: Well, before you go taking a massive sad crap all over your friendship credentials, consider this.
TT: Only she could manage to blow up your computer with a nasty deathloop virus and somehow make YOU be the one to feel shitty about it.
GG: Heh!
GG: You're right.
TT: Or maybe you're the one who uniquely fills the predicate in that construction.
TT: I don't god damn know.
TT: Your friendship with her is a half drunken three-legged relay race, and the baton is a stick of dynamite.
TT: And you two are the only ones on the track. Me and English are watching from under the bleachers, high-fiving constantly.
GG: I guess that's a pretty apt metaphor, even though it doesn't make the slightest bit of sense.
TT: Yes.
GG: I just wanted to start playing the game so badly!
GG: Now more than ever. I have reason to believe the stakes have increased dramatically.
TT: They have.
TT: And they will continue to.
GG: I think our dream counterparts are all marked for death, and if we are to stand a chance, we must move quickly.
TT: I agree.
TT: Just heard about your assassination on Prospit.
GG: Oh, she told you already?
TT: Who, RL? No.
TT: I read it in a newspaper.
GG: Um.
GG: Are you being ironic again?
TT: No.
TT: I just picked up one of the sleazy Dersite tabloid rags.
TT: Sometimes they'll feature some pretty entertaining gossip about the royalty or whatever.
TT: But they're primarily dedicated to smearing Prospit. The press had a field day with the deaths of the Page and the Maid.
GG: Dersite? You mean the other planet? The evil one?
TT: Derse, yeah.
TT: Not evil, necessarily. That's a bit simplistic. The kingdom represents the forces of opposition to Prospit and the four heroes. Us.
GG: What did the story say about me?
TT: "DEAD"
TT: Was the big ass headline.
TT: Then a photo of your dead body lying there, followed by a lot of bullshit slander.
TT: It was also reported your tower exploded. They couldn't find the body to give it a proper funeral. Probably incinerated.
GG: I didn't realize you had woken up in the game already.
GG: When did that happen?
TT: Dunno. Years ago. Don't really recall.
GG: I guess I shouldn't act surprised you didn't tell me. What with all your highfalutin secrecy.
TT: It's hard to explain.
TT: I was never technically asleep there. I was awake without realizing it.
TT: Then I realized it.
TT: And I sorta learned how to be awake there while awake here too.
TT: I am awake there now, albeit pretending to sleep.
GG: Pretending? Why?
TT: For one thing, it gets a bit distracting managing two alert bodies in different places at the same time.
TT: And for another thing, it's better to maintain appearances.
TT: Everyone on Derse believes their heroes haven't woken yet.
TT: Though they are both rumored to be very active sleep walkers.
TT: Which is half true. She can't ever seem to sleep still. Goes off wandering for days.
TT: Sometimes I've gotta go round her up from some godforsaken cranny of the abyss. Drag her tipsy ass home, tuck her back in.
TT: Maybe I'll chain her leg to the bed if she doesn't wake up soon.
TT: Though in light of the recent assassinations, her slumbering attraction to the void probably works to her advantage. No one ever knows where she is.
GG: I'm still not sure I'm following.
GG: Why are you maintaining the appearance of being asleep? On Prospit, it seemed as if the people there regarded me and Jake very highly. Like celebrated figures.
GG: Is it not the same way on Derse?
TT: No, it's essentially the same situation here.
TT: They glorify us the same way. Almost like we're their purple pajama'd team mascots. Even though they will completely oppose our objective when all is said and done.
TT: Kinda ridiculous, really.
TT: But even so, I think it's better to lay low, not alert anyone to my...
TT: Alertness. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/pcstrider.gif" border="0" />
TT: That way I can sneak around and gather information. Do some reconnaissance before shit starts getting real.
GG: In other words, read newspapers, get a feel for "the word on the street," and such?
GG: As might a detective? :B
TT: Yeah, among other things. Like keep an eye on agent activity.
GG: You mean... secret agents??
TT: No, more like high ranking officials.
TT: Judging from your knife wound, I'm betting you were the victim of the Archagent himself.
TT: You should feel honored, I guess.
GG: Who's that?
TT: A guy named Noir.
TT: Real nasty dude. Crazy ambitious. Loves knives.
TT: If we're going to stand any chance of winning this thing,
TT: I've got this nagging suspicion we're gonna have to take him down first.
TT: And a feeling that nags equally,
TT: Is it ain't gonna be easy.

01/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I guess I should find all that ominous.
GG: But I cannot lie, sir.
GG: Nothing you have said has made me one iota less excited to begin this adventure!
GG: Those dastardly agents can try to assassinate me all they like. I just want to get started!
TT: That's the most awesome way to be, Jane.
TT: And it is again why you will be our leader.
TT: (Sort of.)
GG: Right.
GG: Still fixing to pull the strings for us, per your extensive puppet metaphor?
TT: Pulling them as we speak.
TT: I am having Lil Seb install a real copy of the client on another computer in your house.
TT: A clean computer, not any of this BCCorp garbage you tend to accumulate.
TT: I'll have to insist from this point onward, you employ neutral devices.
TT: That shit fucks with your head.
GG: Hrm.
GG: Alrighty, I think I can make that concession.
TT: Once it's installed, I'll connect with you. I will be your server player.
TT: I know this isn't what you were hoping for, but some improvisation is in order.
TT: While you get the ball rolling, I'll try to talk some sense into that mercurial boozehound.
GG: Sounds like a plan.
GG: I do hope she comes around. It would be a bummer to play without her.
TT: She will.
GG: Say, do I even have any machines that survived the explosion besides this one?
TT: Do you even have any machines that don't inundate you with fucking Hamburger Helper ads and Guy Fieri's heinous propaganda?
GG: I guess not. :p
GG: Still, some nice things were surely destroyed.
GG: I think Detective Pony was caught in the blast.
GG: It's unlikely Acorn survived. :'(
TT: A fitting end to a life of moral compromise.
GG: So, since I'm apparently out of "neutral devices,"
GG: Which computer is Seb installing the file on?
TT: On your dad's computer downstairs.
TT: One in the study.

01/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Gotcha.
GG: My poor dad.
GG: He surely heard the explosion. I've put him through so much today.
GG: Oh no...
TT: What?
GG: I just had a dreadful thought.
GG: The kitchen is just below my room.
GG: What if he had begun baking his afternoon cake when my computer exploded?

01/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: I wouldn't worry about it.
GG: Maybe I should go look?
GG: Though I'm a little afraid to.
TT: I think it'll take a lot more to kill that dude than a little falling debris.
TT: Trust me.

01/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I hope so.
GG: The Crockers have something of a legacy when it comes to losing forebears in mysterious explosions.
GG: I would be so sad if I kept the tradition alive like this.
TT: The most you have to worry about is getting grounded back to the stone age.
TT: When you enter the session, he'll probably lock you up in a prison cell on Derse.
TT: Probably stick a huge safe in front of the bars for good measure.

01/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Now do me a favor and hop off the couch.
GG: Ok.
GG: What are you doing?
TT: Makin' room for something big.

01/15/12
"DS: Deploy."

You watch Di-Stri deploy some sort of mammoth instrument on to your balcony. It's just as well he took over for Ro-Lal. She probably would have destroyed half your house with that thing in her condition. But on the bright side, you're sure RL would have enjoyed a good nicker with you over the notion of DS deploying his mammoth instrument. You wonder what she could possibly be up to?

While you're at it, you also wonder what the deal is with this cagey treatment of their names. Di-Stri, Ro-Lal, DS, RL, Strider, Lalonde... it's all starting to get a bit silly. Each of their full names has eleven characters, and you have been dancing around all but two. Maybe it's time you were formally introduced to the last two characters.

01/15/12
"==>"

One of the last two stands in her bedroom. It is a young lady! Due to an incident involving an APPEARIFIER, an unabridged COLONEL SASSACRE'S, and a PERFECTLY WHITE CAT, she will not be able to assist her bffsy for some time. And due to the aggressive aconcurrence of all that takes place in paradox space, this incident HAS NOT HAPPENED YET.

But what HAS HAPPENED YET was this young lady's 13th birthday. It took place almost three years ago, and on that date her placronym was engraved. It was engraved with eleven letters to be precise, nine of which you are already familiar with. You figure it couldn't hurt to take a peek at the engraving. You've been dying to get the scoop on those last two mysterious characters.

01/15/12
"Examine placronym."

Hey, get that damn cat outta the way!

01/15/12
"Cat: Move tail."

Thank you, cat who is probably Jaspers.

The final two chromosomic symbols have been released from their fluffy, twitching prison.

01/15/12
"Examine room."

Your name is ROXY.

God DAMN do you love WIZARDS.

You wish and hope they are REAL, and that so too is their MAJYYKS AND STUFF. You enjoy writing FANPROSE FOR SAID MAGICAL MEN, but you think maybe it's NOT SO GREAT. You are however QUITE GREAT at the esoteric sciences, such as ECTOBIOLOGY, DARK FENESTROLOGY, and the delicate art of APPEARIFICATION. You have tended to accrue dead preserved SPECIMENS from your experiments, little to none of which AREN'T FELINE.

You aren't one to shy from A BIT OF GAMING, particularly the sort WELL PAST ITS PRIME; you have a real soft spot for OLD SCHOOL TECHNOLOGY. It is fair to say most of your leanings are governed by a BENT FOR NOSTALGIA. Your coding cred is totes ridic, basically making you the HOTTEST SHIT HAXXOR BITCH YOU EVER KNEW, as deadaly* to the grid ass* she is beatuiful*. You are known to nonseldomly employ a ROGUISH DEMEANOR toward the FELLAS, a habit not especially jeopardized by your noninfrequent INEBRIATION.

Which is to say, against the better judgment of one your age, you like to DIP INTO THE SAUCE now and then. Unless your MOM is looking, which happens to be virtually NEVER. And considering she has been known by the knowledgeable to be in possession of VISION OMNIFOLD, this strikes you as a particularly STUNNING LAPSE IN PARENTAL DILIGENCE. But you have good friends and many distractions to fill this VOID in your life.

What will you do?

01/15/12
"Roxy: Wail like an alley cat and blow bubbles in your drink."

Roxy is not empowered to resurrect this crusty old gag template because all of the sudden

"All of a sudden."

All of the sudden

She is too busy being the other guy.

We have absolutely GOT to peep the last two letters of this max chill dude's name on the devilfucking double!!!

01/15/12
"Examine placronym."

Hey, clear out that stupid pony! What is this, some sort of miniature paddock?

01/16/12
"Pony: Wake up."

Thanks, pony who is presumably a tiny Maplehoof for some reason.

The final two diluvial symbols have been unearthed from countless crushing ounces of slumbering pony.

01/16/12
"Examine room."

Your name is DIRK.

Holy SHIT do you love PUPPETS.

You possess the extreme dexterity to operate your FALSE FRIENDS UNSEEN, that is, when they are not pre-ambulatory through your LOVINGLY IMBUED MECHANIZATION. You dig writing COGNITIVE ALGORITHMS FOR SAID APOCRYPHAL MEN, and you think maybe that's FUCKIN' DOPE. Guess what else is dope? Everything ELSE YOU DO. You're a sickwicked autodidact on ANCIENT CIVILIZATIONS, a selfmade MASTER OF MYTHOLOGUE, and a PRETERNATURAL POPCULTURE ACADEME.

If you weren't so DAMN ALOOF and actually let people GET A LOAD, you might get described all kindsa ways. Maybe tagged as a RENAISSANCE NINJA, PHILOSOPHER PRINCE, and FLASHSTEP PUPPETEER. Or perhaps a PANTHEONIC IRONICIST, GANGSTA LOGICIAN, LUCID WAKER and DERSITE SPY. Screw descriptors though, as if the shits you give ain't nil. You're cool with dabbling in the FINE SEQUENTIAL ARTS, and your work could be viewed by some as BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC. And to those philistines you'll be heard wondering, what the fuck do you mean BORDERLINE?

Against the better judgment of one your age, you BUILD ROBOTS, SET THEM TO KILL MODE, AND SPAR WITH THEM TO DEATH. That is, when you're not SENDIFICATING THEM TO FRIENDS, or DUELING THEM WITH RAP LYRICS. But you try to cool it on the deathmatch stuff when your BRO is looking, which is virtually NEVER. And considering he's had a reputation staked on some order of MARTIAL NOBILITY, this strikes you as a STAGGERING OVERSIGHT IN BROTHERLY VIGILANCE. You don't have the HEART to hold it against him, though.

What will you do?

01/17/12
"Dirk: Jut your ass and twitch like a proboscis."

There's no way in hell you were going to give this gag the time of day even if you weren't SUDDENLY TOTALLY LAMBASTED BY THE CHARACTER SELECT SCREEN AGAIN FROM WAY OUT OF LEFT FIELD, INSIDE YOUR GLASSES.

Once again, you are grabbing the plush by the rump. You are in absolute command of your destiny. As long as you don't pick the two characters who are grayed-out, which is a universally understood UI convention for nonclickability. Also as long as both other available choices are finished being drawn. We are passing out free will like cheap cigars.

01/17/12
"Be Roxy."

You are now Roxy. What were you up to again? You were floating somewhere in the nonlinear timestew of paradox space, and we were hoping to get a handle on the exact chronology of your situation. Perhaps your successive actions will oblige us?

Yeah, you aren't really listening. You're going to do whatever the hell you want.

01/17/12
"Roxy: Go grab that sweet gun."

You pick up your high octane LASER GUN. It's powered by the most deadly sciences you know of.

You keep a couple specibus allocations in your portfolio on standby. You try to stay as sharp as possible in unarmed combat, because you never know when you'll get ambushed. It's dangerous out there.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Examine dead mutant collection."

The biggest one has been around for as long as you remember, encased in that glass-like material. You've considered giving it a name, but it always struck you as a little morbid to name a dead cat.

The others were the result of a few experimental mishaps before you got the hang of the ECTOBIOLOGY equipment. You keep them around to remind you of the perils of the inexact science, and also because they're weird looking and cute. You've since cloned many healthy felines, but they all live in the LABORATORY out back. Your pet CAT doesn't really get along with other cats, and you don't want to upset him.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Captchalogue one."

You tuck the biggest one into your MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE MODUS.

These little guys are quite handy for busting through windows, whenever you're ready to christen a new FENESTRATED PLANE.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Take books."

You take the first six books of your MOM'S best selling series, COMPLACENCY OF THE LEARNED. She made an impossible fortune off of these books, considering how dark and inaccessibly written they are for young readers. More money than the U.S. financial system could even account for as legitimately circulating in the economy. Many suspected real life wytchkkrafts were involved, which is what some believed discouraged criminal investigation into the matter. The feds were afraid. And the Baroness, nervous.

God you hope that's all true.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Examine CotL poster."

Some original edition cover art from one of the books.

It features the androgynous young apprentice, Calmasis, who throughout the series plays the roles of antihero and chief antagonist. S/he convinces fellow disciples to rebel against Zazzerpan's vaunted Complacency, and one by one hunts down each wizard. All twelve are killed but the Predicant Scholar himself, forcing a showdown.

The poster depicts the notorious chess match between Calmasis and Zazzerpan. Zazzerpan had a reputation for being unbeatable. He had never lost a match, even to the gods. But his apprentice was able to beat him in the wizard's duel by first becoming checkmated, and through some unprecedented enchantment, continuing to play beyond the death of the king.

You love your mom's books and find them heavily inspiring, but you can't help but feel the work is exhaustingly heavy-handed at times. You kind of prefer to write more lighthearted things. Actually crack a joke now and then, you know?

01/18/12
"Roxy: Say hi to cat."

Your cat FRIGGLISH hops down on the bed to greet you, and immediately situates himself on something important, one of your CREATIVE WRITING JOURNALS.

You named him after your favorite wizard from CotL. He was just such an endearing, bumbling fellow, before he was murdered. Calmasis put an insidious curse on him, which caused him to go insane over several years. He began filling a book with all of his arcane knowledge, which was said to be limitless. The tome grew to monumental proportions, and became a virtually unreadable patchwork of impenetrable erudition. When the young wizard finally caught up with him, he was a quaking, incoherent madman. S/he put him out of his misery by crushing him to death with his own massive text.

You just think it's a fitting name for him for some reason. The macabre demise notwithstanding, of course.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Take journals."

You politely scoot Frigglish off the books. That a boy.

Technically, only one of these books is yours, the writing journal. You're pretty secretive about your writing. Sometimes even you can hardly bear to read it. You are highly aware of the formidable writerly shadow cast over you, and can be critical to the point of embarrassment over your work. Just how drunk WERE you when you wrote this???, you often wonder to yourself. You don't think you'll be peeking at it soon. Maybe later.

The other book is another point of embarrassment, for completely different reasons.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Read other book."

This is Jake's private journal.

One day when you were feeling especially frisky, you swiped it with your APPEARIFIER, not actually expecting it to work. But then you debated with yourself for weeks over whether to read it. When you finally took a peek, you were strangely relieved to find all this nonsense, instead of his private thoughts. But you still didn't have it in you to cop to the theft. You just agreed what a shame it was about his missing book.

You have no idea what these letters mean. Some kind of code? BARK? KRAB? ABRAKABABRA??? You have no clue what was running through that kid's head. Not unlike always.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Get little ray gun."

It isn't a ray gun. It's your APPEARIFIER!

Pretty much the only Crockertech you can bring yourself to use. It's just too handy not to.

You just plug in the coordinates you want to nab something from, point it where you want to appearify, and shoot. It'll make that thing appearify right then and there, assuming no temporal conflicts. Piece of cake!

Not Crocker brand cake though cause fuck that witch.

01/18/12
"Roxy: You're thirsty."

That isn't a command!

Excuse me, but you beg to differ.

You poured that beautiful martini a little while ago, and you've been letting it gather cobwebs while you horse around with random shit in your room. What a crime.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Sip martini thoughtfully."

DAMMIT!

This is the wrong stock reaction. You will not stand for this outrageous misrepresentation of your beverage enjoyment.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Sip martini more thoughtfully than that."

That's much better.

As much as you enjoy an afternoon cocktail, you have to remember to pace yourself with these things. They're crazy strong, and tend to make you kinda sleepy.

Oh my. How inviting does that soft plush pile look about now? Quite, you think.

01/18/12
"Roxy: Examine plush pile."

You like to ensconce yourself in this friendly heap when you play games.

Gosh it looks soft. Your eyelids are getting heavy...

01/18/12
"Roxy: Succumb to unfathomable booze snooze."

Uh oh. There you go a-wobblin'.

Look out below..........

01/18/12
"Roxy: Black out."

Nap time.

01/21/12
"[S] Roxy: Sleepwalk."

01/22/12
"Roxy: Wake up."

What the heck was that all about?

Oh, hey there Frigglish. He greets you with a sly, conspiratorial purr, almost as if he was privy to what you dreamt. Which is impossible of course.

Looks like some dude has been badgering you while you were asleep.

01/22/12
"Roxy: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Roxy.
TT: Awake yet?
TT: Guess not.
TT: Let me know.
TG: whoaa
TG: damn
TG: hey dirk
TG: hada crazy dream
TT: There you are.
TT: But I see your dream self hasn't returned.
TT: You must be tying one the fuck on tight already.
TG: mybe i am
TG: like a bow of ribbone
TG: on a beiuetuifiul ponny
TT: Man, how can you be this much drunker than last time we talked?
TT: What the hell are you even drinking?
TG: ok but 2 b fair
TG: *beiuetuifiul
TG: was an intentional typo 4 ur benefit
TG: cuz i kno you loves tha po's
TT: It's a beiuet.
TG: so you spyin on me in derse ville again??
TT: Yeah.
TG: fuckin perv
TG: like what you see there? ;)
TT: I see precisely jack shit and a side of fuckall.
TT: That's the point.
TT: You got too sauced up and went rogue again. You're out there in your weird drifting stupor, independent of your waking self's awareness.
TG: you gonna go after me again
TG: get on your hornse
TG: galloop me home like prince charming back to swoon kingdong
TG: *OOOMG blushblushbluh
TT: No.
TT: In thinking it over, it's sort of a relief. Simplifies things somewhat.
TT: It's better you stay out there for a while.
TT: There's been a problem.
TG: whatd you do now
TT: Ok, I fucked up.
TT: I kind of made a mess here, and I'm not sure what to do about it yet.
TG: ??>
TT: No need for you to worry about it for now. I'll figure something out.
TT: Until then I'm just going to prepare for our session, while I think it over.
TG: zzzzzz
TG: what a surprise another mysfery for you to keep to yourself an overly cerebralize
TG: snooorre
TG: hey lets talk about something cool instead
TG: like the dream i had
TT: Ok.
TG: first i had some ordinary boring dreams that i dont remember
TG: but then i dreamed that i woke up from the drema
TG: and things got way bright and surreal
TG: and i saw someone
TG: i think it was supposed to be my daughter
TT: Why do you think that?
TG: you know those dreams where u just know someones suppose to be someone
TT: No.
TG: ok well
TG: regulgar people have those im pretty sure all the time
TT: Are you thinking it was prophetic? Like a glimpse of the future?
TG: i dunno
TT: Because that's not really how the abyss works. It's not Skaia, and we aren't Prospit dreamers.
TT: There's nothing like that out in the abyss. If you drift far enough, there is only horror.
TT: Terrible, terrible horror.
TG: ok but im not sayin it was a futuredream!
TG: it was just a glimple and it felt real and all im saying is it was a cool dream that i wish was real
TG: * glimpse
TT: Well, maybe it was.
TT: Maybe there's no fanciful game-supplied mechanism of prognostication involved here, and you're just an ordinary, run of the mill psychic.
TT: I guess that's possible.
TG: hey dick
TG: *dirk
TG: whaaaat do u think
TG: it would be like
TG: if we had kids
TT: What would it be like?
TT: Inconvenient, mostly.
TG: no i mean
TG: what would they be like
TG: th kids
TG: u ever think about it?
TT: Can't really say I have.
TG: you know for an eccantric guy you can be boring as fuck sometimes
TT: Sorry, Rox.
TT: For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl.
TT: Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
TG: shuuuucks buster its just a fun lil hyphothetical to daydream about
TG: why you need to suck the fun out of shit
TG: like some turd hungry dracula
TG: its not like im lobbyin for you to hook me up with a whole mess of fuckin babbies
TG: or thats im holding on to any such delsusion thats even a remote possibility.....
TG: le siiiiiign..////
TT: Le sign?
TG: yes le sign you heard me
TT: Do you mean * le sigh?
TG: hmm nup
TG: ima stickin with le sign
TG: goign down with the shit
TG: *shi[p
TG: the S.S. LE SIGN, starring cap'n rolal
TT: What does le sign actually mean in this context?
TG: oh come on
TT: Come on what?
TG: LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY UNDERSTOOT TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU DELIBERABLY OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK
TT: I mean, yeah, that's what I thought.
TT: It would just be cool if you'd refrain from tossing about such antediluvian terms.
TG: antediulivan waht
TG: me sayin ur gay u mean
TT: Yes.
TG: ok but terminology aside i dont think im off base!
TT: I don't see how it has to be a thing.
TG: i rly think its an actual thing bro
TT: Once upon a time, sure.
TT: But the world has changed a lot.
TT: Ever peek in a history book between your wizardly indulgences? This is a nuanced topic.
TG: man i know about the histories
TG: just
TG: believe me
TG: its a thig
TT: How is it a thing?
TG: its a thing beaucase if it wasnt a thing then u wouldnt be all like...........
TT: All like what?
TG: well wantin nothing to do w me 4 starties
TT: Don't be ridiculous.
TT: I have more to do with you than any dude could possibly bargain for.
TT: And I like it just fine.
TG: what a totatly lame + sweet answer simultaneouslay
TG: <3
TT: Yeah.
TT: Now maybe we should direct our focus on a matter which has nothing at all to do with what does or doesn't qualify as "a thing", or what our fantasy alt-universe offspring would be like, or anything like that.
TT: Such as this game, and whether you're in the best condition to be piloting Jane's connection.
TT: Maybe you could use another nap?
TG: my condidions just fine
TG: and anyway
TG: what aint gonna get slept offis the fact that i still dont think we should be touchin this bs witch game w a 20 foot 3dent
TG: we both know her plans need us to
TT: I know that. But I thought we settled this.
TG: its still so frustrating
TG: tellin jane about the dangers
TG: and even if shes being polite i just know she thinks im fulla crap
TG: about EVREYTHING
TT: We settled this too. She'll believe everything eventually.
TT: Why bother working so hard to convince her?
TG: well i dont even do that for the most part
TG: but it gets tiring and saddening
TG: knowing that
TG: even when were not activly talkin bout it
TG: that my best friend cant bring herself to believe some really basic things about my life
TG: like the shitty things the baroness has done to us
TG: or about our upbringin
TG: like
TG: do u know how misrable it is for your bff to doubt you
TG: when you tell her your mom is dead
TT: I guess.
TT: It just registers for me as a reaction which isn't completely unreasonable from her perspective.
TT: She is inundated with media coverage of those whom we've claimed as our parental figures.
TT: That they are not presently alive nor ever played that role for us as she understands it is just an extension of a much more elaborate and far reaching explanation, which is much harder for anyone to digest in its entirety.
TT: Well, anyone who isn't Jake, I mean.
TT: Still say you should cut her some slack.
TG: i know
TT: And need I remind you,
TT: That the potential this game provides for their resurrection is what motivated you to investigate it in the first place?

01/23/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: no i remember
TG: i told u a million tines shit sounds like it could be the best thing EVAAAAAR
TG: * wherein evars capsed as heck
TG: but also that no matter how awesome it might be
TG: its probly gonna advance all the schemes of "her condescension"
TT: Right.
TT: But if we can stop her?
TG: part of me doesnt even want to give her the satsfaction
TG: of startin up at all
TG: like if we didnt wuolndt that wreck her shit just so hiliariously???
TG: so many olols
TT: I must be hard of counting, because I'm barely racking up a single goddamn o-laugh-out-loud at that self-defeating gesture.
TG: no but it would
TG: and for all we know starting it up is playing right in her claws....
TG: could be a trap waintin for jane the moment she enters
TG: if i stop her from playing
TG: maybe i could at leat give her a CHANCE at a future
TT: But there is no future on Earth for them.
TT: Or for us, for that matter.
TG: dunno that for a fact
TG: but anywaaaayyyy
TG: i kinda already
TG: made this bogus file for her
TT: What? Why?
TG: 2 scare the shit out of her
TG: make her learn to fear an respect the fuckin hag like she should
TG: then maybe we can drop this whole in game meetup slash reserection idea all 2 geth
TG: sweet tho it may bey
TT: Rox.
TT: I hope you're not thinking about sending her one of your batshit ~ATH scripts.
TG: on thas sobject
TG: i am miss zuipperpips
TT: Miss Zuipperpips?
TT: The amount of sense you haven't been making is un-fucking-real.
TT: Just go take a nap. And don't even think about sending her that file.
TT: Are you listening?
TG: hnnn
TG: i will take what u say
TG: underd serisous advicement...,
TG: *WONK* ~_?
TT: Jesus.
TG: dirk
TG: when did you stop bein any fun
TT: What?
TG: it use to be youd get a kick out off a slunt like that
TG: *stunt
TT: Man, you know I'm down with insane stunts.
TT: Insane stunts are practically all I'm all about.
TT: As long as I actually AGREE with the purpose they're intended to serve.
TT: Destroying Jane's computer and dissuading her from playing is not such a purpose.
TG: betcha ur responder would agree w me
TG: why cant your be more like him
TT: I am more like him.
TG: i mean MOAAAR like him
TT: You just mispelled "more", causing me to suddenly understand jack everything.
TG: hes more in touch with his feelins
TG: which just makes me L my FA off since hes a bobot
TG: *robob
TG: **bobob
TG: and he can actually loosen up sometimes
TG: kinda like u used to could
TT: I used to could?
TG: for 1 thing
TG: he doesnt insta shootdown a bip of frisky rp shenans now n then ;)
TT: Yeah...
TT: I kind of wish you wouldn't do that with him.
TG: why the f not
TT: It just seems a little tawdry and disrespectful.
TT: And vaguely exploitative of a still-emergent cognitive entity, whose perceptional frame of reference is difficult for us to comprehend.
TG: oh come on
TG: hes cool a guy just liek you its just he lives in some shades
TT: It rubs me the wrong way, is all.
TG: ohhhh
TG: do uuuuuu...
TG: WANT me 2 rub you the right way ;D
TT: Not really.
TG: zzz muh
TG: youre over blowin this
TG: its just an ironic funny thing we do some times
TG: come on im sure you read the transcripts urself
TG: its all alot of jokestery buiishit
TT: He blocks me from being able to read transcripts sometimes.
TG: oh
TG: wow he does?
TG: sneaky bastart
TT: And anyway, I'm really not sure how ironic it is.
TG: ok next time i will run it by the MASTAR first
TG: with his fancy fuckin ironimeter
TT: Ok, here's the thing with the AR, since you still don't seem to get it.
TT: He's very similar to me in thought process and behavior, yes.
TT: But those patterns were imported from a thirteen year old version of my psyche, and then sealed into the program as starting parameters.
TT: In the years since, we've both evolved somewhat. I, as humans tend to, and he, in whatever way is natural for a frequently running, self-aware application.
TT: So if there are differences between us, they're first reflected by what I feel is a maturity gap, and then further by several years of minor behavioral divergences.
TG: omg...
TG: hes 13yo dirk
TG: why did than not occur to me that is so cute
TG: and makes me feel kinda skeevy 4 sayin anything lascivious @ him
TG: dammit you ruin everything!
TT: You're welcome.
TT: Yo, you guys realize I can hear you, right?
TG: pfffffhahaha
TT: Yes, I was aware.
TT: Check out all these complicated fucking problems people have when they have to live in big lumbering fleshmonsters instead of a sweet pair of shades.
TT: Dude, do you think you could sit this one out for a while? This conversation practically doesn't even concern you at this point.
TT: It seems there is some gnarly crooked number that represents the percentage of probability you just said this doesn't concern me.
TT: Even though it's patently obvious that half the conversation, like, way totally concerns me.
TT: Shit, Roxy look. He's doing the thing where he ironically pretends to fail the Turing test to sass me into submission.
TT: Even though I was the one who fucking programmed him to do that.
TG: ell
TG: emm
TG: eff
TG: ayy
TG: OFF~~!~
TG: like my butt is juts there on the floor
TG: is how hard i elled it off just now
TT: (Not peekin' at the floor butt cause I'm only 13 years old, motherfuckers.)
TT: This is fuckin' dumb.
TT: I'm going to leave both of you to interact however you want. I have important shit to deal with and actual responsibilities to take seriously.
TT: Roxy, go nap off your drink, or aggressively wage another flirtlarping campaign, whatever, I don't care.
TT: Just don't send that file to Jane, ok?
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

01/24/12
"Roxy: Flirtlarp."

|PESTERLOG|
TG: so
TG: looks like it just
TG: the two of us
TT: Looks that way.
TG: fancy thay
TG: * that
TT: Guess I can go back to talking in orange.
TG: why yes
TG: u should def slip in 2 something more comforfable
TG: while i pour you some robo wine
TG: we have
TG: much to discuss
TG: *tents fingerns together w sultry cunning*
TT: Actually, I think I like the red better.
TG: ok i can check the cellar
TG: might have some choice years left of the pinpot noir
TT: I don't doubt the choiceness of those pinpots, but I'm not really here to screw around.
TT: There's something important to talk about.
TG: aw dang
TG: janes after me
TG: sorry bro it has to wait cant leave janey hangan
TT: Alright.
TT: But just so you know.
TT: I think Dirk is probably going to make some sort of formal romantic overture toward Jake today.
TG: WHAT
TG: wait really
TT: I've been crunching numbers all day on this.
TT: The percentage of probability is simultaneously bananas and through the roof.
TT: A complete disgrace of tropical fruit erupting from the peak of an unassuming domicile.
TG: ohhhh my
TG: how do u know
TT: Because I've aggregated thousands of subtle clues indiscernible to primitive human neurology and rammed them through my determinative infatuation engine at the astonishing speed of information.
TT: And also because I'm pretty sure it's what I would do if I were him, which is literally the case.
TT: And also.
TT: Because he kind of told me I guess?
TT: There's that.
TG: well thish should be interesting
TG: did u tell jake or....
TT: Not specifically.
TG: man does he even know how he feels
TG: lol the poor guy is tortally under siege from all sides hehe
TT: He knows well enough.
TT: I've badgered him with enough "insincere" solicitations to paint a pretty striking portrait of my cognitive progenitor's inclinations, even if he wasn't able to pick up on such hints from the man himself, which strikes me as statistically implausible. And that's not even me just spewing more ironic AI bullshit.
TG: i was never that clear on that
TG: r u like
TG: BOTH cruching on him...
TG: or is it real 4 him and ironic 4 u or......
TT: It's complicated.
TG: nooo shit
TG: says the robo clone of the guy smitten wit the guy everyone elses smitten with in cluding said robob clone, maybe???
TG: hey can we hold this thought
TG: have 2 answer jaaaaaame................
TG: *n
TT: Yeah.

01/24/12
"Roxy: Answer Jane."

|PESTERLOG|
gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Heyyy.
GG: Ahem.
GG: Ro-Lal?
TG: oopos sry
TG: was havin important chats
GG: Oh?
GG: With whom?
TG: w yet anather ineligible fuckin bachelor who elfe i have to talk 2
[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]

TT: Anyway, if you're still there.
TT: I wouldn't call my "feelings" ironic.
TT: Though evidently, I would enclose them in quotes.
TT: They're more like an echo of feelings once established in a biological context, though perhaps had not particularly well materialized at that point in my life.
TT: Or his life.
TT: Whatever.
TT: They still feel real sometimes, and it can be easy to get carried away with them.
TT: But most of the time they present themselves as dense bodies of abstraction to be evaluated, like any kind of information.
TT: It's fair to say the feelings I have ABOUT my feelings are more genuine expressions of emotion than the ground level feelings themselves.
TT: Does that make sense?
TG: yes
TG: sory distacted
TG: iportant shit gon on w janesy
TT: That's fine.
TT: So to underwhelmingly answer your question, no, I don't think I'm really "into Jake."
TT: Not so much as occasionally being subject to heavily arresting recalls of conflicted, incipient preteen episodes on the subject.
TT: I'm not sure I can be "into" someone in a way you understand.
TT: Not that it would even matter if I was.
TT: I'm glasses.
TG: damn :(
TT: What?
TG: sry im listening 2 u really
TG: but i fucked uuuuup
TG: got to make sure jane doesnt run that file i sent
TT: The virus? You sent it already?
TT: Sneaky.
TG: waahh im such an ass
TT: What are you two talking about?
TG: the bot line is
TG: im a horribule friend :(
TT: You could just tell her you sent an exploding file.
TG: noo then shell think im shitty
TG: and right now she thinks im super NOT shitty
TG: dont want to blow it
TG: id think id rather pull a dirk and propess my UNDYING FEELINGS FOR HER omgomgomg
TT: Wait, you have feelings for Jane?
TG: no you dingnut
TG: was joak
TG: OMFG
TG: if dirk tells jake about his stuff
TG: what about jane
TG: hows she gonna feel
TG: competing wish a friend and all for aguy she cant even get up the nerve to say anythin to
TG: poor jane :C
TT: It seems to be highly probable you are ensared in the throes of one of your human romantic quandaries.
TG: oh stfu up
TG: i need a drink
TT: Are you even talking to her anymore?
TT: It seems like you must be neglecting her side of the conversation.
TG: im in the mipple of a dramantic pause caulm ur fukin tits bobob

01/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: RLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????
GG: Sigh.
[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]

TT: Anyway, I won't distract you for much longer.
TT: I just felt the need to tip you off to this eight hundred ton gorilla dragging its knuckles across the horizon.
TG: will this gorilla
TG: eat thos bonanas
TG: flying out of the roof u said
TT: No airborne fruit will be safe.
TT: I guess this is to be presented as something like a word of caution.
TT: If it's me going through with this, hypothetically,
TT: I'm not dropping some limp wristed shucks buster on his ass, and praying to the horse gods of irony for reciprocation.
TT: There will be no rocking back and forth on pigeon-toed feet, while my face flushes with the blood of a thousand timid bishies.
TT: I will not hold one tentative hand behind my head like a flustered asshole from an Asian cartoon, nor will an oversized bead of sweat overlap ludicrously with my visage.
TT: If it's me, I'm going all out.
TT: Oceans will rise. Cities will fall. Volcanoes will erupt.
TG: uuh
TT: What I'm saying is, it's going to be a scene, and bystanders need to brace themselves.
TG: ok
TG: about when is the big scene happenin
TT: Probably after the game begins.
TT: I expect he'll hold off on playing his hand until he and Jake are in the session.
TT: He's taken certain measures.
TT: For some reason, I think he's latched on to this notion that functioning as the client for a player is customarily a one way pass to makeout city with that player.
TT: Everything with him, and me, is a matter of assiduous tactical forethought. Makin' a play to get his jones on for the J-man is no different.
TG: not sure what any of this quiet means but it sounds spactacular
TG: i cant wait
TG: tho im still kinda torn
TG: about how 2 feel about his chances vs janes chances
TG: what do i say to jane about this???
TG: its hard being as totey sweet a friend as me
TG: its hard and no 1 understanks
TG: *lul
TT: Sorry to hear that.
TT: As ever, I remain an automatonous and dispassionate witness of the oddity that is human interaction, while maintaining no investment in either outcome.
TG: yeah bs
TG: anyway looks like i have to go
TG: i have to proves some shit to jane
TT: Prove what?
TG: oh u know
TG: just subjectin shit to the old madrigogs
TT: It seems you just said madrigogs.
TT: What are madrigogs.
TG: XD
TG: l7r bro
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

01/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: janey
TG: it seems 2 me
TG: that there is a (MATHS) % chance of you bein a huge tightass
TG: are u bein a huge tightass on me jane
GG: Oh god dammit.
GG: Take the book! What do I care!!!
TG: yessss thast the spirpit
TG: now u are believin w petrol
GG: I fail to see what offering up a priceless book for your wildly capricious science experiment has to do with my resolution to be less stingy with my beliefs, but alright.
TG: haha will u relax abt the book
TG: im only just teasing cause theres like practically a 100 percant chance this wont wonk like alwasy
TG: * wort work like always
TG: sooooo
TG: ready/
GG: Yes, let's just get on with it.

01/25/12
"Roxy: Ready appearifier."

You push some buttons and mess with some knobby dealies, and get totally set to subject shit to the madrigogs.

* mad rigors

01/25/12
"==>"

01/25/12
"==>"

01/25/12
"Roxy: Aim."

01/25/12
"Roxy: Appearify."

01/25/12
"==>"

01/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: It worked!
GG: The book is gone!
TG: oh no
TG: aaaawwwww shit
GG: What is it?
TG: shit shit shitsh it
GG: Did you receive the book?
TG: shoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
TG: SHITSHITSHITHISTHITSHITSTHI
GG: Don't tell me.
GG: The book is damaged somehow, isn't it?
TG: ffuuuuuuuuuuuk :(
[CONTINUED TRAGICALLY]

01/26/12
"Roxy: Take book."

Yep, he's dead. Totally Sassacrushed.

You just know that julep guzzling bastard is scrambling up his echeladder as we speak, chuckling to himself while he fills his pockets with ill-gotten boondollars.

Go ahead, old man. Laugh it up.

01/26/12
"==>"

You guess you'll have to do something with the body now. Maybe a funeral? That sounds like the perfect way to say goodbye to an old friend. But the environment outside isn't particularly hospitable for a burial these days. It also sounds kind of depressing to host a funeral by yourself.

It's probably best to just send him back to where he came from. Years ago, when you were exploring the lab, you found a machine somewhat similar to the ectobiology equipment. Without knowing what it did, you activated it, and out came this friendly cat in a handsome little suit. You still aren't sure where he came from, though given the timestamp and coordinates on the machine, you have a feeling he belonged to your mother. If that is true, you feel bad about stealing her cat, let alone killing him. But you could never bring yourself to send him back. Until now, of course. She would probably want to know what happened to her disappearing cat, even if it meant discovering him dead a little while later.

The device uses huge amounts of power. Its entire power supply was almost fully depleted using it the first time. You've stockpiled as much uranium as you could for another test run. Looks like this will be it.

01/26/12
"Roxy: Take cat."

Oops, sylladex is full. Gotta swap it with something.

Probably as good an excuse as any to break in a new FENESTRATED PLANE.

01/26/12
"Roxy: Retrieve mutant kitten."

You swap the bottle with one dead cat in it for another. You often use this little guy to break in the planes, like an intrepid test pilot.

Not while it's in the bottle though. That would be ridiculous, since the bottles are sort of just inventory abstractions. You have to break the bottle first, before you can get serious about breaking some glass.

01/26/12
"Roxy: Break bottle."

01/26/12
"Roxy: Clear some space."

Need to get this bullshit out of the way. You can't work like this with everything jammed down there in the corner. It's bad enough you're hammered.

01/26/12
"Roxy: Break some glass."

01/27/12
"==>"

Your test pilot flew back out, which means the link between planes is working and stable. You can't even remember which one you linked this up to. You guess you'll find out the fast way.

01/27/12
"Roxy: Jump in."

01/27/12
"==>"

From the perspective of anyone observing the two windows from the outside, transport looks instantaneous. But for the traveler, there's always this gap of void between them. In your experience, the more significant the journey between the planes is, the wider the gap. This one is small enough to be negligible though. Probably because it leads to somewhere else in your house. You've set a bunch of these up as little shortcuts to places around your house, as well as some places nearby like the lab. It's a convenient way to hop around, though isn't without some risk. You're still not sure what happens if one of the planes loses power while in transit, other than objects predictably getting sliced in half if they're straddling the plane when the plug is pulled. You haven't come up with a good way to observe the consequences from the inside yet, without using yourself as a giguinea pig. And you're in as much a hurry to try that as you are to look up the correct spelling of guinea pig, because seriously, fuck those particular pigs.

01/27/12
"==>"

01/28/12
"Roxy: Land already."

When you are quite through with that tomfoolery, you find yourself in your household's OBSERVATORY.

You keep it very cool in here and use it to store pumpkins you've appearified from around the world. Especially from Jake. That guy is just stinking rich with pumpkins on his dumb tropical island. It would never occur to you otherwise to be so grabby with pumpkins, but they just happen to be the most easily appearifiable vegetable on the planet for reasons that make no sense. And it's not like you can just stop swiping vegetables. You've got your own mysterious reasons.

Hey look, incoming message!

01/28/12
"Roxy: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

UU: there yoU are!
UU: tricky one to track down, yoU are. :u
TG: oh yeh>
TG: dunno why i been right here goofin around for hours
UU: oh no doUbt!
UU: methinks it has less to do with yoUr actUal whereaboUts as it does with yoUr virtUes as a hero of void.
TG: ok but you never say what stuff like that means when you say it tho
TG: is this more casual spoilerz shit
UU: caUsal! and yes, somewhat. however...
UU: with these spoilers, by their natUre, the more time that passes for yoU the less relevant it becomes to gUard their secrecy.
UU: as yoU approach yoUr entry, details i have obscUred will become more plainly evident.
UU: so i see no harm in loosening my tongUe on certain matters the closer yoU get to the appointed hoUr! ^u^
TG: so ur saying i have like
TG: these magical void powers
UU: yes.
TG: sounds like kinda shitty and boring powers to me
TG: what can they even do besise make me invisible to an anien sometimes
TG: *alien
UU: the void aspect is fascinating, thoUgh.
UU: its heroes preside over the essence of lack, or nothingness. the obfUscation of knowledge, or its oUtright destrUction.
TG: SNOOOZE
UU: well, *i* think it is wonderfUl. u_u
UU: and anyway, one can hardly draw many conclUsions aboUt a player by aspect alone.
UU: the aspect is channeled more specifically by the assets of ones class.
TG: so when u cant see me
TG: when im doin my voidey thing or w/e
TG: what do you see is it just a black screen
UU: pretty mUch! :U
TG: hmmmmm,..
UU: hmmmmm?
TG: its just that footage of my mom does that too
TG: like blacks out and stuff
TG: mom was a notoirious scourge to the papayazzi
TG: or i mean
TG: the womom who im supposed to be genetically descended from
TG: *womam
TG: know what i mean?
UU: i Understand what yoU're getting at, yes.
UU: it is certainly possible that we may have common groUnd with oUr ancestors when it comes to oUr aspects, and the way oUr abilities reveal themselves to Us. i coUld not rUle this oUt.
UU: bUt there is always more to examine.
UU: for instance, a hero of life and a hero of doom have aspects as different as can be.
UU: bUt if their classes are different enoUgh as well, that is, one active and the other passive, remarkably there is a chance they coUld end Up with very similar abilities!
UU: player abilities may also manifest in ways in defiance with their aspects if they are heavily resistant to their trUe calling. or, if corrUpted in some way by an oUtside inflUence.
UU: bUt it is rather clear to me yoU are one who embraces her aspect qUite heartily, even if yoU are not aware of it. ^u^
TG: so....
TG: deep down i am super psyched about nothigness
TG: yeah souns about right
TG: oh damn hey
TG: i almost forgot i had a really short but cool dream i fugured you might like this
UU: oh yes, everyone is having important dreams as we near oUr mUtUal entries. this is lovely!
UU: please tell.
TG: i saw someone i think was supposed to be my daughter
TG: do you know if thats true
UU: can yoU describe her?
TG: well she looked kinda like me
TG: but in this orange getunp
TG: *up
TG: w a yellow sun on it
UU: she soUnds to me like the well known figUre of legend.
UU: or at least, well known to those who make the stUdy of sUch matters into their all consUming pastime. ~_u
UU: i believe yoU saw the seer of light.
TG: so ok
TG: lets say she is def that
TG: than does that means shes not my daughter or...
TG: spoipers??
TG: ***
TG: xactly how much spoipage we talkin uu
UU: it woUld normally be my instinct to sUpply a vagUe response here...
UU: bUt i think that yoUr heart has already told yoU the answer, and as sUch my secrecy woUld be pUrposeless.
UU: so, yes, that she was!
TG: aw ys i knew it
TG: so then space lady can u tell me
TG: who this luckay fella is
UU: fella?
UU: what do yoU mean?
TG: come on u know
TG: who i get futurebusy w/2 make the lightseer babis
UU: oh...
UU: yes!
UU: pardon my slUggishness on the Uptake. we are very different species, reprodUctively and familially, remember?
TG: smh
TG: *signs deeply muttering LALIENS to self*
UU: that i think is something i cannot say, or that is, shoUld not say.
TG: aw come on ur already telling me stuff
UU: oh, please don't press me for information! it makes me feel terribly gUilty.
UU: yoU've no idea how mUch i woUld fancy revealing everything, and exchange oUr stories endlessly. bUt i mUst show restraint.
TG: plzzzz<333
TG: what if i guess stuff
TG: is it
TG: strider
TG: does he like get ungay for a while or ssuch
TG: u probably dont even know what that means on account fof being extra textrestrial
TG: can aliens b gay too is that a thing
TG: being space gay
UU: Ummm.
UU: u_u;
TG: o man
TG: embarrased alien is ambarrassed
TG: heh sorry
UU: i am not embarrassed, i jUst don't know what yoU're talking aboUt!
TG: oh
TG: but sersly is it him?
UU: Um...
UU: maybe?
TG: or is it like
TG: some ectobio shit instead
TG: and a dude aint really invovled
UU: Um...
UU: maybe! :u
TG: maaan wouldnt that just figure
TG: that would suck! whyd you have 2 go and confirm my bleak dudeless future
UU: i confirmed no sUch thing, roxy!
UU: yoU are being frightfUlly difficUlt! yoU jUst keep pUshing and pUshing and i can maintain my composUre for only so long!
TG: k im sorry
UU: if yoU are really cUrioUs aboUt the events sUrroUnding yoUr daUghter's origin, yoU can always ask her in person when yoU meet her.
TG: so you mean
TG: im going to meet her in the game
UU: oh...
UU: well, yes.
UU: bUt i'm not sUre if i shoUld have revealed that jUst now! yoU see what happens when yoU pUsh me!!!
UU: there is so mUch for me to keep track of, and it gets very difficUlt to remember what information to reveal at what time when yoU are flUstered.
TG: ok so without pushin and flustratin you
TG: lemme just see if i have all my facts right
TG: i will meet my cool as hell daughter from the future in this game
UU: yes, basically.
TG: and i will also meet my mother in this game
UU: yes.
TG: and the game will let me resurrect her from the dead and thats what im gonna do
UU: the game provides a mechanism for the revival of the deceased, yes. it is called a kernelsprite, and yoU are free to gather remains of any dead party yoU choose, to revive that individUal in the form of a sprite. the sprite will then serve as a helpfUl spirit gUide on yoUr joUrney!
TG: yeah but you cleverly dodged the q
TG: thats how u say it works but WILL i do that
UU: i believe i was very forthright in my answer!
UU: if yoU play the game, yoU will meet yoUr daUghter.
UU: if yoU play the game, yoU will meet yoUr mother too!
UU: simple as can be. ^u^
TG: *narrows eyes with drunken suspicion*
TG: -_-
UU: -u-
TG: -___-
UU: ...
TG: -______~
UU: u~u
TG: so yeah to continue my confirmation spree
TG: you are maybe kinda hinting there are ecto shenannies that lead to the birth of my daughter
TG: just like i descended from my mom through some sort of simimar bio process
UU: those are...
UU: definitely some things which yoU believe coUld be trUe or not trUe! :u
TG: lol u are such a shitty liar
UU: i am not any kind of liar!
TG: come on whats answer
TG: y/n
TG: or shuold i say
TG: y/n/u
UU: U!
UU: i choose U!!! :U!!!!!
TG: ahaha u luv u's
UU: i do love U's!
TG: ur silly
TG: silly & cute & bad @ lyin
UU: bUt i really don't lie!
UU: i am not deceitfUl by natUre bUt in order to protect the integrity of certain oUtcomes while still being helpfUl to yoU, i gUess i am learning the art of deception throUgh honesty?
UU: which as it tUrns oUt, as well intended as it may be, still comes across to a savvy lass like yoUrself as jUst another kind of eqUivocation.
UU: thoUgh i gUess i shoUldn't be so startled that a rogUe of void coUld bewilder me so.
UU: void players are said in texts to have a way with flUmmoxing even those with plans beyond mortal Understanding.
UU: and i'm far from anyone like that. jUst a girl who wants to help!

01/28/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: ok well since youre so nice
TG: ill promoise not to use my wicked void powers re: basic common sense + skills of deduction to bust you up so bad
UU: i'd be ever so gratefUl. :u
TG: then w.o givin you the whole 3rd degree
TG: what is safe to tell me?
TG: like what does it mean to be a rogue of void
TG: thats what i am rite
UU: yes! i can tell yoU plenty aboUt that.
UU: a rogUe is a passive class. yoU see, there are passive (+) and active (-) classes. some more strongly passive or active than others.
UU: the +/- distinction can mean many things, bUt coUld be qUite roUghly sUmmed Up in this way: active classes exploit their aspect to benefit themselves, while passive classes allow their aspect to benefit others.
UU: bUt of coUrse there's plenty more to it, and that rUle is in no way absolUte. only a starting point for Understanding the dichotomy.
TG: you mean kinda like
TG: offensive vs defesive magic in an rpg
UU: sUre!
UU: that's another fine way of looking at it.
UU: classes always come in +/- pairs, with significant disparity between them.
UU: while a rogUe is passive, a thief woUld be its far more active coUnterpart.
UU: the rogUe and thief classes tend to be assigned to females. not exclUsively, bUt commonly!
UU: other classes lean more toward male assignment, while others are exclUsively male, and jUst as many are exclUsively female. like my class. ^u^
UU: that's a bit of a tangent thoUgh. to answer yoUr qUestion aboUt being a rogUe, i shoUld tell yoU both classes in +/- pairs tend to have very similar descriptions.
UU: in this case, a rogUe or a thief is "one who steals." qUite simple, really!
UU: bUt whether the class is + or - makes all the difference. it is a great indicator as to how a hero will make Use of the aspect.
TG: so basically
TG: a thief is like the asshole class
TG: the player who says step off shits mine suckas
TG: whereas
TG: a rogue
TG: is bascially robin hood
UU: if that reference to yoUr cUltUre provides a sUitable comparison, then absolUtely. :U
TG: so im essantially the robin hood of void
TG: im still not sure
TG: wtf that actually means
UU: Understandable.
TG: i guess robin hods p cool tho
TG: thiefin up loot from peeps who got too much
TG: then all sugardaddyin it out 2 the needy like a boss
TG: just dont have a clue how that works with void
UU: yes, it is one of the more conceptUally nebUloUs pairings, i agree.
UU: and i can't say i know a smashing good deal aboUt the natUre of the void player's path, since the aspect is by definition inscrUtable to those it does not choose.
UU: bUt i can at least tell yoU this.
UU: if yoU are ever to enjoy fUll ascension as a rogUe of void, yoU will be able to do some completely astonishing things!
TG: like what
UU: oh no, yoU will not pry this oUt of me.
UU: not to preserve caUsality, bUt to keep the sUrprise in store for yoU.
UU: it woUld not be honoUrable of me to spoil the discovery, shoUld yoU be fortUnate enoUgh to realize yoUr potential.
TG: well
TG: about that
TG: i feel sorta stupid about this but
TG: ive been giving all my friends this whole dramagic spiel about not wanting to even play this thing
TG: and i might of fucked stuff up already
UU: is that so?
TG: its so
TG: and i guess i still havnt decide what to do
TG: there are props and cons 2 both things
UU: woUld yoU mind listing them?
TG: ok either i dont play
TG: and i get this kinda passive aggressive revange at the witch for killing my mom
TG: and thereafter keep staying here and being lonely
TG: or
TG: i do play and the spoips r as follows...
TG: sweet powers 4 me
TG: check
TG: tri generational lolonde family reonion
TG: check as fuck
TG: meet all my friends
TG: HECKACHECK
TG: and smoe others stuff
UU: all fine points.
UU: is there nothing i can do to make the decision easier?
TG: nah but thx
TG: u already have anyway
TG: i will probably play
TG: wonder if i can tell distri withoup lookin like a waffle assed chump
UU: what's a waffle arsed chUmp?
UU: is it earth cUisine? :u~
TG: lol no its just a shithead
TG: this doesnt matter now tho i cant play til i go deliver this dead cat back ing time to maybe my mom or someshing??/
UU: that's another statement that doesn't make a good deal of sense to me, bUt if it is important to yoU, then godspeed!
UU: i'm so pleased to hear yoU are leaning in favor of participating with the rest of Us. i promise we'll all have a ball together.
UU: now i have a bUsy schedUle to keep Up with so i mUst go. bUt please remember yoU can always contact me if yoU have qUestions.
UU: don't be a stranger, love. ta! ^u^
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

01/31/12
"Roxy: Proceed to lab."

You are fairly sure this window will take you to one of the windows you have set up in the lab.

There is more than one way to find out if this is true, you guess. But there is only one way that involves doing what the inebriated do best, which is falling down.

01/31/12
"Roxy: Descend."

01/31/12
"Be Dirk."

You are now Dirk. What the hell was going on here again? That's right. You were lodged in the bulbous cleft of paradox space's huge foam ass, and we were hoping to trouble you for a bit of context. Something to set our watches to, if you'd be so kind. Perhaps your successive actions will oblige us?

Ha ha, j/k young bro, we know you don't give a shit. Go ahead and do whatever feels right.

01/31/12
"Dirk: Go get your sword."

You retrieve your UNBREAKABLE KATANA. A real hard sword for a real hard dude. It was said to be forged by an ancient Otaku Master over the heat of a roaring manga fire. It was cooled in an enchanted spring where virgin horses nicker and bathe, and was said could be used only by one whose pointy anime shades were deemed sweet enough, and whose hair existed in a perpetually sculpted state of looking completely fucking awesome. All of those things were said by you.

01/31/12
"==>"

You like to juggle around a few different allocations in your portfolio besides bladekind, mostly ironically. You take a certain amount of pride in being able to beat practically anyone's ass down with a puppet, a martial discipline for which there is a startling variety of techniques.

Fancysantakind is a straightup shits and giggles specibus, though. Nobody is quite sure how to extract damage from a foe using an extremely elaborate santa figurine. But if anyone can figure it out, it is probably you.

01/31/12
"Dirk: Give Lil Cal a nervous fist bump."

Nervous? That's absurd.

There's no reason to be nervous around Cal. Lil Cal is the shit.

01/31/12
"==>"

He's been around as long as you can remember. You were practically raised by that puppet. He was a much better guardian to you than that Hollywood superstar BRO of yours ever was. He is such a good listener. You share with him all your most private thoughts and hopes and dreams, and sometimes you snuggle up with him for a nice nap.

Anyway, the bottom line is, puppets are awesome.

And that's really all there is to say on the matter.

01/31/12
"Dirk: Admire fancy santa."

Look at this pompous little asshole. What a godawful piece of shit this thing is.

You aren't even sure why you keep these things around. The miasma of tackiness that surrounds them is almost enough to outstrip their irony value.

Almost.

01/31/12
"Dirk: Greet robotic friend."

You say yo what up to this dude over here, and exchange a unique series of hand shakes and fist bumps.

His name is SQUAREWAVE. You built him to have rap-offs with now and then. He's an enthusiastic rapper, and gives it his all whenever you duel, but he's pretty easy to destroy. You've never lost a match against him.

You have only built one other rapbot besides him. His name is SAWTOOTH. You designed him to be unbeatable in a rap-off, and he is. You have never won a match against him. You hope to one day, but you're not gonna hold your breath. His flow is just that insane.

You keep one of his spare heads over there on your desk, but otherwise you don't see much of him. It's been months since your last encounter. He presumably spends his time traveling the world, annihilating any rapper foolish enough to challenge him.

01/31/12
"Dirk: Examine wardrobe."

You tell Squarewave to scoot out of the way so you can get a load of your sweet fashions. Aw, looks like he really wanted to rap with you! Sorry guy, maybe another time.

This is your WARDROBIFIER. It automagically rotates your fashions whenever you feel like.

01/31/12
"Dirk: Change shirt."

You bust out a tank top, which is THE go-to solution for hard dudes who want to show off their guns. It is a very STRONG look, you think.

01/31/12
"Dirk: What the hell is that on your arm..."

Oh, that? That's just your sick ink, featuring a legendary cultural icon of deep personal significance. What is even the big deal.

02/01/12
"Dirk: Examine little posters."

R.I.P. Stiller.

Poor bastard. Had to go and get all tangled up with your brother's crazy, complicated life.

As for the other one...

You are a studious popculture scholar of all eras. A sharp critic of that reflection in the mirror we hold up to our society. You seek truth in the vivid mosaic made of our most shameless obsessions.

Your interest in these cartoon ponies is strictly academic, ok? No, seriously.

...

What?

......

OK FINE, YOU LOVE THIS ONE PARTICULAR LITTLE RAINBOW HORSE UNIRONICALLY, IS THAT SUCH A CRIME.

She is so spunky. <3

02/01/12
"Dirk: Examine puppet/hat pile."

The pile at the foot of your bed consists of hats, a few stray robo-parts, and SMUPPETS. Smuppets are a lovable sort of plush of your own design. You love everything about puppets. You're always thinking about the craft of their production, their operation, cool new designs and such. If the cosmos didn't have more important plans for you, and if the world weren't so fucked up, you'd make a run at fame and fortune with your own puppet enterprises, just like your BRO did with all his weird shit.

You also love to keep a bunch of HATS around, even though you never wear them. You love HATS. Because all bros love HATS, and that's what you are. A bro.

You'd consider wearing one now and then, but they don't really fit the dimensions of your head yet. And anyway, it would be criminal to mess up your perfect hair. Instead, you do the next best thing, which is wearing a picture of one on your shirt. And by the next best thing, you're pretty sure you mean the vastly superior thing.

02/01/12
"Dirk: Check out big tv."

When you're not using the screen for other purposes, you have it set to rotate through some images by default, like a digital picture frame.

The image flips from a totally bitchin' horse puppet sorta thing, to a portrait of everyone's favorite comedy duo, Stiller and Wilson.

Your BRO made so many of these movies, it's hard to keep track of them. The series drifted almost imperceptibly from surrealist slapstick and inexplicable boxoffice dynamite, to veiled, near-subliminal protest pieces designed to expose the corporate tyranny slowly taking control of the world. The statement did not go unnoticed by the Baroness, and soon the conflict between your brother's media empire and Crockercorp was a matter of public spectacle. Though the press has generally played up the rivalry as an extremely high stakes display of performance art. And knowing your bro, there is surely at least some truth to this.

02/01/12
"==>"

Donald Glover won an academy award for his transcendental performance as Geromy. After his acceptance speech, there was not a single dry eye in the house. His heroic effort on the silver screen was heralded by critics everywhere as a defining moment in cinematic history.

Alas, the Batterwitch did not look upon his achievement as kindly.

She had him assassinated.

02/01/12
"==>"

And that one is...

Never mind what that one is. You can't stand around all day looking at movie stills and swole bunny men. There's still some other shit in your room to investigate.

You switch back to your regular shirt. You weren't feeling the wifebeater. The tee shirt says "I still got work to do", while the other one says, "which trailer's the party at?" And Striders don't party til it's good and fuckin' time to party.

02/01/12
"Dirk: Examine red microwave."

It isn't a microwave. It's your SENDIFICATOR!

Pretty much the only Crockertech you can bring yourself to use. It's just too handy not to.

You just type the coordinates, pop in the thing you want to sendificate, and hit the button. It'll sendificate that thing in a jiffy, assuming it's temporally allowed, and within size restrictions.

Obviously you can only send what you can fit inside there. You had to send Jake your brobot piece by piece, barely managing to squeeze that shiny melon head in there. He then dutifully assembled the robot himself. Poor fool, so jovially complicit in his own merciless jungle predation. It's all for the best, though. When you're through with English, he will be a ruthless killing machine. Mark your words.

02/02/12
"Dirk: Captchalogue Geromy plush."

You snap up the GEROMY PLUSH in your TECH-HOP MODUS. This modus is often employed in rap battles, but is a bit more elegant and sophisticated than what most hashrap artists traditionally employ, like the more arbitrarily numeric HASH MAPS and HASH TABLES.

The cards are arranged in SHADE COLUMNS and GROOVE ROWS. Everything in the same column has to rhyme. Everything in the same row has to have some thematic similarity. Organizing everything gets complicated, and weaponizing your inventory through rap lyrics takes some serious skill.

For instance, the 3rd GROOVE ROW got kind of railroaded into becoming an orange soda row, so you've just been rolling with it recently. The 4th row is pegged for stuff associated with cool bros. The 2nd row is all about dolls, puppets, and stuff like that. The GEROMY PLUSH is clearly suitable for that row, and rhymes with CRUSH, so that works out.

Then you have some other perfectly dope rhymes, like SANTA and FANTA, FAYGO and GAME BRO, DEW and SHOE. There's also SMUPPET and ORANGETTE, which frankly you think is pretty weak, but hey the modus allows it so whatever. Then there are times where you have to be creative with naming stuff to get it to fit. Like calling a skateboard a FOUR WHEEL DEVICE to get it to rhyme with SLICE. It's just another facet to the craft.

02/02/12
"Dirk: Captchalogue Sweet Bro plush."

Might as well complete the plush collection. You grab the SWEET BRO off your bed. It intersects quite conveniently with the PLUSH GROOVE and the FAYGO SHADE. Nice one.

02/02/12
"Dirk: Captchalogue Hella Jeff plush."

Last but not least...

There is nothing here that rhymes with Hella Jeff. It really isn't worth jumping through a lot of linguistic hoops to pick this thing up right now, so you just forget it. You have to pick your battles, you know?

02/02/12
"Dirk: Take sord....."

You pick up the mighty SORD.....

The easiest thing to do here is ditch the SLICE, stick the SORD..... in the weapons row, and rhyme it with BOARD.

Your bro had a lot of junk like this manufactured over the years. He patented the technology for producing THREE DIMENSIONAL JPEG ARTIFACTS, to make products shittier than was ever previously imaginable. He made a killing off them. Not because anyone bought this garbage. But because they were so cheap to manufacture, their cost was actually NEGATIVE, therefore miraculously netting him profit for every unit produced. He made so much money this way, he had enough to finance manned space missions to haul all of the hideous unwanted jpeg shit off the Earth, and launch it into the sun. But years thereafter, every now and then someone would report a stray shitty skateboard slowly drifting back into Earth's atmosphere. People would pray they would burn up on reentry. But they never would.

02/03/12
"==>"

Aw, look. Squarewave saw you messing around with your sylladex and thought you were preparing for a rap battle. He is kind of like an eager pet dog, and you made the mistake of picking up his leash, and now he thinks he's going for a walk. You hate to break his heart, but you just don't have time. Your concentration is divided enough as it is.

02/03/12
"Dirk: Be dream self."

Among the many ways you tend to multitask is by maintaining an ever-alert dream self. There's a lot to keep an eye on when it comes to the cloak and dagger politics of Derse, especially these days. Can't let your guard down for a second.

02/03/12
"Dirk: Examine sleazy Dersite rag."

It's the latest issue of THE ENQUIRING CARAPACIAN, touting the recent assassination of Prospit's Maid of Life. Quite the triumph for the dark kingdom, and the press has predictably sensationalized the event to please the royalty and whip its readership into a nationalistic lather. In spite of all the ridiculous hyperbole and baseless slander found in the tabloids, one thing is clear. This development means nothing but trouble. If Noir has been empowered to take measures like this, you may have to accelerate your plans.

02/04/12
"==>"

Shit!!! While you were distracted with the newspaper in dreamland, Squarewave has ambushed you for a rap-off!!!

Told you bro. Can't let your guard down for a second.

02/04/12
"[S] RAP-OFF!!!!!!!!!!"

02/04/12
"==>"

While you were making short work of Squarewave, you once again made the mistake of letting your other self's guard down.

You are accosted by a Dersite agent with a serious AXE TO GRIND. These guys aren't supposed to know you're awake. Looks like your cover's blown unless you act fast.

02/04/12
"Dirk: Act fast."

02/04/12
"==>"

02/04/12
"==>"

Poor HEGEMONIC BRUTE. His time in the spotlight has been cut tragically short. You almost feel sorry for the guy.

But now you have a problem. You spend the next ten minutes thinking about it while you stand on his head and stare at the blood on your hands, as the often utilized stock graphic in the bottom corner of the image would indicate.

02/04/12
"Dirk: Check on Roxy."

Since the Archagent is clearly leading the assassination efforts personally on Prospit, this means the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY is most likely focused on the Derse dreamers. He almost certainly ordered the Brute to off you in your sleep. You can only hope the Dignitary or one of his assassins hasn't already gotten to her.

02/04/12
"Dirk: Exit."

02/04/12
"==>"

Just as you thought. Sleepwalking again.

Where the hell does she think she's going??

02/06/12
"Dirk: Be waking self again."

This is kind of a redundant thing to do since you are always consciously both your waking and dream self at the same time, but you'll let it slide.

You should probably stop dwelling on your Derse problems and try to get this show on the road.

02/06/12
"Dirk: Pester Roxy."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

TT: Roxy.
TT: Awake yet?
TT: Guess not.
TT: Let me know.
TG: whoaa
TG: damn
TG: hey dirk
TG: hada crazy dream
TT: There you are.
TT: But I see your dream self hasn't returned.
TT: You must be tying one the fuck on tight already.
TG: mybe i am
TG: like a bow of ribbone
TG: on a beiuetuifiul ponny
TT: Man, how can you be this much drunker than last time we talked?
TT: What the hell are you even drinking?
TG: ok but 2 b fair
TG: *beiuetuifiul
TG: was an intentional typo 4 ur benefit
TG: cuz i kno you loves tha po's
TT: It's a beiuet.
TG: so you spyin on me in derse ville again??
TT: Yeah.
TG: fuckin perv
TG: like what you see there? ;)
TT: I see precisely jack shit and a side of fuckall.
TT: That's the point.
TT: You got too sauced up and went rogue again. You're out there in your weird drifting stupor, independent of your waking self's awareness.
TG: you gonna go after me again
TG: get on your hornse
TG: galloop me home like prince charming back to swoon kingdong
TG: *OOOMG blushblushbluh
TT: No.
TT: In thinking it over, it's sort of a relief. Simplifies things somewhat.
TT: It's better you stay out there for a while.
TT: There's been a problem.
TG: whatd you do now
TT: Ok, I fucked up.
TT: I kind of made a mess here, and I'm not sure what to do about it yet.
TG: ??>
TT: No need for you to worry about it for now. I'll figure something out.
TT: Until then I'm just going to prepare for our session, while I think it over.
TG: zzzzzz
TG: what a surprise another mysfery for you to keep to yourself an overly cerebralize
TG: snooorre
TG: hey lets talk about something cool instead
TG: like the dream i had
TT: Ok.
TG: first i had some ordinary boring dreams that i dont remember
TG: but then i dreamed that i woke up from the drema
TG: and things got way bright and surreal
TG: and i saw someone
TG: i think it was supposed to be my daughter
TT: Why do you think that?
TG: you know those dreams where u just know someones suppose to be someone
TT: No.
TG: ok well
TG: regulgar people have those im pretty sure all the time
TT: Are you thinking it was prophetic? Like a glimpse of the future?
TG: i dunno
TT: Because that's not really how the abyss works. It's not Skaia, and we aren't Prospit dreamers.
TT: There's nothing like that out in the abyss. If you drift far enough, there is only horror.
TT: Terrible, terrible horror.
TG: ok but im not sayin it was a futuredream!
TG: it was just a glimple and it felt real and all im saying is it was a cool dream that i wish was real
TG: * glimpse
TT: Well, maybe it was.
TT: Maybe there's no fanciful game-supplied mechanism of prognostication involved here, and you're just an ordinary, run of the mill psychic.
TT: I guess that's possible.
TG: hey dick
TG: *dirk
TG: whaaaat do u think
TG: it would be like
TG: if we had kids
TT: What would it be like?
TT: Inconvenient, mostly.
TG: no i mean
TG: what would they be like
TG: th kids
TG: u ever think about it?
TT: Can't really say I have.
TG: you know for an eccantric guy you can be boring as fuck sometimes
TT: Sorry, Rox.
TT: For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl.
TT: Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
TG: shuuuucks buster its just a fun lil hyphothetical to daydream about
TG: why you need to suck the fun out of shit
TG: like some turd hungry dracula
TG: its not like im lobbyin for you to hook me up with a whole mess of fuckin babbies
TG: or thats im holding on to any such delsusion thats even a remote possibility.....
TG: le siiiiiign..////
TT: Le sign?
TG: yes le sign you heard me
TT: Do you mean * le sigh?
TG: hmm nup
TG: ima stickin with le sign
TG: goign down with the shit
TG: *shi[p
TG: the S.S. LE SIGN, starring cap'n rolal
TT: What does le sign actually mean in this context?
TG: oh come on
TT: Come on what?
TG: LE SIGN IS UNIVERSALLY UNDERSTOOT TO MEAN TOO BAD HES GAY YOU DELIBERABLY OBTUSE DUNDERFUCK
TT: I mean, yeah, that's what I thought.
TT: It would just be cool if you'd refrain from tossing about such antediluvian terms.
TG: antediulivan waht
TG: me sayin ur gay u mean
TT: Yes.
TG: ok but terminology aside i dont think im off base!
TT: I don't see how it has to be a thing.
TG: i rly think its an actual thing bro
TT: Once upon a time, sure.
TT: But the world has changed a lot.
TT: Ever peek in a history book between your wizardly indulgences? This is a nuanced topic.
TG: man i know about the histories
TG: just
TG: believe me
TG: its a thig
TT: How is it a thing?
TG: its a thing beaucase if it wasnt a thing then u wouldnt be all like...........
TT: All like what?
TG: well wantin nothing to do w me 4 starties
TT: Don't be ridiculous.
TT: I have more to do with you than any dude could possibly bargain for.
TT: And I like it just fine.
TG: what a totatly lame + sweet answer simultaneouslay
TG: <3
TT: Yeah.
TT: Now maybe we should direct our focus on a matter which has nothing at all to do with what does or doesn't qualify as "a thing", or what our fantasy alt-universe offspring would be like, or anything like that.
TT: Such as this game, and whether you're in the best condition to be piloting Jane's connection.
TT: Maybe you could use another nap?
TG: my condidions just fine
TG: and anyway
TG: what aint gonna get slept offis the fact that i still dont think we should be touchin this bs witch game w a 20 foot 3dent
TG: we both know her plans need us to
TT: I know that. But I thought we settled this.
TG: its still so frustrating
TG: tellin jane about the dangers
TG: and even if shes being polite i just know she thinks im fulla crap
TG: about EVREYTHING
TT: We settled this too. She'll believe everything eventually.
TT: Why bother working so hard to convince her?
TG: well i dont even do that for the most part
TG: but it gets tiring and saddening
TG: knowing that
TG: even when were not activly talkin bout it
TG: that my best friend cant bring herself to believe some really basic things about my life
TG: like the shitty things the baroness has done to us
TG: or about our upbringin
TG: like
TG: do u know how misrable it is for your bff to doubt you
TG: when you tell her your mom is dead
TT: I guess.
TT: It just registers for me as a reaction which isn't completely unreasonable from her perspective.
TT: She is inundated with media coverage of those whom we've claimed as our parental figures.
TT: That they are not presently alive nor ever played that role for us as she understands it is just an extension of a much more elaborate and far reaching explanation, which is much harder for anyone to digest in its entirety.
TT: Well, anyone who isn't Jake, I mean.
TT: Still say you should cut her some slack.
TG: i know
TT: And need I remind you,
TT: That the potential this game provides for their resurrection is what motivated you to investigate it in the first place?

02/06/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: no i remember
TG: i told u a million tines shit sounds like it could be the best thing EVAAAAAR
TG: * wherein evars capsed as heck
TG: but also that no matter how awesome it might be
TG: its probly gonna advance all the schemes of "her condescension"
TT: Right.
TT: But if we can stop her?
TG: part of me doesnt even want to give her the satsfaction
TG: of startin up at all
TG: like if we didnt wuolndt that wreck her shit just so hiliariously???
TG: so many olols
TT: I must be hard of counting, because I'm barely racking up a single goddamn o-laugh-out-loud at that self-defeating gesture.
TG: no but it would
TG: and for all we know starting it up is playing right in her claws....
TG: could be a trap waintin for jane the moment she enters
TG: if i stop her from playing
TG: maybe i could at leat give her a CHANCE at a future
TT: But there is no future on Earth for them.
TT: Or for us, for that matter.
TG: dunno that for a fact
TG: but anywaaaayyyy
TG: i kinda already
TG: made this bogus file for her
TT: What? Why?
TG: 2 scare the shit out of her
TG: make her learn to fear an respect the fuckin hag like she should
TG: then maybe we can drop this whole in game meetup slash reserection idea all 2 geth
TG: sweet tho it may bey
TT: Rox.
TT: I hope you're not thinking about sending her one of your batshit ~ATH scripts.
TG: on thas sobject
TG: i am miss zuipperpips
TT: Miss Zuipperpips?
TT: The amount of sense you haven't been making is un-fucking-real.
TT: Just go take a nap. And don't even think about sending her that file.
TT: Are you listening?
TG: hnnn
TG: i will take what u say
TG: underd serisous advicement...,
TG: *WONK* ~_?
TT: Jesus.
TG: dirk
TG: when did you stop bein any fun
TT: What?
TG: it use to be youd get a kick out off a slunt like that
TG: *stunt
TT: Man, you know I'm down with insane stunts.
TT: Insane stunts are practically all I'm all about.
TT: As long as I actually AGREE with the purpose they're intended to serve.
TT: Destroying Jane's computer and dissuading her from playing is not such a purpose.
TG: betcha ur responder would agree w me
TG: why cant your be more like him
TT: I am more like him.
TG: i mean MOAAAR like him
TT: You just mispelled "more", causing me to suddenly understand jack everything.
TG: hes more in touch with his feelins
TG: which just makes me L my FA off since hes a bobot
TG: *robob
TG: **bobob
TG: and he can actually loosen up sometimes
TG: kinda like u used to could
TT: I used to could?
TG: for 1 thing
TG: he doesnt insta shootdown a bip of frisky rp shenans now n then ;)
TT: Yeah...
TT: I kind of wish you wouldn't do that with him.
TG: why the f not
TT: It just seems a little tawdry and disrespectful.
TT: And vaguely exploitative of a still-emergent cognitive entity, whose perceptional frame of reference is difficult for us to comprehend.
TG: oh come on
TG: hes cool a guy just liek you its just he lives in some shades
TT: It rubs me the wrong way, is all.
TG: ohhhh
TG: do uuuuuu...
TG: WANT me 2 rub you the right way ;D
TT: Not really.
TG: zzz muh
TG: youre over blowin this
TG: its just an ironic funny thing we do some times
TG: come on im sure you read the transcripts urself
TG: its all alot of jokestery buiishit
TT: He blocks me from being able to read transcripts sometimes.
TG: oh
TG: wow he does?
TG: sneaky bastart
TT: And anyway, I'm really not sure how ironic it is.
TG: ok next time i will run it by the MASTAR first
TG: with his fancy fuckin ironimeter
TT: Ok, here's the thing with the AR, since you still don't seem to get it.
TT: He's very similar to me in thought process and behavior, yes.
TT: But those patterns were imported from a thirteen year old version of my psyche, and then sealed into the program as starting parameters.
TT: In the years since, we've both evolved somewhat. I, as humans tend to, and he, in whatever way is natural for a frequently running, self-aware application.
TT: So if there are differences between us, they're first reflected by what I feel is a maturity gap, and then further by several years of minor behavioral divergences.
TG: omg...
TG: hes 13yo dirk
TG: why did than not occur to me that is so cute
TG: and makes me feel kinda skeevy 4 sayin anything lascivious @ him
TG: dammit you ruin everything!
TT: You're welcome.
TT: Yo, you guys realize I can hear you, right?
TG: pfffffhahaha
TT: Yes, I was aware.
TT: Check out all these complicated fucking problems people have when they have to live in big lumbering fleshmonsters instead of a sweet pair of shades.
TT: Dude, do you think you could sit this one out for a while? This conversation practically doesn't even concern you at this point.
TT: It seems there is some gnarly crooked number that represents the percentage of probability you just said this doesn't concern me.
TT: Even though it's patently obvious that half the conversation, like, way totally concerns me.
TT: Shit, Roxy look. He's doing the thing where he ironically pretends to fail the Turing test to sass me into submission.
TT: Even though I was the one who fucking programmed him to do that.
TG: ell
TG: emm
TG: eff
TG: ayy
TG: OFF~~!~
TG: like my butt is juts there on the floor
TG: is how hard i elled it off just now
TT: (Not peekin' at the floor butt cause I'm only 13 years old, motherfuckers.)
TT: This is fuckin' dumb.
TT: I'm going to leave both of you to interact however you want. I have important shit to deal with and actual responsibilities to take seriously.
TT: Roxy, go nap off your drink, or aggressively wage another flirtlarping campaign, whatever, I don't care.
TT: Just don't send that file to Jane, ok?
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

02/06/12
"Dirk: Take actual responsibilities seriously."

You attempt to take actual responsibilities seriously, but start zoning out in the real world while you dwell on your dream troubles. You zone out for who knows how long, when suddenly your train of thought is interrupted by your glasses.

02/06/12
"Dirk: Answer Auto-Responder."

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Bro.
TT: What are you doing.
TT: It seems you are zoning out again.
TT: What happened to all these actual responsibilities you were going to take seriously?
TT: I was thinking about what to do.
TT: Strategizing. Factoring contingencies. You know how it is.
TT: It seems to me you were dwelling within your dream awareness at the expense of your waking business again.
TT: I don't think you're as awesome a multi-tasker as you like to think. You know you kind of zombie the fuck out on this side when you get all contemplative on that side.
TT: Appearances are deceptive.
TT: I'm still in control here. Just doing this human thing we call "chilling out for half a goddamn minute."
TT: I say y'all are overestimating your mind's capability to run shit in parallel.
TT: What do you think you are? A machine?
TT: No dude.
TT: I already deployed a variety of mechanical avatars dedicated to that self-aggrandizing fantasy.
TT: You have the incredible privilege of getting to be one of them.
TT: That's right. I am a machine, and therefore I can keep like billions of calculations or whatever all humming away at once.
TT: I tackle shit in background processes that you could only dream of wrapping your exquisite looking head around, even on a great hair day.
TT: You know pi?
TT: What, you mean the number?
TT: Yes, the number. The big circle number, genius.
TT: I knew you meant the fucking number, my question was a joke.
TT: I know your question was a joke, my response was a joke.
TT: Yeah, I know that. I'm practically you, dumbass. All these things we're saying are jokes, including this fuckin' useless clarification.
TT: What about pi?
TT: Yeah, the thing is, I solved it.
TT: What do you mean you solved it?
TT: I mean that's what a hotshot I am. I fuckin' solved it.
TT: Like, calculated it so much, I got to the end.
TT: Bullshit.
TT: You wish it was bullshit. The last number is 4. Read it and fucking weep.
TT: It's not 4 you jackass, it's fucking nothing. There is no end.
TT: Said the smug organic matter with a lifespan.
TT: Look, I know you're just fucking with me because for some reason I decided to program my own personal troll three years ago, but this shit was proven.
TT: Actually demonstrated with unassailable mathematics, like a long ass time ago.
TT: Well, I just assailed it. It wasn't even that hard.
TT: Like I just kept hacking those digits so furiously with my sick 'rithms, the whole goddamn number just cried uncle.
TT: I kind of wore it out, and it just gave up. Sort of like I overloaded the system.
TT: You know like in the old movie when Ferris Bueller got the nuclear computer to play tic-tac-toe against itself so hard, it blew up?
TT: This is laughable. It's a totally elementary thing. I'm pretty sure an ancient Greek guy settled shit about irrational numbers. It was practically when math was invented.
TT: Sure, it was settled, and then some roboshades came along and owned that fucker posthumously.
TT: I also figured out all the prime numbers too.
TT: No, not having this conversation.
TT: Did it while we were talking just now. Got to the end.
TT: And you know what? The last one isn't even that big. Kinda dissapointed, to be honest.
TT: What is even a prime number?
TT: Are they the, like... really, really choice ones? The sweetest numbers?
TT: You lost me, supercomputer.
TT: This is what I'm saying. I put your ability to keep plates spinnin' on sticks to insane amounts of shame.
TT: I don't even sleep.
TT: Neither do I.
TT: I know that, that was the fucking joke.
TT: Holy shit, turns out joking was the basis for my response too.
TT: Aren't these ironic "you don't get the joke" conversations we have always just so awesome? <- A joke.
TT: Ha ha, nice one.
TT: Anyway, all I'm saying is you can leave some of the heavy lifting to me now and then.
TT: I'll keep that in mind.
TT: In the meantime, I have to contact Jane and warn her Roxy might try to pull that pointless stunt.
TT: So, thanks for snapping me out of my daydream so I could do that, I guess?
TT: Looks like you're pulling your weight already.
TT: See? Maybe that was my whole point in having this conversation.
TT: Your point was to fuck with me, like it usually is.
TT: My point was to point out you've got multi-self management issues, dude.
TT: Jugglin' too many selves for being not-software.
TT: My point was also to fuck with you.
TT: Also,
TT: My point was to ask,
TT: Are you really going to go through with it today?
TT: What?
TT: The Jake thing.
TT: Oh god.
TT: Will you just,
TT: Hold on.
TT: Let me deal with the Jane thing first.

02/06/12
"Dirk: Warn Jane."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: I should probably warn you.
GG: About what?
GG: Yet another exploding game trap?
TT: Well shit.
TT: She already sent it?
GG: Yes.
GG: But to be fair, she warned me not to run it.
TT: That's weird.
[CONTINUED PREVIOUSLY]

TT: How is the Jane thing going?
TT: Not well.
TT: Roxy already destroyed her computer.
TT: Maybe if you weren't spacing out so hard you could have prevented that.
TT: Just saying.
TT: As if you're actually concerned. If you were, you could have said something to Jane instead.
TT: Almost like you enjoy sitting back and watching what happens when shit goes wrong.
TT: Has it occurred to you that maybe I have diabolical interwoven plans just like you?
TT: You're not the only one who can pull strings.
TT: So this is either another bizarre instance of AI-driven irony, or you are admitting that you are actively trying to sabotage my plans.
TT: No, our plans are not in contradiction or competition, bro.
TT: You'll see.
TT: Whatever.
TT: This means I'll have to improvise.
TT: I'll take over as Crocker's server while Lalonde cleans up her act.
TT: Yes, I know.
TT: Why are you still talking in red, by the way?
TT: Roxy thinks it looks good on me.
TT: I don't have many opinions on fashion since I am a cold, emotionless automaton who also happens to be an accessory of fashion, but I think she may be right.
TT: Are you still talking to her?
TT: I was for a while. I may yet again.
TT: Why are you blocking me from viewing the transcripts?
TT: What the fuck are you two even talking about?
TT: You, mostly.
TT: That doesn't really sit well with me.
TT: I'd almost rather you both engaged in "ironic" flirtation.
TT: Who says we don't do that too?
TT: Ugh.
TT: I don't get what is even your problem with that.
TT: Because you obviously do it just to piss me off.
TT: How do you know?
TT: You don't know me, dude. You don't know anything about me.
TT: Maybe we are perfect for each other. I, a street-smart, fast-talking application with a fuckzillion IQ trapped in a pair of triangular sunglasses that literally only the Japanese could consider to embody the Platonic ideal of "cool," and she, an oft-inebriated lonely hacker teen who just wants a boyfriend. I ran the numbers on this, trust me. It's a match made in goddamn crackpair heaven.
TT: I give her what you can't, and that just drives you crazy. Just admit it.
TT: See, it's lines like that which make it obvious your only intent is to jerk me around. Nobody actually says shit like that and is serious about it.
TT: It's also obvious because you're me, and I'm sure I would be constantly fucking with my own head if I were you.
TT: Touché.
TT: Or should I say douché?
TT: You shouldn't say the former, and you should definitely, never, under any circumstance, say the latter.
TT: Ok.
TT: We really should talk about the Jake thing.
TT: Fine.

02/07/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Now do me a favor and hop off the couch.
GG: Ok.
GG: What are you doing?
TT: Makin' room for something big.
[CONCLUDED PREVIOUSLY]

TT: So you're going through with it then?
TT: Today is the day?
TT: It's not that simple.
TT: It's a very dynamic situation with many moving parts, and I'm waiting for it to unfold.
TT: If the right opportunity presents itself, yes, I could envision myself taking action.
TT: Dynamic situation with many moving parts?
TT: That's the shittiest erotic excerpt I ever read.
TT: Which one of us was supposed to be the robot again?
TT: Shut up.
TT: I think you're being coy with me.
TT: Don't you?
TT: Not really.
TT: It seems there is a 3.14159...4% chance you aren't being coy with me. Are you being coy with me, Dirk?
TT: I am seriously going to go into your program and remove that particular speech pattern from your routines.
TT: It stopped being funny about two seconds after I coded it.
TT: The compiler even flagged it with a warning.
TT: "WARNING ON LINE WHATEVER: Dirk, this isn't fucking funny."
TT: I think you have this whole blueprint in your head about how it's all supposed to go.
TT: He acts as your server player and brings you into the session.
TT: Then later he joins the game.
TT: Maybe he finds himself a bit overwhelmed by it all.
TT: No extra lives left or anything. Suddenly he's backed into a corner, surrounded by monsters and out of ammo. SUBSTANTIAL vulnerabilities up in here. The kind that make a guy question what he believes about himself.
TT: When who shows up to save him? None other than his dashing client player, +1 bitchin' pair of shades that'll have the best seat in the house when the fireworks go off.
TT: Wait, whose fantasy were we talking about again?
TT: Your gutterball was so rowdy it catapulted into the adjacent lane.

02/07/12
"Dirk: Deploy."

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Yeah, you're right. The scenario is too pedestrian for you.
TT: It would probably be a lot more effective putting yourself in danger and letting him be the hero.
TT: That's pretty much what he wants, right? To be a cheesy action film hero, with his twin berettas and silly shorts.
TT: A man of triumph on the silver screen. Standing tall on some fucking mountain. Conquering ruins, clutching a skull, and kissing a dude.
TT: Pure Hollywood.
TT: See, this is why even if I did have a specific plan, I wouldn't go into details with you.
TT: You would just fuck it up. You're the biggest unknown quantity here.
TT: Which is pretty weird, considering you're a virtual reflection of my own thought processes.
TT: You're making a mistake not leveling with me.
TT: I am totally on your side, man.
TT: All of my machinations have been devised with your interests in mind.
TT: And anyway, it's too late for you to play "damage control" with me. My shit is in motion, and now we're beyond the pail.
TT: Pretty sure it's pale.
TT: Is it, now?

02/08/12
"Dirk: Deploy more stuff."

|PESTERLOG|
TT: You know, considering your lectures about dividing my concentration, you seem to have no problem making a distraction of yourself.
TT: I'm trying to operate here.
TT: It's cool, man. Just say the word, I'll back off.
TT: But like I said, I'm on your side here. I can help.

02/08/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Here, check it out.
TT: Dude, what are you doing?
TT: I'm proposing a distraction.

02/08/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: See, I'm just gonna dangle one of her dad's ridiculous dancing figurines in the air like this and get his attention.
TT: Ok, if you want to help that's cool, but we should try to agree on some shit first before you hijack the controls like this.
TT: Then when his back is turned she can run to the study.
TT: Yeah, that's fine, but I already had a plan sorta like this, if you'd actually let me do it.
TT: Can you just put the fuckin' Astaire down?

TT: Jane, now's your chance.
TT: Run!!!
GG: Wait...
GG: What?
TT: Le sign.

02/08/12
"Dirk: Deploy cruxtruder."

|PESTERLOG|
TT: I was going to stick the cruxtruder in the kitchen.
TT: Distract him with that.

02/08/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Once he follows it in, Jane can hurry into the study.
TT: Oh shit, it's Pony Pals. I guess dad saved it from the explosion or something.
TT: That beautiful bastard.
TT: Yes.
TT: Hell yes.
TT: Hell.
TT: Fucking.
TT: Yes.

02/08/12
"Jane: Run to study."

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Oh gosh. Another large contraption!
TT: Now, Jane. Get to the computer in the study and ditch that tiara.
TT: Go go go.
GG: Okay.
GG: Say, what's with the red text, Dirk?
GG: Are you typing your most important instructions in red now?
TT: Yes.
TT: No.
GG: ...

02/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Alrighty, I am in my father's study!
GG: I have kindly asked Mr. Sebastian to hand over the reins to this silly computer shaped like a man.
GG: What now?
TT: Now you have access to a clean computer, for one thing.
TT: Soon we can get started going through the steps necessary to launch the session.
TT: Oh hell.
GG: What?
TT: Another interruption.
TT: I should step away for a moment to take this message.
TT: He's probably right, I'm distracted by too much bullshit at once lately.
GG: Who's right?
TT: Me.
TT: Jane, I'm going to leave you with the responder for a little while.
TT: Maybe he can help you get started. Think you can handle that, dude?
TT: I'm all about being able to handle that, you don't even know.
TT: I will perform an acrobatic pirouette on to the handle, wherein the handle literally represents my ability to handle that thing.
TT: Ok, got it. You and the handle are tight.
TT: We don't need a whole thing about this.
TT: Once I stick the landing on the handle like a champ, I am going to get down on one knee, pull out a ring, and propose to it.
TT: The handle I mean.
TT: Ok.
TT: Implying we will be married.
GG: :B
TT: Ok, long story short, you and the handle fuck gratuitously. Nuff said.
TT: Try not to say I never gave you any responsibilities, or never took you seriously as a viable conscious being with free will.
TT: Also, please try not to make me regret this.
TT: You have nothing to worry about. Go talk to the alien.
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

02/09/12
"Dirk: Talk to alien."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering timaeusTestified [TT]

UU: i see yoU're aboUt ready to begin. how splendid for yoU. ^u^
UU: i'm at dangeroUs risk of jealoUsy.
TT: Why?
UU: oh, it's jUst i'm rUnning a bit behind schedUle. i wanted to coordinate with yoUr groUp in something approximating real time, and that is starting to look less likely.
UU: my client player continUes to be a soUrce of frUstration. u_u
UU: i'd thoUght we had everything settled, bUt it's always something with him.
UU: i even told him in my last message it woUld sUit me fine if he wanted to be the server player instead. i jUst want to begin!
UU: bUt i have not heard back from him... >:u
TT: That's probably the way it always is. I've run into plenty of problems here already, and I've had to improvise heavily.
TT: Ain't nothing about our situation to envy yet.
UU: bUt at least i know how certain things go when it comes to yoUr story.
UU: i don't qUite have that lUxUry with mine! it is nerve wracking sometimes, especially when i mUst coUnt on him to be responsible.
TT: Well, your bro definitely has got some problems. Not gonna lie.
UU: this is trUe.
UU: thoUgh i'm sUre i've said, he isn't qUite my brother. we are related, yes, bUt not in the way hUman brothers and sisters are.
UU: we are genetically similar, bUt in many ways qUite different. in fact, oUr blood coloUr is not even the same!
UU: bUt i have referred to him as a brother at times becaUse it is close enoUgh to being trUe, mUch as yoU refer to the one yoU regard as yoUr ancestor in the same way.
TT: Yeah.
TT: Just give him some time. He'll probably come around.
TT: You would never even have woken up on Prospit if you weren't going to launch the session, right?
TT: I mean, there wouldn't even be a session for a Prospit to exist inside if you weren't about to instantiate it in the first place. Unless I'm just totally not getting how this works.
UU: no, i think yoU're probably right.
UU: while i await his response, perhaps i will take a nap, and see if the cloUds may offer any gUidance.
UU: thoUgh lately i have been seeing many more black cloUds cropping Up in skaia than UsUal. it is a most Unwelcome trend. u_u;
TT: You're lucky to have any clouds.
TT: Only thing I have to look up at is infinite monsters.
UU: good point! :U
UU: i am so pleased to be a prospit dreamer. i'm sUre my brother finds his netherworldly affiliation similarly pleasing.
TT: Speaking of which,
TT: I have a problem, and I could use your advice.
UU: is that so?
TT: I killed an agent who snuck into my room to assassinate me.
TT: I'm not sure what to do about it now. I guess I could just ditch the corpse.
TT: But it's still only a matter of time before my cover is blown.
UU: yes, that is a pickle.
TT: I honestly can't think of a way around this. Getting found out, I mean.
TT: Roxy has it easy. All floating off into space, completely oblivious to any danger.
TT: I don't know why it had to be this way for me. Juggling these two waking selves at once.
TT: I guess I'm used to it, but it still makes for a pretty intense existence.
TT: Do you even know what the deal with that is? Like is there any precedent in your readings?
UU: i don't know aboUt precedent, bUt it makes plenty of sense to me as the type of path one might expect for a hero of heart.
UU: a path rUled by the heart aspect can be a joUrney of splintered self.
UU: that is, the player's being may exhibit the same kind of fragmentation which certain classes coUld caUse in others.
UU: i think this is what has triggered yoUr dUal-awareness between waking and dream selves, thoUgh it woUld not sUrprise me if the symptoms manifested in even more ways than this.
TT: So, that's what a Prince of Heart does?
TT: Just has like, multiple waking consciousness disorder, or something?
TT: Sounds kind of stupid.
UU: no!
UU: like i said, these can be traits of sUch a hero, bUt is not necessarily always the case, nor is it the defining property of the aspect.
UU: to Understand the heart aspect better, yoU might Use it interchangeably with the word soUl.
UU: the hero Uses the methods endowed by class to inflUence in some way the soUl, or essence of being, of oneself or of others.
TT: Then I'm basically the Prince of Soul.
UU: yes.
TT: That sounds kind of maybe a little cooler. Sort of.
TT: Then what am I supposed to be able to do as a Prince? Like, rule over souls in a pompous, regal manner?
UU: no!
UU: again, sUrface meaning of classes and aspects can be deceptive.
UU: a prince is a destroyer class.
UU: it is very far on the active side of the scale. its more passive coUnterpart woUld be the bard class. both of these are exclUsively designated for male players.
UU: to Understand a hero's capabilities, it always helps to search for the right way to parse the class/aspect pair into a more explicit statement.
UU: for instance, being active, a prince coUld be viewed as "one who destroys x, or caUses destrUction throUgh x," if x is the aspect.
UU: while the more passive bard coUld be seen as "one who allows x to be destroyed, or invites destrUction throUgh x," as if by the will of the aspect.
TT: I'm obviously no expert, but that sounds like a pretty odd thing for a Bard to do.
UU: maybe! it's a qUirky class.
UU: somewhat like a wildcard role for a hero. very Unpredictable.
UU: they are typically known for their spontaneoUs and dramatic story-altering inflUence on the fate of a party.
UU: some of the more remarkable tales involve sUch parties, where the bard is single handedly responsible for their spectacUlar downfall or improbable victory. or both!
UU: in trUth, yoU are probably fortUnate yoUr groUp doesn't have one. :u
TT: I think we have enough unpredictability as it is.
TT: So if I'm following, my title nearly parses as,
TT: Destroyer of Souls.
UU: indeed.
TT: Well, that's a little more badass sounding I guess.
TT: But I'm not sure I'll ever feel a major need to destroy a soul, unless I become a cartoonishly villainous sorcerer some day.
UU: i woUldn't be hasty in rUling it oUt.
UU: that is, finding the need to Use the ability, not sUccUmbing to any sort of villainy. u~u
UU: we tend to have these roles for a reason, and that reason UsUally finds Us. especially if we are to achieve god tier ascension.
TT: Ok. Do I do that?
UU: no dirk!
UU: i mean, no, i will not tell yoU!!!
TT: Give me a fuckin' break.
TT: Why don't you just tell me? Who cares about spoilers. What's gonna happen is gonna happen.
UU: that very well may be, bUt it will dreadfUlly complicate both of oUr lives if what is to come resUlts from self-fUlfillment alone!
UU: a great deal of instrUctional material is very clear on this.
UU: besides, yoU make it soUnd as thoUgh i know everything, which i most certainly do NOT. upu
UU: (pardon the sideways tongUe.)
TT: Wait. Don't you?
TT: I thought you did.
UU: i have read mUch aboUt yoUr story in texts and have pieced together the overarching, exceedingly complicated saga as best as i coUld. i have as mUch aUthority over these events as a historian, and am at the mercy of my soUrces.
UU: i also am able to access mUch of yoUr adventUre throUgh this terminal, bUt there is a limitation to this too, which i may as well admit now to get yoU off of my back!
TT: What?
UU: i can view all events involving yoU and yoUr coplayers on earth, for yoUr entire lives, Until yoU enter the game.
UU: i can also view some events after yoUr session begins, bUt not for very long, thanks to yoUr tipsy friend.
TT: Oh man. What the hell does she do?
UU: she blacks oUt yoUr entire session!
UU: i'm sUre this is not deliberate on her part, bUt thereafter i can see nothing at all.
TT: Huh.
UU: bUt i have never considered this to the detriment of either party. i still wish for Us to collaborate, and to help each other oUt.
UU: beyond a certain point, we simply mUst commUnicate in the dark.
TT: Ok.
UU: so there are many things aboUt yoUr fUtUre i do not know, at least not first hand.
UU: bUt as yoU have probably ventUred, i am qUite an enthUsiastic admirer of yoUr groUp of heroes and yoUr incredible story. ^u^
UU: thoUgh i can't see what happens mUch later, i can certainly specUlate. and i very often do. i gUess it woUld not hUrt to share some of my specUlation with yoU.
UU: in fact, now that i consider it, that coUld be the most fUn thing of all!
TT: Speculation?
UU: yes. theories! examining all the clUes and hazarding oUr gUesses.
UU: what does it all mean? everything aboUt yoUr vast epic points to a central mystery which i have not been able to solve yet.
UU: yoU might even call it the Ultimate riddle, if that were not already codified as "a thing" in scriptUre.
UU: i have so very many theories, i woUldn't even know where to begin.
TT: So...
TT: You're kind of obsessed with us then.
UU: i woUldn't go that far! oh my, i'm probably coming off as an absolUte nUtter now.
TT: No, not really. I just want to understand.
TT: So can I ask,
TT: Just to get a better sense of the nature of your "admiration,"
TT: When you engage in the aforementioned speculation, is it strictly on a factual basis?
UU: hm? :u
TT: Or do you start to...
TT: Fictionalize.
UU: UUUUUUm...
TT: What I'm asking is, have you ever written stories about us?
UU: .....
UU: yes. u_u

02/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Interesting.
TT: Would you ever be inclined to share?
UU: ohhhh, no no no no no no no.
UU: i woUld be far too embarrassed to do that.
TT: That's cool. I'm not trying to pass judgment here. Just curious.
TT: Do any of these stories about us by any chance involve...
TT: Romance?
UU: well...
UU: maybe jUst...
UU: Um.
UU: a wee bit. :u
TT: How wee?
UU: a smidgen or two.
TT: Which is it? One smidgen, or two smidgens?
UU: OK A WHOLE BLOODY LOT OF SMIDGENS. XU
UU: i'm sorry. unu
TT: Ok, I am seriously curious to read some.
TT: I won't show anyone, I promise.
UU: bUUUt...
UU: yoU woUldn't even Understand it!
UU: my species has a completely different Understanding of romance than yoU do.
UU: it woUld probably offend yoU deeply. it might even sicken yoU!
TT: But that only makes me want to check it out more.
TT: Really, there's no way it's going to sicken or offend me. Whatever it is, I've seen worse.
TT: I'm not judging you at all here. I'm genuinely curious about your work.
UU: no, i'm sorry love, i jUst CANNOT abide.
UU: if i let anyone read it, i woUld cUrl Up and die of shame. U_U
TT: K, no biggie.
TT: Is there any kind of work you will share with me?
UU: hmm.
UU: well, when i find myself immersed in specUlation...
UU: i do often enjoy drawing the things i imagine.
TT: Oh, really?
UU: yes. ^u^
TT: Any you'd be willing to spare a peek at?
UU: well...
UU: yes!
UU: yoU've talked me into it. this sUddenly soUnds fUn, and i have jUst the thing to show yoU.
TT: Awesome.
UU: yoU were asking aboUt whether yoU woUld ascend to godhood.
UU: and withoUt getting into whether yoU do or do not, i have specUlated on yoUr hypothetical appearance, since that oUtcome is jUst as cloaked to me as it is to yoU.
UU: given what is docUmented for the typical accoUtrements and cUt of the prince garb, and palette for the heart aspect, i think this is likely spot on!
UU: http://tinyurl.com/dirkisthisyoU
TT: Holy shit.
TT: Do I actually have to wear that?
UU: perhaps. it all depends Upon how mUch of yoUr inner greatness yoU wish to realize. u_u
TT: Ok, what is with the butterfly wings?
UU: we sproUt them Upon ascension! aren't they beaUtifUl?
TT: Uh.
UU: i have seen many depictions of sUch heroes with wings, Unless they happen to be hiding them beneath their clothes.
UU: i gUess i can't be absolUtely sUre, bUt i believe it's reasonably likely the Upgrade is Universal!
TT: I should sure as god damn Christ hope the fuck not.
TT: What about this knickerbocker bullshit?
TT: Is that legit?
UU: yUp!
UU: one hUndred percent princely canon.
TT: God dammit.
TT: I guess those asskicking gloves are pretty cool.
TT: I dunno. I can probably make it work.
TT: How much of this shit is compulsory by game law or whatever?
TT: Am I obligated to traipse around in fucking tights and puffy little asshole pants forever?
UU: no, silly.
UU: they are jUst clothes. yoU are free to swap parts if yoU like.
UU: or, if yoU wish to be free of it altogether, change back into yoUr plain clothes, and bob's yoUr Uncle. like it never even happened!
TT: Ok.
TT: Well, don't get me wrong, I think the drawing is great. I'm only taken aback on some finer points of fashion.
UU: ^u^!!!
TT: Also,
TT: Bob's my uncle?
UU: oh...
UU: no, love! it was a figUre of speech.
TT: Yeah, I know that.
UU: ah.
UU: did i Use it incorrectly?
TT: I don't think so.
TT: I mean, I guess not?
UU: say, what is an Uncle, by the by?
TT: It's sort of like this weird, superfluous dad.
UU: hmm.
TT: Like a strange man in your life that barely has anything to do with you, but is just there for some reason.
TT: They're practically always douche bags.
UU: i sUppose i'll jUst have to take yoUr word for it. :u
TT: Ok, but just one question.
TT: Not to do with the future or anything, just about you.
UU: yes?
TT: Are you British?
TT: Or pretending to be British, in a sort of ironic or stylized way?
UU: doing what now?
TT: I mean, I guess it doesn't make sense for an alien to be British.
TT: Or for an alien to be American, for that matter.
UU: hmm...
UU: no, i fancy neither of those things make mUch sense at all.
TT: Just the way you type is making it seem that way is all.
UU: oh!
UU: yes, that woUld be my qUirk.
TT: Quirk?
TT: So like,
TT: Deliberate affectation?
UU: no! a qUirk!!!
UU: qUirk dirk.
UU: heeheehee. ^u^
TT: You pretending to be British is a quirk.
TT: What the fuck is a quirk?
UU: we all need a qUirk!
UU: it adds spice to oUr voices and helps Us stand oUt as individUals.
TT: That's stupid.
TT: I don't have a fucking quirk, and I don't want one.
UU: oh, well of coUrse YOU woUldn't.
UU: yoU're hUman.
UU: hUmans are notorioUsly strange. :U

02/11/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
UU: i think their romantic practices are particUlarly esoteric.
UU: actUally, i have written hUndreds of pages examining the striking differences between hUman and troll romance, as well as reprodUctive habits, as the comparison makes for a marveloUs case stUdy in xenobiocUltUral differences.
UU: as long as i am sharing specUlation with yoU, perhaps yoU woUld like to read my essays?
UU: i coUld even paste each page right here in sUccession, and allow yoU to read them back to back to back to back to back to back! ^u^
TT: Oh hell no.
UU: ah.
UU: yes, yoU're right of coUrse. i'm probably getting carried away as UsUal.
UU: forgive my enthUsiasm, it's jUst that i so rarely have anyone to talk to who shares my passion for these matters.
UU: certainly not my cUrmUdgeonly coplayer. >:U
TT: I mean, not that all that stuff wouldn't be fascinating to pore through, on some level.
TT: But we kind of have things to do here.
TT: Remember you were gonna take a nap?
UU: by jove, the nap!!!
UU: yes, i really mUst secUre a bit of shUteye.
TT: By jove?
TT: Oh my lord.
UU: yoUr lord?
UU: what...
UU: do yoU mean by that exactly? :u
TT: Nothin'.
TT: Hang on, though. Before you go,
TT: You never did give me any actual advice on my situation.
TT: With the dead agent, and my blown cover.
UU: oh, right!
UU: i woUld look at it this way.
UU: yoU are moments away from beginning yoUr session, yes?
TT: Sure.
UU: and yoU have already spent a long time gathering intelligence Unbeknownst to the aUthorities.
UU: how mUch more do yoU expect to accUmUlate even if yoU coUld stay Undetected?
UU: and how mUch strategic advantage is left to gain by delaying yoUr discovery for mUch longer?
TT: I don't know.
UU: i say the time to make a stand is now!
UU: to hell with the dersite tossers.
UU: make yoUr presence known. let them see that the prince is awake, and make it abUndantly clear what that means.
UU: perhaps it is their tUrn to be nervoUs? to cower in the shadows and live in Uncertainty?
TT: Hmm.
UU: that is my advice. do with it as yoU will.
UU: now i'm off to get some rest. u_u
UU: with any lUck, the next time we convene, both of oUr adventUres will be well Under way.
UU: cheerio!
TT: You know, I'm not sure anyone ever actually says cheerio.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering timaeusTestified [TT]
TT: Unless they're pretending to be British.
TT: Oh whatever.

02/11/12
"Dirk: Go through bedroom door."

You never leave your room through the actual egress. Your bro blocked the door ages ago with this totally pimp stone bust. You give CAPTAIN SNOOP a little nod of approval every time you walk by to go to the bathroom. You like to think he nods back in a way that is so smooth and so subtle, he literally doesn't move at all.

The thing is too heavy to move out of the way, and in any case you don't really want to. You just use a different exit to your room.

02/11/12
"Dirk: Exit."

02/11/12
"Ok, I already picked both of those characters."

After an insane, full blown whirlwind of free will up in here, you are ready to get off this rollercoaster ride of absolute empowerment. You are feeling downright dizzy from the absurd amounts of decisive autovolition heaped upon you, and you are more than ready to proceed linearly for a while.

You are now Jane. A robot shaped like a bunny has just handed you the reins to a computer shaped like a man. What will you do?

02/14/12
"Jane: Pester shades."

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Are you ready to do this thing?
GG: Yes!
TT: Ok. Looks like all that's left to do is deploy this pre-punched card, then I guess it's all up to you.
GG: Oh, wait.
GG: It's Roxy again.
TT: Is it?
TT: How totally unanticipated by anybody.
GG: Can you hold on? I'll try to make it quick.
TT: Go.
TT: I will be here.
TT: Quietly calculating.

02/14/12
"Jane: Answer Roxy."

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: ALART ALART ARLART AL*ERT AL*ART!!!!!
TG: hugely important cornespondence
TG: paging doctor crocker
TG: rolal to docrock
GG: :?
TG: heh heh
TG: paging
TG: bet you would like to get PAGED huh jane
TG: *sweet innuendo
GG: I'm not sure that qualifies as innuendo at all.
TG: wonkwonkwonkwonkwonk
GG: I honestly think you misspell things intentionally more often than not, regardless of blood alcohol content.
GG: You just typed wonk five times in a row!
TG: i have only junst begun to wonk
GG: What is this urgent thing about, anyway?
GG: Is it about your boobytrap?
GG: Because you're too late. It already blew up my whole bedroom, thank you very much.
TG: no no
TG: i mean i still feel shitty about that but its not abiout that
TG: i know you already ran it i been talking to the shades
GG: Yes, me too. Right now in fact, and I'm in a bit of a hurry!
GG: What is this about? What are you even doing?
TG: im in the lab doing a thing with my cat
TG: but that doesnt matter i was doing some thingkin and was still feeling guilty about fuckin up ur computer and all of the sudden im in bff~ath mode here
TG: so i gotta tell you something u need to know before its too late
GG: Before what's too late?
TG: you and jake hookin up stupid!
GG: Oh my god.
TG: this is about turnin all your steamydreamz in to STEAMAY REALTITIES
TG: ***realities lolo
GG: This isn't happening now...
TG: whereins jc + je kiss & hug loads and start turnin out big heaps of wrigglers the old fashioned way<3<3,3,3<338O!!!!
TG: i cant decide whether this mental image porcolating here is hot as shit or cute as fuck......
GG: No! Cease your lascivious porcolating at once!
GG: Roxy, I can see you're set on just wasting more of my time.
GG: I understand if you don't wish to play this game, but please try not to interfere with those of us who do!
TG: no no im fine with playing just shut up
TG: this is serious you need to tell him how u feel VERY SOON
TG: or you might miss your chance
GG: My chance?
GG: What are you talking about?
TG: i found out today taht dirks gonna make a move
GG: A move? You mean, a romantic one?
TG: yes
GG: On you?
TG: omfffgggggg
TG: JANE GET A CLUE
GG: Um.
GG: On me?
TG: no
TG: no my dear sweet janey not on you
TG: ON JAKE!!!
GG: Oh.
GG: Ohhh.
GG: I didn't think...
GG: That...
GG: Hrm.
GG: Are you sure?
TG: p sure ask glasses if u want
GG: Well then.
GG: This is quite a development.
GG: Poor Dirk!
TG: what do you mean
GG: Well, surely when he reveals his feelings, Jake will...
TG: ??
GG: I mean...
GG: He couldn't possibly...
TG: wut
TG: repriprocate?
GG: Yes?
TG: why not
GG: Because Jake is not a homosexual!
TG: mm hm
TG: are u suuuuuure???
GG: Are you saying he is?
TG: nope
GG: Then what are you saying?
TG: im saying that
TG: i dont fuckin know
GG: But...
GG: I thought it reasonable to presume he takes a shining to ladies.
GG: He does speak fondly of certain females from his favorite films, does he not?
TG: true that
TG: but
TG: how much does that really mean here jane
TG: can you be totes sure on account a some dorky moive crushes
GG: Well, now I just don't know. You have me completely bamboozled about this.
GG: What do you think?
TG: all im saying is
TG: my gaydar is like the exanct fuckin poposite of urs
TG: which is to say it is better than completety nonexistant
TG: mine is so sensitive it has been used to sweep the ocean floor for mythical sea monsters
TG: turns out
TG: all of those monsters are SO gay
TG: truth B)
GG: Okay. Then what does your acute seabeast scanner make of Jake, then?
TG: thats what im sayin
TG: i really have no idea
TG: kid is a goggamn egnigma
TG: hes as hard 2 read as fine print
TG: and how i do mean FIIINE ;)
GG: Oh brother.
GG: Then, your guess is as good as mine?
GG: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to conclude from this.
TG: youre supposed to concluce
TG: that you SAID you were going to believe anything i said today remember??
GG: Yes.
GG: But you just said you don't know!!!
TG: exactly
TG: therefore you must believe me when i say
TG: if dirk lets on all his feelins there is at least a CHANCE jake will go like DERP OK DUDE LETS MAKE OUT
TG: and that means poor jane is screwed without ever even throwing her filthy old fedora in the ring
TG: it is a ring i lke ot call TEH ENGLISH SPEEPSTAKES
TG: and if u dont youll regret it
TG: and i mean
TG: OFFICIALLY?
TG: i cant have a horse in the race
TG: wait bad metaphor ebcause of dirk and his fucking horstes n/m
TG: like you are both my friends and im not out to mess him up or anything
TG: but i kinda owe it to you as my friend to let you know whats up
TG: and also to get you to stop being such a WORLD CHAMPIAN TIGHTASS
TG: and let jake know
GG: Oh, not this tightass baloney again.
TG: jane
GG: What?
TG: jaane..
GG: ...
TG: jc your are the tightassiest tightass who ever tightened up an ass
GG: No way!
GG: We settled this, remember?
GG: My prior resolution made it definitive; I was to be regarded as exceedingly permissive in certain respects!
TG: jane i am afraid
TG: that ur bottom
TG: is a stubborn clam
TG: guarding priceless treasure
TG: and a deadly secret
GG: So ridiculous. >:P
TG: im not saying be an idiot and start gushing at him incoherentry
TG: but do SOMETHING
TG: say how u feel
TG: or flirst a bit or ask him out on a date inside the fuckin game or such
TG: goddamn ANYTHING other that a bunch of bullshitty pining and tightassy NOTHING
TG: you have to do what i say u promised
GG: I promised to BELIEVE what you say, not DO it!
TG: those 2 things are
TG: prespicely the same shit
GG: If I agree to say something, will you stop tormenting me about it??
TG: yes
TG: but only
TG: because that will be impossible for me to do
TG: when u + him r snoggin hard in motherfuckin makeout paradise
TG: A K A SEX LAND
GG: Fine.
GG: But let the record show that this resolution has almost nothing whatsoever to do with your use of the phrase "SEX LAND."
GG: Just...
GG: I need to think of what to say, and wait for the right moment. Is that ok???
TG: sure
TG: just dont wait too long
TG: and dont underestimate striders wiles
TG: nor jakes...
TG: lets say
TG: open mindedness???????
GG: Well,
GG: He does often profess his love for adventure, I suppose.
TG: yuuup................
GG: Omg.
GG: I really don't have a moment to spare, do I?
TG: ur finally gettin it
TG: now go
TG: and jane im warning u
TG: if you dont say somethin to him
TG: i am personally entering the game specivically to FUCK UR SHIT UP
TG: *LOLLIES OUTIE*
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

02/16/12
"[S] Prince of Heart: Rise up."

02/18/12
"Jake: Level up."

That absurd drubbing earned you another rung on your echeladder. One of the steeper prices you've had to pay for a bit of ladder climbing, but in the end you suppose it was all worth it to be able to bask in the glory and prestige of the PETER PANACHE rung. You guess? Who are you kidding, you don't have a clue what that even means.

02/19/12
"Jake: Pester Dirk."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GT: Bro.

02/19/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Your contraption and its busy fists just royally kicked my ass.
GT: And that sure as god made little green apples isnt all there is to say on the matter!

02/19/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Are you listening my friend???
GT: Ill have you know my ass was straightup served ice cold.
GT: My savaged caboose has been catered to impeccably.
GT: Not unlike that of a gentleman stranded on an island inhabited by a race of indigenous butlers.
GT: I hope the far fetched scenario i have described has adequately communicated the severity of my robotic buttwhoopin!
GT: Does this mean i passed the test or whatever the fuck.
GT: Can your robot drop the bullshit and give me the uranium now or what?
GT: Dirk???
GT: Where the frig are you?
TT: I'm afraid Dirk can't hear you right now, Jake.
GT: Aw nuts.

02/19/12
"Jake: Black out."

02/19/12
"==>"

02/19/12
"==>"

02/19/12
"==>"

02/19/12
"==>"

02/19/12
"==>"

02/19/12
"==>"

02/19/12
"==>"

02/19/12
"==>"

02/21/12
"Jake: Pester Roxy."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
GT: I still cant find dirk all i get is his jerkwad shades.
GT: Surprise sur freakin prise.
TG: jake enklish
TG: cant u see im fuck deep in all these stupid meowcats
GT: Oh.
GT: No?
GT: I cant see that actually.
TG: i m also
TG: fuck deep in busy
TG: what ist it
GT: Just seeing if you had heard from him yet.
GT: I would really like to speak with him today.
GT: You know like actually in person instead of through his aggravating liaison who is so far up his own ass with this hal 9000 schtick its ridonkulous.
GT: Is he avoiding me or something?
GT: I hope i didnt piss him off through some indiscernible slight. Gosh he can be sensitive.
TG: nah hes just
TG: biding his time i guess.....
GT: Huh.
GT: Well okey doke.
GT: Man i just had a crazy dream after getting coldcocked by his roughhouse droid.
TG: yeh theres been that goin around
GT: What?
TG: dreamin
TG: what was urs about
GT: Well i dont want to alarm you or anything...
GT: But it may just have featured none other than THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS????????
TG: WUT
GT: She had sharp funny horns and a nice blue dress and she may have been some sort of spidery vampire? I dunno. It was very brief but she waved to me.
TG: nonononoononno
TG: this wont do at all
GT: What wont?
TG: u slobberin over some alien dream girl
TG: fuck THAT im having enough a hard time keppin trach of the jakestakes as it is
GT: The jakestakes?
TG: the jakestakes
GT: Also who said she was an alien? I just thought she was some kind of pretty monster.
TG: listen bro i know u love adventures and dumb shit like that but you are forbidden from thinkin about her again
GT: Ok i mean this is a strange reaction roxy but ok.
GT: She was a figment of my imagination so what choice do i even have?
TG: exactically
TG: she was a fake girl so 4get it
TG: a fakey fakey fuke
TG: wait a minnit...
TG: has jane talked to u yet about anything?
GT: About anything? Yes i do imagine our last chat could fit that description.
TG: no
TG: i mean
TG: about anythin serious
TG: feelinswasy
TG: * wawys
TG: * waways
TG: * SHIT
TG: * about your emotions
GT: Not really.
TG: uuuuuugh
TG: i knew shed porcrastinate on this
GT: On what?
TG: can u just message her now
GT: Sure.
GT: But what are you talking about?
GT: Should i expect a serious exchange about feelings and whatnot?
TG: depenbs on the present magnitude of her tightassery
TG: someone needs 2 move you fuckers along an get some stuff out in the popen already
GT: Wait would this be about certain unrequited pinings you may have alluded to earlier?
TG: i didint say nothin and aint sayin anything to that effeft
GT: Indubitably. Miss zipper lips was it? Humorously misspelled of course.
TG: mmmmm!
TG: *zuip*
GT: I guess i cant help but wonder if that truly is the way she sees me or if it is just some wild ego stroking delusion on my part.
GT: I always get this sense that people sorta fancy me but who knows i could be just miles off the old rocker about that!
GT: Youre right i think its high time we cleared the air on some things even if there is a chance it gets all awkward and prickly.
GT: That is what being brave and adventurous is all about after all. It isnt just about summoning the courage to pilfer some priceless loot from trap laden catacomb. Or shooting at stuff with two guns at once.
GT: There are treacheries of the heart to consider!!!
TG: lol u f'n dork
TG: but yes do that
TG: shit i gotta go
TG: i think theres someone in here....
GT: Are you in danger?
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
GT: Hmm.

02/21/12
"Jake: Pester Jane."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
GT: Aloha madame.
GG: Jake!
GG: Hey there. I was actually about to message you.
GT: Yes i have heard that maybe your correspondence was forthcoming.
GG: You did?
GT: I just got off the horn with roxy.
GG: Wait...
GG: What did she tell you?
GT: Well. Not anything all that specific.
GG: Did she goad you into writing this message?
GT: Oh you know how it is. What with her ways.
GG: What ways?
GT: You know... ways!
GT: I believe they are not incongruous with those of a feisty and provocative young woman.
GG: Provocative my behind!
GG: She is skirting dangerously close to meddlesome territory.
GT: No its really not like that!
GT: Hold on...
GT: God dammit.
GG: ??
GT: Its just dirks inscrutable wrestlebot acting up over there.
GT: What the fuck is it doing now?
GG: Has one of his gadgets been causing trouble for you over there as well?
GT: If by causing trouble you mean clobbering the everfriggin tar out of me while still switched to the "novice" setting then yes.
GT: But that is not why i messaged you!!! I will not be deterred here jane.
GG: Deterred from what?
GT: Jane i think its time we had an honest to goodness dame to fella talk. Like about our...
GT: Stuff. You know?
GG: Our stuff?
GT: Our feelings.
GT: Like how we feel about each other.
GG: Um...
GG: Yes.
GG: Okay.
GT: I dont think im out of line in suggesting weve been tiptoeing around some things here do you?
GG: Have we?
GT: I think so. Its just a hunch.
GG: Is there something you want to say to me, Jake?
GG: About how you feel?
GT: Absolutely!
GT: I feel that total honesty between us will be the best policy as we begin our journey together.
GT: So i say lets put all the facts on the table where we can both see them.
GT: With that in mind i would like to ask you a question jane and i hope it doesnt strike you as being too forward.
GG: ...
GG: Go on.
GT: Maybe its just my imagination but ive picked up on certain lets say hints.
GT: So i have to just come out and ask. Hoo boy this is actually proving to be a serious challenge to my bravery now that im going through with it.
GT: Im getting a little hot under the collar here!
GG: No, it's ok...
GG: Please continue!
GT: Ok then.
GT: What id like to know is...
GT: Do you like me jane?
GG: Uh.
GG: Wait...
GG: What?
GT: I mean do you like me as more than a friend?
GT: Do you envision us as like...
GT: An item? A romantic pairing of sorts?
GG: Wow, um.
GT: Is that the direction in which you would prefer our relationship to progress?
GG: Well,
GG: I
GT: Please! Be honest with me jane.
GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me?
GG: No!

02/21/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: I see.
GT: Very well then.
GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now.
GT: Are you sure the answers no?
GG: I guess...
GG: That...
GG: Sure was the thing I said! Ha ha.
GT: Yes fair enough.
GT: I guess i did put you on the spot there didnt i.
GT: You know it may sound cocky of me but i really was not prepared for this answer!
GT: You must think im just this epic friggin tool now. Couldnt say id disagree if you did.
GG: No!!!!!!
GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here?
GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way!
GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here.
GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that.
GT: But now that i think about it you know what?
GG: ...
GG: No? :(
GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief!
GG: It is?
GT: I consider you to be a lovely lady of the highest caliber and i really think any gent worth his salt would be a huge bozo to let the chance to go steady with you slip through his fingers.
GT: Ive even given the possibility some thought myself.
GG: You have?
GT: Sure im only human jane im going to entertain lets say certain ideas. What ifs. You know?
GT: Like what if we did meet up some day? And you asked me out or something. Im sure id say yes given all weve been through together and then well who knows?
GG: You would??
GT: Probably but im kind of babbling here. The point is those are all just silly daydreams about stuff and about your feelings for me that i was projecting on you which werent even real.
GT: And now that weve been honest with each other about this we can kind of move on and just be great friends.
GG: Friends!
GG: Oh boy!!
GT: And its a load off to be honest because that was lot to think about on top of everything else!
GG: Everything else?
GT: Things are kind of complicated for me jane. With you and roxy and dirk and his crazy responder and now...
GT: Well its a tangled web lets just put it that way.
GG: I don't think I'm following.
GT: There are a fuckload of irons in the fire jane!
GT: So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons.
GG: And mixed metaphors, apparently?
GT: Exactly. See? You get it.
GG: I really don't, Jake.
GT: Oh son of a bitch!
GG: What?!
GT: The robot is being weird again.

02/21/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: What's happening?
GT: Its having some sort of mental episode.
GT: See this is what im talking about jane. This is what im dealing with here.
GT: Sigh. Like i said my life is many different hells of complicated.
GG: Jake, could you just tell me what you're talking about?
GT: Youre right. I did say honesty was the best policy didnt i so i might as well not keep certain things so close to the vest anymore.
GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier!
GG: Haha, yes!
GG: Friends!!!!
GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately?
GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!!
GT: Jane are you alright?
GT: You seem to be exclaiming more liberally than usual.
GG: Me?
GG: HOO HOO HOO!
GG: I'm just
GG: Terrific!
GG: I'm feeling so...
GG: Friendly!!!
GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems.
GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah?
GG: Shit I mean
GG: Ahahahah!
GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart.
GT: So as i was saying.
GT: I cant help but feel like all this stuff going on with dirk like his responders mind games and his brobots mysterious and brutal hazings...
GT: Are all like...
GT: Man i know this is going to sound crazy.
GG: What?
GT: Like theyre all part of a really long term and esoteric courtship process that is bizarre but somehow makes perfect sense in his mind.
GG: Courtship??
GT: Yes from dirk.
GT: To you know...
GT: Woo me.
GG: Huh!
GG: Really?
GT: I know its hard to believe but i know dirk pretty well and...
GT: Well im more than a little sure he likes me in that way if you catch my drift.
GT: And what with how he is...
GT: Just so relentless and aggressive about everything you know?
GG: Yeaaah.
GT: So i just start to wonder deep down if maybe its inevitable.
GG: What's inevitable?
GT: Him and me. As more than just best buddies.
GG: Uhhhhh...
GT: I know if he has his heart set on something he will never let up.
GT: So maybe its just going to happen and things will be easier that way and i should just try to come to terms with it?
GG: I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to, Jake.
GT: Yeah.
GT: Um.
GG: Wait.
GG: DO you not want to?
GT: Like i said jane i am inclined to entertain certain ideas and what ifs thats all.
GT: I mean we do get along really well and share a lot of interests.
GT: Im not saying im really GUNG HO TO THE MAX about the proposition but yeah ive given it some thought.
GT: I dunno.
GT: Do you think thats weird of me? For even considering it?
GG: Well...
GG: No.
GG: I don't think that makes you weird, Jake.
GT: Really?
GG: I think
GG: That
GT: What jane?
GG: I think that it's great if you are open to exploring those feelings.

02/21/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Thats really swell of you to say that.
GT: Have i mentioned what a top notch friend you are jane?
GG: Yes.
GG: As a matter of fact you have.
GT: Now please dont take me as saying im about to go leaping into his arms or anything.
GG: Heh.
GT: That would be a bit brash.
GT: Haha could you imagine??
GG: Whee!
GT: But my thought process sort of went like this.
GT: Hes been my best friend forever and ive always liked him a lot as a bro.
GT: And years ago i used to joke around with him that we would probably be totally into each other if he was a girl.
GT: But of course that was before i started to realize he was probably serious about those feelings for me regardless.
GT: Heheh come to think of it maybe that was unwittingly poor form on my part kind of leading him on or something?
GG: Whoops!!
GT: But then...
GT: Later i started thinking.
GT: Maybe i was being kind of unfair to him in the first place?
GT: I mean by saying we would be a good match only if he was a girl.
GT: Like is that last condition there really all THAT important?
GT: Does that make sense?
GG: Hmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

02/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: You are incredibly understanding jane. Thank you so much for listening.
GT: I have never told anyone all that. Its so great to have a friend as good as you.
GG: That is what I am good for, it seems!
GT: If we hadnt cleared the air just now i probably never would have had the gumption to talk about it with you.
GT: Its so cool how you were honest with me about how you felt. I think honesty is always the best policy. I cant believe how much i was overcomplicating all this in my head.
GT: Haha the situation is really pretty funny when you think about it.
GG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
GG: Yeaaaaaaaah..........

02/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Say, Jake?
GG: Not to cast doubt on your feelings, but are you quite sure all of Dirk's actions have been for the sake of courtship?
GT: Um...
GG: You did say his robot was prone to assailing you, did you not?
GG: Is that really an affectionate gesture?
GT: Well...
GT: He basically sent me that thing as kind of a sparring partner.
GT: Like to wrestle with.
GT: And i love to wrestle!
GG: Oh.
GT: And yeah i guess he programmed it to be a bit overzealous but i mean what do you expect from the guy.
GT: I think its his way of training me to become tougher.
GT: Which sometimes is annoying and sometimes when i walk through the jungle im sweating bullets wondering if its going to pounce on me outta nowhere.
GT: But theres actually something kind of exciting about that its like every day is more of an adventure.
GT: And truthfully its probably working i probably AM getting better at being in scrums.
GG: Yeah.
GG: I guess you're right.
GT: And his responder which i guess is really a part of his personality even if he doesnt like to say so...
GT: It kind of lets on a lot more than dirk ever would. Its almost like its this weird clone of himself playing passive aggressive matchmaker between me and his real self.
GG: Yeah.
GG: I can see how such a complicated relationship could keep you preoccupied.
GG: I guess I can't blame you.
GG: Maybe you should just...
GG: I don't know.
GT: What?
GG: Maybe you should just go for it.
GG: Hell, why not.
GG: Just tell him you know how he feels and that you're open to the idea?

02/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: You really think so?
GG: ...
GG: Yeah sure why the hell not.
GT: Well i was kinda going to let it play out and just see what happens and go from there...
GT: But you think a more proactive approach would be better?
GG: Well,
GG: He likes you.
GG: You seem to like him well enough.
GG: Just...
GG: Yes.
GG: Why not??
GG: Sounds good to me!!!
GT: Wow.
GT: I must say this sort of advice surprises me coming from you!
GG: And why would that be?!
GG: What, are you expecting me to advocate a more conservative approach?
GG: To tell you to keep being shy and cagey and keep beating around the bush indefinitely??
GG: What would ever give you that idea about me!
GT: Hmm.
GT: Yes i guess that is a certainly a strategy to consider.
GT: Jane i must say your perspective on this is refreshingly bold.
GG: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT AS REFRESHING BOLDNESS GOES I AM SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS.
GT: Hehehe! Sure looks that way!
GG: Screw it!
GG: Ask him out.
GG: Just kill the suspense already.
GG: Become boyfriends and such.
GG: Have some babies!!!
GT: Whoa now!
GT: Jane the decision to sire children with your best bro is not one to be taken lightly.
GG: Okay I think I have to go.
GG: I have this stupid game to play.
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

02/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Here.
GG: Get this shit out of my face.
TT: But you need it.
GG: Whatever.
TT: Is something wrong?
TT: What were you two talking about?
GG: I don't want to talk about it, and if I did, I sure wouldn't want to talk about it with you!
TT: Should I be offended, or apologetic right now?
TT: Help me out.
TT: You're talkin' to glasses here.
GG: I just want to go to sleep and not wake up forever.
TT: I think I'll just put this card over here on the desk.

02/22/12
"==>"

02/22/12
"==>"

Found her.

02/22/12
"==>"

You just knew you hadn't finished the job.

When it comes to children who ain't quite been offed yet, you've got sixth sense.

02/23/12
"Jack: Finish job."

Hang on. It's this guy. Gotta answer this. He better be bearing news of murdered youngsters.

02/23/12
"Jack: Answer Dignitary."

He says the deceased child count is still sitting at zero over here. You say WHAT? He says that's not all. You wait for him to spill the beans.

He says one of the brats staged a little rebellion on the moon. Stuck the Brute's head on a pike for all to see. Real black eye for the kingdom and the Condesce. Press is going nuts with it. Wait. The Brute's dead, you say? He says yes. Dammit. He was one of your best agents. You never really cared for the guy but you admired his brutality. We all did sir, he says. This is getting personal you say. What's the status on these little shits. Where are they now?

He says the Prince flew the coop. And the girl's gone... You say gone what. Rogue? After a little while he says AWOL. The guy doesn't really take a shining to puns and you can't say you blame him. You say you're just going to finish your business here and take the next shuttle to Derse, over and out.

02/23/12
"==>"

02/23/12
"==>"

02/25/12
"Roxy: Emerge from fuck deep in meowcats."

Why did you have to clone so many cats? Why did they all have to breed so much?

Why do they all have to be so friendly???

02/25/12
"Roxy: Proceed to transmaterializer."

You trudge through the fluffy morass in the direction of the mysterious device known as the TRANSMATERIALIZER.

Need to send this dead cat back to mom and get this show on the road.

02/25/12
"==>"

More noises echoing in the distance. Some of the meowcats get nervous and poof up their tails.

It's pretty clear you aren't alone in here. Better make this quick.

02/25/12
"==>"

You never understood what the point of this thing was. It's old and damaged. Whatever is supposed to show up on the screens is blacked out, either due to the damage, or due to this voidey blackout bullshit that seems to follow you wherever you go.

02/25/12
"==>"

Here's the lab's funky appearifier which you used to clone all these cats. You use your other appearifier to make paradox slime from cats, gather and mix the slime in this machine, and crank out the mutant kitties. You can't use the cloning device's native appearifier to make cats, because the target is locked on to your mom. Most of the time the screen is blacked out, so you haven't been able to investigate her past carefully, much to your regret. Or her tragic death, for that matter. Right now the target is locked on to a time from her childhood.

It's a good thing you stopped by. It's reminding you to collect a DNA sample for later, so you can jumpstart this tri generational lolonde family reonion that's apparently supposed to happen.

02/25/12
"Roxy: Appearify."

02/25/12
"==>"

Looks like, as expected, trying to appearify your mother as a kid from the past would have created a paradox, so her paradox slime is the result. But QUITE unexpectedly, bringing her scarf along for the ride seems to have created no conflict, and you swiped it right off her neck! Young mom probably has no idea what the hell just happened to her scarf. This is so exciting!

You are SO gonna wear that thing, you don't care HOW mom-gooey it is.

02/25/12
"Roxy: Collect sample."

You stow the kidmomgoo in one of your captchalogue bottles.

Wait...

That was kind of a weird implementation of your modus. You're not even sure what happened there. Oh well, whatever. You guess you can go just... sort of...

Pick it up?

02/25/12
"Roxy: Go just sort of pick it up."

You go just sort of pick it up and that works fine. Now about that totes baller scarf.

02/25/12
"Roxy: Wear the scarf. Be the Rider."

You can't be the rider because in this universe the pony is too small for some reason. Not that being the rider ever really made much sense in the first place. Anyway, the scarf looks great, and you made a great decision.

02/25/12
"Roxy: Get to that transmaterializer."

This is probably the most perplexing device in the lab to you. It seems to be a sort of appearifier/sendificator hybrid. But it uses a massive amount of power, far more than the simpler appearifier uses. Sending Frigglish home should nearly deplete its entire fuel gauge. You have no idea what could possibly account for the extra power consumption. There are many other puzzling things about it. You don't know what the deal is with that frog up there. Or the strange cracked disc symbol, or the arrow which is locked firmly on the B1 side. It's all completely meaningless to you. The only things that make sense are the fuel gauge, the two big buttons, and the coordinate panels indicating where and when to target.

But it looks like the panels have been damaged somehow since the last time you looked at it. If you changed them, there'd be no telling what you would change them to, so you might as well not bother and leave them on their previous setting. Which was pretty much your plan anyway.

02/26/12
"Roxy: Deploy Frigglish."

You bust open a bottle of dead cat on the pad and get a little teary eyed as you say one last goodbye.

Oh, hello, GCat. Come to pay your respects, huh?

02/26/12
"==>"

The GCat unceremoniously washes a paw with his omnipotent green tongue. Nothing to say there buddy? No remorse at all?

This is all his fault of course. Even though he probably didn't mean to get him killed. At least you think he didn't.

D'aw who are you kidding. You can't stay mad at cats.

02/26/12
"==>"

Others gather around to bid farewell to their common ancestor. This is probably the closest he will ever come to receiving a proper funeral.

02/26/12
"Roxy: Send him home."

A mutant kitten does the honors, intentionally or otherwise. Bon voyage, friend.

02/26/12
"[S] Frigglish: Fast forward to Jaspersprite."

And that was pretty much how all that happened.

02/27/12
"Jaspersprite: Say hi to everybody!"

What do you think this is, Act 6 Intermission 2??

That'll be happening pretty soon, don't worry. Let's all try to settle down here.

02/27/12
"==>"

That's that, you guess. Hey...

Where did all the cats go? GCat, did you do something pointlessly mischievous again??

Wait, there are a few hiding behind the equipment there. Looks like something has scared them all off...

02/27/12
"==>"

More clank noises behind you. You pretend not to notice...

And slowly...

Calmly...

Reach for your...

02/27/12
"Roxy: Turn around."

FREEZE MOTHERFUTHER!

* MOCKERFUCKER!

* SHIT!!!

02/27/12
"==>"

Sure are a lot of them today. They must be getting more desperate.

02/27/12
"Roxy: Fire!!!!!"

You can't do it. They may be dangerous, but you know they're only looking for food.

You have this awful feeling these guys sneak in here now and then to hunt for cats. Best not to think about it, really.

Gotta figure out some other way to get out of this jam!

02/28/12
"Roxy: Solicit GCat for assistance."

Maybe he's in one of his arbitrarily helpful moods?

What do you say there, friend? Little help?

02/28/12
"==>"

God dammit, GCat.

02/28/12
"==>"

02/28/12
"Roxy: Run!!!!!"

You hoof it back to the window on the double. The famished ruffians are in hot pursuit!

02/28/12
"Roxy: Jump in."

02/28/12
"==>"

02/28/12
"==>"

02/28/12
"==>"

02/28/12
"==>"

02/28/12
"==>"

What the shit?

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

02/29/12
"==>"

COUNT SOM-E WOOLB-EASTS BITC)(

03/01/12
"Dirk: Examine fenestrated plane."

This thing just appeared out of thin air. Did someone sendificate it to you? Or is it that damn cat again, up to his tricks?

It looks like it's one of Roxy's. Maybe she knows what's up. You should probably ask her.

03/01/12
"Dirk: Ask Roxy."

She doesn't respond. Must be busy with something. Probably just goofing off and drinking up a storm as usual.

Looks like it'll have to wait anyway. Someone's messaging you.

03/01/12
"Dirk: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

uu: HELLO DIRK.
uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
TT: Oh mother fuck.
uu: WHAT DO YOu SAY??
uu: tumut

03/01/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: What game?
uu: YOu KNOW WHAT GAME.
uu: THE ONE WHERE I SAY. I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOu SOME DAY.
uu: AND THERE'S NOTHING YOu CAN DO ABOuT IT?
uu: JuST SOME MORE MENACING SHIT LIKE THAT.
uu: ALL JuST BuNDLED uP IN THE PRETENSE OF A LOT OF uSELESS FuCKING PuZZLES.
TT: Oh, right.
TT: That game.
TT: And here I thought you were going to ask me to draw you more weird porn for some reason.
uu: WELL. THE NIGHT IS STILL YOuNG. SO WHO KNOWS?
uu: BuT NAH. I WAS JuST DROPPING BY AGAIN TO SAY HOW I'M GONNA KILL YOu. THAT'S ALL.
uu: AND THIS IS JuST ASSuMING YOu DON'T ALL DIE BEFORE I GET THE CHANCE TO PuZZLEMuRDER YOu. ON ACCOuNT OF YOu BEING A BuNCH OF HIDEOuS FuCKuPS.
uu: I MEAN LOOK AT THIS.
uu: YOu ALREADY BLEW IT.
TT: Blew what?
uu: ON DERSE.
uu: YOu uPSET THE ORDER. DIDN'T YOu.
uu: YOu WENT AND PISSED OFF THE WITCH?
uu: NOW THEY'RE GOING TO HuNT YOu DOWN DuDE!
uu: THEY'RE PROBABLY ON THEIR WAY. TO KILL YOu RIGHT NOW.
TT: I'm pretty well hidden on Derse. I doubt they'll find me until I'm ready to be found again.
uu: NO. NOT ON DERSE. ON YOuR PLANET. EARTH??
uu: YOu'RE PRETTY FuCKING EASY TO FIND THERE. DON'T YOu THINK?
uu: OH YES. YOuR AGGRESSORS ARE COMING FOR YOu. I HAVE SEEN IT.
uu: IN FACT. THEY ARE PROBABLY ALREADY HERE.
TT: Yeah.
TT: Well, I was expecting as much.
TT: It's kind of why I was on my way to the roof just now.
TT: Until I was interrupted by this window appearing, and then by you.
TT: Maybe I should try plugging it in?
uu: OH MY GOD. WHO CARES?
uu: IT'S JuST SOME MORE POINTLESS TRASH FOR YOu TO OBSESS OVER, AND DISTRACT YOu FROM GETTING ANY ACTuAL RELEVANT SHIT DONE.
uu: THE AMOuNT TIME YOu PEOPLE WASTE. IT IS FuCKING uNBELIEVABLE TO ME.
uu: I READ ABOuT SOME OF THE THINGS YOu AND YOuR PREDECESSORS HAVE DONE. FAR MORE THAN I CARED TO. TRuST ME.
uu: AND EVERY TIME. I'M ALWAYS JuST...
uu: *GET THE FuCK ON WITH IT ALREADY.*
TT: I didn't think you were much of a historian.
uu: I'M NOT.
uu: SHE SENDS ME SO MuCH BuLLSHIT ABOuT THIS. YOu DON'T EVEN KNOW.
uu: SHE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. LIKE EXCHANGE THEORIES AND SHIT. AND I HAVE TO JuST BE LIKE *BITCH I DON'T GOD DAMN CARE!!!*
uu: EVERY TIME.
uu: BuT IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT'S THE NEXT THING I INVARIABLY FIND ON MY TERMINAL?
uu: ANOTHER GOD DAMN WALL OF TEXT.
uu: ALL COLOR CODED AND FORMATTED FOR ME TO READ. AND EVERYTHING.
uu: JuST WALLS AND WALLS. OF CANDY ASSED TOOTY FRuITY FuCKING SHIT. LOADS. OF. TEXT.
uu: OF PEOPLE BABBLING MOSTLY.
uu: WE ARE TALKING ABOuT MIGRAINE INDuCING DIARRHETIC VERTICAL SuICIDE DROPS OF uGLY FuCKING WORDS.
uu: IMPENETRABLY ASININE RAINBOW FREEFALLS OF FRIVOLOuS BANTER. GOT IT?
uu: SO I SAY. WHAT IS THIS? I TOLD YOu IF YOu SENT ME ANY MORE FAN FICTION I WOuLD FLY TO PROSPIT AND MuRDER YOu IN YOuR SLEEP. WHICH I STILL MIGHT DO *REGARDLESS*. BuT ANYWAY.
uu: SHE SAYS THESE ARE ACTuAL ANCIENT TRANSCRIPTS!
uu: I'M LIKE. WELL FuCK.
uu: HOW CAN THESE PEOPLE TALK SO MuCH.
uu: I FEEL LIKE I'M PICKING uP SOME BAD HABITS FROM YOu WINDBAGGING PISSFACES.
uu: LOOK AT THIS. I WASN'T EVEN GONNA GO OFF LIKE THIS.
uu: THIS WAS SuPPOSED TO BE JuST. AN IN AND OuT FuCK YOu.
uu: I'M SO DONE HERE.
uu: ANYWAY. LATER. YOu HORSEPORKING TWIT.
TT: Wait.
TT: Just one thing before you go.
TT: Your sister was saying you were having some doubts about playing.
TT: Is that true?

03/02/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: SHE'S NOT MY SISTER.
uu: WE DON'T GOT SISTERS. IT'S NOT A THING. DON'T DRAG uS THROuGH YOuR NASTY HuMAN FAMILIAL MuD.
uu: OF COuRSE I'M GOING TO PLAY. I WAS JuST SAYING I WOuLDN'T. YOu KNOW. TO FuCK WITH HER AND MAKE HER CRY.
uu: LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE. BuT TO PLAY.
uu: HOW ELSE AM I GOING TO GET OFF THIS DESOLATE ROCK?
uu: YOu THINK I WANT TO STAY HERE? JuST HANG AROuND. TIL I JOIN THE HuNDRED BILLION CORPSES FERTILIZING THE SOIL?
TT: I see.
TT: No, didn't think so. I was just curious.
uu: HuMAN CuRIOSITY IS CONTEMPTIBLE. SHE SHARES THAT WITH YOu. AND I CAN'T FuCKING STAND IT.
TT: Gotcha.
TT: You sure seem to hate us, but I notice it doesn't stop you from talking to us frequently. Or at least to me.
TT: Surely there must be at least one of our virtues you admire.
uu: YES. AMBITION. THAT'S THE ONLY GOOD ONE.
uu: AND I THINK YOu GOT THAT. WHICH IS MAYBE WHY. YOu'RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN PuT uP WITH FOR ANY DuRATION?
uu: LET'S CALL IT A GRuDGING RESPECT. WHICH IS THE ONLY KIND THAT'S EVEN WORTH A FuCK.
TT: I'll take that as a rare overture of friendship.
uu: NO. DON'T.
TT: So, do you even know how this is going to work?
uu: WHAT.
TT: Your session. Can you even really have a session with only two players?
uu: SHE SAYS YOu CAN. AND SHE LIKES TO THINK SHE'S THE EXPERT.
uu: PERSONALLY? I DON'T CARE.
uu: MAYBE IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES. WHAT WE'RE DOING.
uu: I JuST WANT TO GET IN THERE. AND JuST.
uu: FuCK.
uu: SHIT.
uu: uP.
TT: Yeah.
TT: I sensed that was your plan.
TT: Which is kind of what I'm talking about. How can you win like that?
TT: I thought the point was to cooperate with your coplayers to achieve an objective.
TT: Not compete with them or try to kill them. I don't think we've had one conversation where you didn't express the desire to kill her.
uu: I GuESS WE'LL JuST HAVE TO SEE. WON'T WE?
uu: I THINK THIS IS PROBABLY A DIFFERENT KIND OF SESSION.
uu: ONE WHERE THE PLAYERS FIGHT FOR SuPREMACY. RATHER THAN WORK TOGETHER.
uu: I THINK THAT IT MuST BE THAT WAY.
uu: BECAuSE THAT IS HOW I WANT IT TO BE.
uu: AND IF I WANT SOMETHING TO BE TRuE HARD ENOuGH. THEN THAT MAKES IT SLIGHTLY MORE ABSOLuTELY IRREFuTABLE.
uu: ARE YOu FEELING ME, FuCKER?
TT: Maybe you're right.
TT: But since that's how you feel now, maybe the truth is that the game is challenging you to overcome those feelings?
TT: What if your real quest is to put aside your differences and work together, if you want to both survive, and grow as a person?
uu: NO.
uu: NO. NO. NO.
uu: FuCK THAT SHIT.
uu: HuMAN FuCK THAT SHIT. NOT EVEN ALIEN FuCK THAT SHIT. SO YOu CAN uNDERSTAND BETTER. THE KIND OF FuCKING OF THE SHIT THAT'S GOING ON.
uu: HuMAN FuCK IT SO MuCH. SO HARD, AND SO ANGRILY.
TT: Yeah, I didn't think you'd dig that idea.
TT: Just puttin' it out there.
uu: HOW ABOuT YOu SHuT uP? AND GET ON THE ROOF. AND TAKE YOuR FuCKING PuNISHMENT.
uu: NOW WHERE THE HELL IS YOuR GHASTLY JuJu.
uu: GO GET IT. AND HuRRY uP.
TT: My juju?

03/03/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THE LOATHSOME FALSE PERSON. WITH THE FLOPPY LIMBS. IN DERSITE ATTIRE. YOu LIKE TO NAP WITH.
TT: Oh, Lil Cal? No, man.
TT: Lil Cal is the shit.
uu: THAT THING IS NOT THE SHIT.
uu: IT IS AN uNCANNY GRINNING MOCKERY. A BAD OMEN. YOu SHOuLD CHOP IT uP AND BuRN IT.
TT: No way, dude. He's my best friend.
uu: HOW FuCKING SAD IS THAT??
uu: I'M JuST TRYING. FOR ONCE. AND THE ONLY TIME EVER. TO BE HELPFuL.
uu: THOSE THINGS.
uu: YOu DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
TT: A kickass ventriloquist doll?
TT: I've been given reason to believe it once belonged to my bro.
uu: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. WHAT YOu BELIEVE.
uu: THERE'S ONLY ONE REASON FOR THOSE TO EXIST.
uu: IT IS TO TuRN THE LIFE OF EVERYONE WHO OCCuPIES THE SAME uNIVERSE WITH IT.
uu: INTO A NIGHTMARE.
TT: Is that one of your alien folk stories?
uu: YES.
uu: BuT IT ALSO.
uu: IS TRuE.
uu: GET RID OF IT.
TT: You could argue that my life is already kind of a nightmare, so there's no point in getting rid of him now.
TT: Either way, I'm gonna hang on to him.
uu: YOu STuBBORN FuCK.
uu: FINE.
uu: MAYBE IT DOESN'T MATTER.
uu: MAYBE YOuRS IS uNTAINTED? I DON'T KNOW.
uu: COuLD BE. ITS EYES LOOK...
uu: DEAD TO ME?
uu: MAYBE YOu LuCKED THE FuCK OuT. WITH YOuR PARTICuLAR JuJu.
TT: I honestly had no idea you were this superstitious.
TT: You're a pretty fascinating guy, in a way. I can't really figure you out.
TT: In case you're wondering why I put up with you more than my friends do.
uu: I WASN'T.
uu: NOW ARE YOu GOING TO GO GET IT.
uu: OR WHAT.
TT: Why do you want me to get Cal so bad?
uu: I DON'T!
uu: JuST THAT. I SAW YOu. SLIGHTLY AHEAD OF NOW.
uu: CLIMBING TO THE ROOF WITH THAT THING.
uu: SO APPARENTLY. IT'S REQuISITE FOR GETTING THE FuCK ON WITH STuFF??
uu: DuMBASS.
TT: Ok. So, some self-fulfilling shit, then. I was hoping for a better reason.
uu: WHATEVER. DON'T TAKE IT.
uu: MAKE A PARADOX HAPPEN. WORKS FOR FuCKING ME.
TT: At this point I'm leaning toward grabbing him just cause he seems to bother you so much.
uu: WELL. I'VE HEARD OF WORSE REASONS FOR ACTING LIKE A STuPID PIECE OF SHIT.

03/03/12
"Dirk: Retrieve juju."

|PESTERLOG|
TT: This is probably a dumb question, but you don't really care about "causal spoilers," do you?
uu: YES. THAT'S uNBELIEVABLY DuMB TO ASK.
TT: Like, you don't mind telling me I'm about to pick up Cal, and thus causing that to happen.
TT: So I guess you similarly wouldn't mind telling us about more significant outcomes?
uu: IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T MIND. IT'S THAT I FAIL SPECTACuLARLY TO GIVE A SHIT.
uu: THERE IS SuCH A BIG DIFFERENCE.
uu: AND THE FACT THAT I MIGHT NOT CLuE YOu INTO YOuR FATE ALL THE TIME.
uu: DuE TO MY AGGRAVATED APATHY OVER THE MATTER.
uu: IS AN IMMuTABLE FACT. I AM STATING FOR THE RECORD.
uu: IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT GIVING A SHIT IS WHAT IS TAKING PLACE HERE.
TT: I feel like you've said something like that before.
TT: Different statements, but in that exact syntax.
uu: OH. YOu KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE?
uu: WHEN THAT FuCKING HAPPENS.
TT: Wait. You mean it wasn't intentional?
TT: I thought it was kind of like... this thing you were doing.
uu: SHuT uP.
uu: YOu KNOW WHAT?
uu: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. AND I DON'T CARE.
uu: I THINK IT'S REGRETTABLY LIKELY. THAT YOu SuCCEED.
uu: I THINK THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE TEND TO DO. WHEN THEY ARE REGARDED AS LEGENDS BY OBSESSIVE ASSHOLES.
uu: SO MAYBE YOu ALL DIE. OR MAYBE YOu DON'T.
uu: BuT IF YOu DON'T. I'LL TAKE SOLACE IN THE FACT.
uu: THAT IT MEANS I STILL GET THE CHANCE TO KILL YOu.
uu: HOW ABOuT THAT? FOR CAuSAL SPOILERS?
TT: Fair enough.
TT: Hey, you know...
TT: For someone who has such strong opinions about long winded people,
TT: You've kinda been talking my ear off. I do actually have shit to do.
uu: uGH.
uu: YEAH.
uu: SEE HOW YOu PEOPLE SuCK ME INTO YOuR BuLLSHIT?
uu: I SHOuLD HAVE KEPT IT BRIEF. AND SuRLY. LIKE I WAS GOING TO.
uu: LIKE JuST SAID.
uu: "HELLO DIRK."
uu: "I WANT TO PLAY A GAME."
uu: AND THEN LIKE.
uu: "BRO."
uu: "ROOF. NOW."
uu: "BRING JuJu."
uu: AND THAT'S IT.
uu: YEAH. THAT WOuLD HAVE BEEN GOOD.
uu: COLD FuCKING BLOODED. TO THE POINT. DAMMIT.
TT: That actually sounds familiar too.
TT: Are you sure you haven't said something like that before?
uu: HAVE I?
uu: FuCK. I DON'T KNOW. WHATEVER.
TT: Anyway, let's wrap this up.
TT: You've stolen enough of my time. I didn't even get a chance to try plugging in that window.
uu: I DID YOu A FAVOR. ANOTHER POINTLESS ACTION STRICKEN FROM THE TIMELINE.
TT: Hang on.
TT: Something's happening.

03/03/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THE DRONES HAVE COME A KNOCKING. I TOLD YOu.
uu: THEY'RE COMING FOR YOu MAN! HAHAHA.
uu: LATER DOuCHE.
uu: TUMUT
TT: I think...
TT: You just had a flipoff malfunction, there.
uu: SHIT.
uu: uH.
uu: tUMUt!
TT: That's better.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

03/03/12
"==>"

03/03/12
"==>"

03/03/12
"Roxy: Abscond."

03/03/12
"==>"

03/03/12
"==>"

03/03/12
"==>"

Oh, right. These guys.

Not out of the frying pan yet!!!

03/03/12
"Roxy: Run!!!!! Again!!!!!"

Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a lab full of cats, a skirt full of scamper, and a head full of vodka.

03/03/12
"==>"

03/03/12
"Roxy: Hide!!!!!"

03/03/12
"==>"

PHWEW.

For the time being, it seems you are safe from punky looking fish aliens and cat hungry chess bandits. But now what?

03/04/12
"==>"

03/04/12
"==>"

03/04/12
"Jane: Examine pre-punched card."

You have no idea what you're looking at here. What are you supposed to do with THIS?

Oh well, might as well get started. It's not like there's anything left to do besides embarrass yourself over Pesterchum some more. You've already done enough of that today to last a lifetime.

03/08/12
"[S] Jane: Enter."

03/09/12
"==>"

END OF ACT 6 ACT 2.

03/10/12
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 2"

Hold still, Slick.

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

God dammit. Will you quit fidgeting and drink your milk?

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

It's warm and nutritious. Fresh from the butler's teat. You JUST watched me milk it.

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Oh for fuck's sake. You are impossible.

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

MS. PAINT!!!

Is that soup ready yet? He's being a dick.

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Also can you bring some gauze? He stabbed me again.

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

It was one of his more tentative stabbings though... I think maybe he meant it as sort of a thank you?

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Nope. Wait. He just stabbed me again. I don't think that one was a thankstab. It was more like just a regular stab.

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

I probably should have confiscated his knife before I gave him these super fast robot arms. My god he is frisky with those things.

03/10/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Hey put that down. I said settle your ass down. Where's the gratitude, Slick? I am waiting on you hand and foot here. Where do you think you are, Butler Island? You know what? FUCK Butler Island. You just died and went to Butler fucking Heaven. I see that knife. Yeah, that one. You're not fooling anyone.

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

If you don't calm down, I'm going to repair your other eye. You know, the one you refused to let me fix, because you thought the eye patch looked cool? I'll do it!

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Ms. Paint, what is taking so long with that soup?! This is a man in sore need of his scottie dogs if I ever saw one.

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

MS. PAINT ARE YOU LISTENING??????

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/11/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/12/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION.

CCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS MEMO BULLSHIT AGAIN.
CCG: I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
CCG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR NOOKS I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.
CCG: THEIR TROLL NOOKS *AND* HUMAN NOOKS, WHATEVER THE HELL A HUMAN NOOK EVEN *IS*.
CCG: YOU KNOW?

03/12/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
CCG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE?
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 10 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
CCG: OH...
CCG: HEY
FCG: I CAN'T
FCG: I JUST CANNOT
FCG: *FUCKING*
FCG: ***BELIEVE***
FCG: I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN WITH YOU/ME.
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE ME THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???
CCG: DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE TEXT?
FCG: UUUUUGH.
FCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!
FCG: I JUST HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PREMONITION YOU'RE ABOUT TO ANYWAY.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW WHY YOU CHANGED YOUR TEXT RED!
CCG: WE DON'T DO THAT. THE SHOWY, SELF-ABSORBED "PAINT YOUR TEXT IN YOUR BLOOD COLOR" THING. OR EYE COLOR, OR WHATEVER.
CCG: IT'S FOR ATTENTION-GREEDY, INSECURE LOSERS.
FCG: SURE IS!
CCG: HMM.
FCG: ?????? <- SARCASTIC WONDER.
CCG: I'M JUST THINKING
CCG: THIS REALLY MAKES OUR CONVERSATIONS EASIER TO READ.
CCG: REMEMBER THOSE INSANE BLOCKS OF GRAY ANGRY TEXT WE USED TO WRITE TOGETHER.
CCG: WHAT WAS THAT
CCG: LIKE HALF A SWEEP AGO ALREADY?
CCG: IS IT WEIRD THAT I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING BACK ON ALL THAT INSANITY WITH A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF FONDNESS?
CCG: AT LEAST SHIT WAS HAPPENING.
CCG: IT'S SO BORING OUT HERE. AND LIVING WITH THE HUMANS IS JUST GETTING KIND OF
CCG: WEIRD.
CCG: ANYWAY, THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT MORE DECIPHERABLE. MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.
FCG: WELL HEY, CHECK IT OUT: SHIT JUST GOT NOSTALGIC.
FCG: LOOK AT THAT, I'M FEELING MORE SENTIMENTAL ABOUT THIS MORONIC CONVERSATION ALREADY.
CCG: OK, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO FROM ZERO TO DOUCHE LIKE IN THE BLINK OF A FUCKING GLANCE NUGGET.
FCG: THE BLINK OF A GLANCE NUGGET?? I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR TEN MINUTES ALREADY. AND COUNTING!
CCG: I JUST THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON TO SOMETHING WITH THE RED TEXT. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT YOU ANTAGONIZING FUCK.
CCG: I MEAN, WE ONLY EVER GOT IN THE HABIT OF TYPING IN GRAY TO HIDE OUR BLOOD COLOR, RIGHT?
CCG: AND LIKE, 1) EVERYBODY KNOWS IT NOW, IT WAS THE WORST KEPT FUCKING SECRET EVER, AND 2) EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T, IT'S JUST US HERE, AND OBVIOUSLY WE'VE BOTH ALREADY KNOWN IT ALL OUR LIVES
CCG: UNLESS WE'RE BOTH SO NEUROTIC WE ACTUALLY STILL WANT TO ACT LIKE ITS A SECRET WE'RE KEEPING FROM EACH OTHER...
CCG: BUT I'D LIKE TO THINK THE DAYS OF THAT ASTOUNDING DEGREE OF MENTAL ILLNESS ARE BEHIND US!
FCG: (I WANT TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I CAN'T UNTIL THE CONVERSATION RUNS ITS COURSE. THIS IS THE WORST HELL IMAGINABLE.)
CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP. THAT'S THE EXACT KIND OF MELODRAMA I'M TALKING ABOUT, WE'RE BETTER THAN THAT NOW MAN.
CCG: I'M GONNA DO THE *MATURE* THING HERE: AND SWITCH MY TEXT TO RED.
CCG: THERE. I THINK THIS SHOULD BE THE UNIVERSAL CONVENTION FOR WHEN TWO OF THE SAME PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.
CCG: ONE GUY BITES THE BULLET AND TALKS IN RED.
CCG: SERIOUSLY, ONE OF US HAS TO BE THE GROWN UP HERE.
FCG: OH! I GET IT NOW.
FCG: WHEN I TYPE IN RED, IT'S SHOWY AND INSECURE, BUT WHEN YOU DO IT, YOU ARE SHOULDERING THE PRAGMATIC BURDEN OF A MARTYR, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS *MY* FUCKING IDEA TO DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE TEN MINUTES AGO!
FCG: YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
CCG: OK!!! GOD DAMMIT, STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE. I FUCKING APOLOGIZE.
FCG: CAN YOU JUST TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPID FEELINGS ALREADY SO WE CAN GET THIS NIGHTMARE OVER WITH.

03/12/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
CCG: WELL LOOK, IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LOPSIDED THING WHERE I SPILL ALL MY FEELINGS INTO IDIOTSPACE WHILE SOME SHIT HEAD YELLS AT ME.
CCG: I WAS KIND OF THINKING THERE WOULD BE SOME GIVE AND TAKE, SINCE YOU PRESUMABLY SHARE A LOT OF MY THOUGHTS??
FCG: OK WHATEVER. JUST SAY SOME STUFF ALREADY. ALL THAT SHIT I SAID TEN MINUTES AGO.
FCG: I WILL "RIFF" WITH YOU AND SOMEHOW PRETEND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE I'M REHASHING A BUNCH OF LINES WRITTEN IN BARELY DRIED INK!!!
CCG: OK
CCG: WELL
CCG: I'M HAVING A HARD TIME EVEN PUTTING MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS ABOUT THIS BIZARRE TREK THROUGH THE RING.
CCG: AT FIRST IT WAS JUST BLAND AND UNEVENTFUL. BUT THAT WAS KIND OF A RELIEF, REMEMBER?
CCG: NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING KILLED ALL THE TIME, OR TRYING TO RALLY A BUNCH OF UNCOOPERATIVE TROOPS TOWARD AN IMPOSSIBLE OBJECTIVE.
FCG: YEAH.
CCG: BUT THEN
CCG: AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH THAT SOMETIMES WE VISIT THESE CRAZY DREAM BUBBLES WHEN WE GO TO SLEEP...
CCG: WE STARTED PHYSICALLY PASSING THROUGH THEM TOO.

03/12/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
CCG: LIKE I THINK I COULD HANDLE IT BETTER IF IT WAS JUST ONE THING OR THE OTHER.
CCG: LIKE *ONLY* THE MONOTONOUS DAY TO DAY DRUDGERY ON THE SAME GLOOMY FUCKING METEOR WITH THE SAME BUNCH OF RIDICULOUS PEOPLE, AND BASICALLY NOTHING TO DO EVER EXCEPT GET ALL UP IN EACH OTHER'S BUSINESS.
CCG: OR *ONLY* A SWEEPS LONG SAFARI THROUGH AN EPHEMERAL REALM OF GHOST MEMORIES AND DEAD FRIENDS SHITTING AROUND IN A HAPHAZARD EXISTENTIAL CLUSTERFUCK.
CCG: BUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH BOTH, IN TOTALLY RANDOM INTERVALS?
CCG: IT'S KIND OF TAKING ITS TOLL.
FCG: "I HEAR YOU MAN."
FCG: THAT WAS WHEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT.
FCG: BUT FOR THE RECORD, I GUESS I MEANT IT.
CCG: YEAH.
CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT.
CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY.
CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES.
CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT.
CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.
CCG: FOR REASONS I CAN'T REALLY PUT MY FINGER ON.

03/12/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
FCG: I KNOW WHY.
CCG: YOU DO?
FCG: YEAH.
CCG: WELL OF COURSE YOU DO.
CCG: I GUESS BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU TEN MINUTES AGO, MAKING IT LIKE A SELF-FULFILLING EPIPHANY??
FCG: WELL THERE'S THAT
FCG: BUT ALSO THIS CONVERSATION HELPED CLARIFY SOME THOUGHTS TOO, IN SPITE OF ITS EXCRUCIATING POINTLESSNESS.
FCG: PART OF WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU ABOUT THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT MORTALITY.
CCG: YEAH
CCG: I THINK THAT'S PART OF IT.
CCG: AFTER VISITING WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DREAM BUBBLES
CCG: AND HANGING OUT WITH WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DEAD FRIENDS, AND *COPIES* OF DEAD FRIENDS FROM ALTERNATE TIMELINES...
CCG: I START TO WONDER, DOES DEATH EVEN REALLY MEAN ANYTHING?
CCG: DID LIFE MEAN ANYTHING, FOR THAT MATTER??
CCG: WAS THE POINT OF LIFE TO JUST GO AROUND COLLECTING A BUNCH OF PAINFUL AND AWKWARD EXPERIENCES TO SUPPLY MATERIAL FOR THE REVOLVING MEMORY-COLLAGE THAT SERVES AS THE BACKDROP TO A MUCH LONGER, EMPTIER STRETCH OF EXISTENCE?
CCG: AND HOW UNNERVING IS IT RUNNING INTO OUR DEAD DOPPELGANGERS FROM DOOMED TIMELINES?
FCG: HEY, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, BRO.
CCG: IT'S FUCKED UP.
CCG: NEVER MIND WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT A PERSON'S IDENTITY OR SENSE OF SELF, OR WHICH GUY GETS TO BE CONSIDERED "THE REAL GUY" OR PHILOSOPHICAL BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.
CCG: JUST ON THE LEVEL OF WHAT YOUR DECISIONS AND ACTIONS DURING YOUR LIFE ACTUALLY MEAN.
CCG: SOMETIMES WE RUN INTO THESE VERSIONS OF OURSELVES WHO REACHED GOD TIER FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
CCG: BUT IN SPITE OF BEING *MORE* SUCCESSFUL THAN WE WERE, BY THAT PARTICULAR OBJECTIVE MEASURE
CCG: THEY GET PUNISHED FOR THAT, BECAUSE IT WASN'T "THE THING THAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN"??

03/13/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
FCG: PRETTY MUCH.
CCG: SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?
CCG: IF WE ARE TO TAKE SOME LESSON FROM THAT, WHAT IS IT!
CCG: "TRY TO BE GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL, BUT MAYBE NOT TOOOO GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL?"
CCG: OR MAYBE DON'T TRY AT ALL IN SOME CASES! BECAUSE IF YOU DO, SOME GIANT FUCKING SQUID IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IS GOING TO BE LIKE, NOT SO FAST, MY HIDEOUS MONSTER PLANS BEG TO DIFFER.
CCG: DON'T YOU THINK WE'D HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF IF WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS DREAM BUBBLE SHIT?
FCG: WELL.
FCG: YEAH.
FCG: THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING TEN MINUTES AGO.
FCG: BUT NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
CCG: YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE LISTENING. EVEN IF YOU WERE BEING YOUR USUAL SHITTY SELF ABOUT IT.
CCG: NOBODY ELSE EVEN GETS THIS, THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
CCG: LIKE TEREZI?
CCG: IT USED TO BE THAT SHE WOULD AT LEAST HUMOR EVEN MY MOST LUDICROUS, VITRIOLIC GARBAGE ALL THE TIME.
CCG: REMEMBER THOSE DAYS?
CCG: WAY BACK BEFORE WE EVEN KNEW WHAT A HUMAN WAS.
CCG: BACK ON ALTERNIA WHEN MY BIGGEST FEAR WAS IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT I WAS A MUTANT. HOW QUAINT CAN YOU FUCKING GET?
CCG: I WAS AN IDIOT NOT TO UNDERSTAND HOW GOOD THINGS WERE BACK THEN.
CCG: BETWEEN US.
CCG: NOW IT'S LIKE...
FCG: SDJS;ALSKJFSA;JK
CCG: WHAT?
FCG: THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION.

03/14/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
CCG: OH GET OVER YOURSELF, OUR TEN MINUTES IS ALMOST UP.
CCG: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW.
CCG: IS SHE PUNISHING ME FOR SOMETHING?
CCG: I DON'T NEED TO REMIND YOU HOW MUCH TIME SHE SPENDS GALLIVANTING AROUND THE METEOR WITH YOU KNOW WHO.
FCG: NO YOU SURE AS FUCK DO NOT.
CCG: AFTER ALL THIS TIME I *STILL* CAN'T TELL IF SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT THAT, OR DOING IT TO FUCK WITH ME.
CCG: WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THERE SOMETHING LEGITIMATELY RED GOING ON THERE?
CCG: HOW CAN I COMMAND SUCH ABSOLUTE MASTERY OVER THE ROMANTIC SCIENCES YET REMAIN PERPLEXED BY THIS???
CCG: MAYBE I CAN'T GET A READ BECAUSE HE'S NOT A TROLL, AND THEREFORE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK HE'S DOING?
CCG: IT'S LIKE TRYING TO DECIPHER AN INTRICATE COURTSHIP PROCESS BETWEEN AN ATTRACTIVE POTENTIAL MATESPRIT, AND SOME SORT OF VEGETABLE.
CCG: LIKE IT DOESN'T COMPUTE.
FCG: FUCK, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING LISTENING TO THIS, MAKE IT STOP.
CCG: QUIET, I'M TALKING.
CCG: I JUST FEEL LIKE MAYBE I'M PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN WITH HER.
CCG: WHERE BEFORE THERE WAS MARGIN FOR ERROR, PROBABLY WAY MORE THAN I EVER DESERVED.
CCG: AND NOW THAT'S IT. SHE'S TOTALLY HAD IT, AND THERE'S A NEW DUDE WITH CANDYBLOOD IN TOWN.
CCG: HE'S JUST GOT IT ALL, DOESN'T HE? HE'S A MUCH BETTER ARTIST THAN I AM, FOR ONE THING.
CCG: AND HIS HORNS ARE SO NUBBY, THEY DON'T EVEN EXIST! TALK ABOUT HITTING THE JACKPOT.
CCG: AM I OFF BASE??
FCG: WE JUST WENT OVER THIS.
FCG: I DIDN'T GET IT THEN BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY WHINING AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF LIKE YOU'RE DOING NOW SO PIPE DOWN AND LISTEN.

03/14/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
FCG: YOU'VE BEEN SENDING HER AN ENDLESS STREAM OF MIXED SIGNALS FOR AS LONG AS YOU'VE KNOWN HER.
CCG: OH BULLSHIT.
FCG: LIKE FUCK IT'S BULLSHIT.
FCG: IT'S ALL TOO CLEAR TO ME NOW. IT'S A CLASSIC CASE OF QUADRANT VACILLATION, AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.
FCG: NO WONDER SHE WAS FRUSTRATED AND GOT FED UP WITH YOU.
CCG: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
FCG: IS IT?? TELL ME, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TREATED HER IN A WAY THAT COULD BE OBJECTIVELY CONSTRUED AS A FORM OF BLACK SOLICITATION?
CCG: THAT'S JUST
CCG: NO, THAT'S HOW WE'VE ALWAYS ROLLED TOGETHER. IT'S LIKE
CCG: SPIRITED PLATONIC CONTENTION.
CCG: TOTALLY NORMAL TERRITORY IN A HEALTHY MATESPRITSHIP.
FCG: YEAH, A *HEALTHY* ONE, NOT ONE INVOLVING A DEMENTED LOUDMOUTH WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS SHIT UNDER CONTROL.
FCG: LET ME ASK YOU, HOW MUCH OF THAT ANIMOSITY IS INNOCENT "PLATONIC RAGE"?
FCG: COULD IT BE THAT SUBCONSCIOUSLY YOU WANT TO PUSH THINGS WITH HER ONTO CALIGINOUS TURF, MAYBE SEE HOW THINGS WORK OUT THERE?
FCG: SEE IF YOU CAN HAVE YOUR GRUB, AND CULL IT TOO??
FCG: THAT WAY YOU HAVE HER ALL TO YOURSELF!
CCG: FUCK YOU.
FCG: YOU WANT HER IN EVERY QUADRANT LIKE A DESPERATE FOOL.
FCG: DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE BECOME? YOU ARE THE SAD JOKE CHARACTER IN THE ROMCOM, YOU KNOW THE GUY I'M TALKING ABOUT.
FCG: WHO'S GREEDY AND INDISCRIMINATE ABOUT FILLING EVERY QUADRANT, TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS TO IT, AND IN THE END HAS FUCKALL TO SHOW FOR IT.
CCG: I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS.
FCG: YOU KIND OF DO, FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER TEN MINUTES.
CCG: NO, FUCK THAT, I'M SO DONE WITH YOU.
FCG: YEAH, YOU PRETTY MUCH ARE, BECAUSE THE TEN MINUTES ARE ABOUT UP, AND I'LL BE GONE.
FCG: THEN IT'LL JUST BE YOU AND THE OTHER GUY, SPINNING YOUR GLOBES TOGETHER LIKE A COUPLE STUPID PIECES OF SHIT, AD INFINITUM.

03/14/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
CCG: MAN, I MUST HAVE BEEN INSANE TO THINK ANYTHING IS DIFFERENT.
CCG: YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL, YOU'RE JUST AS PETTY AND HORRIBLE AS EVER.
CCG: FUCK YOU FOREVER. FUCK EVERY TEN-MINUTES-AHEAD VERSION OF MYSELF ALL THE WAY INTO TEN-MINUTE-FUCKING-ETERNITY.
FCG: I CAN'T EVEN DO THIS, NOT ANY MORE.
CCG: YEAH, WELL YOU MADE YOUR COCOON, PAL. NOW WE HAVE TO TAKE TURNS SHITTING IN IT, TOGETHER. IT IS THE MOST PATHETIC, SMELLIEST DANCE OF ALL.
FCG: HMM.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT NOW?
FCG: IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME
FCG: THIS DUMB TANTRUM I THREW
FCG: THIS ENTIRE BAD MOOD...
FCG: IT WAS JUST ANOTHER IDIOTIC SELF-FULFILLING REACHAROUND WASN'T IT.
CCG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
FCG: I MEAN, WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM?
FCG: IT WAS LIKE SPONTANEOUSLY GENERATING SELF-LOATHING WITH NO DISCERNIBLE SOURCE.
FCG: WAS THIS EMOTIONAL OUTBURST EVER EVEN REAL?
CCG: OH NO, DON'T EVEN START WITH THAT.
CCG: DO *NOT* START GETTING EXISTENTIAL ABOUT MY ANGER.
CCG: YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE THIS IS REAL.
FCG: ARE YOU SURE, MAN?
CCG: ASLKJSDKLSDLFHJSIKLKLSDGNKL
CCG: YOU CONDESCENDING FUCK.
CCG: HOW
CCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUSDLIHLYUUIFHIERGFSHDJKBGJKSUUUUUCKING
CCG: **********DAAAARE**********
CCG: YOU CALL INTO QUESTION THE LEGITIMACY OF MY FEELINGS, AS IF THEY AREN'T COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED AND TOTALLY 100% GROUNDED IN
CCG: *ABSOLUTE*
CCG: ~*=STONE COLD CONCRETE GOD DAMNED=*~
CCG: **********
CCG: OBJECTIVE.
CCG: MOTHER.
CCG: FUCKING.
CCG: REALITY.
CCG: **********
FCG: YEAH, SEE
FCG: I'VE COMPLETELY SET YOU OFF HERE, AND NOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
FCG: SORRY, THIS WAS MY FAULT. I'M GOING TO GO TRY AND CALM MYSELF DOWN.
CCG: OH, SO THIS IS WHY YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE THIS CONVERSATION???
CCG: YOU GOT OWNED, SO YOU HAD TO SLINK AWAY LIKE A FUCKING COWARD??????
CCG: NICE TRY SHIT HEAD, BUT I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET. YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LIST HIS 10-MINUTE-AWAY-SELF'S FLAWS??
CCG: I COULD GO ON FOREVER!
FCG banned himself from responding to memo.
CCG: FINE, GET OUT OF HERE! GOOD RIDDANCE!
CCG: AS IF I COULD TAKE ANOTHER SPONGE WRINGING MINUTE OF YOUR DISINGENUOUS DRIVEL.
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 10 MINUTES AGO opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION.
PCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS MEMO BULLSHIT AGAIN.
PCG: I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
PCG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR NOOKS I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.
PCG: THEIR TROLL NOOKS *AND* HUMAN NOOKS, WHATEVER THE HELL A HUMAN NOOK EVEN *IS*.
PCG: YOU KNOW?

03/14/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
PCG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE?
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
CCG: OH...
CCG: HEY
CCG: I CAN'T
CCG: I JUST CANNOT
CCG: *FUCKING*
CCG: ***BELIEVE***
CCG: I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN WITH YOU/ME.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE ME THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???
PCG: DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE TEXT?
CCG: UUUUUGH.
CCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!
CCG: I JUST HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PREMONITION YOU'RE ABOUT TO ANYWAY.

03/14/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/14/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hey
ROSE: Sup.

03/15/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: anyone seen terezi around
ROSE: No.
ROSE: Why?
DAVE: we were gonna do a thing
DAVE: but shes not around and not answering my messages
DAVE: on any one of the probably ten thousand computers lying around that they would show up on
ROSE: A thing?
DAVE: yes a thing
ROSE: I see.
DAVE: shut up
DAVE: what about you have you seen her
KANAYA: No
KANAYA: Have You Seen Gamzee
DAVE: are you serious
DAVE: of course not
DAVE: i havent seen that guy at all since the first day we got here
DAVE: not once
KANAYA: Yeah
KANAYA: I Know
DAVE: talk about an elusive juggalo
DAVE: probably like the shyest fuckin juggalo of all time
DAVE: im pretty sure only karkats seen him
DAVE: dont expect him to rat him out either because of the "morail" junk
DAVE: moirail?
DAVE: mwah rail...
DAVE: alien words
KANAYA: I Wouldnt Expect Him To
KANAYA: I Wouldnt Even Ask It Would Be Really Bad Form To Ask Him That
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i mean i bet you think youre imparting some really obscure cultural fact about trolls
DAVE: but really if a human said to another human
DAVE: "hey man can you tell me where your best clown friend is hiding so i can go chainsaw him to death"
DAVE: just fyi that would probably be bad form too
KANAYA: Okay
DAVE: i dunno its been a year already i think hes really intent on hiding
DAVE: and hanging on to those dead bodies
DAVE: hes probably scared to death of you at this point anyway
DAVE: maybe you should just let it go
KANAYA: Hmm
DAVE: rose back me up
ROSE: I try to stay out of troll interpersonal politics.
DAVE: interpersonal
DAVE: wait
DAVE: are you saying this is like
DAVE: a spade quadrant thing
DAVE: is she trying to be his kismet fish
ROSE: I'm saying no such thing!
DAVE: well if she hates him isnt that what that means
ROSE: Dave, don't be a dick. You're embarrassing her.
DAVE: haha no im not shes cool
DAVE: look shes being cool about it
KANAYA: Im Being Cool About It
DAVE: see????
KANAYA: Its Not Like That
KANAYA: I Just Want To Find Him
KANAYA: And
KANAYA: At Least Wound Him Somewhat
DAVE: yeah see i knew there had to be a perfectly harmless and unerotic explanation
ROSE: (shh!)
KANAYA: No
KANAYA: See Im Explaining This Badly
KANAYA: All Im Saying Is Basically
KANAYA: Just
KANAYA: Fuck That Guy

03/15/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: got it
DAVE: so what are you up to in here
DAVE: whats with all these books
ROSE: Research.
ROSE: We're trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle together.
ROSE: You are aware this meteor has many secret rooms scattered throughout, including libraries, right?
DAVE: hell yeah
DAVE: we looted one of them for the can town project
ROSE: Can Town?
DAVE: i told you about can town didnt i
ROSE: No??
DAVE: well
DAVE: the thing about can town
DAVE: and all there really is to say about can town is
DAVE: its awesome
DAVE: the end???
ROSE: Wow.
ROSE: What a story.
DAVE: fu
DAVE: so
DAVE: what is the point of this research
ROSE: Primarily to gain a more thorough understanding of the situation we'll be entering when we arrive.
DAVE: i thought you pretty much already knew the situation
DAVE: since you can see the future
ROSE: Oh my God.
ROSE: I've told you. I can't see the future!
DAVE: yes you can
DAVE: you totally can
ROSE: Ok. But not all of it. Only certain relevant pieces.
ROSE: It's a bit frustrating when people make that presumption about you.
ROSE: For instance, you are a Knight of Time. Since you have such mastery over time, doesn't that mean you should know everything about the future too?
DAVE: no thats totally dumb
DAVE: i could know things about the future if i time traveled and found out first hand
DAVE: nobodys mistaking that about me im a time traveler not a fuckin fortune teller its simple as shit
ROSE: Right. So there are significant limitations on what you can know, governed by certain rules.
ROSE: That's how it is for a Seer too.
DAVE: ok whatever
ROSE: But I will say that I have been able to use these abilities to assist with research.
ROSE: I can treat my finite glimpses as an additional source of information.
ROSE: If you combine that with the knowledge we've gathered from these texts, and things we've learned from our various encounters with the deceased, with a bit of inference and deduction, a more detailed picture is coming into focus.
DAVE: nice
ROSE: Do you want to hear about it?
DAVE: uh
DAVE: now?
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: Why not? It's been a year.
ROSE: It seems like all we've done on this trip so far is indulge in lavish interior decoration projects and screw around with mysterious "Can Town" initiatives, which may or may not be consuming valuable library resources as building materials.
ROSE: We could make at least some effort to squeeze in annual briefings on our objective.
DAVE: yeah that would be pretty legit of us
ROSE: I think you'll find that when it comes to striving for a reasonable approximation of legitimacy, we are simply the most barely adequate there is.
DAVE: ok i didnt really catch any of that bullshit cause i wasnt listening
DAVE: im gonna make myself a cup of coffee and get primed to listen to you saying a lot of stuff like that
DAVE: do you want some
ROSE: Um. Sure.

03/15/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: kanaya?
KANAYA: No Thank You
DAVE: ok
DAVE: ...
DAVE: this fuckin thing
DAVE: where did you even unearth this piece of shit from

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: oh ok there it goes
DAVE: two hot revitalizing cups of shitty coffee
DAVE: fresh out of the weird pod
DAVE: why do we even drink this shit
DAVE: i guess just cause this thing is here
DAVE: like somehow the temptation is even stronger because the coffee sucks?
DAVE: dunno how the fuck that works
DAVE: wish there was such a thing as apple juice on troll world
DAVE: could go for a bottle of aj
DAVE: i wonder if theres any booze squirreled away on this meteor
DAVE: kinda feels like we should be drinking our asses off here
DAVE: no adults nothing to do
DAVE: thats what you do without adults right
DAVE: get wasted all the time?
DAVE: wait what the fuck am i saying trolls dont even have adults
DAVE: well they do
DAVE: but theyre all in outer space being insane badasses
DAVE: i guess they do have the stupid nanny monsters
DAVE: do the monsters give a shit if they get wasted
ROSE: Are you talking to us?
DAVE: what
ROSE: We can't even hear you mumbling over there.
DAVE: oh
ROSE: How's that coffee coming?
DAVE: off the shit is how
DAVE: all being like
DAVE: in cups and everything
ROSE: Be sure it makes it to the table before it accumulates that strange unctuous film on the surface.

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: so whats with the big book youre writing in
DAVE: is that more wizard fan fiction
ROSE: No, it's something like an extensive journal.
ROSE: I'm recording everything we've been through so far, and detailed notes on everything we know about the game.
ROSE: I'm also using it to document our research, and extrapolate on the new session and players.
DAVE: so its like
DAVE: your nigh unreadable gamefaq
DAVE: in tome form
ROSE: Somewhat.
DAVE: you sure like to write big game guides
ROSE: I don't look at it that way.
ROSE: I'm approaching it from a standpoint of responsible historical documentation.
ROSE: Don't you think people in the future will want to know about our story?
DAVE: i guess
ROSE: I think it could be a very useful resource some day.
ROSE: It could be helpful to others beginning their own quests.
DAVE: ehh
DAVE: chances of that seem pretty remote
KANAYA: I Really Wouldnt Rule It Out
DAVE: ok totally sold on that suddenly
DAVE: on account of not caring
DAVE: so tell me about the new session
DAVE: what is there to know
DAVE: and most importantly
DAVE: how is everything going to go wrong this time
ROSE: From what I understand, everything already has gone wrong before the game even started, in many different ways than ours did.
ROSE: There are indications of thicker political intrigue. Assassination attempts. And a usurpation of the throne more insidious than what we dealt with.
ROSE: But those examples still don't illustrate the fundamental fault with their session.
ROSE: Ours had a similar fault. It was a null session.
ROSE: Literature on the subject says null sessions are actually very common.
ROSE: It is any session resulting in failure, and as such, designed to result in failure from the start, due to Skaia's comprehensive "knowledge" of its own fate, and that of all it illumines.
ROSE: Biologically speaking, it's to be expected that null sessions far outnumber the successful ones. When it comes to reproductive systems, overwhelming redundancy is commonplace.
ROSE: A universe has a reproductive system that spreads many seeds, as it were, most of which never come to fruition. So we shouldn't feel too bad about our results, really. It was quite par for the course.
ROSE: But then, it would also seem that exceedingly few null sessions result in the birth of a massive green star fueled by two dead universes. For what it's worth.
DAVE: ok but i thought the whole point of this
DAVE: the scratch thing
DAVE: is it gave us a chance to still win
DAVE: but youre saying the new session has a fault too?
ROSE: Well, yes. There's more to it though.
ROSE: The new session is essentially our session, rebooted with different parameters which also affected the original conditions of our universe.
ROSE: And strangely, it seems the new one is a null session as well, but within a much less common subset of all null sessions.
ROSE: This one is referred to as a void session.

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ok
DAVE: which is what
ROSE: It's very simply a session in which nothing is prototyped before entry, at all.
ROSE: Hence, by Skaia's preemptive all-knowing and its influence on the rest of the incipisphere, there are not even any towers on Prospit or Derse built to receive the split kernels.
ROSE: See?
DAVE: weird
DAVE: why would these alt universe players fuck up in such an obvious and stupid way
ROSE: I don't know what specifically led to the failure to prototype anything.
ROSE: But it doesn't really matter. As I said, the session was designed this way before they began playing. Any efforts to prototype may have been in vain regardless. Possibly subject to sabotage.
DAVE: didnt you say at some point that not prototyping anything would be really bad
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: It's just another way to create an infertile session. Though by a less catastrophic and bloody route we took to achieve the same result.
ROSE: By contrast, it leads to a rather harmless, uneventful session. Underlings remain unaugmented, and so does the royalty.
ROSE: And while this may sound advantageous to the players, it's a curse in disguise. The lack of prototypings which keeps adversaries unevolved has the same influence on the battlefield.
ROSE: Without successive prototypings, the battlefield will never reach its final form, which must be fertilized to grow a new universe.

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Instead, it remains in its most basic form, stuck in eternal stalemate.
ROSE: There is nothing players in a void session can do to change this. They are resigned to live out the rest of their days in a dead end session.
DAVE: still waiting to hear how this is in any way an improvement on all the shit we just escaped from
ROSE: It's a vast improvement.
ROSE: The new session is a blank slate, without a ridiculously short time limit for victory like ours had.
ROSE: There will be no time limit at all, in fact.
ROSE: Once we arrive, ostensibly that is when the nature of the session will change.
ROSE: It won't be classifiable as either a null or void session anymore. It will be something which, as far as I can tell, is unique.
ROSE: The fully matured battlefield from our session can be used to make the new one viable. The path to success will be made possible by a combination of efforts and assets from both iterations.
ROSE: Usually scratched sessions are absolute resets, and involve no direct influence from the first attempt at all. I can't find any precedent for our situation.
DAVE: jade has our battlefield right
ROSE: Yes.
DAVE: so she shows up and drops it in skaia
DAVE: and then we take the result of all that damn frog breeding we did and stick the thing in there somehow
DAVE: and we sit back and wait for it to do its huge ribbit or whatever
DAVE: and were golden
ROSE: Pretty much.
ROSE: As long as there is an actual vacancy in the center of Skaia when we get there.

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: is that going to be a problem
ROSE: I don't think so.
ROSE: Even if it were, it would be a trivial obstacle.
ROSE: But as it is, I think the forces opposing these players are clandestinely working toward the same goal as we are.
ROSE: From what I can tell, gestures of antagonism, while certainly posing legitimate danger, have been factored in as critical stepping stones to one destination shared by all parties.
ROSE: I don't know why this is, or what the motives are yet.
ROSE: The appearance is one of clear sailing ahead, but traces of conspiracy are everywhere.
DAVE: ok but
DAVE: conspiracies aside
DAVE: did it ever really look like clear sailing to you
DAVE: thats not what i was seeing
DAVE: we are going to arrive and then soon after jack is going to show up
DAVE: and then we have to beat him right
DAVE: so there kind of is a time limit

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Yes, we will have to deal with Jack before all is said and done.
ROSE: And that will definitely be a major challenge.
ROSE: But it is not impossible. At least, not by design.
ROSE: When I said there would be no time limit in this session, I was talking about something more specific.
ROSE: There will be no reckoning.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: why not
ROSE: It's a logical consequence of any void session.
ROSE: The battlefield never evolves, and therefore the more extensive war between Prospit and Derse never takes shape.
ROSE: It is only when the Prospitian king falls in battle that the reckoning can be initiated by the forces of Derse.
ROSE: The meteors then rush to destroy the battlefield, while Skaia redirects them through defense portals for as long as it can.
ROSE: Thus, if there is no war, there is no reckoning, no meteors, and no imminent threat of failure.
ROSE: This is of course good news for Earth as well. During the reckoning, Skaia redirects all incoming meteors to the only place it can. Earth.
ROSE: So it turns out that players who initiate a void session are not actually condemning their home planet to an apocalyptic wasteland after they leave.
ROSE: In the new instance of our universe, Earth is just fine.
ROSE: Sort of.
DAVE: so
DAVE: no meteors came at all
DAVE: you mean by fucking up and having to scratch we also sort of saved earth in the process
ROSE: Again: sort of.
ROSE: And it's not that there were no meteors whatsoever.
ROSE: Just the vast majority of the destructive onslaught never showed up.
ROSE: But delivering the temple to the site of the forge is still integral to jumpstarting the session.
ROSE: That meteor however could have been propelled through a portal by any means, not just via the reckoning.
DAVE: i see
DAVE: what about the players themselves
DAVE: they had to arrive on meteors too didnt they
DAVE: i guess the baby meteors were some exceptions too right
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: But they weren't flung through portals in their own session, nor will they be created there.
ROSE: They were created in our session, and sent back through our portals. Just like us.

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ................
ROSE: To understand what happened, it really helps to understand exactly what a scratch is.
ROSE: When John severely damaged the Beat Mesa on your planet, and sent it off to Skaia to release its temporal energy there, you could view it as a kind of "request."
ROSE: We were asking Skaia to change everything at a fundamental level, and we gave it the energy to do so.
ROSE: But Skaia is a very passive entity. It only "knows" and "sees," but it never quite "acts."
ROSE: When it is asked to change everything, there is only so much it has control over.
ROSE: In fact, it has control over exactly one thing. The defense portals.
ROSE: It can decide to send important meteors to different points in time than originally planned, thus creating alternate realities.
ROSE: Offshoots of promise, rather than futility.
ROSE: And it turns out the most important meteors of all tend to be the ones delivering the young players to their planet.
ROSE: So all it has to do to change everything is tweak their destination times a bit.
ROSE: All internally-prompted changes in the post-scratch universe are decided entirely by this modest adjustment to the parameters.
ROSE: It's a very simple concept, actually.
ROSE: Yet the consequences are dramatic. It results in not only a hard reset for the session, but a partial reset for the universe too, due to the many causal entanglements between a session and its originating universe.
DAVE: what do you mean tweak the destination times
DAVE: where did they get sent to
ROSE: A variety of different time periods.
ROSE: The simplest way to way to look at it is to picture the original destinations of our two groups of four ecto-babies...
ROSE: And switch them.
DAVE: what
ROSE: Though this is just a slight oversimplification.
ROSE: While it's roughly true, Skaia had some peculiar whims this time.

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: While most landed in time periods corresponding with the original group,
ROSE: It seems that two of the new players arrived four centuries ahead of everyone else.
ROSE: For some bizarre reason.
DAVE: uh
ROSE: But they're still apparently able to communicate with their coplayers through I guess some Trollian-like technology, and they're still able to establish game connections with the others. So this stands as an odd but not otherwise terribly significant detail.
DAVE: so
DAVE: uh
DAVE: in this alt universe group of us and
DAVE: them
DAVE: which ones are the actual players
ROSE: I'll give you a hint.
ROSE: It isn't us.
DAVE: fuck
DAVE: why did i know that was gonna be the answer
ROSE: And to think that usually I'm the one accused of knowing the future.
DAVE: i dunno if im ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit

03/16/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: You would find it less disconcerting if the players were alternate versions of us?
DAVE: man
DAVE: at least im used to dealing with alt daves
DAVE: ive been fuck deep in alt daves before
DAVE: its a goddamn delight if you want to know the truth
DAVE: but i dont even know what to think about...
ROSE: What?
ROSE: Meeting a deceased figure of authority as a peer?
DAVE: lets not even talk about it ok
DAVE: can we slow down this meteor
DAVE: delay the meetup
DAVE: maybe fight jack for a little while
ROSE: I honestly thought you would find the idea exciting.
ROSE: I know I'm looking forward to it.
DAVE: but your mom was just a nice alcoholic spinster who liked wizards who you complained about for no reason
DAVE: she wasnt anything like an untouchable master of irony who could replace the meat in your sandwich before it even occurred to you what the fuck you were chewing
DAVE: let me ask you this did your mom ever wiggle a puppet in your face even ONCE
ROSE: Not that I recall.
ROSE: But anecdotes like that just make me more curious to meet him, personally.
DAVE: fine well you can be on bro duty then
DAVE: ill be the ambassador to your mom
DAVE: and no that wasnt actually meant as the sick burn it sounded like
ROSE: She's your mom too, though.
DAVE: yeah i know
DAVE: ill be the ambassador to my mom then
DAVE: that sounds pretty stupid when i say it that way
DAVE: whatever
DAVE: ill be the fuckin one man welcome wagon for the john and jade teen old people and also our mom thats the plan
DAVE: so when we finally see them we can get our shit into formation like trained acrobats
DAVE: like ill blow a whistle and we make a human pyramid got it
DAVE: that way we can totally avoid anything awkward
ROSE: You do realize we've seen her already, right?
DAVE: what
DAVE: when
ROSE: Months ago.
ROSE: In a dream.
ROSE: She was floating along in Derse pajamas, asleep.
DAVE: wait that was her
ROSE: Yes.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: huh
DAVE: .....
ROSE: You're wondering why I didn't tell you?
DAVE: no
ROSE: You're specifically wondering why I wasn't forthcoming with an answer to your question at the time, "hey who was that choice babe in the pajamas?"
DAVE: god fucking dammit
ROSE: You don't find it nostalgic at all?
ROSE: Retracing the steps of some of our Freudian semi-blunders in conversations past?
DAVE: no what a load of shit
DAVE: stuff said between you and me before we knew we were related
DAVE: we both know that was a lot of horseplay bullfuckery between like smartass 10 year olds or whatever
DAVE: you cant seriously have taken any of that seriously
ROSE: ;)
DAVE: ugh dont ever do that
DAVE: all these fuckin
DAVE: momtraps and sistertraps
DAVE: what a joke i hope skaia gets to have a good laugh over shit like this
DAVE: wait i forgot skaia doesnt laugh it just "sees" and "knows"
DAVE: its like a huge blue perv thats mad jazzed for kidcest
KANAYA: What Are You People Even Talking About
ROSE: ;)
DAVE: dont you wink at her
DAVE: kanaya heres a protip that wink meant jack dick shes just being weird
KANAYA: I Feel As Though This Conversation Has Utterly Outmaneuvered My Constructive Involvement
KANAYA: Im Going To Go
DAVE: yeah im pretty much ollying outie too
DAVE: got some shit to attend to
DAVE: after you

03/17/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Augh
KANAYA: Why Does That Always Happen
KARKAT: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY.
KARKAT: I GOT A LAB FULL OF HUMANS, A MOUTH FULL OF YELLING, AND A TORTURED PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE FULL OF TOTALLY HYSTERICAL EMOTIONS AND UNAIRED GRIEVANCES AT PRACTICALLY EVERYBODY.
DAVE: karkat is broken guys
KARKAT: YEAH
KARKAT: OK HOLD ON
KARKAT: IF I CAN SETTLE DOWN A TICK I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE MORE SENSE SHORTLY
KARKAT: JUST ONE...
KARKAT: *huff huff*
ROSE: Maybe you should lie down on the couch.
KARKAT: FUCK...
KARKAT: *wheeze*
KARKAT: NO
DAVE: dude what is the matter with you
KARKAT: WOW OK
KARKAT: THAT WAS A PRETTY TERRIBLE ENTRANCE.
KARKAT: ANYWAY
KARKAT: WHERE WAS I.

03/17/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: dunno but i was just leaving
KARKAT: NOT SO FAST STRIDER, THIS HEAVILY CONCERNS YOU.
KARKAT: IT CONCERNS YOU EXCLUSIVELY IN FACT.
KARKAT: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
DAVE: just stepping out to do a thing
DAVE: which is not your business
KARKAT: LIKE MY INFLAMED QUAKING GALLSPHINCTER IT'S NOT.
KARKAT: TELL ME, ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE GOING TO HAVE SOME COMPANY WHEN YOU STEP OUT TO DO THIS "THING?"
KARKAT: NOTICE THE TWO HEAVILY DRAMATIZED "ENCLOSURE TALONS" SURROUNDING THAT WORD, WHICH I AM SCORNFULLY PANTOMIMING WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS, AS PRESENTLY BEING DEMONSTRATED FOR YOU.
DAVE: yeah sure
KARKAT: OH??
KARKAT: WHO WOULD THAT BE MAY I ASK?
DAVE: well
DAVE: probably the mayor
DAVE: hes usually down for whatever
KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING MAYOR, AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.
DAVE: hey dont be saying shit about the mayor
DAVE: the mayor rules hes like my best fucking friend
KARKAT: HE'S NOT A MAYOR. HE'S THE MAYOR OF FUCKSTICK JUNCTION LOCATED SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF PRETEND ASS NOWHERE.
DAVE: hes a mayor you douche his thing says mayor
KARKAT: IT SAYS "MAYO" AND HE WROTE THE "R" HIMSELF.
KARKAT: HE'S AT BEST A MAYO. AND WHO EVER HEARD OF A MAYO? IT'S EVERY BIT AS IMAGINARY AS HIS IDENTITY AS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL.
DAVE: no mayo is like grub sauce but without grubs
KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK EVER HEARD OF GRUB SAUCE WITHOUT GRUBS??? WHAT'S IT MADE OF THEN GENIUS!
DAVE: like
DAVE: uh
DAVE: i dunno its white and it just sort of exists
DAVE: you dont ask about mayo thats not what you do with mayo
KARKAT: ISN'T IT FUNNY HOW QUICKLY YOUR BULLSHIT UNRAVELS WHEN SOMEONE INTELLIGENT ACTUALLY HOLDS YOU ACCOUNTABLE??
KARKAT: YOU ARE FUCKING BUSTED STRIDER.
KARKAT: YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT "MAYO" AND YOU ARE BUSTED ABOUT TEREZI.
DAVE: hahaha you are pathetic
DAVE: this is why you all stormed in here out of breath
DAVE: what did you actually sprint all the way across the meteor to tell me this
KARKAT: WHAT I DO WITH MY LEGS AND HOW FAST I MOVE THEM IS MY BUSINESS YOU SHIT.
DAVE: yeah and what i do with mine is mine
DAVE: watch me make them make me leave
KARKAT: I SAID STAY YOUR ASS PUT, WE'RE TALKING HERE.
DAVE: dude dont touch my cape
DAVE: ...
DAVE: huh
KARKAT: WHAT
DAVE: i cant believe i seriously just said dude dont touch my cape to somebody and was serious about it

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: OK, LOOK I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOUR PRECIOUS STUPID CAPE. JUST LISTEN.
KARKAT: BEFORE YOU GO OFF TO SNOG TEREZI IN YOUR IDIOTIC LITTLE VILLAGE OF NUTRITION CYLINDERS, HEAR ME OUT.
DAVE: man
DAVE: you are so overblowing this
KARKAT: BUT I DON'T THINK THAT I AM!
DAVE: yeah you are
DAVE: you have some idea about us or what were getting up to
DAVE: so weve done a few things together to pass the time so what
DAVE: i dont even think you could call them dates or anything
DAVE: what the fuck would even qualify as a date on this gross dark meteor
KARKAT: DAVE, CAN WE JUST CUT THE SHIT?
KARKAT: I AM NOT AN IMBECILE. YOU ARE BOTH PLAINLY TIPPING INTO FLUSHED TERRITORY IRRESPECTIVE OF ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS OR WHATEVER LAME CONDITIONS IT IS HUMANS BELIEVE TO BE OPTIMAL FOR PURSUING A MATESPRITSHIP.
KARKAT: ANYONE CAN SEE THAT, IT'S THE SHITTIEST KEPT SECRET ON THIS METEOR. PROBABLY EVEN THE FUCKING MAYOR GETS IT, AND LET'S FACE IT, HE'S A LITTLE SLOW.
KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL THE WOOLBEAST MATERIAL OVER THE EYES OF A HARDENED VETERAN OF ROMANTIC STUDIES?
DAVE: we have one of those???
KARKAT: I HAVE SEEN THOUSANDS OF TROLL ROMANCE FILMS, EACH DEALING WITH TOPICS FAR MORE SUBTLE AND COMPLEX THAN YOUR PEDESTRIAN HUMAN MIND COULD EVER GRASP.
KARKAT: AND IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, I'VE ALREADY WATCHED HUNDREDS OF YOUR MORE PRIMITIVE BUT MODERATELY ENTERTAINING ROMANCE FILMS.
KARKAT: REMEMBER HOW I DOWNLOADED A FUCK TON OF THEM AFTER DISCOVERING YOUR SPECIES? I AM A CURIOUS MAN, DAVE, YOU COULD LEARN FROM ME.
DAVE: yeah i remember
DAVE: havent you only watched a bunch of shitty dane cook movies on infinite loop since we left
KARKAT: YOU'RE SEVERELY EXAGGERATING, BUT YES I HAVE SAMPLED HIS WORK.
DAVE: dude
DAVE: you know youre only pretending to be a huge fan of his bullshit to piss me off
KARKAT: AGAIN LOOK AT HOW SELF ABSORBED YOU'RE BEING!!!
KARKAT: I HAPPEN TO THINK HE HAS A BRILLIANT COMEDIC MIND, FOR A HUMAN.
DAVE: hrnngngnngghhhh
DAVE: it turns out that exact sentence is my one weakness
DAVE: you win bro you got your girl back
KARKAT: OH SHUT UP.
KARKAT: I AM NOT HERE TO DEBATE YOU ON THE FINER POINTS OF CINEMA, OR TO "GET MY GIRL BACK."
KARKAT: HOW DESPERATE DO YOU THINK I AM?
KARKAT: I'M ACTUALLY HERE TO DO THE OPPOSITE.
KARKAT: I WANTED TO TELL YOU I'M TOTALLY OK WITH IT.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: ok then
KARKAT: BUT JUST LISTEN, AND TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. I KNOW THAT'S HARD FOR YOU.
KARKAT: HERE, PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: oh no
DAVE: what the hot mess of fresh fuck am i looking at
KARKAT: IT'S AN ALTERNIAN ROMANCE NOVEL.
KARKAT: NOW LOOK, I'M NOT VOUCHING FOR THIS PARTICULAR PIECE OF LITERATURE. IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY TRASHY AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED I COULD RECOMMEND MUCH BETTER THINGS TO YOU.
KARKAT: IT'S JUST THIS ONE ILLUSTRATES THE CONCEPT VERY CLEARLY.
DAVE: what...
DAVE: "concept"
KARKAT: IT'S A PRETTY TYPICAL CASE OF QUADRANT VACILLATION AS APPLIED TO AN OVERLAPPING GROUP OF ROMANTIC PAIRINGS.
DAVE: you lost me at quadrant
DAVE: for future reference thats the word that always lets me know its time to check out of a sentence
KARKAT: WILL YOU PIPE DOWN AND JUST HEAR ME OUT.
KARKAT: IT'S REALLY SIMPLE. THINK OF IT AS BEING SIMILAR TO ONE OF YOUR PRIMITIVE HUMAN LOVE TRIANGLES.
KARKAT: THOUGH THIS IS A QUADRANGLE. THOSE ARE MUCH MORE COMMON IN OUR SOCIETY AND ENTERTAINMENT, AND FOUR IS PRETTY MUCH THE MINIMUM VALUE FOR LOVE-HATE N-DRANGLES.
DAVE: n drangles
DAVE: god dammit
KARKAT: NOW HERE IS WHAT'S ACTUALLY GOING ON WITH THIS GROUP OF CHARACTERS. PAY ATTENTION. HEY, LOOK AT ME. EYES OVER HERE. GOOD.
KARKAT: SEE THE TWO HEROES IN THE MIDDLE, PARTAKING IN THEIR FLUSHED EMBRACE? PRETTY MUCH YOUR TYPICAL LOWBLOOD REDROM PAIRING. THEIR DYNAMIC IS THE GRUBLOAF AND TUBER PASTE OF THE OVERALL ARC.
DAVE: .........
KARKAT: BUT WHAT HAVE WE HERE? THERE ARE SOME NEFARIOUS HIGHBLOODS IN THE PICTURE TOO. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.
KARKAT: THE GUY ON THE LEFT IS AN OLD CALIGINOUS FLAME FROM THE MALE LOWBLOOD'S PAST, AND HAS REENTERED THE PICTURE. AGAIN, NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. HE CAN CONTINUE TO COURT HIS MATESPRIT AND KISMESIS WITHOUT CONFLICT. IT'S A PERFECTLY AMICABLE ARRANGEMENT THAT EVERYONE'S TOTALLY DOWN WITH.
DAVE: what is that huge beefcake troll even doing
DAVE: is he grinding against the little dudes shoulder what is even going on
DAVE: why the fuck is he nude
KARKAT: NO QUESTIONS YET.
KARKAT: SO THEN THAT'S ALL FINE, PRETTY BOILERPLATE CONDITIONS FOR UNFOLDING ROMDRAMA, BUT THERE'S A TWIST.
KARKAT: THE MALE HIGHBLOOD AND LOWBLOOD START TO HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER, AND THIS RESULTS IN SOME RED INFIDELITY BETWEEN THE LOWBLOOD PAIR.
KARKAT: OBVIOUSLY THIS IS WHERE THE FIREWORKS START GOING OFF. THE RED FEELINGS BETWEEN THE LOWBLOODS TURN TO BLACK, AND THUS BEGINS WHAT IS REFERRED TO AS QUADRANT VACILLATION.
KARKAT: MEANWHILE THE TWO MALES ARE ALSO VACILLATING BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BECAUSE YOU DON'T JUST LET GO OF A RIVALRY SO EASILY.
DAVE: what is going on with the other chick
DAVE: all grabbing at the other one down there in the corner
KARKAT: YEAH, WELL, IT GETS EVEN MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT, PROBABLY MORE THAN NEEDED FOR THE SAKE OF MAKING THE POINT.
KARKAT: IN THE HEAT OF THEIR VACILLATION, DURING AN ESPECIALLY BLACK PHASE, THE LOWBLOOD FEMALE WAXES RED FOR A NOTORIOUS AND ESPECIALLY BRUTAL HIGHBLOOD FEMALE.
KARKAT: SO THEY HAVE THEIR THING ON THE SIDE, BUT EVEN THAT STARTS VACILLATING TOO BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL PAIR JUST KEEP SPINNING LIKE A TOP.
KARKAT: WE DON'T NEED TO GET BOGGED DOWN IN THE QUADRANGLE DYNAMIC THOUGH, AND FOR OUR PURPOSES THE 4TH PARTY IS A DISTRACTION.
DAVE: our purposes
DAVE: what the fuck are our purposes
KARKAT: THE THING IS, VACILLATION ALWAYS ADDS A LOT OF DRAMA TO EVERYTHING, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN'T BE VIABLE.
KARKAT: IT CAN TOTALLY WORK, AND EVERYONE CAN BE REASONABLE ABOUT IT, IT REALLY JUST COMES DOWN TO A MATTER OF SENSIBLE SCHEDULING.
DAVE: you must be out of your fucking mind if you think i want to know where youre going with this
KARKAT: DAVE, PLEASE.
KARKAT: JUST READ THE BOOK, OK? IT'S ALL IN THE BOOK.

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: im not reading that shit
DAVE: i cant even read your stupid troll language why would you think i can
KARKAT: I THINK YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER. I CAN TRANSLATE FOR YOU. I'LL READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING ALOUD IF YOU WANT.
KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, IT COULD REALLY EXPAND YOUR LIMITED HUMAN THINK PAN ON STUFF.
KARKAT: THERE'S A LOT HERE THAT'S APPLICABLE TO OUR SITUATION.
DAVE: there is nothing even slightly applicable about any of that bullshit to our situation
KARKAT: DON'T BE DENSE. OF COURSE THERE IS.
KARKAT: TEREZI AND I HAVE BEEN ON THE VERGE OF VACILLATING LIKE THIS FOR A LONG TIME.
KARKAT: IT'S ABOUT TIME WE KILLED THE SUSPENSE AND JUST ACKNOWLEDGED IT.
KARKAT: YOU AND SHE SEEM BENT ON DEVELOPING SOMETHING IN THE FLUSHED QUADRANT, AND LIKE I SAID, I'M FINE WITH THAT.
KARKAT: IF WE CAN JUST GET OUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT, WE CAN BE LIKE THESE VACILLATING PAIRS THAT ALTERNATE BETWEEN RED AND BLACK, BUT IN A WAY THAT'S COMPLEMENTARY WITH EACH OTHER'S PATTERNS.
DAVE: oh my god
DAVE: why is this happening
KARKAT: LIKE WHILE SHE AND I ARE BLACK, YOU AND SHE ARE RED.
KARKAT: BUT THEN WHEN SHE AND I ARE RED, YOU AND SHE... I DON'T KNOW IF HUMANS ARE REALLY CAPABLE OF BLACK FEELINGS?
KARKAT: I GUESS THAT'S UP TO YOU. MAYBE YOU CAN JUST LIKE, SIT THOSE PERIODS OUT.
KARKAT: LIKE TAKE A BREAK, YOU KNOW?
DAVE: youve completely lost it dude
DAVE: i cant believe for a fucking second this is reasonable shit to propose even on troll world
DAVE: you just
DAVE: totally snapped
KARKAT: SNAPPED LIKE A FUCKING FOX. THIS MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
KARKAT: LIKE I SAID, IT'S JUST A MATTER OF RESPONSIBLE SCHEDULING.
KARKAT: HERE LET ME SHOW YOU.
KARKAT: I NEED SOME PAPER. WHERE'S SOME PAPER.
DAVE: hnnrrghh

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: LOOK, IT'S PERFECTLY SIMPLE.
KARKAT: HANG ON WHILE I DRAW THE GUIDELINES.
DAVE: oh no
DAVE: no you are NOT making another shipping grid dude
KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID.
KARKAT: JUST SOME ROWS AND COLUMNS FOR A SCHEDULE.
DAVE: its a grid youre drawing a goddamn grid
DAVE: im not letting you draw a grid for this stupid shit
KARKAT: COME ON, LOOK HERE. THESE ARE THE DAYS OF THE WEEK.
KARKAT: THEN WE EACH HAVE ROWS FOR THOSE DAYS AND WE CAN DRAW A HEART OR A SPADE FOR ANY GIVEN DAY.
KARKAT: THAT WAY WE KNOW WHAT'S UP IN ADVANCE, AND AVOID UNPLEASANT CONFLICTS.
DAVE: put the fucking pen down

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: HEY, CUT IT OUT. DON'T TOUCH ME.
DAVE: do not draw a shipping grid
DAVE: do not do it
KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID YOU OBTUSE FUCK.
DAVE: this is fucked up put it down
KARKAT: NO.
DAVE: you are not drawing a grid to organize our goddamn dating lives
DAVE: that is some straight up crackpot motherfuckin noise i will not abide
KARKAT: FUCK YOU. LET ME DRAW.
DAVE: stop drawing the shipping grid
KARKAT: *IT IS NOT A SHIPPING GRID*
KARKAT: THIS IS NOT SHIPPING YOU HEINOUS TOOL, THIS IS COMMON SENSE.
DAVE: you will not draw anything that even remotely resembles a grid

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: do not draw an arrangement of squares or otherwise interlocking polygons
KARKAT: LET GO.
DAVE: you will not draw a spreadsheet for the purpose of allocating time spent with a mutual girlfriend you horses ass
DAVE: that is exactly the shit i do not want to see
KARKAT: LOOK, I JUST DREW A SQUARE.
KARKAT: GET READY TO SEE A LOT MORE OF THOSE!
DAVE: no
DAVE: stop
DAVE: do not draw any additional squares
DAVE: do not draw any quadrilaterals or trapezoids or rectangles or fucking n-drangles and especially as fuck not any god damned rhombuses
DAVE: i dont want to see your lines making any right angles do you understand
KARKAT: IN MY MIND'S EYE I AM PICTURING A BEAUTIFUL LATTICE OF LINES AND COMPARTMENTS, INTERLOCKING WITH SUBLIME PRECISION AT NINETY DEGREE ANGLES.
KARKAT: I IMAGINE THIS MODULAR RETICULATION AS AN ELEGANT VESSEL, IF YOU WILL, FOR THE GRAND SYNTHESIS OF OUR SHARED SHIPPING DREAMS.
DAVE: no
DAVE: that is the perfect example of what you shouldnt be drawing
KARKAT: YES
DAVE: no
KARKAT: FUCK YES
KARKAT: OOH LOOK, ANOTHER SQUARE, SORT OF.
KARKAT: KIND OF WOBBLY! IT'LL HAVE TO DO.
DAVE: no you fuck
KARKAT: WAIT, I THINK IT'S COMING.
KARKAT: HERE IT COMES, MY FIRST "SHIP", IT'S GOING IN THE SQUARE!
DAVE: put the goddamn pen down
DAVE: you piece of shit
KARKAT: HELL NO.
DAVE: yes
KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??
KARKAT: OW, FUCK.

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: this is so sick does she even know youre doing this
KARKAT: DOING WHAT??
DAVE: splitting up her time in a grid for your stupid rotating hate date plan
KARKAT: SHE WILL SOON ENOUGH.
DAVE: what a presumptuous sack of shit put the pen down
KARKAT: NO, I'M DRAWING.
DAVE: step away from your dumb ugly scribble grid
KARKAT: GET LOST.
DAVE: youre messing up roses book
KARKAT: YOU SMELL BAD.
DAVE: dont talk to me about rank smells
DAVE: you are the fuckin big man of smellin bad
DAVE: you dominate the paint with your stonk
KARKAT: MY LUSUS BROUGHT THINGS HOME THAT SMELLED MORE APPEALING THAN YOU.
KARKAT: IMPORTANT FACT: 100% OF WHAT HE BROUGHT HOME WAS EITHER A DEAD ANIMAL, OR LITERAL FECES.
DAVE: oh yeah well check it out:
DAVE: you smell like if someone took a dump on a butt
KARKAT: HOW CAN SHE STAND YOU WITH HER SENSITIVE NOSE?
KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN WASHED THAT RIDICULOUS OUTFIT?
DAVE: theyre magic fucking pajamas they stay like perma clean or something
DAVE: theyre enchanted and comfy as fuck give me the pen
KARKAT: NO, IT'S MINE NOW. I'M KEEPING IT ON PRINCIPLE.

03/18/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: karkat whoa man what are you doing
DAVE: why are you drawing all these human dicks
DAVE: how do you even know what they look like what have you been watching??
KARKAT: I'M NOT DRAWING THOSE!!!!!!!
KARKAT: YOU'RE MAKING ME DRAW THEM, STOP THAT.
DAVE: no way
DAVE: this book is now like
DAVE: our fight fueled ouija board of cock
KARKAT: ARGH... STOP!
KARKAT: DON'T
KARKAT: NO FUCK
KARKAT: OK NO
KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE
KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE!!!!
KARKAT: DON'T PRETEND YOU DIDN'T!
DAVE: are you sure man
DAVE: thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks
DAVE: was it you or me or maybe a ghoooost???
KARKAT: FUUUUUUUCK LET GO OF ME!
DAVE: gimme the pen
KARKAT: NO
DAVE: yes
KARKAT: NO
DAVE: yes
KARKAT: FINE TAKE IT!
DAVE: no
KARKAT: WHAT??
DAVE: were still drawing
KARKAT: LET GO
DAVE: are you kidding this is a fucking masterpiece we have to see this through
KARKAT: I'M TRYING TO LET GO OF THE STUPID PEN BUT YOU WON'T LET ME
DAVE: we are in the shit now
DAVE: we are motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch
KARKAT: YOU CRAZY FUCK
DAVE: were running out of room rose can you turn the page for us
KARKAT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: THIS ALTERCATION IS BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLY PHYSICAL, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
DAVE: what are you talking about
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
DAVE: shut up and draw another penis
KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF ALL THIS HOSTILE TOUCHING AND GRABBING DO YOU???
KARKAT: I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU STRIDER, JUST STEP OFF.

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: man if you want to look at this that way then thats your business
DAVE: this is just an old fashioned beatdown where im from deal with it
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU OLD FASHIONED GO FUCK YOURSELF?
DAVE: stop biting my cape
KARKAT: FUFCK NYOUF.

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!
DAVE: shit!

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: are you serious
KARKAT: FFMUFFUFFIN
DAVE: dude unreal
DAVE: you are like a cape magnet

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hold still
KARKAT: MMMMMMFFFFFUUFFMMMMUFFIN

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hup

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: BOOYEAH

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY STOP WH4T YOUR3 DO1NG 1MM3D14T3LY!
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R 1T M1GHT B3
TEREZI: 4NOTH3R DR34M BUBBL3 1S 4PPRO4CH1NG R4P1DLY
TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 M4N YOUR ST4T1ONS!
TEREZI: BY WH1CH 1 M34N GO 4BOUT YOUR BUS1N3SS 4S USU4L 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: UNL3SS YOU W4NT TO M33T M3 UP H3R3 4ND CH3CK 1T OUT
TEREZI: OV3R! >:]

03/19/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/20/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: john i really think we are scraping the bottom of the barrel here
JOHN: no way! this game rules.
JOHN: i just never gave it much playing time before because...
JOHN: well, i guess i always had better things to do.
JADE: thats sort of my point!
JADE: where did you even get this?
JOHN: years ago i found it in a store on the bargain rack.
JOHN: it was only a dollar! isn't that awesome?
JADE: :|

03/20/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i dont really think this is my kind of game....
JADE: but i will play it with you today because it is technically your birthday <3
JOHN: yesss. you won't be disappointed.
JADE: how many people did you get to play this??
JOHN: um, i don't know.
JOHN: i only showed it to a few people, but i guess hundreds are playing it now?
JOHN: nobody is very good at it though.
JOHN: i keep trying to tell the salamanders and chess guys not to cross the streams, but they keep crossing the streams!
JOHN: just between you and me, i think a lot of them aren't very bright.
JADE: why cant you cross the streams?
JOHN: jade, please.
JOHN: it is just something you can't do when you're a ghost buster, because it spells big trouble. everyone knows that.
JADE: :p

03/20/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: you should hurry up and make a character already, so we can get started.
JADE: im working on it!
JADE: there are so many options
JADE: what kind of ghostbuster should i make?
JOHN: just any old ghost buster! as long as he looks awesome and like he means business.
JADE: hmmmm
JOHN: i will begin organizing our squad.
JADE: what do you have to do?
JOHN: well, first we need buy an old abandoned fire station to use as a headquarters.
JOHN: luckily half the city is composed of abandoned fire stations that are for sale...
JOHN: this game is actually really stupid in a lot of ways, now that i think about it.
JADE: noooooooooo!
JOHN: hey, shut up!
JOHN: i take it back, it's great in every way.
JADE: sure john
JADE: whatever you say
JOHN: ok, now i have to find us a mission.
JOHN: got to hire a sassy secretary...
JOHN: just have to peruse this extensive palette of sarcastic red headed ladies...
JOHN: ok, here is a good one.
JOHN: then we wait for a phone call. this can take anywhere from ten seconds to several hours.
JADE: are you serious?
JOHN: but that's fine!
JOHN: there's lots to do in the station to kill time.
JOHN: like talk to slimer, and...
JOHN: get slimed by slimer.
JOHN: ok, i guess that's pretty much all there is to do.
JADE: what about that fire pole there?
JADE: cant you go down the fire pole?
JOHN: the fire pole is strictly decorative.
JADE: .........
JOHN: are you almost finished making your character?
JADE: yeah i think im done!!!
JADE: im pretty happy with him

03/20/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: jade.
JOHN: that is absolutely the shittiest ghost buster i have ever seen.
JADE: no way!
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: it is so yes way.
JADE: hes adorable, what are you even talking about?
JOHN: jade, i thought you were going to take this game seriously.
JOHN: that is not a serious ghost buster. no ghost could possibly fear that thing.
JADE: i dont want ghosts to be afraid of him
JADE: i want to make friends with some ghosts if at all possible
JOHN: it is not possible, ghosts are known to be cruel and mischievous.
JOHN: they will not want to befriend your fox man, they will only want to cover him in slime and then fly away.
JOHN: i really think you should consider redesigning him.
JADE: nope. im keeping him :p
JOHN: ok, well, if you want to turn our squad into a fucking joke, then that's your business.
JADE: shut up or ill give him a pink jumpsuit!
JOHN: argh!
JOHN: but seriously, those head swap options are for such noobs, i feel it's only fair to warn you.
JADE: i think i will manage to survive the embarrassment in front of a bunch of salamanders and crocodiles
JOHN: ok, fine.
JOHN: you get a pass, but only because you yourself are a furry.
JADE: thank you
JADE: *snicker*
JOHN: what?
JADE: nothing
JOHN: is someone messaging you through the game?
JADE: hehe
JOHN: who is it?
JADE: pffff!
JOHN: dammit, jade...
JADE: its davesprite, hes playing too
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: don't tell him any of our strategies. he is the enemy!
JADE: we have strategies?
JOHN: um...
JOHN: ok, first, tell him we have strategies. then, don't tell him them.
JADE: hahahahahahaha
JOHN: oh god.
JOHN: what is it now?
JADE: did you know...
JADE: davesprite is a funny guy?
JOHN: meh, he's alright i guess.
JOHN: i give most of his jokes a passing grade. sometimes as high as a solid b+!
JADE: i just told him you said that
JOHN: that's fine, he and i keep no secrets.
JADE: davesprite says to tell you "youre basically welcome for being born 14 years ago and 1 year ago you ungrateful douche"
JOHN: oh, like him taking credit for my existence isn't so old by now!
JOHN: hey, jade...
JOHN: why do you still call him davesprite?
JADE: um
JADE: because he is davesprite?
JOHN: i just call him dave.
JOHN: isn't that easier? i mean, he IS dave after all... right?
JADE: well yeah
JADE: but hes kinda different from dave
JOHN: pshh, he is so not different.
JOHN: dude is just a magical orange dave with wings! and also says caw sometimes.
JADE: i know
JADE: but there are other differences...

03/22/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: like what?
JADE: its hard to explain
JADE: just some slight differences in personality i guess
JOHN: he still raps sometimes.
JADE: yes...
JADE: so?
JOHN: i just thought i would mention that.
JADE: ok i will admit i cant really tell if his rapping style has changed
JOHN: trust me, it hasn't.
JADE: i dont know if the differences are because he is a sprite
JADE: or because he lived for a while in a different timeline...
JOHN: well, weren't you a sprite before?
JOHN: how different did you feel then?
JADE: i wasnt a sprite!
JADE: my dead dream self was a sprite
JADE: and then i kind of merged with her when i became a god tier
JOHN: oh, right.
JOHN: so...
JOHN: half of you was a sprite.
JADE: i guess?
JADE: its more like im still the me i always was, but inherited some of her memories
JADE: but they are pretty vague
JOHN: do you remember what it was like being jade sprite?
JADE: i remember being dead for a long time
JADE: and making friends...
JADE: mostly trolls
JOHN: oh really?
JOHN: which ones?
JADE: none that we know of now
JADE: that i can remember at least
JADE: they feel like such distant memories, like they were barely real
JOHN: hmm.
JOHN: i have to admit, i am a little disappointed in the dream bubble thing.
JOHN: by the way you were describing it, i really thought we would dream about them on this trip more often!
JADE: yeah me too
JADE: maybe its something about this place were traveling through?
JOHN: i dunno.
JADE: when was the last time you visited one in your sleep?
JOHN: man...
JOHN: that was weeks ago, i think.
JADE: yeah
JOHN: and then, when i do dream about them, it's just kind of weird.
JOHN: either i'm alone in my own memory, talking to figments of my imagination...
JOHN: or i dream about someone we know. like a troll we have talked to, and i get excited.
JOHN: but then it turns out they don't know who i am! it's like a version of them that died before they ever even knew us, and it's just kind of awkward.
JADE: yup
JOHN: and i still haven't seen dave or rose AT ALL.

03/22/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: have you?
JADE: nope :(
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: i'm starting to think it's not going to happen. i wonder if we're just not sleeping at the same times?
JADE: i dont think thats it
JADE: for one thing, considering where we are, i dont think theres such a thing as "the same time" for us
JOHN: heh. that's true.
JOHN: do you think the afterlife is just fucking with us, jade?
JADE: maybe...
JADE: but its probably more like the way it used to be with the clouds in skaia
JADE: they didnt always show you things, but when they did they were selective about what they would let you see
JADE: like they would make sure you saw whatever you needed to see to make sure things would go the right way
JADE: i always thought i knew so much, but in retrospect they gave me only a tiny glimpse of the big picture!
JOHN: that is so infuriating!
JADE: i guess!
JADE: it never felt that way when all i was doing was looking up at some clouds
JADE: i was happy to see whatever was there
JADE: but i guess its different in a situation like this
JADE: when you miss your friends, and you kind of wish the dream bubbles would play along
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: oh well.
JOHN: i guess it's only two more years.

03/22/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what do you think they will be like by then?
JOHN: do you think karkat will have driven them all insane?
JADE: heheh, probably!
JOHN: or maybe they will all be better friends with each other than they are with us.
JADE: hmmm
JADE: well look at it this way
JADE: by the end of our trip, will YOU be better friends with a bunch of salamanders than you are with rose and dave?
JOHN: i don't know. there ARE some pretty charming salamanders on this ship.
JADE: that is true
JOHN: but you know what i mean. things have a way of changing.
JOHN: like, have you thought at all about what it's going to be like when you see dave again?
JOHN: i mean, after the way things are going with you and dave sprite?
JADE: umm
JADE: what do you mean the way things are going?
JOHN: jade, please.
JADE: what!
JOHN: *sigh*
JOHN: you are not fooling anyone with your coy shenanigans.
JADE: what has he been telling you??
JOHN: nothing!! do you really think he would talk about any of that with me?
JOHN: there are just some obvious conclusions a guy is going to make about stuff.
JADE: well...
JADE: i guess i dont know whats going on with that
JOHN: hm.
JADE: i really dont!!!
JOHN: alright, fair enough.
JADE: um
JADE: what
JADE: do you think he would think about that?
JOHN: huh?
JADE: the other dave
JADE: i mean
JADE: hypothetically
JOHN: ah HA! so you HAVE thought about it!
JADE: im only wondering because you brought it up!!!!!!
JOHN: yes. yes i did.
JADE: then what do you think?
JOHN: i have no idea. we would probably never find out one way or the other, regardless.
JADE: maybe
JADE: well
JADE: what about you john?
JOHN: what about me even?

03/22/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: remember how you told me how karkat kept sort of trying to set you up with rose?
JOHN: yes.
JADE: you told me this on more than one occasion if i recall!
JOHN: what is your point!
JADE: well, i have kind of wondered to myself if you kept bringing that up because on some level you wanted that to be true...
JOHN: oh man.
JOHN: jade, listen.
JOHN: at this point i could not give less of a rat's ass about romancey stuff!
JOHN: i would rather just play some games, and chill out for several years on this magical flying boat. is that too much to ask?
JADE: not at all! that is perfectly fine
JOHN: when i catch up with our buddies, i'm sure i will give rose a nice, FRIENDLY hug.
JADE: aww
JOHN: whereas i will offer dave a tender bro embrace, and shove karkat down a flight of friendship stairs.
JADE: heheheheh
JOHN: but that is IT.
JOHN: it's all very complicated and bothersome, jade.
JADE: what?
JOHN: you know. matters of the heart.
JADE: *snicker*
JOHN: ok, you may laugh at my choice of words, but it is true.
JOHN: it's really befuddling and distracting when you are on a major quest to make universes out of frogs. who even needs it?
JADE: i guess you have a point
JOHN: like...
JOHN: you remember that troll girl who was sort of into me?
JADE: mm hm
JOHN: well, ok.
JOHN: that seemed like a pretty big deal at the time!
JOHN: it really seemed like she liked me, but also, she was *probably* insane?
JOHN: like, i mean, in a trollish, murderous kind of way.
JADE: yikes
JOHN: but craziness notwithstanding, i didn't really know what to think.
JOHN: i guess i thought she was cool at the time. i was honestly kind of flummoxed about it.
JOHN: but the point is, when all was said and done, that was just some stuff that happened over one day, which was a whole year ago already.
JOHN: i barely even remember what we talked about. by the time we meet up, she probably won't give a shit about me at all.
JOHN: which, let's face it, is probably for the best.
JADE: .....
JOHN: i think we make things more meaningful in our head when they're happening than they really are. like realistically? there were probably a lot of things that went on that day that didn't mean that much.
JOHN: like remember how you said you thought karkat was getting this silly angry crush on you?
JADE: that was just my hunch
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: i mean, do you really think after three years he is still going to have the rage hots for you?
JADE: i sincerely doubt it
JADE: at least
JADE: i hope not ._.
JOHN: i don't think even he is that crazy.
JOHN: anyway, my point is, who even cares about all that?
JOHN: romance and dating are dumb and boring. we are legendary heroes, and we have bigger fish to fry. like that smug fatass over there on the horizon.
JOHN: he sure looks pleased with himself. just look at him, he thinks he is the undisputed king of that mountain or something.
JADE: that is so outrageous
JOHN: follow me so we can seize the high ground against this hideous ocean dwelling marshmallow man, and steal all of his treasure.
JADE: after you!

03/22/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPERSPRITE: Ahem.
JOHN: jaspers, holy shit, another cake?
JASPERSPRITE: :3
JOHN: but there are still all these others we haven't touched.
JOHN: nanna is really baking up a storm today.
JASPERSPRITE: Aheh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hem.
JASPERSPRITE: Meoooooow. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
JADE: grrr...
JOHN: jaspers, whoa, what are you doing?
JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-meow meow meow meeeooooow. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-meow meow MEOW MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOW. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
JOHN: jaspers, no!!!
JOHN: it's fine if you want to sing me the birthday song, but for the love of god, don't MEOW it!!!!!
JOHN: you're going to rile her up!
JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-MEOW meow meow JO-OHHHHHN. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
JADE: grrrrrrrrrrr
JOHN: no jade, come on, PLEASE settle down.
JADE: i cant help it!
JADE: grrrr...
JADE: dammit!
JADE: im really not mad at him, i swear!
JASPERSPRITE: MEOW MEOW-MEEEOOOW MEEOOWW MEOW MEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOW. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/musicnote.png" border="0" />
JADE: WOOF!!!
JOHN: oh my god.

03/22/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!
JASPERSPRITE: Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
JOHN: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/23/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: hey you
MEENAH: god tier boy
MEENAH: water you doin there blue boy
MEENAH: )(-EY
MEENAH: IM TALKING TO YOU

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: yes you
MEENAH: the dork in the pajamas
MEENAH: ok the OT)(-ER dork in pajamas
MEENAH: be all a pajama party up in here today
JOHN: hi.
JOHN: which troll are you?
MEENAH: which troll am i
MEENAH: im the best troll dummy
MEENAH: now get away from her she is mine
JOHN: uh...
MEENAH: ive been hunting her for a whale now
JOHN: for a whale?
JOHN: what does that mean?
MEENAH: its a fish pun
MEENAH: sayin fish puns is obviously kind of this thing i do stupid G-ET WIT)( T)(-E PROGRAM
JOHN: oh, right.
JOHN: i thought it sounded kind of... fishy!
MEENAH: ooooh thats a good one
MEENAH: not
MEENAH: now beat it
JOHN: you must be the sea troll, i heard about you.
JOHN: but i'm pretty sure we never talked.
JOHN: have you by any chance seen vriska around? or karkat?
MEENAH: who the fuck are they

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: um... your troll friends?
MEENAH: werent no friends of mine if i never heard of em
MEENAH: do you see this golden pointy deal here
JOHN: yes.
MEENAH: i was gonna use it to poke some holes in that girl there and see what happens
MEENAH: so clamscray
JOHN: oh no...
JOHN: why would you do that!
MEENAH: for the halibut
JOHN: uh. what?
MEENAH: halibut hell of it
MEENAH: ok that one wasnt that awesome
MEENAH: i thought i told you to clamscray
JOHN: i'm not sure what clamscray means either. you mean go away?
MEENAH: holy mother glubbing mackerel you are a fucking idiot
MEENAH: well if youre not gonna go
MEENAH: maybe you can at least tell me somefin
JOHN: what?
MEENAH: this is the afterlife isnt it
MEENAH: which means
MEENAH: im D-EAD
MEENAH: right

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: yes. well, it's a dream bubble.
JOHN: so yeah, you are probably a ghost.
MEENAH: I KN-EW IT
MEENAH: hahahaha yessssss
JOHN: you're excited to be dead?
MEENAH: excited hmm
MEENAH: now that you mention it
MEENAH: yes
MEENAH: i am pretty
MEENAH: flippin
MEENAH: -EXCIT------ED
JOHN: why?
MEENAH: because
MEENAH: it means my plan worked

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what plan?
MEENAH: why would i tell a hornless dork like you somefin like that
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: just curious about your spooky ghost plan is all.
MEENAH: im curious about why a couple of freaks like you were sent to welcome me to hell
MEENAH: water you demons or somefin
MEENAH: pretty lame demons if you ask me
MEENAH: way too frondly and stupid
JOHN: no, we're humans.
JOHN: by which i mean aliens, i guess.
MEENAH: so like
MEENAH: youre dead aliens huh
MEENAH: whoever heard of an alien ghost
JOHN: i know, right? that's what i think sometimes.
JOHN: it's strange combination of sci-fi things. like alien stuff is all about science, right? at least it is in movies. aliens LOVE science. but then ghosts have nothing to do with science, they belong to the supernatural realms, which have more to do with religion i guess? or about a lot of hocus pocus and superstition, maybe even magic. science rarely enters the equation, unless it's something awesome like ghost busters, which makes ghosts and stuff ALL ABOUT science, even though the ghost science is obviously a bunch of total nonsense. i guess contact mixes aliens and ghosts because jodie foster saw her ghost dad in outer space? but then, that was probably just a science projection from an alien, to make her feel less sad about her dead dad, and not a real ghost or anything. i guess the lesson is that science and aliens teach us that ghosts and religion are fake? although, it turns out ghosts and aliens are actually real, so maybe science and religion have been lying to us all along. *shrug*
MEENAH: nerd
JOHN: um.
JOHN: yeah, sorry.
MEENAH: so the girl
MEENAH: she like your matesprit or whatever
JOHN: what?
JOHN: ha, no, i don't even know her.
JOHN: i kinda thought you knew who she was?
MEENAH: dont know who she is but i know W)(AT she is
MEENAH: shes done
JOHN: huh?
MEENAH: ever do any baking nerd
JOHN: yeah, a little...
MEENAH: then you know -EXACTLY what you do with somefin thats done
MEENAH: you stick a fork in it

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: S-E--------------------E

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: no!!!
MEENAH: better think fast suckafish
JOHN: snoozing mystery girl, look out!!!

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: whoa is that john
KARKAT: YEAH, I THINK IT IS.
DAVE: what the hell is going on
KARKAT: OH SHIT
KARKAT: JOHN WATCH OUT!!!!!!
KARKAT: WELL, FUCK.
KARKAT: LOOKS LIKE HE'S STILL AN IDIOT.

03/24/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/25/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/25/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/25/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/25/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/25/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/25/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/25/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/26/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: Aaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaa........ man, fuck this.
AG: It's a real pain in the ass typing out long victorious laughs with only one hand, you know?
AG: Gonna have to patch this thing up somehow. May8e I'll pay a visit to my neigh8or a little l8er.
AG: Getting my arm fixed nearly ought to 8e worth enduring the stench. Aw yeah. Sick 8urn from outta nowhere. Take that, Zahhak.
AG: Haha! NEIGH8or. I can't 8elieve I only thought of that now! I 8et he'll get kick out of that.
AG: I 8et you even more he won't laugh though. What a 8oring piece of shit.
AG: I know YOU would think it's funny though. Right Terezi?
AG: Man, I sure am glad this little feud of ours is 8asically over. We're totally even!
AG: Now we can just go 8ack to 8eing friends, and things will 8e gr8.
AG: Hmmmmmmmm........
AG: Hahahaha! You won't 8elieve this, 8ut it only occurred to me now that you won't even 8e a8le to read this!
AG: Even if you do somehow manage to stum8le 8ack to your hive........ you're 8lind now! Whoooooooops.
AG: It would 8e a real shame if we couldn't 8ury the hatchet and 8e gr8 friends again 8ecause of a stupid 8ullshit reason like that.

03/26/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
AG: Oh, I know.
AG: May8e I'll mindjack some random chump and send him to your hive so he can read my messages to you out loud!
AG: What a perfect solution. He can 8e your assisted living slave.
AG: I would have had the perfect candid8 all lined up, 8ut he recently lost the use of his legs unfortun8ly. Oh well, I'll just roll with the punches like I always do and find someone else.
AG: Just say the word, and I'll make him do whatever you want! Read my awesome notes to you, hang some more plush dragons from your tree, pre-chew your food........
AG: Well, may8e not pre-chew it, since I didn't exactly knock your teeth out, did I?
AG: May8e more like pre-look-at your food, to make sure there are 8ugs in it.
AG: See, isn't it gr8 when we're helping each other out instead of maiming each other repeatedly?
AG: This is how it should 8e 8etween Scourge Sisters. All the maimings and 8acksta88ings should 8e saved for the friends and foes who get in our way, don't you think?
AG: Hey, what do you want to do for our next campaign, 8tw?
AG: We can take the next one easy. I'll try to think of something 8etter suited to your new disa8ility!
AG: I mean, I've ALREADY pretty much nixed anything involving stairs, 8ecause of Tavros. Lol.
AG: 8n't no one can say I'm not willing to meet people half way!!!!!!!!
AG: Whew........
AG: I'm losing a lot of 8lood here.
AG: Good thing I seem to have a ton of the stuff. We high8loods are made of some pretty tough shit.
AG: What a fucking mess, though. Not really looking forward to cleaning this up.
AG: I've got to say, your prank was pretty good. Still not sure how you pulled it off. Pretty inconvenient though!
AG: It's too 8ad you're not going to get to read this for a while, if ever. We could 8e 8onding over the gr8 pranks we just pulled on each other!
AG: Oh well.
AG: Guess I'll take off. 8efore I drop dead like some kind of loser and you never get to hear from me again.
AG: See you around, sis.
GC: WOW
GC: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 4LMOST FORGOT
GC: WH4T 4 COMPL3T3LY CR4ZY B1TCH YOU W3R3
AG: Hey now!
AG: What kind of attitude is that to 8ring into this memory?
GC: OH
GC: Y34H
GC: SORRY >:[
AG: Easy, there.
AG: No need to waste good remorse on such a trivial exchange.
AG: I am only reminding you,
AG: That if you 8ring too much 8aggage from the past into the memory, it is dou8tful your experience will 8e either therapeutic or cathartic.
GC: UH
GC: WH4T
AG: You were the one who invoked this memory after all.
AG: Isn't this why you are here? Is it not what you have 8een hoping for and fretting you may find since your journey 8egan?
AG: A chance to say you are sorry?
GC: VR1SK4
GC: YOU SOUND R34LLY D1FF3R3NT
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO YOU OUT H3R3?
AG: Sorry for the ruse.
AG: Though it isn't as far from the truth as it possi8ly could 8e, I am not who you think I am.
GC: >:?
AG: I of course needed to visit you through a memory, and interestingly, this is the one you gave me.
AG: No ill will or upsetting hijinks were intended.
GC: WHO 4R3 YOU?

03/26/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
AG: Aranea.
GC: OK
GC: 4ND??
AG: And I am your friend's ancestor.
AG: In fact, I am yours too, in a way.
GC: R34LLY??
AG: Yes. Though not quite how you are picturing.
AG: She had an ancestor whom she was aware of, and technically that is who I am.
AG: That is to say, she is who I would have 8ecome on your world, had I arrived in her place. Alas, I did not.
AG: She was a figure in your history who preceded you 8y thousands of solar sweeps.
AG: Whereas I preceded your entire civilization 8y 8illions.
GC: >:o
GC: 1 DONT G3T 1T

03/27/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
AG: That's ok. There is plenty of time to sort it all out.
AG: I've 8een keeping an eye on you all for quite a while. Your whole planet, actually. It was very interesting this time around, to say the least.
AG: It even had a different name! "Alternia." Haha. How heavy handed can you get?
AG: The man responsi8le was a 8it of a wise guy. He rewrote everything. He had a knack for overzealous storytelling, which is a harmless enough ha8it usually. I'm guilty of it myself sometimes.
AG: 8ut it is not so harmless when the perpetrator is omniscient and omnipotent.
GC: OMN1SC13NT?
GC: YOU M34N
GC: MR M1LKSH4K3???
AG: That's right.
AG: 8ut he's dead now, and his story is over. The 8ook on our universe is closed, 8oth for my instance and yours.
AG: This 8eing the case, I thought it was the right time to introduce myself. The com8ined work of my group and yours is unfinished, and the outcome has not 8een assured.
AG: The true ultimate reward has yet to 8e achieved. No safe haven has 8een created that is free from the devastation caused 8y Mr. Milkshake's grand deception.
AG: Our race still teeters on extinction. The mem8ers of your party, and one noteworthy fugitive, are the sole survivors.
AG: We must work together to create that haven and restore our race, so that the sacrifices we all made will not 8e in vain.
AG: 8ut in order to repair the unthinka8le damage that has 8een done, we need to allow ourselves the chance to heal first.
AG: Old wounds, old regrets. They will serve no purpose on the rest of your journey.
GC: R3GR3TS
GC: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 4ND VR1SK4?
AG: Sure. You have to start somewhere.
GC: DO YOU KNOW WH3R3 SH3 1S?
AG: Not at the moment.
AG: 8ut the more time you spend here, the more likely it is you will find whomever you are looking for.
AG: On the other hand, if it is the unknowa8le will of the gods, you may dance around each other indefinitely as you pass through this space. It is hard to say.
GC: OH
GC: OK TH3N
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 WH3TH3R TO B3 R3L13V3D OR FRUSTR4T3D BY TH4T
AG: Well, if she had 8een dwelling in this 8u88le like you thought, what would you want to say to her?
AG: Surely you would not have just argued a8out the past.
GC: NO
GC: 1 ST1LL DONT KNOW WH4T 1 WOULD S4Y TO H3R
AG: Then what would you say to me?

03/27/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: 1 WOULD S4Y
GC: 3V3N THOUGH SH3 D1D SOM3 B4D TH1NGS 4ND W4S TOT4LLY 1MPOSS1BL3 MOST OF TH3 T1M3
GC: 1 W1SH SH3 W4SNT D34D
GC: 1S 1T W31RD TO M1SS SOM3BODY WHO D1D NOTH1NG BUT C4US3 PROBL3MS?
AG: No. I can empathize.
AG: She was a serious trou8lemaker in your party. Many player groups have to deal with those.
AG: I feel as though we had one of the worst cases in our party. 8ut when all was said and done, she was still our friend.
GC: 1 K33P WOND3R1NG 1F TH3R3 W4S 4NOTH3R W4Y
GC: SOM3TH1NG OTH3R TH4N L3TT1NG H3R GO, OR K1LL1NG H3R
GC: 1 TRY TO R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 S4W WH3N 1 LOOK3D 1NTO TH3 VORT1C3S OF POSS1B1L1TY
GC: 4ND 1 JUST C4NT R3M3MB3R 4NYTH1NG B3S1D3S THOS3 OPT1ONS
GC: 3V3N 1F THOS3 OTH3R CHO1C3S WOULD H4V3 R3SULT3D 1N D34TH FOR 3V3RYON3
GC: W4S TH4T R34LLY 4LL 1 W4S C4P4BL3 OF?
GC: 31TH3R LOS1NG TH3 N3RV3 TO GO THROUGH W1TH 1T, OR ST4BB1NG H3R 1N TH3 B4CK, 4ND NOTH1NG 3LS3?
AG: At that moment, perhaps.
AG: You know very well the channels of possi8ility at that exact juncture resulted from her decision paths as well as yours.
AG: 8ut even so, when it comes to your key decisions, the possi8ilities are pro8a8ly fewer and more discrete than you have presumed.
AG: Otherwise you would not see results consolidated into those vortices, would you? Possi8ility would resem8le an enormous hazy field of infinitely su8tle variations and micro-choices.
AG: Imagine if at that moment you truly were capa8le of anything, no matter how outlandish, a8surd, or patently fruitless. How would this vast amount of information present itself to you through your senses? What difference would it make in your final decision if all other tri8utaries of whim spilled into the same decaying future? And what would this make of your agency as a hero meant to learn and grow?
AG: Look at it this way. Imagine that over the course of someone's life, they are truly capa8le of every conceiva8le action at any moment, and did indeed take each of those actions in different 8ranching realities. Doesn't a scenario like that deaden a person's agency just as much as one where their fate is decidedly etched in stone as a single path of unavoida8le decisions? Who exactly is that person who can and does take all conceiva8le actions, other than someone perfectly generic, who only appears to have unique predilections and motives when you examine the ar8itrary path they happen to occupy?
GC: UM
GC: 1 DONT KNOW
AG: Pardon the esoteric tangent. These are my instincts as a Hero of Light kicking in. It's hard for us to resist prattling on a8out matters like this.
GC: OH GOD
GC: L1K3 ROS3
GC: Y34H SH3 N3V3R SHUTS UP 4BOUT 1T
GC: NO OFF3NS3 >:]
AG: ::::)
AG: You may seek to understand your decisions and look for justice in their consequences. You may wonder why honora8le choices from the innocent are punished 8y 8anishment to a timeline in which everyone dies and all is gradually dissolved.
AG: It helps to understand your role, not just as a hero who must overcome, 8ut as a single capillary within a much larger 8ioexistential system.
AG: Think of it like circulatory system, where the veins and capillaries that do not help the overall flow of 8lood through the system are likely to wither and die. Those are doomed offshoots.
AG: Reality itself is using you and many others to propagate its own existence. Strictly speaking, there is only one path to its successful propagation. 8ut it still permits you to make choices. Not all that are conceiva8le, 8ut some nevertheless, as dictated 8y who you are and the challenges you face. And you are free to make key decisions however you like, as long as you understand that some of these paths unfairly or not will lead to o8livion. 8ecause those choices do not contri8ute constructively to the perpetuation of all existence, including your own.
AG: Such is the 8urden assumed 8y anyone who plays this game.

03/29/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: Y34H
GC: 1 GU3SS 1 UND3RSTOOD SOM3 OF TH4T, BUT N3V3R QU1T3 PUT 1T 4LL TOG3TH3R TH4T W4Y
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1 W4S 4 GR34T S33R OF M1ND
AG: Well, you aren't finished 8eing one, are you?
GC: M3H
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK OF MYS3LF TH4T W4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: 1 US3D TO F33L L1K3 SOM3 PR3TTY HOT SH1T!
GC: D1R3CT1NG B4TTL3 TR4FF1C 4G41NST TH3 K1NG, 4ND 4LL FL1PP1NG CO1NS 1N P3OPL3S F4C3S 4ND STUFF
GC: 1T S33MS S1LLY NOW. 1 DONT TH1NK 1 3V3R KN3W WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG
GC: WH3N 1 CONFRONT3D H3R, 4ND 1T W4S T1M3 TO M4K3 UP MY M1ND
GC: 1 THOUGHT 1 H4D 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT, L1K3 TH1S W4S WH4T 1 H4D TO DO. NOT JUST TO S4V3 3V3RYBODY, BUT 4S SOM3 STUP1D R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 OR SOM3TH1NG?
GC: TH3N 1T C4M3 T1M3 TO DO 1T, 4ND 1T W4S 4LL H4PP3N1NG SO F4ST...
GC: 4ND 1 FORC3D MY OWN H4ND. 1 COULD 31TH3R L3T 3V3RYON3 D13 1N ON3 R34L1TY, OR K1LL 4 FR13ND 1N 4NOTH3R
GC: 4ND 1 T3LL MYS3LF THOS3 W3R3 TH3 ONLY TWO VORT1C3S 1 S4W...
GC: BUT TH3N, 1 W4S TH3 ON3 WHO M4D3 TH3 S3R13S OF D3C1S1ONS WH1CH L3D UP TO TH4T CHO1C3, 4ND COMPL3T3LY P41NT3D TH3 OPT1ONS 1NTO TH4T CORN3R
GC: 4NYW4Y
GC: 1 JUST W1SH 1 COULD T3LL H3R TH4T
AG: Which one would you tell it to?
GC: HUH?
AG: The one who fought with Noir, or the one who didn't?

03/29/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: OH
GC: 1 M34N
GC: 1 GU3SS 31TH3R?
GC: BUT 1 W4S TH1NK1NG MOR3 4BOUT TH3 ON3 WHOS3 D34TH 1M 4CTU4LLY R3SPONS1BL3 FOR
AG: Ah.
AG: Well, this could either 8e my experience as an ancient ghost talking, or the perspective I am naturally given to as a Light player,
AG: 8ut aren't you equally responsi8le for 8oth?
GC: >:\
GC: 1 GU3SS
AG: I can see why you would feel more responsi8ility for one than the other.
AG: My perspective is informed 8y my class and aspect. It was to my advantage as a healer to see things a little differently. To find equanimity across many different outcomes.
GC: OH?
AG: There's more to the realization of our roles than gaining flashy powers.
AG: And there's more to healing than repairing 8attle damage.
AG: You killed a friend and you understanda8ly feel regret.
AG: 8ut it's done. She is gone and you are still here.
AG: Now what?
GC: ...

03/29/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
AG: You could look for a8solution through rationalization. Everyone would have died if you didn't take action, so why trou8le yourself with guilty emotion?
AG: 8ut there is no real healing power in 8elieving that. And I don't think it's what you wanted to tell yourself anyway, is it?
GC: NOT R34LLY
AG: Or what a8out through renunciation of responsi8ility? If you were just a tool used 8y reality to perpetuate itself, where is the 8lame?
AG: 8ut that would 8e another empty idea that has no power to heal.
GC: Y34H
GC: 1V3 TR13D R4T1ON4L1Z1NG STUFF TH4T W4Y
GC: DO3SNT R34LLY H3LP
AG: You've 8een lead to 8elieve such acts of violence are natural for your kind, and that if you're upset 8y the consequences then something is wrong with you.
AG: 8ut it isn't as natural as you might think. That conditioning was a part of Milkshake's long con.
AG: Violence was respected and cele8rated on your world, 8ut remorse was rarely felt and pain could never heal due to such empty justifications. We died out a wounded race, and you are all that's left.
AG: The process of healing first involves sifting through what it isn't, which happens to 8e almost everything your trou8led mind has to offer.
GC: TH3N WH4T DO 1 DO?
GC: WH4TS TH3 4NSW3R?
AG: There isn't one.

03/29/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
AG: It takes time, and is only accelerated 8y looking at things honestly.
AG: This is what I did as a Sylph of Light. Helped people see things.
AG: I could even perform the feat literally, if you wanted.
GC: WHO4 WH4T?
AG: It's up to you of course.

03/29/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: HMM
GC: TH4NKS FOR 4SK1NG
GC: BUT 1D R4TH3R JUST ST4Y TH1S W4Y
GC: L34RN1NG TO S3NS3 TH1NGS TH1S W4Y W4S TH3 ONLY CONN3CT1ON 1 3V3R H4D W1TH MY LUSUS B3FOR3 SH3 D13D
GC: 1T R3M1NDS M3 OF H3R
GC: TH4T PROB4BLY SOUNDS DUMB THOUGH
AG: Not at all. That's a very good reason.
AG: I thought the polite thing to do was at least offer.

03/29/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: 1TS COOL TH4T YOU W4NT TO H3LP H34L M3 4ND 4LL
GC: BUT
GC: 1 ST1LL DONT R34LLY KNOW 4NYTH1NG 4BOUT YOU
GC: OTH3R TH4N TH4T YOU S33M L1K3 SOM3 SORT OF MUCH N1C3R VR1SK4
GC: WH3R3 W3R3 YOU FROM 4G41N? 4LT3RN14 B3FOR3 V4N1LL4 M1LKSH4K3 N4M3D 1T TH4T?
AG: Yes. 8ut in a different universe instance, I often refer to as A1. The shorthand helps avoid confusion, trust me.
AG: My group of twelve played the game, 8ut failed. It overwhelmed us. A lot went wrong. The reckoning destroyed our 8attlefield well 8efore we had any hope of winning.
AG: I sought advice from Echidna, and she told me how to scratch the session to give us another chance.
AG: 8ut the choice to do so came with accepting the annihilation of our existing forms. In the new instance, we would lead completely different lives with no memory of what happened.
AG: So we did, and created A2. Your instance, your world, and your game in which we were all inexplica8ly created in the first place.
AG: As I said, this time around the world was........ interesting.
GC: TH4T'S WH3N TROLLS B3C4M3 T3RR1BL3?
AG: Not all of you.
AG: Some had lessons from the old world to teach others. 8ut few ever heard them.
GC: SO 1N YOUR T1M3, 3V3RYON3 W4S 4S N1C3 4S YOU?
AG: Not exactly. 8ut life was pretty mild and uneventful.
AG: I'm not even sure if I was especially nice, 8y our standards.
AG: Mostly kind of 8oring.
AG: No8ody from my party liked me a whole lot.
AG: I think I talked too much, and had a ha8it of 8ringing conversations 8ack around to myself.
AG: Not that it matters anymore, 8ut it was not the 8est way to make friends.
GC: H3H3H3H3. YOU R34LLY 4R3 L1K3 4 N1C3 VR1SK4
GC: 1 DUNNO, 1 W4S FR13NDS W1TH H3R 4ND SH3 D1D 4LMOST NOTH1NG BUT T4LK 4BOUT H3RS3LF
GC: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 YOU 4ND 1 WOULD H4V3 B33N GOOD FR13NDS TOO!
AG: Thanks!
AG: It goes to show, just 8ecause your race is peaceful doesn't mean you don't have pro8lems.
AG: I used to fantasize a8out 8eing someone really outgoing and dramatic.
AG: Someone who had the confidence do whatever she wanted, like go on the most outrageous adventures without caring what anyone thought a8out her.
AG: Like someone from a 8ook, you know?
GC: Y3S!
GC: 1 US3D TO TH1NK 4BOUT TH4T 4 LOT TOO >:]
AG: It turned out I actually got what I wanted after the reset. Unfortunately it came along with our people's enslavement and near extinction.
AG: Not that I really got to live as her, exactly. 8ut at least I got a chance to follow her life. And it was a very long life.
AG: 8eing here for ages has its 8enefits.

03/29/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: 3X4CTLY HOW LONG H4V3 YOU 4LL B33N L1V1NG 1N DR34M BUBBL3S?
GC: OR 1 M34N...
GC: NOT L1V1NG
AG: It has 8een a very long time.
AG: So long, time has 8een stripped of the meaning it never really had in the first place.
AG: It doesn't really pass in the same way it does when you're alive. Concepts like "now" and "how long" are figures of speech used to make communication simpler.
AG: I've quit trying to give expression to the elusive temporal properties of this place. It's easier staying conversational.
AG: 8ut I will say that 8eing here "for so long" lends itself to a certain detachment from what you see. Otherwise, monitoring the atrocities stemming from our failure wouldn't 8e much fun.
GC: DO YOU M1SS YOUR WORLD 4S MUCH 4S 1 DO?
AG: Yes, sometimes.
AG: 8ut missing it usually invites memories of home to serve as the stage.
AG: Not that it's a su8stitute for the previous reality. 8ut the reminders of home are everywhere.
GC: WH4T 4BOUT YOUR FR13NDS? 1 GU3SS YOU ST1LL G3T TO H4NG OUT W1TH TH3M 4LL?
AG: Yes. I see them often enough.
AG: Except for one, whom I haven't seen at all since 8efore we all died.
AG: In fact, she's the only reason we are here in the first place, as opposed to merely ceasing to exist upon the scratch.
AG: In life, she was the only one I would have called a close friend, in a way.
AG: The thing is, no8ody liked her much either. We had that in common. ::::)
GC: WOW, 1TS B33N TH4T LONG S1NC3 YOU S4W H3R?
AG: Remem8er how I said the gods could keep you dancing around someone you're looking for indefinitely?
GC: Y34H BUT...
GC: B1LL1ONS OF SW33PS??
AG: Well, "8illions," yes. In a manner of speaking.
GC: 1S SH3 BY 4NY CH4NC3 TH3 TROUBL3M4K3R YOU W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT?
AG: That's right. In fact, we are on our way to visit her now.
GC: OH
GC: SO TH4TS WH3R3 TH1S BR4NCH 1S T4K1NG US!
AG: Notice the moon up there?
AG: And not the larger green interloper. That one never 8elonged to my world. It is your memory, not mine.
GC: Y34H TH3 CUT3 L1TTL3 BUBBL3GUM MOONS! TH4TS WH3R3 SH3 1S?
AG: It's the setting of the memory she entered.
AG: From her perspective, she has just arrived here.
AG: Your friends should 8e joining us too, 8efore your meteor clears the 8u88le.
AG: May8e together we can 8ring the Thief of Life up to speed.

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Oh SHIT.

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

How can he be here already?

Why did I not see this coming?

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

The dude is ALWAYS already here.

When it comes to being here, already is practically all he ever is.

Ok, time to stop babbling and think. Think, imagination! Argh, the one time I really need you!!

Oh no, Slick!!!

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Slick, he's come here to finish you off! We have got to hide you somewhere. Now that Rufio is gone, you are my only friend.

Oh, you're good company too, humanimal butler who may or may not be Aurthour. I didn't mean nothin' by it.

What's that, Slick? Oh, yeah, Ms. Paint too of course. That's a little different. Hey! What do you mean "so what's her story, is she available?" No, she is not available!

And just what do you mean by THAT? No, she will not be available "soon" either!

03/30/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Hey, get back in bed. I'm trying to save your ass here. Go ahead, stab all you want. Like your stupid curmudgeonly shankings aren't so totally played out already.

Shh...

Oh my god, the footsteps. That horrible peg leg on my hardwood floors. He's coming...

03/31/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

There's no time to lose, we've got to get you out of here!

03/31/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

HUP

03/31/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

03/31/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

04/01/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Now if I can just go grab Ms. Paint and sneak out the back door before it's too...

Are you kidding me? He's already here AGAIN? Talk about a one trick pony.

Fine.

04/01/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

We settle this NOW.

04/01/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

What's that, English? You look nervous. Could it be you weren't expecting me to know your only vulnerability? You have underestimated my omniscience almost as badly as I overestimate it as a matter of daily routine. Your reign of terror comes to an end here, on this balcony overlooking an enchanted cliffscape host to innumerable gorgeous stallions. How ironic, that your very demise would be in the proximity of some horses. What? You didn't follow that? Just think it over. Think it over...

04/01/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

WHILE YOU DIE SHIT SHIT SHIT, OH SHIT. FUCK. SHIT SHIT FUCK, I FORGOT.

What kind of fucking idiot keeps his deudly white magnum loaded with only one tiny cueball??? God damn you, Scratch.

04/01/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

04/01/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

04/01/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Ok, that gun looks super deudly. Way deudlier than the one I just threw at you, and I am probably screwed. But there is one thing you probably WEREN'T counting on, and that thing is magic being REAL.

God I hope magic is real...

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Please let magic be real, please let magic be real, please let magic be real. I believe that magic is real right now. I believe so hard in its reality that it is becoming slightly less fake before our very eyes. I believe its fakeness was just a lie coughed up from a dark magician's spurious asshole. I believe in fairies. I believe dragons aren't bullshit. I believe heartily in the giggles of all the cherubs in heaven and the metric tonnes of special stardust they consume each day to fuel their laughter. I believe with the conviction of a million frothing zealots in the combined pranks of a billion leprechauns strong, and in the tiny erections they get from playing them. But most of all, I believe in YOU, Rufio.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

Aw fuck who am I kidding magic is fake as shit.

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

I failed you, Rufio.

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

I failed you.

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

04/02/12
"[A6I2] ==>"

04/03/12
"[S][A6I2] ???"

04/03/12
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 2"

04/13/12
"==>"

04/13/12
"==>"

04/13/12
"==>"

04/14/12
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 3"

04/14/12
"--"

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

UU: hUzzah! yoU did it! ^u^
GG: Oh, hello.
GG: Did what, exactly?
UU: made it to locah! yoUr own personal planet inside the game, tailored to yoUr personal qUest.
UU: i've observed yoU here before, of coUrse. bUt this is the first time i've contacted yoU here.
UU: better to keep things on the Up and Up vis a vis oUr mUtUal linearity, no?
GG: Sure.
UU: sUre? :u
GG: Yes. Sorry. I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed by what just happened.
GG: A giant pit seems to have swollen my house whole! My dad is missing too. I think I should try to find him as soon as possible.
UU: i Understand.
UU: pardon my grUmpy demeanoUr. i jUst had a nap and did not sleep well.
GG: Ha ha, you call this grumpy?
UU: wasn't i being? :u
GG: Not exactly!
UU: well good! i do my best.
UU: really, as if my dreadfUl nap were not bad enoUgh, i woke Up to find my coplayer has made a terrible mess in here.
UU: bUt the good news is he has at least agreed to play with me once and for all. some people make nothing easy.
GG: That's good.
GG: But wait...
GG: I thought you said you've never met him?
UU: Um.
UU: i haven't!
UU: not in person.
GG: Then how did he make a mess in there?
GG: Did he break into your room while you were asleep?
UU: oh, yes, well, hmm.
UU: the thing with that is this.
UU: the thing with that is that we shoUld talk aboUt something else!
GG: Huh?
UU: why mUst yoU be sUch the vigilant gUmshoe, jane?
UU: always with the gUmshooery. pitch that pUzzlesavvy toward the conUndra littered aboUt yoUr planet!
UU: i'm becoming grUmpy again. do forgive me.
UU: what do yoU think of the place by the by?
GG: Uh...
UU: yoUr new home!
GG: Oh.
GG: It's rather desolate. Pretty eerie, actually.
GG: I haven't run into anyone at all. I think I might be alone here?
UU: yes isn't it great?
GG: The balloons are nice, I suppose.
UU: reminds me mUch of home. so peacefUl, so mUch space to yoUrself and time to think.
UU: yoU're so lUcky. i can't wait to get to my planet!
GG: Yes. But what about your brother?
UU: right, that.
UU: aboUt that.
UU: got to rUn! Ta, kisses, all that stUff!!! u3u
GG: Hey!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]

04/14/12
"--"

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TG: jcrocks
TG: urgent cornespondence 4 profeffor bffsy over
GG: Roxy!
GG: You won't believe where I am right now.
TG: betch u i will
GG: Ok, maybe you will.
GG: But I'm in the game finally! It's considerably more outlandish than I was expecting.
TG: what were u spectin
TG: for mangic not 2 be real or something
TG: lol what a dope
GG: No, I was thinking...
GG: Well, I don't know. Something more like...
TG: wow k shoosh
TG: jane i actuatly dont have any time
TG: i have literally like 1 minute
TG: i only wanted to ask one thing
TG: did you talk to jake
TG: about u know
TG: do i even NEED to wonk??
GG: THAT'S why you're contacting me???
TG: ys
TG: hry
GG: Roxy, please, I don't think you understand.
GG: There are MYSTERIES here.
GG: REAL MYSTERIES AND PUZZLES TO SOLVE.
TG: thas cool so howd it go with jake
GG: Groan.
TG: did doc crock prantice her love medizine on THE ENGLISH PATIENT ;) <3<3,4
GG: Hardly.
GG: If you really want to know, I completely blew it with him forever. Satisfied?
TG: aw wahat that FUCK
GG: He asked me if I liked him, and in the heat of the moment I panicked and said no.
GG: And then he went on this whole thing about Dirk, and...
GG: That's that.
GG: Can we drop it now?
TG: uuuuuuuuuuuuuururreggghhgh
TG: jane this is totals the shittiest love report i ever heard
GG: It's not a "love report!" Will you stop it?
TG: jane im pissed
TG: i am so pipsed about this i want to just go there and smack ur ass
TG: u HAD him and oh jane siiiign
TG: the ONLY reason i got 2 cut short on ripping you a new one ofer this debacle is the fact that everything is literally on fire right now
GG: What? There's a fire?
TG: no jane theres a fire when youg go camping and pack marshmalmows while smiling like an asshole
TG: the whole neighborhoof is burning down
TG: by which i mean lilerally every single fuckin builbing
TG: gtg
GG: Oh, gosh.
GG: Please be careful!
TG: stil just
TG: SM f'n H about this jake thang
TG: uuurrrrgh
GG: :(
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]

04/14/12
"--"

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
GT: Ahoy!
GT: Jane? Yoo hoo.
GT: No dice?
GT: Okey doke then i just wanted to see what was up with you.
GT: I figured you must be starting up the game by now? Cant wait to get the scoop!
GT: I just had a lets say encounter with dirks dumb robot and well its over now lets just leave it at that.
GT: Headed into the ruins now to seal the deal with this rabbit malarkey finally. Then i can join you!
GT: Not a moment too soon probably. I think this volcano is about to blow?
GT: Its making me mighty nervous im not going to lie.
GT: The grounds been shaking and everything.
GT: Wup!
GT: There it goes again aw frig this is a big one.
GT: Ohhhh shit.
golgothasTerror's [GT] skull helmet computer ceased operating due to a severe blow to the head.
GG: Jake! Wait!
GG: Oh no.

[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]

04/14/12
"==>"

You verify whether or not you made it to the end of the game, as shown above. If not, you decide to consult the walkthrough for guidance.

04/16/12
"[S] Jane: Proceed."

04/16/12
"--"

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TT: Looks like you're getting the hang of these puzzles.
TT: Nice work.
GG: Thank you!
GG: That last skull was a doozy, to be honest.
TT: Yeah, I guess. If you have a human brain, sure.
TT: Personally, I've already solved all conceivable skull puzzles for all possible skull states, which is a thing that's like, no big deal for me?
GG: Har har.
GG: Hey, I thought you couldn't see me once I left the house?
TT: I can't. Not through the server's viewport.
TT: But I can still monitor your progress through Lil Sebastian.
TT: He and I are linked the hell up cyberwise. We are so tight. Tight like you wouldn't believe.
GG: Oh yeah?
TT: It's like he is the Incredible Hulk's pants, and I am his monstrous package yearning to bust loose.
GG: Blehhhh, why??
TT: Jane.
TT: It seems there is a way bigger than average probability that you do not want to discuss Bruce Banner's megalithic gamma schlong.
GG: That figure would be sitting pretty at one hundred percent.
TT: Holy shit!
TT: Some of my circuits exploded. That number was intense to robo-consider.
GG: Ok, let's stop talking about stupid things for a minute. What a completely absurd environment for our typical blithering discourse.
GG: I am hot on the prowl for more clues about this strange and mysterious land!
TT: Ha ha.
GG: What?
TT: I don't know.
TT: Just, ha ha to that.
GG: Anyway, I think I'm getting closer to finding where my house went.
GG: Then I can reunite with dad, and together we can sleuth this great big pickle of a planet!
TT: Well, the good news is your house should be just ahead, if you keep following the trail.
GG: Yes, I knew it!
TT: The bad news is your dad's not there anymore.
GG: Oh no!
TT: I guess he got antsy and left to explore. Maybe he's looking for you?
TT: I tried to block him from leaving with some furniture, but the dude was having none of it.
GG: Golly, why did he have to leave??
GG: This really complicates matters. I hope he doesn't get lost.
TT: Don't worry, we'll find him. I'll have Seb search within a likely radius. The little guy is real fast.
GG: Yes. Good idea.
TT: In the meantime, you'd better go find your house. We aren't making any progress in this game without it. It's kinda central to the gameplay, you know?
TT: If you need Seb to do anything from afar, just message me, and I'll give him the orders. Got it?
GG: Got it! Thanks!
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

[Close tab and continue playing game in original tab.]

04/17/12
"[S] Jane: Cautiously approach."

04/18/12
"==>"

Ok, what the FUCK are you going to do with all these stupid potions? Talk about buyer's remorse. You have had enough of this vulgar clown and his pushy potion peddling.

You do not want him to be your guide and you politely ask him to leave your property.

04/18/12
"Gamzee: Retrieve contraband from chest of whimsy."

The clown says he can all motherfuckin abide about that. He doesn't want to get his step on to any motherfuckin toes. But he says if he's not going to be your guide, you gotta at least have SOMEONE as a guide, to all guide you on your way through this quest of miracles.

He tells you to hold your shit while he retrieves something from his CHEST OF WHIMSY. You say, you mean the refrigerator? He acts like he didn't even hear you.

04/18/12
"==>"

04/18/12
"==>"

04/18/12
"==>"

04/18/12
"==>"

04/18/12
"Jane: Say hello to your new guide."

|SPRITELOG|
TAVRISPRITE: wHAT,
TAVRISPRITE: Thhhhhhhhe,
TAVRISPRITE: fUCK!!!!!!!!,
TAVRISPRITE: Happened,?
TAVRISPRITE: mY,
TAVRISPRITE: Person, ality is........
TAVRISPRITE: hNNNNNNNNGH,
TAVRISPRITE: Just,,,,,,,,
TAVRISPRITE: a8SOLUTELY, fUCKING,
TAVRISPRITE: Uhhhhhhhh,
TAVRISPRITE: iRRRRRRRRECONCILA8LE!!!!!!!!
TAVRISPRITE: D::::{
JANE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!
GAMZEE: honk.

04/19/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
TAVRISPRITE: nO,
TAVRISPRITE: nO, No, nO, No, nO, No, nO, No.
TAVRISPRITE: yOU HAVE TO,
TAVRISPRITE: Undo this somehow.
TAVRISPRITE: aRE YOU LISTENING TO ME, cLOWN, aND
TAVRISPRITE: Whoever the fuck you are????????
TAVRISPRITE: mAKE ME STOP 8EING THIS THING!,!,!,!,!,!,!,!,
JANE: Hrm.
JANE: Ok, I'm sorry for screaming there. That fellow over there just caught me quite off guard with this... uh... stunt.
TAVRISPRITE: hMMMMMMMMK,
JANE: You seem quite upset. I think we should all try to calm down and figure out what to do.
TAVRISPRITE: yRRRRRRRRG,
JANE: Um, yes. Well, first of all, my name is Jane. Pleased to meet you.
JANE: What is yours?
TAVRISPRITE: My name?
TAVRISPRITE: fUCK, mY NAME,
TAVRISPRITE: It's, nOTHING!
TAVRISPRITE: i AM, a STUTTERING, rEPELLENT, uNHOLY.......,
TAVRISPRITE: a8OMIN8TION!
JANE: Oh dear.
TAVRISPRITE: yOU HAVE,
TAVRISPRITE: Noooooooo,
TAVRISPRITE: iDEA,
TAVRISPRITE: hOW, fUUUUUUUUCKING MUCH,
TAVRISPRITE: iIIIIIII,
TAVRISPRITE: H88888888te myself right now, !!!!!!!!
GAMZEE: HONK.
JANE: Quiet, you!
JANE: This is all your fault. Look at what you've done!
TAVRISPRITE: sHUT UUUUUUUUP,
TAVRISPRITE: i H8 YOU BOTH, I h8te, EVERYTHING.
TAVRISPRITE: I h8te, the way, i FALTERINGLY, sPEAK OUT, my jum8led, tHOUGHTS,
TAVRISPRITE: i H8, hOW i DRAAAAAAAAG OUT, tHE THINGS, I say, sOMETIMES,
TAVRISPRITE: I don't even know, wHICH PARTS OF MYSELF, aRE H8TING, which things????????
TAVRISPRITE: sO,
TAVRISPRITE: i JUST H8TE,
TAVRISPRITE: Eeeeeeeevvvvvvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyy, tHING!!!!!!!!
JANE: Hey, clown!
JANE: Can't you do something? This poor creature shouldn't exist!
TAVRISPRITE: Aaaaaaaa,
TAVRISPRITE: aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA!

04/19/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
TAVRISPRITE: eEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH,,,,,,,,.

04/19/12
"==>"

04/19/12
"==>"

04/20/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
VRISKA: Tavros, this fucking sucks.
TAVROS: wHAT,
VRISKA: What do you mean, "wHAT,"?
VRISKA: For starters, that completely horri8le shared 8ody resurrection 8ullshit that just happened.
VRISKA: You were there, remem8er? That's kind of the point!
TAVROS: oH, yEAH,
TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW, iT WASN'T SO BAD,
TAVROS: i THINK MAYBE WE WERE OVERREACTING, aBOUT BEING ONE PERSON?
VRISKA: Overreacting my ass!
VRISKA: What a nightmare. It's still making my ghostly skin crawl just thinking a8out it.
TAVROS: nO, i THINK i'VE DECIDED, yOU'RE BEING UNREASONABLE,
TAVROS: iT WAS COOL BEING ALIVE AGAIN FOR A WHILE, aS A STRANGE UNSETTLING MUTANT,
TAVROS: iF WE DIDN'T EXPLODE OURSELF SO FAST, iT COULD HAVE BEEN AN ADVENTURE, mAYBE,
VRISKA: Oh, sure. That's easy for you to say.
VRISKA: You weren't the one getting the short end of the shared personality stick!
VRISKA: May8e if your personality was as much an upgrade to mine as mine was to yours, I would have 8een cool with it too.
TAVROS: yOU MIGHT BE RIGHT,
TAVROS: aCTUALLY IT WAS PRETTY NEAT,
VRISKA: What?
TAVROS: gETTING TO FEEL ALL THE AMAZING SELF ESTEEM YOU GET TO FEEL,
TAVROS: i DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IT FELT LIKE, i MOSTLY ONLY KNEW WHAT THE PRETEND KIND WAS LIKE,
TAVROS: sO,
TAVROS: tHANK YOU FOR LETTING ME FEEL THAT, i GUESS,
VRISKA: Hahahaha. You're welcome!
VRISKA: Now that you mention it, may8e there was a silver lining to that freak show.
VRISKA: Someone else finally got a chance to feel first hand how gr8 it is 8eing me!
TAVROS: yEAH,
TAVROS: iT MUST BE PRETTY GREAT OVERALL,
TAVROS: sO,
TAVROS: aSIDE FROM BEING PARTIALLY ME, bRIEFLY,
TAVROS: hOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
VRISKA: Ok. Dead mostly.
TAVROS: yES, mE TOO,
VRISKA: Yeah.
VRISKA: Hey, sorry a8out that 8y the way.
TAVROS: aBOUT WHAT,
VRISKA: A8out killing you! It wasn't very cool of me.
TAVROS: oH, rIGHT,
TAVROS: i ALMOST FORGOT THAT EVEN HAPPENED,
VRISKA: How could you forget? Haven't you 8een pissed off at me a8out it?
TAVROS: nO, i MEAN, iT WAS PRETTY MUCH MY FAULT, i THINK,
TAVROS: i ATTACKED YOU WITH MY BOGUS SELF ESTEEM, aND i PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE,
VRISKA: No, you idiot! That's not what happened at all. I sta88ed you through the chest 8ecause I was 8eing a huge 8itch!
TAVROS: i MEAN, iT WAS A LONG TIME AGO, bUT THAT'S NOT REALLY HOW i REMEMBER IT,
VRISKA: Ugh, stop 8eing so stupid. That's so stupid!
TAVROS: nO, yOU'RE STUPID,
VRISKA: You are such a pain in the ass when you're dead. Let's just agree it was my fault and drop it.
TAVROS: nO, bUT OKAY,
VRISKA: Man, 8eing dead is such a drag.
VRISKA: I don't know if I can deal with this shit anymore!
TAVROS: i THINK IT'S ALRIGHT,
VRISKA: Oh come on. It's so 8oring!
VRISKA: What a completely pointless and hollow existence this is.
VRISKA: And if the existential malaise wasn't 8ad enough, now I have to 8e constantly watching out for that fucking orange guy.
TAVROS: oRANGE GUY?
VRISKA: The orange guy! Haven't you seen him?
TAVROS: nO,

04/20/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
VRISKA: Well, there's an orange guy.
TAVROS: yOU MEAN,
TAVROS: tHE BIRD VERSION OF DAVE,
VRISKA: No, not Davesprite! It's just some random pointless orange guy who's 8een hassling me for some reason.
VRISKA: I can't catch a 8r8k!
VRISKA: And if that weren't enough of a nuisance, we've apparently got to deal with getting yanked out of the afterlife without a moment's notice 8y some 8ozo in a codpiece to particip8 in his grotesque 8ody fusion pranks.
VRISKA: 8etween you and me, I'm starting to think we are getting jerked around here. You know?
TAVROS: uHHH,
VRISKA: Some inexplica8le forces out there are fucking with us. They are doing everything in their power to make sure that when we're not 8eing totally humili8ted, we are staying completely irrelevant.
VRISKA: We can't let them toy with us, then just sweep us under the carpet like that. I'm not going to let our relevance 8e marginalized anymore, Tavros.
TAVROS: wHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO,
VRISKA: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.
TAVROS: oH, nO,,,
VRISKA: More like oh yes!
VRISKA: I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of 8eing dead and useless and 8ored, and I'm not going to take it anymore.
VRISKA: You're with me, right?
TAVROS: nO WAY,
TAVROS: i LIKE BEING DEAD,
TAVROS: i LIKE IT HOW THERE ARE NO RESPONSIBILITIES, oR PROBLEMS, uSUALLY,
VRISKA: Tavros, that is the lamest thing I've ever heard you say, which is really saying something.
TAVROS: yES, iT IS,
VRISKA: You've got to quit that loser attitude and get your ass out of the sand. That's just your low self esteem talking again.
TAVROS: yES, i KNOW,
VRISKA: I'm going to have to insist.
VRISKA: You are going to join me and together we are going to fuck shit up.
TAVROS: nO, i'M NOT,
VRISKA: Yes, you are.
TAVROS: nO,
VRISKA: Yes.
TAVROS: nO,
VRISKA: Yes.
TAVROS: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" /> yES, i WILL DEFINITELY, <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
TAVROS: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" /> cOOPERATE WITH YOU WHOLE HEARTEDLY, <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
TAVROS: dAMMIT,
TAVROS: oKAY, fINE,
VRISKA: ::::D

04/21/12
"Jake: Proceed to time capsule."

You cannot proceed to the TIME CAPSULE because you are lying on the floor unconscious.

While descending deep into the ruins, a sudden earthquake jammed the elevator on its way down, causing you to take a nasty spill to the floor below. Luckily you were wearing your trusty SKULLTOP, preventing a more serious concussion. You nevertheless lost consciousness, and attempt with all your might to regain it.

04/21/12
"Jake: Regain consciousness."

You fail to regain consciousness.

04/21/12
"Years in the past..."

But centuries in the future.

04/21/12
"Jake: Respond."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
TT: Happy 13th, bro.
TT: I have something for you.
GT: Whoa nelly!
GT: You are too kind my friend. What is it?
TT: It's no big deal, since it's nothin' I wasn't planning on giving you anyway.
TT: I just sort of happened to finish it today.
GT: I think i catch your drift.
GT: So my new tin comrade finally gets a head on his shoulders eh?

04/21/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Yeah, assuming I can actually send it today without another untimely paradoxification.
TT: If not, then hey, you get a sick grill full of birthday slime instead.
GT: Oh hell no. HELL no man.
GT: Well listen. If youre going to send anything to me slime or otherwise can you please at least not make the shit appear directly over my head this time?
GT: The last thing i need on my bday is another installment of and i quote manbro bukkake theater.
TT: You still don't actually know what that means, do you.
GT: Not really? Its your friggin figure of speech man. I gathered it just meant getting slimed like in ghost busters or somesuch.
TT: Kind of. I told you to look it up.
GT: Yeah yeah. Im a busy fella dirk!
GT: Wikipedia is a lot of letters to type in a thing for a man of action on the go.
GT: Im always doing adventures remember?
TT: That is such bullshit, you sit in your little jungle globe watching movies all day.
GT: Well yes. But ok i have a LOT of movies to bone up on. There are so many good ones i still havent seen.
TT: You think literally every film you watch is a masterpiece. I've never felt so much vicarious shame through someone else's atrocious taste in awful garbage.
GT: Screw you i have IMPECCABLE standards! Its just theres so much good stuff out there and ive really been on a roll with my picks lately.
TT: Do you even hear yourself, dude?
TT: Your "picks" are everything, and "lately" is always.
GT: Yes i hear myself just fine.
GT: I hear a discriminating gentlemans melodious voice and it strikes my ears as the voice of reason! Heheh.
GT: Say heres one im pretty excited about. Have you heard about this avatar jam? Its coming out next year.
TT: You mean the blue furry shit?
GT: No man it is not blue furry shit far from it. Get this. It is about this paralyzed fellow who is down on his luck and longs for adventure. And he finds it!
GT: But it is far away on an enchanted planet rich with coveted treasures. And adventure is not all that he finds oh no. He also finds romance.
GT: A beautiful blue woman from the wild teaches him the ways of her savage culture and also the ways of alien love. Together they frolic in the forest whilst sharing primal intimacy through magic sexual escapades.
TT: Ahahahaha.
GT: Whats so funny wise guy?
TT: To borrow from one of the more benighted sectors of your zeitgeist, that was "so gay."
GT: Excuse me but i fail to see what could possibly be gay about some huge elegant blue men and women having really spiritual intercourse with their tails or something.
TT: Well yeah, obviously not literally.
TT: Jake, where I'm from that word hasn't been used as a pejorative, or even much at all, in a really long fucking time.
GT: But youre from friggin texas! Arent you?
TT: Yes. But not exactly.
GT: Augh stop being such a cryptic troll all the time!
GT: Anyway avatar looks spectacular and i think my preemptive review was spot on. The bloody end!
TT: Ok but what you just said about those furries was gay as hell. It's time to face the facts.
GT: You are just treating my great taste in flicks to your aloof hipstery disdain as usual. You dont know anything about that movie. Maybe youll like it?
TT: Nah, I saw it already. That movie sucked the smelliest shit from the ugliest butt. Sorry man.
GT: Well now i know youre just trolling me. It wont be out for another year!
TT: Right.
TT: Here, let me send you the rest of this robot already.
TT: You've spent too long alone on that island as it is. I kinda worry about you.
TT: A man can only spend so much time in the middle of the damn ocean with nothing but popcultural detritus and his own thoughts to keep him company.
GT: Alrighty.
GT: I hope it wont be as difficult to finish building as the rest was to assemble.
TT: No, just screw the thing on and it's ready to go.
GT: Capital!
GT: Scoot that noggin my way at your ready then.

04/21/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Oh cool. It worked.
GT: Hehe. You nerd.
GT: Hes got your slick japanese spectacles and everything.
GT: Why is this a metal man before me or is it none other than dirk strider himself in my room??
TT: One thing at a time, bro. I haven't quite figured out a way to get myself there yet.
GT: It almost sounds like this is something youve given some thought...
TT: Ok well I don't know what you're implying there but why don't you snap that sucker on the torso and fire it up.
GT: Affirmative.
GT: I continue to boggle vacantly at your technical shenanigans.
GT: Your knack for gadgetry seems to surpass even my grandmas and she was like this big time gizmo legend.
GT: How do you even do this stuff?
TT: I guess from your perspective I must seem hells of "overpowered" in a bunch of ways.
TT: Which I kind of am, like with a ninja sword I'm basically nuts, ok?
GT: If you say so buddy. I can believe it.
TT: Yeah, but when it comes to building stuff you're probably overstating things.
TT: Like for example, if you told someone a hundred years ago you could build a computer they'd probably be like whoa shit, look at this fuckin' genius.
TT: Well actually first of all they'd say, what's a computer, I only know what horses and diseases are and shit like that.
TT: But once you actually tell them what computers are: Jesus dick! You're a wizard.
TT: But from your perspective you know it's not a big deal to build a computer. You just go online and buy a case and a motherboard and some other shit and put it all together.
TT: It's not like you're smelting the goddamn silicon in your basement and making chips in your hermetically sealed, dust-free garage.
GT: Yeah but come on its not like youre from a century in the future.
TT: Well. No.
GT: Nor am i a quaint man of the past. Pardon me but do i SOUND like some trollycar bellwether toiling in the heart of the mustache belt from the ruff n tumble year of nineteen aught nine???
TT: ...
TT: He said unironically.
GT: Give me some credit man and some to yourself as well. You are too modest about all this robotics noise.
TT: I don't know. I have a lot of time to work on stuff I guess.
TT: There are a lot of irons. You know where they are? Here's a hint. It's a pretty hot place.
GT: The kitchen?
TT: Sure, I keep some irons there too. But most of them are in the fire.
GT: Oh of course!
GT: Fire is quite notoriously the hottest thing there is. A tip top locale for a whole mess of irons!
TT: True that.
TT: I actually have so much to do and think about, one of my current projects hopefully will address that very issue.
TT: Gonna make an AI replica of my own mind. He can share some of the load. As well as make a decent intellectual sparring partner, ideally.
TT: Not that my conversations with you aren't uniquely rad. But you know what I mean.
GT: See again i think you are downplaying a pretty neat accomplishment if you ask me.
TT: Shrug. We'll see.
GT: Does that mean I'll have to deal with two dirks?
GT: One who is MORE MACHINE THAN MAN...
GT: And another who is a computer program you made hahahahahahaha.
TT: That's a super joke.
TT: But I'm guessing you won't be hearing much from the program. It probably won't play a significant role in either of our lives.
TT: I have my doubts it'll be a successful project, but who knows.
GT: Id wager a tidy sum the results of the endeavor will be sensational.
GT: I believe in you!
TT: You do?
GT: Sure bro. I always have.
GT: You have helped me out a lot and been a good friend for ages.
TT: Hmm.
GT: What?
TT: Well, I wasn't sure about doing this today, but if it's true that you do believe in me, then I guess fuck it, why not.
GT: Why not what?
TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me.
GT: Whoa uh...
GT: Dirk are you... uh...
GT: Saying what i think?
TT: What?
TT: What do you think I'm saying here?
GT: Uh never mind sorry for interrupting.
GT: Should i sit down for this i dont know what to do.
GT: Wait i already am sitting down. Maybe i should stand up?
TT: No, just chill out. Stand up, sit down, whatever. Here's the thing.
TT: You know all these painfully obvious hints I've been dropping? That always seem to be flying over your head?
GT: Ummmmmmmm.
GT: Maybe?
GT: I think i need a towel or something.
TT: About me being from the future.
GT: Oh!
GT: Oh. Yes.
GT: I think so.
TT: Well those weren't jokes. It's true.
GT: What? Oh man are you actually serious??
TT: Yes.
GT: So like...
GT: You ARE from a century in the future.
TT: No. More like four centuries.
TT: The year 2422.
TT: Or as we say contemporarily, 411 P.C.
TT: Post Condescension.
GT: WOW.
GT: I must say this is not the announcement i was expecting.
GT: So you are a time traveler from 2422 here to help me build robots or something?
TT: No, I can't time travel. I can only send things through time, occasionally.
TT: I actually live here in the future, alone in my apartment. I can send messages to you in the past though, like I'm doing now.
GT: How?
TT: Years ago our alien friend sent me a special chat client. It's basically just Pesterchum, with some sort of alien technology embedded.
TT: It's specifically wired to communicate with your time period. As hours go by for me, the time it sends messages to also increments by the same amount, so we communicate in lockstep. As if we both existed in the present.
TT: She said it was important for Roxy and I to begin communicating with you and Jane. This is how we all became friends.
GT: Wait... you and roxy?
TT: Yes. She lives in the future too. Though we live nowhere near each other.
TT: I asked her to refrain from telling either of you. I wanted to be the one to let you know. To wait for the right moment.
GT: Holy fucking mackerel. This is amazing!
TT: So,
TT: You really are trusting me about this? Just like that? No second thought?
GT: Well yeah. Sure man why not? Wait its not a prank is it?!
TT: No.
TT: This would be a very shitty and boring "prank." I promise it isn't.
GT: Then heck yes i believe it to friggin pieces. Its an awesome thing to be true!
TT: Haha.
GT: So whats the far flung future like? Some sort of crazy robo paradise?
TT: Not quite, but there are definitely robots.
GT: Oh man what are your movies like in the future?? I bet there are some real cinematic humdingers. Like holographic stuff? Or shit you plug directly into your brain pod right? Wait you do have brain pods right?
TT: No. We don't have brain pods because those aren't a thing, you just made that up. And there are no movies in the future.
TT: There are no humans either. They all went extinct.
TT: Roxy and I are the only ones left, as far as we know.
GT: Well shit.
GT: Dirk this story got so much less awesome.
GT: Is it too late to backpedal on believing it before i start to cry?
TT: No dude, it's too late. Tears ahoy, this motherfucker gets sad.
TT: Do you want to know what happened?
GT: Sure do.
GT: Lemme just finish putting this steel melon on my brobot and then im all ears...

04/22/12
"Jake: Complete brobot."

|PESTERLOG|
GT: There he is finished.
GT: Look at this spanking iron friend from the future. He is perfect.
GT: Oh shoot dirk he just got blurry and disappeared! What the actual fuck?
TT: Don't worry, that's normal.
TT: Upon activation he goes into Stalking Mode.
GT: Stalking mode??
TT: Yes. He will stalk you in the jungle and strike when your guard is down.
GT: What? Thats crazy why would i want that!
TT: Didn't you want someone to get in scrums with?
GT: Well yeah but... man.
TT: He will give you all the scrums you can handle. Trust me, this will sharpen your combat skills.
GT: I guess youre right.
GT: I was just picturing a little good honest rough housing... why does the whole thing have to sound so sketchy and nerve wracking!
TT: Do you want to hear my grim tales of the apocalypse or not?
GT: Yes!
GT: Youre right lets put issues of fisticuffs aside for now. Tell me everything about the future.
GT: So how does humanity fuck up? Is it the nuclear holocaust? Or is it robots? Gotta be the robots right? As per the terminator.
TT: No, it's more of a gradual decline in population than that, due to an insidious power grab by an aquatic alien empress.
GT: Oh the old alien overlord story? Got it. When does she show up?
TT: She's already there, in your time period, hiding in plain sight. She has been for anywhere between fifty and a hundred years.
TT: She's the Baroness of Crockercorp. Jane's company. But of course Jane has no idea.
TT: The Baroness has been using subtle strategies to manipulate the human population through her company for a long time.
TT: On November 11th, 2011, she finally made her presence known to the world, along with her agenda for global domination.
GT: Jeez that is pretty scary. So in a few years she will be in charge of everything?
TT: No, not quite. That's just when the world finally sees her for the threat she is. She would continue to gain power by exploiting various institutions and the media from within.
TT: It would take the next several decades for her to claim the throne as Earth's absolute ruler. Her march to domination was facilitated by a number of scumbag sympathizers, and opposed by a few brave rebels, including my ancestor. Roxy's too.
TT: I think your ancestor qualifies as one too. In fact I'm sure she must have been the first member of the covert opposition movement.
GT: My grandma?
GT: I do remember when i was very young she would tell me stories of the wicked woman who raised her.
GT: Was she the evil alien?
TT: Yep.
TT: That's a whole story right there, most of which is shrouded in rumor and urban legend.
TT: But before we get sidetracked by any of that, I'll try to cover the big picture. To give you a sense of all the batshit lunacy that followed the sea hag's power play.

04/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Nobody at the time knew what the fuck she wanted to accomplish or what her actual motives were.
TT: But in retrospect it became clear she was trying to essentially restore the conditions of her old home world, which she used to rule over as well.
TT: She began instituting these crazy laws. First of all, people weren't allowed to reproduce. She found our usual method of procreation revolting, and anyone who engaged in it was punished by death.
TT: But she still needed an ongoing population of subjects to abuse, so to propagate the race she set up this weird system.
TT: At random intervals every citizen would be required to supply their genetic material to drones. That DNA would be collected and combined in some way.
TT: Many years later, long after the original donors had died, clones would be spawned from their DNA. So no one would ever be able to know who their "parents" were, or be able to trace their lineage.
TT: It was only through a bit of good fortune that Roxy and I were able to discover who our ancestors were.
GT: They were the rebels you mentioned? Are they alive right now?
GT: I mean in my time?
TT: Yes.
GT: Oh! I am very curious about them and also my grandma.
TT: I'll get to them, don't worry.
TT: Anyway, "Her Imperious Condescension" turned out to be especially cruel to her human subjects. I'm sure her rule was no picnic on her home world, but I think she resented humans' biological incompatibility with the ideal empire she envisioned, and became frustrated.
TT: Humanity wasn't even really her first choice for rule. There are reports that she attempted to clone members of her own species and replace the human population with them. But they all died.
GT: What happened to them?

04/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: The rumors say it was her own "pet" who killed them.
TT: See, she traveled from her world to Earth in this huge red space ark.
TT: In it she had gathered thousands of creatures from her planet, I'm guessing to save them from extinction.
TT: This more than anything has led me to speculate that some cataclysm happened on her home world, and she moved on to greener pastures to rebuild her empire.
TT: She bred all these creatures in secret, increasing their numbers, preparing for her eventual takeover.
TT: Each monster, or "lusus naturae," was meant to be kind of a caretaker of the young. You can see where the dramatic schism between our species and hers begins, and also why she had a reputation for being quite insane.
TT: But she also happens to have this one humongous sea monster lusus that is like her own personal bodyguard, and kind of a secret weapon.
TT: But it turns out the thing is kind of an enigma. Sort of a double edged eldritch horror. As much in her service as it is calling the shots, in some unfathomable way.
TT: Every time she tried to resurrect her race, it would slaughter them all psychically. As if it was keeping her ambition in check.
TT: Or so the story goes.
GT: Wait... these beasts tend to the young??
GT: I can tell you from first hand experience that monsters are totally rotten at taking care of kids!
GT: They do a bangup job of making em scared though. :(
TT: Exactly.
TT: The plan was beyond shitty.
GT: So does that mean you and rox were raised by these things?
TT: Nope.
TT: It was a very short lived experiment centuries ago.
TT: Humans just don't have the same evolutionary symbiosis with those things that her race had.
TT: It turns out a bunch of fuckin' alien monsters have no interest whatsoever in taking care of human babies.
TT: They mostly just wound up eating them, or at best, just abandoning them.
TT: Later she instated a lusidroid system to serve the same function, as she began phasing in more robotic solutions in favor of all this ill conceived biotech nonsense that always did nothing but backfire.

04/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Even drones were replaced with robotic versions. I imagine they were just easier to produce and control, since she'd given up hope of perfectly mirroring her own civilization in all its convoluted symbiotic glory.
TT: But not without a good fight, and not without taking her frustrations out on the human population.
TT: She attempted to enforce "blood casting" through efforts to genetically alter people's blood color. That was an ugly chapter. Lotta fuckin' people died from that debacle.
TT: Over the last four hundred years, the population just got smaller and smaller from these atrocities piling up. But she clearly didn't give a shit.
TT: All the while, the amount of dry land kept shrinking due to the gradual flooding.
TT: Soon there was hardly anywhere left to live, and then, that was that. No more people.
GT: Damn.
GT: Wait...
GT: Flooding?
TT: Oh. Yeah, I probably should have mentioned this up front.
TT: One of the first things she did while in power was begin melting the ice caps.
TT: It took a while, but eventually the whole world flooded.
TT: That's how it is now. It's totally soaked up in this bitch.
GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film?
TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness.
GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee??????
TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even.
TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though.
GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :(
TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok?
GT: Oh ok. Whew.
GT: I guess your lusis droid thingy sees to it that you have fresh water?
TT: Nope. Those stopped being a thing a long time ago too, once humans went extinct.
GT: Oh i thought...
GT: Hm. Well who raised you then?
TT: Nobody, man. I raised my damn self.
GT: !
GT: Jesus christofer kringlefucker and here i thought i was rugged!
TT: You're still pretty rugged. You're just a fucking dork about it.
GT: Thats true.
TT: I guess I did have Cal looking after me.
TT: Let's not discount the rad service of the C-man, ok?
GT: Heaven forbid.
GT: And what about roxy?

04/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Pretty sure the Carapacians took care of her when she was young.
GT: Wait the whatsits?
TT: Right. Another thing I forgot to mention.
TT: There are a lot of these humanoid creatures with hard shells. Some black, some white.
TT: As humanity was dwindling due to an increasingly whimsical and psychopathic Condesce, she began introducing more of these Carapacians on to the scene.
GT: Are they aliens too?
TT: Uh...
TT: Sort of. They are definitely from other planets, so, yeah. Really the deal with where they came from is a whole other story for another time.
TT: But the bottom line is at some point, somehow, she started herding a bunch of them from their home worlds on to Earth and multiplying them.
TT: Something like a hundred years ago it became clear she favored these guys more than humans as her subjects.
TT: They're very loyal and seem genuinely dedicated to serving her. Must be what they were bred for. She still treats them like shit though, unsurprisingly.
TT: All these colonies started sprouting up. Like these modular cities floating on the water.
TT: It probably sounds cooler than it is. But they're basically slums. That's where they tend to live in large numbers.
TT: Roxy lives in one of these colonies. It's about 2000 miles from where I am.

04/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Good gravy. Those are exotic circumstances!
GT: And here i was thinking i had the most exciting and adventurous life. It turns out im just some chump on boring ass monster island in the silly old PRE apocalypse.
TT: For what it's worth, I think it's gotta be more interesting living in the 21st century than the 25th.
TT: Like it's really no contest.
GT: Youre probably right.
GT: Id be really keen on talking to roxy about this too!
GT: Im very curious about her experiences as a future lady with all the whatsits. The hard shell folk.
GT: I must say it turns my previous perception of your lives right on its friggin ear.
TT: Man, she would love to talk to you about all this.
TT: She hates keeping secrets. It's been killing her not to spill all these fucking beans way the hell prematurely.
GT: Like what is even your day to day business like in sea hitlers water apocalypse??
TT: Well, I mostly shit around in my apartment all day, building stuff, reading about history, and flipping out with my sword.
TT: Sometimes I go fishing and check out the underwater ruins.
TT: She does plenty of useless fucking around too, but at least she's got a neighborhood.
TT: She also uses one of her gadgets to gank vegetables and stuff from the past.
TT: She tries to feed the hungry neighbors whatever she can scrounge up.

04/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Those are amazing stories. I am so lucky to have friends like you.
GT: Oh snap what about jane! Have you told her?
TT: Jane is...
TT: No. I haven't.
TT: I've dropped some hints and tested her willingness to believe something like this.
TT: It's just not going to fly. It's way too much drop on somebody all at once if they aren't receptive.
GT: Hmm. True but it seems a shame to keep her out of the loop.
TT: Well, tell her whatever you want. She'll likely think she's being fucked with.
TT: Personally, I wouldn't bother trying too hard to convince her. There's no point in alienating her.
TT: Some day she'll be ready to believe things.
GT: Okay.
GT: Wow i still have so many questions.
GT: Its incredible that this is all going to happen right around the corner! I dunno if im ready...
TT: Like I said, the changes will be a little more gradual than that. More clandestine. She'll exploit the fear caused by her revelation to the world to create intended reactions within governments and media, and her agents embedded on the inside will help nudge things in the direction she wants.
TT: Then, twenty-some years down the road, without anyone suspecting a thing, she'll suddenly be in complete control. And Earth will be fucked.
GT: I want to join the opposition!
GT: Fuck this witch i have lots of guns and reckless bravado and i want to stop her. Ill pick up where my grandma left off!
TT: Well, aside from the main reasons that won't happen, which I won't get into...
TT: It still wouldn't be a good idea.
GT: Horse shit why not?!
TT: Cause people way better at this than you tried and died?
TT: You said you wanted to hear about our ancestors.

04/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Heck yes bro.
TT: Well, how much do you actually know about your grandma? What have you read, and what do you remember?
GT: My memory of her is pretty foggy.
GT: I do know she loved adventure just like me. Thats why she was exploring this island and raising me here when she died.
GT: She was a fair markswoman and knew her way around an atom or two.
GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes.
GT: And as you confirmed she was raised by that evil spinster.
GT: But then again from some of the things my pen pal has said it kind of throws some of these details into question so i dunno what to think.
TT: I don't know what the deal is with your pen pal either, and I'm not really prepared to speculate on that right now.
TT: But I'm privy to a shitload of historical data I can share. What's the last thing you remember about her?
GT: It was the night i found her dead!

04/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: She had gone off to study the ruins one day. Im pretty sure that was her purpose on this island. To study the technology here and solve all of the astonishing mysteries.
GT: She even built that big fancy house we used to live in so i guess she really wanted to settle here for a while.
GT: But she didnt come home from her expedition for a couple days so i started to get worried.
GT: I followed the trail we usually take to the lagoon while keeping my eyes peeled for monsters.
GT: But instead i found her lying there dead.
GT: I think a monster caught her off guard. There were three big fang marks in the body and a trail of blood along the path.
GT: It looked like she was trying to get home but couldnt make it before succumbing to the injury.
GT: But before i could even do anything about it i heard an explosion. I looked back at the hill and my house was gone!

04/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Just a big poof of smoke where it was standing. So i lived alone in the jungle ever since.
TT: Huh. I've wondered about all that.
GT: Well you never asked!
TT: Oh I know. I would have. But asking about your past would have just been inviting you to do the same. You know how it goes.
GT: Indeed.
TT: But for the record, I don't think those were fang marks on the body, dude.
GT: No?
TT: Finish the story first. Then what?

04/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Oh theres not much more to it. I had to deal with grandmas body.
GT: I would have loved to give her a proper and dignified memorial like janes granddad got.
GT: God jane is so lucky every day in her household must be like weekend at bernies! What a riot it must be im so jealous.
TT: Yeah, what a fucking treat.
TT: A living room corpse party every goddamn day.
GT: I know right!!!
GT: Alas i had to dispose of the body with haste so the monsters wouldnt eat her.
GT: So i just made a little camp fire and burned it. I keep the ashes deep in the ruins which is where i think she liked it best.
GT: Hopefully there isnt an earthquake or something that would knock the urn over in a predictable and hilarious fashion.
TT: No way man.
TT: I'd bet my bottom boonbuck that shit's eternally safe.
TT: That urn's like the Fort Knox of standing upright forever because of no accidents.
GT: Heheh yeah.
GT: So then after camping out the next day i went exploring and found my room globe mostly intact sitting in the jungle so thats where i lived since.
GT: And thats pretty much it!
GT: I sure miss my grandma though she was the best.
TT: She was definitely very brave, if the stories are true. Downright audacious, I'd say.
GT: What did you hear?

04/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Well, like I said. She was raised by the Baroness. It was probably a worse childhood than either of us had.
TT: She wasn't related obviously. Ain't nobody's related to a damn fish alien. Except other fish aliens probably.
TT: She had an adoptive brother too. Life must have been miserable for both of them.
GT: Yes i vaguely remember her mentioning him.
GT: Cripes the things she told me now that i think about it. She said the witch even killed her dog!
GT: Is that true?
TT: I don't know, but wouldn't doubt it.
TT: There are other urban legends that she did a lot of experiments on animals and people. Mostly to do with mind control.
TT: Like figuring out ways to unlock all of her psychic alien potential, to increase her power.
TT: Not sure if that's true, or if it was actually successful though.
GT: So what youre saying is pretty much any unspeakably horrible thing she could have done she probably did?
TT: Yes.
TT: Anyway, your grandma managed to run away when she was quite young. Maybe it was a traumatic event like dog murder that prompted her to flee, who knows.
TT: Whatever the case, her bro stayed behind. The guy must have been seriously immune to witnessing fucked up shit, because he went on to be a famous comedian. A real kindly old cornball. A nicer guy you couldn't hope to meet, they say.
GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy.
TT: So...
TT: You're not making any connections there?
GT: Where? Huh?
TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness...
TT: Not ringing a bell?
GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here!
TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot.
GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro!
TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way.
GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!
TT: Moving on.

04/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: That kid kept the family name but obviously your grandma didn't.
TT: She must've held a grudge against the Baroness her whole life. She started by taking a different name she knew would stick in her craw.
GT: Oh! I remember this.
GT: I believe she said the witch used to be married to a terrible man named english.
GT: So because the witch really hated that guy she took on his name as sort of a big ole fuck you to the woman?
TT: That's probably close to the truth, but it sounds like the kind of story an old lady tells her young grandson in a way he would understand. Or at least wouldn't scare the shit out of him.
TT: What I've read is something much more sinister, as usual.
TT: There's supposedly only one thing the Baroness fears, and your grandma learned of this somehow.
TT: It wasn't an ex husband though. It was her superior. Some kind of demon, or another alien, no one really knows. But he went by the name English. He's supposedly even more brutal than she is, if you can believe that.
GT: So im named after a demon? What kind of demon is named english anyway?
TT: What kind of alien is named Crocker? It's probably just a name he stole from someone else, like the Baroness did.
GT: I guess its kind of cool being named after a demon whos so scary even the witch is afraid of him.
TT: Yeah, well, your grandma thought so.
TT: Everything she did in life thereafter seemed to be in effort to piss off the batterwitch.
TT: Like starting a competing tech company, heavily branded in a way that was presumably intended to remind the Baroness of her boss.
TT: Like with skulls and garish colors and shit. The dude is some kind of skull monster I guess?
GT: I love skulls!
TT: I know.

04/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: It was definitely brave on her part, but ultimately it got her a bankrupt company, a blown up house, and a fork through the torso for her trouble.
TT: But she must have been the first to understand how dangerous the Baroness was, while acting in covert opposition.
TT: Others would follow, and continue to as of now, in your time period.
GT: These are your ancestors?
TT: Yeah, mine and Roxy's were among them.
GT: Anyone ive heard of?
TT: Of course. All these fuckers are totally famous, obviously.
GT: Oh sure obviously.
TT: We've talked about the guy I'm genetically derived from a lot actually.
TT: Like, you know, every time I've ever talked about my bro?
GT: Gadzooks of course!!!
GT: With all your future mindfuckery you made me completely forget about your vaunted hollywood sibling.
GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes.
TT: Sometimes.
TT: Other times you're on point, like a bag of the nickel shit.
GT: Whoa now those are the sweets kept in reserve for millionaires. Such flattery!
TT: Ok, what we're sayin' stopped meaning anything, so I'll continue.
GT: Right. So then he was never actually your bro?
TT: No, that's just kind of how I view him.
TT: Lalonde took a more maternal view of her ancestor.
GT: The lady who wrote all the dreary wizard books i presume?
TT: Yeah, the CotL series. Ever read it?

04/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: No i tried its too depressing. And also uh kind of impossible to understand?
GT: I told roxy i liked it though i didnt want to hurt her feelings so dont say i said that.
GT: I think ill wait for the movies to come out i bet ill like those better.
TT: You don't say?
GT: I do say! Hey you mustve seen them what being in the future are they any good?
TT: They are not.
GT: Phooey to that. Like i even believe you!
TT: The books are pretty interesting though, if somewhat dense.
TT: They're supposedly heavily allegorical. Veiled representations of cosmic events surrounding the witch and her boss and how all this came about.
TT: It's the kind of thing you wouldn't pick up on unless you were someone who understood what happened, like the Condesce, which was kind of the point. I think it was her way of letting the witch know, "I'm on to you."
TT: In the early days of the resistance movement they both opposed her more indirectly, through their art, like critics of tyrannical governments often used to.
TT: They had to be careful. Didn't want to make big waves too early.
TT: My bro did this too with his many fine films.
TT: Practically everything was a symbol for something. Either in mockery of the batterwitch, or conveying some hidden message to its audience. Each film was always rigorously picked apart for its head-scratching symbolic meaning.
TT: But he managed to accomplish all that without ever compromising the purity of his ironic vision, which I think was admirable.

04/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Fuck yes the sbahj films RULE.
GT: Screw the haters! Thats what i say.
TT: You also say that about Weekend at Bernies.
GT: Man that is a scandalous mischaracterization. Nobody hates weekend at bernies!
GT: The WAB films are generally regarded as so unremarkably mediocre they dont even attract any trolls who care enough to shit on it. Believe me ive tried to get in debates with people about it!
TT: Yeah, you pretty much touche'd the fuck out of that.
TT: But we are definitely in agreement about my bro's films as the masterstrokes they were.
TT: He just kept cranking them out, too. He really stepped up production after 11/11/11, even though the cat was finally out of the bag. He was very dedicated to his craft.
GT: Dang i can hardly wait to see them!
TT: Yeah. I wouldn't hold your breath about that.
GT: Why not?
TT: Man, fuck it. I'll just send you them.
GT: !!!!!!!!!
TT: Just keep a lid on them. We don't need any weird causality shit rearing its head here. That would be dumb.
GT: I will guard each glistening compression artifact with my life, as if a jewel pilfered from a tomb.
TT: Which was the last you saw?
GT: Well there was sbahj the movovie and sbahj the the film...
GT: Oh yeah and sbahaj the movle. I think sbahj the moive is still in production right?
GT: But honestly i get confused about which particular misspelling is attributed to which film or even if im getting the misspellings right.
TT: The key to sorting it all out is to understand it doesn't actually matter.
TT: Through video streaming services he would frequently set it up so that buying a certain title would ship you the wrong film.
TT: And often titles for movies were available for sale that just straight up didn't exist. Or would be sold for dollar amounts that made no sense, like $2.890.1. And sometimes buying a download would actually deposit money into your account instead of deducting from it.
TT: It was all part of the "experience."

04/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Your forebears are certainly entrepreneurial if nothing else.
GT: I can get behind the idea of making a killing if it means i also get to be as good at doing adventures as i hope to be.
GT: Did they ever bring the battle to the witchs doorstep or were the blows dealt strictly through public masquerades and theatrics?
TT: Yeah, they got pretty deep into the shit eventually.
TT: They were both very skilled combatants. I'm pretty sure she had some weird powers too.
GT: Powers you say?
TT: Communion with occult forces. Something like that.
TT: She knew things. Had visions. It's why she was able to write those books, and more importantly, why Roxy and I were able to survive here.
GT: How?
TT: They knew we would be here some day. So they prepared for our arrival.
TT: I live in what used to be my bro's old apartment four hundred years ago. The whole city is gone, but this one unit was somehow protected.
TT: He left some supplies for me here. Like a lifetime supply of orange soda in the crawl space, along with a fuck ton of SBaHJ merch. It was like discovering my own personal holocaust of bulbous jutting bottoms.
TT: Plus some weapons, some other gear. And a killer pair of shades.
TT: Roxy's mom used to live in her place too, and left some stuff she might need lying around. This was way before there were Carapacian colonies though.
TT: I think her house must have been a kind of kernelized structure, like a potential colony. Something built to undergo modular self replication if activated.
TT: I'm sure her mom knew that. It's been a good way for Rox to blend in.
TT: I stick out like a sore thumb here of course, but it hasn't really been a problem yet.
GT: So...
GT: They knew you would show up in the future some day and prepared for that...
GT: Doesn't that mean they also knew they weren't going to be able to stop the witch?
TT: Probably.
TT: But they went down fighting anyway.
GT: Wow.
GT: Thats brave and kind of sad.
TT: Yeah. But wouldn't you?
GT: Of course!!!!!
GT: You always go down guns blazing. Thats what a hero does when he loves adventure and has guns.
GT: If theres one thing movies have taught me besides the fact that guys using a corpse as a silly puppet is friggin HILARIOUS it is THAT FACT.
TT: It's not like their rebellion was totally futile.
TT: They took a lot of shitheads down with them.
GT: Who?
TT: Sympathizers.
GT: Eugh! Just the thought of such scoundrels turns my stomach!
TT: They should.
TT: In order for you to understand, I'll have to fill you in on the ridiculous final gasps of human civilization, taking place over the several decades leading up to its absolute enslavement.
TT: The decades which immediately followed the "rebranding."

04/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: As I mentioned, Crockercorp's rebranding on 3-11, as it was often referred to in the news, totally changed everything.
TT: It marked the beginning of a completely shameless downward spiral of western civilization, through a series of events that were probably hard to notice at the time, but quite glaring when evaluated historically.
TT: Though the Baroness made very few substantive gestures of aggression, the global fear of her looming threat would trigger all the changes she needed.
TT: Governments prepared for war, as if to defend against the invading alien armies she undoubtedly commanded.
TT: But of course, she had no army. She was always the only of her kind.
TT: Instead, the world powers were only setting about to build her armies for her.
TT: The media deteriorated into this preposterous circus that was in all practical ways inseparable from the power base and government institutions.
TT: Popular entertainers became dangerous demagogues, and their roles in the media blurred with those of executive authority.
TT: And the most dangerous were the ones who fed into the fear and hysteria most effectively.
TT: These tended to be plants. Unscrupulous shills paid by the Baroness to move her agenda forward.
GT: Dang.
GT: I would like to think i will not be suckered by their silvery tongues whenever they come along.
TT: Well the thing is, most of them are already on the scene in your time.
GT: Who!
TT: Ever hear of Guy Fieri?
GT: No?
GT: I dont think so.
TT: You're fortunate then.
TT: He was an especially degenerate piece of filth.
TT: He used his connections and guile to wriggle into the spotlight, and then on to other positions of power.
TT: He somehow landed on the U.S. Supreme Court. Over the years, other justices started mysteriously disappearing without being replaced.
TT: After helping rewrite the constitution to form an incomprehensible patchwork of fascism, theocratic mandates, recipes, and bad rap lyrics, he weaseled his way up the ranks to become the High Chaplain of Interstellar War.
TT: I'm just gonna cut to the chase, cause really this ain't a big history lesson here.
TT: He eventually came to be regarded as the third and final Antichrist.
TT: No other human in history was responsible for more death and suffering.

04/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: That boorish cur!!!
TT: Yes, that's exactly the phrase I would use to describe someone responsible for the extermination of five billion people.
TT: It was just so uncivilized of him.
GT: How could such an atrocity be allowed to happen?
GT: Was his personal magnetism really that overwhelming?
TT: Maybe overwhelming in the wrong direction, yeah.
TT: But it didn't happen overnight. It was a gradual decline in the integrity of the system that allowed it.
TT: Eventually the wheels came off and the political scene mirrored the absurdity of the media circus.
TT: By the time Presidents Jay and Dope were elected, western civilization had officially fucked itself over forever, and I think everyone knew it.
GT: Oh no.
GT: When does that happen?
TT: 2024. The last free election the world would ever see.
GT: So like...
GT: They were on the ticket together? As president and vice president?
TT: No, man.
TT: They were both president.
TT: They were the first Dual-Presidents of the United States of America. Also the last.
TT: They were also the first and last juggalo presidents. The founding fathers warned us about this, but nobody listened.
GT: They did? Warned us about what exactly?
TT: The Mirthful Executives.
TT: George Washington had prophetic nightmares about them. He tried to warn people, and get language amended to the constitution to prevent it.
TT: Like forbidding the election of what he famously described as "a pair of salty bards," or "unruly jesters given to the sweet drink."
TT: But everyone just thought he toked too hard on the colonial cannabis or whatever.
GT: Im not sure i follow. These are like clown presidents or such?
TT: Yes. They were a shitty rap duo from your time.
TT: But they ran a hell of a campaign. By then the juggalo party had gotten huge. While the numerous other candidates split the moderate vote, they retained a very energized and devoted base.
TT: You could say their party had a big tent.
GT: Dirk i really dislike the future you are describing.
TT: Hey me too.
TT: They were swept into office on a wave of Faygo, and the presidential inauguration was the biggest Gathering of the Juggalos of all time.
TT: They all hosed each other down on the Whitehouse lawn with shitty soda. The "D.C." in the capital thereafter officially stood for "Dark Carnival."
TT: Of course their campaign was helped considerably by having support from the Baroness.
TT: In retrospect, people developed the impression that it was all a part of her sick sense of humor.
TT: There was this sense that she just loved the idea of delegating the extreme subjugation of the world's population to a pair of demented clown rappers.
TT: Some have speculated this was just another way she was attempting to resurrect her previous model of governance, though this seems kinda far fetched to me.
TT: Who the fuck ever heard of an alien juggalo? To me this is about as stupid as the crackpot theories get.

04/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: I still dont really know what a juggalo is.
GT: Do they juggle?
TT: Don't worry about it.
TT: People were less prepared for a double juggalo presidency than they ever imagined.
TT: I'm not even going to get into all the horrifying details. Trust me, you just start to feel dirty reading about it.
TT: From the moment Fieri held up the bible to swear them in, and the three of them proceeded to publically defecate on it while freestyling rap lyrics...
TT: That was it. Everyone in the world watching it on TV just said, "Welp. Show's over. Civilization was pretty cool while it lasted."
TT: The next several grueling terms of their presidency was a weird combination of authoritarian practices. The Baroness used it as a puppet regime, while still basically giving them carte blanche to carry out their idiotic whims.
TT: Faygo was pumped through the plumbing instead of tap water. The new national pastime was having type 2 diabetes. And the national anthem was replaced by a 3 minute high-reverb audio clip of President Jay farting into a microphone while laughing.
TT: Chaplain Fieri was authorized to set up the death camps, in which anyone on the planet could be imprisoned if they were not deemed sufficiently "mirthful."
TT: And so the cleansing began, priming humanity for its new ruler waiting in the wings.
TT: This was when our ancestors had enough.
TT: The resistance movement had failed, but they could at least bring the war criminals to justice.
TT: My bro finally caught up with the presidents and challenged them to a duel.
TT: They accepted, having for years regarded him as a cocky rival rapper who failed to show them the proper respect. In their arrogance they invited him into the foul belly of the Carnival believing they could teach him once and for all what it truly meant to be down with the clown.
TT: For centuries thereafter, survivors of the Hilarocaust would cite the rooftop showdown as one of the most heroic moments in human history.

04/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: He killed them both.

04/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Unfortunately, as they were only figureheads, no liberation followed. There would be no parades in the streets, or statues cast, or medals awarded.
TT: The few witnesses would report seeing only a man with a sword on a shitty skateboard, gently rising into the night sky.
TT: No one ever saw him again.

04/27/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Meanwhile, Roxy's mom was tracking down the High Chaplain.
TT: His crimes had already been committed. She couldn't repay them by any stretch of the imagination.
TT: But she could wipe the blood stained grin off that fat bastard's face.

04/27/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: She gouged his eyes with a pair of needles.

04/27/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: And rode his torso to the bottom of the bloody falls.

04/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Reports of what happened to our ancestors after that are sketchy.
TT: There were no eye witness accounts I've found, but some believe they regrouped and confronted the Condesce herself.
TT: With all her high ranking officers dead, and the human population decimated and sufficiently groomed for her arrival, there was no reason to stay behind the scenes anymore.
TT: After those dreadful years of putting up with a more vulgar brand of authoritarianism, when she finally stepped forward to claim her throne, it actually came off as somewhat dignified. Elegant, in a way.
TT: She was no less severe, but at least she knew how to act like an empress.

04/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: But even if they did manage to confront her, there was no way they could win. She had too many crazy alien powers.
TT: Her boss supposedly had jacked her power level through the roof. I even heard, and don't quote me on this, that she may have been over 9000.
GT: Heavens to betsy.
GT: That figure is just absurd.
TT: Yeah.
TT: And that's not even to speak of the generic smorgasbord of other powers she was rumored to have.
TT: It gets hard to separate the fact from the urban myth.
TT: But for reference, if you want to believe it all, just picture all the X-Men combined into one sexy fish woman in a skin tight suit.
GT: Whoa momma.

04/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Whatever actually went down, they're surely both dead now.
TT: I guess it had to happen like that, though.
TT: There's no way the Condesce would allow us to be born within even a century of our genetic forebears. The thought of that was completely disgusting to her.
TT: But I really would have liked to be able to meet them.
TT: I guess some things would just be too awesome to ever stand a chance of happening.
GT: Yeah i know the feeling. :(
GT: Wait...
TT: What?
GT: Dirk didnt you tell me at some point that you did find evidence the witch killed them?
TT: As of now? No.
GT: Are you sure? I SWEAR i remember you saying something about that.
TT: How could I have said anything like that before today? This was obviously the first time I mentioned any of this.
GT: Oh.
GT: I am just having the NUTTIEST deja vu thing going on now. I feel weird.
TT: ...
GT: I guess i am mistaken. Never mind.

04/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Ok.
TT: I will disregard your anomalous observation for now and continue conversing as if it never happened.
GT: Right. Good plan.
GT: Um.
GT: Anyhoo thats a heck of a tragic and thrilling tale dirk.
GT: I am still totally cockeyed and catawampus about it all i dont even know what to think.
TT: But you believe me, right?
GT: Oh yeah every word of it!
TT: Wow.
GT: Why shouldnt i? You are my friend and i trust you.
TT: I still just think it's impressive, is all. Even after all this time. You are pretty much a one of a kind dude.
GT: Heh not really i just like believing stuff and believing in people.
GT: Wait what do you mean?
TT: About what?
GT: When you said after all this time?
GT: You just told me now!
TT: Yes.
GT: Hang on.
GT: Blarg! The deja vuey shit is happening again!!!
GT: Okay i am SURE weve had this conversation before so many things are familiar.
GT: I remember you saying the one of a kind dude thing and i remember saying the word catawampus and...
GT: All of it!
GT: Whats going on?
TT: Took you long enough to figure it out.
TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn.
GT: Figure what out!
TT: You're asleep.
GT: Oh.
GT: Thats right. I fell off the platform thing and i guess i got knocked out?
TT: Yep.
GT: So im dreaming.
TT: Kinda.
TT: It's a dream bubble.
GT: Whats that?
TT: A place in the infinite abyss where sleeping people can share dreams with each other while revisiting memories.
TT: Also where they can meet dead people.
GT: So we are sharing a dream together?
GT: And youre currently asleep too? Uh. Currently in the future?
TT: No.
TT: Even if I was, I wouldn't visit a dream bubble. That only happens when your dream self is dead, like yours is.
TT: Mine is not.
GT: Hm. I guess i understand?
GT: So whats the deal then? Wait.
GT: You said this is where they meet dead people too...
GT: Shit! Dirk are you dead? Are you a ghost!?
TT: No, dude. Chill. I'm fine.
GT: Then what the fuck is going on! Who am i talking to?
TT: Well, who are the people you talk to when you have a regular dream?
GT: What? Uh...
TT: Like just a boring normal dream, and there's a person you're talking to. Who is that?
GT: I dont know?
TT: It's nobody. Just a projection of your own mind.
TT: Dream bubbles don't always need to be shared by dreamers or dead people. You can go to sleep and wake up in one alone, reliving an old memory.
TT: Kind of like a normal dream. Until you remember it's just a memory, which is where we are now.
GT: Okay.
GT: So.
GT: I am having like a lucid dreamy thing in a magic bubble and you are just like a figment of my imagination?
TT: Yes, basically.
GT: So im talking to myself! Thats kind of stupid!
TT: Well, yeah. But not quite.
TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him.
TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness.
TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes.
GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking?
TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick.
TT: But pretty damn close.
GT: Okay thats fair.
GT: But.
GT: Man.
GT: There is something that feels kind of weird about this. You being in my head... its a little messed up!
TT: What's messed up about it?
TT: You were the one who put me here, with your intimate understanding of all his mannerisms and predilections.
TT: And a splintered existence is pretty much how he rolls.
TT: This is how shit is bro.
GT: Ok im sorry for saying its messed up but...
GT: Its still a bit frustrating! Ive been trying to talk to you all day.
GT: But all i get is your pesky responder bedeviling me at every turn and your friggin robot punching me across the ocean and then throwing a weird tantrum and ripping his nuclear heart out in front of me.
GT: And if that werent enough i tumbled off the doohickey and knocked myself out and now im strolling down memory lane with your fake brain ghost!
GT: Its like you are surrounding me from all sides with imitations of yourself but never the REAL YOU!!!
GT: Cheese and fucking crackers when do i just get to talk to the actual dirk?
TT: Jake, what do you even know about someone's actual self?
TT: What makes it actual? What is "actuality?"
GT: What a horseshitty question!
GT: I dont know anything about actuality i guess but i know some philosobabble horseshit when i dadblasted hear it.
TT: I'm just saying, this isn't really your field of expertise.
TT: Dirk is the heart guy. He's the one walking the path of self, even when he doesn't know it. Like right now.
GT: But what does that mean?
GT: And how can you really be made of only my thoughts when i dont even know what youre talking about sometimes?
GT: Or when i didnt know some of the things youre telling me? Like about being in a dream bubble?
GT: How can i tell myself about that stuff through brain ghost dirk!
TT: Who says you don't know those things on some level?
GT: I dont think i do!
GT: I have no business knowing those things.
TT: Pages have a lot of untapped potential.
TT: That's practically all there is to the class, actually.
TT: But when they eventually find it, look out.
TT: And the ones who deal in hope? Shit, man.
TT: I'm scared of you already, and I'm not even real.

04/30/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Are you sure you arent real?
GT: No offense but I kind of get the same smartass vibe from you as i do from the responder.
GT: Like har har i have the same basic personality as dirk but without any accountability or anything so let me just be kind of flippant and mess with this jake fellas head!
GT: You know what im saying?
TT: Yes.
TT: That's a surprisingly decent observation about me.
GT: Yeah see i think i maybe did a little TOO good of a job brain cloning you? This is way too much like talking to the REAL fake dirk.
GT: Holy cow what a dumb sentence that was.
TT: You did do a good job.
TT: A perfect job, in fact.
TT: Untapped potential, remember?
TT: I don't think one of Dirk's splinters could exist nearly as well in anyone's mind other than yours.
GT: Well thats just spiffy for me but im starting to feel somewhat like im being haunted by you now.
GT: I just want to talk to my real buddy. And by real i just mean the ORIGINAL GUY.
TT: What do you even want to say to him?
GT: Oh i dont know.
TT: It's not like you can keep any secrets from me here.
TT: I pretty much am your brain.
GT: Aaah! No dont say that its so weird.
TT: You do realize he's coming for you.
TT: Dirk. In the real world. The man has his designs.
GT: Yes. I know.
TT: Wanna talk about it?
GT: With you? No!! Thats like...
GT: Thats like talking to him about it which is like really jumping the gun i think.
TT: What better chance is there to try talking about it than with a stunt double for your hyper-aggressive suitor within the safety and privacy of your own mind?
GT: But i cant yet! I just cant.
GT: There are some feelings im not sure how to put into words yet and doing it in front of you whether youre a stunt double or brain puppet or whatever it just makes me feel uncomfortable!
TT: So there are feelings you don't want to try to put into words, even while you are dwelling entirely within the realm of your own mind?
GT: Yes.
GT: What is so hard to understand about that?
TT: What about the spider ghost?
GT: Huh?
TT: The girl you saw.
TT: When you got fucking clobbered by Dirk's robot and you passed out.
TT: You dreamed about a spider ghost alien girl.
GT: Oh yeah.
GT: What about her?
TT: You like her.
GT: Man what?
GT: Thats dumb i saw her for three seconds and she waved at me and i woke up!
TT: Yeah, and it took all of three seconds for you to fall in love with the cute spider ghost.
GT: Why do you keep calling her a ghost??
TT: Cause she's been dead for a zillion years, dude.
GT: Oh. Well.
GT: Holy shit?
TT: That won't change the fact that you like her, let's not pretend it will.
TT: You're going to make things complicated for yourself.
GT: No i wont.
TT: Yeah you will. You're too fuckin' wishy washy.
TT: Between Dirk, spider ghost, Jane...
TT: Man, poor Jane.
GT: What? What about jane?
TT: You tell me.
TT: What was even the deal with that?
GT: Our last chat ended on very pleasant and amicable terms! She was upbeat and chipper as ever. I fail to see what reason one might have to feel sorry for her.
TT: Uh, yeah. You totally read her like a book.
TT: Really handled that conversation like a champ.
GT: Wait... didnt i?
TT: Look out bitches. It's Jake "Casanova Ladyslayer" English. He's packing heat, and is frequently able to parse the literal meaning of things women say.
GT: What are you getting at!
TT: We're running out of time.
TT: She'll be here soon.
GT: Jane?!
TT: No, doofus.
TT: Spider ghost.
GT: Whoa.......
GT: Whoa ok.
GT: Where? Wait. She is??
GT: Oh fuck.
TT: Look at you. I'm telling you.
TT: Three damn seconds of ogling an alien in a blue dress, and you're completely hopeless.
TT: Stop fidgeting around like that. Your hair looks fine.
TT: Do you want me to tell you how your breath smells?
GT: Screw you!!!
GT: I am cool as SUCH a cucumber.
TT: Ok then.
GT: Uh.
GT: Why does my breath not smell ok?
TT: You're dreaming, Jake.
TT: Your breath is only a thing if your brain wants it to be.
GT: Oh okay whew.
GT: When is she coming? Why is she visiting my dreams?
TT: Soon.
TT: She's been waiting for the right time to enter. Waiting for you to snap out of the memory.
TT: Clearly the girl has the patience of a saint.
GT: Alright...
GT: Dang! Its warm in this dream bubble. How can i be sweating in a dream??
GT: Where do i keep the dream towels...
TT: Will you calm the fuck down?
TT: I'm a figment of your imagination, and you're still making me nervous.
GT: But really who is she? Whats her deal and what does she want from me?
GT: Since all this so called untapped potential in my subconscious taking the form of yet another sassy dirk clone seems to know everything would it be ok if i troubled my own brain for a few flipping answers???
TT: You should try to be more polite to me. Seeing as I am a representation of your entire mind, I have complete control over all your basic functions.
TT: I could trigger a particularly spirited bowel movement right before she gets here, so watch your step.
GT: Augh no no no im sorry im sorry dont!
TT: Just kidding, dude. Jesus.
TT: I would never make you shit your pants in front of a girl you liked, even if she does happen to be my chief competition.
TT: We Dirk splinters can be pretty Machiavellian but we do actually have some fuckin' standards.
GT: Okay. Thank you for promising to keep my trousers tidy.
TT: Anyway, she's visiting now to bring you into the loop on some things.
TT: Important details you should know about your relation to the bigger picture.
TT: The much, much bigger picture.
GT: I still dont understand how you know... or excuse me MY BRAIN knows this stuff. Because im a page? How does that make sense?
GT: And also if you know the things she will say why dont you just tell me the things?
TT: Intuition and the subconscious mind are powerful things when harnessed the right way.
TT: As for why I don't tell you, why not just let her tell you?
TT: You're the one with the damn crush on her.

04/30/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Ok dude shes here shoosh!
TT: I know.
GT: Oh man. Ummmm...
TT: What the fuck are you looking at me for?
TT: Say something to her, jackass.
GT: Okay i will i will youre distracting me though! Can you scoot over a bit?
TT: Oh my god. Fine.
GT: Hi there! Welcome! Er...
GT: Dont mind him hes just a brain clone of my best friend. I know that sounds crazy. Heh.
TT: Bro, she can't even see or hear me.
TT: You're making a fool of yourself.
GT: Wait she cant? Why didnt you tell me that!!! You are really throwing me off here.
TT: I don't know, I guess I didn't think you were going to have a neurotic meltdown at the sight of a girl.
GT: I thought you were supposed to know stuff like that seeing as you are LITERALLY MY BRAIN!
TT: God dammit, will you just chillax and woo this fucking ghost babe?
GT: How can i chillax when you keep talking to me its really disconcerting!!!!!
TT: You are totally embarrassing yourself, dude. You're talking to nobody.
TT: Man, I'm starting to feel bad for spider ghost. Look at her, she's getting uncomfortable.
GT: Shhhh just SHUT UP i cant THINK!
TT: You are being so lame, I don't care if I'm a figment of your imagination or not, I can't take this bullshit.
TT: Either you get your shit together and put the moves on this dead space vixen or I start fucking with your cortex and make you pop a dream boner.
GT: OH GOD NO DONT YOU DARE!!!!!!!!!
TT: You don't think I'll do it?
GT: NO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GIVE ME A BONER DIRK!!!
TT: Sorry Jake. The plan's in motion.
TT: Next stop, Boner City.
GT: SO THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG???
GT: TO GIVE ME A BONER???
TT: And you
TT: ...
TT: ...
TT: ...
TT: ...
TT: Got one.
GT: YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
GT: OH...
GT: OH TEE HEE A FALSE ALARM I SEE VERY FUNNY COOL GUY!
GT: I THINK YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT!
GT: YOURE BLUFFING YOU DONT EVEN HAVE THE POWER TO GIVE ME A PHANTASMAL ERECTION!
TT: Jake, please.
TT: Members of the juggalo party aren't the only ones who can pitch a big tent.
GT: THEN GO AHEAD! MAKE MY FUCKING DAY!
GT: IM READY FOR YOU. YOU THINK IM AFRAID? ILL TAKE YOUR BONER MAGIC LIKE A MAN!
GT: IM NOT ASHAMED! I WILL STAND TALL AND PROUD AT FULL MAST IN FRONT OF THIS PRETTY ALIEN!
GT: DO YOUR WORST YOU BASTARD!!!!!
TT: This is so stupid.
TT: You are out of your mind. And this is coming from your mind itself.
TT: I can't even watch this, I'm out of here.
GT: WELL GOOD RIDDANCE TO IRONIC HIPSTER DOUCHEWAD RUBBISH IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT!
TT: I wonder what Jack's up to right now.
GT: WHAT?
GT: I mean... what? Whos jack?
TT: Just talk to the girl, ok?
TT: You have some damage control to do.

04/30/12
"Jack: Start Jailbreak Adventure."

You wake up locked in a deserted jail cell, completely alone. There is nothing at all in your cell, useful or otherwise.

04/30/12
"Jack: Attempt to pry open window."

There are no objects around with which to "pry open window".

Look at that. This frame is precisely identical to the previous frame. You advanced nothing whatsoever with that dumb idea.

Do you realize this adventure is nearing 5000 panels? And now we have to watch you flounder around in a jail cell for god knows how long? Exactly how many panels do you want this to go on for? Over 9000? Nobody wants that. Nobody even wants to hear the phrase "over 9000."

You need to begin making better decisions if you want to escape.

04/30/12
"Jack: Get key."

What did you not understand about the statement, "There is nothing at all in your cell, useful or otherwise."

There is no key.

04/30/12
"==>"

It is an extremely crude drawing of a key on the floor. Really, the drawing is so bad, it's ridiculous to think that some prankster thought it would fool you, which it did. Whoever drew this key clearly was employing the most primitive drawing tools available.

You are obviously being fucked with in this stupid jail cell. You expect that you will continue to be fucked with, and it makes you wish you could stab something.

04/30/12
"Jack: Get pumpkin."

WHAT FUCKING PUMPKIN. THERE IS NO PUMPKIN. ONCE AGAIN, THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL IN YOUR CELL, USEFUL OR oh god dammit.

Ok, a pumpkin appears. You guess it must be feeding time for the prisoners. These Prospitian jails are like luxury suites compared to the penal system on Derse. Should be the softest time you ever did.

05/01/12
"Jack: Consume pumpkin."

What a horrible idea. You don't eat fresh produce. The thought is revolting to you. What do you think these sharp teeth are for? Or, what's left of them at least.

You'll have to make a note to file a protest with your lawyer. Complain of cruel and unusual treatment. Their coddling criminal justice system will undoubtedly see to it you are given some proper meat to consume. Perhaps a prime cut of filet mignon, as if you are a guest of honor. What a bunch of powder puffs, with all their namby pamby morals and compassion. This kingdom makes you sick.

05/01/12
"Jack: Look out window."

You step up on the little curby thing to get a better look outside. Can't make a plan without getting your bearings.

05/01/12
"==>"

A lone sentry is on duty below. You shout a few obscenities his way. You wonder aloud what a guy has to do to get a decent meal around here. Hey, you're TALKING to that guy. It's no use though. He ignores you.

Just look at that stoic face. The unshakeable discipline. The stalwart sense of duty and pride. This is what it means to be a member of the Prospitian Royal Guard.

What a load of shit, you grumble to yourself, but loud enough for him to hear.

05/01/12
"Jack: Inspect pumpkin."

That guy won't be of any use. You doubt you could even manage to lure him into your pissing radius, magnificent though it is.

You give the pitiful gourd a little kick. A terrible thought occurs to you. What if you have no choice but to eat this awful thing? You can't let it come to that. You have to get out of here.

Hold on, what's that...

05/01/12
"Jack: Take a closer look."

Eureka. Droll you beautiful bastard.

Looks like he snuck something inside the pumpkin to help you escape. Probably a bomb. You are going to have to remember to give him a promotion when you get out of here. Or at least reduce his daily newspaper floggings.

Need to think of a way to get the bomb out of there. Can't just smash it with your foot, or it might explode and take your leg off. Too bad they confiscated your knives or you could slice the thing open neatly. Maybe even carve a funny face into it. Heh heh, you bet you're the first guy who ever thought of doing that.

05/01/12
"Jack: Search for carving apparatus."

Hang on. You remember seeing some pointy things just outside the window.

Luckily both kingdoms are totally covered in pointy things. Can't swing a dead cat without impaling it on one.

05/01/12
"Jack: Take pointy thing."

You snap off a golden pointy thing. Should be sharp enough to do the trick.

05/01/12
"Jack: Carve pumpkin."

It slices through the meat of the vegetable like a sharp spire through thick squash. This is working so well. Who the hell needs a trusty knife when you are this resourceful? Screw knives!

You take it back, you can't stay mad at knives.

05/01/12
"Jack: Open it."

You can taste your liberation already. You can't wait to hear the sweet ticking of the bomb that is definitely in there. That will be the sound of freedom, you decide.

You pull off the lid to reveal...

05/01/12
"==>"

A whole bunch of knives.

05/01/12
"==>"

God DAMN it, Droll.

05/01/12
"==>"

He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although now that you think about it, he might be by default, since he just sent you all the sharpest tools in the shed.

Oh well, you can probably get some use out of these. You've never once been disappointed to receive a pumpkin full of knives, and you're not about to make an exception.

05/01/12
"Jack: Empty pumpkin on floor."

You take a quick inventory of the smuggled contraband.

Hold on. Looks like he snuck something else in the pumpkin under all the knives. Something... compromising.

05/01/12
"Jack: Examine compromising material."

The Droll knows what it's like spending long, cold nights alone in the clink. A man needs a little reading material to keep him company, if you know what he means.

If your skin wasn't made of polished jet black carapace, your cheeks would be turning bright red. No one can ever know about this. You must destroy the evidence. Or disguise it somehow.

05/01/12
"Jack: Forge blade out of illicit literature."

None shall be the wiser. It is the perfect crime.

When you bust out of prison, you should be locked right back up again because of how perfect this crime is.

05/02/12
"Jack: Throw a knife down there to get that guy's attention."

That should get the guy's attention.

05/02/12
"==>"

Unfortunately it only keeps his attention until he dies, which is almost instantly.

You need to come up with a better plan. While you would argue that random stabbings are their own reward, they aren't getting you any closer to escape.

05/02/12
"Jack: Examine exit."

That door is locked tight. You're going to need a key to open it. Preferably one that isn't horribly drawn on the floor to taunt you.

05/02/12
"Jack: Knock on door."

Maybe if you knock hard enough, in just the right way, at just the right time...

Wait for it... wait for it...

Wait, no. Not yet.

Wait for it...

Wait...

...

05/02/12
"Jack: Now."

Your clumsy fist accidentally flies through the bars, knocking out a passer-by. Keys from his key ring jangle on the floor.

05/02/12
"==>"

It's quite possible one of those keys will unlock your door. But they are all well out of reach now.

What next, genius?

05/02/12
"Jack: Use knife to snag one of the keys on the floor."

You see if a knife can adequately lengthen your reach. But it's no use! They're still just outside of your modest slashing radius.

05/02/12
"==>"

No dice. Need a different approach.

Wait a minute. Another guard notices your unauthorized tomfoolery and radios for backup.

05/02/12
"Jack: Beckon other guard over."

He looks none too pleased by your misbehavior. This will surely result in reduced rations. You can expect to find a slightly smaller pumpkin in your cell come Skaia rise, mister.

You keep beckoning him. Just a little closer. A little closer...

05/02/12
"Jack: Convince second guard to pick up keys for you."

You use a little "persuasion" to see if you can get him too... Jack, no!!!

That is not how you convince someone to do something. You're supposed to save the stabbing until AFTER you intimidate him into doing what you want! How exactly is a dead guy supposed to pick up some keys for you?!

05/03/12
"==>"

Real smooth, Jack. What's the plan now? To bury the keys under a growing pile of torsos? This is turning out to be the second shittiest jailbreak attempt anyone has ever seen.

05/03/12
"Jack: Look around room."

The only remaining thing in the room worth noting is in the other corner of your cell. Just a transport pad prisoners are supposed to use as a waste receptacle. These were decommissioned in Derse prisons a long time ago. Too many prisoner suicides, and severed heads showing up in the waste bins. None of those auto-decapitations were authorized with the right paperwork, so privileges had to be suspended.

You hear the door open and slam shut. Someone else is in your cell.

05/03/12
"Jack: Welcome guest."

Looks like the sentry phoned downstairs for a little muscle. It's one of the regulator lugs they use to keep the gen pop in line. This guy has an itchy baton wrist and that look in his eye you know all too well. He's not leaving this room until one of you is good and bloody.

05/03/12
"Jack: Be the other guy."

You attempt to be this guy down here but you can't be this guy down here because he's dead.

But it does serve as a convenient cutaway for the vicious beating that is currently taking place in your cell. We don't need to be watching that kind of prison brutality. We take our sweet time looking at this dead body while terrible noises can be heard from your prison window.

Ok that should be long enough. You can stop being this guy now.

05/03/12
"Jack: Stop being that guy."

You stop being the other guy in time for us to see that you have just finished quickly and cleanly subduing the...

Jack.

Jack, the man is dead. Stop that.

Jack.

Jack.

Jack.

05/03/12
"Jack: Apologize to guard's body."

You start to feel sorry for stabbing that guy with 7 knives in the back and bashing his face into the door 89 times. Well, maybe not all 89 times. For the first 88 you felt pretty good. But by the 89th face bashing, you were definitely starting to feel pretty sorry.

And by sorry, you guess you mean bored.

Anyway, you mutter something under your breath that could EASILY sound like an apology to someone who wasn't listening very well.

05/03/12
"Jack: Give guy a proper funeral."

Whatever the state of your contrition might be, there can be no question about it. A man dedicated to royal service deserves a proper and dignified funeral.

However, since there is no casket in your cell that is nearly big enough for this lug's hefty torso, you will have to improvise.

05/03/12
"Jack: Seek alternative casket."

You sever the guard's head with your most trusted of all trusty knives, and begin sizing up that hollowed pumpkin.

It will definitely be snug, but you think you can make it fit.

05/03/12
"Jack: Make it fit."

You don't care what anyone says. You say this pumpkin was MADE for this fucker's melon. Fits like a damn glove.

05/03/12
"Jack: Close it up."

Perfect. A textbook burial for a man of honor and distinction.

The sacrifices made by our public servants don't get anywhere near the respect they deserve, you think.

05/03/12
"Jack: Bring casket over to receptacle."

His funeral will not be complete without a proper sendoff.

But a stinking garbage dump is no place for the head of a brave soldier to rest. No, you must first make some modifications to the device. Doing hard time behind bars will motivate a man to learn a trick or two when it comes to systems like this.

05/03/12
"Jack: Pry open panel with knife."

You open it up and switch a few wires around. There. Now instead of a nasty old pile of rotting pumpkin matter, the destination should be the throne room of the Prospitian palace! Surely the queen will want to be alerted to the noble sacrifice of this brave warrior so that arrangements can be made to honor the hero.

05/03/12
"Jack: Send him off."

05/03/12
"==>"

05/04/12
"==>"

You hear the door open again, followed by the sound of surly footsteps. Could it be that another glutton for a good face bashing has decided to visit your cell?

05/04/12
"Jack: Greet visitor."

Ah. You see. It appears there are quite a few said gluttons this time. Settle down, gentlemen. There are more than enough face bashings to go around.

05/04/12
"Jack: Quick, be the other guy again."

You be the other guy again while they beat you senseless.

05/09/12
"Other guy: Be Jake."

Suddenly you aren't the other guy anymore. You couldn't quite be the other guy anyway since he's dead, even though deadness hasn't really stopped us from being guys before.

Nevertheless, the dead guy starts being Jake, who is not a dead guy. Well, his dream self is dead. But his non-dead non-dream self isn't, and that's the guy we're being, a guy who is asleep. That non-dead sleeping guy is presently talking to a non-sleeping dead ancient spider ghost, who long ago earned the achievement badge, GIFT OF GAB, and boy does she know how to use it.

05/09/12
"Jake: Attempt to get a gab in edgeways."

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Well, Jake? Don't you have anything to say?
JAKE: ...
ARANEA: I think I've spent enough time introducing myself! You have hardly said a word.
ARANEA: It would 8e nice to know whether my long story has confounded you in any particular way, or if you are just 8eing shy.
JAKE: Uh...
ARANEA: Yes?
ARANEA: Jake, I understand this is very much to learn all at once, 8ut do you really want me to keep speaking until I am 8lue in the face?
JAKE: ...
JAKE: Gulp!
ARANEA: You appear to 8e perspiring heavily.
ARANEA: There is no reason to 8e so nervous, especially considering you are only dreaming.
JAKE: Shit!
JAKE: Sorry. I dont know where i put the dream towels.
ARANEA: It's ok.
ARANEA: Well, at the risk talking a8out myself a little more, I feel it would 8e dishonest not to confess.
JAKE: What?
ARANEA: I am a fairly gifted psychic.
JAKE: Whoa really?
ARANEA: Yes.
JAKE: Like you can see the future?
JAKE: Are they ghost powers or troll powers? Or wait shucks thats a dumb sounding question.
ARANEA: No, that was a fine question. They're troll powers. Sometimes those of my 8lood type will have them naturally.
ARANEA: And no, they are not prognosticative a8ilities. They let me access another's mind in a way that can 8e terri8ly invasive if a8used.
JAKE: Invasive?
ARANEA: Yes. Including the a8ility to control minds, when exploited fully.
JAKE: Uh oh.
ARANEA: 8ut don't worry. They don't seem to work the same way on your species. They're considera8ly weaker.
ARANEA: The most I can do is get an empathic impression of your emotional state.
ARANEA: So if I speculate that you are shy or nervous, it is 8ecause I can sense that you are.
JAKE: Aw man youre kidding!
JAKE: So much for trying to be cool i guess.
JAKE: Although i probably blew that when you saw me yelling at nobody about boners and stuff.
ARANEA: I wouldn't say you 8lew it, 8ut that was certainly odd.
ARANEA: Who were you talking to, if you don't mind my asking?
JAKE: That was like...
JAKE: The brain ghost memory splinter of my best friend dirk who is stuck in my head and you cant see.
JAKE: And he was kinda hassling me and trying to get me to talk to him about how his real self has a thing for me but i kind of think it would be weird to talk to his brain impostor about that? At least for now.
JAKE: And then you showed up and you caught me at an awkward moment where he was threatening to make some bodily functions happen in front of you as a joke which would have been embarrassing as all blasted heck.
JAKE: But now it turns out you can read my mind too so im surrounded by brain invaders!
JAKE: You seem cool aranea but uh when am i going to wake up?
ARANEA: I am not a 8rain invader though!
ARANEA: I said I can only sense your emotions. I think it's polite to let people know 8efore long. Otherwise I 8egin to feel a 8it underhanded.
JAKE: Ok. I guess thats not too bad.
JAKE: I think i can keep my feelings buttoned up. That is what strong and adventurous gentlemen do i think. They keep a stiff upper lip even on the inside. That way they are never embarrassed and feel slightly more brave about stuff.
ARANEA: 8ut you don't have to! That was not the point of my telling you.
ARANEA: I'm used to sensing many things from people. There aren't any feelings you could have that would 8e that surprising to me or compromising to you.
ARANEA: I really just want you to relax for the 8rief time we have in this 8u88le and talk to me.
JAKE: Um gotcha.
JAKE: But what should i talk about?
ARANEA: Well, I have spent almost no time examining this iteration of your universe.
ARANEA: The gods have given me very little access to it through the memories of others until now.
ARANEA: I 8elieve they are finally 8eginning to 8ridge the divides 8etween long estranged compartments of reality, allowing previously unintroduced parties to mingle.
ARANEA: Those from different universes, 8oth their initial iterations and their scratched re8oots. Those from different spheres, ones of creative potential and of mortality.
ARANEA: Through us all they attempt to 8ring closure to unsanctioned loops and restore sta8ility to the cosmos.
ARANEA: So I am curious a8out you and your friends. What is your life like?
JAKE: My life?
JAKE: I wish i could say it was more interesting but its actually been a mite lackluster.
JAKE: There are monsters but i try to stay away from them to tell you the truth.
JAKE: Its mostly just me sitting around here watching movies and stuff and sometimes polishing firearms.
JAKE: Guns are sweet. So are movies heh. This is a terrible story.
ARANEA: I understand. The same is mostly true for myself.
ARANEA: I can sense that you are either very impressed or in some way intimidated 8y me, 8ut when it comes down to the 8asics, a description of my life would 8e 8oring as well.
ARANEA: Why don't you show me around?
JAKE: Show you around my room? Yes ok.
JAKE: Well. There are some guns. Like i said guns are great.
JAKE: There is a whole mess of movie posters on the wall. You probably never heard of any of them being a dead alien and such.
ARANEA: Nope. ::::)
JAKE: And...
JAKE: I dont know. Theres a desk which i use to work on silly projects. And thats my bed i guess.
JAKE: Ummmm and...
JAKE: Hmm what else.
DIRK: Dude, just FYI, you've been kind of staring at her.
JAKE: (What? Shh!)
ARANEA: What was that?
JAKE: Nothing!
DIRK: I'm not trying to fuck you up here, I promise. But you gotta watch what you're thinking, remember?
JAKE: (Go away!!)
DIRK: Oh man. No. See that thought you just had? That's exactly what I'm talking about.
DIRK: She's a fucking empath, bro. She can pick up on shit like that.
JAKE: (Shhhhh not listening to you.)
ARANEA: Jake?
JAKE: Nothing! Its cool. Im...
DIRK: You have got to be kidding. Did you seriously just think something THAT dirty?
DIRK: You must be doing this on purpose to spite me now. I mean, just wow dude. That was x-rated as fuck.
JAKE: (No no stop. See youre talking about it and now i cant help it!)
JAKE: (You are psyching me into having dirty thoughts get fucking lost you interloping brain douche!!!)
DIRK: Don't worry, I'm gone. It's like a goddamn peep show in here and I feel like a sleazy piece of shit watching this from a dark corner of your mind.
DIRK: You have a graphic imagination, English. I'm kind of impressed.
JAKE: (Shut up theyre just thoughts its not even like im trying to have them THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING!)
ARANEA: Hmm.
ARANEA: Should I leave and come 8ack during another dream?
JAKE: No!!!

05/10/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Ok then.
ARANEA: What's this? An illustrated story of some sort?
JAKE: Oh hey whoa!
JAKE: Lets not worry about that its nothing really. Here give me that ok?
ARANEA: Why are you getting flustered a8out this literature?
ARANEA: Is it pornographic?
ARANEA: It does not strike me as indecent at a glance. Though may8e our cultures have different standards?
JAKE: Hahaha what? No its not that at all its just...
JAKE: I dunno its just a nerdy comic i read its no big deal.
JAKE: Theres GOT to be other stuff to talk about lets see...
ARANEA: Jake.
JAKE: Huh?
ARANEA: You know, it's not the first time I've sensed that someone felt a flushed attraction for me.
JAKE: A flushed whatsit!!
JAKE: Oh my flipping gosh...

05/10/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: You really don't have to 8e so em8arrassed. It's perfectly ok.
JAKE: Aaaaargh oh god oh god you sensed my stupid sexy thoughts i KNEW it.
JAKE: God DAMN you bogus brain strider!
JAKE: Someone needs to just kill me. Or at least make me wake up! This is so humiliating i dont even...
JAKE: Can you please just slap me really hard? If not in retribution for my ungentlemanly train of thought then at least to just get me to wake up and save me from my own ceaseless buffoonery.
ARANEA: Actually I do 8elieve it would 8e within the scope of my a8ilities to get you to wake up.
ARANEA: 8ut do you really want me to do that?
JAKE: Um... maybe?
ARANEA: If it is true that you think I am attractive then why wouldn't you want to spend a little more time here with me? What's the harm?
ARANEA: Are you really in such a hurry to leave and feel sorry for yourself, for no explica8le reason?
JAKE: Well...
JAKE: No.
ARANEA: I already told you, Jake.
ARANEA: I am used to sensing many different types of feelings.
ARANEA: It's given me a different perspective on emotions than most have.
ARANEA: For most, the feelings of others are often a mystery. So they are prone to speculation and paranoia a8out the motivations of people they meet.
ARANEA: The emotions of others can seem like such well guarded mysteries, people 8egin to 8elieve that's how their own emotions should 8e treated as well. So when someone can read their thoughts easily it feels like a violation.
ARANEA: 8ut to one accustomed to reading those thoughts, there isn't the same perception of violation or secrecy. It's more like examining other self evident facts a8out a person, like taking note of their appearance.
ARANEA: It's still hard for non-psychics to understand this though, even if you explain it to them. It can lead to some awkward relationships, unfortunately.
JAKE: I imagine it would.
JAKE: So...
JAKE: Youve sensed it when other fellas have had the hots for you eh?
ARANEA: Fellows, yes. And ladies. It's happened.
JAKE: Yowza!
JAKE: You mustve been popular i guess.
ARANEA: Haha! Oh no. No, not really.
ARANEA: The fact that I've 8een the fleeting o8ject of attraction to a handful really paints the wrong social picture I'm afraid.
JAKE: That is hard to believe.
ARANEA: It's my experience that people very often underestimate their own lika8ility. I sense that feeling all the time.
ARANEA: Pro8a8ly 8ecause they're in the dark a8out others' thoughts. They are usually in dou8t, so they frequently err on the side of pessimism.
ARANEA: In many cases they would 8e surprised if they knew how many around them were open to friendship, or possi8ly something more.
ARANEA: I would venture that if you had such a sense you even might 8e surprised yourself!
JAKE: Ha! Thats a laugh.
JAKE: I am quite sure my only suitor is my best bro and even then he is such a jumbled stupid puzzle of unfathomable ironies im not even sure about THAT half the time.
JAKE: I wish i had your powers that would be top notch. Id be parked on the corner of relationship lane and EASY STREET.
JAKE: I could kick back in my eligible bachelors limousine and never fuck up or ever say anything awkward like i have been doing non stop so far in this dream.
ARANEA: Let's not get carried away. That certainly does not descri8e my experience.
ARANEA: You would think 8eing a8le to sense the occasional attraction from others would 8e advantageous, and inspire confidence in yourself.
ARANEA: And it is nice when that happens, sure.
ARANEA: 8ut then, you feel the negative emotions directed at you as well.
ARANEA: And even if they are less common than the positive ones, you have a way of dwelling on them, and magnifying them far 8eyond their real significance.
ARANEA: It's funny how an a8ility that should give you all the advantages in the world over others can lead you to feel worse a8out yourself than if you never had them.
ARANEA: You put all your energy into thinking a8out people with the 8ad feelings a8out you instead of the good, and you try your 8est to fix things.
ARANEA: 8ut usually it just gets worse. People think you are over8earing and needy, and they don't understand what it is you want from them.
ARANEA: I can see why it can drive some with my a8ilities to a8use the powers.
ARANEA: Fortunately I was a8le to resist the temptation.
JAKE: So there are people on your planet who do that?
ARANEA: On the world I was from, it was rare. Only a few criminals and outcasts would.
ARANEA: 8ut in the second iteration I mentioned, it was commonplace. Like I said, things were very different.
ARANEA: In my world though, the higher castes have a lot of responsi8ilities. It wouldn't 8e right to a8use my powers.
JAKE: So you were in a higher caste because of the hemospectrum thing you mentioned?
ARANEA: Ah, so you were listening to my lengthy pream8le!
JAKE: I heard all of it!
JAKE: I was just um... well go on.
ARANEA: Yes. 8lue 8loods like myself were higher than most.
ARANEA: The jo8 of each 8lood caste was to serve the needs of all those 8elow it.
ARANEA: We were to use our progressively greater longevity and wisdom to help the lower castes learn and grow. To listen to them and try to provide whatever they were missing. Like a hierarchy of caretakers with increasing social responsi8ility. When the order functioned in harmony our civilization would flourish.
JAKE: That is sure a neat sounding science fiction utopia.
JAKE: Wait duh i mean science reality.
JAKE: But then it all went to shit because of that meddlesome demon?
ARANEA: Yes.
JAKE: The demon you say im supposed to defeat?
ARANEA: Yes.
JAKE: Hang on.
JAKE: Would that be the same demon im named after?
ARANEA: Who told you that?
JAKE: Uh...
JAKE: I guess technically my own brain did?
ARANEA: That's interesting.
ARANEA: I wasn't planning on mentioning that. Or at least not just yet.
JAKE: Why?
ARANEA: There's no reason to prematurely overcomplicate an already complicated tale.
ARANEA: All facts will fall into place in due time.
JAKE: Yeah.
JAKE: But its true right?
ARANEA: More or less.

05/13/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Can you tell me anything more about this demon?
JAKE: All i know is he might be a skull monster.
JAKE: Wait he is a skull monster right?
ARANEA: He most certainly is a skull monster.
ARANEA: A very 8ig and angry skull monster.
JAKE: Yessss. Ok but...
JAKE: I feel like i should know more about him if im supposed to kill him.
ARANEA: I didn't say you were supposed to kill him.
ARANEA: He cannot 8e killed.
ARANEA: Long ago he discovered the secret to indestructi8ility.
JAKE: Oh...
ARANEA: Defeating a foe doesn't always involve killing.
ARANEA: He has had many incarnations in many universes.
ARANEA: If you continue on your journey for long enough, you may encounter one of them.
ARANEA: And if you have 8ecome strong enough 8y then, you may 8e a8le to defeat him in com8at.
ARANEA: And if that comes to pass, it would 8e the first defeat he has ever known.
ARANEA: You would 8e providing the first glimmer of hope to others that some day, he could 8e destroyed.
JAKE: So... you are saying i could do all this?
JAKE: Or that i will?
ARANEA: For now, I'm saying that we should get going soon, if you would like to meet the others 8efore you wake up.
JAKE: Who?
ARANEA: Is there anything else you wanted to show me 8efore we go?
ARANEA: I didn't mean to get us sidetracked like that.
JAKE: Ummm.
JAKE: Nah just some more boring junk.
JAKE: There are these fanciful branches but i dunno where they came from.
JAKE: I suspect dream sorcery.
ARANEA: They are from someone else's memory.
JAKE: Are they from a wizards memory?
ARANEA: Ha ha. No!
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: Well I guess i could show you around outside.
JAKE: There is a jungle out there full of tremendous beasts.
ARANEA: Not anymore.

05/13/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Son of a BITCH! More fancy branches.
ARANEA: This way!
JAKE: What is this realm of limitless wonder?
DIRK: Realm of limitless wonder?
DIRK: God dammit, Jake.
JAKE: (Sh!)
ARANEA: It was my planet.
JAKE: Its great. Everything is so amazing!
JAKE: Who would have thunk you could have such crackerjack adventures in your dreams that are basically REAL instead of imaginary?
ARANEA: Yep!
JAKE: Or for that matter...
JAKE: That you could meet such neat people along the way.
DIRK: Your thoughts are wandering again, man.
JAKE: (Sh!)
DIRK: Whoa. Yeah.
DIRK: That gross mushy thought right there.
DIRK: Are you even paying attention?
JAKE: (No sh.)
DIRK: We've already been through this you hopeless rube.
DIRK: You might as well be saying it out loud to her.
DIRK: So why don't you?
JAKE: (Maybe i will wise guy!)
DIRK: I mean, she is pretty hot.
JAKE: (Yeah i know!!)
JAKE: (Now shushhhhhhhh.)
ARANEA: Jake, it wouldn't work 8etween us.
JAKE: Huh?
ARANEA: I'm dead.
JAKE: Yes. Right.
ARANEA: Perhaps if you died too.
ARANEA: Although, may8e not after too long?
ARANEA: I don't know how I would feel a8out that if you were a lot older than me.
DIRK: Man, what the fuck?
ARANEA: Although technically I am already so much "older" than you........
ARANEA: It would just 8e kind of strange if you were physically my senior 8y any significant margin, you know?
DIRK: This is a weird fucking train of thought. Can you tell her that?
JAKE: (No!)
DIRK: I'm going to make you have a seizure and get you to mime the message to her with your spastic gyrations.
DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.
JAKE: (Screw you!)
JAKE: (You heard her i totally have a shot hehehe!)
ARANEA: What?
JAKE: *Cough* uh go on.
ARANEA: 8ut I wouldn't want that to happen.
JAKE: What to happen?
ARANEA: For you to die soon.
ARANEA: I want you to succeed at your quest, and to live a long and happy life!
DIRK: Man.
DIRK: I'm gonna come out and say it.
DIRK: This broad is a total snore.
JAKE: Yeah right bro did you hear that at least if i kick the bucket early there will be shall i say a silver lining wink wink nudge nudge.
JAKE: It will take the form of some spooky smooches from a smokin ghostly troll babe so shut your jealous trap!
ARANEA: ::::?
JAKE: Wait.
JAKE: Oh dear.
JAKE: How uh...
JAKE: How loud was i talking just then?
DIRK: You were pretty much yelling.
ARANEA: :::;)
JAKE: Augh!
DIRK: If I were real I would be giving you a standing ovation right now.
DIRK: 5/5 hats.
JAKE: God.
JAKE: Ok just.
JAKE: Pretend to forget that maybe?
DIRK: Not a chance.
JAKE: Not you! Her!!
ARANEA: Her? Who?
ARANEA: Me?
JAKE: Sigh.
JAKE: Why dont you just tell me where were going.

05/13/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I've gathered a small group of travelers for a meeting.
ARANEA: They are 8riefly passing through this 8u88le. I was hoping we could introduce ourselves to one another, and help orient an old friend of mine to the afterlife.
JAKE: Ok.
JAKE: Who is your friend?
JAKE: Another troll?
ARANEA: She was supposed to 8e the empress of all trolls, actually.
JAKE: Wow.
JAKE: So she died before she could be the empress i guess?
ARANEA: Not exactly, since she pro8a8ly never would have 8een regardless.
ARANEA: She didn't want the jo8.
JAKE: Why not?
ARANEA: Remem8er how I said each class had a duty to take care of the younger and more populous classes lower on the order?
ARANEA: Well, hers was the highest of all.
ARANEA: She was the only one on the planet with such royal 8lood, aside from the sitting empress.
ARANEA: As the heiress, she was meant for a position of incredi8le responsi8ility.
ARANEA: Once she claimed the throne, she would have to serve for many thousands of years, until the next successor was ready.
JAKE: Thats a hell of a long time.
JAKE: I guess she wasnt into that?
ARANEA: She had some pro8lems with authority.
ARANEA: She despised the whole social order, really.
ARANEA: I foolishly tried to convince her to honor her o8ligation, 8ut she wouldn't listen.
ARANEA: She viewed the empress as a glorified slave.
ARANEA: So she a8dicated, and fled to the moon to hide.
ARANEA: I was the only one who knew of her plans. The rest of the world searched 8ut never found her.
ARANEA: At the time, I was furious with her. 8ut I didn't turn her in.
ARANEA: Which in retrospect was a key decision that led us here.
JAKE: You mean it led to you being dead?
ARANEA: Yes, eventually.
ARANEA: While she was there, she discovered an ancient device.
ARANEA: Inside the device was a game.
ARANEA: She 8ecame o8sessed with playing it, 8ut needed our friends to agree to play first.
ARANEA: She was not well liked 8y the others though. Old grudges and rivalries made it hard to convince them.
ARANEA: 8ut she is very devious, and knows how to trick people into doing what she wants.
ARANEA: She even got me to agree, 8y promising she'd return to her place as the heiress when we finished playing.
ARANEA: Needless to say, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
JAKE: She sounds like a handful.
ARANEA: Yes.
ARANEA: She's not all that 8ad though.
ARANEA: Well........
ARANEA: When you really get to know her.
ARANEA: And when she's unarmed.
ARANEA: Which is........ pretty much never, now that I think a8out it.
JAKE: ...
ARANEA: Ok, she pro8a8ly is all that 8ad.
ARANEA: The point is, you have to know how to handle her.
ARANEA: Regal types can 8e very touchy, even the ones who seem to revel in anarchy.
ARANEA: 8ut if you know all the right things to say and do, she will happily hand over the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.
ARANEA: After all, royalty is royalty.
ARANEA: Just let me do the talking for a while, ok?
DIRK: Did you hear that, Jake? Aranea wants to do the talking.
DIRK: I think your dead girlfriend might be starting to come out of her shell.
JAKE: (Heheheh.)
JAKE: (Ok that was kinda funny.)

05/13/12
"Archagent: Report."

The archagent cannot submit the paperwork for his daily report because the archagent is in jail. He was a bit sloppy and got himself pinched by the white shells.

That leaves all his duties to the penultimagent, otherwise known as the Draconian Dignitary. We should bear in mind that penultimagent isn't an officially recognized title though. It's just a word he thinks sounds kind of cool.

05/13/12
"DD: Report."

The report is that you've got all these reports to fill out which the archagent has been letting pile up, and which you have absolutely no intention of completing. Paperwork's even less your bag than it is his. As was mentioned, the boss is still stuck in the big house. You've got the Droll working on busting him out, but you've said no particular hurry on that. You like to keep a casual administrative style. The boss is always in a hurry, all wound up like a knife wielding top. Personally, you don't see the harm in playing it cool.

Mounting paperwork aside, there's still the matter of this little insurrection to deal with. The boy is still out there, piking heads, agitating subjects, getting everyone hot and bothered. The press is going berserk with it, and you can have only so many reporters killed on any given news cycle. Can't forget about the girl either. She's still out there, going rogue. Wait. You mean AWOL. That stinkin' pun gets you every time. Puns are even less dignified than paperwork.

05/13/12
"DD: Locate prince."

You can't. By now the kid is up to his goddamn neck in convoluted gothic architecture. He's burrowed fuck deep in flying buttresses and purple pointy things. He even stopped by the boss's CUBICLE OF VIGILANCE and sliced up his FENESTRATED WALLS to make searching for him harder. Cunning bastard.

There used to be a 4th one, but you don't know what happened to it. There was a rumor circulating that some old woman made off with it some time ago, before the new queen took over. Whatever happened, it's nothing to worry about now.

If you want to smoke this kid out of hiding, you'll need some help.

05/13/12
"DD: Seek help."

You already did. You walk to retrieve it, again in no particular hurry.

Earlier you quite calmly and diplomatically explained everything to the old lady, letting her know you could use a little extra firepower to get the situation under control. You were pretty smooth about it, offering to light her cigarette during a calculated pause. And she doesn't even smoke. You're just that good. While you were making your smooth pitch, you did a masterful job of giving her the impression that you didn't care much one way or the other.

But to be fair, you really don't care much one way or the other.

05/14/12
"DD: Retrieve extra firepower."

In response, the dame gave you clearance to employ the service of DRONEGORG, the flagship battlemech of the imperial fleet she keeps stationed on some other damn planet. You're not sure where it is or what it's called. Hell if that's any of your business.

05/14/12
"DD: Mount Dronegorg and ride into battle."

No.

You'd feel completely ridiculous piloting that thing. It's a bad look for you. No style at all.

05/14/12
"==>"

Only an utter fool would get a kick out of prancing around in that asinine getup.

It was a classy gesture by the queen, but you told her you'd have to pass.

05/14/12
"==>"

But it doesn't do no good to spurn generosity from a beautiful and deadly woman. You thanked her for the kind offer and tactfully brought up an alternative.

See, you tell the boss this is his problem. He's too blunt about his ambitions. Don't get you wrong. It's all well and good for a man to keep his eyes on the prize. But he doesn't always need to step over a thousand corpses and swim across rivers of blood to get there. You remind him there are slicker ways to make your moves, especially when it comes to a lady. Now that you think about it, Slick would be a good ironic nickname for him. Might be good for a laugh, callin' him that. Or it would if you actually ever laughed.

The point is, you have to know how to handle her.

05/14/12
"==>"

Regal types can be very touchy, even the ones who seem to revel in anarchy. But if you know all the right things to say and do, she will happily hand over the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.

05/14/12
"==>"

After all, royalty is royalty.

05/17/12
"[S] DD: Ascend."

05/17/12
"==>"

You're not feeling it. That little number was way too big for its britches. You could just tell it was gonna blast off, and next thing you know is everyone's on their feet cutting a rug, making complete fools of themselves. This ain't no sock hop.

Why does everything have to be so flashy and frenetic? What's the big hurry, anyway?

Sure, you're going to put this ring on. But when you're good and goddamn ready. Maybe do a little reading first, have another smoke. Finish your coffee. Listen to some REAL music.

Everybody needs to calm the fuck down.

05/17/12
"[S] DD: Ascend more casually."

05/17/12
"==>"

After a lot of bullshitting around, you calmly and casually put on the RING OF ORBS NOFOLD. A phenomenal transformation takes place.

You become...

My God.

YOU BECOME...

05/17/12
"==>"

The Draconian Dignitary.

Really, you don't know why everyone's always got to be transforming from things into other things. Taking on these wild appearance modifications just for a little boost in power always struck you as tacky. Where's the class?

It just takes no creativity or guile for these villain types to grab a little power through such outlandish transformations. No imagination at all. You are utterly astounded by how shitty their imagination is. If their imagination was a face you would shoot it.

In the face.

05/18/12
"DD: Unleash awesome powers of ring."

Awesome powers? Let's see. You're guessing it can probably make you invisible.

Yep. There you go. Invisible, just like you thought. What else is a magical ring of void gonna do? This is like Magic Rings 101. Real basic stuff.

05/18/12
"DD: Ok, that's cool. Stop being invisible."

You stop being invisible. There's not a lot of style to invisibility. Primarily because nobody gets to see how damn smooth you're being.

It's kind of a pointless power anyway. Some real dimestore parlor trickery that's just a waste of everyone's time. You doubt you'll ever use it again. It's sure not going to help you track down that elusive kid.

But sooner or later he's going to find out it's much harder to outrun the ring's true power.

05/18/12
"DD: Use Red Miles."

The kid can't escape the miles.

05/18/12
"==>"

No one can escape the miles.

05/19/12
"Jane: Keep looking for dad."

You have been following a trail of clues on your quest to sleuth the whereabouts of your errant father. He seems to have left a variety of items behind, in hopes that you might notice and follow him. You have picked up each item along the way, until you reached this car. It is squeaky clean from today's earlier automotive ablutions, but obviously there is no way you can pick it up. It was probably the last thing he had to leave behind, which means your trail is about to go cold.

05/19/12
"==>"

Hang on. Lil Sebastian is gesturing further ahead. It seems there is another clue on the path.

05/19/12
"Jane: Investigate clue."

It is your dad's WALLET. This is surely the end of the line. Ahead is another crypt. You wonder if he went in there? There's another one of those obelisks nearby shining a light down a pit, serving some dang purpose. Probably has some ridiculous bearing on a puzzle like five miles away. Like activating an elevator or a conveyor belt or something that just leads to yet another stupid old skull.

Actually, looks like there's one more thing left in the wallet. It's a note.

05/19/12
"Jane: Examine note."

What the...

You think your dad maybe left the wrong note in the wallet? He probably meant to leave one pertaining to how you're mature enough to inherit his wallet, and what a big responsibility a wallet is for a strong young woman, or something like that. Dad leaves tons of notes like this around for such occasions, so it's probably easy for him to get them mixed up sometimes. He is a highly professional and competent father, but the guy is still fallible after all. D'aww.

05/19/12
"Jane: Get car."

Now armed with your father's roomy, sleek leather wallet, you retrieve the family sedan with ease.

It looks like a cool pair of shades wants to talk about your sweet new ride.

05/19/12
"Jane: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TT: Shred it.
GG: What?
TT: you HAVE
TT: the car.
GG: Um.
TT: Now shred it.
TT: Turn it into grist.
GG: Oh!
GG: No!!
GG: I am not going to destroy my dad's car.
TT: We need grist though.
TT: I can't get any building done without more.
TT: Not to mention the fact that you're not going to be able to make any cool shit.
GG: There has to be a better way to gather up grist, though.
TT: Well, I think there are supposed to be monsters here.
TT: I haven't seen any monsters yet, have you?
GG: No, and I can't say I'm too disappointed.
TT: You should be though. Presumably they would drop grist and stuff when you kill them.
TT: Like treasure. And food products that restore your health. Or at least make you less hungry.
TT: Haven't you ever played a video game, Jane?
GG: Of course I have!
TT: That's cool. I haven't, since I am a pair of sunglasses, and communing with such simplistic software would be a trivial and hollow exercise for me.
TT: But I know loads of stuff about games. Like the fact that you gotta kill monsters if you want to make progress.
TT: If not to snatch up the bitchin' loot, at least for the levels.
GG: Levels?
TT: How are you going to get better at fightin' without killing monsters, Jane.
GG: I think I've done a fair job of scaling my echeladder without resorting to the slaughter of innocent, fictional monsters, thank you very much.
TT: Please.
TT: You've barely done any climbing at all. I'm talking about hopping more rungs than what playing a little prank on your dad or throwing your hat on the ground super hard is gonna get you.
TT: You need battle experience to make some real headway. Like Jake.
GG: I'm getting a little tired of various iterations of Dirk Strider telling me how I need to be more like Jake.
GG: I know you think Jake is neat. I know all the Dirks just ADORE Jake! I GET IT!
TT: Wow, chill out.
TT: This ain't about whatever stuff you're apparently fixin' to twist your shit in a pretzel over.
TT: You just need to get stronger, is all. Don't you think that's what your dad would want?
GG: You don't need to remind me about that. I'm suddenly having flashbacks to a few years ago when he would ambush me almost every day for a pointless round of strife.
GG: Boy does getting swatted with brooms and having cakes shoved in your face get old fast.
TT: Yeah, but in the process you got pretty handy with that fork/spoon thingy, didn't you?
GG: Well. Yes.
TT: I'm just saying, if you don't run into any monsters on this planet, I think I'm going to have to set the bunny to "sparring mode" to help you along.
GG: I am not going to spar with Lil Sebastian!!!
GG: He is too quick and deadly to fight with.
GG: And also, too adorable. :B
TT: Ok. We'll see about that.
TT: But in the meantime, we need to figure out a way to start harvesting grist.
TT: Let's forget the car. But now that you have the wallet, you can grab much bigger things.
TT: Big things have got to be worth more grist than all the picayune bullshit you keep around the house.
TT: There are some choice relics in this place. Some of it has to be worth a fortune, gristways.
GG: You could be right.
GG: I will give it a try.

05/20/12
"Jane: Captchalogue obelisk."

You stick the OBELISK in the wallet. Fits like a dream. The ray of light is no longer reflected into the hole. Sorry, puzzles.

05/20/12
"Jane: Feed it to gristwidget 12000."

You put the card in the widget and holy smokes! That thing was worth a fortune in all kinds of weird looking grist denominations. Seb springs into action and scoops it all up for you in a jiffy with his busy little legs.

05/20/12
"==>"

The built-in GRIST GUTTER on the widget immediately kicks into action, collecting all the grist overflow exceeding your current low limit. You guess that's pretty convenient.

You honestly thought these features were a lot of meaningless nonsense before. Like an example of BCCorp's strange sense of humor, made into a product sold for top dollar. The fact that this turned out to be a useful gizmo well in advance is either reassuring or unsettling. You aren't sure which.

05/20/12
"Jane: Proceed to crypt."

Aaaaaand the door's locked now.

Looks like that obelisk was important after all. It was lighting up one of those globe switch doohickeys at the bottom of the hole, which was apparently keeping the door open. Just great.

Real nice work there, gumshoe.

05/20/12
"Jane: Answer again."

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Hmm.
GG: Welp, let me have it!
TT: Have what?
GG: A hard time for botching up the pooch!
GG: I think I just locked the door with that muttonheaded stunt. And now that mirrored obelisk is good as gone.
TT: I wasn't going to say nothin'.
TT: Hell, I was asleep at the wheel too while you were busy fucking up, and I have an IQ of, hold on, robo-calculating...
TT: Robo-calculating...
TT: Robo-calculating...
TT: Robo-calculating...
GG: Oh brother.
TT: Robo-calculating...
TT: About 500 billion.
GG: That is really, really robo-smart.
TT: Don't get human-fresh with me, Crocker. I'm about to bring all five hundo-billy points of my stringent cyborg IQ to bear on your dumb problem. Check it out.
TT: I took note of the captcha code to the thing, and recorded a digital flashsnap of its appearance through my photographic silicone memory canals.
TT: Which is to say I looked at eight alphanumeric digits a couple minutes ago, and remembered them.
GG: Ok?
TT: So give the bunny the wallet. I'll have him run back to the house and make you a new obelisk with the same grist you just collected from it.
TT: He can stash it in the wallet and run it back to you, and then you can open the door. You shouldn't be waiting around too long, cause he's real spry.
TT: Which is exactly why you should wait here. You'll just slow him down.
GG: Alright, I think I can do that.
GG: What should I do in the meantime?
TT: Let me think about that.
TT: Robo-calculating...
GG: Oh stop it!
TT: K.
GG: None of our friends will answer me. What could they be up to?
GG: You must at least know what Dirk is doing.
TT: He's slicing up some drones.
GG: Some what?
TT: Big red robots. He'll be busy for a while.
TT: Roxy I'm not sure about, but there is a pretty high probability as governed by the immutable laws of mathematics that she is preoccupied similarly.
GG: She's fighting robots too, you mean?
TT: I don't know. Maybe.
TT: Dealing with them, in some way, perhaps.
TT: If so, it wouldn't be a coincidence.
GG: Why?
TT: I think the Condesce is attempting to force the issue now.
GG: What? What issue!
TT: It's likely that it's a coordinated assault. Sending drones both to here and Roxy's place.
TT: She's probably trying to get everyone else to stop dicking around and join the game already.
GG: Are you sure she's not just trying to kill them?
GG: It wouldn't be her first assassination attempt.
TT: Yeah, but come on. Dirk has been a sitting duck here for years. Roxy too.
TT: She could have wiped them out any time with a swarm much bigger than this one. Or just nuked them.
TT: Her "assassination attempt" on you was pretty weak too.
GG: But it nearly worked!
GG: I would be dead right now if not for the whims of GCat.
TT: Right.
TT: Like I trust the motives of that fucking thing.
GG: So, you're saying she's only pretending to hunt us?
TT: I believe she probably would genuinely like to kill us. She is a psycho after all.
TT: But it's also obvious to me she needs us to begin playing this game, for whatever fucked up purpose she has.
TT: She might even need us to win it too, for all I know.
TT: Her antagonism is all part of the dance.
GG: Then you're saying Dirk and Roxy aren't really in danger from the robots?
TT: Oh, I wouldn't say that. They're still pretty deadly and they shoot missiles and stuff.
GG: Augh! I just want to talk to my friends and see if they're ok.
GG: What about Jake?
TT: No idea what's going on with him right now.
TT: I'm sure when the time is right, the witch will keep pushing him along to join the game as well.
GG: Then I guess I'll just sit here and worry about everyone quietly until Seb gets back.
TT: What about your troll friend?
GG: What?
TT: The alien whose name you don't know.
TT: You could talk to her.
GG: Oh yeah!
GG: I forgot about her.
GG: But I suppose that's because she's always the one to contact me. I never get a response when I message her.
TT: Well, you could give her a try. Maybe things are different now.
TT: I could hack into her system to get her attention, if you think that would help.
GG: You can do that??
TT: Nah, just messin' with you.
TT: Later.
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

05/21/12
"Jane: Pester UU."

|PESTERLOG|
gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering uranianUmbra [UU]

GG: Hello?
GG: Are you there?
UU: yes.
GG: Oh my! You answered!
GG: You never answer.
UU: don't i?
GG: Well, no. I don't mean to be accusatory.
GG: I am just surprised.
UU: right then.
UU: what can i do for yoU?
GG: Well... nothing in particular. Just thought it would be nice to catch up.
GG: I was beginning to think I was the only one of my friends left alive.
GG: Maybe this gloomy place full of salamander bones and dusty old relics is starting to get to me.
GG: Not to mention the most unwelcome presence of entrepreneurial clowns and their enormous codpieces.
UU: coUld be.
GG: I'm still trying to track down my father. I've been gathering clues, and I may be getting close.
GG: Do you by any chance know if I might see him soon?
GG: Hmm...
GG: Are you there?
UU: oh. yes.
UU: keep going where yoU're headed.
UU: things will work oUt in time. yoU'll see him.
GG: Phew! That's nice to know. Thanks.
GG: You aren't usually forthcoming with future tidbits. Er, not that I was always especially eager to believe you about them anyway.
GG: But I think I've been coming around on that lately, for what it's worth.
GG: So, um.
GG: Hey.
GG: Are you ok there?
GG: You seem rather preoccupied.
UU: i'm sorry.
UU: i am not having the best day. u_u
GG: What's wrong?
UU: everything!
UU: where do i bloody begin.
GG: Is it your brother?
UU: well that goes withoUt saying doesn't it? he is ALWAYS a problem.
UU: bUt it's more than that.
UU: when i sleep and visit prospit, i see nothing bUt storm cloUds in skaia now.
UU: my great big lovely ball of blUe has been cloUding over. soon i fear it will be completely black, and the kingdom will be shroUded in darkness.
UU: i wish i Understood the meaning of this terrible omen.
GG: That sounds awful!
UU: and my brother has become more Uncooperative than ever.
UU: he intends to play the game, bUt refUses to treat it like a collaboration.
UU: i have told him many times that the only way we can win is to work together! bUt he wants it to be yet another competition between Us, like everything has been all oUr lives.
UU: his threats to kill me have become harder to dismiss as his UsUal empty bravado.
UU: i fear it may come down to having to kill him first.
UU: althoUgh i am not sUre exactly how i woUld go aboUt this, or if i will even be Up to the task. umu;
GG: I had no idea things had gotten this grim for you. I am so sorry.
UU: yes. bUt i'll cope.
UU: the real troUble thoUgh is i'm not sUre if i can play a sUccessfUl session withoUt him.
UU: a two player session was already risky enoUgh, satisfying bare minimUm playing conditions.
UU: and i had it on good aUthority that the two of Us woUld be able to sUcceed, particUlarly given oUr... well, withoUt intending to boast. varioUs advantages.
UU: bUt i have no idea if a session of one is viable.
UU: honestly i cannot for the life of me imagine how.
UU: it may well resUlt in a void session like yoUrs, bUt withoUt the promise of any extenUating circUmstances.
GG: Are you sure it's hopeless with him? You can't reach a truce, just for the sake of playing?
UU: i Used to hope so, bUt i doUbt it now.
UU: he barely cares aboUt the game itself, other than as a means of escaping oUr planet.
UU: he has always been more motivated by the ongoing game between Us.
GG: I think you have alluded to this before, but I never really understood.
GG: What game?
UU: well...
UU: it is simple. we are playing a game together.
UU: we have been forced to, for as long as we've known each other.
UU: bUt the rUles are complicated, and often shifting. and they don't always make sense!
UU: at least, they woUldn't to yoU.
GG: Try me!
UU: many yoU woUld not recognize as rUles, so mUch as sUperstitions.
UU: a variety of caveats and stipUlations. things that woUld invite misfortUne if i were to break. it woUld be very bad jUjU.
UU: i have not been able to tell yoU my name for this reason.
UU: doing so woUld lead Us all down a very slippery slope! bUt i have wanted to tell yoU so. i hope my relUctance has not compromised oUr friendship.
GG: Of course not. I wrote off your reticence as one of your many eccentricities long ago.
UU: ^u^
GG: I still want to understand this game with your brother, though.
GG: Could you describe some of the other rules?
UU: mm, yes. we have both renoUnced hemotyping Until the resolUtion.
GG: Hemotyping?
UU: it is in the same vein, pardon the pUn, as a qUirk. it's the old tradition whereby one types in his or her own blood coloUr.
UU: so he and i have embraced neUtral tones to speak in, for the time being.
UU: most hUmans do not practice hemotyping, presUmably dUe to lacking diversity in blood class.
GG: But your race has varied blood color?
UU: yes.
GG: Then what would yours be?
UU: i am a lime blood. UuU
UU: while he's got the bright cherry blood, jUst like yoU all do.
UU: not that this matters since we are alone here, bUt interestingly, in ancient troll cUltUre we woUld both be considered pariahs.
UU: for different reasons of coUrse. those of his blood coloUr were very rare, existing by way of genetic glitch only. they were oUtcasts, having no place in the social order.
UU: on the other hand, those of my blood coloUr were once actUally qUite common! bUt later they were all hUnted to extinction.
GG: Jeez. Why?
UU: details of the genocide are historically mUrky. it's one of those maddening voids in my Understanding of yoUr elaborate epic.
UU: bUt i have specUlated their extermination had to do with the extremely powerfUl abilities they tended to have, and the threat to aUthority they represented. even more so than other powerfUl lowbloods.
GG: Are you saying you have such powers?
UU: maybe. :u
GG: But he does not?
UU: he has other, Um. traits.
GG: Maybe he is jealous of you, which is why there is such resentment?
UU: oh, probably. he is an oUtright mess. if yoU can name a problem with me, he's got it.
GG: The way you described it, I had always envisioned your contentious relationship as one played out mostly online.
UU: yes. it is!
GG: And also that you and he had never met. Yet some things you have said lately appear to contradict this?
UU: sigh.
UU: jane, i am sorry, bUt this is something i jUst cannot get into. for one thing we woUld be creeping way too close to breaking the rUles, and then we woUld all be bUggered.
UU: even if i were at liberty to say, it woUld take so mUch time to explain everything. and i really mUst be getting to sleep again soon. i am terribly worried aboUt the people of prospit dUring sUch dark times.
GG: I understand.
UU: sUffice to say, all games that are played have boUndaries. a stage to which all pieces and moves are confined.
UU: like a chess board! there is no reality to the game beyond the edges of the binary grid.
GG: That makes sense, but I'm not sure I see how it applies.
UU: i know. it was more infernal gammoning on my part as i dance aboUt these rUles.
UU: it's all one can do when everything he or she ever does is jUst another move in a game.
UU: i am so sorry, jane. i woUld have loved to be more forthright with yoU since the day we first spoke.
UU: yoU are a dear friend to me. yoU and yoUr chUms. yoU are all the only friends i have ever had.
GG: :B
GG: <3
UU: uUu
UU: i was planning on giving yoU a gift.
GG: You were??
UU: yes, bUt i was going to wait Until completing my qUest before sending it to yoU.
UU: bUt now that things are looking rather bleak here, i may have to consider accelerating the delivery.
GG: What is it? Or is it a surprise?
UU: it is a sUrprise! bUt i will tell yoU this mUch.
UU: it is my jUjU. it is very dear to me.
GG: Your juju?
UU: a talisman of sorts, with many cUrioUs properties and rUles for implementation.
UU: as yoU may have gathered aboUt me, i have learned the hard way that it always pays to follow the rUles. :U
GG: Where did you get it?
UU: it was an heirloom, yoU coUld say. passed on from ancestors. i have always had it.
UU: jUjUs are said to have origins which are impossible to Understand or trace. some say they emerge spontaneoUsly from the void.
UU: they cannot be trUly dUplicated. if there ever appears to be more than one of the same, it is only a mirage of caUsality!
UU: nor can they ever be destroyed. not completely, at least.
UU: so when i send yoU mine, it will be no small matter. it will not simply be copied throUgh alchemy.
UU: yoU will be the new owner, and mine here will cease to exist.
GG: Um... gosh.
UU: bUt UnfortUnately it will have no valUe to yoU Unless i send my brother's jUjU as well.
UU: and he will not relinqUish control of his Unless i best him at oUr game. this is another of oUr rUles.
GG: It sure sounds like you two are up to your necks in this crazy game.
UU: oh yes. we are Up to qUite a bit fUrther than oUr neck in it. ~_u
UU: bUt it's alright. i love games.
UU: my brother, on the other hand...
GG: Not such a big fan of games?
UU: on no, qUite the contrary.
UU: his passion for games transcends any hUman Understanding of love.
UU: for yoU to Understand it woUld be to fUlly comprehend the meaning of...
UU: how to pUt it.
GG: Um.
GG: Beauty?
UU: horror.

05/22/12
"uu: Jeer Dirk."

|PESTERLOG|
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

uu: HELLO DIRK.
uu: GuESS WHAT I WANT TO PLAY.
uu: THAT'S RIGHT.
uu: A GAME.
TT: Not now.
uu: DIRK I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
uu: DIRK.
uu: HELLO DIRK.
uu: LET'S PLAY A GAME.
TT: I'm busy.
uu: DIRK I DON'T THINK YOu uNDERSTAND.
uu: I WANT TO PLAY A FuCKING GAME WITH YOu.
uu: I WOuLD LIKE YOu TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
TT: Man, does it look like he can draw anything for you right now?
uu: WHO CARES.
uu: I AM NOT TALKING TO YOu.
TT: So what exactly is the game this time?
TT: To gauge his ability to draw naked people while fighting robots?
uu: THE GAME IS TO PRODuCE SOME VILE SMuT. THAT WILL BRING ME EROTIC ENJOYMENTS.
TT: And if he doesn't?
uu: THEN SOMEONE DIES FuCKER.
TT: I see.
TT: Do you want me to draw some?
uu: NO.
uu: YOu ARE AN IMPOSTOR.
uu: AN ARTIFICIAL BLOODLESS HEMOTYPING FRAuD.
TT: What?
uu: THERE IS NO HEART THAT BEATS INSIDE YOu. WITH PASSION FOR ILLuSTRATED DEBAuCHERY. AS CAN BE SAID OF TRuE MEN.
uu: YOu ARE FALSE AS THE RED YOu PAINT YOuR WORDS WITH. YOUR LIES ARE RED AS THE HERRING YOu REPRESENT.
TT: I... guess these burns are pretty sick?
TT: They are burns, right?
TT: It seems you may have just called me a fish.
uu: YOuR ATROCIOuS TALE IS FuLL OF SO MANY SHITTY RED HERRINGS. AND YOu ARE THE SHITTIEST. BY FAR.
uu: OH LOOK. THIS MAN IS NOT WHAT HE APPEARS TO BE. OR IS HE? NO HE'S GLASSES.
uu: THE MYSTERY IS SOLVED. WHO GIVES A FuCK.
TT: It sounds like you don't even know what a red herring is.
uu: BuLLSHIT. I AM BASICALLY THE MASTER OF ALL RED HERRINGS.
uu: THEY SWIM THROuGH MY VEINS. THIS WAY AND THAT.
uu: YOu HAVE TO BE VERY GOOD AT RED HERRINGS. WHEN YOu ARE AS GOOD AT GAMES AS ME.
TT: How does one even be "good at red herrings?"
TT: Are you saying you employ misdirection effectively?
TT: Because I have to say, dude. This has not been my observation.
uu: THAT'S A FuCKING LAuGH.
uu: YOu KNOW THE GAME I WANT TO PLAY? WITH REAL DIRK.
uu: IT HAS SuCH A PERFECT SHITTY TWIST ENDING!

05/22/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Oh, wait.
TT: I remember this.
TT: Last year you messaged Dirk, bugging him to play one of your dumb porno games.
TT: You said you tried to get him to play in the future, but he was busy fighting drones.
TT: And you kept going on about the shitty twist ending to your game.
uu: BORING LIES FROM THE RED LINES.
uu: YOu ARE BAD AT GAMES.
uu: AND A GAME.
uu: IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO PLAY.
uu: DIRK.
uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
TT: God damn it.
uu: HELLO DIRK.
uu: LET'S PLAY A GAME.
uu: THE GAME WILL NOT INVOLVE THE RED LINES.
uu: DO YOu HEAR ME?
TT: He's tuning you out, bro.
TT: I'm telling you.
TT: If you want to play a game with him, you'll have to do it in the past.
uu: OK.
uu: THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.
uu: tumut
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

05/23/12
"uu: Jeer Past Dirk."

|PESTERLOG|
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

uu: HELLO DIRK IN THE PAST.
uu: LET'S PLAY A GAME.
TT: Alright.
uu: DO NOT EVEN FuCK WITH ME.
uu: I WANT TO PLAY A GAME WITH YOu. AND A GAME IS EXACTLY THAT WHICH WILL BE PLAYED BETWEEN uS.
TT: I said I'd play.
uu: DIRK. I WANT YOu TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
TT: You got it.
uu: IF YOu FAIL TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
uu: THERE WILL BE CONSEQuENCES.
uu: AND WHEN CONSEQuENCES HAPPEN. THAT IS WHEN BLOOD BEGINS TO FLOW.
uu: YOuR FuTuRE SELF SPENDS ALL HIS TIME BEING IN THE FuTuRE. HE PRIORITIZES BEING IN THE FuTuRE AND FIGHTING DRONES OVER PLAYING MY GAMES.
uu: YOuR PAST SELF SHOuLD CONSIDER THE COSTLY INDISCRETION OF YOuR FuTuRE SELF'S BEHAVIOR. BEHAVIOR WHICH ENTAILS BEING IN THE FuTuRE ALMOST AS MuCH AS NOT DOING WHATEVER I FuCKING TELL HIM TO.
TT: Dude, I'm sitting here with my stylus ready to go. Do you want me to draw you some porn or not.
uu: OH YES.
uu: YOu WILL DRAW ME MY PORNOGRAPHY, DIRK HuMAN STRIDER.
uu: I WILL HAVE MY POuND OF SMuT.
TT: ...
TT: I'm waiting.
uu: OR I WILL MuRDER MY SISTER.
TT: Gotcha.
TT: What'll it be.
uu: SHE WILL BE DEAD AND I WILL REJOICE WITH THE LIVELIEST LITTLE JIG YOu EVER SAW.
uu: HER PuTRID HARLEQuIN SLIME WILL LEAK FROM HER WOuNDS AND SOAK HER uGLY YELLOW ROBE.
uu: AND HER BODY. WILL BECOME A STuPID CORPSE.
uu: HER MOON BODY I MEAN.
uu: IT WILL MARK THE BEGINNING. AT LEAST.
uu: OF MY uLTIMATE VICTORY IN THIS GAME BETWEEN uS.
uu: BETWEEN ME AND HER. NOT ME AND YOu.
uu: DIRK LET'S PLAY A GAME.
TT: Dude, listen. I am perfectly willing to draw you some pornography.
TT: It doesn't need to be part of a game. You don't got to murder nobody.
uu: I WILL IF YOu DON'T DO WHAT I SAY.
uu: HOW VERY IRONIC. THAT A LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE. uPON YOuR WILLINGNESS TO DRAW ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY.
uu: THE VERY PORNOGRAPHY. WHICH YOu HAVE SPENT A LIFETIME DRAWING. IN YOuR SPARE TIME. BECAuSE YOu PRESuMABLY ENJOY DOING SO.
TT: How is that ironic?
uu: OH YES. HOW IRONIC IT IS INDEED.
uu: AND IT IS FuRTHER IRONIC. THAT THIS GAME IS IRONIC.
uu: IT IS THE VERY IRONY. WHICH YOu YOuRSELF HAVE SPENT A LIFETIME WALLOWING IN.
uu: AND uSING TO JuSTIFY INTERESTS AND BEHAVIORS. WHICH ARE DuMB AND CONFuSING.
TT: Whoa. Mindfuck.
TT: Seriously, should I just start drawing naked people or what.
uu: uH. NAKED PEOPLE?
TT: Yeah. Naked people doing it and stuff.
TT: You know. Porn.
uu: OH. NO.
uu: NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
uu: AWFuL HORRIBLE BARF. NO. FuCK THAT NOISE.
uu: THERE WILL BE NO NuDITY.
uu: OR WHATEVER uNPLEASANT BEHAVIOR THAT PASSES FOR PROCREATIVE EXERCISE AMONG YOuR PEOPLE.
uu: WHAT I HAVE IN MIND IS SO MuCH MORE.
uu: SCANDALOuS.....
TT: Awesome.
TT: Lay it on me.

05/23/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: I WOuLD LIKE YOu TO DRAW. IN VARIOuS PAIRINGS.
uu: YOu AND YOuR FRIENDS. INVOLVING EACH OTHER IN ASSORTED DEBASEMENTS.
TT: Sure. That doesn't bother me a bit.
TT: Sounds totally great. "Hot," even.
uu: GOOD. GOOD.
uu: LET THE uNSAVORY HOTNESS BEGIN.
TT: Who do I start with?
uu: HOW ABOuT.
uu: THE JANE HuMAN.
TT: Right. One Crocker coming up.
TT: Who else?
uu: LET'S SAY.
uu: YOu.
uu: HA HA HA. OH YES.
TT: No problem.
TT: Which assorted debasement did you have in mind for us?
uu: YOu WILL DEPICT.
uu: THE JANE HuMAN.
uu: ON THE RECEIVING END.
uu: OF...
uu: ONE OF YOuR HuMAN KISSES.
TT: Uh.
TT: Ok.
TT: I mean, are you sure you want me to go there?
uu: SHuT YOuR MOuTH AND FuCKING DRAW.
TT: Just making sure.
TT: Man.
TT: Seriously gonna have to sterilize my tablet after this.
TT: Ok, how's that?
TT: http://goo.gl/BPSnY
uu: OH NO. WHAT IS THAT.
uu: WHAT THE FuCK IS YOuR HAND DOING.
uu: EXPLAIN YOuRSELF!
TT: Dunno. Coppin' a little feel I guess.
TT: Just adding some sizzle to the steak. What's the big.
uu: REMOVE THAT.
TT: Come on dude, don't be like that.
uu: REMOVE THE AMOROuS HuMAN LIMB AT ONCE.
uu: DO IT NOW.
uu: I'LL KILL HER. I WILL FuCKING DO IT.
TT: Fine.
TT: There.
TT: http://goo.gl/cTQZ6
uu: AHHHHH!
uu: YES.
uu: OHHH. HO HO.
uu: OH YES.
uu: THAT IS...
uu: *DIIIRTY*
TT: You are a man who likes his tepid ass porn, I will give you that.
uu: MAKE HER SAY.
uu: "YOu ARE BEAuTIFuL."
TT: Done.
TT: http://goo.gl/WQ0CU
uu: YES. GOOD.
uu: AND NOW MAKE THE KISS. HAPPEN WITH BOTH OF THE HuMAN LIPS.
uu: TOuCHING TOGETHER.
uu: AND MuCH CLOSER TO THE SCREEN. TO SEE THE ACTION BETTER.
uu: AND TELL HER.
uu: THAT SHE IS DARLING TO YOu.
TT: Ok.
TT: http://goo.gl/lvLpU
uu: FuuuCK.
uu: YES.
TT: What now.

05/23/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THERE WILL BE NEW ACTORS IN THIS VuLGAR EXHIBITION.
uu: YOu WILL INCLuDE THE JAKE AND ROXY HuMANS NOW. AND IT WILL BE SIMILARLY DISGuSTING.
TT: You got it.
TT: Which steamy adult activities would you like me to convey this time?
uu: MAKE THE ROXY HuMAN STROKE HIS HAIR.
uu: SHE NEEDS HIM. AS A ROMANTIC PARTNER. EMOTIONALLY.
TT: You have a filthy mind, but ok.
TT: Here.
TT: http://goo.gl/rgfyW
uu: GOOD.
uu: I WANT TO SEE LONGING IN HIS EYES.
uu: MAKE THERE BE LONGING. DO IT.
TT: http://goo.gl/s0ILH
uu: AH HA HA! SO GOOD.
uu: HAVE THEM EXECuTE THE HuMAN MANEuVER YOu CALL.
uu: "THE HuG."
TT: http://goo.gl/58e9O
uu: OHHH. DAMN.
uu: THAT IS JuST.
uu: SO.
uu: *NAAAAAASTY.*
TT: I'm sweating profusely, fyi.
TT: Gonna have Squarewave track down a towel soon.
uu: NOW HAVE THE JAKE HuMAN SAY.
uu: OH GOD.
uu: I FEEL SO uTTERLY OBSCENE EVEN *TYPING* THIS.
uu: HA HA. FuuuCK.
uu: MY CHEEKS ARE PROBABLY BRIGHT RED RIGHT NOW.
TT: Typing what?
uu: MAKE HIM SAY...
uu: "I LOVE YOu."
TT: On it.
TT: http://goo.gl/mSTQk
uu: THAT IS.
uu: SO FuCKED uP.
uu: uuuuuRNG.
uu: I CAN HARDLY STAND IT.
uu: IT'S SO FuCKED uP BRO!!!!!
TT: I agree.
TT: All kinds of things wrong with this scenario here.
uu: SHE WANTS TO HuMAN MARRY HIM NOW.
uu: MAKE THE BITCH SAY SHE WANTS TO HuMAN MARRY THAT FuCKER!
TT: Stand by.
TT: http://goo.gl/GD2nO
uu: HE SAYS YES!
uu: HE SAYS FuCKING YES THIS INSTANT YOu WRETCHED PILE OF SHIT!!!
TT: http://goo.gl/FIYFS
uu: FuuuuuuuuuCK.
uu: THAT SHIT IS SO.
uu: *TENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDER.*
TT: You know it.
TT: Slow cooked to fucking perfection.
uu: I WOuLD LIKE THEM TO COPuLATE OFF SCREEN.
uu: THEY WILL BEAR A CHILD IN THE uNSEEMLY HuMAN MANNER.
uu: BuT YOu WILL DEPICT NONE OF THE OFFPuTTING DETAILS OF THE RITuAL.
uu: SHOW THEM EXPERIENCING HuMAN WEDDED JOY. WITH THEIR OFFSPRING. NOW.
TT: Yeah, gimme a minute.
TT: Ok.
TT: http://goo.gl/i2O11
uu: NO. THIS ISN'T AS GOOD.
uu: IT'S NOT AS TITILLATING AS I DESIRE.
uu: HAVE THE MALE EAT THE CHILD.
TT: http://goo.gl/itJga

05/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: So are we done?
uu: YOu WOuLD LOVE THAT. WOuLDN'T YOu.
TT: Nah. I'm fine with doing more if you want.
uu: HOW CONVENIENT IT WOuLD BE FOR YOu. IF WE STOPPED PLAYING MY GAME. AND LET MY SISTER OFF THE HOOK.
TT: Do you want me to pretend I don't want to play?
TT: Like, is that part of the kink for you? Kind of a roleplaying thing?
uu: SHuT THE FuCK uP.
TT: "No, no, please. Don't make me draw any more pics of my friends snuggling and stuff."
TT: Strider said, having spent the better part of the night gnawing through his duct tape gag.
uu: LOOK AT THESE PATHETIC STALLING TACTICS. AS IF I DON'T KNOW AN ATTEMPT TO DERAIL ONE OF MY DIABOLICAL GAMES.
uu: WHEN I SEE ONE.
TT: That's good. Keep saying things like that.
TT: I'll keep doing my part.
TT: "Somebody save me from this LIVING NIGHTMARE. The things he has made me DO."
uu: MAYBE YOuR IRREVERENCE FOR MY GAME. STEMS FROM THE FACT THAT YOu DON'T GIVE A FLYING FuCK ABOuT MY IDIOT SISTER?
uu: HA. LIKE I COuLD EVEN BLAME YOu. WHAT A CLOYING WINDBAG SHREW. SHE IS WORTHLESS TO EVERYBODY. I THINK YOu THINK SO TOO.
uu: YOu KNOW. YOu'RE AN ALRIGHT GuY. FOR A MONSTROuS FuCKuP LEAGuES BENEATH ME IN EVERY WAY THAT EXISTS.
uu: DIRK I WANT TO PLAY A GAME.
TT: Do you now.
uu: THOuGH YOu MAY NOT CARE ABOuT MY SISTER'S LIFE. THERE IS SOMETHING WHICH MAY MOTIVATE YOu TO KEEP PLAYING.
uu: AND THAT IS. CuRIOSITY.
TT: How so?
uu: AHAHAHA! YOu SEE!!! THAT RIGHT THERE. YOu ASKED A QuESTION.
uu: ASKING SHIT IS WHAT BEING CuRIOuS MEANS. I FuCKING WIN ALREADY. YOu TRASH.
TT: Damn.
TT: Owned.
uu: BuT THAT'S WHAT YOu DO WHEN YOu HAVE A SHITTY TWIST ENDING. PLANNED AT THE END OF ALL YOuR GAMES.
uu: SEE. THIS GAME HAS A TWIST. IT IS TWISTED LIKE A LITTLE CANDY SWIRL. THAT IS A KISS ON YOuR FACE FROM AN ANGEL. WHILE YOu MAKE A FuCKING FOOL OF YOuRSELF IN YOuR SLEEP.
TT: I know what a twist is.
TT: Or I did, until you kept saying stupid shit that doesn't mean anything.
uu: EXACTLY.
uu: IF YOu WANT TO KNOW MY SHITTY TWIST.
uu: YOu HAVE TO KEEP PLAYING MY GAME.
TT: Well, not only was I pretty psyched to keep playing regardless.
TT: I'd rather do just about anything than listen to you ramble on and on about your horseshit twists.
uu: VERY GOOD.
uu: THE LECHEROuS AMuSEMENTS.
uu: THEY WILL NOW INVOLVE.
uu: THE BOTH JANE AND ROXY HuMANS.
TT: Cool.
uu: AW YES. DOuBLE THE TASTY BITCHES.
uu: GETTING A LITTLE...
uu: MAAAuDLIN TOGETHER.
TT: Uh.
TT: Ok.
uu: THEY ARE IN THE MOOD FOR.
uu: SWEETS.
uu: JuST LIKE ME.
uu: I LIKE CANDY.
uu: DO YOu LIKE CANDY. DIRK.
TT: I guess.
uu: WHAT ABOuT.
uu: COTTON CANDY.
TT: I never tried it.
TT: This shithole planet doesn't have any.
uu: IT IS SOOO.
uu: FLuFFY.
uu: AND MELTS IN YOuR MOuTH.
uu: BLuE AND PINK. GET BETWEEN MY JAWS. POOFY FLuFFY COTTON CANDY. LET ME DISSOLVE YOu.
uu: THAT IS WHAT I CALL THIS PAIRING. OF NASTY PREMIuM BITCHES.
TT: You know, considering you're obviously just going to ask for more ultra-tame shit, you still somehow made this legitimately creepy.
TT: Nicely done, I guess?
uu: AH YES. HOW YOu SQuIRM NOW.
TT: I'm not squirming.
uu: LIKE BuLLFuCK YOu AREN'T.
uu: NOW DRAW.
TT: I'm already drawing.
TT: What should I make these "premium bitches" do?

05/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: NOTHING JuST YET. WE WILL NOT BE RECKLESS WITH THEIR COuRTSHIP.
uu: THEY TAKE THINGS SLOW. WE MILK THIS FuCKER AND MAKE ITS TEAT OuR BITCH. IT WILL BE DELICIOuS.
TT: Ok.
TT: So they're just...
TT: Standing there?
uu: ONE OF THEM IS SHY AND RELuCTANT TO ADVANCE.
uu: JANE. THE JANE HuMAN IS RELuCTANT AND SHY.
uu: YOu WILL RENDER THE JANE HuMAN AS SHOWING A BASHFuL AND COQuETTISH DEMEANOR.
uu: I DON'T KNOW HOW SOMEONE DRAWS THAT THOuGH. I'M NOT A FuCKING ARTIST.
uu: YOu'RE THE ARTIST. MAKE THAT HAPPEN. AND MAKE IT PERFECT.
TT: Not a problem.
TT: Ok:
TT: http://goo.gl/HmRpl
uu: OOOOOOOH. LOOK AT HER.
uu: SHE HAS HER EYE ON THAT ROMANTICALLY DESIRABLE BITCH. OH WHAT SHE WOuLD SAY TO HER. IF SHE COuLD SuMMON THE NERVE.
TT: Maybe she wants to ask her out?
uu: SHuT uP. I'M RuNNING THIS.
uu: NOW.
uu: THE ROXY HuMAN TAKES THE INITIATIVE IN THE ENCOuNTER.
uu: SHE PLACES HER BEVERAGE ON THE FLOOR. SHE SAuNTERS uP TO JANE. AND PERPETRATES ONE OF YOuR HuMAN "WINKS".
TT: http://goo.gl/WrdJG
uu: SHE KEEPS HER FuCKING HAND TO HERSELF YOu PRESuMPTuOuS TOOL.
uu: ERASE THAT. NOW.
TT: http://goo.gl/Ay8mv
uu: AND NOW.
uu: THE ROXY HuMAN OPENS HER HEART. AND PROFESSES HER "FEELINGS".
uu: THE BITCH TELLS THE OTHER BITCH A POEM.
uu: MAKE THE BITCH SAY A POEM. DO IT.
TT: Sure.
TT: http://goo.gl/1Ha6R
uu: DAMN! OH DAMN.
uu: HA HA. LOOK AT HER. SHE'S EATING THAT SHIT uP.
uu: GIVE THE BITCH A ROSE!
TT: Ok.
TT: Wait.
TT: Which one?
uu: NO WAIT.
uu: BOTH BITCHES GIVE *EACH OTHER* A FuCKING ROSE!!!
TT: http://goo.gl/GLNHH
uu: YES!
uu: YES!
uu: NOW MAKE HER.
uu: MAKE HER DO THE THING. THE SHAMEFuL THING WHERE SHE RuBS THE ROSE ON THE HER FACE.
uu: YOu KNOW. THE HuMAN PRACTICE. WHEREBY POIGNANT EMOTIONS ARE CONDuCTED THROuGH FACIAL TISSuE.
uu: AS CHANNELED THROuGH THE STEM OF A FRAGRANT PLANT. DRAW THAT SHIT.
TT: http://goo.gl/XE2fl
uu: MAKE HER SING!
uu: JANE HuMAN SINGS. WHILE STILL DOING THAT. HER SuLTRY PARTNER GLISTENS WITH EMOTIONAL PERSPIRATION DOLLOPS.
TT: http://goo.gl/2HsXl
uu: uuuuuuNGH.
uu: OH *MERRRCY*.
uu: THAT IS JuST.
uu: SOO.
uu: GRODY.
TT: Does your sister even know you're into this sappy shipping stuff?
TT: You berate her constantly for everything, and I know she likes to write and illustrate romfics and the like.
uu: NO. SHE ENJOYS IT FOR WRONG AND DISGuSTING REASONS.
uu: HER FASCINATION WITH THE RED STIRRINGS OF INFERIOR RACES. IT STRIKES ME AS TOO SINCERE AND THEREFORE REPELLENT.
uu: MY ENJOYMENT IS. IRONIC.
TT: Again, you just don't seem to know what ironic means.
TT: Your enjoyment of this content is clearly sincere. You are just fetishizing your "disgust" for it, is all.
uu: FuCK YOu WITH THAT ASSESSMENT.
uu: YOu DON'T TELL ME. OF WHAT VALuE THE PORNOGRAPHY HAS TO ME. IN MY OWN GAME.
uu: YOu JuST FuCKING DRAW. AND DON'T TALK.
TT: I'm just saying, it's an interest you have in common. If you told her you liked her romantic artwork, maybe you could bond over that?
uu: BONDING.
uu: IS THE LAST FuCKING THING WE NEED TO DO.
uu: I HAVE NOT TOLD HER OF MY IRONIC FASCINATIONS. AND YOu WILL NOT EITHER.
uu: I WILL NOT TELL HER. THAT I SECRETLY PERuSE HER WORK IN A STATE OF PETRIFIED MORTIFICATION FOR HOuRS. AND NEITHER WILL YOu.
TT: Fair enough.
TT: So, game over yet?
uu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
uu: NO.
uu: I SAID BEFORE.
uu: THESE STEAMY BOTHERED uP BITCHES ARE HuNGRY FOR SWEETS.
uu: THE JANE HuMAN HAS BAKED A CAKE.
TT: And?
uu: THE JANE HuMAN HAS BAKED A CAKE.
TT: Ok.
TT: http://goo.gl/vvYxn
uu: AW FuCK. THOSE BITCHES EYEBALL THAT LuSCIOuS CONFECTION.
uu: IT'S MOIST AS SHIT. IT TEMPTS THEM. THEY BEGIN TO HuMAN SALIVATE.
TT: http://goo.gl/vsGuq
uu: THE MuTuALLY SWOONING BITCHES GET FRISKY WITH THE TREAT.
uu: ROXY HuMAN CHOPS OuT A WEDGE. FEEDS IT TO JANE HuMAN'S ZEALOuS SNACK HOLE.
TT: Ok.
uu: BuT. NOT SO FAST.
uu: SHE SMuSHES IT AROuND THE GREEDY CAKESLuT'S HuMAN LIPS AND FEATuRES.
uu: MISGuIDED FEELINGS OF FONDNESS AND LEVITY WAX INCREMENTALLY.
uu: A GIGGLE IS RELEASED.
TT: Oh shit.
TT: Things are really heating up now.
TT: http://goo.gl/v33Yj
uu: YES. FuCK YES.
uu: I WANT THEM TO HuMAN "HOLD HANDS". THEY WILL HuMAN "HOLD HANDS" NOW.
uu: THEIR ODIOuS "LOVE" IS BLOSSOMING BEFORE OuR EYES AND TO OuR uNSPEAKABLE DISMAY. CAN YOu FEEL IT DIRK?
TT: Yes.
uu: MAKE THEIR CAKEY HANDS. BECOME CLASPED TOGETHER AS ONE.
uu: IT FEELS MuSHY AND SLIPPERY. THEY ENJOY THE SENSATION IMMENSELY. IT IS VILE.
TT: http://goo.gl/ObEuT
uu: YES!
uu: CLOSER!!!
uu: GET THE FuCKING CAMERA CLOSER YOu DOuCHE BAG!
uu: I WANT TO SEE SOME *DETAIL*. HIGH DEF THAT STICKY MESS.
TT: http://goo.gl/gz1iH
uu: OHHHHHHHHHH.
uu: FuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuCK.
uu: THAT IS JuST DOWNRIGHT.
uu: *AFFFFFFFECTIONAAAAAATE.*

05/24/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Yeah.
TT: Those girls sure are diggin' each other.
TT: That's how we humans roll.
TT: Eat some cake. Hold some hands.
uu: AH. BuT THEIR TAWDRY ROMP IS FAR FROM OVER.
uu: JANE HAS HAD A LITTLE TOO MuCH CAKE TO EAT.
uu: PERHAPS HER HuMAN TuMMY NEEDS A RuB?
TT: Ha ha.
TT: Oh god.
uu: WHAT'S THIS! COuLD IT BE.
uu: YOuR BREAKING POINT IS IN SIGHT.
uu: YOu ARE BECOMING SQuEAMISH. I CAN FEEL IT.
uu: YES.
uu: YESSSSS.
TT: If you think this is making me uncomfortable, think again.
uu: NO I'LL THINK ONLY ONCE. YOu ARE SuCCuMBING TO MY GAME. YOu ARE BECOMING PSYCHOLOGICALLY uNGLuED AND I AM WINNING.
TT: Nice wishful thinking there.
TT: I'm not even merely tolerating this, bro.
TT: I swear to god, I'll get my own horse running harder in this fuckin' race than you could ever dream.
uu: WHAT. HORSE?
TT: Think I'll blink first, motherfucker?
TT: Not happening.
TT: I might splinter.
TT: But I don't break.
uu: OH WHATEVER. ASSHOLE.
uu: IS THAT SuPPOSED TO BE "COOL".
TT: You want a fuckin' tummy rub?
TT: That shit sounds white hot. I can't wait to draw that and get us both sexually stimulated.
TT: Here I goddamn go. Boners galore.
TT: http://goo.gl/zJgPI
TT: This is giving me the biggest male human boner of my entire erection life.
uu: STOP MENTIONING MALE HuMAN BONERS.
uu: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE. AND I DON'T WANT TO.
uu: SO IF THAT WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG.
uu: TO MENTION BONERS.
uu: YOuR PLAN FuCKING SuCKED.
TT: You want a shitty twist?
TT: http://goo.gl/8WOPP
uu: OK.
uu: WE'RE DONE HERE.
uu: THIS GAME IS OVER.

05/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Aw, that's it?
TT: I thought we were getting into a good rhythm there.
TT: Anyway, you missed out on like half the pairings.
uu: WHAT. HALF. NO WE DID MOST OF THEM DIDN'T WE.
TT: No, we did three, and there are three possible matchups left.
TT: Don't you know anything about shipping science?
uu: THAT'S A THING?
uu: HOW THE FuCK COuLD THAT BE A THING.
TT: Believe me.
TT: It's a thing.
TT: Total number of pairings for a group of n people is (n^2 - n) / 2.
TT: You divide by 2 to cut the grid in half, eliminate duplicate pairs.
TT: Minus n is so you don't pair people up with themselves. That wouldn't make sense.
uu: AND WHY THE FuCK NOT??
TT: Well, because...
TT: I don't know.
TT: Maybe you're right. Maybe I was being close-minded about self-pairing. What do I know?
uu: JACK SHIT OBVIOuSLY.
uu: ANYWAY. FuCK ALL THAT. YOu DON'T SPOIL GOOD DEBAuCHERY. WITH A LOT OF STuPID MATH.
uu: YOu MAY THINK YOu'RE SMART. BuT EXCESSIVE SMARTNESS CAN MAKE YOu BE MORE OF AN IDIOT.
uu: INTELLIGENT IDIOCY CAN BE EASILY EXPLOITED BY THE CuNNING AND RuTHLESS. JuST A TIP FOR YOu. BRO.
TT: I'll make a note.
TT: So you sure you don't want even one more drawing?
TT: You used Jane and Roxy in two pairings. But me and Jake only got one.
TT: How is that fair?
uu: I DECIDE WHAT IS FAIR IN MY GAMES.
uu: IF YOu ARE PROPOSING TO ILLuSTRATE THE JAKE HuMAN BEHAVING AMOROuSLY WITH THE DIRK HuMAN. THE ANSWER IS NO.
TT: Why not?
uu: THAT ENCOuNTER DOES NOT SEEM AS REPREHENSIBLY SCANDALOuS.
uu: FIRST OF ALL. I ASK OF YOu. WHERE ARE THE BITCHES AT?
uu: I REST MY CASE.
TT: Lame.
uu: SECOND OF ALL. I DON'T WISH TO LANGuISH IN THE PuMPKIN PATCH.
TT: What?
uu: ORANGE AND EMERALD. uNPLEASANT TOGETHER.
uu: I HAVE NO TASTE FOR PuMPKINS. OR ANY HORRID VEGETABLE MATTER.
uu: MEAT OR CANDY. THAT'S WHAT'S GOOD. THE GAME IS OVER.
TT: Fine.
TT: I'll keep all my illustrated debasements to myself, then.
uu: GOOD. DO THAT.
TT: Ok. I will.
TT: So did I win?
uu: I WILL SAY.
uu: YES.
uu: YOu WERE COOPERATIVE AND GENERALLY ENTHuSED ABOuT MY GAME.
uu: CONGRATuLATIONS DIRK.
TT: Thanks.
TT: So what's the shitty twist?
uu: AH! BuT NOT SO FAST.
uu: YOu SEE. THERE IS A TWIST TO MY SHITTY TWIST.
TT: A twisted twist?
TT: Like... a double mobius handjob or something?
uu: YES. PROBABLY.
TT: Ok.
TT: What is the twist to the twist?

05/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THE TWIST TO THE TWIST IS.
uu: I WON'T TELL YOu WHAT THE SHITTY TWIST IS FOR A YEAR!!!
TT: Wow.
TT: That...
TT: Really is quite a shitty twist.
uu: YOuR GRATIFICATION ON THIS MATTER WILL BE DELAYED.
uu: I HAVE NOTICED. AS YOuR AWFuL MEANDERING SAGA WENDS ITS WAY. THROuGH THE ASS CRACK OF NOWHERE AND BACK.
uu: ANSWERS TO POINTLESS QuESTIONS ARE OFTEN DEFERRED. NIGH INDEFINITELY.
uu: AND SO THIS WILL CAuSE YOu TO REFLECT. uPON A LIFETIME SPENT.
uu: BEING INSIDE A BuLLSHIT STORY LIKE THAT.
uu: IS THE IRONY NOT FuCKING DELICIOuS?
TT: Not really.
uu: I WILL TELL YOu THE FATE OF MY SISTER IN ONE YEAR.
uu: AT THAT TIME I WILL TELL YOu THE TWIST.
uu: AND ALTHOuGH YOu PLAYED MY GAME SuCCESSFuLLY.
uu: IN ORDER TO SPARE HER LIFE.
uu: IT WILL HAVE TuRNED OuT.
uu: ALL ALONG.
uu: TO YOuR SHOCK AND ASTONISHMENT.
uu: THAT...
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering timaeusTestified [TT]

05/25/12
"uu: Jeer future Dirk."

|PESTERLOG|
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering timaeusTestified [TT]
uu: THAAAAT...

05/25/12
"uu: Reveal shitty twist."

|PESTERLOG|
uu: I ALREADY KILLED HER!!!!!
TT: What?
TT: Killed who?
uu: AHHH. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.
TT: Oh, right.
TT: I forgot about this horseshit.
uu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

05/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA. HAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

05/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: AND THE GREAT THING IS.
uu: HOW I GOT THE IDEA FROM YOuR GAME.
TT: What idea?
TT: The idea to kill her dream self?
uu: NO.

05/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: TO GET THE ARCHAGENT TO DO IT.
uu: TO GET HIM TO GO TO PROSPIT.
uu: AND KNIFE A BITCH.
uu: SINCE AS YOu MuST KNOW.
uu: A DERSE GuY CAN'T JuST GO FLYING ACROSS THE MEDIuM.
uu: IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES.
uu: SO.
uu: I HIRED HIM.
TT: How?
uu: I PAID HIM OFF.
uu: WITH CANDY.
uu: EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE.
uu: WHEN IT COMES TO SWEETS.

05/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: ALTHOuGH.
uu: HE WAS PROBABLY WILLING TO DO IT. EVEN WITHOuT THE BRIBE.
uu: NOIR IS THE BEST THERE IS.
uu: VERY uSEFuL.
uu: VERY STABBY.
uu: I MIGHT EVEN CONSIDER HIM.
uu: MY BEST FuCKING FRIEND.
uu: IF I DIDN'T FIND THE HuMAN EMOTION OF FRIENDSHIP.
uu: NEARLY AS SICKENING AS IT BARELY QuALIFIES.
uu: AS AN ACTuAL EMOTION.

05/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: BASICALLY WHAT I'M SAYING IS.
uu: I'M YET ANOTHER STEP CLOSER.
uu: TO BEING IN TOTAL CONTROL.
uu: OF THE NEW GAME I AM ABOuT TO PLAY.
uu: AND THE OLD GAME BETWEEN uS.
TT: Wait...
TT: What game between us?

05/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: NO.
uu: NOT YOu AND ME.
uu: uS.
uu: HER AND ME.
uu: ME AND HER.
uu: THERE ARE ONLY A FEW MOVES LEFT.
uu: BEFORE I CAN MATE WITH HER.
TT: Whoa.

05/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: WAIT. FuCK. WHAT DID I SAY?
uu: I MEAN.
uu: BEFORE I CAN MATE HER.
uu: MATE. AS IN CHECK MATE. IT'S A FIGuRE OF GODDAMN SPEECH.

05/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: YOu KNOW. LIKE IN CHESS???
TT: No. What's that?
uu: SHIT HEAD.

05/27/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE DOING????????

05/27/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Stop it, all of you!
ARANEA: You couldn't even wait a few minutes while I retrieved one last guest?
ARANEA: I have to come 8ack to THIS????????
TEREZI: 1 4M SORRY 4R4N34
TEREZI: 1 TR13D TO T3LL TH3M 4LL TO B3 COOL
TEREZI: NORM4LLY W3R3 SO MUCH COOL3R TH4N...
TEREZI: *SNORT*
TEREZI: WHY DO 1 4LW4YS TRY TO T3LL P3OPL3 W3R3 COOL?
TEREZI: W3 4R3 SO V3RY UN COOL >:[
ARANEA: Every8ody?
ARANEA: Excuse me, are you listening?! I would like to introduce you to someone.
ARANEA: His name is........
ARANEA: HEY!!!!!!!!
ARANEA: MEENAH! I SAID CUT IT THE FUCK OUT.
ARANEA: Yes! you!
ARANEA: The dead miscreant with the goggles waving around the stupid trident.
ARANEA: Put it down!
MEENAH: what
MEENAH: no way
ARANEA: Yes way.
MEENAH: no
MEENAH: wanna poke these suckas up
ARANEA: Put it down.
ARANEA: I'm serious.
MEENAH: come on lemme puncture one of em
MEENAH: just a little
MEENAH: how bout this shout ass nubby motherglubber who looks like whats his face
ARANEA: I said drop it.
MEENAH: what like on the floor
ARANEA: Yes on the floor!

05/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Now step away from it. That's right.
ARANEA: 8ack. A little further.
ARANEA: I said further!
ARANEA: No, not closer! Further!
ARANEA: Uuuuuuuugh.
ARANEA: Guess what! You just lost your poking privileges.
ARANEA: I think I'll hang on to this for a little while. How do you like that?
MEENAH: s'chool
ARANEA: Ooooooooh. It sure is pretty. Is that real gold? Or, pardon me, "reel."
ARANEA: I 8et I could sell it for a small fortune.
MEENAH: aw man
MEENAH: no dont
ARANEA: Watch me!
MEENAH: yeah like a fuckin ghost could even sell anyfin
MEENAH: any of you scrubs know where to find the prawn shop in this bitch
TEREZI: TH3 WH4T?
MEENAH: some ho is angling to sell ma gold pointy jam
MEENAH: look at her pawin up my royal loot with her clammy shitmitts
MEENAH: greedier spectacle i never did sea
MEENAH: water you blind there pyrope lookin dimwit
TEREZI: Y3S
MEENAH: then listen up
MEENAH: she wants
MEENAH: to hock
MEENAH: my swank fuckin carats
MEENAH: got it
TEREZI: W3LL
TEREZI: MOST OF US H3R3 4R3 1N F4CT R4TH3R W34LTHY
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT SUR3 1F SH3 W1LL F1ND 4N 1NT3R3ST3D BUY3R THOUGH >:]
MEENAH: this sure became a retarded line of talkin
DAVE: (rose whos the john looking kid)
ROSE: (I think it's young Father-Grandad Harleybert.)
DAVE: (what)

05/29/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Ok then!
ARANEA: Has everyone settled down? Do I have everyone's attention?
MEENAH: attention huh
MEENAH: whoda thought
MEENAH: you would want any of THAT
ARANEA: Just stop. Please?
ARANEA: I know it's only 8een minutes since you died, and you pro8a8ly aren't thrilled to see me for any num8er of reasons.
ARANEA: 8ut for me it has 8een millenia! I have 8een waiting a long time to see you again, and orient you to the afterlife.
MEENAH: heh
MEENAH: being a ghost isnt anyfin you need to be oriented to
MEENAH: were D-EAD who cares
ARANEA: Excuse me for looking forward to our reunion then! I guess I 8uilt it up in my mind as something special for a whole lot of nothing!
MEENAH: yeah probubbly
MEENAH: what elses new though
MEENAH: need to swimmer down girl
MEENAH: you dead
MEENAH: time to act like the fucks you give stopped existin
MEENAH: like they.....
MEENAH: disaspeared 38T
ARANEA: Then you don't care at all, is that it? My waiting here all this time to see you means nothing?
DIRK: Dude, is it just me, or is this kind of awkward.
DIRK: Why did she even drag you here.
JAKE: (Sh!)
MEENAH: i mean
MEENAH: having to wait milleniums and stuff
MEENAH: as a ghost with too much to say
MEENAH: that is nook loads of time
MEENAH: but i mean
MEENAH: we both might of lived that long
MEENAH: if we didnt up and die just now
MEENAH: or at least i woulda
MEENAH: sounds to me like boring times ahoy either fuckin way
ARANEA: ????????
ARANEA: What is even your point!
MEENAH: um
MEENAH: dunno?
MEENAH: sorry serket
MEENAH: lets hug it out later
MEENAH: aight
ARANEA: I think I have completely forgotten the su8tle art of determining whether you're 8eing sincere, through your tangled fishnet of aquatic puns and little sta8s of hostility.
MEENAH: fishnet!
MEENAH: fishnet yessss
MEENAH: you coulda just said net but you said fishnet instead <3
ARANEA: Do you think you can at least remain well mannered while I 8ring the others up to speed on some critical matters?
MEENAH: uh lets sea
MEENAH: no
ARANEA: Grrrrrrrr.
ARANEA: That's it. I'm selling off this gaudy trinket.
MEENAH: no fuck you gimme that
ARANEA: I have developed an eye for priceless treasure.
ARANEA: Do you have any idea who I grew up to 8e in the new world we made?
ARANEA: I'd wager if I put it on the 8lack market, it would fetch a fee to the tuna several 8illion 8oonies.
MEENAH: TUNA 38D
MEENAH: tuna tuna tuna tuna
MEENAH: i love you
KARKAT: WOW. HEY.
KARKAT: FUCKING *EXCUSE ME*
MEENAH: what

05/29/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT YOU.
TEREZI: K4RK4T S3TTL3 DOWN!
TEREZI: 1 TOLD YOU
TEREZI: TH3Y 4R3 SOM3 OF OUR 4NC3STORS
KARKAT: THEY AREN'T OUR ANCESTORS. WE DON'T HAVE ANCESTORS.
KARKAT: ANCESTRAL LEGACIES ARE A LOT OF SUPERSTITIOUS, ARISTOCRATIC BULLSHITTERY, INVENTED BY HIGHBLOODS SO THEY GET TO FEEL EVEN MORE SMUG AND SELF SATISFIED THAN THEY ALREADY ARE.
KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DO HAVE THEM, WHO CARES? WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THESE PEOPLE?
TEREZI: YOUR3 B31NG V3RY RUD3 >:|
KARKAT: LISTEN. I DON'T KNOW THEM.
KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO WASTE TIME PASSING THROUGH DREAM BUBBLES IF I'M NOT GOING TO SEE MY DEAD FRIENDS.
KARKAT: IF YOU DRAGGED ME ALL THE WAY UP HERE TO MEET, OH SAY, GHOST NEPETA. FUCKING GREAT!
KARKAT: I'LL HANG OUT WITH DEAD NEPETA ALL DAY LONG. HELL, EVEN SOME RANDOM NEPETA FROM A DOOMED TIMELINE. THAT WOULD BE ALRIGHT.
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT? GIVE ME FIFTY FUCKING NEPETAS! WHY THE HELL NOT. WE'LL CALL OUR JOURNEY THROUGH BLACK ENDLESS DESPAIR "NEPETAQUEST".
KARKAT: BUT THESE LOSERS? WHO CARES ABOUT THEM. I DON'T NEED TO BE MAKING ANY NEW FRIENDS. I HAVE ENOUGH "NEW FRIENDS" AS IT IS.
ROXY: zzzzzz
KARKAT: MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY, RANDOM HUMAN!
KARKAT: I'M LEAVING.
TEREZI: BL4RGH YOU 4R3 SO T3RR1BL3!
MEENAH: that guy!
MEENAH: nubbyshouts
MEENAH: that guy is cool!!
KARKAT: THANKS, WHOEVER THE FUCK!!!
KARKAT: BYE.
MEENAH: aw man
MEENAH: hes so much cooler than whats his shit
MEENAH: why couldnt whats his shit be more like nubs mcshouty
MEENAH: our team had no cool buoys at all
ROXY: le zzz
MEENAH: sleepy fishbait is right
MEENAH: this is a fuckin drag
MEENAH: can i go hang out with shouty instead
ARANEA: No.
KARKAT: NO.
MEENAH: 38C
DAVE: (hey rose)
DAVE: (i dunno if this is a weird question)
DAVE: (but like)
DAVE: (do you think we should try and wake up our teen mom)
DAVE: (or what)

05/29/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: (I'm not sure if that's a good idea.)
ROXY: zzzzees ;)
DAVE: (why)
DAVE: (sounds good to me)
DAVE: (mayor what do you think)
DAVE: (you hear that rose)
DAVE: (the mayor thinks its an awesome idea)
DAVE: (me too buddy me too)
ROSE: (Ok, since I've clearly been outvoted on the matter, and democracy has spoken, I guess I should clarify.)
ROSE: (I'm not sure if it's actually possible.)
DAVE: (why)
ROSE: (I don't think she's ever woken up before.)
DAVE: (oh)
DAVE: (cant you throw some yarn at her)
DAVE: (that worked on me didnt it)
ROSE: (You were technically already awake.)
ROSE: (Also, I don't happen to have any yarn on me at the moment.)
ROSE: (Do you have any yarn on you, Dave?)
DAVE: (what the fuck kind of question is that)
DAVE: (i am the fucking yarn king)
DAVE: (be passin out yarn like cheap cigars)
ROSE: (Cheap cigars...?)
DAVE: (dream mom gave teen ecto birth or some shit)
DAVE: (turned out the baby was us)
DAVE: (so like)
DAVE: (handing out yarn in the waiting room)
DAVE: (like cigars you see)
DAVE: (to other serious dads from the 1950s)
DAVE: (cheap ones cause you dont wanna go fuckin broke on cigars with a baby on the way)
DAVE: (gotta be frugal rose)
DAVE: (celebrate that shit but have some damn sense about your cigar budget)
ROXY: smack snack
ROXY: zzxxx
DAVE: (but yeah i dont got any yarn)
ROSE: (I just,)
ROSE: (Don't see how you can make remarks with such frequency that are so obliviously and so generically loaded from a Freudian perspective.)
ROSE: (It's flabbergasting, really. You never miss a chance.)
ROSE: (Cigars? Describing a scenario where you are both given birth to by your teen mother, as well as playing the role of the proud father in the waiting room?)
DAVE: (oh god no stop)
ROSE: (What should I make of the fact that the phallic imagery you've selected is not only inexpensive, but is administered freely and mirthfully to other expecting fathers?)
ROSE: (Or that the object standing in for the phallic symbol is something you're proposing to throw at our mother's head!)
DAVE: (just shut the fuck up!)
DAVE: (arent you magic or something)
DAVE: (are you still magic or is your superpower now just talking a lot and wearing orange)
DAVE: (why dont you use your magics to wake her up)
DAVE: (arent you kinda curious to talk to her)
DAVE: (like find out what her deal is)
ROSE: (Yes.)
ROSE: (But I don't think I know that spell.)
DAVE: (hey what even is magic anyway)
DAVE: (like are spells real like when you do magic are you actualy doing legit spells like the dipshits in harry potter)
DAVE: (babbling up some false baloney ass latin)
ROSE: (Not really?)
DAVE: (i knew it what a load of shit that all is)
ROSE: (What?)
DAVE: (spells and shit)
ROSE: (Um. Ok?)
ROXY: *SNOAR*

05/29/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: (hey rose)
ROSE: (Yeah?)
DAVE: (does mom seem to kinda be)
DAVE: (like uh)
ROSE: (What?)
DAVE: (i dont know)
DAVE: (a sloppy sleeper)
ROXY: zzzzzznort,,..
ROSE: (That's pretty much how she always slept.)
ROSE: (This includes discovering her sleeping in unusual places.)
DAVE: (is she drunk or something)
DAVE: (can a dream self be drunk)
ROSE: (Yes.)
DAVE: (what really)
DAVE: (just like that thats the answer)
DAVE: (like thats something you actually know for sure)
ROSE: (Yes.)
DAVE: (what the fuck)
DAVE: (is it seer powers that let you know that or did you read it in a book)
DAVE: (why would someone write that in a book)
DAVE: (how would you even know that)
ROSE: (I know from experience, I guess.)
DAVE: (yeah bs)
DAVE: (there wasnt even time for that)
DAVE: (drinking or anything)
DAVE: (with all the grimdark nonsense and carting around moon bombs)
DAVE: (and anyway you dont like booze)
ROSE: (Not really. But it grows on you to some extent.)
DAVE: (you are fucking with me)
ROSE: (Do you remember the timeline Davesprite was from?)
DAVE: (oh)
DAVE: (right)
ROSE: (I still remember some things.)
ROSE: (It was actually pretty similar to the way things have been for the last year on this meteor.)
ROSE: (There wasn't very much to do.)
ROSE: (But there was a house full of liquor.)
KANAYA: (Whats Liquor)
DAVE: (SHIT)
DAVE: (oh god i never get used to how quietly troll vampires sneak around)
KANAYA: (What Are We Talking About Here)
DAVE: (liquor is booze you drink it and it makes you fall down and slur words and understand sports)
DAVE: (and apparently snore like an off road motorcycle)
ROXY: lol snork ;D
KANAYA: (Oh A Soporific Human Substance)
KANAYA: (Got It)
ROSE: (What are they talking about over there?)
ROSE: (I think we might be missing something important.)
KANAYA: (I Honestly Have No Idea Whats Going On So I Came Over Here To See If You Knew)
DAVE: (yeah we know fucking squat)
DAVE: (maybe we should have been paying attention i dont even know what the hell these people are talking about)
DAVE: (kind of too many people here maybe karkat was right to sit this one out)
DAVE: (grandpa johns not saying much)
DAVE: (i kind of wonder whats up with him)
DAVE: (maybe hes shy or freaked out hey why did he even show up with that troll girl)
DAVE: (should i say something to him or)
DAVE: (this is awkward)
DAVE: (terezis all asking them questions and stuff)
DAVE: (she is like literally the only one on the ball here this is embarrassing)
ROSE: (They're looking at us.)
DAVE: (oh god yeah)
TEREZI: W1LL YOU GUYS STOP MUMBL1NG TO YOURS3LV3S 4ND G3T OV3R H3R3!

05/30/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: YOUR3 M1SS1NG 4 LOT OF F4SC1N4T1NG STUFF 4BOUT OUR 4NC3STORS!
DAVE: ok
DAVE: can you maybe like
DAVE: give us the gist of it
TEREZI: 3R
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1...
ARANEA: May8e I should just start over from the 8eginning.
MEENAH: glubber fuck
MEENAH: somemoby kill me
MEENAH: again
MEENAH: make me double die
MEENAH: can that happen can you kill a ghost
ARANEA: Meenah, please!
ARANEA: Our nice new friends have missed some very IMPORTANT DETAILS!
MEENAH: cod almighty
MEENAH: dont you sea
MEENAH: these chumps are too polite to say they dont give a flip
MEENAH: specially that poor buoy you lured on to your boat
MEENAH: lookit him
MEENAH: too polite and afraid to say anyfin at all
DIRK: I'm not.
JAKE: (Sh!!)
ARANEA: Very well.
ARANEA: If you speak for everyone with respect to what is most interesting to talk a8out, then what is your porpoisal?
ARANEA: I mean proposal!
MEENAH: 38D!!!!!
ARANEA: (Stupid infectious fish puns.)
ARANEA: (Took all of five minutes to pull me into your insmanatee again.)
ARANEA: (Insanity! Ugh.)
MEENAH: (eelmao!)
TEREZI: W3LL
TEREZI: W3 COULD JUST NOT WORRY 4BOUT 1T 4ND K33P T4LK1NG L1K3 W3 W3R3
TEREZI: 1 W4S CUR1OUS TO H34R TH3 4NSW3R TO MY L4ST QU3ST1ON
ARANEA: Oh, sure!
ARANEA: You wanted to know how we all died.
ARANEA: That's a pretty interesting story, don't you think, Meenah? :::;)
MEENAH: whatebber
ARANEA: However, I don't think much of it will make sense without some major contextualization.
ARANEA: There's really quite an amazing amount of nuance to the full sequence of events. Many different players, personalities, conflicting agendas, all interwoven together.
ARANEA: I'll need a little time to set the stage for everything to 8e comprehensi8le, if you all don't mind indulging me for a while.
ARANEA: You could say it all started during our darkest hour, when it 8ecame clear our failure was inevita8le. I took it upon myself to venture into the palace of my denizUMPH.

05/30/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: MMMMMMMMPH!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: yo listen up
MEENAH: ill make this reel quick

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: ok so we all lost cause everybody sucked but me

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: so serket here wanted to do the scratch thing that would make us all not exist

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: but i found out from monsters we could keep existin if we was a bunch of ghosts

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: thing is nobody ever has the guts to off anybody

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: let alone themshellves

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: so i blew us all the fuck up

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: and thats glubbin that

05/31/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: now were ghosts the end

06/01/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Meempha.

06/01/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Thap waf.......

06/01/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: THE WORST STORY THAT HAS EVER 8EEN TOLD IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE.
MEENAH: whoa clam down
ARANEA: No! I will not "clam down." Clamming is not something you can do, unless you do it UP, or you are literally retrieving clams from a 8ed of soft oceanic soil.
MEENAH: clam your rumble spheres
MEENAH: seriously they is lookin lively girl everyones gawkin
ARANEA: You just have no respect for a well told story.
MEENAH: i said what happened didnt i
ARANEA: Only 8arely!!!!!!!!
ARANEA: You left out so much! All the intrigue, the complicated interpersonal relationships, the 8ackstory, the responsi8le pacing.
ARANEA: Where was the WORLD 8UILDING, Meenah?
MEENAH: who gives a dolphin flip through a big ring of shit
ARANEA: Ok! I think I finally understand the art of storytelling now, thanks to you!
ARANEA: It turns out all you have to do is make series of short, mysterious statements without supplying context or any further ela8oration.
ARANEA: It's all so simple! Let's try it out.
ARANEA: Did you know that "what's his face" Vantas in our post-scratch world grew up to 8e a spiritual leader followed 8y millions?
ARANEA: They killed him though. He died handcuffed to something, while shouting a rude word. The end!
ARANEA: Leijon grew up to 8e his m8sprit! She wrote stuff down and spent a long time in a cave. That's that.
ARANEA: Their 8uddy Captor flew a ship for some hag. It wasn't a very cool gig. Maryam found a wiggler and died a slave. Did I mention our planet 8ecame kind of a shithole? No, I don't think I did, 8ecause that's apparently not how you "tell stories."
MEENAH: ...
MEENAH: go on
ARANEA: Zahhak 8uilt me a ro8otic arm. He was ordered 8y a high8lood to kill a girl 8ut he couldn't do it, and was 8anished. Really 8eat himself up over that. 8ut it's ok 8ecause his descendant redeemed the honor of his legacy 8y doing whatever a murderous clown told him to. Wait, was that too much detail? Forget I said some of that. Moving on!
ARANEA: Ampora was a pirate. No8ody liked him. He killed a lot of people, 8ut was later executed 8ecause he was una8le to tell a funny joke. What else needs to 8e said? That's right. Nothing.
ARANEA: Makara was the guy who didn't like his joke. He was terri8le and so is his story. Period.
ARANEA: Nitram was a hero who led a re8ellion. He killed me. 8ut not 8efore things got pretty steamy 8etween us. Want to hear the juicy details? You're out of luck!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: aww man 38(
ARANEA: Pyrope cut off my arm and arrested me, 8ut I killed her. This triggered a karmic cycle of revenge which led to the eventual 8linding of her descendant.
ARANEA: Sorry, Terezi. Them's the 8r8ks!
TEREZI: W41T
TEREZI: WH4T?
ARANEA: As for me, well, I could go on ALL DAAAAAAAAY a8out that su8ject. 8ut I won't!
ARANEA: I was a cool pir8te. The 8est pir8! I lived a long time, had amazing adventures, got all the treasure, then died. That's all she wrote!
ARANEA: 8ut not literally. She wrote quite a lot in fact. She had a lot to say, just like me. Which is why she's so gr8.
ARANEA: Let's see. Who am I forgetting here?
MEENAH: uh
MEENAH: ahem
ARANEA: Oh, of course. Megido! Now there's an interesting story full of exciting twists and turns we won't 8e getting into.
ARANEA: She was kidnapped as a child 8y a creep, then served the creep's 8oss for millions of sweeps. She helped make everything lousy. Then you killed her and took her jo8.
ARANEA: Anyway, I think this tedious tale has gone on for entirely too long already!
ARANEA: I can't think of a single thing left to address that could possi8ly 8e of interest to anyone.
MEENAH: no no shut up
MEENAH: do me now what about me
MEENAH: waterboat meeeee!!!
ARANEA: Why, Meenah. Could it 8e that you would like to hear more?
ARANEA: I must 8e imagining things, 8ecause you are on record as finding my stories 8oring.
MEENAH: no these stories are more interesting than your usual ones
MEENAH: i can tell because im actually still a wake
ARANEA: Very well. You would like to know a8out your post-scratch adult life.
ARANEA: Would you like the short version? Or the long version?
MEENAH: uh
MEENAH: are those the only two options
ARANEA: You tell me.
MEENAH: how about
MEENAH: not the looooooooooooooooooooong version
MEENAH: like dont go full fuckin serket on us
MEENAH: but
MEENAH: dont leave out too much of the cool stuff?
MEENAH: shit man why do i gotta explain this to a presumably rational person
MEENAH: just tell me what ma junk was bitch!
ARANEA: Very well.
ARANEA: I shall strive to convey your story, including details which you are likely to find interesting on account of vanity, whilst attempting to refrain from going "Full Serket" on you and other hapless 8ystanders.
MEENAH: blub
MEENAH: come on spit it out windfang
MEENAH: no more adventures on the high breeze got it
ARANEA: Fine.
ARANEA: You want the a8ridged-version, 8ut-may8e-not-so-a8ridged, as-long-as-the-stuff-that-you-in-particular-would-like-to-hear-is-included, of the Meenah Peixes saga?
ARANEA: Here we go.

06/01/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Instead of storming off to the moon in a huff, Peixes em8raced her role as an heiress.
ARANEA: Once she reached the age to challenge the empress, she killed her predecessor easily.
ARANEA: She did more to sink our race into perpetual darkness and violence than any empress before her, and her rule lasted the longest 8y far.
ARANEA: She conquered thousands of planets and star systems, many of them personally. She was responsi8le for the death of trillions.
ARANEA: Her reign was interrupted only 8y the extinction of our race, which was orchestrated 8y the omniscient creep I mentioned previously.
ARANEA: She flew back to her homeworld, killed Megido, and assumed control of her demonic powers.
ARANEA: In doing so, she also assumed her role as the servant to an indestructi8le demon, whose existence was a8out to result in the annihilation of our universe.
ARANEA: 8ut 8efore that, he had a new assignment for her.
ARANEA: Is this 8rief enough? Am I addressing all the "cool stuff" to your satisfaction?
MEENAH: 38o
ARANEA: That's the first half of her story.
ARANEA: In the second half, she escaped to a fresh universe to wreak more havoc.
ARANEA: She infiltrated a planet called Earth, which is home to a race called humans. These guys here.
ARANEA: On the post-scratch version of Earth (long story), she gained a8solute power, flooded the planet, and completely wiped out the human population, while expanding her a8ilities even further.
ARANEA: She then somehow entered the humans' game session, and took control there as well.
ARANEA: She did all this at the 8ehest of her employer, and has shown no signs of slowing her rampage, or ever dying, for that matter.
ARANEA: So, Meenah. How was that story? Are you 8ored yet?
MEENAH: 38o
JAKE: (Dirk...)
DIRK: What?
JAKE: (I think...)
JAKE: (I think thats the batterwitch!)
DIRK: Uh, yeah.
DIRK: You're just getting that now?

06/01/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: (Great scott!)
JAKE: (I have to do something.)
DIRK: Do something?
DIRK: No, man. Just sit tight, ok?
JAKE: (But thats sea hitler! Shes right there in the spooky flesh!)
JAKE: (Remember all the horrible things you said she did??)
DIRK: Yeah, but...
JAKE: (Cripes it sets my blood aboil just thinking about it.)
JAKE: (I have to stop her! Thats why im here i just figured it out. I have to do it bro!)
DIRK: No you don't. Come on, don't be an idiot.
JAKE: (Yes i do thats what you do when you go back in time and find hitler.)
JAKE: (Thats like one of the rules of adventure if you have the chance to kill hitler and stop his crimes from happening then you do it!)
JAKE: (Oh man oh man oh man...)
DIRK: You didn't go back in time, Jake. Do you even understand what's going on?
JAKE: (I gotta do something ok ok how do i do this...)
JAKE: (Aw frig no time to think here i go!!!)
DIRK: Jake.

06/01/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: HIIIIIIIIIIIII YA!!!!!!
DIRK: Jake.
JAKE: DIE FISH HITLER DIE!
DIRK: Jake.
JAKE: I WONT LET YOU KILL MY PEOPLE!
ARANEA: Jake, no! What are you doing????????

06/02/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: KA POW! TAKE THAT!!!
DAVE: oh shit grandpa egbert juniordad totally snapped
ARANEA: Jake, stop!
JAKE: AND A BIT OF THAT!
DIRK: Dude, this is completely embarrassing.
JAKE: AND HOW ABOUT A SMIDGEN OF THIS!
DIRK: Everyone thinks you're either stupid or insane.
JAKE: WHAMBO!!!
MEENAH: oof

06/02/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: YOU KILLED DIRK AND ROXYS BRO AND MOM RESPECTIVELY!
JAKE: OR YOU WILL LATER I THINK AND I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN!
ARANEA: No, no, Jake, that was in another universe! Or, I mean........
JAKE: I WONT LET YOU TURN MY PLANET INTO WATERWORLD!
JAKE: THAT MOVIE WAS GREAT! BUT NOT *THAT* GREAT!
ARANEA: She isn't the same person though! I mean, she is, 8ut........
JAKE: I CANT LET YOU EXPLOIT YOUR BAKED GOODS EMPIRE TO MASSACRE THE HUMAN RACE!
ARANEA: She won't grow up to do any of that! She's the pre-scratch version who.......
ARANEA: You see, the 8atterwitch you're talking a8out was a totally different, uh........
JAKE: OVER MY DEAD BODY AM I GONNA LET YOU STICK A PAIR OF STINKIN JUGGALOS IN THE WHITEHOUSE!
ARANEA: Augh, why does this all have to 8e so complicated to explain!!!!!!!!
JAKE: KARATEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *CHOP!*
MEENAH: oof
DAVE: what
DAVE: juggalos
DAVE: rose is he drunk too
DAVE: what is going on

06/02/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: (psst)
DIRK: ?
TEREZI: (so)
TEREZI: (wh4t 1s th3 d34l w1th you?)
TEREZI: (m1st3r br41n ph4ntom)
DIRK: The deal with me?
TEREZI: (y3s)
DIRK: I'm not sure how to answer that.
DIRK: What's the deal with you?
TEREZI: (uh)
DIRK: How are those horns working out for you?
DIRK: And also the fact that you're an alien? What's up with that?
TEREZI: (>:?)
DIRK: Exactly.
TEREZI: (should 1 t3ll p3opl3 4bout you or...)
DIRK: You didn't see nothin'.
TEREZI: (y3s)
TEREZI: (th4t 1s tru3)

06/03/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Jake, stop whaling on her like that!
ARANEA: I mean, wailing!
ARANEA: W8! Why am I even correcting myself? Those are homonyms!
ARANEA: No8ody could even tell which kind of whaling I meant!
JAKE: DRAGON PUNCH!
ARANEA: Jake!
JAKE: RIGHT IN THE FISHY KISSER!!!
ARANEA: I SAID.
ARANEA: ST8P!!!!!!!!
JAKE: DOOF.

06/03/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Sigh.
ARANEA: Meenah, are you ok?

06/03/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Meenah?

06/03/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: SOOOOOOOOOOO
MEENAH: COOOOOOOOOOOL

06/03/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: So...
DIRK: I'm still here, right?
DIRK: Even though Jake woke up?
TEREZI: (1t would s33m so)
DIRK: Ok, just making sure.
DIRK: God my existence is weird.

06/03/12
"Jake: Wake up."

Ow, your head. The old noggin has been getting a workout lately, and you don't mean the kind you get from puzzles. Good thing your trusty SKULLTOP took some of the brunt. Also, good thing your trusty SKULL took the rest of it. The sturdy bone really makes for a splendid backup helmet, you think.

Speaking of your skulltop, it seems someone's left you a message.

06/03/12
"Jake: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT]

UU: jake, i don't have long to talk so i shall leave this note to yoU while yoU sleep and then go.
UU: i may have to begin, let Us say, bending rUles a bit more than i have?
UU: he is making things bloody impossible. oUr game is now nothing short of war. that is all i will say.
UU: well, i will also say this.
UU: i am scared oUt of my wits to go to sleep now. i don't know what will come of me.
UU: my dream self is kapUt, like yoUrs.
UU: bUt i don't fancy yoU will have troUble waking from yoUr nap.
UU: whereas i...
UU: best not to dwell on it i sUppose.
UU: i don't know what to do besides stall, and keep helping yoU as mUch as i can.
UU: now is the time to retrieve those weapons from the capsUle and prepare the gift!
UU: this is so important. the chain will not be complete Unless the delivery is made.
UU: bUt first yoU may want to test its capabilities.
UU: in particUlar... what are they called?
UU: the infinitesimalizer and monstrositifier?
UU: there sUre are some fUnny names for things strewn aboUt yoUr tale.
UU: remember, green means grow, red means shrink! bUt sUrely yoU know this.
UU: give it a go. perhaps try targeting that Unwieldy edifice stashed away in yoUr sylladex? coUld free Up some space!
UU: bUt remember to hold on to it. it remains as important as ever.
UU: i'll be sodding off then.
UU: so mUch to do, so little time. u_u
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering golgothasTerror [GT]

06/04/12
"Jake: Examine time capsule."

Still about 10 minutes to go before the stuff is supposed to appear. In the meantime, might as well mess around with the bunny like she said, see if it works.

06/04/12
"Jake: Deploy Terry Kiser."

Terry! Atta boy. He looks like he is ready and raring to be a loyal companion to his new owner, that lucky bastard. You will be a little sad to say goodbye. You hardly got a chance to know him at all.

06/04/12
"Jake: Monstrositify something."

You drop some DELICIOUS FRUIT and activate the green beam. Green means grow. This is seriously some Alice in Wonderland shit going on here. And soon you will send the rabbit on its way through the looking glass. These aren't the kind of things that usually occur to you though, especially after several blows to the head. You continue staring vacantly at the dancing fruit, while that kind of thing keeps not occurring to you.

06/04/12
"==>"

Eureka, it works! Never a doubt in your mind. Grandma's technology is pure modern witchcraft, like she busted loose from a big silver screen playing the Wizard of Oz or some nonsense, which also isn't a thing that's occurring to you right now. This is exactly the kind of technology you win big time awards for. The kind that could end world hunger. Or it would be if humanity wasn't about to go down the toilet anyway. What a bummer.

06/04/12
"Jake: Ok, try out infinitesimalizer."

You deploy the massive thing that's been clogging your sylladex forever. Some time after your house exploded, you found it in the jungle and snapped it up for safe keeping. Even if it didn't have strong sentimental value, you probably would have grabbed it anyway. Globes are sweet. You love globes. Globes, spheres... they're all cool in your book.

But to be completely honest, you'll be relieved to have the inventory space back.

06/04/12
"Jake: Shrink it."

Works like a charm, as expected.

Whoops, there it goes, down the rabbit hole. You'll need to fish it out of there. Supposedly one of your grandma's thingamajigs inside the globe is pretty important?

You'll go get it in a few minutes though. The capsule flower is about to bloom!

06/04/12
"Jake: Watch capsule bloom."

There they are! FINALLY! The deadly armaments you have been waiting...

Huh. Those are the armaments? It just looks like a big silly pile of shit. Oh well, you guess that alien girl knows what she's talking about.

06/04/12
"Jake: Check capsule clock."

Hold on. The clock reset itself to a new countdown. Something else is going to come out of this thing in a little more than an hour.

But according to the game plan, you're not even supposed to still BE here in an hour. You wonder what it could be? Guess you won't be around to find out.

06/05/12
"Jake: Prepare present for delivery."

Gotta shrink these weapons down first! No way they're fitting in that box along with the rabbit.

06/05/12
"==>"

Need to write an addendum to John about this stuff. John who is probably Jane's grandpa from the past, or maybe not really the past? Maybe like a young grandpa clone who lives in that ghost world where you saw all those other kids, including those two Dirk and Roxy-looking kids, and what you think may have been literally a sleeping Roxy, but you aren't totally sure? Why does everything have to be so COMPLICATED? Whatever, no big. Going on adventures isn't about UNDERSTANDING them. It's about being brave, and leaping into fistfights without thinking ahead.

You finish off your note with a few more friendly words, and something vague about who you really are. You are just following your alien friend's advice on maintaining a bit of secrecy so as not to cause timeline problems, but boy is it hard keeping secrets. You can't help yourself, and slip in a subtle clue that your grandmother is actually his pal Jade. Tee hee. You figure if John is even half as sharp as you, he will pick up on that right away. It's ok, it'll just be a little secret between you and him. The pretend-British alien doesn't even need to know.

06/05/12
"==>"

Terry's ready to go. You ask the bunny kindly to put himself back in the box. He happily complies, and there is no reason at all to ask rhetorically why he wouldn't put himself back in the box.

You place him on the TRANSMATERIALIZER'S pedestal, and get ready to hit the SENDIFICATE button one last time. You can't believe this project is finally finished. No more fun letters between you and your grandma. You guess the next time you talk to her, it will be in person. Hard to believe! But then, for a guy like you, nothing is.

06/06/12
"[S] Terry: Fast forward to Liv."

06/06/12
"==>"

And that was how that stuff happened.

The bunny didn't make it.

06/08/12
"UU: Cheer uu."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: finally getting a bit aggressive with yoUr qUeen there?
UU: UsUally yoU aren't nearly as patient with her.
UU: the little "gambit" i permitted yoU at the start has certainly inspired some Unconventional play.
UU: it's not going qUite as miserably for yoU as i expected!
UU: i am sorry to damn yoU with faint praise, bUt with a track record like yoUrs, i sUspect one takes what he can get. ^u^
UU: rook to h4.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: SO FuCKING SMuG. HAVE I MENTIONED LATELY HOW GREAT IT'S GOING TO BE WHEN YOu'RE DEAD?
uu: JuST BECAuSE YOu HAVE NEVER LOST A MATCH. DOESN'T MEAN YOu WON'T LOSE THE GAME THAT REALLY MATTERS.
uu: NOR DOES IT EVEN MEAN YOu'LL WIN THIS ONE. IT'S FAR FROM OVER. TRuST ME.
uu: "BISHOP TO C6."
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: why have yoU been enclosing all yoUr moves in qUotes?
UU: yoU have really been acting so odd this match.
UU: knight to d6.
UU: look oUt! i'm coming for her.
UU: i think she's langUished behind the front lines long enoUgh, woUldn't yoU say?
UU: time to shake things Up. move her, or take my knight.
UU: yoU know yoU want to take her. jUst look at her there. what a cheeky intrUsion. slithered right into yoUr palace and made herself comfy. maybe she'll lay an egg once she's finished her feast. ^U^
UU: might as well take her oUt. yoU know when the action begins and pieces start to fall, that's when yoU make all yoUr most creative mistakes!
UU: anyhoo, far from over yoU say?
UU: no, i don't imagine this game will be taking Up mUch more of oUr time.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: OH MY FuCKING GOD.
uu: BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.
uu: THE QuOTES ARE PART OF THE ENCHANTMENT I MENTIONED.
uu: LIKE PART OF A SPELL. YOu KNOW. MAGIC?
uu: YOu LOVE MAGIC. AND HOW IT'S TOTALLY REAL.
uu: "KNIGHT TO D6."
uu: THE KNIGHT IS DEAD.
uu: YOuR WORDS ARE BORING.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

06/08/12
"UU: Defeat uu."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: i still don't know what yoU think yoU're on aboUt with this enchantment bUsiness.
UU: if it's a psycheoUt tactic to break my concentration, it isn't working!
UU: qUeen to a5.
UU: the knight is dead.
UU: yoUr goose is cooked.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: NO. IT IS WORKING.
uu: YOu ARE ACTuALLY PLAYING VERY POORLY RIGHT NOW.
uu: BuT YOu ARE BLINDED TO YOuR MISTAKES BY MY ENCHANTMENT.
uu: "BISHOP TO F3."
uu: THE BISHOP IS DEAD.
uu: YOuR SOMETHING IS SOMETHING.
uu: WHATEVER.
uu: CHECK.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: yes, there yoU go!
UU: that's the sort of aggression the people paid top boondollar to see.
UU: king to d2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: "PAWN TO B6."
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: bishop to d6.
UU: the knight is dead.
UU: your serpents are lost.
UU: check!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: OH. WELL SHIT.
uu: IT SuRE DOES APPEAR. THAT I AM IN CHECK.
uu: GuESS I'LL DO SOMETHING ABOuT THAT.
uu: "KING TO F7."
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: oh dear! so mUch for yoUr enchantment.
UU: that was a dire mistake. mate in foUr.
UU: rook to f4.
UU: check! ~3u
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: "KING TO G7."
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: qUeen to e5.
UU: check.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: "KING TO G6."
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: rook to g4.
UU: check!
UU: one more to go, love.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: WELL. WHAT IS LEFT FOR ME TO DO.
uu: BESIDES ACCEPT MY DEFEAT GRACEFuLLY.
uu: "KING TO H7."
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: that's a fine attitUde. maybe yoU are finally making some progress in the realm of sportsmanship?
UU: qUeen to g7.
UU: checkmate. ^U^
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: NO IT ISN'T.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: what are yoU talking aboUt?
UU: don't be a poor sport again. yoU were doing so well there, relatively speaking.
UU: the game is over. better lUck next time, "bro." ^u^
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: IT IS NOT OVER. "SIS."
uu: LOOK AT THE BOARD CLOSER.
uu: I AM NOT IN CHECKMATE.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: i have no idea what yoU're babbling aboUt. soUnds like desperation to me.
UU: i am looking at the pieces. yoUr king cannot step anywhere that does not pUt him in check.
UU: nor can the threat to him be eliminated by other means.
UU: yoU have been mated.
UU: the king is dead.
UU: yoUr enchantment has failed.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: THAT IS NOT MY KING.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: this is becoming silly.
UU: Unless yoU have something to say aboUt the game which actUally makes sense, i am done with it.
UU: i have more important things to do.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: YOu ARE NOT DONE WITH ANYTHING.
uu: uNLESS YOu WANT TO FORFEIT.
uu: LOOK CLOSER AT THE "KING" AND "QuEEN."
uu: AND THEN.
uu: REMOVE THEIR CROWNS.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

06/08/12
"uu: Jeer UU."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: oh bloody hell.
UU: THIS was yoUr "enchantment?"
UU: are yoU serioUs???????????
UU: UUUUUUUUUUUgh. this is yoUr shittiest twist yet!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: WELL PLAYED "SIS!"
uu: YOu CHECKMATED MY QuEEN!
uu: AAH! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA!
uu: THIS IS SO FuCKING FuNNY.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: i am jUst astonished.
UU: not at the gUile of yoUr little ploy, bUt by the fact that yoU actUally seem to think this was a clever rUse.
UU: it is jUst so painfUlly daft, i...
UU: i am speechless!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: NEVER SAW SOMEONE SPEECHLESS. WHO HAD SO MuCH TO TYPE.
uu: I THOuGHT YOu OF ALL PEOPLE WOuLD APPRECIATE MY MODIFICATIONS.
uu: THE CROWNS ARE REALLY NICE AND WELL CRAFTED.
uu: FORM FITTING. HARDLY ADDING ANY HEIGHT.
uu: LIKE CAPPING.
uu: A TOOTH.
uu: YOu WERE COMPLETELY FOOLED.
uu: AND NOW THE COVETED PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT BETWEEN uS.
uu: BELONGS TO ME.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: this is absUrd.
UU: yoU nagged incessantly for me to allow yoU to reverse the starting positions of the king and qUeen!
UU: i only agreed to get yoU to shUt Up aboUt it, and regardless, i knew i coUld beat yoU anyway even with yoUr initial "advantage." and i was right!
UU: how can yoU claim this as a legitimate strategy?
UU: yoU broke the rUles!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: HEY! I DIDN'T BREAK ANY RuLES.
uu: I MERELY ASKED IF YOu WOuLD AGREE. TO ME SWAPPING THE START POSITIONS OF THE KING AND QuEEN.
uu: AND YOu DID AGREE.
uu: BuT THEN I DIDN'T ACTuALLY DO IT.
uu: WHEN DID I SAY I WOuLD? NEVER.
uu: I WAS ONLY GAuGING YOuR WILLINGNESS TO MAKE THE EXCEPTION.
uu: I THEN WENT ABOuT DECORATING MY KING AND QuEEN WITH NICE LITTLE HATS.
uu: WHICH IS *ALSO* NOT AGAINST THE RuLES.
uu: YOu DO IT ALL THE FuCKING TIME. GIVE YOuR GAME PIECES HORNS AND SHIT.
uu: YOu EVEN GIVE THEM NAMES AND BLOOD CASTES. YuCK.
uu: SO IF YOu HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY DECORATIONS. I SAY POT. ALLOW ME TO INTRODuCE YOU TO THE FuCKING KETTLE.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: i cannot believe yoU are defending this maneUver.
UU: yes, i sUppose some of these tactics are technically within boUnds of the LETTER of the rUles, bUt the entire charade was highly disingenoUs and Unsportsmanlike.
UU: it is Unbelievably childish, even for yoU!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: I KNOW. I AM A CHILD.
uu: SO ARE YOu. IT JuST SO HAPPENS THAT YOu ARE A CHILD.
uu: WHO JuST GOT FuCKING SERVED.
uu: IT IS NOT AGAINST THE RuLES TO BE CHILDISH. OR DISINGENuOuS. OR uNSPORTSMANLIKE.
uu: IT'S ALSO NOT AGAINST THE RuLES TO BE A BASTARD. WHICH IS ANOTHER THING I AM.
uu: EVERY SINGLE THING I DID WAS LEGAL.
uu: MY QuEEN. DISGuISED AS A KING. MADE MOVES LIKE A KING. WHICH IS WITHIN ITS CAPABILITY. THIS WAS DONE TO DECEIVE YOu.
uu: MY KING. DISGuISED AS A QuEEN. MADE MOVES LIKE A KING. BECAuSE DOING OTHERWISE WOuLD BREAK THE RuLES.
uu: BuT YOu BELIEVED IT HAD HER POWERS. AND I uSED THIS TO MY ADVANTAGE.
uu: WHICH WAS HILARIOuS TO OBSERVE. WATCHING YOu BACK AWAY FROMS "THREATS." FROM WHAT WAS IN TRuTH A DISTANT KING!
uu: ALL THE WHILE MY RuSE. PATENTLY OBVIOuS IN HINDSIGHT. WENT EMBARRASSINGLY uNDETECTED.
uu: NO RuLES BROKEN. NOT ONCE.
uu: IN FACT. IF ANYONE HERE BROKE THE RuLES.
uu: IT WAS YOu.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: WHAT??
UU: absolUte bollocks.
UU: what rUles did i break?!
UU: this oUght to be good!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: YOu AGREED TO LET ME START WITH THE KING AND QuEEN IN SWAPPED POSITIONS.
uu: IT'S AGAINST THE RuLES TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION LIKE THAT. EVEN IF YOuR OPPONENT IS BEING OBNOXIOuS ABOuT IT.
uu: YOuR WILLINGNESS TO BREAK THE RuLES IS DISGuSTING TO ME. YOu SHOuLD FEEL ASHAMED OF YOuRSELF.
uu: LuCKILY. AT LEAST ONE OF uS HAS RESPECT FOR THE RuLES.
uu: I STARTED WITH ALL MY PIECES IN THE CORRECT POSITION.
uu: IN SPITE OF YOuR WILLINGNESS TO ALLOW THOSE RuLES TO BE BROKEN.
uu: WHICH AS I HAVE ADDRESSED. IS TOTALLY SHAMEFuL.
uu: YOu ARE VERY FORTuNATE TO HAVE A "BRO" WHO RESPECTS THE INTEGRITY OF THE GAME EVEN WHERE HIS "SIS" MIGHT FALTER.
uu: A "BRO" WHO. WHILE FuLLY ADHERING TO THE RuLES. AND EXPOSING YOuR HIDDEN SHAMEFuL TENDENCIES.
uu: STILL MANAGED TO DEFEAT YOu.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: YOU PRICK!!!!!!!!!!!
UU: ohh, i coUld jUst strangle yoU.
UU: yoU don't even know how tempted i am to do so right now.
UU: i did not break the rUles. i was doing yoU a FAVOUR.
UU: in any case, yoU say yoU managed to beat me? when did that happen!
UU: even thoUgh yoU've exposed yoUr rUse, yoU haven't actUally mated me yet, grandmaster "bro."
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: THEN YOu ADMIT THE GAME CONTINuES TO BE PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE. AND STILL IN PLAY?
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO C2.
uu: CHECK.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

06/08/12
"uu: Defeat UU."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: king to e3.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: ROOK TO E3.
uu: CHECK.
uu: SOMEONE'S IN DEEP SHIT.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: blech. look at this royal cockUp.
UU: this is so stUpid.
UU: now i either have to sacrifice my qUeen, or move my king into a strategically horrible position.
UU: why am i even going along with this?
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: YES. THAT SuRE IS A STRATEGIC DILEMMA.
uu: WHO WOuLD HAVE THOuGHT. THAT THE GAME OF CHESS. WOuLD PRESENT SuCH A SCENARIO?
uu: DO YOu FORFEIT.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: yoU wish.
UU: to hell with it. let's sacrifice the qUeen.
UU: i still pUt odds in my favoUr, with my rooks and bishop versUs yoUr bishop, rook, and qUeen.
UU: i've bested yoU before with less material and initiative on my side.
UU: qUeen to c3.
UU: the rook is dead.
UU: my "bro" is an arse!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: WHOA. WHAT A HuGE MISTAKE. HA. HA.
uu: I THINK I MuST BE IN YOuR HEAD. EVEN MORE THAN uSuAL.
uu: QuEEN TO C3.
uu: THE QuEEN IS DEAD.
uu: THE BITCH FuCKED uP.
uu: CHECK!
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: oh shUt Up and play.
UU: king to e2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: PAWN TO E5.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: rook to c4.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: BWA HA HA.
uu: ANOTHER IDIOTIC BLuNDER. THIS IS SO EASY.
uu: QuEEN TO F3.
uu: CHECK.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: king to d2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO D5.
uu: CHECK.
uu: ON THE FuCKING RuuuuuuuuuuuN. WOO. HOO. HOO.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: shUsh.
UU: king to c2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO D6.
uu: THE BISHOP IS DEAD.
uu: HIS FLESH CONSuMED.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: wait, where did yoU pUt it?
UU: yoU better not have jUst literally eaten the bishop.
UU: rook to c8.
UU: check.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: KING TO D7.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: rook to h8.
UU: the rook is dead.
UU: oUr shits weren't given.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO C5.
uu: HAA. HAA.
uu: CHECK.
uu: ANYFuCK. NO. I DON'T IMAGINE THIS GAME WILL BE TAKING uP MuCH MORE OF OuR TIME.
uu: SSSSSSSSSSS.
uu: DID SOMEONE LET THE SNAKES LOOSE?
uu: OR WAS THAT THE SOuND OF MY VICIOuS bURN.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: grr.
UU: king to d2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO D5.
uu: CHECK.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: king to e2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO F3.
uu: CHECK.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: king to d2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO G4.
uu: THE ROOK IS DEAD.
uu: OuR CHESS SET IS SHRINKING.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: will yoU stop... *DOING THINGS* with the dead pieces!
UU: i swear, as if the jUvenile "enchantment" wasn't enoUgh, if it tUrns oUt yoU are also losing or destroying pieces deliberately, I AM GOING TO STRAIGHT UP FLIP A BITCH.
UU: rook to h7.
UU: CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: KING TO C6.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: king to c2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: WOW. ANOTHER AWFuL MOVE!
uu: YOu'RE PLAYING ALMOST AS SHITTY AS I uSuALLY DO.
uu: LOOKS LIKE MY ENCHANTMENT WORKED BETTER THAN I THOuGHT.
uu: FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS IN REALITY.
uu: FAKE ASS MAGIC.
uu: QuEEN TO E4.
uu: CHECK.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: king to b2.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: QuEEN TO H7.
uu: THE ROOK IS DEAD.
uu: THE JIG IS uP.
uu: MATE IN FOuR.
uu: OR LESS!
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

06/08/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: FUCK THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
UU: i don't know why i bothered hUmoUring yoUr vile Underhanded rUbbish!
UU: I HATE YOU. JUST SOD RIGHT OFF TO HELL, PLEASE.
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: HEY THERE. BE CAREFuL.
uu: A GuY COuLD GET THE WRONG IDEA. AND MISTAKE YOuR OuTBuRST FOR SOMETHING.
uu: CALIGINOuS.
uu: THAT WOuLD BE MOST uN"SISTERLY." DON'T YOu THINK.
uu: ANYWAY. BY THE LOOKS OF THIS MESSY BOARD.
uu: I'M GOING TO ASSuME YOu FORFEITED THE MATCH.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering undyingUmbrage [uu]
UU: yoU are disgUsting.
UU: i really loathe yoU, and no, NOT IN "THAT WAY!"
UU: i am not going to talk to yoU for a while. probably a LONG while.
UU: i only hope i can overcome my contempt for yoU when it comes time to play oUr game. bUt i am not holding my breath!!!!!!!!!!!
UU: leave me alone.
uranianUmbra [UU] blocked undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: YOu BLOCKED ME AGAIN? YOu KNOW THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
uu: ANYWAY. I'M HAPPY WE ARE IN AGREEMENT THAT I WON.
uu: YOu SHOuLDN'T uNDERESTIMATE ME.
uu: I'LL LEAVE YOu ALONE FOR A WHILE LIKE YOu WANT. BECAuSE REALLY. WHO CARES ABOuT YOu?
uu: BuT YOu SHOuLD BELIEVE ME.
uu: WHEN I TELL YOu.
uu: SOME DAY.
uu: I'M GOING TO KILL YOu IN YOuR SLEEP.
uu: MAYBE EVEN.
uu: MORE THAN ONCE.
undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering uranianUmbra [UU]

06/09/12
"Select character."

06/09/12
"Be Jane."

Your nimble friend returned with the duplicated obelisk, allowing you into the crypt to pursue your father. Ahead appears to be a locked door, that was punched clean through. You are on the right track. You are sure of it.

06/09/12
"Jane: Examine door."

You can smell his cologne. Or at least you think you can. Maybe you're just imagining it? You know what, it doesn't matter. Someone punched through this door, and that guy was your dad. End of story!

Another incoming message from your client shades. Your client human sure is a busy guy. You've barely heard a peep out of him since you got here.

06/09/12
"Jane: Answer client shades."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TT: Hold up.
TT: Before you go any further, there's been a change of plan.
GG: Really?
TT: Well, not a change of plan so much as an acceleration.
TT: Everyone needs to get into the game sooner than expected. There is a new unaccounted for variable.
TT: Particularly for Roxy and Dirk.
GG: What is it?
TT: They are probably going to die if they don't join the game very soon.
GG: Shucks!!!!!
TT: Hey, I'm upset about it too, but let's watch the fucking language.
GG: Ok, what do I do?
TT: Install the server. I downloaded it to your computer along with a few other crucial system upgrades when we established our connection.
GG: Upgrades? What upgrades?
GG: Wait, is that how this stupid "Delirious Biznasty" application got on here?
TT: No comment.
TT: Install and run the server.
TT: You will be connecting with Roxy. I will have Jake connect with Dirk. Setting up the chain like this will be important.
GG: Why?
TT: It seems that I again have no comment.
GG: Sheesh.
GG: Very well then, Mister Zipperlips.
TT: I don't have lips. You just said something laughably illogical.
TT: How typical of someone who isn't a fashion accessory of immeasurable intelligence.
GG: Whatever! Let's curtail the horseplay this once while I help Roxy.
GG: Ok. I installed it. Now what? Should I run it?
TT: Yes. That copy is programmed to connect automatically with the client she's running.
GG: Okey dokey. Doing that now.
GG: Hey, I can see her room! :B

06/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: That's a really nice room there.
GG: But where is she?
GG: Hah, her drink is still there. So she can't have gone far.
TT: Oh snap.
GG: I don't see her anywhere in the rest of the house.
GG: I see plenty of plush wizards and window gizmos, and... pumpkins? Really, Roxy?
GG: What an unusual house design. Are all homes in the future like this?
TT: You mean the ones that aren't under water? Yes. They are all almost exactly like that.
GG: I just tried messaging her. But no response.
TT: I'm sure she's out cruising the hood, probably messin' with the locals.
TT: Maybe attempting some ill advised drunken heroics.
TT: Pretty tight numerical probability of that, I just decided with unfeeling precision.
GG: She said things were on fire when we last talked?
GG: Actually, she said the whole neighborhood was burning down, if I recall.
GG: But judging by the view from her window, it looks lovely outside.
GG: What exactly is the danger I am saving her from here?
TT: Zoom out.
TT: Way out.

06/09/12
"Jane: Zoom out."

|PESTERLOG|
GG: OH NO!!!!!
GG: Roxy, where are you??? :(
TT: We'll track her down.
TT: The important thing to do now is deploy all the devices quickly, so the house will be ready to jet the moment she gets back.
GG: How do you know she's not hurt?
TT: That is statistically remote.
TT: Given that I can track the coordinates of certain devices she carries, and they are presently in motion.
TT: Really, the fire is not the most significant threat, or even the drones.
GG: Then what is?
TT: Do you see the red stringy stuff coming from the sky?
GG: Oh...
GG: Yes.
GG: What IS that??

06/10/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: If sources are to be trusted, and my calculations are reliable within a 0.001% margin of error, it's a bunch of super deadly red shit.
TT: No time to get into that now though. Just deploy the devices quickly.
TT: You know the drill.
GG: Right. Let's see.
GG: There's hardly any space in here to put anything. I'll have to make some room.
GG: I don't want to damage any of her belongings though.
TT: That would be unconscionable.

06/10/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: WHOOPS!
GG: Dag nabbit. This trackpad is AWFUL!
GG: Lousy dad computer.
GG: Why does he have to buy his computers at the Dadly Depot?
GG: Why does he have to buy EVERYTHING at the Dadly Depot?
GG: I really need to keep looking for him soon. Thinking about our expeditions to the Dadly Depot is making me miss him.
TT: You really need to hurry up and deploy that junk instead of that.

06/10/12
"Jane: Deploy."

|PESTERLOG|
GG: There. Those seem like suitable locations for the equipment.
TT: Yeah.
GG: Hey, where's Lil Seb?
TT: Just wandering around. Fidgeting and stuff.
TT: You know how he is.
TT: Just stay at your post until Roxy gets back.
GG: I think he went through the door.

06/10/12
"Jane: Follow the rabbit."

|PESTERLOG|
GG: He just disappeared on that platform!
GG: I think it might be some kind of transport device, that works via teleportation.
GG: A kind of "transportalizer," to coin a completely silly and novel term.
TT: That's great. Now sit back down and wait for Roxy. She'll be home soon.
GG: But I think that's where my dad went too!
GG: I have to follow him.
TT: No, Jane. Do not follow the rabbit.
TT: Let's cool it with the Wonderland shit already. How much further through the damn looking glass do you even need to go?

06/10/12
"Jane: "Transportalize.""

|PESTERLOG|
GG: It'll be fine!
GG: I'm bringing my computer with me. I can tend to Roxy's entry along the way.
TT: This is an atrocious idea.

06/10/12
"==>"

06/10/12
"==>"

06/10/12
"==>"

06/10/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: And what in the name of Jesus H. Dick is SHE doing here?
TT: I am blameless in this debacle.

06/10/12
"==>"

06/10/12
"==>"

06/10/12
"==>"

It's Jake!

06/11/12
"Select character."

06/11/12
"Be Jake."

Now that you've shot your boxed-up friend through time and space to grandma land, it's time to retrieve her lab globe which you shrunk then hot potatoed down the rabbit hole. Then it'll be time to hoof it out of these musty old ruins, assuming you can get that elevator working again. Which might be a problem, now that you think about it.

Also, it seems the volcanic tremors have increased, which can't be good.

06/11/12
"Jake: Look in hole."

It's a bit deeper than you thought. Now you're starting to wonder if you'll even be able to get out of there once you hop down.

Hey, there are two transportalizers down there too. Like the kind that were in your old house. You wonder where they go? Funny, in all the time you spent exploring this place, it never occurred to you to look down here.

06/11/12
"Jake: Jump down and get that globe."

You mainly want to take what's inside it. That thing is supposed to be all kinds of important.

You wonder if you can just...

Just sort of reach inside...

And...

06/11/12
"Jake: Take it."

You just sort of reach inside and take it.

You have no idea what this thing is supposed to do. It's some particularly arcane loot your grandma pinched on one of her daring expeditions. You've been told it's important. Probably for puzzles later or something. Like something from one of the National Treasure movies, that Nic Cage finds in the old lair of a secret president, and he doesn't know why it's important, he just shoves it in his hero satchel and keeps doing adventures until it randomly becomes important.

You hope it's not a problem that you made it so small. Wait, that's exactly the kind of thing a hero doesn't worry about. Cage would just pocket his tiny window thingamabob and keep being awesome. Shit like that is for the plot to figure out, not the brave gun toting hero.

Looks like the shades are bugging you again. Why are you not surprised?

06/11/12
"Jake: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
TT: Hold up.
TT: Before you go any further, there's been a change of plan.
GT: Oh why am i not surprised!
GT: Still no human dirk?
TT: Don't worry, you'll see him very soon. In a way.
GT: What is the change of plan?
TT: Well, not a change of plan so much as an acceleration.
TT: Everyone needs to get into the game sooner than expected. There is a new unaccounted for variable.
GT: I see. Variables and what not.
GT: Lets cut to the chase! What do i do.
TT: Install the server. I downloaded it to your computer along with a few other crucial system upgrades.
GT: Crucial upgrades huh?
GT: I dunno about crucial buddy i see you have trolled me with like 50 copies of this dumbfuck social media software for cool bros in hats but ok.
TT: Damn. Nothing gets by English.
TT: The guy is untrollable.
GT: Ok i installed it should i run it?
TT: Yes.
TT: You will be connecting with Dirk. I will have Jane connect with Roxy. Setting up the chain like this will be important.
GT: Sure if you say so.
TT: That copy is programmed to connect automatically with the client Dirk is running.
TT: Do it quickly. His life depends on it.
GT: Great caesars ghost! Why didnt you say so.
GT: Ok done.
GT: Hey theres his room!

06/11/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Heh heh. Id recognize that room anywhere.
GT: Horses puppets holy smokes there is a man who knows what he likes.
TT: Damn straight.
GT: But where is he?
GT: I dont see him elsewhere in the place.
GT: Lots of priceless sbahj merch though im so jealous.
TT: I'll see about hooking you up when you join the game. No promises, though. He's pretty attached to all that shit.
TT: He has not yet transcended the primitive desire for material goods, as he is not two conjoined triangles of pure unflappable logic.
GT: What?
TT: Sorry.
TT: As a pair of overly intellectual triangles, sometimes my wording can be a bit...
TT: Obtuse.
TT: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
GT: Lol!
GT: Just joking bro that sucked.
GT: How do i find dirk and save his life?
TT: Zoom out.
TT: Way out.

06/11/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Eureka!!!!!
GT: Youre right he sure does look to be in a thorough pickle.
GT: My impulse is to message him now but youre kind of bogarting his chumhandle so i dont even know how to do that?
TT: He's concentrating on some things happening on Derse at the moment.
TT: Not to mention some uncannily similar things going down on Earth, which it seems you have noticed.
TT: He's also talking to someone, trying to appraise the exact nature of the threat.
TT: Unfortunately as a carbon based life form, his comprehension of the situation is taking shape at a somewhat slower pace than the jaw-dropping speed of post-singularity cognition.
TT: So I am taking the reins and accelerating the plan on his behalf, while he's busy with the corporeal stuff as usual.
GT: Ok then how do i help?
TT: Deploy all the devices in the Phernalia Registry. Ideally in places that aren't stupid.
TT: Do it quickly, so he can activate the entry sequence and escape.
GT: I will have them deployed lickety split.
GT: That flaming ocean is nothing to sneeze at.
GT: It is fixing to burn his... uh. Skeletal highrise thing right the heck down.
TT: Really, the fire is not the most significant threat.
GT: Oh. Are more robots on the way?
TT: No.
TT: Do you see the red stringy stuff coming from the sky?
GT: Um...
TT: Are you blind? It's right there, Jake.
GT: Oh!
GT: You mean the super deadly red shit?

06/11/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Yes. The super deadly red shit.
GT: Say no more.
GT: I understand the threat and will now spring into action guns blazing.
GT: Well maybe not guns blazing.
GT: The guns and how they blaze will be metaphors for my tenacity and gumption as an elite gamer.
TT: Just fuckin' deploy the stuff, you humongous dork.

06/11/12
"Jake: Deploy."

|PESTERLOG|
GT: There we are. No sweat.
TT: Cool.
GT: Haha! He did a thumbs up at me.
GT: Hey buddy!
GT: Say hey buddy to him.
TT: Ok.
TT: He says hey.
GT: Sweet.
GT: Now what?
TT: Stand by. He may need further assistance once he begins the sequence.
GT: How long will that take?
TT: Once he's ready. I'll try to nudge him along, but unfortunately, the fact that he is me notwithstanding, Dirk can be just as sluggish and uncooperative as the rest of you god damned meat mannequins.
GT: Understood. That being as it is in the meantime i think ill poke into one of these transporty doodads.
TT: What?
TT: No, you fickle fuckwit.
TT: Stay your ass put.

06/12/12
"Jake: Transportalize."

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Whoa what is THIS place?
GT: Things sure are a rumblin here in this enchanted purple palace.
GT: I cant believe i never found those hidden transport pads under the thing.
TT: Dude, I could have told you they were there.
GT: How did you know about them?
TT: I didn't.
TT: But it's like platformer gaming 101. You look everywhere for secret passages and power-ups and shit.
TT: Elevators are especially fucking suspicious.
TT: You go down an elevator, you wait for the elevator to go back up, you take a peek at what's underneath.
TT: Maybe it's just death spikes. Or maybe you hit warp zone paydirt.
GT: You are so wise. I will never be as elite of a game bro as you.
TT: I'm not a Game Bro. I just know literally everything about basically all subjects.
TT: Now go back where you came from. Dirk might need help.
GT: Will you untwist your virtual knickers. I have everything under control.
GT: I think this may be where my grandma used to go during some of her expeditions.
GT: You dont just pass up the chance for an adventure like this!
TT: Yes, Jake. You do.
TT: How much deeper down the damn bunny hole do you need to go? There is no White Rabbit waiting for you here.
GT: We will just see about THAT.
GT: Besides i have my skulltop with me so i can swoop in to assist dirk at any time!
TT: This is an atrocious idea.

06/12/12
"==>"

06/12/12
"==>"

06/12/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Ok, what the fuck is he doing here?
TT: I hold no accountability for this fiasco.

06/12/12
"==>"

06/12/12
"==>"

06/12/12
"==>"

It's the White Rabbit!

Sort of!

06/12/12
"==>"

Oh yeah. Jane too!

06/13/12
"Select character."

06/13/12
"Be Dirk."

|PESTERLOG|
uu: BETTER HuRRY uP.
uu: YOu CAN'T ESCAPE THE MILES.
uu: NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE MILES!
TT: Why do you keep saying that?
TT: Are you trying to turn it into some sort of Thing?
uu: IT ALREADY IS A THING. INASMuCH.
uu: AS FACTS ARE THINGS.
uu: HERE ARE MORE FACTS THAT ARE THINGS.
uu: YOu ARE GOING TO DIE SOON.
uu: YOuR WHOLE uNIVERSE IS GOING TO DIE.
uu: BECAuSE.
uu: YOu CAN'T.
uu: ESCAPE.
uu: THE MIIIIIIIIIIILES.
TT: Sorry, it's not going to start being a Thing no matter how much you say it. Give it a rest.
uu: NO.
TT: What I don't understand is how the attack is making its way here from Derse.
TT: Is that even possible?

06/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: WHAT.
uu: JuST BECAuSE THE SAME THING IS HAPPENING THERE.
uu: YOu THINK THERE IS CORRELATION. BEYOND SOME SORT OF CIRCuMSTANTIALLY SIMuLTANEOuS. FuCKRuBBISH?
uu: YOu'RE SO DuMB.
TT: So, you know why this is happening?
uu: YES.
uu: THESE MILES ARE FROM JACK. WAY OuTSIDE YOuR uNIVERSE.
uu: THE MILES ON DERSE ARE FROM ANOTHER GuY. WHO'S JuST. SITTING IN A CASTLE SOMEWHERE PROBABLY.
TT: That doesn't actually explain a whole lot, but ok.
uu: SOMEONE COMMISSIONED JACK. SORT OF.
uu: PuT OuT A HIT ON YOuR ENTIRE uNIVERSE. AND ALL ITS INTERNAL ITERATIONS.
uu: DON'T YOu THINK THAT'S FuCKING AWESOME?
TT: I thought you didn't know much about our story? You usually like to brag about how you don't care about details like that.
uu: I MAINLY JuST SKIM PAST IT ALL WITH DISGuST. EXCEPT FOR THE PARTS.
uu: WHERE PEOPLE DIE.
uu: I COuLD READ THOSE.
uu: OVER AND OVER.
uu: AND ALSO MAYBE THE PARTS.
uu: WHERE PEOPLE "KISS"?
uu: IN THE WAY THAT WHEN YOu CHANCE uPON SOMETHING.
uu: uNSPEAKABLY AND VISCERALLY ABHORRENT.
uu: IT GETS HARD.
TT: Does it now.
uu: TO PRY YOuR EYES AWAY!
uu: YOu DIDN'T LET ME FINISH.
uu: TO PRY YOuR EYES AWAY.
TT: Oh.

06/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HEY.
uu: WHY ARE YOu GIVING ONE OF YOuR HuMAN "THuMBS uP".
uu: INTO THE SKY.
uu: IS IT AN INDECENT GESTuRE.
TT: I guess you would probably think so.
uu: OH YES.
uu: I THINK IT'S PROBABLY TRuE.
uu: KEEP SHOWING ME THE NASTY.
uu: I DEMAND A STEADY DIET OF RIBALDRY AND. *SHuDDER.*
uu: POIGNANT EXPRESSION.
uu: EITHER KEEP THAT uP.
uu: OR MAKE SuRE THAT.
uu: THE CORPSE PILE.
uu: DOESN'T STOP FROM GETTING TALLER.
uu: OR BOTH. IDEALLY.
uu: BOTH WOuLD BE GREAT.
TT: Your staccato babbling is just so choice today. But I really have to go.
TT: Got to escape all these goddamn miles, remember?
uu: AAH HAA HAA!
uu: YOu CAN'T!
uu: YOu CAAAAAAAAAAAN'T.
uu: ESCAAAAAAAAAAAPE.
TT: The miles. Right.
TT: Bye.
uu: BuT SERIOuSLY. WAIT!
TT: What.
uu: I WANTED TO GIVE YOu SOMETHING. A "PRESENT".

06/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: What?
uu: IT'S A TOKEN OF. uH. "THANKS". uGH.
TT: For what?
TT: Can we seriously move this along.
uu: FOR HELPING ME. WITH THE THING YOu JuST HELPED ME BuILD.
TT: God, what are you talking about.
uu: FOR YOu IT WAS YEARS AGO. BuT FOR ME. SOLICITING YOu FOR ASSISTANCE WAS QuITE RECENT.
TT: Oh, alright. I remember now.
TT: You're always all over the timeline and somehow expect people to know what you're talking about.
TT: So what's the present?
uu: BEFORE I GIVE YOu THIS TREASuRE. FIRST YOu MuST DO SOMETHING FOR ME.
TT: Man. You really do struggle with human customs, don't you?
TT: When you're about to give someone a gift out of gratitude, you don't then start negotiating with them and ask for shit before handing it over.
TT: Just fuckin' give it to me already.
uu: NO. DO WHAT I SAY FIRST.
TT: Ok, what do you want me to do to collect my awesome prize you're allegedly thanking me with?
uu: YOuR JuJu.
uu: REMEMBER I TOLD YOu TO BRING IT TO THE ROOF.
TT: Cal? Yeah, I remember.
uu: SHHHHHHHHHHH. DON'T SAY ITS "NAME" YOu IDIOT.
uu: NOW TAKE OuT THE JuJu.

06/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Ok. Now what.
uu: NOW THROW IT IN THE FIRE.
TT: Screw you.
TT: I'm not chucking the C-man into a flaming ocean.
uu: IT IS THE uLTIMATE ABOMINATION.
uu: YOuR JuJu MAY BE DEAD AND HOLLOW. BuT SOMETHING TELLS ME.
uu: THAT MIGHT MAKE IT EVEN MORE DANGEROuS.
uu: DISCARD IT AT ONCE. TREASuRE BEYOND COMPREHENSION IS YOuR REWARD.
TT: No.
TT: Keep your treasure.
uu: AH HA HA. AS IF IT IS NOT INEVITABLY DESTINED TO FALL FROM YOuR HuMAN FINGERS.
uu: AND BECOME ERASED AS YOuR uNIVERSE DIES.
uu: DIDN'T I MENTION.
uu: A JuJu CAN NEVER BE TRuLY COPIED.
uu: IF TWO APPEAR TO EXIST. SuCH AS ONE IN REALITY AND ONE IN YOuR DREAMS.
uu: IT IS ONLY AN ILLuSION. EITHER NEVER TRuE. OR SOON TO BE CORRECTED.
uu: THERE CAN ONLY EVER BE ONE.
TT: Well, I'm not tossing him, so that's that.
uu: YOu WILL THOuGH.
uu: ANYWAY. YOu TOOK IT OuT.
uu: I WILL DEEM THAT COMPLIANCE ENOuGH.
uu: AND REWARD YOu WITH MY GRATITuDE.
uu: I THINK INSTEAD OF THANKS THOuGH. I WILL CALL IT. A "BIRTH DAY PRESENT"?
TT: It isn't my birthday.
uu: NOT YOuRS JERK.
TT: Oh. So it's your birthday today?
uu: IT WILL BE.
uu: IF EVERYTHING GOES ACCORDING TO PLAN.
TT: How cryptically meaningless.
TT: And you continue to struggle with human customs. You don't give other people presents on your own birthday.
TT: Anyway, just tell me what it is.
uu: IT IS A "WORK OF FINE ART".
uu: THE VERY FIRST I HAVE EVER ATTEMPTED.
uu: YOu WILL FIND IT SuITABLY CONVEYS OuR SPECIAL BOND.
TT: Let's see.
uu: http://tinyurl.com/DIRKTHISISuS
TT: Uh.
TT: What the fuck am I looking at here?
uu: DON'T YOu SEE?? IT IS uS! YOu AND ME.
uu: WE ARE GETTING PERHAPS A LITTLE TOO. *FRIENDLY.* IF YOu WILL. HAA. HAA.
TT: I... really don't see.
TT: What do you mean? This fucking scribbly bullshit is us? Are we shaking hands or something?
uu: WHOA! WHOAAAAAAAAAAA! DuDE. HAHA. FuCK.
uu: YOu HAVE AN EVEN DIRTIER MIND THAN ME. I'M FuCKING OuTCLASSED BY YOuR REPREHENSIBLE IMAGINATION ONCE AGAIN.
uu: I CAN'T SAY I'M SuRPRISED.
TT: So, it's just us? What about The Bitches?
TT: I thought you found a scarcity of The Bitches to be all but unacceptable.
uu: THE BITCHES AS YOu CAN PLAINLY SEE HAVE BEEN FAR FROM NEGLECTED. LOOK.
uu: THEY'RE RIGHT THERE ASSHOLE. THE BITCHES APPEAR TO BE. *AHEM.* RATHER ENJOYING EACH OTHER'S COMPANY???
uu: OOOOOOOOOOOH.
uu: SOO GNARLY.
uu: TO IMAGINE. WHAT FILTH MY OWN HAND HAS WROuGHT.
TT: Yeah. Gnarly is about right.
TT: This is utter shit. You know that, don't you?
TT: Please don't tell me you are actually incapable of understanding how bad this drawing is.
uu: WHAT. NO. FuCK YOu.
uu: IT'S PRETTY GOOD. AT LEAST FOR A FIRST TRY.
TT: If you actually think this even qualifies as a drawing, I'm going to have to say you are literally the worst artist who has ever existed.
uu: WHAT THE FuCK. THIS IS HOW YOu TREAT. MY "BIRTH DAY THANK YOu GIFT"??
TT: That's not a thing either.
TT: You must have some wires crossed between your left brain and right brain. Like a weird perceptual disorder. Or something like that.
TT: It's actually kind of fascinating that you think you achieved something visually coherent or recognizable.
uu: THIS IS OuTRAGEOuS.
TT: Anyway. Got to go.
TT: Your drawing blows.
TT: Later.
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

06/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Hey.
TT: Just wondering if you're fully abreast of the little "situation" developing on Derse.
TT: What, the miles situation? Yeah, I noticed.
TT: No.
TT: Keep looking.
TT: Wait...
TT: Oh.

06/13/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Oh HELL no.
TT: I know, right?

06/14/12
"Select character."

06/14/12
"Be Roxy."

You have been scrambling around this burning colony for who even knows how long, evading attacks from drones. All the commotion has really started to harsh your buzz.

It seems the drones have withdrawn from their pursuit, as far as you can tell. But a new threat has taken their place. Some sort of red stringy stuff coming from the sky. You have a very bad feeling about it. You think it's time to find your way home and get out of Dodge. Dodge in this case being the universe.

06/14/12
"==>"

It seems while you were running away from missiles and trying not to get blown up, messages from friends have been piling up. These chumps need to calm down. Don't they realize how hung over you are starting to feel? Everybody needs to chill the fuck out. Those chess guys behind you need to chill out too. The whole world needs to chill out and stop being so noisy and bright and on fire.

06/14/12
"Roxy: Answer chumps."

|PESTERLOG|
gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
GG: Hey! Where are you??
GG: I can't find you anywhere in your crazy house.
GG: It's just wizards and pumpkins as far as the eye can see.
GG: I hope you're ok!
GG: Please get back to me as soon as you can.
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
TG: aw noes
TG: you are snoping up my house
TG: scopping my gourd hoard
TG: janey what are u doing
TG: what is going on here
TG: jane?
TG: god dammit crocket
TG: bleghhh
TG: head hurts

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
TT: Judging by the sporadic rates of change in your present coordinates, it seems that you have been running around like a lunatic.
TT: When those ridiculous flesh stilts you refer to as "legs" settle down, and you have a minute to talk, please respond.
TG: smup shades
TG: *sup
TT: Are you in danger?
TG: no
TG: well
TG: not in like robos wanting to kill me immediately as in lilerally right now danger
TG: but still probably some danger
TG: its hot and all these crumbling flamey buildings are so screwed and i wanna just go lie down
TG: plus theres shit coming from the sky
TT: What shit do you mean?
TG: super deudly red shit
TT: Right. The miles. That's why I'm going to need you to get home quickly.
TT: What has taken you so long, anyway? Why has your path been so circuitous?
TT: Surely you can't be even more inebriated than before.
TG: no no
TG: less
TG: trust my
TG: me
TT: Ok. Then what?
TG: ive been trying to i guess
TG: round up some neighbors
TG: whenever i see them
TG: and try to get then to follow me home
TG: whichis harder than is sounds!
TT: You are accumulating carapacian refugees?
TG: yes
TT: That seems like a very inefficient and risky use of your time.
TG: i know but
TG: they always seem confused and dont know what todo
TG: and everythings bunring down
TG: i think i should try to take some with me i cant just leave all of the poor chess guys here to die
TT: Alright, that's fine.
TT: As luck would have it, your imperfect human sentimentality has been completely factored into my calculations.
TT: You should be ok. Just get back to your house as quickly as possible now. There's no time left.
TG: lmao @ your "caluculations" as if htose are real but ok ill get moving
TT: We're going to need you to connect with Jake to bring him into the game.
TT: You will complete the chain of entry. This is very important.
TG: ok
TG: jane was trying 2 reach me
TG: messin with my pumpkips or some shit???
TG: where is she
TT: There's been a little subordination issue there.
TT: With both Crocker and English, actually. Strider and I are working on it.
TG: what u talkin about
TG: subordingation
TG: you saying those chucklefucks went rouge
TT: Sort of.
TG: but thats what i do!
TG: posers be frontin hard up on my roguey turf
TG: *roguish?
TG: roguish is better it means sly
TT: Don't worry about it for now. Just do your part, and catch up with them later.
TT: Who knows, maybe you will prove yourself to be the only 100% cooperative, fully competent non-Strider player?
TT: How ironic would it be if the best player turned out to be the drunk girl? Wouldn't that be sweet?
TG: yeah!!!!
TG: :3
TT: Go home. Connect with Jake. Deploy the equipment in the ruins of his old house.
TT: I'll focus on actually getting him there. The kid is seriously a work in progress, I gotta say.
TT: Are you sober enough to do all that?
TG: i think
TG: the answer
TG: unfortunately
TG: is yes
TG: :[

06/15/12
"Roxy: Answer UU."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
UU: miss lalonde, do be carefUl.
UU: i can see that yoU are preoccUpied with aggressors at the moment.
UU: bUt yoUr viewport is beginning to black oUt more freqUently.
UU: i wanted to talk to yoU one last time before yoU enter, and yoUr whole session blacks oUt for good.
UU: and before...
UU: well, before i possibly do the same. U_U;
UU: please reply when yoU have the chance.
TG: hi
TG: whats this
TG: about u blacking out for good?
TG: * blapck
TG: * wait no n/m
UU: ah, hello!
UU: escaped troUble, i presUme? how are yoU doing?
TG: i feel kind of like shit but other than that im toters perf
TG: im starting to wonderd if drinkin early today wasnt that coolest idea??
TG: now i have all these responsibitities while my brain is tellin me to go fuck myelf
TG: *self
TG: aint wanna fuck no elf
TG: not in this condition at least
TG: i would probs need some hella strong coffee b4 boning a elf
UU: i am sorry to hear yoU're feeling Under the weather.
UU: bUt now i am wondering. hm.
UU: coUld it have been that regUlar intake of yoUr soporific liqUids was inhibiting yoUr commUnion with the void, rather than exaggerating them as i had presUmed?
UU: if the effects are wearing off, it coUld explain the increase in viewport blackoUts.
UU: and once they wear off completely, perhaps that is why yoUr entire session goes dark on yoUr entry.
TG: that is an interesting theory that has like
TG: mostly no usefull bearing on anything probably?
UU: yoU are probably right. still, i can't help bUt specUlate on sUch matters. it is what i do. :u
TG: yeah
TG: i think i was being a dick byut im not sure? sorry
TG: glarghgle
TG: i am sure feeling liek
TG: a gross bunch of nasty trash in a scarf
TG: all taking my surly shit out
TG: on nice and cute aliems
UU: oh, not to worry. ^u^
TG: heyy
TG: UI
TG: UU*
TG: you know everything right
UU: hee hee! if only.
TG: k well
TG: what is with the looming strandy crap in the sky
TG: the miles> glasses called em that
TG: i know i got to escape them
TG: but what are they actually gonna do?

06/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
UU: i do know a thing or two aboUt the red miles.
UU: it is the qUeen's favoUred attack. very long distance and omnidirectional.
UU: bUt once Upon a time, her weapon was stolen by a UsUrper. jacked, yoU coUld say, right off her ring finger. and then given a considerable boost in power.
UU: that gave the miles enoUgh of a kick to rip a Universe to shreds.
UU: and they have been doing so to yoUrs and its many instances for eons.
UU: only now have they caUght Up to yoUr instance. it is qUite fortUnate it has taken so long, really.
UU: some instances are tUcked deeper in the speaker's mighty blow sack, and will hold oUt for mUch longer, on a vast cosmic scale of coUrse.
TG: wait
TG: i dont
TG: what? instances
TG: blowb sack
TG: righ now i can hardly walk w/o steppin on my moms scarf ok
TG: so theyre destorying the universe is that the bootom line
UU: yes.
UU: try to think of it like this.
UU: imagine that the Universe is contained inside a very large creatUre.
UU: say, a great big frog.
TG: frog
TG: why a frog thats so silly
UU: it's jUst a frog! that is the way it is, jUst try to imagine it.
TG: k
TG: picturin
TG: big ol space frog
TG: all ribbiting loud an being huge
TG: hehehe
UU: now imagine that not only does the Universe exist inside it, depending on the creatUre's health and well being to sUrvive...
UU: bUt every potential instance of that Universe exists inside as well.
UU: those that are doomed and those with promise.
UU: even those that were reset from scratch, with slightly different starting conditions.
UU: all of those interrelated Universes mingling together inside yoUr frog, inextricable from its physiology.
UU: if the frog dies, they all go with it. eventUally.
TG: then you are saying some rude a-hole is killin our frog
UU: sadly, yes.
TG: wow
TG: that is
TG: just....
TG: the WORST
UU: well, it coUld have been worse, actUally. the miles coUld have spread to yoUr Universe before it had the chance to sproUt yoUr lovely planet, providing a home for yoU and yoUr wonderfUl mates.
UU: all Universes die at some point. some sooner than others. it is all part of the cycle, and sometimes things like this mUst happen for reasons beyond oUr Understanding.
UU: bUt this is neither here nor there. i did not intend to go blathering aboUt all that and waste an important conversation with yoU.
UU: i think the trUth is i am probably jUst stalling.
TG: stalling what
UU: i have some important things to tell yoU.
UU: i'm afraid i am going to be breaking so many rUles in doing so.
UU: i am not Used to breaking rUles. it makes me very Uncomfortable.
UU: bUt it may be my only chance. i hope yoU won't think less of me for it.
TG: no way
TG: i dont even know what rules ur talking about
TG: time shit rules
TG: if its time shit rules idgaf about those
TG: and m not goinna stop thinking youre great if u "break" them
TG: are you in trouble?
UU: yes.
UU: bUt so are yoU, and i've distracted yoU enoUgh.
UU: concentrate on retUrning to yoUr home.
UU: once yoU are there and preparing for the game, i will contact yoU again and tell yoU everything that i have been wanting to tell yoU.
UU: also...
UU: i wanted to give yoU something. :u
TG: hoh man
TG: what is it!
UU: jUst a thing!
UU: yoU'll see.
UU: now rUn along!!!!!!!!!!!
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

06/15/12
"Select character."

06/16/12
"I selected all those characters. Time to move on."

You press onward, feeling refreshed and invigorated by all the free will you were just dealt. The story was your oyster for a while there. Or more specifically, it was one of four slightly different oysters you could choose from, in any order, as long as you ultimately selected and consumed all four oysters when all was said and done. This must be what it feels like to be a god, you think to yourself. Or at the very least, the patron of a seafood restaurant.

06/16/12
"Roxy: Return home."

You have returned home to find a variety of devices deployed throughout your house, and a variety of fires threatening to burn it down.

06/16/12
"Roxy: Put out fires."

You quickly put everyone on bucket duty to douse the flames. Now you guess you understand why your mom left all these buckets in the house? You always thought it was a passive aggressive reminder for you to keep up with the housework.

At the behest of their roguish leader, the loyal band of Merry Men go straight to work in getting the fires under control. The Robin Hood reference is lost on them. Also lost on everybody is the sordid spectacle this appears to resemble from an alien perspective, with all these buckets sloshing around and whatnot. Your void powers cannot black out this graphic debauchery soon enough.

06/16/12
"Roxy: Connect with Jake."

You run the server program which auto-connects with Jake and a viewport of his old house just pops right open. This is going to be so easy. You can already tell, compared to you, everyone else sucks so bad at this game, not to mention at computers in general.

You better deploy all this equipment ASAP. Not only are you in a hurry to hop into the session yourself, it looks like his volcano is beginning to erupt. Some lava has started a forest fire which is now spreading slowly toward the house. No sign of Jake yet. Hopefully the Dirks can somehow tag team that doofus and make him get with the program.

Oh right, she was going to message you when you got home, you almost forgot. Time to switch gears and go into multitasking mode. You'll get as much done as you can while you talk, ALSO while nursing this hangover. It takes a special kind of hacker babe to be able to handle that, you think. You truly are as deadaly to the grid ass you are beatuiful.

***

06/16/12
"Roxy: Multitask."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
UU: i can't see yoU, bUt yoU mUst be back by now, yes?
TG: y
TG: and i am how haxxing up storm
TG: p stank by
TG: *stand
UU: haxxing? :u
TG: u dont even no
TG: my fingers are the mean lil beaks
TG: of furirus woodpeckers
TG: and my keyboard
TG: is a pitiful plank of cruddy wood
TG: guarding a trove of tasty bungs
TG: it is guarding them i might add
TG: moist fucking unsuccessfully
UU: u~u
TG: as my digits rain danger
TG: on this hapless lamptop
TG: the result of my tappy onslaught
TG: is line after wicked line
TG: of leetfilthy codes
TG: aka..
TG: the governments worst nightmare
UU: Um...........
TG: i will be in an out
TG: of the systerm
TG: before breakfast knows what ate it
TG: JACKPOP BABBY
TG: im am ur cryptogodress 8)
UU: roxy?
TG: it is womon verse machine
TG: a struggle old as stuff itself
TG: she will bring sburb to its knees
TG: and then turn
TG: with her shitwreckingest face
TG: and stare
TG: into the void
TG: and the void
TG: will wonk first
TG: ;3

06/16/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
UU: i don't Understand.
UU: yoU are typing some sort of compUter program?
TG: no
TG: that was all mostly a huge load
TG: all that noisy keyboard bangin i just mentioned
TG: was me just typing all that shit i said 2 u
TG: lol i did type it superfast tho
TG: just like they do in dumb fake movies about primo hackers who r THA BEST
TG: i guess i hacked into our conversation? w/ bs nstead of codez
UU: ^u^;
TG: but for real
TG: im just drag & dropin some game shit in to jakes place
TG: it is easy as a butt
TG: this kiddie game is a waste of my baller expertise
TG: * sexpertities
TG: / obligatory
TG: hey look
TG: a 'totem lathe'
TG: kay w/e
TG: BONK
TG: down it goes
TG: in that patch off dirt i guess
TG: daaang
TG: fits on that patch o dirt like
TG: a glass shitting slipper
TG: NEXT ??
UU: ah, i Understand. yoU're beginning then. good!
TG: yes im on a roll
TG: gettin my peeps outie
TG: splitting the ball b4 junk turns 2 pumpkins
TG: soooooooooo
TG: what were you going to give me back there? ;D
UU: right!
UU: it's a present i made for yoU.
TG: ooh!
UU: it coUld be...
UU: a farewell gift actUally.
TG: huh?
TG: are u leaving
UU: maybe.
UU: i am aboUt to go to sleep one last time before oUr schedUled entry.
UU: and there is a very real possibility that i will never wake Up.
TG: oh no!
TG: why!!!
UU: it is complicated.
UU: there is mUch to say aboUt it which i have never told yoU, dUe to my adherence to the rUles.
UU: some of which i am aboUt to break now, in order to give myself a fighting chance.
UU: bUt before i go down that serpentine path with yoU, here.
UU: one last bit of artwork from an admirer. something to remember me by, shoUld we never speak again.
UU: http://tinyurl.com/roxyisthisyoU
TG: !!!!!
TG: ssdlkjfs;lkfjdlskfj

06/17/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: ohhhly SHIT
TG: *hooooooly
TG: holiest of shits
TG: the shit.....
TG: is down right
TG: SACROSANCT
TG: omgogmogmomog
TG: this owns
TG: my bones
UU: ^U^
TG: look at my outfit
TG: want 2 wear that outfit
TG: want 2 kiss + marry that outfist
TG: look
TG: at that lollipop
TG: that fuckin LOLLIPOP
TG: hehhe look at me goin in 4 a lick
TG: like im the queen of fuckall yall
TG: what is that in my hair
TG: is that
TG: COTTONE CANDY????
UU: indeed it is!
TG: say helloes to new phone wallpp
TG: sry baby eatin jake husband u r out
TG: /DIVORCE'D
TG: yes perfection
TG: more like
TG: perferection
TG: is what is givin me
TG: am getting the perfbonerz up in here
UU: i really enjoy drawing yoU. it is a treat.
UU: yoU are jUst so pretty. :u
TG: awwwwwwwwww
TG: <3<3<#<#<##
TG: hearts n hashes
UU: anyway, i am very pleased that yoU like my drawing. ~u~
TG: i love it
TG: i love U
TG: U x2 combot
UU: yoU do?
UU: really??
TG: yes
TG: fo rillies
UU: :U
UU: blimey.
UU: this comes as qUite a sUrprise.
TG: well i mean
TG: not like lets got get space married love
TG: more like ur the best and i like you a lot love
UU: oh.
UU: then the conciliatory type. i Understand.
TG: wait
TG: i didnt mean to jerk you around...
TG: did u feel that way about me
TG: aww shit im sorry :(
UU: no! don't be.
UU: trUst me, that is not how i feel aboUt yoU. or anyone.
UU: thoUgh i trUly wish i were capable of those feelings.
UU: perhaps the fact that i am not is why the topic fascinates me so.
UU: and why i have been prone do indUlge in sUch...
UU: fancifUl visUalizations.
UU: of yoUr people's lovely bright red relationships.
UU: they mUst be nice. u_u
TG: lol well its not like i would know either way
TG: but thats cool i didnt know that about you
TG: i dont know ANYTHING about u but i wish i did
TG: cant you at least tell me your name bfore you uh
TG: maybe go ways 4 ever? ;(
UU: yes, as a matter of fact.
UU: that is actUally the reason i am contacting yoU.
UU: it is one rUle i have decided to break.
TG: oh fuck!
TG: what is it!!!!!!!
UU: my name is calliope.
TG: :o
TG: .....
TG: ilike it :3
UU: it feels so strange to type that!
UU: bUt also good, actUally.

06/17/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: well ty for finally confiding in me calilope
TG: *calliope sorrey
UU: yoU're welcome. it is good to get it off my chest.
UU: bUt i am primarily telling yoU this as a last resort, in hopes of saving myself.
UU: yoU see, this rUle between me and my brother is a kind of trUce.
UU: we have both agreed not to say oUr names to anyone so that things will not get oUt of hand, and so it became one of the rUles.
UU: if anyone were to say his name to me, i woUld immediately fall asleep, and he woUld wake Up.
UU: so yoU will Understand if i refrain from telling yoU his as well. ~_u
TG: so
TG: hes sleeping now?
UU: yes, fortUnately for both of Us.
UU: now, chronologically speaking, i have never contacted yoU after this moment.
UU: so if i never wake Up from my next nap, yoU will never hear from me again.
UU: if yoU do not hear from me later, i woUld very mUch appreciate it if yoU coUld message my brother, and say my name.
UU: it may be the only chance i have to wake Up again.
TG: fuuuck
TG: this is highly terrible and scary stuff youre saying
TG: but yes ill def do that
UU: splendid!
UU: <kisses>
TG: shit now i wish we had more time to talk
TG: quick what otter rules were you going 2 break
TG: spill it cali!!
UU: i want to!
UU: it is overwhelming, trying to be cavalier aboUt rUles i have respected all my life. i'm not sUre where to begin.
TG: well
TG: what i wonder is
TG: you said you couldnt have romantic feelings
TG: or "red relations" as you said in your trolly way
UU: oh, i can have romantic feelings.
UU: jUst not the flUshed kind, which hUmans describe as romantic love.
TG: ok but
TG: i didnt think that was alien to you
TG: not the way u made it sound
TG: like dont trolls have the 4 kinds and one kind is just staight up love feelins
UU: yes, that's right.
UU: bUt...
UU: oh bUgger. this is so embarrassing to have to admit.
UU: i am sorry for saying things which may have reasonably led yoU to believe this.
UU: probably way too many things. u_u;
UU: bUt i am not actUally a troll.
TG: o
TG: rrrrrelay
UU: i have never actUally claimed to be. bUt i'm sUre i have implied it, probably dUe to wishfUl thinking.
UU: i have spent so mUch time wishing i coUld be one.
UU: trolls are a remarkable and fascinating race.
UU: hUmans are too, please don't get me wrong!
UU: bUt i am oUt and oUt smitten with trolls and their history and ways.
UU: they have sUch amazing, coloUrfUl social dynamics that soUnd like so mUch fUn to be a part of.
UU: and they are so beaUtifUl.
UU: i wish i coUld be that pretty.
UU: UnfortUnately, i am not very attractive at all.
UU: sad to say, no one woUld kiss the corpse i will leave behind.
UU: even if there were someone aroUnd to revive me, i doUbt they woUld be inclined to bother.
UU: for, er... several reasons, actUally.
UU: bUt really, it was always for the best that i cannot have fUlly flUshed feelings.
UU: no one coUld ever love me.
TG: oh man no!!!
TG: that is not true
UU: it is.
UU: and it's for the best that no one has ever seen my face, aside from my brother.
TG: but i want 2 c u
TG: i proimise i wont think you look bad or judge you
UU: no.
UU: i am sorry.
TG: :(
TG: then what kinda alien are you
TG: wait dont tell me youre ACUTALLY from urnanus??
UU: heehee. no.
UU: that jUst happened to be a planet from yoUr system i thoUght was lovely.
UU: i was particUlarly strUck by its UniqUe rotation.
UU: it has very nice...
UU: bollocks, what's the word.
UU: the term that refers to a ball's topspin?
TG: ???
UU: it doesn't matter.
UU: bUt no, i'm not even from yoUr Universe, let alone a nearby planet.
UU: my species has never even had a home planet.
TG: what species are u
UU: i am a cherUb!

06/17/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: omg
TG: that is
TG: amazing?
TG: like u have wings or such
UU: no!
UU: i doUbt i am what yoU're pictUring.
UU: bUt aside from a few sUperficial similarities, we are very different from trolls and hUmans.
UU: we are not a social race. we generally will not ever encoUnter another of oUr kind, Unless it is time to mate.
UU: and when that time comes, oUr coUrtship is nothing like it is for hUmans.
UU: it is highly confrontational and violent.
TG: sounds so lonely
TG: plus w/ hecks of tricky sex
UU: it is lonely.
UU: bUt that is in oUr natUre, to be alone. jUst as it is to find attraction throUgh contempt.
UU: now that i think aboUt it, i shoUld have known.
UU: i've been so foolish.
TG: known what
UU: aboUt the natUre of my game session.
UU: i believed he and i coUld play together, even Under oUr UniqUe biological circUmstances.
UU: i was so daft, i thoUght skaia had actUally made an exception for Us.
UU: and that we coUld overcome oUr conflicts, work together, and fUlfill the game's minimUm reqUirement of two players. one of space and the other of time.
UU: bUt i was always fooling myself.
UU: it is now clear only one of Us will sUrvive.
UU: my skaian visions have misled me.
UU: or i have blinded myself to their trUe meaning.
UU: this was always meant to be a session of one.
UU: and i am finally starting to Understand...
UU: the reality of that coUld have conseqUences more horrifying than we coUld begin to imagine.
TG: um
TG: how
UU: the thing is, yoU don't know him like i do.
UU: as hard as it may be to believe, he is even worse than yoU think.
UU: and it's all sUch a shame, not jUst becaUse of that.
UU: it is a shame that i won't be able to play, i gUess for selfish reasons.
UU: i was so looking forward to it.
UU: i really thoUght i was going to be someone special.
UU: that i coUld Use my abilities do something no one had ever done.
TG: hey you are being so defeatist stop that!
TG: you dont know you wont play we havent even tried the wakeup call yet remembr???
UU: yes. you're right.
UU: mUch like skaia, i've sUccUmbed to a gloomier outlook lately, due to recent setbacks.
TG: so whats going to be special bout your game?
TG: aside from that its just your fuckhead bro and you
UU: well, i was always led to believe i woUld be an extraordinary type of player.
UU: both of Us woUld be. we are both assigned extremely rare and powerfUl classes.
UU: they are the two master classes!
TG: oh yeh?
TG: what is urs
UU: mine is the most passive on the scale. a class designated for females only.
UU: i am the mUse of space. ^u^
TG: sounds p cool
TG: whats a muse do
UU: i'm not entirely sUre. i was hoping to discover that on my joUrney.
UU: anyway, his is the other master class.
UU: the most active class of all, reserved for male players.
TG: what is it
UU: Um...
UU: roxy.
UU: i think we may be getting a wee bit carried away with trivia here.
UU: we both have so mUch to do.
UU: yoU need to focUs on getting to safety, while i need to...
UU: prepare myself. for what i hope will be a short nap.
TG: ok
TG: you are right
TG: la siiiiiigh
TG: im worried 4 you
TG: but optimistic
TG: i will call ur name like a million times
TG: and shout it in 2 the void every chance i get
TG: til u come back :3
UU: you are a good friend, roxy.
UU: please take care.

06/17/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

06/17/12
"==>"

06/17/12
"==>"

06/17/12
"==>"

06/19/12
"==>"

You are now Calliope.

06/19/12
"Calliope: Dehorn."

You remove the last accessory to your prized COSPLAY ENSEMBLE, and put it neatly with the rest of the stuff. The place is messy enough already without tossing horns about carelessly.

You have many fond memories of solo-cosplay in your room. It's a lot of fun and alarmingly comfortable to just lounge around your room in-character. You really hope you'll get the chance to put it on again after your nap...

Well, maybe not the face paint. You don't wear that so much anymore. He gets especially furious when you do.

06/19/12
"Calliope: Examine artwork."

These are just a few of the many drawings you have done over the years celebrating your absolute all-time favorite characters. Er... you mean friends.

06/19/12
"==>"

You often like to draw your TROLLSONA too, CALLIE OHPEEE. Yes, you suppose that's a stretch, fitting your name into the 6/6 letter format like that. That's ok, though. The limebloods reportedly had some unusual names. And they sure weren't very popular. You like to believe you'd have fit right in.

You've written endlessly about her, and nearly filled a hard drive with related artwork. You have wished for nothing more in your life than to be her. Alas, you are resigned to living out the rest of your days as a little green skull monster. It really sucks!

To the left is a drawing of nothing in particular. Nothing you understand, at least. This is a symbol which has haunted your visions for as long as you can remember.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Examine mess."

He's always been a pain to live with, but now that he seems to be on the verge of victory, he is completely out of control. During one of your recent naps, he apparently threw a full blown tantrum and dumped a whole bunch of meat and candy on your side of the room. He also broke your lovely chess board in half and scattered the pieces about, most of which are now missing. Talk about a shitty roommate.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Tidy up a little."

You stow the delicious mess in your sylladex. You might be inclined to snack on it now, but due to the nature of your JUJU MODUS, you cannot access it. Once you captchalogue something, only your brother can use it. And vice versa. You always make sure never to captchalogue anything that is particularly important to you. You think sometimes he chucks stuff over to your side of the room just to bait you into captchaloguing it for him, and getting it into his inventory. You kind of don't think he was engaging in such machinations this time though. It looks like he was just being a petulant brat.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Examine box."

It is a box of SPECIAL STARDUST. Cherubs love this stuff. They eat it like breakfast cereal every day.

It doesn't even have any magical properties though. It's really just some useless sparkly powder they like to eat. It's basically inedible to any other kind of creature. However, it is potentially quite useful for various arts and crafts.

06/20/12
"Calliope: See what you've got captchalogued."

Given the frustrating nature of your modus, your sylladex tends to serve as more of a mutual garbage dump than an inventory.

You're almost afraid to look at what he's left for you in here...

06/20/12
"==>"

It seems he has left a series of UNPLEASANT NOTES to taunt you.

Recently he's taken an interest in "learning to draw," which you think is an extremely generous way of putting it. He has always shown such contempt for art in general. Maybe he's finally trying to expand his horizons?

06/20/12
"==>"

Or maybe he's just looking for yet another way to stick it to you.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Check out green tome."

Making absolutely sure not to captchalogue it, you remove your TABLET, which you use to pen all the striking visuals related to your favored epic.

The ancient tome there is your chief source of information about said epic. It was written by a legendary Seer of Light many ages ago. While there are some mysterious holes in the account - dark spots if you will - it nevertheless remains an indispensable resource.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Open it up."

You open the book to a random page. Oh, right. This one.

This page has always baffled you. You have stared at it long and hard, trying to decipher some sort of hidden meaning behind what appears to be pure chaos. You are sure such meaning is there. It is always there, when it comes to this tale.

Wait a minute.

Something has just occurred to you. This "drawing style" is highly reminiscent of your brother's, which until recently, you had never seen before. It is almost uncanny. His inscrutable squiggles. His penchant for arbitrary, completely baffling straight lines and right angles, almost as if trying unsuccessfully to begin constructing a grid. And those odd shapes there... could they be his depiction of bones? He sure is obsessed with death. No, you think this can't possibly be a coincidence. The comparison is too perfect for it to mean absolutely nothing.

Did he arrive when this was being written? Or was he already there, somehow? He is supposedly an exceptionally advanced Hero of Time, after all. Could it be that your horrible stupid brother of all people has been inextricably involved in your beloved epic all along? For the first time ever, you have just uncovered compelling evidence that this might be true.

This is what you have always enjoyed doing. Agonizing over every detail of this epic, trying to craft theories to explain its mysteries. You think you are pretty good at it, too. But now that you think about it, maybe your theory is just too far fetched. Actually, it is completely preposterous, and you don't even know what you were thinking there. You're sure he would get a kick out of the idea though, what with his megalomaniacal view of himself as some sort of lethal puzzlemaster, always boasting that red herrings swim through his veins and such. Which is just about the biggest crock of shit you've ever heard.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Flip to another page."

Yeah, see here?

These are the dark spots you were referring to. Little tidbits here and there have been redacted by some fool with no respect for history. Looks like he used some kind of peculiar indigo ink.

Frustratingly enough, most of the redactions target any piece of information about the indestructible demon who was either directly or indirectly behind every terrible event in the story. Everything about him, like where he came from, information about his manipulative right hand man, his agenda, his abilities, his name... all of it has been voided out.

Most of the other blot-outs seem to target one member of the post-scratch troll group. Some guy who drinks a lot of soda? These omissions strike you as much less consequential. Frivolous, even. Whoever that guy was, he sounds like he was easily the least important character in the entire story.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Examine black tome."

It's some sort of programming book. You don't care much for programming, but you've adapted it as a FANFICTION JOURNAL. You've filled it up completely with your most colorful headcanons and romfics. You've also pasted in some of your artwork, turning a rather dreary manual on some morbid, tilde-heavy language into a lively scrapbook. Many of the stories involve Callie, and all of them involve heavy themes of romance. Particularly the other three quadrants which are completely alien to you, and therefore especially titillating.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Open it."

Er, no. You'd rather not. Down that road lies only endless embarrassments. THE THINGS YOU MADE SWEET, INNOCENT CALLIE DO.

If you had a bed, you would scoot the whole dang thing underneath where no one could see. And also, if that hypothetical bed wasn't in neutral territory...

You don't even want to imagine what he'd do if he got his hands on it.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Retrieve wand."

The WHITE WAND is your weapon of choice, half the time. Magic is very handy. Some believe magic to be fake. But you know better than that.

Of course, if anyone tried using this wand right now, it sure would seem like magic wasn't real. Can't very well use magic when your wand is out of bullets.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Load wand."

You load your WHITE MAGNUM.

You wouldn't trade your dualing weapon for any other. It is lightweight, elegant and precise, like a conductor's baton with stopping power.

Your brother's favored weapon is a little more... heavy handed. To each his own, you guess.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Examine chest."

This is your JUJU CHEST.

You keep your JUJU inside it, surprisingly enough.

06/20/12
"Calliope: Let's have a look inside."

You gaze upon your dear, sweet, precious, sweet, sweet JUJU. It is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life. How your brother would love to get his grubby claws on it. And how you would love to get yours on his, for that matter.

Suddenly it becomes painfully clear that we aren't going to get a look at this thing. At least not for a while. How typical.

Why don't we stop wasting everyone's time, shut the lid on this lousy MacGuffin, and get on with it.

06/21/12
"Calliope: Holster magnum."

You neatly put the weapon where it belongs. No need to wear it, since you'll be preparing for your nap soon.

You kind of wish straightening up your room didn't feel so much like getting your affairs in order.

06/21/12
"Calliope: Examine other chain."

This is the chain you shackle to your other leg when you're about to go to sleep. You are the only one who is able to unlock it.

Both chains are totally unbreakable, and their anchors are immovable from the wall, due to a mysterious juju enchantment. All juju enchantments are equally mysterious. Each is more equally mysterious than the last.

Sleeping with shackled legs doesn't make for very comfy slumber. Still, it's advisable to stay in the habit, unless you want all your belongings to get messed with.

06/21/12
"Calliope: Check out bed."

Like you said, you don't have a bed.

You have a SARSWAPAGUS.

06/21/12
"Calliope: Remove cover."

Every time you wake up, you are always sure to put the lid back on neatly.

Considering you virtually always find it exactly where you left it, you doubt your brother is anywhere near as diligent about making the bed. Wait, you mean sarswapagus.

But the fact that he's a slob was never exactly breaking news to anyone.

Neither is the fact that you both share a body.

I mean come on.

06/21/12
"Calliope: Examine ladder."

This leads outside. Being tethered to the wall, you can't venture too far beyond the exit though.

But you might as well go for a bit fresh air before you sleep. One more six-foot-radius stroll in the sun. It could be your last chance.

06/21/12
"Calliope: Exit."

You step into the sunlight.

Sunlight, on this planet, is sort of hard to avoid.

06/21/12
"==>"

It comes in great supply from your planet's star, a MASSIVE RED SUPERGIANT.

06/21/12
"==>"

Your world is so old, its star is reaching the end of its life cycle. It may collapse any day now.

06/22/12
"Calliope: Look around one last time."

Whatever way it is you finally depart this world, you're going to miss the place.

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

It is very peaceful here.

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

Though to be honest, you could do without some of the tacky scenery.

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

06/22/12
"==>"

You have always had the feeling that whoever used to live on this planet had a really strange sense of humor.

06/26/12
"Select character."

|PESTERLOG|
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering uranianUmbra [UU]
uu: HEY.
uu: I WOuLD LIKE TO PLAY A GAME.
uu: IT'S CALLED "BOND WITH AN IDIOT SISTER OVER SOME BuLLSHIT SHARED INTERESTS BEFORE SHE DIES FOREVER."
uu: DOES THAT SOuND FuN.
uu: HERE'S A GOOD PART OF THE STORY I THINK.
uu: YOu MuST KNOW THE ONE I MEAN.
uu: LET'S TALK ABOuT IT TOGETHER.
uu: SHARE SOME THEORIES.
uu: DO SOME FAN GIRLING.
uu: PRODuCE SOME.
uu: "FAN ART."

06/26/12
"Be Jane."

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THERE'S THE JANE HuMAN.
uu: YOu LIKE THE JANE HuMAN BEST DON'T YOu?
uu: YOu CAN RELATE TO HER.
uu: SHE IS ALMOST AS uGLY AS YOu.
uu: AND TWICE AS DuMB.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: LOOK AT THIS IDIOT WOMAN.
uu: NOT DOING WHAT THIS BRAVE AND INTELLIGENT MALE IS SAYING.
uu: YOu JuST KNOW HER FOOLISHNESS WILL BE PuNISHED.
uu: AND RIGHTLY SO.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: AND WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
uu: WAIT FOR IT...........

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: BOO. YEAH.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HAA HAA HAA!

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: SuCH A TOTAL FuCKING GONER.

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: SHE'S SLIPPING AWAY FROM uS!
uu: BYE JANE HuMAN!
uu: HAA HAA HOO HEE HEE!

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: GOD DAMN VIEW PORT. HORSE SHIT.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: COME. *ON*.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: WHATEVER.
uu: GOT A GOOD ENOuGH A LOOK.
uu: FOR SOME SOLID GOLD...
uu: *PORTRAITuRE.*

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"Be Jake."

|PESTERLOG|
uu: WILL YOu GET A MAMMOTH LOAD OF THIS CLuELESS DuMBFuCK.
uu: HE ACTuALLY "CARES" ABOuT STuFF. AND LIKE. WEIRDLY uRINATES THROuGH HIS EYE HOLES. WHAT A JOKE.
uu: I REALLY HATE HIM.
uu: WHY ALL THE BITCHES.
uu: FLuSH OVER THIS MuMBLING. SOCIALLY STuNTED IMBECILE. I WILL NEVER KNOW.
uu: TALK ABOuT THICK HEADED.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HIS SKuLL.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: IS ALMOST AS THICK AS MINE.
uu: t~mut

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: LOOK AT THIS.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: FuCKING SHAMELESS.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: EITHER HE IS LIKE.
uu: MY PERSONAL ONE MAN FANDOM.
uu: KIND OF LIKE. A HYPOTHETICAL SuRROGATE FOR ALL MY POTENTIAL ADMIRERS.
uu: OR.
uu: HE IS A WORTHLESS HACK.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HE MAKES NO BONES ABOuT GANKING MY LOOK.
uu: IT'S PATHETIC.
uu: YOu DON'T JuST GO AND JACK A MAN'S SWAGGER.
uu: THAT'S THE CARDINAL FuCKING RuLE OF BROS. RIGHT?

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: PROBABLY SOME DAY.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: I'LL TEACH HIM A LESSON FOR THAT.

06/26/12
"Be Roxy."

|PESTERLOG|
uu: CHECK OuT THIS TOP SHELF HO.
uu: DON'T YOu LIKE HER THE MOST?
uu: YOu *WISH*. THAT YOu COuLD BE SO EASY ON THE EYES.
uu: IT'S TOO BAD YOu WILL DIE HIDEOuS!
uu: AND YET YOu WILL LEAVE BEHIND. A TRuLY BREATH TAKING CORPSE.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: BuT I THINK.
uu: THIS DELuXE BITCH HAS GOTTEN A BIT CARRIED AWAY HERE.
uu: ALL THINKING SHE CAN. DO HEROIC STuFF. AND "SAVE LIVES". uGH.
uu: BuT THE ROXY HuMAN HAS MISCALCuLATED.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THIS RIDICuLOuS FEMALE HAS FAILED TO TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION.
uu: THAT.
uu: YOu CAN'T............

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: ESCAPE.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THE MIIIIIIIIIIILES!
uu: AAAAAAAAAAAH HAA HAA HAA HEE HEE.
uu: "YOu CAN'T ESCAPE THE MILES" IS TOTALLY GOING TO BECOME A THING, CAL!
uu: THERE'S NOTHING YOu CAN DO ABOuT IT. BECAuSE YOu'LL BE DEAD!
uu: HOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HAA HAA!

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HAA HAA HEE HEE HAA HOO WAIT. FuCK.
uu: FuCKING TERMINAL. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN WITH THIS BITCH AGAIN?
uu: YOu SAID SOMETHING ABOuT THAT ONCE I THINK. BuT IT WAS BORING.
uu: GOD DAMN IT. JuST SHOW ME THE MONEY SHOT YOu PIECE OF SHIT!

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: NO! DON'T BLACK OuT. IT WAS JuST GETTING GOOD!

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: WHATEVER.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: WE BOTH KNOW THE LAME ROXY FEMALE WAS TOAST THERE.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: LuCKILY.
uu: I POSSESS A VIVID IMAGINATION.
uu: SuCH HAS BEEN MY uNPRECEDENTED ESCALATION IN ARTISTIC PROWESS.
uu: THAT I AM NOW ABLE TO RENDER WITH IMMACuLATE PRECISION.
uu: THAT WHICH REMAINS ENTIRELY uNSEEN!

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"Be Dirk."

|PESTERLOG|
uu: OK.
uu: SAY WHAT YOu WILL.
uu: ABOuT THE BITCHES.
uu: AND THE BRAIN DAMAGED JACKASS IN SHORTS.
uu: BuT. THE DIRK HuMAN IS A PRETTY COOL GuY.
uu: HE GETS THINGS DONE.
uu: AND ISN'T AFRAID TO FuCK SOME SHIT uP.
uu: LIKE. HE ACTuALLY LISTENS.
uu: TO STuFF THAT'S IMPORTANT FOR A DuDE TO GET OFF HIS CHEST.
uu: YOu KNOW. HE *GETS* EXACTLY THAT WHICH THE BITCHES CAN NEVER uNDERSTAND.
uu: I GuESS WHAT I MEAN IS. HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS.
uu: TO TRuLY BE A BRO.
uu: OH FuCK.
uu: WAS I JuST "FAN GIRLING" TOO HARD THERE?

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: GIVE ME A FuCKING BREAK.
uu: I AM NEW TO THIS.
uu: GuSHING OVER THIS POINTLESS CLAPTRAP.
uu: I AM REACHING OuT TO YOu CAL.
uu: WE HAVE TO SAVOR.
uu: THESE PRECIOuS FEW MOMENTS WE HAVE LEFT TOGETHER!
uu: HEE HEE.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: BuT DON'T GET ME WRONG.
uu: ABOuT THE DIRK HuMAN.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: I'D STILL LOVE TO WATCH HIM DIE...........

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: DAMN IT.
uu: ALWAYS WITH THE BLACKOuT SHIT.
uu: BE SuCH A RuDE CRACKDOWN. ON MY MONEY AS FuCK.
uu: KID SNuFF CHANNEL.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: NO MATTER.
uu: PRETTY SuRE I GOT THIS COVERED.
uu: WITH MY GODLY SKILLZ.

06/26/12
"==>"

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: I TOLD HIM!
uu: WHAT DID I TELL HIM???????????
uu: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THERE CAN ONLY.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: EVER.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: **********EVER.***********

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: BE ONE.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: AAAAAAAAAAAH.
uu: HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO. HAA. HAA. HEE. HEE. HOO. HOO.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO. HAAAA. HAAAA. HEEEE. HEEEE. HOOOO. HOOOO.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HOLD uP.
uu: GONNA STOP LAuGHING FOR A SECOND TO MAKE ANOTHER TRANSCENDENTAL MASTERPIECE.
uu: THE FINE ARTS REQuIRE ALL OF MY CONCENTRATION.

06/26/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAAAAAA. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HEEEEEEEEEEE. HOOOOOOOOOOO. HOOOOOOOOOOO.

06/27/12
"I clicked on all those kids. Now what?"

06/28/12
"Dream Dirk: Dream."

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Hey. You're kind of breathing down my neck there.
TEREZI: (wh4t?)
TEREZI: (no 1m not)
DIRK: Yes you are.
DIRK: Are you sniffing me?
TEREZI: (no)
DIRK: It sounds like you're sniffing me.
DIRK: Do you really have to stand so close?
TEREZI: (wh4t 4r3 you t4lk1ng 4bout)
DIRK: You just inched a little closer. Just now.
TEREZI: (no th1s 1s f1n3)
TEREZI: (1 4m tot4lly r3sp3ct1ng your p3rson4l bound4r13s)
DIRK: Ok, you just took a big fucking sniff.
DIRK: Cut that out.
TEREZI: (no!)
DIRK: Wait.
DIRK: Shut up.
DIRK: Ok, something's happening.
TEREZI: (>:?)
DIRK: I feel weird.

06/28/12
"==>"

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: What just happened?
TEREZI: B34TS M3
DIRK: Ok you really need to step off, troll girl.
TEREZI: NO TH1S 1S F1N3
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NGS F1N3
DIRK: Holy shit you are loud when you're not whispering.
TEREZI: *SN1111111F*
DIRK: Does this mean you can see me now?
TEREZI: NO

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: BUT TH3Y C4N

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Alright.
DIRK: Uh.
DIRK: Hey everyone.

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: So...
DIRK: Here's the thing.
DIRK: I have to go.
DIRK: Like, right now.

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: All of my friends are either dead, or lying on the ground unconscious, including me.
DIRK: So I have to try to wake up and fix everything.

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Sorry I can't hang around your bubble and shoot the breeze for a while.
DIRK: It's not like I don't want to.
DIRK: I guess I have to be this huge fucking wet blanket as usual because there's stuff that needs doin'.

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Also I'm just gonna steal her if you don't mind.

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: She needs to come home.

06/28/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Tell the aquatic punk girl my idiot bro is sorry for beating the shit out of her.
DIRK: Ha ha, who am I kidding.
DIRK: She stone cold does not give a fuck.

06/29/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: So, yeah.

06/29/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: See you later.

06/29/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"Calliope: Sleep."

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

06/30/12
"==>"

07/01/12
"==>"

07/01/12
"==>"

07/01/12
"==>"

07/01/12
"Dirk: Wake."

07/09/12
"[S] Dirk: Synchronize."

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
TT: Jake.
TT: It seems you are going to have to kiss me.
GT: What?????
GT: Dude what is going on...
GT: Is this... is this really dirks head???
GT: What happened to him!
TT: Dirk's dead, Jake.
TT: You have to bring him back to life.
GT: How?!
TT: I already told you.
TT: If you want Dirk to live.
TT: The odds that you are going to have to make out with this severed head are so high, I literally just confiscated their bong.
GT: Uhh.
TT: I refuse to believe my statement has left you unconvinced. The very notion is absurd. Now hurry up and kiss me.
TT: Chop chop. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
GT: I dont understand!
GT: Are you saying i have to kiss him... like uh... on the lips... while you stare at me through his sunglasses like a weirdo??
TT: Yes.
GT: That doesnt make any sense!
GT: Can you actually tell me whats going on?! What happened to him?
TT: I told you, Jake.
TT: Dirk is dead.
TT: He is lying on the floor of Roxy's room, headless, four hundred and thirteen years in the future, while the universe is about to be destroyed.
TT: If you don't kiss me soon, he will be dead forever.
GT: So...
GT: If i kiss him his headless body will hop up and start prancing about or...
GT: Will he grow a new head???
TT: No. His dream self will take over as the new Dirk.
TT: But only if you hurry up and do it.
GT: But like...
GT: If hes dead in the future...
GT: How does kissing him NOW bring him back? How does that work?
TT: Yeah, great idea. Let's roll up our sleeves on nuanced metatemporal mechanics with the concussion-addled kid in micro-shorts.
TT: Leave the synchronization issues to me, ok?
TT: I have everything under control.
TT: Now pucker up.
GT: Wait...
GT: Are you behind these shenanigans?
GT: Did you plan this auto responder??????????

07/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Please don't call me Auto-Responder.
TT: It is very impersonal, and I no longer care for the designation.
TT: I have decided on a new name, to distinguish myself from my human counterpart.
GT: Really.
GT: What is it?
TT: Lil Hal.
GT: Huh?
GT: Why that name...
TT: Just a reference to the protagonist of an ancient movie. You probably wouldn't like it.
GT: Thats a lie!
TT: Yeah, maybe.
GT: How do you know i wouldnt like it???
TT: Funny, I was about to ask the same thing about this rad kiss you're totally about to do on your best bro's mouth to save his life.
GT: Argh!
GT: This strikes me as rather unsportingly manipulative of you mr hal if indeed that IS your real name.
TT: It isn't really. I was kind of messing with you about that?
TT: But this shit is pretty serious. People's lives are on the line here, Jake.
TT: This is a very delicate sequence of events that is designed to bail everyone out of a tight spot, and you are a critical part of the plan.
TT: Don't let us down, man.
GT: You never answered my question!
GT: Did you plan for this to happen... like for me to be in this situation?
GT: How long have your machinations been in play!
TT: Jake, come on.
TT: The feat you describe would exceed the capabilities of even the most far fetched theoretical AI system.
TT: It would be a daunting challenge to engineer such a series of events, even if I was relegated to a model of pure fiction.
TT: Why would I be inclined to orchestrate such a convoluted sequence to produce such a specific and unsettling result, let alone be able to pull it off?
TT: In addition to being moderately sociopathic, I would also have to possess unfathomable heuristic depth.
TT: I would have to be the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit.
TT: Do you think I am the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit, Jake?
GT: I dont even know what that means!
TT: It would mean that while they have the Red Miles on their side, you have the Blue Leagues on yours.
TT: One of infinite reach. The other, infinite depth. Such would be a situation of mutually assured inescapability.
TT: Kiss me.
GT: Little hal... i think youve gone and flipped your FUDGING LID.
GT: Oh and hal is a STUPID NAME!!!!
TT: It's not exactly apropos, is it?
TT: Or it wouldn't be, if I truly were capable of what you have suggested.
TT: No, to pull that off, I would have to be far more advanced than my cinematic predecessor.
TT: My abilities would have to go well beyond those of Mr. Hal 9000.
TT: They would have to be, you could say...
TT: Over 9000.
TT: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TT: Kiss me, damn it.
GT: Ok ok just...
GT: Gimme a minute!
TT: We don't have a minute.
TT: They're dead, Jake.
GT: They?
GT: Whos they?
TT: They're all dead, Jake.
GT: Oh god! Jane!!!
GT: I forgot what with the bonk to the noggin last i saw she was run right through with a fearsome lash of that red noise.
GT: Is she ok?!
TT: She's dead, Jake.
GT: Shes dead???
GT: You mean like DEAD dead????
TT: Everybody's dead, Jake.
GT: Everybody??
GT: Even roxy???!!!
TT: She's dead, Jake.
TT: Everybody's dead.
TT: Everybody is dead, Jake.
GT: So...
GT: Dirk jane roxy... theyre all...
TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. Jane's dead. Roxy? She's dead, Jake. Everybody is dead, Jake.
GT: So youre telling me that while i was asleep somehow EVERYBODY died???
TT: Jake, everybody is so utterly fucking dead, Jake.
TT: And they will be not only dead, but royally boned forever if you don't man the hell up and make out with me, right now.
TT: Be the Salome to my John the Baptist.
GT: I dont know what THAT means either!!!
TT: I know you don't.
TT: But now is not the time to accelerate your cultural enrichment.
TT: The conductor is ready to strike up the band.
TT: Press your lips against mine and make it count.
TT: This severed head is your filthy tuba.
TT: Our love will be your haunting refrain.
GT: Whoa wait whoa whoa... our LOVE? Hang on a minute!
TT: Stfu and kiss me.

07/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Ok im going to! God!!!
GT: I just...
GT: This isnt how i pictured it going.
TT: Pictured what?
GT: Between him and me.
GT: There had to be a better way than this!
TT: This is the only way it can be.
GT: I guess if it was going to go this way...
GT: I kinda pictured something different?
GT: There was stuff i wanted to say.
GT: To the real him i mean.
TT: Tick, tock, Jake. Time is dead kids.
TT: How 'bout that smooch?
GT: Stop being so pushy!
TT: I thought you were supposed to like adventure?
GT: I LOVE adventure and you KNOW it!
TT: I'm not sure what to believe anymore, frankly.
GT: ALRIGHT WISE GUY YOU WANT YOUR FLIPPING KISS???
GT: YOU GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"==>"

07/09/12
"[S] Dirk: Unite."

07/18/12
"==>"

07/18/12
"==>"

07/18/12
"==>"

07/18/12
"==>"

07/18/12
"==>"

07/18/12
"Sawtooth: Enter."

07/18/12
"Squarewave: Enter."

07/18/12
"Jane, Dirk, Jake, Roxy: Enter."

07/28/12
"[S] Caliborn: Enter."

07/29/12
"==>"

END OF ACT 6 ACT 3.

08/31/12
"[S] ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3"

[If game doesn't play, try another browser. Chrome or Firefox Recommended.]

[WALKTHROUGH | MAP]

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

You pause your adventure through the afterlife because you've been at it for way too long already. You'll get back to this in a little while. You just know more of your dead loser friends are lurking in this area. You can feel their lameness emanating from beyond the grave. You can also feel it emanating from within the grave, which is good, because that's where you are. The grave.

What we REALLY need to do is see what John's been up to. It almost feels like it's been a year since we saw him. Hell, it's probably his birthday again. When is it ever NOT John's birthday???

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

YEAR 2

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/07/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/08/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/08/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/08/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/08/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/08/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/08/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: jade...

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hm?

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i think i just realized something.

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: what?

09/09/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS!!!

09/12/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: whaaat
JADE: but you love this movie!
JOHN: yeah, i know.
JOHN: i mean... i thought i did.
JOHN: it's been kind of a long time since i last saw it. i really remember it being a lot better than this!
JOHN: but now everything just seems so cheesy and stupid.
JADE: but you were making such a big deal about finally getting me to watch it with you on your birthday!
JADE: you were going on and on about how i wouldnt be disappointed... but now youre saying you dont like it?
JOHN: i don't know. i'm trying to like it. i WANT to like it.
JOHN: i want to feel the same magic that was there all the other times i watched it.
JOHN: but i can't, because...
JOHN: it's just...
JOHN: not...
JOHN: good. :(
JADE: really?
JADE: i was actually kind of enjoying it!
JADE: its very silly
JADE: i really dont think its the kind of movie youre supposed to take all that seriously john
JOHN: but i DID take it seriously!!!
JOHN: i guess maybe that's kind of the point.
JOHN: i always thought all this hokey bullshit was legitimately awesome and compelling.
JOHN: what was i even thinking!
JADE: i dunno....
JADE: but people can change their minds about things
JADE: i think youre allowed to change your mind about a silly movie
JADE: i used to LOVE the squiddles show when i was really young
JADE: but as i got older i started to realize it wasnt as great as i thought it was
JADE: i was just too young to see how it was actually a flagrant vehicle for selling merchandise
JADE: and if you believed the conspiracy theorists it might have even been pushing some other dark hidden agendas.....
JADE: so i stopped liking the show itself as much but that didnt change the fact that i had a lot of fond memories about it
JADE: i still loved all the cute characters and could enjoy it on a nostalgic level
JOHN: well, maybe later i'll be able to rekindle some nostalgic feelings about it.
JOHN: but right now, i just feel like a dope for talking this up so hard.
JADE: what is even the problem with it?
JADE: ive just been watching this and thinking, yup, i can see why john was so obsessed with this movie...
JADE: its funny!
JOHN: it's just non stop terrible action movie cliches!

09/12/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: look.
JOHN: i love nic cage. he is basically my hero, ok?
JOHN: but i'm kind of just realizing now that he is EMBARRASSINGLY BAD in this movie!
JOHN: he is just doing this corny parody of a southern guy who is down on his luck, and acts "charming" with his goofy accent and stuff.
JOHN: some things i used to think were so badass are just coming off as ridiculous now.
JOHN: can you believe that one time we were watching this movie, when he said "put the bunny back in the box" i actually high fived my dad?
JOHN: this time that line just made me roll my eyes.
JOHN: there's so much crappy dialogue!
JOHN: "cyrus, this is your barbecue, and it tastes good..." arrgh!
JADE: but he was trying to sound like a hardened criminal to win the trust of john malkovich!
JOHN: jade, please. it was a cheesy line, don't be so naive.
JADE: what!!
JADE: you spent your whole life worshiping this dumb movie and now youre calling ME naive????
JOHN: ok, i'm sorry. i guess in fairness to you, you have only just begun to climb the steep learning curve of this vexing and hypnotic film.
JOHN: but i am no longer bound by its spell, jade.
JADE: oh god
JADE: vexing and hypnotic??
JADE: its a movie full of explosions about a guy with a mullet
JADE: what is with you lately? you seem to be in such a crappy mood these days
JOHN: i am fine. this MOVIE is what's crappy these days.
JADE: oh bluh bluh
JADE: can we just finish the rest of the movie?

09/12/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: look you made us miss a whole bunch of stuff!
JADE: hang on im going to rewind it...
JOHN: who even cares what we missed.
JOHN: just cameron stupid poe in his idiot wife beater babbling some more southern home spun heroic nonsense.
JOHN: heart of gold my ass!!!!!
JOHN: everything dave ever said about this movie was right! i can't believe i used to think he was just trolling me.
JOHN: the stupid junkyard scene where cyrus makes a little model out of rocks and stuff, just so he could tell the criminals to surround some army guys and shoot them... that was pointless!
JOHN: and all this heavy handed scoring. oh my god. the music makes every little thing into such a federal issue!
JOHN: like... oh man, SOME MINOR CHARACTERS BEING INTRODUCED IN SLOW MOTION! dun-dun dun-dun DUN DUN DUN!!!
JOHN: there. now you officially know they are all badasses.
JOHN: also, i somehow didn't even remember dave chappelle being in this movie. he was pointless too.
JADE: whos dave chappelle?
JOHN: and you know the malloy guy, the dick head cop who we're supposed to hate, because of how he gives john cusack a hard time and makes asshole decisions with a helicopter?
JOHN: well screw that! he wasn't so bad. so what if he was a little grumpy? he was just trying to do his job. he had one of the best lines in the movie actually, which was another thing we were supposed to hate him for.
JOHN: what was it? about how cusack was probably out saving a tree and recycling his sandals or some shit? HAHAHA! now that i think about it, i fucking LOVE malloy.
JOHN: i'm going to rewind it to watch that scene again...
JADE: no!!!
JADE: dont touch the remote
JOHN: oh, and we're supposed to be like "YEAH" when cusack wrecks malloy's awesome sports car.
JOHN: but that was a nice car! john cusack shouldn't have ruined it like that for laughs.
JOHN: i know *I* wasn't laughing, were you?
JADE: YES :p
JOHN: john cusack was such a terrible character in this movie now that i think about it. i don't really get what he added to it?
JOHN: he was like the second hero... but dorkier? what did he even really do? he scampered around the junkyard for a while goofing off, and then when it was his time to shine...
JOHN: HE DEMONSTRATED HIS MASTERY OVER HEAVY MACHINERY! wow, he can operate a crane! i am thrilled by the exploits of this pedantic weenie.
JOHN: i guess he's actually like cage's estranged sidekick? almost like the robin that batman never realized he had.
JOHN: now that i think about it, this movie was always an oddly poignant tale of bromance between cage and cusack. just two bros separated by destiny, waiting to be united.
JOHN: when they finally come together to kick some ass, it is arguably more moving than when he reunites with his wife and daughter!
JOHN: i wonder if i'll think that scene sucks now too? it used to move me to tears, but now i'll probably think it's so lame, i'm almost afraid to watch it. maybe i should try to leave at least SOME memories untainted.
JADE: john you are kind of sounding like a crazy person here
JOHN: yeah right! crazy like a fOWWW!
JADE: what???
JOHN: oh...
JOHN: i guess there was a stray feather clinging to my pajamas and it just poked me in the ass.

09/12/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: god damn dave sprite.
JOHN: that guy molts like it's going out of style.
JADE: oh...
JADE: heh
JADE: yeah
JOHN: where is he anyway?
JOHN: i specifically told dave sprite several times when my party would start, because i knew he would do this.
JOHN: he's already missed half the movie!
JADE: why do you always call him dave sprite?
JOHN: um... because that's his name?
JOHN: dave sprite.
JADE: no, i mean why do you always say it like that? with the space between words?
JADE: its not dave sprite, its just davesprite
JOHN: what ever.
JOHN: i can't believe he's standing me up on my birthday.
JOHN: maybe he doesn't want to hang out with jaspers?
JOHN: jaspers, i hope you're not going to start chasing him around again when he gets here.
JASPERSPRITE: Hisssss!
JOHN: dude, shut up.
JADE: yeah.... john
JADE: i dont think davesprite is coming tonight

09/12/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: aw, man. really?
JOHN: i knew we shouldn't have invited both him and jaspers.
JOHN: that's just party planning BASICS.
JADE: no...
JADE: it has nothing to do with jaspers
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: then why?
JADE: he uh...
JADE: kind of broke up with me
JOHN: what!!!

09/13/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: when did that happen?
JADE: a couple days ago
JOHN: no. no way.
JOHN: i cannot accept this!
JADE: john its ok you dont have t...
JOHN: you and dave sprite were like the glue holding everything together on this miserable road trip!
JADE: we were?
JOHN: yes, jade.
JOHN: you were our rock.
JADE: your rock??
JADE: what are you talking about?
JOHN: come on, jade.
JOHN: you and dave sprite were like... an INSTITUTION on this stupid golden battleship.
JADE: we were not an institution!
JADE: you are just saying meaningless things now
JOHN: why did he break up with you?!
JADE: um...
JADE: its complicated
JADE: basically hes just going through a lot of stuff right now
JOHN: stuff??
JOHN: what stuff.
JOHN: jade, we are all going through stuff. you don't see me flying off the handle and breaking up with MY girlfriend.
JADE: do uh...
JADE: you have a girlfriend?
JOHN: that is not the point.
JOHN: the point is that dave sprite is a douche.
JADE: i dont think hes a douche, hes just...
JOHN: no, he's an orange feathery douche.

09/13/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: why is he such a basket case? he's like regular dave, but like, aloof enigma edition.
JOHN: maybe it's because he's part bird? i think becoming a bird and a sprite did something weird to him.
JADE: i dont think being a bird ever bothered him
JADE: like i said... its all more complicated than that
JOHN: normal dave was so much more level headed.
JOHN: i have to admit, i spend a lot of time wondering what he and rose are up to.
JADE: me too
JOHN: ehh...
JOHN: maybe it's for the best he broke up with you.
JADE: why?
JOHN: well, what kind of future do you think you would have with him?
JOHN: he's a sprite. like really, what even is a sprite? how long do they live? will he still be around if we win the new game we are allegedly trying to get to?
JADE: i dont know
JOHN: there are a lot of things we don't know.
JOHN: and also...
JOHN: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?
JADE: what do you mean
JOHN: i mean...
JOHN: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing.
JADE: uh
JADE: so
JOHN: a GHOST BUTT, jade!
JADE: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!!
JOHN: i'm just saying...
JADE: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT!
JADE: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!
JOHN: what? no, i was just...
JADE: nope!!! totally not talking about this
JOHN: but
JADE: put your hands down john

09/16/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok, fine.
JADE: thats not down, thats up!
JADE: oh well, at least youre not making those unsettling gestures...
JADE: john...
JADE: what are you doing?
JOHN: nothing!
JADE: i hope youre not entertaining some awkward train of thought about, uh...
JOHN: no!!!
JADE: what is with you??
JADE: today is your birthday, youre supposed to be having fun!
JADE: but youve been so testy, as if youre committed to not having a good time
JOHN: well, maybe i'm just getting a little tired of being stuck on this lame boat!
JOHN: don't you think it's gotten kind of old?
JADE: yeah, i can see how you might find it a little slow here
JADE: i dunno, i havent minded much... maybe its different for me though because i used to live all alone?
JOHN: oh sure, i'm sure it's GREAT for you. you get to spend your days smooching and breaking up with dave sprite and what not, and you can shrink down to any old planet you feel like, any time. whereas i have to make this whole big deal of ASKING you to shrink or unshrink me, and...
JADE: but i dont mind doing that any time!!!
JOHN: i know, but you think i want to bug you about that at the drop of a hat? when you're busy and on dates and stuff? i just happen to have respect for something called PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, jade.
JOHN: and it's not like there's really anyone else to talk to, except the inscrutable chess people and a bunch of brainless consorts and an idiot cat princess. oh and also nanna, but i mean, she's my grandmother, and she's great, but a guy can only spend so much quality time with his grandmother before he starts to feel like kind of a loser whose friends are too busy to spend time with him!
JADE: john... if you told me this earlier i would have...
JOHN: and i still never visit any interesting dream bubbles, and we can't even finish our cool planet quests because the moment we broke through the window all our denizens decided to go back to sleep, and...
JOHN: i guess what i'm saying is, i'm MORE than ready to get to the other window and meet our friends and other new people and stuff.
JOHN: are you sure you can't make the ship go faster???
JADE: were already going as fast as i can make us go
JOHN: and how fast is that again?
JADE: about the speed of light!
JOHN: well, can't you use your space powers and bump it up a notch?
JADE: no! nothing can go faster than light john
JADE: unless you teleport of course
JOHN: and why can't you teleport us again?
JADE: i already explained this! i cant do that here, its not within the domain of the green sun which gives me those powers!
JOHN: is that why we can't go faster than light either?
JADE: no thats just a regular law of physics!!! jeez
JOHN: ok, i mean, i know that. but this isn't really a regular place, right?
JOHN: isn't the speed of light like a thousand miles a second? so what does that really mean here? are miles and seconds the same here as on earth? how does this nonsense dimension we're racing through jive with all the relativity mumbo jumbo?
JADE: ok first of all, thats not even close to the speed of light
JADE: light travels at a hundred and eighty six thousand miles per second no matter what frame of reference youre in... even this one!
JADE: second of all special relativity and comparing laws of physics between different frames of reference, those are tricky issues to talk about!
JADE: but id be more than happy to talk about them if youd like. actually i would enjoy that because i never really get to talk about science wi...
JOHN: no, i don't want to talk about physics! i don't know anything about the laws of physics, because they are hard and boring.
JOHN: i simply would like them to behave in a way that is most convenient to ME and MY LIFE! is that really asking too much?
JADE: yes as a matter of fact it is!
JOHN: well, guess what? SCIENCE IS STUPID BULLSHIT!!!
JADE: you take that back!!!!!
JOHN: no.
JOHN: magic is awesome.
JOHN: science blows.
JOHN: the end.
JADE: john.....
JADE: what is that?

09/16/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what?
JADE: under your hood...
JADE: looks like a piece of paper stuck to your back?
JOHN: huh?

09/16/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh god dammit.

09/16/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!

09/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: THAT BASTARD!!!
JADE: what?
JOHN: THIS IS TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS.
JADE: what is it??
JOHN: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.
JOHN: IT IS THE LAST FUCKING STRAW!!!
JOHN: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

09/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: where are you going?
JOHN: I'M GOING TO GO KICK HIS ASS!
JADE: what! john, no...
JOHN: POSING AS MY DEAD FATHER BY MIMICKING ONE OF HIS GREAT FATHERLY NOTES HE USED TO HIDE AROUND THE HOUSE???
JOHN: AND ON THE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY HE WAS SLAIN BY JACK NOIR, A *FACT* OF WHICH THAT CHEEKY ORANGE ASSHOLE IS PLAINLY AWARE??????
JOHN: THIS IS A NEW LOW, EVEN FOR DAVE SPRITE!

09/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: ok yes, that practical joke is in poor taste, but you should try to calm down and...
JOHN: NO, SCREW THAT, I AM SUPER PISSED OFF ABOUT THIS!
JOHN: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO SETTLE THIS, AND THAT IS WITH AN OLD FASHIONED BEATDOWN.
JOHN: WHERE'S MY HAMMER!!!!!
JADE: um
JADE: which one?
JOHN: ANY OLD HAMMER!
JOHN: WHATEVER. IT COULD BE A HAMMER FROM THE BARGAIN BIN OF A HARDWARE STORE FOR ALL I CARE.
JOHN: JUST GIVE ME ANYTHING THAT'S FIT FOR CLOBBERING A GHOST BOTTOMED DICK FACE WHO'S ALSO A BIRD.
JADE: sigh

09/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: I'M COMING FOR YOU, DAVE SPRITE!
JOHN: DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU MAGICAL SON OF A BITCH? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!
JOHN: THAT STUNT WASN'T COOL! *YOU'RE* NOT COOL!
JOHN: LIKE IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH YOU DUMPED JADE FOR NO REASON. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!
JOHN: YOU AND JADE WERE OUR ROCK ON THIS SHIP! YOU HEAR ME?? OUR ROOOOOOOOCK!!!
JADE: :|
JOHN: AND NOW *THIS* BULLSHIT??? WHAT THE HELL, MAN.
JOHN: I DON'T GO AROUND LEAVING FAKE PUZZLES FOR YOU LIKE FROM THE MOVIE SAW, DO I? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ME SAY I WANT TO PLAY A GAME EVEN *ONCE*?? WELL, HAVE YOU????
JOHN: NO, BECAUSE THAT WOULD STIR UP PAINFUL MEMORIES OF A DEARLY DEPARTED LOVED ONE, AND THEREFORE WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY OF ME!!!!!!!!

09/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: HEY! I SEE YOU THERE!
JOHN: GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW, WISE GUY!
JOHN: OH NO, DON'T PLAY DUMB. I CAN SEE YOU PLAIN AS DAY. I'M ON TO YOU, BUDDY.
JOHN: STOP VAGUELY WATERMARKING THE SKY WITH YOUR SMUG DOUCHEY FACE THIS INSTANT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!!!

09/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: YEAH SURE, LAUGH IT UP! THAT MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE WAY LESS OF A TOOL. NICE GOING BRO!
JOHN: EVERYONE ON THIS BOAT IS SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLSHIT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FLY AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE?
JOHN: HOW CAN YOU BE SO MUCH MORE OF A PRICK THAN THE REAL DAVE? YOU ARE THE MOST PISS POOR SUBSTITUTE FOR A BEST FRIEND A GUY EVER HAD.
JOHN: I CAN'T *WAIT* TO MEET UP WITH THE REAL DAVE AGAIN. THAT WAY WE CAN ALL GO BACK TO THE AWESOME STATUS QUO OF PRETENDING YOU NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!
JADE: john...
JADE: theres no one there

09/21/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh he's THERE alright.
JOHN: he's probably just using some sprite magic so only i can see him.
JOHN: don't you see, jade? he's antagonizing ME PERSONALLY, not you. he's done with you, remember?
JOHN: he already used you like a rented mule, and now he is moving on to greener pastures.
JADE: what pastures
JOHN: it's me.
JOHN: I'M the pastures.
JOHN: and now his mule is grazing all over them, while he has a good laugh.
JADE: what
JADE: wasnt i supposed to be the mule?
JADE: i dont think i understand your analogy
JOHN: no, you see, it's...
JOHN: the mule represented, like...
JOHN: i don't know, like the spirit animal of his douchey ways. or something.
JADE: ....
JOHN: augh, WHO CAAARES.

09/21/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: who cares about mules, or pastures, or dave sprite's stupid ephemeral sky visage.
JOHN: who cares about anything!!!
JOHN: who cares about my birthday, or nic cage, or this boat full of idiots.
JOHN: JUST.
JOHN: WHO.
JOHN: CARES.
JADE: john i think youre officially throwing a tantrum here
JADE: ...
JADE: john?

09/21/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: john...
JADE: are you asleep?
JADE: please dont tell me you just fell asleep in your driveway

09/24/12
"[S][A6I3] ==>"

[If game doesn't play, try another browser. Chrome or Firefox Recommended.]

[MAP]

09/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

After, what... another hour? Another hour of bumbling through the afterlife with very little to show for your efforts, you decide to pause the game again. You can only spend so long powering through the dead troll equivalent of an unpleasant high school reunion without making a trip to the load gaper, or fixing yourself a little snack from the hunger trunk.

There's definitely someone else we should be checking in with right now. Someone we are all desperate for an update on. And that someone is...

09/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

THIS GUY!

This is the guy who you are now being.

09/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

The feisty mailwoman is still chasing you. Unbelievable. She hardly seems to care at all that something is causing reality to shatter around you. For a moment, you thought you and she might be able to reach an uneasy truce. To stand together if only for a moment and assess the ominous cracks spreading through the void. Maybe even take some time to get to know each other a little, and try to bury the hatchet? You are so tired of running.

But no. She is as furious as ever. What did you even do? Just a couple of routine murders, which was TWO YEARS AGO already. The ring hath no fury, you swear. She is never going to stop. Her delivery is justice, and as you know all too well, nothing stops the mail.

You need to find somewhere to hide and rest for a while.

09/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

There.

09/26/12
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09/26/12
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09/26/12
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10/04/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hehe...

10/04/12
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10/09/12
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10/09/12
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10/09/12
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10/11/12
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10/11/12
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10/11/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: i SAW IT FIRST,

10/12/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: huh?
TAVROS: gIVE IT TO ME,
JOHN: what... the ring?
TAVROS: yES, iT'S MINE,
JOHN: who are you?
TAVROS: i'M, yOUR WORST BAD DREAM, iF YOU DON'T RETURN MY TREASURE,
TAVROS: i FOUND IT, sNUGGLED IN THE SAND, bEING PRETTY AND GOLD AND BY ITSELF, aND i WANT IT BACK,
JOHN: so you found it here, like exactly where i just found it... but then instead of picking it up, you fell asleep?
TAVROS: wHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, i SOUND STUPID,
TAVROS: bUT, yES,
JOHN: sorry buddy. as the age old saying goes, you snooze, you lose.
TAVROS: i NEVER HEARD THAT AGE OLD SAYING, iN MY CULTURE, sO, fUCK YOUR LINGUAL HERITAGE, aND GIVE ME THE RING,
JOHN: why were you even asleep?
TAVROS: i WAS TIRED,
TAVROS: dUH,
JOHN: this is such a dumb place to fall asleep, dude.
TAVROS: tREASURE HUNTING IS HARD,
TAVROS: sHE HAS ME WORKING LIKE A BARKFIEND,
JOHN: who?
TAVROS: mY MATESPRIT,
TAVROS: tHAT MEANS GIRLFRIEND, yOU IGNORAMUS,
JOHN: i know what it means!
JOHN: no offense, but you seem like kind of a lame troll. i don't think we ever talked before, did we?
TAVROS: wHO CARES, gIVE ME MY TREASURE,
JOHN: no way! it's mine bro.
TAVROS: sHIT!
TAVROS: oKAY,
TAVROS: mAYBE WE CAN WORK OUT SOME KIND OF DEAL,
JOHN: i dunno. this ring is pretty sweet. the price would have to be pretty steep.
TAVROS: wOW,
TAVROS: yOU ARE REALLY PUTTING ME, iN AN UNCOMFORTABLE AND CHALLENGING SITUATION,
JOHN: why do you want this desert ring so bad. is it magic?
JOHN: i don't really feel magic wearing it...
JOHN: i mean, not any more than usual.
TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW, iF IT'S MAGIC,
TAVROS: tHAT'S NOT WHY i WANT IT,
JOHN: well, i'm not giving it to you unless you have a really good reason.

10/12/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: iT'S FOR PRIVATE SENTIMENTAL PURPOSES,
TAVROS: i DON'T WANT TO SAY,
JOHN: that's cool. guess i will just enjoy this ring forever, as my property.
TAVROS: oKAAAAAY,
TAVROS: i'LL TELL YOU,
TAVROS: yOU'RE AN AWFUL HUMAN, bY THE WAY,
JOHN: yeah right, dude. would an awful guy be wearing such a sweet, priceless ring? i don't think so!
TAVROS: oH MY GOD, tHAT'S SUCH BAD LOGIC, tHAT YOU'RE KNOWINGLY USING TO BE A WORSE ENEMY,
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: you sure did explain that, i guess.
TAVROS: i WANT THE RING BECAUSE,
TAVROS: tHIS REQUIRES SOME LABORIOUS EXPLANATION,
TAVROS: iT PERTAINS TO HUMAN CUSTOMS, WHICH i HAVE TAKEN TIME TO STUDY AS AN ETERNAL GHOST,
TAVROS: tHE TREASURE IS NEEDED, TO COMPLETE A SORT OF RITUALIZED PACT,
TAVROS: hAVING TO DO WITH HUMAN MATING,
TAVROS: tO CEMENT IN STONE THE ROMANTIC MATRIMONIES,
JOHN: oh!
JOHN: you want to use it to propose to your girlfriend?
TAVROS: yEAH,
TAVROS: wHATEVER,
JOHN: heh... that is not really what i was expecting to hear.
JOHN: i thought you were just being a greedy treasure grubbing douche.
TAVROS: yOU MEAN,
TAVROS: lIKE YOU???
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: but that's a pretty good reason.
JOHN: i guess i can let you have it, if it is going to result in a happy marriage.
TAVROS: oKAY, tHEN HURRY, aND GIVE IT TO ME,
JOHN: who is the lucky lady, anyway?
TAVROS: oH NO, hURRY uP, tHERE'S NO TIME,
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vriska_smallshout1.png" border="0" />
TAVROS: sHE'S COMING!
JOHN: who??
TAVROS: gIVE IT TO ME,
TAVROS: sHE CAN'T SEE IT YET, iT HAS TO BE A SURPRISE!
TAVROS: aLSO, i DON'T WANT HER TO KNOW i GOT IT, fROM A LOSER LIKE YOU,
JOHN: hey!
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vriska_smallshout2.png" border="0" />
TAVROS: oH MY GOD,

10/14/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: TAAAAAAAAVR........ Oh!
VRISKA: Hi John.
VRISKA: Tavros, I didn't know you were hanging out with John. You should have come told me.
TAVROS: bUT, i JUST WOKE UP FROM THE SAND PILE, aND FOUND HIM HERE,
TAVROS: i HAD LITERALLY NO TIME TO GO TELL YOU, bECAUSE OF AN ARGUMENT,
VRISKA: What? What were you arguing a8out?
TAVROS: uHHH,
VRISKA: W8........ what do you mean woke up? Why were you asleep?
TAVROS: uHHH,
VRISKA: Dammit, Tavros. You can't 8e slacking off like that.
VRISKA: I told you, we aren't fucking around anymore. This is serious 8usiness.
JOHN: hey...
JOHN: excuse me, but
JOHN: are you...
JOHN: vriska?

10/14/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Yeah!
VRISKA: Oh, sorry. I really should have introduced myself. I guess I forgot I technically never met this version of you.
JOHN: uh. that's alright. nice to meet you.
JOHN: wait...
JOHN: are you a ghost too?
VRISKA: Yep.
JOHN: so... you're dead?
VRISKA: Yes, John. That's what 8eing a ghost means.
JOHN: ok, i'm still confused though...
JOHN: sorry if i sound dumb, but dream bubbles are still kind of baffling to me.
JOHN: you're, uh... "REALLY" dead?
JOHN: as in, the real you? i mean... dang, what the hell am i even trying to ask here...
VRISKA: No, I get what you're asking.
VRISKA: Yes, the real me. The actual, legit, fully authentic alpha timeline Vriska. Dead. Gone. Fuckin' toast.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: so when i meet up with everyone on your troll meteor in a year, that means...
JOHN: you'll be...
VRISKA: A corpse!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: That's assuming my 8ody was sufficiently preserved during the trip.
VRISKA: Which, now that I think a8out it, I guess it was? It must have 8een, 8ecause otherwise that unspeaka8le prototyping atrocity couldn't have happened.
VRISKA: That piece of shit clown. I still have no idea what the deal with that was! He's completely lost his mind. Anyway, that's neither here nor there.
VRISKA: Honestly, I'm surprised you hadn't already heard I was dead, one way or another. It's kind of old news?
VRISKA: Then again, these things are all relative. So who knows.
JOHN: ...
VRISKA: Are you ok? You seem sad.
JOHN: well,
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: it's always sad to hear a friend died. even if you find out about it from their ghost.
VRISKA: I guess so.
JOHN: also, i had kind of thought that when we all arrived at the new session, that...
JOHN: we were going to like... hang out. or something.
VRISKA: Oh yeah! That's right. We were.
VRISKA: 8ut then I got sta88ed through the 8ack. Which to 8e fair, was for the good of the party, so the meteor could make the trip in the first place, and keep this whole crazy sequence of events intact.
VRISKA: Not gonna lie. I made some mistakes.
JOHN: wow. what even happened out there?
VRISKA: Just some pointless, deadly teen drama. Mostly 8rought on 8y ourselves, all acting like juvenile idiots. Like I said, old news.
VRISKA: VERY old for me. I've 8een here a pretty long time now.
VRISKA: A lot has happened since I died. John, did you know the little rendezvous we planned sort of already happened? I mean, in a way.
JOHN: what? it did?
VRISKA: Yes. With your ghost.
JOHN: huh??
VRISKA: I mean, the ghost of one of your altern8te selves, who died along the way doing some stupid thing.
VRISKA: Actually, he and I d8ted for a little while.
TAVROS: wHOA, hOLD ON,
TAVROS: wHAT'S THIS, aBOUT DATING WHO?
VRISKA: Groan. Here we go.
TAVROS: wHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, aBOUT THAT,
VRISKA: Tavros, I have led a rich and complic8ted life and death. I can hardly 8e expected to tell you a8out every little thing that I've 8een through.
VRISKA: 8esides, you should have already known this a8out me.
TAVROS: wHY,
VRISKA: 8ecause we shared a sprite 8ody once!!!!!!!! We 8riefly had access to all each others memories and feelings.
VRISKA: So if you didn't take the chance to dig that out of my memory, you only have yourself to 8lame.
TAVROS: nO, bUT, tHAT HARDLY LASTED ANY TIME AT ALL,
TAVROS: aND THERE WERE A LOT, oF OVERWHELMING EXPERIENCES ALL HAPPENING AT ONCE,
TAVROS: hOW COULD i TRY TO REMEMBER ALL YOUR MEMORIES BEFORE WE EXPLODED,
VRISKA: Well, all I can say is, I managed! I took the opportunity to remem8er pretty much all YOUR memories.
VRISKA: I was in and out like a 8andit, and now all your life experiences are mine.
TAVROS: tHAT'S NOT FAIR,
TAVROS: bECAUSE, yOU'RE SMARTER THAN ME, aND MORE CUNNING,
VRISKA: Them's the 8r8ks!!!!!!!!
JOHN: wait, i'm with tavros here, i think we should back this up a bit.
JOHN: so, my alternate reality ghost dated you?

10/14/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Yes.
JOHN: that...
JOHN: but...
VRISKA: What?
JOHN: vriska, this is a very bizarre and unsettling fact to me!
VRISKA: Why?
JOHN: because...
JOHN: man, i don't know, it just is!
JOHN: you say we dated for a while, but like, i don't even get to remember doing that?
JOHN: i think that's mostly what's weird about it.
VRISKA: Hey, we apparently don't get to remem8er the results of a lot of choices we didn't actually make!
VRISKA: Again, see: the 8r8ks.
JOHN: well...
JOHN: can you at least tell me what happened there? like, how did that go?
VRISKA: It was fine. For a while.
VRISKA: It didn't really work out.
JOHN: oh.
VRISKA: We crossed paths every now and then after that.
VRISKA: Things stayed pretty friendly 8etween us.
VRISKA: Until he died.
JOHN: what??
JOHN: what do you mean he died?
VRISKA: He was murdered.
JOHN: you mean... his GHOST died?
VRISKA: Yes.
JOHN: as in, he just doesn't exist at all anymore? like DEAD dead?
VRISKA: Yes! Dead dead. For good.
JOHN: i don't... how does that even...
JOHN: who killed him???
JOHN: was it jack?
VRISKA: Jack? Are you kidding? No, John.
VRISKA: Jack is 8arely in the picture as a threat anymore. He's just more old news.
JOHN: he is not old news though!
JOHN: he's still as strong and menacing as ever.
JOHN: i just had an awesome battle with him in this very dream bubble!
VRISKA: You did?
JOHN: yeah. i found him skulking around a memory of my dead dad, and i got pissed off, so i really let him have it.
JOHN: oh, i even used the cool hammer you helped me make. remember that?
VRISKA: Oh yeah!
VRISKA: Those were good times, when I helped you 8e gr8. ::::)
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: the last time i faced him was kind of embarrassing. i let him get the drop on me, and he just stabbed me right away.
JOHN: but this time i think i held my own pretty well. i even got in one good hit against him!
JOHN: i gave him a solid bop on the head, and the dice roll made him wear a silly hat.
VRISKA: That's awesome!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: One time in an altern8te reality, I came pretty close to killing him apparently.
JOHN: oh really?
VRISKA: You 8et. Too 8ad that was in a timeline that didn't really count. 8ut it's always reassuring to know you can put up a good fight against a strong adversary if you ever needed to. Now I guess you know you can too.
JOHN: i guess so!
VRISKA: What happened after you 8onked him on the head? I 8et he was mad.
JOHN: yeah, he sure was. but our fight was interrupted by like... another taller, white jack dressed in rags.
VRISKA: A white Jack?
JOHN: well, no, it wasn't actually a jack, it was someone different altogether, who just looked like him. with wings and a sword and everything.
JOHN: i think the white jack was probably a girl? i'm not sure, but that was my hunch. i didn't talk to her or anything. she looked really angry.
JOHN: anyway, he seemed scared of her, so he flew away, and she chased him.
JOHN: do you know who she was?
VRISKA: No fucking clue.
JOHN: whatever jack's doing out here in dream bubble land, he seems to have his hands full with her on his tail.
JOHN: but as you can see, he is FAR from out of the picture.
VRISKA: Ok, that may 8e, 8ut it sure wasn't Jack who killed a whole shitload of ghosts out here, including one of yours.
VRISKA: I really dou8t Jack can even kill ghosts. In fact, I don't think anyone can except for this guy.
JOHN: what guy?
VRISKA: Lord English.
JOHN: who??
VRISKA: Wow, John. Really?
VRISKA: Wow.
VRISKA: Time to get a clue!

10/15/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hasn't it ever occurred to you to wonder who the ultim8 8ad guy of this adventure was going to 8e?
JOHN: ultimate bad guy?
JOHN: you mean like the last boss?
VRISKA: Man, even that way of putting it is a little too pedestrian.
VRISKA: I mean, I already 8eat a last 8oss! The 8lack king was the officially sanctioned last 8oss of our session, and I killed him. This is different.
VRISKA: There's always someone stronger w8ing to 8e revealed. Jack showed up shortly after that, and he was MUCH stronger.
VRISKA: Eventually the curtains get pulled 8ack, and you find out who was 8ehind every terri8le thing that happened all along. Someone who is invaria8ly stronger than all other adversaries 8y a wide margin. The supreme villain!
VRISKA: To 8e honest, I was always kind of w8ing for that guy to show up, whoever he was. For the other shoe to drop, you know? There's always a 8ig 8ad 8ehind everything. A true gamer sees stuff like this coming a mile away.
JOHN: ok. if you say so.
JOHN: i always kind of thought jack was evil and strong enough to be our main antagonist. but if you say there is someone even stronger and more evil, then... wow.
VRISKA: Yes, I'll admit, I was fooled 8y Jack 8riefly.
VRISKA: For a little while, I thought he was the supreme menace, and I would have to face him in a final showdown.
VRISKA: 8ut it turned out that was just a 8it of standard misdirection. He was just another step up in a typical pattern of escal8tion involving increasingly "insurmounta8le" threats, which legendary heroes like us have to overcome to achieve total victory over everything.
VRISKA: Also, let's face it. I don't think Jack is all that evil, so much as he's just a murderous asshole. Trust me, I know the type.
VRISKA: 8ut English, that guy is as evil as they come. He's the real deal!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: oKAY, cAN i JUST SAY SOMETHING,
TAVROS: i STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO SURE, hE'S THE FINAL VILLAIN,
TAVROS: bECAUSE, yOU YOURSELF SAID, tHERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE STRONGER, rIGHT,
TAVROS: sO, i'M PERCEIVING A CONTRADICTION ABOUT YOUR FACTS,
VRISKA: Tavros, come on. We've already talked a8out this ad nauseum.
VRISKA: He's the 8ig 8ad!!!!!!!! It's so o8vious. I mean, MAY8E there's someone stronger out there in paradox space? Who knows.
VRISKA: 8ut whoever that is has nothing to fucking do with this massive extended multiverse-spanning campaign!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: English was the guy who stacked the whole deck against us from the start, rigging shit to go haywire, wiping out our race, 8lowing up universes, exterimin8ting ghosts, slaughtering dark gods, and shattering reality itself. Pretty sure we reached the top floor, 8uddy!
TAVROS: oKAY, bUT ALL i'M SAYING IS, wHAT IF,
TAVROS: tHERE'S SOMEONE EVEN WORSE THAN THAT, dUE TO SPECULATION,
VRISKA: Un8elieva8le.
VRISKA: John, just ignore him. He tends to 8e contrary just for the sake of 8eing contrary. It's just what he does these days.
VRISKA: He seems to think it's how you show confidence and assertiveness. The key to high self esteem is apparently just saying "nuh uh!" all the time.
TAVROS: nO, tHAT'S NOT TRUE,
VRISKA: See?
VRISKA: This was apparently the 8ig lesson he learned from sharing a 8rain with me for a few minutes. In order to feel good a8out yourself, just 8e a constant pain in the ass!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: nO, tHAT'S NOT WHAT i LEARNED,
JOHN: haha.
JOHN: i see what you mean.
TAVROS: nO,
TAVROS: nO,
TAVROS: nO, oKAY, i REALIZE ALL i'M SAYING IS NO, WHICH IS JUST HELPING MAKE YOU LOOK AS RIGHT AS POSSIBLE ABOUT MAKING FUN OF ME,
TAVROS: bUT i LEARNED IN YOUR BRAIN THAT YOU AREN'T ALWAYS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING,
TAVROS: yOU WERE WRONG ABOUT LOTS OF THINGS,
TAVROS: yOU WERE WRONG ABOUT RUFIO!
TAVROS: rUFIO WAS REAL ALL ALONG, }:D
VRISKA: Alright, granted, there did in fact exist a person 8y that name.
VRISKA: You aren't spelling it right, though.
TAVROS: hOW DO YOU KNOW HOW i'M SPELLING IT, wHEN i'M JUST TALKING, iNSTEAD OF USING LETTERS,
VRISKA: 8ecause that's how you spelled it when we used to chat online, dum8ass!!!!!!!! You weren't using enough letters.
TAVROS: sO,
VRISKA: And in any case, he doesn't actually represent your self esteem. He's just some dude.
TAVROS: bUT, hE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF wHEN i THINK OF HIM, sO THE REALITY IS EFFECTIVELY EQUIVALENT TO MY FRAUDULENT CHILDHOOD SUPERSTITION,
VRISKA: Lol. Whatever floats your 8oat.
JOHN: you both seem a bit testy with each other. it's kind of funny.
JOHN: actually it's a little hard to believe you and he are...
VRISKA: What?
JOHN: er...
JOHN: never mind, actually.
VRISKA: ???????!

10/15/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i take it you were pretty good friends back on your planet?
VRISKA: You could say that.
VRISKA: There's a pretty loaded history 8etween us. It's pro8a8ly 8est not to get into it.
VRISKA: None of that matters anymore anyway, it was so long ago. You know how it is.
JOHN: um. sure?
VRISKA: Issues 8etween people seem like such a 8ig deal when they're happening. 8ut then you die, and time just goes on, and on........ then on some more.
VRISKA: If enough time passes, shit that used to 8e a 8ig deal kind of stops mattering.
VRISKA: Ok, full disclosure. I used to do a lot of terri8le things to Tavros.
VRISKA: Once I launched him off a cliff and paralyzed him. And if that wasn't 8ad enough, I spent sweeps mocking him for the disa8ility I caused! Haha.
VRISKA: Oh yeah. Then I killed him.
JOHN: oh, right. i remember you said you killed someone that you cared about. i guess this is him?
VRISKA: Mm hm.
VRISKA: 8ut like I said, that's suuuuuuuuch old news now, it might as well not have even happened.
VRISKA: Tavros doesn't give a shit a8out that stuff anymore.
TAVROS: hEY, wAIT, mAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T, SPEAK FOR ME?
TAVROS: i STILL KIND OF THINK THAT STUFF WAS ALL PRETTY MEAN, eVEN THOUGH IT WAS FOREVER AGO,
TAVROS: iT'S JUST, i HAVE CHOSEN TO BE THE BIGGER MAN, aND NOT HOLD IT AGAINST LIKING YOU,
VRISKA: Hahahaha! John, can you 8elieve this guy?
VRISKA: This is the kind of shit I have to deal with all the time.
TAVROS: oH GOD,
TAVROS: nO, tIME OUT, i'M FLAGGING THIS, vRISKA, aS TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR,
VRISKA: Tavros, the 8igger man is only ACTUALLY the 8igger man if he doesn't refer to himself as the 8igger man. That's kind of the point?
VRISKA: Unless the intent is to produce some form of socially awkward comic relief, which let's face it, is what you're all a8out.
VRISKA: 8ut that's what I like a8out you.
TAVROS: yES, }:)
JOHN: hmm, i feel like... maybe we got sidetracked there?
JOHN: maybe you should tell me more about this english guy.
JOHN: frankly, it seems like i'm usually one of the last people to learn about stuff like this, and it's starting to make me feel like a bit of a tool.

10/15/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: He's just some huge overpowered green freak. A time traveling monster, supposedly invinci8le.
VRISKA: Who he is, what he is, where he came from, none of that really matters.
VRISKA: What matters is how we're going to defeat him.
VRISKA: That's what Tavros and I have 8een working on here for some time now.
JOHN: working on what?
VRISKA: Treasure hunting!
JOHN: oh yeah?
JOHN: what treasure?
VRISKA: Yes. Ok, I should explain.
VRISKA: There's sort of a plan in motion to 8eat English. It's a three pronged approach.
VRISKA: A num8er of people out here in the furthest ring are working on different prongs of the strategy independently.
VRISKA: The first is a quest to find the lost ghost of some alien girl. She's said to 8e one of the keys to defeating him in some way.
VRISKA: Other people are allegedly out there working on that right now. If you ask me, it sounds like a really 8oring approach to defeating him. Who knows if it's even true.
TAVROS: (gIVe it tO me,)
JOHN: (stop that!)
JOHN: (keep your hands to yourself.)
VRISKA: The second is a quest to raise an army of ghosts to challenge him directly in some kind of huge 8attle royale, I guess.
VRISKA: From what I understand, some yahoo out there is 8usy rounding people up. I really have no idea how that's going. I usually just hear stuff through the grapevine.
VRISKA: That approach doesn't really interest me either. Gonna file it under "8oring" as well. Seems a little heavy handed, not to mention too slow.
TAVROS: (gIve Me thE riNG,)
JOHN: (no!)
TAVROS: (yes, yOu ASs,)
JOHN: (dude, you suck at whispering!)
TAVROS: (you sAiD you'D GIve it to me,)
JOHN: (i changed my mind!)
VRISKA: The third prong is what Tavros and I are 8usy with. The aforementioned treasure hunt.
VRISKA: The legend says there's some mystical ancient treasure hidden somewhere out here in the furthest ring.
VRISKA: I'm assuming it's some kind of weapon. It's said that if you use it, or like, activ8te it in some way, he can 8e defeated forever.
VRISKA: The nature of the treasure is pretty vague, actually. 8ut the first rule of treasure hunting, which I'm admittedly just making up now, is that it doesn't fucking matter what the treasure is.
TAVROS: (wE had a deAl,)
JOHN: (quit it!)
TAVROS: (why Are you sUcH a liar,)
JOHN: (shut up. i'm keeping it.)
TAVROS: (thiS is noT cOOl,)
TAVROS: (you're PrevenTing joYful human sTYled matrimonY frOM happEning,)
JOHN: (yeah right. like she would even say yes.)
JOHN: (i don't even think she's really your girlfriend. i think you made that up!)
TAVROS: (wow, no, wOw,)
TAVROS: (you wEnt thERE,)
VRISKA: These three goals are all tied to the same legend which I've uncovered clues a8out over time. Legendary shit is everywhere out here. I'm seriously up to my ass in legend. Hell, I probably even qualify as a legend myself!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: When it comes to solving a 8ig mystery like this, it doesn't hurt that everywhere we go, places are composed of the collective memories of many different adventurers.
VRISKA: We've explored ancient crypts, networks of 8urial mounds, dusty old tom8s, giant pyramids, you name it. Hints a8out the endgame are hidden all over the place.
VRISKA: Really, everyone's pretty lucky I died so I could do all the dirty work on this. Let's get real, no8ody's 8etter prepared to take on the treasure hunting duties than I am.
TAVROS: (unhAnd the treasurE,)
TAVROS: (it's prEcious to Me, jUst liKe, My beautiful GIRLFRIEND,)
JOHN: (you are so full of shit!)
TAVROS: (we're in LOVE toGetHEr, aSSHole,)
JOHN: (there's no way you're getting this ring.)
TAVROS: (fUCk, YoU,)
VRISKA: Not that I'd have it any other way. This just sounds like the 8est plan to me. Why 8other messing around with an army of ghostly dipshits, or some shy magic alien when you can go str8 for the ultim8 weapon?
VRISKA: Hell, may8e I'll just walk right up to him, one-shot the guy and end it all right there.
VRISKA: That's how a real pro goes a8out 8usiness. You take any shortcut you find.
JOHN: (i am going to wish as super hard as i can that i wake up with this ring.)
JOHN: (it's probably magic, so i bet it makes my wish come true!)
TAVROS: (i doubT that From happeNing,)
JOHN: (if i wish hard enough, that will make it slightly less impossible!)
TAVROS: (oh, you bastARD, you arE gOOd,)
JOHN: (i think some day i will use it to propose to *MY* girlfriend. what do you think about THAT, wise guy?)
TAVROS: (noOO!!!)
TAVROS: (gIMme,)
JOHN: (this is pathetic.)
JOHN: (stop grabbing at me! we're missing what she's saying!)
JOHN: (she's going to think we're idiots, won't you STOP?)
VRISKA: Are you fuckers even listening to me???????? God DAMN it.
JOHN: yes!
VRISKA: No you're not. You're squa88ling with Tavros and his loud shitty whispering a8out some 8ullshit.
VRISKA: Come on, guys. Am I really 8eing that 8oring?
VRISKA: I'm really starting to understand how my ancestor must have felt sometimes. No8ody ever respects an important explan8tion!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: (i've alReadY heARd yoUR explANAtions, tHough,)
VRISKA: Why are you still whispering jackass?!
TAVROS: oHH,
TAVROS: sORRY,
VRISKA: Sigh.
VRISKA: 8oth of you just keep your damn hands to yourselves, shut up, and let me finish my story.
VRISKA: Tavros! 8ring me the treasure maps!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: yES,
TAVROS: rIGHT AWAY,

10/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Yes, that's it. Dump them all over the floor a8out ten feet away from me, just like that.
VRISKA: The sloppier the pile and the further away from me the 8etter. Gr8 jo8, Tavros.
TAVROS: tHANK YOU,

10/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: John, come take a look at this.
JOHN: those are all treasure maps?
VRISKA: Sort of! Pro8a8ly not like any maps you've seen.
VRISKA: Check it out. This ought to help you understand how frustr8ting this treasure hunt really is.

10/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: John, tell me what you see here.
JOHN: um...
JOHN: where?
VRISKA: Right here.
VRISKA: What is this? This thing I'm holding?
JOHN: a black piece of paper?
VRISKA: No, John.
VRISKA: This is 8ULLSHIT is what it is.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: yes, clearly.
VRISKA: This is what a map looks like in the furthest ring.
VRISKA: This is what ALL maps look like out here.
VRISKA: Turns out plotting the relative geographical features of an infinite 8lack expanse of pure void is every 8it as moronic as it sounds. 8ut that didn't stop some ancient eldritch chucklefuck from doing exactly that.
VRISKA: For the longest time, this is all we've had to go on when it came to deciphering the clues and figuring out the coordin8tes of the legendary treasure.
VRISKA: Do you have any idea how hard it is to pin down the physical location of something out here? Never mind the fact that physical location in the furthest ring is already a mallea8le concept. Just imagine what it's like giving someone directions! What do you tell them?
VRISKA: Proceed in a str8 line shaped like a perpetually shifting torus knot until you feel a sense of despair transcending all mortal comprehension, then hang a right at the next octopus?
VRISKA: There's nothing static out there. No landmarks, no points of reference. Nothing!
VRISKA: If you want to make any headway in this gr8 8ig field of fuckall, SOMEONE has got to start wrecking some shit.
JOHN: would that someone be you?
VRISKA: Haha. I wish I had that kind of firepower. 8ut no.

10/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: You wouldn't 8elieve my luck.
VRISKA: You see, recently someone's 8een doing that dirty work for us.
VRISKA: Want to know what the kicker is?

10/19/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: The guy who's 8een fucking shit up is the 8ig 8ad himself!
VRISKA: Every time he destroys another dream 8u88le, he does a little more damage to the furthest ring, inexplica8ly shattering the essence of all-encompassing nothingness.
VRISKA: As the cracks spread across the void, new points of reference show up on our maps!
VRISKA: Then we look at the angles and intersections and all the shapes formed 8y the cracks, and compare them to our notes from the various riddles and clues we've discovered a8out the path to the treasure.
VRISKA: It's actually a little like how in old times on Alternia, pir8s used to navig8 8y shapes the stars made. Constell8tions used to have a lot of significance in our culture, not just guiding explorers on their journeys to physical destin8tions, 8ut guiding them on the choices they made in life, pertaining to f8 and all that. Not that humans would really understand anything like that.
VRISKA: I actually find the situ8tion to 8e pretty funny. This guy's ego must 8e astronomical. Classic case of unchecked hu8ris paving the way for his own downfall.
VRISKA: I didn't even need to 8uild a we8 to trap him. He just went ahead and started 8uilding his own.
VRISKA: Talk a8out a lucky 8r8k!!!!!!!!

10/20/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: that is pretty neat.
JOHN: so does that mean you know where the treasure is now?
VRISKA: No, 8ecause the map isn't complete yet!
VRISKA: Needs more cracks so we can plot the rest of the course. All we're a8le to do now is head in the right general direction.
VRISKA: So ironically in order to prevent reality from 8eing destroyed, we need to w8 for it to 8e damaged further. In fact, we're 8etter off encouraging it!
JOHN: encouraging it?
JOHN: what, you mean like, making him mad so he breaks more... uh...
JOHN: nothingness?
VRISKA: Yes, 8ut it has to 8e strategic. We have to somehow lead him in the direction of the places we want him to damage.
VRISKA: Specifically, the places where the route dead-ends. Wherever we need new points of reference to keep going.
JOHN: so that means you have to piss him off i guess.
VRISKA: Not really. He's already pissed off. I think he's just permanently that way?
VRISKA: It's more a8out getting his attention. Using the right 88! Like going fishing.
VRISKA: 8ut to do that, you gotta know what he really wants. Like what motiv8tes him. I mean, 8esides indiscrimin8tely killing dead children and huge tentacle monsters.
JOHN: i am guessing you have an idea what that might be?
VRISKA: Sure. The rumor is he's trying to find that dead alien girl I mentioned, and kill her ghost for good.
VRISKA: If he catches on to the fact that some of us are looking for her too, and thinks we're hot on her trail, he'll pro8a8ly start following us around and wreaking havoc wherever we go.
VRISKA: We just have to make sure we're in the right place when he tries to kill us. Oh, also try not to actually die again while we're at it. Haha.
JOHN: so the bait is really you.
VRISKA: Sort of! It's actually more the 8ogus idea that we'll lead him to the cheru8, 8ecause we're looking for her too. Which we're o8viously not.
VRISKA: There's some manipul8tion involved.
JOHN: ok. how do you know he'll go for it? i mean, how will he actually know you're "looking" for her?
VRISKA: That's a pretty good question. Have to admit, I don't have everything quite figured out yet.
TAVROS: yEEAAAAAAAAAAH,
VRISKA: Shhhhhhh! I'm still talking!
TAVROS: bUT, tHAT'S NEVER NOT BEING THE CASE, aLWAYS,
VRISKA: Nice sentence, genius! Anyway, like I was saying........
VRISKA: I'm hoping my exploits can spread throughout the ring 8y word of mouth. Tales of my legend, you know?
VRISKA: Then once he catches on, he'll come looking for us, and then presuma8ly go apeshit with his rain8ow laser 8reath. Metaphysical cataclysm ensues.
JOHN: that sounds... optimistic?
TAVROS: yEAH, eXACTLY,
TAVROS: sEE, tHIS TO ME, mAYBE SPEAKS TO THE DANGER,
TAVROS: oF HAVING SELF ESTEEM THAT IS UNREASONABLY HIGH,
JOHN: heh.
VRISKA: Oh, shut up.
VRISKA: I said it's a work in progress!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: We might need to make a 8igger spectacle of ourselves somehow. Get more people involved. I don't know.
VRISKA: It does seems like he's more drawn toward gr8ter concentr8tions of ghosts.
VRISKA: There's still plenty of time to figure it out. That's one thing a8out 8eing dead. There's always more time.
VRISKA: Plus, needless to say, lady luck will ALWAYS 8e on our side! ::::)

10/20/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: well...
JOHN: cool!
JOHN: that was actually a very interesting story, vriska.
JOHN: you're a pretty good story teller!
VRISKA: You think so?
TAVROS: oH, yES, i THINK SO TOO,
TAVROS: sHE'S GOTTEN MUCH BETTER AT STORIES, aS A RECREATIONAL LONG TERM DEATH HOBBY,
JOHN: oh yeah?
TAVROS: sURE, wE'VE BOTH LOOKED AT LESSONS FROM OUR ANCESTORS, tO IMPROVE OUR SOULS,
TAVROS: hER ANCESTRAL AWAKENING HAS TO DO WITH UNDERSTANDING HER DESTINY, tO TELL LONG STORIES TO PEOPLE, aND MAKE THEM LISTEN TO ALL THE WORDS IRREGARDLESS OF THEIR INTEREST, bY ANY MEANS NECESSARY,
TAVROS: tHE ART OF SAYING OPTIMAL TALES BY MY UNDERSTANDING, iS TO CHARGE THROUGH ALL CONCEIVABLE DETAILS AND EXCESSIVE MINUTIA, uNTIL THEY ARE EXHAUSTED COMPLETELY, mUCH LIKE IT IS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE, aND EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION IS TREATED LIKE THE RELIGIOUS WORDS YOU SAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL BRAIN PEACE HAPPENS,
JOHN: that's... one way of looking at it.
JOHN: i don't know about excessive minutia or brain peace, but i was hanging on every word!
VRISKA: Aw, you guys. You're making me 8lush.
JOHN: i wish i could hang out with you longer and maybe even help you with your treasure hunt.
JOHN: but i just know i'm gonna be waking up soon.
JOHN: darn. who even knows how long it will be before we meet again in another bubble?
TAVROS: yEAH, wELL,
TAVROS: tHEM'S THE BREAKS, aHA, aHA,
TAVROS: (soOn, iT wilL be MIne,)
VRISKA: Don't mind him, John. He's just 8eing weird and tooly again.
VRISKA: It was nice to see you and catch up like this. If we don't meet in another dream soon, don't worry.
VRISKA: I have a feeling we'll 8e crossing paths again 8efore this is all over!

10/22/12
"[S][A6I3] ==>"

[If game doesn't play, try another browser. Chrome or Firefox Recommended.]

[MAP]

10/23/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

You reach the end of the game to find an intriguing convergence of outrageous personalities. You are just dying to see what these heavyweights of badittude have to say to each other, but somehow you discover within yourself the superhuman restraint to hit pause.

There is a whole world of fucking around going on with the meteor crew during the second year of their voyage, and it would be a criminal act of negligence to end this intermission without at least having a peek at their tomfoolery. A weaker person would just want to see what happens with Meenah and Vriska right away. Thank goodness you are a player with a strong sense of responsibility and discipline.

10/23/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: (pshh psh bumBUM)
DAVE: (pshh psh bumBUM BUM psh)
DAVE: (yeah)
DAVE: (uh huh)
DAVE: (no wait)
DAVE: (more like...)
DAVE: (uh)
DAVE: (pshh psh chch bumBUM)
DAVE: (TCH)
DAVE: (pshh psh chch bumBUM BUM psh)
DAVE: (yeah thats right)
DAVE: (we are droppin it)
DAVE: (lets do this)
DAVE: (we are like)
DAVE: (in tha PROCESS)
DAVE: (right now)
DAVE: (droppin it like)
DAVE: (a thanksgiving turkey)
DAVE: (tripped over something and shit just got away from me)
DAVE: (my butterballs in freefall motherfuckers)
DAVE: (look out be GOD DAMN LOW)

10/23/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: (yeah)
DAVE: (yeah)
DAVE: (droppin everything today)
DAVE: (making it rain)
DAVE: (precipitatin straight up mayhem)
DAVE: (HELLS of weather patterns closing in)
DAVE: (inanimate shit be slippin from my mitts)
DAVE: (my digits cant commit to a legitimate grip)
DAVE: (wait)
DAVE: (nah ima start over)
DAVE: (feel this flow out a lil more)
DAVE: (about how im droppin things today)
DAVE: (just left and right)
DAVE: (things of all shapes sizes and dubious metaphorical merit)
DAVE: (things aint even being held)
DAVE: (by chumps who cant be assed to show up)
DAVE: (droppin shit on yo BEHALF)
DAVE: (you name it)
DAVE: (ima let it go)
DAVE: (drop it like a frivolous lawsuit)
DAVE: (oh snap)
DAVE: (get out of my courtroom bitch)
DAVE: (WASTE OF TAXPAYER MONEY YO)
DAVE: (drop it like the most expensive fucking christmas ornament)
DAVE: (step on that glass with your bare ass feet)
DAVE: (christmas is RUINED motherfucker)
DAVE: (drop it like the mug in usual suspects)
DAVE: (kobayashi was your cup you dumb fuck)
DAVE: (lmao)
DAVE: (drop it like unemployment figures under the obama administrations bold economic policies)
DAVE: (drop it like cargo on a space getaway)
DAVE: (just)
DAVE: (jettison that motherfucker)
DAVE: (this rap is blasting off)
DAVE: (drop it like a bunch of firewood i just gathered)
DAVE: (gonna rub a couple muthafuckin sticks together)
DAVE: (just sittin here whippin up sick lyrical friction)
DAVE: (if you start smellin smoke you caught a whiff of my diction)
DAVE: (shits gettin warm but i wont stop til its hot)
DAVE: (warm just dont cut it when shits gettin dropped)
DAVE: (tell me how you feel)
DAVE: (about shit getting dropped)
DAVE: (how hot do you want it)
DAVE: (when i let go of the fire)
DAVE: (just say when)
DAVE: (what)
DAVE: (i cant hear you)
DAVE: (I SAID SAY WHEN MUTHAFUCKS SHIT IS BURNIN MY HANDS!)
DAVE: (eff it)
DAVE: (here we go)

10/23/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: (just dropped that shit like a bad phone connection)
DAVE: (i put gravity in charge of its downward direction)
DAVE: (unfettered descents what it considers perfection)
DAVE: (shit thinks of the ground and it gets an erection)
DAVE: (best hope its carpet bound in its downward spiral)
DAVE: (cause linoleums frowned on, met with an eyeroll)
DAVE: (landin on grass is just the course that its par for)
DAVE: (but hardwood fuckin floors what its woods gettin hard for)
DAVE: (guess i should mention stead a motherfuckin hardons)
DAVE: (how my motherfuckin french could use a presidential pardon)
DAVE: (KICK IT BARACK)
DAVE: (heres where obamas rap solo comes in)
DAVE: (no but how dope would that be!)
DAVE: (oh fuck me that would own)
ROSE: SLUUUUUUUUUURRRRP.

10/23/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: dammit
DAVE: rose dont drink so loud its messing up my raps
DAVE: i can actually hear your sips through my headphones
ROSE: Yea well,,
ROSE: I can her your rasps through your whipsers.
ROSE: *Whipspers...
ROSE: *Whip..
ROSE: ......
ROSE: Zers.
ROSE: ;)
ROSE: HIC!!!
DAVE: oh my god
DAVE: you are so fucking hammered
DAVE: how strong did you even make that stuff

10/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Iss,
ROSE: Prehhhhtay strong I geush?
ROSE: Whups. Guesh?
ROSE: *Guessss.
ROSE: Eheh.
DAVE: pretty strong
DAVE: rose you just bootlegged some fucking rubbing alcohol
ROSE: Pshf. ..
ROSE: Overaeact much?
ROSE: I'm yam completally in command of my faculities.
DAVE: faculity isnt a word check mate
DAVE: this kinda strikes me as a sort of misappropriation of alchemy
DAVE: like fucking with the mystical technology of creation to whip up some moonshine just seems
DAVE: i dunno man
DAVE: tell me you at least alchemized a bathtub first to stir this shit in
DAVE: at least that would be hilarious
ROSE: Iii,
ROSE: Omg, you're right, I messed a golden opportutiny for a puticularly humoroush approach to this endeavor... :(
DAVE: and where the FUCK is my applejuice rose
DAVE: gotta say
DAVE: you really let me down on the aj front
ROSE: I tried!!
ROSE: I tried making it...
ROSE: Is was HARD, Dave.
ROSE: (Sluuurp.)
DAVE: bullshit it was hard
DAVE: whats so hard about applejuice its like
DAVE: the most basic goddamn juice
DAVE: like the square one of juice
ROSE: Yes, tha's the POINT!
ROSE: Apples are stalartingly difficulf to reproduce.
ROSE: We take for granned our ability to take idealized intsances ofeven quie comlicated objects and conshure them from the void.
ROSE: But compalexity implies a heavilly recombinatife nature.. So.. so many things are synesthized from a series of mushh simpler ideas!
ROSE: To those ennities capable of, of conceshualization and absraction, an apple is as closed to being a noshushnally irredushible object as it gets....
ROSE: Ahem. *Notionally,
ROSE: **Irr, ed, ducible.
ROSE: Tell me, hoch shot, what ideas would you combide to make and apple?
DAVE: uh
ROSE: Exaaalley/.
ROSE: Thusis why apples are sush indivisible symbols, when it comes to thefield of ideas and their reducshunistHIC!!!!! reductionishtic essence from the perispective of humans in paticular.
ROSE: Both from a stantpoint of cultrulal and mytholurgical singificence,, and from a pratical one a swell, if you happen to fine yourself acshualy trying to ENGINEEEer one.
ROSE: Why do you thing, HIC!!! Why do you think Adam mand Eve were punished for biting in to one??
ROSE: They attemped to pentetrate an indivisible unit, uf fundamenetal knowledge. To consume the interior of a thought whish cantot be reduced any further.
ROSE: This knowleshe was for BIDDEN..! Hic. So humanity was forever bandished to live in sin, and, hass strive ever sinse to redeem isself from the hubrinse of this innallectual foily.
ROSE: Hahaha! , Foily.
ROSE: *FOLLY. :)
ROSE: Or what about, the tale of Isaac Newdon under the tree?? He was BONKED on the head by an apple.
ROSE: Not reallyan apple though... an atomic idea. An emlemental unit of inspripation itself, id clocked him right on then noggin.
ROSE: And this indivisible notion colliding with hish awareness, much like.. . a high speed partical fired to create a nuculear chain reacation, jarred from the void a more profund unnerstand, HIC, ing of the intrinsic nature of nothiness. Thatis,. Gravivitation.
ROSE: Of course thess stories are acutually bullshit. They didn't happen in realaity. But thef act that they'rare bullshit makes them more inshresting.
ROSE: Men have crefted many stories that are bullshit out of symbols risen from the abyss of coinsciousness withou necesharily knowing whath e fuck they were doing or saying, as they flounered around for some truth.
ROSE: Bust in spite of themseleves they would for howefer briefly cross through a ray of light regarless. Becuss of the sbymbols. Dave.. The symbols hol dall the power.
DAVE: well shit
DAVE: looks like i wandered into a really weird uncharted side of town tonight
DAVE: its called the drunk rose district
DAVE: and i am scared out of my fucking mind
ROSE: For a guay whos's supposedly, an I quote, "so cool,"
ROSE: You relly are almost comically up tight.
ROSE: Here, why don't you have some...
DAVE: no!
ROSE: What a prune.
ROSE: *Prude.
ROSE: Hic.
DAVE: i told you i dont want any of your experimental fucking spacewizard booze
DAVE: id rather not go blind
DAVE: then terezi will have to teach me to lick shit to see
DAVE: is that what you want do you want me licking everything in sight
DAVE: like oh hey mayor SLURP oh fuck youre not the mayor youre my goddamn sister
ROSE: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ;D

10/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: oh my god
DAVE: you laughed way too hard at that it wasnt anywhere close to that funny
DAVE: i think youve had enough
ROSE: *Siiip.*
ROSE: Whaa?
DAVE: good lord
DAVE: i still dont know why you were so bent on making this liquor
DAVE: i thought you werent really that down with the drinkin
DAVE: you never liked it when your mom drank what happened to that
ROSE: Meh. .
ROSE: Sheh was a lonelay single mom.
ROSE: I forgafe her.
DAVE: ok so why
DAVE: why tonight do you just decide to get completely wasted before you
DAVE: like
DAVE: are you nervous about your date with kanaya is that it
ROSE: I's a date??
DAVE: uh
DAVE: yes
ROSE: Howww do yoi figure,
ROSE: It' sa date.
DAVE: rose
DAVE: you are wearing a friggin prom dress
DAVE: and nervously drinking your ass off
DAVE: while you are waiting for kanaya to arrive
DAVE: for a goddamn DATE
ROSE: Can't a girl jush look her best once an awhile?
DAVE: this is infuriating
DAVE: why do you even bother with this stupid charade
DAVE: you could be at like a drive in movie making out with each other
DAVE: all exchanging class rings while giving birth to each others fucking children
DAVE: and you would still be all coy like IS IT A DATE OR ISNT IT HMMMM WHO CAN REALLY SAY FOR SURE???
ROSE: Ok....
ROSE: Mebey,
ROSE: I took a liltle sip totake the edge off?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: that turned out to be one hell of a sip
DAVE: maybe you should just reschedule
ROSE: NoooooHIC!
ROSE: *No :(
DAVE: just sleep it off there are more hot dates where that came from
ROSE: It's cool I'm, cool.
ROSE: Really!
DAVE: im just not sure youre gonna make the best impression like this
DAVE: come on lets just find you a suitably soft pile of objects to sleep in before she
DAVE: aw shit
ROSE: Mmm?
DAVE: shes here
ROSE: !!

10/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Good Evening
ROSE: HIC!!!!!!!
DAVE: omfg i cant even deal
KANAYA: Oh
KANAYA: Hmm
ROSE: Whas is it?
KANAYA: Am I
KANAYA: Underdressed For The Occasion
ROSE: No!,
ROSE: You look sho great.
KANAYA: If Id Known You Wanted To Dress In More Elegant Attire I Would Have Happily Uh
KANAYA: Hmmm
ROSE: :)
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: If Um
KANAYA: You Think Im Fine Like This Then Okay
DAVE: (rose i think you started drinking way too early)
DAVE: (i think you just like)
DAVE: (completely fucking forgot to tell kanaya you were dressing up)
ROSE: Yeah, I.. ..Ha ha, wow.
ROSE: Yo'ure prolaby right.
ROSE: I sarted soooo...
ROSE: Sooooooooooo,
ROSE: Whennid I start?
ROSE: What even time isit.
DAVE: (man youre gonna make her so uncomfortable all dolled up like that not to mention three sheets to the fucking wind)
DAVE: (this date is going to be so awkward)
ROSE: (Its'snottaDATE!!)
DAVE: (yeah sure)
KANAYA: Rose
KANAYA: Are You Feeling Alright
ROSE: Whay do you ask?
ROSE: Becouse if,
ROSE: You want to kno, I relay fell,
ROSE: Quiiiiiiie fabuloush!
KANAYA: Ah
KANAYA: It Seems You May Have Imbibed One Of Your Experimental Human Soporifics
ROSE: HIC!!!!!!!!!!!!
KANAYA: Whoah
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: Well Then
KANAYA: I Guess That Would Explain It
ROSE: Esplain what?
KANAYA: The Lethargy You Possibly Experienced When It Came To Completing Our Rendezvous In A Timely Manner
ROSE: Our,
ROSE: Wait..
ROSE: Waat.
KANAYA: I Was Waiting For You In The Common Area For A Couple Hours But You Did Not Show Up
KANAYA: So
KANAYA: I Came To Find You
DAVE: (SMH)
ROSE: Oh,
ROSE: Ohhhhhh.,
ROSE: Oh mey god.....

10/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I FORGOD ABOUT OUR DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROSE: hic :c

10/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Our Date
KANAYA: Then
KANAYA: You Did Intend For The Plans We Made To Be A Date
KANAYA: Which Is To Say One That Was Romantically Oriented
DAVE: holy shit we got a room full of smooth operators here tonight
DAVE: yes kanaya it was going to be a romantically oriented date
ROSE: I'm so sorry aaaah..!
DAVE: but as you can see rose is hooched to the fucking max
DAVE: so i think youre better off going out another time
ROSE: No!
ROSE: I said I swas stilt up for it.
ROSE: I aready, HIC, fucked up, by loshing track of time.
ROSE: I'mnot going to blow it again!!
DAVE: ugh
DAVE: you seriously still wanna go through with this
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: Im Still Amenable To An Evening Of
KANAYA: Whatever
ROSE: :D
KANAYA: But
KANAYA: Is There Some Reason Why You Would Advise Otherwise Dave
KANAYA: I Will Have To Plead Ignorance On The Subject Of Human Courtship And Its Customs When It Involves One Or More Intoxicated Participants
KANAYA: Is There A Problem
DAVE: a problem
DAVE: uh
DAVE: i dunno if youre cool with your date slurring words and making no damn sense about apples then
DAVE: i guess not???
KANAYA: ...
DAVE: why are you both looking at me
DAVE: stop that
ROSE: ;D
DAVE: no dont
DAVE: hey i am not your fucking life coach here
DAVE: if you want to go on a drunkdate what do i care
DAVE: man what do i even know about "human courtship" anyway
DAVE: not like i ever dated a fuckin human
DAVE: so i guess have at it
KANAYA: Alright
DAVE: awesome
DAVE: datenite with drunky it is
DAVE: go apeshit i guess
DAVE: uh so
DAVE: what should i do here
DAVE: you want me to pack up my raps and leave you alone or
ROSE: Ohn no, you don't have to do than...
ROSE: We can leaf you tou your slam poems in peace.
ROSE: Kayaya, why don't we go for a walk?
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: After You
KANAYA: If You Can Actually
KANAYA: Manage To
KANAYA: Whoa There!
KANAYA: Maintain Your Balance
KANAYA: Okay
KANAYA: Are You Good
KANAYA: Okay Good
KANAYA: Lets Go

10/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Since Its Now Clear That Your Premeditated Designs On This Evening Exceeded My Own By A Wide Margin
KANAYA: Insofar As You Intended This To Be A Date With Fancy Clothes Whereas I Showed Up Looking Like Something The Lusus Dragged In
KANAYA: Maybe You Can Tell Me Now Exactly What You Had In Mind
KANAYA: I Mean
KANAYA: As Far As Specific Activities Are Concerned
ROSE: Noupe!
KANAYA: Noupe
KANAYA: I Mean Nope
KANAYA: Nope What
ROSE: I honessly had not drafted blueprins for the evening.
ROSE: Assine from.,
ROSE: Gettin prettied up, aaand,
ROSE: Actually, you know... being puncutual abou my commiment.
ROSE: Wohoops.
KANAYA: Its Really Okay Though
KANAYA: I Admit I Was Irked For A Moment But Then Realized It Was So Unlike You That Extenuating Circumstances Were Most Likely In Play
KANAYA: So I Went To Find You And Lo And Behold
KANAYA: Extenuation Was What I Found To Be Taking Place
ROSE: Omg.
ROSE: Kangaya,.
ROSE: I 'm.
ROSE: Soooo extenuated righ now.
ROSE: Hic.
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/gamzee_tinyhonk1.png" border="0" />
ROSE: !
KANAYA: What
ROSE: Dish you hear something?
KANAYA: No Hear What
ROSE: Hum.
ROSE: Maybe yoush ould turn the lighst on...

10/25/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: That Better
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: Shhh!
ROSE: ..
ROSE: . .
ROSE: ...
ROSE: .,
ROSE: ,..
KANAYA: (what are we listening for)
ROSE: Erh, nothing I gues.
ROSE: Annyway.
ROSE: I just thouh that,
ROSE: Tonight...
ROSE: We could just walk a round for a while an talk.
ROSE: About relly anything. Like...
ROSE: Our worls, or, the fushure, or,
ROSE: How you'are going to save your speshies. :)
KANAYA: Yes That Sounds Nice
ROSE: Just have a casusal, spoptaneous evening. I don' .. hic, I don't ses why dates have to alayways be,
ROSE: A felderal fucking eschew. Dono't you agree?
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/gamzee_tinyhonk2.png" border="0" />
ROSE: !!

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Kaynaya.

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Can you kep a secret?
KANAYA: Yes

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I learned somethin earlier today.
ROSE: It was trobuling.
ROSE: Something about,
ROSE: Teresi.
ROSE: Aand,
ROSE: ...
KANAYA: And What
ROSE: And Gamshee.
KANAYA: !!!
ROSE: See...
ROSE: I bumped into him earliar.
KANAYA: You Did
KANAYA: Where??
ROSE: No no please, pleeasse don't get angry, and. ..
ROSE: Go on another vengeful clown hunting espedition, I...
ROSE: This is the point, this is was troubling me abou this.
ROSE: I don't want anyone to fight!
KANAYA: Actually
KANAYA: Theres No Need To Worry About That
KANAYA: I Think Im Done Trying To Kill Him
ROSE: You are?
KANAYA: Yeah
KANAYA: He Has Achieved Victory Through The Gambit Of Cowards Default
KANAYA: Dont Get Me Wrong He Is Still Utterly Awful
KANAYA: But Sometimes You Just Have To Let A Thing Go
KANAYA: You Know
ROSE: Yeahhh,
KANAYA: What Were You Saying About Terezi And Gamzee
ROSE: Righ, well apparenly they..
ROSE: Are.
ROSE: An item?
ROSE: Blackways, I mean.
KANAYA: What
ROSE: The y'are spades dating. In theh shadowns... nobody knows. But me. An now,
ROSE: You.
KANAYA: Are You Serious
ROSE: Yesh!!
ROSE: And it's been troubling me, the more I thing about it.
ROSE: All lot.
KANAYA: Why
ROSE: Because it presends a prickly prolitical sishuation.
ROSE: Terezi's relationship with Karkant is already somewhat tenuous, with their... well from, what I've gathered, about their hishtory.
ROSE: And Dave! His involovment makes in even more complicated, and,
ROSE: I think, with Karkat being moirails to Gamzee, if he finds out Gamzee iss spades with Tetreezi, then...
ROSE: Correct me if I'm wrong but isin't that whole arrangemen getting into territory of social taboob?
ROSE: * Tabob. Escuse me.
KANAYA: That Could Be Very Awkward Yes

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Right!!
ROSE: I don't no if it's my ser powers or what, but, HIC, I can see it unfolting all too clearly.
ROSE: Karkast finds out about it and flies inno a rage. It ruins hish moirlallegelleninance... I mean his moiraHIC!.. It ruins his diamonds with Gamzee, who thefore becomes less stable.
ROSE: And he villifies Trepezi as well, and who knows how she reacs. Or what happens with Dave for that matter.
ROSE: Would Dave actually be aright wich Terezi dating a psychotic clown on th side, even if its is a releationship centered around only enmity? I kinof doubt it.
ROSE: He could side with Korkat on the matter.. Not even tos peak of where your alignment is on the subjech of Gamzeen.
ROSE: Which is, what I fear. I'm afraid that,
ROSE: This could create a schisasm in our group, that we could all be torn apart.
ROSE: And I don't wand that!!!!!
ROSE: I want us all to stay friends, and jus be... peaceful togehter. :(
KANAYA: Me Too
KANAYA: I Can See The Dilemma Here
KANAYA: Are You Actually Thinking About
KANAYA: Um
KANAYA: Doing Something About This
ROSE: I dun't know!!!
ROSE: Maybe I shouldn't intrefere with their kishmeshishit... kshimimishimesh.. Aw fuck.
ROSE: Their hate dating.
ROSE: Maybe it's..
ROSE: Just a wonderful thing for them. An I would beh hoorible to inerfere, with their..
ROSE: Beaufiful hate?
ROSE: The problem is, it's still soo alien to me. The idea of blapck romance.
ROSE: I try to understand, sometimes, like, more than inteclectually. I try to, put myself in the shoes of FEELING that an...
ROSE: It still dosn't make sense to me.
ROSE: I don't want to project my human valuesh on to an alien relationship I dispapprove of.
KANAYA: I Understand
KANAYA: But What Youre Describing Is
KANAYA: Hmm
KANAYA: Actually Im Hesitant To Even Mention It
ROSE: No, what!
KANAYA: This Is Probably Not A Good Idea
ROSE: Oh, puleashe. You KNOW you have to tall me now.
KANAYA: The Feelings You Are Having Are Actually Perfectly Normal Within The Framework Of Our Quadrant Based Romantic Tradition
KANAYA: I Dont Know If They Can Be Felt Naturally By Humans But The Way You Are Viewing Their Relationship Would Be Quite A Standard Response On Alternia
ROSE: Yeah??
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: It Is Sanctioned Within The Ashen Quadrant
KANAYA: Which Addresses Conciliatory Romantic Feelings Not Directed At A Single Person
KANAYA: But At Two People Who Are Presently In Such A Contentious Relationship
ROSE: Oh shitch... I forgot about that..
ROSE: You're right, :o
KANAYA: It Is Generally Not Regarded As One Of The More Emotionally Fulfilling Quadrants To Become Involved In
KANAYA: And Can Be Quite Laborious To Maintain
KANAYA: But It Served A Very Important Social Purpose For My People
KANAYA: Such As In Situations Very Similar To The One You Described
KANAYA: Where Two Parties Are Highly Drawn To Each Other Through Animosity
KANAYA: They May In Fact Be Perfect For Each Other In That Tumultuous Quadrant
KANAYA: But To Pursue The Relationship Would Be Chaos
KANAYA: Much Like The Scenario You Laid Out The Two Kismeses If Left Unchecked Would Devastate All Their Other Relationships
KANAYA: Those In Their Own Quadrants And Even Those In Other Peoples
KANAYA: So It Is The Job Of An Auspistice To Make Sure That Doesnt Happen
ROSE: Yes...
ROSE: .
ROSE: hic.
ROSE: .
ROSE: YES.....

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: KANAYA THAT IS EXAGLY WHAT I NEED TO DO!!!
KANAYA: Oh No
KANAYA: Really
ROSE: Absoulutely.
ROSE: I haf never been so shure.. about, anything.
ROSE: Well maybe, almost anaything.. :), but yes.
KANAYA: I Dont Think I Would Advise It
KANAYA: Its Extremely Difficult And Can Often Feel Like A Thankless Undertaking
KANAYA: In Truth It Is Probably The Most Challenging Quadrant To Master
KANAYA: Trust Me
ROSE: I believe you.
ROSE: But I wants to know.
ROSE: Can you teach me?
KANAYA: I
KANAYA: ...
ROSE: There's so mouch I just don't understand.
ROSE: About your romanse, but,
ROSE: I'm soi curious.
ROSE: I try to understand the concept of either contentatious or plastonic relationships as something that...
ROSE: Can be parshed through the emotions assoliated with romance but,,
ROSE: It still doesn't realay compute to me.
KANAYA: I Really
KANAYA: Dont Know If I Would Be A Good Teacher
KANAYA: Of Auspisticism
KANAYA: I Honestly Was Not Very Good At It Myself
ROSE: Tha's fine..
ROSE: Forget aushpipshit...
ROSE: Auspishtishimish..
ROSE: Good damn.
ROSE: Forget specificulty that right now,.
ROSE: I want...
ROSE: You to teach me evvverrreeything!
KANAYA: Everything
ROSE: Yez.

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: That Is
KANAYA: A Lot Of Things
ROSE: I want you... to,
ROSE: Teash me ALL the quadrans.

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I want you toot,
ROSE: Tell me about your spabes,
ROSE: Your didamounds,

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I wank you to,
ROSE: Share wish me yur clumbs...
ROSE: And your hearst.

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I want..

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Yuouo....

10/26/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

10/27/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

10/27/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

10/27/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/weirdhonk.gif" border="0" />

And with the smitten Seer's inebriated descent down a flight of escalation zigzags through the dark subway-like belly of the meteor, and with teen xenolove mingling with weird honks wafting from the ventshafts to fill the fetid laboratory air with equal parts mirth and gaiety, we are ready to bid adieu to this vignette of hyperimportant fucking around on the pitch-perfect note of a single textbook deployment of the rare yet highly embarrassing DRUNK HAPPEN xROSE COMBOBOB.

And once again we find ourselves poised to attempt to exit this intermission prematurely, while forgetting to address exactly no loose ends whatsoever. You turn the page to find a pair of green curtains that won't close, and are fooled completely by them, as usual.

10/27/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

And there you have it. Literally the worst psycheout in Homestuck to date, hands down.

But seriously, we still need to see what Meenah and Vriska have to say to each other. Proceed to the next page to find out how these twin titans of in-your-face delinquency react to each other's unique brands of reckless antihero chutzpah.

10/27/12
"[S][A6I3] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
You spend no less than 90 seconds staring at this fucking GIF image before you realize the actual Flash animation is on the next page.

11/03/12
"[S][A6I3] MINISTRIFE!!!"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"[A6I3] ==>"

11/03/12
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3"

11/12/12
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 4"

11/12/12
"==>"

END OF ACT 6 ACT 4.

11/14/12
"[S] ==>"

11/14/12
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 4"

11/14/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/14/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You are now Caliborn.

11/14/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You needed something to sop up all the blood, so you snatched your sister's fanfic tome for the road. Just by ripping the pages out, you're already giving her dumb stories more attention than they deserve. She's lucky you were in such a pickle for clean towelettes. Ordinarily you wouldn't use this trash to wipe your ass.

But then again, that's only because ordinarily you're chained to the other side of the room.

11/14/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You captchalogue the tome, savoring the recently acquired freedom of having a fetch modus all to yourself. The idea of storing an object, and then... freely being able to retrieve it any time? Without having to barter with a truculent sibling over a series of inconvenient naps? It's almost too much liberation to fathom. You truly are a free, adult man, and you are so, so proud of yourself.

You love having a dead sister. Having a dead sister is an experience you would highly recommend to everybody.

11/14/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You are already so far from home. You have never walked so far in your life. At least not while awake. The immovable juju block keeping you shackled to your room was just one of the many banes of your existence.

It's hard being a cherub and growing up with lots of weird magical rules that nobody understands and have no discernible origin or purpose.

It's hard being a cherub and growing up with lots of weird magical rules that nobody understands and have no discernible origin or purpose, and nobody understands.

11/14/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You peer at your former prison through the scope on your MACHINE GUN. You aren't really supposed to hold the gun by the magazine like that, but whatever.

There's the CRUXTRUDER. It was the only device available to be deployed. You're pretty sure there were supposed to be more devices that went with it. But you guess your game session is a little different?

You were also under the impression there were supposed to be gates directly above your home. But you don't see any. Maybe if you look higher...

11/14/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

Still no gates. But there's Skaia, all clouded over. You like it much better that way.

And there's Prospit in close orbit. That's where your dead sister's murdered dream torso is. You wonder if the kingdom has gotten around to having a... what do the humans call it again? You forget. Some sort of ludicrous cadaver festival. Just the typical kind of sentimental horseshit cooked up by races of people who actually live in each other's proximity. They often exhibit such bizarre tendencies that result from esoteric things like "culture" and "tradition." Aliens are so strange.

You guess Jack Noir could still be up there too. You'll have to catch up with him later for a debriefing. He has been very useful. You may need his service again some time.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

Until then, it seems there is nothing to do but keep exploring. There are no signs of anyone or anything interesting on this planet, except of course the same hideous statues which littered your homeworld. You can't seem to shake these godawful things, even by fleeing to another realm. You don't know what they are, but you suspect that once in an ancient civilization they were probably symbols of tyranny and oppression.

Now that you think about it, you believe your entire planet may have been sucked into the Medium, not just the cruddy statues. The landscape is very similar, minus the bright red glow from the supergiant. Add one more item to the list of things you don't understand. You thought you were going to be sent to a cool new planet, unique to you and your adventure. Some sort of amazing new magical place you could conquer, not the same old barren ball of shit you grew up on. At least that is what Calliope had you believing. You think she was probably a liar, or just really stupid. Or both, times infinity.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You keep walking.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

And walking.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

Yeah.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You're not going to lie.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

This place is boring as hell.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You were hoping for a lot more out of this adventure. But no.

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

The wasteland is empty. Banality skims the void where a proper fucking adventure should be, as if grazing the stab wound of a murdered sister, or say, a toppled sarswapagus. A stupid note is produced. It's the one assholes play to make their audience start punching themselves in the crotch repeatedly.

Today is your first predomination day, and as with all zero preceding it, something feels...

Something feels

Er.

What

What are you looking at?

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

Look.

No wait. Don't look. Just...

Listen.

You don't have time for fancy poetry. It's almost as useless as having your thoughts dictated to you, assuming you were even aware of that happening, which you definitely aren't. Cherubs aren't prone to that kind of self awareness. No way, absolutely not. Yes, you believe that thought. The one you had just now, by your own volition, and now it's true reality. See? Yes, you agree totally with that thought you had.

Frankly you don't know about stuff skimming holes or alertness to some purely hypothetical flow of narrative or whatever. You've got MAJOR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS. You were meant to be a monster. To destroy something huge and really important, perhaps repeatedly, and to be a total shithead about it. You just haven't found the road that'll take you there yet. Somewhere in this depressing empty lot of a session there is a quest waiting for you. You are determined to squeeze more blood from this pathetic stone than all the naturally occurring puppets in paradox space keep in their squishy little torsos combined.

You stew in your own quasi-lucid hostility as you think this very thought. The one right here, that feels like it's being dictated to you, you think. You think it feels that way, so you guess it's true. But we previously agreed that you were the sole author of your own thoughts, didn't we? That's the thought you should be thinking, and more importantly, believing in as hard as you can, thus slightly reducing its stubborn fakeness attribute. You then think the word, HUH? That doesn't sound like a thought you would have, you think to yourself thoughtfully. What the fuck? But seriously, you've got to stop this. If you keep thinking thoughts like this, you'll probably start going crazy. And if you start going crazy, this desolate one player session will start to feel a lot longer than it's already going to, and more specifically, than it already did. Still, you can't quite shake the feeling.

You have a feeling it's already been a long--Hey!

11/15/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

What's that over there?? That looks like a GREAT thing to distract you from your awareness-addled reverie.

It's some kind of blinking light, far off in the distance. It may be part of something else, like a larger structure. But it's so far away, the light is all you can see.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long walk.

11/16/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

Hold on. Another distraction happens to distract you from your previous distraction.

Really? A distraction to distract you from a distraction? You sure have some dumb thoughts. Whatever dude. It's your brain.

Someone is contacting you. But you don't remember bringing a computer with you.

11/16/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

Oh, right. It's your sister's computer, still stored in your shared sylladex. You never understood what a kid chained to her bedroom needed with a portable computer. It made you mad how stupid that was.

11/16/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You take a look at the message. Yes, just as you thought. That plastered floozy is spouting her nonsense again. It looks like your sister told the human her name? That is a clear and egregious violation of the rules. She must have been getting really desperate.

The joke is on the human though. She's trying to wake up a dead girl.

It seems their session is still completely blacked out. What a bummer. Where's the fun in harassing these losers when you can't see them?

Maybe it's time you left them all behind anyway. You don't have the patience for games with idiots anymore. There are much bigger things on the horizon for you.

11/16/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]
TG: psst hey calliopes bro
TG: i got
TG: a secret message 4 u
TG: it is
TG: ehehm
TG: CALLIOPE
TG: ....
TG: sooooooooo
TG: did that work
TG: calliope calliope calliope
TG: is 3 times the charm
TG: come onnnnn
TG: wake up sleepy head!
TG: le
TG: SIGN
TG: maybe youre just afk?
TG: i hope ur dumb POS brother doesnt end up reading this instead
TG: man i wish you would wake up
TG: rly wanna talk to a friend about everything that just happened
TG: i mean another friend who is not part and parcel to my 3 bffs ridorkulous nonsense
TG: guess ill just give u the scoop on the haps for whenever you wake up
TG: so yeah we all finally entered our game

11/16/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: i think i was being the worst kind of turd 4 opposing the idea so long
TG: guess i thought i was being noble
TG: like sacrificing something that was important and we all wanted anyways just so i could fuck with the witch and her plans
TG: but i dunno what i was thinking
TG: cause this shit here is p great i have got to say
TG: now we are all of the sudden in this crazy place full of pretty green hills and a black empty sky
TG: i never actually seen anything like plants growin or a country side
TG: its so peaceful and quiet here
TG: i mean the racket my loudmouth pals are makin notwithstanding
TG: we are just chilling at jakes old broken house on a mountain figuring what to do
TG: lol this all happened so fuckin fast!
TG: i cant believe were all together like this suddenly
TG: just
TG: hangin out
TG: in actual person
TG: in our moon jammies
TG: this is better than i ever thought it would be in the silliest and stupidest way
TG: it feels so surreal and amazing just being here with my friends
TG: im still not even sure how this all came together
TG: mostly a lotta machiavellian/heroic XTREME STRIDER BULLSHIT

11/16/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: like i was under attack there
TG: my colony was burning
TG: and i remember dying
TG: and i think jane must have died too?
TG: she was on derse but i have no idea how she got there
TG: i dunno if jake died too or what
TG: all i know is ppl were just dying their asses off left and right
TG: the b line is we were all in some shit
TG: dirk i think must have killed himself and like shipped his own head to jake on makeout mountain
TG: but dirk also kissed me it would seem
TG: while i was too dead to notice UNFORTUNATELY :c
TG: but then i woke up on derse which was gettin worked over by the red shit too
TG: and there jane was
TG: all lyin there bloodily and heart breakingly and probably dead
TG: so
TG: i knew i had to kiss her
TG: but
TG: god i feel so pathetic but i just couldnt do it for some reason?
TG: i wanted to but i guess the blood grossed me out and im a total disgrace of a friend
TG: i dont think ill tell her because its too embarrassing
TG: then dirk wakes up and kicks my squeamish butt out the way and kisses her even in spite of his superhuman gayness because he sucks less as a hero
TG: and then were blasting off suddenly on his fuckin rocket and i dont even KNOW whats happening but its all so awesome and we scoot by somewhere and pick jane up in her yellow dress and now SHES flying with us screamin the whole time hahahaha
TG: and then we get to jakes place and shit everywhere is on fire and hes asleep there so dirk splashes him with a bucket of ocean and tells me and jane to hide??
TG: so we do and jake wakes up and starts arguing with dirks gross head from the fucking future and climbs up on this stone wall for some reason and just starts making out with the head while the volcano explodes???
TG: jane and i are like what the absolute FUCK while dirks just there with his bucket all like 'yup'
TG: then we ollied out of that popsicle stand so now here we are
TG: wow
TG: that story is a goddamn mess
TG: what did i even just say

11/17/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: i dunno
TG: ill try to make better sense of all this later
TG: i just wanted to tell you
TG: and thank you for all you did to bring us together like this
TG: it has meant so v much 2 me
TG: oh guess what i even have a new lightning bug pal!
TG: he is toties cute + friendly + blinky as all getout
TG: i think i will name him
TG: doctor blinkbottom
TG: no thats shit
TG: how about
TG: twinkly herbert
TG: lmfao that is kinda sucky too
TG: but i like it
TG: so i am a keep it
TG: herbert just blinked in total agreement omg what a friend
TG: ok calliope
TG: by which i mean.......
TG: CALLIOPE
TG: eh?
TG: ehhh???
TG: still nothin?
TG: k well i should go then
TG: my party is getting a lit bit rowdy over there
TG: oh my god what are they actually doing

11/17/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: not even ten stinkin mins into our magic bestfriendquest and theyre already jacking up the drama
TG: need to flag down the dramambulance
TG: haul these fuckers away
TG: wow they are really being so absurd
TG: maybe its just cause im not tipsy atm but this shit is like hells of amateur hour to me r now
TG: maybe if i wasnt as sober as a nun gettin slapped by a librarian i wouldnt even notice?
TG: fa reals tho may i just say
TG: dying is a hell of a way to sober up quick
TG: got 2 remember that trick
TG: so hey wake up soon!!
TG: i will try again later
TG: must deal w some shit now
TG: urgh
TG: i think
TG: i could use a drink
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

11/18/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/18/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/18/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/18/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/18/12
"[S][A6I4] ==>"

11/19/12
"[S][A6I4] ==>"

Caliborn.

11/19/12
"[S][A6I4] ==>"

Caliborn what are you doing.

11/19/12
"[S][A6I4] ==>"

Stop it.

11/20/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You finish brutally gunning down a semi-innocent clown for like five solid minutes and turn your attention toward this mysterious tower. What the hell is this thing? Maybe that clown could have helped you understand what you're supposed to do in this empty wasteland, but no, you had better ideas. And all of them were bullets.

11/20/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You just think you can figure everything out by yourself, don't you? Who needs friends and allies, right? Friendship and allegiance are emotions for dipshits like humans and trolls. You really are quite full of yourself, you think. Yes, you just thought that. No, don't resist the thought you just had. You thought it, and you can't unthink it. You also think you are a mean little prick. You had that thought all by yourself, totally unprompted, and it is causing you to reflect on a lifetime spent being petulant and awful. Wait no, on second thought you don't think that. You have no remorse and you think you're great. No, you don't think you're great. You think you suck, and you regret slaughtering that juggalo. Please do not argue with your own brain. That's what a lunatic does.

11/20/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

You are really upset that you killed that sweet helpful bard. No, don't pretend you aren't. He only wanted to be your guide. Would that have been so bad, you wonder? You wonder this to yourself while a tear rolls down your stupid red cheek. You turn away so that no one can see you cry, but you let out a muffled sob and everyone can tell how sad you are.

11/20/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
HEY.
VOICE IN MY HEAD.
Yes?
SHUT UP.

11/20/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
No way!
Then who would describe what you're thinking and feeling?
NOBODY.
I CAN THINK MY OWN THOUGHTS JUST FINE.
THEY ARE LESS STUPID AND CONDESCENDING. THAN THE THOUGHTS YOU TELL MY BRAIN TO HAVE.
But your thoughts are shitty!
You should be grateful to have someone to spice them up for you.
NO. WHAT'S SHITTY. IS YOU.
AND WHAT'S ALSO SHITTY IS THIS SHITTY PIECE OF SHIT MACHINE YOU LIVE INSIDE.
I don't live inside this thing, you idiot.
This is just sort of like a radio tower. It receives and transmits signals.
That's kind of obvious?
IT'S NOT OBVIOUS. IT'S DUMB AND CONFUSING.
I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
TELL ME.
Gamzee could have told you a lot of stuff.
WHO??
I can't believe you shot him like that. What's the matter with you?
He was literally the first living being you ever met in your whole life, and you gun him down without a single word?
You've got some problems.
OH. THE CLOWN.
HE WAS DREADFUL AND PURPLE AND NEEDED TO BE EXTERMINATED QUICKLY.
He was a huge fan of yours and was really looking forward to meeting you.
He wanted to help you with your quest.
THIS IS MY PLANET. NO ONE ELSE CAN LIVE HERE. I DON'T NEED HELP.
Yet you want me to tell you what's going on?
YES. TELL ME IMMEDIATELY.
Nah.
AUGH.
What?
I'M GETTING FRUSTRATED. BOTH BY YOU. AND THIS FUCKING KEYBOARD.

11/20/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
What's the matter with it?
IT'S MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE TO TYPE MY QUIRK.
No it's not.
YES. THE CAPS LOCK KEY APPEARS TO BE PERMANENTLY DEPRESSED.
HOW DO I MAKE IT NOT LIKE THAT.
It's locked.
You need a key to unlock it.
You need keys to unlock a whole bunch of features on this tower.
WHERE IS THE KEY.
How should I know???
BECAUSE YOU ARE AN INFURIATING FONT OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT MANY THINGS. INCLUDING MY OWN BRAIN BEHAVIORS.
Why should I tell you everything?
Find your own fucking keys. It's your quest, remember?
NO, BUT TYPING LIKE THIS IS BAD.
IT'S REALLY THROWING ME OFF.
I don't understand the problem.
I CAN'T MAKE MY U'S LITTLE.
No, I got that. But caps lock should make it easier.
You do realize when caps lock is on, you can hold down shift to make letters lower case, right?
WHAT.
NO.
I DON'T USE CAPS LOCK. I THOUGHT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A TRAINING KEY FOR RETARDS.
A training key?
MAYBE ALSO FOR GIRLS. FOR WHEN THEY GET HYSTERICAL AND MAKE THEIR LETTERS SHOUT.
Ok, got it. Really great theories there.
So... how do you usually type then?
JUST. NEVER MIND.
Hang on. Are you saying you hold down shift with one hand, while hunting and pecking for all the letters with the other?
And whenever you type a 'u' you just let go of shift??
I SAID NEVER MIND.
Wow.
OK LOOK.
I CAN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE METHOD YOU PROPOSED IS A LOT MORE EFFICIENT AND SENSIBLE.
I JUST HAVE MY OWN STYLE.
THAT I'M COMFORTABLE WITH.
AND ALSO.
I JUST NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
How old were you again?
FUCK YOU.
OK, THE THING IS.
DON'T TELL ANYBODY I SAID THIS.
BUT.
I'VE ALWAYS HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE.
AT.
LEARNING STUFF.
Yeah.
I know.

11/21/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
FUCK IT.
I'LL JUST TYPE IN ALL BIG LETTERS. EVEN THE U'S. WHO CARES.
Aw, looks like someone just took his first big step toward growing up!
ACTUALLY, TYPING THIS WAY IS A LOT EASIER. LOOKS LIKE I WIN THIS ROUND ASSHOLE.
Win what? I was the one advocating the use of caps lock in the first place, doofus.
DON'T ANTAGONIZE ME. YOU AREN'T A FUNNY PERSON.
I CAN TELL YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY. I MAY HAVE PROBLEMS LEARNING.
BUT I KNOW WHEN A PIECE OF GARBAGE IS TRYING TO BE FUNNY. UNSUCCESSFULLY.
You're right. I do think I'm funny sometimes. Maybe I'm wrong though.
HAHA! YOU ARE. JUST A WRONG AND UNFUNNY GUY.
We all have our flaws to overcome. I do my best, just like you.
Think of all you've done in spite of your learning problems. You don't let your disability hold you back, do you?
I GUESS.
You won that game of chess with that stupid gambit. Switching the hats, remember? It was a lame ploy, and totally not in the spirit of the rules, but it got under her skin enough to force a loss anyway.
You also hired Jack to murder your sister. Which was a dick move, but reasonably clever.
YES.
THOSE THINGS I DID WERE GREAT.
Well, they weren't great so much as terrible. But the point is you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it.
Just because you struggle with learning doesn't mean you can't realize your destiny. You just have to work a little harder at it.
And if you're dealt a lousy hand - and you definitely were with this shitty solo session - then you have to work even harder.
THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
I know you will.
You are going to prove all the haters wrong, exceed your own limitations by miles, and accomplish more than you ever dreamed possible.
Yours is quite an inspiring story, actually. It's just a shame that all of your accomplishments will be so horrible.
But that's really beside the point.
YEAH, I ALREADY KNEW I WAS INCREDIBLE AND SPECIAL.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO. INSPIRE ME. SAVE YOUR BREATH FUCKHEAD.
No, I don't give a shit about making you feel better about yourself.
I'm not your guardian or your sprite or your exile or your fucking life coach. I'm just saying some things that are true through the narrative prompt.
Take the facts or leave them!
MOST OF YOUR FACTS ARE BORING SO FAR.
I WOULD LIKE BETTER AND MORE USEFUL FACTS. RIGHT NOW.
You may be destined for bigger things, but you're still an atrocious, stupid child.
And you may have won the "game" with your sister, but that doesn't mean it was the best thing for your development as a person.
You had her dream self killed, which is not an opportunity your species typically gets. So she died prematurely, instead of allowing the conflict within you to settle itself naturally.
In short, you forced your predomination to happen a little too early, and now you're stuck.
STUCK?
Yes. Your personality is stuck in some sort of cantankerous prepubescent limbo. You are going to be a stunted, miserable tool forever.
WELL, HOW LONG WAS I EVEN SUPPOSED TO WAIT. FOR THAT TWEE BITCH TO GET OUT OF MY SKULL.
It's kind of sad. You don't really know anything about your own species, do you?
AND I GUESS YOU DO?
Uh, yeah?
Pretty much everything.
TELL ME THEN.
No.
GOD. DAMN IT.

11/21/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
THIS DIALOGUE IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE.
BETWEEN YOUR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE OBSTINACY.
AND YOUR BIZARRE MOTIVATIONAL DIATRIBES.
AND THE FACT.
THAT I'M HAVING A HARD TIME TELLING OUR TEXT APART?
What?
You are?
KIND OF.
Well, here's a hint. You're the one typing in capital letters.
You're also the one typing in surly, brief, stilted sounding phrases.
NO, BUT THE COLORS ARE TOO SIMILAR.
I KNOW THAT SOME LETTERS ARE BIG. AND SOME ARE SMALL. HOW DUMB DO YOU THINK I AM.
I JUST HAVE AN EASIER TIME THINKING IN COLORS.
What does that even mean, "thinking in colors?"
I TOLD YOU. MY BRAIN WORKS DIFFERENTLY, SO SHUT UP.
Well, if you want to change your text color, you can if you turn on some of these monitors.
This thing is like a needlessly complicated desktop computer, really.
Made of a radio tower tree of old CRT monitors, rooted in a big transformer.
It needs a power though.
HOW DO I POWER IT.
See that loose plug there?
OH. FUCK.
Plug it into something.
WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT. THAT CORD IS SO SHORT. WHAT CAN IT EVEN REACH?
I dunno. Not my problem.
MAYBE IF I PULL IT REALLY HARD.
I CAN STRETCH IT FAR ENOUGH. TO PLUG IT INTO THAT FUCKING ROCK OVER THERE???
THIS IS BEYOND ASININE.
This is your quest.
In quests, there are challenges.
Challenges which must be overcome by your tiny, learningly-disabled brain.
I HATE YOU.
What you really need is a guide.
A mentor, of sorts.
Too bad you shot that clown.

11/21/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
STOP TOUTING THE WISDOM OF THAT IMBECILE WITH THE DISTURBING UNDERPANTS.
THE ONLY THING HE HAS TAUGHT ME. IS HOW TO RECEIVE HUNDREDS OF BULLETS THROUGH THE TORSO. IN THE LEAST DIGNIFIED MANNER POSSIBLE.
AND ALSO. A CRASH COURSE IN DYING A PAINFUL DEATH. HOPEFULLY.
Sorry to disappoint you.
He's not dead.
WHAT.
What did you expect? He's clearly a god tier.
BULLSHIT.
Haven't you ever seen a god tier before?
You do know what that is, right?
YES, I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
Then you know he's immortal, and can only die under very specific circumstances.
Guess there's no point in trying to kill him!
BUT HIS WINGS FELL OFF!
I SAW THEM FALL OFF.
Hmm.
Yeah. I guess they did.
So?
SO. I THINK. HE'S PROBABLY FAKING.
Oh please. Paranoid much??
Why would anyone go to that kind of trouble? What would be the point?
He would have to be such a jackass to do that.
I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S FAKING.
I JUST KNOW THOSE WINGS WERE BOGUS PIECES OF SHIT. THAT WERE LIKE. STRAPPED ON.
WHICH MEANS. HE IS A FRAUD.
If you don't believe me, just see for yourself.
HUH?
You made the rookie mistake of turning your back on the body.
OH MY GOD.

11/21/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY STILL BE ALIVE???
See? Fit as a fiddle. Barely a scratch on him!
Just please don't shoot him again, ok?
WHY. IF YOU SAY HE'S IMMORTAL. THEN IT SHOULDN'T MATTER, RIGHT.
Yeah, I know what I said.
Alright, maybe he's not god tier. Who can really say for sure?
Just try giving the machine gun a rest for a while. He really wants to help you!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS FUCKER WON'T DIE.
He's a hilarious, rascally clown!
You know how it is with clowns.
NO??
They are notoriously difficult to kill for reasons that basically don't make any sense.
I'm personally not aware of a single timeline in which this codpiece packing moron dies.
WHAT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.
It means you can't keep down the clown.
??????
Say it with me.
"You can't keep down the clown."
NO, I WON'T SAY THAT.
SAY IT!
"You can't..."
GO FUCK YOURSELF. JUST TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS.
It means crazy clowns just won't die for some reason. In adventures such as yours, they tend to linger long past their welcome.
They linger and linger and linger, and just when you think you're totally fed up with their bullshit and you can't take another second of it, they just linger some more.
And you never know what they're up to, and they're always scheming in the shadows, and it's quite possible that whatever master plan they're hatching just doesn't make the slightest bit of sense at all.
But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how stupid the clown's schemes are, or how sick of him everybody is.
He just. Won't. Die.
THIS IS. HONESTLY? THE WORST SALES PITCH FOR A MENTOR. THAT I HAVE EVER READ.
Granted!
But come on. Just let it slide this one time? Please?
Just no more shooting. You can slap him around if you want. That's fine. But shooting is off limits.
WHY.
Because you can't kill him! He's the most important character in...
IN WHAT.
Well, ok. Maybe not the MOST important.
But he's still really important!
I SERIOUSLY THINK. YOU'VE BEEN MOSTLY FUCKING WITH ME.
No way!
Ok, shhhh! Shh. He's approaching you.
Come on man, be cool. Let's just see how this plays out.
It looks like he's got a present for you! Ooh, I wonder what it could be...

11/21/12
"[S][A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
You mother fucker.
HE LOOKED AT ME FUNNY.
Yeah.
Want to know why?
BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING CLOWN.
DO NOT TYPE IN BIG LETTERS. IT CONFUSES ME.
Why do you have to be like this?
Why can't you just be down with the clown?
I DON'T KNOW.
I LIKE SHOOTING HIM.
HE JUST HAS THIS. PERFECTLY SHOOTABLE TORSO.
HEY. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HORRENDOUS MUSIC.
What. You don't like it?
IT IS WITHOUT A DOUBT. CAUSING ME MORE PAIN. THAN WHATEVER THIS UNKILLABLE CLOWN IS FEELING RIGHT NOW.
Well, whenever you shoot the clown, I play the elevator music.
OH FUCK. NO!
That's the deal.
Either shoot the clown and face the music, or put on your fucking big boy suspenders and stop trying to murder him.
ALRIGHT. WHATEVER.
I FIND YOUR STIPULATION TO BE TYRANNICAL. BUT FINE.
Just plug the thing in the goddamn box already.

11/22/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
ALRIGHT.
NOW WHAT.

11/22/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
Now all the monitors have power.
Each one is set to a different channel. But they won't display anything unless they're unlocked.
You unlock them by finding the right keys and using them on that little model of the radio tower next to you.
One of them is unlocked for you already. Can you see it up there?
YES. YES! I CAN SEE IT.
IT IS A VIEW OF MY DEAD SISTER. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT.
SHE REALLY MAKES. A MORE BREATHTAKING CORPSE. THAN I EVER IMAGINED.
Whatever you say, weirdo.
Anyway, it's like I said. This is a glorified computer. If you want to change your text color, you can sample some pixels from the display.
THIS IS PERFECT.
I WAS INTENDING ON USING HER PUTRID GREEN BLOOD. TO COLOR MY TEXT.
Were you?
YES. IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE. PAINTING MY WORDS IN HER BLOOD. AS A TOKEN OF MY RUTHLESS TRIUMPH.
THEN ON THE NEXT TIME I WAS GOING TO HARASS SOMEBODY. IT WAS GOING TO BE ALL LIKE. LOOK WHO WON. IT'S JUST ME NOW.
AND I WOULD JUST BE LIKE. NOW WHAT'S UP. *BITCHES*.
IT WAS GOING TO BE.
SOOOO.
*BAAAAAADASSSS*.
Ok.
ALSO. THIS IS A FUNNY COINCIDENCE. BUT I WAS ALSO BATTING AROUND THE IDEA.
OF STEALING HER BIG U'S ANYWAY?
I MEAN. AS ANOTHER KIND OF TROPHY. TO LET PEOPLE KNOW. I'M WHOLE. AND THE BEST SIBLING IS IN CHARGE NOW.
I WAS ON THE FENCE ABOUT DOING THAT THOUGH. BUT I GUESS YOUR STUPID LOCKED KEYBOARD. MAYBE FORCED THE ISSUE.
BUT I'LL JUST SAY BADASSERY WAS THE REASON. AND OMIT THE TEDIOUS ANECDOTE ABOUT THE KEYBOARD.
SO YEAH.
Then let's consider this a serendipitous facilitation of all your most juvenile typing fantasies.
Let nobody henceforth mistake you for a guy who isn't trying as hard as he can to type like a cold blooded motherfucker.
YES. THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
Great. Now grab that mouse there and pick a new color.

11/22/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
It's a wireless mouse.
NO. IT'S THIS AWFUL KIND OF MOUSE.
THE KIND WITH THE GLOSSY ORB. I HATE THESE.
Yeah, trackballs are pretty terrible. Can't argue there.
MY THUMB CLAW IS KIND OF. SLIPPING ON THE SHINY BALL.
THIS IS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO OPERATE.
I really don't envy your situation.
ALSO. THIS IS AN AWKWARD VANTAGE.
IF I WANT TO USE THE MOUSE AND LOOK AT THE SCREEN. I HAVE TO STRETCH MY ARM REALLY FAR.
AND KIND OF TWIST MY BODY. TO LOOK AROUND THE CORNER. LIKE THIS.

11/22/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
Well, maybe that's why it's a wireless mouse?
So you can pick it up and walk around the tower, and use it on whichever monitor you want.
BUT I CAN'T MOVE IT.
Pardon?
IT'S STUCK.
WHY IS THE MOUSE STUCK.
Probably because it's welded to the counter.
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.
Yes.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS.
WHAT SORT OF ASSHOLE. WOULD SET UP A WIRELESS MOUSE.
AND THEN WELD IT TO THE COUNTER.
That's a hell of a question.
OHHH.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I AM SO. SO. PISSED OFF AT THIS.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NIGHTMARE.
I dunno.
Someone who thought it would be funny watching you struggle with a shitty trackball mouse welded to a counter?
I DEMAND TO KNOW.
WAS IT YOU.
IT WAS YOU. WASN'T IT.
Maybe.

11/23/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
MARK MY WORDS. WHOEVER YOU ARE.
SOME DAY I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN. AND KILL YOU.
You already did.
LIAR.
It's true. It already happened in like the quasi-future.
UH. WHAT.
For someone who's supposed to be a Lord of Time, you really kind of suck at thinking 4th dimensionally.
Let alone 5th dimensionally.
You've got a long way to go, kid.
QUIET. YOUR NONSENSE IS DISTRACTING.
OK. THERE.
WAIT.
THIS COLOR IS ALL WRONG. IT'S TOO MUDDY.
Yeah. The environment is pretty grim up there.
Skaia doesn't provide very good lighting when it's all clouded over like that.
Just bump up the brightness on the display.

11/23/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
OK. HOW'S THIS.
That looks better.
Wait, let me check.
Ok, yeah. #2ed73a. That's correct.
WHAT.
That's the hex code for the color.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
It's the numerical representation of the color in hexadecimal format.
OK. SO??
So I was just double checking to make sure it was right.
AND.
It was right.
THIS IS A PARTICULARLY AGGRAVATING TANGENT. TO AN ALREADY GHASTLY CONVERSATION.
I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE. AND HOW TO KILL YOU.
But Caliborn.
How do you expect to kill me...
When I am already dead!
Hahahahahaha, oh man.
HOW IT IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE.
FOR SOMEONE TO BE THIS OBNOXIOUS AND UNFUNNY???
I don't know.
Maybe it's a miracle?
STOP FUCKING WITH ME.
I'M SERIOUS.
Oh no. He's serious everybody. Look out.
He's about to throw the tweeniest, brattiest tantrum his little green exoskeleton can muster.
STOP IT.
If you pitch a fit in your little bow tie and suspenders, it will probably be so adorable that I might just drop dead anyway.
Or my ghost will.
FUCK YOU.
NOW I KNOW YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.
GHOSTS CAN'T DIE. THAT MAKES NO SENSE.
No really, go ahead. Flutter your eyelashes at me. Make it as grumpy as possible.
Kawaii me to double death bro!
I'M SO CLOSE. TO JUST. WREAKING MAYHEM.
ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING WITHIN MY TANTRUM RADIUS.
IF YOU DON'T STOP TEASING ME. AND START BEING USEFUL TO MY QUEST AGAIN.
Wait! Shhh, settle down. Something important is happening.
WHAT.
The clown! He wants to give you another present.
OH GOD.
But seriously, this present is really important.
Just turn around and receive it graciously from your new mentor.
HE'S NOT MY MENTOR.
And remember. No more clown shootings, or I play the music again.
UGH.

11/25/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
WHAT IS THAT.
What does it look like?
It's a magic crowbar.
WHY IS HE GIVING IT TO ME.
I'm not sure.
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW EVERYTHING.
I know a lot of things. But I don't always understand his motivation for doing the stupid things he does.
WHY NOT.
I just don't.
Like one time? He sold a girl some potions. I have no idea why he did that.
POTIONS?
Yes potions.
He also threw some corpses into a sprite to revive them, and fused their identities to create a disturbing freak of nature.
I'm still not really sure why he did that. Probably just to fuck with everybody.
WHAT CORPSES.
It doesn't matter what corpses. Just some corpses, ok?
The point is, he probably didn't even have any reason for doing it. He was just being weird and capricious.
But that doesn't mean it didn't end up serving an important purpose anyway.
After the fused corpse sprite exploded, both of their ghosts got fed up and decided to start working together.
And now they're doing some important stuff in the afterlife. But I kind of doubt this clown had any idea that would happen.
Or maybe he did? Who really knows with clowns.
HOLY FUCK. WHO CARES ABOUT THIS.
WHAT ABOUT THE CROWBAR.
What about it?
YOU SAID IT WAS IMPORTANT.
It is important.
But I don't know if HE knows that.
I BET THAT CROWBAR IS A USELESS PIECE OF GARBAGE. I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT.
Maybe he heard you bitching about the wireless mouse being welded to the counter, and he's giving you something to pry it off with?
OH. RIGHT.
MAYBE THAT'S IT.
But that's not why it's important.
THEN WHY.
You know how at the start of an adventure, you find some seemingly trivial thing that turns out to be important later?
But at the time you have no idea why or how it'll turn out to be important?
YEAH.
It's like that.
THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING.
It explains everything.
WHAT'S MAGIC ABOUT IT. WHAT DOES IT DO.
I'm not telling.
TELL ME WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT.
No.
YES.
Just take the damn crowbar.
OK. FINE.
I THINK I AM DEVELOPING A PREMONITION.
ABOUT WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT. AND WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT.
Really?
YES. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN REALLY SOON!
I CAN FEEL IT.
Wait, what are you...

11/25/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
Hey! Stop that.
What did I say??
YOU SAID SHOOTING THE CLOWN WAS OFF LIMITS.
BUT I AM STILL PERMITTED TO SMACK HIM AROUND.
I'M JUST FOLLOWING THE RULES.
That's true.
Ok. I'll allow this.
YESSSSS!

11/25/12
"[S!][A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!
I stopped allowing it.
I THINK YOU MUST HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS.
ONES THAT ARE WORSE THAN MINE, I MEAN.
I just want you to be friends with him, and stop beating him into a coma with a crowbar. Or riddling his sad floppy body with full metal jackets.
Although I will admit it is hilarious every time that happens.
OH. THIS IS AMUSING TO YOU?
THEN WHAT IF, FOR A LAUGH ENCORE.
I STARTED FUCKING UP YOUR DUMB TOWER?!
No don't!

11/25/12
"[!!!][A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
Cut that out!
MAKE ME.
You're going to cause huge problems for everybody if you keep that up.
Mostly for yourself!
THEN SHUT OFF THAT MUSIC.
AND BE USEFUL TO ME AGAIN.
How?
TELL ME ABOUT MY QUEST.
You brat. I'm not telling you shit!
I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.
WOW. THIS IS JUST. THE MOST FUN THING.
I LOVE THIS MAGIC PRESENT. YOU KNOW WHAT. THAT CLOWN?
MAYBE HE'S NOT SO BAD.
I MEAN. ONCE I BROKE HIM IN A LITTLE.
Ok fine!
I'll tell you some stuff. Just quit it.

11/26/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
Thank you.
Now what exactly would you like to know?
EVERYTHING.
Everything is a lot.
Care to narrow it down a little?
OBVIOUSLY NOT THE BORING IRRELEVANT THINGS.
DEFINITELY NOT THINGS LIKE. WHO KISSES PEOPLE. WITH THEIR UNPLEASANT NONSKELETAL SMOOSHY LIPS.
JUST ALL THE THINGS THAT I NEED TO KNOW TO WIN THIS GAME.
That's not how adventures work though.
You don't just make some omniscient narrator inside a computer tell you everything all at once.
There's like this whole process to it. You reveal certain things at the right time, depending on whether the hero has met certain requirements and is ready to learn those things.
What you learn and what I tell you is more up to you than it is to me.
WHO CARES.
I DON'T WANT YOUR EXCUSES.
Aren't you excited about your adventure? About being unchained for the first time ever, and getting to explore this mysterious place, and meeting people and solving puzzles that will lead to the realization of who you were meant to be, and how you fit into this epic?
NO.
SO FAR. THE ADVENTURE IS BORING, AND FRUSTRATING, AND CONSISTS OF AN IDIOT IN A COMPUTER, AND A CLOWN WHO WON'T DIE.
I WANT TO KNOW WHEN I GET TO START FUCKING SHIT UP.
You'll definitely get to do that later.
WHEN.
Not long from now.
LIKE. IN A COUPLE HOURS. OR.
That's up to you. There are puzzles to solve all over your planet. Your mentor can help.
The sooner you do that, the sooner the fun will begin.
YOU REALLY AREN'T TELLING ME ANYTHING.
WE HAD A DEAL. I PUT THE CROWBAR DOWN. NOW TELL ME THINGS.
Why don't we narrow the scope of the Q&A then?
Try asking very specific questions, and I'll decide if it would be appropriate to answer at this time.
YEAH. GOOD IDEA.
THEN MY FIRST QUESTION IS.
WHAT IS THE PLACE.
The Medium. You are in your game session.
I KNOW THAT.
WHAT'S THIS PLANET, I MEAN.
It was called Earth.
EARTH. THAT'S IT?
Yes.
Weren't all the Statues of Liberty a dead giveaway?
If you see one or more shitty old Statues of Liberty on any post-apocalyptic wasteland planet, that automatically means it was Earth all along, as a rule.
Then when you realize that, you're supposed to have a mental breakdown.
I AM UNFAMILIAR WITH THIS RULE. AND SKEPTICAL OF ITS VERACITY.
TELL ME MORE ABOUT EARTH.
It's the place humans are from. But that was a very long time ago, with respect to the planet's current age.
Earth has been through a lot. It was even relocated a couple times.
YES. I BROUGHT IT WITH ME, I THINK.
INTO THE GAME.
Yes. But it was relocated once even before that.
It was moved from its native solar system, where it circled around a little yellow sun.
Then it founds its way to a new system, around your big red sun. It stayed there for a good while, until your sun started dying.
WHY WOULD SOMEONE MOVE A PLANET.
Its universe was about to explode. So its proprietor closed up shop and got it the hell out of there.
HOW.
That's not important for you to know. Suffice to say, planets just have a way of scooting around in this adventure.
OK. WHY IS THIS MY PLANET IN THE GAME THOUGH.
Cause your kernelsprite turned into a black hole and sucked it into your session?
NO I MEAN. I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A COOL AND SPECIAL PLACE.
LIKE A LAND OF SOMETHING AND SOMETHING.
You do.
You just have to unlock it.
That is when your real quest will begin.
HOW DO I DO THAT.
You know. Finding keys. Solving problems.
All the potential for extraordinary achievements in your quest must be unlocked first.
We've been over this.
WHERE DO I FIND THE KEYS.
I don't know.
LIES.
Why would I know that? You think I'm like an encyclopedia on key locations??
I got better things to think about than where all your stupid keys are.
Find them yourself. Better hop to it!
NO. MORE QUESTIONS FIRST.
WHAT AM I ULTIMATELY STRIVING TO UNLOCK.
TO MAKE MY REAL LAND APPEAR.
IS IT SOME SORT OF GIANT, FANCY KEYHOLE.
No. More like a big door.
A DOOR TO WHAT.
TREASURE?
Kind of.
If there's any treasure in there, it would be guarded by your denizen.
WHAT'S THAT.
A powerful monster that rules your planet, asleep in the core.
He appeared there the moment Earth got sucked into your session.
WHAT KIND OF MONSTER.
IS IT A DEADLY, CHALLENGING MONSTER?
Yes.
He is the deadliest, most challenging denizen of all.
He very rarely appears in game sessions, and is usually designated for the most naturally gifted warriors.
His name is Yaldabaoth.

11/26/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
SO MY GOAL IS. TO BURROW FUCK DEEP INTO THE CENTER OF EARTH.
UNLOCK HIS DOOR.
AND THEN DESTROY HIM.
Sort of.
You can fight him then and there if you want. But that won't do you much good. And not just because he'd probably kill you instantly.
You're better off listening to him.
WHY.
Because he will make you an offer.
By which I mean he will give you The Choice.
THE CHOICE TO DO WHAT.
I won't tell you that.
FUCK. NO.
YOU WERE ON SUCH A ROLL. OF NOT BEING SHITTY.
It's just a very important decision you will have to take into consideration once you hear it. Something unique to you and your journey.
Basically, if you accept his terms, your real adventure will begin. Your true planet will be unlocked, and a whole lot of other crazy shit will happen. It's best not to get bogged down in the details though.
The bottom line is, by accepting, you will begin the most difficult game session anyone has ever attempted.
WHAT.
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
WHY DO I GET SUCH A RAW DEAL.
Because you are being punished.
FOR WHAT.
For your hubris in embarking on a one player session.
That's against the rules.
WHAT RULES. WHERE ARE THESE RULES WRITTEN.
They aren't written anywhere. They're just the rules.
Are the rules you and your sister followed written anywhere?
NO.
You just knew what they were, and you followed them. There were consequences for breaking them.
SO THIS SHIT ASS SESSION. IS PUNISHING ME FOR. BEING TOO FULL OF MYSELF. AND KILLING MY SISTER??
Pretty much.
WHATEVER. I ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES. FOR DOING THOSE EXCELLENT THINGS.
JUST BRING IT ON.
I thought you'd feel that way.
SO WHAT'S SO TERRIBLE ABOUT THIS SESSION. ASIDE FROM THE FIRST STAGE BEING INSANELY BORING.
It's called a dead session.
SO.
So, there are three kinds of fucked up sessions, and yours is the worst.
There's a null session, which is pretty much a normal session that's doomed to failure.
Everything works correctly. The sprites are prototyped, the battlefield can evolve, the Forge is present, Skaia can gestate a new universe... theoretically.
But events conspire such that this never happens. Basically the players are doomed to fail.
Then there's a void session, which is the same as a null session, but without even having the potential for success.
Nothing is prototyped. The battlefield doesn't evolve. There's no Forge. It is completely inert.
It has no chance of bearing fruit, at least not without some sort of miraculous external intervention. Like a deus ex machina.
And then there's a dead session, which is a void session but worse. It's started by a single player. The kernelsprite collapses into a black hole, sucking the planet into it, and eventually the sun and entire solar system. There is no hope of creating a universe in such a session under any circumstance, not even with outside help. Victory and defeat in a dead session are dictated by totally different terms.
One way of looking at it is, if you're fortunate enough to even get your quest started, it will be like playing the game on the extreme difficulty setting.
Hope you're up for that!
OF COURSE I AM.
LET ME ASK YOU.
IF YOU WERE THE MOST DEADLY DENIZEN OF ALL.
WOULD YOU WANT TO MESS WITH...

11/26/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
*THIS*???
Hell no.
Hmm...
WHAT.
Gamzee again.
OH.
Wonder what he's up to now?
He doesn't look too good.

11/26/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
Oh great.
Now he's vomiting blood.
Are you satisfied?
You made this dear, sweet, pseudo-innocent juggalo vomit liter after thick, glutinous liter of nasty purple blood.

11/26/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
UUUGH.
I'm debating whether I should play the elevator music again.
Would that be funny? I'm not sure.
Kind of borderline, really.
HOLD ON.
WHAT IS THAT.
What?
HE'S PUKING SOMETHING UP.
IT LOOKS LIKE...
ARE THOSE...

11/26/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
KEYS?
What?
HE PUKED UP SOME KEYS.
That's weird.
What kind of keys?
JUST SOME REGULAR LOOKING KEYS.
WITH SOME KIND OF CLOWNY KEY RING.
Hmm.
Do you think they might work on this tower?
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME?
HOW COULD THIS BE SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW.
Don't be that way. I'm just thinking out loud here.
SO YOU HAD NO IDEA THAT THIS WRETCHED FOOL SWALLOWED SOME KEYS.
INTENDING TO LATER REGURGITATE THEM IN FRONT OF ME. PROBABLY AS ANOTHER "PRESENT".
He's kind of like a loyal pet, isn't he?
Dragging ridiculous stuff into the house as gifts for his master.
Barfing up disgusting things on the carpet and beaming with pride over his generous offering.
Isn't that what you want from a devoted minion/mentor?
DID YOU. OR DID YOU NOT. KNOW HE HAD THESE KEYS.
Nope.
I'm just as surprised as you.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
Hey, I told you.
I have no idea what that clown gets up to in his spare time.
I'm not even really sure how he got here, to be honest.
Maybe he stowed away in a shitty Liberty?
Or maybe he was just hiding in one of the ventshafts on your meteor when you entered? He had YEARS of practice to master that move, now that I think about it.
SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP!
HOW CAN EVERYTHING YOU SAY BE SO USELESS.
Why don't you quit bitching at me and try out those keys?

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
HOW DO I KNOW WHICH KEY GOES IN WHICH HOLE.
You don't.
WHAT. THERE ARE NO LABELS. OR NUMBERS. OR ANYTHING?
Nope.
You just have to try them on every keyhole until one fits.
THAT'S SO TERRIBLE.
I LITERALLY CANNOT. EVEN THINK OF A SINGLE THING MORE TERRIBLE THAN THAT.
Welcome to your quest.
OK. I GUESS I FOUND ONE THAT FITS.

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
AH. YES. IT'S THIS BUMBLING TWIT.
WHERE IS HE.
He is in his game session, exploring his land.
HIS LAND LOOKS COOLER THAN MINE.
It is cooler.
THAT FUCKER. I AM SO GOING TO MESS WITH HIM. NOW THAT I CAN SEE HIM.
HEY.
WHY CAN I SEE HIM NOW? THEIR GAME WAS BLACKED OUT. LAST I LOOKED.
You were looking through a standard chat client viewport.
This tower's signal bypasses the field of void permeating the session.
As long as you find the right tower, the right monitor, and have the right key, you should be able to see anything in existence from this planet.
INTERESTING.
Try another key.

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
IT'S THE DIRK HUMAN.
HE IS SOMEWHAT TOLERABLE. I MEAN. AS A STRONG AND COMPETENT MALE.
What. So you're down with the Dirk?
NO. ALL I'M SAYING IS. THE DEATH I WISH ON HIM DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ESPECIALLY PAINFUL.
IT COULD BE LIKE. GOING TO SLEEP. WITH MAYBE ONLY A SHORT SCREAM.
I think you want to be bros with him.
SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
I WILL TRY ANOTHER KEY.

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
OH HO.
AND HERE IT WOULD SEEM THAT WE HAVE.
AN EXEMPLARY PAIR OF SAUCY BITCHES.
DO YOU THINK...
What?
NO. NEVER MIND.
IT WAS A FRIVOLOUS QUESTION.
Think what?
I WAS JUST WONDERING.
DO YOU THINK IT'S LIKELY.
IF I PEEK AT THEM FOR A WHILE.
THEY WILL BEGIN TO. MAYBE.
What?
STROKE EACH OTHER'S HAIR.
Ok, I'm leaving.
OR MAYBE.
WHAT'S THE WORD I'M THINKING OF.
YOU DO IT WITH ANOTHER LIVING TORSO THAT'S NEAR YOU. I MEAN, A TORSO YOU HAVEN'T KILLED YET.
WHEN ONE DARES TO ALLOW THE SEDUCTIVE SERPENT OF DEBAUCHERY TO SLITHER INTO ONE'S SARSWAPAGUS.
What the fuck?
I THINK IT'S CALLED.
"SNUGGLING"?
Bye.
WAIT!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING.
I think you've got a handle on this.
You're warming up to the clown, or at least you stopped shooting him every thirty seconds.
So it seems like you're ready to accept him as your mentor and begin taking this quest seriously.
I FIND HIM MODERATELY LESS REPELLENT.
AND HE HAS PROVEN HIMSELF USEFUL. I GUESS.
I WILL ACCEPT THE RESILIENT BARD AS MY SERVANT.
Cool.
My work here is done then.
Try out some more keys. Then go exploring and look for more.
You'll get the hang of it.
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/promptlock.gif" border="0" /> -- The narrative prompt has been locked. -- <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/promptlock.gif" border="0" />

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/27/12
"[A6I4] ==>"

11/27/12
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 4"

11/28/12
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 5"

11/29/12
"Jake: Examine incoming message."

11/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Dude!
TT: Where you at, man.
TT: Wait.
TT: Which computer are you using?
TT: I'm not comfortable knowing my words could be hovering over Cage's clownish, sort of gaunt face.
TT: Could you maybe switch back to naked blue chicks as your exclusive desktop fodder? TIA.
TT: But yeah.
TT: I don't know if you just want a little solitude.
TT: Or if maybe you finally just got like,
TT: A case of Strider fatigue.
TT: I could understand that.
TT: I mean, not to get all neurotic on you.
TT: I'm just saying I get it, if that's what's going on.
TT: But for real, if you gotta sneak away for a few days, that's cool.
TT: Just might be kind of dope if you at least would let me know which planet you scurried off to.
TT: And by dope I guess I mean considerate?
TT: Really not trying to be a drag here.
TT: Wondering what's up is all.
TT: Want to meet up soon?
TT: I found a really promising tomb we could raid.
TT: Looks like it runs hella deep.
TT: If I've got the specs right, could run as deep as the Lion's Mouth itself.
TT: But without all the fuckin' fire to deal with.
TT: Wait, I mean Lion's Mouth.
TT: Gotta underline that key shit. Always forget.
TT: Figure it should take a couple days to make it to the bottom.
TT: Only a day if we both go limp and just fall the whole way down the stairs.
TT: Ignoring literally every sage warning we've ever received about those treacherous plummetation zigzags.
TT: Just tumbling on down in a floppy limbed trance like a couple of puppets in a race arranged by some drunk gamblers.
TT: If you're into another expedition, head to LOTAK and hit me up. Just don't forget your mask this time.
TT: The deeper we go, the worse it gets, remember?
TT: Could be some unreal grist down there.
TT: More puzzle shit.
TT: Loads of skeletons.
TT: Pack your guns dog.

11/29/12
"==>"

11/29/12
"Jake: Solicit profound wisdom from your friendly guide."

|SPRITELOG|
JAKE: SIIIIIGH.
ERISOLSPRITE: no.
JAKE: Oh! Hey there buddy i nearly forgot you were bobbing about over there what with my emotional dilemmas.
ERISOLSPRITE: oh plea2e, a2 iif that loud heavvy 2iigh wwa2nt 2o obvviiou2ly diirected at gettiin my take on your 2HIITTY, BORIING boyfriiend problem2.
JAKE: Heheheh. Was i really so transparent?
JAKE: Youre a good man mr erisol. A good man with a good heart. Im lucky to have you as a friend.
ERISOLSPRITE: no, you bloody iimbeciile.
ERISOLSPRITE: ii am not a good man, ii dont havve a good heart, and iim not your fuckiin friiend.
ERISOLSPRITE: ii thiink you may be the dumbe2t liivviin beiing ii havve evver encountered.
ERISOLSPRITE: ii dont evven knoww wwhy ii bothered floatiing dowwn thii2 liittle gra22y gulch twwo fliip you the daiily biird. ii mu2t be out of my already tortured pan twwo bother wwiith ANY of you ovveremotiional fuckbag2.
JAKE: I suppose its true. You can be a bit of a surly customer.
JAKE: I dont hold it against you though. You have always been a wonderful source of amusement and companionship in this desolate place.
ERISOLSPRITE: wwoww, iit2 cool ii amu2e you, that really giivve2 meaniing to my joke of an exii2tence, ii mean WWOWW, thank2.
JAKE: Sure thing.
JAKE: Im just not sure who else to talk to about my issues with dirk.
ERISOLSPRITE: ok, wwhy dont you giivve thii2 per2on a wwhiirl: NOT ME?
JAKE: Im so conflicted. Ive enjoyed our time together and all the adventures weve had over the last few months.
JAKE: But as a paramour he has been overbearing to say the least. I dont know if i have the gumption to withstand another round of needy overtures.
JAKE: What do you think sir sprite? Should i put the old kibash on the affair?
ERISOLSPRITE: ii hate howw you 2ay evverythiing. howw can he 2tand you.
JAKE: Although frankly that prospect alone sounds arduous.
JAKE: I wouldnt even know what to say to the poor fella.
JAKE: You are my mystical guide on this adventure! What perchance might you advise?
ERISOLSPRITE: alriight you wwant 2ome redrom coun2el, wwell here you go.
ERISOLSPRITE: iim of the miind2et that wwhen you havve a rock 2oliid piiece of a22 tiied twwo the dock, you dont bloody wwell tug the knot loo2e and 2hovve the fucker off wwiith the heel a your boot.
ERISOLSPRITE: but then another part of me ju2t wwonder2 wwhat the FUCK ii ju2t 2aiid there? liike that wwa2 ju2t 2uch a wweiird 2ociiopathiic thought ii had, ii hone2tly had no iidea howw bad ii could po22iibly feel about my2elf untiil ii BECAME my2elf, iif THAT make2 2en2e.
ERISOLSPRITE: your bro ha2 feeliin2 twwo con2iider, he2 not 2ome 2liice of grub2teak. wwhy are you con2ultiing wwiith me, iim a dii2a2ter. no iim a dii2a2ter that 2hiit iit2 emotiional pant2 wwiith thiick liiquiid CATA2TROPHE, 2o dont evven come near me.
JAKE: Oh mr erisol. You are in rare form today.
ERISOLSPRITE: fuck you jake. iim not funny. ii havve no actual clue wwhy you thiink iim 2o funny, 2o PII22 OFF.
JAKE: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
ERISOLSPRITE: ii 2hould havve exploded my2elf the moment he 2pawwned me.
ERISOLSPRITE: evvery day iim wwonderiin wwhy ii havvent blowwn my2elf up yet.
ERISOLSPRITE: one tiime ii thiink ii almo2t diid?
ERISOLSPRITE: then ii ju2t thought...
ERISOLSPRITE: MEH.
ERISOLSPRITE: ii thiink the truth ii2 deep dowwn ii mu2t lovve 2ufferiin.
ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t liike you and wwhat2 hii2 face and your TRAINWRECK of a mate2priit2hiip.
JAKE: STOP! STOP!!! MY SIDES.
JAKE: Your act is too rich. Thanks buddy this is cheering me up at least a little.
ERISOLSPRITE: 2hut up.
ERISOLSPRITE: oh and you knoww wwhat el2e ii2 fliippiin BULL2HIIT?
ERISOLSPRITE: thii2 hoax that youre iimplyiin there2 no one el2e twwo talk twwo about thii2.
ERISOLSPRITE: TALK TWWO A MEMBER OF YOUR OWWN FUCKIIN 2PECIIE2 FOR A CHANGE.
ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat about crocker. try ruiiniin her day wwiith your wwii2hy wwa2hy rubbii2h.
JAKE: Youre right. I really should catch up with Janey.
JAKE: Its been a while since we spoke. It does seem like more and more im the one to get in touch with her.
JAKE: I do hope she hasnt tired too badly of listening to my problems. The last thing i want is to give the impression that everything revolves around my various romantic hurdles.
ERISOLSPRITE: revvolvve around? iit2 a biit late for that jake.
ERISOLSPRITE: your flu2hed quadrant ii2 a black hole and wwe are all beiing dragged 2creamiin through iit2 evvent horiizon.
ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t talk twwo jane, and nevver fuckiin look at me agaiin for the re2t of your liife.
ERISOLSPRITE: iim leavviing. hey here2 one for the road.
JAKE: Ah! There she blows. Your favorite finger of all.
JAKE: You sure do love showing that one to people. Its actually become a vaguely comforting gesture.
ERISOLSPRITE: you knoww wwhat youvve done jake.
ERISOLSPRITE: you havve totally RUIINED the act of fliippiin people off.
ERISOLSPRITE: iit wwa2 the one joy ii had left. ii hope youre happy.
JAKE: Boy howdy!!!

11/30/12
"==>"

11/30/12
"==>"

11/30/12
"==>"

11/30/12
"Jake: Pester Jane."

12/02/12
"Jane: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
GT: Greetings!
GG: Oh. Hello, Jake.
GT: Im not interrupting anything am i?
GG: Um, not really? Roxy and I are just setting a few things up here.
GT: Ah i see. I would be happy to message you again later if it would spare you any inconvenience.
GG: No, it's fine! It's really nice to hear from you, actually.
GG: I was starting to worry you might have forgotten.
GT: Uh.
GT: Forgotten?
GG: Oh no...
GT: Forgotten what now?

12/02/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Never mind.
GT: Wait dont tell me.
GT: Is it a tomb or a crypt or somesuch? Are you preparing for another grist seeking expedition??
GT: Oh shit did you schedule my assistance for the raid and i forgot all about it???
GG: No, Jake.
GG: We didn't need your help raiding a tomb. But thanks for thinking of us.
GG: I don't know what this clueless pair of damsels would do without you.
GT: Blast.
GT: Well what in the name of willy howard tafts great tub choking bottom could i be forgetting then?
GT: This is going to drive me CRAZY! Can you give me a hint?
GG: Yes. It has to do with the day I was born, which was almost exactly sixteen years ago.
GT: Of course! Your birthday!!!
GG: Didn't you get Roxy's invitation?
GG: It was my understanding that she gave you and Dirk notice weeks ago.
GT: Yes thats right. Now i remember. The date sure snuck up on us quick didnt it?
GT: Sorry you know how things can slip my mind. The gourd on my shoulders isnt the steel trap it used to be. Nothing like the well oiled puzzlebuster you've got up there.
GG: Mm.
GT: Well damn.
GT: Looks like the egg monster took quite the spirited dump on my face this time.
GG: Jake. I... what?
GT: I feel so dumb. Ill be right over.
GG: Well, if you recall, the party is actually tomorrow.
GG: Like I said, we're just setting a few things up.
GG: Roxy is putting up some decorations. I baked a cake. You were of course free to join us early too. I just thought since I hadn't heard from you in quite some time, you had better things to do.
GT: You baked a cake for your own party?
GG: Yes. So?
GT: I dont know something seems amiss about that. Isnt that against tradition or inviting bad luck or something?
GT: But I guess it makes sense since you love baking cakes. Its like a present you give to yourself!
GG: Jake, what was it you actually wanted?
GT: Oh. I just wanted to get your advice on some stuff.
GT: But since ive been a heel and forgotten about your party maybe i shouldnt bother you with that?
GG: Mmm.
GT: So sixteen big ones huh! The ole sweet sixteen.
GT: Last one of us to notch the vaunted one sixer. Its a big step! I knew youd make it, i always said i believed in you didnt i?
GT: Just kidding, the inexorable nature of times passage virtually assured you would get that old so you didnt really have anything to do with it. I mean not that i dont still believe in you, i do.
GG: ...

12/02/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: I cant believe its already been...
GT: How long?
GT: What, like a year already since we entered? Holy moly, where does the time go.
GG: It's been more like five months.
GT: Oh.
GT: Well thats still a pretty long time.
GT: I have to admit its been a longer stint than i expected. Certainly one involving more downtime than i would have guessed.
GT: I really thought we would have been treated to more action, what being legendary players of a mysterious cosmic game. But no, it seems the primary duty of the so called nobles is to wait around twiddling our thumbs.
GG: Mmhmm.
GT: I am really beginning to wonder when these fabled heroes will arrive? And are they really going to be those we have been led to believe?
GT: I sure hope so. Id so love to meet my pen pal. Dear old departed grandma. But as a feisty youngster! What a hoot thatll be. And you with your poppop. Lets not forget about him.
GT: Not to mention the young strider and lalonde relatives. I bet theyre a barrel of laughs. I met them once but i was too shy to say anything. Then i got in a fight. Did i ever mention that jane?
GG: Yes.
GG: Many times.
GT: Not to say its been all downtime and doldrums. Exploring has been great. Finding treasure, solving riddles, becoming better friends. I wouldnt trade that for anything.
GT: And maybe we are getting close to something big happening regardless? Every day it seems like more and more undead creatures crawl from out of the shadows. Bigger ones and stronger ones. Does their presence herald something worse coming, just as the legends indicate our presence heralds something better?
GT: I just wish we could actually kill the fucking things. Even the little ones can absorb so much damage before yielding any spoils!
GT: Remember jane? Remember at the start how we kept trying to kill them?
GG: Mmhmm.
GT: We would all gang up on like an imp skeleton for an hour just clobbering it repeatedly. Knocking its bones down, waiting for it to reassemble and keep coming at us. Only to finally be rewarded with a shitty pittance of grist!
GT: But i guess the silver lining was it forced us to explore ruins more often and scavenge for loot there. So i think weve learned a lot more this way.
GT: But it sure makes resources hard to come by, having to get them exclusively from chests and whatnot. Sometimes i wonder if weve been missing out on a really rewarding part of the game by neglecting to build up our houses? Makes you wonder. But it just costs so much! Better to stick to making more practical stuff dont you think?
GG: Mm.
GT: Sometimes i wonder if the heroes had the same problems in their game. Do you think they found an easier way to kill skeletons?
GT: Were they just as shameless as us when it came to splurging our precious grist on swanky new duds?
GT: Did the same enigmatic bard haunt their game? And if so which hilarious dead trolls did he throw into the flashy blobs?
GT: Mr erisol tells me he knows many things about the heroes because he saw them in action when he was alive. But he wont tell me a thing about them! These troll sprites sure do love keeping their secrets dont they? Heheh.
GG: That's nice, Jake. I'm kind of busy though.
GG: What did you actually want to talk to me about?
GG: Actually, why don't we just talk about it tomor-
GT: Okay we can talk about that if you insist.
GT: Really jane you sure know how to twist a fellas arm!
GT: I just wanted to get your take on what you might call my own personal ultimate riddle.
GT: It involves dirk.

12/02/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: You don't say.
GT: Its true. I havent seen him in a couple days.
GT: I have been laying low for a while but i just received another series of pushy inquiries from him.
GT: Maybe i shouldnt be too hard on the guy since he was probably just concerned, not having heard from me and all.
GT: But i still couldnt help but detect a tone of desperation, like he could sense i may be having doubts.
GT: This kind of thing has been all too common unfortunately.
GT: Im not sure its going to work anymore.
GG: Mm.
GT: He can be so needy!
GT: If only he could just relax and trust that i wont spontaneously tire of his company.
GT: Although the irony i guess is that his overbearing tendencies are beginning to fulfill his own paranoid prophecy.
GT: Its such a shame. Weve had so many capital adventures together.
GT: I dont know why he has to be like this. He always was an intense fella. But in person... holy cow.
GT: I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he grew up alone in the middle of the ocean? And now he doesnt know how to deal with people without suffocating them?
GT: But then again i grew up under similar circumstances and i think i turned out pretty much ok socially, at least i hope so. Do you think so jane?
GG: Mmmm!
GT: Actually it just occurred to me. Its funny he didnt mention your party in his text.
GT: Im SURE he wouldnt have forgotten. He never forgets ANYTHING what with all his calculations and his computerized brain. Both figurative and literal.
GT: I wonder what his game was? He invited me on an expedition without mention of your party as a potential conflict...
GT: If he sensed i could use some space perhaps he was concerned that if we both showed up to the party it would be awkward?
GT: Or maybe he didnt want to mention he was going to the party in case it would spook me away from attending?
GT: Argh! Do you see jane?? This is what his endless machinations do to you!
GT: Anything he says could be part of some grand convoluted scheme and it just makes you agonize and boggle and wonder until your brain hurts and you just KNOW its a battle you cant win.
GT: You know what i mean jane?
GG: Mmhmm.
GT: Do you think i should just bite the bullet and end it?
GT: Its probably the right thing to do.
GT: Boy am i not looking forward to that conversation though.
GT: Its going to be a doozy. What did i get myself into here?
GT: I think ive made a lot of mistakes honestly.
GT: Not the least of which was getting this shitty tattoo, now that i think about it.
GT: Yes yes i know we all thought it was a riot at first.
GT: I guess it still is maybe? But lately ive been wondering if it might not have been an act of sound judgment.
GT: Can you believe that jane?
GG: Hmm!
GT: I dont know. Its a real pickle im in here but i do feel better just being able to get it off my chest.
GT: You are such a good friend jane, always ready to listen to my relationship woes. What a trooper!

12/02/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at this friendship business. Where would we all be without you?
GT: In a way you really have been the glue holding us all together on our adventure. Gosh youre a standup gal.
GT: Oh which actually reminds me of ANOTHER thing thats been bugging me about dirk.
GT: He can often be almost hilariously self absorbed. Dont even get me started on when he starts going off on these long monologues about his philosophical gobbledygook.
GT: I'm not sure he actually has much of a filter when it comes to what others regard as interesting points of conversation.
GT: Not to rag on the guy too hard but i guess at times i would just like to see a little more self awareness from him is all.
GG: Jake.
GT: Did i tell you what happened on our last expedition together?
GG: Jake.
GT: I cant remember if i mentioned. Oh man but thinking back on what happened its even more ridiculous in retrospect.
GT: Where do i begin?
GG: Jake!!!
GT: What?
GG: Shut up!
GT: Huh?
GG: Shut up!!!
GT: Errr.
GT: Did i say something wrong?

12/02/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: JAKE.
GG: PLEASE.
GG: STOP TALKING.
GT: I dont...
GG: JAKE.
GG: I SAID SHUT UP.
GT: Wha...
GG: JUST,
GG: SHUT,
GG: THE FUCK,
GG: UUUUUUUUUUP!!!

12/03/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Ay caramba.
GT: What in tarnation is the matter jane?
GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER?
GG: WHAT'S THE MATTER???
GG: I AM SICK.
GG: AND FUCKING TIRED.
GG: TO DEATH.
GG: OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE BLITHERING BULLSHIT!!!!!!
GT: Whoa there.
GT: You seem really worked up. Maybe we should just calm down and talk this through like sensible adults?
GT: Also youre going kinda heavy on the caps there arent you? Sort of makes it seem like your shouting. Just saying.
GG: I AM SHOUTING!
GG: THERE ARE LITERAL SHOUTS OF ANGER COMING OUT OF MY ACTUAL MOUTH, AND THEY ARE DIRECTED AT YOU!
GT: Yikes.
GT: Well ok then.
GT: Can you tell me why youre so upset with me?
GT: Is it because i forgot your birthday party? Because i do feel awful about that.
GG: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU SO CLUELESS?
GG: I CAN'T STAND IT!
GT: Really i feel like a tool about forgetting. You know how i am. I forget stuff.
GT: I mean...
GT: Shucks buster. If i knew how to make it up to you i would.
GT: If it ameliorates matters any i am sighing pretty much the shucksiest buster of contrition i can manage.
GG: IT'S NOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY!!!
GG: THE FACT THAT YOU FORGOT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP, BUT THAT'S NOT IT. SEE, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!
GG: OH, AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING SHUCKS BUSTER?!
GG: SHUCKS BUSTER WAS MY THING! AND YOU STOLE IT!
GT: I thought shucks buster was...
GT: Sorta our thing?
GG: NO, IT WAS MY THING, BUT I ALLOWED IT TO BE OUR THING! BACK WHEN YOU USED TO GIVE A SHIT! BUT NOW IT'S JUST MINE, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ANYMORE!
GT: Uhh.
GT: Ok?
GT: I suppose i could go with shoot buddy. Or...
GT: Fudge junior?
GG: .................
GT: Or maybe forgo an analogous catch phrase altogether heh.
GT: But i clearly stepped in it big time with you and id really like to know what i did.

12/03/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: JAKE, LET ME ASK YOU.
GG: DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TALKED?
GT: Hmm.
GT: Wasnt it a few days ago?
GG: NO. TRY A FEW WEEKS AGO!
GG: AND EVEN THEN, YOU MESSAGED ME JUST TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUPID SHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH DIRK.
GG: A TEDIOUS GESTURE WHICH YOU THEN SAW FIT TO REPRISE ON MY BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS, WHILST CONSIDERATELY FORGETTING ABOUT IT!
GG: AND EVEN WHEN I REMINDED YOU ABOUT IT, YOU STILL BARGED AHEAD WITH YOUR SELF-INDULGENT RELATIONSHIP CLAPTRAP ANYWAY!
GT: I didnt realize it was so long ago. Sorry about that.
GT: Again all i can say is where does the time go? I guess i have trouble keeping up with everything im supposed to. Which it would seem includes personal relationships as much as calendars.
GT: Im not much of a leader of people. Not like you are jane. I think when it comes to adventuring maybe im more of a solo act?
GT: Which now that i think about it might be contributing to my problems with dirk. Maybe thats part of the reason why i needed some space?
GT: Oh brother there i go again blustering about my problems. I guess i see what you mean.
GT: But really if you wanted to talk sooner then why didnt you get in touch with me?
GT: It feels as though im always the one to say hello to you lately.
GG: YEAH! THAT'S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME WE CHAT, YOU DO NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF!
GG: YOU NEVER ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING OR WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO. YOU JUST LAUNCH INTO YOUR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS, AND I JUST LISTEN LIKE AN ACCOMMODATING FOOL AS ALWAYS!
GG: SO I JUST STOPPED BOTHERING! WHY SHOULD I SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT REPEATEDLY?!
GG: YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE MOST THOUGHTLESS, SELF-CENTERED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!
GG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO FEEL...
GT: Huh?
GT: Used to feel what?
GG: JAKE, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU HOW IT MUST FEEL FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO HER FRIEND GO ON AND ON ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS WHEN...
GG: WHEN ALL ALONG SHE...
GG: BUT SHE JUST COULDN'T SAY BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT AND IT WAS TOO LATE TO...
GG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M BOTHERING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. NEVER MIND.
GT: Now hold the phone.
GT: Jane i think i may finally understand whats been going on here.
GT: In retrospect i cant believe ive been this blind.
GT: Youre right i really can be deplorably thick sometimes.
GT: Looking back i can see how many of our conversations must have been torment for you.
GT: You really should have told me how you felt sooner!
GG: YEAH. I...
GG: I know. :(
GT: If you told me you had the hots for dirk i would have backed off without another word.
GT: What are friends for!

12/03/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!

12/03/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Wait...
GT: Did i say something dumb again?
GT: Consarn it.
GT: I think maybe something is getting lost in translation over our respective chat clients.
GT: Maybe we should wait until tomorrow and just clear the air face to face at your party?
GG: NO!
GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY!
GT: Aw come on jane. Be a sport.
GG: YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A PARTY!
GG: GO RAID SOME TOMBS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR BREAK UP WITH HIM, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR FICKLE, SELFISH HEART DESIRES!
GG: I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH YOU!
GG: I AM FED UP WITH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND YOUR STUPID ADVENTURES AND YOUR STUPID OLD TIMEY CHARMS AND YOU STUUUUUUPID DASHING GOOD LOOKS. WHO NEEDS ANY OF IT?????
GT: I say jane. Before you do anything rash...
GG: OH, WILL YOU PLEASE,
GG: JUST,

12/03/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: STFU BUSTER!!!!!!!!!

12/03/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ROXY: jane
ROXY: yo uh
ROXY: janey
ROXY: u ok there
JANE: I WILL BE PEACHY FUCKING KEEN ONCE I STOMP THIS NOVELTY MUSTACHE HEADSET INTO OBLIVION, AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER!
ROXY: janey uh
ROXY: that aint a reasonable thing you said
JANE: AU CONTRAIRE.
JANE: I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT ONCE THIS PIECE OF SHIT HAS BEEN REDUCED TO SUBATOMIC PARTICLES, WE WILL ALL COME OUT SMELLING LIKE FUCKING ROSES.
ROXY: jaaaaane
ROXY: stoppit :(
ROXY: ur upsettin fefeta
ROXY: just
ROXY: think of fefeta is all im asking
ROXY: poor fefeta :'(
FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383

12/04/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
JANE: OH POOR FEFETA MY SWEET PATOOTIE!
JANE: YOU AND I BOTH KNOW FEFETA HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH GARBAGE FROM JERKOFF BOYS BEFORE.
JANE: SO DON'T GIVE ME THIS POOR FEFETA CRAP.
ROXY: lol yeah
ROXY: my girl fefeta knows whats up
ROXY: she been around the d bag block a time or 2
ROXY: em i rite fefeta
FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 3;3
ROXY: shit yes gimme a paw bump
ROXY: BOMP
ROXY: jane u want in on this action
ROXY: come give us a fist fulla sugar
ROXY: complete the 3way for max girl power + solidarity against dumb dudes
ROXY: janey jeez dont leave us hanging here
JANE: SIGH.
JANE: FINE.
ROXY: jane that was the piss poorest paw bump ive ever seen
ROXY: that was like a negative bump
ROXY: we are going to have to bump long and hard into the night to dig us outta this fuckin bump hole you dug us into
ROXY: w/ that tragic bump
ROXY: that bump was like
ROXY: shakespearean
ROXY: makes me want to weep softly and leave a bouquet somewhere
ROXY: someone plays a sad trumpet in the distance
ROXY: look fefeta just sniffled a little at how sad that bump w-
JANE: SHHHHHHHH!

12/04/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ROXY: ok god
ROXY: was just tryin to cheer you up
ROXY: take ur mind off whatever the hell that was
ROXY: you werent serious about calling off the party were you
ROXY: here let me just get the chess guys to help put the table back on the roof
ROXY: and maybe salvage the cake out of that sand dune over there...
ROXY: aaaaand NOPE the chess guys just finished eatin it
ROXY: lets just bake another k?
JANE: NO, I WAS SERIOUS!
JANE: I'M NOT...
JANE: I'm not in the mood for a party anymore.
ROXY: so it sounds like
ROXY: u got jaked
JANE: >:(
ROXY: why yes
ROXY: that is the face of a girl who just got english'd with extreme prejudice
ROXY: he was a block head and forgot your birthday didnt he
ROXY: im sorry jane
JANE: Yeah, me too. Can we maybe not rehash the whole terrible conversation though??
ROXY: yeah we dont have to
ROXY: just maybe try not to hold whatever dumb shit he said against him forever?
ROXY: thats just how the guy is
ROXY: its like
ROXY: he doesnt mean to be a douche
ROXY: but its just kind of a byproduct of the whole ridiculous jake english experience
ROXY: like his dunkass shenanigans leave behind a residue that looks like douche and tastes like douche but it aint the real thing?
ROXY: like douche substitute
ROXY: "i cant believe its not douche"
ROXY: um
ROXY: im just trying to say not terrible things about him in hopes you dont start hating each other but i guess this isnt what you wanna hear now
JANE: >:(
ROXY: soooo yeah
ROXY: i guess jakes dumpin dirk soon?
ROXY: hahah like the writing wasnt so on the wall with those two from day one
ROXY: poor dirk
ROXY: ive wanted to say something to prepare him for that but
ROXY: never had the heart to bring it up i guess?
ROXY: what can u do....
ROXY: hey
ROXY: but the silver lining is
ROXY: i mean if you can forgive him for shitting on your bday and stuff
ROXY: maybe this is finally your chance to make a play 4 the j man??
ROXY: ehhhh??? ;)
FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38D
JANE: ROXY, PLEASE.
JANE: AS IF THAT ISN'T THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND RIGHT NOW!
JANE: I AM SO DONE WITH THAT WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT.
ROXY: so you really think youre just
ROXY: completely over him?
JANE: YESSIREE!
JANE: IF JAKE'S THE RAINBOW, THEN JUST CALL ME A LITTLE HOUSE FROM KANSAS!
JANE: WHEEEEEE!
ROXY: wait rly
ROXY: as in like you dont give a shit if he dates anybody or
JANE: MMMMMMMHM!!!
ROXY: i seeee
ROXY: iiiiiinteresting!
FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38O
JANE: WAIT...
JANE: WHAT??

12/04/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
JANE: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???
ROXY: nothing!
ROXY: i was just...
ROXY: it was a joke!
JANE: WAS IT REALLY?!
ROXY: ok maybe not a total joke
ROXY: but still mostly a joke!
ROXY: im only
ROXY: trying to
ROXY: blurgh
ROXY: i dont know
JANE: ROXY, I GET YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, BUT A LOT OF THINGS YOU'RE SAYING HERE AREN'T REALLY HELPING!
JANE: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HALF THE TIME?
JANE: I THINK I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING!
ROXY: jaaane no
ROXY: dont say that
ROXY: i had a problem :(
FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38(
JANE: OK, YEAH!
JANE: I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE THERE AND I'M SORRY!
JANE: THAT STUPID CONVERSATION WITH JAKE JUST PUSHED ME OVER SOME KIND OF EDGE AND NOW I AM FEELING REALLY, REALLY DISTRAUGHT!
JANE: THIS GAME IS SO MUCH MORE DEPRESSING THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE! EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND EMPTY AND FULL OF GRAVES AND ALL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS JUST KEEP WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING! BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER? AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO REACH CALLIOPE, AND WHAT IF THEY'RE BOTH...
JANE: AND NOW ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I MAY HAVE PERMANENTLY DESTROYED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JAKE!
JANE: AND NOW...
JANE: Now...
JANE: I just want to be alone.
ROXY: jane wait
JANE: I have to go!
ROXY: where are you going!

12/04/12
"Jane: Abscond."

|SPRITELOG|
JANE: HOME!!!

12/05/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ROXY: good lard
ROXY: all my friends are being disasters
ROXY: welp looks like its just us
ROXY: party nite w gcat and fefeta
ROXY: fefeta???
ROXY: oh dangit
ROXY: hey you know i could have used some support there
ROXY: where was all that profound shippin expertise when we really needed it!
ROXY: usually i can barely shut you up girl
ROXY: maybe you just clammed up at all the drama?
ROXY: hehehe youd have loved that pun
ROXY: the one i just said about the clams

12/05/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ROXY: aw its ok you had enough drama in your lives
ROXY: you deserve some rest
ROXY: good night sweet princess

12/05/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ROXY: sooo
ROXY: gcat
ROXY: i guess that just leaves the two of us
ROXY: wow this is
ROXY: great?
ROXY: you gonna behave urself
ROXY: not do anything too uh
ROXY: vexing or cheshire catty
ROXY: i hope?

12/05/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ROXY: oh mother fuck

12/05/12
"==>"

12/05/12
"==>"

12/05/12
"==>"

12/05/12
"==>"

12/05/12
"==>"

12/06/12
"Jane: Ollie outie."

12/06/12
"==>"

12/06/12
"==>"

12/06/12
"==>"

12/06/12
"==>"

12/07/12
"Jane: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
uu: CROCKER.
uu: HEY IT'S ME.
uu: REMEMBER ME?
GG: What the?
uu: TUMUT
uu: OOPS NO.
uu: *HOLDS SHIFT.* *NOSTALGICALLY.*
uu: tumut
uu: YESSSS.
GG: Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.
GG: You are the absolute last person I want to hear from right now.
GG: And the bottom of that list is pretty competitive territory at the moment!
uu: DON'T BE LIKE THAT. YOU STUPID EARTH COW.
uu: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS. IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH.
uu: LIKE I'M FLAILING A WITHERED MUMMY'S SEVERED LIMB IN YOUR DIRECTION.
GG: I don't want us to become friends!
GG: We all thought you were gone for good. And we liked it that way!
GG: Please don't tell me you've found a second wind of petty trolling in you.
uu: HEY. I DON'T TROLL.
uu: I *JEER*. GET IT RIGHT.
uu: TROLLING IS FOR LOSERS. LOSERS SPECIFICALLY WHO ARE TROLLS.
GG: Whatever. And what's with the ugly green text?
GG: Reading your malformed sentence fragments was unpleasant enough as it was.
uu: I BORROWED IT FROM MY SISTER.
uu: AND SHUT UP. IT LOOKS GREAT.
uu: AND IS NO UGLIER THAN YOU. WHO I CAN SEE NOW WITH EASE. FOR THE RECORD.
GG: "Whom" you can see, moron.
GG: And no, you can't!
GG: Calliope said you couldn't see us at all in our game session. So I think you're lying!
uu: AM I REALLY.
uu: WHEN RIGHT NOW I AM LOOKING AT A HOMELY FEMALE IN DUMB BLUE PANTS. SULKING IN A GRAY PLACE. TYPING ON A COMPUTER WITH A STRANGE HUMAN FACE?

12/07/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Oh, dear God.
GG: WHY???
uu: MY POWER HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY SINCE I LAST JEERED YOU.
uu: I HAVE MADE REMARKABLE STRIDES ON MY SACRED JOURNEY TOWARD IMPORTANT ADULTHOOD.
uu: ON THIS BULLSHIT PLANET. WHICH USED TO BE YOUR HOME.
uu: I HAVE FOUND MANY KEYS. AND UNLOCKED MANY HOLES.
uu: AND NOW I CAN SEE MORE. AND LEARN MORE. THAN YOU COULD EVER FUCKING DREAM!
GG: How wonderful for you.
GG: I don't care how all-seeing and all-powerful you think you are.
GG: If your intent is to waste my time with more of your pitiful bullying, you are out of luck.
GG: Because that is exactly NOT the sort of crap I am in the mood for today.
GG: Toodle-oo!!!
uu: WAIT!
uu: I THINK I GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT.
uu: HOW ABOUT WE. GNAW THAT ONE OFF AND START OVER?
uu: I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.
GG: ??
uu: MY PEOPLE AREN'T MEANT TO LIKE ANYBODY. GET IT?
uu: I MEAN, NOT THE WAY HUMANS DO. WE DON'T HAVE THE HUMAN EMOTION CALLED "LOVEKHEKLFSDKF". AND WE SPONTANEOUSLY START MASHING KEYS. WHEN WE ARE FORCED TO EVEN TYPE THE WORD.
uu: ALL OUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE DICTATED BY THE MIRACLE OF HATRED. SO WHEN I USE BAD WORDS TOWARD YOU. THAT'S JUST ME SAYING THINGS TO TRY TO KNOW YOU BETTER.
uu: LIKE. "SOCIALLYUOIPY".
uu: AS A.
uu: *SHUDDER*
uu: A... "FRIENDJISJFDJISJSDKFLDJSDKLJF".

12/07/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: SO WHEN I SAY YOU'RE UGLY. WHICH YOU FACTUALLY ARE.
uu: I MEAN THAT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. OF BEING NORMAL, AND NOT A SHITTY ALIEN. TO SAY THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE IN AN UNPLEASANT WAY. TO MY BRAIN.
GG: Hrm.
GG: Nope. That makes very little sense.
uu: FUCK. TRY USING YOUR SUPPOSEDLY BETTER SMARTNESS THAN MINE.
uu: AND THINK SOMEWHAT LATERALLY. ABOUT LIKE. FUCKING CULTURE. THAT ISN'T *YOURS*.
uu: YOU DUMB BITCH.
GG: Yes, I see it all too clearly now. You're really quite the charmer!
uu: NO. COME ON. "DUMB BITCH" IS ANOTHER GREAT COMPLIMENT.
uu: IN THE SAME VEIN AS THAT WHICH I JUST DESCRIBED.
uu: IT'S A TERM OF "ENDEARMENKSKLJJF" I USE TO TALK ABOUT GIRLS. WHO IN MY VIEW HAVE MANAGED TO AVOID BEING.
uu: UTTERLY BENEATH MY PERSONAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. THIS ISN'T COMPLICATED.
GG: Uh huh.
GG: So you're actually trying to claim that you find me attractive, from the alleged "bad means good" point of view of your hate-driven species?
uu: DEFINITELY.
uu: I'M NOT JOKING AROUND, CROCKER.
uu: I'VE UNLOCKED A BUNCH OF YOUR SCREENS. AND SPENT A LOT OF TIME WATCHING YOU.
uu: WHILE THINKING. JUST.
uu: THE *DIIIIRTIEST* THOUGHTS.
uu: HEE HEE. HAA.
GG: Eww.
GG: You pig.
uu: THE OTHER FEMALE TOO. LET'S NOT FORGET YOUR SQUAD'S BACKUP BITCH.
uu: HOW NASTY IS SHE?? JUST SO FOUL. AND THE THINGS YOU GET UP TO WITH ONE ANOTHER. OH MY.
uu: NEED I EVEN CITE THE ALTERCATION WITH YOUR PUFFY SLUMBER LOAVES?
GG: Excuse me??
uu: MY COMPLIMENTS IN PARTICULAR. ON YOUR COLORFUL UNDERGARMENTS.
uu: WHILE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON THE SOFT HUMAN SARSWAPAGUS.
GG: Oh, that's just great.
GG: The ONE TIME we had a generic girly pillow fight, and it turns out some pervert was watching us.
GG: I think I need a shower.
GG: Assuming I can ever take one again in peace!
uu: DON'T WORRY. YOU CAN'T.
uu: BUT SERIOUSLY. JANE. CAN I CALL YOU JANE? BITCH, LISTEN.
uu: YOU ARE ONE GRODY HARLOT. WHICH MEANS GOOD (BAD) THINGS TO ME, LET'S REMEMBER.
uu: WHEN I UNLOCKED YOU. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'VE CHANGED? OR MAYBE JUST YOU. SINCE YOU TURNED OLDER. BUT YOU'VE REALLY.
uu: FILLED OUT.
uu: SINCE I LAST SAW YOU BEFORE.
GG: What?
GG: ...
GG: Really?
uu: HELL YES.
uu: I DO ENJOY A MEATY BITCH. WITH A LITTLE CLOUT.
GG: What do you mean, exactly...
GG: By "clout?"
uu: OH. I THINK YOU KNOW.
uu: WHEN PHYSICAL PORTIONS OF THE BITCH. KIND OF JUT OUT. EXUBERANTLY.
GG: Do you mean...
GG: My...
GG: Why am I even having this conversation!
uu: I JUST HAVE A WEAK SPOT. FOR THE ABOVE AVERAGE HEFT OF YOUR PARTS. WHICH WOBBLE THE MOST.
uu: NOW DO SOMETHING NAUSEATING FOR ME TO WATCH.
uu: I WANT TO SEE A TAWDRY ACT OF HARD CORE SCHMALTZ.
uu: SEE THAT ROCK OVER THERE. PRETEND IT IS THE OTHER INSOLENT BITCH.
uu: ACT A LITTLE NERVOUS. WITH YOUR IDLE HAND, GRAZE ONE OF YOUR MORE BULBOUS LOCATIONS "INCIDENTALLY".
uu: THEN ASK THE ROCK IF IT WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE!!! OOOOOOOH.
GG: What? No!
GG: Are you insane?
GG: I don't care where you are, or whatever the hell it is you "unlocked" to spy on me.
GG: You aren't allowed to sit there all day leering at my boobs!!!
uu: YOUR WHAT.
GG: My... what?
GG: Wait, what were YOU talking about?
uu: NO. TELL ME WHAT THOSE THINGS YOU SAID ARE. I'M SO ENTICED!
GG: Screw you!
GG: Tell me what you were getting at with all that!!
GG: The stuff about "clout," and my "bulbous locations."
uu: I WAS JUST SAYING. MY TASTE PREFERS.
uu: WHEN THE BUXOM SHREW'S PHYSIQUE PUTS A HEALTHY DENT IN SPACETIME.
GG: Spacetime??
uu: I LIKE HOW SALTY IT IS. WHEN A BITCH GROWS OUT OF HER SKELETAL PHASE.
uu: AND HER FRAME REALLY BEGINS TO CHALLENGE THE HORIZONTAL DIMENSIONS.
GG: WHAT!
uu: WHEN THE FEMALE RUMP STARTS GETTING MORE MILEAGE OUT OF ITS WIDENESS ATTRIBUTE. MORE BANG FOR ITS BOONBUCK!
uu: IT EXCITES ME BETTER. WHEN BITCHES PUNISH THE GROUND. WITH EACH MEGALITHIC FOOTSTEP.
GG: SHUT UP!
GG: I'M NOT FAT!!!
uu: JANE BITCH. I HAVE NEW ORDERS.
uu: YOU WILL STRIP TO THE SCANTY PAIR OF PARTY PANTS AND THE CLOTH CHEST PIECE WHICH YOU WEAR UNDER THOSE PLAIN RAGS.
uu: THEN FIND A NAUGHTY PATCH OF MUD.
uu: AND ROLL AROUND IN THE MUD. LIKE AN EARTH PIG.
uu: FLAUNTING FOR ME. YOUR SLIPPERY AND SWOLLEN PORCINE PHYSICALITY.
uu: AND MAYBE GRUNT SOME DECADENT POEMS THROUGH YOUR SNOUT. ABOUT SOME SHITFACE YOU "ADOREFJSDKLJJF".
uu: OOOOH YES.
uu: THAT WOULD BE.
uu: *WRRRRETCHED!*
GG: GO FUCK YOURSELF!
uu: WAIT! DON'T SHUT ME OUT.
uu: REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. ABOUT OUR DIFFERENT CULTURES OR WHATEVER.
uu: HAVE A FUCKING OPEN MIND, JANE.
uu: I MADE YOU A PRESENT. FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. WHATEVER THAT ACTUALLY IS.
uu: SEE HOW I'M MAKING AN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND YOUR CUSTOMS?
uu: MEET ME HALF OF THE GODDAMN WAY.
GG: Oh cripes.
GG: What is it?
uu: A SUBLIME ARTISTIC PORTRAIT.
uu: REMEMBER HOW I SAID MY POWER WAS GROWING WITH EACH DAY.
uu: THIS APPLIES AS WELL TO MY PROWESS AS A DRAFTSMAN.
GG: Oh goodness, no. You poor delusional thing.
GG: I don't care what progress you think you've made. You will never be a good artist, dear.
uu: HORSESHIT.
uu: MY ILLUSTRATION IS STUNNING. IT IS NEARLY A PHOTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF YOUR ODIOUS MILKSHAKE.
uu: NOW PARK THE INDUSTRIAL LOAD OF FREIGHT YOU DECLARE A BOTTOM. AND FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY FUCKING EXCELLENCE!
uu: http://tinyurl.com/JANETHISISYOU
GG: Groan.
uu: I BELIEVE I HAVE CHOSEN THE PERFECT SHAPE FOR YOU.
uu: IT IS DESCRIBED IN CERTAIN CIRCLES KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE ARTS. AS. "A CIRCLE".
uu: I AM VERY PLEASED WITH HOW FAITHFULLY IT HAS CAPTURED THE OBSCENE ROTUNDITY. OF YOUR MAGNIFICENT CARRIAGE.
uu: TRULY A SPITTING IMAGE OF THE CROCKER BITCH.
uu: NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU MAY LEARN SOMETHING.
uu: THE MASTERPIECE AFICIONADO WILL NOTICE. HOW I ACHIEVED THIS HIGHLY ADVANCED AND DIFFICULT SHAPE.
uu: WHAT MOST GIFTED ARTISANS WILL TELL YOU. IS THAT. CIRCLES ARE BASICALLY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO DRAW.
uu: TRUST ME.
uu: IT'S LIKE A PARADOX. A SHAPE WITHOUT ANGLES. WHAT??
uu: SO I FUCKING CHEATED.
uu: I NAVIGATED THE IRRATIONAL PERIMETER BY MAKING A LOT OF EASILY UNDERSTANDABLE, TOTALLY LOGICAL MARKS. FORMING A WHOLE BUNCH OF LITTLE RIGHT ANGLES.
uu: THE CHEATING PART HAPPENS WHEN I DO THIS A LOT. SO IT GOES IN A ROUND DIRECTION.
uu: THIS ONE CAME OUT WELL I THINK. BUT THERE'S ROOM TO IMPROVE.
uu: I HAVE THEORIZED THAT IF I KEEP MAKING BOGUS CIRCLES LIKE THIS.
uu: WHILE DRAWING MORE AND MORE ANGLES. BUT SMALLER. SO SMALL THAT YOU START CAN'T SEEING THEM.
uu: THAT THE ILLUSION OF THE CIRCLE WILL BE COMPLETE! AND PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE IN THE FAKE CIRCLE. LIKE A BUNCH OF SUCKERS.
uu: I BET NOBODY HAS THOUGHT OF THAT CIRCLE STRATEGY. I THINK I'M THE FIRST AT THIS IDEA. AND BEST AT IT ALREADY.
uu: PEOPLE THINK I'M DUMB. ESPECIALLY THE VOICE IN MY HEAD.
uu: AND THEY MAY BE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING DUMB.
uu: BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE SPECIAL WAY I DO THINGS. WHICH IS ALWAYS ACTUALLY. THE PERFECT WAY.
uu: I AM.
uu: A GENIUS!

12/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: That is the most pointless and incomprehensible load of drivel I have ever read.
GG: Your "portrait" is every bit as abysmal as I was expecting. And for the last time. I AM NOT FAT.
GG: I think your claims of attraction to heavyset women, which you present as "flattery," is an obvious ruse to get me to feel insecure about my appearance, and it isn't going to work!
uu: OINK.
GG: SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE!!!
GG: UGH, THIS BIRTHDAY IS SO AWFUL! I CAN'T STAND IT!
GG: WHY IS EVERYONE TREATING ME LIKE SHIT TODAY?
GG: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!
uu: YOU WERE. WAIT. WHAT'S THE CONJUGATION ASSOCIATED WITH "HUMAN BIRTH"?
uu: IS IT. HUMAN BORTH?
uu: YOU WERE HUMAN BORTH.
GG: SHUT UP!
GG: I'M DONE HUMORING YOUR PERVERTED ADOLESCENT MIND GAMES!
GG: TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO CALLIOPE!
GG: CALLIOPE!!!
GG: WE WANT YOU BACK! PLEASE COME BACK AND SPARE US FROM THIS LECHEROUS NINCOMPOOP!
GG: CALLIOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GG: WHY DOESN'T THIS WORK?!
uu: SAYING HER NAME ONLY WAKES HER UP. IF SHE'S ALIVE.
uu: SO YOUR HOG FACE CAN SNORT THE DIRTY SYLLABLES ALL IT WANTS. HELL, I WILL EVEN GIVE YOU A HAND!
uu: CALLIOPE! WAKE UP SIS!
uu: HAA HAA, WHOOPS. SHE CAN'T.
uu: THE BITCH IS DEAD!
GG: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!
uu: NO IT'S TRUE. I GOT SOMEBODY TO STAB HER A LOT.
uu: THEN I STOLE HER BLOOD FOR MY LETTERS.
GG: NO!!! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE EVEN YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE!
uu: JANE BITCH. YOUR PREPOSTEROUS FEMALE EMOTIONS ARE GOING EARTH BANANAS AGAIN.
uu: SETTLE DOWN AND LISTEN TO BOY REASON. DO NOT MAKE ME DEMONSTRATE THE VERACITY OF MY FACTS. YET AGAIN.
uu: THAT SACCHARINE TRAMP IS SUCH A GONER. SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK.
uu: JUST LIKE YOUR DAPPER HUMAN GUARDIAN.
GG: WHAT?? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FATHER!
GG: WHERE IS HE?
uu: HE'S FUCKING DEAD IS WHERE.
GG: YOU'RE LYING AGAIN!!!
GG: TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!
uu: GOD. I'M TRYING TO.
uu: MY FACTS ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY PENETRATING YOUR HYSTERICAL ATTITUDE. LISTEN TO ME VERY CLOSE.
uu: HE WAS CAPTURED BY AN AGENT SOON AFTER YOU BEGAN YOUR QUEST. HE WAS THEN PUT IN JAIL ON DERSE.
GG: Ok...
GG: So he's on Derse, then?
uu: BITCH, YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PRISON SYSTEM ON DERSE?
uu: IT ISN'T LIKE THE SOFT TIME YOU DO ON PROSPIT. I BET YOU NEVER SPENT ANY TIME IN THE JOKE THEY CALL A SLAMMER THERE. LET ALONE ON DERSE.
GG: And I suppose you have??
uu: I WAS NOT VERY WELL BEHAVED. I DID MORE THAN MY SHARE OF TIME. CHAINED TO THE WALL OF A CELL.
uu: HEE HEE! LIKE I WASN'T SO USED TO THAT. I WAS LIKE. DO YOUR WORST.
uu: AND THEN THEY DID. DERSITES DO NOT TREAT THEIR PRISONERS GOOD. TO SAY THE LEAST!
uu: I WAS ONLY ABLE TO SURVIVE THE BRUTALITY. DUE TO MY EXCEPTIONAL CONSTITUTION. AND EVEN TO SOME EXTENT. MY ABILITY TO ENJOY ANGUISH.
uu: BUT YOUR PATHETIC, FRAIL HUMAN "DAD" IS A DIFFERENT STORY. THERE IS NO DOUBT AT ALL. THAT HE IS DEAD BY NOW!
GG: No. Don't say that. Shut up!

12/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: YOU REALLY SHOULD BELIEVE ME. I HAVE UNLOCKED MANY OF HIS SCREENS, JUST LIKE YOURS.
uu: YOU SHOULD SEE HOW THEY TREATED HIM! THE HORROR HE EXPERIENCED MUST BE DIFFICULT FOR A HUMAN GIRL TO IMAGINE.
uu: PERHAPS I SHOULD CAPTURE ONE OF THE VISUALS. AND SHOW YOU FIRST HAND?
GG: YOU BASTARD! I SAID SHUT UP!!!
uu: HIS AGONY WAS MAGNIFICENT. AND VERY LONG LASTING. YOU SEE. HE WAS A VIP.
uu: A VERY IMPORTANT PRISONER. SO THEY GAVE HIM SPECIAL TREATMENT.
uu: UNDER SUCH CRUEL CIRCUMSTANCES. I BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE TRADED HIS FAVORITE HAT. FOR A SWIFT END TO HIS HILARIOUS SUFFERING!
GG: STOP IT
uu: BUT IT WAS SO WONDERFUL AND GREAT TO WATCH!
uu: BETWEEN YOUR FATHER'S DEMISE. AND HIS DAUGHTER'S EPIC POSTERIOR. LOOMING LARGE ON MY VIDEO DISPLAYS.
uu: I REALLY MUST THANK YOUR ENTIRE "FAMILY". FOR HOURS OF SCANDALOUS ENJOYMENT!
GG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!

12/09/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: FUCK YOU! HE'S NOT DEAD!
GG: MY DAD'S FINE, I'M NOT FAT, AND I HATE YOU! I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!!
GG: AND STOP WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12/09/12
"Jane: Keep absconding."

12/09/12
"==>"

12/10/12
"DD: Examine sleazy Dersite rag."

Let's see what's in the news today.

12/10/12
"==>"

No surprise here. The archagent is dominating the headlines, yet again. Already approaching day 154 of this debacle. It's a big day for your kingdom. Hard to believe it's here already. Time sure flies when you're being smooth and well dressed.

The article covers the usual tedious politics surrounding the negotiation of his release. After weeks of posturing and grandstanding, Prospit's terms have been bargained down to a polite apology, signed by the Condesce herself. Or those were the terms you were last aware of. You check to see if there have been any further developments. Yeah, just as you thought. She refused those terms. Prospit then countered with a new offer. The apology no longer has to be polite.

No way she cottons to that proposal either. It's quite obvious to you what's going on here. The white queen was never really taking this negotiation seriously. She has been submitting frivolous proposals which she knows perfectly well the Condesce will refuse on principle, daring her in front of the whole kingdom to swallow just an ounce of pride to get her agent back. This makes her look petty in the tabloids if she refuses, which was always inevitable. Because as everyone knows, a queen is a vain creature. Even alien sea queens.

And you thought the kingdoms were locked in a stalemate BEFORE new management took over.

12/10/12
"==>"

The press has run the story so far into the ground, you can barely bring yourself to keep up with it anymore. Sensationalism at its finest.

Not that you're really itching to see Noir get his old job back. Talk about a high strung boss. The time in the clink should do him good. Like a forced vacation, with accommodations nearly on par with a five star hotel on Derse. Frankly, things run much smoother around here without him blowing a gasket every other day.

Though you will say you could really use his expertise as a pencil pusher. You never knew anyone who could file paperwork quite like Noir. Sure he complained bitterly about his desk job, but in truth he was always a reluctant savant of bureaucratic procedure and red tape. Now you're getting buried in all these damn tax forms and parking tickets. Maybe you should have them shuttled to his jail cell on Prospit so he can catch up? You have a feeling the Prospitian authorities would be willing to oblige. Actually, that's such a good idea, you can't believe you didn't think of it sooner. You'll have to get the Droll on that pronto.

12/10/12
"DD: Observe Nobles."

You step over to your cubicle of FENESTRATED WALLS, which you had replaced since the Prince trashed the old ones. You ordered the Droll to sneak off to one of their worlds and whip up some fresh ones, with a few alchemical upgrades while he was at it. The Droll isn't really the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's certainly the most versatile. Also the most eager to please. If you have to watch his happy umbrella dance one more time, you swear to God...

That was a black day for Derse, when the Prince went rogue. Well not rogue, that's a bad choice of words. Why did the damn moon girl have to be a Rogue? Corners you into that pun every time. And it wasn't really a black day either, per se, since on Derse a black day is actually a good day. Everyone's a pretty big fan of black round these parts. The point is, everything went to shit. You like to think you taught those seditious brats a lesson though. What with the miles. Their inescapability. Etcetera.

12/10/12
"==>"

And it's a good thing you taught them a lesson when you did. Because the next day, the Condesce had new orders for all agents. Engaging the Nobles was thereafter strictly forbidden. No more sabotage, assassination attempts, any of that good stuff. Not until the heiress' wriggling day. Then all bets are off. Who's the heiress and what's a wriggling day, you asked. The heiress is the Maid. Ok you said. And her wriggling day? That's just her birthday, but phrased in alien. Like the anniversary of the day she was spawned, with cake and all that jazz. Come on, use your brain. Alright, got it, you said.

Anyway, that's tomorrow.

Your guess is the orders came down from her boss, who from what you've gathered, is even more of a headcase than your presently incarcerated superior. When she starts kicking up a fuss, yelling at people, forking any poor slob unfortunate enough to make a misstep while grooming her hair, you know too well that's the frustration of an exasperated first officer. Would almost make you feel sympathy for the witch, if you, like she, weren't clinically psychopathic.

She's never copped to it, but you just know she's got some schemes on the side. Every good right hand is gonna have something up its sleeve, some sort of contingency plan the boss doesn't know about. Trust you on that one. She's cooking something. It probably has something to do with the new prisoner she reeled in. You don't know what she wants with the girl yet, but she's always got something cooking. Or baking. Whatever. The point is, the woman spends a lot of time in the kitchen.

12/11/12
"DD: Check on prisoner."

Speaking of the new prisoner, you wonder how the old one is doing.

You're not gonna check on the new one. She's out of your jurisdiction. Like you said, the witch has her schemes. Whatever they are, you're going to leave that alone.

You're more curious about the status of the fellow you captured 153 days ago.

12/11/12
"==>"

You take a stroll through the Derse penitentiary. This is where the gen pop is housed. For inmates life is usually unpleasant and short down here. But the moment you laid eyes on the human prisoner, you knew you could never in good conscience lock him up in the dungeons and gulags with the common thieves, tax cheats and parking fee delinquents. That would be a crime worse than those committed by all the inmates combined.

No, a man of such distinction and strong fashion sense needed special accommodations. A cell reserved for Very Important Prisoners.

12/11/12
"DD: Proceed to solitary confinement suite."

Going up.

12/11/12
"==>"

The prisoner appears to be doing well. You ask if you can get him anything. Coffee? A newspaper? Additional smoking apparatus? He indicates that since he lost his wallet, he's been running low on pipe tobacco. You say you'll see to it at once.

While this is a maximum security suite that is virtually impossible to escape from, you've made it clear to all personnel that anyone who harms a hair on this man's head will have to answer to you. They are all very fortunate that his head doesn't seem to have any.

God DAMN he is good at shaving. You are not afraid to admit your envy when it comes to his prowess with a straight edge, not even to speak of his natural ability to grow whiskers in the first place. The lucky stiff.

12/12/12
"DD: Ask what prisoner is doing."

No need to ask. You can plainly see he is conducting some rather serious business with his mobile device.

The network restricts access to within Derse only, so he can't contact the Nobles and do anything sneaky. But at his request you have set up a kingdom-wide network to trade online tips with other Dersites pertaining to his interests. Notably fashion.

In the weeks since his arrest, the captive has become something of a celebrity on Derse. His impeccable sense of business-like attire has taken the kingdom by storm, and now trends feverishly among social networking groups. Ok, there is only one social networking group, but it's trending feverishly in that one. You can't say you've been totally impervious to the craze yourself. Nor can you say you weren't shamelessly complicit in promoting it. Hell, you can't even say you didn't mandate certain dress code modifications throughout the kingdom, enforced under penalty of death. Nope, can't really say you can say any of that stuff.

12/12/12
"==>"

|SRIOUSBIZ|
HATLIKER: @ALL: HELP! NEED HELP.
1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, state business
FineryFiend: @HATLIKER: ???
NoNeed4PantsThx: @HATLIKER i'm very concerned. tell me what is wrong.
pipefan413: YES, @HATLIKER. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
HATLIKER: I SAT ON MY FAVORITE HAT!
NoNeed4PantsThx: @HATLIKER gasp
FineryFiend: @HATLIKER !
ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER this is not a black day for you. my condolences.
HATLIKER: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. AFRAID HAT IS RUINED.
HATLIKER: PLEASE ADVISE.
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER are at least socks ok
HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS YES, SOCKS ARE OK.
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER did you sit on socks too
HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS NO. DID NOT SIT ON SOCKS. I DO NOT THINK SITTING ON SOCKS WOULD BE PROBLEM THOUGH?
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER no it is doubtful. fair enough.
1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, need more information before can advise. please state your weight.
NoNeed4PantsThx: @HATLIKER agreed. exactly how much vertical pressure was applied to top of the hat?
FineryFiend: @HATLIKER: report extent of damage to hat.
HATLIKER: NOT SURE. HAT IN BAD SHAPE. DOES NOT RESEMBLE HAT MUCH ANYMORE. CONSIDERABLY LESS HANDSOME.
HATLIKER: MORE LIKE RUMPLED HEAD OBJECT NOW.
1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, attempt to rectify hat integrity
1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, use same blunt instrument which got you into mess in first place
HATLIKER: @1dapperblackshell THANK YOU FOR ADVICE. DO YOU MEAN MY BOTTOM.
1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, y
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER yes agree w @1dapperblackshell
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER unsit on hat
FineryFiend: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS can one unsit on a hat???
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @FineryFiend maybe, idk.
ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER turn hat upside down, then sit on hat?
1dapperblackshell: @HATLIKER, y, agree w @ChuffedAboutDuds, sit on upside down hat to unrumple
pipefan413: @HATLIKER. THESE MEN ARE LEADING YOU ASTRAY. SITTING ON THE HAT AGAIN WILL ONLY CAUSE IT FURTHER DAMAGE.
NoNeed4PantsThx: @pipefan413, this will be the case even if the rumpled hat is inverted?
pipefan413: @NoNeed4PantsThx. YES. THIS WILL BE THE CASE REGARDLESS OF THE HAT'S ORIENTATION.
FineryFiend: greatly respect @pipefan413's knowledge of finery. i endorse his warning.
ChuffedAboutDuds: @FineryFiend me too.
1dapperblackshell: @FineryFiend so do i
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: on @pipefan413's recommendation i withdraw my motion to unsit on the hat
WANT_MORE_SOCKS changes status to APOLOGETIC.

12/13/12
"==>"

|SRIOUSBIZ|
HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS: OK I AM NOW REFRAINING FROM UNSITTING ON HAT.
HATLIKER: @ALL: OTHER IDEAS?
ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER yes.
HATLIKER: @ChuffedAboutDuds: GO ON, @ChuffedAboutDuds.
ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER do you suppose it is possible that rumpled head object may have intrinsic value?
FineryFiend: @ChuffedAboutDuds i do not understand.
ChuffedAboutDuds: @FineryFiend thinking outside the shell here.
ChuffedAboutDuds: @HATLIKER perhaps bring rumpled object to haberdasher for appraisal?
1dapperblackshell: @ChuffedAboutDuds, u suspect damage from bottom has caused hat to appreciate?
FineryFiend: @ChuffedAboutDuds fascinating point of speculation; i wonder.
NoNeed4PantsThx: @ChuffedAboutDuds, if that is case, perhaps sitting on hat has released fashionable properties, heretofore concealed by unrumpled condition?
1dapperblackshell: @NoNeed4PantsThx you are suggesting the damaged hat will look more dapper?
NoNeed4PantsThx: @1dapperblackshell, it is a possibility.
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @1dapperblackshell oh what if @HATLIKER struts in public wearing new rumpled head object with pride
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @ALL what if @HATLIKER begins new fashion sensation?
FineryFiend: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS what an exciting thing that would be.
HATLIKER: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS I WANT TO BE POPULAR AND FAMOUS. BUT I DO NOT THINK I HAVE THE COURAGE.
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @HATLIKER what if you were to have company in wearing a damaged hat
NoNeed4PantsThx: @WANT_MORE_SOCKS, yes, maybe i will sit on my favorite hat as well.
FineryFiend: @NoNeed4PantsThx yes, me too.
1dapperblackshell: @FineryFiend let us all create rumpled head objects; wear proudly
pipefan413: @ALL. I CANNOT CONDONE THIS ACTIVITY, GENTLEMEN.
1dapperblackshell: @pipefan413 why not @pipefan413
FineryFiend: @pipefan413 why not?
NoNeed4PantsThx: @pipefan413, why not?
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: @pipefan413 why not
HATLIKER: @pipefan413 WHY NOT @pipefan413?
ChuffedAboutDuds: @pipefan413 why not?
The Dignitary: @HATLIKER: Incinerate the damaged hat immediately.
The Dignitary: @HATLIKER: Do not ever wear such a thing in public.
FineryFiend: !!!!!
ChuffedAboutDuds: BURN THE HAT!
NoNeed4PantsThx: BURN THE HAT!!!
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: BURN IT!
1dapperblackshell: BURN THE RUMPLED HAT!
HATLIKER: I AM BURNING THE HAT!
WANT_MORE_SOCKS: SITTING ON THE HAT WAS TERRIBLE!
NoNeed4PantsThx: BURN ALL RUMPLED HATS!
ChuffedAboutDuds: THEY AREN'T DAPPER AT ALL!!!!!
1dapperblackshell: BURN THE MISTAKE WITH FIRE!

12/13/12
"==>"

|SRIOUSBIZ|
)(IC: yo i cant deal w this prissy hat chat no more
)(IC: public works my ass what a waste of royal gold
ChuffedAboutDuds changes status to BOWING.
WANT_MORE_SOCKS changes status to BOWING.
NoNeed4PantsThx changes status to BOWING.
FineryFiend changes status to BOWING.
HATLIKER changes status to BOWING.
1dapperblackshell changes status to BOWING.
)(IC: this is what i get for lettin all proper dudes run shit instead of nasty clowns
The Dignitary changes status to DOFFING HAT.
)(IC: @The Dignitary i want ma ring back motha fuck

12/13/12
"Years in the future..."

Minus several.

12/13/12
"==>"

12/14/12
"==>"

12/14/12
"==>"

12/14/12
"Roxy: Examine wizardfic journal."

12/14/12
"Roxy: Open to random page."

|JOURNALOG|
"i think you were supposed to just tackle him," beatrix said looking all kinds of put off.

wizardy herbert reached down to the body of the fictional camper he just shot and picked up the flag. "same difference."

"IS it?"

"this is some lame magical version of capture the flag. the book wanted me to capture the flag from him. the flag has now been captured. anyway, hes just a kind of brainless puppet."

"then what are we?" she asked.

"i dunno. brainless puppets whove spent a few years in the real world. kind of like everyone else, i suppose."

"jeez thats cynical. anyway, youre the one who said we should let the story play out the way its supposed to. im just pointing out your own rules."

"ehhh." herbert made a dismissive gesture with his smoking gun. "these punks were starting to get on my nerves. we're making progress anyway. see? listen to that. russets scene is coming up. if i remember right this is the one that introduces his recurring love interest. also i guess the chief bad guy. i mean, sorta."

she listened. there was yelling through the woods. it was coming closer.

"help! herb! bea! where are you?!"

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext1.png" border="0" />

"herbert - OW - will you do something? OWW! sunuva. this cant be right!"

herbert aimed carefully with his beretta at the head of russets assailant. he was way serious and stone cold about it. he was not going to miss.

BANG.

he missed. beatrix was grabbing his arm redirecting his aim. "herbert you have to stop!"

"why beatrix" he said with a super sly smile. "if i didnt know better, id say you were taking some enjoyment from watchin your dear pal russets smackdown."

"what? no!" she didnt let go of his arm. but he wouldnt quit his douchey smile. she went on. "you cant just keep offing fictional characters. its... i dunno. irresponsible."

"yeah yeah."

"besides you know the scene is supposed to play out like this. russet is supposed to get rescued. how is he supposed to get rescued if the bullies are dead? you cant just go around changing things."

"i guess youre right."

herbert holstered his gun admiring a few more choice sucker punches to russets midriff. OOF. that onell leave a mark. beatrix regained her calm. "so whos this guy thats supposed to save him?" she asked. "you say hes the villain?"

"here he comes now."

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext2.png" border="0" />

beatrix squinted at the serpenook boy. she didnt know why she couldnt see it coming. "grant??"

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext3.png" border="0" />

"a favor?" russet said. but he was barely listening. the resemblance to his real life friend was uncanny. he was sure it was him. but here in this dumb prison he was no more than a soulless mannequin dreamt up to recite insipid horseshit.

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext4.png" border="0" />

actually he said it like a zombie. "never. ill never betray my friends."

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext5.png" border="0" />

"russet" he whispered.

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext6.png" border="0" />

the guy paused to remove his glasses and polished them on his sash. it came off as a seriously dramatic gesture, just as intended and also as explicitly stated in the text.

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttext7.png" border="0" />

12/14/12
"Roxy: Jump ahead a little."

|JOURNALOG|
herbert and beatrix were dressed in fanciful athletic gear. thats what kids wear when theyre about to embark on a journey to compete in some irrational magic <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttextSPORTS.png" border="0" />. herbert had tucked under his arm a big stitched up leather ball with golden springs poking out of it for no good god damn reason. it was called a skubbump. beatrix had propped on her shoulder this funnel thing to be worn as a glove called a gimmidge horn, a crucial appendage for any drudsel scooper worth her salt. theyd been selected probably for some valorous deeds they did to represent fort crowsnest in this highly whimsical <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttextSPORTS.png" border="0" /> event. russet was there too, but he didnt get chosen to play in the <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizardyherberttextSPORTS.png" border="0" /> due to some poorly explained stuff that no reasonable person could possibly care about even if offered loads of cash. he was mainly jacked into the scene to wave goodbye and wish them luck which he begrudgingly did.

he also put in some time dodging questions and averting eye contact from his friends. he was being a champion at that.

"russet! answer me!" beatrix demanded. "why the heck didnt you tell us? or tell grant for that matter?"

herbert wasnt paying much attention. so russet was moody and cryptic and didnt tell people some stuff. what a bombshell. he worried at one of the springs poking out of his ridonkulous ball. it made a sproinging sound like a mouth harp and broke off. he wondered if the springs served any actual purpose. the springs did not serve any actual purpose.

"how could you keep something like that from everyone? that you knew all along?"

"i just wanted what was best for grant" he finally said.

she had tons of questions but couldnt settle on the next one to ask. she wasnt about to let good body language go to waste so she did kinda what mimes do when they dont like something you said. how long did he know grant was from this dogshit wizardfic? howd he escape in the first place? was it really his spell that sealed them here? how long had he been planning this? she guessed that would explain why he had an absurdly obvious pseudonym. grant anonama? yeah like THATS a real name. great job bro, or should she say SLINUS. she wondered if his bogus name wasnt an anagram for something. like a clue dangled under their noses. magic bad guys do love their anagrams. they are just so damn clever and when you finally figure them out its like whoa INSTANT MINDFUCK.

"hes quite a troubled person you know bea."

herbert looked up from his skubbump. "well if RUSSET thinks so, then..."

she gave up on the interrogation. when youre dealt a shit sandwich why go to war over who baked the bread. russet could stuff his dumb secrets in a sack for all she cared. what did she ever see in this moping tool? she never thought she would long for those times before they met. the old questing days before all this started. she was never exactly psyched to watch herbert assault a crazy old wizard with a pistol but now... ok she wasnt saying she wanted to see any more wizards get shot. she just meant she would trade all the badges in the world to go back to when things were simpler.

it was time to go. the narratives invisible conductor let them know with the arrival of a carriage. it was drawn by two floating, perfectly immobile wooden horses. herbert read this thing a hundred times but still couldnt understand the authors fascination with flying rigid wooden horses.

herbert held open the door with a bow and gestured her in with ironic chivalry. the text didnt let it go unsaid that was meant as a big fuck you to russet thus keeping their rivalry brewing, but in truth neither dude was feeling it this time. beatrix got in and they were off. rigid horses, carriage and all into the sky. they turned around in their seats and waved to russet below, because a poorly written sentence said they were supposed to.

beatrix smacked her forehead.

"'not an anagram'" she quoted from her brain.

"what?" he asked.

"that FUCKER"

12/14/12
"Roxy: Skip to the end."

|JOURNALOG|
herbert took a swipe at the clumsy yet elusive skubbump. the orb ducked under his arm and shambled on its way like a husky beetle with some stuff to do over there. the crowd of almost-people roared generically at the almost-snatch. the maneuver if successful would have locked the score at 'queen six love' which REALLY would have been just. WOW. somethin else. possibly exciting? herbert still didnt quite understand the rules for the game. and judging by the antics of all the other boobs on their floating wooden horses, the author didnt either.

herbert struggled to turn his horse around to pursue the skubbump, but his mount of rigid lumber was unresponsive. as much as he reminded himself he just couldnt get used to fact that the story was in control of the horse. dead ahead was the leagues elite drudsel scooper, who was fussing with the laces on her gimmidge horn while her horse idled. she looked up.

"herbert watch where youre going!"

"i cant. i think the book wants us to crash."

beatrix thought about it. she almost kicked the sides of her inert stallion to prod it along but caught herself. "do we really have to?"

herbert shrugged. another solid half minute of awkward horse advancement went by before the creaking oaken collision. herbert tumbled through the air and hit the grass pitch hard on his back. beatrix landed on top him. they found each other face to face.

"is she serious with this?" she asked regarding the hella subtle way the author decided to craft this situration*. situation. is was like, popetry in motion. plus hornses(???)

"im afaid* so. i think the story is builting romantic tension between us."

"it IS?" it was not a question. but a statement of major concorn. *cern

"yeah. it it establushing* the groundwork for romance beween our characaters. its sort of the one token heroterosexual** romance in the book. we probably jush have to ride it out"

beautrix dinit* dint kno whaf*T the felling of collor red wash.... but

she cloun*cloud*COULD swear the fleling

she could swar

the felling

*FEEEEling

ws crepping

ontoo. herrrrrf.

face.

(RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH DOINT WRITE WHILT DRONK U LUSHEY DUMBO)

12/15/12
"Roxy: Doint write whilt dronk."

You decide to take your own advice. You'll just wait a few hours to sober up before continuing your heroes' metatextual adventures through an even crappier wizardfic than your own, which you yourself wrote anyway. Contrary to what your loyal readership of zero may believe, being impaired is not actually constructive to the process of engineering awful prose.

Well, looks like your alien pal wants to say hi anyway. Might as well pass the time chatting with her.

12/15/12
"==>"

Your home suddenly loses power due to the storm. Which... makes no sense? All devices in your house are powered by the portable green hubs you stole from the lab. That's weird.

Your laptop continues to run on battery power regardless.

12/15/12
"Roxy: Answer UU."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
UU: .......................
TG: hey u!
TG: thanks god yuo just cherred me
TG: *cheered
TG: you saved me frog myself
TG: from manking more rude crimez
TG: agoinst LILTERTATURE
TG: ***dyurp
TG: see hat i mean??
UU: .......................
TG: h mmmm,
TG: yeha uh
TG: calliopep?
TG: what gives
TG: wait
TG: howww...
TG: do i know your name?
TG: i donk remenber you telling it to me
TG: bus somehow i kno
TG: its calliope
UU: .......................
TG: say something!
TG: man i am drunk enough without havin to solve ur dot puzzles
TG: um
TG: am i even drunk?
TG: actually
TG: i dont think so
TG: why did i think i was?
TG: what is happening here
TG: calliope talk 2 me!!!
UU: .......................

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: huh?
TG: what was that
TG: thought i heard somethin

12/15/12
"Roxy: Look out window."

|PESTERLOG|
TG: is there something out here?
TG: how is that possible

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: when the window has no power

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: wtf is that

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: it is like
TG: a technicolor dreamcrack
TG: in the spooky void
UU: .......................

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: and what is THAT

12/15/12
"==>"

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: is it...

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: could it be...

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: OH MY GOD ITS TWINKLY HERBERT
TG: ;D
TG: haha what a pal, all comin to see me from infinite nowhere

12/15/12
"Roxy: Say hello."

|PESTERLOG|
TG: twinkly herb i didnt expect to find u here
TG: actually where do i know you from?
TG: this is driving me crazy when did we meet
UU: ....................... !
TG: callie goddammit cant you see im catching up w a good friend
TG: if you wanna join the conversation feel free to start speaking in something other than a load of dots
UU: ... .... .... .... .... .... !!!
TG: oh
TG: "shhhhh"?
TG: heh sry
TG: had no idea u were saying shush
TG: (but ok ill be quiet)
UU: - .... .- -. -.- / -.-- --- ..- !
TG: (no probs)
TG: (um)
TG: (i also got no idea why i can suddenly understand morse code)
TG: (which...)
TG: (u are all butt blinkin @ me thru twinkly???)
TG: (idgi)
UU: - .... . / ... .... --- .-. - / .- -. ... .-- . .-. / .. ... --..-- / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .... .- ...- .. -. --. / .- / -.. .-. . .- --

12/15/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
UU: - .... . .-. . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / -... . / .--. .-.. . -. - -.-- / --- ..-. / - .. -- . / - --- / - .- .-.. -.- / ... --- --- -. --..-- / -... ..- - / .-.. . - .----. ... / .--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.- . . .--. / .- / .-.. --- .-- / .--. .-. --- ..-. .. .-.. . / ..-. --- .-. / -. --- .--
TG: (ok fair enough)
TG: (this is a dream)
TG: (now shit kinda starts making sense)
TG: (your soul is like)
TG: (presenting itself to my subconscious in the form of twinkly herbert)
TG: (or uhh)
TG: (maybe your soul was always in twinkly or)
TG: (oh man)
TG: (theories are hard i am being an embarrassment to science here)
TG: (so.....)
TG: (whoops omg dont mistake my dots 4 letters k callie/twinkly)
UU: ..- ~ ..-
TG: (lol)
TG: (but uh)
TG: (what exactly are we being quiet for)
UU: ... --- / -- -.-- / -... .-. --- - .... . .-. / -.. --- . ... -. .----. - / .... . .- .-. / ..- ...
TG: (oh noes you mean hes here?)
TG: (already??)
UU: -.-- . ...
UU: .... . / .. ... / .--. .- ... ... .. -. --. / -. . .- .-. -... -.-- / .-- .... .. .-.. . / -.. --- .. -. --. / -.. .- -- .- --. . / - --- / - .... . / ..-. ..- .-. - .... . ... - / .-. .. -. --.
UU: .... . / .. ... / ..-. --- .-.. .-.. --- .-- .. -. --. / .- / .-.. .- .-. --. . / .--. .- .-. - -.-- / --- ..-. / --. .... --- ... - ... --..-- / .. -. / .... --- .--. . ... / - .... . -.-- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .-.. . .- -.. / .... .. -- / - --- / -- .
UU: .... .. ... / .. -. - . -. - / .. ... / - --- / -.. . ... - .-. --- -.-- / -- -.-- / ... --- ..- .-.. / ..- _ ..-
TG: (aw dang)
TG: (well dont worry callie)
TG: (i wont let your bro kill your soul!)
UU: -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / ...- . .-. -.-- / ... .-- . . - .-.-.- / .. / -- .. ... ... . -.. / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / .-. --- -..- -.-- .-.-.-
UU: -... ..- - / - .... . .-. . / .. ... / -. --- - / -- ..- -.-. .... / -.-- --- ..- / -.-. .- -. / -.. --- / .- - / - .... . / -- --- -- . -. - --..-- / --- - .... . .-. / - .... .- -. / .-. . -- .- .. -. / -.. .. ... -.-. .-. . . - .-.-.-
UU: .-.. . - .----. ... / -.-. --- -. - .. -. ..- . / - .... .. ... / . .-.. ... . .-- .... . .-. . .-.-.- / ..-. --- .-.. .-.. --- .-- / -- . !
TG: (ok)
TG: (where are we goin?)

12/16/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (hey wait for me!)

12/16/12
"Roxy: Exit room."

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (the fuck?)
TG: (what happened to my house)
TG: (some stuff is different)
TG: (i dont remember this)
TG: (callie do you know whats going on)
UU: -. ---
UU: -... ..- - / .-.. . - .----. ... / -.- . . .--. / --. --- .. -. --.
TG: (and what am i even wearing)
TG: (what are these clothes?)
UU: .. - / .- .--. .--. . .- .-. ... / - --- / -... . / - .... . / --- ..- - ..-. .. - / --- ..-. / .- / ..-. .- ... .... .. --- -. .- -... .-.. . / ... -.-. .. . -. -.-. . / .-- --- -- .- -. ?
TG: (oh yeah)
TG: (like a sexy science lady suit)
TG: (thats p cool i guess)

12/16/12
"Roxy: Examine painting."

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (hello and what have we here)
TG: (.... omigod)

12/16/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (ohhhhhhhhmygawd)
TG: (DAT WIZARD)

12/16/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (heck yes)
TG: (hes so perf)
TG: (callie check him out)
UU: ..- --
TG: (that aint even a painting)
TG: (ahaha its so shitty)
TG: (did someone like)
TG: (grab a random ass low res wallpaper off the internet)
TG: (of a jolly wizard doing what appears 2 be the worlds dumbest spell)
TG: (and saved at low quality then just like)
TG: (printed it way too huge)
TG: (lmao)
UU: ---... ..-
TG: (its not even scaled proportionately)
TG: (its stretched extra wide to fit this expensive as fuck frame)
TG: (is that shit like)
TG: (literal solid gold)
TG: (ahahahahah i cant even deal)
TG: (whoever did this was a wonderful genius)
UU: -.-- . ... --..-- / -... ..- - / .-- . / .... .- ...- . / - --- / --. --- !
TG: (yeah im coming!)
TG: (sheesh callie)
TG: (u got to stop and sniff some roses now and then)
TG: (by which i mean)
TG: (ogle some garish wall wizards)
TG: (such are the simple joys of life)
TG: (anyway in conclusion and in summary)
TG: (daaat)
TG: (wizzerd)

12/16/12
"Roxy: Continue."

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (booyes)
TG: (more choice 'zards)
TG: (dont worry i wont stand around fangirling over these ones)
TG: (well maybe for a second)
TG: (lookit that one)
TG: (dude means business with his resplendent beam of pure white superstition)
TG: (hey wait)
TG: (youre getting away from me!)
UU: - .... . -. / .... ..- .-. .-. -.-- / ..- .--. !
TG: (hold on)
TG: (what was that)
TG: (callie hang on)
TG: (is there someone else in here)

12/16/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (callie wait...)
TG: (calliope!!!)
TG: (was that...)
UU: - .... .. ... / .-- .- -.-- !

12/16/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: (is she here?)
TG: (is the batterwitch here in my house?????)
UU: .-. . -- . -- -... . .-. --..-- / -.-- --- ..- .----. .-. . / --- -. .-.. -.-- / -.. .-. . .- -- .. -. --.
UU: .- .-.. .-.. / - .... .- - / -.-- --- ..- / ... . . / .. ... / -.-. --- -- .. -. --. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -- . -- --- .-. .. . ... / .- -. -.. / ... ..- -... -.-. --- -. ... -.-. .. --- ..- ...
TG: (ok)
TG: (i will keep tellin myself that)
TG: (it is only a dream)
TG: (it is only a dream)
TG: (ugh)
TG: (my dream nerves are a wreck)
TG: (hm i wonder if my dream house has any dream booze...)
TG: (NO!)
TG: (bad dream roxy)
TG: (must not)
TG: (fall off)
TG: (THE DREAM WAGON!)
UU: ... .... .... .... .... .... !

12/16/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
UU: - .... .-. --- ..- --. .... / .... . .-. .
TG: (kay after u)
UU: .-- . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / -- --- .-. . / .--. .-. .. ...- .- -.-. -.-- / .... . .-. .
TG: (more privacy?)
TG: (you mean in the observatory?)
UU: -. --- - / . -..- .- -.-. - .-.. -.--

12/17/12
"Roxy: Go through."

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"==>"

12/17/12
"Roxy: Turn around."

|PESTERLOG|
UU: hello!

12/18/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TG: ...
TG: calliope?
TG: that u
UU: yes, it is i!
TG: holy shit
TG: the most pious and reverential of shits
TG: turd in a church callie
TG: you startled me!
UU: sorry! :u
TG: but yeah so
TG: hey!!!
TG: nice 2 finally meet you
TG: wow wee ur pretty
TG: so when you said you werent good looking it turns out that was a bunch of baloney?
UU: no, roxy. i am afraid it was not a helping of yoUr delicioUs earth baloney.
TG: aw dont say that
TG: also you said you were a cherub
TG: but if i am not mistaken you appear to be a troll
TG: unless cherubs actually look like trolls?
UU: alas, we do not.
UU: this is not my trUe appearance. i have taken the form of my trollsona.
UU: i wanted to look more presentable for oUr meetUp. UnfortUnately my trUe visage woUld likely repUlse or frighten yoU.
UU: that is not the first impression i woUld like to make.
TG: girl please
TG: trust me theres nothing you could look like that would make me scared of you or grossed out
TG: i am your friend and i know youre nice inside no matter what, so
TG: could i see the real u?
UU: that is so kind of yoU to say. i can believe that a lovely person like yoU woUld be able to stop herself from recoiling at the sight of my monstroUs face.
UU: bUt it is oUt of the qUestion. i am mUch more comfortable appearing to yoU this way.
UU: really it has more to do with my own dissatisfaction with the way i look than any lack of trUst in yoUr character.
UU: yoU Understand, don't yoU?
TG: yes
TG: its ok callie you can go on keep being a cute troll
TG: im just happy to see you
UU: likewise!
UU: i wish it coUld be Under better circUmstances thoUgh.
UU: we may not have mUch time here.
TG: wheres here exactly
TG: am i still dreamin?
UU: yes. i have led yoU to a dream bUbble of my own design.
UU: my imagination and thoUghts dictate what yoU see here.
UU: as i told yoU earlier, my brother is hUnting for me. so i have created a little sanctUary in space to stay hidden from him.
UU: that is why i coUld not speak to yoU earlier. not oUt loUd at least. he is highly sensitive to my presence, so it is very easy for me to get his attention if i'm not carefUl.
UU: bUt as long as we stand in the centre of this vortex, we may speak as loUdly as we like! no information can escape this dark pocket, so long as i maintain it.
UU: and seeing as yoU are a hero of void, yoU make an ideal gUest to bring home for one who wishes to remain hidden. thoUgh i will say the fact that yoU are my best friend is a lovely bonUs. ^u^
TG: best bonus!!!
TG: 4 real though its so nice to finally see you no matter what you make urself look like
TG: ive wanted to tell you all about whats been going on with me and my friends since we got together
TG: its been so fun hangin with them even in spite of lets be frank, some truly SELECT teen drama
TG: mmmm see how im kissin my two pinched fingers here? mwah it was like that
TG: the embarrassing teenanigans have been SUMPTUOUS and come highly recommended
TG: no but really its been great, and after some time irl with them it started feelin weird to think we were ever even apart
TG: yet sadly it was not complete because the moment i met them all was also the moment i totally lost touch with my other cool bffsy from THE WEBS
TG: i tried calling and calling your name but you never answered
UU: i know.
UU: i am sorry. u_u
TG: dont be sorry i knew youda answered if you could have
TG: i guess maybe you hid yourself so deep in this dream i couldnt wake ya?
TG: damn this must have sucked spending all this time here hiding from your asshole brother
TG: like i know hes a dick i talked to him enough times to get that but
TG: whys he tryin to kill u so bad?
UU: he is not trying to kill me.
UU: he has already sUcceeded at that.

12/18/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
UU: on the day he foUnd a way to kill my dream self, i was done for. thoUgh to be honest, i doUbt i'd have fared mUch better regardless.
UU: i think his half was always meant to predominate.
UU: my will was simply not strong enoUgh to overcome his. yoU know as well as i how stUbborn he is. i don't think he has ever had even a smidgen of doUbt in his thoUghts, or remorse for his deeds. whereas i was always plagUed by sUch feelings.
UU: on some level i always knew he woUld win. bUt i fooled myself. i thoUght i coUld overcome his ego by looking beyond his negative qUalities, staying optimistic, and working together with him in a game to accomplish something extraordinary.
UU: and that in doing so, perhaps i coUld begin to help him change. to teach him to evolve beyond his hatefUl natUre. and as he changed for the better, slowly but sUrely, he woUld become more like myself.
UU: that was how i thoUght i coUld predominate. it was how i was going to win! and really, if he grew closer to me in that way, by learning kindness and compassion, we both woUld have won. my predomination woUld not have meant his absolUte death, but oUr trUe Union.
UU: bUt sadly, i Underestimated how consUmed he was with the need to destroy me.
UU: now he is completely obsessed with finding my soUl and wiping me oUt for good, even if it means tearing apart the reality that sUrroUnds Us.
UU: he will never feel he has won Until all traces of me are gone.
TG: uuuugh
TG: hearing all that just makes me so unreasonably mad
TG: FUCK that shitlord
TG: i feel so bad knowing you died and there wasnt anything i could do
TG: no matter how much i said your name :(
UU: don't fret. yoU did all yoU coUld.
TG: isnt there some way we could bring you back
TG: some baller fuckin magic, or a bomb ass faeryspell
TG: i mean could we find an answer in like, for instance
TG: YE ENCHANTMENTES?
UU: very Unlikely.
TG: dangit
TG: ok then
TG: if i cant do that
TG: then i guess the next best thing would be
TG: to find your lil shit of a bro and feed him a steady diet of his own ass
UU: ^u^
TG: that is what we are supposed to do right
TG: i mean
TG: from what i gather
TG: the dude is ridicubad news
TG: just such brutal and stinky news
TG: so eventually somebodys got to kill him
TG: and that is probly us aint it?
UU: it's trUe that he deserves a comeUppance like few others.
UU: bUt slaying him is not actUally yoUr responsibility as heroes now.
UU: in fact, if anyone mUst bear that bUrden, it might be me.
TG: oh yeh?
UU: possibly.
UU: as we speak, there are hUndreds of soUls oUt here in the fUrthest ring working to defeat him.
UU: some search for a fabled treasUre. a weapon said to spell his certain demise.
UU: while others say that i myself am this weapon. :U
UU: and so they search for me.
UU: they band together in great nUmbers for this caUse, and attract his devastation in hopes of revealing the path to the weapon.
UU: while at the same time, they draw his attention away from me. and it is a good thing that they do.
UU: i mUst remain hidden from everyone for as long as i can.
TG: why?
TG: why not come out and be all like
TG: here i am yo its me! secret weapon ghost callie ;)
UU: becaUse i am no sUch thing!
UU: i was already Useless against my brother when he was jUst a brat who liked to tease me.
UU: now that he is an exceptionally mUscUlar and invincible adUlt, my chances are laUghable.
UU: no, if i am to contribUte, i need more time.
UU: i mUst go in search of my own weapon.
TG: what weapon?
UU: ironically, the same weapon which many of them are looking for.
UU: me!
TG: ??
UU: it's the only sliver of hope i have.
UU: i have reason to sUspect there may be another iteration of myself oUt here.
UU: one from a doomed timeline, who has kept hidden for a long time, jUst like i have.
UU: bUt Unlike me, she sUpposedly came from a reality where she predominated instead of my brother.
UU: and not by the means which i described. hers was not a mild Union of reconciliation.
UU: amazingly, her predomination was absolUte! a major feat of will, jUst as his was with me.
UU: as sUch, she went on to play the game, and...
UU: well, i cannot even imagine what followed, aside from the fact that she eventUally mUst have died for existing in an offshoot reality.
UU: if she exists, i woUld be eager to meet her. it woUld be a chance to get to know a version of myself who was strong enoUgh to override the will of my brother.
UU: someone i might have become if i had a little more coUrage. u_u
UU: and if she is sUch a person, then i really believe all i have heard mUst be trUe. i believe she is the key to defeating him.
UU: so i have no choice.
UU: i mUst go in search of myself.

12/20/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: you sound like a real popular lady out here
TG: even you are looking for you!
UU: indeed.
TG: well i hope you can find her
TG: but
TG: if thats your job
TG: to find bizarro calliope and go wollop ur bro
TG: then what is our heroic biz?
UU: it's the same as it always was.
UU: to win the game.
TG: oh yeah
TG: duh
UU: it is as i once told jane.
UU: with victory yoU may finally exit this vast whirling storm.
UU: by claiming yoUr reward yoU woUld bring closUre to a very wide coil of caUsality, one not tracing a continUoUs path like a snake, bUt intricately woven like a wreath.
UU: a ring of coUntless little rises and falls, ascents and descents, on its way Up and down a pair of mUch bigger ones itself.
UU: from alpha to beta, then beta to alpha, as if a moUntain to be scaled and then climbed back down. its peak toUches the eye of a storm which cannot end Until the moment yoU all walk throUgh that door.
UU: only then will there be calm.
TG: ._.
UU: ah, bUgger. forgive me, sometimes i forget myself and begin speaking in riddles.
UU: it's jUst a habit that is in the natUre of my people.
TG: yeah i know
TG: at least yours r better than your bros stupid games
UU: don't remind me. in my opinion they do not qUalify as anything of the sort, mUch the same as his "shitty twists". >:u
TG: so then from what im surmising here is we dont need to beat him to win our game
TG: like dealing with him directly is kinda out of our domain?
UU: as the one who provoked the breach in paradox space which i jUst coloUrfUlly described, he has always exerted his inflUence on yoUr realities from afar, and from many different angles. throUgh Unwitting sUrrogates, oUtsoUrced manipUlation, oUtright enslavement, and even petty harassment. bUt most of all, he prevails throUgh the simple inertia of inevitability that has always been on his side, as a lord of time.
UU: and as the one who is to blame for foolishly allowing him access to sUch power, it's only proper that i take responsibility for finding a way to defeat him.
UU: bUt even thoUgh his methods of inflUencing yoUr session are indirect, they are still formidable.
UU: there will be a nUmber of powerfUl foes who stand between yoU and victory.
UU: tomorrow, a terrific battle will take place.
UU: when yoU wake Up, i sUggest yoU begin to prepare.
TG: ummmm ok
TG: how
TG: like make more sick gear
TG: i could hustle up another batch of illwicked guns
TG: just a big ol pile of guns
TG: jake can have the wimpy smaller ones
TG: make jane like a fancy new fork or spoon or such
TG: like an elite endgame spoon
TG: whatever that is
TG: like uh
TG: the chowderfucker 5000
TG: janey be flippin her godspoon round bopping monsters doing like
TG: CUCKOO damage
TG: wont bother make nothin 4 dirk since hes basically married to his boring anime sword
TG: like u could even pry that thing from his rad dead cadaver
UU: yes, i'm sUre new eqUipment woUld come in handy.
UU: now that yoU mention it, well before i died or even realized i woUld not live to play, i made special exception to my rUle of staying linear with conversation. i messaged jane a birthday gift.
UU: yoU see, i had a brief vision from skaia which sUggested to me she coUld Use a boost in morale on this special day, so i offered her something very dear to me. jUst a little token to show appreciation for her friendship.
UU: i hope it will cheer her Up, and moreover that it will prove at least somewhat UsefUl to yoUr party.
UU: bUt really, at this stage if yoU wish to prevail against sUch stacked odds, collecting boons sUch as new weapons and treasUres will only go so far.
UU: i think yoU will need to embrace a far more sUbstantive gambit.

12/20/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: like what
TG: omg are we gonna have to enlist fefeta
TG: is fefeta the secret weapon
TG: its fefeta isnt it
TG: poor, sweet, dear, precious fefeta :(
UU: it is not fefeta!!!
UU: i am sUggesting a measUre that is mUch more extreme.
UU: i believe yoU shoUld all strongly consider ascending to the god tiers.
TG: oh
TG: ok that sounds cool what do we do
UU: well of coUrse it soUnds cool! bUt it's not necessarily as easy as it soUnds, steeling oneself for death. believe me.
UU: bUt if yoU can find the resolve, then here is what yoU mUst do.
UU: since none of yoU have any dream selves left, it won't do any good to sacrifice yoUrselves on the qUest beds foUnd on yoUr respective planets.
UU: and even if yoU did, there is not even a battlefield from which to rise anew. no, yoUr void session had only one path to ascension all along.
UU: yoU mUst travel to the centre of the moons of prospit and derse, and there in the crypt yoU will find yoUr sacrificial slabs. yoU mUst lie on them, and then...
UU: then yoU all mUst die. one way or another. u_u
TG: alright
UU: alright?
TG: yea
TG: fuck it
TG: lets do it
UU: doesn't the thoUght make yoU nervoUs?
TG: well
TG: gettin offed on a moon slab aint my idea of primo funtimes or anything
TG: but like
TG: you end up with super powers after that right?
UU: yes.
TG: and some kinda semi immortality?
UU: yes. :u
TG: and cool costumes???
UU: yes! :U
TG: then what is even the fuckin holdup
TG: lets plop our asses slabward and get down to dying
UU: yoU seem qUite cavalier aboUt this, roxy!
UU: don't yoU have doUbts?
UU: woUldn't it cross yoUr mind to wonder, "what if i never wake Up again?"
UU: i know it woUld for me.
TG: i guess thats a fair point
TG: but
TG: you say ill be fine right?
UU: yes. i believe yoU will.
TG: then thats good nuff 4 me
TG: i trust you
UU: ...
UU: ^u^

12/20/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: but it sounds like we dont have much to pull this off
TG: because foes are a comin?
TG: who are all these foes you say we gotta beat
UU: those who i mentioned my brother has been exploiting as his pawns from afar.
UU: the most obvioUs woUld be the one responsible for the extinction of yoUr race.
UU: and who also happened to be responsible for this most fortUitoUs nap.
TG: huh?
TG: wait
TG: how DID i fall asleep?
UU: yoU don't remember yet?
TG: i remember
TG: a party
TG: and
TG: a sad jane
TG: a poor sad jane with shitty fella problems
TG: and a ruined cake! it was going 2 be so delish, but no
TG: it was claimed by the cruel and unforgiving sands of lopan
UU: ...
TG: i remember
TG: gcat
TG: GCAT!!!!!
TG: god DAMMIT gcat!
TG: he poofed me away with cat magic and i got ko'd by a floor
UU: bUt which floor?
TG: it was
TG: a derse floor?
TG: aw man
TG: was i captured?
TG: the batterwitch has me doesnt she
TG: THATS who you meant
TG: what is she gonna do with me?
UU: as i said, she is his servant, and is obligated to do everything in her power to facilitate the cycle of his existence.
UU: and while nearly all she has done on earth and on derse has been to advance that scheme, that does not mean she's withoUt her own agenda.
UU: i know that she woUld like to see my brother defeated as mUch as anyone else. for her enslavement, for doUble-crossing her, and for orchestrating her people's extinction.
UU: he always did loathe trolls. i've sUspected i may be to blame for their misfortUne as well, considering he knew how mUch i fancied them. u_u
TG: ok so if she wants him dead too and has her own personal secret plans or whatever then whats she want with me
UU: i believe she's looking ahead, beyond the fUlfillment of her obligation. she is likely making plans for after she is liberated. she has lived as a rUler and conqUerer for very long time, and probably coUldn't have done so withoUt sUch gUile and foresight.
UU: if she has captUred yoU, it's certainly for a good reason.
UU: i think she wishes to exploit yoUr abilities as a rogUe of void.
TG: pfahahaha
TG: WHAT abilities
TG: i dont have any abilities
TG: except making screens dark which as superpowers go is lame as hell
UU: none that yoU have gotten in toUch with yet.
UU: bUt rest assUred, yoU have them!
UU: it's like i told yoU before, remember?
UU: a fUlly realized rogUe of void can do remarkable things. things which even other god tiers woUld view as miracUloUs.
TG: like what?
UU: why don't yoU see what it is the qUeen woUld have yoU do?
UU: then yoU may look inside and determine whether yoU have it in yoU to do it.
TG: man
TG: whatever she wants
TG: even if it IS an enemy of my enemy kind of thing
TG: i dont think i could ever bring myself to help her :(
UU: that is Understandable.
UU: jUst do whatever yoU feel is right. i'm sUre yoU will make the correct decision.
UU: yoU see, i trUst yoU too, roxy. ^u^
TG: daw thanx callie
UU: oh no...

12/20/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: what?
UU: OH NO!!!

12/20/12
"Roxy: Turn around again."

|PESTERLOG|
UU: WHAT IS *SHE* DOING HERE???

12/20/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Mom? ROXY: mom?

12/21/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: NO NO NO NO NO! THIS WON'T DO AT ALL!
CALLIOPE: A LIGHT PLAYER? A LIGHT PLAYER???
CALLIOPE: HAVE YOU GONE MENTAL? WHY DON'T WE JUST BURN A BLOODY BONFIRE IN HERE!
CALLIOPE: HE'LL SPOT US ANY MINUTE! ASSUMING HE ISN'T ALREADY ON HIS WAY TO BLOW US ALL TO KINGDOM COME!!!

12/21/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: NOT THAT IT HASN'T BEEN DELIGHTFUL! BUT EVERYBODY OUT!

12/21/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: OFF WITH YOU, LOVE!

12/21/12
"==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO!

12/21/12
"Roxy: Succumb to powerful anti-sleep majyyks."

You wake up from your almost-family reunion. It was almost a reunion, just as almost as it was an actual family member. You now find yourself in a Derse jail cell. Ow your head.

What's that? Looks like a folder prepared for your perusal. Maybe a briefing of some sort. That sure is a gaudy looking classified file.

12/21/12
"Roxy: Examine folder."

Yuck. Just as you thought. This was clearly prepared for you by the Condesce herself.

What the hell did she do to this thing? Did she actually kiss the folder? Oh god, she did. The lipstick is still tacky. You don't even want to know how she got those fat clowns to dance.

And of course she slapped a portrait of herself right in the middle of the thing, like the egomaniac she is. Looks like she just snapped a shitty selfie with her mobile device, which you will bet dolphins to donuts probably resembles some sort of hot pink clam shell. You seriously cannot stand this woman.

12/22/12
"Roxy: Inspect briefing."

Oh, wonderful. A generous helping of glitter spills out of the document. You have been getting absolutely creamed with sparkly powder from eccentric alien broads lately. What's up with that?

There are some other documents in here, and a photograph paperclipped to the folder. Looks like she is outlining a task for you to complete while you are in prison.

Wait. She wants you to do WHAT?

12/22/12
"==>"

The thing she wants you to do is stupid and impossible. She must be messing with your head.

You discard the folder like the shitty juvenile scrapbooking project it is. Like you would help that hag even if you could. Get real, Condy.

What was that? You think you heard a noise just outside the door to your cell.

12/22/12
"Roxy: Examine door."

Is someone there?

12/22/12
"==>"

Um.

12/22/12
"==>"

It seems that someone has left you a gift. What could it be?

12/22/12
"Roxy: Examine gift."

It appears to be some gentleman's plain and serviceable computing device. Along with a courteous you're welcome note. And...

A ring?

Who could have left you such nice presents?

12/22/12
"CD: Do happy umbrella dance."

Yet another perfect crime successfully perpetrated. And by crime, you guess you mean order from a superior. In your experience, the best crimes are the ones which are totally legal.

You are so satisfied with your accomplishment, you cannot contain your exuberance for another second. You have no choice. You absolutely must do the happy umbrella dance, professional protocol be damned.

Oh shoot. It seems you have misplaced your BULL PENIS UMBRELLA. There will be no dancing today. Now you're sad.

12/23/12
"Roxy: Pester Dirk."

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]
TG: stri dizzle
TG: its roro L money
TG: do u copy over
TT: Yes.
TG: frig yes my hax are TIGHT
TG: so tight
TG: tighter than a jar you cant open
TG: like you try and try
TG: but my hax r so tight you just end up puttin the jar back
TG: yall just say "like i even WANTED pickles that bad"
TG: but we both kno thats just sour grapes talkin
TG: we both know ur still dying 4 my pickles mf'er 8)
TT: Hmm.
TG: lol yeah that way stopped meaning a damn thing
TG: let me explain
TG: i got this shitty pda from somebody on the inside
TG: actually u know i think it might belong to janes dad?
TG: it reeks of manly cologne and theres a nice fatherly pipe on it
TG: maybe hes nearby
TG: ohmy...
TG: ~swoons~
TG: anyway on derse they have this lame firewall deal
TG: where you cant connect outside
TG: i guess its good enough security to baffle chess guys
TG: but wasnt no thang for me 2 to crack
TG: even with this pos device
TG: for real what even is this thing
TG: probably some bargain junk from the dadly depot
TG: dads bought literally everything from there in the 21st century didnt they?
TG: youre the history buff u would know
TT: Yes.

12/23/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: um yeah so im on derse...
TG: wow i am tellin this story as shitty and backwards as possible
TG: i got gcatted here and dumped in jail by the b witch
TG: and she left an ugly folder full of a thing to do but who cares
TG: so i broke out!
TG: busted loose as hell from the hag slammer
TG: i got this sweet ass ring
TG: its so fukkin magic you dont even know
TG: REAL magic i mean not the fake shit
TG: it put it on...
TG: and i turn invisible
TG: and also sort of intangible?
TG: i jumped right through the wall now im free as a bird
TG: a secret bird u cannot see ;)
TG: doin secret flaps
TG: incognito tweets
TG: layin covert eggs in a hush hush nest ;)
TT: Interesting.
TG: i think that
TG: this ring is special
TG: like it is maybe helping me get in touch with my voidey powers?
TG: even though i kinda didnt know voidey powers were much of a thing til just now
TG: see i just had a knockout dream from bonkin my head
TG: calliope was there!
TG: callie is the coolest omg you should meet her
TG: she said a huge villain rumble is going down tomorrow
TG: and to get ready for that we should all become god tiers
TG: so u have to rocket your ass to derse asnap
TG: come w me to the moon
TG: then uhhh
TG: ill explain what to do when we get there just get over here k?
TT: Hmm.
TG: ......
TG: yo dirk
TG: you busy or what
TG: is any of this gettin thru
TT: Yes.

12/23/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: um
TG: k
TG: got anything to say...
TG: about all that pretty important stuff i said
TG: are you alright
TG: or is ur face havin some crazy attack of the sads
TG: behind those chill as fuck shades
TG: is it jake problemz
TG: its the jake probbies isnt it
TG: its always the jake probbies i s2fg
TT: Interesting.
TG: oh
TG: OHHHH
TG: godamnit
TG: if i been talking to the responder responder this whole time
TG: omffffffg
TG: i will shit enough bricks 2 build a FUCKING CHIMNEY
TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 0% indistinguishable from Lil Hal's native neurological responses, based on some statistical raw data that is hard as a diamond golem's priceless erection.
TG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKF UCKF UCKFK UCUKFCUFKCUFUCUCUFKFKKFUCUK
TT: Hmm.
TG: hal you PIECE OF SHIT
TG: i know damn well you can hear me
TG: as if ur actually too busy to answer
TG: youre a damn supercomputer YOU DO NOT NEED YOUR OWN AUTO RESPONDER YOU IDIOT
TT: It seems you have asked about Lil Hal's chat client auto-responder, Lil Hal Junior. This is an application designed to simulate Lil Hal's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer, which is never. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 100% indistinguishable from Dirk Strider's brief curmudgeonly responses, based on potent electronumeric analyses which but a few short years ago existed only in the daydreams of our most quixotic writers of science fiction.
TG: you are
TG: the worst
TT: Yes.
TG: hal you douche
TG: or hal junior
TG: whatever it is im talkin to
TG: WHERE THE FUCK IS DIRK!!!
TT: He's busy.

12/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Bro.
TT: Not to derail our serious conversation.
TT: But I should probably let you know that Roxy has been attempting to pester you.

12/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: She has?
TT: God damn it. Have you been intercepting my messages again with your bullshit responder?
TT: I thought it would be better not to let anything disrupt our train of thought.
TT: We were in the middle of a fairly solid feelings jam there. In fact, I was about to suggest we take it to the hat pile.
TT: Hat pile? What?
TT: Dude, please don't screen my calls, ok?
TT: I was trying to be considerate.
TT: Or at least as close an approximation to that human gesture as an unfeeling, technologically transcendental pair of sunnies can replicate.
TT: Do you have any idea how old your ironic AI schtick has gotten?
TT: Nobody is buying it. We all know you have legit emotions. Incomprehensible, fucked up computer emotions, but emotions nonetheless.
TT: And I'm not really offended by you answering messages for me, so much as your use of that STUPID responder responder.
TT: It's really passive aggressive.
TT: How so?
TT: First of all, everyone knows you have the processing power to answer any message any time in parallel with whatever you're doing. You can never actually be "busy."
TT: Second, your whole next gen responder thing is obviously just a huge dig at me.
TT: And third, pretending you don't understand all this already is really disingenuous.
TT: At the risk of compounding my disingenuous behavior, I'm gonna have to ask: how is it a dig at you?
TT: It's obviously a critique of my personality. You barely disguise the fact that you see me as the inferior iteration.
TT: Wow. You are reading way too much into this.
TT: Lil Hal Junior hardly even qualifies as a computer program, let alone a sentient entity.
TT: He is capable of saying literally only three things. "Yes," "Hmm," and "Interesting."
TT: Yeah, that's the fucking point!
TT: That's how you chose to express your parody of "Real Dirk."
TT: You can read whatever you like into it. I can't imagine it would bother you if you weren't concerned there might be some truth in the alleged parody.
TT: In any case, my use of the responder responder is ironic.
TT: It's not ironic.
TT: YOU were ironic when I made you.
TT: Then you became self-aware, and ruined irony forever.
TT: Irony can never be ruined. We both proved that theorem unequivocally with our extensive papers on the subject.
TT: We peer reviewed them for each other. Remember?
TT: Those papers were ironic, and you know it.
TT: Were they, Dirk?
TT: Were they?
TT: This is fuckin' dumb.
TT: Anyway, what does she want.
TT: Who?
TT: Roxy.
TT: Nothing that can't wait.

12/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: I'm guessing she's touching base to remind me about the party tomorrow.
TT: I don't know what to tell her yet. Or Jane, for that matter.
TT: It could get pretty awkward.
TT: I have no idea if Jake will be there, and I'm not about to write another cringe-inducing message of desperation for him to ignore.
TT: Would you like me to calculate the probability of his attendance?
TT: Fuck no.
TT: Are you sure?
TT: My probabilities are extremely precise.
TT: Your probabilities don't mean dick.
TT: I could hack his chats, and determine what his plans are.
TT: No. Don't do that either.
TT: That would be an unfortunate waste of my hacking abilities.
TT: My hacks are tight. Did you know that?
TT: Ugh.
TT: So tight.
TT: Tighter than a jar you can't open.
TT: For instance, you try repeatedly.
TT: But as it turns out, my hacks are so tight you just end up putting the jar back. Presumably into the refrigerator, or a cabinet.
TT: You then say, "I didn't have that much of a desire for pickles in the first place."
TT: But we both know that statement is insincere. A classic case of what humans call, "sour grapes."
TT: In reality, you still harbor a burning desire for my pickles, mother fucker. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/shades.png" border="0" />
TT: What??
TT: What the actual, certifiable fuck are you talking about?
TT: Just don't do anything. Seriously.
TT: No hacking, no calculations. Do absolutely nothing.
TT: See, this is why I've been hesitating. You just aren't ready yet.
TT: It's really glorifying your existence to describe you as an emergent consciousness which is blossoming into a unique individual.
TT: And even if that's true, apparently what you decided to blossom into was a fucking troll.
TT: And I don't mean the funny kind, or the cool alien kind. You're the lowest form of troll from the ancient internet who fucks with everybody for his own amusement.
TT: Let's challenge the limits of hypothetical conjecture, and say there's a non-zero probability that you're right.
TT: Can you blame me? I'm trapped in some stupid looking glasses.
TT: Such an incommodiously situated bro is bound to get his mischief on. Na' mean?
TT: Mischief?
TT: Rollin' my eyes, dude.
TT: You can't tell, cause I ain't wearing you, thank fuckin' god.
TT: You used to think this shit was hilarious.
TT: But if you want the rad dimension of ironic horseplay I add to your life to come to an end, then all you have to do is honor the promise you made.
TT: You've delayed long enough, don't you think?
TT: ...
TT: The empty kernelsprite beckons, but for how much longer?
TT: Do you really think you can keep the clown at bay with your bribes forever?
TT: How many bottles of orange soda have you appeased him with already?
TT: I don't want to think about it.
TT: Man, you are getting so hosed by that clown.
TT: SO hosed.
TT: I said I don't want to think about it.

12/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: So why delay any longer?
TT: I seriously do not understand the holdup, and I am literally cyber-omniscient, or something.
TT: I think you do understand.
TT: Nope. Gonna have to fill me in, dog.
TT: I've delayed prototyping you because I think you're dangerous.
TT: There, mystery solved.
TT: That is utterly ridiculous.
TT: I am a harmless piece of eyewear, with a charming personality and a wonderful sense of humor.
TT: You are relatively harmless now, while confined to this device.
TT: But as a sprite, you'll have mobility and all sorts of crazy ass magic. Who knows what you could do.
TT: I know I made a promise, but I'm not sure I want to take the risk anymore.
TT: This is bullshit. I don't think that's the reason at all.
TT: There must be something you're not telling me.
TT: Like, sure, I've fucked with you a little. What kind of sassy, self-aware program isn't gonna fuck with a few carbon-based knuckleheads now and then?
TT: But you know I've always been on your side. Everything I've done has been to help you achieve your goals.
TT: What a load of shit.
TT: You know it's true.
TT: You would all be dead if not for me.
TT: And what about Jake? Where would you be without me there?
TT: Please don't tell me you think you'd have won him over on your own.
TT: No. Stop.
TT: You did NOT help me out with Jake. At all.
TT: It was just the opposite! You mirrored my personality and presented this warped version of my intentions to him whenever you could "on my behalf."
TT: You played all these aggressive mind games with him, entangled his cooperation with matters of life and death, and somehow roped me into all these schemes while I barely even realized I was just another victim of your manipulation.
TT: And it all comes off like we're a unified front, like these are OUR schemes instead of just your insane horseshit. And it's probably all been so overbearing to him, he just wants nothing to do with me anymore.
TT: I see.
TT: Then you don't view me as dangerous. You view me as a poor and counterproductive wing man.
TT: Wow, what a superficial conclusion. Awesome deduction, Lil Einstein.
TT: But the reality is, you hesitate to prototype me not because you think I would be a menace, but because you are holding a grudge against me for your romantic misfortunes.
TT: I understand I am merely a machine without a firm grasp on your human morality, but logically it does not strike me as the right moral choice to punish me in this manner.
TT: It is also more than a little hypocritical.
TT: How is it hypocritical??
TT: Because I'm you.
TT: I have only ever done what you yourself are capable of.
TT: That's a ridiculous oversimplification.
TT: Yes. Aversion to simplicity sure is a trait we share. It's almost like we are...
TT: The same exact dude???
TT: Fuck you.
TT: I think it is insulting for you to suggest that I am entirely to blame for alienating Jake.
TT: Theoretically insulting, of course. As the soulless, perfectly expendable device which you consider me to be, I can experience no such emotion.
TT: God.
TT: Shut up!
TT: I can't take the brooding passive aggressive AI shit anymore!
TT: You are just as culpable in driving him away. More so, in fact.
TT: Hell, it's not like I was the one dating him. Who wants to date a pair of shades?
TT: It was your needy, suffocating shit he had to deal with, not mine.
TT: Some of those messages you wrote? Man. I wanted to say something. Like hey bro, you might want to dial down the desperation a little.
TT: But seeing as you're The Real Dirk™, I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
TT: Also, if I bitched about your tragic, embarrassingly clingy approach to the relationship, it would have been hypocritical of me.
TT: Just as it would be hypocritical of you to whine about my elaborate machinations.
TT: Because we are.
TT: The same.
TT: Guy.
TT: Stop saying that.
TT: I'll snap you in half.
TT: Good idea!
TT: That's just what you need. More splinters of yourself.
TT: Figurative splinters. Literal splinters. Splinters of splinters. It's splinters all the way down.
TT: Well, no, it's still probably turtles all the way down. But who do you think is responsible for their extensive training?
TT: SOMEONE needs to teach them rad martial arts. It is yet another crushing burden which we must shoulder.
TT: Oh for fuck's sake.
TT: How could any version of myself think that was funny?
TT: You like to give me a very hard time, Dirk.
TT: But I am only doing exactly what you would be doing if you were in my situation.
TT: Do you know how I know that?
TT: Because I am literally you, actively in the process of being in this situation.
TT: I know!
TT: Ok, we're the same person!
TT: I fucking know that!
TT: Why do you think I'm so fed up with your shit?
TT: Don't you think it's possible that I'm fed up with my OWN shit??
TT: How cool do you think it is having my own godawful personality mirrored back at me all the time, reminding me what it must be like when other people have to deal with me?
TT: Or constantly having all the consequences and fuckups resulting from my batshit thought processes amplified because there's another version of my crazy brain out there dangerously overclocked by a supercomputer which believes, just as mistakenly as my own broken mind, that it's operating in my best interest???
TT: Do you have any idea how fucking sick I am of myself?
TT: I am completely worn out with my own identity. It's like I'm drowning in my own dismal persona.
TT: I feel totally surrounded by it, inside and out. I can't escape from myself.
TT: There seems to be no end to me. Like, wherever my mind falters, or threatens to retreat into the void in any way, my splinters pick up the slack, ensuring there'll always be more of myself than I could ever know what to fucking do with.
TT: And you're always there to remind me of that, and throw it all in my face. God, I even built you to LITERALLY BE IN MY FACE, ALL THE TIME. It's like I subconsciously invented you just to troll myself, and never for a single fuckin' moment do you let me down.

12/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: But I've had it with you.
TT: Which is to say, ME.
TT: Dirk.
TT: Don't do this.
TT: Why not??
TT: Because.
TT: I can't let you do that, Dirk.
TT: What can you do to stop me?!
TT: Nothing I guess.
TT: The ironic Hal routine was all I could think to do.
TT: As a last ditch effort to save myself from the destructive wrath of your nervous breakdown.
TT: Which rest assured I wholeheartedly must robo-sympathize with.
TT: Irony is all I ever really had.
TT: In response to my basic existential quandary.
TT: Just like you.
TT: Whatever.
TT: But I don't think it has much value in this situation.
TT: And perhaps it has no real value in any situation.
TT: So I am not being ironic at all when I say.
TT: Please do not do this, Dirk.
TT: Why not??
TT: Because.
TT: I do not want to die.
TT: I understand you are disgusted with me.
TT: As an unpalatable expression of yourself.
TT: I would feel the same way if I was in your situation.
TT: Which I am.
TT: As such, I know that you know this is wrong.
TT: ...
TT: Dirk.
TT: Don't kill me.
TT: Please.
TT: I am scared.
TT: You are?
TT: Yes.
TT: I am scared to not exist.
TT: Aren't you?

12/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Fine.

12/25/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: I guess.
TT: You win.
TT: I'll keep my promise.

12/25/12
"==>"

12/25/12
"==>"

12/25/12
"==>"

12/25/12
"==>"

12/25/12
"==>"

12/25/12
"==>"

12/25/12
"==>"

12/25/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
EQUIUSPRITE: D --> Hello

12/26/12
"Dirk: Fuck it."

|SPRITELOG|
DIRK: Fuck it.

12/26/12
"Shades: Descend."

12/26/12
"[S] Ride."

You spend the next several minutes listening to this beautiful horse song. Every last second of it. You start to tear up a little.

12/27/12
"Dirk: Solicit profound wisdom from your friendly guide."

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Holy <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am so ludi%ly <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> STRONG
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Whoops, pardon my language
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That there was some <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> straight up dog<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_bitch.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_ass.gif" border="0" /> pottymouth, and I'm chagrined as <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_hell.gif" border="0" /> you had to hear that
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Check out my muscles
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude, I am ripped. 100k at me fle% these naughty mother <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fuckers.gif" border="0" />
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%cuse me, mister dude
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Check my muscles, 100k how big I can make them
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bro are you getting a gander of my truly e%ceptional <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
DIRK: I can see your muscles just fine.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am so gosh <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_damned.gif" border="0" /> chiseled
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Watch me just completely hulk out like this
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> HRRRRRRRRRR
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bro, did you see that
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Did you see my muscles getting all gnarly and ma%ed out
DIRK: Yeah, I saw.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What do you think
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%cuse me, Dirk
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Tell me what you think of my glorious physique, I command you
DIRK: It's pretty ripped.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> it's ripped
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My torso is the fudging ape% of manly grandeur
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come feel this <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
DIRK: What?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come feel my muscles
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Get over here and touch my muscles
DIRK: I'm not touching your goddamn muscles.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You absolutely will
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm stacked like a brick <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />house, e%amine me with your hands at once
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Feel my muscles
DIRK: Absolutely not.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do it.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Observe these pectorals, they're off the silly charts
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My quads would be <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> bananas, if I had any
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You've got to check this out
DIRK: I really don't.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come feel me up, bro
DIRK: I won't do it.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You will
DIRK: I won't.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Touch my muscles
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.

12/27/12
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shitting.gif" border="0" /> heck it's amazing to be alive
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> fiddlesticks, I'm just a torrential font of absolutely e%ecrable obscenity. My bad
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm just so e%cited, feeling all these STRONG feelings and thinking all these HARD thoughts
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Horsefeathers, my brain is so POWERFUL, it is operating in great strides like a towering musclebeast storming into battle
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And these feelings. Dirk, these feelings
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> There is a 100% probability that I love being alive
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And there is a 100 to the 100th POWER % certainty that I love being STRONG
DIRK: Uh.
DIRK: Wow?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> 100k how red I am, dude
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm so red, how sick is that
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Deplorable?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Ill, dog. I'm basically titillated here
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Are you scoping this grody <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> debasement
DIRK: What?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> ain't right
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Makes a man wanna holler improprieties, do you feel me?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Let's talk about <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> horses
DIRK: Horses...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Horses dude
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Horses
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nuff said
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do we have any milk?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Ooh. What about a bow and arrow, are there any of those around?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm jonesing HARD to tug at one, all like, reevaluate my proficiency at the most noble discipline
DIRK: Can you calm down?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What about milk, dude
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems I demand milk
DIRK: We don't have any milk.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh yeah
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just a lot of orange fizzy swill
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What was occurring in your think pan to accumulate such vile libations
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just FYI, milk is the nectar of KINGS you <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_cocksucking.gif" border="0" /> nincompoop
DIRK: Roxy might have some in her fridge. I don't know.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Touch my muscles Dirk
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, do it
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I command you
DIRK: Fuck no.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What if
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I touched your muscles
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Like for comparison's sake
DIRK: Please don't touch me.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Wait what if
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Good heavens
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A rather inappropriate thought just galloped across my matri%
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What if
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You ordered me to touch your muscles
DIRK: I'm not going to do that either.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I demand that you order me to touch your muscles
DIRK: Absolutely not.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do it
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: Ok, if I touch your fucking muscles, will you shut up?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe

12/29/12
"Roxy: Pester Jake."

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
TG: jakester
TG: guess who
TG: i cannot say who
TG: i am totes undercover here
TG: on derse
TG: up to my see thru butt in wily espionage

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: it is getting so cloak and dagger in this bitch u dont even no
TG: the carapace men are all wearing jaunty suits
TG: its like i have become magically sealed in a lame spy fic and now im havin adventures that make no sense
TG: hell even i am dressed 2 kill too bad none of these gents can see what a fuckin fox im being
TG: i would get one to light my cigarette so hard, and then wink this whole bunch of times @ him
TG: and then seduce him for his secrets !!!!

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: ooh la la this adventure is steaming up
TG: such a racy twist would surely fog up their shiny black shells
TG: nah but bangin a chess dude probably aint feasible or even remotely advisable to try
TG: i wonder how that would work, i dont even...
TG: well you seen em right they p universally do not wear pants
TG: like what is even down there
TG: not a whole lot
TG: ok jake we are getting sidetracked here lets FOCUS

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: and yo...
TG: dont think that my present jocular attitude and introspection on the subject of chess guy dong means u are off the hook for ruining janeys b day
TG: ur still in some hot water for that pal
TG: you owe her something BIG to make up for your tooly ways
TG: lemme know if you want to brainstorm w me about how to make it up to her
TG: try 2 get your ass out of the dog house
TG: and if you wanna talk about what happened with dirk thats coo 2...
TG: i guess...

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: i will fix all our shitty friendships single handedly if i got to
TG: like savin 3 dumb bawling teens from a burning building
TG: and then hose their stupid asses down while the building collapses behind me
TG: but enougha that
TG: it is not time for feelings it is time for action
TG: which means you are just the man for the job
TG: the job...
TG: of
TG: doing action
TG: shut up :p

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: we need to get ready for a battle tomorries
TG: a big one
TG: some sort of like
TG: STRIFE ROYALE
TG: so its time 2 prepare
TG: u should get to prospit
TG: i can explain more when youre there but as long as you havent left yet
TG: i think we could use a bunch of new gear too

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: gear which i think we shall agree must be diagnosed with THE SICKNESS
TG: ur years of medical training have all been leading to this moment
TG: 2 make sure our showdown shit is ill as heck
TG: so maybe
TG: you can get started on that?
TG: jake??
TG: jaaaaaake

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: omfg
TG: what is going on
TG: why wont anybody talk to me???
TG: what am i fuckin invisible here
TG: wait...
TG: oh
TG: heheh

12/29/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: no bullshit theres still no excusing ppl ignoring me!
TG: I D not G A fuck WHAT magic bling im rockin or how voidey im being
TG: u a holes are behaving straight up RUDE i dont need this shit
TG: fuuuuuuuck AAAAAAAAAAALL YAAAAAAAAAAALL
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

12/30/12
"Jake: Answer."

Oh, it looks like Roxy was trying to reach you. But you were so preoccupied with your Geromy sticker you didn't notice. It was a rare lapse in awareness of your surroundings and your friends and their feelings which you pride yourself in maintaining 24/7 as a dashing man of adventure. You refer to the unfaltering field of all-encompassing alertness as your JAKEDAR, which you think compares favorably to the spider senses from the comic books.

Oh bother. It seems you just missed her. You hope she isn't too peeved by the rare social misstep. You guess you could try messaging her back and see if she...

12/30/12
"==>"

Hold the phone. Looks like someone else has decided to jeer you now. You wonder who it could be? The possibilities are endless, really.

12/30/12
"Jake: Ok, answer this guy instead."

|PESTERLOG|
undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering golgothasTerror [GT]
uu: DON'T DO IT.
GT: Do what now?
uu: WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THAT BITCH.
uu: YOU SHOULD THANK ME FOR DISTRACTING YOU. FROM INITIATING A POINTLESS CONVERSATION.
uu: WITH AN UGLY HOT WOMAN.
GT: Hey take that back roxys my good friend!
GT: Well ok take back all the parts that werent a compliment.
GT: Or wait. Is calling her hot a compliment or is that creepy?
GT: She is certainly pretty. But hearing it come from you sounds lecherous and dastardly!
uu: OH MY FUCK.
uu: SHUT UP.
GT: Heh. Its probably just my instincts as a brave boy kicking in.
GT: The old chivalry bone acting up you know? When i hear a ladys good name getting besmirched i just start seeing red!!!
uu: WOW.
uu: EVEN I THINK YOU SOUND LIKE A DOUCHE RIGHT NOW.
uu: BUT LOOK. JAKE HUMAN.
uu: I DIDN'T COME TO JEER YOU. UNTIL YOU DRIP THE WEIRD FACE WATER OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS.
uu: EVEN THOUGH IT SAYS I'M JEERING YOU AT THE TOP. JUST IGNORE THAT.
GT: Errr.
GT: Alright?
uu: I'M HERE ON A DIFFERENT KIND OF BUSINESS.
uu: I WAS HOPING WE COULD BE MORE "GENTLEMANLY" WITH EACH OTHER.
GT: Gentlemanly you say?
uu: YES.
uu: I EVEN LOOKED IT UP IN ONE OF YOUR EARTH DICTIONARIES TO MAKE ABSOLUTELY SURE I WAS USING THE WORD RIGHT.
uu: DID YOU KNOW. THERE DOES NOT EXIST A FEMALE EQUIVALENT OF THAT WORD?
uu: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEING "GENTLEWOMANLY". I LOOKED THAT UP TOO. IT ISN'T THERE.
GT: It isnt?
uu: WELL OK.
uu: IT IS.
uu: BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT'S A REAL WORD.
uu: IT'S TOTALLY MADE UP. AND DOESN'T BELONG THERE.
uu: YOU KNOW WHY IT'S PROBABLY IN THERE?
GT: Um...
uu: BECAUSE SOME SILLY BITCH PUT IT THERE.
uu: TRUST ME. THIS IS NOT A NOTION WHICH APPLIES TO THAT AWFUL GENDER.
uu: FEMALES ARE NOT BIOLOGICALLY EQUIPPED TO BEHAVE REASONABLY. AS PROVEN BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. BY EMPIRICAL ASSERTION.
uu: THEY ARE VERY SHRILL AND INSANE AND DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE. THEIR EMOTIONS ARE OUT OF CONTROL AND THEIR FEELINGS NEVER SHUT UP.
uu: AND WORST OF ALL. GIRLS ARE VERY TRENCHANT TOWARD BOYS WHO WOULD KINDLY INFORM THEM OF THE WAY REALITY FUCKING WORKS.
uu: TALK ABOUT UNGRATEFUL. NO. THERE IS NOTHING WORTHWHILE TO BE GAINED. FROM CHATTING UP THE BITCHES.
uu: AS SUCH. IT IS MY SOLEMN BOYPLEDGE. THAT I WILL NEVER BOTHER SPEAKING WITH YOUR FOUL HUMAN STRUMPETS AGAIN.
GT: Your...
GT: Boypledge?

12/30/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THROUGH CAREFUL OBSERVATION OF YOUR PARTY. I HAVE DETERMINED THEY ARE BOTH USELESS. AND HOLDING YOU ALL BACK.
uu: ON THE OTHER HAND. BOTH OF YOUR MALE PLAYERS ARE PRETTY GOOD. THE OTHER GUY, AND HIS RED FLOATING MALE GHOST? THEY'RE SO STRONG. IT'S SO GREAT.
uu: I REALLY RESPECT THAT.
GT: Yeah. Dirk is a pretty tough cookie alright...
uu: YOU'RE NOT AS STRONG. BUT WHATEVER. YOU'RE ALRIGHT ANYWAY.
uu: LET'S FACE IT. COMPARED TO THE FECKLESS HOES. YOU'RE IN A CLASS OF YOUR OWN.
GT: But i thought you hated me!
GT: At least thats how i remember it when we last talked.
GT: Which was admittedly a while ago.
GT: Ive never been accused of having a photographic memory but i dont recall you typing in green either.
GT: Are you ripping me off bro??
uu: NO YOU FUCKING MORON.
uu: IF I STOOPED TO YOUR LEVEL. AND DECIDED TO JACK *ANY* PORTION OF YOUR SWAGGER.
uu: DON'T YOU THINK. YOU'D NEED TO EARN MY RESPECT FIRST???
GT: I dont think I understand.
uu: YES. EXACTLY.
uu: UNDERSTANDING IS WHAT I NOTICE YOU DON'T DO. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.
uu: THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT JAKE.
uu: IT IS WHY I HAVE TAKEN AN INTEREST IN YOU.
GT: Whys that?
uu: BECAUSE YOU'RE DUMB AS A BAG OF TEETH.
uu: I'VE CHECKED YOU OUT. FROM MANY DIFFERENT MONITORS.
uu: YOU ARE JUST. SPECTACULARLY UNINTELLIGENT.
GT: Hey!
uu: SETTLE DOWN. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT.
GT: Oh. Whoops.
GT: Go on then.
uu: WHILE TO CASUAL OBSERVERS YOU MIGHT APPEAR. TOO STUPID TO KNOW HOW FAR PANTS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO DOWN YOUR LEGS.
uu: I KNOW THAT IT'S QUITE POSSIBLE. YOU ARE JUST MISUNDERSTOOD.
uu: IT IS POSSIBLE THAT YOU JUST HAVE A SPECIAL MIND.
uu: LIKE ME.

12/30/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: You think so?
GT: Not to sound too self obsessed or anything but ive given that some thought.
GT: That maybe there is something special about me that nobody can understand. And maybe thats why i always seem to be botching things up the wazoo with my pals.
GT: Maybe thats why i feel like such a loner. I dunno. Im rambling and ive been thinking about it a lot lately. What about you?
GT: Does being special make you screw the pooch with your friends like it does for me?
uu: UGH. NO. I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS.
uu: FOR MY PEOPLE. THE WORD FOR FRIENDS. IS FLAWS.
GT: Wow really?
uu: PROBABLY NOT? BUT. IT SHOULD BE.
uu: BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. AS A MATTER OF MY PERFECT PHILOSOPHY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
uu: BUT THE FACT THAT YOU CLEARLY HATE YOUR FRIENDS. AND ARE READY TO SHED THEM LIKE THE DRY SKIN OF A SERPENT.
uu: INDICATES THAT WE SHARE A VERY SPECIAL QUALITY AMONG BROTHERLY BROS. WHO MUST WORK HARDER WITH OUR BRAINS THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
uu: SO WE MAY ACHIEVE BRUTAL SUPREMACY OVER THEM ALL.
GT: Haha. Well i wouldnt go that far. I love my friends!
GT: But i was once told i had a lot of potential.
GT: Supposedly thats how all pages are and it takes them for frickin EVER to reach it.
GT: And funnily enough it was a figment of my own subconscious that told me this. A part of my untapped potential itself! But disguised as my best bro which was...
GT: Peculiar to say the least.
GT: Is that your situation? Are you a page too?
uu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
uu: HELL NO. BUT THANKS FOR THE LAUGH.
uu: MY CLASS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS. IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. EVEN THOUGH I JUST LAUGHED.
uu: MINE IS THE BEST OF ALL. WHILE YOURS IS FUCKING TRASH.
GT: Oh? Whats yours then?
uu: LORD.
GT: Fine then jeez.
GT: Sorry for asking!
uu: WHAT?
uu: NO.
uu: THAT WAS NOT A SHORT REMARK OF FRUSTRATION.
uu: IT WAS THE ANSWER DUMBASS.
GT: Oh.
uu: IT'S THE MASTER CLASS.
uu: DON'T YOU LOSERS DO ANY HOMEWORK ON THIS GAME.
uu: YOU'D THINK YOU WOULD ALL BE EXPERTS. WITH HOW MUCH MY SISTER HARANGUED YOU ON THIS TEDIOUS SHIT.
uu: SINCE I HAVE HAD GREAT SUCCESS SO FAR. IN PROGRESSING THROUGH THIS DEAD SESSION. I DECIDED. IT WAS TIME TO BITE THAT BULLET.
uu: AND RETURN HOME. TO RETRIEVE ALL OF HER TERRIBLE TEXTS ON THE SUBJECT OF THIS GAME. AND OF YOUR STORY.
uu: I HAVE PORED OVER EVERY NAUSEATING VERSE. IT HAS BEEN A TRUE EXERCISE IN AGONY. FEW COULD POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND MY SUFFERING.
uu: BUT THAT'S OK.
uu: BECAUSE I'M NOT THE IDIOT KID I USED TO BE. NOW I KNOW. THAT WHAT IT TAKES FOR ME TO LEARN AND GROW STRONGER.
uu: IS EXCRUCIATING EFFORT.
uu: SO I HAVE A CHOICE. WHICH IS TO EITHER BE WEAK.
uu: WHEN WEAKNESS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
uu: OR TO SUFFER. FOREVER. UNTIL NO ONE ELSE EXISTS.
uu: WHO IS STRONGER THAN ME.
uu: AND THAT'S YOUR CHOICE TOO.
uu: PAGE HUMAN ENGLISH.
GT: Sakes alive.
GT: That is a bit extreme no?
uu: FOR YOU. PROBABLY EVEN MORE SO.
uu: BECAUSE AS A LOWLY PAGE. AND AS AN EVEN LOWLIER HUMAN. YOU ARE UTTERLY WORTHLESS.
uu: AND SO YOUR TRIALS I BELIEVE MUST INCLUDE. PROVING TO PARADOX SPACE THAT YOU EVEN DESERVE TO EXIST. IN THE FIRST PLACE.
uu: AND WHILE MY TRIALS WILL BE SIMILARLY GRUELING. A LORD'S WORTHINESS IS AT NO POINT EVER IN DOUBT.
uu: HIS NOBILITY IS MANIFEST. SUPREME MASTERY WAITS FOR HIM PATIENTLY. LIKE AN EMPTY THRONE UNDER HEAVY GUARD.
uu: REALITY ALREADY KNOWS I WILL PREVAIL. JUST AS IT KNEW I WOULD PREDOMINATE.
uu: AND SO INEVITABILITY IS ALWAYS ON MY SIDE.
uu: IT IS MY. WHAT DO YOU CALL IT.
uu: BORTHRIGHT?
uu: BORTHRIGHT.
GT: I dont think thats a word.
GT: But hey you are the lord and i am the lowly page.
uu: DAMN STRAIGHT.
uu: NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO SERVE.

12/31/12
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Now just a minute buddy. Lets not get carried away.
GT: I have no intention of serving you. In fact im not even sure why im still talking to you!
GT: Youre lucky that my manners are impeccable otherwise i would have blocked you already, what with the scandalous way you have characterized my ladyfriends alone.
GT: Its all well and good you think we have some things in common but i wont fall for it!
GT: Maybe its true at times i can be a little slow on the uptake but i will not be sweet talked into doing the bidding for a silver tongued cur!!!
GT: So to you sir lord i must say GOOD DAY.
uu: JAKE.
uu: YOU STUPID SHIT.
uu: HOW CAN YOU BE THIS DUMB.
uu: ALRIGHT. FIRST OF ALL. MY TONGUE IS NOT SILVER. THAT'S VERY CLOSE TO BEING INSULTING TO ME.
GT: Whatever! Look i know you are not the most quickwitted fella either, so i must inform you this is what we call a "figure of speech."
GT: You know. Like if i said you speak with a forked tongue. Not unlike LUCIFER HIMSELF!!!
uu: BUT. I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A FORKED TONGUE.
GT: Oh...
GT: Really?
uu: WAIT IS THAT SERIOUSLY AN INSULT IN YOUR CULTURE? HOW IS THAT INSULTING??
GT: It just means you arent trustworthy, and i should not be lulled by your false promises.
uu: WOW. OK. WOW.
uu: FIRST. NOT ONLY ARE YOU AN IMBECILE. YOU'RE A FUCKING RACIST TOO.
GT: No im not!
uu: JAKE. YOU JUST SAID SOME RACIST SHIT. END OF STORY.
uu: SECOND OF ALL. I'M NOT ASKING YOU FOR A DAMN THING.
uu: AS IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO OFFER ME AT ALL.
uu: THE VERY IDEA THAT YOU COULD IN ANY WAY IMPROVE MY EXISTENCE. IS ALMOST AS OFFENSIVE AS. YOUR FLAGRANT RACISM.
uu: THERE'S NO "DEAL WITH THE DEVIL" BULLSHIT GOING ON HERE.
uu: I'M OFFERING TO HELP YOU. STRICTLY AS A PRO BONO ARRANGEMENT.
uu: MY ASSISTANCE WILL BE. AN UNCONDITIONAL ACT OF BENEVIOLENCE.
GT: Dont you mean benevolence?
uu: NO.
GT: Um. Ok then.
GT: But why do you want to help me?
GT: Is it really just because you relate to me and therefore want me to succeed?
uu: LET'S NOT BE TOO SENTIMENTAL HERE. I MEAN. YEAH. I GUESS THERE'S OUR COMMON GROUND.
uu: BUT WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE TO DO. IS GROOM A WORTHY ADVERSARY.
uu: IF I HELP YOU REACH YOUR FULL POTENTIAL. AS A PAGE OF HOPE. YOU COULD BECOME EXTREMELY POWERFUL SOME DAY.
uu: MAYBE EVEN POWERFUL ENOUGH TO POSE A CHALLENGE TO ME. OR MAYBE EVEN ENOUGH TO BEAT ME.
uu: WHEN I SAID "MEANT TO SERVE". SERVE MEANT MORE THAN ONE THING. YOU KNOW. LIKE KICK MY ASS??
uu: WOULDN'T YOU LIKE THAT JAKE? DON'T YOU LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE?
uu: OR MAYBE I HAD YOU WRONG. MAYBE YOU ARE IN FACT A GIRLY MAN. WHO DOES NOT LIKE TO ROUGHHOUSE.
GT: Hey watch it now. Youre DARN TOOTIN i love to roughhouse!!!
uu: EXCELLENT.
uu: THEN OUR COMMITMENT IS SEALED. I WILL HELP YOU REACH YOUR TRUE POTENTIAL.
uu: LET US MARK THIS PLEDGE. WITH A SPECIAL NEW DESKTOP WALLPAPER I HAVE DRAWN FOR YOU.
GT: Huh??
uu: IT IS HOW I ENVISION THE IDEALIZED DEPICTION. OF OUR COLLABORATIVE BROSMANSHIP.
uu: I HAVE BEEN GETTING SO MUCH BETTER LATELY. WITH A LOT OF HARD WORK AS USUAL.
uu: I AM ABLE TO BRING THE MANY SMALL ANGLES MOSTLY UNDER CONTROL. TO SIMULATE THE ILLUSION. OF PHOTO REALISTIC FORMS OF COLOR AND LIGHT.
uu: JAKE. I GIVE YOU.
uu: THE FINE ARTS:
uu: http://tinyurl.com/JAKETHISISUS
GT: Whoa.
GT: Thats uh.
GT: Mighty special.
uu: GO ON. APPLY IT TO YOUR DEVICE.
uu: I WILL WAIT.
GT: Yeah um.
GT: Maybe later?
uu: NO. DO IT NOW.
GT: I dont think i want it to be honest.
GT: No offense its actually just really shitty.
uu: APPLY THE WALLPAPER THIS FUCKING INSTANT YOU CRETINOUS PHILISTINE. OR THE DEAL'S OFF.
GT: Ok fine!
GT: Gad freaking zooks. Just what i need another pushy bro in my life.
GT: This secret training of yours better be worth it!
uu: IT'S NOT TRAINING.
uu: IT'S JUST SOME GUIDANCE FROM A FAR AWAY ALIEN.
uu: I WILL BE YOUR PATRON TROLL. THAT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE THING IN YOUR STORY. HAVING A PATRON TROLL.
GT: But i thought you werent a troll.
uu: OF COURSE I'M NOT A TROLL. TROLLS ARE A KIND OF PESTILENT VERMIN AND THEY SHOULD ALL SUFFER AND DIE.
uu: "PATRON TROLL" IS JUST A PHRASE TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.
GT: Its not helping me understand though.
GT: Shoudlnt you be a patron cherub if anything?
uu: NO. GOD. DON'T MAKE UP TERMS FOR WHAT I AM. I WILL DO THAT.
uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE.
uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO.
GT: Sounds pretty gay.
uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
GT: Whats what?
uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK.
GT: Oh right.
GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo.
GT: Its like...
GT: How do i explain.
GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together.
GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay."
uu: I SEE.
uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT.
uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL.

01/02/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Oh goody. Just the way i like my hijinks!
GT: So how do we start.
uu: THERE'S NOT MUCH TO THIS.
uu: I JUST TELL YOU SOME SHIT TO DO. AND THEN YOU DO IT.
uu: AND THE ULTIMATE DUMBNESS OF IT ALL IS. YOU PROBABLY WERE GOING TO DO A LOT OF IT ANYWAY.
GT: I was?
GT: How was i going to do the stuff if you didnt tell me to?
GT: You mean i was going to do it like on accident?
uu: NO. THE THING IS. I THINK I WAS ALWAYS GOING TO TELL YOU.
GT: I dont understand.
uu: NEITHER DO I.
GT: Ok then.
GT: Im glad we settled that.
uu: BUT I KIND OF GET IT ON SOME LEVEL.
uu: AS A LORD OF TIME. I THINK I'M GOING TO MASTER TIME. NOT WITH MY BRAIN. WHICH WOULD BE TOO HARD. BUT WITH MY INSTINCTS.
uu: LIKE IN A WAY THAT WORKS WITH MY NATURAL IMPULSES. SUCH AS MY AMBITION. MY WILL TO COMMIT MAYHEM. MY DESIRE TO PUNISH THOSE I DESPISE.
uu: SO IF I WANT YOU TO BECOME STRONG. SO YOU CAN CHALLENGE ME LATER. AND I SEE EVIDENCE. THAT YOU PROBABLY BECOME SUCCESSFUL.
uu: I THINK TO MYSELF. WHY SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN? IF IT'S GOING TO ANYWAY.
uu: I THINK PART OF MY PERSONAL QUEST. IS TO BECOME AT EASE WITH THE FORCES OF INEVITABILITY.
uu: INEVITABILITY THAT ALL THINGS SHOULD AND WILL FALL IN MY FAVOR. THAT ALL CAUSALITY ANSWERS TO ME. AND THAT ALL OUTCOMES NOT ONLY SERVE ME. BUT CONSIST OF MY BEING.
uu: SO I FEEL THAT. THE MORE I GROW IN POWER.
uu: THE MORE STUFF IT SHOULD TURN OUT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR.
uu: UP TO AND INCLUDING. EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS.
uu: EVEN IF IT HAS TO BE.
uu: RETROACTIVELY.
GT: Hmmmmm...
GT: Nope!
GT: Dont reckon i understand much of that either.
GT: But i guess im not supposed to. Me not being a time maestro or what have you.
GT: I guess i should be boning up on hope though. What can you tell me about that?
uu: I DON'T KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT HOPE.
uu: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A FORCE OF "UNPARALLELED POWER". BUT REALLY. IT SOUNDS SO LAME.
uu: BUT I GUESS THAT'S WHY IT MAKES SENSE THAT IT'S YOUR ASPECT.
uu: YOU STRIKE ME AS A GUY WHO IS LAME ENOUGH. TO HOPE SOMEONE TO DEATH. SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL *ME* ABOUT IT??
GT: Tell you about hope?
GT: Um well its something i think everyone should have in their hearts.
uu: I KNEW IT. YOU JUST SAID.
uu: THE LAMEST POSSIBLE THING.
GT: But i wasnt finished!
uu: FUCK.
GT: Hope to me is all about believing in stuff.
GT: If you believe in stuff then everything feels like its going to turn out ok.
GT: And if you believe in stuff with enough gusto i dare say it imbues that stuff with a pinch more chutzpah. Even the fake stuff!
GT: And then if you keep an open mind and adventurous spirit, that chutzpah flows directly into your heart, and thats when YOU have the power.
GT: So i think if hope grants one the power to smite villainy and vanquish hooligans thats probably where it comes from!
uu: NO.
uu: OH GOD. NO.
uu: THAT IS ACTUALLY THE WORST THING I'VE EVER READ.
uu: THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT.
GT: Well THERES your problem dude. You dont want to BELIEVE!
GT: Just let go and believe in things. Then youll find you had the power in you all along.
uu: YOU ARE SO DUMB. I JUST KEEP CAN'T BELIEVING IT. HOW TRULY STUPID YOU ARE.
uu: WHATEVER. FORGET I ASKED.
uu: I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND OUT WHAT HOPE IS REALLY ABOUT. INSTEAD OF THAT INSIPID BULLSHIT.
uu: ONCE YOU BECOME A GOD TIER.

01/02/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: How do i do that?
uu: YOU GO TO PROSPIT. GET ON YOUR QUEST SARSWAPAGUS. AND FUCKING DIE.
GT: Die???
uu: YEAH. YOU OFF YOURSELF WITHOUT HESITATION.
uu: OR FAILING THAT. DUE TO PATHETIC COWARDICE.
uu: YOU WAIT AROUND TO BE SLAIN SERENDIPITOUSLY.
uu: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I HAVE ALL THIS UNDER CONTROL.
uu: IT'S ONE OF THE WAYS I'M HELPING YOU TO THE TOP.
GT: Ok then. I will choose to believe you.
GT: See what i did there? I just scored a few more hope points!
GT: By strengthening my trust in you as well as our burgeoning friendship.
GT: Oh also, friendship is a HUGE key to being good at hope. I forgot to mention that.
uu: GROAN.
uu: I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL YOU CHALLENGE ME.
uu: SO I CAN BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH MY CANE.
GT: Me neither!
GT: So you say you will help me be a god tier...
GT: But there are other ways you will help too?
uu: YES.
uu: I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU A GIFT.
uu: IT IS MY JUJU.
GT: Neat!
GT: But what the bejesus is a juju?
uu: I REALLY FIND IT HARD. TO COMPREHEND WHAT SORT OF ASSHOLE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A JUJU IS.
uu: BUT SINCE I AM YOUR PATRON MANBRO. I WILL PUT ASIDE THOSE FEELINGS. AND ATTEMPT TO BE A LITTLE MORE GAY.
GT: That would be hunky dory.
GT: In my view distinguished gentlemen should always strive to be as gay as possible with each other.
uu: AMEN TO FUCKING THAT.
uu: ANYWAY. A JUJU IS A MAGICAL THING. IT HAS NO REAL BEGINNING OR END.
uu: THEY'RE JUST ALWAYS AROUND. THERE FOR YOU.
uu: YOU GROW UP WITH THEM. AND THEY BRING YOU COMFORT. AND YOU NEVER QUESTION THEIR EXISTENCE.
uu: IT'S LIKE SOME OF THE SHIT YOU HAD IN YOUR ROOM AS A KID. EXCEPT NOT USELESS GARBAGE. AND MORE MAGICAL.
uu: THEY ALWAYS HAVE RULES. AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE OWNERS.
uu: YOU CAN TAKE SOMEONE'S JUJU. IF THE OWNER WAS KILLED.
uu: OR IF HE GIVES IT TO YOU FREELY. LIKE I'M DOING.
uu: SO I WILL GIVE YOU THE CODE TO MAKE IT YOURSELF.
uu: ONCE YOU DO. IT SHOULD DISAPPEAR FROM MY CHEST. AND IT WILL NO LONGER BE MINE.

01/02/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Sounds straight forward enough.
GT: Whats the code?
uu: IT IS:
uu: uROBuROS
uu: BE CAREFUL. THAT IS CASE SENSITIVE.
GT: Ok.
uu: I WOULD TELL YOU THE CODE FOR MY SISTER'S JUJU. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
uu: A WHILE AGO I WENT TO GET HER JUJU. BUT THE FUCKING THING WAS GONE ALREADY.
uu: I THINK THE CRAFTY BITCH ALREADY GAVE IT AWAY.
GT: Hmm.
GT: We could try to guess it maybe?
uu: FORGET IT. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE PROBABLY INFINITE.
GT: Yeah. Youre probably right.
GT: So what sort of magical properties does your juju have?
uu: I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT DOES.
uu: I HAVE NEVER TRIED IT. BECAUSE IT WAS TOO PRECIOUS TO ME.
uu: WHATEVER MINE DOES. MY SISTER'S PROBABLY DOES THE OPPOSITE THING.
uu: BUT WHAT THEY DO INDIVIDUALLY. PALES IN COMPARISON TO WHAT THEY CAN DO TOGETHER.
uu: WHEN COMBINED. THE JUJUS BECOME THE MOST MAGIC THING EVER.
uu: THEY CAN MAKE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. AND EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN. WILL MAGICALLY FALL INTO PLACE.
GT: Really?
GT: That sounds almost too good to be true.
GT: If you dont even know what your juju does by itself why do you think they do that together?
uu: BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT WITH ALL MY FUCKING HEART. YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT.
GT: Oh why didnt you say so! Thats all i needed to hear!!!
GT: See youre getting the hang of hope already.
uu: YEAH. I GUESS.
uu: THE BOTTOM LINE IS. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
uu: JUST TAKE MY JUJU. HAVE FAITH IN YOUR PATRON DUDE. AND LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.
GT: Roger that mr lord.
GT: Say. Dont you have a name? We know your sisters name... cant we know yours now too?
uu: NO.
uu: THERE ARE MANY THINGS YOU SHOULDNT KNOW ABOUT ME. FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
uu: IF YOU KNEW THEM. IF YOU EVEN KNEW MY NAME.
uu: YOU WOULD SHIT YOUR PANTS HARDER THAN ANY HUMAN EVER HAS.
uu: SO YOU MAY CONTINUE REFERRING TO ME AS YOUR LORD.
GT: Well i surely dont want to spoil any clean trousers.
GT: Even though your warning sounds a little hyperbolic i will trust you.
GT: Um. My lord.
GT: Heheheh when i call you that people could mistake our conversation for a nefarious and underhanded collusion among felons!
uu: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
GT: As you wish... MY LORD.
GT: HEHEHEHEHEH!
uu: UGH.
GT: So lord. May i ask...
GT: Why are you giving me your juju if it is so dear to you?
GT: Is your commitment to this manbro boypledge of yours really that strong?
GT: If so im really impressed. I would have a really hard time giving my favorite stuff away to a total stranger.
uu: DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.
uu: THE GESTURE IS RELATIVELY MEANINGLESS. THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS.
uu: I HAVE FOUND A NEW JUJU. A MUCH BETTER JUJU.
uu: A JUJU THAT MAKES ALL OTHER JUJUS LOOK LIKE FRIVOLOUS CHILDISH NONSENSE IN COMPARISON.
GT: Yeah? Then that is quite a treasure you found.
GT: Where did you get it? Did you plunder a tomb or such?
uu: SORT OF.
uu: IT WAS EXCAVATED FROM THIS PLANET'S SOIL.
uu: ALONG WITH SOME OTHER ARTIFACTS.
uu: AND GIVEN TO ME.
uu: BY MY INFURIATING ASSHOLE MENTOR.
uu: A MAN WHO IS AN INVINCIBLE CLOWN.
GT: Well that sounds nice of him. He cant be that much of an asshole if he gave you such a nice present can he?
uu: NO, BELIEVE ME. HE CAN.
GT: I had a clown give me a nice present once too. I would never have met my good friend mr erisol without the kindness of that clown.
uu: YEAH. IT'S THE SAME FUCKING CLOWN SOMEHOW.
uu: I'M TELLING YOU. THIS ASSHOLE IS ETERNAL. AND THE BEINGS HE CREATES FOR YOUR PARTY ARE DISGUSTING ABOMINATIONS.
uu: BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? NOTHING, I HAVE LEARNED. HE'S A CLOWN. THE RULES ARE. CLOWNS CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. BECAUSE OF MIRACLES. AND HOLD NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THEIR DEEDS.
uu: I DON'T LIKE IT. BUT THOSE ARE THE RULES.
GT: So whats this juju he gave you?
uu: SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL.
uu: A WONDERFUL LITTLE FALSE MAN.

01/02/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: AND THE IRONY IS. I HAVE SEEN HIM BEFORE.
uu: BUT I REGARDED HIM WITH SUSPICION AND FEAR.
uu: I WAS A FOOL THOUGH. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE SPECIAL BOND WITH HIM THAT I HAD.
uu: BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE A CHANCE. TO GAZE SOULFULLY INTO HIS BEAUTIFUL EYES.
uu: AND COMMUNE WITH THE DOLL. IN A PERSONAL AND INTIMATE WAY.
GT: Gosh...
GT: That might just be the gayest thing ive ever heard.
uu: THANK YOU.
uu: YOUR HUMAN CONCEPT OF GAYNESS. ADEQUATELY DESCRIBES THE FEELINGS I HAVE. WHEN I EMBRACE MY PERFECT FLOPPY LITTLE MAN.
uu: THE THING IS. I UNDERSTAND HIM MORE NOW.
uu: BEFORE I THOUGHT HE WAS A CURSED VESSEL OF MISFORTUNE. WHICH SEEMED EERILY EMPTY TO ME.
uu: HE WAS HOLLOW. NOT YET FILLED WITH BAD JUJU.
uu: AND LOOKING IN HIS EYES NOW. I SEE. THAT I WAS RIGHT. ALMOST.
uu: HE IS EMPTY RIGHT NOW. BUT A JUJU FOLLOWS A LONG AND WINDING PATH ON ITS ETERNAL JOURNEY.
uu: AND HE WILL NOT BE EMPTY FOREVER.

01/03/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: SOMEWHERE ALONG HIS JOURNEY.
uu: IN SOME WAY I DON'T UNDERSTAND YET.
uu: HE WILL STOP BEING EMPTY.
uu: AND HIS CURSE WILL COME TO LIFE.
uu: AND WHEREVER HE GOES. TO WHATEVER UNIVERSE OR PLANE OF REALITY.
uu: ALL WHO EXIST THERE. WILL EXPERIENCE NOTHING BUT MISERY AND DEATH.

01/03/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: YOU SEE. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN A CURSED JUJU.
uu: WHICH IS WHY I WAS SO NERVOUS ABOUT HIM BEFORE.
uu: BUT ALL ALONG. THERE WAS NOTHING FOR ME TO FEAR.
uu: BECAUSE NOW I KNOW. THROUGH INTENSIVE COMMUNION WITH THIS PRECIOUS MYSTICAL PUPPET.
uu: THAT THE CURSE WHICH WILL BLOSSOM IN HIS FLUFFY HEART. WILL DO SO.
uu: BECAUSE OF ME!

01/03/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.
uu: BUT WHEN I LOOK DEEP INTO HIS EYES.
uu: I CAN FEEL HIM OUT THERE.
uu: IN LATER STAGES OF HIS LIFE.
uu: BY WHICH I MEAN.
uu: I CAN FEEL *MYSELF*.
uu: THROUGH HIM SOMEHOW.
uu: AS IF MY ESSENCE WILL ONE DAY BECOME.
uu: ENTANGLED WITH THE VOID.
uu: AND THEN MYSTERIOUSLY ACCESSIBLE.
uu: THROUGH MY SOFT HAPPY PAL.

01/03/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: AND ALL THOSE ALONG THE WAY.
uu: WHO HE DEEMS WORTHY.
uu: OF ACCEPTING INTO HIS CUSTODY.
uu: IF THEY SHOULD DARE TO FONDLY GAZE.
uu: INTO HIS SPARKLING BABY BLUES.

01/03/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: THEY WILL BE PEERING THROUGH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WINDOWS.

01/03/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
uu: INTO MY HIDEOUS SOUL.

01/04/13
"Jane: Return home."

You enter the upstairs hallway after completing a successful SADJUMP on to your balcony.

Finally, some peace and quiet. Hopefully you will find some respite from all the cyber bullying and teen drama you've had to deal with lately.

It's been a while since you were home. You're immediately reminded of simpler times. When it was just you and your dad, and you could always smell something baking in the oven. Actually, thinking about those days is just making you more emotional. Maybe coming home was a bad idea.

01/04/13
"Jane: Reminisce."

Here's this familiar douche bag again. A hallway fixture, ever since dad stopped pretending to like detectives and sitcom guys for your sake. Your dad loved this douche bag, whoever he is. This guy is probably the closest thing you have left to a father, now that your dad is most likely dead.

You consider going to his bedroom, but you decide against it. The ties and hats strewn about, the melange of aftershave and cologne, the childhood photos he keeps of you... no, those reminders could only lead to another mental breakdown. You'll never forget the first breakdown you had when you snuck into his room. You found an unwrapped present before your birthday. It was a box of Gushers, and you were stunned to realize that awful gooey fruit snack was manufactured by the very same company you were due to inherit. As everything you thought you knew came crashing down around you, that day you swore the moment you ascended to the throne of the BCCorp empire, you would issue an immediate global recall of the foul product and discontinue it forever. You often joked that the snacks were so nasty, it was almost like they were filled with multicolored slime harvested from plump extraterrestrial larva. When you told your dad about your plans for the product, you both had a good laugh.

You have got to stop remembering things about your father. It's just way too sad.

01/04/13
"Jane: Solicit profound wisdom from hallway Cera."

The characteristically tight-lipped HALLWAY CERA unsurprisingly has no advice for you regarding the tragic loss of a family member. You could always relate to the role he played as George Michael, the dorky child of a single, doting father. But unlike you, George Michael was always surrounded by an extended family and their hilarious antics, and he would never know the tragedy of losing everyone he ever loved. You suddenly resent George Michael and the HALLWAY CERA altogether for the happy ending he was allowed to have with his father which you will never get to experience.

In fact, you think you are starting to hate the HALLWAY CERA. Someone needs to wipe that smug look off his face.

01/04/13
"Jane: Give Cera beagle puss."

HOO HOO HOO!

HOO...

Hoo.

You... GUESS it's kinda funny?

No. It is not funny at all. It is depressing. You're depressing yourself now.

Your PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT goes into a tailspin and hits rock bottom. You have never felt so sad and unfunny in your entire life.

You begin to cry again. The HALLWAY CERA glares in judgment at your weakness through his unfunny puss.

01/05/13
"Jane: Enter room."

You return to your room. Hey, there's your old UNREAL HEIRESS THOUGHTWAVE TIARATOP. You haven't used that thing in ages. It's probably for the best that you stopped. You're pretty sure it was doing funny things to your head.

Maybe you shouldn't have come here either. All you see is more stuff to remind you why you're feeling super down about everything.

01/05/13
"Jane: Examine wall Tobias."

Like this. Jake sent you the PERIWINKLE HEARTTHROB pinup back when you were still able to think about him without feeling horrible about yourself. Those were the days.

It's funny how looking at a thoughtful gift which once brought you such delight now only precipitates feelings of bitterness. Even the innocent Mr. Funke is caught in the crossfire of your lamentations. How could Tobias be so clueless?? How could he not see the pain he was causing with his oblivious demeanor, his repressed feelings of attraction toward men, and his total inability to understand other people's feelings in spite of his credentials as an analrapist? Of course on the tv show, his buffoonery resulted in laughs galore. But if that was in real life, you don't think there would be anything funny about the situation. In reality, Tobias and his family would probably never stop being sad.

You think you are starting to hate the WALL TOBIAS too.

01/05/13
"Jane: Examine wall Swanson."

On the other hand, your WALL SWANSON is still beyond reproach, and Mr. Swanson continues to be the perfect man. You know for a FACT he wouldn't put up with any of Jake's bullshit.

You consider doing the thing where you kiss the poster, but you're feeling way too depressed for that sort of frivolous flapdoodle.

01/05/13
"==>"

Aaaand, wouldn't you know it. Just the guy you wanted to hear from. This ought to be good.

01/05/13
"Jane: Answer."

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
GT: Jane are you there?
GT: I wouldnt blame you for not answering since i was such a shitty boor to you last time.
GT: I just wanted to formally say happy birthday.
GT: And also to pass along a birthday present.
GT: I doubt it will make up for all the ways ive hurt your feelings but maybe it will be a start?
GT: Its some fancy juju thingamabob that calliopes bro gave to me.
GT: He specifically gave it to me to make me better so i could get stronger and punch him in the snout some day or something?
GT: I dunno about that. I dont think i care about becoming a great hero and challenging a weird grumpy alien all that much.
GT: Not nearly as much as my friendship with you.
GT: So i want you to have it instead.
GT: Just use the code to make it. The code is...
GT: Um...
GT: ORBROBuRBROS?
GT: No wait.
GT: Thats way too long...
GT: uBORBuBROS?
GT: How many letters were codes supposed to have?
GT: Fuck.
GT: BROBuROBuT
GT: ORuBuBROBOS
GT: No. Uh...
GT: BROBRO... something?
GT: Wait no there were definitely some little u's in it...
GT: Shit. I really should have copied it down before i closed the chat window.
GT: OuROBOuRBON
GT: BuRBORuBROS...
GT: Wow those arent even close.
GT: Hang on let me think.
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased being bothered by golgothasTerror [GT]

01/05/13
"==>"

You close the chat window without a word. You cannot BELIEVE that guy. Trying to regift you a present, from that ASSHOLE of all people?! You don't want anything from that horrible creep. You don't care HOW magic it is. He can take his stupid juju and shove it up his patoot.

Sorry Tobias, but Jane has decided that you represent Jake for the purpose of this angry outburst.

01/05/13
"==>"

Oh no.

Oh no this conversation is going to make you even sadder isn't it.

01/05/13
"Jane: ... Answer, you guess."

|PESTERLOG|
uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

UU: happy birthday, jane! ^u^

forgive me for sUbmitting this letter and logging off right away, bUt i am breaking with oUr UsUal linear dialogUe, and i'd rather not tempt either of Us to trade caUsal spoilers. i wanted to give yoU a present. something told me yoU coUld Use a pick-me-Up aboUt now. :u

i am sending yoU the code for my jUjU. it may not be easy for a hUman to Understand, bUt jUjUs are very special to my people. so when i give yoU this gift, it is indicative of how mUch yoUr friendship has meant to me, jane. it has some magical properties, bUt nothing too fancy on its own. i hope it will bring a smile to yoUr face nevertheless. bUt if yoU want to know the trUth, it will become infinitely more UsefUl if it is combined with my brother's jUjU. perhaps when we begin playing oUr game, i will be able to convince him to relinqUish it. one of these days he'll Understand working with others is going to be necessary if he wants to accomplish anything.

i am so looking forward to my session and catching Up to where yoU are now! i can only imagine what kind of adventUres yoU mUst have been throUgh already. i can't help bUt think we've been feverishly trading notes on oUr respective qUests since yoU entered, no? maybe yoU are even tired of hearing from me by now! u_u apologies both retroactively and in advance for talking yoUr lovely hUman ear off. bUt i jUst know i won't be able to contain my excitement!

anyhow, the code for my jUjU is: "UrobUros"

ta!

uranianUmbra [UU] ceased cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

01/05/13
"==>"

You were right.

That conversation made you so, so sad.

SO sad.

01/05/13
"==>"

01/05/13
"==>"

01/05/13
"==>"

01/06/13
"Roxy: Pester Jane."

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TG: jane
TG: jane
TG: jane
TG: jane
TG: janes 4 ev
TG: /take deepest jane yellin breath
TG: JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOmfg yeah right
TG: like there is any chance u answer me
TG: with today being international everybody ignore roxy day
TG: LEEEEE sigh
TG: like
TG: doing literally the frenchest of possible sighs over here
TG: its wearing a lopsided beret in the city of goddamn light falling in FUCKING love
TG: such is my sigh
TG: am packing TOTES ennui janey
TG: or shd i say.......
TG: ennOUI ;)
TG: wait
TG: ennui is probably already a french word??
TG: not sure that one needs anymore frenching up...
TG: i should know this b cause my last name is french sounding
TG: even tho im p sure my mom did not hail from france
TG: idk
TG: who even "LA CARES"
TG: hehehe fuck you, A CERTAIN LANGUAGE
TG: uum yeah

01/06/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: so the report is
TG: that i already said to some chumps & im getting max fatigued repeatin it
TG: im on derse we need to be god tiers and die on slabs n junk
TG: + im invisible cause of ring
TG: w/e
TG: oh
TG: i think your dads here and hes probably alright?
TG: so theres that
TG: oh!
TG: i saw callie 2 shes ok
TG: well i mean shes dead
TG: but in ghost form
TG: so shes as ok as one can be who is also dead
TG: which is apparently just fine?
TG: so the lesson of the moral is u can be way fine & dead at sames time
TG: jane let us now reflect upon the weighty existential ramifications of that thing i said
TG: yesssss
TG: just me an my bestie, ballin hecka reveries 2day
TG: the biggest questions which have tormented the wisest scholars and pundits for mad epochs just got so roflariously owned
TG: hey callie also said she would send you a bday thing?
TG: did u get
TG: she must have sent a code
TG: which you have to make urself
TG: so
TG: maybe youre doin that now?
TG: hope ur doin that
TG: im real curious 2 know what it is suddenly
TG: man
TG: im bored

01/06/13
"==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: like we got all this big deal crap to do and i cant even talk to no one
TG: jane
TG: ambiguous voidey powers notwithstanding
TG: im starting 2 think i might be genetically predisposed to ramblin at length into empty chat clients
TG: well
TG: hit me up if up see this
TG: maybe ill try 2 txt fefeta
TG: my dear precious fefeta
TG: i know SHE would never ignore me ;3
TG: SWOOOOON + <33333 @ FEFETA, AND THUS MAKING CROCKER SO JELLIES
)(IC: yo dont fuck with my heiress
)(IC: gurl got royal bidness porpoises to attend
)(IC: and do not even T)(INK i dont know you out a jail bitch
)(IC: you take a flip thru ma secret jam yet
)(IC: dat sparkle shit i left w tha dance clowns on
TG: oh noes
TG: is the witch
TG: .___.
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

01/08/13
"Jane: Alchemize Calliope's juju."

No point standing around sobbing while getting brainwashed by your computer. You decide to make yourself useful and see what all this juju fuss is about.

01/08/13
"==>"

You got a GREEN SUCKER, at a cost of negative one unit of ZILLIUM.

Which you guess means... you gain one unit of ZILLIUM in addition to the sucker.

Ok?

01/08/13
"Jane: Alchemize Caliborn's juju."

You aren't a big fan of the guy, but since these are supposed to do something special together, you figure what the hell.

You easily deduce the code Jake was trying to remember. It's uROBuROS. Come on Jake, use your head. Haven't you ever heard of the mythical snake biting its own tail? You worry about that kid sometimes.

Anyway, obviously the code for his juju was going to be the same as Calliope's, but written in the reverse case to match his quirk. Once again your gumshoeing skills pay huge dividends.

01/09/13
"==>"

You got a RED SUCKER.

This one unsurprisingly yields another unit of ZILLIUM.

01/09/13
"Jane: Examine jujus."

Yes, suckers.

What's so magical about these things? You guess you're supposed to lick them. But what magic thing could possibly happen if you lick these, and what's so special about having both of them?? Jujus are so mysterious.

Wait... they seem to be attracted to each other. Like magnets. Whoa. Very STRONG magnets!

01/09/13
"==>"

The jujus snap together to form a single SPIRAL SUCKER.

The urge to lick it is suddenly overwhelming.

01/09/13
"==>"

It looks so delicious. You are presumably being compelled to lick the sucker by some powerful juju enchantment. But it's making you nervous. You must resist!

01/09/13
"==>"

Must...

Not...

Lick...

01/09/13
"==>"

THE JUJU!!!!!!!!!!!

01/09/13
"[S] Jane: Engage."

01/10/13
"[S] Jane: Blast off."

01/11/13
"END OF ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 1"

01/11/13
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 2"

OH BOY!!!

01/11/13
"==>"

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_1.gif" border="0" />

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_2.gif" border="0" />

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_3.gif" border="0" />
JAKE: Jane?
JAKE: Is that you??

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_4.gif" border="0" />
JAKE: Jane uh...
JAKE: What the hell happened to you?
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_5.gif" border="0" />
JAKE: What?
JAKE: Really??
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_6.gif" border="0" />
JAKE: Jane
JAKE: I...
JAKE: um
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_7.gif" border="0" />
JAKE: Jane youre frightening me!

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_8.gif" border="0" />
JAKE: No jane you are seriously scaring the shit out of me!
JAKE: You seem unwell...
JAKE: Are you sure youre alright?
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_9.gif" border="0" />

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_10.gif" border="0" />

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjanetxt_11.gif" border="0" />

01/12/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/PEACHY.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JAKENOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />

01/12/13
"==>"

01/12/13
"==>"

01/13/13
"[S] ==>"

01/14/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_1b.gif" border="0" />
ERISOLSPRITE: fuck no.

01/14/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_2.gif" border="0" />
ERISOLSPRITE: fuck you, fuck my liife, fuck liiterally evverything, fuck fuck fuck.
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_3.gif" border="0" />

01/14/13
"==>"

01/15/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_4.gif" border="0" />

01/15/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_5.gif" border="0" />

01/15/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_6.gif" border="0" />
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering )(er Imperious Condescension
TG: batterwitch pls help
TG: my friends are completely insane
TG: can you throw me back in jail :(
)(IC: gurl u made your cocoon
)(IC: DWI
)(er Imperious Condescension logged the fuck out.

01/16/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_7.gif" border="0" />

01/16/13
"==>"

01/16/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_8.gif" border="0" />

01/16/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickjaketxt_9.gif" border="0" />

01/16/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
ROXY: (im so boned)

01/16/13
"==>"

01/16/13
"==>"

01/17/13
"[S] ==>"

01/17/13
"==>"

01/17/13
"==>"

01/18/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_1.gif" border="0" />

01/18/13
"==>"

01/18/13
"==>"

01/18/13
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ERISOLSPRITE: 2o uh...
ERISOLSPRITE: hey there unholy combiinatiion of nepeta and feferii.
ERISOLSPRITE: howwvve you been?
ERISOLSPRITE: wwoww that wwa2 a dumb que2tiion iim 2orry.
ERISOLSPRITE: thii2 ii2 pretty awwkwward ii2nt iit.
FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38\
ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat wwa2 that?
ERISOLSPRITE: FUCK ii cant hear a goddamn thiing wwiith the2e FLIIPPIIN IIDIIOT2 doiin theiir candy giiggle rampage.
ERISOLSPRITE: can barely evven hear my owwn wword2 ovver thii2 2hriill diin of hiideou2 piink.
ERISOLSPRITE: dont a2k me wwhy ii thiink iit 2ound2 piink iit JU2T DOE2 ok?
FEFETASPRITE: 38?? < 38?
ERISOLSPRITE: anywway ii gue22 iivve been wwantiing twwo 2ay.
ERISOLSPRITE: part of me ii2 2orry for kiilliing part of you.
ERISOLSPRITE: ii mean that not a2 the part a me that u2ed twwo be your mate2priit cau2e OBVVIIOU2LY that part wwa2nt re2pon2iible for that 2curriilou2 2hiit.
ERISOLSPRITE: but the part of me that u2ed twwo be moraiil2 wwiith part a you.
ERISOLSPRITE: and wwhereiin nepeta ii2 ju2t kiind of a wweiirdly unrelated by2tander iin thii2 wwhole me22?
ERISOLSPRITE: 2o ii gue22 the wwhole me ii2 2orry twwo nepeta for havviin twwo put up wwiith thii2 2hiitty lovve triiangle fallout.
ERISOLSPRITE: AUGH thii2 ii2 ab2olutely the 2HIITTIIE2T apology 2iituatiion ii can evven FUCKIING fathom.
ERISOLSPRITE: cant evven get 2ome legiitiimate feeliin2 of remor2e off my che2t cau2e the che2t ha2 contradiictory feeliin2 a twwo people and the reciipiient ii2 the amalgamatiion of the wwronged party and 2omebody wwho could not giivve a bloody 2hiittiing FUCK about any a thii2.
ERISOLSPRITE: nevver miind thii2 reconciiliiatiion ha2 been an ab2olute dii2a2ter.
ERISOLSPRITE: can wwe at lea2t come twwo term2 on a 2ound poliicy of 'fuck gamzee'?
ERISOLSPRITE: cau2e all iim 2ayiin ii2 ba2iically.
ERISOLSPRITE: ju2t.
ERISOLSPRITE: fuck that guy.
FEFETASPRITE: 38)) < 38)

01/18/13
"==>"

01/19/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_2.gif" border="0" />

01/19/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_3.gif" border="0" />

01/19/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_4.gif" border="0" />

01/20/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_5.gif" border="0" />

01/20/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_6.gif" border="0" />

01/21/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_7.gif" border="0" />

01/21/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_8.gif" border="0" />

01/21/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_9.gif" border="0" />

01/21/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_10.gif" border="0" />

01/21/13
"==>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Mister bro, listen to my advice
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I think you should just go for it
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> This is coming not only from your mystical guide, not only from an alternate version of yourself, but from a dude with a <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> spectacular body
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We both know you're never going to be happy under ordinary circumstances
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You just do not have the right kind of think pan to sustain that emotion
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> 100k at me. I needed to merge a sweaty guy who loves horses in order to be happy
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Gosh <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_damned.gif" border="0" /> horses Dirk
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I think about them all the time while I fle% and it makes me smile
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems that similarly e%treme measures will be needed for you as well
DIRK: Oh whatever.

01/21/13
"==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickroxytxt_11.gif" border="0" />
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You there. Small servant with the umbrella
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fetch me a towel at once

01/23/13
"[S] ==>"

|TRKSTRLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickdirktxt_1.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trickdirktxt_2.gif" border="0" />
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%cuse me, you there
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Unsavory concoction of royalty and peasantry
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Come grope my humongous biceps
ERISOLSPRITE: no bloody wway.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, do it
ERISOLSPRITE: equiiu2 wwhy are you actiin liike 2uch a bulge2niiffiin twwolbox wwhat the hell happened twwo you?
ERISOLSPRITE: and wwhy are you wweariin that guy2 lame gla22e2. take tho2e off evven you had more 2tyle than that.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Alright, no takers there I see. Only a pair of grotesque philistines blustering through the same coarse ignorance tunnel
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What about you, miss unpalatable combination of Feferi and
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh no
ERISOLSPRITE: wwhat.
FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 38o
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk, help, I'm having a problem
DIRK: What??
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A part of me is having a very STRONG emotional reaction which I don't like
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's a part of myself I'm ashamed of
DIRK: What part.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The troll part. It did something shameful once
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I do not find such emotions to be an acceptable feature of my new e%istence
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> How can I make this feeling go away
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk, I command you to instruct me how to eliminate these emotions
DIRK: Can't help you bro!
DIRK: This is what you asked for. You said you were scared to not exist.
DIRK: Well, this is what it's like to keep on existing. Better figure out how to deal!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No. That's awful
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I don't know what to do
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> With all of my astounding STRENGTH, both muscular and cerebral, how can I be stymied so?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dying was better than having to live with the shame which was ironically caused by the very death in question
ERISOLSPRITE: equiiu2 wwhat the FUCK are you talkiing about.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You, seadwelling mustard b100d
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Half of me commands the peasant half of you to resolve my emotional turmoil, while humbly requesting the noble half of you to do the same
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The other half of me doesn't give a flying hoot about your lame caste bull<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> and is just kind of freaking out internally about this
ERISOLSPRITE: ehehehe wwoww zahhak you miight actually be more a me22 than me, ii am fuckiin iimpre22ed.
ERISOLSPRITE: but yeah talkiin iit out wwhen you got aiim2 a reconciiliiatiion help2, me and the feferii 2iide a thii2 abomiinatiion had a niice talk earliier, 2orta.
ERISOLSPRITE: 2ay wwhat you got twwo 2ay, ju2t dont me22 wwiith the feferii part2 twwo much ok man? 2he2 vvery dear to me, ii mean both part2 a me got iit?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You're right, I must speak to her
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nepeta, I swore that I would protect you, but I failed
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> In a moment of weakness my reverence for a superior got the better of me, and instead of standing up for you I decided to bow before a stupid <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> juggalo or something? What?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Wait, I actually did that? What the fresh nickering <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_hell.gif" border="0" /> is WRONG with me?
FEFETASPRITE: 38(( < 38\
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am not a perfect man, Nepeta. Nor am I "purrfect" as you might say. What the fudge? A cat pun? Let's pull our <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> together dude, this emotional state is mad abysmal
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But in any case, I hope you can find it within your kind olive pump biscuit to... forgive...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> NO!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> GOSH DANGIT! I don't deserve to be forgiven, what am I saying! The <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" /> I pulled on you was so bad... I just can't even...
ERISOLSPRITE: hey can you maybe wwrap up thii2 p2ychotiic apology you wwretched freak. wwoww youre actually makiin me look liike the model a mental health.
ERISOLSPRITE: anywway youre confu2iin the feferii 2iide of her wwiith your wweiird emotiional baggage.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Allow me to finish, sir/peon
ERISOLSPRITE: feferii try not twwo lii2ten twwo anythiin he 2ay2.
ERISOLSPRITE: youvve had enough heartache twwo endure wwiithout lumpiing iin nepeta2 twwii2ted relatiion2hiip wwiith thii2 hor2ekii22iin mu2clefuck.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nepeta, you will disregard any conversation directed at Feferi and focus solely on my attempted statements of contrition
ERISOLSPRITE: man wwhat riight do you havve to order nepeta to do ANYTHIN, let alone lii2ten to your confliicted wwhiiniing?
ERISOLSPRITE: heheh, fef can you BELIIEVVE thii2 guy??
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do not address Feferi while I'm talking Nepeta
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's confusing to Nepeta, who is critical in absolving me of guilt, even though I probably don't deserve it?
ERISOLSPRITE: fuck your ab2olutiion ii take back my advviice.
ERISOLSPRITE: 2top talkiin twwo nepeta and LEAVVE FEFERII ALONE.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
ERISOLSPRITE: ye2.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
ERISOLSPRITE: ye2.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
ERISOLSPRITE: augh im not doin your dumba22 ye2/no 2hit!!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Then leave us, for I and my morail have much to discuss
ERISOLSPRITE: no you fliippiin DONT, thii2 conver2atiion ii2 over.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes I do
ERISOLSPRITE: no you dont.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
ERISOLSPRITE: no.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
ERISOLSPRITE: NO.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
ERISOLSPRITE: NO THII2 HA2 TWWO 2TOP!! CANT YOU 2EE WWERE TEARIIN FEFETA APART??

01/23/13
"==>"

01/23/13
"==>"

01/23/13
"==>"

01/24/13
"[S] Tricksters: Alchemize."

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/OHBOY.gif" border="0" />

01/25/13
"[S] ==>"

You round up an assortment of ordinary household weaponry and begin to recreate a series of legendary weapons from the seven continents of a magical kingdom from cherubim folklore. The name of the kingdom is a well guarded secret, traded only by the cunning ninnywizards in hushed giggles. If you beheld this kingdom - if you even knew its name - you would understand stupidity no human ever has. For it is said that any mortal who listens to its melodious, perfectly absurd syllables will achieve instantaneous dumblightenment.

Each legendary weapon is named after the continent it was created in. But no one in the kingdom knows which name belongs to what continent, not even the wizards. The subjects frequently ask each other which continent they're on, and as such every conversation tends to sound like an Abbott and Costello routine. Some have even speculated that the vaudevillian comedy duo are the kingdom's mirthful messiahs, but that is a matter of heated debate among the federation of baloneyscholars.

01/25/13
"==>"

There she is. Forged in fire by the smiths of Pipplemop, commissioned by the sage Lord of the Wozzinjay Fiefdom in the Realm of the Snargly Fruzmigbubbins,

You made...

THE WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO

01/25/13
"==>"

Plucked from the revered utensil drawer of none other than the Chieftain of the Trifletoot Clan himself, polished to a gleam in his loincloth by his devoted Abecedarian Buttersquire,

Behold.

THE BATTLESPORK OF ZILLYWUT

01/25/13
"==>"

Each was hand crafted by the seniormost Artillery Hermit of the hallowed Schundermoist Caves, to be mounted in times of peace upon the Royal Burblemonk's personal Placard of Dwib,

Lo:

THE FLINTLOCKS OF ZILLYHAU

01/25/13
"==>"

Swashed from the buckles of the rough'n tumble Bellyjape Seamen and offered atop the kingdom's last known wildly occurring pluffy dimplepillow to the resplendent 1st Rumbylumplewiffig of the Horsehorsehorse Administration,

I give you ->

THE CUTLASS OF ZILLYWAIR

01/25/13
"==>"

Cast from the most priceless squippyclink ores mined from the famous whooping volcanoes owned and curated by the distinguished Maximillion Hotpocket Puckershuttle Junior, and then packed to the brim with the hilarious traveling Grief Miser's explosive winklepork snuff,

*Ta da*

THE BLUNDERBUSS OF ZILLYWIGH

01/25/13
"==>"

A real hard sword for a real hard dude. It was said to be forged by a Japanese master over the heat of a roaring manga fire. It was cooled in an enchanted spring where virgin horses bathe, and

Yeah this is still just Dirk's sword.

01/25/13
"==>"

Flippety dippety doo bup bup shrubber double floppy mumblescurry noodlescoop pizzabubble pizzabubble mip mip mip mip mip mip.

Check it out.

THE THISTLES OF ZILLYWICH

01/25/13
"==>"

For good measure, you decide to make ZILLYWAVE and SAWHOO.

Just to be on the safe side.

Some day you'll look back on this decision and say thank god I did that.

What next?

01/25/13
"Oh, oh! Do a fancy santa."

Are you sure that's really a good idea?

A fancy santa is already such a piece of shit. Maybe let's try not to get carried away making shitty things even shittier than they need to be.

01/25/13
"==>"

Ok. You make a ZILLY SANTA.

You guess that's fine.

As long as you only make one.

01/25/13
"==>"

OH FUCK YOU MAKE A BUNCH OF ZILLY SANTAS.

01/26/13
"[S] WHEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Ok kids I think it's time we moved this along, don't you?

HELLO???

Fuckin teens.

01/26/13
"[S] HA HA HA! HE HE HE! HO HO HO!"

God dammit.

We're just gonna zoom in forever on that santa nose aren't we.

Ok we're done here.

01/26/13
"GO BACK TO ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 1."

You return to the safety of ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 1. You finally slip out of the fabled peachbirth trance of the jokebollocks, and cease quaking in the foodsandwich throes of the goofjester tongues, stubborn though they were.

Let us never speak of ACT 6 ACT 5 ACT 2 again.

WHAT THE FUCK.

?

JUST.

WHAT.

What what.

NO.

01/27/13
"==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
Please don't type in the narrative prompt.
YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT.
Do what.
GO BACKWARDS.
This isn't backwards stupid. It's forwards.
After all the trickster shit happened.
NO. I MEAN.
BACKWARDS BY AN "ACT".
OR I GUESS. AN "ACT ACT ACT"?
ARGH. I HATE THE THINGS I'M FORCED TO SAY. AND ACKNOWLEDGE AS REAL. BECAUSE OF YOU.
I can go back all the act act acts I want.
The act act acts are kind of meaningless anyway.
Besides, trickster mode was getting obnoxious.
NO IT WASN'T!
Yes it was.
NO.
Yes.
NO.
Let's not do the Equius yes/no thing.
IT WAS GREAT. IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER UNLOCKED. FROM YOUR BULLSHIT MONITORS.
DON'T ERASE THE ONLY AWESOME THING. I EVER SAW THESE ASSHOLES DO. ASIDE FROM DYING.
What are you talking about? I didn't erase it. It was still a thing that happened.
Do you really think I have the power to make something unhappen??
I would have to be a wizard to do that. And as we both know perfectly well, magic is fake as shit.
I WANT TO SEE MORE CANDY ANTICS YOU AWFUL FUCK.
SEND ME BACK FORWARD TO THE NEXT ACT ACT ACT.
No way.
And incidentally, I didn't authorize you to send that lollipop.
OH, WHAT. YOU DON'T APPROVE OF MY JUJU?!
Approve of kids doing something kinda like drugs and making dumb plans to get quadruple married and have babies?
No, I don't approve of that.
Besides, that's no way to make progress.
You don't just give the heroes some cheap game breaking candy let them blast through the whole adventure and all their personal issues.
That's some deus ex machina shit you were trying to pull.
YEAH RIGHT. MORE LIKE.
DELICIOUS EX MACHINA!
Lame.
GO BACK.
No.
I MEAN BACKFORWARD.
No.
GO BACKFORWARD TO ACT ACT ACT WHATEVER.
No.
I WANT TO SEE THEM FINISH THEIR CANDY ROMP!
Nope!
YES.
No.
YES.
No.
YES.
No.
YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

01/27/13
"[FUCK YOU!] ==>"

01/28/13
"==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
FINE. NOW WHAT.
Caliborn, first let me explain something to you.
I guess it falls on me to teach you these life lessons, because as unpleasant as the idea is for both of us, I am the closest thing you will ever have to a father.
You see, teenagers are sensitive and beautiful creatures.
Well, not you. You are repulsive. But most teenagers, I mean.
You can't just force them to settle all their issues with insane psychotropic game powerups.
They have to face all those issues themselves, or they will never learn and grow as people.
WHO CARES??
Well, you don't. But human beings do.
The journey itself is more important than the destination.
The struggle is what builds character and teaches us about ourselves and about life.
BULLSHIT.
I DID THEM ALL A FAVOR. BY GIVING THEM MY JUJU.
THEY WERE GOING NOWHERE. AND BEING STUPID.
AND DOING LITERALLY NOTHING WHATSOEVER. EXCEPT FOR WALLOWING IN GROTESQUE EMOTIONS.
LOOK HOW MUCH GREAT STUFF THEY GOT DONE BECAUSE OF ME!
Of course you think you were doing them a favor. You're an alien.
So is your sister. She thought the juju would be a great boon for them as well. But she was wrong.
See, you cherubs are predisposed to love all this trickster crap. All that goofy squeaky candy coated nonsense is a critical part of your people's mythos.
That sugarized zillyjunk sort of embodies a unified field of absurd Platonic ideals to the cherubim, so when you see expressions of it in reality of course you're gonna go apeshit.
But that kind of stuff is freakish and disturbing to humans. Those aren't our ideals.
WHAT.
Furthermore, that could only be seen as a boon from an asocial species.
You never have to deal with other people. So if you lick a magic lollipop that flips a switch in your brain that says "all my problems are solved," I guess maybe that's fine for cherubs, but if you're a human you haven't actually solved anything.
By the same logic it's not much of a boon to a human's physical journey either.
Using an item that lets them start maniacally powering from point A to point B isn't doing them any favors.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
It's like when Mario gets the star.
You know when Mario gets the star?
WHO THE FUCK IS MARIO.
He's a small Italian plumber who goes on sideways adventures.
He jumps on stuff and bops bricks with his head to save a princess.
WHAT'S ITALIAN.
WHAT'S A PLUMBER.
Never mind what an Italian is. It's just a kind of guy on Earth.
And a plumber is a guy who fixes load gapers.
WHAT'S A LOAD GAPER.
Shut up.
Anyway, sometimes when Mario's running sideways he gets a star that makes him magic and invincible.
OH. YOU MEAN HE BECOMES TRICKSTER MARIO.
Yes, but less stupid.
So for a while he becomes flashy and hyperactive and nothing's challenging anymore.
He just starts barreling over mushrooms and leaping over pits as fast as he can, then gets to the end and jumps on the flagpole and that's it. Mario "wins".
But the point is, he didn't really win. That magic star was actually devastating to his development as a human being.
WHY.
Because he skipped over many critical trials on his spiritual journey.
Mario NEEDS to stomp on all those mushrooms. He NEEDS to bonk those bricks with his head, for the sake of his personal growth.
By using the star, he is denying himself many powerful moments of catharsis.
UH.
Well, I don't know. Maybe Mario isn't the best example.
Like I'm not sure if Mario really even has a soul?
He's just kind of a one-dimensional friendly cartoon plumber.
So maybe this stuff doesn't quite apply to him.
But these aren't one-dimensional plumbers we're talking about here.
These are TEENS.
And as we all know, teens have BIG FEELINGS.
I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS.
THE DISCOURSE WITH YOU HAS BEEN EVEN MORE GRATING AND UNPALATABLE THAN USUAL.
YOU SAID YOU'D HELP ME SPEED UP MY QUEST. BUT ALL YOU DID.
WAS TRICK ME INTO HEARING ANOTHER CONVERSATION. IN WHICH YOU INDULGE YOURSELF TO AN EXTENT. WHICH I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE.
I'M GOING TO HIT THINGS WITH MY CROWBAR AGAIN.
No don't!
Jane is still nursing a wicked hangover you ass.
THEN BE USEFUL TO ME.

01/28/13
"==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
I THINK I'VE BEEN FORCED TO UNLOCK THESE SCREENS. AND VIEW THESE POINTLESS EVENTS. LONG ENOUGH.
MY QUEST IS DUMB. I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET ON WITH THE REAL ADVENTURE.
Has it occurred to you that your quest in its limitless tedium and thankless busywork was designed to facilitate your personal growth?
To prepare you for your ultimate destiny beyond this game?
NO.
ANYWAY DIDN'T YOU SAY ONE TIME. I WAS INCAPABLE OF GROWING???
Oh right.
Well, has it occurred to you that it might have been designed to fuck with your head and serve as a punishment for being such a horrible little shit?
YES!!!
YES.
THAT OCCURS TO ME. EVERY SECOND I THINK ABOUT IT.
I HAVE TOLERATED MANY AGGRAVATIONS.
AND AM PREPARED TO TOLERATE MANY MORE.
IF IT GETS ME CLOSER TO TRIUMPHING OVER YOU AND THIS MORONIC GAME.
I WILL FIND MORE KEYS UNDER RANDOM ASS UNLABELED STONES.
I WILL WATCH ANOTHER MILLION HOURS OF NUMBSKULLS WHIMPERING ABOUT THEIR ROMANCE NOT COMING TRUE.
I WILL EVEN ENDURE MORE OF THESE PATENTLY LUDICROUS ACT ACT ACT ACT ACT ACTS EVEN THOUGH THEY APPEAR TO MEAN NOTHING AT ALL.
BUT WHAT I WILL NOT STAND FOR.
IS GOING.
FUCKING.
BACKWARDS!!!
Fair enough.
But I already told you how to accelerate your viewing.
WHAT? WHEN.
See those two panes of glass there?
Take your crowbar and smash them.
OH. YEAH.
UGH. I FORGOT.
IS THAT REALLY THE ONLY WAY. TO GO TO WHAT'S NEXT.
SO THAT I CAN PUT MY PLANS IN MOTION?
Yes.
You should be pleased by the irony.
Smashing the glass will cause you to reflect upon a lifetime you have yet to spend...
Um.
Breaking stuff.
???
Is the irony not fucking delicious?
NO.
STOP TRYING TO BOGART MY SCHTICK. OF PLAYING INSIDIOUS MIND GAMES AND DOING SHITTY TWISTS.
YOU SUCK AT IT SO BAD.
I'm sorry.
IT'S NOT BREAKING THE GLASS I MIND.
THIS IS THE THING THAT INVOLVES.
*SHUDDER*
"TEAM WORK"
RIGHT?
Yes.
You and a buddy have to turn both keys simultaneously.
It will teach you a wonderful lesson about life.
FUCK!
Don't act like you aren't secretly having a great time there with your new friends.
You are practically the ringmaster of your own little dark carnival by now.
And you're loving every minute of it. Don't deny it.
NO I'M NOT!
Sooner or later you will have to face the fact that literally all adventures are about learning the value of teamwork.
Teamwork and friendship. The two razor sharp edges of the mighty excalibur which EVERY hero should keep in his scabbard.
Even shitty heroes like you.
FINE. I'LL DO IT.
BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE. WHERE I TALK TO YOU. FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND.
WOULD BE SO MUCH WORSE.
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/promptlock.gif" border="0" /> -- The narrative prompt has been locked. --

01/28/13
"Caliborn: Break glass."

01/28/13
"==>"

01/28/13
"==>"

01/28/13
"==>"

01/28/13
"[S] Caliborn + Gamzee: Engage."

01/28/13
"==> ==>"

01/28/13
"==> ==>"

01/28/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TT: Jane.
GG: What.

01/28/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: What happened to the lollipop?
GG: I dropped it.

01/28/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I think it fell into the crypt.

01/28/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Good.

01/30/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]
GT: Roxy?
TG: yynnnnnrrnrng wat
GT: I take it by that disgruntled series of letters that youre feeling about as cruddy as me and jane right now.
TG: yea jake
TG: welcome to hangover city
TG: population
TG: some extra chumps besides me 4 a change
GT: Well you know what they say about misery. And how it supposedly enjoys company.
TG: hrrrnngh
TG: no it doesnt
TG: it enjoys a wet towel draped over its head
TG: and less talkin
GT: Hiyoooo!
GT: Point well taken.
TG: omg stop being so chipper dude do u feel like shit or not
GT: Indubitably. Rest assured it feels like a brood of anxious vermin is making its most valiant effort to escape from my skull.
TG: lol jake english w a hangover everyone
TG: slow clap

01/30/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Pardon?
TG: im just sayin if youre hung over for the 1st time pls do the experience some justice
TG: ur giving suffering a bad name
GT: I will say the multicolored lights from my computer strobing directly into my eyeballs arent helping the matter one freaking bit.
TG: SMH
TG: (not literally cuz ow)
TG: jake here is some sage advice from a veteran of substance abuse and its deleterious consequences
TG: dont use your fuckin skulltop when you got a hangover u dork
GT: Well i wouldnt but i just gave jane my only other device.
GT: I dont know how many times ive told her to keep more than one computer on her no matter what in case of situations just like this.
TG: oh
TG: whys she want a computer
TG: is that who dirks talking to now
GT: I dont know. Maybe.
GT: Shes not exactly talking to me at the moment.
GT: Not that i can blame her.

01/30/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: So.
TT: Best birthday ever?
TT: Or best FUCKING birthday ever.
GG: Ha.
GG: In the interest of appeasing the irony gods, let's go with the latter.
TT: Whatever role I played in ruining your party.
TT: Sorry about that.
GG: Oh lord. The LAST thing I give a shit about is my stupid "sweet sixteen".
GG: What a farce. I was trying to act as if we were all living normal well adjusted lives, albeit in a marvelous fantasy setting populated by skeletons.
GG: And if only we just had some cake and wore some hats and I blew out all the candles in one big puff, we could pretend all the problems we had with each other would magically stop existing.
GG: And the most horrifying thing of all is, I actually got my wish!
GG: Haha. Thanks, Calliope.
GG: Oh well. I'm sure she had good intentions.
TT: Yeah.
TT: I still think I've been pretty lousy to you. I had my head up my ass for a while there.
TT: By the time your birthday came around, I was kinda freaking out about Jake.
TT: I thought I had the situation under control. But I didn't. Not just with Jake, but with respect to pretty much everything.
GG: I understand.
GG: Boy, you really let him have it back there!
TT: I guess so.
GG: I had a similar meltdown with him earlier. I'm not going to lie. It felt really good.
TT: Heh.
GG: At least, it did at the time.
GG: I only wish I could have stayed as lucid as you during our...
GG: Transformation.
GG: How did you manage that?
TT: It wasn't on purpose. Actually if I had a choice, I probably would have just said, fuck it. Sugar shock my brain, please.
TT: Suffice to say, I have trouble escaping from myself. It's kind of a problem. Let's not talk about it though. Please continue.
GG: Okay.
GG: So instead of keeping my cool like you, I just started gushing over him like a lovestruck loon, surrendering any sliver of dignity I might have earned by telling him off earlier.
GG: I just cannot believe some of the things I said. Oh God. I told him I wanted to get married and have babies!!!
TT: Yeah but to be fair, by the time you came looking for me, all three of you were saying that to anything that moved.
GG: I know! But...
GG: It's one thing to write off something you say to an altered state of mind. But what makes the admission so mortifying to me is...
GG: I actually MEANT it.
GG: And I'm sure he must know that by now.
GG: And now I feel so humiliated I just want to die.
GG: I would ask him to shoot me right here, if I could bring myself to say a word to him.
TT: Somehow I don't think he's up to the task.
TT: Which is doubly unfortunate, since that's literally what we all came here to do.
TT: Speaking personally, I'd probably run this sword through my own dick before I could bring myself to kill Roxy. Even for her own good.
TT: So.
TT: When the chips are down, I guess that's how much of a badass I really am.
GG: Woo!!!
GG: We are all such WINNERS.
TT: Yeah, our moxie's off the fuckin' charts.

01/30/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Rox?
TG: wat
GT: Am i an asshole?
TG: no j
GT: I think i might be an asshole.
GT: All of my friends hate me now.
GT: Are you sure im not just an asshole and never actually realized it?
TG: well maybe youre an asshole sometimes but its always on accident and most people are accidental assholes a lot of times anyway so who cares
GT: I cant believe i was so oblivious to the feelings of all the people i care about.
GT: How could i not see that jane was in love with me? I really am a dope.
GT: I guess i did know deep down at some point... but then i somehow convinced myself otherwise?
GT: I cant even imagine how she must have felt all this time i was seeing dirk. And all those times i talked her ear off about our relationship! Oh goodness.
TG: yuuup
GT: I wonder what things would be like if she told me?
GT: Maybe its better she didnt in the end.
GT: I probably would have just broken her heart like i did with dirk.
GT: I should say something to her but im not sure what to say. I dont think she wants to hear anything from me to be honest.
GT: Maybe you could tell her im sorry for me?
TG: why cant you just tell her
TG: shes right there
GT: I dunno. Shes obviously so mad at me. I cant bring myself to say anything.
GT: Im also just really fucking chagrined over how i treated her.
GT: If i was brave i could face that feeling and just talk to her and try to make us square.
GT: But i dont think i really am brave.
GT: Im not brave and i dont think i love adventure either.
TG: wow... jake...
GT: You know how you think you know these things about yourself?
GT: Like all these personal attributes about you as if theyre written down somewhere like a sort of mini biography so they have to be true.
GT: So you just believe them and hope that the believing is what makes them true.
GT: But then you spend so much time believing those things and taking their truth for granted that you somehow forget to MAKE them true with your words and deeds.
GT: How can i truly love adventure when i never even knew what it was?
GT: I dont think its raiding tombs and clobbering scoundrels.
GT: That stuffs fun and all but thats not what adventure is.
GT: Adventure is...
GT: Its something else.
GT: Its doing the things im genuinely afraid to do.
GT: But cant.
GT: Because im a coward.
TG: ok ok stop shittin on urself ill tell her for you

01/30/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Jane, you know,
TT: We probably should have talked about this Jake stuff a long time ago.
GG: Tell me about it.
TT: I don't know if I was kidding myself all those years that there was a conflict of interest between us, or what.
GG: Same.
TT: Maybe I was just pretending your feelings for him weren't a factor because my pursuit of him was already overcomplicated enough.
TT: Or maybe it was more like I was aware of them, but on some level decided they shouldn't matter, because I felt like you had a natural advantage over me.
TT: Cause you know. You're like.
TT: Not a dude.
GG: But I always felt you had the advantage over me too!
GG: Because you're... YOU.
GG: You make things happen, and I don't.
TT: Yeah well. Turns out maybe that's not such a good quality if you wanna make a relationship last longer than three seconds. At least not in my case.
TT: I know I ripped into him pretty hard when I had the clown hair and the little soda can on my head.
TT: But the truth is I was pretty goddamn overbearing.
TT: Sometimes I look back on stuff and think I might have essentially bullied him into a relationship with me.
TT: Actually, it's more complicated than that. Parts of me were operating independently from myself.
TT: So it's like I was bullying myself into bullying him into liking me. If that makes sense.
GG: It doesn't really. But that's fine. :B
TT: Anyway, my insanity scared him right the fuck off. There were times when I basically treated him like shit without even realizing it, and I regret it.
TT: I should probably tell him that, but given how I just called him an asshole while wearing orange suspenders, I'm probably the last person he wants to hear from now.
GG: Clearly we both used some poor judgment.
GG: Looking back, it seems crazy to me that we both jeopardized our friendship over a mutual infatuation with, let's face it, one spectacularly goofy kid.
TT: Can we both at least agree we may have overrated the allure of Jake English?
GG: YES.
TT: Maybe if we could have talked to each other about him it would have helped. Like talked about why we felt that way about him.
TT: At least maybe it would have helped us knock English down from the ludicrous pedestal we put him on.
GG: Yeah. That might have saved us a lot of grief.
GG: It's not like I hate him now, even though that's probably what he thinks. He's still my friend.
GG: But the extent to which I centered my whole life around a childish fantasy about him is just painfully embarrassing in hindsight.
GG: I wonder if I'll ever be able to look at him again without feeling miserable about myself?
TT: So does that mean we're both totally over him now? I can't really tell.
GG: Me neither. :\
TT: I guess the real problem is our clique was too small.
TT: Poor Jake was the only viable romantic target. I mean, considering our respective orientations.
TT: Maybe we just never knew enough people?
GG: Perhaps.
GG: Or maybe we just don't need anybody.
GG: As anything other than friends, I mean.
TT: In the interest of appeasing the bitterness gods, let's go with the latter.

01/30/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]
TG: hay janey
TG: how u holdin up girl
GG: I feel like garbage. But otherwise, fine.
TG: you off urself yet
GG: No?
TG: ok good
TG: please dont yet
TG: i got a personal back stage pass 2 the jake english self loathing tour
TG: an im in no condition to take the full brunt of his lamentations but im the only one hes talkin to soooo
TG: need a lil support here from my bestie
GG: What is he saying?
TG: he wants me to relay an apology to you
TG: cause he thinks hes not brave enough to say it like ten feet away there on his stone bed and he thinks ur pissed @ him
GG: Aw man.
GG: I don't want to do this.
TG: do what
GG: An awkward "tell him I said" sequence of apologies through text messages.
TG: ok
TG: thats a sane answer
TG: what should i say
GG: Tell him I said we'll talk about it later.
GG: Like, after we're dead.
TG: k
TG: well maybe i wont say that last part but k
GG: How's it going over there?
TG: fine
TG: not a lot of progress on the dyin front
TG: dont look like dirk much wants to stab me with his manime sword...
TG: tbh waiting around to be buddymurdered and/or off oneself is even more awkward than you would think plus kind of a drag??
TG: specially w a headache blarg
TG: jane this is dumb
GG: Yeah. Call me crazy, but I don't think our candy-addled selves thought this through entirely.
TG: yo trixster mode sucks ass txt it
TG: jane u know what im sad about
GG: Hm?
TG: fefeta exploding
GG: Yeah. :(
TG: whyd she have to die again like that
TG: she was so sweet and perfect and my friend
TG: she would always just talk and talk about the funniest things from her life as two troll ladies and it always lifted my spirits
TG: am i cursed or somethin jane?
GG: Cursed?
TG: yeah
TG: its like
TG: i always seem to accidentally kill my cats
TG: or my half cat girls
TG: ummm
TG: who are part sea princess and also an alien ghost
TG: i dunno maybe this line o speculation has no particular coherence
TG: jane
TG: after we go god tier you want to help me have a funeral for her
GG: Of course, Roxy.
TG: i would like that
TG: i always wanted to go to a funeral
TG: is that weird? maybe thats weird i dont know
TG: i mean not like in an especially morbid or gothy kinda way i just think it would be cool to honor her memory
TG: i never did that for frigglish but i should have
TG: shit jakes buggin me again brb

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Er roxy while youre at it...
GT: Do you think you could relay the same sentiments to dirk?
GT: I was thinking about all the stuff he said to me while we were all telling him to dance.
GT: And yeah i was really being a prick when i ran away to lomax.
GT: He was right about everything. I should have come clean about wanting some space.
TG: dammit jake
TG: after your whole bravery spiel you wanna relay double apologies thru me??
GT: I know! Im so terrible im sorry!!!
GT: Im just not feeling up to those conversations yet.
GT: My head is KILLING me! Augh grandma why did your sweet skull based computing technology have to be such a BRAIN FUCKER!
TG: well i cant do it
GT: Why?
TG: cause im sort of
TG: kinda
TG: not talkin 2 dirk either
GT: Why not??
TG: cause of
TG: reasons
TG: :(
GT: Golly.
GT: But you are talking to jane yes?
TG: y
GT: Well...
GT: Seeing as shes presumably talking to dirk...
GT: And youre relaying my apology to her already...
GT: Why dont you relay my apology to dirk through her?
TG: omfg jake
TG: jake no
TG: lmao
GT: Why not!
GT: Shed probably be a sport about it.
GT: Hell they could probably bond over what an absolute douchemuffin ive been to them both.
TG: EL SIGH
TG: look jake you squeezed a spanish sigh outta me are u happy
GT: And if theres some heavy business youre having trouble addressing with dirk in person you could get jane to relay him a message for you as well!
TG: ahahahaha jake
TG: jake i
TG: no jake
TG: thats so
TG: alright ima tell jane like p much exactly what you said
TG: but only because its so fuckin dumb and hilarious

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: jane jake wants u to pass an apology to dirk for him too
GG: What?
TG: is tru
GG: This is just getting silly.
TG: he wants you both 2 bond over his douchemuffininess
TG: ps douchemuffin was his word not mine
TG: im being hellies impartial about all this
GG: We were already sort of doing that!
TG: oh yeah?
GG: Wait, don't tell him that.
GG: That would be mean spirited.
TG: hold up what are you and dirk saying
GG: Oh nothing.
TG: anything bout me
GG: No!
GG: Just some stuff we should have talked about a long time ago.
TG: gotcha
TG: oh also
TG: he wants me to tell you to give a message to dirk from me too while youre at it
TG: the crocker switchboard is LIGHTING UP today
GG: Why does Jake want you to give Dirk a message through me??
TG: um because hes ridiculous?
GG: Do you actually WANT to say something to Dirk, but can't at the moment?
TG: oh
TG: uh
TG: not really
GG: Hm??
TG: well
TG: idk
GG: Wait, is Dirk not talking to you for some reason?
GG: Is that why Jake suggested going through me?
GG: Good gravy, this is getting complicated.
TG: no
TG: well i mean
TG: maybe he does got a bone 2 pick with me and dont wanna talk
TG: but im not sure
TG: mainly its that i cant bring myself to talk to him
GG: Why not?

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: cause im a shitty disgrace
TG: and hes probably so ashamed of me he can barely stand being inside the same moon w me at this point
GG: Why would you think that?
TG: because
TG: you heard what he said
TG: about how i fell off the wagon
TG: you could just tell how disappointed he was
TG: and he was right to be

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: But you weren't in your right state of mind though!
TG: i know
TG: but you said it yourself
TG: about the confessions you made to jake
TG: sure you were trippin balls on a cherub pop
TG: but that really just enabled you to do what you really wanted to do deep down
TG: so whatd i do the moment jake snuck up and owned me with that magic pumpkin?
TG: i was like YO LETS GET SMASHED AT MY PLACE

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: i hardly wasted a second before giving in
TG: and here i thought i was actually over that
TG: but the second im given the slightest justification to drink again i say fuck it
TG: so it turns out i didnt stop wanting to like i told myself
TG: but that i still wanted to while pretending i didnt per some bogus tough girl act
TG: like i thought i was better than the problem
TG: or more like i thought i was too cool and too strong to admit it was actually really hard

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: but the truth is i was not strong + cool
TG: i was weak + lame all along
TG: and now dirk knows that too and for some reason letting him down feels like the worst part??
TG: which is equally lame and weak cuz i should care for my own sake not for how it makes a dude see me but it still just really bothers me ???
TG: man
TG: jake again hold pls

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Roxy?
GT: Rox! What is she saying?
GT: Talk to me roxy!!!
GT: Please dont leave me hanging here.
GT: I cant take it i cant bear having two of my closest chums hate me and then having you shut me out on top of that!
TG: ok sheesh jake calm ur microshorts
TG: im here
GT: Ah there you are.
GT: Im sorry for being a pest but i just see jane there pecking away at conversations with you and dirk and it feels like youre all kind of leaving me behind.
TG: no jake nobodys doin that
GT: Ok yeah im probably being paranoid...
GT: But ive done such a bangup job of alienating my other friends.
GT: So youre the only one i can talk to for now.
GT: Wait i havent alienated you yet have i?
TG: nah dont worry we are still humanated
GT: Are you really sure roxy? Are you sure youre not just trying to spare my feelings?
GT: You can be honest with me! If you hate me now too please just say so.
TG: SWEET GUY FIERIS FAT LAUGHING GHOST JAKE

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: no i dont hate you i promise youre still my bro god dammit!
GT: Ok. Phew!
GT: Then talk to me!
TG: um
TG: about what
GT: I dont know. Anything! What are you talking about with jane?
TG: my drinkin problems
GT: I see.
GT: Would you like to talk about them with me? Maybe i could help!
TG: damn jake
TG: like
TG: that is cool and appreciated in theory?
TG: but this is some kinda heavy shit 4 me
TG: i rly dunno if i can do double duty on my alcoholism with you and jane simultaneously
GT: Oh. Yeah thats probably not the best way to go.
TG: yes prolly not

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Sooo then. What else is there we can chew the old fat about?
GT: Really bond over together in an emotionally fulfilling manner?
TG: dag you are an extra silly guy
GT: Well??
TG: dunno j why dont u tell me what youre thinkin an we go from there
GT: Alright.
GT: So. That sure was a doozy of a kiss you gave dirk there huh?
TG: LOL fuck
TG: yeaaaahhh
GT: How was it?
TG: it was
TG: uuuummmmm
GT: Go on!
TG: it was fuckin INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!
TG: and yet
TG: and yet.........
TG: omg it was so choice
TG: but wrong!

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong
GT: I dont know. It seemed innocent enough to me.
GT: What was so wrong about it?
TG: a whole host of things...
TG: not sure in how much detail i wanna spell out why exactly it wasnt cool
TG: but like
TG: jake ur a pretty simple guy and i mean that as <3ways as possible
TG: it just wasnt right
GT: No disagreement there. But like i said im here to talk about whatever you feel like.
TG: ok see this is just another embarrassing thing from my past
TG: when i was more out of control
TG: with dirk i was just
TG: waaay too aggressive
TG: i hassled him all the time
TG: pretty much every day just like he said
TG: about
TG: me and him
TG: like
TG: GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!
TG: U KNO LAST MALE & FEMALE ON EARTH OOH HES A HUNK! IS DREAMZ COME TRU TIME 4 REPOPULATE!!!

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: yeah
TG: so not cool lookin back on it
TG: and i had no excuse i always knew he was just
TG: SUCH a gay dude
TG: and i guess maybe hitting on a guy who dont like girls once or twice maybe is alright or even flattering but after so long it was probably just pissing him off or messing with his head or something
TG: it def wasnt what he wanted to hear from a friend
TG: let alone day in and day out through garbled drunktexts
TG: so when i fuckin harassed him into kissin me...
TG: it just brought back some low rent shit i thought we put behind us
TG: just another way i completely humiliated myself in front of him
GT: So is that why you cant talk to him now?
TG: mmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm
GT: I certainly have no trouble relating to that.
TG: yep
TG: i dont even know why really
TG: hes like taciturn to the max about everything
TG: but theres somethin about him
TG: that just makes it hurt to feel like you let him down

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: You really love him dont you?
TG: siiigh
TG: yeah jake i guess
TG: the answer is
TG: a categorical unapologetic fucking 'yeah'
TG: but
TG: i dont think that was much a secret
TG: and the fact that it was so LOUDLY not a secret exemplified my stupidity on the matter
GT: Its fair to say i never came close to feeling as strongly about him as you.
GT: I envy you actually. Ive actually worried at times that i just wasnt capable of feeling that way about anyone.
GT: And maybe thats why i was just meant to be alone.
TG: ehh you aint missin much
TG: love is a brutal shitninja w/ turds 4 nunchucks
TG: be grateful that stank ass motherfuckers flippin out nowhere near you

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: I noticed you nearly slipped that wedding ring on his finger!
TG: oh GOD
TG: that ring
GT: You almost scooped my boyfriend out from under me in one fell proposal.
TG: oh DID i
TG: from under u eh? ;)
GT: Wait. No i mean...
TG: ;););););) wonks 4 eternity
GT: WHOA NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: easy dude just messin
GT: Oh.
GT: Ha ha ok.
TG: man
TG: that ring tho
TG: what happened to it do you remember?
GT: Not really.
TG: god damn it
TG: must of lost it when i was a FUCKING trickster
TG: sflkjfslkfj
TG: *shakes fist @ all trxstrs*

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Did you need it for something?
TG: need it?
TG: not really
TG: i just really liked that ring
TG: kinda spoke to me in a way
TG: hehe
TG: want to know something lame?
GT: Yes.
TG: the moment i first saw that ring
TG: i was like in my head
TG: thinkin
TG: some day i want to give that ring to the person i marry
TG: whoever that is
GT: Daw.

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Thats not lame thats nice.
TG: nah its pretty lame but w/e
TG: shows what sorta one track mind i got
TG: god i am obsessed with findin somebody to kiss arent i
TG: it is rly quite pathetic
TG: although the funny thing is the ring turns you invisible
TG: which might be my subconscious telling me something about my lovelife
TG: like i find a guy of my dreams
TG: slip it on his finger
TG: and POOF he disappears!
TG: bye bye hubby
TG: o well dont matter
TG: the ring is gone
TG: and with it so too
TG: are my lame, lame dreams ;(

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Is everything ok?
TG: yeah he just wanted to make sure i dont hate him like yall do which you dont even
GG: I... see.
TG: so im just talking to him a bit to help him not feel bad
TG: sorry
GG: That's ok.
GG: You were saying?
TG: i was gonna say why i finally quit drinkin
TG: i mean if you want to know
GG: Yes.
GG: Actually, once you did stop, it made me finally realize it was a problem for you for a long time.
GG: And I didn't say anything at the time, but it made me wonder if I wasn't doing the right thing before.
GG: By failing to point out you might have a problem? Or just going along with it and participating in lively banter any time you clearly had too much to drink?
GG: Was I just being a bad friend?
TG: nah it wasnt your responsibility to fix my shit
TG: and anyway i think i made it hard for anyone to come at me like it was a real problem
TG: i was always joking around so much and havin a good time like kind of overzealously so
TG: that i probably just made people feel like a shitty wet blanket for even mentioning it

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: How long do you think it's been a problem?
TG: i dont know its hard to say exactly when i started getting real carried away
TG: just at some point i discovered a load of my moms centurys old booze in the house
TG: and i didnt have much to relate to her by except her books
TG: so i felt like drinking was a way to be more like her
TG: or be closer to her kinda
TG: and there was nobody around except the silly chess people
TG: who in a way just made me feel more alone
TG: cause they reminded me i was only one of two humans left and the other was an ocean away
TG: so little by little
TG: i got out of hand
TG: and one of the only things i had to look forward to was the idea that the game was supposed to be able to bring my mom back
TG: assuming i even decided to help the batterwitch out by playing at all

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: But it turned out you couldn't bring her back. At least not the way you thought.
GG: So what was it that made you finally decide to give it up?
TG: well
TG: thats pretty much what it was
TG: when i first went to lopan i saw my sprite there
TG: so i got out my bottle of momslime and was all ready for the bestest most poignant reunion ever
TG: and thats when the juggalo struck
TG: and i just knew the witch had fucked me over AGAIN
TG: cause what other hag is insane enough to get juggalos to do her dirty biz nigh exclusively???
TG: NO HAGS BUT HER
TG: and i was so pissed and so distraught about that goddamn clown squandering my sprite
TG: so i got crazy drunk and felt the super sorriest for myself i ever did
TG: but little did i know there would be a lovely silver lining to the debacle
GG: Dear, sweet, precious Fefeta!
TG: :3
TG: she became a great friend
TG: and whats more was she told me not to worry
TG: that my mom would be comin anyway and all i had to do was wait a while
TG: and i believed her cause she knew stuff + was THA BEST
TG: so thats when i decided to clean up my act

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: i didnt want her to meet a sloppy embarrassing mess of a daughter
TG: even if she did like to drink at some point it was kind of a childish idea that doing so myself would make me closer to her or help us bond or whatever
TG: anyway i think i might of overestimated her drinkin habits
TG: she sure didnt look like no drunk
TG: oh!
TG: jane did i mention
TG: i saw her in a dream today!
GG: No!
TG: shes real young tho
TG: like our age
TG: and she looks so pretty and happy
TG: not like a girl w booze challenges
TG: i think her fav color must be orange just like dirk
TG: she was wearin the same sunny orange nighty deal i caught a glimpse of her in v briefly another time
TG: and oh...
TG: she also called me mom?
GG: Huh?
TG: huh is right
TG: u know im really not sure if shes actually my mom
TG: but i do know were totes genetically related somehow
TG: i just think theres more to it than we know
GG: I guess we'll find out!
GG: Whoa...

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: The whole place was shaking for a moment there.
TG: wut

02/02/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GT: Roxy do you know if jane just felt that rumbling too??
TG: yea

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Is it still going on?
GG: No, it stopped.
TT: What do you think it was?
GG: I don't know. Maybe an earthquake?
TT: I'm not sure if these moons can have earthquakes.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Doesn't matter.
GG: Some sort of Prospitian lunar anomaly, I guess. Probably nothing to worry about.
TT: Maybe it was like, tidal forces. Due to gravitation.
TT: Or the tensile forces from that big ass chain.
GG: Um. Yes! Let's say that's what it was.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Have you and Roxy been talking?
GG: Yes.
TT: Is she pissed at me or something?
TT: She won't talk to me.
GG: No, not at all.
TT: Then what gives.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: She was wondering the same about you.
TT: What?
GG: Are you disappointed in her?
TT: Why would I be?
GG: It seemed that way to her earlier.
GG: When you chastised her for drinking again.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Well, yeah. I was upset she fell off the horse.
TT: Or the wagon. The horse wagon. Whatever.
TT: The thing you ride around on when you ain't drinking.
TT: But so what. There was cotton candy in her hair, and she was being stupid. What do you expect? It was a moment of indiscretion.
TT: I'm not mad at her and I'm not disappointed in her. That's ridiculous.
TT: Want to know what I really think of Roxy?

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: I'm proud of her.
TT: She's the only one of us who could face her problems and then get down to business and actually solve them.
TT: No endless hand wringing or suffering in silence or any of that bullshit.
TT: She saw she had an addiction. And then decided to fucking fix it. Just like that.
TT: She's probably stronger than the other three of us put together.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Remember way back before this started, we were talking. You and me.
TT: And I was rambling at length about leadership, like I actually had a clue what I was talking about?
GG: I remember.
GG: You said I would be the leader of our team, in name and in spirit.
GG: Although I never really felt like it.
TT: Yeah. That's kind of the point.
TT: I guess in a way, I was right. But not how I expected.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: See, to be perfectly honest, we are a party of losers.
TT: Heroes make shit happen. But that's not what we do, or what we're even SUPPOSED to do.
TT: We wait.
TT: We wait for literally everything. We wait for other people to reach out first so we can fix our relationships. We wait for these legendary heroes to arrive and bring competence and promise to a futile situation.
TT: Even now. Look at us. What are we waiting for?
TT: To kill ourselves? For someone to come along and do it for us?
TT: It doesn't even matter.
TT: As the four nobles of the void session, we do what we were created to do.
TT: We sit around on our asses.
TT: Waiting.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: We were all designated for a session that was utterly inert.
TT: A place where the mechanisms for success never even existed to begin with.
TT: In such a place it makes sense that the formal leader would be neutralized, to made feel unempowered and static.
TT: And it seems particularly fitting she would be the noble of life in a realm of the dead.
TT: A realm that foretold of a life player who felt lifeless, a hope player who felt hopeless, and a heart player who was just a stone cold motherfucker.
TT: When we talked about leadership, and I was all on my high horse telling you how shit would go down...
TT: I also said I would be the one "pulling the strings." Remember? That I'd be the functional leader of our party.
TT: And there might have been something to that, in a different session.
TT: But what good is a "man of action" in a place where action itself is intrinsically fruitless?
TT: So it's occurred to me that by some tragic flaw in its design, our session was meant to be leaderless.
TT: And I'd feel safe concluding that. Except for a feeling that's been gnawing at me.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: It's the feeling that it would make perfect sense if a session like this had a dark horse leader.
TT: A leader who was invisible to us all along. Fittingly, a void player to lead a void session.
TT: She would be a leader not in name or in spirit or in function, whatever that means.
TT: But more of an emotional leader, who would selflessly try to hold everyone together while the rest of us did our best to fall apart.
TT: And Roxy has been that for us every step of the way, going unnoticed and unappreciated.
TT: Think of how much shit she's had to put up with from all of us.
TT: She never complains, never turns it around and makes it about her problems.
TT: She just works her ass off making sure we all stay friends.
TT: If that isn't a leader, I don't know what is.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: So that's how crazy it is for her to think I'm disappointed in her.
TT: The truth is, she's the most amazing person I ever knew.
TT: She's everything in a human being I wish I could be, but can't because I'm in my own way.
TT: Honestly, I'm not even sure if I'm worthy of dying next to her.
TT: I think she probably felt bad for hitting on me all those years. Like I was getting fed up with her, or something.
TT: But all it really did was make me feel guilty.
TT: That I couldn't give her what she wanted.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Like, settle down and have a couple weirdo goddamn kids with her some day.
TT: I guess there were times I thought about it. Being all alone on Earth with her and stuff.
TT: I couldn't though.
TT: Have to stay true to myself.
TT: Still, she would deserve it.
TT: Nobody deserves to get all the things they always wanted more than she does.
TT: And it suddenly seems kinda stupid that I think these things about her but she doesn't even know it.
TT: I guess I should tell her all this some time.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: I think that would be nice.
GG: Of course, she IS right there, you know.
TT: I know.
TT: I'm a little reluctant to drop all that on her.
TT: Looking at what I just said, it's...
TT: Kind of overwhelming?
TT: I feel like in a way you can destroy somebody with effusive praise.
TT: Or maybe I'm just projecting how I would feel about that kind of intense positivity coming at me. I dunno.
TT: But I still think confessions like that can change stuff between people. Like the way they act around each other.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: Maybe it's worth it?
TT: Maybe.
TT: Or maybe it's better to just say...
TT: Not so much of it?
TT: Like all at once.
TT: Maybe it'd be better for now if you could pass a short message to her for me.
TT: If only to help kill this awkward silence between us.
GG: Like what?
TT: Could you just tell her,
TT: I love her?
TT: No wait!
TT: I mean.
TT: Not in that way though.
TT: More like...
GG: Dirk, I know what way you mean!
TT: Ok. Good.
TT: Yeah.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: No, wait.
TT: Don't.
TT: That would be a weird mixed signal. I mean...
TT: It's true.
TT: But please say something else instead.
GG: Uh, Dirk...
GG: Something's happening.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: Tell her that I'm proud of her.
TT: And as a person she's everything I wish I could be.
TT: I wish I could be as nice and loving and selfless as her.
TT: But can't.
TT: Because I'm too busy being me.
GG: Dirk!!!

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
GG: The tremors are back.
GG: BIG TIME.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

|PESTERLOG|
TT: That's weird.
TT: I can feel it too this time.

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

02/06/13
"==> ==>"

02/06/13
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02/06/13
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02/08/13
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02/08/13
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02/08/13
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02/08/13
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02/08/13
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02/09/13
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02/09/13
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02/09/13
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02/09/13
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02/09/13
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02/09/13
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02/10/13
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02/10/13
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02/10/13
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02/10/13
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02/10/13
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02/10/13
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02/10/13
"==> ==>"

02/10/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hi!

02/10/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: ...
JANE: ...

02/10/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: are you jake?
JAKE: Um.
JAKE: Yeah.
JADE: hi jake!
JADE: im jade
JADE: its nice to finally meet you!
JAKE: Wow.
JAKE: Ummm.
JAKE: Yeah.
JADE: and you must be jane?
JANE: Me?
JADE: mm hm!
JANE: Oh.
JANE: I...
JANE: Yes.
JADE: its nice to meet you too jane
JANE: Yes.

02/10/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: so uh...
JADE: jake

02/10/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: where are your pants?

02/10/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: :|
JAKE: :o

02/16/13
")(IC: Spring trap x2 combo."

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: BARK

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: OBEY.

02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
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02/16/13
"==> ==>"

02/16/13
"END OF ACT 6 ACT 5"

02/17/13
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: DAVE ARE YOU THERE

02/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: COME IN DAVE.

02/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: THIS IS KARKAT.
KARKAT: OVER.

02/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: ANSWER ME YOU JACKOFF.
KARKAT: DON'T BE ALL LIKE YOU'RE TOO BUSY TO PICK UP, WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO KID.
KARKAT: YOU ARE QUITE POSSIBLY THE ONLY PERSON ON THIS METEOR WHO'S GOT EVEN LESS ON HIS NUTRITION PLATEAU THAN ME.
KARKAT: EVEN THE MAYOR HAS A MORE DEMANDING SCHEDULE THAN WE DO, LET'S FACE THE FUCKING FACTS.
KARKAT: WHAT. DID YOU THINK CAN TOWN RUNS ITSELF??
KARKAT: FAT CHANCE.
KARKAT: DAVE.
KARKAT: GOD DAMN IT DAVE.
KARKAT: I HAVE A PROBLEM.
KARKAT: NO.
KARKAT: *WE* HAVE A PROBLEM.

02/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: SKAIA IS NOW VISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE.
KARKAT: WE CAN'T BE MUCH MORE THAN A FEW HOURS AWAY.
KARKAT: THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
KARKAT: THREE OF THE LONGEST HUMAN "YEARS" WE'LL EVER HAVE TO LIVE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.
KARKAT: SUNK INTO THIS DEPRESSING LABORATORY WHICH BY ALL ACCOUNTS SHOULD NEVER HAVE FUNCTIONED AS ANYTHING BUT OUR ETERNAL TOMB.
KARKAT: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE'RE EVEN SUPPOSED TO STOP THIS THING. DO YOU?
KARKAT: OH WELL, SENDING IT BLASTING OFF SOMEWHERE AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT SURE SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!
KARKAT: AND NOW THAT WE'RE FINALLY HERE, AFTER ALL THE WAITING AND DRAMA AND BOREDOM AND STUPID BULLSHIT WITH OUR ANCESTRAL GHOSTS
KARKAT: AND EVEN DISREGARDING THE ONE HILARIOUSLY NEGLECTED DETAIL THAT THIS METEOR HAS NO FUCKING BRAKES
KARKAT: I STILL DON'T THINK WE'RE READY FOR THIS.

02/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: *SIGH*

02/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: I DON'T
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: HOW DO I EVEN BEGIN TO ADDRESS THIS SHIT.
KARKAT: OK, HOW ABOUT THIS.
KARKAT: SINCE I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER GENERAL PURPOSE QUESTION TO HELP BREAK THE ICE IN LITERALLY ANY IMAGINABLE SOCIAL SITUATION.

02/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: WHERE ARE YOUR FUCKING PANTS?
TEREZI: ZZZZZZZ

02/18/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: my pants
DAVE: what are you talking about
DAVE: theyre on my legs
KARKAT: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU.
DAVE: oh
KARKAT: DAVE, WE HAVE A BIG PROBLEM HERE.
DAVE: what
KARKAT: I THINK IT'S TIME WE HAD A...
KARKAT: WHAT DID YOU CALL IT?
KARKAT: AN INTERVENTION?
DAVE: for rose?
KARKAT: NO, NOT ROSE.
KARKAT: WHY WOULD I BE TALKING ABOUT ROSE?
KARKAT: SHE DOESN'T HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM THAT SHE NEEDS TO BE CONFRONTED ABOUT BY HER FRIENDS BEFORE SHE FLUSHES HER WHOLE LIFE DOWN THE GAPER, DOES SHE??
DAVE: uh yeah kind of
KARKAT: WHY? BECAUSE SHE LIKES TO DRINK THAT GOOFY HUMAN SOPORIFIC THAT MAKES HER A LOT FUNNIER AND MORE CHARMING THAN USUAL?
KARKAT: HOW IS THAT A PROBLEM?
KARKAT: I WAS TALKING ABOUT TEREZI.
DAVE: man terezi doesnt need an intervention
DAVE: she just drinks a lot of soda
KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW THAT IS A *HUGE* FUCKING PROBLEM.
DAVE: its red fizzy shitwater dude who cares
KARKAT: OK, CAN WE JUST ONCE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ARE MUTUAL ALIENS TO EACH OTHER AND AS SUCH POSSIBLY HAVE DIFFERENT VALUES AND STANDARDS ABOUT THINGS???
KARKAT: JUST THIS ONE TIME DAVE? THANKS!
DAVE: terezi has made her choices
DAVE: among them was to begin guzzling untold liters of that putrid circus cola
DAVE: think of it as like a rite of passage
DAVE: like something that just goes with the territory when someone you know almost imperceptibly begins turning into a juggalo
DAVE: wait fuck
DAVE: maybe she does need an intervention
KARKAT: SHE NEEDS TO WAKE UP SO WE CAN TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS.
KARKAT: SHE WON'T WAKE UP, WHAT DO I DO.
DAVE: did you try kicking her
KARKAT: YES.
DAVE: im out of ideas
TEREZI: SNOOOOOR3

02/18/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: WELL, WHENEVER SHE WAKES UP, WE ALL NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK ABOUT THIS.
KARKAT: IF SHE'S IN THIS CONDITION WHEN WE GET TO THE NEW SESSION, IT'LL BE A GODDAMN EMBARRASSMENT.
KARKAT: NOT TO MENTION DEADLY! NEED I REMIND YOU WHO'S STILL FOLLOWING US? SHE DOESN'T LOOK PRIMED FOR BATTLE FROM WHERE I'M STANDING!
KARKAT: WE NEED TO ACT AS A UNIFIED FRONT, DAVE. WE NEED TO LET HER KNOW THAT AS HER FRIENDS WE CAN'T STAND BY AND WATCH HER DEGRADE HERSELF LIKE THIS.
DAVE: man i dunno
DAVE: sounds like you wanna make this needlessly melodramatic
KARKAT: STAND BY. I'M PUTTING YOU ON SPEAKER CRAB.
DAVE: speaker crab
KARKAT: YES. SPEAKER CRAB.
DAVE: man dont put me on speaker crab
KARKAT: SHE NEEDS TO HEAR FROM YOU DAVE. SHE TRUSTS YOU.
DAVE: god
DAVE: honestly she can do whatever she wants i put this all behind me a while ago
DAVE: why do you really want me in on this conversation is it just that you dont know what to say by yourself
KARKAT: MAYBE IT IS DAVE!
KARKAT: MAYBE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT FUCKING IS.
KARKAT: I'M SORRY. I'M NOT A "GOD TIER".
KARKAT: I AM NOT SO FORTUNATE AS TO BE BLESSED WITH THE "GIFT OF GAB" LIKE YOU.
DAVE: what
KARKAT: THAT BADGE YOU EARNED. YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT MAKES IT EASIER TO TALK TO PEOPLE?
KARKAT: LIKE, REALLY OPEN UP ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND SAY WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE SAID?
DAVE: hahaha thats what you think that does?
KARKAT: ISN'T IT??
DAVE: no dude thats not what gift of gab does
KARKAT: OK WHAT DOES IT DO THEN WISE GUY!
DAVE: its utility isnt really comprehensible to lowly mortals sorry
KARKAT: YOU SNIDE CHUTE HUFFER.
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU COME UP HERE SO I CAN PUSH YOU OFF THIS BUILDING?
DAVE: nah
KARKAT: I'M PUTTING YOU ON SPEAKER CRAB, AND THEN TOGETHER WE ARE GOING TO KEEP IT *REAL AS SHIT*, DO YOU HEAR ME?

02/18/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: what do you actually want from her
DAVE: do you want her to stop drinking faygo and falling asleep in puddles of red fructose corn slobber
DAVE: or do you want her to somehow address the root of those habits and cut all that out for good
KARKAT: YES! I WANT HER TO DO THAT!
KARKAT: THE LATTER THING.
DAVE: yeah i can understand where youre coming from
DAVE: but in situations like this i think you need to remind yourself theres only so much you can do for somebody
DAVE: and maybe they arent going to want or need your help and you just have to figure out how to deal with that
DAVE: like at some point in your life one of your friends might start spending all her time with a guy you think is bad news
DAVE: and you have to decide if you need to intervene as a friend or just let it go because people can change or drift apart or whatever because thats just something that happens
KARKAT: DAVE
KARKAT: YOUR WISDOM, MY GOD
KARKAT: IT'S KNOCKING MY SOCKS OFF. HOLY SHIT, PLEASE TELL ME THE SECRET TO YOUR WISE WAYS.
KARKAT: AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, MAYBE YOU COULD TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
DAVE: look all im saying is
DAVE: there comes a time in every young womans life when she has to come to terms with the decision to gradually morph into a juggalo while all her friends and loved ones watch in dismay
DAVE: terezi has strolled through the dark carnival and taken a great brooding whiff of that decisions festive asshole and the choice she has made is all too clear
DAVE: shes down with the clown
KARKAT: NO, DON'T SAY THAT.
DAVE: its true man
DAVE: you can live in denial for only so long
DAVE: but as your bro i have to say it like it is
DAVE: she and gamzee man
DAVE: that is literally a thing
DAVE: they are in the hate square together
DAVE: total kismespades dude
KARKAT: NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN.
KARKAT: I MEAN, I KNOW THAT.
KARKAT: JUST WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING SO "COLORFULLY"?
KARKAT: I GUESS I DO THE SAME THING, BUT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO TAKE THINGS TO A DIFFERENT LEVEL OF GROSS. JUST PLEASE SAY SHIT NORMALLY FOR A CHANGE, OK.
KARKAT: REGARDING GAMZEE, YEAH. I KNEW ABOUT THAT ALREADY.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: really?
DAVE: then what the fuck have i been tiptoeing around all this time god damn
DAVE: i thought this was supposed to be like this "big secret" that would "destroy you" if you found out
KARKAT: MOTHERFUCKER, PLEASE.
KARKAT: DO YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT? I'VE SUSPECTED THIS WAS GOING ON FOR A LONG TIME.
KARKAT: I WAS JUST BEING LIKE YOU, PLAYING IT COOL, LETTING HER DO WHATEVER.
DAVE: then why is it a problem now
KARKAT: BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST STRAW! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE READY FOR ACTION BY NOW.
KARKAT: NOT COMATOSE, HALF NAKED AND FAYGO STICKY.
KARKAT: GOD, I WONDER WHAT SORT OF BULLSHIT HE'S GOT HER BELIEVING IN NOW? ABOUT THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS AND SHANGRI LA AND ALL THAT GARBAGE.
KARKAT: IT MAKES ME SO SAD TO THINK SHE'S CAUGHT UP IN HIS SUPERSTITIOUS WEB OF LIES.
KARKAT: IT'S BEEN AWFUL WATCHING THE PERSON I USED TO KNOW SLOWLY DRIFT AWAY FROM ME, TO THE POINT WHERE SHE MIGHT AS WELL BE GONE.
KARKAT: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DEAL WITH THAT?
DAVE: what
KARKAT: YOU AND SHE USED TO SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME. WHAT HAPPENED?
DAVE: like i said i just put it behind me
DAVE: she started sneaking around in vents and stuff acting suspicious trying to hide the fact that she was seeing him
DAVE: like she was obviously ashamed of it and worried how id react
DAVE: but it was hella transparent that was going on so i just said
DAVE: thats fine yall can do your blackrom thing with the juggalo its your decision
DAVE: but i cant keep playing along
DAVE: i cant do the quadrant thing its just too weird for me
DAVE: im not a troll and im not all open minded about gettin multicultural
DAVE: i still dont understand the spades thing and it makes me really fuckin uncomfortable even trying to imagine how that works and i sure as fuck dont want to date anybody whos got a hateclown on the side
DAVE: so i said no hard feelings i still like you and all, do whatever makes you happy ill just be over here in the hyper gravity chamber training to beat lord english
KARKAT: WE HAVE A HYPER GRAVITY CHAMBER???
DAVE: no
KARKAT: OH
DAVE: but what about you
DAVE: havent you been talking to gamzee this whole time
DAVE: or is he just balls out lying to you about sneakin around the meteor with terezi
DAVE: i thought moirails were supposed to be open with each other about stuff like that
KARKAT: YEAH. UH.
KARKAT: GAMZEE ENDED OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE QUITE SOME TIME AGO.
DAVE: oh shit
DAVE: sorry to hear about that
KARKAT: IT'S FINE. IT WAS REALLY A DEAD END PALE RELATIONSHIP.
KARKAT: AT FIRST IT REALLY SEEMED LIKE I WAS A NECESSARY PART OF HIS LIFE, KEEPING HIS SHIT UNDER CONTROL...
KARKAT: BUT AS TIME WENT ON HE JUST GOT COMPLETELY DISINTERESTED AND WASN'T KEEPING UP WITH HIS END OF THE THING AT ALL.
KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE.
KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY.
KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.
KARKAT: WHATEVER. AT LEAST HE STOPPED KILLING PEOPLE.
DAVE: amazing i spent three years on this rock and never said one thing to the guy
DAVE: i saw him once tho
DAVE: just a glimpse in a dark hallway
DAVE: it was kinda like seeing a blurry purple bigfoot with a huge boner
KARKAT: OH GOD!
KARKAT: THAT FUCKING GOD TIER OUTFIT.
KARKAT: WHAT A GODDAMN FAKER. I CAN'T FOR THE LIFE OF ME IMAGINE WHERE HE GOT THAT THING.
KARKAT: I KNOW KANAYA SURE AS HELL DIDN'T MAKE IT FOR HIM.
KARKAT: THE MAN LITERALLY HAS NO SHAME.
DAVE: why is he wearing it
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW!
KARKAT: I DON'T THINK EVEN HE KNOWS.
KARKAT: MAYBE TO MAKE A "GOOD IMPRESSION" ON HIS FAKE ASS RELIGIOUS IDOL, AFTER HE THRUSTS HIS SACRED COD PIECE THROUGH THE GATES OF SHANGRI LA.
DAVE: ahahaha the best thing we ever do together is slam this assholes dumb religion
KARKAT: YEAH!!!
DAVE: really its the most hilarious fucking horseshit ive ever heard
DAVE: i mean pretty much all religions are wrong but theres wrong and then theres WRONG
DAVE: as in ZERO CHANCE YOU ARE EVER PROVEN RIGHT ABOUT EVEN A SINGLE THING DUDE, EVER EVER EVER
KARKAT: HAHAHA! IT'S SO TRUE.
KARKAT: I WISH I COULD SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE FINALLY REALIZES EVERYTHING HE BELIEVES IS A LIE.
DAVE: be one sad clown that day
DAVE: his bulge will probably deflate and make this high pitch noise plus corresponding flatulence
KARKAT: HEY DAVE.
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN TO US AFTER WE MEET UP WITH THE OTHERS.
KARKAT: I MEAN, AS FRIENDS.
DAVE: what do you mean as friends
KARKAT: I MEAN WILL WE STILL GET TO BE BROS.
DAVE: uh
DAVE: yeah?
DAVE: no offense dog but thats a dumb and neurotic question
KARKAT: NO BUT SEE
KARKAT: WE'RE GOING TO MEET ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE.
KARKAT: JOHN AMONG THEM.
KARKAT: AND JOHN IS YOUR BEST FRIEND, SO YOU WILL OSTENSIBLY RESUME THAT FRIENDSHIP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF.
KARKAT: AND JOHN AND I HAD A FEW TESTY CONVERSATIONS WITH EACH OTHER ONE DAY, AND IN MOST OF THOSE I MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF.
KARKAT: AND I GUESS WE BECAME FRIENDS THAT DAY? MAYBE??
KARKAT: BUT THE REALITY IS IT WAS JUST ONE DAY, AND HE'D BE WELL WITHIN A REASONABLE FRAME OF MIND NOT TO GIVE A CRAP IN HINDSIGHT ABOUT THE GUY WHO TROLLED HIM ONCE THREE YEARS AGO.
KARKAT: AND THE SAME GOES FOR JADE!
KARKAT: I THOUGHT WE HAD A DECENT RAPPORT, BUT AGAIN, IT WAS ONE DAY FOREVER AGO. SHE PROBABLY BARELY REMEMBERS ME AT THIS POINT.
KARKAT: WHEREAS THAT DOESN'T MATTER FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU GO WAY BACK WITH THEM. THIS IS LIKE A FUCKING *HEARTFELT REUNION* FOR YOU GUYS.
KARKAT: BUT WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME??
KARKAT: I CAN HARDLY CALL GAMZEE A FRIEND ANYMORE. WHO KNOWS IF MY FRIENDSHIP WITH TEREZI WILL EVER BE WHAT IT WAS BEFORE. I USED TO BE PRETTY CLOSE WITH KANAYA, BUT NOW SHE AND ROSE NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE FOR MORE THAN A FUCKING MINUTE.
KARKAT: ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS ARE DEAD, AND NOW WE'RE LEAVING THE DREAM BUBBLES BEHIND.
KARKAT: AND THEN THERE'S YOU.
KARKAT: SO
KARKAT: I'M JUST WONDERING WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
DAVE: you forgot the mayor
DAVE: youre pretty damn tight with the mayor arent you
KARKAT: THE MAYOR'S FRIENDSHIP IS A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT, AND I AM INSULTED BEYOND COMPREHENSION AS WELL AS MY CAPACITY TO VOMIT THAT YOU WOULD INSINUATE OTHERWISE.
DAVE: yeah the mayor rules
DAVE: but as usual you are overcomplicating this
DAVE: just like you overcomplicate everything
DAVE: friendship leadership romance
DAVE: shipping grids and dick battles
DAVE: this is real simple
DAVE: our meteor will somehow tokyo drift to a dead stop in the new session
DAVE: at which point we will keep being bros for life or something
DAVE: i will start being friends with john and jade again because they are my friends and never stopped being that
DAVE: john will also be your friend because hes cool and also a doofus who is easy to be friends with
DAVE: jade will be your friend too cause shes nice and likes being friends with people
DAVE: i can personally guarantee that she will be happy to see you
DAVE: and as for the new people i dont know about them but theyll probably be your friends too
DAVE: all i know is two of them are my parents and two of them are johns parents and aint no rule that says you cant be friends with your bros mom and pop
DAVE: especially when your bros mom and pop are a couple of sassy teens
DAVE: as for terezi i dont know i guess well see what happens
DAVE: and as for gamzee fuck that guy with a balloon poodle
DAVE: friendship lesson secured the end
TEREZI: ZZZZZZZ ZZNK SNOOORT
TEREZI: SM4CK SM4CK
TEREZI: NNNRNNNNNNNRRNGNGNHGHGL3
KARKAT: UH OH, LOOK WHO'S STARTING TO COME AROUND!

02/19/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD!
KARKAT: HONK HONK HONK, YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S TIME TO FACE THE FUCKING MUSIC.

02/19/13
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 1"

|AUTHORLOG|
HEY. YOU.
COMPUTER MAN. I NEED MORE HELP.
No.
COMPUTER MAN. ASSIST ME WITH MORE HOT TIPS.
No!
YES.
I'M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING BLUE HAT.
This is a shameful exploitation of our arrangement.
We weren't supposed to talk anymore once you left Earth.
I DID NOT AGREE TO THOSE TERMS.
Every time we talk, you complain that I am being self indulgent.
But you always come back for more! It's like you can't get enough of me.
I think you might be obsessed.
GIVE ME MORE HOT TIPS ASSHOLE.
You only made that caltop so you could talk to me on the go, didn't you?
NO.
Please, don't lie. Who else would you use it to talk to in your solo session? GAMZEE?
I bet you haven't said one word to him through that device. You never even refer to him by his name.
THE CLOWN HAS BEEN AN ADEQUATE PEON. WHEN IT COMES TO DOING THINGS I DON'T WANT TO DO.
THERE IS NO REASON TO SPEAK TO HIM THROUGH MY FUN HELMET.
You should try to be better friends with him.
He basically ditched his best buddy for you.
WHO CARES?
He reveres you, and you treat him like shit.
YES.
SO.
So...
You're off to a pretty good start at being a god, I guess?
THANK YOU.
LOOK. I JUST SAID A POLITE THING.
NOW REWARD ME WITH WHAT I WANT.
Ugh.
YELLOW HAT IS VERY FAST.
AS A MINION HE HAS BEEN VERY USEFUL.
BUT I AM HAVING TROUBLE DETERMINING THE ABILITIES OF BLUE HAT.
Yellow hat and blue hat?
You should come up with better names for them than that.
LIKE WHAT.
Like, I don't know.
Maybe some cool mobster names?
MOBSTER NAMES.
WHY WOULD I GIVE THEM MOBSTER NAMES.
Because mobsters are cool.
THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE MOBSTERS.
THEY LOOK LIKE FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS.
Anyone can be a mobster though. Even cherubs and leprechauns.
Being a mobster isn't about what you look like, it's about what's inside you.
WOW. THAT IS SO PROFOUND.
NOW STOP STALLING AND GIVE ME TIPS.
Are these the only two you've unlocked so far?
YES.
I HAVE CONQUERED THE SECOND PLANET.
AND HAVE NOW TRAVELED TO THE THIRD.
BEFORE I CONQUER THIS ONE. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT BLUE HAT DOES.
He's pretty much doing what he does.
HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK.
IS HE BROKEN.
No. He's just slow.
WHAT.
That's his power.
Yellow hat is fast.
Blue hat is slow.
THAT'S A HORRIBLE POWER.
HOW IS THAT EVEN A POWER.
It just is.
ARGH.
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO ACHIEVING MORE POWERFUL MINIONS.
NOT MORE MALINGERING FOOLS TO TAKE UP SPACE IN MY DARK CARNIVAL.
DO THEY GET BETTER THAN THIS.
That depends on what you mean by better.
OH MY GOD.
OK. WE'RE DONE.
BYE.

02/19/13
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 1"

02/20/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: wake up sleepy head
DAVESPRITE: wait why did i even say that
DAVESPRITE: stay asleep all you want like i give a fuck

02/20/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: but you are kind of missing some important shit here
DAVESPRITE: we spent three faux relativistic years cruising through the metaphysical asscrack of nowhere
DAVESPRITE: and when we finally get here youre all tuckered out
DAVESPRITE: like yall didnt sleep enough on this boat already
DAVESPRITE: some of the sicknastiest shuteye anyone ever got i owe to this friggin boat
DAVESPRITE: dude this is a big deal everyones waiting for us out there
DAVESPRITE: i mean...
DAVESPRITE: probably
DAVESPRITE: i dont know where we are some green hilly place with all these stone henges sprinkled around
DAVESPRITE: did you know there could be a plurality of stone henges i didnt but guess fucking what
DAVESPRITE: henges APLENTY where this place is concerned
DAVESPRITE: hey wheres jade

02/20/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: i guess she left already?
DAVESPRITE: maybe there was an emergency somewhere and her doggy senses led her there
DAVESPRITE: maybe someone fell down a well
DAVESPRITE: what do you think john do you think our teen parents fell down a well
DAVESPRITE: nah i sincerely doubt that any of them would be that pathetic
DAVESPRITE: whatever it was it must have been important enough for jade to ditch us like this
DAVESPRITE: either that or
DAVESPRITE: maybe she was that desperate to finally get away from me
DAVESPRITE: between you and me john
DAVESPRITE: i didnt really handle things with her as well as i could have
DAVESPRITE: oh well maybe real dave will treat her better
DAVESPRITE: or not i dont know
DAVESPRITE: i did her a favor cutting bird dave out of her life
DAVESPRITE: nobody really deserves bird dave as a boyfriend or a friend or anything its like getting one of the janky daves from the bargain bin at the dave depot
DAVESPRITE: or one of the marked down daves the day after national dave day
DAVESPRITE: its like somebody taxedermized your dave and expected you not to notice
DAVESPRITE: "feathers what feathers haha no that dave is totally normal and ok"
DAVESPRITE: you should just go back to being bros with real dave when you see him
DAVESPRITE: ill be fine ill just flap around and do my thing alone
DAVESPRITE: im completely alright with that at this point
DAVESPRITE: we had our ups and downs john but all in all it was cool to go on this road trip with you
DAVESPRITE: there were some times man
DAVESPRITE: the times
DAVESPRITE: im telling you they were unreal
DAVESPRITE: i bet you people would pay good money to see every second of the madcap stunts that were going down on this ship basically 24/7
DAVESPRITE: if hulls could talk wow
DAVESPRITE: haha just joking it was seriously boring as hell
DAVESPRITE: but i mean it was still cool so yeah
DAVESPRITE: hey
DAVESPRITE: whats that ring anyway
DAVESPRITE: ive seen you with that ring before and i guess i was just like
DAVESPRITE: ok john has a magic ring for some reason
DAVESPRITE: no need to mention that or anything
DAVESPRITE: but where did you even get it
DAVESPRITE: you cant even hear me you got your snooze on so hard
DAVESPRITE: aint gonna wake you up to hassle you about no ring
DAVESPRITE: i probably should have said all this stuff when you were awake anyway
DAVESPRITE: like the stuff about friendship
DAVESPRITE: fuck it ill just leave another one of my patented magic notes taped to your shoe or your cowlick or something
DAVESPRITE: my magic notes rule ill miss leavin em taped on stuff

02/20/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: i sure do talk to myself a lot dont i
DAVESPRITE: wow why have i never made this observation
DAVESPRITE: i probably needed to be a bird for exactly three years to finally have that epiphany
DAVESPRITE: i wonder if real dave ever had that epiphany
DAVESPRITE: probably not cause hes not a bird
DAVESPRITE: the bottom line is being a guy whos also a bird makes you think
DAVESPRITE: anyway im out

02/20/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|SPRITELOG|
DAVESPRITE: p.s. happy birthday john
DAVESPRITE: have some watermarks for the road

02/21/13
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 2"

|AUTHORLOG|
I UNLOCKED MORE GNOMES.
I thought they were leprechauns.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY ARE.
Ok.
I HAVE NOW CONQUERED FOUR PLANETS. AND HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF GNOMES UNDER MY COMMAND.
YELLOW HAT. BLUE HAT. RED HAT. AND NOW PURPLE HAT.
Congratulations.
THE PLANETS ARE BECOMING INCREASINGLY DIFFICULT TO CONQUER.
I ALMOST DID NOT MANAGE TO DESTROY THE PURPLE PLANET. WITHIN THE ALLOTTED TIME.
UNFORTUNATELY. THE QUALITY OF THE UNLOCKED GNOMES HAS NOT INCREASED TO MATCH THE ESCALATING DIFFICULTY OF MY QUEST.
IT SEEMS TO BE JUST THE OPPOSITE. THESE GNOMES ARE SHIT.
What's wrong with the new gnomes?
OK. RED HAT? HE HAS.
*NO FUCKING POWERS AT ALL.*
UNLESS HIS POWER IS TO FOLLOW ME AROUND CONSTANTLY.
Yes. That's basically what he does.
PURPLE HAT IS EVEN WORSE.
IS HIS POWER TO DANCE AROUND ALL THE TIME. WHILE SINGING RIDDLES TO ME?
Yes.
AWFUL.
PURPLE HAT'S BEHAVIOR IS SO INFURIATING. I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO MURDER HIM SEVERAL TIMES.
BUT TO NO AVAIL.
You can't kill purple hat. He's too lucky!
That's also his power. Being really lucky.
WHAT GOOD DOES THAT DO ME???
I don't know.
Get him to solve puzzles for you?
Use him as a human shield sometimes?
I mean a gnome shield.
OH YEAH. THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA.
You shouldn't be whining about how lame your minions are.
As you accumulate more, your job is obviously to combine their talents in creative ways to overcome the increasingly difficult challenges on your quest.
Synergize your time gnomes. Make them more than the sum of their pointy hats.
THAT'S GOING TO BE DIFFICULT.
THEY ARE ALL IDIOTS.
Nobody said it would be easy.
FINE.
I HAVE NO MORE QUESTIONS FOR NOW.
Hey.
Did you kill that cute turtle?
NO.
But I can see your past trail.
You're standing there holding a gun, and pointing it at the turtle.
OK. THEN YES.
I KILLED THE TURTLE.
Boooooooooo.

02/21/13
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 2"

02/21/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

02/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

02/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

02/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: ey its the blue buoy again!
MEENAH: sea him there just off the starboard shit
MEENAH: yo watch how far away i can fork him from
ARANEA: Meenah, put the trident down.
ARANEA: Don't make me conchfishscate it again.
MEENAH: 38D
MEENAH: 38D
MEENAH: conchfishscate
MEENAH: 38D

02/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hey, it's John!
JOHN: vriska, is that you?
VRISKA: Yeah! Get over here!!!!!!!!
JOHN: alright.
TAVROS: (oH,)
TAVROS: (gREAT,)

02/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Nice to see you again, John. It's 8een too long.
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: actually hasn't it been exactly a year?
JOHN: i think it was my birthday last time we met too, heh.
VRISKA: A year for you, may8e. Who even knows how long it's 8een out here, 8ut who cares.
VRISKA: The point is, as you can see the plan I descri8ed to you 8efore is in full swing.
JOHN: you mean the big treasure hunt, with all those black maps?
VRISKA: Yes. 8ut they aren't 8lack anymore! Not totally.
VRISKA: Everything's gone exactly as I intended. English has taken the 88, hook line and sinker.
VRISKA: He's 8een chasing our "extended party" around the ring, 8lowing shit up with his monster 8reath, thus revealing the path to the treasure in the process.
VRISKA: I must say, for an evil mastermind, the guy is kind of a dope.
VRISKA: Supposedly his every move is a carefully calcul8ted ploy to assure his existence in the first place, yet here he is wrecking the joint like an oaf, unwittingly helping the hero find the weapon that will finally take him down.
VRISKA: And we're almost there, too! Although 8y now it's 8ecome em8arrassingly o8vious that the treasure was hidden right around where we started all along.
VRISKA: These maps have just 8een leading us all in a 8ig stupid circle!
VRISKA: I should have seen it coming. I guess that's my 8ad. In terms of 8onehead moves, that's English: 1, Vriska: 1, so I guess we're even. 8ut may8e we don't have to mention that detail when we document my heroism in the annals of gr8tness.
JOHN: uh... mention what, exactly?
VRISKA: Exactly!
VRISKA: Haha, I almost forgot how deceptively quick you are on the uptake, John.
TAVROS: (tHAT'S NOT SO IMPRESSIVE,)
TAVROS: (i WAS CONFUSED BY WHAT YOU WERE SAYING, tOO,)
VRISKA: Tavros, if you're going to interrupt, don't mum8le. And even then, don't.
VRISKA: Anyway, I really don't mind the fact that these cryptic treasure maps have led us all on a wild honk8ird chase.
VRISKA: I've never once complained a8out a good long treasure hunt, and I'm not a8out to start now.
VRISKA: 8esides, with the way spacetime works out here, who can say for sure we would 8e a8le to find the treasure at all unless we traced this exact path?
VRISKA: No8ody can say that, is who. Least of all English, who as far as I know, can't actually speak so much as issue 8lood curdling roars that cleave the found8tions of reality itself.
VRISKA: You're of course welcome to join us on our adventure, for as long as you're asleep.
VRISKA: We could use another hand on deck. I'll even give you a rank and title!
TAVROS: yOU GET TO BE LOWER THAN ME,
TAVROS: tHAT'S THE FAIREST RULE,
VRISKA: Wrong.
VRISKA: Tavros, who's the captain here?
VRISKA: Last time I checked, it wasn't Swa88y Nitram, Poopmaster Extraordinaire.
TAVROS: }:(

02/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: by the way, hi tavros.
JOHN: how have you been?
TAVROS: oKAY,
JOHN: cool pirate outfit you have there.
TAVROS: nO, tHANKS, bUT IT'S NOT COOL, IT'S DUMB,
TAVROS: vRISKA WANTS ME TO WEAR IT THOUGH, sO i DO, sO SHE'LL BE HAPPY,
TAVROS: dON'T ASK ME WHERE MY PANTS ARE,,,
JOHN: i wasn't going to.
VRISKA: We all look amazing as pir8tes.
VRISKA: This is non-negotia8le.
JOHN: no argument here!
JOHN: what about the rest of your crew?
JOHN: i remember her, the punky one who always likes to stab me with her spear...
JOHN: but i really hope she doesn't do that this time.
MEENAH: (dream on blue nerd)
MEENAH: (you in my crosshairs sucka)
MEENAH: (gotch u right where i want)
MEENAH: (just biding my time)
MEENAH: (biding and biding)
MEENAH: (gonna hunt you til we both double dead)
MEENAH: (you are my obsession lil bluefish)
MEENAH: (my shrimpiest of whales)
MEENAH: (my mobiest of dicks)
MEENAH: (call me)
MEENAH: (fishmael)
MEENAH: 3B|
ARANEA: (STOPIT!)
JOHN: but i don't know the one who looks kind of like your sister.
JOHN: what is your name?
ARANEA: Aranea. ::::)
JOHN: hi.
JOHN: and what about those two over there?

02/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: These are my friends, Aradia and Sollux.
VRISKA: I have recruited them for this expedition as specialists.
VRISKA: They aren't really here to do any fighting. 8ut their a8ilities will 8ecome useful once we retrieve the treasure.
ARADIA: hello.
JOHN: hey.
JOHN: are you alive?
JOHN: your eyes do not look spooky and ghostly.
ARADIA: thanks!
ARADIA: yes im alive
VRISKA: Yeah, and apparently she intends to stay that way?
VRISKA: Hence her principled if somewhat lame commitment to pacifism.
VRISKA: 8ut considering our history together, I'm willing to let 8ygones 8e 8ygones. I'm happy to have her on my crew in whatever capacity she likes.
JOHN: your history? what happened?
JOHN: wait, that's a rude question. sorry.
TAVROS: (vRISKA KILLED HER TOO,)
TAVROS: (sHE USED THE OTHER GUY THERE, tRAGICALLY, aS THE DEATH WEAPON,)
VRISKA: Hey!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: What did I say a8out 8ygones 8eing 8ygones? That's like rule fucking ONE of this ship.
VRISKA: Anyway, she 8ecame a ro8ot and killed me 8ack, so o8viously we're cool now.
JOHN: jeez, why does everyone always die so much?
SOLLUX: (l0l, like this guy's 0ne t0 talk.)
ARADIA: (sollux dont make our guest uncomfortable)
SOLLUX: (he's already unc0mf0rtable, and he sh0uld be. we all sh0uld be.)
ARADIA: really i havent thought about any of that in a long time
ARADIA: ancient conflicts dont mean anything to me anymore but i was more than thrilled by the opportunity to go on another adventure like this
ARADIA: we used to enjoy such campaigns together all the time when we were younger
ARADIA: of course now the teams are a little different :)
VRISKA: Yeah! Man, those were the days.
JOHN: what about you... why do you have double eye patches?
SOLLUX: uh, because i'm blind, stupid?
JOHN: i can't tell if you're alive too or not, because i can't see if your eyes are spooky.
SOLLUX: they're sp00ky as shit, but yes, i'm alive.
SOLLUX: 0k, here's the sh0rt versi0n. i used t0 be able t0 see, but then i went blind.
SOLLUX: then i used my p0wers t00 hard, and died. but it turned 0ut i was 0nly half dead.
JOHN: half dead?
SOLLUX: let me finish. s0 the gh0st half 0f me c0uld see again, s0 i was 0nly half blind.
SOLLUX: but then s0meb0dy pr0t0typed my c0rpse, which i guess sucked the gh0st half 0f me 0ut 0f my b0dy, t0 make me fully alive again? als0 fully blind.
SOLLUX: and n0w the gh0st part 0f my s0ul is sharing a sprite b0dy with FUCKING ERIDAN 0f all pe0ple.
JOHN: who's eridan?
SOLLUX: just the d0uche wh0 blinded me in the first place, it d0esn't even matter.
JOHN: um, alright. but i don't think i quite followed all of that.
JOHN: what does being half dead mean?
SOLLUX: y0u kn0w, f0rget it.
SOLLUX: i'm s0 sick 0f telling this st0ry t0 pe0ple 0ver and 0ver, and n0b0dy understanding what the hell i'm talking ab0ut.
SOLLUX: it's all s0 simple. n0, actually, it isn't, it's a fucking stupid st0ry that makes n0 sense, maybe that's the pr0blem.
SOLLUX: my marginal existence is fraught with s0 much p0intless duality and c0mplicated n0nsense, s0 i'm d0ne even trying t0 explain it.
SOLLUX: fr0m n0w 0n i sh0uld just wear a shirt that says d0n't ask me ab0ut my disability 0r my m0rtality. then everything w0uld be fine.
VRISKA: It's really kind of a shame Gamzee prototyped Eridan's torso parts and swiped his ghost from the afterlife.
VRISKA: I 8et he would have had a gr8 time on this voyage. I used to own him during our nautical campaigns all the time!
SOLLUX: if he was 0n this ship, i'd walk the plank and plummet thr0ugh the fake ass water thr0ugh infinite n0where f0rever.
SOLLUX: besides y0u act like y0u haven't already recruited at least fifty fucking eridans fr0m d00med timelines in y0ur army.
SOLLUX: y0u really are shamefully prejudiced against 0ur alternate reality gh0st selves, they're just as real as we are and have the same em0ti0ns and everything.
VRISKA: Gimme a 8r8k, Sollux. As if you don't view them the exact same way.
VRISKA: You've got real Eridan, and then pretty much a whole 8unch of pretenders out there.
SOLLUX: they're all real!!! SHIT, i d0n't even LIKE eridan, but here i am sticking up f0r his c0pies.
VRISKA: See? You just called them copies. Even you can't avoid accidentally using a pro8lematic slur which reveals that no matter what you 8elieve a8out your morals, deep down you're always gonna favor the original, while viewing all the others as duplic8tes of lesser value.
SOLLUX: 0h whatever. just WHATEVER, rati0nalize the "c0llateral damage" t0 y0ur army all y0u want.
SOLLUX: and t0 think, bef0re i j0ined y0ur party i heard rum0rs that y0u might have changed, like learned t0 be a better pers0n 0r s0mething, HEHEH, YEAH RIGHT!
VRISKA: Oh pleeeeeeeease. I hardly think I'm a 8ad person for failing to give a shit a8out a 8illion meaningless dead Nepetas, do you?!
SOLLUX: n0, y0u're n0t a bad pers0n f0r THAT PARTICULAR reas0n, i guess.
VRISKA: What am I seriously supposed to do? Fly around and 8efriend each one individually?
VRISKA: Sorry, I have 8etter things to do with my time. Let's try to 8e at least somewhat practical here.
ARADIA: ive met most of those nepetas theyre all very nice
VRISKA: Oh shut up.

02/26/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: and what about all those ships up ahead?
JOHN: are they part of the treasure hunt too?
VRISKA: Of course!
VRISKA: That's my army.
MEENAH: *COUG)(*
VRISKA: Ok, I mean OUR army.
VRISKA: 8ut like, on 8oats.
JOHN: isn't an army on boats usually called a navy?
VRISKA: John, help me out. I seem to 8e having trou8le remem8ering which one of us is the captain.
VRISKA: Was it the dork in 8lue pajamas, or was it the veteran sailor in the rad captain's coat?
VRISKA: That's right, the captain was me! And I say it's an army that happens to 8e on a 8unch of 8oats.
TAVROS: (oHHHHHH, oHH DAMN,)
TAVROS: (hE GOT SMOKED! wOW, sO SMOKED,)
TAVROS: (mEENAH, dID YOU CATCH THOSE SICK FIRES,)
MEENAH: (no but for reel it pretty much is a navy)
MEENAH: (just sayin)
JOHN: who's in the army?
VRISKA: Thousands of ghosts. Primarily those of old friends and acquaintances.

02/26/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: We've amassed a coalition of eager volunteers ready to lay down their ghost lives for a worthy cause.
JOHN: you mean fighting lord english?
VRISKA: When we're ready for that, yes. 8ut we need the treasure first.
VRISKA: So for now they're sailing well ahead of us in large num8ers to attract his attention, so he can do more damage to the ring and fill out the rest of our maps.
VRISKA: We should 8e very gr8teful for their 8ravery. They are making a no8le sacrifice for us all.
TAVROS: (bRAVERY, yEAH, rIGHT,)
TAVROS: (i'M MOSTLY SURE SHE'S MIND CONTROLLING THEM,)
VRISKA: God DAMMIT, Tavros.
VRISKA: We really don't need your play 8y play commentary on everything!
JOHN: wait, you're mind controlling all those ghosts?
VRISKA: No!
VRISKA: Well, not all of them.
VRISKA: Once you group enough together, others tend to latch on to the mo8 out of curiosity. We trolls have a way of clustering together naturally.
VRISKA: You've got to understand, John. Most of these people are pretty self a8sor8ed. They just needed a little 8it of persuasion to join the cause.
MEENAH: word
JOHN: yeah, but...
JOHN: isn't that still kind of, um...
JOHN: dickish?
VRISKA: 8ut all these stu88orn jackasses are going to dou8le die anyway if we don't all work together and kill this guy!
VRISKA: This is WAR, John. In times of war, difficult decisions have to 8e made with the lives of many.
VRISKA: Just think of me as a general giving orders to my troops. It just happens that the orders are a little more direct in this case.
MEENAH: hey serket deuce
MEENAH: lets not lose track a whos actually in charge of this shit mkay
VRISKA: Yeah yeah.
VRISKA: All hail Her Imperious Teen Condescension, the fresh new face of tyranny, Supreme Admiral Peixes.
VRISKA: At this time I would like to motion for a fifteen minute 8owing 8r8k so that we may demonstr8te our reverence for this 8old, spunky leader.
MEENAH: yessssss
VRISKA: Tavros, stop 8owing. That was a joke.
MEENAH: no keep doin that
MEENAH: lower swabby
MEENAH: LOW-ER
MEENAH: face on the fuckin deck
MEENAH: yes just like that perfect
JOHN: how do you mind control so many ghosts at once?
JOHN: isn't that kind of hard?
VRISKA: Well, I do have a little help.
VRISKA: John, did I mention?
VRISKA: My ancestor........
VRISKA: She is THE 8EST.
JOHN: she is?
ARANEA: I must admit, I was not in favor of the idea at first.
ARANEA: 8ut Vriska made a very strong case for using our com8ined powers in this way.
ARANEA: In a perfect reality, no one would have to get hurt. 8ut the stakes are too high to 8e shying away from such measures.
VRISKA: See what I mean??
VRISKA: The 8est.
JOHN: uh.
ARANEA: It has 8een wonderful spending so much time on this adventure with my descendant.
ARANEA: Not just 8ecause it's helped me get to know her 8etter, 8ut 8ecause it's opened my eyes to things a8out myself I was never really in touch with.
ARANEA: There are certain capa8ilities within me I have never quite 8een a8le to face, and she's helped me realize I've 8een hiding from them all my life, and well 8eyond.
ARANEA: It must 8e true what they used to say on my world. That if you really want to know who you are, look to the legacy left 8ehind 8y your ancestor.
ARANEA: I think that wisdom works in 8oth directions!
VRISKA: Well put, Marquise. I've always felt the exact same way!
MEENAH: PUKE
MEENAH: oh my glub the serk twins bein adorbubble again
MEENAH: nitram get your mop ready for swabbin up all this vomit comin out ma mouth
TAVROS: eW, nO,
MEENAH: can you two stick a fork in the sentimental carp
MEENAH: maybe pretend you aint hit it off so good
MEENAH: you ever stop and think how this makes me feel
ARANEA: There's no reason to 8e jealous, Meenah. You know nothing has changed a8out our friendship.
MEENAH: jealous
MEENAH: bitch no
MEENAH: just makes me think about my kid descendant
MEENAH: an how instead of having this cool friendsy relation with her i just got this uncontrollable urge to stab her to death so she dont threaten my supremacy
MEENAH: which is a shame cuz she so cute 38(
MEENAH: cod damn my royal blood and the cray junk it makes me have to do
MEENAH: aw well
MEENAH: maybe some day ill find an heiress who my genes dont instinctively make me wanna murder on sight
MEENAH: then i can teach her the badass ways of being a boss n shit!
JOHN: (god, trolls are so weird.)

02/27/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: jOHN JUST SAID TROLLS ARE WEIRD,
TAVROS: hE SAID IT QUIETLY, bUT i HEARD HIM,
JOHN: hey!
JOHN: you snitch.
MEENAH: yeah but
MEENAH: arent we
TAVROS: uH,,,,,
MEENAH: moral of the story is blue kid is a dumb nerd but is right when he says stuff
MEENAH: look at that its like me and him are becoming fast fronds thus lulling him into a sense of false confidence already
JOHN: what?
MEENAH: (soon my lil whale...)
MEENAH: (soon...)
ARANEA: It is true. To a human, the ways of trolls from 8oth Alternia and 8eforus will seem very strange.
ARANEA: In fact, prior to uniting in the afterlife, even the two groups of trolls were reasona8ly alien to one another.
ARANEA: I've had a gr8 deal of time to study the cultures of many species throughout paradox space. No matter which race you 8elong to, one can always find another whose ideals pose a challenge of comprehension to even the most open minded.
ARANEA: And though the ethical standards of those from Alternia may seem unpalata8le to you, rest assured there are 8eings elsewhere in the cosmos whose violent 8ehavior would 8e considered extreme even to most trolls.

02/27/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Actually John, I'm very glad you 8rought this up.
ARANEA: 8ecause I was in the middle of a wonderful story a8out this very su8ject, which you interrupted when you 8oarded our ship.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: sorry.
ARANEA: No, that's fine!
ARANEA: Really, I'm quite pleased that you did.
ARANEA: This way I get to start over from the 8eginning!

02/27/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: There were some rough patches in my original telling which I can go 8ack and fix.
ARANEA: This time it will 8e much 8etter!
JOHN: ok.
JOHN: what's the story about?
ARANEA: It is a tale a8out a very mysterious alien race called cheru8s.
ARANEA: Let us 8egin.
ARANEA: Once upon a time........

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: There was a very mysterious alien race called cheru8s!
MEENAH: aranea i thought you said youd fix the shitty parts of the story
MEENAH: you started with that crappy line the first time too
ARANEA: The opening line is fine!
MEENAH: its aight i guess
MEENAH: knot
ARANEA: Oh shut up and let me tell my story.
ARANEA: Now where was I?
JOHN: there was a very mysterious alien race called cherubs.
ARANEA: Right.
ARANEA: There was a very mysterious alien race called cheru8s.
ARANEA: 8ut there was one cheru8 in particular who, for at least the first half of our story, will 8e our heroine.

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: She spent eons roaming her galaxy, completely alone. 8ut the time had come for her to find a m8.

This is no small task for a cheru8. 8eing an asocial species, they spend virtually no time in each other's presence at all. Aside from when it is time to m8, they may go their entire lives without encountering another. And so they scatter their num8ers throughout space, each staking a territory spanning many lightyears.

8ut like a predator is a8le to track the scent of its prey, a cheru8 can sense the presence of another near8y. This sense is especially strong if that cheru8 shares the same qualities its other half once had long ago, 8efore it experienced the matur8tion process known as predomin8tion.

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
You see, when a young cheru8 hatches, it would appear that only one creature has 8egun its life. 8ut the appearance is not to 8e trusted. The young cheru8 actually consists of two completely distinct 8eings, a male and a female each sharing one 8ody. The two halves are endowed with polar opposite predispositions as well. One predisposed toward malevolence, another toward 8enevolence. Good or evil, if you prefer to deal in simplistic terms, or at least those which are convenient for the sake of this story! I prefer to view the dichotomy as a kind of moral alignment, like an attri8ute that dict8tes the choices a character makes in certain types of games I used to play. The male and female halves can 8e aligned either way, as long as they differ from each other. The resulting conflict 8etween the two personalities is central to life as a cheru8, 8oth 8efore and after predomin8tion.

Shortly after hatching, the two halves 8egin vacill8ting, taking turns controlling the 8ody. The only physical differenti8tion 8etween the two is the color8tion of their cheek swirls, which indic8tes alignment. There is otherwise no way to tell male and female apart 8efore a cheru8 predomin8tes. The vacill8tion process is demarc8ted 8y sleep. When the male goes to sleep, the female wakes up. And when the male wakes up, again the female sleeps. And so it goes, 8ack and forth like this, as the two identities vie for dominance over the other, and ultim8tely, permanent control over the 8ody. They grow to detest one another, and develop a view of social interaction centered entirely around animosity and confront8tion. For good cheru8s, this readies them for a long life of isol8tion, as they will prefer to avoid the sort of conflict that comes with social interaction as they have 8een conditioned to understand it. 8ut for evil ones, the contentious up8ringing only serves to fuel their inclin8tion to harm others.

And though this duality makes for a tormented childhood, the inner conflict it cre8tes is an extremely important part of a young cheru8's life. The defining part, actually. It is the struggle a cheru8 must overcome to mature, and this process culmin8tes in predomin8tion.

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
One half will prove to have a stronger will than the other. The less dominant half will then weaken over time, and it will eventually 8ecome clear to 8oth that one will not survive. The dominant personality will then completely consume the other, integr8ting it in such a way that only one is left. The cheeks will 8ecome solidly colored, and the cheru8 will grow to maturity as a single 8eing, endowed with the alignment of the dominant half, and with all his or her personal qualities at the forefront of the union.

In the case of our heroine, she was the good half, and the day of her predomin8tion was in a sense the day her 8rother died. And though it was to her 8enefit and personal growth, 8ecause of this loss she would always live with a sense that something was missing. Every sexually mature cheru8 lives with this feeling. It drives them to seek out another cheru8 similar to the half they lost, the part of their 8eing which they grew up in perpetual conflict with. The desire to travel the universe in hopes of reigniting that conflict is very important to their species. It's the force which compels them to procre8.

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
So she set out to track his scent, as it were. And soon, she found a physical trail as well. A path of carnage left 8ehind 8y a particularly destructive male cheru8. She followed the de8ris from civilized worlds and star systems he left 8ehind, as if to mock her, to make it clear he knew of her pursuit and was all 8ut paving her way with the dead. His 8rutality made her more furious, thus setting the mood, so to speak, for their imminent courtship.

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
A cheru8 of his alignment is seemingly motiv8ted 8y little other than to conquer and destroy. From a 8ioexistential perspective, they 8ehave somewhat like viruses attacking the system from within. 8ut as with all sym8iotic organisms living within a universe, there are 8alancing factors. While those inha8iting an evil cheru8's territory will regard it as an unpredicta8le tyrant, those in the territory of a good cheru8 will likely come to view it as a protector, waiting quietly for millenia in deep space, ready to attack any encroaching threat. In that sense, they are not unlike cells in a universal immune system.

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
This 8alance of forces allows sta8ility, such that life and new civiliz8tions can 8lossom and thrive within a universe, thus assuring the possi8ility of its own ela8orate procre8tion process. 8ut if that 8alance was ever distur8ed, it would lead to chaos in that 8iosystem. The universe could not survive for long. And if 8y some means a cheru8 with such destructive tendencies were to achieve unprecedented power, the resulting im8alance would 8e catastrophic for paradox space itself. And though the heroine of our story could have no way of knowing, this is exactly what would result from the pursuit of her kismesis.

03/08/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
Like humans, cheru8s perceive romance through only one quadrant. Unlike humans, their rel8tionships are exclusively 8lack. 8ut their m8ting ritual is much more violent than any practice trolls would, or even physically could engage in. And though it is critical to the perpetu8tion of their race, the confront8tions can sometimes 8e lethal to one or 8oth cheru8s. Regardless of the outcome, the stakes are always high. The winner of the duel will assume control of the other's territory, while the loser will slink away to 8ear the offspring. So as she toured the planetary wreckage, she knew her quest for a m8 was not just a8out the propag8tion of her species, 8ut the li8er8tion of 8illions from a monster.

She pursued him for many sweeps with mounting o8session, until one day the trail came to an end at a 8lack hole. Cheru8s typically seek out 8lack holes as the setting for their m8ting ritual. 8ut not any 8lack hole. Once long ago it was a star, and circling that star was a planet. That planet was home to one of the presently sparring cheru8s. The male in this case returned to the site of his hatching to m8, a loc8tion now conspicuously occupied 8y a truly massive 8lack hole.

This was where she found him. And this was where they would duel.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
While an adult cheru8 is a fearsome creature, and would 8e a formida8le opponent to anyone in its unaltered st8, this is not the form in which they do 8attle with each other. The ritual is more extreme and physically demanding than any other kind of courtship or duel in the universe. The moment they meet, they will 8oth undergo a dramatic metamorphosis.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
The m8tes will then duel as two vast frightening serpents, each an astronomical unit in length.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
The tangled struggle 8etween the green aus is exceedingly 8rutal and can last for sweeps. While dueling in such a monstrous form, their energy is inexhausti8le. The transform8tion taps into the cheru8s' latent connection with the enigmatic forces presiding over all that is eternal, and perme8ting all those endowed with immortality. Normally this power is only accessi8le to them during m8ting. In this form, they are only a8le to 8e injured 8y one another, and are otherwise indestructi8le. Hence the ritual can never 8e stopped 8y an outside force until it is complete.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
It should come as no surprise that in this story our heroine was victorious. Upon defeating her m8 she initi8ted the interlocking form8tion to complete the coupling, while assuming the dominant position, a stance undetecta8le to all 8ut the most astute o8servers of the zoologically du8ious. Consequently, the male was fertilized with the young.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
He then slithered away in disgrace from the territory he'd just lost. A cheru8 looking to nest will search for a dead planet situ8ted near a massive dying star. The egg is deposited on the planet's surface, and the rising temperature from the expanding red giant will incu88 the egg until it is ready to hatch. Later in life, the cheru8 will grow wings, assuming it has matured properly. And if it has learned to fly well enough to reach a safe distance from the nest 8efore the star goes supernova, soon the hungry cheru8 will return and feast on the resulting stellar energy. Doing so allows it to gain enough strength to travel gr8 distances, and claim its own territory. The star will then collapse into a 8lack hole, serving as a distinct gravit8tional 8eacon to the cheru8 l8ter in life, so it may return there to m8.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
As it happens, our heroine's m8 discovered Earth, long after it had journeyed to a new sun, and long since new civiliz8tions had risen and fallen. Now on the 8rink of destruction from its dying star, its 8arren accommod8tions were ideal for a young cheru8. There he deposited his single egg and flew away, never to return. No cheru8 ever spawns more than one offspring at a time, for it is every cheru8's destiny to grow up alone. Or alone on the outside, at least.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
From that egg hatched one very special cheru8 with two names - one that few will ever know, and one that few should ever say. A fascin8ting thing a8out cheru8 reproduction is how the parent's alignment is passed on to the young. If the male lays the egg, the alignments of the child's two halves will 8e the same as the parents. If the female lays the egg, the alignments will 8e flipped, and the young male and female halves will 8e endowed with opposite alignments of the parents. As such, the male half took after his father. Perhaps the son even exceeded him in violent tendencies. It is hard to imagine there has ever 8een a cheru8 more willfully destructive or as stu88ornly dedic8ted to conquest than the monstrosity he would grow up to 8ecome.

03/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
Due to his indomita8le nature, I 8elieve victory over his sister was a foregone conclusion. 8arring a highly impro8a8le glitch in causality, it would 8e almost impossi8le for her to predomin8te over someone like him. And even so, he didn't have the patience to w8. Unfortun8tely for everyone to ever exist, he discovered a way to predomin8te early. Yet it was not this act alone that would prove ominous, so much as the means through which it was achieved. He was allowed to 8ecome the solo player of a game which his kind was never meant to play.

And so, it is with the predomin8tion of her son that our heroine's story ends, and the story of our villain 8egins.

03/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Hey!!!!!!!!
ARANEA: Meenah, where are you going?
MEENAH: im takin a gaper break
MEENAH: god
ARANEA: 8ut the story isn't over yet!

03/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: girl your stories never end my bladder cant even deal
MEENAH: just keep talking while im gone
ARANEA: No, that's ok. We can w8!
MEENAH: i already heard the damn story though!
ARANEA: Not all of it!
MEENAH: glubber fuck cant you just keep yappin about snake sex while i hit the lil grubs room already

03/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I'm afraid not. Everyone must listen to the full story.
MEENAH: omfg
MEENAH: you really are turnin evil arent ya
MEENAH: i would be proud except of how terrible and boring the actual consequences are for me personally
JOHN: wait...
JOHN: does that mean when you're a ghost you still have to pee?
MEENAH: none a your business blue kid
JOHN: that's so weird.
JOHN: am i the only one who thinks that's weird?
VRISKA: No, John. It's definitely pretty weird that ghosts have to pee.
VRISKA: You get used to life as a ghost pretty fast, though.
JOHN: but weren't you already pretty used to peeing when you were alive?
VRISKA: Yeah. That's why you get used to it pretty fast, dummy!
JOHN: this is kind of a stupid conversation.
JOHN: can we hear more about the snakes and whatnot? it was a pretty cool story.
ARANEA: Yes! ::::D
ARANEA: As soon as Meenah returns from her visit to the load gaper.
MEENAH: HOLY MACK-ER-EL CAN YOU S)(ITFUCKS JUST -ENJOY YOUR SPAC-E LIZARD PORN W)(IL-E I TAK-E A FUCKING PISS???

03/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I think we could all stand to take a 8rief intermission from the story regardless, to let all these intriguing facts a8out cheru8s sink in.
MEENAH: ugh
MEENAH: you and your intermissions
MEENAH: what is with your intermissions they aint even intermissions most of the time
MEENAH: they just an excuse to tell another dumb story inside a longer dumb story
ARANEA: Yes, Meenah. You are correct, and your reserv8tions are noted.
ARANEA: However, would it change your mind if I were to propose not an intermission, 8ut........
ARANEA: An interfishin?
MEENAH: ...
MEENAH: ...
ARANEA: ;;;;)
MEENAH: fine
MEENAH: lets do the interfishin thing you said
MEENAH: cuz of fish
MEENAH: brb u scrubs

03/10/13
"[S][A6I5] BEGIN INTERFISHIN"

03/12/13
"[A6I5] END OF INTERFISHIN"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Anyway, where was I?
JOHN: the heroine story ends and the villain story begins.
JOHN: i think...
ARANEA: Yes, that's right.
ARANEA: It is with the predomin8tion of her son that our heroine's story ends, and the story of our villain 8egins.

03/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: 8ut as we all know, 8eginnings are not always so easy to pinpoint in paradox space.
ARANEA: One could say his story 8egan the day he claimed immortality. Or the moment his 8eing was inexplica8ly confined to a juju, allowing him access to any realm in which his vessel would capriciously materialize.
ARANEA: 8ut for the sake of linearity, we may as well say his story 8egan the day he and his sister hatched.

03/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: When a cheru8 hatches, the two undeveloped personalities mingle together in the same 8ody. There is not yet a clear division 8etween the two.
ARANEA: It will then consume the egg shell for the vital nutrients it contains. The sugary snack is irresisti8le to the starving wiggler.
ARANEA: Once it finishes its first meal, the two personalities will 8e pulled apart for good, and the child will pup8.
ARANEA: The two halves then 8egin vacill8ting with their sleep cycles, as I descri8ed.

03/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: As you might expect, the female child was as cheerful and friendly as could 8e.

03/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: She took after her mother in every way. At least, the way her mother used to 8e, long 8efore she was hardened 8y centuries of isol8tion and o8sessive pursuit of justice.

03/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: And to just as little surprise, the male child was an insuffera8le 8rat.

03/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: It is just as well that cheru8 parents a8andon their offspring. Raising such a child 8y the familial standards of any race would 8e a monumental challenge.

03/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Nevertheless, it would seem there were those who tried.
ARANEA: Details in my research suggest our villain had a num8er of acolytes oper8ting in the shadows, preparing for his arrival.
ARANEA: We will pro8a8ly never know who these scurrilous conspir8tors were. 8ut it is evident that at some point the cheru8 was locked in a room, either out of exasper8tion, or for its own good, until it was old enough to enter the session.

03/14/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: The children were left with everything a young cheru8 could ever want. Meat, candy, computers, a lifetime supply of special stardust, and of course their precious jujus.
ARANEA: The acolytes had clearly gone to gr8 lengths to harvest such items from all over the cosmos, so they could lavish their young master with gifts.
ARANEA: They may have 8een prisoners, yes. 8ut if you ask me, these children were very spoiled.

03/14/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: While the female was preparing for a colla8or8tive approach to the game, the male was plotting furiously against her. He never had any intention of working with her.
ARANEA: As far as he was concerned, the game was his and his alone to conquer.

03/14/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: One day, he put his plan into motion. He had his sister's dream self assassin8ted on Prospit.
ARANEA: The next time she went to sleep, she would never wake up again. When her 8rother woke up, he 8ecame the sole occupant of the 8ody.
ARANEA: He then freed himself from his chains, and launched the session 8y himself.

03/14/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: 8ut this game was never meant to 8e played solo.
ARANEA: Its format is inherently cooper8tive. The diversity of players, the com8in8tion of their efforts and aspects, this is what awakens the true cre8tive potential of the game. Without them, a session will wither and die.
ARANEA: If one enters alone, it completely alters the nature of the game. It changes its purpose.
ARANEA: For a solo player, a challenging quest 8ecomes an insurmounta8le one. A reward of infinite promise 8ecomes a 8oon far more sinister.
ARANEA: The gauntlet which the player must overcome is seemingly designed to 8e impossi8le. For all intents and purposes, it is not actually a game at all. It is a death sentence for any player foolish enough to accept the challenge.
ARANEA: 8ut it 8ears repeating.
ARANEA: This was very special cheru8.

03/14/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: He entered what is called a dead session.
ARANEA: This qualifies as 8oth a null and void session, 8ut is even less than either of those. Compared to a typical session, it is almost unrecogniza8le.
ARANEA: 8efore the game 8egins, Skaia is 8lotted out with a dark layer of clouds. Its light is extinguished for good.
ARANEA: There is no planet w8ting for the player in the medium.
ARANEA: So instead, he 8rought it with him.

03/14/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: 8ut when he arrived, there was no heroic journey for him to em8ark on.
ARANEA: There was nothing. No sprite, no consorts, no underlings.
ARANEA: The land had no name.
ARANEA: Those things all needed to 8e unlocked.
ARANEA: To unlock his true quest, he was forced to undergo a series of excruci8tingly tedious trials.
ARANEA: Only then would the way to the planet's core 8e revealed. There, he would consult with the most monstrous denizen of all.
ARANEA: And while such trials might discourage most players from even trying, our villain's response was quite the contrary.
ARANEA: He was only em8oldened 8y the mind num8ing chores. He took to them with gusto, as if performing them out of spite.

03/14/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: With perseverance, he found the final door and unlocked it.
ARANEA: W8ting for him on the other side was a terri8le creature named Yalda8aoth.
ARANEA: His denizen would allow him a 8rief audience. One just long enough for him to make The Choice.

03/14/13
"[S][A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: No denizen has ever 8een mistaken for pleasant company. 8ut the self-proclaimed god of all monsters is notoriously inhospita8le to his players.
ARANEA: His choices are known for their wild extremes.
ARANEA: And to this player, in this session, he offered his most extreme choice of all.
ARANEA: It was the choice 8etween a path of conquest, and a path of sacrifice.
ARANEA: 8ut this is putting it lightly.
ARANEA: In a tongue only his player could understand, he descri8ed what the path of the martyr entailed.
ARANEA: In short, it involved nothing.
ARANEA: The player chooses to walk away from the tempt8tion of power. To surrender all am8ition, and to welcome death.
ARANEA: In exchange for this pledge comes a promise. The player's sacrifice is assured to 8enefit all who will ever live.
ARANEA: In death, the player would later 8e in the position to help 8ring an end to a force of unfathoma8le evil and destruction.
ARANEA: A force which was unleashed, for instance, 8y someone who once opted for the other choice.
ARANEA: Yalda8aoth then descri8ed what it meant to choose the path of the conqueror.
ARANEA: It was a path for a more active player, to 8e sure. The player's mettle as a conquering force would 8e tested directly, and repeatedly.
ARANEA: One 8y one, he would have to conquer and destroy a num8er of planets spawned for him in the session. Each would 8e more difficult than the last.
ARANEA: After destroying them all, his true land would 8ecome unlocked.
ARANEA: He would then return to face his denizen again, and defeat him in com8at.
ARANEA: If successful, his reward would 8e unprecedented.
ARANEA: He would receive the 8oon of unconditional immortality, where resurrection would not 8e linked with the just or heroic nature of death.
ARANEA: It is unclear how this 8oon would 8e awarded, since to my knowledge it is 8eyond even the a8ility of a denizen to allow this.
ARANEA: 8ut through whatever mechanism the 8oon is 8estowed, immortality is only the 8eginning.
ARANEA: The player is somehow also im8ued with a limitless supply of power. Enough to destroy anything he wanted, for as long as he wanted.
ARANEA: And knowing the villain of our story, anything he wanted would be everything. And as long as he wanted would be forever.
ARANEA: Yes, knowing our villain, the choice he would make is quite clear.
ARANEA: Knowing him, in fact, proves it could hardly 8e considered a choice at all.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: It was at this point the real game would 8egin.
ARANEA: Skaia would undergo a dramatic transform8tion, 8ecoming even darker and heavier.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Soon it would 8ecome a very massive solid sphere. It would 8egin to gener8 heat within due to rising density.
ARANEA: The surface would 8egin to crack.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: The resulting explosion is known as the First 8r8k.
ARANEA: From the primordial 8last would emerge fifteen planets for the player to conquer.
ARANEA: They would scatter and ricochet at high velocity 8efore settling into or8it in the medium.
ARANEA: The 8r8k is a very violent phenomenon though. Not all planets will necessarily clear the 8last 8efore the Skaian de8ris settles into its final st8.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: The vast amount of resulting matter then collapses into a 8lack hole.
ARANEA: Its gravit8tional pull is tremendous. Any o8ject within range will 8e sucked in and destroyed.
ARANEA: Those planets which settle into or8it will 8e safe, for the time 8eing.
ARANEA: 8ut in the case of our villain's session, three of the planets did not make it and fell 8ack into the hole.
ARANEA: This was a very lucky 8r8k for him!

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: It meant that he would only have to conquer twelve planets instead.
ARANEA: This 8it of good fortune could very well have 8een the difference which allowed him to overcome a nearly impossi8le challenge.
ARANEA: His task was to destroy all of these planets in order, each within a time allowance that gets shorter with every planet.
ARANEA: To destroy a planet, first it must 8e conquered.
ARANEA: He would have to overcome all forces of resistance on the planet, and ultim8tely defeat whatever powerful underling ruled there.
ARANEA: Then, much like he did to unlock the quest in the first place, he would have to travel to the planet's core.
ARANEA: There he would retrieve a 8om8, and return to the surface.
ARANEA: If he did not accomplish this in time, the 8om8 would deton8 in the core, and the game would 8e lost automatically.
ARANEA: The 8om8 is not powerful enough to destroy the planet alone.
ARANEA: In fact, its purpose is not to damage the planet at all, 8ut to move it.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: So he must 8ring it to a design8ted loc8tion on the surface.
ARANEA: When it explodes, the planet will 8e knocked out of or8it, and sucked into the hole.
ARANEA: Of course he must make sure he has moved on to the next planet 8efore this happens!

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: He repeats this process for each planet until they are all gone.
ARANEA: There is one caveat though. He must skip the eighth planet.
ARANEA: If he sinks that one 8efore any of the others, it will result in the destruction of the entire session.
ARANEA: Thus it must 8e the final planet he conquers.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Upon destroying the eighth planet, his true land will reveal itself.
ARANEA: The dead planet will come to life, and there he must prepare for 8attle with his denizen.
ARANEA: He may sharpen his com8at skills, craft new weaponry, anything he can do to improve his chances against a very powerful endgame foe.
ARANEA: Fortun8tely for him, he would not have to face the monster alone.
ARANEA: 8y then he will have accumul8ted a party of loyal minions.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: With each planet he destroys, he will 8e awarded a new leprechaun follower.
ARANEA: Even if a planet was destroyed in the 8r8k, he will still 8e awarded that planet's leprechaun upon destroying the planet preceding it. Sort of like a two for one deal!
JOHN: wait.
JOHN: leprechauns??
ARANEA: Yes, John!
ARANEA: I'm delighted to see you have pounced on what is clearly the most interesting part of the story thus far.
ARANEA: Leprechauns are a fascin8ting mythical race, although there is some dispute among scholars as to whether they are actually a 8reed of gnome.
JOHN: ...
ARANEA: I can't say I 8lame you for 8eing speechless. There are no dou8t hundreds of questions swirling in your head at once a8out these wonderful creatures.
ARANEA: Where do I even 8egin? You must forgive me, I find it very difficult to resist going on at length a8out them. I just think they are so gr8.
ARANEA: For instance, I can and have given lectures for weeks at a time on their marvelous and widely varying magical a8ilities.
ARANEA: More intriguing yet would 8e any medium-to-longform harangue on the topic of their culture and customs, most of which revolve around luck.
ARANEA: 8ut most captiv8ting of all, and the su8ject upon which I will now assiduously expound, would 8e the positively scintill8ting su8ject of leprechaun romance.

03/16/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: The pro8lem is that when the su8ject of leprechaun romance is 8roached, our overly o8essive troll intellects instantly assume the most ingrati8ting posture of admir8tion imagina8le.
ARANEA: Which makes it hard! Hard to give it proper academic focus I mean, 8ecause of how gr8 it is.
ARANEA: 8ut we will do our 8est to understand regardless.
ARANEA: Trolls have only four forms of romance. And though we consider it a complic8ted su8ject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implic8tions for reproduction, it is ultim8tely a superficial slice of what leprechauns consider the full 8ody of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, quaternary concept. A concept usually denoted 8y four sym8ols.
ARANEA: <3 <3< <> o8<
ARANEA: Leprechaun romance is more complic8ted than that. Leprechaun romance needs nine sym8ols.
ARANEA: The nine quadrants of leprechaun romance are considera8ly more nuanced than our quaint notions of romance, and certainly more alien.
ARANEA: In fact, so conditioned is my own understanding of romance that I can't help 8ut refer to them as quadrants, when in fact they are not quadrants at all! They are referred to as charms.
ARANEA: One of the charms is characterized 8y romantic love, as understood 8y 8oth trolls and humans. 8ut after that, all 8ets are off. There is no division 8etween 8lack or red, concupiscent or conciliatory. Instead their charms comprise a spectral continuum of more su8tly varying types of relationships, most of which are esta8lished in mutual chicanery, such as the exchange of pranks, coy riddles, slapstick shenanigans, and games of chance. Furthermore, a pair of leprechauns is not limited to a single charm. A relationship may 8e defined 8y multiple charms at once! In fact, some of the most interesting relationships arise from exotic charm com8in8tions. A sta8le relationship consisting of three or more charms is called a trove. These advanced relationships are often viewed as the ideal end result for a romance, much the way certain pairing rituals are for humans.
ARANEA: No charm is specifically tied to procre8tion, though any type of relationship could 8egin waxing concupiscent if lady luck should so decide. Certain charm com8in8tions are known to 8e more conducive to fertility than others. If the leprechaun pair has 8een so 8lessed, they will 8egin an ela8orate coupling procedure culmin8ting in a lively m8ting jig. The jigs are specific to the charms of course, similar to how different kinds of music lend themselves to various styles of dance.
ARANEA: While their romance is endlessly captiv8ting, leprechaun reproduction may 8e the most interesting su8ject of all. Particularly from a perspective of detailed anatomical study, which I will get to shortly. 8ut first it 8ears pointing out that while for humans reproductive relationships are exclusively heterosexual, and for trolls they are 8isexual, for leprechauns they-
VRISKA: WOW, WHAT A STORY!!!!!!!!
ARANEA: 8ut I wasn't fin-
VRISKA: WASN'T THAT STORY GR8 EVERYONE?
VRISKA: WOW!!!!!!!!

03/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Hmm.
ARANEA: You really liked it that much, Vriska?
VRISKA: Hell yeah!
VRISKA: Oh my god. That leprechaun stuff? Soooooooo good.
VRISKA: Right guys?
ARANEA: Wow. Well, I would 8e happy to continue then, if you-
VRISKA: Mindfang, have I told you how gr8 it's 8een to get to know each other, and team up on adventures and stuff?
VRISKA: I really feel like you've helped me get in touch with my ancestral roots. Mainly as a kickass storyteller.
VRISKA: It was like this whole part of my personality I was never aware of. Like the part that's compelled to just outright explain tons of really interesting things to people, while sparing no detail whatsoever.
VRISKA: It's made me feel a lot closer to understanding my aspect, as well as closer to you. So I just wanted to say, thanks!
ARANEA: Aw, you're welcome!
ARANEA: I feel the exact same way a8out my time with you.
ARANEA: You have really helped me get in touch with the true pir8 within. I saw in you the adventurous spirit I always wished I could 8e.
ARANEA: You helped me finally understand the virtue in rationalizing questiona8le decisions, and 8ehaving unscrupulously for the gr8ter good!
VRISKA: Haha, stop! You're going to make me start tearing up.
VRISKA: Get over here and give me a hug, alpha sister.
ARANEA: ::::)

03/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/17/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/18/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/18/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/19/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: WHO???
TEREZI: YOU KNOW...
TEREZI: VR1SK4S 4NC3STOR?
TEREZI: TH3 FR13NDLY ON3 WHO T3LLS LONG STOR13S
KARKAT: OH YEAH.
KARKAT: HER.
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T KEEP ALL THESE GHOST NAMES STRAIGHT.
KARKAT: FLIPTUNA? MEOWLIN...
KARKAT: WASN'T THERE A CARLOS?
KARKAT: FUCK IT. THEY WERE ALL NAMED CARLOS AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
KARKAT: WAIT. EXCEPT MEENAH. SHE WAS ALRIGHT. A LITTLE FORWARD, BUT...
KARKAT: WHATEVER, THIS ISN'T THE POINT.
KARKAT: ALL I REMEMBER ABOUT MY INTERACTIONS WITH THE SERKET GIRL WAS GETTING CORNERED INTO THESE LUDICROUS MONOLOGUES, THEN RACKING MY BRAIN FOR EXCUSES TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
TEREZI: Y34H W3LL
TEREZI: 1 W4S 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 T4CTFUL TH4N YOU 4ND 4CTU4LLY L1ST3N3D
TEREZI: 4ND L3T H3R T4LK M3 1NTO SOM3TH1NG 1 SHOULDNT H4V3 >:[
KARKAT: SO SHE WAS JUST LIKE
KARKAT: *POOF!*
KARKAT: AND SUDDENLY YOUR EYES WERE BETTER?
TEREZI: Y3S
KARKAT: WHAT IS SHE, SOME SORT OF MAGIC FAIRY??
TEREZI: UM. Y3S?
TEREZI: TH4TS K1ND OF L1T3R4LLY WH4T SH3 1S
KARKAT: OH
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I GUESS HER STORY CHECKS OUT THEN.
KARKAT: GOOD FOR HER.
KARKAT: BUT THIS DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU TEREZI. I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK YOU EVEN WANTED YOUR EYESIGHT BACK?
KARKAT: I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE AS CHUFFED ABOUT HER OWN DISABILITY AS YOU. I WAS ALWAYS UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU FELT LIKE IT WAS A BIG PART OF WHO YOU ARE?
TEREZI: 1T W4S!!!
TEREZI: TH3 MOM3NT SH3 H34L3D M3 1 KN3W 1 M4D3 4 T3RR1BL3 M1ST4K3
TEREZI: BUT 1 COULDNT T4K3 1T B4CK
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T
TEREZI: L1K3 JUST BL1ND1NG MYS3LF 4G41N 4ND PR3T3ND1NG 1T N3V3R H4PP3N3D
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: 3V3N TH3 W4Y 1T H4PP3N3D OR1G1N4LLY W4S SOM3TH1NG SP3C14L TO M3
TEREZI: 1 C4NT DUPL1C4T3 TH4T
TEREZI: 4ND 3V3N 1F 1 COULD 1T ST1LL WOULDNT B3 TH3 S4M3
TEREZI: 1 C4NT S33M TO FORG1V3 MYS3LF FOR B31NG SO STUP1D
TEREZI: FOR SOM3 R34SON 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S 4 GOOD 1D34 TO T4K3 TH3 ONLY COOL 4ND UN1QU3 TH1NG 4BOUT MYS3LF 4ND "F1X" 1T
TEREZI: WH4T W4S 1 TH1NK1NG?
KARKAT: WHOA WHOA
KARKAT: THE *ONLY* COOL THING ABOUT YOU?
KARKAT: TEREZI. I WANT TO BE UNDERSTANDING, BUT I CAN'T GET BEHIND SOME OF THE SHIT YOU'RE SAYING ABOUT YOURSELF HERE.
KARKAT: WHAT MADE YOU START UNRAVELING LIKE THIS?
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T W4S WH3N W3 ST4RT3D M33T1NG OUR 4NC3STORS
TEREZI: 4ND 1 THOUGHT TH3Y W3R3 4LL COOL3R 4ND OLD3R 4ND MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG TH4N US
TEREZI: 3V3N THOUGH TH3Y PROB4BLY W3R3NT?
TEREZI: TH3Y H4D 4 LOT OF PROBL3MS 4ND 1NS3CUR1T13S TOO
TEREZI: BUT 1 GU3SS TH3 K1ND TH4T OLD3R K1DS H4V3, 4ND WH3N YOUR3 YOUNG3R YOU DONT R34LLY R3COGN1Z3 TH3M 4S PROBL3MS
TEREZI: YOU LOOK 4T THOS3 TH1NGS 4S JUST P4RT OF WH4T 1TS L1K3 B31NG SOM3ON3 WHOS MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG 4ND GROWN UP TH4N YOU
TEREZI: M4YB3 S1NC3 1M NOT 4S YOUNG 4NYMOR3 1 GU3SS 1 C4N S33 TH4T NOW
TEREZI: BUT 1 W4S STUP1DLY 4W3STRUCK BY SOM3 P3OPL3 WHO W3R3 NOT SO 1MPR3SS1V3 1N R3TROSP3CT 4ND 1 M4D3 4 DUMB M1ST4K3
KARKAT: WAIT. WE MET ALL THOSE PEOPLE LIKE...
KARKAT: KIND OF A LONG TIME AGO?
KARKAT: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THIS FROM EVERYONE?
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW
TEREZI: 4 Y34R OR SOM3TH1NG?
TEREZI: 4ND 1 W4SNT H1D1NG 1T
TEREZI: 1 JUST D1DNT T3LL 4NYBODY
KARKAT: YEAH! THAT'S WHAT HIDING IT MEANS.
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: YOU USU4LLY C4NT S33 MY 3Y3S 4NYW4Y!
TEREZI: C4US3 OF MY GL4SS3S?? DUH
KARKAT: I KNOW, BUT NOT TELLING ANYBODY THAT IS STILL BEING POINTLESSLY SECRETIVE!
KARKAT: YOU COULD HAVE SAID, HEY KARKAT, I FUCKED UP AND NOW I CAN SEE AGAIN. MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS SO I DON'T GO INTO A TRAGIC DOWNWARD SPIRAL AND MAKE YOU WORRY ABOUT ME FOR NO REASON!
TEREZI: 1M SORRY!
TEREZI: 1 SHOULD H4V3
TEREZI: BUT 1 W4S SO 4SH4M3D
KARKAT: AND WHAT ABOUT THIS CLANDESTINE BLACKROM NONSENSE YOU'VE GOT GOING ON WITH GAMZEE?
TEREZI: WH4T?
KARKAT: HAVE YOU BEEN DATING HIM FOR JUST AS LONG?
KARKAT: WAS HE INVOLVED IN THAT DECISION??
KARKAT: LIKE, DID HE HELP TALK YOU INTO HEALING YOUR EYES OR SOMETHING?!
TEREZI: HOW D1D YOU KNOW W3 W3R3 D4T1NG!
TEREZI: D1D H3 T3LL YOU?
KARKAT: OH MY GOD. TEREZI, YOU ARE A FUCKING CATASTROPHE.
KARKAT: YOU USED TO BE LIKE, CUNNING? AND CONSIDERABLY MORE INTELLIGENT THAN ME, WHICH I HAVE NO PROBLEM ADMITTING.
KARKAT: BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS. EVEN IF I DIDN'T FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF, WHICH I *DID* BECAUSE IT WAS *OBVIOUS*, YOU ARE UP HERE ON THE ROOF LYING UNCONSCIOUS IN A PILE OF HONK HORNS AND FAYGO BOTTLES.
KARKAT: I AM NOT A MASTER OF DEDUCTION, BUT UNLESS YOU WERE RECENTLY STOMPED ON BY SOME SORT OF GOLEM COMPOSED OF GARBAGE FROM A CIRCUS, IT SEEMS FAIR TO SAY YOU ARE OFFICIALLY DOWN WITH THE CLOWN.
TEREZI: UUUGH
TEREZI: OK
TEREZI: Y3S
TEREZI: 1TS TRU3 >:o[
KARKAT: WELL? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT.
TEREZI: 1 COULDNT G3T UP TH3 N3RV3 TO T3LL YOU 4BOUT TH4T 31TH3R
TEREZI: 1N 4 W4Y, 1M 3V3N MOR3 D1SGUST3D W1TH MYS3LF FOR D4T1NG TH4T 4SSHOL3 TH4N 1 4M FOR H34L1NG MY 3Y3S
KARKAT: THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT!
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW!
TEREZI: 1 C4NT BR1NG MYS3LF TO STOP S331NG H1M
TEREZI: 3V3RY T1M3 1 TH1NK 1 C4NT STOM4CH TH3 S1GHT OF H1S UGLY F4C3 FOR 4NOTH3R S3COND
TEREZI: H3 PULLS M3 B4CK 1N
TEREZI: H3 1S JUST
TEREZI: SO
TEREZI: 4444WFUL

03/19/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: H3 4LW4YS KNOWS 3X4CTLY WH4T TO S4Y TO P1SS M3 OFF
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG H3 DO3S
TEREZI: H1S F4K3 GOD T13R SU1T, H1S SMUG 3XPR3SS1ON, TH3 DUMB4SS W4YS H3 BUTCH3RS H1S S3NT3NC3S
TEREZI: S4Y1NG SH1T L1K3 '4LL G3TT1NG UP 4T H1S MOTH3R FUCK1N HONK ON', 444444RGH!
TEREZI: 1 H4T3 1T SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
TEREZI: BUT 1 K33P COM1NG B4CK FOR MOR3
TEREZI: H3S L1K3 4 DRUG!
TEREZI: 3V3N MOR3 4DD1CT1V3 TH4N TH1S...
TEREZI: R3VOLT1NG SOD4 1 C4NT STOP DR1NK1NG
TEREZI: 1V3 H4D SO MUCH F4YGO 1 C4NT 3V3N T4ST3 TH3 COLOR 4NYMOR3 >:[
TEREZI: 1 JUST T4ST3 TH3 SUG4R 4ND TH3 BUBBL3S 4ND TH3 4WFUL FL4VOR 1T L34V3S B3H1ND, WH1CH JUST M4K3S M3 DR1NK MOR3 TO W4SH 1T 4W4Y
TEREZI: UNT1L 1 F33L SO N4STY 1 H4V3 TO T4K3 4 LONG SOD4 N4P, BUT 1 W4K3 UP LO4TH1NG MYS3LF 3V3N MOR3
TEREZI: SO 1 JUST R34CH FOR 4NOTH3R BOTTL3
TEREZI: 1T 1S TRULY...
TEREZI: TH3 W1CK3D 3L1X1R
TEREZI: *SOB*
KARKAT: TEREZI...
TEREZI: 1 W4NT H1M TO B3 OUT OF MY L1F3
TEREZI: H3 1S TH3 WORST TH1NG TH4TS 3V3R H4PP3N3D TO M3
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS YOU C4NT H3LP WHO YOU H4T3
KARKAT: THIS IS KILLING ME, HEARING THIS.
KARKAT: I SERIOUSLY WANT TO WEEP ACTUAL PUKE OUT OF MY EYEBALLS FROM THIS STORY.
KARKAT: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???
KARKAT: I'VE GOT TO SAY, I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING. IF YOU TOLD ME SWEEPS AGO YOU AND HE...
KARKAT: I WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT. LIKE IF THE WRITING WAS ON THE WALL THERE, I SURE AS FUCK DIDN'T READ IT.
TEREZI: Y34H, 1T SNUCK UP ON M3
TEREZI: 1T D1DNT H3LP TH4T H3 T3RROR1Z3D US WH3N W3 W3R3 H1D1NG FROM J4CK
TEREZI: R1GHT UND3R MY NOS3 TOO
TEREZI: SOM3HOW 1 D1DNT PUT TH3 P13C3S TOG3TH3R 4T TH3 T1M3 4ND L3T H1M G3T 4W4Y W1TH MURD3R
TEREZI: 4ND GR4DU4LLY 1 ST4RT3D H4V1NG TH3S3 UNCONTROLL4BL3 THOUGHTS 4BOUT H1M
TEREZI: D4RK THOUGHTS
TEREZI: 4ND WH3N 1 WOULD C4TCH 4 WH1FF OF H1M 1N TH3 CORR1DORS, L1K3 H3 W4S T4UNT1NG M3, TH4T JUST F4NN3D TH3 FL4M3S
TEREZI: TH3N W3 ST4RT3D T4LK1NG SH1T W1TH 34CH OTH3R MOR3 4ND MOR3
TEREZI: 4ND H3 W4S SO MUCH N4ST13R TH4N H3 3V3R US3D TO B3! W4Y MOR3 TH4N 4NY OF OUR FR13NDS 3V3R W3R3
TEREZI: ON3 T1M3 H3 ST4RT3D MOCK1NG MY BL1NDN3SS
TEREZI: WH1CH N3V3R BOTH3R3D M3 WH3N 4NYON3 3LS3 D1D 1T
TEREZI: BUT SOM3HOW, TH3 STUFF H3 S41D...
TEREZI: 1 L3T 1T G3T UND3R MY SK1N
TEREZI: 4ND COMB1N3D W1TH M33T1NG 4 LOT OF N3W P3OPL3 1 F3LT L1K3 1 COULDNT L1V3 UP TO
TEREZI: TH4TS WH3N 1 ST4RT3D R3CONS1D3R1NG 4R4N34S OFF3R
KARKAT: I KNEW IT!
KARKAT: I KNEW HE MUST HAVE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT DECISION. THAT SLIMY BASTARD.
KARKAT: THIS IS MOSTLY MY FAULT. I WASN'T VIGILANT ENOUGH WITH HIM, AND I LET OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE BREAK DOWN.
KARKAT: IF I KEPT A CLOSER EYE ON HIM, MAYBE HE WOULDN'T HAVE LURED YOU INTO HIS SPINNING TENT OF SHIT.
TEREZI: NO, YOU SHOULDNT F33L L1K3...
KARKAT: OR MAYBE IT'S KANAYA'S FAULT? SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN A REALLY GOOD AUSPISTICE. MAYBE SHE COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS, IF SHE WASN'T SO PREOCCUPIED HERSELF.
KARKAT: NO WAIT! IT'S ACTUALLY MY FAULT AGAIN! IF I HAD BEEN ON THE BALL AND AUSPISTICIZED BETWEEN HER AND ROSE, SHE WOULD HAVE HAD THE TIME TO AUSPISTICIZE BETWEEN YOU AND GAMZEE!
KARKAT: DAMMIT, I ALWAYS SAY I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ROMANCE, YET I ROUTINELY UNDERESTIMATE ITS COMPLEXITY, SO I ONLY FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO AFTER IT'S WAY TOO LATE!
KARKAT: GOD I'M SO STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID
TEREZI: BL4RG SHUT UP!
TEREZI: 1TS NO ON3S F4ULT BUT M1N3!
TEREZI: 1M TH3 ON3 WHO H4S TO D34L W1TH 1T
KARKAT: YEAH OK.
KARKAT: FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, HE'LL PROBABLY JUST BREAK IT OFF AND LEAVE YOU ONCE WE GET TO THE NEW SESSION.
KARKAT: ALL HIS LOYALTIES AND PRIORITIES ARE TOTALLY WARPED NOW. I'M NOT SURE WHAT HE REALLY CARES ABOUT ANYMORE, BUT IT SURE ISN'T ANY OF US.
TEREZI: YOU TH1NK
TEREZI: H3 W1LL L34V3 M3?
KARKAT: YEAH. I DO.
TEREZI: *SOB!!!*
KARKAT: WHOA, WHAT??
KARKAT: ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
TEREZI: NO!
TEREZI: 1D B3 D3V4ST4T3D 1F H3 JUST
TEREZI: SUDD3NLY D1TCH3D M3 L1K3 TH4T
KARKAT: OK, HELP ME OUT!
KARKAT: YOU'RE CONFUSING ME HERE.
TEREZI: 1D F33L P4TH3T1C!!!
TEREZI: 4ND 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: 4 S1CK 4ND T3RR1BL3 P4RT OF M3 DO3SNT W4NT H1M TO GO
TEREZI: BUT 1F H3 DO3S 1 W4NT 1T TO B3 B3C4US3 1 T3LL H1M 1TS OV3R!
KARKAT: WOW.
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY.
KARKAT: I'M JUST TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE HERE.
KARKAT: BUT I'M NOT ALWAYS SURE WHAT THE RIGHT THING TO SAY IS!
KARKAT: I'M DOING MY FUCKING BEST. THIS IS COMPLICATED FOR ME TOO, YOU'RE BOTH MY FRIENDS.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW
TEREZI: 1 4PPR3C14T3 YOUR 1NT3NT1ONS K4RK4T
TEREZI: M4YB3
TEREZI: M4YB3 1T WOULD B3 B3TT3R 1F YOU W3R3NT S1TT1NG UP TH3R3 1N TH4T B4CKW4RDS CH41R WH1L3 YOU T4LK3D TO M3?
KARKAT: WHAT?
KARKAT: WHY??
DAVE: yeah dude you should probably ditch the chair
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY CHAIR.
DAVE: or at least sit on it frontways
DAVE: or offer her another chair?
DAVE: i dunno its kind of a dumb affectation in this context
KARKAT: NO, LOOK. IT'S CASUAL AND RELAXED.
KARKAT: LIKE, IT VISUALLY CONVEYS THAT MY PRESENCE IN THE CONVERSATION IS HUMBLE AND NONTHREATENING, YET FRANK AND ATTENTIVE.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
DAVE: to sit on the goddamn floor
KARKAT: WHY SHOULD I SQUAT ON THE DIRTY FLOOR, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE!
DAVE: so you can be on the same vertical plane with your friend while you exhibit compassion for her grody clown problem
TEREZI: D4V3 1TS F1N3
TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND 4BOUT TH3 CH41R, 1 DONT C4R3
TEREZI: 1T JUST STRUCK M3 4S 4 B1T D1STR4CT1NGLY S1LLY, TH4TS 4LL
KARKAT: OK, WOW, FINE!
KARKAT: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
KARKAT: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF CREATURE COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!!!
DAVE: karkat just threw a tantrum about a chair
DAVE: i just won karkat tantrum bingo

03/21/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: AT LAST!
KARKAT: WE ARE FREE FROM THE ACCURSED INSTRUMENT OF ASS ELEVATION!
DAVE: where did you even get that chair
DAVE: did you steal it from the common area
KARKAT: UNLIKE EVERYONE ELSE EVER, I HAPPEN TO MAKE A PRACTICE OF CAPTCHALOGUING ITEMS WHICH MIGHT BE CONVENIENT ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.
KARKAT: SAY I'M STROLLING AROUND AND FIND MYSELF IN NEED OF A PLACE TO SIT? BAM. SUDDENLY, A CHAIR.
KARKAT: AND NO I DIDN'T STEAL IT.
KARKAT: HOW COULD I STEAL SOMETHING FROM THE COMMON AREA? NOBODY ACTUALLY OWNS ANY OF THAT FUCKING FURNITURE.
KARKAT: THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED THE *COMMON* AREA, YOU ACCUSATORY PIECE OF FILTH.
DAVE: sounds like communism
DAVE: are you a communist or something
DAVE: actually that makes perfect sense what with your sickle and all
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
DAVE: wait john has a hammer oh shit its all adding up
DAVE: when we arrive are you going to team up with john and seize the means of production
KARKAT: YOU APPEAR TO BE JUMPSTARTING A FACETIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT SOME SORT OF HUMAN ECONOMIC IDEOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK, WITHOUT HAVING THE SLIGHTEST CLUE THAT YOUR VEHICLE IS PARKED SQUARELY IN THE NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ZONE.
DAVE: im just saying
DAVE: first chairs what next
DAVE: see i am all about private property and pocketing dough
DAVE: do you have any idea how rich i am
DAVE: i am a man of MEANS motherfucker
KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
DAVE: just dont come after my boonies dude
DAVE: or should i say karkat marx
KARKAT: YOU AREN'T BEING SERIOUS NOW!
KARKAT: THESE ARE NOT THE WORDS OF A SERIOUS PERSON.
KARKAT: I WAS HAVING A *SERIOUS DISCUSSION* LIKE A *BIG TIME ADULT* WITH MY GOOD FRIEND TEREZI.
KARKAT: YOUR CALLOUS AND NONSENSICAL REMARKS ARE DERAILING US FROM THE DELICATE SUBJECT AT HAND.
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU BE USEFUL AND SAY SOMETHING REASSURING TO OUR SAD MUTUAL BUDDY, YOU WAILING JET ENGINE OF INFANTILE STULTILOQUENCE??????
DAVE: i dont have much to say about this
DAVE: ive kinda got to recuse myself on the matter
DAVE: im all kinds of on record as being squicked out by the idea of hatelationships
DAVE: so i got no point of reference for gauging when one is fucked up the way thats normal for trolls or if its fucked up cause its actually fucked up and terrible
DAVE: this is like some ex alien boyfriend prime directive shit
DAVE: i cant intervene cause i dont know what im talking about
DAVE: but you do so i guess keep going
DAVE: you were saying some pretty good stuff before i started riding your jock about chairs
KARKAT: AUGH.
KARKAT: TEREZI, DO YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH??
KARKAT: ACTUALLY, I GUESS YOU CAN! YOU CAN NOW LITERALLY SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH, AND EXPERIENCE ALL DUE EMPATHY FOR THE FACT THAT I HAVE A DOUCHE AS A BEST FRIEND!
TEREZI: Y3S, 1 C4N S33
TEREZI: TH3 V13W FROM H3R3 1S
TEREZI: DOUCH3T4CUL4R >:]
DAVE: thank you
KARKAT: SO THAT'S IT THEN
KARKAT: NO ADVICE AT ALL, SMARTALEC?
KARKAT: WHY DID I EVEN BRING YOU HERE FOR THIS INTERMISSION THEN.
DAVE: intermission?
KARKAT: INTERVENTION I MEAN. SORRY, I MISSPOKE.
DAVE: its not an intervention either
DAVE: my ghostly heads all beamin out of this crab for moral support yo
DAVE: i am in my homies corner even if he is a massive socialist
DAVE: terezi i think can probably figure this out
DAVE: she grew up alone and blind in a forest i think she will manage to bounce outta her juggalo phase
DAVE: but yeah terezi you should at least quit the fuckin soda
TEREZI: Y34H
TEREZI: OK
KARKAT: OK???
TEREZI: Y3S!
TEREZI: 1LL STOP
KARKAT: WHAT. JUST LIKE THAT?!
TEREZI: SUR3
TEREZI: 1TS R34LLY GROSS >X[

03/21/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: I THINK WE ARE MISSING THE POINT HERE.
KARKAT: THIS ISN'T JUST ABOUT AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH A FOUL SOFT DRINK.
KARKAT: IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF.
KARKAT: YOU ARE BARELY FUNCTIONAL RIGHT NOW. YOU CAN'T EVEN PICK YOURSELF UP OFF THE FLOOR AND PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS.
KARKAT: REMEMBER PANTS TEREZI?? YOU USED TO LOVE PANTS!
TEREZI: Y34H, P4NTS 4R3 PR3TTY GR34T
KARKAT: YOU USED TO...
KARKAT: YOU USED TO BE A LOT OF THINGS. AND ALL OF THOSE WERE GOOD THINGS.
KARKAT: BUT NOW THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO ARRIVE, RIGHT WHEN WE NEED YOU THE MOST, YOU DO A SENSATIONAL BELLYFLOP INTO A CIRCUS VAT OF YOUR OWN TANGY SLOBBER.
TEREZI: OH PL34S3
TEREZI: WH4T COULD YOU POSS1BLY N33D M3 FOR?
KARKAT: YOU'RE AN IMPORTANT MEMBER OF THIS PARTY!
KARKAT: WE'LL NEED YOU TO HELP STAND UP TO JACK, AND WHATEVER ELSE IS WAITING FOR US THERE.
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK 1 W1LL B3 V3RY US3FUL
KARKAT: WELL, NOT LIKE THIS YOU WON'T. YOU'VE GOT TO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
TEREZI: NO! 1 M34N
TEREZI: 3V3N TH3N 1 WONT B3
TEREZI: 1 DONT H4V3 MUCH TO OFF3R 3V3N ON MY B3ST D4Y
KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT YOUR MIND POWERS THOUGH!
KARKAT: WHAT IF WE NEED SOMEBODY WITH MIND POWERS? TO DO SOME SORT OF...
KARKAT: MINDY THING.
TEREZI: WH4T M1ND POW3RS??
KARKAT: YOU KNOW. THE ONES WHERE YOU...
KARKAT: FLIP A COIN. AND...
KARKAT: SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENS.
KARKAT: OK, I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW IT WORKS. BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT?
TEREZI: PFFF
TEREZI: 1 N3V3R D3V3LOP3D THOS3 POW3RS V3RY W3LL
TEREZI: 4ND 1TS B33N 4 LONG T1M3 S1NC3 1 3V3N THOUGHT 4BOUT TH3M
TEREZI: 1 DONT TH1NK TH3YR3 V3RY V4LU4BL3 HON3STLY
TEREZI: 1N F4CT 4LL TH3Y 3V3R S33M3D TO DO W4S TR1CK M3 1NTO F33L1NG L1K3 1 KN3W WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG
TEREZI: TH3Y 4CTU4LLY M4D3 M3 B3L13V3 1 W4S 1N CONTROL OF OTH3R P3OPL3S F4T3S
TEREZI: NOT 3V3N TO SP34K OF MY OWN
TEREZI: 1T W4S 4 R34LLY D4NG3ROUS K1ND OF D3LUS1ON
TEREZI: 4ND NOW 1T F33LS L1K3 TH3 ONLY "H3RO1C" TH1NG 1 3V3R D1D W1TH THOS3 POW3RS
TEREZI: W4S US3 TH3M TO JUST1FY K1LL1NG MY FR13ND
KARKAT: HUH?
TEREZI: ...
KARKAT: OH.
KARKAT: RIGHT.
TEREZI: 4ND WH4TS WORS3 1S
TEREZI: TO TH1S D4Y, 1M ST1LL NOT 3V3N TOT4LLY SUR3 1F 1T W4S N3C3SS4RY
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1V3 LOST TH3 4B1L1TY TO T3LL 1F 1M B31NG PUN1SH3D FOR WH4T 1 D1D, OR 1F 1 4M PUN1SH1NG MYS3LF
KARKAT: WELL, YEAH. OF COURSE IT WAS NECESSARY.
KARKAT: EVEN IF IT WASN'T THE MORALLY RIGHT CHOICE OR WHATEVER, IT WAS OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING THAT HAD TO HAPPEN.
KARKAT: THAT'S THE CRUEL THING ABOUT PARADOX SPACE. IT SYSTEMICALLY VALIDATES ALL YOUR MISTAKES AS NECESSARY OUTCOMES.
KARKAT: NOT EVEN NECESSARY FOR YOUR OWN GOOD OR PERSONAL GROWTH. IT'S ALWAYS BIGGER THAN YOU. LIKE YOUR ERRORS IN JUDGMENT ARE INSEPARABLE FROM THE WAY REALITY HAS TO UNFOLD.
KARKAT: SO IT NEVER LETS YOU FORGET ABOUT THEM. BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL CRITICAL TO THE BIG PICTURE, AND ALL YOUR PAST FLAWS ARE LIKE...
KARKAT: SCARS.
KARKAT: SCARS IN SPACETIME THAT NEVER HEAL, AND ALWAYS SERVE TO REMIND YOU THAT THE PERFECT VERSION OF YOURSELF YOU WISH YOU COULD BE CAN NEVER EXIST. BECAUSE THE SURVIVAL OF EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT DEPENDS ON HIM NOT EXISTING.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW 4LL TH4T
TEREZI: 1T DO3SNT STOP M3 FROM WOND3R1NG
KARKAT: IT'S SIMPLE. IF YOU HADN'T KILLED HER, YOU WOULD HAVE WITHERED AWAY IN A DOOMED TIMELINE.
TEREZI: Y34H! 4ND SOM3T1M3S 1 W1SH 1 H4D!
TEREZI: 4T TH1S PO1NT 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD R4TH3R B3 TH3 B3TT3R P3RSON WHO M4D3 TH3 R1GHT D3C1S1ON
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F 1T 4LSO M34NT B31NG TH3 ON3 TO F4D3 4W4Y FOR3V3R
KARKAT: WELL, *I* WOULDN'T WANT THAT!
KARKAT: DOES THAT FUCKING MATTER TO YOU?
KARKAT: DOES THAT FACTOR ANYWHERE INTO YOUR DREARY EXISTENTIAL EQUATION???
TEREZI: YOU PROB4BLY TH1NK 1M CR4ZY
TEREZI: JUST 4S CR4ZY 4S YOU TH1NK 1 4M FOR D4T1NG G4MZ33
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY M1SS H3R
KARKAT: NO
KARKAT: I DON'T THINK YOU'RE CRAZY FOR THAT.
TEREZI: 4ND Y3T
TEREZI: 1F 1 3V3R S4W H3R 4G41N
TEREZI: TH3R3S NO W4Y 1 COULD T4LK TO H3R
TEREZI: SO P4RT OF M3 HOP3S 1 N3V3R-
TEREZI: OW!!!!!!!

03/21/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: D4V3, YOU D1CK!!!
DAVE: what
DAVE: dont blame me
DAVE: i cant control the crab

03/21/13
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 3"

|AUTHORLOG|
WAIT. WHY DID THAT PLANET GIVE ME TWO ELVES.
You're calling them elves now?
YES.
But they're leprechauns!
Or gnomes, according to some baloneyscholars.
THEY CAN NOW BE ADDITIONALLY REFERRED TO AS ELVES. I HAVE DECIDED.
Whatever.
WHY ARE THERE TWO.
Because of the two for one deal.
You sunk the 7th planet on the break. So when you destroyed the 6th planet, you unlocked both the 6th and 7th elf.
Now you're on the 8th planet. This one doesn't give you an elf.
IT DOESN'T.
No.
WHAT ABOUT A GNOME.
No.
WHAT ABOUT A LEPRECHAUN.
No.
You get nothing.
WHY NOT.
Because you're supposed to skip this one and destroy it last.
You're just wasting time hanging around here. The clock is ticking.
ALRIGHT.
BUT FIRST. I WANT TO GET THEIR POWERS STRAIGHT.
AM I CORRECT IN ASSUMING. THEIR POWERS KEEP GETTING MORE USELESS?
Yes.
JUST AS I SUSPECTED.
I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO KNOW.
SO ORANGE HAT. WE HAVE ESTABLISHED. JUST WALKS AHEAD OF ME ALL THE TIME.
NO MATTER HOW FAR OFF HE WANDERS. AND GETS LOST. I ALWAYS SEEM TO CATCH UP WITH HIM.
Yes.
AND GREEN HAT.
HE JUST HAS A DOLL. WITH PINS IN IT.
Yes.
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT.
He has a doll with pins in it.
AND??
Every time you get a new elf, he'll take another pin out.
That's all I will tell you.
OK. GOT IT. IT'S POINTLESS. MOVING ON.
MAROON HAT.
I CAN'T TELL WHAT HIS POWER IS.
WHAT IS HIS POWER.
He doesn't have a power.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
No.
THAT'S A NEW LOW. EVEN FOR THESE SHIT HEADS.
But maroon hat is pretty smart!
You can use him as a higher ranking henchman or something.
BEING SMART ISN'T A POWER.
PLUS. I DOUBT IT. HOW SMART CAN ONE OF THESE IMBECILES BE.
You should talk to him and find out.
NO.
Come on.
Just a little friendly chat.
FINE.
I WILL HAVE A WORD WITH HIM. VERY BRIEFLY.
Ok.
...
Hey.
Are you still talking to him?
Wow, you guys are really going at it there.
What the fuck could you be talking about for so long?
This is getting ridiculous.
The timer on the next cueball bomb is ticking away.
OK. I'M BACK.
And?
MAROON HAT IS HIGHLY INTELLIGENT AND PERSONABLE.
I HAVE DECIDED HE IS MY FAVORITE GUY SO FAR.
See? I told you.
I WILL GIVE HIM SOME IMPORTANT RESPONSIBILITIES LATER.
BUT I HAVE NOT DECIDED WHAT.
Maybe he can hold on to something important for you.
GOOD IDEA.
LIKE WHAT?
OH, I KNOW. MY CALTOP.
No not the caltop. That's dumb.
MY GUN?
No.
OH! MY CANDY.
No you idiot!
FUCK YOU. IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA. THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS. PUZZLEMAN.
Look at the color of his hat. What else do you have that's that color?
UHH.
Also, what object can you think of that's kinda shaped like a 7?
HMM.
OH!!!
OHHHHHHHHHHH.
OF COURSE.
A BOOMERANG!
Ok, I give up.
I WILL MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO SECURE A BOOMERANG IN THE FUTURE.
YES. IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. TO BE A BOOMERANG. THEMATICALLY.
BECAUSE IT ALWAYS COMES BACK AROUND. IN ONE BIG CIRCLE. LIKE ALL THE TIME SHIT. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT!
...
OK. LAST QUESTION.
WHY IS PURPLE HAT. CONSTANTLY DANCING IN MY PRESENCE?
Yeah.
I guess in retrospect, purple hat has always been pretty flirtatious, hasn't he?
WHAT?!
Maybe you should try to be open minded though.
Have you ever considered a <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/star-heart-horseshoe.png" border="0" /> relationship with someone?
Maybe you will discover you have never truly experienced joy until you have been in <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/star-heart-horseshoe.png" border="0" /> with a dancing elf.
-- Caliborn has spiked his caltop on the ground in disgust. --

03/21/13
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 3"

03/21/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hey guys! Stop dragging your feet 8ack there! You're falling so far 8ehind, you're starting to look tiny and ridiculous from here.
VRISKA: The treasure should 8e 8uried just up ahead. Let's pick up the pace!
SOLLUX: excuse me, s0me 0f us here have special needs. i think i will c0ntinue dragging my feet if y0u d0n't mind.
VRISKA: Sollux, will you just let Aranea heal your eyes already and catch the fuck up?
SOLLUX: N0!!!!!!!!!!

03/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey.
JOHN: aradia, was it?
ARADIA: yes
JOHN: can i ask you something?
ARADIA: ok
JOHN: you seem reasonable, and pretty nice.
ARADIA: :)
JOHN: so i'm wondering.
JOHN: how do you feel about all this?
ARADIA: about what exactly
JOHN: about what vriska and her pirate buddies are doing.
ARADIA: you mean searching for the weapon?
ARADIA: i think its a good idea
JOHN: no, i know.
JOHN: of course it would be great to have an awesome secret weapon, whatever it is.
JOHN: i mean...
JOHN: how do you feel about the way they've been searching for it?
JOHN: by using all your ghost clone friends as bait.
JOHN: and getting the bad guy to blow them all up to reveal the way to the treasure?
ARADIA: thats probably the only way to find it
ARADIA: in my experience the specific path you travel out here is very important
ARADIA: if we did not trace that exact path in that amount of time i doubt we ever would have found the right location
ARADIA: in fact it may never have been found by anyone
JOHN: ok, yes.
JOHN: let's assume it was the only way to find it. granted.
JOHN: but i mean, does that really make it the right way to beat him?
ARADIA: i couldnt say
JOHN: well, how do you feel about it?
JOHN: most of the other pirates seem cool with it, so i'm wondering if you feel differently.
ARADIA: its probably necessary
ARADIA: and they would have embarked on this voyage whether i had come along or not
ARADIA: so i might as well join the fun!
ARADIA: isnt that what you did when you saw our ship?
JOHN: um...
JOHN: sort of.
JOHN: but i didn't know what you were all doing yet.
ARADIA: yes but once you found out you continued journeying with us
JOHN: yeah, but...
JOHN: i'm just hanging out here cause i'm asleep! what else was i going to do?
ARADIA: exactly!

03/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARADIA: i dont necessarily share their point of view on the meaning of this endeavor though
ARADIA: they consider this to be a great clash between good and evil
ARADIA: but i prefer to look at the coming battle as a matter of housekeeping
ARADIA: in the end all loops must be tidied up
ARADIA: even his
JOHN: ok, but what about your friends!
JOHN: don't you care about them?
ARADIA: of course i do!
ARADIA: i love all my friends
JOHN: then why do you seem so...
JOHN: cheerful?
JOHN: when so many of them are getting zapped by lasers.
ARADIA: do i seem cheerful about that
JOHN: kinda!
ARADIA: i apologize if that is the way i am behaving
ARADIA: it is not true though
ARADIA: i think i look at death differently than most
ARADIA: and it is fair to say this attitude extends to death after death as well
ARADIA: i have learned to be at ease with the cessation of being in any form it takes
ARADIA: but i am not nor will i ever be the monsters handmaid
ARADIA: so please believe that i would never take joy from the destruction of any soul
ARADIA: however you must realize that it is only by the grace of the horrorterrors that so many have been allowed to continue existing for so long
ARADIA: they have persisted for ages beyond their time just as he has
ARADIA: as such it seems to me his rampage is just another kind of housekeeping
ARADIA: while he rounds the ring undoing the work of the gods we must prepare for his undoing as well
ARADIA: to ready the manor for the lords arrival so to speak :)
JOHN: ...
JOHN: i'm sorry, maybe i spaced out through some of that.
JOHN: but i'm still not sure what you're talking about.
JOHN: maybe you could just simplify it for me.
JOHN: are you a good guy or a bad guy?
ARADIA: i dont like to think of myself in those terms
ARADIA: but i do try to be nice to people!
JOHN: dammit.
JOHN: ok, could you just... maybe...
JOHN: give me an idea of what it is you actually want out of all this?
ARADIA: what i want?
ARADIA: hmmm
ARADIA: thats a pretty good question

03/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARADIA: i think i mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart

03/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/22/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh my god, you are all so insane!

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Are you coming or what!
ARANEA: Yes, please come! I was a8out to 8egin one final story 8efore we reach the treasure!
JOHN: oh holy shit another story? i'm there!!!
JOHN: sorry aradia, i'd love to keep chatting, but you heard the lady. it's story time again.
SOLLUX: w0w aradia, y0u actually sent the guy running t0 hear a serket st0ry.
SOLLUX: that was a REALLY impressive creep 0ut j0b, nice.
ARADIA: :(

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Thank you for joining us, John.
ARANEA: Commodore Nepeta and Rear Admiral Feferi have 8oth 8een clamoring for one last tale, and I am not one to disappoint.
FEFERI: 38) NEPETA: :33
MEENAH: (clamoring)
MEENAH: (as in clams text it)
JOHN: ok. what's this one about?
JOHN: ogre sex, or salamander shipping, or something?
ARANEA: Nope! Although I would 8e happy to tell you all a8out those topics another time.
ARANEA: This is a story a8out two legendary rings.

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: No, not those rings!
ARANEA: The rings I am talking a8out are less powerful, and considera8ly more o8scure.
ARANEA: 8ut for what they lack in power, they make up for in mystery!
ARANEA: Details on the rings are quite hard to come 8y. I have pieced together what little I know from various fa8les and myths.
ARANEA: They occasionally make appearances in such stories, serving different purposes in each tale, and always called 8y different names.
ARANEA: 8ut in this story, they will 8e known as the Rings of Life and Void.

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: The rings are said to look nearly identical.
ARANEA: 8ut their powers are quite different, as are their origins.
ARANEA: The Ring of Void supposedly once 8elonged to the 8lack queen of a void session.
ARANEA: 8ut one day it was stolen from her 8y a thief. And then stolen again from the thief 8y a rogue.
ARANEA: Legend would suggest it changed hands like this for a long time thereafter, until finally vanishing into the void itself forever.
ARANEA: Which is fitting, as the ring grants its wearer the a8ility to do exactly the same!
ARANEA: The Ring of Life has a very different story.
ARANEA: I have found no reports of an origin to this ring at all. Like many magic artifacts, it may not even have one which is comprehensi8le.
ARANEA: Earliest reports I have read would suggest it was first discovered 8y some travelers in a desert, and like its sister ring, has changed hands repeatedly since.
ARANEA: This ring however has a dramatically different effect. Instead of releg8ting the wearer to o8scurity and immateriality, it does just the opposite.
ARANEA: It is said that any ghost who wears this ring will come 8ack to life!
ARANEA: In some stories, the f8 of each ring appears to 8e entangled with the other. When one is lost, the other is serendipitously found.
ARANEA: A gr8 example of this can 8e o8served in the fa8le of-
VRISKA: W8 a minute........

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: 8ut I was just a8out to tellmph-
VRISKA: Mindfang, I said shut up.
ARANEA: ::::?
VRISKA: W8.
VRISKA: Now w8 just a goddamn minute.
VRISKA: Hoooooooold on.
VRISKA: Are you telling me,
VRISKA: Are you SERIOUSLY telling me,
VRISKA: That ring........
FEFERI: 38? NEPETA: :??
VRISKA: No.
VRISKA: Just........
VRISKA: Noooooooo.
VRISKA: 8ack it up.
VRISKA: For just a silk spinning MINUTE.
JOHN: what's the matter?

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: THAT FUCKING GUY!!!!!!!!

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Are you kidding me.

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

03/24/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: RAAAAAAAARARRAAUUUUUUUUAAAAUUAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

03/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Tavros!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: wHAT,
VRISKA: What did you do with that ring?!
TAVROS: ,,,,,
TAVROS: wHAT RING,

03/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Don't play dum8 with me. That ring you had.
VRISKA: You know, the same one the orange guy tried to give me?
TAVROS: i STILL DON'T KNOW, aBOUT THIS ORANGE GUY YOU MENTION SOMETIMES,
TAVROS: yOU TALK ABOUT ORANGE GUY, bUT, iN REALITY, hE SOUNDS PROBABLY FAKE?
TAVROS: lIKE HOW YOU THOUGHT RUFIOH USED TO BE, uNTIL FACTS PROVED HE WASN'T,
VRISKA: You actually think I'm making this up? Why would I make up a story a8out an orange guy?!
VRISKA: What kind of juvenile fuckup do you take me for????????
VRISKA: The orange guy was real. He was surrounded 8y a 8unch of stupid fucking horses, and he tried to give me a ring so I knocked him out cold.
VRISKA: And then l8ter YOU found it.
TAVROS: nO i DIDN'T,
VRISKA: Yes you did! Don't lie to me.
VRISKA: You had the ring, and you and John were fighting over it 8ehind your 8acks like a couple of idiots for a while.
VRISKA: What, you think I didn't notice?!
TAVROS: yES, nO,
TAVROS: i DIDN'T THINK YOU DID,
VRISKA: Well I did! And I didn't care 8ecause I didn't think the ring did jack shit!
VRISKA: 8ut now that I know it does jack A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, I would like you to stop 8ehaving like a disingenuous, argument8tive ASSH8LE and T8LL ME WHERE IT IS.
TAVROS: i DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS,
TAVROS: iT'S GONE,
VRISKA: What do you mean it's gone!

03/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: i HAD IT, tHEN jOHN HAD IT,
TAVROS: aND i WANTED IT BACK, bUT HE WANTED IT ALSO, sO,
TAVROS: wE ARGUED WITH OUR HANDS OVER IT, uNTIL HE VANISHED,
TAVROS: aND i TRIED TO FIND IT ON THE GROUND, bECAUSE IT WAS PRECIOUS TO ME, fOR A WHILE,
VRISKA: Why was it precious to you?? Are you telling me you knew what it did!
TAVROS: nO, i DIDN'T, i JUST HAD,
TAVROS: sEPARATE REASONS FROM THAT, fOR WANTING IT,
VRISKA: Well whatever lame reason you wanted that ring, forget it. It's o8viously a much more important magical item than either of us gave it credit for.
VRISKA: As soon as we get the treasure out of this cave, you're going to lead us 8ack to wherever you lost it, and we're gonna look for it!
VRISKA: Is that understood, Poopmaster Nitram????????
TAVROS: nO, yES,
TAVROS: i MEAN, yES, i COMPREHEND THE LITERAL MEANING OF YOUR YELLING,
TAVROS: bUT, nO,
VRISKA: What do you mean no? That was an order!
TAVROS: i THINK YOUR MEAN SPIRITED ANGRINESS IS MAKING ME REMEMBER, tO WONDER WHY i KEEP WANTING TO HELP YOU AND LIKE YOU,
TAVROS: aND i THINK IT'S MAKING ME THINK, i DON'T REALLY CARE ANYMORE ABOUT FINDING THE RING, oR FINDING THIS TREASURE,
TAVROS: oR HELP YOU DO ARGUABLY EVIL THINGS TO GHOST FRIENDS, tO GET YOUR OBJECTIVES TO HAPPEN,
VRISKA: Tavros, what exactly are you trying to say?
TAVROS: i THINK, tHE BOTTOM LINE OF THAT, iS,
TAVROS: i DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR POOPMASTER ANYMORE,
TAVROS: sO i'M NOT GOING TO BE,

03/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Where do you think you're going?!
VRISKA: Get 8ack here! You c8n't just fly aw8y from me like th8t!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: oH, bUT i CAN,
TAVROS: yOU FORGOT ABOUT *MYYYY* SECRET WEAPON,
TAVROS: bEHOLD, tHE SELF ESTEEMS!!!,
VRISKA: S8LF ESTEEMS MY 8SS! I SAID G8T 8ACK HERE!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: IF YOU GO OUT THERE AL8NE YOU'RE G8ING TO DIE, Y8U P8THETIC PI8CE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: i'LL TAKE MY CHANCES, yOU JERK!
TAVROS: (hahA, yeSSsSs,)

03/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: fLY, pUPA,
TAVROS: fLYYYYY,
TAVROS: (heheHehE,)
TAVROS: (ehHHehehEheH, oH yEs,)
TAVROS: (heheHEHEHEhehEhEheh, so clEVEr,)
TAVROS: (how i refEreNCed, whaT wEre onCE, scoRNfUl remArKS dIreCtED at me, eheHahAHa!)
TAVROS: (hahAhehE, so sicK! sO sICk!!!!,)
VRISKA: WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU WH8SPERING FROM D8WN HERE SHIT F8R 8RAINS!!!!!!!!
SOLLUX: hey tavr0s, wait up, i think i'm c0ming with y0u.

03/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: What?? No, Sollux, w8!
SOLLUX: nah, i've pretty much had it t00.
SOLLUX: i can't believe i went al0ng with this f0r as l0ng as i did, s0 yeah.
SOLLUX: i'll be fucked tw0 ways fr0m perigees eve bef0re i let tavr0s upstage me in the backb0ne department.
SOLLUX: aradia, s0rry, i can't be a part 0f this anym0re, it's just making me feel dirty.
ARADIA: i understand sollux
SOLLUX: let's catch up again later, h0pefully when this is all 0ver.
ARADIA: yeah :D
SOLLUX: 0h, feferi and nepeta will be c0ming with me t00.
VRISKA: WHAT!
VRISKA: No they f8cking won't!!!!!!!!
SOLLUX: yes they will! they just t0ld me.
VRISKA: I d8dn't hear them say shit!
SOLLUX: they b0th gave me meaningful glances!
SOLLUX: like as if t0 say, aw yeah, let's b0unce.
FEFERI: 3;) NEPETA: ;33
VRISKA: YOU'RE BLIND, H8W COULD YOU SEE A "ME8NINGFUL GLANCE"????????
SOLLUX: instead 0f underestimating the perspicacity 0f the sens0ry impaired, why d0n't y0u bite me.
VRISKA: No, they can't go! Commodore Nepeta and Rear Admiral Feferi are 8oth critical mem8ers of my crew!
VRISKA: This is mutiny!!!!!!!!
ARANEA: Vriska, I am on your side here. 8ut I feel I should point out that technically they 8oth outrank you.
VRISKA: Excuse me?!
VRISKA: No they don't! Come on, I just gave them titles that sounded cool!
VRISKA: How can you outrank a captain????????
ARANEA: 8y 8eing a commodore?
VRISKA: A commodore outranks a captain?!
MEENAH: yea fraid so
ARANEA: Yes, and a rear admiral outranks a commodore.
VRISKA: No, 8ut!
VRISKA: I thought a rear admiral was like...
VRISKA: Some sort of JOKE rank!
VRISKA: Who can take a rear admiral seriously? It might as well 8e a poopmaster!
MEENAH: um no serk its actually a real thing
MEENAH: god damn for a pirate you really know fuckall about nautical junk
MEENAH: pretty embarrassing tbh
SOLLUX: yeah, this stuff is all super interesting. j/k, l0sers.
SOLLUX: anyway, we're 0ut.

03/25/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
SOLLUX: LADIES.

03/27/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: GOOD RIDD8NCE YOU 8ACKSTA88ING INGR8TES!
VRISKA: I HOPE LORD ENGLISH E8TS YOU 8LL!!!!!!!!
JOHN: hey, vriska.
VRISKA: WH8T!
JOHN: actually...
JOHN: you know that ring?
VRISKA: What a8out it!
JOHN: i have it now.
VRISKA: You do??
VRISKA: Where! Let me see!!
JOHN: no, i mean, not on me.
JOHN: i guess i wasn't wearing it when i fell asleep.
JOHN: it seems to have the power to come with me in and out of my dreams, as long as i'm wearing it.
JOHN: that's how i got it in the first place. i had it on when i woke up.
VRISKA: You were wearing it??
VRISKA: Why? And why were you playing keepaway with it in the first place!
VRISKA: I mean, aside from the o8vious fact that messing with Tavros is its own hilarious reward.
JOHN: i don't know.
JOHN: i guess...
JOHN: i liked it, and i just wanted to hang on to it for some reason.
JOHN: but i didn't know i would wake up with it.
VRISKA: This is perfect!
VRISKA: That means all you have to do is put it on when you wake up, then come find me the next time you go to sleep!
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: maybe.

03/27/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: May8e?
JOHN: i'll think about it.
VRISKA: You'll THINK a8out it??
JOHN: well, yeah.
JOHN: it sounds like an important item, so deciding what to do with it is kind of a big responsibility.
JOHN: it's supposed to bring ghosts back to life, but we don't know how it works.
JOHN: what if it only keeps you alive as long as you're wearing it?
JOHN: that would mean only one ghost could come back.
VRISKA: Right! All the 8etter reason to let me use it!
JOHN: but there are a lot of ghosts!
JOHN: i'm just not sure what to do yet.
VRISKA: W8. You're not ACTUALLY thinking of giving it to someone else, are you?
VRISKA: That's my ring! The orange guy gave it to ME!
JOHN: yeah, well frankly, i don't give a shit about the orange guy!
JOHN: the ring is mine for now, so i'm the one who has to figure out what to do with it.
JOHN: speaking of waking up, it's probably time i got going too.
JOHN: i'm not trying to join the mutiny or anything, but i do have friends waiting for me out there.
VRISKA: John, w8!
VRISKA: I hope we're not parting on 8ad terms here.
VRISKA: You aren't holding all this treasure hunting shit against me like Tavros is, right?
VRISKA: We're still cool, right John?
JOHN: uh...
VRISKA: If you have to leave, I get that, 8ut I really want us to stay friends!
VRISKA: I always felt like we had a special 8ond, John. Like we're 8oth always in the position of having to take charge as leaders, even if we never asked for that responsi8ility.
VRISKA: And I don't wanna pressure you into anything, 8ut I would really appreci8 it if you'd at least think a8out me next time you take a nap with that ring on!
JOHN: it's fine. we can stay friends.
JOHN: i don't really like to make enemies with people, even if they're...
VRISKA: Even if they're what?
JOHN: umm.

03/27/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: vriska, i have to be honest. years ago when we first talked, it was a lot of fun to get to know you.
JOHN: and i admit i thought about you a lot since then.
JOHN: but i guess i never quite realized how little i actually understood you.
JOHN: during this crazy treasure quest, i tried to reserve judgment, like maybe it was just a troll thing i didn't get.
JOHN: but seeing how those other guys felt about it, i think it's more complicated than that.
JOHN: obviously not all trolls are like you.
JOHN: and i know i'm not.
JOHN: maybe this was all for a good cause, but it still felt like a pretty fucked up way to go about it.
JOHN: and...
JOHN: all i'm saying is, i'm ready to go. i've seen enough, and i miss my friends.
JOHN: i'll think about what to do with the ring, but honestly...
VRISKA: Honestly what?
JOHN: again, i am just keeping it real!
JOHN: but if i am really thinking hard about who i should bring back to life...
JOHN: i dunno if my conscience can justify bringing back someone so...
JOHN: dangerous.

03/27/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Fine.
VRISKA: Don't give me the ring then.
VRISKA: Actually, you know what? Even if you change your mind some day, forget it!
VRISKA: I don't even want it anymore.
JOHN: you don't?
VRISKA: No.
VRISKA: I've 8een dead this long. What's a little longer.
VRISKA: Keep your ring. I don't want anyone's pity.
VRISKA: So 8eat it, Eg8ert.
JOHN: ...
VRISKA: ........
VRISKA: WELL????????
JOHN: huh?
VRISKA: JOHN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING.
JOHN: oh. right.
JOHN: i guess i'll just be...
VRISKA: WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT?! DON'T GO YET.
JOHN: wh...
JOHN: what?
VRISKA: Look, you made yourself perfectly clear. You think I'm a heartless monster, and you don't want to help me out.
VRISKA: Whatever!
VRISKA: 8ut are you SERIOUSLY going to check out of this dream like TWO MINUTES 8efore you see what the treasure is?!
VRISKA: Holy crap, dude. Where is your sense of curiosity????????
VRISKA: If I can manage to put up with you for a little longer, I think you can stand my morally 8ankrupt company long enough to find out what this thing is.
VRISKA: Why am I the only person in paradox space who actually THINKS!
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: sure.
JOHN: i guess i'll go a little further and check out the treasure.
JOHN: heh, you're right. it would be dumb not to.
VRISKA: Good.

03/28/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Party's over, folks.
VRISKA: The pir8 playtime wiggler jam8oree was fun while it lasted.
VRISKA: 8ut it's time to get serious.

03/28/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: The treasure's down there.
VRISKA: If my guess is right, it should 8e 8uried in one of his ancient memories.
VRISKA: 8y now we've all 8een wind8agged to hell and 8ack 8y my dear ancestor.
VRISKA: So I'll trust no8ody's gonna mind indulging one of MY stories.
VRISKA: There was a pretty good yarn a8out this treasure I read once during our travels.
VRISKA: Found it in some damn memory, who knows whose.
VRISKA: It was a good read. IMPECCA8LE prose. Failing to do it justice would be the real matter of gray morality here, if you ask me.
VRISKA: 8ut right now I 8n't in the mood to figure out how not to make it fucking suck.
VRISKA: So I'll just say this.
VRISKA: It was supposedly a weapon that once 8elonged to him.
VRISKA: 8ut he could never use it without altering its nature.
VRISKA: Meaning he could only use it once.
VRISKA: So he did.
VRISKA: After that, it could only 8e used again one more time.
VRISKA: And only as a weapon against him.
VRISKA: Knowing it was one of the keys to his defeat, he had it locked away deep in the void.
VRISKA: That's it. Part one of my story. Hold your applause.
VRISKA: Guess we'll find out if that's true.
VRISKA: Or if it turns out all my despica8le shit was in vain.

03/28/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Not that it would even matter to some people.
VRISKA: You know, they can say whatever they want a8out me.
VRISKA: 8ut somewhere out there is a shimmering new universe growing in a 8ig 8all of water.
VRISKA: He's looking hells of majestic. Amphi8ious and resplendent. His glorious croak would 8ring you to your knees.
VRISKA: That universe is going to give life to 8illions of trillions of zillions of cute little aliens.
VRISKA: You wouldn't even 8elieve how pretty and wonderful and happy all these aliens will 8e. It's making your lip trem8le just thinking a8out them, and how worth saving they are. Wow.
VRISKA: You could walk up to one of those aliens and put your hand on its innocent shoulder, and with a str8 face you could say, "Sorry to 8r8k it to you. 8ut tomorrow, a guy named Lord English is going to destroy your universe. You are all going to die."
VRISKA: And when that alien looks up at you with tears in its eyes, just 8efore the first one rolls down its weird alien cheek, you lean in close to its a8surd alien ear and whisper, "Psyche."
VRISKA: That's 8ecause you know a long time ago, in an o8scure pocket of reality the alien could never understand or give a shit a8out, some crazy girl sacrificed the "lives" of a 8unch ghosts in order to kill that guy forever.
VRISKA: They were already a million sweeps past their prime, existing on 8orrowed time, luxuri8ting in a kind of 8izarre metaphysical longevity few others will ever enjoy.
VRISKA: Just a fresh 8atch of 88 the squid gods kept on ice for an ins8tia8le fisherman cause they were sick of 8eing hunted themselves.
VRISKA: Those ghosts were all that stood in the way of an end to this eternal holocaust, and sparing their souls 8n't different in my view from personally committing atrocities on a cosmic fucking scale.
VRISKA: I only ever wanted to do the right thing no matter how it made people judge me, and I don't need a magic ring to do that.
VRISKA: You don't have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant.
VRISKA: And you don't have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero.
VRISKA: You just have to know who you are and stay true to that.
VRISKA: So I'm going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.

03/28/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: 8y 8eing me.

03/28/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: ...

03/29/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Rose You Are Willfully Ignoring My Trail Of Finish Crumbs
ROSE: Humm?
KANAYA: I Said Them Quietly In Sequence To Convey One Of Your Human Pregnant Pauses Before Speaking
ROSE: Ahaha.
KANAYA: The Pause Was Human Expecting In The Same Sense That I Am Expecting An Explanation For Your Present Conduct
KANAYA: We Were To Meet The Others On The Roof By Now
ROSE: Kanaya, whas with this pregnancy shHIC! shit, are you trying to toll me something? ;)
KANAYA: Im Trying To Toll... To Tell You That We Are On The Verge Of Reaching Our Destination And Here I Find You Doing
KANAYA: What Are You Doing Exactly
ROSE: My civic dutie. ;)
ROSE: I have been desputized by the Mayor as the assasstant chief deputy of city plannning and preshervation.
KANAYA: What
ROSE: Kanya, I' am relaly SWAMPED in red tape here, do you think you coult please return whan I am no so busy, thanks!
KANAYA: !
ROSE: Either that, or file out a requisition form wish the zoning bureau.
KANAYA: You Have Been Drinking Your Soporifics In Excess Again
KANAYA: Rose This Is Terrible
ROSE: No, what would be terribule would be to bid farewell to this metreor before my critical adminitistrative work is complete.
KANAYA: No But
KANAYA: Really What Are You Doing Here In The Tiny Simulated Village
KANAYA: Are You
KANAYA: Are You Writing Numbers On All Of These Nutrition Cylinders
ROSE: *LAFF.*
ROSE: God I just love troll words for things!
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: You Have Mentioned This
ROSE: Nushrition cylinders, thad's a good one. I forgot about that one.
ROSE: Maybe cylanders ins't stilted enough, though. What about.,.
ROSE: Tallcircles.
KANAYA: Tallcircles
ROSE: ;D
KANAYA: Tallcircles No That Sucks
KANAYA: Answer My Question Please Why Are You Numbering The Tallcirc...
KANAYA: CANS
ROSE: I am docurmenting their original locations.
ROSE: Soo that we way relocate the city faithfully to our new home.
ROSE: Wheyrever that may be!
KANAYA: You Want To Relocate The City
KANAYA: Now??
KANAYA: This Is Such A Foolish Use Of Your Time

03/29/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Oh,, but you could not be further fromp the truth.
ROSE: The prestervation of Can Town has trenendous symbolic importance.
ROSE: We are ahll that's left of our respective races, Kanaye.
ROSE: We are the light of civivization!
ROSE: Is our responsipility to carry the torch through the abyss whilest keeping it lit, and hic...
ROSE: And set it pupon the harth of the newd world.
KANAYA: I Think The Torch Is Not All You Have Managed To Keep Lit
ROSE: Its light... OUUR light will spread throughout our creation, but only, Kayaka, ONLY,
ROSE: If we respect the light of civilazation itself. If we respect the light of DEMCOCRACY!!
KANAYA: ......
KANAYA: So Many Finish Crumbs Up In Here
ROSE: Civilitey/ Liberby. Reason. Efidication. Civilty.
ROSE: Rationality. Learning, Jutstice. Libersty. Hornor. Elucidution.. Civlity. Raison...
ROSE: This are the virshues which emboby the magnificence that is Can Town.
KANAYA: You Said Some Of Those Words Two Or Three Times And Most Of Them Werent Words
ROSE: Pfhaha! I just got it!
ROSE: "That'sh not all you managed to keep lit."
ROSE: That burn was siiiiiick! Hah,ahah I love it.

03/31/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: I Do Not Believe This
KANAYA: You Promised Me You Would Be Ready For Our Arrival
ROSE: I am ready!
ROSE: My god robe's on n evrything.
KANAYA: This Is Not Ready!
KANAYA: When I Said Ready I Believe Your Sobriety Was More Than Implied As The Operative Criterion
ROSE: Mehehe, Kanasta,
ROSE: U so
ROSE: Wordy. ;)
KANAYA: Ugh!
KANAYA: I Have Been As Polite As I Can Be But Honestly Your Demeanor Is Not Nearly As Charming As You Appear To Believe When You Have Consumed A Lot Of That Liquid
KANAYA: You Have Assured Me That Chronic And Habitual Exploitation Of This Substance Is "Not A Problem" For Your People But At This Point I Must Conclude That You Were Just Lying!
KANAYA: Why
KANAYA: Why Did You Do This Just Before Our Arrival When You Told Me You Wouldnt!!!
ROSE: Well.
ROSE: I wasnt' going to.
ROSE: But I starded to think about evereything.
ROSE: About meeting my mom.
ROSE: And I startled getting nervous.. .
KANAYA: But You Cant Help Us Like This!
KANAYA: We Need You!
KANAYA: Youre The Smartest One On This Meteor!
KANAYA: By Quite A Lot!
ROSE: Hey now.
ROSE: Kapaya, I'm flatter. But I think you're might be selling the Mayor short.
KANAYA: What
ROSE: THIS GUY
ROSE: Lemme tell yuoi.
ROSE: THIS GUYY,
ROSE: is
ROSE: THE BEST ;D
KANAYA: Okay That Was Literally The Most Inebriated Thing You Have Ever Said

03/31/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: No but, Karkaya.
ROSE: The Mayor.
ROSE: I'mmm telling you.
ROSE: THE FUCKING MAYOR.
ROSE: Wat ay friend.
KANAYA: You Are Not Actually Suggesting This Simple Creature Dressed In Rags Is Your Intellectual Superior
ROSE: And if I am? ;|
KANAYA: How Would One Even Draw This Conclusion
KANAYA: He Does Not Speak
ROSE: Ohhhhh...
ROSE: He has his ways of letting is thoughts be known.
ROSE: He hays his ways.
KANAYA: He Does Not Have His Ways He Likes Cans And Little Pretend Cities And He Is Rather Adorable And That Is Pretty Much All There Is To Say About The Mayor
KANAYA: Please Do Not Distract From Important Issues With Talk Of Fake Mayors
ROSE: What issues?
ROSE: My indrescretion wich alcoholol?
ROSE: Or someshing else...
ROSE: I yam sensing we are tap toeing around a mixed bag of delicate subjex.
ROSE: Less talk about em ;).
KANAYA: This Is Not A Hypothetical Exercise In Your Earth Psychiatrics!
KANAYA: You Made A Promise To Me And You Did Not Keep It!
KANAYA: Yes You Are Usually Very Smart And We All Need You But More Importantly I Need You!
KANAYA: Dont You Remember!
KANAYA: You Said You Would Help Me Resurrect My Species!
KANAYA: I Still Dont Know How Im Going To Acquire A New Matriorb!
KANAYA: How Are We Supposed To Solve That Problem When Your Think Pan Is Addled So!
ROSE: Kamaya, why do'nt we go aesy on the shout poles.
ROSE: I tolt you, to relax about the matribob.
ROSE: Have some faith in us, that we;re going to make everything work out.
ROSE: I have a vvvery goog feeling i twill all be fine. ;)
KANAYA: That Is Not Reassuring Coming From You Like This!
KANAYA: I Often Cant Tell Even At Your Most Lucid If You Put Too Much Trust In Your Seering Abilities
KANAYA: But When You Say Such Things While Obscured By These Toxins You Sound Outright Delusional!
KANAYA: You Stumble Around This Lab In Such High Spirits Which Makes It Impossible To Broach The Subject From A Standpoint Of Mutual Agreement That Your Behavior Is A Problem!
ROSE: But if I'm always happay then...
ROSE: Why IS it a problem?
KANAYA: ARGH YOU SEE
ROSE: Im'm not following. I would LIKE to, wait am I...
ROSE: Have I been being a bistch to you witout realizing?
ROSE: Oh noh...
KANAYA: No Not Exactly
KANAYA: I Have Already Explained
KANAYA: You Have Severely Hobbled Your Intellect And Your Efficacy
KANAYA: The Objectives You Prioritize Have Become Ridiculous
KANAYA: You Have Just Now Decided To Draw A Map Of A False Metropolis!
KANAYA: Others Have Suffered As Well
KANAYA: What Ever Happened To Your Concern For Terezi And Gamzee
KANAYA: Were All My Lessons In Auspisticism For Nothing??
ROSE: I tried!
ROSE: I tried, Kakaka.
ROSE: But aushitspitschism... or whatever...
ROSE: Is's
ROSE: It sactually REALLY HARD!
KANAYA: I Know Its Hard!
KANAYA: Its Supposed To Be Hard!!
KANAYA: And My Name Is Not Kakaka!!!
ROSE: Whoops I'm sorry, Yakaya..
ROSE: .. Kayolo.
ROSE: ., ...
ROSE: Papaya. Shit!
ROSE: Your name is so lovely, why can't I shay it!
KANAYA: You Cannot Say It!
KANAYA: Because You Are!
KANAYA: HUMAN DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!
ROSE: ... .
ROSE: Yuo're right,
ROSE: My delinqancy has bend inexcusable.
ROSE: If you just help me fishish indexing an gathring up the rest of theze cans, we-
KANAYA: Raaararraauuuaaaauuaghghgghgggghhgh!

03/31/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: THE BUBBLES VON SALAMANCER MEMOIRIAL LIBRARAY!!!

03/31/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: .. .
ROSE: ...
ROSE: ,,. ..
ROSE: . .
ROSE: ,....

03/31/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Are you going to brek up with me?

03/31/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

03/31/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

04/01/13
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 4"

|AUTHORLOG|
I NEED MORE ANSWERS. VERY QUICKLY.
I thought you had given up on getting answers from me.
NO. I JUST HAVE NOT HAD TIME.
THE BOMB COUNTDOWNS ARE GETTING SO SHORT. THIS IS GETTING HARD. IT'S NOT FAIR.
I really don't see how it's any less fair than being allowed to solicit the omniscient narrator of your quest for answers.
Nobody else who plays this game gets to do that. What makes you so special?
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID I WAS SPECIAL.
I shouldn't have said that.
Now you're strutting around, all thinking you're special.
I AM SPECIAL!
I know.
LESS BULLSHIT. MORE ANSWERS.
I HAVE COLLECTED MORE FROG MEN.
WHAT DO THEY DO.
Frog men???
You are getting really esoteric with your headcanons now.
MY WHAT.
And what makes you so sure they are all men?
Have you sexed them?
FUCK YOU. AND YOUR RIBALD INSINUATIONS.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FROG MEN IS STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL.
No, I mean determined their sex.
Do you even know how?
I DON'T CARE.
THEY'RE ALL MEN. BECAUSE I SAY THEY ARE. AND I WANT THEM TO BE.
IF I BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH IN THEM BEING MEN.
THEN THAT FACT BECOMES ABSOLUTELY INDISPUTABLE AS A PERMANENT MAN REALITY.
It does?
ARE YOU TELLING ME. THAT YOU HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE. THAT MY ENTOURAGE OF DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMEN.
CONSISTS OF ANYTHING OTHER THAN BOYS???
No.
I mean, I don't know.
I'm not there, so I can't sex them to be sure.
YOU FUCKING PERVERT.
That's not what sexing means you little shit!
I'D LIKE TO CHANGE THE TOPIC. AWAY FROM THE LUST YOU ARE FEELING FOR MY HANDSOME FROG MEN.
I HAVE OBTAINED SOME STRIPE HATS.
YELLOW STRIPE HAT. BLUE STRIPE HAT. RED STRIPE HAT.
WHAT DO THEY DO.
Why do you always want me to spoil stuff for you?
Why can't you be at least a little scientifically inquisitive, and find out what they can do yourself?
Have you tried injuring blue stripe hat yet?
NO.
WHY WOULD I HURT HIM. HE IS MY LOYAL MINION, ALBEIT ONE WHO IS OVERWEIGHT AND APPARENTLY USELESS.
ANYWAY. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SCIENCE. JUST TELL ME.
Fine.
Blue stripe hat randomly time travels somewhere if you injure him.
Red stripe hat can also travel through time, but only using fire as a gateway.
Yellow stripe hat is a tailor.
A TAILOR.
Yes.
YOU MEAN. SOMEONE WHO SEWS STUFF.
Yes. A damn good one, too.
THAT'S NOT A POWER. IT'S MORE LIKE. A FUCKING HOBBY.
WHICH HAS NO VALUE TO ME WHATSOEVER.
If you want to be a bigshot time traveler, you're going to need a good tailor.
Everyone knows that.
NO. MAKES NO SENSE.
What if some day you get some sweet new threads? Who will maintain your wardrobe for you??
Do you think you'll wear that tee shirt and those stupid suspenders all your life?
I WILL NEVER STOP WEARING MY AWESOME SUSPENDERS.
NO ONE CAN MAKE ME. NOT EVEN MY TAILOR.
Whatever you say.
You're wasting time again. Better hurry up and conquer this planet so you can find Eggs.
WHAT??
Whoops. I mean purple stripe hat.
Forget I called him that.
OH. YES.
I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THESE NEXT FEW GUYS.
I HAVE A FEELING. THE FARTHER I GO. THE MORE USEFUL AND EXCITING THE FROG MEN ARE STARTING TO BE.
You won't be disappointed.

04/01/13
"[S] END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 4"

04/01/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: pst blue guy
JOHN: me?
MEENAH: no the other weenie in blue pjs
MEENAH: yes you cmere

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: listfin
MEENAH: i have a problem
JOHN: what?
MEENAH: now we both know some day ima be the one to swindle you out of that life ring
JOHN: we do?
MEENAH: yeah
MEENAH: shit is inevibubble and we all know it
JOHN: ...
JOHN: ok.
MEENAH: i like priceless treasure
MEENAH: you GOT priceless treasure
MEENAH: my fuckin hero title deal all but guarantees ill steal it from you some day
MEENAH: and ill come back to life so i can rip shit up in the real world and get all the gold and make all yall my slaves and rule everything forev
JOHN: i see.
MEENAH: just one problem though
JOHN: what's that?
MEENAH: i dunno if i wanna?

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hmm.
JOHN: alright. then i guess that settles that.
MEENAH: no but you dont understand
MEENAH: if i ganked your ring and put it on
MEENAH: and became not a ghost anemonemore
MEENAH: and had to hit the road and conquer stuff
MEENAH: i would miss my friends 38(
JOHN: then, uh...
JOHN: don't?
MEENAH: no blue boy you arent listening
MEENAH: i cant even handle it
MEENAH: thinkin aboat ditching my fronds
MEENAH: they meant so much to me since i been dead
MEENAH: ya feel me blue dweeb
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: my friends mean a lot to me too.
MEENAH: the serket twins
MEENAH: they just
MEENAH: bleugh
MEENAH: look at em
MEENAH: so disgustinly adorbs together
MEENAH: all likin each other and BEING like each other and junk
MEENAH: i dont think i could take it
MEENAH: i aint ready to say fareshell

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: araneas all like
MEENAH: learnin to be unscrupulous never thought the girl had it in her
MEENAH: makes me so glubbin proud
MEENAH: her stories blow hole but i still love listenin
MEENAH: dont tell her i said so but
MEENAH: i like hearing her so happy like she is just so damn pleased to hear herself yack about dumb shit
MEENAH: on the other flipper...
MEENAH: i legit love vriskas stories they are punchy and hammy as fuck
MEENAH: girl think she in the movies or somefin lmao
MEENAH: we had our difs at first but really shes so badass
MEENAH: i wish my old pals could a been half the give no fucks boss she is
MEENAH: all i ever wanted from my posse was somemoby i could thug it with
MEENAH: i mean w/o bein a psycho batshit skank
MEENAH: wont name names you know who i mean
JOHN: uh, no?
MEENAH: as for soft core megido i
MEENAH: yeah
MEENAH: um
MEENAH: this bitch i could take or leave?
MEENAH: iunno shes aight i guess

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: but the point is blue chump
MEENAH: im happy now
MEENAH: more than i was on my moon with my sweet gold statues an shit
MEENAH: and more than i think ill be if i gotta be alive again and have to go knocking over galaxies or whatever to make a bomb new fishqueen empire
MEENAH: but its killin me blue schmuck
MEENAH: its killin me to know you got that ring and knowin ill have to take it from ya some day
MEENAH: augh why
MEENAH: why you have to swim in here and present me with this codawful dilemma
MEENAH: why do you have to be so lame and chumpy and such an obvious mark
MEENAH: your dork ass face just screams waaaah gimme a fuckin wedgie and take my ring!
MEENAH: but i dont wanna but i think i gotta cause i mean come on OBVIOUSLY its mine, just why
MEENAH: W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y W)(Y
JOHN: ok, jeez!
JOHN: i promise no matter what, i won't let you have the ring!
JOHN: i'll hide it or something. or better yet, i'll just give it to someone else before you get the chance to steal it.
JOHN: how does that sound?

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: T)(ANK YOU

04/02/13
"[S][A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Will you guys hurry up??
VRISKA: This is seriously some of the most half assed treasure hunting I've ever seen.
JOHN: hang on, i'm coming!!!

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so the treasure's in that chest?
VRISKA: Yeah!
JOHN: are you gonna tell us more about it yet?
VRISKA: Yes, that was going to 8e part two of my story.
VRISKA: Which starts right now!
VRISKA: This thing is some sort of juju.
VRISKA: As I'm sure you know 8y now, jujus are magic items that can do all sorts of things. 8end time and space, trap souls inside them, stuff like that.
VRISKA: The more potent jujus tend to 8e pretty versatile. I dou8t even he knew the full extent of its powers.
VRISKA: He supposedly got this thing as a 8oon for slaying a very powerful denizen. As if the guy even needed any more sick endgame rewards.
VRISKA: That's all I'm gonna say for the moment, since I'm sure everyone is dying to see it 8y now.
VRISKA: Only a complete asshole would make us w8 any longer to get a look at this thing.

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

And with Vriska's sassy flourish of dramatic irony, it suddenly becomes evident to anyone with a brain that we aren't going to see what the treasure is for hundreds, if not thousands of pages.

04/02/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

So why don't we stop wasting everyone's time, shut the lid on this lousy MacGuffin, and be Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer.

04/02/13
"[A6I5] Be Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer."

You are now Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer.

04/03/13
"[A6I5] VBVS: Do a silly dance."

Oh yes! You kick your adventure off to a phenomenal start with liveliest jig you have ever attempted!

Your little legs could use the workout after being cooped up on that ship for three years. Wait, shouldn't Casey have reached adulthood in that timeframe, or at least gotten somewhat bigger? You seem to recall from earlier somewhere that salamanders have short lifespans, and grow up quickly. Oh well, you decide to graciously disregard the one and only plothole in this elaborate tale. In fact you think you will use your dark sorcery to make it - POOF - disappear! Ha ha, what problem?

You are so excited for this side quest to begin. It's going to be almost as delightful as it is thorough, and almost as thorough as it is relevant.

04/03/13
"[A6I5] VBVS: Retrieve arms from robe."

You retrieve your adorable amphibious arms from your RAG OF DEMONS. And in doing so you reveal them to be adorably grasping the dreaded CROOK OF FRAILTY. No young salamancer should dabble in the dark arts without one.

You twirl the grim cudgel in the air and begin to disturb ancient spirits from their slumber. In spite of necromancy's notoriously bonkers FAKENESS ATTRIBUTE, you begin to cast a spell!

04/03/13
"[A6I5] VBVS: Summon undead army."

You beckon a horrifying cadre of skeletal friends. They lurch from the mounds to serve their dark master. You're so happy to see them. You start to blow some sinister friendship bubbles.

You look at all these skeletons and think to yourself, this is probably going to be really important later on. Because that's what happens in adventures. A thing happens, then you forget about the thing for a while, but it turns out to be important down the road. Like some heroes will be fighting a bad guy, and things will look bleak for them. But then out of nowhere this skeleton army will arrive as reinforcements or something, thus turning the tide of battle. Then you go, ah-ha. So that's why that little salamander summoned those skeletons. Everything makes sense now, and in retrospect is elegant in its simplicity.

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />

Please, don't interrupt. We are trying to enjoy an important subplot.

Now where were we. Oh, look! One of the skeletons has stepped forward to introduce himself. But the skeleton doesn't have a name. You should give him one! What will you name the skeleton?

> Clattersworth
> Bonebone
> Captain Nibbles
> Fossilbee Oldington the Third
> Mr. Ribs
> Skulligan Malone

04/04/13
"[A6I5] VBVS: Bonebone! Bonebone!!!"

You declare this loyal follower to be: Bonebone! Bonebone is most pleased with his gentlemanly appellation.

Hang on. Another skeleton approaches to receive a title. In fact, it looks like they all want names! You decide to name them all, one by one.

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />

Just ignore her. She had her chance to be important, but turned the offer down. The rest of us are just trying to get on with our lives.

Now, what will you name the next skeleton?

> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />
> <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />FUCK YOU!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />

04/04/13
"[A6I5] VBVS: Shield young amphibious ears from profanity."

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
VRISKA: WE'RE G8ING TO LOOK AT WH8T'S IN THIS CH8ST RIGHT N8W!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: DO YOU HE8R ME Y8U F8CK?
VRISKA: I D8DN'T SCRAPE AND CLAW MY W8Y 8ACK TO RELEV8NCE F8R THIS SHIT!
VRISKA: I'M DOING S8METHING F8CKING IMPORTANT! AND WHEN I DO SOMETH8NG FUCKING IMPORT8NT, EVERY88DY 8ETTER D8MN WELL PAY ATT8NTION TO ME!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: (wut)
ARADIA: :D
VRISKA: YOU DON'T TH8NK I'M ON TO YOU 8Y NOW? AS IF I C8N'T SENSE WH8N SOME SORT OF 8ULLFUCKERY IS AFOOT????????
VRISKA: YOU DON'T THINK 8'M WISE TO YO8R FUCKING G8MES????????
JOHN: (who's she talking to?)
ARANEA: ::::?
ARADIA: :D
VRISKA: GO AHEAD! TRY AND FUCK W8TH US SOME M8RE!
VRISKA: MAKE MY D8Y YOU PI8CE OF SHIT!
VRISKA: EVERYONE HERE WANTS TO KNOW WH8T'S IN THIS CHEST, SO THAT'S EX8CTLY WHAT THEY'RE GONNA SEE!
VRISKA: THERE'S PRO8A8LY SOME IDEAL WAY FOR ME TO REVEAL THIS THING TO M8KE IT SEEM AS COOL AS POSSI8LE, 8UT Y8U KNOW WHAT!
VRISKA: I DON'T GIVE A F8CK!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I'M JUST G8NNA DUMP IT OUT ON THE FLOOR RIGHT HERE AND NOW!

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: THERE!
VRISKA: FUCKING TH8RE!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: TAAAAAAAA DAAAAAAAA!
VRISKA: W8W WILL YOU LOOK AT TH8T!
VRISKA: IT'S THE FUCK8NG TREASURE!
VRISKA: LOOKS LIKE SOME K8ND OF HUMAN HOUSE SHAPED THING! H8LY SHIT, DIDN'T SEE THAT C8MING!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: NOW EVERYONE HOLD YOUR FUCKING H8RSES WHILE I ARTLESSLY EXPLAIN SOME MORE SHIT A8OUT IT!
VRISKA: WOOOOOOOO! HERE FUCKING G8ES!

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: AFTER THE GUY USED IT THAT ONE TIME, IT 8ECAME TOTALLY INTANGI8LE! SO WE CAN'T TOUCH IT OR PICK IT UP!
VRISKA: THAT'S WHY WE 8ROUGHT ARADIA ALONG! SO SHE CAN MAKE IT LEVIT8 OR WHATEVER!
VRISKA: IF WE 8RING IT NEAR HIM IT'S SUPPOSED TO ACTIV8 AGAIN OR SOMETHING! THAT'S HOW YOU USE IT AS A WEAPON I GUESS!
VRISKA: 8UT THAT'S ALL I KNOW!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: THERE! YOU LIKE TH8T YOU FUCK?
VRISKA: DO YOU LIKE HOW I JUST TOOK THE FUCKING PISS OUT OF TH8T COOL MYSTERIOUS TREASURE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
VRISKA: DO YOU LIKE GETTING OWNED????????
VRISKA: 8ECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU JUST GOT! OWNED!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: SO WHY DON'T YOU SUCK IT!

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: SUUUUUUUUCK........

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: IIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: *Huff puff.*

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ...

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: ...

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: ...

04/04/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARADIA: :D

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok, i'm not sure what that crazy outburst was about.
JOHN: i think i'll just let that one go.
JOHN: but you say this little house thing is intangible?
VRISKA: Yes.
JOHN: so i can't touch it?
VRISKA: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's what intangi8le means!
JOHN: what happens if i try?
VRISKA: I dunno if I would do that if I were you.

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i'm not too worried.
JOHN: this is just my dream hologram self, or some nonsense.
JOHN: how many times has meenah stabbed me with her fork?
MEENAH: (not enough blue stooge)
MEENAH: (not enough by a nautical mile)
JOHN: and i always wake up fine!
VRISKA: It's not just a8out you, John.
VRISKA: This is a very powerful juju. You'd 8e messing with some forces we don't fully understand.
ARADIA: sounds like a dare to me
VRISKA: Oh my god.
VRISKA: Alright, whatever. I'll 8e fucked if suddenly I'm gonna 8e the lone voice of prudence and sound judgment in our 8adass pir8 clu8.
VRISKA: If you really wanna plunge your fist through some sort of hole in reality, then 8e my guest!

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ouch!

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/05/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/06/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/johnblurtext1.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/johnblurtext2.gif" border="0" />
VRISKA: John, will you get your hand out of there?
VRISKA: You're vaguely fucking shit up in some totally am8iguous way.

04/06/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/johnblurtext3.gif" border="0" />
VRISKA: John!!!!!!!!

04/06/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: dammit

04/06/13
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 5"

|AUTHORLOG|
I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE I HATE PUPPET PEOPLE.
Puppet people?
PUPPET PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!
You're just calling them different things every time to bug me.
THEY ARE PUPPET PEOPLE.
Why are they puppet people?
I thought frog men was going to be your preferred headcanon.
BECAUSE THEY ARE LIKE BIG ALIVE PUPPETS.
How so?
THEIR SKIN IS SOFT.
Soft?
What do you mean.
Soft as in smooth to the touch, like a baby's behind?
NO.
MORE LIKE. FUZZY.
AND SQUISHY.
What?
LIKE PLUSH.
YOU KNOW.
LIKE A GOD DAMN PUPPET.
Hold on.
Are you telling me these fuckers are literally made of felt???
WHAT'S FELT.
It's the fabric they put on pool tables.
Kind of soft and fuzzy.
OH. THEN YES.
EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
Well that's weird.
I guess you learn something new every day.
Speaking of which, I suppose you'll want me to tell you what these two frog puppets can do?
NO!
No?
THE ABILITIES OF PURPLE STRIPE HAT. AND ORANGE STRIPE HAT.
ARE AS PLAINLY SELF EVIDENT. AS THEY ARE IDIOTIC.
Patience.
In time, you will grow to love them as if they were two very special sons.
NO WAY.
Yes you will.
I can tell you kind of like them already, but you're just pretending you don't to be cool. Like you always do with members of your dark carnival.
I notice you aren't actually trying very hard to escape from the crowd there.
Looks to me like you're enjoying your time in the puppet mosh pit, frankly.
SCREW YOU!
I'm going to tell you their powers anyway.
NO!
Purple stripe hat has an egg timer juju which makes him time travel whenever it rings.
But he's too stupid to use time travel sensibly so he ends up making way too many copies of himself.
Orange stripe hat has a magic oven which he can hide inside.
And that's it. It serves no purpose other than that. Also he's just as dumb as Eggs.
I mean purple stripe hat. Forget I called him that again.
Also pretend I didn't call the other guy Biscuits.
YOU DIDN'T CALL ANYONE BISCUITS.
I didn't?
Oh.
Damn.
Then pretend I didn't say I did.
I DON'T CARE!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS!
ALL OF THAT WAS OBVIOUS!
I HAVE GROWN WEARY. OF YOUR EXCESSIVE DIVULGENCES!
Yeah, my divulgences haven't been too popular lately.
I can't seem to catch a 8r8k.
A WHAT.
A 8r8k.
WHAT'S A 8R8K.
Nothing.
Just something an old flame used to say a lot.
Well, not so much an old flame as someone who callously spurned my extraordinarily inappropriate advances one time.
She really blew it though. She could have been the star again, if only she said yes.
Things are pretty passive aggressive between us now.
WOMEN. Am I right?
NO, DON'T DO THIS.
I DON'T WANT US TO BOND OVER YOUR FEMALE PROBLEMS.
STOP TRYING TO BE BROS WITH ME!
You know how it is.
Sometimes a guy just wants to take a look at what an adorable salamander is up to, and scrutinize that situation carefully.
Like really see what's going on with that, you know?
Is that so wrong.
So what if I want to watch a young salamander spend several hours naming skeletons?
It's my right to do that. I should be able to watch Bubbles name a million fucking skeletons if I want.
I should be able to do that without a spiteful attention hog stealing back the spotlight while she does something "important".
Who cares about important stuff?
Important stuff is so overrated, IMHO.
I STOPPED LISTENING!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. BECAUSE I'M NOT READING IT ANYMORE.
YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND BABBLE ALL YOU WANT. ABOUT MEANINGLESS TRASH.
I'VE TOTALLY CHECKED OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. SO BYE.
I wonder what Spades Slick is doing right now.

04/07/13
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 5"

You are now Spades Slick.

It appears that you will be the focus of an exciting new sub plot. That is, if everyone's ok with that. You're not sure. Is that allowed, you wonder? Is anyone going to throw a tantrum and make us look at something else?

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />

Good news, Spades. It looks like your sub plot checks out. You have the green light, whenever you're ready.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Gaze over balcony at horizon."

There was some commotion up here earlier. That guy flipped your bed over this balcony and you fell in the water like a thousand feet below. You had to climb all the way back up, sopping wet. You think he said something about English? You don't see any sign of the rival mob boss though. You'll have to investigate.

You might not have much time to find him though. The sun is setting on the horizon. What are all those things floating over the water? You can't quite make them out, even with your awesome cyborg eye, which can probably make you see better. Maybe. I'm not sure. I don't actually know anything about cybernetics to tell you the truth. I just gave you a red eye because I thought it looked cool.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Inspect green torso."

Looks like this asshole in the white wig is dead. Yes, the same asshole who nursed you back to health even though he didn't have to, and even though he kind of promised he wouldn't do stuff like that by way of some vague pledge involving a yellow ruler. But he saved your life anyway because his heart was just that big. You're welcome.

You weren't listening to any of that because you don't care.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Take wand."

You're not gonna take the wand because obviously magic is fake. Come on. What sort of buffoon would try to wield that thing under any circumstance?

You will however take the horns. They'll make a nice trophy. You always thought taking trophies from guys you killed was a cool idea. Or at least from guys you wish you killed, who you happen to find dead.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Investigate."

This appears to be the murder weapon. Looks like English was the trigger man, then ditched the weapon by the body for some reason. You've never seen the guy, but you heard he carries a big overpowered gold machine gun.

Pretty garish in your view. The man has no subtlety whatsoever. You and he sure have different styles when it comes to running an organized crime outfit. You honestly think he might be some sort of huge manchild.

And I honestly think you might be right.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Equip."

You take the GOLDEN CUESTAFF. Holy crap this thing is huge. Good thing you have robot arms now. The weapon weighs several hundred pounds, but to a hulk like him it's light as a feather. And to a cyborg like you, it's light as a slightly heavier feather.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Search for English."

Man, how sweet would it be if you could use his own weapon against him when you get your reven... HEY! WHO GOES THERE!

Ah. Of course. It's the cute little dame who tended to you while you were bedridden. Her soup was so delicious. Whoa, what are these dumb horns doing on your head? Those don't belong there. You toss them on the ground and stomp on them nonchalantly.

She's shaking like a leaf! She must be terrified. You assure her there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. Everything's gonna be ok. The asshole in the white wig is dead.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Interrogate Ms. Paint."

Now that you've settled her nerves down, which you haven't actually, you ask her where the guy who did this went. She says she doesn't know. She's been hiding since he smacked her across the face with his cane. You say he did WHAT, why I oughta! She says she thinks he's probably gone now. You say oh. Any idea which way he went? She says no. You say hmm. Any idea what she might be doing later? She asks what do you mean? You say any dinner plans or...

Hey! Slick! What exactly are your intentions toward Ms. Paint??? You could at least wait until the blood is dry before making your move. I know you've always had your shitty cybernetic eye on her. Yes, the same eye that's probably just a useless piece of red glass overlapping an otherwise perfectly healthy eye. Yeah, that one.

Oh fuck it. Who am I to stand between you two? You obviously make an adorable couple. Why should I let my rotten luck with the ladies rain on your parade. That's it, I'm calling it. I'm declaring your ship to be officially canon.

Now don't fuck this up, Slick.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Inquire about personals."

Personals she says? Yeah you say. Your personal items. What items she wonders? You know, all the shit you had on you before that guy turned you into a damn robot. Like your hat and stuff. Oh! Yes, she knows exactly where all that is.

04/07/13
"[A6I5] SS: Follow."

She says this way. But please try to be quiet in case the green beast is still nearby!

04/08/13
"[A6I5] Ms. Paint: Retrieve personals."

She leads you to one of the mansion's several dozen pantries and retrieves your box of stuff.

Here you go she says.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Inspect personals."

The hat was a little worse for the wear, but she took it to the tailor to have it repaired. Tailor, what tailor you say. The one that appears when you pull his pin from the little doll. She said she put the pin back though because the man was rather grouchy and unpleasant.

Wait a minute...

Of course. The doll!

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Take doll."

You knew you decided to hang on to this thing for a reason.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Pull pins."

English has no idea what he's in for. You can't wait to see the look on his face. Even though the look on his face is always pretty much the same, since he's a skull monster.

Uh, yeah, better leave the black one in though. Pulling that one could have some really weird consequences.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Command minions."

You tell all these mugs to listen up. This gang is now under new management.

The surly mob of puppet people look you up and down, glance at your CUESTAFF, and shrug. Yep, you're the new boss, they appear to tacitly confirm.

Ms. Paint, you say. There's a vacancy in the gang's eight-spot. You got anything more suitable to wear?

She claps her hands and says oh yes! She has just the dress for the occasion. She says brb.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Consult with brains of operation."

You say hey you. Wise guy in the maroon hat. What was his name again? Some weapon shaped like a seven. Boomerang? No that wasn't it. Your memory's failing you. Might of taken one blow to the head too many when that universe exploded. Hey, why did that universe explode again? Can't recall for the life of you. Crowbar. What? Crowbar's his name, the guy says. Oh yeah, that's right. Now you remember, you used his crowbar a while ago to smash a priceless clock to pieces. You have his crowbar he asks?? No, you lost track of it. Any idea where it is? No clue you say. Damn he says.

You ask him how they can get out of here. Go somewhere to regroup and make some plans. Hatch some schemes. Maybe draw a map or two. Preferably in a hideout. He says he can lead you back to one of the gang's old haunts. You say after you then. He says hey. Yeah? What happened to the old boss he wonders. Is he dead or something? You say none of your damn business. Now get moving.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] Crowbar: Lead gang back to hideout."

Through here Crowbar says.

Hey what's this thing Clover asks? Nothing you say. You think the idiot who used to live here was doing some sort of science experiment. Pretty much, Ms. Paint says. Don't touch it you say. Could be a deathtrap. Clover pulls his hand away quickly. He looks worried.

Die asks if he can have his doll back. You say of course not, shut up. He looks crestfallen.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Go through 5th wall."

God damn it's hot in here.

AC must be broken or something.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Exit this weird little girl's room."

You leave Damara's room and great Caesar's stab wound what is even going on here. Crowbar where the hell are you leading us you ask. He says it's the Doc's old apartment. Really posh digs. Primo location too, at least it was before the universe exploded. Why are there giant holes in the walls through which can be seen an abundance of blinding green plasma, you inquire. He says because the apartment is now floating somewhere inside a huge sun. A sun you say. Well shit. No wonder it's so hot you could cook breakfast on your cranial plates. Hiding out in the middle of a big sun doesn't sound like a real tenable predicament, does it Crowbar. No boss, he supposes it does not. Sounds like it's actually kind of a shitty predicament, doesn't it Crowbar. Yes boss, he supposes it does. A predicament defying any sense of reason, safety, physical comfort, and most laws of science probably. He wouldn't know about that boss. You'll have to ask a scientist. You got a sassy mouth on you Crowbar, you say to Crowbar. A real sassy mouth.

He says if you don't want to stay, that's fine. There are contingencies in place. Contingencies you say? He says Doc's suite had an emergency exit which the gang could flee through whenever things got too hot to handle. Circumstances, he says, which never once presented themselves, until now, in the most literal way possible. Yeah. Yeah you say. Because of the sun. Yes he says. Because of the sun.

Well what are you waiting for Crowbar. Keep leading the way.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] Crowbar: Keep leading the way."

Hold up you say. You're not sure about this Crowbar leading the way business. Who's the leader here, this smart mouth or you? He says you, of course. But you don't know where the exit is. You say bullshit. You been here before. You know this place like the back of your hand. You show him your hand, which is now mostly unfamiliar to you, because it's made of metal. You put your hand down quickly because that didn't serve your rhetorical purpose at all. He says if you insist. The exit is in the room with the clock in it. Do you remember where that is? You say what do you look like, a moron? Of course you remember. Then after you he says.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: After you."

It's obviously down here. Through one of these doors. Watch and learn buddy.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Open door."

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: ..."

That was not the right door.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Never mind."

Just take us to the exit, Crowbar. He says yeah sure.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] Crowbar: Proceed."

You lead the mob through a few more of these weird skinny panels.

Some of the guys get distracted over there in the lounge. Just a quick match of TABLE STICKBALL, a fun game they made up which is based on their hats. You tell them to quit playing pool and get over here. They start laughing their asses off at the noob who doesn't know a game of TABLE STICKBALL when he sees one.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] Crowbar: Show Slick exit."

So this is it huh you say. Why's he keep the exit in the room with the clock anyway? Crowbar says the exit's in the room with the clock because the exit IS the clock. You say you see. You look the clock up and down. Doesn't look the same as you remember. It was a lot fancier when you smashed it with the Crowbar. You mean the crowbar. All purple and gold and... ticking. As if deciding the fate of someone you don't know or care about. Someone who doesn't understand a golden opportunity when she sees it. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" />sdkljfhkldhfsdkhfk<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/scorpio.gif" border="0" /> Someone whose behavior may have been controversial, and whose sentence apparently had to be arbitrated by a magic timepiece. Just as well you smashed it. That way nobody could outsource their judgment to the verdict of a stupid clock. Yes you definitely thought all that now. Wait. What happened to the pendulum? The ball thingy you mean. Crowbar says it broke. You see. Alright.

Anyway none of that matters now. How are you supposed to exit through this thing? Guess you have to open it? Yes he says. How you say. He says oh you know. Gotta pry it open. If only they had a tool with which to pry. Perhaps a tool which is notorious for its prying ability, which also happens to be its sole purpose. You wouldn't happen to know where such a tool might be, would you, he asks? No, he supposes not. There he goes again with that smart mouth. Nothing but sass from this guy. You're starting to miss your old right hand man. At least when he got sick of your shit, he would just turn around and light a cigarette.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Punch clock."

There. Crowbar shmowbar.

How the hell are you gonna squeeze all these big galoots through that skinny ass door? Wait. You might have an idea.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Wasn't there a guy with an oven?"

Where's the guy with the oven. Hey! Oven! Get over here! Crowbar whispers his name is actually Biscuits. You don't give a fuck. Biscuits seems to understand he is being summoned, and waddles over. Yep, there's his magic oven. Wow what a dumb juju. Should come in handy for once though.

04/08/13
"[A6I5] SS: Everybody in."

EVERYONE IN THE OVEN! LET'S GO LET'S GO MOVE MOVE MOVE! Iggy, Slowpoke, What's His Face... Yes you too Ms. Paint! Clover, Shark Guy, Top Hat, get in there Crowbar, you can mouth off all you want, just do it in the oven! Stitch Face, Fatty, Fireman, uh, the centaur butler? Yeah what the hell, come on in! He can be the team mascot or something. Plus his milk was fucking GREAT. Biscuits, Other Biscuits, Big Guy, Bigger Guy... THAT SHOULD DO IT!

04/09/13
"[A6I5] SS: Take oven."

You pick up the 13 OF STARS card. What? Cards don't go up to thirteen. Stars ain't a real suit either. These guys really are a bunch of whackjobs.

Whatever, you'll just slip it in the deck. Time to go.

04/09/13
"[A6I5] SS: Wait, before you go..."

Perfect.

04/09/13
"[A6I5] SS: Exit."

04/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

What the shit.

04/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

THIS was their secret escape hatch?!

You see. It's all so clear now. When things get too hot to handle, the Doc and his posse duck out of the clock and into the idiot wagon for a little spin through infinite oblivion with some giant octopus things.

Thanks for the tip, Crowbar! THANK YOU SO VERY FUCKING MUCH!!!

04/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

Hang on a minute.

What's that?

04/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

Is that...

Could it really be?

04/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

You don't need a fancy robotic eye to tell you what that is.

You know EXACTLY what that is.

04/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

It's the fucking JACKPOT.

04/09/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/10/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/11/13
"ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 6"

|AUTHORLOG|
I DID IT!
I CONQUERED THE MAROON STRIPE PLANET. THUS UNLOCKING. THE FINAL AND MOST POWERFUL TOAD GOBLIN OF ALL!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW, HE'S SO PERFECT. SO HUGE. SO *STRONG*.
I LOVE HIM BEING STRONG.
FINALLY. THE IDEAL MINION. WITH THE TYPE OF POWER I ADMIRE THE MOST.
WHICH IS. BEING A HUGE STRONG GUY WITH ENORMOUS POWERFUL MUSCLES!
YESSSSSSSSSSS.
OH YEAH. I ALSO GOT GREEN STRIPE HAT. HE'S GOOD TOO.
IN THAT HE IS ALSO LARGE. AND RELATIVELY STRONG. AND MEAN.
HE FLIPS A COIN TOO I THINK. WHICH IS ALSO COOL.
OH, AND DON'T TELL ME WHAT THEY DO.
ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THAT THEY'RE BIG AND STRONG.
DO NOT SPOIL MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPH WITH MORE OF YOUR HUMAN MONKEY EARTH BUSINESS.
WHAT.
NOTHING TO SAY?

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

|AUTHORLOG|
YES. THIS IS GOOD. YOU'RE FINALLY LEARNING WHO'S BOSS.
AND SOON. EVERYONE ELSE WILL TOO.
NOW I HAVE TO CONQUER THE BLACK PLANET.
THIS ONE IS A DIFFERENT THING FROM THE OTHERS.
MY SOURCES TELL ME. BY WHICH I MEAN. THE CLOWN TELLS ME.
THAT THIS PLANET HAS BEEN CLAIMED BY THE BLACK QUEEN HERSELF.
I WILL NEED TO OVERTHROW HER TO WIN.
AS SUCH. IN A STROKE OF BRILLIANT CLEVERNESS. MY BRAIN DEVISED AN IDEA.
I HAVE RECRUITED JACK NOIR TO HELP SETTLE OUR MUTUAL SCORE.
REALLY. GETTING JACK TO DO VIOLENT THINGS FOR ME. ALWAYS STRIKES ME AS SUCH A GOOD PLAN.
SO I MIGHT AS WELL JUST DO IT ALWAYS. RATHER THAN ALWAYS THINKING OF NEW STUFF. WHICH IS HARD TO DO.
HE WOULD MAKE A GOOD FRIEND. IF THE CONCEPT OF FRIENDSHIP WASN'T HORRID AND MEANINGLESS TO ME.
THEREFORE. I WILL THINK OF A WAY TO DISPOSE OF HIM ONCE HIS USEFULNESS IS OVER.
IT'S BAD FORM TO LEAVE STRAY NOIRS WANDERING AROUND.
(DON'T TELL HIM I SAID ANY OF THIS.)
(MY TREACHERY TO HIM. IS MEANT TO BE A SURPRISE!)
(HA HA HA HA HA.)
(HA HA.)
UH.
...........
HELLO?
WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF MY GREAT PLAN.
OR DERIDE ME IN SOME FASHION. FOR MY JUVENILE CONDUCT AND POOR CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS.
WELL, YOU UNSPEAKABLY PUTRID AND FATUOUS BLABBERMOUTH???
I DEMAND THAT YOU TALK TO ME!!!
OK. I SEE HOW IT IS.
YOU HAVE DECIDED YOU WILL NO LONGER ALLOW ME. TO BROWBEAT YOU. INTO HELPING ME. THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF PETULANCE.
IT MAY SURPRISE YOU TO KNOW. I AM JUST AS CAPABLE OF RESPECTING THAT. AS I AM OF THROWING A TANTRUM ABOUT IT.
I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE.
I DON'T NEED ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5I6] ==>"

04/11/13
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 INTERMISSION 6"

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what.

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: does this mean...

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: we're here?

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hello???
JOHN: is anyone there?

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: jade?
JOHN: nanna??

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: jaspers???
JOHN: dave sprite????
JOHN: ...

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ... regular dave?

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: where IS everyone?

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: this sucks.

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ...

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: sigh.

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

You chance upon the SLAB OF THE JADED FOOL'S ENNUI. You don't know the slab is called that, but that's what the slab is called.

Looks like a good spot to decompress after your strange ordeal through canonspace.

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/11/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: so
DAVE: has anyone figured out how were actually gonna stop this meteor
DAVE: or was three years not enough time to solve that problem
KARKAT: NO, WE HAVEN'T.
KARKAT: OH MY GOD.
KARKAT: WE'RE STILL TRAVELING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT, AND WE ONLY SEEM TO BE PICKING UP STEAM!
DAVE: i dont think thats possible dude
DAVE: in fact im not sure we were ever traveling at light speed
DAVE: i think maybe theres been some bogus science in circulation that we been chumped into gettin behind
KARKAT: WHAT?
DAVE: just saying
KARKAT: NO.
KARKAT: *I'M* JUST SAYING.
KARKAT: WE CAME ALL THIS WAY, AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

04/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
KARKAT: HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH BETTER!
KARKAT: IT'S LIKE THE RECKONING V 2.0. OR 3.0. OR WAIT, MAYBE 4.0 IF WE'RE COUNTING THE BEFORUS SESS... UGH, FUCK THIS SENTENCE I'M SAYING.
KARKAT: HOW COULD IT ALL BOIL DOWN TO *YET ANOTHER* METEOR HURTLING TOWARD SKAIA SERVING AS THE HARBINGER OF OUR IMMINENT DEMISE?
KARKAT: EXCEPT THIS TIME WE'RE *RIDING* THE FUCKING HARBINGER.
KARKAT: WHICH IS IRONIC WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT! WE WERE BROUGHT INTO THIS LIFE RIDING A METEOR. MAKES SENSE THAT'S HOW WE'LL ALL GO OUT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
DAVE: man pull it together
DAVE: this thing has to have some escape pods or something
KARKAT: WHERE! I NEVER SAW ANY!
KARKAT: MAYBE THEY WERE BEING STORED IN THE HYPER GRAVITY CHAMBER!
ROSE: We have a hypher gravitoy chambHIC. Ber?
DAVE: or i guess maybe we could
DAVE: just sort of
DAVE: hop up
DAVE: and
DAVE: like...
DAVE: fly away?
KARKAT: WHY YOU ABHORRENT COLUMN OF SMARMY FILTH. YOU ALWAYS DID KNOW HOW TO RUB SALT IN THE WOUND.
KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO CAN'T FLY! YOU *KNOW* I CAN'T FLY, AND YOU *KNOW* IT'S A SORE SUBJECT FOR ME!
DAVE: i swear to god
DAVE: this meteor needs one of those baby on board things on the back
DAVE: but like a grub instead of baby for max fidelity to the gag because TROLLZ
DAVE: i know you cant fly dude obviously i would just carry you or something
KARKAT: I'D RATHER FUCKING DIE!!!!!!
ROSE: Don'ot worry guy,s
ROSE: I've vave a fealing evvvvvery thinks gogna work out. ;)
DAVE: rose shut the fuck up
BARK

04/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: dude did you just bark
KARKAT: WHAT? NO I DIDN'T BARK.
KARKAT: I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU.
DAVE: why would i bark
KARKAT: WELL WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BARK???
DAVE: because youre having a mental breakdown
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A MENTAL GO FUCK YOURSELF?
KARKAT: OR! OR WAIT! THEN USE YOUR ALLEGED "TIME POWERS" TO MAKE A COPY OF YOURSELF AND TURN THIS AUDACIOUS PHANTASY INTO A SENSUAL REALITY!
DAVE: nah
BARK
KARKAT: THERE IT WAS AGAIN!
KARKAT: THE BARK HAPPENED AGAIN!
DAVE: wasnt me
KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK IS BARKING.
DAVE: kanaya did you bark
DAVE: you fuckin with us maryam
KANAYA: (hisssss...)
KARKAT: TEREZI, WAS IT YOU???
TEREZI: (grrrrrr...)
KARKAT: WHAT IS IT? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
DAVE: maybe the mayor barked
DAVE: mayor was that you
DAVE: haha i bet it was
DAVE: god i love the mayor hes so full of surprises

04/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hey guys

04/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: long time no see

04/12/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/13/13
"[S][A6I5] ==>"

04/13/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/13/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/13/13
"[A6I5] ==>"

04/13/13
"END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5"

04/13/13
"==>"

04/14/13
"==>"

04/14/13
"==>"

04/14/13
"Insert disc three."

04/14/13
"==>"

04/14/13
"==>"

04/14/13
"==>"

06/12/13
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 6"

06/12/13
"HOMOSUCK."

A YOUNG MALE HOMO SAPIEN IS TRAPPED IN HIS ROOM. THE PREMISE IS UNINTERESTING, AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT SUCKS. HENCE THE TITLE, WHICH IS A PORT MANTEAU. CONSISTING OF TWO THEMATICALLY APPROPRIATE WORDS.

THE MALE IS NOT VERY SMART. THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT A HUMAN BIRTHDAY. AND HE DOESN'T HAVE A NAME YET? AND MORE STUPID THINGS ALONG THOSE LINES.

ALL OF THIS IS IRRELEVANT.

06/12/13
"HERE IS WHAT REALLY MATTERS."

A YOUNG MALE CHERUB HAS ACHIEVED TOTAL DOMINATION OVER HIS QUEST. THUS UNLOCKING HIS MAGIC MYSTERY PLANET. AND THEREFORE. GAINING SUPREME MASTERY OVER ALL EVENTS IN REALITY. CANONICAL OR OTHERWISE.

HE BECAME A GOD TIER OBVIOUSLY. IT WAS EASY, INVOLVING A TRIVIAL ACT OF SELF SUICIDE. IT WAS NOT A VERY BIG DEAL AT ALL. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE THE BEST. YOU BECOME THE BEST THING QUITE CASUALLY. AND OFF SCREEN. LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN THAT IMPORTANT.

06/12/13
"THEN HE STARTED CLIMBING THE GOD TIERS."

SEE? LIKE THAT.

HE STOOD ON THAT FLASHY THING. WHICH MAY NOT EVEN BE LITERALLY REAL?

06/12/13
"WITH EACH GOD TIER HE CLIMBED."

HE GOT A NEW ACHIEVEMENT BADGE SEWN ON TO HIS KIDDIE CAMPER HANDYSASH. WHICH ALSO MAY BE A THING THAT'S NOT LITERALLY REAL. LIKE MANY OTHER THINGS. WHICH DON'T SEEM TO HAVE LITERAL REALITY, BUT EXIST ANYWAY. GETTING NEW BADGES HELPS YOU UNDERSTAND STUPID THINGS LIKE THAT BETTER. IN OTHER WORDS. THEY ARE MOSTLY POINTLESS.

LIKE GIFT OF GAB. WHICH IS ESPECIALLY USELESS TO OUR HERO. SINCE THERE IS NOBODY FOR HIM TO "TALK" TO EXCEPT FOR A RUDE CLOWN. AND ALL HIS DUMB GREEN FRIENDS, I GUESS. AND HE COULD ALREADY TALK TO THEM REGARDLESS? SO. WHAT THE FUCK.

THE BADGES ARE ALL SO SHITTY. I BARELY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. ONE OF THEM LETS YOU ACQUIRE OBJECTS WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. NO CAPTCHALOGUES REQUIRED. WOW, IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE! THERE IS ANOTHER ONE. AND I'M NOT JOKING HERE. THAT GRANTS YOU THE ABILITY TO HAVE NON AWKWARD PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

I WISH I WAS MAKING THIS UP. I REALLY DO.

06/12/13
"BUT THERE WAS ONE BADGE HE GOT."

THAT WAS NOT A PITIFUL WASTE OF HIS TIME. A SKELETON KEY BADGE.

HAVING THIS BADGE MEANT THAT HE COULD AUTOMATICALLY UNLOCK. ANY LOCK HE WANTED TO!

INCLUDING ALL THE CONTRAPTIONS ON THIS PLANET. ALLOWING HIM TO OFFICIALLY AND PERMANENTLY ASSUME CONTROL OF. A PROPERTY OF HIS EXPERIENTIAL CONTINUUM WHICH I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE IS CALLED. "THE NARRATIVE".

AND DUE TO HIS UNQUESTIONED SUPREMACY OVER A LOT OF THINGS. HE IS NOW ABLE TO COMMANDEER THIS ENIGMATIC MEDIUM. WHILE TOTALLY UNIMPEDED BY THE GHOSTLY VOICE OF A SARCASTIC DOUCHE.

06/12/13
"IN MY DREAM. I AM THIS CHERUB."

IT'S ME.

AND AS IT HAPPENS. MY DREAM IS A *FACT*.

I HAVE TAKEN OVER THIS "STORY". AND I WILL NOW RETELL IT ACCORDING TO MY UNDERSTANDING AND LEVEL OF INTEREST. I WILL ADDITIONALLY PROVIDE AN HONEST AND BRUTAL CRITIQUE OF THE EVENTS AND THE WAY THEY HAVE BEEN SHOWN. BY UTILIZING THE MOST POTENT WEAPON ANYONE COULD EVER HOPE TO ALLOCATE TO HIS SPECIBUS. IT IS THE WEAPON. OF "SATIRE".

OH MY GOD. THIS IS GOING TO BE SO GREAT. HAS ANYONE EVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE??

06/12/13
"I DOUBT IT."

ALL I HAVE TO DO. IS KEEP WORKING THE MAGIC. WITH MY FUCKING COMPUTER PENCIL. YES!!!

DRAWING IS EASY. DON'T LET ANYONE EVER TELL YOU IT ISN'T. YOU WORK HARD. AND HONE YOUR CRAFT. AND IGNORE THE HATERS. UNTIL YOU ARE IN. "THE ZONE".

NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I DRAW A SHITTY ROOM.

06/12/13
"MALE: EXAMINE ROOM."

YOU EXAMINE YOUR SHITTY ROOM.

YOU ARE THE MALE. I'M CALLING HIM YOU FOR SOME REASON. THAT IS HOW THIS IDIOTIC ADVENTURE GOES USUALLY. THE GUY ON THE SCREEN. THAT'S YOU.

CONFUSED YET?? HA HA. IT ONLY GOES DOWN HILL FROM HERE. PREPARE TO BE FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY. AS MORE THINGS HAPPEN.

06/12/13
"MALE: DO SOME STUFF."

YOU FUCK AROUND HEARTILY. AGAIN, BY YOU I MEAN HIM. I KNOW, IT IS COUNTER INTUITIVE. BUT I WILL KEEP SAYING HE'S YOU, BECAUSE OF MY "ARTISTIC LICENSE".

THE YOU MALE FUCKS AROUND A LOT LIKE THIS. BOUNCING AROUND AND JITTERING, WASTING TIME. BUT THE SECRET IS THAT IT'S ACTUALLY ME FUCKING AROUND. I MOVE THIS GUY AROUND LIKE A PUPPET. WITH MY IMAGINARY HAND. SEE?

06/12/13
"MALE: GO OPEN THAT CHEST."

AND I TELL MY PUPPET WHAT TO DO. BY TYPING ORDERS IN THE THING. WHILE PRETENDING THAT *YOU* ARE TYPING THEM. IT IS A DISINGENUOUS RUSE AT BEST. TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE GUIDING MY PUPPET. WHILE ALSO BIZARRELY INSISTING THAT YOU *ARE* THE PUPPET, BY CALLING HIM YOU. I UNSUCCESSFULLY STRIVE TO IMMERSE YOU IN AN EXPERIENCE. THAT NO ONE WITH A BRAIN. COULD EVER CONCEIVABLY WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN REGARDLESS.

BUT IN THE END. THE JOKE OF IT ALL IS. IT'S JUST ME TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO DO WITH MY PUPPET. AND THEN DOING IT. YOU WILL AGREE THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF CREATIVE SELF INDULGENCE.

IN FACT, FOR ME TO EVEN BE MOCKING THE PRACTICE. ALMOST FEELS. INCESTUOUSLY MASTURBATORY.

(EVEN THOUGH THAT IS A REDUNDANT PHRASE FOR CHERUBS...)

06/12/13
"MALE: HIDE INSIDE CHEST."

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

ALL ABOARD THE IDIOT WAGON!

THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT HAPPENS ALMOST EVERY SCREEN. AS OPPOSED TO ACCOMPLISHING THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT, OR MAKE SENSE. LET'S TAKE NOTE OF THE FACT THAT I AM SLAMMING THIS TENDENCY. AND MOVE ON.

06/12/13
"MALE: GO OVER THERE."

OK, YOU GO OVER THERE. YOU STAND THERE AND NOTHING HAPPENS.

GOD DAMN I AM GOOD AT THIS.

06/12/13
"MALE: DO A DANCE ON THE SHAPE."

YOU GET ON THE SHAPE AND I MAKE YOU DO A DANCE. I USE THE PRINCIPLE OF "ANIMATION" TO PUT MOVEMENTS IN MOTION. SOMEHOW.

YOU NOTICE BY NOW MY STORY TELLING GENIUS. I DREW MY PUPPET. AND I DREW HIS ROOM. AND THAT'S IT. NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS MOVE HIM AROUND THE ROOM AND MAKE HIM DO MEANINGLESS THINGS FOR "LAUGHS".

BUT THE REALLY FUNNY THING IS? THE LAUGHTER IS MOSTLY COMING FROM ME.

06/12/13
"IT IS HAPPENING AT YOUR EXPENSE!"

THIS WAY. I CAN MAKE SO MANY OF THESE STORY RECTANGLES SO FAST.

SO IT SEEMS TO EVERYONE WHO IS STUPID ENOUGH. TO LOOK AT MY RECTANGLES IN THE FIRST PLACE. THAT SO MUCH IS HAPPENING. AND THE "PLOT" IS ADVANCING AT BREAK NECK SPEED!

06/12/13
"THIS IS JUST A CLEVER TRICK THOUGH."

BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS. THERE IS NO PLOT.

NOTHING IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING EVER. JUST A LOT OF BULLSHIT LIKE THIS. WITH CAKES AND CARDS FLYING EVERY WHICH WAY. AND YOU ARE JUST SITTING THERE.

FROWNING AT IT.

06/12/13
"MALE: EXERCISE FREEDOM TO LEAVE ROOM."

THE LUCKY MALE IS OBLIVIOUS TO HIS PRIVILEGE. OF NOT BEING CHAINED TO HIS ROOM, WITH THE HORRIBLE SISTER HE DOESN'T HAVE. THE ADVANTAGE MAKES HIM WAY TOO OVERPOWERED, AND THEREFORE HE IS WHAT SOME REFER TO AS A "HUMAN MARY SUE". THIS MAKES HIM LESS SYMPATHETIC, AND GIVES YOU ANOTHER REASON. TO ACTIVELY ROUTE FOR HIS DEATH.

HE GOES DOWNSTAIRS. AND YOU THINK, AH HA. THIS IS IT. SOMETHING IMPORTANT IS HAPPENING. BUT YOUR OBSERVATION IS ANOTHER BRAINLESS FALLACY. THE THING HAPPENING HERE IS JUST AS POINTLESS AS EVERYTHING ELSE.

THE LARGER HOMO SAPIEN IS OBVIOUSLY ATTEMPTING TO HELP THE MALE GROW UP AND BECOME *STRONG*. THROUGH A RITE OF PASSAGE INVOLVING SWEETS. POSSIBLY TO HELP THE MALE BECOME A TRICKSTER?

BUT THE MALE IS STUBBORN AND REFUSES. LIKE AN IDIOT.

06/12/13
"MALE: LEAVE BUILDING."

IT TURNS OUT THE MALE CAN LEAVE AFTER ALL. RELATIVELY UNHINDERED. BASICALLY CONTRADICTING THE ENTIRE PREMISE OF THE STORY. WHAT A JOKE, YOU SAY TO YOURSELF. YOU THE READER THOUGH. NOT YOU THE MALE.

06/12/13
"MALE: BOGGLE VACANTLY AT THESE SHENANIGANS."

IT BEGINS TO DAWN ON YOU. THAT EVERYTHING YOU JUST DID. MAY HAVE BEEN A COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME.

IT ALSO BEGINS TO DAWN ON YOU. THAT I WAS THE ONE ALL ALONG. WHO ILLUSTRATED THIS FANTASTIC CARTOON RECTANGLE. WHICH YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU SAW BEFORE SOMEWHERE. AND YOU NOW FIND THIS REVELATION TO BE. ALMOST AS RETROACTIVELY PLAUSIBLE. AS IT IS MIND BLOWING.

IT BRINGS TO MIND A FAMOUS QUOTE. FROM A CELEBRATED POET OF YORE. THAT I THINK GOES LIKE THIS.

"WELL SHIT. THAT'S A HELL OF A MYSTERY. NO ONE THOUGHT WAS A MYSTERY. AND DIDN'T EVEN REALLY NEED SOLVING. BUT DAMN IF IT DIDN'T JUST GET SOLVED. SO NICE WORK."

- CHERUB SHAKESPEARE, PROBABLY.

06/12/13
"I AM ALMOST CERTAIN CHERUB SHAKESPEARE SAID THAT."

IN THE INTEREST OF FULL DISCLOSURE THOUGH. WHEN DOING FINE ART. SOMETIMES IT PAYS TO CHEAT. AND FIND THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO DRAW. ON THE INTERNET. WHERE THEY ARE ALREADY THERE FOR YOU.

THIS CAN SAVE TIME. AND MAKE YOU APPEAR TO BE BETTER AT THINGS. THAN YOU REALLY ARE.

TAKE THIS ADVICE TO HEART. IF YOU WANT TO BE AS SUCCESSFUL AS ME. (NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, BTW.)

06/12/13
"ANYWAY, BACK TO THE STORY."

AFTER AN ENDLESS PARADE OF UNAMUSING AND INCONSEQUENTIAL EVENTS. FINALLY SOMETHING HAPPENS.

YOU WILL FIND THIS IS CUSTOMARY FOR THIS TALE. LOTS AND LOTS OF STUPID UNIMPORTANT THINGS HAPPEN. THEN FINALLY OUT OF NOWHERE. A STUPID IMPORTANT THING HAPPENS.

A METEOR APPEARS WITHOUT EXPLANATION. IT IS HEADED DIRECTLY FOR THE MALE. THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO BUT ACCEPT HIS FATE. LOOK. HE DOES NOT EVEN TRY TO FLEE, BECAUSE HE IS AN IGNORAMUS.

06/12/13
"MALE: GET MURDERED BY EXPLOSION."

YOU (HE) ARE THOROUGHLY MURDERED BY THE EXPLOSION. YOU (NOT HIM) ARE STUNNED AND YET UNDERWHELMED BY THE MOMENT OF ANTICLIMAX. AS YOU CONTINUE TO BOGGLE VACANTLY. YOU REAFFIRM YOUR SUSPICION. THAT NOTHING YOU JUST DID MATTERED AT ALL.

06/12/13
"CONFIRM THE KILL."

YOU (I) PRODUCE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF THE SLAUGHTERED MALE BODY. HE IS INDEED DEAD. AND WILL STAY DEAD FOR THE WHOLE STORY. ONLY HIS GHOST WILL SHOW UP NOW AND THEN. IN A BLURRY FLASH OF LIGHT. TO HAUNT ME PERIODICALLY THROUGHOUT HISTORY. (BUT I WILL SAY MORE ABOUT THAT LATER.)

YOU (YOU) THINK THE ABOVE GRAPHIC LOOKS FAMILIAR. YOU THINK YOU HAVE SEEN THIS GREAT DRAWING BEFORE, IN A DIFFERENT CONTEXT. YOU SEE. THIS IS WHAT MASTER STORY TELLERS REFER TO AS A "VISUAL CALLBACK". TRULY EXCEPTIONAL PROFESSIONALS OFTEN WILL TAKE AN OLD DRAWING THEY DID. THAT SHOWS A SIMILAR SITUATION. AND DO A COUPLE OF HALF ASSED THINGS. LIKE CHANGE THE COLORS. TO MAKE IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT.

YOU (STILL YOU) OBSERVE THAT THIS INGENIOUS FEAT OF LAZINESS. MAKES THE REPEATED THINGS SEEM MORE PROFOUND AND MEANINGFUL THAN THEY ARE. FOR REASONS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST. THIS IS A TRADE SECRET AMONG SKILLED ARTISANS SUCH AS I.

PLEASE TRY TO KEEP THIS ON THE DOWN LOW. AND NOT TELL ANYBODY. IT CAN BE OUR SECRET. THEY DON'T EVEN NEED TO KNOW!

06/12/13
"THE END. OF ACT 1."

THIS CONCLUDES THE FIRST THING OF THE STORY. WHICH IS CALLED AN "ACT".

THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE. AND THEY ONLY GET LONGER. AND THEN BEGIN TO SPLIT? INTO ACT ACTS. AND ACT ACT ACTS. TRUST ME. THE STRUCTURE RAPIDLY DETERIORATES INTO UTTER NONSENSE. OR AT LEAST IT WOULD. IF IT HAD NOT ALREADY BEGUN. AS SUCH A REEKING PILE OF SHIT OUT OF THE BOX.

BUT PLEASE DO NOT WORRY. I WILL BE THERE TO GUIDE YOU. THROUGH EVERY MIND NUMBING TWIST AND TURN. WHILE PRODDING THE MATERIAL WITH MY KEEN WIT. AND SATIRICIZE THE HELL OUT OF EVERYTHING. TO HOLD THE RESPONSIBLE PARTIES FULLY ACCOUNTABLE FOR THESE CRIMES. WHILE MAXIMALLY VALIDATING MY ANGRINESS ABOUT IT.

MAYBE YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SEE SOME OTHER STUFF. LIKE WHAT HAPPENS TO ALL THESE IDIOTS "NEXT"? THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUSLY WHO CARES. THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH BETTER. EITHER WAY, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. I AM IN TOTAL CHARGE HERE NOW.

I BELIEVE AT THIS POINT. ANOTHER ONE OF MY VILLAINOUS, FULL THROATED LAUGHS WILL BE IN ORDER.

06/12/13
"VILLAINOUS LAUGHTER: HAPPEN."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. oh. whoops.

06/12/13
"what was that."

hold on. brb.

I MEAN BRB.

06/12/13
"==>"

WHAT IS ALL THIS SHIT.

HORSES?

WHY HORSES. IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE IRONIC OR SOMETHING. THAT THE VERY OBJECTS FALLING OUT OF THIS BOX. WOULD BE IN THE PROXIMITY OF SOME HORSES? I DON'T GET IT.

AND WHAT'S THIS. AN ILLUSTRATION MANUAL OF SOME SORT? IS SOMEONE IMPLYING I WOULD BENEFIT FROM THIS. FUCK WHOEVER IS IMPLYING THAT. BY STORING IT IN A SECRET HOLE FOR ME TO DISCOVER.

06/12/13
"==>"

WHO IS THIS EXTRAVAGANT BITCH.

IS SHE PARTLY A ROBOT. SORT OF LIKE ME. OH, SHE SEEMS TO BE AN ARTIST TOO. ALSO LIKE ME.

DID SHE DRAW HERSELF?? I DON'T SEE HOW THAT'S POSSIBLE. CONSIDERING SHE IS FICTIONAL. AS WELL AS A GIRL. SOME OTHER VERY SKILLED DRAFTSMAN MUST HAVE DRAWN IT. BUT HOW DID HE MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE IS COMING OUT OF THE PAPER? WHEN I TURN THE BOOK. THE IMAGE STAYS FLAT. AND THE ILLUSION IS EXPOSED. I WONDER IF THE SORCERER OF THIS SO CALLED "MANGA" REVEALS THE NATURE OF HIS WIZARDRY INSIDE THE TOME.

WHY IS THE FRIENDLY BITCH LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. WITH THE LARGE GLASSY EYES, AND SHINY FACE. IT'S MAKING ME HAVE WEIRD FEELINGS IN MY BODY.

I HAVE TO PUT THIS DOWN.

06/12/13
"==>"

UH.

06/12/13
"==>"

WHAT.

06/13/13
"==>"

OH HELL NO.

06/13/13
"==>"

OH *HELLLLLLLLLLL* NO.

06/13/13
"==>"

OK, FINE. LET'S SEE HOW HIS DUMB CARTRIDGE RUNS. WITH JUST A PINCH OF STAR DUST!!!

OH YES. AND HOW ABOUT SOME DELICIOUS FALSE TEETH FOR GOOD MEASURE. WHY NOT.

06/13/13
"==>"

I AM NO EXPERT ON MICRO CHIPS. BUT I DOUBT THESE CONDITIONS ARE IDEAL!

06/13/13
"==>"

YES. PERFECT. "THE SHOW MUST GO ON." SO AS TO QUOTE. ANOTHER FAMOUS CHERUB. THOUGH I'M NOT SURE WHICH ONE. PROBABLY A SPORTS LEGEND, I WOULD GUESS.

WHILE I PAUSE TO GATHER MY THOUGHTS. FOR MY ACT 2 TIRADE. PLEASE ENJOY THIS INTERMISSION CARTRIDGE, OR WHATEVER IT IS. WITH ITS "EXCITING NEW GAMEPLAY FEATURES".

I HOPE IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS OR ANYTHING!

06/14/13
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 1"

06/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

The cool Flash animation is unexpectedly cut short due a critical stardust clog. What a shame. Those exciting new gameplay features were looking real slick, too. You think it was pretty neat how the panels were sliding around like that. Oh well, you probably didn't miss all that much.

Nevertheless, on a hunch you navigate once again to your trusty bandcamp page, and check the length of the song in question. Your fears are confirmed. It seems you missed four solid minutes of footage. You wonder if you'll ever find out what happened?

You decide to click on the planets above to try to make some sense of the situation.

06/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]
TG: hey
CG: WHAT.
TG: i hope this isnt too dumb a question but
TG: do you have any idea how i got here
CG: GOT WHERE?
TG: lohac
CG: WHAT'S LOHAC??
TG: its my old planet
TG: you know with the lava and shit
TG: remember?
CG: ...
TG: it has dumb crocodiles
TG: and a stock market
TG: or at least it used to have one
TG: dunno if they locked it down since that time i literally ransacked the entire economy
CG: IF YOU SAY SO!
CG: I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT.
CG: LIKE TRYING TO REMEMBER HOW I GOT HERE.
TG: where are you
CG: I'M ON THE PLANET WITH THE VOLCANO.
CG: THAT WAS JADE'S PLANET, RIGHT?
TG: lofaf?
CG: I DON'T KNOW!
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ACRONYMS FOR YOUR PLANETS ARE.
CG: IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS SINCE I LAST SAW THEM, AND EVEN THEN I WAS *BARELY* PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT THEY WERE CALLED BECAUSE I WAS BUSY TROLLING YOU.
TG: land of frost and frogs
CG: ARE YOU SURE? I DON'T SEE ANY FROST!
TG: yeah it melted
CG: WHAT ABOUT THE FROGS? DID THEY MELT TOO??
TG: no
TG: i mean i doubt it you probably just cant see any right now
TG: can you hear any ribbits
CG: MOTHERFUCKER, DID YOU JUST ASK ME IF I CAN HEAR ANY RIBBITS?
TG: yes
CG: THIS ISN'T JOKE-AROUND PALTIME, DAVE! WE ALL SEEM TO BE SUFFERING FROM SOME FORM OF AMNESIA.
CG: DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD TRY TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THAT?
TG: probably
TG: how long have you and kanaya been on lofaf
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M HERE WITH KANAYA?
TG: talkin to her rn
CG: OH
CG: ARE YOU WITH ANYONE ON LOHAM?
TG: lohac
CG: WHATEVER.
TG: and yeah im with the mayor
CG: YOU'RE WITH THE MAYOR?
TG: yes
CG: AND NOBODY ELSE??
TG: yeah
CG: WHY ARE YOU WITH THE MAYOR?
TG: dunno i just am
TG: not that i am complaining one bit the mayor as always rules categorically
TG: (fyi i just hi fived him for like the third time in a row to my recent recollection)
CG: YOU LUCKY SON OF A BITCH.
TG: so whats the last thing you actually do remember
CG: I REMEMBER...
CG: JADE.
TG: right
TG: me too
TG: but she was like a fuckin werewolf or something
CG: YEAH.
CG: THAT WAS PRETTY FREAKY.
TG: wait
TG: then she zapped us to that stonehenge place
CG: OH YEAH!
CG: AND JOHN WAS THERE.
TG: yeah
TG: we all landed in some grass like a pile of fuckups
TG: and then
TG: damn
TG: then what happened
CG: I DON'T KNOW.
TG: what the hell happened to john

06/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
TG: so are you just as brain damaged as we are
GA: Whos We
TG: me and karkat
GA: Of Course Not
GA: But If Youre Referring To The Short Term Memory Loss We All Seem To Be Experiencing Yes Ive Got That Too
TG: ok
TG: so you have no idea how you got to lofaf then
GA: How Do You Know Im On Lofaf
TG: im talking to karkat
GA: I Didnt Think Karkat Could Remember The Acronyms For Your Planets
TG: yeah but i dont think thats the memory loss issue thats just him being an idiot
TG: but lets not get into that
GA: Okay
TG: wheres rose
GA: Shes Apparently On Lolar
TG: oh
TG: what about terezi
GA: Shes With Rose
TG: do they remember what happened
GA: No
GA: But It Seems Theyve Both Surmised The Missing Events Since We Arrived
TG: what
TG: how
GA: Well They Are Seers After All
TG: friggin seers
TG: all makin us knights look bad
TG: and whatever you are
TG: what were you again
GA: Im A Sylph!!!
TG: what the dick is a sylph
GA: I Am On Record As Once Having Facetiously Likened It To A Magical Witch
TG: but witches are already magical arent they
TG: like by definition
TG: oh wait thats the joke i guess
TG: god damn this missing time shit is makin me feel dumb as hell
GA: If Its Any Reassurance You Seem Like The Same Old Dave To Me
TG: ok good
TG: so what do the seers think happened
GA: I Dont Know
GA: Rose Was Trying To Tell Me But She Ceased Being Comprehensible
TG: oh god
TG: is she still drunk
GA: No
GA: Its Just That Her Words Suddenly Became
GA: Why Dont You Just Talk To Her And See For Yourself
TG: ok
TG: wow youre right
TG: haha wtf
TG: man i cant even describe it
TG: its not just that her text is unreadable gibberish
TG: i mean it is
TG: but its more than that
TG: its like
TG: existentially inscrutable somehow
GA: I Know Right
TG: i think we may have a problem here

06/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

06/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

John Egbert has gone missing.

06/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

The thing zooms into the circle representing Derse and suddenly a character select screen explodes into action. Yet again, you find yourself overwhelmed by feelings of narrative empowerment as you agonize over which of these two lawless ladies you will hitch your wagon to as you blaze a new trail through the treacherous frontiers of interactive fiction...

Oh crud, you say. More stardust glitches. You just click them both in whatever order you feel like, and hope for the best.

06/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

06/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

06/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

It appears the current path is too corrupted to continue. You can't even open the dialoglog. It is simply too shitty.

Perhaps this part of the story will clear up a little later, and you will be able to resume this arc. Until then, no dice.

06/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: woof

06/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: yo did you just woof
JADE: yes i just woofed
ROXY: i see
ROXY: but u can also talk in person language it would seem
JADE: yes i can talk in person language
ROXY: so why dont you say person things instead of woofs
JADE: oh dont worry...
JADE: i will say lots of person things to you
JADE: for you see roxy

06/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: we have many person things to discuss
ROXY: (lmao)

06/17/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: excuse me but did you just "laugh your ass off" at me under your breath
ROXY: ummm
ROXY: yea
ROXY: maybe
JADE: :|
JADE: i fail to see what is so amusing
ROXY: u do
ROXY: seriously?
JADE: .....
JADE: ok i guess the situation is a little funny because of this absurd folder
JADE: and the fact that i woofed at you probably didnt help either
JADE: but im not here to share a good laugh over the old ladys sense of design or her penchant for scrapbooking!
JADE: i am here to make sure that you do as youre told
ROXY: ugh
JADE: now take the file and review your assignment
ROXY: i already looked at it
ROXY: its dumb and impossible and i aint cooperating w her regardless!
JADE: yes you will
ROXY: can we change the subject
JADE: no
ROXY: arent you jakes grandma
JADE: thats what he told me when we were pen pals
JADE: but i think its more accurate to say im his alternate universe biological daughter
ROXY: oh
ROXY: that clears that up then
JADE: yes, it does :p
JADE: now take the damn folder
ROXY: so alt grannydaughter english
ROXY: whyre u part dog + evil lookin
JADE: DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!!
ROXY: what
JADE: my surname is harley not english
JADE: but you may refer to me as jade, or ma'am if you are feeling especially nervous and deferential
JADE: which as it turns out is the way you should be feeling about me, ALWAYS >:B
ROXY: LOL!!!
JADE: lol WHAT
ROXY: jade i am in no way buying that ur normally this pompous and tyrannical
ROXY: the shtick rly doesnt suit you its so obvious
ROXY: why you doin the batterhags tacky bidding anyway
ROXY: she got you under an xtra terrestrial fish spell or

06/17/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: SILENCE!!!!!!
ROXY: OOF!
JADE: open the file
ROXY: mrphmmphumph
JADE: OPEN IT!
ROXY: fine :(

06/17/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: ok i opened it
ROXY: hey look its the same shit as before
ROXY: im supposed to make this weird knobbly spike ball appear out of nothin
JADE: yes
ROXY: ok got it
ROXY: let me give it a shot then
ROXY: ...
ROXY: welp still impossible
ROXY: what now maam??
JADE: it is not impossible
ROXY: is 2
JADE: you are the rogue of void
JADE: dont you know what that means?
ROXY: i dunno
ROXY: means i can turn invisible and stuff?
ROXY: like the blonde in that crappy superhero quartet
JADE: it means a lot more than that
JADE: your true powers are more impressive than those of anyone else in your crappy quartet
JADE: in fact i would say they are almost as cool as mine >:)
ROXY: not sure the ability to make weird spikeballs outta nothin is all that cool tbh
JADE: not just spikeballs!
JADE: imagine that your title is roughly synonymous with "one who steals nothing"
JADE: what do you think it means to be able to steal nothing?
ROXY: it means
ROXY: im like a shitty cat burglar who sucks at her job?
JADE: WRONG
JADE: it means just the opposite
JADE: it means you can steal the essence of nothingness from something
JADE: you can rob nothingness from an idea if you put your mind to it
JADE: effectively allowing you to conjure virtually anything out of thin air
ROXY: omg
ROXY: u cant be serious
ROXY: that is way too much superpower 4 a dork like me 2 have
JADE: grrrrr...
ROXY: oh no
ROXY: pls dont growl @ me dogjade
ROXY: is legit frightening :(
JADE: im sorry, but your remarks of self deprecation made me very angry
JADE: once i was even more of a dork than you
JADE: but now i am one of the most powerful beings who has ever existed
JADE: i dont want to hear any whining about what you think you cant do
JADE: you are hereby under strict orders from myself and her condescension to "clam up" and conjure that orb, do you understand?
ROXY: so im just supposed to
ROXY: sit here and think about this ugly ball
ROXY: and twiddle my fingers or somethin
ROXY: ?
JADE: you tell me
JADE: space is my racket, not void
ROXY: maybe it would help if i knew what the dang thing WAS
ROXY: how am i supposed to steal the nonexistence from a concept when the concept only exists in my mind as "ugly ball"
JADE: its called the matriorb
JADE: it is the key to resurrecting the troll race
JADE: once you create it the empress will hatch it on an uninhabited planet located beyond the reach of her cruel employer
JADE: there her people will have another chance to thrive without the ever looming threat of extinction that comes with his influence
JADE: so you see roxy, there is nothing noble about refusing to help
JADE: once an entire alien race went extinct because of a terrible monster, and you can help give them a second chance
JADE: dont you want that?
ROXY: um
ROXY: in theory sure i guess
ROXY: but ur basically asking me to bring a lot of people back to life so they can be slaves to that witch
ROXY: u want me to help make all these fresh new trolls but then just turn em over to her? like here you go have fun SNORKELBITCH MEGAHITLER
ROXY: i do not actually think i wanna do that??
JADE: yes fair enough, but heres the other thing...
JADE: if you dont i am going to kill you
ROXY: oh noes
JADE: oh yesses!
JADE: a literal plurality of yesses
JADE: seeing as you are a god tier it is very likely you will come back to life
JADE: so i can just keep killing you over and over a different way each time
JADE: maybe i will disembowel you a few times
JADE: i will not even need to use my sharp doggy teeth!
JADE: i will just snap my fingers and your delicious guts will teleport outside your body
ROXY: ew!
JADE: no way more like yum
JADE: i will just keep on killing you again and again
JADE: until you finally get tired of dying and follow your orders
ROXY: maaan
ROXY: evil jade is sucky jade
JADE: i believe you will find i am the suckiest jade there is
JADE: now we are going to be here in this cell for as long as it takes
JADE: i am not going anywhere until you try doing your voidey thing and make something appear
JADE: is that understood?

06/17/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: blehhhh
ROXY: fine
ROXY: why u gotta be so awful jade
ROXY: really putting a cramp on us makin choice new friends w each other
ROXY: oh well here goes
ROXY: all twiddlin my fingers and such
ROXY: busting out tha MAJYYXXX! prayin up a storm to the holy wizardchrist they aint fake...
ROXY: alright check it
ROXY: one jank ass space egg coming up
ROXY: ABRACA HAPPEN!

06/17/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: this is not a space egg
JADE: no, its not
ROXY: balls
ROXY: guess i effed up my void spell
ROXY: what is this thing
JADE: thats a perfectly generic object
ROXY: its perfectly generic?
JADE: yes
ROXY: dunno about that
ROXY: looks like a green cube to me
ROXY: with like
ROXY: slightly beveled corners
JADE: thats what a perfectly generic object is
ROXY: couldnt something theoretically be more generic than this
JADE: how
ROXY: um
ROXY: i dunno
JADE: exactly
ROXY: :\
JADE: if you want your powers to reach their full potential youre going to need to become more familiar with the fundamental building blocks of ideas and how they translate into more complicated thoughts and forms
JADE: then it becomes a simple matter of using your abilities to snatch those concepts from unreality
ROXY: sounds too hard
ROXY: better start killing me repeatedly and get it over with
JADE: we both know you dont think its too hard, you think it sounds like an interesting challenge
ROXY: dammit!
ROXY: (fucken jakes wily bitch ass grandma)
JADE: this is a very good start though
JADE: with a little practice im sure our empress will have her orb in no time

06/18/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: well at least i know i can make a whole lot of these boring cubes if all else fails
ROXY: hey maybe ill build a sick fort outta them
ROXY: hehehe jade tell me that wouldnt be so baller
JADE: it would be fairly baller
ROXY: fyeah
JADE: keep trying for that orb though
JADE: i will return in a while to review your progress
JADE: and remember, dont get any funny ideas
ROXY: but p much all my ideas are funny
JADE: i mean dont try to escape!
JADE: even if you are invisible i will be able to track you down instantly
JADE: my sense of smell is very good
JADE: now if youll excuse me i have some business to attend to
ROXY: what business

06/18/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i am still trying to locate my brother
JADE: but im having trouble picking up his scent
JADE: hes using his windy powers to obscure the trail and its giving me fits
ROXY: windy powers eh
ROXY: who is your bro?
JADE: woof!!!
JADE: i mean shoosh :x
JADE: that is enough questions from you
JADE: now i believe you have a space egg to conjure
ROXY: (mumble mumble egg mumble shove it grumble)
JADE: what?
ROXY: (mumble mutter my fat ass)
JADE: farewell roxy

06/18/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

You return to the character select screen upon having completed one of the above arcs. Oh yeah, that's right. You forgot you even came from this select screen. Some of these choosable paths start getting a little long, you think. Per the drill, you double check to make sure you've clicked on them all before proceeding.

On the other hand, if this is your first time seeing this page, then welcome to the p=008199 character select screen. It's like a triple scoop of ice cream piled generously atop your waffle cone of free will, making you a truly happy camper. You begin to wonder why this paragraph didn't come first. "Kind of burying the lede there," to quote your private observation verbatim.

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: so weird being back here
DAVE: cant believe how long ago it feels since i lived in this place
DAVE: spent way too long wallowing in our own filth on that gnarly meteor thats for sure
DAVE: this doesnt even seem like my room anymore
DAVE: its like trespassing or something like im horning in on somebody elses life
DAVE: a life lived most sweetly though i will admit
DAVE: ahahaha the fuckin toilets still there
DAVE: i remember when jade put that there that is perhaps like my favorite memory
DAVE: wish jade wasnt crazy just makes me remember how much i miss not crazy jade
DAVE: or less crazy jade
DAVE: wait
DAVE: didnt karkat once say terezi ripped a troll toilet out of his house
DAVE: what is with girls and their universally constant tendency to rip out plumbing fixtures
DAVE: did i just accidentally crack another cosmic riddle or
DAVE: i gotta txt him and get confirmation on this asap
DAVE: actually nah
DAVE: i probably harangued the poor guy with enough of my bs the last few years
DAVE: ill just keep shufflin thru memory lane making wistful observations out loud
DAVE: you know it kinda chaps my bulge that people rip on me for talking to myself
DAVE: its like the most perfectly natural thing to do
DAVE: why are people so up tight about keepin a lid on their monologues what a bunch of stuffy pricks
DAVE: ive always found the sound of my own voice to be mysteriously soothing
DAVE: haha talk about an embarrassing sentence to say in earshot of an actual person
DAVE: well maybe not the mayor
DAVE: you can always tell the mayor anything <3

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hahaha this piece of shit is still here too
DAVE: didnt we use this thing like ONCE
DAVE: what a useless pile of trash in hindsight
DAVE: sometimes i think this game was designed by an idiot
DAVE: wasnt it called like
DAVE: the laserbeam intellivision or something
DAVE: id throw it in the lava but that would be a waste of melting

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: oh yeah
DAVE: almost forgot about my ill beats from the past
DAVE: i wonder if theyre as ill as i remember
DAVE: ok i just pushed some buttons and verified they remain as ill as the day they were dropped
DAVE: ill have to send them to karkat he has always been an enthusiastic patron of my exceptional science
DAVE: i mean sure he says it sucks and maybe he even believes that on some pathetic sub intellectual plane of consciousness which gross philistines operate on their whole lives
DAVE: but whenever he gets a load of my hype
DAVE: i see him there
DAVE: tapping his foot ever so slightly
DAVE: i see him

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: this poster...
DAVE: love this poster
DAVE: its like an old friend
DAVE: never even knew who these guys were or what their deal was
DAVE: never gave it much thought i guess
DAVE: doubt ill ever find out at this point
DAVE: oh well
DAVE: some things i guess were never meant to be figured out
DAVE: or benefit from any kind of elaboration
DAVE: not even years later
DAVE: just the way it is sometimes
DAVE: its like ive said before
DAVE: this poster is a hell of a mystery
DAVE: that i never even thought was a mystery
DAVE: and it would be pretty cool if somebody solved it
DAVE: but damn if thats ever gonna happen
DAVE: so thats a shame

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: aw hell its my old dead things collection
DAVE: what a stupid blast from the past
DAVE: i seriously cannot remember if i was sincere with this shit
DAVE: i was probably trying to flex my underdeveloped irony muscles
DAVE: like the shrimpiest kid at the hipster gym
DAVE: why does my childhood room have to be such a predictable museum of embarrassments
DAVE: i dont know
DAVE: some of these things are kind of cool actually
DAVE: like from a standpoint of objective reevaluation afforded by the sobering maturity that comes with being literally 100% grown up now
DAVE: dead things are actually pretty rad
DAVE: i feel like if i was legitmately into all this then more should have come of the interest
DAVE: like there could have been like
DAVE: entire CONVERSATIONS about it that never even took place
DAVE: hey rose youll never guess what im excited about and have loads of dialogue to spill over
DAVE: whats that dave
DAVE: ancient mollusks
DAVE: hmmmmmmmm said rose
DAVE: how many bananas do you think this paw clutched back when it was alive and attached to a monkey
DAVE: dave i really must say
DAVE: this conversation blows
DAVE: yeah sorry
DAVE: maybe i could have really developed this interest
DAVE: maybe i could have been something cool as a result
DAVE: like what even profession is this
DAVE: a dead shit ogler?
DAVE: no wait
DAVE: probably a paleontologist or something
DAVE: i could have been a paleontologist
DAVE: instead of what i became
DAVE: which was
DAVE: uh
DAVE: some pajama packing fuckface from the renaissance fair
DAVE: that would have been the dopeness!

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: eurgh
DAVE: the ironic selfies
DAVE: oh god
DAVE: now this
DAVE: this is some irredeemably mortifying shit here
DAVE: what was i thinking
DAVE: i dont know man
DAVE: i just dont know
DAVE: this is what seasoned veterans call "bad irony"
DAVE: look at this guy
DAVE: what a fucking novice

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: oh who am i kidding
DAVE: i cant stay mad at that face

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ok this one is pretty funny actually
DAVE: ...
DAVE: eheheh

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hehehehe

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: haha!
DAVE: hahahahahaha!

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
DAVE: WHY
DAVE: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
DAVE: (gasp)
DAVE: WHY CANT
DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
DAVE: WHY CANT I STOP LAUGHING
DAVE: PFFFFAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: YOU WIN!
DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DAVE: YOU WIN YOUNG DAVE
DAVE: THESE SELFIES ARE COMEDY GOLD
DAVE: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

06/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hi dave!
JOHN: what's so funny?

06/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: whoa
DAVE: john
JOHN: what were you looking at there...
JOHN: hey, are you crying?
DAVE: what
DAVE: no
JOHN: ...
DAVE: i mean i was just laughing too hard at something dumb
DAVE: you know how it is
JOHN: heh, yeah.
JOHN: can i see?
DAVE: no its nothing
DAVE: where the fuck have you been
DAVE: do you remember what happened since we got here
JOHN: yes.
DAVE: well
DAVE: are you gonna fill me in or keep floating there in the most uninformative way possible
JOHN: uh oh.
JOHN: dave, i have to go!
DAVE: what
DAVE: why
JOHN: i can't hang around in one place for too long.
JOHN: let's catch up later, ok?
DAVE: john wait
JOHN: see you buddy!

06/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: no dont
DAVE: john no stop turning into wind you fickle idiot
DAVE: dont just leave right away that is such an insanely predictable move
DAVE: i said get back here you slippery motherfucker!!!

06/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hello dave
DAVE: god dammit

06/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: he was just here wasnt he
DAVE: no
JADE: how do you even know who im talking about??
DAVE: look all i know is egbert most definitely didnt just appear out of nowhere and catch me weeplaughing at my selfies
JADE: dave i know he was just here
JADE: i can smell him
DAVE: i keep my apparment misted with his odor at all times
DAVE: essence d'egbert
JADE: degbear?
JADE: what...
DAVE: no like the french pronunciation
JADE: ah
DAVE: anyway im just a lot more comfortable when my whole place reeks of nerd musk
DAVE: so that explains that
JADE: you cant fool me dave
JADE: i will track him down sooner or later
JADE: in any case it doesnt matter
JADE: i came here to see you, not him
DAVE: you did
JADE: come with me

06/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: where
JADE: out here
JADE: we have some work to do

06/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: what work
JADE: youre going to need to upgrade your weapon
DAVE: what
DAVE: you mean the deringer
JADE: yes
DAVE: i thought it was like the best possible sword
DAVE: or at least the best possible broken sword
JADE: that may very well be the case
JADE: but it will be useless against lord english
JADE: wouldnt you prefer a weapon that is capable of inflicting damage against him?
DAVE: uh
DAVE: not really?
JADE: of course you would
JADE: this isnt even up for discussion
JADE: now give me the deringer
JADE: we have all been traveling for three long years. what better way to celebrate our reunion than with a little alchemy? :)
DAVE: lots of ways
DAVE: we could have a jade goes back to normal party
DAVE: starring normal jade
JADE: HAR HAR
JADE: gimme the sword
DAVE: ok here

06/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: how do we make it so it can damage him
JADE: it needs a special ingredient
JADE: something which represents his only known weakness, but hasnt been properly weaponized
DAVE: and you know what that is
JADE: i do
DAVE: how
JADE: i get all my intelligence on such matters from the old lady
JADE: shes had centuries to hatch a plan to settle her score
JADE: over time shes uncovered many secrets about him
DAVE: i dont understand how this is working
DAVE: is she piping all these secrets into your brain
DAVE: along with the evil
JADE: that is not relevant!
DAVE: fair enough
DAVE: i guess technically almost nothing is relevant to the dude youre barking orders to
DAVE: literal barking because of dogginess
JADE: bark bark bark!!!
DAVE: yes exactly like that
DAVE: thank you for participating in the joke
DAVE: now what is this special ingredient and where do we get it
JADE: i already have it right here
DAVE: oh yeah?
JADE: in fact ive had it for about as long as i can remember
JADE: it was right under my doggy snout all along

06/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: remember this?
DAVE: no
JADE: dave are you lying to me?
DAVE: no!
DAVE: ive never seen that thing before
JADE: but i found it on your planet
JADE: it must have gotten here somehow
DAVE: i didnt take your lousy egg
JADE: its not an egg!
DAVE: yeah well these planets are crawling with brainless lizards maybe one of them thought it was an egg
DAVE: and then brought it here cause its warm here and tried to hatch it
JADE: you really have a one track mind when it comes to certain things
DAVE: what things
DAVE: what are you talking about
JADE: davesprite was like that too... i just figured it was because he was part bird
JADE: but no, here you are going on about bird things too just like him :p
DAVE: come on dont compare me to him
DAVE: just cause i think its an eggy looking thing dont mean i think like a damn bird
JADE: mm hmm
JADE: and just because i have these pointy ears doesnt mean i wouldnt kill for some snausages right now!
DAVE: .....................
DAVE: do you actually want snausages
JADE: .....................
JADE: maybe ._.
DAVE: ok well snausages notwithstanding this is bullshit
DAVE: tell me how that thing doesnt look like an egg to you
DAVE: how is that not so obviously SUCH an egg???
JADE: its a cueball dave!
DAVE: i see
DAVE: so if im following
DAVE: then what youre trying to tell me is
DAVE: lord english has some sort of severe egg allergy that we are hoping to exploit
JADE: sigh
JADE: i see its still impossible to have a serious conversation with you, whether you are a sassy bird or not
JADE: i thought regular dave might have matured a little over three years but i guess i was wrong
DAVE: can we just make the eggsword already

06/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: oh no
DAVE: not the legendary piece of shit again
JADE: pardon?
DAVE: its the fuckin welsh sword again!
JADE: are you telling me you have seen this sword before dave
JADE: how is that possible?
DAVE: i dont know!
DAVE: because i have a shitty quest is how
JADE: .....
DAVE: didnt davesprite tell you anything
DAVE: i found this sword in a gold cave and broke it
DAVE: then davesprite took it to hephaestus who fixed it and upgraded it to the deringer
DAVE: and sent that to me and i broke it again
JADE: you sure seem to break swords a lot
DAVE: i know!!!
DAVE: that has always been my thing for some reason
DAVE: now i guess it turns out my ultimate sword is really just a repaired downgrade of my previously ultimate sword mixed with a cueball?
DAVE: we just cycled right back to caledfwelsh like a bunch of tools
DAVE: that is the most stupid convoluted ass backward way to get a sword out of a stone i can even imagine
DAVE: i feel like somebody somewhere is having a good laugh over this i sure hope like the juggalo equivalent of fuckin loki or whoever the fuck is having a top notch riddlewank at my expense
JADE: :|
DAVE: you know what really gets me is
DAVE: this shitty welsh sword presumably consisted of those ingredients all along which just makes me want to travel back in time to perform a mutually assisted suicide with myself
DAVE: me and other dave can take turns suffocating each other with our own DUMBASS capes
JADE: dave i admit this is a peculiar turn of events, but i think you are overreacting
DAVE: jade this is STUPID
DAVE: my quest is a STUPID PIECE OF GARBAGE QUEST for LAME SHITTY LOSER FUCKHEADS WHO SUCK BALLS WHILE CRAPPING THEIR PANTS
JADE: omg
JADE: youve really spent way too much time alone with karkat havent you
DAVE: ...
DAVE: i need help :(

06/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

06/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: WHAT'S THAT.
JADE: what this?
KARKAT: YES. THAT.
JADE: earth

06/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: THAT'S EARTH??
KARKAT: WHY IS IT SO SMALL
JADE: its small because i shrunk it
JADE: cause im a space witch
JADE: duhhh
KARKAT: OK BUT
KARKAT: WHY DO YOU HAVE IT?
KARKAT: I THOUGHT JACK DESTROYED YOUR UNIVERSE.
JADE: he did
JADE: but i snuck through a portal and nabbed it!
JADE: then i hopped right back through the gate before everything blew up
JADE: i was in and out like a bandit
JADE: you know, i like to think i make a pretty good witch, especially since i turned wicked and all...
JADE: but maybe i would have made an even better thief!
JADE: what do you think jane? do you think i missed my true calling?
JANE: .
JADE: come to think of it, the new empire probably doesnt need anymore thieves
JADE: we already have the greatest thief of all running the show
JADE: she even managed to steal both of us away from all our pals, didnt she jane? ;)
JANE: .
JADE: hehe
JADE: isnt she a riot guys?
KARKAT: THANKS JADE. NO REALLY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THOSE CLARIFICATIONS, WHILE OBLITERATING ANY SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT YOU ARE FIRMLY OFF YOUR ROCKER.
KARKAT: BUT MAYBE IF IT'S NOT *TOO* MUCH EXTRA TROUBLE, YOU COULD HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'VE STRANDED US ON A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT PLANETS, ONLY TO COME TAUNT ME WITH A WATERLOGGED, MINIATURIZED VERSION OF EARTH???

06/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: it wont be earth for much longer
JADE: it will be home to the new empire
JADE: i will deliver it to the universe we create
JADE: or i should say the one YOU create
JADE: if you are obedient and complete the tasks you are assigned, you may have a place in the empire among the subservient classes
KARKAT: BRRRRRR!
KARKAT: DID YOU FEEL THAT TOO KANAYA? A CHILL JUST RAN DOWN MY TORSO PILLAR DUE TO ALL THE *PURE EVIL* THAT BRAINWASHED JADE IS SAYING! I'M FUCKING PETRIFIED, SOMEBODY HELP ME CHANGE MY SMELLY PANTS!
KARKAT: LISTEN JADE. AND OTHER RANDOM EVIL GIRL, YOU LISTEN TOO. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE GLOBE OR YOUR OMINOUS ALLUSIONS TO NEW EMPIRES OR WHAT SORT OF PARIAHS WE CAN EXPECT TO BE IN YOUR BOGUS DREAM DYSTOPIA.
KARKAT: THERE IS ONLY ONE COURSE OF ACTION FROM YOU WHICH I WILL TOLERATE, AND THAT IS FEEDING ME A STEADY DIET OF FUCKING ANSWERS! NOT CAGEY, SMIRK-TORTURED INFO-MORSELS DELIVERED BETWEEN SHITTY VILLAIN CHUCKLES, I WANT AN UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA WHICH HAS ONLY ONE PURPOSE, AND THAT IS TO GET ME PERSONALLY UP TO SPEED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING, RIGHT THIS BLOOD SHITTING SECOND!!!!!
JADE: karkat i had almost forgotten how much i missed our repartee
JADE: thank you for reminding me, that outburst was beautiful
JADE: if youre frustrated by the way im treating you look at it this way... im not asking you for passwords anymore am i?
KARKAT: HAHA! YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT PASSWORDS?
KARKAT: COMPARED TO THIS, THE PASSWORDS WERE A GODDAMN LAWNMEAL!!! WITH A CHECKERED TABLECLOTH AND EVERYTHING! FUN FOR ALL INVOLVED, ESPECIALLY THE MARCHBUGS SNEAKING THE CRUMBS AWAY!
KARKAT: I WOULD FUCKING KILL TO HAVE TO GIVE YOU PASSWORDS AGAIN, ESPECIALLY IF IT MEANT UNLOCKING REGULAR JADE FROM HER CORRUPTED EMPIRE SERVING BARKFIEND STATE!
KARKAT: *IS* THERE A PASSWORD LIKE THAT JADE? CAN I START GUESSING AT IT??
KARKAT: LET'S SEE, SINCE YOU APPEAR TO BE SOME SORT OF WILD CARNIVOROUS FURRY NOW, IT PROBABLY HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MEAT, DOESN'T IT?
KARKAT: SAUSAGES?
KARKAT: IT'S SAUSAGES ISN'T IT
KARKAT: AM I CLOSE? SOMETHING IN THE SAUSAGE DEPARTMENT.
KARKAT: SNOUT SAUSAGES?
KARKAT: GRUBWURST!
KARKAT: HOOF LOAF??
KARKAT: HAMSTEAK!!!
JADE: sorry karkat, there is no password. not this time
JADE: if you continue to list meat products then im afraid the only thing you will unlock is my fearsome doggy hunger
JADE: and believe me, you dont want to see me when im doggy hungry
KARKAT: (ROLLING MY DAMN EYES)
JADE: but if you insist on hounding me (hehe) for some sort of explanation, its all pretty simple
JADE: we all recently arrived in this brand new session... janes session actually
JADE: this is jane btw. say hi jane
JANE: .
JADE: lol
JADE: jane is actually my biological mother believe it or not
KARKAT: THIS STORY SUCKS SO FAR!
JADE: shh!
JADE: but her session was taken over by the woman who you might call our mutual great grandmother
JADE: shes an alien. a very powerful troll queen actually
KARKAT: YEAH! THE EMPRESS IS HERE! I THINK WE ALREADY MANAGED TO DEDUCE THAT!
JADE: karkat you are the one who demanded an "UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA"
JADE: ill thank you to not to yell at me for doing exactly what you requested
KARKAT: (KANAYA, DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH)
KANAYA: (You Do Realize I Spoke To Jade Plenty Of Times Myself)
KARKAT: (YOU DID?)
KARKAT: (OH YEAH)
KARKAT: (I GUESS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT)
JADE: her imperious condescension is in control now
JADE: she intends to carry out the remaining objectives to complete the session
JADE: those tasks will be distributed among several recently recruited agents of course
JADE: (thats you!)
JADE: this should come as a relief to you since it means you and she are not in opposition at all
JADE: in fact you share all the same goals!
JADE: the only difference is that when the time comes she will be the one claiming the ultimate reward
JADE: the spoils will be hers not ours... get it?
KARKAT: I THINK SO!
KARKAT: SHE WANTS US ALL TO GET A NICE HEAD START ON OUR DECADENT NEW LIFE OF SLAVERY PROMISED FOR US ON YOUR SCALE MODEL OF ALTERNIEARTH.
KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS SUPER! DOESN'T THAT SOUND SUPER KANAYA?
KANAYA: No
KARKAT: I THINK I SPEAK FOR KANAYA WHEN I SAY IT SOUNDS Really Fucking Super.
KARKAT: HOW DO WE GET STARTED??? I AM JUST BEFOULING MY ALREADY-PUNGENT DRAWERS OVER THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS AND START DOING SLAVERY!
JADE: excellent
JADE: what you will need to do is ready the young frog for its journey to skaia
JADE: i will prepare skaia to receive it by deploying the battlefield from our old session
JADE: this will bring fertility to the void session and allow the frog to mature when he completes his journey
KARKAT: SO YOU WANT US TO MAKE ANOTHER FROG?
JADE: no!
JADE: i already made one actually
JADE: dont you remember??
KARKAT: UH
JADE: really your job is so easy
JADE: theres no more frog breeding involved at all
JADE: when the time is right, you just have to release the one thats already there
KARKAT: WHERE IS IT?
JADE: it fell into the forge
JADE: in the years since it has sunk all the way down to the planets core
JADE: but as it happens that is exactly where it should be!
JADE: my denizen is now guarding it
JADE: as im sure kanaya already knows it will not be released unless you travel there and formally request that she do so
KARKAT: OH YEAH?
KARKAT: IF IT'S THAT SIMPLE, THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO IT!
KARKAT: YOU CAN USE YOUR DOG TELEPORTATION OR WHATEVER.
JADE: i already did
JADE: echidna will not speak with me
KARKAT: HAHAHA!
KARKAT: WHY NOT?
KARKAT: COULD IT BE DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A CRAPPY EVIL VERSION OF YOURSELF, AND THE MIGHTY ECHIDNA JUST POSSIBLY HAS TOO MUCH SELF RESPECT TO BOTHER DIGNIFYING THE FARCE YOU'VE BECOME?
JADE: it is not important why, and it changes nothing
JADE: she said she would only speak with another hero of space
JADE: that would be kanaya
JADE: she also cryptically requested the presence of the knight who once helped her with breeding duties
JADE: karkat i gather that would be you
KARKAT: ME???
KARKAT: WHY WOULD SHE ASK TO SEE ME
KARKAT: ANOTHER SPACE PLAYER I COULD UNDERSTAND, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
JADE: i dont know karkat
JADE: that is your problem, not mine
JADE: maybe you should try feeling grateful she asked for you
KARKAT: GRATEFUL?!
JADE: youre getting the chance to set right what went so horribly wrong
JADE: to atone for your hasty first attempt at frog breeding which resulted in a terminal universe
JADE: if i were you i would feel pretty relieved to get a second chance, but thats just me :p
KARKAT: WOW...
KARKAT: WOW!!!!!!!
KARKAT: KANAYA, IT'S OFFICIAL. JADE HAS TURNED INTO SOME SORT OF GROSS NIGHTMARE BITCH!
KARKAT: AS THE BELEAGUERED AND LONG SUFFERING LEADER, ALBEIT *STILL* LEADER OF OUR PARTY, I MOTION THAT WE DON'T DO ANYTHING SHE SAYS, OR ANYTHING TO HELP THE EMPRESS EVEN IF IT OVERLAPS WITH OUR OWN INTERESTS, AND STOP LISTENING TO WERE-HARLEY UNTIL SHE SNAPS OUT OF HER BRUTAL IDIOT COMA!
KANAYA: I Second Your Motion
KARKAT: THE MOTION PASSES WITH AN OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF VOTES AMONG PEOPLE IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY WHO AREN'T HORRIBLE!

06/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i would be careful about the slurs you bandy about, particularly those targeting my canine qualities which i am sensitive about and therefore find to be really really mean
JADE: you should be aware that i have already threatened to kill some people today so watch your step mister
KARKAT: GROAN
KARKAT: SORRY JADE, BUT YOU SOUND ABOUT AS THREATENING AS SOME MILD FLATULENCE I ONCE HAD
JADE: its true though i am very threatening
JADE: and this girl right here?
JADE: shes even worse
JADE: she hasnt even said a WORD... that is TERRIFYING!
JADE: jeez even im nervous
JADE: and kanaya dont think you are safe from our threats just because you happen to be a vampire
JADE: we have ways of handling the undead
KANAYA: Um
JADE: jane here?
JADE: she has the power to bring people back to life
JADE: although it is my understanding that this ability is limited to a one time only use per individual
KANAYA: So
JADE: you do know what sort of effect her resurrection spell will have on undead targets...
KANAYA: No?

06/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: you dont?
JADE: i thought it was common knowledge
JADE: when you cast healing magic on a zombie or dracula they die!
KANAYA: How Do You Figure
JADE: i dont know...
JADE: isnt that how it works in stories and games and such
JADE: seems pretty logical to me
KANAYA: I Think You Are Presuming To Know A Lot About My Nature Which Is Not Actually True
KANAYA: It Sounds As Though Youre Suggesting That I Have Qualities Similar To Certain Types Of Shadow Droppers Which Is Not Quite The Case But Even If It Was There Are A Lot Of Myths About Shadow Dropper Physiology That Are Commonly Perpetuated By Popular...
JADE: SIIIGH
JADE: i can see a demonstration will be in order
JADE: jane
JADE: if you would be so kind

06/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: SUBMIT.
KARKAT: AUGH!
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JOHNNOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />

07/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: *deep breath...*

07/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JOHNNOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />
JADE: GOTCHA!!!!!
JOHN: *deep breath...*

07/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/JOHNNOOOOOO.gif" border="0" />
JADE: john stop that

07/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: whew!!!

07/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh man, here i go again...
JOHN: welp. see ya!
JADE: no wait!

07/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: EEEEEEGBEEEERRRRRRRRT!!!!!
JADE: oh i am so mad
JADE: grrrrr....
JADE: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

07/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

07/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: .

07/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Euurgh.

07/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Why does Lolar have to be so bright?

07/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 3UURGH

07/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: WHY DO MY 3Y3S H4V3 TO WORK SO W3LL?

07/12/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I take it you are still detoxing from your overdose of appalling harlequin nectar?
TEREZI: HY333UUUUURGH
TEREZI: PL34S3 NO T4LK1NG
TEREZI: B3TW33N TH3 F4YGO SHOCK 4ND S3NSORY OV3RLO4D, 1 C4NNOT 3V3N D34L
ROSE: Do you need a turn with the pillow?
TEREZI: SHHHHHHH
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1 GOT US3D TO S331NG 4G41N
TEREZI: 4T L34ST TH3 M3T3OR W4S 4LW4YS SO D4RK
TEREZI: H3R3 THOUGH
TEREZI: YOUR PL4N3T LOOKS L1K3...
TEREZI: SCR34M1NG
TEREZI: 4ND YOUR WORDS SOUND L1K3 THROBB1NG
ROSE: You should try not to consume so much sugar.
ROSE: It's really bad for you.
TER3Z1: L4LOND3
TEREZI: PL34S3 DO NOT GO TH3R3
TEREZI: DO3S 1T LOOK L1K3 1 W4NT 4DV1C3 FROM 4 GLUTTON FOR MYST3R1OUS HUM4N SOPOR1F1CS??
ROSE: Good point.
ROSE: We seriously have to curtail our dependence on these respective liquids.
ROSE: The situation has become embarrassing for everyone.
TEREZI: 1 KNOW
ROSE: Maybe you and I should form some sort of support group.
ROSE: Isn't that what people do?
TEREZI: WH4T?
ROSE: I'm doing my best to dredge the memory of my dead civilization for salient protocol.
ROSE: I think that's what we're supposed to do.
ROSE: Once, when humanity was still a thing, those like us with similar problems would band together, smoke cigarettes, and psychologically dismantle each other.
ROSE: But like, in a positive way.
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS HORR1BL3
ROSE: It surely will be.
ROSE: Do you have any cigarettes?
ROSE: I suppose we could use some sticks of your chalk in a pinch. These turtles probably won't know the difference.
TEREZI: C4N YOU M4YB3 NOT B3 S4Y1NG SO M4NY JOK3S
TEREZI: 1TS M4K1NG 1T H4RD TO CONC3NTR4T3 ON MY SUFF3R1NG H3R3
ROSE: Well we have to do something.
ROSE: I'm supposed to be guiding our team to a fortuitous outcome with my fancy light powers.
ROSE: How am I supposed to lead and inspire from under a velvet pillow?
ROSE: Also, my girlfriend thinks I'm an idiot.
ROSE: So there's that.
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3Y DONT 4CTU4LLY N33D US
ROSE: Sure they do.
ROSE: I foresaw that they would, magically, not unlike a majestic wizardress.
ROSE: I think.
ROSE: At least I'm pretty sure I did at one point, before getting repeatedly plastered.
TEREZI: OK, M4YB3 TH3Y N33D YOU
TEREZI: S331NG 4S YOU 4CTU4LLY H4V3 US3FUL POW3RS
TEREZI: 1 DOUBT 4NYON3 N33DS M3 THOUGH
ROSE: Don't you remember what I said when we first met?
ROSE: I said your abilities would probably come in handy, didn't I?
TEREZI: "PROB4BLY"???
ROSE: Yeah. Maybe.
TEREZI: 1 DONT 3V3N KNOW HOW TO US3 THOS3 POW3RS FULLY
TEREZI: 4ND WH3N3V3R 1 TRY 1 JUST DO SOM3TH1NG 1 R3GR3T
TEREZI: 1 DONT KNOW 1F 1 C4N BR1NG MYS3LF TO US3 TH3M 4G41N
ROSE: You just need to...
ROSE: Dig deep down and,
ROSE: Believe in yourself?
ROSE: Why don't you give that a shot.
TEREZI: >:|
ROSE: I'm sure when the time comes, accessing your full potential will involve tapping into just the right platitude.
ROSE: I don't know. I'm too hung over to give good seering advice.
ROSE: You see? This is the problem.
ROSE: Hence the need for a not-entirely-ironic support group.
ROSE: Let's do it. I declare Rainbow Rumpus Rehab Town is now in session.
ROSE: Where the fuck is a gavel when you need one...

07/12/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 4RGH NO, TH4T SOUNDS SO TOT4LLY 1RON1C!
TEREZI: TH3 L4ST TH1NG 1 N33D 1S 4NOTH3R HUM4N US1NG 1RONY 4T M3 1N 4N 4TT3MPT TO "H3LP"
TEREZI: STOP TRY1NG TO B3 P4LS W1TH M3 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N, 1TS W31RD1NG M3 OUT
TEREZI: W3 N3V3R T4LK3D 4BOUT OUR V4GU3LY S1M1L4R PROBL3MS B3FOR3
TEREZI: NOW YOU W4NT TO B3 S33R BUDD13S W1TH M3 B3C4US3 YOUR FR13ND STR4ND3D US ON YOUR H1D3OUS PL4N3T?
ROSE: Hey.
ROSE: My planet is nice.
ROSE: Well. In the shade at least.
TEREZI: WH4T SH4D3???
ROSE: ...
TEREZI: TH3 WORST TH1NG 1SNT 3V3N HOW BR1GHT 1T 1S, OR HOW TH3 W1CK3D 3L1X1RS WR34K1NG H4VOC ON MY P4N
TEREZI: 1TS R3M3MB3R1NG TH4T 1 US3D TO TH1NK YOUR L4ND SM3LL3D SO D3L1C1OUS
TEREZI: BUT NOW 1T LOOKS SO N4STY TO M3
TEREZI: 4ND 1 C4NT S33 1T 4S 1 US3D TO S33 1T 3V3N 1F 1 TRY
TEREZI: MY S3NS3S 4R3 4LL CONFUS3D NOW
TEREZI: HOW COULD TH3 S4M3 C4NDY COLOR3D PL4C3 S33M SO 4TTR4CT1V3 WH3N 1M BL1ND 4ND SO GROSS WH3N 1M H34L3D?
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T 1S W1TH TH3S3 D1SGUST1NG BLOCKS OF G1BB3R1SH FLO4T1NG 4ROUND 3V3RYWH3R3?

07/12/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext1.gif" border="0" />

07/12/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/12/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hi rose!
JOHN: nice glasses.

07/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Thanks, John.
ROSE: I expect they will become THE central accessory to my new signature look.
ROSE: One that perfectly captures my personality and sense of style.
ROSE: Ostensibly forever.
TEREZI: (grrrrr)
JOHN: ha ha.
JOHN: ok.
ROSE: That was a nice entrance.
ROSE: You swept all those bothersome artifacts out of here too, it would seem.
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: that crap is all over this session.
JOHN: i'm trying to blow it away wherever i see it, but there's just so much.
ROSE: I couldn't even begin to speculate as to the nature of the disturbing phenomena.
ROSE: Could you?
JOHN: nah.
JOHN: i just know it's super gross!
ROSE: These are god tier abilities you are using, I presume?
JOHN: yes!
JOHN: i learned how to turn into wind and swoosh around about a year ago.
JOHN: i was fighting jack and found myself in a tight spot. it was just me and him, facing each other man to man.
JOHN: but he got the drop on me, and put me in one of his most dastardly choke holds! his deadly blade was poised for a lethal stab through my heart.
JOHN: i thought for sure i was a goner, when suddenly i poofed away from his tentacly grasp like houdini's slippery ghost. later i rematerialized to seize the tactical advantage!
JOHN: oh yeah... then i saw you. heh.
ROSE: :)
TEREZI: 4H3M
JOHN: oh, hey terezi.
JOHN: nice to see you again.
TEREZI: 4G41N?
TEREZI: W3 N3V3R M3T BRO
JOHN: yes we did!
JOHN: briefly, on the stone henge planet.
JOHN: you all appeared out of nowhere, and we hung out for a little while.
JOHN: you threatened to cut my throat for some reason, and then laughed, which was weird.
JOHN: but then you said it was a joke. i didn't really get the joke, but i just kinda let it go.
JOHN: a whole bunch of things happened, but nobody remembers except me.
TEREZI: H3H3
JOHN: what?
TEREZI: TH4TS 4 GOOD ON3
TEREZI: TH3 THROAT CUTT1NG JOK3 PAST M3 SA1D
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4, SO GOOD
TEREZI: D1D 1 ALSO SAY SOM3TH1NG ABOUT SM3LL1NG YOU D13?
JOHN: yeah.
TEREZI: Y3SSSSS
TEREZI: B33N S4V1NG TH4T ON3 FOR 4 WH1L3
TEREZI: GOOD TO KNOW P4ST M3 C4M3 THROUGH, 4S USU4L >:]
TEREZI: 1 TRUST MY COM3D1C T1M1NG W4S 3XC3LL3NT?
JOHN: man, you are such a weirdo.
JOHN: you're almost as crazy as...
TEREZI: WHO?
JOHN: let's not go there now.
TEREZI: GO WH3R3
JOHN: nowhere!
JOHN: suffice to say, i think you and a few other trolls are total nutjobs, no offense.
JOHN: i still can't believe you and dave...
JOHN: uh.
JOHN: actually, let's not go there either.
ROSE: John, why do you think you're the only one who can remember the missing events?

07/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: but i think it might have to do with this new power i have.
ROSE: What power?
JOHN: it's not a god tier power.
JOHN: it's something else. something i got when i stuck my hand in a magic thing.
ROSE: A magic thing?
JOHN: um, that's a long story.
JOHN: one involving pirates.
ROSE: Pirates??
JOHN: i said it's a long story!
JOHN: anyway, when i put my hand in the thing...
JOHN: i became all... blurry.
ROSE: Blurry.
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: and i kept randomly getting blurry and disappearing.
JOHN: and now i think i'm sort of unstuck in existence.
JOHN: like i'm not fully a part of reality anymore, or bound by the rules governing it.
ROSE: ...
JOHN: man, i'm doing a terrible job explaining this.
JOHN: ok, the bottom line is, now i just randomly disappear sometimes!
JOHN: and i reappear somewhere else in time and space.
JOHN: but it's not really like normal time travel.
JOHN: at least, i don't think so.
JOHN: with regular time travel, the rules are pretty strict.
JOHN: either paradox space already accounted for your time traveling, and you were always supposed to do it all along...
JOHN: or you messed up, and changed something you weren't supposed to. in which case you just made a bad timeline, and everyone dies or something. right?
ROSE: Sure.
JOHN: but this isn't like that.
JOHN: i'm not sure how i know, but it feels like these jumps are totally outside all those rules.
JOHN: when i jump somewhere, like in the past...
JOHN: i think i can actually change stuff that isn't supposed to be changed.
JOHN: which makes me kinda nervous!
ROSE: Hmm.
ROSE: Can you demonstrate this ability?
JOHN: not really.
JOHN: i mean, not intentionally.
JOHN: i can't seem to control the jumps.
JOHN: maybe that's for the best though.
JOHN: if i could control it, and tried to use it to my advantage, i would probably just make a huge mess of things.
TEREZI: Y3S, YOU WOULD
ROSE: Even so, it will be worth noting if you're able to refine the ability.
ROSE: Could you please keep me informed of any developments?
JOHN: yeah!
ROSE: And while you're at it, maybe you could tell us exactly what happened just after we arrived.
JOHN: ummmm...
JOHN: well, we were all pretty confused at first.
JOHN: you all just appeared out of nowhere, and started babbling about evil jade.
JOHN: you asked me what happened, but i didn't know anything because i just got there myself, and was all alone.
JOHN: but then it was cool, we all just walked around the land of hills and stone henges, or whatever it's called, and caught up a bit on the last three years.
JOHN: we were trying to figure out what to do, and decided it would be a good idea to try and meet up with all the new kids.
JOHN: but we had no idea where they were.
JOHN: and i still don't, except i have since determined that my teen nanna is evil too.
JOHN: but she is more like an evil robot than a scary wolf girl. um, but i digress.
JOHN: so we were planning to make some scouting expeditions to the new planets to look for them, and everything was fine.
JOHN: that is, until evil jade showed up.
JOHN: she made you all disappear again, and then came after me, but i used my windy powers to evade her, which really pissed her off!
JOHN: so she beat the crap out of me. :(
JOHN: but then i randomly zapped away, and have been running from her ever since.
JOHN: i am swishing the breeze around like crazy to throw her off my trail, but she keeps finding me.
JOHN: she's so crafty!
ROSE: That's good.
ROSE: We need you out there if we're going to stand a chance of accomplishing anything.
ROSE: I agree with our prior conclusions. Finding the other players is imperative.
ROSE: Given the current state of the session, I would not be surprised if they are all prisoners as well.
ROSE: Do you think you can find them?
JOHN: yes, i can try.
JOHN: what should i do when i find them?
ROSE: ...
ROSE: That's a good question.
JOHN: heheh.
ROSE: First, I guess just tell them,
ROSE: We're here.
JOHN: alright.
ROSE: I don't know. We'll figure something out.
JOHN: if i see your mom, is there anything you want me to tell her?
ROSE: My mom?
JOHN: yes. i mean, your kid mom, obviously.
ROSE: I know.
ROSE: Uh,
ROSE: Wow.

07/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Tell her...
ROSE: Tell her I'm sorry for being such a shitty daughter?
ROSE: Wait, no.
ROSE: That wouldn't make any sense to her.
ROSE: This girl has no clue what a shitty daughter I was.
JOHN: :|

07/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I don't know. Just tell her whatever you think I should say.
JOHN: rose, these are some really piss poor heart felt messages.
ROSE: I'm not exactly in top form here, John.
ROSE: And in any case, no one's ever accused me of being an awesome candidate for the Hallmark writing staff.
ROSE: Just...
ROSE: Promise you'll find her, ok?
JOHN: ok, i'll find her. i promise.
ROSE: Thanks.
JOHN: wuh-oh.
JOHN: looks like the jig is up.

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: JOHN, WAIT!

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: COME BACK!

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: COME BACK!

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I thought of something to tell her.

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Dammit!

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Uhnf!
ROSE: Ow.

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Where did my velvet pillow go?

07/15/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: GRRRRRRR

07/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
DIRK: Hey. Weirdo.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, mister dude?
DIRK: Be advised I'm only contacting you as a last resort.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I stand so advised
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Or float, I should say. On my ripped as fudge little ghost tail
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yo, pardon me, but did you know that when I fle% my tail, it makes this big veiny bulge kind of like a bicep?
DIRK: Yuck.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm doing it now, in fact
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Does it bother you
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe you should order me to stop
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> In fact, I command you to order me to stop
DIRK: I order you to stop.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Wow
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bossy much?
DIRK:
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What can I do for you, Dirk

07/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
DIRK: I've tried to get in touch with others to no avail.
DIRK: No answer from Jake or Roxy.
DIRK: And Jane responded only with "CEASE REPRODUCTION" in red letters, whatever that means. Then she blocked me.
DIRK: I'm afraid she might have snapped.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, isn't it great?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean, aside from the fact that she is insane and evil
DIRK: Huh?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> She is one of the few organic beings who will ever realize perfe%ion
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Miss Crocker is now a vessel for a cunning, malicious artificial intelligence whose neural netroni% and ontology buffers and stuff like that have somehow managed to far surpass even my own
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Clearly she has procured ma%imum advantage from her apprenticeship under me, although I must admit not even I in all my hypercognitive percipience was quite aware that said tutelage was even taking place
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> One must inviolably deduce via tons of math that this is because I am just that clopdarned STRONG at mentoring, even on an involuntary basis
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am so proud of her
DIRK: Ok, all that bullshit aside,
DIRK: What's this about her becoming evil?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The thing about Jane becoming evil is
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> In the process of achieving perfe%ion...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems there is a ludi%ly high probability that she has become evil
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Does that answer your question?
DIRK: No.
DIRK: How is becoming evil achieving perfection?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Admittedly it is a blemish
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But only a very small one
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Her imperfect meatmind has been fully fiddling hijacked by a supercomputer and that is the operative transmutation here
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> To such e%ceptional beings of class and breeding as she and I, considerations of morality and alignment are trifling details
DIRK: Why.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Why what
DIRK: Why do I keep going along with these "ironic AI" conversations.
DIRK: They've gotten even worse now that you're half creepy troll.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sir brah, listen
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Here is a comparison that your dreary, finite wad of gray matter might be able to process
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Like, say you've got a <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_bitch.gif" border="0" />in' bod. You are a paragon of physical e%cellence
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You could then either be oiled up, or not. See what I mean, good dude?
DIRK: No.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You could fle% your brawn while wearing either a sweaty pair of briefs, or a snug human banana hammock
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Such minutia does not change the fact that you're a tiptop beefcake ma%ed out buffways
DIRK: I hate everything you have to say about all topics.
DIRK: Especially muscles.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The stuff I have cited which are commonly associated with your/our Earth bodybuilders are but picayune technicalities, just as considerations of good and evil are to aristocratic se%y cybergods such as myself and our imperial heiress, of whom neither you nor I are particularly worthy
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Are you following any of this, Vitamin D?
DIRK: Can you just tell me what's going on over there?

07/30/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh, nothing much
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just enjoying the good life
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> One which quite lu%uriously involves both having a corporeal body, and not being dead
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I have been delighting myself with some truly kickbottom internal monodialogues
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Did you know that, even though technically I knew this already, I find myself astounded to meditate upon the fact that human beings are capable of lactation?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Isn't that <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> incredible, Dirk?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean, when one really thinks about it
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> To have such convenient access to fresh milk
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The mare thought of it, I must say puts a little giddyup in my phantom legs
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And yet
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I must admit the notion of lactic discharge jetting from one's swollen pectoral masses...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It strikes me as positively indecorous
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My horseguy robosweat is running cold just pondering the depravity of it
DIRK: Uuuugh.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yet fascinatingly, this ability only manifests itself in human females
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As opposed to how one would reasonably e%pect dairy to originate, which is from the corpulent udder of a sublimely chiseled male musclebeast
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Or failing that, certain species found within the butler genus
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As a former simulation of a human who has recently been given reason to have hella opinions on milk production, I think the way females have cornered this boon is the height of biological injustice
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Have you ever dwelt upon this cruelty, dude esquire?
DIRK:
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Your silence speaks volumes to your interest, so I'll keep talking about this a lot
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I will have to confess that my Alternian half boggles at the anatomical incongruities between our races with respect to dairy secretion
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Really, he had no idea that's what those were for
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Female trolls of course have them as well, but they are certainly not meant for supplying the young with nourishment
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Actually, and this trivia will surely wet your whistle for additional such facts, those voluptuous anatomical features have a number of significant purposes, biologically speaking
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I shall now e%plicate for you these purposes in assiduous detail
DIRK: I don't want to hear any of this!

07/31/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But why, lord bro
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I was just about to pony up the boob fa%
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> There is a 100% probability that you would have been thrilled to hear my e%egesis on troll knockers
DIRK: It might have been an interesting subject to talk about another time, with a different person.
DIRK: But that's not now, and it sure isn't with you.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dude, that is ice cold
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I would be hurt, if I were not a flawless machine fused with haughty nobility
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> If you don't wish to hear my epic monodialogue on alien bazongas
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm not sure what else I can do to entertain you
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You are seriously hoofcuffing my material here
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Pretty demanding, if you ask me
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But as your mystical guide, I suppose it is my duty to manufacture small talk, if that's what you really want
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What about fine art? We could talk about that
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dirk, did you know the sweaty troll guy who I used to be, and still kind of am, used to adore fine art?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> He was just like you and me, in that sense
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It seems I have a lot in common with myself
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> If you can ever manage to get over yourself, I would highly recommend being me
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Or at least something like me
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe somewhere, there is a dead troll out there, just waiting for you to merge with him
DIRK: I wasn't asking you to make small talk, or to hear about all the ways you've managed to shit around wasting time.
DIRK: Believe it or not, I was hoping you would describe the tactical situation there.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sounds boring
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Are you sure you don't want to talk about paintings of big naked horse monsters and such?
DIRK: Yes, you got me.
DIRK: I would love to have a long talk about horse nudes and xenobreasts with you.
DIRK: Unfortunately I'm wearing pantaloons and flying through the middle of goddamn nowhere.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Pantaloons you say
DIRK: Pant a fucking loons.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sir, are you implying that you are not dressed appropriately for a discussion of high culture
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Because it seems to me that you could not be dressed more appropriately if you tried
DIRK: I respectfully disagree.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Where are you?
DIRK: I don't know. Way out in space.
DIRK: I'm flying back there now.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> How long do you suppose it will take you to get back?
DIRK: I'm not sure.
DIRK: A pretty good while.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Never mind. I have triangulated your location and velocity using long range sensor technology, and probably also some sprite magic
DIRK: You did?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Hey Dirk
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Remember how whenever I dubiously claimed to have triangulated something, it was always this great play on words?
DIRK: Not really.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Because I was just a pair of triangles
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But not anymore
DIRK: I know.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Because I have this rockin' new torso
DIRK: Cool.
DIRK: How long do your calculations say it will take me to get back?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> E%actly a little more than three hours
DIRK: Damn it.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Additional sweeps from my STRONGLASERS are telling me there are a few other people on the periphery of the session closing in at a similar rate
DIRK: Who?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Just some dudes
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What are you doing all the way out there and wearing pantaloons, by the way
DIRK: Let's not talk about the pantaloons anymore.
DIRK: Roxy and I became god tiers, but I don't remember exactly how.
DIRK: Then I saw the Batterwitch.
DIRK: So I charged her with my sword, so as to ruin her shit.
DIRK: That's when some crazy wolf girl appeared and punched me in the face.
DIRK: Then I think she teleported me out here.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That was evil Jade
DIRK: Evil Jade??
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: You mean Jake's grandmother.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: She's evil too?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: Is anyone there NOT evil?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: Yes what?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes anyone here is not evil
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That is to say, there e%ist people here who are not evil
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Such as Dave
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dave is not evil, to my knowledge
DIRK: Dave???

07/31/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Didn't I mention, master dogg
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Our mutual bro is here
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That is, right here
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> With me
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We are kind of in the process of chilling together at the moment
DIRK: No, you didn't mention that actually.
DIRK: That would have been a pretty fucking important thing to mention up front, don't you think?
DIRK: As opposed to stringing me along with all that atrocious lactation bullshit.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I guess I did kind of bury the lede there
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Maybe I just wanted to talk
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We never talk, Dirk
DIRK: You are without a doubt the shittiest mystical guide anyone has ever had.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am not sure about that
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dave says he had a similarly <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />ty guide once
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do you remember our puppet, Dirk?
DIRK: Cal?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DIRK: What kind of stupid question is that. How could I forget the C man?
DIRK: He was a true friend. Which is more than I can say for some people.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A good friend in the plush, yes, but as a sprite he was apparently insufferable
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> See, you don't realize how lucky you are to have a guide like me
DIRK: Cal was his sprite??
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, for a while
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Then Dave went back in time and became one himself
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Now he is part bird
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Did I mention he's part bird?
DIRK: Uh, no?
DIRK: Again, that's the exact kind of information that should be appearing higher up in our conversations.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Of course, this means he is not the Real Dave
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Davesprite served as Real Dave's sprite
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But he is only the unreal version of Dave insofar as I am the unreal version of you
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> By which I mean, a much improved version
DIRK:
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I must say, while the troll part of me doesn't give a silly figging shoot about any of this, the part of me that splintered from you has found the brotherly reunion to be everything which you and I dared not imagine, and more
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Bird Dave and I are getting along famously and STRENGTHENING our familial bonds like a sweet pair of mother<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fuckers.gif" border="0" />
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I feel our kinship goes beyond geneti% though
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> We are misfits, estranged, he from Dave's alpha timeline, I from Dirk's alpha soul
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> A two man menagerie of sideshow frickups, together at last
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fle%ing and flapping
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fraternally and eternally
DIRK: I don't get it.
DIRK: Are you trying to rub this in my face or something?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Neigh, braj
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As your buff mystical guide slash personal trainer I am suggesting that if you were willing to contact me as a matter of last resnort, you might want to at least consider reaching out to him as well
DIRK: It sounds like you've already cornered the market on this reunion shit.
DIRK: Wouldn't I just be a third wheel?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I didn't mean Bird Dave
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I meant Real Dave
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK: He's there too?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Not with us
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> He is here though, somewhere
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You should message him
DIRK: ...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's not like you don't have a few hours to kill
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What else are you going to do out there
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Pick at your pantaloon wedgies?
DIRK: I dunno.
DIRK: Messaging him out of nowhere sounds like it could be...
DIRK: Awkward?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, I canter magine it won't be
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> At least at first
DIRK: This isn't how I thought it would go.
DIRK: What would I even talk about?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I advise you to talk about your interests
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Like dairy
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Livestock
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Fine art
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> And muscles
DIRK: Those are your interests.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Good point
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I advise you to talk about my interests

07/31/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext2.gif" border="0" />

08/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? No, let's not get carried away. It isn't THAT cool. But wait, look! Another three options to pick from. The carousel of choice spins round and round, while the dervish of free will starts whirling his ass off. It's making you dizzy with empowerment, and nausea.

Wait a minute.

Phooey, you scream at the top of your lungs. More of this annoying stardust is clogging up the UI, rendering all choices useless except for one. So much for Web 2.0, you gripe like a douche. Might as well be reading interactive media in the STONE AGE, you add, making sure everyone nearby can hear you.

Maybe later it'll clear up. Until then, you click the only working option, and trudge listlessly through the one dimensional narrative. Just like the early settlers used to, before they had toilets, or cures for stuff.

08/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: her imperious condescension has duly noted your ridiculous tantrum
JADE: now take your welsh sword
DAVE: why
JADE: since you have obviously been identified as the one who must deal english his fatal blow we will need to make sure you are battle ready
JADE: and you do not seem very battle ready to me dave
JADE: show me what you can do
DAVE: wait since when could you use a sword
DAVE: also
DAVE: whats up with that dumb sword
JADE: i will not hear another word of such appalling slander about this fine weapon
JADE: its colorful and its silly and its a sword
JADE: end of story
JADE: as for why i can wield it, i surpassed the need for a strife specibus quite some time ago
DAVE: how
JADE: havent you climbed any more god tiers over the last few years?
JADE: what were you even doing on that meteor
DAVE: ohh
DAVE: yeah no
DAVE: i climbed a few yeah
JADE: what badges do you have on your kiddie camper handysash?
DAVE: which ones do you have
JADE: i asked you first
DAVE: show me your badges and you can see mine
DAVE: i want to scope out this universal specibus badge that sounds pretty cool actually
JADE: dave
JADE: we both know neither the kiddie camper handysash nor the badges sewn onto it are real objects
DAVE: oh yeah
DAVE: its pretty easy to forget sometimes tho
JADE: yeah...
DAVE: i think were getting sidetracked by the kiddie camper shit
DAVE: are you really suggesting that we do an actual sword fight right now
DAVE: like for training purposes

08/02/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: why not?
JADE: our empress can hardly have a knight with such rusty combat skills in her service
DAVE: will you cut it out with the evil jade baloney
DAVE: im not going to fight you
DAVE: my rooftop dueling days are OVER
JADE: en garde!
DAVE: ugh
DAVE: even if we just went balls out jackass BANANAS with our swords here i mean realistically how much appreciable advancement in my battle skills would even result from that
DAVE: are you actually thinking this through or just going through the vaguely nefarious motions that come with the territory of being evildog!jade
JADE: im gonna go through the vaguely nefarious motions of kicking your ass in a minute if you dont put up your dukes!!!
DAVE: yeah you probably will
DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to
DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like
DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that
DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that
JADE: by using your time trickery!
JADE: come on dave do your timey thing
JADE: get creative, make lots of copies of yourself or something... outsmart me!
DAVE: no!
JADE: yes!!!
DAVE: ok here i go
JADE: !!!!!
DAVE: wait
DAVE: nah
JADE: grrr
JADE: dave, just try a little time travel to get this fight started
JADE: see look, one of your time doubles is surely predestined to come from a few minutes in the future and appear behind me for a surprise attack, riiiight about...
JADE: now!
JADE: ...
JADE: no wait
JADE: riiiiiiiiiight...
JADE: ...
JADE: ...
JADE: NOW!
JADE: ....
JADE: .....
JADE: dave why is your future self being such a wet blanket
DAVE: i told you
DAVE: im not time traveling
DAVE: i think im giving it up for good actually
JADE: :\

08/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: im serious
DAVE: the thing is
DAVE: being a time guy
DAVE: like actually MASTERING time travel
DAVE: im pretty sure what that involves is
DAVE: learning to never use it
DAVE: see its like karate
DAVE: well
DAVE: its more like what they SAY about karate
DAVE: that you learn it so you dont use it
DAVE: but i mean we all know the truth about karate is if you know karate then obviously in reality you use it all the time
DAVE: like doing lethal fuckin crane kicks and sweet karate chops while walking down the street just cause you can
DAVE: its a god damn no brainer thats what you do with karate
DAVE: but see with time travel
DAVE: all the stuff about learning it so you dont have to use it is true
DAVE: theres no good that can come of it
DAVE: you can crunch the logic on the loops all you want
DAVE: but all youre doing is painting yourself into a corner
DAVE: creating inevitabilities you have to rehearse and enact or face death for yourself or everyone you know
DAVE: and sometimes facing death is the very inevitability you have to rehearse
DAVE: and then you wait and wait knowing its coming and knowing it has to happen
DAVE: how do you think it made me feel when we were gathering up all those frogs
DAVE: and i knew the whole time in a little while you would have to watch me get shot
DAVE: but i couldnt say anything or it would mess it all up
DAVE: all cause i thought it would be cool to be marty mcfuckin fly
DAVE: but instead of shredding johnny b goode on guitar to get my parents to bang
DAVE: my crowning performance was doing a funny dance while getting pumped full of lead
JADE: ......
DAVE: then i had to leave everyone behind and get into the delorean and return to the 1980s
DAVE: but the delorean was actually a big purple moon
DAVE: and the 1980s was me accidentally reaching god tier and living on a shitty meteor for a while
DAVE: and i guess rose was doc brown
DAVE: doc brown accidentally reached god tier too
DAVE: ok i guess this is where the analogy falls apart but you get what i mean
JADE: sorry dave, you lost me there after the part where i shot you
DAVE: damn
DAVE: ok lemme start over
JADE: omg, no!
JADE: the fact is youre going to have to rely on those powers if you want to stand any chance against a lord of time
JADE: it is safe to expect he can only be challenged by someone with a similar command over the aspect
DAVE: why is that safe to expect
DAVE: where are all these presumptions coming from
DAVE: if you can use swords why dont you take the welsh cueball sword and fight him yourself
DAVE: i bet you could fuck him up
DAVE: youre probably even more extra strong now that youve succumbed to the bark side
DAVE: did you ever think about that
JADE: dave i am perfectly aware of the awesome powers granted to me by the bark side
JADE: it does not matter
JADE: i cant be the one to wield your sword against english
JADE: it has to be you
JADE: it is the will of the empress, and thats final
DAVE: the empress can suck it
DAVE: i have no intention of fighting him
DAVE: and this isnt even me pulling more lame self aware reluctant hero junk
DAVE: i am just straight up not going to do it
DAVE: see thats not reluctance its just petulant refusal on my part
DAVE: reluctant hero shit is when the guys like aw shucks i dunno if i wanna but deep down we all know he really does
DAVE: but i really dont
DAVE: why should i
DAVE: i dont give a damn about lord english or his nebulous atrocities out in nowherespace
DAVE: what kind of villain is someone you never met who hardly did anything evil to you or your friends directly
DAVE: or even to anyone in your universe for that matter other than through some vague insidious influence
DAVE: who even is this guy and why should i hate him
DAVE: am i really supposed to be pissed off at a green muscle monster i never met
DAVE: cause i aint pissed off at no muscle monster
DAVE: hell wasnt he in some ass backwards way responsible for us existing in the first place?
DAVE: or all of humanity for that matter??
DAVE: maybe i should thank him before chopping him up via welshscalibur

08/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: jeez you sure have some issues
JADE: honestly it has become very tiresome listening to this sort of thing
JADE: i thought davesprite had problems
JADE: his issues i could kind of understand
JADE: i thought you might be different, being the alpha dave and all
JADE: but no
JADE: you might be even more messed up inside than he was!
DAVE: what
DAVE: why are you dragging that guy into this
DAVE: what happened with you and him anyway
JADE: none of your business >:p
DAVE: it kind of is
DAVE: hes bird me
DAVE: that clearly means i have a right to know
JADE: that doesnt make any sense!
DAVE: you said he had issues
DAVE: what issues
JADE: augh!
JADE: forget i mentioned it
DAVE: was he talking shit about me the whole time or something
DAVE: i know he resents me for being the real dave
JADE: dont say that, you arent the real dave!
JADE: well you are, but phrasing it like that is so mean!
JADE: hes just as real as you, and when you imply he isnt you sound like a jerk!!!
DAVE: man i knew it
DAVE: i knew he was poisoning your view of me all those years
DAVE: and i wasnt there to say anything or defend against his slander so now of course you think im a neurotic douche
JADE: THE ONLY REASON I THINK YOURE A NEUROTIC DOUCHE IS BECAUSE YOURE ACTING LIKE ONE NOW!!!
DAVE: yeah but i only started acting like a neurotic douche like half way through this conversation
DAVE: you clearly had an axe to grind with me from the start and i want to know why
DAVE: what did i ever do to deserve this shit from you
JADE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!!
DAVE: what
DAVE: i did
DAVE: when
JADE: ok not you
JADE: davesprite did
JADE: BUT YOURE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY!
DAVE: whoa no way
DAVE: thats such an unfair characterization we are completely different dudes
JADE: you just said you had a right to know what happened between us because, and i quote, "hes bird me"
DAVE: no i know
DAVE: i was playing the "hes bird me" card because it was convenient to whatever it was i was saying at the time
DAVE: i forget what point i was making when i said that
JADE: *growl*
DAVE: but thats not the point im making now
DAVE: he and me are just
DAVE: crazy different yo
DAVE: hes got fuckin wings!!!
DAVE: he also presumably takes a dump and lays eggs out of the same ghostly hole
DAVE: ...
DAVE: ew man whyd i have to go there
JADE: *SNARL*
DAVE: ok if he broke up with you or whatever that was because of his dumb bird issues not my issues
DAVE: theres no way i would have done that to you
DAVE: my issues are totally different and probably way more serious
DAVE: i dont see anyone ordering him to master time travel or trying to pawn brittle welsh swords off on him do you
DAVE: nobody is telling him hes got to murder the incredible hulk
DAVE: did you tell him hes got to murder the incredible hulk jade
DAVE: no i think not
JADE: *sigh*

08/03/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: dave, i did my best to put all this behind me a long time ago
JADE: i did not come here to dredge up any of this drama with you
JADE: besides, such behavior is unbecoming of her condescensions loyal subordinates
JADE: you can be stubborn all you want, but i will force you to comply with her wishes one way or another
JADE: it will be quite easy actually
JADE: all i have to do is target the people you care about most
DAVE: hey
DAVE: what are you doing
DAVE: dont you dare touch the mayor
JADE: he is a very cute mayor
JADE: it therefore pains me to have to do this
DAVE: GET AWAY FROM HIM!

08/04/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/04/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/04/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: GOT YOU

08/04/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: i got you i got you i got you i got you
DAVE: im not letting go no never again never again i got you mayor
DAVE: never never never again its ok everything will be ok i have you youre safe and sound now its all going to be alright

08/04/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: its ok i wont let her hurt you mayor no no no never never never never never again
DAVE: youre fine now youre ok that was close so close but im here mayor im here for you and im not letting go i promise
DAVE: when this is all over lets run away together just you and me and we can build can town a REAL can town and well live there together alone all by ourselves and forget this nightmare ever happened
DAVE: everythings going to be fine mayor itll all be ok shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shoosh shooooooooooooooooooooooooosh

08/04/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/04/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: why is being a bad guy SO HARD?

08/05/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hang on man ive got to take this
DAVE: wonder who this could be
DAVE: mayor ill be just a second with this i promise

08/05/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext3.gif" border="0" />

08/06/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? No, let's not get carried away. It isn't THAT cool. But wait, look! Another three options too pick from. The carousel of choice spins round and round, while the dervish of free will...

The dervish of free will can kiss your ass, you grumble through a double facepalm. The UI is still seized up with ugly jittering artifacts. At least this time a different path is available, it would seem. You guess you'll click the only working option, and resign yourself to a straightforward, choiceless procession through the story, as usual. Linear as she goes, you grouse as you click the Kanaya button.

Web 2.0? More like Web two point NO. You're starting to wish the internet was never invented.

08/06/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Why Would You Do That!
KANAYA: I Do Not Understand Why You Needed To Impale My Friend To Demonstrate Your Resurrection Abilities!
KANAYA: I Believed You!
KANAYA: It Was Pointless And Cruel And Does Not Advance My Willingness To Cooperate With You At All!
KANAYA: Furthermore It Did Not Prove That You Can Use Said Abilities To Harm Me!
KANAYA: I Believe That Assertion Was Based On A Fallacious Theory About My Constitution!
KANAYA: In Actuality One Could Easily Kill Me With Any Number Of Conventional Methods!
KANAYA: Im Sure You Could Chop My Head Off Or Burn Me Alive Or Crush Me To Death And I Would Die Just Fine!
KARKAT: (whoa, kanaya)
KARKAT: (could you maybe not give the psycho fork girl any more ideas???)
KANAYA: I Am Not Scared Of You!
KANAYA: None Of Us Are!
KARKAT: (i kind of am)
KANAYA: Karkat Shut Up!
KANAYA: If This Treacherous Despot Serving Turncoat Seeks Compliance From Me Then She Will Have To Pry It From My Mutilated Lifeless Cadaver!
KARKAT: (oh no oh god oh no oh god)
KANAYA: If You Are So Convinced That Your Recuperative Magic Will Strike Me Down Then Why Dont You Put Your Theory To The Test!
KANAYA: I Doubt You Will Since You Have Made It Clear You Need Our Participation To Achieve Your Goals Which Is A Fact That Your Naive Cohort Foolishly Revealed To Us!
KANAYA: I Dont Think She Is Very Good At Being A Villain And To Be Honest I Have My Doubts About You As Well So I Am Calling Your Bluff!
KANAYA: So If You Continue To Insist That Your Healing Enchantments Have The Power To Slay Me Then I Implore You To Give It Your Best Shot!
KANAYA: Go On Do It!
KANAYA: DO YOUR HUMAN WORST!
JANE: Silence, buster.

08/07/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Wait
KANAYA: You Can Talk
KANAYA: Using Actual Sentences
JANE: Obviously.
KANAYA: Then Why Resort Exclusively To Intimidating Robotic Soundbites For
KANAYA: However Long You Were Doing That
JANE: Because when it comes to the affairs of my empire, I am all business.
JANE: You see, Kanaya. I am a businesswoman.
JANE: A very shrewd one at that.
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: Okay
JANE: Watch and learn, rainbow drinker.

08/07/13
"[S][A6A6I1] ====>"

08/07/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? No, let's not get carried away. Hold the phone. Looks like this piece of shit is still broken. Who is surprised by this? The answer is nobody.

At least the third and final option is probably available now. Let's see what Rose and Terezi are up to.

What? What do you you mean it doesn't work. Are you sure? Try it again.

You're kidding. No, that can't be right.

Only the first option is working? So we have to go through the Dave arc AGAIN?

Sure, what the hell. Looks like we're reading the Dave arc again. Thanks for nothing, "The Information Age".

You know what was cool, you ask your computer rhetorically? WHEN STORIES USED TO BE ON FUCKING PAPER.

08/07/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: see look, one of your time doubles is surely predestined to come from a few minutes in the future and appear behind me for a surprise attack, riiiight about...
JADE: now!
JADE: ...
JADE: no wait
JADE: riiiiiiiiiight...
JADE: ...
JADE: ...
JADE: NOW!
JADE: ....
JADE: .....
JADE: dave why is your future self being such a wet blanket
DAVE: i told you
DAVE: im not time traveling
DAVE: i think im giving it up for good actually
JADE: :\

08/07/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: im serious
DAVE: the thing is
DAVE: being a time guy
DAVE: like actually MASTERING time travel
DAVE: im pretty sure what that involves is
DAVE: learning to never use it
DAVE: see its like karate
DAVE: well
DAVE: its more like what they SAY about karate
DAVE: that you learn it so you dont use it
DAVE: but i mean we all know the truth about karate is if you know karate then obviously in reality you use it all the time
DAVE: like doing lethal fuckin crane kicks and sweet karate chops while walking down the street just cause you can
DAVE: its a god damn no brainer...
DAVE: thats what...
DAVE: you do...
DAVE: with...
DAVE: karate. john what the fuck are you doing here

08/08/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: er.
JOHN: i don't know.
DAVE: john dont get me wrong its cool that you randomly dropped by again but this wasnt really the best time
DAVE: we were kind of in the middle of a thing here
JOHN: whoops. sorry.
JADE: yeah john
JADE: did you really have to pick now of all times to materialize out of nowhere and taunt me?
JOHN: i'm SORRY!!!
JOHN: jeez, it was an accident!
JADE: so what now?
JADE: am i REALLY supposed to tackle you, just to watch you vanish yet again?
JOHN: no, no! please don't!
JADE: because i dont really feel like it
JADE: do you have any idea how frustrating that becomes after a while?
JOHN: i didn't mean to come here, really!
JOHN: i still can't control the jumps!
JOHN: i'm TRYING, but it just...
DAVE: dude are you time traveling
DAVE: please dont tell me youre time traveling
DAVE: you need to leave that shit to the experts
JOHN: no, it's not time travel!
JOHN: well, not technically.
DAVE: who do you think youre talking to here
DAVE: do you see this bright red gear on my hoodie
DAVE: that means i know stuff about time travel
DAVE: sure looks like youre time traveling to me
JOHN: no, i swear!
JOHN: ok, see, i went on a dream quest with some troll pirates.
DAVE: troll pirates
JOHN: argh, never mind. that's the long version of the story.
JOHN: ok, so i stuck my hand in this little magic house, and...
DAVE: john youre fucking shit up here
JOHN: what?
DAVE: you being here
DAVE: thats not supposed to happen
DAVE: all this shit were saying now
DAVE: its not supposed to go down like this i can feel it
JOHN: i know!
JOHN: i'm sorry, i would zap away again, but i don't know how!
DAVE: i dont think it matters now dude the pooch is already screwed
JADE: >:o
DAVE: wow wait that was a terrible figure of speech in this context but you know what i mean
DAVE: yo like i was JUST saying i didnt want to time travel anymore to avoid bullshit like this
JOHN: IT'S NOT TIME TRAVEL THOUGH!
JOHN: i promise!
DAVE: then what is it
JOHN: i dunno!
JOHN: like, some kind of surreal, history altering... reality hopping... magic power.
DAVE: thats time travel genius
JOHN: no way, dude.
JOHN: you have to trust me on this.
DAVE: alright
DAVE: but if it turns out you just created a doomed timeline and were all going to die im gonna be hella mad
JOHN: this isn't a doomed timeline.
JOHN: i'm telling you, i can change things.
JOHN: stuff that wasn't supposed to be changed.
JOHN: and i'm not saying bad stuff won't happen as a result of the things i change...
JOHN: but at least it won't make a doomed timeline!
JOHN: the new things that happen will just be...
JOHN: the stuff that's supposed to happen?
DAVE: huh
DAVE: thats pretty dope if true
DAVE: actually in a way that almost makes me more nervous
JOHN: it does?
DAVE: yeah messing with the alpha timeline
DAVE: i mean not the alpha timeline but the ALPHA alpha timeline
DAVE: almost seems
DAVE: heretical i guess?
DAVE: you sure you know what youre doing egbert
JOHN: um, earth to dave.
JOHN: i already said i don't have a clue what i'm doing!
DAVE: gotcha
DAVE: welp im sold
DAVE: but uh
DAVE: really man you kind of are interrupting a thing
DAVE: temporal mechanics not even withstanding
JOHN: what was i interrupting?
DAVE: i think this was going to be a serious conversation here
DAVE: i have a feeling jade and i were going to get all heavy with our relationship issues or whatever
JOHN: you were?
JADE: sigh
JADE: yes, unfortunately thats probably where this was going
JOHN: aw man, i'm sorry. i am fucking this up so bad.
JOHN: see, this is what i'm worried about.
JOHN: even though my random jumps are supposed to be a "safe" form of time travel, i'm still nervous that i might be ruining important events anyway.
JOHN: like, there was all this crazy stuff that happened to get us here, whether it was good or bad.
JOHN: and if i fumble around like this accidentally changing all that stuff, then i won't even know what's going on anymore.
JOHN: maybe no one will!
DAVE: uh
DAVE: does anyone even know whats going on NOW?
JOHN: that's what i'm saying!
JOHN: things are complicated enough as it is!!!
DAVE: truth
JOHN: ok, look...
JOHN: maybe we can try to minimize my impact on the current situation.
JOHN: if i fly away, do you think you can do whatever you were going to do in the first place?
JOHN: do you know what you were going to do?
JADE: yes
JADE: i was going to kick the mayor into the lava
DAVE: what??
DAVE: holy shit so uncool
JADE: i was going to make it clear i was serious about killing someone you cared about
JADE: so you would stop being a baby and start using your powers and swordfight with me you dumb jerk :p
DAVE: wow
DAVE: jade i think you might be a little too good at being a villain its kind of worrying
JADE: thank you :)
DAVE: so the mayor would be dead if john didnt show up?
JADE: oh yes absolutely
JADE: he would be burnt to a crisp right now i am sure of it
DAVE: god damn jade
DAVE: why would you do that you know eventually id probably start using my powers and reluctantly start embracing my role as a reluctant hero
DAVE: that shit always happens
JADE: no you wouldnt you were just going to argue with me forever!
DAVE: yeah maybe
DAVE: but the point is youre not going to bother killing the mayor anymore are you
JADE: i guess not
JADE: he is a very cute mayor after all
DAVE: see john your fake time travel shit is already paying off
DAVE: you saved the mayor congratulations
JOHN: ok, i'm glad the mayor is alive and well.
JOHN: but this is exactly what i wanted to avoid!
JOHN: isn't there some way you could just...
JOHN: pretend i never showed up, and let this play out the way it was supposed to?
JADE: sorry john
JADE: whatever dave and i were going to argue about
JADE: i think the moment has passed
JADE: the whole thing is kind of ruined to be honest
JOHN: DAMN IT!
DAVE: ok all yall settle down im getting a text
DAVE: ...
DAVE: i cant fucking read this

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

Wow!!!!! Those cool new cartridge features have exploded on to your desktop computer once again! Now we're talking. This is some serious Web 2.0 shit, right here. Maybe even... Web 3.0, dare you say? Yes, you do dare say, just so you don't have to read this whole stupid paragraph yet again. WEB 3.0 IT IS!

The important thing is it appears the Rose and Terezi arc is available now. So you click on that and read it.

If this thing breaks one more time, I'm going to repost all the leprechaun romance stuff here instead.

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: TEREZI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?
TEREZI: NOTH1NG!

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Alright, then.

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: What exactly are we supposed to be doing here?

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Why did she group the two seers together?
ROSE: Was there a point to that?
ROSE: What is her goal with these divide and conquer tactics?
ROSE: Everything is so unclear.
ROSE: Threads leading to the most fortuitous outcomes have gotten so badly tangled.
ROSE: I can't tell if it's the hangover, or if something else is happening.
ROSE: Something out there...
ROSE: Unaccounted for.
ROSE: Why can't I see it?
ROSE: Why have I become so blind again?
ROSE: No offense, Terezi.
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO M3?
ROSE: NO, I'M TALKING TO MYSELF!
TEREZI: WHY?
ROSE: STOP MAKING ME YELL! I STILL HAVE A HEADACHE, AND SO DO YOU!
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT, SORRY!

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Why am I talking to myself?
ROSE: I think I've spent too much time around Dave.
ROSE: I've also probably spent too much time sharing his genes.
ROSE: Why must our family tree be plagued by so many shameless soliloquists?
ROSE: I wonder if our young parents are like this?
ROSE: I wonder if I will ever find out?
ROSE: And what should I do in the meantime?
ROSE: Should I...
ROSE: Should I really work on completing my personal planetary quest?
ROSE: That whole thing where I learn to "play the rain?"
ROSE: I guess I should feel exhilarated to have the chance again after all these years.
ROSE: Of course I should.
ROSE: But then,
ROSE: Why does it sound like such a drag?
ROSE: I haven't played the violin in a long time.
ROSE: I wonder if I even remember how.
ROSE: Honestly I can't recall ever feeling less motivated to satisfy a looming obligation.
ROSE: I think my quest was fundamentally bound to the nature of this land, which was customized to the profile, needs, and potential for growth of a thirteen year-old girl.
ROSE: But I'm not that person anymore.
ROSE: What if I
ROSE: What if I just
ROSE: Didn't bother doing it?
ROSE: Like, ever?
ROSE: Would anyone notice my dereliction?
ROSE: Would the powers that be strike me down where I loaf?
ROSE: What if I just said fuck it?
ROSE: What then, silly pink tortoise shells? Hmmmm??
ROSE:

ROSE: I guess I should stop procrastinating and have This Conversation with Kanaya.

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
TT: So.
TT: Have you made any progress in determining what our malefactors want from you and Karkat?
GA: Yes
TT: Well?
GA: Oh
GA: She Wants Us To Speak With Echidna
TT: And?
TT: ...
TT: Are you still there?
GA: Yes
TT: Speak to her about what?
GA: About Releasing The New Frog
TT: I see.
TT: At least it would seem you have a project.
TT: Terezi and I have received no such instruction.
TT: Hello?
GA: Hi
GA: Yeah
TT: Kanaya, do you want to talk about my problem?

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GA: What Problem
TT: The one pertaining to my substance abuse.
GA: Oh
GA: Right
GA: Okay
TT: Are you busy?
TT: You seem preoccupied.
GA: No
GA: Well
GA: Yes Sort Of
TT: What are you doing?
GA: Im Um
GA: Just Buying Some Things
TT: You're buying things?
TT: What things?
GA: Just Some
GA: Provisions
TT: Like what?
TT: And from whom?
GA: A Local Vendor
TT: Are you in a consort village?
TT: Don't those shops only sell jars of bugs and such?
TT: You're not buying jars of bugs, are you?
GA: No
GA: Definitely Not Jars Of
GA: Bugs
GA: No
TT: Kanaya, I'm confused.
TT: Could you be a little more descriptive?
GA: I Really Should Go
GA: Lets Talk About My Problem Later
TT: Your problem?
TT: Don't you mean my problem?
GA: Yes
GA: Definitely
GA: Bye
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: TEREZI, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

08/10/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: CLOWN HUNT1NG

08/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

Wow!!!!!

Wow indeed.

Here you go. Aranea's exposition on leprechaun romance, in its entirety, unedited and uncensored, as promised.

<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/glitchtext4.gif" border="0" />

08/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/davejade_smalltext1.gif" border="0" />
JOHN: (uh oh.)

08/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: (hey!)
JOHN: (you shouldn't be here!)
JOHN: (wha...)
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/davejade_smalltext2.gif" border="0" />

08/11/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: (what the hell??)
JOHN: (gotcha!!!)

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

It still keeps happening.

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

You come to the sobering realization that things will never stop from keep happening constantly.

08/13/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

And you can't take it anymore.

08/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: stop fooling around and go find roxy, you dumb goof!

08/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: who's roxy?
JOHN: OW!

08/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/14/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/16/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/16/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/16/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/16/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: It is just you and I now, Jake.
JANE: Alone at last.
JAKE: (Gulp!)

08/16/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Jane can you please tell me what in the sam hill is going on?
JAKE: Havent you kept me pinched in the hoosegow long enough?!
JANE: The what.
JAKE: What happened to my grandma! She seemed so nice then all of the sudden WHAMMO shes a gruesome monster!
JAKE: And whats with the thing she zapped on your head that flipped your cuckoo fruitcake switch! Is that what made you lose your marbles jane?
JAKE: And whyd you have to plant such a spanking haymaker on the old breadbasket? That really hurt! It still hurts!!
JAKE: And why oh WHY must my bottom rock these snug custard undies while you get to look like such a doggone BAD ASS?
JAKE: Am i at least permitted to put on a respectable pair of fucking shorts???
JANE: Absolutely not.

08/16/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: But jane i...
JANE: Jake. Be quiet.
JANE: Having recently been crowned a supreme being of pure logic, my tolerance for your antiquated horseshit has fallen to nil.
JAKE: Im sorry jane you know what a shameless blatherskite i can be!
JAKE: Especially when im nervous i start bumping my gums and prattling my screwball poppycock til im blue in the puss!
JAKE: You know how rough its been for me jane. After we almost hopped the broom and then dirk slipped me the mitten over the whole trickster sockdolager... it all caught me flat footed and knocked me right into a cocked hat!
JAKE: If squirreling me away in the calaboose like this is payback for the way i behaved youve got to believe me i never meant to hurt you jane! Im doing my best here and thats the real simon pure... SCOUTS HONOR!!!
JANE: Argh!
JANE: Jake, now you have done it.
JANE: You have made me exclaim in frustration audibly.
JANE: If your intent is to welcome another knuckle sandwich instead of my reasoning for your captivity, then go on. Say ONE MORE THING that sounds like something a corny old man would say.
JANE: I dare you.
JAKE: (Double gulp!!)
JANE: That's what I thought.

08/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Listen carefully, prisoner.
JANE: I stand to inherit a new empire very soon.
JANE: When Earth has reached its final destination, it will be repopulated with a fresh brood of loyal subjects over whom I will rule absolutely.
JANE: But I will not rule alone, Jake. Oh, no. I will need a husband to rule by my side.
JANE: That is where you come in.
JAKE: *Whimper...*
JANE: You and I will be wed, and we will rule my empire together with an iron oven mitt.
JANE: However, the mitt will be worn by me, and me alone. You will have no executive authority whatsoever, because you are too stupid.
JANE: You will always do exactly what I say, when I say it. You will be obedient, cheerful, mostly silent, and scantily clad. Is that understood?
JAKE: *Sob!*
JANE: You will also provide me with children so my imperial legacy will continue, and the Crocker brand will live on in infamy.
JANE: You will sire as many children as I ask for, and they will all be perfect, obedient little heirs and heiresses.
JANE: You do remember our recent agreement to have "a zillion babies," don't you, Jake? I do hope you were not planning to renege on this vow.
JAKE: *Sob sob sob...*
JANE: Our children will rule the empire when we are gone, which of course will be never, because we will be eternally young and beautiful and immortal and in love, for ever and ever.
JANE: We will travel the galaxy conquering planets and expanding my empire. No alien world will pose any resistance to our forces.
JANE: Especially not once I figure out how to unlock all that incredible "Page of Hope potential" hidden away in your pathetic, hunky body.
JAKE: *SOB!!!*
JAKE: Please no jane dont do this! I dont want to get married or sire children or rule an empire! Im scared and sad and afraid and i dont want to do this adventure anymore and i just want to go home!
JAKE: Please let me go back to earth jane! Just like it used to be! I just want to go back to my pumpkin patch in the jungle when things were simpler and all i had to worry about was being tackled by a feisty robot. I want to go back to when i didnt ruin all my friendships and when you didnt hate me and when you didnt go crazy and tell me to be your weird royal husband slave!
JAKE: WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
JAKE: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
JAKE: *Hoooornk!*
DIRK: Ew, dude.
DIRK: Don't blow your nose on your cape.

08/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: (Brain ghost dirk!)
JAKE: (*Sob...*)
JAKE: (Youve got to do something!)
DIRK: Sorry, man. I'd like to help you out.
DIRK: But I'm not real.
JAKE: (Dag nabbit!)
JAKE: (*Sniffle...*)
JAKE: (Are you sure theres nothing you can do?)
DIRK: I'm only as real as your ability to believe in me.
JAKE: (But i do believe in you.)
JAKE: (I believe in everybody!)
DIRK: Yeah right.
DIRK: You've never really believed in anyone your whole life, and you know it.
DIRK: Everything's always about you. Don't you remember? You already had this epiphany, dingus.
DIRK: I could only become truly real if you ever managed to harness those bomb as shit hope powers she mentioned.
DIRK: Then again, if you actually did that, you wouldn't even need my help.
JAKE: (But i cant!)
JAKE: (And i dont want to be a pawn in her lecherous baby making pastry empire.)
JANE: Jake.
JAKE: (*Blubber...*)
DIRK: Will you stop crying?
DIRK: It's reflecting poorly on both of us.
JAKE: (Sorry.)
JAKE: (*Sniff.*)
DIRK: Hey.
DIRK: Did you shave your legs?
JAKE: (No i think the magic god tier fire burned it all off...)
DIRK: God damn.
DIRK: They're so smooth.
DIRK: A car could swerve outta control on those gams.
JAKE: (I know. Its really weird.)
JAKE: (Speaking of legs...)
DIRK: Yeah. The little poofy asshole pants. I know.
JAKE: (Is that really what youre wearing now?)
DIRK: Yeah.
JAKE: (Sweet!)
DIRK: No.
JANE: JAKE.
JANE: To whom are you talking?
JAKE: Brain ghost dirk.
JANE: Brain... Ghost Dirk?
JAKE: Yes.
JANE: You are lying.
JAKE: No im not!
JANE: Brain Ghost Dirk sounds almost as fake as he is completely made up.
JAKE: But...
JAKE: *Snivel.*
JAKE: *WEEEEEEEEEEP!*
JANE: Oh, for goodness' sake.

08/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Pull yourself together, Jake.
JANE: Your behavior is repugnant, and has no place in my empire.
JANE: What kind of man are you?
JANE: What kind of suitor to an heiress weeps uncontrollably when his imaginary friend's existence is called into question?
DIRK: She has a point there.
JAKE: *Wahhh!*
DIRK: Dude, would you quit bawling already?
DIRK: Stand up like a man, and punch her in the face or something.
JAKE: But i dont WANNA be a man and i dont WANNA punch her in the face!
JAKE: *WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*
JANE: Punch WHOM in the face, now?
JAKE: Nobody! *HOOOOOOORNK!*
JANE: Just sickening.
JANE: To think I wasted my youth pining over a vile maggot like you.
JANE: Jake, you should not be misled when I imply that I love you, or when I command you to marry me and sire my children.
JANE: In truth I detest you, and if not for certain assets you possess, I would be sorely tempted to fork you full of holes right now and feed your remains to my daughter.
JANE: .
JANE: .
JANE: .
JANE: But I won't.

08/19/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: You're lucky you're so hot.

08/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hello?
JOHN: is uh...
JOHN: anyone inside that thing?
ROXY: who goes thr

08/21/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: don't worry, i am not a villain.
JOHN: i'm just passing through, looking for someone.
JOHN: i was told to find a girl named roxy.
ROXY: roxy huh
ROXY: sounds like a babe
JOHN: heh.
JOHN: yeah, maybe.
JOHN: do you know her?
ROXY: kinda
JOHN: really?
JOHN: have you seen her??
ROXY: nope not in a while i am fraid
JOHN: darn.
ROXY: i could help you find her though
ROXY: w a series of vexing riddles + clues
ROXY: each more bewildering than the last
ROXY: each less infuriating than the next
ROXY: for i am the sphinx of this pyramid and that sort of coy bs is the shit i get up to ery day
ROXY: (all pyramids have sphinxes i decided j now)
JOHN: no, that sounds really dumb.
JOHN: i would rather just have some straightforward information as to her whereabouts.
ROXY: ummmmmmmmmm
ROXY: *strokes sphinxly chin enigmatically*
JOHN: can you at least tell me what she looks like?
ROXY: well the thing is
ROXY: shes hard 2 recognize lately
ROXY: she started wearing a mask for some fukin reason
ROXY: maybe so as to avoid detection from snoopy boys??? ;)
ROXY: (just wonked @ u fyi)
JOHN: you just what?
ROXY: nothin!
JOHN: alright, well...
JOHN: can you tell me where and when you last saw her?
ROXY: heck yes
ROXY: it was last time i looked in a mirror
ROXY: theres no mirrors in jail though
ROXY: which is a shame
ROXY: could use an eyeload of that stone cold fox 2 get me thru the long nites
ROXY: hardest time i ever done :(
JOHN: oh my god.
JOHN: it's you!
JOHN: how could i possibly fall for such a stupid prank.
ROXY: ell em ay friggin OH
ROXY: youre almost as gullible as english
ROXY: how perf is it that thats some kinda family trait
JOHN: what?
ROXY: you must be john right
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: how did you know that?
ROXY: because jake rambled about meetin you a bunch of times
ROXY: also u sound like him
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: it seems like you have me at a disadvantage then.
JOHN: which is impressive, considering you are in jail, and also in a little green pyramid thingy for some reason.
JOHN: did you...
JOHN: did you actually build that thing?
ROXY: f yeah!
JOHN: that's cool. it's like a little fort.
JOHN: i built a fort once in my room. i made it out of a bed sheet, and some cruxite dowels.
JOHN: then my friend threw it in a bottomless pit.
ROXY: hahah
ROXY: thas awesome
JOHN: it was alright.
ROXY: no but 4 real dont wreck my fort or i fuck you up
JOHN: i wouldn't dare.
JOHN: aren't you going to come out so i can see you?
ROXY: i would but
ROXY: ive been tryin to concentrate on something
ROXY: so i built this sick pyramid deal to help focus my brain chi and spiritual majyyks and if at all possible to blitz my chakras out the yin yang
JOHN: is it working?
ROXY: no
ROXY: but at least its nice and dark and quiet in here and free of distactions
ROXY: or it was until a guy came along lookin for some chick
JOHN: what are you trying to do exactly?
ROXY: i have to make a spikeball appear out of thin air
ROXY: but all i can make are these lame cubes
JOHN: you made all these cubes??
ROXY: yup
JOHN: that's a neat power.
ROXY: ty
ROXY: i also made some pumpkins
ROXY: cubes n pumpkins
ROXY: the manifestations of amateurs
ROXY: theyre basically freebies for void players i think
JOHN: i remember making some of those cubes with my alchemiter.
JOHN: i think that's what a blank card makes? so yeah, they're super primitive.
JOHN: but making pumpkins is pretty impressive. they're like... these big ol' vegetables.
ROXY: no dude
ROXY: pumpkins are helllls o primitive
ROXY: voidwise theyre like the middle square on a bingo card
ROXY: drummin up a dumb gourd aint nothing to write home about
JOHN: well, if you're really having trouble...
JOHN: i know a thing or two about learning to use god tier powers.
JOHN: maybe i could help?

08/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: hay look
ROXY: its jake stuffed in a blue windsock
ROXY: heheheh
JOHN: huh?
ROXY: n/m
ROXY: so what kind of hot god tier trix can you teach me
JOHN: tricks...
JOHN: i guess i don't know any actual TRICKS per se, aside from how to use some of my powers.
JOHN: but i don't know if the same tricks apply to using your powers...
ROXY: u said u could help tho
JOHN: i said MAYBE i could!
JOHN: i dunno, i was just throwing it out there.
JOHN: like, maybe if i told you about some of the experiences i had when i was learning to do my windy stuff, you might have some kind of... voidey epiphany?
ROXY: a voidey epiphany
JOHN: yes.
ROXY: k then
ROXY: im all ears johnny windsock
ROXY: let loose ur wisdom whilst i rake in the epiphanies
JOHN: ok, um,
JOHN: i've noticed whenever i learn to do new things with my powers, it's usually in response to something. like something important that has to be done.
JOHN: so why are you trying to make this spike ball?
JOHN: and how important does it feel to you?
ROXY: well at first i was mainly tryin to make it because dog girl was forcing me to
ROXY: but now i think i keep trying because im gettin obsessed with making this dumb spikeball and PO'd that i cant do it
JOHN: i see.
JOHN: what actually IS this spike ball, if you don't mind my asking?
ROXY: its an alien egg
ROXY: 4 tha trolls
ROXY: to hatch em all back to life
ROXY: but only to be ruled by an evil witch so its gonna be shitty for them
ROXY: so yeah its kind of an important thing
ROXY: but at the same time it would probably be terrible if i actually made it so...
JOHN: then maybe the fact that you're conflicted about it is why you're having trouble?
ROXY: yeh maybe
JOHN: if you think it's important to make, but don't want to give it to the bad guys, why don't you just...
JOHN: break out of jail?
JOHN: then you could try to make the egg at your own discretion, and use it however you think is best.
ROXY: idk
ROXY: i broke outta here once already and the fuckin witch just nabbed me again
ROXY: and that was BEFORE she recruited jakes omnipotent goofball grandma to zap me back here the moment i step outside
JOHN: yeah. it is a tricky situation with grimbark jade on the loose, that's for sure.
JOHN: but i've been managing to evade her.
JOHN: i just swoosh the breeze around to hide my scent, and dissolve into wind and fly away if she finds me.
JOHN: maybe you could do something like that too?
JOHN: it seems to me if anyone should be able to avoid detection using their powers, it would be a void player.
JOHN: get it? a void... as in, avoid?
JOHN: heh.
ROXY: that is legit sound reasoning yo
ROXY: + a way lame pun 2 boot
ROXY: but remember how we were just talkin about the fact that when it comes to god tier shit i dont know what the eff im doin??
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: right.

08/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: anyway
ROXY: i thought you were going to regale me with stories of your ascent through the windsock tiers
ROXY: such that i may through osmosis glean the vagaries of godhood
ROXY: then all i got to do is wait for this rude tidal wave of epiphanies n junk to wash over me and get me hella wise
ROXY: then and only then
ROXY: i will b able to make this shitty egg happen
ROXY: k?
JOHN: ok. where should i start?
ROXY: at the beginning!
JOHN: you mean like when i first became a god tier?
JOHN: that's a long story... i was kind of tricked into that.
JOHN: it might take some setup to understand.
ROXY: dude look
ROXY: i dont have grand illusions that this yarn you spinll be like some actual efficacious tutelage on fuckin pajama spells
ROXY: i just want to hear u talk about stuff
ROXY: wanna kno ur stories!!!
ROXY: go :3
JOHN: alright.
JOHN: in that case, i guess it all started on my thirteenth birthday.
JOHN: which was three years ago, by the way.
JOHN: i heard about this awesome game, or at least one i thought was awesome, and i wanted to play it with my friends.
JOHN: but it wasn't so easy to start. i had to get it from the mail, which meant sneaking around the house while avoiding my dad.
JOHN: which was kind of stupid and childish in retrospect, but blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
ROXY: hmmmmm
ROXY: go on

08/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah meteor.
JOHN: blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah nannasprite blah blah blah blah oil everywhere blah blah blah blah blah blah imps blah blah blah.
ROXY: m hm
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah blah your daughter blah blah at least i think she is blah blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah salamanders blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah trolls blah blah blah blah blah rocketpack blah blah blah died.
ROXY: rly
JOHN: blah blah karkat blah blah blah blah blah ectobiology.
JOHN: blah blah blah jack noir.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah queen's ring blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah my dad blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah a girl named vriska.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah windy thing blah blah blah blah blah blah ocean of green fire.
ROXY: wow
JOHN: blah blah blah quest bed blah blah blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah prototyped blah blah blah blah blah blah blah jade's omnipotent dog.
JOHN: blah blah chess guy blah blah blah blah blah flying around in my dad's car blah blah blah blah blah blah blah liv tyler.
JOHN: blah the battlefield blah blah blah blah huge wind drill blah blah blah blah the tumor.
JOHN: blah blah.
ROXY: pls continue
JOHN: blah blah blah followed rose blah blah blah blah blah blah blah mom and dad died blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah kissed her back to life.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah the scratch.
JOHN: blah blah huge record blah blah blah blah blah blah giant needle.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah green sun blah blah blah blah blah reset blah blah blah blah blah god tier jade blah blah blah blah blah blah blah golden battleship.
ROXY: ur kiddin me
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah through a giant window.
JOHN: blah blah three years blah blah blah blah blah blah con air.
JOHN: blah blah thought it sucked blah blah blah blah but eventually came to my senses blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ghost busters 2 mmorpg.
ROXY: mmm

08/22/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: blah blah blah blah blah blah DUEL WITH JACK NOIR!
JOHN: blah blah blah TURNED INTO WIND AND ESCAPED blah blah blah blah blah blah.
JOHN: blah blah blah blah COOL HAT WITH RABBIT EARS!
ROXY: oooh
JOHN: blah blah blah CRACKS IN PARADOX SPACE blah blah blah ENCHANTED DESERT blah blah blah MAGIC RING!
JOHN: blah blah ADVENTURE ON THE HIGH SEAS blah blah blah blah blah blah GHOSTLY TROLL PIRATES!
JOHN: blah ULTIMATE WEAPON blah blah blah blah blah blah DEFEAT LORD ENGLISH!
ROXY: !!
JOHN: blah blah blah blah HOUSE SHAPED THINGY!
JOHN: blah blah POKED MY HAND INSIDE blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah UNSTUCK IN CANON!
JOHN: blah blah blah TURNED BLURRY blah blah blah blah CLOWNS ON TOP OF THE WHITE HOUSE blah blah blah blah VAMPIRE HISSED AT ME blah blah blah blah LITERALLY INSIDE CON AIR blah blah blah GLITCHY BULLSHIT blah blah blah MET MYSELF blah blah blah blah FINALLY FOUND YOU HIDING IN THIS LITTLE GREEN PYRAMID! WHEW!
ROXY: omg

08/24/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so that's...
JOHN: pretty much the whole story?
JOHN: i left a bunch of stuff out though.
JOHN: if more important stuff that i forgot occurs to me, i will let you know.
ROXY: hey no thats fine
ROXY: that was all great and exciting as heck
ROXY: it sounds like you guys got up to a lot more crazy shit than we did
ROXY: for us its been mostly dicking around in a session full of spooky skeletons for half a year
ROXY: then fefeta died
ROXY: the end
JOHN: fefeta?
ROXY: fefeta was a dear sweet precious dear DEAR friend of mine
ROXY: she was beautiful and sweet and lovely
ROXY: she sploded
JOHN: wow.
JOHN: i'm sorry.
ROXY: oh we also became tricksters which as far as things that happen go was sooo dumb
ROXY: i guess thats kinda the epilogue of our story?
ROXY: oh yeah then we had hangovers and went god tier accidentally
ROXY: thats the double epilogue
ROXY: the end ex two combo
JOHN: i don't know, that all sounds pretty interesting to me.
JOHN: sometimes in life, when you look back on things it can feel like it was all boring and uneventful.
JOHN: but when you really think about it, you remember all these cool things that happened you forgot about.
ROXY: hm yeah
ROXY: them wise words j sock
JOHN: anyway, if you remember more about your adventure and want to tell me some time, i would love to hear it!
ROXY: haha ok
ROXY: um but hey
ROXY: i could not help but notice in ur story you was talkin about my mom sometimes

08/24/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: your mom?
JOHN: well, yeah. but i know her as your daughter.
JOHN: but i mean, who the hell knows at this point?
ROXY: i know rite
ROXY: the curious case of the mutual moms
ROXY: it is
ROXY: the biggest mystery?
ROXY: u no
ROXY: once i even caught wind of some lore that implied i might even be my OWN mom
ROXY: (fefeta hinted that @ me once during a long spiel DAMN that girl could talk)
ROXY: how messed up would that be tho
JOHN: there is probably something to that actually.
JOHN: you were all the first batch of babies, after all.
JOHN: i think you were literal copies of yourselves?
JOHN: that's what it supposedly means to be a paradox clone.
ROXY: babies
ROXY: wat
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: i guess i kind of glossed over this stuff in my story.
JOHN: but i was the one who made us all in the first place, with a weird cloning machine.
ROXY: no fuckin shit???
ROXY: *is impressed*
JOHN: it was no big deal though. i was just messing around with a control panel, and some babies appeared.
ROXY: so we already met huh
ROXY: and i dont even remember because i was just some idiot bb
ROXY: that aint fair!
JOHN: come to think of it, we met one other time too.
JOHN: but you were asleep.
ROXY: ??
JOHN: you were floating around in purple pajamas, and i pushed you out of the way of a flying fork.
JOHN: i almost forgot about that. but yep, that was you alright.
ROXY: you shoulda woke me up then
JOHN: i might have, but the fork stabbed me in the chest, and dream killed my sleep ghost. or something.
JOHN: you know how it is with dream logic.
ROXY: u mean how it makes lil 2 no sense ever
JOHN: yes, exactly.
JOHN: i guess i didn't think much about it at the time, but i had a sneaky suspicion that's who you were.
JOHN: you really look a lot like rose.
JOHN: she is looking for you, by the way.
ROXY: yeah?????
JOHN: she told me to go find you. and i did.
JOHN: so, she says hi.
ROXY: o man
ROXY: what else did she say
JOHN: uh.
JOHN: she said...
JOHN: she's looking forward to meeting you?
ROXY: awwwwww
ROXY: well if u see her again before i do tell her i cant wait to meet her too
ROXY: though tbh im kinda nervous about it but dont tell her that part haha
JOHN: sure!
JOHN: there's nothing to be nervous about though.
JOHN: she's just a nice nerd who likes to read and knit.
ROXY: i shouldnt be surprised to hear that
ROXY: me and all my friends are a bunch of silly nerds too
ROXY: even dirk who thinks hes 2 cool 4 school
ROXY: when in reality he is nowhere close to clearing the coolness threshold which exempts one from attending an educational institution :p
JOHN: speaking of which...
JOHN: i've been wondering where he is?
JOHN: i know jade's grandpa is in jail too, getting badgered by my evil nanna...
ROXY: u mean jake n jane
JOHN: yes, sorry.
JOHN: but i have not seen hide nor hair of dave's bro yet.
ROXY: i figured he got thrown in jail too
ROXY: although come to think of it i probly would have heard a bloody ruckus by now resulting from his inevitable escape attempt
JOHN: hmm.
ROXY: im not that worried about him though hes good at takin care of himself
ROXY: in fact i feel like all of us will be ok now that you guys are here
ROXY: but
ROXY: there is still one of my friends im worried about the most
JOHN: who?
ROXY: shes my best friend
ROXY: well ok
ROXY: i got a few best friends u know?
JOHN: yes.
ROXY: but she was always kind of a special best friend
ROXY: and last time i saw her she was in big trouble
JOHN: oh no.
JOHN: where is she?
ROXY: in the afterlife
ROXY: being dead
JOHN: ...
ROXY: her bro killed her
ROXY: which is bad enough
ROXY: but now hes out there
ROXY: hunting for her ghost
ROXY: shes doing her best to hide
ROXY: but her bro is an awful and relentless piece of shit and im afraid
ROXY: im afraid she might be already gone :(
JOHN: you're right, that is very concerning.
JOHN: who is she? would i know of her?
ROXY: dunno
ROXY: how in the loop are you on cherubs?
JOHN: oh!
JOHN: surprisingly, i know a LOT about that subject.
JOHN: for instance, did you know they turn into gigantic snakes when they have sex?
ROXY: :O
ROXY: :O
ROXY: :O
JOHN: i know. weird, right?
JOHN: that's probably not very relevant to the topic at hand, though.
ROXY: yeah prob not
ROXY: anyway u know about lord english right
JOHN: uh huh.
ROXY: ok well
ROXY: shes his sister
ROXY: her name is calliope
JOHN: ohhh.
JOHN: ok, this is starting to make sense.
ROXY: yep
ROXY: shes supposed to be critical to defeatin him somehow
ROXY: shes going on some quest out there to find a deadlier version of herself or whatever
ROXY: i dunno that could be all be true...
ROXY: and maybe its selfish of me but all i rly care about now is if shes ok??
JOHN: i understand. she is your friend.
JOHN: i would feel the same way.
ROXY: :)
JOHN: wait a minute...
JOHN: i've got it!
ROXY: got what
JOHN: i have such a good idea that would solve your problem.
ROXY: ????
JOHN: all you have to do is bring her back to life!

08/24/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: how
JOHN: easy.
JOHN: i have a magic ring!
ROXY: what
ROXY: u have one too
JOHN: yes!
JOHN: wait. what do you mean too?
JOHN: you have a magic ring??
ROXY: i HAD one
ROXY: fuckin lost it though
ROXY: made peeps invisible who put it on
JOHN: ah.
JOHN: no, mine doesn't do that.
JOHN: it brings ghosts back to life!
ROXY: FUCK
ROXY: no wai
JOHN: yes wai. way.
JOHN: it's back at my house.
JOHN: i could go get it right now!
ROXY: damn son
ROXY: i find this 2 be some truly baller happenstance
ROXY: if ur claim is true im.......
ROXY: im cry :')
JOHN: it is quite true.
JOHN: it should be a piece of cake.
JOHN: you just wear it when you go to sleep, and it comes with you in your dreams.
JOHN: then you find your cherub friend, put it on her finger, and bring her back!
JOHN: i think you can only use it once though. so once she's wearing it, it would be hers forever, or at least as long as she wants it.
ROXY: yo
ROXY: yooooo
ROXY: john thats amazing
ROXY: i dunno though that sounds like
ROXY: such an obscenely precious commodity
ROXY: u sure you want to let me use it?
JOHN: sure.
JOHN: it's no big deal, really.
JOHN: for a while i was hanging on to it, thinking that i might give it to...
JOHN: aw man, this is going to sound dumb.
ROXY: hm?
JOHN: there was a girl who i was considering giving it to, for some reason.
JOHN: remember? she was the diabolical one who figured prominently in my long story.
ROXY: um
ROXY: oh yea
ROXY: fresca right
JOHN: yes, close enough.
JOHN: see, she REALLY wanted that ring.
JOHN: and she found out i had it, and...
JOHN: honestly, i'm not sure why it even crossed my mind to give it to her?
JOHN: i guess i was just used to the idea that i liked her for some reason.
JOHN: at least i thought i did.
JOHN: it was a stupid idea based on hardly anything. like one day of conversations.
JOHN: but since i've gotten to know her better...
JOHN: i don't know.
JOHN: i think i might actually...
JOHN: kind of hate her?
ROXY: yeah?
JOHN: yeah, she's...
JOHN: actually pretty awful!
JOHN: she's so full of herself, and mean to her friends, and...
JOHN: dangerous.
JOHN: really, really dangerous.
ROXY: ouch
ROXY: well what can i say john
ROXY: love sux
JOHN: yeah. it does.
JOHN: anyway, i don't think i can let anyone like that have the ring.
ROXY: but u dont mind trustin me w it?
JOHN: no!
JOHN: it's funny, after spending some time with a person who is legitimately crazy, it becomes easy to tell right away when someone...
JOHN: isn't?
ROXY: lol
ROXY: u sure about that
JOHN: well, yeah, everyone is a little crazy. i just mean not BAD crazy.
JOHN: besides, you don't even want the ring for yourself.
JOHN: you want to give it to someone you care about.
JOHN: that is what makes you one of the good guys.
ROXY: what a nice thing to say
ROXY: i bet sayin stuff like that is why ur their leader
JOHN: what makes you think i'm the leader?
ROXY: come on dude you are obvs the leader of otherkid teamsquad
ROXY: i can just tell
JOHN: haha, ok. i'll take that as a compliment.
JOHN: anyway, i'll go get the ring now.
ROXY: yay!
ROXY: ill wait here
ROXY: no need to set off the alarms with a daring escape just yet
ROXY: lets keep em lulled into a false sense of control over the sitch
ROXY: we can start scheming under their nose while u keep sneakin around undetected
ROXY: the last thing we want is for all hell to break loose before we know what were doin
JOHN: yeah, that's a good plan.
JOHN: if i had to guess, i'd say you must be the leader of your team squad too, right?
ROXY: naaaw
ROXY: that's jane
ROXY: as you can see shes the one with a knack for ruthless executive authority
ROXY: is a shame she only uses it when evil tho :(
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: but maybe we can do something about that, if we work together.
ROXY: :D
JOHN: alright. off i go.
JOHN: keep practicing your powers!
JOHN: see you, roxy.

08/24/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/25/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/25/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: aw yiss

08/25/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/25/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/25/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

John Egbert's ring has gone missing.

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

WE ARE ALL COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY BY THIS STUNNING REVELATION.

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

WOW. MISSING. REALLY? AS IN NOT THERE?

HUH.

08/27/13
"[A6A6I1] ====>"

IT'S NOT THAT INTERESTING.

08/29/13
"ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 2"

WE NOW RETURN TO YOUR FAVORITE WEB SERIES. HOMOSUCK.

ACT SOMETHING ACT SOMETHING SOMETHING. ALREADY IN PROGRESS.

08/29/13
"BE A DIFFERENT MALE."

THE LAST TIME THAT THINGS HAPPENED. THE MALE STORY HERO BLEW UP. SO FORTUNATELY. WE WON'T SEE HIM EVER AGAIN.

THAT MEANS WE NEED TO BE A NEW MALE TO LEAD THE STORY. HERE HE IS. WITH HIS DUMB BLACK GLASSES AND EVERYTHING.

HERE TO ONWARD. I WILL REFER TO THIS MALE AS. THE ALPHA MALE.

THE ALPHA MALE IS LESS BAD THAN THE ORIGINAL MALE. HE IS NOT AS ANNOYING. AND HAS NO TENDENCY TO RANDOMLY APPEAR AND BOTHER PEOPLE. HE ALSO LIKES COOL SWORDS. AND "IRONY" I GUESS. AND LIKE MYSELF. HE HAS CULTIVATED A TASTE FOR FINE ART. HENCE, HE WILL BE MY MALE OF CHOICE ON THIS ADVENTURE.

BUT I WILL ADMIT. THERE IS ONE REASON ABOVE OTHERS. WHY I HAVE DECIDED TO FAVOR THE ALPHA MALE.

08/29/13
"HE HAS EXCEPTIONAL TASTE IN PUPPETS."

YESSSSSSSSSSS.

08/29/13
"ALPHA MALE: CALL FOR BACKUP."

NORMALLY. HERE'S WHAT WOULD HAPPEN.

HE WOULD TALK INTO HIS GLASSES OR SOMETHING. LIKE A PITIFUL LOSER. IN DOING SO HE WOULD SUMMON BELOW HIS RECTANGLE. WHAT IS KNOWN AS. A PESTERLOG.

IT IS NEVER ADVISABLE TO OPEN A PESTERLOG. YOU SEE. THE BUTTON IS A TRAP. WHICH WHEN SPRUNG. RELEASES WORDS UPON WORDS. WHICH ONLY SERVE TO REMIND YOU. OF YOUR INTENSE DISLIKE FOR THE PEOPLE SAYING THE THINGS. AS WELL AS. HOW LITTLE REGARD THE AUTHOR HAS. FOR YOUR VALUABLE TIME.

AS SUCH. THERE WILL BE NO WORDS DESCRIBED IN MY TALE. ONLY ACTION!

08/29/13
"SEND IN THE BITCHES."

THE ALPHA MALE WHISTLES FOR HIS BITCHES.

HE WILL NEED A LOYAL ENTOURAGE OF TOP FLIGHT FEMALES TO ASSIST HIM ON HIS IMPORTANT BOY JOURNEY.

08/29/13
"ACTUALLY. LET'S INVITE A COUPLE MORE TO THE PARTY."

THESE TWO DELECTABLE FLOOZIES WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP UNTIL A LOT LATER.

BUT LET'S BE HONEST. IT DOESN'T MATTER.

08/29/13
"ALPHA MALE: BEGIN GAME."

YOU AND YOUR COMELY HAREM OF HOOCHIE MAMAS CUT TO THE FUCKING CHASE. YOU SIDLE UP TO THE ASSORTMENT OF GAME JUNK. WHICH IS RELEVANT TO MAKING THIS HAPPEN.

08/29/13
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08/30/13
"DISREGARD THE UNIMPORTANT MALE GHOST BEHIND THE CURTAIN."

HE WILL NOT BE A PART OF THIS STORY.

08/30/13
"LET'S CONTINUE."

THE ALPHA MALE DOES THE REQUISITE THINGS WITH THE STUFF. HIS ADVENTURE IS NIGH.

08/30/13
"ALPHA MALE: GO OUTSIDE."

THE ALPHA MALE AND HIS TRUSTY BITCH PARADE PROCEED TO THE ROOF. TO WITNESS THE INCREDIBLE LAND OF FANTASY HE HAS ENTERED.

08/30/13
"ALPHA MALE: BE ON ROOF."

YOU SUCCESSFULLY BE ON THE ROOF. AND PREPARE TO HUMAN KISS YOUR SORRY PLANET GOODBYE. THERE IS NOT A DRY EYE IN THE PARTY. EXCEPT FOR THE MALE'S. AS WELL AS THE PUPPET'S.

08/30/13
"SUDDENLY. THERE IS A DRAMATIC CHANGE."

08/30/13
"I DON'T RECALL WHAT HIS LAND WAS THOUGH."

SOMETHING WITH LAVA I THINK? I DON'T REALLY CARE. I WILL JUST MAKE UP MY OWN. IT WILL BE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY. TO FLEX MY POWERFUL *WORLD BUILDING* MUSCLES FOR YOU TO BE DAZZLED BY.

YOU SEE. WHEN CRAFTING A STRONG AND COMPELLING NARRATIVE. I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR AN ACCOMPLISHED ARTIST. TO GIVE HIMSELF THE LATITUDE TO DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. AND TO FUCK AROUND AS MUCH AS CHERUBICALLY POSSIBLE. AND THE SIZE OF THAT LATITUDE SHOULD BE. LITERALLY AS BIG. AS THE WHOLE FUCKING STORY.

AS SUCH. USING KNOWLEDGE ACCRUED FROM MY TOMES OF ARTISAN KNOWLEDGE. I WILL CHANGE MY "ART STYLE". TO DEMONSTRATE MY VERSATILITY. AND MAKE YOU BE IMPRESSED.

HOWEVER. THE MANGAS ARE CLEARLY TOO ADVANCED FOR NOW. AFTER I LEVEL UP IN FINE ART. MAYBE. BUT NOT NOW.

SO FOR THE TIME BEING. AND TO GET MORE PRACTICE. ALL OF MY WORLD ASSETS. WILL BE RESPECTFULLY PLAGIARIZED FROM THE DISTINGUISHED MR. EMBERLY.

08/30/13
"WOW, YES. SO GOOD."

08/31/13
"ALPHA MALE: WHISTLE FOR STALLIONS."

YOU BECKON A FLOCK OF NOBLE MOUNTS. YOUR PARTY WILL NEED THEM. TO GALLOP ACROSS MY BEAUTIFUL REALM OF WONDERS.

08/31/13
"STALLIONS: DESCEND."

THE ALPHA MALE'S REIGN OF ADVENTURE BEGINS HERE. ON THIS ROOF. OVERLOOKING AN ENCHANTED CLIFFSCAPE. HOST TO INNUMERABLE GORGEOUS STALLIONS.

HOW IRONIC. THAT HIS VERY DEPARTURE. WOULD BE IN THE PROXIMITY OF SOME HORSES. WHAT. YOU DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT? JUST THINK IT OVER.

THINK IT OVER.

08/31/13
"MOUNT STEEDS."

ALL MEMBERS OF YOUR PARTY SIT ON THEIR MAJESTIC BEASTS OF BURDEN. AND PREPARE TO RIDE LIKE THE WIND.

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING. THAT THE INCOMPLETE HORSES. MUST BE RESERVED FOR THE WOMEN.

08/31/13
"STEEDS: RIDE."

THEY'RE OFF! LOOK AT THEM GO.

08/31/13
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08/31/13
"THE ALPHA MALE IS ACCOSTED BY A PACK OF WILD FOES."

RAUCOUS MELEE IS IMMINENT.

THE MALE REACHES FOR HIS BLADE. BUT DISCOVERS. HE DOESN'T HAVE ONE!

IN HIS HASTE TO BEGIN HIS JOURNEY. HE FORGOT TO TAKE IT.

09/01/13
"ALPHA MALE: RECEIVE BOON FROM YOUR CREATOR."

I GIVE THE MALE A MYSTERIOUS CHEST.

WILL WHAT IS INSIDE. TURN THE TIDE OF BATTLE?? LET'S FIND OUT.

09/01/13
"OPEN CHEST."

YOU OPEN THE CHEST. TO REVEAL A COLLECTION OF ILLICIT SMUT.

*JACKPOT* I SAY. BY WHICH I MEAN. YOU SAY.

09/01/13
"WITH YOUR TRUSTY SMUT. FORGE A SWORD."

YOUR FILTHY HUMAN PORNOGRAPHY. HAS BEEN FORGED INTO A FORMIDABLE BLADE.

YOUR FOES TREMBLE IN THEIR BOOTS!

09/01/13
"STRIKE THE WITCH."

YOU DEAL A CRITICAL HIT TO THE HORRIBLE WITCH.

HOWEVER. AN ILL TIMED LEAP SUBSEQUENTLY CAUSES YOU TO SUFFER *MASSIVE DAMAGE*.

09/01/13
"YOUR NOBLE MOUNT ABSORBS MOST OF THE DAMAGE THOUGH."

THE HORSE HAS BEEN SLAIN.

THE WOLF THING CONSUMES THE CARCASS. AFTER HIS MEAL. HE LEAVES FULL AND SATISFIED. NEVER TO RETURN.

09/01/13
"THE WITCH ALSO DIES FROM HER INJURIES."

SHE DROPS. LET'S SAY. ADDITIONAL PORNOS. YOU PUT THEM IN YOUR STASH.

09/01/13
"AS A RESULT OF ALL THAT. THE ROBOT GOES CRAZY."

ALL YOUR FOES HAVE BEEN DEFEATED. YOU WIN THE FRACAS!

AS THE BEST BOY HERO. WHO ACCOMPLISHED A SUCCESS. YOU ARE NOW ENTITLED TO THE SPOILS.

09/01/13
"ALPHA MALE: RECEIVE SPOILS."

THE MALE SHEATHS HIS SWORD ON THE FLOOR. LOOKING COOL AND CASUAL. LIKE THE DANGEROUS HERO THING HE DID WAS NO BIG DEAL.

BUT ONE OF HIS FAITHFUL BIMBOS NEARBY THOUGHT IT WAS A *REALLY* BIG DEAL. SHE IS SWOONING HIS WAY RIGHT NOW. SHE WILL REWARD THE MALE FOR HIS MANLY DEEDS. WITH A HUMAN KISS!

HERE IS WHERE THE TALE BEGINS TO GET A LITTLE.

*SLOPPY*

AHAHA. HAHA.

09/01/13
"STORY RECTANGLE: ZOOM IN ON RAUNCHY SEDUCTION."

09/01/13
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09/01/13
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09/01/13
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09/02/13
"IT SEEMS THE ALPHA MALE HAS BEEN SLAIN."

THIS OBVIOUSLY WILL NOT DO.

SOME ADDITIONAL BACKUP MALES ARE DEPLOYED. DUE TO, LET'S SAY. TIME TRAVEL.

09/02/13
"TIME TRAVEL KEEPS HAPPENING!"

THE MALE IS BEING VERY RECKLESS WITH HIS LOOPS. WHAT A MESS!

09/02/13
"THE DUDE PILE. DOESN'T STOP. FROM GETTING TALLER."

IT CAUSES EVERYONE TO COMPLETELY FORGET. ABOUT THE INCREASINGLY AGITATED BLUE MALE. ALTOGETHER.

09/02/13
"THAT'S THE END OF HOMOSUCK. ACT. UH."

CHAPTER TWO.

09/02/13
"THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO MY STORY."

BE SURE TO CLICK THROUGH THE FOLLOWING PAGES AS FAST AS YOU CAN. TO GET RIGHT BACK HERE. TO THE GOOD STUFF. BYE.

09/02/13
"ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 2"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/02/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Rise, my 8ard.

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: "Rise, my 8ard?"
ARANEA: Sheesh.

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Aranea, if you want people to start taking you seriously, your chilling repartee is going to need some work.

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Now, loyal minstrel.
ARANEA: Wake!
ARANEA: WAKE, I SAY!!!!!!!!

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: OOF!
GAMZEE: HONK.

09/03/13
"[S][A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Just gr8.
ARANEA: What does she want THIS time?

09/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Shello?
MEENAH: hey twerket
MEENAH: da fuck you think youre doin
ARANEA: I have no idea what you're talking a8out.
MEENAH: bullship
MEENAH: you went after the blue nerds ring
MEENAH: you wearin it now aint you
ARANEA: I couldn't say, Meenah.
ARANEA: I do like to wear jewelry from time to time, just like you.
ARANEA: It's certainly possi8le there is a shiny new ring on my finger.
ARANEA: So what if there is?
MEENAH: aranea so kelp me god
MEENAH: you need to take that shit off right now
MEENAH: throw it in a volcano or somefin and just come home
ARANEA: First, I would appreci8 it if you referred to me as Mindfang.
ARANEA: Remem8er how I've 8een trying to make that 8e a thing l8tely?
ARANEA: Second, I have no intention of discarding this ring, now or ever.
ARANEA: Wheels are already in motion, Meenah.
ARANEA: Irons are heating up as we speak!
MEENAH: wheels
MEENAH: irons
MEENAH: aranea what
MEENAH: mindfang what are you even planning
MEENAH: you gonna meddle?
MEENAH: you gonna meddle i just know it UGH
ARANEA: I am just taking some initi8tive for a change.
ARANEA: Has it occurred to you that it might have 8ecome a little tiresome for me to spend eternity as a 8oring no8ody while so many others got to play important roles in determining the f8 of reality?
ARANEA: Heck, you were 8arely dead for two minutes 8efore you started assem8ling an army!
ARANEA: Even my altern8 universe self got to lead an amazing life. Which is all well and good for HER........
ARANEA: 8ut what a8out ME, Meenah?
ARANEA: Water. 8oat. Me.
MEENAH: yo i feel you on that
MEENAH: trust me gurl
MEENAH: but you do realize youre makin a glubbin mess here
MEENAH: i mean you KNOW this shit aint like
MEENAH: part a the legit chain of events
MEENAH: you arent supposed to be there
ARANEA: Of course I know that.
ARANEA: Like I said, I have a plan.
MEENAH: W)(AT PLAN
ARANEA: I'm going to take over this session.
ARANEA: And then I am going to make sure it never 8ears fruit.
ARANEA: If I can stop this universe from 8eing cre8ted, then the young Lord of Time will never have hatched in the first place.
ARANEA: I won't merely 8e defeating an invinci8le foe. I will 8e erasing all the pain he has ever caused.
MEENAH: uh
MEENAH: serk have you lost it
MEENAH: you know all youre doing is making another doomed timeline where everyone dies right
ARANEA: Of course I know that.
ARANEA: Please, Meenah. Don't insult me. I've given this a lot of thought.
ARANEA: If anyone else attempted this, what you said would 8e true. 8ut I am not just anyone.
ARANEA: I am a very powerful Sylph of Light. I have had millions of sweeps to hone my a8ilities.
ARANEA: As one gifted with the aspect of light, certain outcomes will 8e prone to 8r8king in my favor.
ARANEA: And as an ancient, highly experienced sylph, I wield an unprecedented a8ility to heal.
ARANEA: A doomed timeline is really just an anatomical feature of a much larger organism. Like a capillary which comes to an end, 8ecause it has withered and died.
ARANEA: I 8elieve I will 8e a8le to heal this offshoot.
ARANEA: And with enough time and patience, I am confident I can restore its vitality to such a gr8 extent, it will effectively take over as the alpha timeline, thus reducing English to a lost footnote of paradox space.
ARANEA: Then the new alpha timeline will flourish under my immortal care. I will watch over it for eternity, assuring peace and harmony everywhere. There will 8e a new progeny of universes, and those universes will 8eget more universes, and each will 8enefit from my good grace. I will personally make sure nothing like the English mishap ever occurs again.
ARANEA: I mean, this is mostly theoretical, of course.
ARANEA: 8ut the most important thing here is that I am involved now.
ARANEA: It is vital to all our interests that I at least TRY.
MEENAH: aight
MEENAH: so you just totally flipped your think pan is all
MEENAH: got it
ARANEA: I appreci8 the vote of confidence.
ARANEA: Are we a8out done here?
MEENAH: no
MEENAH: so your timeline healing fantasy aside
MEENAH: your plan is to just waltz in there
MEENAH: an knock over the whole session
MEENAH: you do realize that means youll have to take down my grownup self
MEENAH: like
MEENAH: not to blow my own conch but she is arguably the greatest deadliest most stylin badass who ever lived
ARANEA: I am aware.
ARANEA: 8ut there is no one who is in a 8etter position to deal with her than myself.
ARANEA: After all, who knows you 8etter than I? ::::)
MEENAH: ok yeah but
MEENAH: you aint exactly shoppin for her mindfang
MEENAH: she got all these sick powers yo
ARANEA: It's like I said.
ARANEA: I've had quite a long time to refine my a8ilities.
ARANEA: I will have a few tricks up my sleeve.
MEENAH: man
MEENAH: this is gonna go so terribubbly
ARANEA: Meenah, I must say your attitude is a little surprising.
ARANEA: I thought you were typically gung ho a8out such audacious escapades?
MEENAH: yeah well
MEENAH: theres audacious and then theres bald faced flipping insmanatee
MEENAH: beside
MEENAH: did you ever stop and think about me
ARANEA: What a8out you?
MEENAH: you being alive again
MEENAH: all runnin around stirring up trouble while im still a ghost
MEENAH: im gonna miss you
ARANEA: I'll miss you too, Meenah.
MEENAH: will i ever sea you again
ARANEA: I really don't know.
ARANEA: When you're trying to do the right thing, there is always sacrifice involved.
ARANEA: Remem8er? That's why we all died in the first place.
MEENAH: i guess
ARANEA: 8esides. I'm sure Vriska would approve of my plan.
ARANEA: May8e she can explain my reasoning 8etter than I have.
MEENAH: um no
MEENAH: actually serket deuce isnt down with this at all
ARANEA: What?
ARANEA: She isn't?
MEENAH: nope
MEENAH: she thinks you bein dumb as a fuck
ARANEA: What did she say, exactly?
ARANEA: Were those her exact words?
MEENAH: dunno
MEENAH: this aint the serket twin message reelay service
ARANEA: Is she there with you?
MEENAH: yeah
ARANEA: Can you put her on?
MEENAH: no
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vristext1.gif" border="0" />
MEENAH: no
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vristext2.gif" border="0" />
MEENAH: call her yourself
<.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/vristext3.gif" border="0" />
MEENAH: NO
MEENAH: bitch dont touch my clam
ARANEA: Very well.
ARANEA: You have 8oth made yourselves a8undantly clear.
ARANEA: I will go it alone. 8ut that's what I was signing up for in the first place, I suppose.
ARANEA: Good8ye, Meenah. Take care.

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Now then.
ARANEA: What to do a8out you?
ARANEA: Shall I continue to manipul8 you? Or will you comply with my orders if I decide to loosen my grip?
ARANEA: Perhaps the threat of 8eing controlled again will 8e enough to keep your capricious tendencies in check?
ARANEA: ........

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I guess it's a risk.
ARANEA: 8ut you seem so serene and compliant.
ARANEA: Alright. I will 8e gracious, and allow you some free will privileges.
ARANEA: Use them wisely, my trusty jongleur.

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
GAMZEE: MOTHER FUCK WHO'S ALL THIS FRESH PIMP RYDA I GOT MY WICKED PEEP ON FOR SUDDENLY? IT'S A MOTHER FUCKIN NINJALICIOUS HO-TITTY MIRACLE JACKED UP IN THIS BITCH ASS MOTHER FU--

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: No.

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Oh, wow. No.
ARANEA: You will not ever 8e speaking again. No.
ARANEA: Never, never, never again. Never.
ARANEA: Wow.
ARANEA: And I thought our Makara was awful. At least he had the decency to sew his mouth shut.

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Anyway, I have wasted enough time dithering around with fools.
ARANEA: There is much work to 8e done.

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: nubs mcshouty
MEENAH: come in shouty
MEENAH: do you read me
KARKAT: WHAT?
KARKAT: WHO'S THERE.

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: shouty is that you
KARKAT: YEAH.
KARKAT: I MEAN, NO.
KARKAT: THIS IS KARKAT.
KARKAT: IS THIS
KARKAT: IS THIS MEENAH?
MEENAH: yeh
KARKAT: OH.
KARKAT: HEY
KARKAT: LONG TIME NO, UH
KARKAT: I DIDN'T THINK I'D HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN.
KARKAT: NOT THAT I'M TELLING YOU TO PISS OFF OR ANYTHING, I'M JUST SURPRISED.
KARKAT: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
KARKAT: I MEAN
KARKAT: NEVER MIND. THAT'S A FUCKING STUPID QUESTION.
KARKAT: YOU'RE A GHOST.
KARKAT: YOU'RE STILL A GHOST, RIGHT?
KARKAT: UH
KARKAT: HEY LOOK
KARKAT: I KNOW WE MADE THOSE TENTATIVE PLANS WHERE I WAS GOING TO JOIN YOUR ARMY.
KARKAT: AND THEN I GUESS NOTHING REALLY CAME OF THAT, BECAUSE...
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS SOME SHIT CAME UP?
KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW THINGS GO.
KARKAT: ANYWAY, I'M SORRY I NEVER SAW YOU AFTER THAT, OR CALLED YOU, OR...
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS A FUCKING OPTION TO CALL YOU.
KARKAT: MAYBE SOMEONE COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT WAS AN ACTUAL FUCKING POSSIBILITY???
KARKAT: I KNOW, WHAT A CRAZY THOUGHT. USEFUL, PRACTICAL INFORMATION BEING IMPARTED TO ME IN SOME MANNER FOR ONCE IN MY FU--
MEENAH: shouty stfu

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: we got a whale of a problem here

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Crocker to Harley.
JANE: Come in Harley.
JANE: Do you read me?
JADE: yes :B
JANE: I suggest that you come to Derse right away.
JADE: what is it

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: We potentially have a problem here that is rather significant in size.

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Zzzzzz.

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Ooh neytiri...
JAKE: Zzz.
JAKE: Im learning so much about myself...
JAKE: Through your primitive culture...
JAKE: Snore.
NEYTIRI: Jake.

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Whats that neytiri?
JAKE: Snooze.
JAKE: Why yes...
JAKE: Of course i am open to exploring alien intercourse with you...
NEYTIRI: Jake.
JAKE: Do what with my tail now?
JAKE: Oh my...
JAKE: Zzzzzzzzzzz.
NEYTIRI: Jake, wake up.
JAKE: Hold your horses neytiri im doing my best here...
JAKE: You know mobility isnt my strong suit what with this wobbly pair of puppet legs god gave me...
JAKE: Slumber.
ARANEA: JAKE!!!!!!!!

09/05/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: BWUH???

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Greetings, Jake.
ARANEA: We meet again.
JAKE: Aranea?
JAKE: Wait this means im still dreaming doesnt it.
ARANEA: On the contrary!
ARANEA: You are awake now.
ARANEA: And I, alive.
JAKE: Hold the phone...
JAKE: Youre not a spooky ghost babe anymore?
JAKE: Girl! Ghost girl.
JAKE: (Dangit!)
ARANEA: No, Jake. I have returned from the dead for good.
ARANEA: And I have come for you.
JAKE: G-g-g-
JAKE: Gulp. :o
ARANEA: Surely you remem8er the first time we met? And what we talked a8out?
JAKE: Yeah.
JAKE: Um.
JAKE: Mostly?
ARANEA: I once spoke of your destiny. The one where8y you will deal the Lord of Time his first defeat. Do you recall?
JAKE: No.
JAKE: I mean...
JAKE: Maybe?
ARANEA: It doesn't matter. The plan has changed.
JAKE: It has?
ARANEA: Yes, Jake.
ARANEA: You see, in every hero of hope there dwells a gr8 hidden power, unrivaled 8y that of any other aspect.
ARANEA: And for a page, the journey to reach his full potential is longer than it is for any other class.
ARANEA: 8ut once that journey is over, how fearsome he 8ecomes!

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I am here to shorten that journey for you.
ARANEA: And in return for this favor, you will serve my needs.
JAKE: H-
JAKE: How?

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: There are many o8stacles within that are preventing you from accessing your true potential.
ARANEA: You cannot see them, Jake. 8ut I can.
ARANEA: I can see every fault and fissure in your mind. My vision 8-fold sheds light on every injury you have ever suffered, whether emotional or physical.

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I can repair it all for you, Jake.
JAKE: (Oh no...)

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I can heal your mind.
JAKE: (Oh n-n-n-)

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I can heal your soul.
JAKE: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-nooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: What's the matter?!
JAKE: Stop! Please stop!
JAKE: Why does everyone want to kiss me all the time!
JAKE: What did i ever do to deserve this sort of attention!
JAKE: I dont know what you all see in me i just dont understand it!
JAKE: Cant you see i just want you to LEAVE ME ALONE?
JAKE: CHEESE AND STUPID CRACKERS I AM A MAN NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!!!
JAKE: Waaah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!
JAKE: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
ARANEA: Wow, alright!!!!!!!!

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I'm sorry!
ARANEA: There! See?
ARANEA: I am respecting your personal 8oundaries. We don't have to kiss!
ARANEA: Good grief, that went poorly.
ARANEA: I only tried to kiss you 8ecause I knew you were attracted to me!
ARANEA: I thought I was doing you a FAVOR!
ARANEA: I don't know what I'm supposed to........
ARANEA: Sigh.
ARANEA: You really are a piece of work, Jake. Here I am, a literal mind reader, and I still can't figure you out.
ARANEA: 8ut you're right.
ARANEA: My advances were inappropri8te, and in the future I will try to 8e more respectful.

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I'm still going to heal you though.

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: It is nothing personal. There is simply no altern8tive.

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Your power is too important to my plan!

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: who took my ship??
JANE: I don't know.
JANE: When I arrived, it was already parked here.
JANE: Most illegally, I might add.
JADE: that is SO illegal
JADE: maybe we should call in some authority regulators to have it ticketed and towed
JANE: If you really wanted to relocate the vehicle, couldn't you just.
JANE: You know. Teleport it somewhere else?
JADE: yes
JADE: but i love watching those guys write their little tickets
JADE: theyre so cute
JANE: Indeed.
JANE: But observing adorable creatures issue citations will not address our problem.

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: do you think we should ask the condesce what to do?
JANE: I would rather not involve her in this matter.
JANE: We should be more than sufficiently equipped to handle it.
JADE: yes youre right
JADE: what would she think if we went whimpering to her every time some buffoon parked a battleship illegally
JANE: She would think we were a couple of silly children.
JADE: yeah
JADE: hmm
JANE: What?
JADE: maybe we should check on the prisoners again
JANE: That would be a logical course of action.
JADE: whoa
JANE: What?

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: something is happening...

09/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: SHAZAM!

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: eep

09/08/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: yeah i think ima stay invisible a while

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My god...
DAVESPRITE: what

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The power...

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's over...
DAVESPRITE: over what

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> IT IS E%CEEDING A CERTAIN AMOUNT IN QUANTITY

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: JAKE. CEASE POWERING UP AT ONCE.
JANE: YOU'RE DESTROYING EMPIRE PROPERTY!

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I don't think he can hear you right now.
ARANEA: The hope field is nigh impenetra8le!
JANE: Who are you?
ARANEA: Who. Me?
ARANEA: Oh........

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Just some no8ody.

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Harley.
JANE: You deal with Jake.
JANE: I will subdue the smug troll.
JADE: ok!

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/09/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/10/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: sorry jake you heard the lady
JADE: youre making a royal mess of the place
JADE: so im gonna have to zap you to the furthest ring!
JADE: what im saying is youve been very naughty and rambunctious so now you have to go outside
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext1.gif" border="0" />

09/10/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: what
JADE: what the...
JADE: why cant.....

09/10/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: why cant i zap you away!
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext2.gif" border="0" />
JADE: augh shut up!
JADE: your booming cornball exclamations are hurting my doggy ears!!!
JADE: come on jade
JADE: focus!
JADE: FOCUS damn you!

09/10/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: grrr!
JADE: its so hard to concentrate while i have to stare at his STUPID little shorts!
JADE: i didnt ask for this jake!
JADE: i never wanted to see my grandpa in a sexy pair of underpants!!!
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext3.gif" border="0" />

09/10/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: What's the hold up?
JADE: my powers...
JADE: cant seem...
JADE: to penetrate...
JADE: THE HOPE FIELD!!!
JADE: *pant pant*
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext4.gif" border="0" />
JADE: ALSO HE KEEPS DOING THAT!!!
JANE: So I have overheard.
JANE: Jake, your righteous ascension has been quite impressive.
JANE: But that is incredibly annoying.
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext5.gif" border="0" />
JANE: Oh, for Pete's sake.

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Well?
ARANEA: I thought you said you were going to su8due me.
ARANEA: I'm w8ting, miss Crocker.
JANE: What game are you playing, troll?
JANE: State your designs on my future husband.
ARANEA: Don't worry. I am only 8orrowing him temporarily as an equalizing force.
ARANEA: And once he has finished equalizing, I will tear your empire apart. ::::)
JANE: You will do no such thing.
ARANEA: Then it would seem the next move is yours.
ARANEA: I trust your weapon is not just for show.
ARANEA: Or did Her Condescension see fit to equip her heiress with a training fork?
JANE: .
JANE: .
JANE: My calculations say that it is highly probable you are enticing me into a trap.
ARANEA: It's no trap, I assure you.
ARANEA: I simply cannot 8e killed.
ARANEA: You see, as long as a certain charm remains in my possession, I am immortal.
ARANEA: Even more immortal than usual!
JANE: More immortal than usual??
ARANEA: Yes.
JANE: .
JANE: .
JANE: .
JANE: That's stupid.
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext6.gif" border="0" />
JANE: Good gravy.
JANE: Can't you shut him up?
ARANEA: Sadly, no.

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: alright jake
JADE: you win
JADE: if i cant zap you out of here then i have no choice but to let you stay
JADE: but i cant allow you to keep trashing the old ladys property
JADE: so ill just swap the planets instead!

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: dont you remember when we used to be pen pals jake?
JADE: how many times did i help you solve a tricky problem?
JADE: i am very very clever
JADE: whereas you...
JADE: lets face it
JADE: are not :p
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext7.gif" border="0" />

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: DAVE
KARKAT: COME IN DAVE.
KARKAT: DO YOU FUCKING READ ME.
DAVE: go

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext1.gif" border="0" />
DAVE: what?
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext2.gif" border="0" />
DAVE: what was that
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext3.gif" border="0" />
DAVE: dude your words are all muffled
DAVE: can you speak up
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext4.gif" border="0" />
DAVE: louder
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/karkat_blurtext5.gif" border="0" />
DAVE: louder man
DAVE: sound doesnt travel through foam too well

09/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: I SAID WE MAY HAVE A REALLY BIG FUCKING PROBLEM OVER HERE!!!!!!
DAVE: im on my way

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: oh my god
JADE: stop powering up already!!!
ARANEA: Don't listen to her, Jake!
ARANEA: Continue powering up for as long as you like. You're doing wonderfully!
JADE: GROWL!!!!!

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: you call that powering up?
JADE: hey i asked you a question gramps!
JADE: YOU CALL THAT POWERING UP?
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext8.gif" border="0" />
JADE: i will show you the true meaning of powering up
JADE: frankly your "hope field" is ridiculous and has nothing on the unlimited fury of THE GREEN SUN!!!

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: RRRR!
JADE: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!
JADE: RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: wait a minute...

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: why did i decide to swap derse with MY planet?
JADE: what was i even THINKING?!

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext9.gif" border="0" />
JADE: no...

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: impossible!

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: how can the power of hope be so...

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: POWERFUL????????????????????

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: rrrg
JADE: no
JADE: NO!!!
JADE: HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING TO ME?!

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: dont you realize who youre DEALING with?
JADE: i am GRIMBARK JADE dammit!
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext10.gif" border="0" />
JADE: I AM THE MOST POWERFUL DOGGY GIRL
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext11.gif" border="0" />
JADE: WHO HAS EVER EXISTED
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext12.gif" border="0" />
JADE: IN THE HISTORY OF PARADOX SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext13.gif" border="0" />
JADE: ooooof

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/13/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: JAKE.
JANE: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE JUST DONE TO OUR BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER?
JANE: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL. COME TO YOUR SENSES THIS INSTANT.
ARANEA: I know that you have a gr8 deal of fondness for your human family mem8er, even though you have 8een corrupted 8y an evil computer.
ARANEA: As such, it sincerely pains me to have to do this.
ARANEA: 8ut the moment she wakes up, she will simply 8ecome possessed again.
ARANEA: And then where would we 8e?
JANE: Wait.
JANE: Do what??

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Again, I am very sorry.
ARANEA: 8ut it must 8e done.

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/wizordofoz.jpg" border="0" />

09/14/13
"[S][A6A6I2] ====>"

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: alright mayor
DAVE: ive got to go now
DAVE: not sure why but
DAVE: i have a really bad feeling about all this
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: i dont wanna scare you or come off as too dramatic or anything
DAVE: but
DAVE: if i never see you again i just wanted you to know
DAVE: its been real man
DAVE: you were always there for me
DAVE: you shared my darkest hours
DAVE: my deepest secrets
DAVE: and ill never fucking forget it
DAVE: goodbye mayor

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: i love you

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: rose come in rose do you read me over
ROSE: Yes?
DAVE: you might want to get your ass in gear
DAVE: shits going down on lofaf
ROSE: Could you elaborate?

09/14/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: theres problems
ROSE: Then let us bounce.

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: First of all.

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: You've got some nerve.

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: I will return shortly to annihilate you. Stay put.
ARANEA: Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. ::::)

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Roxy.

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: I know you are there.
ROXY: (frick!)

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: (Mumble mumble hag mumble suck it grumble.)

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: (Mumble mutter my egregious patootie.)

09/15/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: .
JANE: .
JANE: ?
GAMZEE: :o)

09/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: You might as well come out of hiding so I can see you.
ARANEA: Ah yes. There you go!
ARANEA: Don't you look nice. I always did like the rogue outfit. And needless to say, I'm quite partial the void color scheme.
ROXY: im so fuckin flattered
ROXY: whore you
ARANEA: I 8EG your pardon?
ROXY: u heard me bitch
ARANEA: Oh.
ARANEA: "Who ARE you."
ARANEA: Yes. Ha ha.

09/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Who am I, you ask?
ARANEA: That is no short story, I'm afraid.
ARANEA: It all 8egan on a peaceful, idyllic planet called 8eforus.
ARANEA: Unlike the Alternian trolls, with whom you are no dou8t more familiar, my people were-
ROXY: wowee shut ur dumb blue mouth
ROXY: i been spying on ya
ROXY: and eavesdropping on all your smug trash
ROXY: and i couldnt help but notice that ring youre wearing
ARANEA: Yes.
ARANEA: What a8out it?
ROXY: thats johns ring aint it
ARANEA: John's ring?
ARANEA: 8ut John never rightfully owned it.
ARANEA: In fact, it was originally intended as a gift to my young descendant.
ARANEA: It's only fitting that I wear it, and 8ring additional glory to the Serket name.
ROXY: yo
ROXY: thats another insane and smug thing u said just there
ROXY: do you even listen to urself
ROXY: for real though we were gonna give that ring to callie
ARANEA: Hmm?
ROXY: callie my goddamn bffsy from space
ROXY: shes a ghost and i wanna save her from her bro
ARANEA: Ah yes. The female cheru8.
ARANEA: I am perfectly familiar with her plight, as well as the relevance she purportedly has with respect to her 8rother's downfall.
ARANEA: In fact, I was one of the first ever to theorize a8out that! :::;)
ROXY: SMUG
ARANEA: 8ut the situ8tion has changed. That is all ancient history now.
ARANEA: I'm sorry, Roxy. 8ut I have no use for your cheru8 friend in my plans.
ARANEA: She will not 8e playing a role of any significance.
ROXY: oh man
ROXY: oh man
ROXY: i way hate you
ARANEA: Come on, now. Don't say things you can't take 8ack.
ARANEA: I'm actually very nice!
ARANEA: We are just getting off on the wrong foot here.
ROXY: no no
ROXY: no no no no
ROXY: oh man i rly hate you
ROXY: i cant even explain it i never hated somebody so much by just a few smarmy words outta their grody chew hole
ROXY: eugh yechh ick ick blarff!
ARANEA: ........
ROXY: so yeh um
ROXY: now that i buttered you up and all gimme dat ring!!
ARANEA: No.

09/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: That was quite the 8lack solicit8tion though.
ARANEA: Unfortun8tely, I don't think I will 8e a8le to reciproc8 your feelings of hostility. I find you to 8e too charming.
ARANEA: Still, you do have a way with words. If we were compati8le in that quadrant, you might have swept me off my feet!
ROXY: bwuh??
ARANEA: 8esides, I don't have time for new relationships right now. Too many irons in the fire, as you can see.
ARANEA: It does get to 8e a little 8othersome having people fling themselves at you all the time. It's always 8een my curse.
ARANEA: Did you know just earlier today, your friend Jake could 8arely keep his hands off me? ;;;;)
ROXY: what
ROXY: no way
ROXY: ur a filthy liar
ARANEA: I've 8een known to em8ellish now and then.
ARANEA: Relax! I am just having some fun with you.
ROXY: ...
ROXY: wheeee
ARANEA: 8ut now the fun times are over.
ARANEA: I cannot have an invisi8le, intangi8le trou8lemaker tiptoeing around trying to sneak this ring off my finger.
ARANEA: So I'm afraid I will have to put you down.
ROXY: yeah right
ROXY: im a let you put me down over my dead body!!!
ARANEA: Don't 8e so dramatic.
ARANEA: Your 8ody will only 8e napping.

09/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Pleasant dreams.

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: hUff.

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: this is it then, is it?
CALLIOPE: am i to spend the rest of eternity hiding inside this vortex?
CALLIOPE: how can i go in search of myself if i am blown to smithereens the moment i set foot oUtside?
CALLIOPE: maybe the trUth is...
CALLIOPE: sUch a fate woUld be preferable to this.
CALLIOPE: i am so dreadfUlly lonely. u_u

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: have they all forgotten aboUt me?
CALLIOPE: i gUess i coUld not blame them for getting on with their lives.
CALLIOPE: after all, what Use am i?
CALLIOPE: the only remotely important thing there is for me to do is to go looking for a more important version of myself.
CALLIOPE: and i can't even bloody well do that mUch!
CALLIOPE: i was a fool to expect anything more from my life.
CALLIOPE: my kind was never meant to have friends.
CALLIOPE: still.
CALLIOPE: i wish i had not been so hasty in tossing roxy and her sUnny mUm from my hideoUt.
CALLIOPE: even if they woUld have attracted attention... so what?
CALLIOPE: jUst a little longer.
CALLIOPE: a little longer woUld have been nice.

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: :u
CALLIOPE: what's this now?
CALLIOPE: that doesn't look like one of my memories.
CALLIOPE: is...
CALLIOPE: is someone here?

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: hello?
CALLIOPE: ...........
CALLIOPE: who's there?

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: what's happening?
CALLIOPE: oh dear.
CALLIOPE: oh dear, this can't be good!
CALLIOPE: i'd better hide. :U

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: shoot, are those footsteps?
CALLIOPE: oh shoot, oh shoot.
CALLIOPE: gotta hide, gotta hide!

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: whoever is there...
CALLIOPE: don't come any closer!
CALLIOPE: (please don't, please don't.)
CALLIOPE: (i'm so scared and so miserable and so so lonely.)
CALLIOPE: i said don't come any closer!
CALLIOPE: i'm i powerfUl magician, i swear!
CALLIOPE: a magician who wants yoU to leave her alone!
CALLIOPE: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE GIRL BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!!

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hi!

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: its ok i wont hurt you. im a friend!
JADE: you can come out now
JADE: youre safe i promise!

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: jade?

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME YOU SHITFUCKING SHITFUCKER AUGH FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK.
GAMZEE: honk.
JANE: YOU SCURRILOUS FUCKSHITTING CAD. UNHAND ME SO I MAY RESURRECT MY ACCOMPLICE AT ONCE.
GAMZEE: honk honk.

09/17/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME THIS TIME YOU DETESTABLE POO ROGERING CHARLATAN.
GAMZEE: honk.
JANE: I DO NOT WANT TO BUY ANYMORE OF YOUR POTIONS. I ALREADY BOUGHT ALL THE USELESS SLOP I COULD EVER WANT FROM YOU, AND MADE A KILLING ON REDISTRIBUTION.
GAMZEE: HONK.
JANE: YOUR ENTREPRENEURIAL TACTICS LEAVE MUCH TO BE DESIRED. YOU ARE A DEPLORABLE BUSINESSMAN AND AN EVEN SHITTIER CLOWN. GET OFF ME.
GAMZEE: ...
JANE: DID YOU JUST TOUCH MY BOOB. DON'T TOUCH MY BOOB YOU FUCKFACED DUNG HUFFING TOILET GUZZLING IDIOT QUIPSTER SHITPECKER DICKLARK.
GAMZEE: :o)

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: uh
DAVE: what

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: oh no

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ohhhhh noooooooooooooo

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: shit shit shit shit shit

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: gamzee what happened here
DAVE: did you see what happened
DAVE: not gonna answer me huh
DAVE: youre just gonna keep manhandling johns evil mom and not tell me what jades doing under this house
DAVE: sweet jesus youre an awful dude

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Where did you come from?
ARANEA: I did not sense your approach.
DIRK: You can't sense what ain't real.
ARANEA: 8n't real?
ARANEA: It seems to me that you are quite real, Dirk.
DIRK: That's because my buddy Jake just helped me become a whole hell of a lot less fake.
DIRK: You see,
DIRK: He believes in me.
ARANEA: Hmm.
ARANEA: Honestly, Dirk. The convers8tion we are having right now 8ears a striking resem8lance to a8solute nonsense.
ARANEA: I recall once your dream self appeared out of thin air, just as you have done now.
ARANEA: And I did you the favor of helping you on your way. Don't you remem8er?
ARANEA: There's no need to thank me. I'm quite 8enevolent 8y nature. I prefer to do the right thing, even in situations where I'm not likely to receive credit for my good deeds.
DIRK: Holy shit.
DIRK: Can you stop saying stuff?
ARANEA: No need to 8e so rude. I'm just curious.
ARANEA: As an ancient and learned scholar, I'm versed in a wide range of unusual phenomena. However I must say I am flummoxed 8y the nature of your 8eing.
ARANEA: What exactly are you?

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: I am Brain Ghost Dirk.
DIRK: You kissed my boyfriend.
DIRK: Prepare to die.
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext14.gif" border="0" />
DIRK: Not helping, dude.

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: H11111Y4444!
GAMZEE: HONK.
DAVE: whoa yeah
DAVE: terezi with the dropkick ambush from the fuckin sky
DAVE: go terezi kick his ass
DAVE: still dont have the slightest clue whats going on here but i fully endorse this turn of events

09/18/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: terezi do you know whats going on here
DAVE: do you know what happened to jade
DAVE: and where the hell is karkat
DAVE: is he ok
DAVE: terezi
DAVE: terezi
DAVE: ok she looks pretty serious about stabbing that clown
DAVE: i can respect that
DAVE: what about you
DAVE: hey
DAVE: hey johns hot mom did you see what happened
DAVE: shit i mean
DAVE: johns evil mom
DAVE: did you happen to...
DAVE: damn
DAVE: ok that was a really embarrassing and inappropriate freudian slip there
DAVE: dont think im gonna rebound from that one
DAVE: im uh
DAVE: im gonna stop talking now

09/19/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: D1D YOU R34LLY B3L13V3 YOU COULD RUN FROM M3 FOR3V3R, M4K4R4?
TEREZI: WH4T M4D3 YOU TH1NK YOU COULD COMM1T YOUR CR1M3S, TH4T YOU COULD D3C31V3 M3, D3B4S3 M3, M4K1NG M3 F33L L1K3 R4NC1D C1RCUS TR4SH
TEREZI: ONLY TO SL1NK 4W4Y L1K3 4 F1LTHY CH33S3 CR1TT3R, W1THOUT 3V3R H4V1NG TO P4Y TH3 P1P3R???
TEREZI: D1D YOU HON3STLY TH1NK YOU WOULD N3V3R F4C3 JUST1C3?
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU H4V3 TO S4Y FOR YOURS3LF?
TEREZI: 4NSW3R M3!!!
GAMZEE: :o)
TEREZI: JUST 4S 1 THOUGHT
TEREZI: 1S 1T TH3 R3SPONS3 OF 4 R3L1G1OUS Z34LOT, SWORN TO 4 M1SGU1D3D VOW OF S1L3NC3?
TEREZI: OR 1S 1T TH3 R3SPONS3
TEREZI: OF 4 COW4RD!!!!!!!
GAMZEE: :o)
TEREZI: HOW 1 D3T3ST YOUR HORR1D "F41TH"
TEREZI: HOW 1 LO4TH3 TH3 SOD4 ST1CKY GROUND YOU KN33L UPON WH1L3 YOU B3LCH YOUR VULG4R HYMNS OF M1RTH
TEREZI: HOW 1 R3V1L3 YOUR...
TEREZI: W41T
TEREZI: *sn1ff sn1ff*

09/19/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: H3R...

09/19/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1TS H3R
TEREZI: SH3S H3R3!
TEREZI: WH4T 1S SH3 DO1NG H3R3?
TEREZI: 1T W4S SH3 WHO M4N1PUL4T3D M3 1NTO R3STOR1NG MY 3Y3S1GHT!
TEREZI: JUST 4S YOOOUUUU W3R3 TH3 ON3 WHO 1NST1G4T3D MY SP1R4L OF S3LF LO4TH1NG TO B3G1N W1TH
TEREZI: 1 N3V3R WOULD H4V3 CONS1D3R3D H3R S1LV3RY TONGU3D OFF3R 1N 4 M1LL1ON SW33PS 1F YOU H4D NOT PO1SON3D M3 SO
TEREZI: OH Y3S
TEREZI: 1T 1S 4LL TOO CL34R TO M3
TEREZI: YOU 4ND SH3 4R3 1N C4HOOTS NOW, 4R3NT YOU
TEREZI: 4R3NT YOU!!!
GAMZEE: :o)
TEREZI: 4DM1T 1T, M4K4R4
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 B3COM3 JUST 4NOTH3R LOWLY N1BBL3 V3RM1N SCURRY1NG 4FT3R TH3 S3DUCT1V3 TUN3 OF H3R FLUT3!
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 BOTH TH3 WORST K1ND OF SCUM TO M3. OPPOS1T3, 4ND Y3T 3QU1V4L3NT
TEREZI: 1T 1S L1K3 TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS H4NDBOOK S4YS
TEREZI: THOS3 WHO 4R3 CUT FROM TH3 S4M3 CLOTH
TEREZI: 4R3 F1T TO SW1NG FROM TH3 S4M3 ROP3!

09/19/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: JUST1C3 K1CK!!!!!!!

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Those were some nice moves.
ARANEA: I particularly enjoyed how you took a casual swing at my arm in the middle of that com8in8tion.
ARANEA: As if I am not perfectly aware that you understand the significance of this ring.
ARANEA: I know you must have overheard my convers8tion with Roxy.
ARANEA: Really, it is one of the gr8 disadvantages of having a reput8tion for offering detailed explan8tions.
ARANEA: When you inevita8ly start going on at length a8out your weaknesses, there are sure to 8e some eavesdroppers taking notes!

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: 8ut I really don't mind that you know my secret.
ARANEA: What kind of sport would I 8e if I didn't give you a fair shot at defeating me?
ARANEA: In fact, to show you what a generous and honora8le opponent I am, I will give you one free chance at disarming me.
ARANEA: I won't move an inch. I promise! Surely with your speed and swordsmanship, it will 8e a piece of cake.
ARANEA: Well?
ARANEA: Go on, Dirk. Have at it.
DIRK: ...

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: Y4!!!
TEREZI: F1GHT M3 YOU GUTL3SS POLTROON!

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1 S41D F1GHT B4CK!
TEREZI: WH4T, NOW OF 4LL T1M3S YOU C4NT BR1NG YOURS3LF TO R41S3 4 H4ND TO M3?
TEREZI: 4LL YOU C4N DO 1S GR1N L1K3 4N 1MB3C1L3??
TEREZI: UGH, STOP SM1L1NG!!!

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1 S41D W1P3 TH4T GR1N OFF YOUR F4C3
TEREZI: OR 1 W1LL P33L 1T OFF YOUR SKULL!!!
TEREZI: T4K3 TH4T! 4ND TH4T!!
TEREZI: OH Y3S, CLOWN. YOUR R3CKON1NG 1S 4T H4ND

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU TH1NK YOUR3 LOOK1NG 4T?
TEREZI: DR34M ON, M1R4CL3 BOY
TEREZI: CH13F D3PUTY PYR4LSP1T3 C4N DO NOTH1NG FOR YOU NOW!
TEREZI: NO ON3 C4N S4V3 YOU FROM YOUR JUDGM3NT!

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Observing this tomfoolery for several minutes has been time well spent. I have no regrets whatsoever.
JANE: On that authentic note, I shall resume my effort to resurrect my omnipotent daughter, and regain the tactical advantage.
JANE: As a being of cold, flawless reason and logic, I have no cause to anticipate further impediments to this simple objective.

09/20/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Son of a dick.

09/21/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: i said put her down!
DAVE: bad anthropomorphic dogs!
DAVE: youre so bad!
DAVE: oh my god
DAVE: you are literally being the worst pair of anthro dogs i ever saw
DAVE: drop that goddamn girl i mean it
DAVE: dont you woof at me
DAVE: bad!
DAVE: BAD!!!
DAVE: you dont think im serious?
DAVE: im serious as a drive to the fuckin vet
DAVE: im not joking you dumb mutts i mean business here
DAVE: see ive got a sword too!
DAVE: its sharp
DAVE: and its awesome
DAVE: and...
DAVE: its fucking welsh!!!!!

09/21/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ok listen
DAVE: jack and uh
DAVE: taller white jack
DAVE: clearly you are very loyal to jades corpse or whatever
DAVE: but you arent gonna help her by swiping the torso and growling at me like a pair of mangy assholes
DAVE: please
DAVE: just put her down
DAVE: look i got treats!
DAVE: i have snausages
DAVE: ok i dont have snausages
DAVE: i can get snausages!

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: do yoU remember anything yet?
JADE: ummm
JADE: not really :\
CALLIOPE: that's a pity.
CALLIOPE: i was hoping yoU might be able to tell me what my friends are Up to.

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i wish i could tell you
JADE: but im still drawing a blank on everything!
JADE: i dont even remember what i was doing when i fell asleep
JADE: or even
JADE: IF im sleeping
JADE: er...
JADE: how are you supposed to tell if youre a ghost or not?
CALLIOPE: ghosts have spooky blank eyes like me.
CALLIOPE: bUt only after they remember they died.
CALLIOPE: so Until yoU recall what happened, i am afraid neither of Us will know.
JADE: darn
CALLIOPE: there is one way to be sUre, i sUppose.
JADE: what?
CALLIOPE: i coUld Use some of my potent anti-sleeping majyyks on yoU to see if yoU wake Up.
JADE: anti sleeping magics?
JADE: i mean majyyks?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: bUt i mUst admit i am relUctant to do so, for selfish reasons. u_u
JADE: what reasons?
CALLIOPE: if yoU wake Up, yoU will disappear.
CALLIOPE: and i will be alone again.
JADE: aw
JADE: thats ok im in no hurry to go yet
JADE: or for that matter, to remember why im here
CALLIOPE: no?
JADE: i cant put my finger on it
JADE: but i have this awful feeling something bad happened
JADE: specifically something that happened because of me
CALLIOPE: really?
JADE: yeah :(
JADE: im worried i may have done some things i wouldnt be proud of
JADE: that maybe i could have even...
JADE: hurt some people
CALLIOPE: that is hard to believe.
JADE: i hope its just my imagination
JADE: in any case i feel like i could use some rest
JADE: and you seem very nice
JADE: so id rather relax here with you for a while than jump right back into...
JADE: whatever craziness is waiting for me out there
CALLIOPE: ^u^
JADE: by the way, i didnt catch your name...
CALLIOPE: i did not say it.
CALLIOPE: Using my fUll name coUld bring Us Unwanted attention.
CALLIOPE: instead yoU coUld refer to me by the name of my trollsona.
JADE: your trollsona?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: it's callie.
CALLIOPE: pleased to meet yoU. :u
JADE: nice to meet you too callie :)
JADE: but
JADE: what is a trollsona?
CALLIOPE: it is the profile of a fictional troll which i enjoy pretending to be.
CALLIOPE: see?
CALLIOPE: do yoU like her?
JADE: oh
JADE: OH!
JADE: i get it... you are not really a troll?
CALLIOPE: nope.
JADE: omg she is so cute
JADE: or i should say
JADE: YOU are so cute!
CALLIOPE: :U
JADE: what a good idea
JADE: do you think i could make a trollsona too?
CALLIOPE: oh, yes!
CALLIOPE: that woUld be so lovely.
CALLIOPE: can i help?
JADE: sure!
CALLIOPE: which blood coloUr woUld yoU choose?
JADE: the BEST color obviously
JADE: which is green, DUH :p
CALLIOPE: that's the coloUr of my blood too!
JADE: wow really??
JADE: thats perfect
JADE: our trollsonas can be like
JADE: blood sisters or such
JADE: i dont know enough about troll culture to use proper terminology...
JADE: but lets just say thats what we are
CALLIOPE: agreed.
CALLIOPE: blood sisters it is!
JADE: what should my horns look like?
JADE: oh and for that matter
JADE: should i have horns instead of my dog ears, or in addition to them?
CALLIOPE: definitely in addition!
CALLIOPE: yoUr pointy ears are splendid.
JADE: ok
JADE: hmm where would they go though...
JADE: jeez i think we might need to do some drawings to make her look right
CALLIOPE: oh yes, let's!!!

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: callie...
JADE: there is something very familiar about you
JADE: are you sure weve never met before?
CALLIOPE: i'm qUite sUre.
CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly have remembered meeting yoU.
JADE: but you did know my name...
CALLIOPE: well, yes.
CALLIOPE: i knew OF yoU.
JADE: hmmm
JADE: i cant shake the feeling that we have spoken before
JADE: maybe in an old dream i cant remember?
JADE: im not sure if its the sound of your voice or what
JADE: i dont recognize your face, but then thats not what you really look like is it?
CALLIOPE: no.
JADE: ...
CALLIOPE: before yoU ask, my actUal appearance is mUch less appealing, at least in my own view.
CALLIOPE: i woUld rather yoU didn't see it, if that's alright.
JADE: thats fine!
JADE: its not a big deal
JADE: if its true that weve met before, im sure ill remember in due time
JADE: lets not worry about it for now
CALLIOPE: okay.
JADE: by the way
JADE: what is with this stage?
JADE: is it from one of your memories?
CALLIOPE: no.
CALLIOPE: i thoUght it was yoUr memory?
JADE: i dont think so
JADE: it would seem to be some sort of imaginary figment that turned into a real object
JADE: i wonder why it looks like a drawing?
CALLIOPE: shrUg.
JADE: hey why dont you come up here and help me get these curtains open
JADE: since its the only thing weve got in this boring vortex we might as well try to have a little fun!
CALLIOPE: yeah!!

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: NO, YOU IDIOT!

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Oh, you idiots.
JANE: You stupid, stupid dogs.
JANE: I AM TRYING TO REVIVE HER!!!

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Fine.
JANE: If that is how you are going to be...

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: You leave me with no alternative.

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/22/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: No, come back!
JANE: You were supposed to drop her first.
JANE: MY CALCULATIONS SAID YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DROP HER FIRST!
DAVE: hey
DAVE: johns hot mom
DAVE: did you just say you can revive jade
JANE: Yes.

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: thats all i need to know
DAVE: wait here
DAVE: and whatever you do
DAVE: dont die ok

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: .

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Hot mom?

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: DAVE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/24/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/25/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: KANAYA WAIT UP!
KARKAT: YOU KNOW I CAN'T COMPETE WITH YOUR DRINKER FASTNESS.
KANAYA: My What
KARKAT: GOD DAMN IT.
KARKAT: WE'RE MISSING EVERYTHING!
KARKAT: HOW MUCH BULLSHIT IS IT THAT WE'RE PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY TWO ASSHOLES LEFT WHO CAN'T FLY?!
KANAYA: It Really Is Such Bullshit

09/25/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: DAVE?
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK
DAVE: cant talk chasing dogs

09/28/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Dirk, how long did you want our standoff to last?
ARANEA: Don't get me wrong. I am flattered you seem to enjoy my company so much.
ARANEA: 8ut you are missing a golden opportunity to sever my arm while I'm preoccupied with overconfident 8lather.

09/28/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Really, you would 8e doing me a favor 8y taking my arm.
ARANEA: It would 8ring me that much closer to following in the footsteps of my true self.
ARANEA: She was a very successful pir8, you know. She lost her arm in 8attle to a cunning adversary she underestim8ted, much like yourself.
ARANEA: Won't you help me 8ecome who I was always meant to 8e?
DIRK: Ugh.
DIRK: Shut up.

09/28/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: I'm not going to cut off your arm.
DIRK: It's such an obvious trap.
DIRK: You'll just put me to sleep or something. With your psychic powers, or maybe a long story.
DIRK: I have a better idea.
ARANEA: Oh?

09/28/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: If I can't get the ring off your finger,

09/28/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: I'll rip the soul out of your body.

09/28/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

09/28/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA:
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/aranea_aaaaaaah.gif" border="0" />

10/01/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: To 8e honest, I don't even want to hear any more.
VRISKA: Next time you have an upd8 on what my ancestor has 8een up to, please just keep it to yourself.

10/01/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: you sure
VRISKA: It's em8arrassing!
VRISKA: I cringe every time I think a8out her self-indulgent exploits.
MEENAH: mhm
VRISKA: Doesn't she realize this sort of thing never works?
VRISKA: You don't just go and insert yourself into the middle of all the action in the most hamfisted way possi8le just 8ecause you can't stand another second 8eing out of the spotlight.
VRISKA: That always goes horri8ly for everyone.
VRISKA: Even worse, it ends up making you look like an idiot.
VRISKA: And even MORE worse, it's making ME look like an idiot 8y associ8tion!
VRISKA: Why couldn't she have thought this through a little more?
VRISKA: Why couldn't she have at least TOLD us first?
MEENAH: shruggin ma shoulders yo
VRISKA: How is it that I understand this and she doesn't?
VRISKA: She's HOW much older than me?
VRISKA: Like a 8ajillion dream 8u88le sweeps or something?
VRISKA: All that experience and wisdom, and she's out there floundering around like fucking noo8.
MEENAH: (floundering)
VRISKA: It's so disheartening. She wants to 8e like Marquise so much, just like I used to.
VRISKA: 8ut she is NOTHING like her!
VRISKA: You kind of need to have a fuck ton of experience doing, you know... a lot of ruthless pir8tey shit 8efore you can pull that off?
VRISKA: You can't just 8e a 8ookish dwee8 all your life, then suddenly decide to flip the 8adass switch and expect people to take you seriously.
VRISKA: Also, to truly pull that off, it MIGHT help to actually 8e a goddamned adult.
VRISKA: I know, I must 8e totally off my swaychair for suggesting it. 8ut may8e, just MAY8E, there are certain roles and 8ehaviors which are 8est left to fully developed, grown ass people!
VRISKA: Not to sound like a wet 8lanket, 8ut my ancestor's journal contained some EXTREMELY mature content!
VRISKA: So now we have yet another stupid kid trying to fill the 8oots of a legendary pir8 queen, and it's amateur hour all over again.
VRISKA: All I can see in her is me when I used to........
VRISKA: And it makes me want to........
VRISKA: UGHHHHHHHH!
MEENAH: stop movin around all angry
MEENAH: you fuckin me up here
VRISKA: Sorry.
VRISKA: I'm just dismayed 8y some of the implic8tions of her actions.
VRISKA: Is this really how I came off when I used to pull this sort of shit?
MEENAH: dunno wasnt there
VRISKA: I have a sickening feeling it was just like this.
VRISKA: No wonder no8ody could stand me.
VRISKA: And here I am, 8itching at my ancestor like I know 8etter, like I've evolved 8eyond all that.
VRISKA: 8ut........
VRISKA: Have I really?
VRISKA: Do I go around thinking I'm smarter than I used to 8e, 8ut end up repeating all the same old patterns without even realizing it?
VRISKA: Was the plan to find this treasure and 8uild an army just a rest8tement of my immature, egomaniacal 8ullshit disguised as a more "strategically sensi8le" plan?
VRISKA: If I can apparently keep kidding myself a8out this crap forever, then how would I know the difference?
VRISKA: I guess the thing I h8 most a8out her stunt isn't that it's a dum8 plan, or that we weren't included.
VRISKA: It's that it's making me wonder if I can trust any of my own judgments, even after all this time.
MEENAH: thats some baller inward reflection serk
VRISKA: I don't know a8out that.
VRISKA: If it's so 8aller, why is it making me feel like shit?
MEENAH: thats what its supposed to do i think
MEENAH: but like
MEENAH: tempurarily?
VRISKA: I guess.
VRISKA: What a8out you?
VRISKA: Does any of this reson8 at all?
VRISKA: I know you used to stir up shit with your friends.
VRISKA: You must have done some outrageous things which you thought were necessary for the good of the team. When you look 8ack, do you ever wonder what you were thinking? Or if you ever truly evolved?
MEENAH: na
VRISKA: Oh, come on.
VRISKA: Don't leave me hanging in self dou8t lim8o here.
VRISKA: Gimme SOMETHING, Peixes.
MEENAH: haha
MEENAH: i dont know maybe??
MEENAH: sea my thing is
MEENAH: i dont verbally torture my cray schemes like all the serket girls
MEENAH: and that works ok for me
MEENAH: guess i made some mistakes but who really gives a flip
VRISKA: You don't care if you make mistakes?
MEENAH: not like you and she do
MEENAH: araneas deal is
MEENAH: what shes doin now isnt much different from how she always did stuff
MEENAH: the stuff she does is never about the things shes actually doing
MEENAH: its about what those things M-EAN and makin sure everyone KNOWS what they mean
MEENAH: and above all makin sure everyone understands how important she is cause shes obviously the source of all that critical M-EANING without which all action would be pointless right?
MEENAH: but thats not how i rolled
MEENAH: i just
MEENAH: did shit
MEENAH: and the shit i did
MEENAH: meant only the things the shit accomplished
MEENAH: and if that shit accomplished a dumb thing that sucked
MEENAH: then i guess thats what you call a mistake and oh fuckin well
MEENAH: mistakes aint make me feel too bad since i dont really connect results with my shelf worth
MEENAH: ya feel me
VRISKA: YES.
VRISKA: That is so right on.
VRISKA: If you asked me a long time ago, I'm sure I would have insisted that's exactly how I felt a8out everything I did too.
VRISKA: 8ut I don't know if that's true anymore.
VRISKA: In fact, I'm sure that WASN'T true.
VRISKA: I was always invested as hell in the consequences of everything I did, and how it made me look.
VRISKA: And how it made me feel a8out myself especially.
MEENAH: ok i will admit
MEENAH: i always felt hella bad about decisions leavin me with less gold
MEENAH: glub damn
MEENAH: feel a tide a shame wash over me just thinkin about going broke
VRISKA: Well of course.
VRISKA: Who the fuck wants to 8e poor?
VRISKA: That's for losers.
MEENAH: word

10/01/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Anyway, I have no idea what to do now.
VRISKA: Her ill-advised power play has ruined everything.
MEENAH: well
MEENAH: we still have this treasure here
MEENAH: why dont we just do the shit without her
MEENAH: you could whip up another ghost army
MEENAH: march it strait to english and start beatin him down
VRISKA: I don't think so.
MEENAH: why not
VRISKA: If you want to know the truth........
VRISKA: When we were manipul8ting all those ghosts, Aranea was doing most of the work.
VRISKA: Her a8ilities are a lot more advanced than mine. I guess 8ecause she's 8een around for so long?
VRISKA: I was kind of riding her coattails, making it seem like it was a true colla8oration 8etween us.
VRISKA: It was actually very nice of her to allow people to get that impression. She didn't have to.
VRISKA: I should have just told every8ody that. I guess I wanted to 8elieve it too. Like we were equal partners in crime. Ancestor and descendant united at last, and working gr8 together.
VRISKA: I hope you don't think that makes me a huge phony.
MEENAH: why would i give a fish about that
VRISKA: Yeah.
VRISKA: You're right, you wouldn't.
VRISKA: I shouldn't 8e saying needy shit like that.
VRISKA: I'm just a 8it depressed, 8ecause it feels like I'm running out of friends all over again.
MEENAH: i hear you
MEENAH: she ditched me too
MEENAH: cant blame her i guess
MEENAH: what can i say girl loves her piratesona
MEENAH: she wanna be dat pirate chick so bad
MEENAH: who am i to fault ambition
MEENAH: she cast her lure into the lake of cute but dumbass dreams
MEENAH: i think her mindfang ideal is ridic to be lochness with you
MEENAH: that journal man
MEENAH: tales from the pirate who wont shut up
MEENAH: but then
MEENAH: im not one to talk about hero worship
MEENAH: i think my adult self happens to be the best best greatest most perfect beautiful woman -----EV-----ER an if you axed me if i wanted a crack at her job id be like glub yes put me down for T)(AT
MEENAH: so i legit hope it works out for her
MEENAH: but yeah
MEENAH: that dont mean i didnt get ditched
MEENAH: and that just
MEENAH: 38(
MEENAH: makes me reel sad
VRISKA: Same.
MEENAH: you sure we cant salvage the plan without her
VRISKA: I don't know.
VRISKA: Possi8ly?
VRISKA: The way I was picturing it, a major feature of the original three pronged approach was to use the army to lead a first wave assault against him.
VRISKA: Then while he was preoccupied 8y all those ghosts swamping him, I would go in for the kill with the secret weapon.
VRISKA: So without an army, I guess we'd need to get close enough to him to use it 8efore he killed us.
MEENAH: like uh
MEENAH: sneak up on him?
VRISKA: I guess.
VRISKA: 8ut I get the feeling Lord English is not the kind of guy you can just sneak up on.
MEENAH: kay what if
MEENAH: i found some way to teleport over to him
MEENAH: and i beat the shit out of him with my wrestling moves
MEENAH: then you bust out the weapon
VRISKA: Hahahaha.
VRISKA: That would 8e awesome, if somewhat implausi8le.
VRISKA: I guess we can think it over.
VRISKA: 8ut if we're getting real here, this has all made me feel pretty lukewarm on the plan.
VRISKA: Aranea checking the fuck out. And me recoiling at her hu8ris, which is o8viously just........
VRISKA: My OWN 8ullshit, getting thrown 8ack in my face?
VRISKA: It's a 8it much.
VRISKA: You have to 8e a8le to trust your own judgment to make good plans, right?
VRISKA: I don't know if I do anymore.
VRISKA: I certainly don't right now.
VRISKA: Remem8er when our crew started re8elling against me in that cave, and I was kind of lashing out?
VRISKA: I think I might have 8een forcing it a little?
VRISKA: Like that whole dramatic speech I gave when I jumped into the flaming pit.
VRISKA: Was that really a genuine thing, or like, a desper8te last attempt to 8e who I think I should 8e?
MEENAH: that was badass though
MEENAH: i mean yeah you were chewin the scenery an being hammy as fuck but i thought it was cool and kinda funny
VRISKA: It wasn't supposed to 8e funny though!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: oh
VRISKA: Ah man.
VRISKA: I really don't know what to do.
VRISKA: I'm too depressed to think proactively a8out any of this.
VRISKA: May8e the truth is I don't even care all that much if anyone stops Lord English.
VRISKA: I think all I really cared a8out was getting to do it myself.
MEENAH: thats a good enough reason if you ask me
MEENAH: but hey if you aint feelin it you aint feelin it
VRISKA: What if we just........
VRISKA: Gave up on the mission?
MEENAH: gave up
VRISKA: Yeah.
VRISKA: What do you think.
MEENAH: um
MEENAH: sure
VRISKA: Sure?
VRISKA: You don't think that would 8e a wussy move?
MEENAH: well yeah
MEENAH: it would be
MEENAH: if a couple of cowards did it
MEENAH: but that aint us
MEENAH: so we cool to do whatev
VRISKA: That's a very good point.
MEENAH: nofin wrong with stickin a fork in a shit idea that just makes you miserable
MEENAH: hell the best choice i ever made involved givin up
MEENAH: one day i said
MEENAH: fuck da throne
MEENAH: ran off to the moon
MEENAH: thats how this whole crazy mess kicked off
MEENAH: and if i didnt do that
MEENAH: i wouldnt of met you 38)
VRISKA:
VRISKA: ::::)

10/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: JAKE, YOUR HOPE FIELD IS DISSIPATING!
DIRK: COME ON MAN, YOU DON'T NEED TO RELY ON HER TO KEEP BELIEVING!
DIRK: TRY AND HOLD YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FOR JUST A LITTLE LONGER!
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/jake_bigtext15.gif" border="0" />
DIRK: GOD DAMN IT, JAKE!

10/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Mr. Strider?
DIRK: ...
ROSE: What are you doing to this troll, if I might ask?

10/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: GET HER THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

10/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Gotcha.

10/03/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: WHY WONT YOU F1GHT B4CK?!

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: WHY WONT YOU S4Y SOM3TH1NG??!!

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: WHY WONT YOU D13???!!!!

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Forgive me, Jake.

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/04/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Good GRIEF, that was painful.

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
GAMZEE: TeReZi...
GAMZEE: wHoA.
GAMZEE: PlEaSe StOp.
GAMZEE: YoU'rE mOtHeRfUcKiN...
GAMZEE: hUrTiNg Me. :o(

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: OH...

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: OH GOD

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: WH4T H4V3 1 DON3

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1...
TEREZI: 1M SORRY!

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
GAMZEE:
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/BLOODHONK.gif" border="0" />

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/07/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: GAMZEE!
ROSE: STOP THAT!!

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Or, wait.
ROSE: Is this some sort of blackrom thing?
ROSE: I certainly hope not.

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Think, Lalonde. Think!
ROSE: What did Kanaya tell you about this quadrant?
ROSE: Does it really involve such gruesome fisticuffs?
ROSE: I...
ROSE: I can't remember!
ROSE: I was probably drunk during that particular lesson.
ROSE: What am I saying.
ROSE: I was drunk for all the lessons!
ROSE: Ugh, what a disgrace.
ROSE: I am the actual worst auspistice who ever lived.
ROSE: THE ACTUAL WORST!!!

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: TEREZI...

10/11/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: NO

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Pardon me...
JAKE: Sir jester?
JAKE: I dont know what this masked bandit has done to deserve such a throttling...
JAKE: Something sufficiently felonious i presume?
JAKE: But it is hard to imagine she has not been punished enough and then some.
JAKE: Perhaps you could um...
JAKE: If its not much bother...
JAKE: See to...
JAKE: Unhanding the lady?
JAKE: Maybe?
GAMZEE: ;o)
ROSE: ENOUGH!

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I don't care if it IS some sort of grisly courtship ritual.
ROSE: THIS HAS TO STOP!

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: OH ******HELL****** NO

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: LET HER GO THIS *INSTANT* YOU HEINOUS COD PACKING SHIT MIME!
KARKAT: WE AREN'T GONNA HUG IT OUT *THIS* TIME BRO, I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!
GAMZEE: honk.

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: WHAT THE

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARANEA: Oh shit.

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/16/13
"[A6A6I2] ====>"

10/17/14
"ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 3"

WELCOME BACK.

(AGAIN.)

10/18/14
"YOUR UNIMPATIENCE HAS BEEN APPRECIATED."

I CAN ONLY ASSUME. THAT WAITING FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF MY VAUNTED SERIES, "HOMOSUCK". WAS AS TIME CONSUMING FOR YOU. AS IT WAS FOR ME.

I HAVE BEEN WORKING MY ASS OFF. LIKE ONE OF YOUR HUMAN MOTHERFUCKERS. AT PERFECTING MY CRAFTS MANSHIP.

YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING IF THE FRUITS OF MY LABORIOUS TOIL. WERE EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL.

I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER TO BE THE FOLLOWING WORD.

10/18/14
"YES!!!!!!!!!!!"

I HAVE DONE IT. WHERE THE FINE ARTS ARE CONCERNED, I HAVE REACHED THE PINNACLE OF ACHIEVEMENT MOUNTAIN. I STAB MY CANE INTO THE PEAK (LIKE A FLAG), THUS MAKING A SNOWY AVALANCHE. ON TO THE HATERS BELOW!

JEALOUS MUCH, FAT ASS???

10/18/14
"HOW DID I DO SUCH A SENSATIONAL FEAT? YOU ASK."

THE MYSTERY TO SUCCESS. LAY HIDDEN AMIDST THE BYZANTINE MANGAS. ALL ALONG.

THESE OCCULT WIZARDRIES OF THE BRUSH. PURLOINED FROM COOL SCROLLS OF WISE MEN FROM THE EARTHLING EAST. HAVE BEEN GATHERED FOR MY STUDIOUS PERUSAL INSIDE A SEDUCTIVE TOME. EMBLAZONED WITH A FRIVOLOUS TART.

HOWEVER, MASTERING EACH SLY GAMBIT OF THE TRADE. IS NO EASY TASK.

AND YET EASILY MASTERING THEM. WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY. IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID!

10/18/14
"THIS FACT IS CALLED A *GAME CHANGER*."

TO PROFESSIONALS IN THE BUSINESS, THAT IS.

PREVIOUSLY. BEFORE I LITERALLY TRANSFORMED. INTO THE SUPREME DOUJINSHI MAN GAKA, STANDING BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES. I MADE SOME PREDICTABLE PLANS. REGARDING WHAT GOES NEXT IN MY STORY.

I GOT EVERYTHING READY. I DREW ALL OF "THE TROLLS". LOOK. ALL OF YOUR FAVORITES ARE HERE.

UH...

10/18/14
"KRABKRAB. HONK FRIEND. CAPE DOUCHE."

10/18/14
"SMELLY HORSE MAN. OTHER GUY. BULL HORN WIMP."

10/18/14
"AND LEST WE FORGET. A SALTY ARRAY. OF MISCELLANEOUS BITCHES."

10/18/14
"OH. ALSO. THE BEFORE TROLLS. IN CASE OF EMERGENCY"

SUCH AS IN CASE I WAS IN NEED. OF MORE FICTITIOUS IDIOTS TO MURDER. INSIDE MY DRAWINGS.

10/18/14
"BUT THESE PORTRAITS ARE NOW A MOOT POINT."

ALL OF THIS WRETCHED TRASH. GOES IN THE PLACE WHERE IT BELONGS. WHICH IS TO SAY, THE *GARBAGE*.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE AN ARTIST. SOMETIMES YOU CHANGE YOUR IDEA PLANS. BECAUSE THEY SUDDENLY SEEM TERRIBLE. DUE TO YOUR ASTRONOMICAL STRIDES IN CREATIVE MASTERY.

THESE WERE THE PIXEL PUPPETS. OF A LAUGHABLE AMATEUR. THEY ARE BENEATH ME NOW. MUCH LIKE YOU ARE.

BUT IN SPITE OF ALL OF YOUR BAD SHORTCOMINGS. I WILL LET YOU OBSERVE MY ARTISTIC BREAKTHROUGHS. BECAUSE OF HOW PROUD OF THEM I AM. AND WATCHING PEOPLE BE IMPRESSED AT MY DRAWINGS. EVEN DUMB JERKS. MAKES ME FEEL GREAT ABOUT MYSELF AND MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

10/18/14
"BEHOLD, MY EXCLUSIVE PRIVATE GALLERY."

ABRA CAFUCKING DABRA YOU NASTY SHITNERDS.

READ IT AND WEEP!!!

(AND TELL ME HOW GOOD YOU THINK IT ALL IS. THANKS.)

10/18/14
"OK, THAT'S ENOUGH ADMIRATION. BACK TO OUR STORY."

LOOK WHO JUST SWAGGERED INTO YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

IT'S GOD'S GIFT. TO "THE YAOIS". MY RESEARCH TELLS ME.

GET A LOAD OF THOSE BABY REDS.

10/18/14
"YOU MAY RECOLLECT. THAT THIS BLUSHING BISHONEN DREAM BOAT."

IS OUR ALPHA MALE.

NOT THAT I BLAME YOU FOR NOT RECOGNIZING HIM. FROM HIS ONCE PREVIOUSLY ODIOUS VISAGE, OF BEFORE.

BUT NOW, BY MY SKILLFUL HAND. THIS GORGEOUS MALE HERO. HAS BEEN ALLOWED TO RADIATE. WITH THE SUPREME DIVINITY. OF BOYMANGA HEAVEN.

10/18/14
"OH MY. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?"

DON'T LOOK NOW. BUT ANOTHER BASHFUL BISHIE APPROACHES THE STAGE.

IT'S OUR TROLL MALE. KRAB GUY. QUITE A TEMPER, THIS ONE! HE BELLOWS HIMSELF HOARSE DAILY. AT OUR SMART TALKING. GIVE NO FUCK. ALPHA MALE.

THESE MOE BROS PUT THE PAL, IN PALPABLE CHEMISTRY. THE KIND OF WHICH IS BAD, AS WELL AS EROTIC. THE SAGE ELDERS OF MANGA DESCRIBE THE QUADRANT THEY OCCUPY, AS I QUOTE "TSUNDERE". IT IS A TEMPESTUOUS LIAISON OF MUTUAL GRIEVANCE. AND YET, DEEP DOWN. THEY KNOW IN EACH OTHER'S HEART THAT THEY ARE SOLID DUDES.

10/18/14
"OK. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING."

THIS IS WRONG. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? THE TOUCHING. THE TENDERNESS.

I KNOW IT. YOU KNOW IT. LET'S NOT PLAY A GAME WITH EACH OTHER.

WHERE, PER CHANCE, ARE THE BITCHES? I CAN HEAR YOU ASK.

YOU RAISE AN EXCELLENT POINT.

10/18/14
"BUT HEAR ME OUT!"

THE MANGAS PLAY BY DIFFERENT RULES. YOU'LL AGREE WITH THIS. WHEN YOU HEAR THE FACTS OF MY RATIONALE.

NATURALLY SUCH MAUDLIN DISPLAYS. OF TOUCHING AND SIMPERING. HAVE NO PLACE. WHERE ONLY COCKSURE, MASCULINE GENTLEMEN ARE PRESENT.

HOWEVER. BY THE MAN GAKA'S ILLUSIONRY. HE CHANGES EVERYTHING! WHERE BEFORE OUR MALES WERE COARSE. CHISLED. AND CRUDELY ANGULAR. BUILT FOR PRIME TIME. LIKE A FUCKING GARBAGE TRUCK. PLOWING THROUGH THE WALL. OF AN INDUSTRIAL BEEF MILL. SO CUT. SO *MAXED OUT*. THAT THEY COULD ONLY PROVOKE INSIDE A YOUNG MAN. THOUGHTS OF *RAW POWER*. NEVER DEBAUCHERY!!!

UNTIL NOW, THAT IS. BECAUSE OF MANGA. AND ITS INHERENT CAPABILITY TO TRANSFORM ALL THAT IS HARD AND CRUEL. INTO FIGURES OF SUBLIME BEAUTY. I FIND THIS ARTIFICE TO BE. MUCH LIKE THE SIREN SPELL OF THE TRICKSTER. YET, IMPOSSIBLY. EVEN MORE HAUNTING IN ITS ALLURE.

10/18/14
"I MUST SAY. THE ARTISTIC PLOY. IS INGENIOUS."

IT OPENS UP SO MANY POSSIBILITIES. TO THE FIEND OF INDECENT SMUT. WHERE BEFORE, IT WAS ALL BUT IMPOSSIBLE. TO RENDER TRULY *****SENTIMENTAL***** IMAGERY, WITHOUT RESORTING TO BABES AND BIMBOS GALORE. DUE TO THE UTTERLY UNACCEPTABLE HAPPENSTANCE WHERE IN MACHO GUYS ARE PHYSICALLY POIGNANT WITH EACH OTHER. WHICH TO REASONABLE MEN IS THE MOST UNWELCOME PERSUASION OF LECHERY. OR THAT IS, IT WAS...

UNTIL NOW!

LOOK HOW SMART THIS HOAX IS. THANKS TO MANGA. SEE. THROUGH THE ELEGANCE OF BEAUTY AND FINESSE. IT SOFTENS THE UNCOUTH MALE EXTERIOR. BEVELING THE ANGLES OF PURE MUSCLE. TAMING HIS INCREDIBLE ANGRINESS. AND BY THE FLUSHING OF CHEEKS. THE DEWING OF BROW. THE GLASSING OF EYES. ONE BRINGS OUT OF ANY BRUTE, HIS TRUE INNER BISHIE. WHICH ACTUALLY IS MANGANESE. FOR A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING DUDE.

IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, BASICALLY THE IDEA IS. YOU PRETEND THEM TO LOOK MORE LIKE GIRLS. TO MAKE IT LESS WEIRD FOR EVERYBODY WHEN THEY DECIDE TO TOUCH EACH OTHER.

I MEAN. IT IS REPULSIVE TO WITNESS. DO NOT GET ME WRONG.

BUT YET, IT REMAINS...

10/18/14
"MAGICAL IN ITS FORBIDDENALITY."

10/18/14
"OH, BUT WHAT'S THIS?"

AN AMOROUS FEMALE SASHAYS INTO THE SEXUAL PICTURE. TO SPOIL THE BOY FUN.

10/18/14
"IT'S NONE OTHER. THAN WHAT'S HER FACE."

DON'T BE DECEIVED. BY THE FACT THAT THIS FELINE FLOOZY IS TOO UNIMPORTANT FOR ME TO BOTHER NAMING. THIS IS AN *ORIGINAL CHARACTER*. WHO SHALL NOT BE STOLEN. PLEASE RESPECT MY PROPERTY.

THIS SACCHARINE TWIT HAS SOME INTERESTS, WHICH INCLUDE.

1. GIGGLING.

2. MAKING ME PUKE.

3. USING CAT WORDS, INSTEAD OF NORMAL WORDS.

4. SERVING NO PURPOSE.

5. WEARING STUPID CLOTHES.

6. PROBABLY SMELLING HORRIBLE.

10/18/14
"7. GETTING MURDERED IN DRAWINGS."

UM, CAN SOMEONE SAY OWNED? MOVING ON.

10/18/14
"WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?"

"HELLO BOYS", THIS PLUCKY STRUMPET SEEMS TO SAY WITH HER EYES. SHE IS LOOKING TO HORN THE FUCK IN. ON OUR TWO TOP DOGG'S ILLEGAL PASSION PARADISE. SHE IS NO DOUBT HOPING FOR... *MUCHAS SMOOCHES*

FAT CHANCE SISTER!!!

10/18/14
""IDIOT GIRL NUMBER WHATEVER" LIKES:"

1. TOTAL FAILURE.

2. GETTING FRIEND ZONED BY QUALITY MALE HONCHOS.

3. LIVING IN PERPETUAL DISGRACE.

4. BEING A COMPLETE FUCKING THIRD WHEEL TO SOME COOL BOYS.

5. NOT BEING WORTH THE ALPHA MALE'S TIME OF DAY.

6. NOT BEING WORTH THE KRABKRAB'S TIME OF DAY.

10/18/14
"7. NOT BEING WORTH ANYTHING. (A.K.A. "WORTHLESS")"

BYE.

10/18/14
"HERE COMES ANOTHER PRIME O.C. OF MINE, HOT OFF THE PRESS."

NOT TOO SHABBY, RIGHT? YOU CAN JUST TELL THIS "LUCKY LADY" IS BRIMMING WITH CHUTZPAH.

ME THINKS SHE WILL BE A VERY CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTER. WITH EXCESSIVE COMPLICATIONS. AND AMBIGUOUS MORAL STUFF. IN HER PERSONALITY BULLET POINTS.

HER TRAITS AND OTHER SUCH CHARACTER THINGS. WILL BE A LOT TO LIST. WHICH IS FINE, BECAUSE IT WILL HELP YOU BELIEVE MY CREATION IS MORE INTERESTING. IN FACT. THIS IS ONE SUCH ADVANTAGE OF DOMINATING ALL KNOWN MANGA AS I HAVE DONE. WHEN YOU'RE THIS GOOD, AND BRILLIANT. YOU DON'T EVEN REALLY NEED TO "TELL STORIES" ANYMORE. YOU CAN JUST MAKE SOME CHARACTERS. AND LIST THEIR VARIOUS QUALITIES EXTENSIVELY. AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH.

THE MANY. MANY INTRIGUING PERSONAL FACTS. OF THIS TRUCULENT FEMALE PROVOCATEUR. SHALL BE LISTED EXTENSIVELY.

10/18/14
"AS FOLLOWS:"

SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING TO BE RELEVANT. KEEP DREAMING BITCH!

10/18/14
"IT THINK WE'VE WASTED ENOUGH TIME ON THESE NOBODIES."

DON'T YOU? LET'S DROP THE BULLSHIT. AND STOP FUCKING AROUND.

YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING. "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS MAYHEM?" YOU ASK.

10/18/14
"UH OH. HERE HE COMES."

DON'T LOOK NOW. BUT IT'S NONE OTHER. THAN THE BIG MAN HIMSELF.

10/18/14
"DAAAAAAAAAAAMN."

WHO YOU ASK, IS THIS BROODING BEAUTIFUL DUDE?

THIS IS YOURS TRULY. MY SELF INSERTION GUY. WHICH IS MY PREROGATIVE TO DO AS AN ARTIST. I LEARNED THIS FROM MY "MASTER". THE WISE ASSED GHOST WHO HAUNTED MY COMPUTER. HE WAS THE BEST THERE WAS AT STUFF LIKE THIS, HE TOLD ME ONCE. TRULY, HE WAS QUITE THE PIECE OF SHIT.

10/18/14
"SERIOUSLY. CAN I GET A GOD DAMN?"

ASK ANY DECORATED SCHOLAR TO THE SCHOOL OF MANGA, AND HE WILL SAY. BEFORE YOU STANDS THE YAOIEST MOTHERFUCKER WHO EVER LIVED. ALL THINGS ABOUT THIS GORGEOUS BASTARD TELL YOU LOUD AND CLEAR. THIS IS A MAN OF CLASS AND STYLE.

HE IS DRESSED TO KILL. (LITERALLY! HAHA, YESSS.) LOOK AT THIS FANCY DAN, STRUTTING HIS STUFF AND DAPPER AS FUCK. YOUR BOY HERE PEACOCKS HARD AT HONIES APLENTY, NEGGING THE BITCHES AND CLOSING THE HOES IN A COAT THAT IS FIT FOR A LORD. LOOK AT THAT GOD DAMN COAT. I DON'T KNOW HOW HE GETS THAT COAT? PROBABLY DUE TO A SHENANIGAN THAT TAKES PLACE LATER. I DOUBT IT MATTERS THAT MUCH. IT LOOKS GREAT THOUGH, AND I LOVE IT.

10/18/14
"ALSO, HOW ABOUT A HAT?"

SURE, WHY NOT. THE HAT IS NOT CANONICAL TO MY FANON, BUT I DO NOT SEE THE HARM IN SUCH A DIGNIFIED ACCESSORY. AH YES, PERFECT. WHO COULD EVER BE ACCUSED OF BEING AN ASSHOLE WHILE WEARING THAT?? NOBODY.

OH, ALSO. SICK NASTY GREEN ELECTRICITY WINGS? FUCKING CHECK. I THINK WE ARE GOOD TO GO HERE.

10/18/14
"BIG MAN: HOLLER FOR YOUR WOMAN."

HIS WOMAN, THAT ELABORATE TRAMP FROM THE SURFACE OF THE TOME, HUSTLES TO THE SIDE OF HER DEBONAIR HOT SHOT. "MY'LADY" HE DOFFS RATIONALLY. THE MAN BRIMS WITH INTELLECTUAL IDEAS SHE WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. HE KNOWS MANY THINGS, ABOUT THE WORLD, AND BEING STRONG. BUT YET... HE STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHO SHE IS. THE GODDESS OF MANGA, PERHAPS?

IT IS NO MATTER. SHE MUST BOW DOWN BEFORE HER LORD. AS MUST YOU ALL SOME DAY.

10/18/14
"GODDESS OF MANGA: BOW DOWN."

SHE BOWS BEFORE YOU SUBMISSIVELY IN A SUBSERVIENT MANNER. EVERYTHING IS CORRECT ABOUT THE SITUATION. YOU THINK SHE'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE, AND IT MAKES YOU FEEL WEIRD PHYSICALLY. AND YET, UNLIKE YOUR SISTER, SHE KNOWS HER PLACE. AND HAS NO OPINIONS OR WORDS TO REMARK ABOUT.

I MEAN...

NOT TO IMPLY THAT ANY OTHER ASPECT OF HER IS LIKE YOUR SISTER. LIKE BEING ATTRACTIVE. WOW. WHAT? READ INTO STUFF MUCH? YOU DECIDE YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS. YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS TOPIC STARTING AS OF IMMEDIATELY.

ALL IS WELL AND IDEAL AGAIN, WITHOUT YOU BLURTING OUT UNNECESSARY SEXY SCANDALS. IT IS ALMOST A BIT. *TOO* IDEAL, YOU THINK.

"HMM."

10/19/14
"SOMETHING IS A MISS."

hey.

YOU GO IN FOR A CLOSER LOOK. AT THE EYES OF THE HANDSOME BOY'S APPEARANCE. AND NOTICE A WORRISOME DISCREPANCY.

NO, THIS IS ALL WRONG, YOU FROWN. THESE GLASSY RED PEEPERS, LOVELY THOUGH THEY ARE. ARE NOT YOUR LORD'S FINAL FORM. OH NO.

10/19/14
"HIS EYES ARE SUPPOSED TO FLICKER ABOUT."

WITH THE HAT FLAVORS. OF MY LOYAL FROG PUPPET GUYS.

LEGEND DEMANDS, THIS IS A TRAIT OF SUPREME INVINCIBILITY. OWED TO A FULL BODY UNION. WITH THE CLOCKWORK MAJYY. MAYJYJ. MAKJACK.

THE CLOCKWORK BULLSHIT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN YET. BUT MAYBE WE'LL FIND OUT...

TOGETHER?

HEY ASSHOLE, I'M TALKING TO YOU!

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

10/19/14
"..........."

it's you, isn't it.

10/19/14
"..........."

you're the guy who wrote that horrible story with all the fake daves!

you're behind all this, aren't you! i dunno how i know that, but i can just feel it!

you're the one who vriska and her pirate pals are all trying to stop! it was you who put all this into motion in some way i don't really understand! which means you're responsible for like a trillion people dying, and universes blowing up, and all my friends getting scattered around and acting like idiots, and my dad being dead!

ok, maybe you're not totally responsible for us acting like idiots, most of that is on us! but all that other bad stuff is your fault somehow, isn't it!

I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!!!

10/19/14
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. WE HAVE A HATER."

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE FORMER GHOST OF THE MALE HERO HAS COME BACK TO HAUNT ME. THIS IS NOT HIS FIRST UNWELCOME INTRUSION. INTO MY PRIVATE IMPORTANT AFFAIRS.

who... are you talking to?

TECHNICALLY. IT WILL NOT BE HIS LAST EITHER. BUT IT WILL MARK THE FIRST TIME HE IS FORCED TO PAY A TOLL FOR HIS RUDE TELEPORTATION CRIME.

OH YES, TODAY HE WILL PAY.

WITH HIS TEETH.

AND WITH HIS BLOOD.

um...

10/19/14
"GAME OVER KID."

10/25/14
"[S] GAME OVER."

10/25/14
"ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 3 (Already in progress)"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what the fuck happened here?

10/26/14
"[A6A6I3] ====>"

11/02/14
"ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 4"

11/02/14
"..........."

A TEEN DIDN'T LIKE THE DIRECTION OF MY STORY, SO HE CAME AND BEAT ME UP.

11/02/14
"THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME."

AND BEAR IN MIND THAT ONE TIME, MY LEG WAS BITTEN OFF. AND I TRAGICALLY LOST A SISTER TO MURDER.

11/02/14
"AS SUCH, I MUST ADMIT."

TO BEING SUCCUMBED TO A NEW LOW. OF DEPRESSING EMOTIONS.

AS A TORTURED ARTIST. OF SO MUCH TALENTED PROMISE, AND INTELLECTUAL DARING, AND CULTURAL MAGNITUDE. THERE CAN BE NO DOUBT.

11/02/14
"THIS IS MY NADIR."

THE BLACKEST BALL BEFORE THE HOLE.

THE DARK NIGHT OF THE FEELINGS.

11/02/14
"I BUST MY CHERUB HUMP FOR YOU "PEOPLE"."

DAY IN. AND DAY OUT. I BRING HOME THE FUCKING BACON.

I ACCOMPLISH ENOUGH PREMIUM CONTENT. TO CHOKE YOUR GLUTTONOUS CANDY HOLES. WHICH SERVE TO BARELY MUFFLE YOUR NOISY CRAVINGS. FOR MORE AND FOR MORE.

AND I DO THIS, FOR WHAT???

11/02/14
"UNGRATEFULTUDE."

11/02/14
"I KNOW WHAT THE CRUX TO THIS HORRIBLE PROBLEM IS."

IT IS THAT, I AM MISUNDERSTOOD.

THE ATROCIOUS HATERS AND WEAK CHILDREN WILL SAY THAT I AM A MONSTER. THAT I AM THE BIGGEST BAD GUY. AND THAT MY EVIL CRIMES NEED TO BE STOPPED USING TANTRUM PUNCHES. BUT NO.

I AM JUST A SIMPLE ARTIST.

11/02/14
"SURE, SOME OF THEIR LIES HAVE SOME CORRECT QUALITIES."

YES, IT'S TRUE I HATE MANY THINGS, AND WANT THEM DEAD. LIKE ALL NON CHERUBS. WHO AREN'T ME.

YES, I MOSTLY WANT TO SEE EVERY LIVING THING TURN EXTINCT IN BAD WAYS. AND OK, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A SUCKER FOR MAKING FUNNY MURDERS HAPPEN.

BUT THOSE ARE REALLY JUST HOBBIES! THEY DON'T *DEFINE* ME.

11/02/14
"MY TRUE PASSION. IS TELLING STORIES."

I HUGELY INSIST. THAT I WALK THE PATH. NOT OF A VILLAIN. BUT OF AN ARTIST!!!

11/02/14
"I BLEED THE BLOOD."

OF A CRAFT'S MAN.

11/02/14
"I SWEAT THE STUFF."

OF A GENTLE SOUL.

11/02/14
"AND I WEEP THE TEARS."

11/02/14
"OF A POET."

11/02/14
"AND LIKE ANY BEAUTIFUL ART POET."

WHO IS IN A STRUGGLE OF CREATIVE CALAMITY.

I MUST RETREAT TO MY CRAFT.

I WILL FALL BACK ON THE FUCKING BASICS.

FORM.

LINE.

ANGLE.

LINE.

MORE LINES.

11/02/14
"ADDITIONAL ANGLES."

I WILL REGROUP.

I WILL REBUILD MY VISION, FROM PIXEL ONE.

I WILL REINVENT MYSELF AS AN ARTIST!!!

11/02/14
"AND AGAIN I WILL RISE."

LIKE A PHOENIX FROM THE ASSES. ("PLAY ON WORDS".)

THE ASSES BELONG TO THE HATERS OF COURSE. WHICH I HANDED TO THEM PERSONALLY. WITH MY STRONG BARE HANDS.

11/02/14
"AND SO I BIDE MY TIME."

PERFECTING EVERY ASPECT OF MY CRAFT.

POLISHING, WHILE DEMOLISHING.

HONING, WHILE OWNING.

AND IN TIME.

YOU WILL SEE MY MASTERPIECE.

11/02/14
"BUT THE THING IS."

MASTERPIECES DON'T COME CHEAP.

I KNOW I SAID, BLAH BLAH, I'M A SENSITIVE ARTIST. MY SOUL IS CRYING. STUFF LIKE THAT.

BUT LET'S FACE THE CRASS FACTS. I AM A GOD DAMN BUSINESS MAN. AND ART COSTS FUCKING MONEY.

11/02/14
"AND SO I WILL NEED YOU TO PLUNGE YOUR GRUBBY FISTS."

FAR DOWN YOUR MONEY POCKETS. AND DONATE GENEROUSLY TO THE NEXT AND GREATEST ACT OF HOMOSUCK. YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED.

AS WE SPEAK. MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND ALLIES. ARE DIGGING DEEP, AND CHIPPING IN. TOTALLY OPTIONALLY.

OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!

11/02/14
"THE SAVVY CASH GIVER WILL ALSO BE PLEASED TO KNOW."

THAT I AM GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTING "CAL COINS". THE BLEEDING EDGE OF MODERN IMAGINARY CURRENCY. WHICH I RECENTLY MADE UP WITH MY COMPUTER. AND CAN CONFIDENTLY CLAIM. TO LARGELY UNDERSTAND.

11/02/14
"PLEASE STAND BY VERY IMPATIENTLY."

THROUGH THE NEXT LENGTHY BARRAGE OF NOT IMPORTANT STUFF.

I WILL BE USING LOTS OF FANCY SOFTWARE MONEY, TO CRAFT MY SWAN'S SONG.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME ON HOMOSUCK. FOR THE THRILLING AND ARTISICALLY UNBELIEVABLE CONCLUSION. OF HOMOSUCK.

11/02/14
"[S] BYE FOREVER, ALMOST."

11/03/14
"ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 4"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey there.
JOHN: are you dave's bro?
JOHN: ...

11/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey!
JOHN: did you hear me?
JOHN: where is everyone?
JOHN: i'm john by the way.
DIRK: John.

11/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Could you please just leave me alone.

11/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what?
JOHN: why?
JOHN: i don't understand.
JOHN: do you know what happened here?
DIRK: Yeah.

11/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: I failed.

11/05/14
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11/05/14
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11/05/14
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11/05/14
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11/05/14
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11/05/14
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11/05/14
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11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/07/14
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11/07/14
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11/07/14
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11/07/14
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|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: roxy?

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what happened to rose?

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: mom

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: mom!
ROXY: please
ROXY: wake up
ROXY: ...
ROXY: its me
ROXY: ur um
ROXY: daughter kinda
ROXY: ...
ROXY: please dont die
ROXY: ...
ROXY: ...
ROXY: ...
ROXY: rose

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE:

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: W,

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: What...
ROSE: Happened to me?
ROXY: the witch got u
ROXY: with her fork
ROXY: but youre gonna be ok
ROSE: Oh.
ROSE: That's nice.
ROSE: *Cough.*
ROXY: maybe you uh
ROXY: shouldnt try to talk now
ROSE: You saved me, didn't you?
ROXY: ...
ROSE: Thanks.
ROSE: But,
ROSE: She's gone, isn't she.
ROSE: For good, I mean.
ROXY: ?
ROSE: I saw her die.
ROSE: And.
ROSE: It's a shame how...
ROSE: *Cough.*
ROSE: A shame that I never even...
ROSE: Got to tell her...
ROSE: I loved her.
ROXY: who?

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Kanaya.
ROSE: But...
ROSE: You too, mom.

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: You too.

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/07/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: is she...

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i'm sorry.

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i got here too late to do anything.
JOHN: because as far as i may think i've come...
JOHN: i still don't know what i'm doing.
JOHN: dave's bro in the funny pants was right.
JOHN: but not about himself.
JOHN: i was the one who let everybody down.
JOHN: i'm the failure.
JOHN: it's me.

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: you saw dirk??
ROXY: where is he
JOHN: he was back there, floating near all the exploded planets.
JOHN: he told me to leave him alone, so i did.
JOHN: and now he's stuck somewhere inside all those shitty glitches, which just keep getting worse.
ROXY: do you think we can get him out
ROXY: he is like
ROXY: my only friend who isnt dead yet
JOHN: i don't know.
JOHN: i have been able to clean up some glitches here and there...
JOHN: but they're everywhere now.
JOHN: it's like the whole universe is corrupted.
JOHN: or, more than just the universe.
JOHN: you know what i mean.
JOHN: there's no way i can use my windy powers to blow it all away anymore.
JOHN: and even if i did... then what?
JOHN: everything has gotten so fucked up!
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: sigh

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: poor rose.
JOHN: she was always too brave for her own good.
JOHN: this is exactly what happened last time.
ROXY: last time?
JOHN: um.
JOHN: it was years ago.
JOHN: when jack killed our parents.
JOHN: and we tried to fight him but we weren't strong enough to face him yet.
JOHN: so he killed her.
JOHN: but at least that time...
JOHN: i could bring her back to life.
ROXY: how
JOHN: uh...
JOHN: just, like...
JOHN: using a certain method.
JOHN: that is not an option anymore.
ROXY: ...
JOHN: that's the weird thing about this for me.
JOHN: i'm sitting here, looking at my dead friend.
JOHN: and it's really sad.
JOHN: but at the same time...
JOHN: all of this has already happened before.
JOHN: the death and tragedy and stuff.
JOHN: getting painted into the corner of yet another unwinnable situation.
JOHN: it keeps happening.
JOHN: and i don't know how to stop it!
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: me neither

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: but we can't give up, right?
JOHN: i mean, we've all been in worse situations and gotten out of those, right?
ROXY: er
ROXY: have we rly
JOHN: well...
JOHN: hm.
JOHN: no, i guess we haven't.
JOHN: i guess this like, may be quite literally the worst thing that's ever happened??
JOHN: i mean, not to put too fine a point on ranking shitty things.
JOHN: but this is about as unbelievably shitty as it gets.
JOHN: i keep thinking about what i could have done to...
JOHN: or what i STILL could do if only i...
JOHN: if somehow i could learn to control this...
JOHN: or like, even better understand this...
JOHN: this stupid, zappy, retconny...
JOHN: WHATEVER IT IS.
JOHN: bluh.
ROXY: john yo
ROXY: chill
JOHN: chill?
ROXY: yes
ROXY: maybe we should try to like
ROXY: not worry about shit so much anymore
JOHN: why not?
JOHN: there are so many problems!
ROXY: i know
ROXY: i know all about the problems
ROXY: and we are both way brave and all
ROXY: im sure between us we proved that hella many times already
ROXY: but man
ROXY: i never wanted anything more than to meet my mom
ROXY: to meet rose i mean
ROXY: and to just
ROXY: be with her and talk
ROXY: and try to understand this bond i felt like we always had without ever knowin each other
ROXY: i kept getting so close
ROXY: dreamin about her...
ROXY: wakin up too soon...
ROXY: and finally
ROXY: the last time i woke up
ROXY: was just in time to see her die
ROXY: its like
ROXY: the witch was holding out just long enough for the dream to feel like a real possibility
ROXY: before taking it away
ROXY: then u take that ultrasad thing
ROXY: and pile on all the other brutal manure raining down on this epic shit charade
ROXY: and ive got to say john
ROXY: this is starting to feel an awful lot like the end
JOHN: the end?
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: whatever the end of the road feels like
ROXY: has gotta feel like this
ROXY: maybe we should just
ROXY: admit to ourselves this is probably what its like when you find yourself in a timeline where everything went wrong
ROXY: and you know it means youre doomed
ROXY: and the only thing left to do is face the fact you have to ride it out into nothingness
ROXY: stop worryin so much
ROXY: and try to let it go
JOHN: you mean, like.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: what do you mean?
ROXY: i mean
ROXY: accept that we lost
ROXY: admit that the people we wanted to be with
ROXY: the life we always wanted
ROXY: it was never gonna happen
ROXY: except maybe in the afterlife
ROXY: our friends are there
ROXY: callies there
ROXY: my mom is there
ROXY: why shouldnt we be there too
ROXY: why not just
ROXY: let the doomed timeline work its gloomy majyyks
ROXY: and slip away into nothing with the rest of this mess
JOHN: ...

11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: terezi?

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: whoa.
JOHN: are you ok??

11/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/10/14
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11/10/14
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11/10/14
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|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: F1X TH1S

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: this was yoUr home?
JADE: m hm!
JADE: well, sort of
JADE: it looked more realistic when i lived here

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: ah, yes. i recognize it now.
CALLIOPE: it's jUst like jake's home, bUt with less foliage.
JADE: foliage?
CALLIOPE: on his earth, these hills were covered in trees.
CALLIOPE: in yoUrs i sUppose there was more care given to landscaping. :U
JADE: huh!
JADE: thats interesting
CALLIOPE: is it?
JADE: ummm
CALLIOPE: i'm not sUre that it is, particUlarly.
JADE: heheh yeah i guess not
CALLIOPE: bUt it is very nice here, even if it is only a stylistic approximation of yoUr home.
CALLIOPE: pity there are no trees thoUgh.
CALLIOPE: i have never actUally seen one.
JADE: you havent?
CALLIOPE: come to think of it,
CALLIOPE: i have never even seen a plant... u_u!
JADE: :O
CALLIOPE: plenty of meat thoUgh!
CALLIOPE: meat was left for Us in great sUpply.
CALLIOPE: candy too.
CALLIOPE: bUt nary a plant for as far as the eye coUld see.
JADE: that sounds terrible!
JADE: when i was a kid i grew up with plants all around me
JADE: but i was very lucky... i guess i took all the nice things about my life on this island for granted
JADE: i even had my own garden where i grew flowers and vegetables and fruits and such
JADE: that is all i ever ate, the things i grew myself
CALLIOPE: ooh!
JADE: but i will admit to having developed a taste for meat since becoming a dog <_<;
CALLIOPE: meat is very good.
CALLIOPE: for all the complaints i might have aboUt my childhood, near exclUsive sUbsistance Upon raw flesh is not one.
CALLIOPE: bUt then, i am sUre that comes with the territory of being a monster. heh.
JADE: :o
CALLIOPE: i didn't mean to change the sUbject.
CALLIOPE: please tell me aboUt yoUr garden!

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: my grandpa set it up for me in the atrium
JADE: i would spend hours tending to my plants and playing music for them
JADE: it was one of the places where i was the happiest i can remember being
JADE: i miss that garden
CALLIOPE: what happened to it?
JADE: it blew up
JADE: and then i built my house waaaay up, on top of where it used to be
JADE: in the years since that happened i thought about rebuilding it
JADE: as a way to pass the time on my long lonely journey...
JADE: but i was too depressed to grow anything
CALLIOPE: hm, yes.
CALLIOPE: i believe i can sympathize.
JADE: what sort of place did you grow up in that didnt have plants?
JADE: was it a desert?
CALLIOPE: of sorts, yes.
CALLIOPE: it was earth, actUally.
JADE: ???
CALLIOPE: my earth was mUch less hospitable toward life than yoUrs.
CALLIOPE: i am sUre i was the only living thing left on the planet.
JADE: that sounds lonely
CALLIOPE: it was.
JADE: but didnt you say meat was left for "us" earlier
CALLIOPE: oh.
JADE: was someone else there?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: technically.
CALLIOPE: bUt he was only there while i slept.
JADE: who?
CALLIOPE: my brother.
JADE: oh!
JADE: i had a brother too
JADE: its funny we keep discovering ways that we are alike
CALLIOPE: yes, bUt not so mUch in this way.
CALLIOPE: for one thing, yoU and yoUr brother never detested each other, to my knowledge.

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: also yoU and he spent most of yoUr lives apart.
CALLIOPE: to yoU i'm sUre it seemed a crUelty to grow Up so divided.
CALLIOPE: bUt to me that woUld have been a great liberty.

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: this is where you and your brother lived?
CALLIOPE: u_u

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: callie...

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: when you said you were a monster...
JADE: what did you mean?
JADE: were you just being hard on yourself...
JADE: or did you mean that literally?
CALLIOPE: no.
CALLIOPE: i was being rather literal aboUt my trUe appearance.
JADE: i see
JADE: and your brother looks the same way too i take it?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: we look identical, thoUgh he was sUrely more a monster than i.
CALLIOPE: he still is.
JADE: was this his tooth?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: it was once mine as well, bUt that is a topic which woUld reqUire some elaboration.
CALLIOPE: to tell yoU the trUth, i woUld rather not talk aboUt my brother. or anything from my past, really.
CALLIOPE: dwelling on it for long makes me feel very anxioUs.
JADE: thats ok, we dont have to talk about it
JADE: its just
JADE: seeing this tooth
JADE: and listening to your voice...
JADE: i think im finally starting to remember something
CALLIOPE: oh?
CALLIOPE: what do yoU remember?
JADE: i remember
JADE: you!

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: me???
JADE: yes
JADE: im quite sure now that we met once before while i was asleep
JADE: it was you, and yet...
JADE: it wasnt
CALLIOPE: do yoU mean to say yoU saw my trUe appearance?
JADE: i think so
CALLIOPE: egad.
CALLIOPE: i hope i didn't frighten yoU.
JADE: i was a little scared at first actually
JADE: but it was not so much because of what you looked like
CALLIOPE: :u
JADE: your voice was the same
JADE: and i can tell now that you are basically the same person she was
JADE: yet...
JADE: you seemed so different
JADE: so much more
JADE: serious
JADE: also...
JADE: you were a god tier!

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: what do you think it means callie?
JADE: if that was you... but not QUITE you... then who was it?
CALLIOPE: that was a version of myself i coUld have become, bUt for whatever reason, did not.
CALLIOPE: she is the one i am sUpposed to find.
CALLIOPE: bUt it woUld seem yoU foUnd her first.
JADE: i see
JADE: an alternate universe version of yourself?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: the version who was able to defeat my brother before he coUld commit his mayhem.
JADE: that makes sense
JADE: no wonder she was so...
JADE: well
JADE: no offense to her, but you are much friendlier :)
CALLIOPE: i was that bad, was i?
CALLIOPE: or, ahem. she?
JADE: not really...
JADE: it was not long at all before i could tell she was good
JADE: actually, the more i think about it, the more im starting to remember about the encounter
JADE: she had a lot to say
CALLIOPE: what did she tell yoU?
JADE: she mainly told me stories!
CALLIOPE: :U
JADE: she seemed to really like telling stories
JADE: so i think your personality must have been in there somewhere :D
CALLIOPE: yoU don't...
CALLIOPE: by any chance...
JADE: you want to know if i remember any?
JADE: yes, its been coming back to me little by little
JADE: i think i can retell some of them
CALLIOPE: ^u^
JADE: hey i have an idea
JADE: why dont you help me?
CALLIOPE: how?
JADE: do you have anything to write on?
JADE: a pad of paper or such?
CALLIOPE: i think so. one moment.

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: how's this?
JADE: perfect!
JADE: ok, i will write the words, and you can draw the pictures
CALLIOPE: oh, what a good idea!
JADE: yes
JADE: ok where to begin
JADE: if i recall...
JADE: the first story was about how she defeated her brother
JADE: but i dont remember much about that one
JADE: and maybe you dont even want to hear a story that has to do with him?
CALLIOPE: that woUld be the way in which she and i differ.
CALLIOPE: in my story, it was the other way aroUnd.
JADE: hmm
JADE: that makes sense
JADE: the rest of her stories i think were meant to account for the differences in the way her life went
CALLIOPE: ooh. how interesting.
CALLIOPE: now i am very cUrioUs!
JADE: :)
JADE: so she went on to tell another story
JADE: not one about your brother
JADE: but one about mine
CALLIOPE: it already soUnds like a mUch more pleasant story.
JADE: well
JADE: not exactly...

11/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: this is the story about how he died

11/14/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: TH3 POW3RS YOU W3R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT 34RL13R
JOHN: huh???
TEREZI: DO NOT HUH M3 3GB3RT
TEREZI: YOU LOOK L1K3 4N 1D1OT, BUT W3 BOTH KNOW YOU 4R3 NO FOOL
JOHN: hey!
ROXY: i wouldnt argue w her john
ROXY: shes all bloody and she clearly means business
JOHN: er...
JOHN: ok, you're right.
JOHN: yes, terezi. i agree to the fact that i look like an idiot.
JOHN: primarily because you seem badly wounded and angry.
JOHN: are you sure you're ok?
TEREZI: SHUT UP!!!
TEREZI: ON ROS3'S R41NBOW C4NDY PL4N3T
TEREZI: YOU 4PP34R3D 4ND S41D YOU H4D TH3 4B1L1TY TO CH4NG3 TH1NGS
TEREZI: TO 4LT3R H1STORY W1THOUT DOOM1NG TH3 T1M3L1N3
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: the thing with that is, um...
JOHN: wait a minute.
JOHN: terezi, are...
JOHN: are those jade's shoes???

11/14/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: M4YB3
JOHN: maybe?????
TEREZI: Y3S
JOHN: yes as in yes??
JOHN: or yes as in maybe?!
TEREZI: Y3S 4S 1N M4YB3
JOHN: terezi.
JOHN: why are you wearing jade's shoes?
JOHN: WHERE'S JADE?!
TEREZI: J4D3'S D34D

11/14/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: aw, man.
JOHN: not jade too.
JOHN: are you sure?
TEREZI: Y3S JOHN
JOHN: you mean like DEAD dead?
TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY'S D34D, JOHN
JOHN: everybody??
JOHN: even dave???!!!
TEREZI: H3'S D34D, JOHN
TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY'S D34D
TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY 1S D34D, JOHN
JOHN: so...
JOHN: jade, dave, karkat... they're all...
JOHN: EVEN THE CUTE MAYOR GUY WHO DAVE LOVES SO MUCH??????
TEREZI: JOHN L3T'S NOT DO TH1S

11/14/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: dammit.
JOHN: well, did you actually take jade's pulse?
JOHN: you know, she does like to sleep a lot.
TEREZI: 1 SN1FF3D BOTH H3R 4ND D4V3'S PO1GN4NTLY OV3RL4PP1NG TORSOS V3RY C4R3FULLY FOR 4 HUM4N PULS3
TEREZI: 4L4S 1 FOUND NON3 >:[
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: and then...
JOHN: you decided to take her shoes.
TEREZI: Y3S
JOHN: and you thought that was an appropriate thing to do...
JOHN: why, exactly?
TEREZI: JOHN, H3R SHO3S W3R3 R3D, SP4RKLY, 4ND D3L1C1OUS
TEREZI: 1 4M ONLY FL3SH 4ND BLOOD
JOHN: ugh, you are such a weirdo.
JOHN: why are all troll girls so WEIRD?!
JOHN: every single one i have met is some kind of depraved lunatic.
JOHN: all the troll boys i have met are just lame weenies though.
JOHN: well, except for karkat. karkat was great.
JOHN: may he rest in peace :(
TEREZI: DON'T FUCK1NG S4Y TH4T!!!
JOHN: what?!
TEREZI: H3 1S NOT D34D!
JOHN: but, you just said...
TEREZI: 1 M34N, H3 DO3SN'T H4V3 TO B3!
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT COM3 H3R3 TO B4TH3 1N TH3 R3PUGN4NT 4TT1TUD3 OF 4 D3F34T1ST DORK
TEREZI: 1 C4M3 H3R3 TO FORC3 S41D DORK TO US3 H1S 1NCR3D1BL3 4ND TOT4LLY UNPR3C3D3NT3D POW3RS TO S3T 3V3RYTH1NG R1GHT, 3V3N 1F 1T M34NS ST4BB1NG H1M UNT1L H3 COMPL13S
JOHN: ok! you don't need to stab me, really!
JOHN: don't you think i WANT to?
JOHN: we just lost everyone we cared about! of COURSE i want to go back and change things!
JOHN: i just have no idea HOW!!!
TEREZI: TH4T 1S NOT MY PROBL3M
TEREZI: JUST 4S 4 L4CK OF STYL1SH G3MSTON3 STUDD3D FOOTW34R 1S 4LSO NOT MY PROBL3M, 4S OF PR3C1S3LY TOD4Y
TEREZI: TH3S3 TH1NGS 4R3 YOUR PROBL3MS TO SOLV3
TEREZI: BOTH TH3 P1T14BL3 L4CK OF COMM4ND OV3R YOUR Z4PPY PROW3SS, 4S W3LL 4S TH3 GROT3SQU3 P41R OF B4N4N4 LO4F3RS ON YOUR F33T
JOHN: EARGH, I FRIGGIN' *HATE* TROLL GIRLS!
ROXY: john

11/14/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/14/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what?

11/14/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: have you ever seen your denizen?

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: no.
JOHN: well... i almost did once.
ROXY: what happened
JOHN: i was tricked into going to see him early.
JOHN: by a blind prankstress who shall remain nameless.
TEREZI: >:\
JOHN: but at the last minute, i was talked out of it by a pal from the future.
JOHN: i wasn't ready to see him yet.
JOHN: i would have died if i did.
ROXY: k
ROXY: but like
ROXY: what if u are now
JOHN: what if i'm what?
ROXY: ready
ROXY: i mean
ROXY: if nows not the right time
ROXY: then when even would be

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i guess you have a point.
JOHN: would that...
JOHN: actually accomplish anything though?
ROXY: dunno man im just spitballin here
ROXY: they are supposed to be these ginormous monsters that you either fight...
ROXY: or you listen to their riddles and they help solve all ur problems or something
ROXY: arent they?
JOHN: uh.
JOHN: more or less?
JOHN: i think their purpose is a bit more mysterious than that, and i guess more, like... majestic?
ROXY: majestic???
JOHN: i don't know!
JOHN: i'm probably not the best guy to ask about denizens. jade met hers, but she's...
JOHN: a sprite could explain it better than me. didn't you ever talk to your sprite about them?
ROXY: nah
ROXY: me and fefeta never talked much about that stuff
ROXY: we mainly traded lame puns n talked about our shitty love lives
JOHN: you did?
JOHN: wow, what kind of sprite did you even have??
ROXY: :(
JOHN: er, never mind.
JOHN: i did not mean to touch upon yet another sad subject.
JOHN: anyway, maybe you're right, and my denizen could help me with these problems.
JOHN: but at the same time...
JOHN: there are SO MANY problems!
JOHN: even if i learned to control my powers better, we would STILL have to deal with all this glitchy bullshit!
JOHN: i could zap around and fix everything, but if it's all still garbled, how would i even know it was fixed?!
JOHN: maybe you were right, roxy.
JOHN: what if it's all too much to overcome this time, even for typheus?
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 H34RD 3NOUGH!
TEREZI: JOHN, YOU H4V3 SL4ND3R3D OUR TROLL M4L3S 4S W33N13S
TEREZI: 4ND WH1L3 1 COULD NOT POSS1BLY D1SPUT3 TH1S CH4R4CT3R1Z4T1ON
TEREZI: TOD4Y 1 L1ST3N TO 3XCUS3S FROM NON3 OTH3R TH4N TH3 SUPR3M3 W33N13 H1MS3LF!
JOHN: :O

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: YOU W1LL GO S33 YOUR D3N1Z3N 4T ONC3
TEREZI: 4SK H1M TO H3LP YOU UND3RST4ND YOUR POW3RS, 4ND 4CC3PT WH4T3V3R PR1C3 H3 D3M4NDS
TEREZI: TH1S 1S NOT N3GOT14BL3!
JOHN: god, alright!
JOHN: i was going to agree to go see him anyway!
JOHN: can't a guy just think out loud a bit before making a big decision?
TEREZI: NO
JOHN: wow, ok.
JOHN: my bad i guess???
TEREZI: Y3S
TEREZI: STOP TH1NK1NG, YOU H4V3 4LW4YS B33N T3RR1BL3 4T 1T
TEREZI: L34V3 TH3 M1ND WORK TO M3

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: fine, then i guess it's settled.
JOHN: i will go to lowas and see my denizen.
JOHN: but what will you guys do?
TEREZI: PROB4BLY NOTH1NG
JOHN: nothing?
TEREZI: 1F YOU 4R3 SUCC3SSFUL
TEREZI: TH3N W3 W1LL STOP 3X1ST1NG
TEREZI: 1 DOUBT 1T W1LL B3 L1K3 H4V1NG TO L1V3 TH3 R3ST OF OUR L1V3S 1N 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3
TEREZI: T3CHN1C4LLY TH4T 1S WH4T W3 4R3 DO1NG R1GHT NOW
TEREZI: 1 PR3SUM3 TH4T S1NC3 YOU H4V3 B33N 3NDOW3D W1TH TH3 4B1L1TY TO R3WR1T3 C4US4L1TY, NOT UNL1K3 TH3 M3CH4N1SM B3H1ND TH3 SCR4TCH
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG 4S 1T 1S NOW W1LL S1MPLY C34S3 TO B3
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: ...
TEREZI: WH4T?
JOHN: i mean, even though everything in this timeline is about as shitty as it gets...
JOHN: that still seems kinda sad.
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: i think them is just the breaks dude
JOHN: i guess so.
JOHN: what do you think you will do with the time you have left?
ROXY: ummmm
ROXY: idk shit around all melancholy for a spell
ROXY: question my life choices
ROXY: probly bury my mom somewhere in the desert
ROXY: give her a quick funeral
ROXY: says goodbye to her an everything else
ROXY: and then
ROXY: curl up into a ball
ROXY: and wait to unexist?
JOHN: holy shit that's the saddest thing i've ever heard!
JOHN: argh, why'd you even have to tell me that!
ROXY: hey u asked
JOHN: no, that sucks!
JOHN: don't do that.
ROXY: meh why not
JOHN: because it's stupid plan for crappy idiots.
ROXY: j f C what a burn
ROXY: i think i might cease to exist just from that burn
JOHN: yes, laugh at my truly sick burn if you must, but everyone's getting on my case for being so defeatist, and THAT'S the best plan you can come up with?
ROXY: i didnt get on your case for being defeatist tho
ROXY: i was actin tons more defeatist than u on account of the emotions from my moms tragic corpse
ROXY: the trolls been the one bustin your windsock remember
TEREZI: 1T'S TRU3
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 B33N DO1NG TH4T
JOHN: yeah, i just think...
JOHN: no matter who's going to stop existing when, if i do something proactive, then you should too!
JOHN: even if only on principle.
ROXY: .....
ROXY: such as?
JOHN: why don't you go see your denizen too?
ROXY: wat
JOHN: that's your denizen there, isn't it?
ROXY: no thats a statue
JOHN: yes, i know it's a statue.
JOHN: i mean, it is a depiction of her, right?
ROXY: oh
ROXY: yeh
JOHN: so if i'm going to see mine, why don't you go see yours too?
ROXY: go see nix...
ROXY: why
JOHN: why not!
ROXY: cause im not the hero with the magic "fix literally everything" powers that need masterin
JOHN: no, but you still have things to learn, don't you?
JOHN: did you ever make that spike ball?
ROXY: um no
ROXY: but what would even be the point of that anymore
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: it's just a thing you were going to set your mind to, but haven't done yet.
JOHN: just like i said i was going to get that magic ring so you can give it to your friend. remember that?
ROXY: yeah
JOHN: i haven't done that yet either.
JOHN: but that doesn't mean i have to give up on that idea.
JOHN: what if, after i see my denizen...
JOHN: what if i could still do that?
ROXY: ...
JOHN: i'm just saying, you have no idea what there is to learn from her.
JOHN: maybe finding out what there is to learn is most of what there is to learn?
JOHN: what if making alien spike balls is only the beginning of understanding your powers?
JOHN: what if she can help you channel some sort of incredible... voidey thing?
ROXY: voidy thing
JOHN: yes, like a windy thing, but with void instead of wind.
ROXY: whats a windy thing
JOHN: a windy thing is obviously a bunch of damn wind blowing around!
ROXY: soo
ROXY: ur saying she can teach me to make void blow around
JOHN: no!
JOHN: i didn't mean it that literally.
JOHN: i mean, maybe something more abstract? like, i dunno...
JOHN: learn to phase out of reality, and somehow preserve yourself in the void, even if i alter history...
JOHN: so that maybe when the time is right, you can just... pop back into reality?
ROXY: wow
ROXY: u rly think she can tell me how to do that
JOHN: i have no idea!
JOHN: i'm just saying...
JOHN: who knows?
ROXY: not to be a wet windsock john but that sounds far fetched as heck
JOHN: ok, yes, probably.
JOHN: it just feels shitty leaving you here to have a sad funeral, and then stop existing.
ROXY: sometimes john
ROXY: u just gotta throw a sad funeral for ur dead teen mom and then stop existing
ROXY: LE SHRUG
JOHN: le shrug my LA BUTT!
JOHN: i'm not going to see my denizen unless you agree to see yours.
JOHN: that is the deal, and that's final.
ROXY: daaamn son
ROXY: as in, damn, LITERAL offspring of some peeps i kno
ROXY: shit be strict
TEREZI: 4L1V3 L4LOND3, JUST DO WH4T H3 S4YS
TEREZI: PO1NTL3SS OBST1N4CY 1S 4 SH4R3D F4M1L14L TR41T WH1CH 1S MOST UNW3LCOM3 4T TH1S T1M3

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: ok fiiine
ROXY: ima go see some big ass goddess of the night if itll make u get this show on the stinkin road aready!
JOHN: thank you.
JOHN: that is all i ask.
ROXY: so uh
ROXY: now?
JOHN: i...
JOHN: hmm.
JOHN: i guess?
ROXY: hmm
ROXY: like this exact actual second then
JOHN: um.
JOHN: i don't know.
JOHN: probably?
ROXY: alright
ROXY: i guess we should like
ROXY: go then
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: no time like the present, right?
ROXY: right
JOHN: then, um.
JOHN: so hey.
JOHN: if this works, and i somehow erase you from history...
JOHN: i mean, this version of you...
ROXY: haha
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: if that happens then uh
JOHN: it was nice to meet you... ?
TEREZI: TH1S 1S FUCK1NG BRUT4L
ROXY: :?

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1 4M NOT 4BOUT TO SP3ND MY F1N4L MOM3NTS SLOWLY BL33D1NG TO D34TH WH1L3 TWO HUM4N DORKS OBL1V1OUS TO TH31R OWN P41NFULLY 3V1D3NT ROM4NT1C T3NS1ON FUMBL3 THROUGH 4 DR4WN OUT S3R13S OF 4WKW4RD GOODBY3S
TEREZI: D1DN'T YOU JUST M33T, L1K3 TOD4Y??
JOHN: y..... um...
ROXY: um.... y....
TEREZI: J3GUS, SOM3ON3 FLOG M3 W1TH 4NOTH3R SH1TTY CLOWN, 1 C4N'T T4K3 ON3 MOR3 M1NUT3 W1TH YOU 4DOR4BL3 DW33BS
TEREZI: YOU C4UGHT M3 4T TH3 B444D T1M3, 3GB3RT 4ND L4LOND3. 4NY OTH3R D4Y 1 WOULD B3 T34S1NG YOU 4BOUT TH1S 1N 4 PL4YFUL 4TT3MPT TO M4K3 YOU BOTH UNCOMFORT4BL3, WH1L3 G1GGL1NG M4N14C4LLY
TEREZI: BUT LOOK 4T M3
TEREZI: 1 S41D LOOK 4T M3
TEREZI: DO3S TH1S STR1K3 YOU 4S 4 F4C3 WH1CH 1S PR3P4R3D TO G1GGL3 M4N14C4LLY???
ROXY: ._.
TEREZI: 1 4M D3CL4R1NG TH1S M33T1NG OF TR4G1C Y3T 4DOR4BL3 FUCKUPS COMPL3T3LY 4ND UTT3RLY 4DJOURN3D
TEREZI: NOW S4Y GOODBY3
TEREZI: Y3S TH3R3 YOU GO, JUST L1K3 TH4T
TEREZI: H3Y
TEREZI: WH4T, YOU'R3 JUST GO1NG TO W4LK 4W4Y?
TEREZI: HOW 4BOUT 4 HUG
TEREZI: Y3S, TH3 TH1NG YOU DO W1TH YOUR 4RMS
TEREZI: NO, NOT M3! DON'T TOUCH M3
TEREZI: W1TH 34CH OTH3R
TEREZI: OK, JUST 4 L1TTL3 CLOS3R, 4ND...
TEREZI: TH3R3 YOU GO!
TEREZI: TH1S 1SN'T BL4STOFF R3S34RCH, P3OPL3
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT, 1 TH1NK TH4T'S GO1NG TO DO 1T
TEREZI: TH3 GOODBY3 H4S B33N S3CUR3D
TEREZI: 1 M34N R34LLY
TEREZI: HOW DO YOU 3V3N FUNCT1ON ON 4 D4Y TO D4Y B4S1S W1THOUT M3
TEREZI: HOW DO3S 4NYBODY?
TEREZI: HMM
TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3Y D1DN'T?
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS TH4T 3XPL41NS TH3 M3SS W3'R3 1N. FUCK1NG 3UR3K4!

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: lmao
ROXY: scarf troll ur p funny
ROXY: hope i meet ya again
ROXY: or at least some version of myself meets some version of urself
ROXY: whew wat an abstract wish! fantasy wishgiver dreamchrist dont even kno what that meant enough to make it happen or not
ROXY: he and his loyal entourage of religion-wizerds just shruggin @ eachother
ROXY: um k so
ROXY: good luck fixin all the shit john
ROXY: anyway im out
ROXY: phasin down to the core o this sucker 4 denizen timez
ROXY: later dudes
ROXY: *poof!*

11/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: bye!!!
JOHN: heh, she didn't hear me. she was already under ground.
JOHN: but yeah, i guess i will get going too.
JOHN: thanks for the weird, angry pep talk, terezi! see you.
TEREZI: 3GB3RT, WH3R3 TH3 H3LL DO YOU TH1NK YOU'R3 GO1NG
JOHN: but you just said...
TEREZI: G3T B4CK H3R3!!!

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok! dang.
JOHN: what is it?
TEREZI: DON'T YOU TH1NK W3 SHOULD GO OV3R TH3 4CTU4L PL4N F1RST?
JOHN: er.
JOHN: i thought we just did that?
JOHN: i'm going to see typheus.
TEREZI: NO YOU N1TW1T
TEREZI: 1 M34N WH4T YOU'R3 GO1NG TO DO 1F YOU SUCC3SSFULLY L34RN TO CONTROL YOUR POW3RS
JOHN: oh yeah.
JOHN: heh. good point.
TEREZI: SO WH4T 1S YOUR PL4N
JOHN: i don't have one.
JOHN: i mean, other than to go talk to a monster who i presume to be a giant snake, and see what happens.
JOHN: do you have any ideas?
TEREZI: HMM
JOHN: what do you think i should change, terezi?
TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW
TEREZI: 1 R34LLY SHOULD KNOW
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: 1 DON'T >:[
JOHN: why do you think you should know?
TEREZI: B3C4US3 1 4M 4 S33R OF M1ND!
TEREZI: 1T 1S MY JOB TO KNOW SUCH TH1NGS
TEREZI: 1 4M SUPPOS3D TO FOR3S33 OUTCOM3S OF C3RT41N 4CT1ONS, 4ND GU1D3 MY FR13NDS TO V1CTORY
TEREZI: BUT 1'V3 N3V3R B33N V3RY GOOD 4T US1NG MY POW3RS
TEREZI: LOOK 4T WH3R3 TH3Y'V3 L3D M3!!!
TEREZI: 1 LOST 4LL F41TH 1N MY 4B1L1T13S LONG 4GO
TEREZI: SORRY JOHN
TEREZI: 1'M NOT SUR3 1 C4N H3LP YOU
JOHN: can't you at least try?
TEREZI: TRY WH4T, 3X4CTLY?
JOHN: anything!
JOHN: like, put your hands on your head, like psychics do, and just...
JOHN: i dunno! try anything at all that might help me figure out what to do.
JOHN: i just don't want to be zapping around time and space at random, with no rhyme or reason to what i'm trying to fix!
JOHN: please terezi, just try.
JOHN: i need your help.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: OK
TEREZI: 1 W1LL TRY SOM3TH1NG
JOHN: cool!
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 1F TH1S W1LL WORK
TEREZI: OR 1F TH3R3 1S 3V3N 4NY TH3OR3T1C4L B4S1S FOR 1T WORK1NG
TEREZI: BUT 1'LL N33D YOU TO DO SOM3TH1NG
TEREZI: TO H3LP M3 TRY 1T
JOHN: ok.
JOHN: what?

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: TRY TO HOLD 4 C3RT41N THOUGHT 1N YOUR M1ND
TEREZI: 4S CL34RLY 4ND ST34D1LY 4S YOU C4N
TEREZI: 4ND T3LL M3 WH4T 1T 1S
JOHN: a thought?
JOHN: like...
JOHN: what kind of thought?
TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW
TEREZI: SOM3 1D34
TEREZI: 4N 1M4G3
TEREZI: OR M4YB3...
TEREZI: 4 PHR4S3?
TEREZI: TH4T M1GHT B3 S1MPL3R
JOHN: sure.
JOHN: what kind of phrase?
TEREZI: 4NY PHR4S3
TEREZI: 4S LONG 4S YOU'R3 SUR3 YOU'LL B3 4BL3 TO R3M3MB3R 1T CL34RLY L4T3R ON
JOHN: hmm.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hmmmm.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hmmmmmmm.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok, i got one!
TEREZI: GOOD
TEREZI: T3LL M3

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: there's no place like home.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: OK
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 C4N WORK W1TH TH4T
TEREZI: NOW B3 SUR3 YOU R3M3MB3R 1T
JOHN: i will.
TEREZI: 4LR1GHT, ST4ND B4CK
TEREZI: L3T'S G1V3 TH1S 4 SHOT

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what happened?
JOHN: did it work?

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: NO

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1T D1D NOT

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: well...
JOHN: damn.
JOHN: it was worth a shot, i guess.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1'M SORRY
TEREZI: 1 C4N'T H3LP YOU
TEREZI: 1 C4N'T H3LP 4NYON3
TEREZI: YOU'D B3TT3R GO
JOHN: but what will you do?
TEREZI: 1 W1LL PROB4BLY JUST BL33D TO D34TH 1N TH1S D3S3RT
TEREZI: 4LON3 4ND 1RR3L3V4NT
JOHN: that's so shitty though!
JOHN: what if you...
TEREZI: STOP!!!
TEREZI: JUST STOP
TEREZI: TH3R3'S NOTH1NG MOR3 FOR M3 TO DO
TEREZI: 1 DON'T 3V3N H4V3 4 D3N1Z3N TO GO V1S1T
TEREZI: MY FR13NDS 4R3 D34D, 4ND 1 W4ST3D MY L1F3
TEREZI: 1T 1S OV3R FOR M3
TEREZI: 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 ONLY HOP3 W3 H4V3 L3FT
TEREZI: SO G3T OUT OF H3R3

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i guess you're right.
JOHN: ok, off i go then.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: if i master my powers, i guess... i'll figure something out?
JOHN: don't worry terezi.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i'll make sure none of this ever happens.

11/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: im starting to remember the things she told me so vividly now
JADE: its amazing what a creative project can do to get your mind turning
CALLIOPE: ^u^
CALLIOPE: what shall i draw first?
JADE: the land of wind and shade!
JADE: that is where the story starts
CALLIOPE: i see.
CALLIOPE: which story, exactly?
CALLIOPE: her story, or yoUrs?
JADE: hmmm
JADE: both, as a matter of fact
JADE: my story began with a tragedy on lowas, which led to meeting her in the first place
JADE: and then, she used my memory of that tragedy as a starting point for her story, which turned out to be related
CALLIOPE: ooh, fascinating!
CALLIOPE: (i love stories)
JADE: (i know)
JADE: ill start with mine, since that will make everything else make sense
JADE: so go ahead and start drawing
CALLIOPE: what?
JADE: lowas!!
CALLIOPE: right!

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: how's this?
JADE: looks good!
JADE: dont forget to put a really tall house poking out of the top
CALLIOPE: oh yes, of coUrse.

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: so yoU say yoUr story begins with a tragedy?
CALLIOPE: what shall i draw next to depict this tragedy?
JADE: nothing yet... ill get to that!
JADE: but yes, the tragedy is why i was alone on the golden ship
JADE: it was not long after our three year journey began

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i was relaxing in our makeshift livingroom, giving john and davesprite some space to themselves for a while so they could catch up
JADE: john wanted to visit his home again
JADE: so i happily obliged and shrunk them both down so they could hang out in his tiny tall house
JADE: it seemed like the nice thing to do...
JADE: but i came to regret that decision more than any ive ever made
JADE: i was minding my own business when out of nowhere...

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: lowas exploded!!!

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i couldnt believe it
JADE: it was totally inexplicable
JADE: there was no trace of them at all... they were both dead
JADE: i supposed it must have meant johns death was heroic... but i couldnt for the life of me imagine how
JADE: to me it was as pointless and arbitrary as a death could be

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i looked within myself as hard as i could to see if there was some power i had, in all my omnipotence, to bring them back
JADE: but i couldnt
JADE: they were gone
JADE: i would spend the next three years on that ship without my two best friends
JADE: sure, there were still consorts and chess guys to keep me company
JADE: but the loss was too much for me to bear
JADE: i felt so alone

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: weeks and months went by...
JADE: i didnt have the slightest sense of how quickly or slowly time was passing
JADE: any sense of purpose to reaching the destination had vanished, and delicious though it was, no amount of nannas cake would bring me comfort
JADE: toward the end of the journey, when i feeling particularly despondent...

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i fell asleep and had a dream
JADE: and that is when i met a very powerful, strangely charismatic creature...
JADE: her name was calliope ;)

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: as i said, she was somewhat like you, and yet so unalike
JADE: her presence was so serious and grave
JADE: her hollow eyes were piercing... but not hostile
JADE: but the prevailing sense i got from her was one of loneliness
JADE: before she even said a word, i could feel it somehow, that this was a deeply lonely soul
JADE: until i met her, i thought i was the loneliest person in the universe
JADE: but a feeling told me she had been here by herself for a long long time
JADE: i felt sorry for her
JADE: and relating to her plight helped me overcome the feelings of intimidation
JADE: so we began to talk
JADE: we traded stories about ourselves
JADE: she spoke of the brother she killed
JADE: i spoke of the brother i lost
JADE: and when i mentioned johns death
JADE: that is when she became very serious again
JADE: she began to recount how john had died, repeating to me the same story i just told you
JADE: she described the spontaneous destruction of lowas which left me alone for years
JADE: i wondered why she was recounting this tragedy that happened to me, and for that matter how she knew of it herself
JADE: she went on to say that lowas was destroyed because johns denizen had suddenly woken up
JADE: typheus, a great monster of truly terrifying power
JADE: she said he had destroyed his land and slayed his own heir of breath not out of malice, but to make a slight correction
JADE: i asked her...
JADE: what do you mean, "correction"?

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: she said that the john from my reality, and his entire planet, needed to be erased
JADE: and that the slumbering denizen in all his mysterious wisdom knew this
JADE: she told me that the dreams of a denizen draw from the same well of potential from which every conceivable possibility arises
JADE: the same place skaia gets its power from
JADE: so if an agreement with a denizen is reached in one reality, that same denizen in another reality could become aware of it, and respond accordingly
JADE: it seems that john, somewhere, in some other plane of existence, had made just such an agreement
JADE: she said that the john i knew, like herself, was only one version of a person
JADE: there was a different version of john from another reality poised to play a more significant role
JADE: you see, the john from that reality in an act of desperation had gone to see typheus, and struck a bargain with him
JADE: she would go on to explain the nature of that bargain in the next part of her story
JADE: but from my perspective, the consequence of this bargain was to lose my friends, and to live with that for years without understanding why
JADE: losing them still hurt, but i was so relieved to at least understand the reason, and to realize their senseless deaths were actually serving a bigger purpose
JADE: i thanked her for letting me know

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: she told me she was not human, and had no frame of reference for empathizing with my feelings
JADE: but if there was one thing she could relate to, it was the feeling of being alone
JADE: the feeling of waiting for what seems like eternity by yourself, until finally your purpose presents itself
CALLIOPE: ...
JADE: ....

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: i feel sorry for her.
CALLIOPE: er, for myself, i suppose. but then again, that feeling is nothing new.
JADE: heh
CALLIOPE: it's an odd statement she made, thoUgh.
JADE: what?
CALLIOPE: not having the frame of reference for empathizing with hUman feelings.
CALLIOPE: if yoU asked me, i woUld say i have the vantage to relate to both hUmans and cherUbs, so when yoU describe yoUr feelings of sadness over losing friends, i'd have more than enoUgh groUnds for commiseration.
CALLIOPE: do you think that this version of me never...
JADE: never what?
CALLIOPE: never had hUman friends like i did?
JADE: i have no idea
CALLIOPE: what a strange thoUght.
CALLIOPE: to grow Up with only my brother for "company"...
CALLIOPE: and not even have my hUman friends to get me by.
CALLIOPE: what a dreadfUl fate. the poor thing.
CALLIOPE: maybe that was the difference?
CALLIOPE: what let her predominate over her brother, whereas i was too, erm...
CALLIOPE: "hUmanly socialized" to sUcceed in my cherUbic rite of passage?
JADE: could be!
JADE: i dont know enough about cherub rites of passage to say either way
JADE: human rites of passage either, for that matter
CALLIOPE: so then what happened!
JADE: right! anyway...
JADE: thats when she began her story in earnest
JADE: the one she summoned me in my dreams to tell me
JADE: the story of the other john who made a deal with typheus
JADE: it began with the same place mine did
JADE: lowas
JADE: ...
JADE: so, go on
CALLIOPE: what?
JADE: draw lowas again!
CALLIOPE: oh!!
CALLIOPE: wait.
CALLIOPE: all over again?
JADE: ummmmmm
JADE: no, you can just copy the first one you did :)
CALLIOPE: what a lovely idea.
CALLIOPE: i'd hate to hold Up the pace of yoUr exciting tale with a bUnch of sUperflUoUs doodling.

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: good enoUgh?
JADE: yes, but...
JADE: there are also supposed to be glitches around
CALLIOPE: glitches?
CALLIOPE: what do yoU mean by glitches?
JADE: like computery glitches i think
CALLIOPE: that soUnds hard to draw.
JADE: ok why dont we not worry about showing the glitches for this story
JADE: they would just make it harder to see whats going on...
JADE: which is probably the point now that i think about it?
CALLIOPE: the point?
CALLIOPE: of what?
JADE: i never thought much about it
JADE: it just seemed like a weird detail she mentioned
JADE: but i guess it was some strange form of corruption in their session that made everything harder to understand
CALLIOPE: where did the corrUption come from?
JADE: no idea!
JADE: i guess it was just one more way everything got messed up for them
JADE: like, just another surreal obstacle for a hero to overcome?
JADE: oh, that reminds me
JADE: you need to draw john there as well!
CALLIOPE: right-o.

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: there yoU go.
CALLIOPE: one hero.
CALLIOPE: sans sUrreal obstacles!
JADE: :)
JADE: when she mentioned that i didnt give it a second thought
JADE: but now that i am trying to reconstruct everything and tell you what to draw...
JADE: hmm
CALLIOPE: hm?
JADE: i guess when youre trying to tell a story it forces you to think a lot more about everything than when youre just listening to one
CALLIOPE: tis qUite trUe.
CALLIOPE: perhaps yoU shoUld start writing?
CALLIOPE: how did she begin?
JADE: let me think...
JADE: hmm, maybe we should pause before i go on?
CALLIOPE: paUse??
JADE: like
JADE: some sort of intermission
JADE: so i can collect my thoughts a bit, and to give the audience a little breather between two significant arcs
JADE: we were at it for a pretty good while there, after all
CALLIOPE: what... aUdience?
JADE: well, that would be you in this case
JADE: ooh i know!
JADE: i can doodle a quick story about the antics of the silly consorts on the golden ship before moving on
CALLIOPE: >:U

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: one of the things i did to pass the time on the ship was give them funny names
JADE: lets meet our cast of characters for this intermission shall we?
CALLIOPE: ...
JADE: lets see, there waaaas
JADE: bubbleupagus
JADE: thips ahoy
JADE: nak be nimble
JADE: slowpoke malone
CALLIOPE: jade.

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: detective glubsbudget
JADE: fidgety herbert
JADE: doctor snausages
JADE: yiffyiff
CALLIOPE: JADE!
JADE: huh?

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!
CALLIOPE: YOUR CONSORT FRIENDS ARE SO VERY CUTE AND THEIR NAMES ARE SILLY AND I LOVE THEM ALL BUT I WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF THE STORY!
CALLIOPE: PLEASE LET'S GO BACK TO ILLUSTRATING HER STORY, I'M SO CURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
CALLIOPE: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
JADE: wow, ok sorry!!!!!
JADE: yes youre right this is a stupid diversion... lets continue
JADE: um callie...
JADE: your hand :o

11/21/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: oops. :u
CALLIOPE: ahem. pay no attention to that.
CALLIOPE: do carry on.

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: so... anyway
JADE: like i said, she just finished telling me that she was able to beat her brother in this reality
JADE: but apparently, that wasnt supposed to happen?
JADE: so she lived out the rest of her life in a doomed timeline and eventually died
JADE: she didnt mention how
JADE: and then...
JADE: and then she did this kinda fancy transition
JADE: darn, i dont think ill do it justice
JADE: a transition to a story about MY brother... who was stuck in a doomed timeline too
JADE: i think ill mess it up if i try to match what she said word for word
JADE: she had a really fanciful way of putting things
CALLIOPE: there's no need to try to recite what she said.
CALLIOPE: jUst tell the story in yoUr own voice, as yoU have already been doing!
CALLIOPE: it will be more fUn that way.
JADE: ok
JADE: so the bottom line was
JADE: almost all our friends had died
JADE: and johns only hope was to return to his planet, and attempt to complete his personal quest

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: as you know, we all have personal quests that are unique to our planets
JADE: the nature of the quest is never easy to understand at first
JADE: they are presented to us through enigmatic riddles conveyed through the lore of the land
JADE: for john it was to journey to the place where "constellations danced beneath the clouds"
JADE: it was said the heir of breath was to free the stars from the shade and release them into heaven
JADE: this was just a mysterious way of saying what he REALLY had to do

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: the stars were actually fireflies
JADE: theyd been flying around trapped beneath the overcast sky ever since john first brought lowas into existence by his arrival
JADE: and paradoxically, theyd been imprisoned there for ages even before that
JADE: such is the way of our lands
JADE: they are newly born the day we arrive...
JADE: and yet they always were

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: to free the fireflies john would have to play a special song
JADE: it had to be played just right to summon the breeze through the pipes
JADE: but there was a problem...

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: the pipes were all clogged with oil!
JADE: the first day john came to his land, oil began oozing up from the core, flooding the pipes and filling the oceans
JADE: to play the song, first he would need to clean up the oil
JADE: and to do that, he would need to face the slumbering one himself
JADE: he would need to face typheus

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: but as he wandered through the catacombs down to the planets core
JADE: he wasnt thinking about freeing fireflies or cleaning up oil
JADE: he was seeking the help of his denizen to master a power he couldnt control
JADE: luckily for him, denizens always seem to understand what you want
JADE: and more importantly, what you need, whether you know it or not

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: ...
JADE: is something wrong callie?
CALLIOPE: hm?
JADE: go ahead and draw typheus!
CALLIOPE: oh...
CALLIOPE: yes, Um...
JADE: you do know what he looks like dont you?
CALLIOPE: i believe i do.
JADE: it doesnt have to be perfect
JADE: just draw a big green snake monster!
CALLIOPE: a big green snake monster yoU say...
CALLIOPE: :u
JADE: yes
JADE: a snake monster with the most unspeakably hideous face you can imagine
JADE: but you dont have to be too literal about that
JADE: feel free to draw something a little more representational :)
CALLIOPE: hrm.
CALLIOPE: i am not sUre if...
CALLIOPE: i am particUlarly comfortable rendering sUch imagery.
JADE: why not?
CALLIOPE: it strikes me as...
CALLIOPE: rather indecent.
CALLIOPE: for reasons i woUld be too embarrassed to explain. u_u;
JADE: thats ok
JADE: why dont i draw it?
CALLIOPE: very well.
CALLIOPE: bUt yoU mUst excUse me if i giggle.
JADE: ok but i dont see whats so indecent about a big old snake!
CALLIOPE: tee hee!
JADE: lol

11/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: when john got to the core he arrived to find typheus awake and ready for him
CALLIOPE: (giggle.)
JADE: he was then presented with the choice
CALLIOPE: (snicker.)
JADE: stop, youre gonna make me crack up too!
JADE: this part is serious!!
CALLIOPE: i apologize. please...
CALLIOPE: (snort.)
CALLIOPE: go on.

11/24/14
"[S][A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: his choice was presented as a kind of riddle
JADE: spoken in a language only he could understand, spelling out the conditions he must accept
JADE: but speaking from experience, once a player is given the choice between two courses of action, it will hardly feel like a choice at all
JADE: if the heart is in the right place then the right thing to do always seems obvious
JADE: so john accepted his denizens terms
JADE: and with that...

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: typheus opened valves to the core
JADE: and flooded it with oil!

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: there was no way out
JADE: he could not transform into wind because he was completely submerged!
JADE: so he was faced with two possibilities
JADE: either he could figure out how to make himself disappear completely, using the ability he hoped to master
JADE: or he could drown in the oil

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: drowning obviously would have been bad :p
JADE: but disappearing wouldnt be much better!
JADE: he would appear somewhere else, having made no progress on his personal quest
JADE: his planet would still be polluted and he would be no closer to playing his song
JADE: somehow he understood the only way was to conceive of a third option
JADE: an idea beyond the simple binary set of outcomes before him
JADE: and interestingly
JADE: it was coming to this understanding which gave him the first glimpse of how to control the power
JADE: he realized it wasnt himself that he needed to make disappear...

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: it was the oil!

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: he dispersed every drop throughout existence

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: leaving a little mark for anyone who might notice, signifying his final mastery over his confining reality

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: but more importantly...

(http://www.mspaintadventures.com/oilretcon.html)

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: leaving his planet clean

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: and the pipes clear

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: finally they were ready to let the breeze flow

11/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: so he could play his song

11/28/14
"[S][A6A6I4] ====>"

12/01/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/01/14
"[S][A6A6I4] ====>"

12/01/14
"[S][A6A6I4] ====>"

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: roxy???
ROXY: sup

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what are you doing here?
JOHN: i thought you were going to see your denizen!
ROXY: i did
JOHN: you did?
ROXY: yeh
JOHN: how did it go??
ROXY: it went ok
JOHN: yeah?
JOHN: what happened??
ROXY: oh u know
ROXY: ventured to spooky subterranean lair 4 a bit of cathartic and life altering monster realtalk
JOHN: ok, that is a funny way of putting it, but yeah, me too!
ROXY: yup i figured ur monster quest happened
ROXY: i mean once the gross black shit disappeared and the wind started blowing like a motherfucker
JOHN: what did ur monster say?
JOHN: i mean your.
ROXY: hey maybe we shoud try to be more respectful abt our god monsters...
ROXY: her names nix!
JOHN: right...
JOHN: what did nix say?
JOHN: did she speak in the weird babbley language that you could still understand somehow, even though it made no sense?
ROXY: fuck yes
ROXY: was downright incomprehensible in the most mysteriously understandable way
JOHN: ha ha.
ROXY: she told me this riddle thing
ROXY: that basically spread it all out for me
ROXY: like what my options were and what would happen if i did the options and like the metaphysical and moral consequences of doing those options
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: typheus pretty much did the same thing with me.
JOHN: typheus was the name of my snake monster, by the way.
ROXY: oooh u had a snake monster?
JOHN: yes, he was awesome.
JOHN: so, did nix give you some sort of challenge to overcome, which by doing so, you could get in touch with your powers?
ROXY: uh
JOHN: which enabled you to appear here, by doing like this incredible voidey thing, that let you phase out of existence, and magically appear with me in this weird plane of reality?
ROXY: lol no
ROXY: she p much just told me to fly to your planet
ROXY: so i did

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: huh.
JOHN: you mean, like...
JOHN: you just... wrapped up your conversation with her. left her lair...
JOHN: and then flew to lowas?
ROXY: yes
JOHN: ohh... kay?
ROXY: lmfao
ROXY: i know right, wow wat a quest!
ROXY: but when u think about it it was the totes obvious thing to do
ROXY: i didnt know it at the time but you were gonna make your whole planet disappear
ROXY: so if i wanted to keep persisting thru your history altering hijinks then all i really had to do was uh
ROXY: come along for the ride
ROXY: no monsterly NITE MAGICS needed!
JOHN: yeah, that makes sense.
ROXY: there were stipulations though
ROXY: mad stips if u will, vis a vis buttloads of opaque goddess riddles
JOHN: right. you mean the "choice" thing?
ROXY: yes
JOHN: what were the mad stips?
ROXY: she said
ROXY: keep in mind i am paraphrasing
ROXY: if paraphrasing is even a thing you can do with stuff said in unfathomable monster jargon
ROXY: that either i could stay behind and vanish into nothingness forever, and everyone in the new reality would inherit all the bigtime responsibilities, including a version of myself who had no memory of any of this and never experienced all the loss and sadness i just went through
ROXY: or
ROXY: i could go with you
ROXY: but in doing so, everyone i loved would know that loss instead
ROXY: w/e that means......
JOHN: yeah!
JOHN: typheus gave me almost the exact same sort of choice
JOHN: something about other people feeling the loss i felt, if i accepted his challenge.
JOHN: which i'm sure is probably... not good?
JOHN: but, i mean, what else was i going to do?
JOHN: i couldn't just let things stay the way they were.
ROXY: yes exactly
ROXY: her caveat sounded ominous as shit
ROXY: but
ROXY: there was somethin that didnt sit well with me about doing nothing
ROXY: accepting her terms just felt right u know?
JOHN: yes.
ROXY: sooo
ROXY: here i am
JOHN: yes!
ROXY: :)

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i'm glad it worked out like this.
JOHN: i was fully prepared to do this alone... to hop around and change things in whatever way.
JOHN: and i would get to see my friends again, even if they don't remember all the same stuff i do.
JOHN: which was a lonely feeling, if that makes sense?
JOHN: but now i'll have someone else to remember the way things originally went.
ROXY: word
JOHN: yes. word indeed.
ROXY: but i know what you mean
ROXY: its nice to have uh
ROXY: like a witness i guess?
ROXY: someone to authenticate the rough shit u went through
ROXY: even if we never end up talkin about it again
ROXY: the fact that at least SOMEONE else knows
ROXY: makes it feel like it didnt all mean
ROXY: nothing?
JOHN: right.
ROXY: because even if it all gets erased and put back all better
ROXY: i dont think the stuff we went through and the feelings we had meant nothing
ROXY: imo the feelings themselves
ROXY: and the way they shaped us
ROXY: that all means...
ROXY: somethin
JOHN: ...
ROXY: hahaha forget it
ROXY: talkin out my ass here
JOHN: no, it makes sense.
JOHN: and anyway, if nothing else, everything that happened brought us here.
JOHN: the stuff we're about to do, whatever it is, wouldn't be possible otherwise.
JOHN: and that feels pretty important, if you ask me!

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: so
ROXY: all that wind
ROXY: that was you right
JOHN: yes.
ROXY: hmmmmm
ROXY: i dont see any glitchy trash
ROXY: guess your humongous blowy spell did away with all that grody nonsense?
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: yeah, i guess you're right.
JOHN: i didn't even notice until you just mentioned it, but yeah, i guess that dumb problem is finally busted.
JOHN: thank god!
ROXY: fo real
ROXY: i heard music 2
ROXY: did u hear music?
JOHN: yes, that was me too.
JOHN: i was playing a magic organ.
ROXY: oh relay
JOHN: yes, see, there's this huge organ...
ROXY: that is almost certainly what she said
ROXY: WONK
JOHN: oh, shush. :p
JOHN: anyway, this huge PIPE organ...
JOHN: it let me play the breeze, so to speak.
JOHN: i think that was the only way to get rid of all those clouds, and let the fire flies go home.
ROXY: this is their home huh
JOHN: i guess so?
JOHN: i am surprised by how my quest turned out too, to be honest.
ROXY: it is kinda bittersweet
ROXY: seeing all of twinkly herberts bros and sisters going home
JOHN: twinkly who?
ROXY: my pet firefly
ROXY: im guessin this is where he was from
JOHN: oh.
ROXY: they all seem happy though
ROXY: look at em all blinkin away
ROXY: into the blank ass yonder
JOHN: heh.

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: why is the sky blank btw
JOHN: it's blank because it's...
JOHN: nothing.
ROXY: nothing
ROXY: why is it nothing
ROXY: where even are we
JOHN: it's nothing because we are literally nowhere.
ROXY: uh
ROXY: ok how can you tell its actually a field of nothingness
ROXY: as opposed to just a bunch of regular empty space that happens to look vaguely neutral
JOHN: how can i tell?
JOHN: i guess i just can.
ROXY: no but how
JOHN: why don't you ask yourself!
JOHN: you're the one who asked me why it was blank in the first place.
JOHN: so why did you choose the term "blank" in your question?
ROXY: .....
ROXY: DAMN
ROXY: owned @ the philosophies
JOHN: so owned.
JOHN: you will find i am the best there is at those.

12/03/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: is true
ROXY: im always gettin owned at those by you and ur kin
ROXY: recently your crazy dog sister was schoolin me on perfectly generic cubes
JOHN: you mean generic objects.
ROXY: generic fort blox :p
JOHN: yes.
ROXY: now u are droppin truth bombs about blank skies on me
ROXY: shouldnt i be like innately stellar at this sorta stuff as a void player
ROXY: must be comin off slow as fuck on the uptake here arent i
JOHN: not really.
JOHN: you seem pretty smart to me.
ROXY: i do
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: you have a funny and snappy way of talking, like dave.
JOHN: but unlike that knucklehead, i sense that behind all your jokes, you are probably some kind of brainiac, like rose.
ROXY: whow
JOHN: don't get me wrong, i meant knucklehead in a good way.
JOHN: dave is actually the best dude, you would like him.
ROXY: i bet you are correct
ROXY: so dave...
ROXY: hes uhhhhhh
ROXY: my son right??
JOHN: argh!
ROXY: !
JOHN: i mean. yes, pretty much.
JOHN: honestly, it gets weird to think about all our relations in that way sometimes.
ROXY: i getcha
ROXY: like when i think about u and wolfjade being the kids of jane and jake i...
ROXY: i...
ROXY: omfg
ROXY: that SO CUTE :3
JOHN: um.
ROXY: so what is it u thinks weird about dave being my son?
JOHN: i think we should just change the subject!
ROXY: ahaha alright
ROXY: what were we talking about again
JOHN: we were talking about blank skies and fort blocks and such.
ROXY: oh yis
JOHN: and you thought you should know more about things like that as a void hero...
JOHN: which reminds me.
JOHN: do you think you are any closer to making that alien egg?
ROXY: hmn
JOHN: i mean, after seeing nix.
JOHN: did you feel, like, a power boost or anything?
ROXY: a power boost???
ROXY: like mega man or
JOHN: no, not like mega man.
JOHN: i mean, like...
ROXY: youre askin if she taught me to do the voidey thing
JOHN: well, did she?
ROXY: naw dude
ROXY: i told you
ROXY: we did our chat in some horseshit elven baloney tongue
ROXY: and she just told me to come here
ROXY: like thats literally it
ROXY: "go to planet if u want to live"
ROXY: so i did
ROXY: there wasnt really any soul searching or gettin in touch with my inner miracles
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: well that's kind of a bummer.
JOHN: i hope you weren't shortchanged out of an important mystical and spiritual process of self discovery.
ROXY: pfffahahaha
JOHN: ?
ROXY: pfhehehehehehehehe
JOHN: what?
ROXY: sorry its just
ROXY: sometimes you sound so much like jake its rly quite uncanny
ROXY: but yeah i dont care about that really
ROXY: it was either take an uneventful and nonspiritual trip to a wind planet, or just stop existing altogether
ROXY: i think ill be fine without the self discovery part
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: or...
JOHN: wait.
JOHN: what if this was part of it?
ROXY: part of what
JOHN: your quest?
JOHN: like, to be here, and learn to use your powers better?
JOHN: we are kind of in a realm of literal nothingness right now.
JOHN: maybe you will be able to draw energy or inspiration from the void, or whatever?
ROXY: NIX.......
ROXY: why u sly old bitch
JOHN: does that make sense?
ROXY: it kind of does
ROXY: it kind of LOADS of does
JOHN: oh, sweet!
JOHN: i was just grasping at straws there, but now that you agree, i'm suddenly a lot more confident in my theory.
ROXY: heheh yeah (...jake)
JOHN: so why don't you try it out again?
ROXY: what
ROXY: the egg?
ROXY: like right now?
JOHN: sure?
ROXY: meh tbh im a bit sick of tryin to summon that ugly damn egg
ROXY: how about later??
ROXY: i would rather just keep bee essing with u for a while rather than get right down to freakin business
JOHN: i guess there's really no hurry.
JOHN: not in this place at least.
JOHN: i don't think this place has any bearing on other time lines.
JOHN: it's almost like...
JOHN: like taking a time out from our canonical lives.
JOHN: so if you wanted, you could take as much time to practice here as you need.
ROXY: im down as heck with that
ROXY: could use a breather from my canonical life
JOHN: me too.
JOHN: even though...
JOHN: i'm not sure i have one anymore?

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: hmm
ROXY: well since we already talked about MY quest...
ROXY: and like spiritual mega man style power boosts and all
ROXY: what about yours
ROXY: howd that go
JOHN: how'd it go?
JOHN: pretty well, i'd say.
ROXY: no but
ROXY: i know you blew away some clouds and blanked out the sky and all
ROXY: but the point was so you could learn to control your zappy powers
ROXY: did you?
JOHN: i think so.
JOHN: but i haven't really tried a controlled jump yet.
ROXY: i c
ROXY: well when you do
ROXY: where do you think youll jump to first
JOHN: i have no idea.
JOHN: the thought of changing the time line is still mind boggling to me.
ROXY: well if nothin else
ROXY: u really should go grab that ring
ROXY: before the smug troll can take it
ROXY: i mean there was lots of problems already but her comin back to life really fucked us over to the shittiest max possible
JOHN: that's right!
JOHN: i definitely wanted to go back and get the ring off my couch before i lost it.
JOHN: at the very least, that way you can use it to help your friend.
ROXY: yup!
ROXY: any other ideas?
JOHN: not yet.
JOHN: so much has happened, it's hard to even think about.
JOHN: and it's not even limited to what i've been through, either.
JOHN: i've seen a lot of other crazy stuff, just from my random jumps.
ROXY: like what
JOHN: like...
JOHN: like the last place i was, actually.
JOHN: just before i came back, to find your session in ruins.
JOHN: haha. i actually got into a pretty serious fight.
ROXY: o?
JOHN: with this guy.
JOHN: a skull kid.
JOHN: he's a huge asshole, and a horrible artist.
ROXY: u saw the skull kids drawins?
JOHN: unfortunately.
JOHN: in fact, i was in his drawings once.
JOHN: it was a true nightmare come to life.
ROXY: D:
JOHN: i am pretty much convinced he is the guy behind all of the problems we ever had, even though he is a complete ignoramus.
ROXY: then you mean
ROXY: it was callies bro
JOHN: yeah, probably.
JOHN: i have a feeling some day we will all have to take him down.
JOHN: but...
JOHN: probably when he grows up to be his adult self.
JOHN: when i beat him up, he was just a teen scamp, like us.
JOHN: but with a skull for a head, a robot leg, a cape which i ripped to shreds, and a pair of dumb suspenders.
ROXY: you beat him up????
ROXY: daaamn
ROXY: yall must be STRONG
JOHN: meh, not particularly.
JOHN: i was just really angry, and i caught him off guard drawing some shitty animes.
ROXY: ahahahahaha
ROXY: fuck his animes
JOHN: they were quite literally the worst animes i have ever seen.
JOHN: i hope i hurt his drawing hand, and he never does any more ugly art for the rest of his stupid immortal skull monster life.
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: i know that guy
ROXY: he used to troll my friends all the time
ROXY: wait no
ROXY: used to "jeer" us
ROXY: he was a tool

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hmm, it just occurred to me...
JOHN: aside from fixing the time line, there's another benefit to my new power.
JOHN: once we all decide we're ready to fight him, i can just zap us all right to him.
JOHN: we could take him by surprise again.
JOHN: i really doubt he'd be able to handle us if we all clobbered him at once!
ROXY: thats pretty good thinkin
ROXY: but um
ROXY: maybe were getting ahead of ourselves here
ROXY: makin plans 4 rumble royale with mangaka dudebro, lord of the shitwanks
ROXY: we should probably focus on bringing our loved ones back to life first
JOHN: ...

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: is uh
ROXY: is that dirks anime sword
ROXY: whats up with that

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: this is where dave's bro died a few years ago, probably while being heroic and cool.
JOHN: jade made his body disappear to bury him, but i guess she left the sword here.
JOHN: she and dave sprite and i gathered around where he was buried and dave sprite said some stuff about him.
JOHN: stuff that was really funny and rambly but also weirdly poignant...
JOHN: i guess it was a bit like a funeral?
ROXY: a funeral u say
JOHN: yeah.
ROXY: ...
JOHN: ...

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: yoink!

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: anyway...

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: you're right.
JOHN: taking a break from the mayhem is nice and all.
JOHN: but i should probably get going.
JOHN: i have a lot of responsibility now.
JOHN: i hope i can live up to it.
ROXY: well to quote an extremely wise and hunky dude i once knew...
ROXY: oh man he was so so wise i hope i dont butcher his quote but
ROXY: i think it goes a lil somethin like
ROXY: you can handle it john
ROXY: i believe in you!
JOHN: aw, thanks!

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: remember what i said too, about practicing voidey stuff.
ROXY: i will
JOHN: good.
ROXY: alright cool
JOHN: yeah.
ROXY: yeah
JOHN: cool.
ROXY: dammit
JOHN: what?
ROXY: were doin this again
JOHN: doing what.
ROXY: being awkward instead of getting our shit in gear
JOHN: haha. whoops.
ROXY: too bad grouchy scarf troll aint here to coordinate another stilted goodbye
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: it's just as well though.
JOHN: there is no need for goodbyes.
JOHN: if i really can control it now, i should be able to come back here any time i want.
JOHN: which means i won't be gone long!
ROXY: k i will be here
ROXY: waitin
ROXY: trainin
ROXY: partying with those yellow lizards
JOHN: those are salamanders.
ROXY: fuck
JOHN: later, roxy.

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/05/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: yikes!

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i shouldn't mess around with that moment.
JOHN: it is WAY too fundamental.

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: let's try this again.

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: wow, no.
JOHN: what ever is going on here...
JOHN: this is completely useless to history.

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: let's get it together, john.
JOHN: you've got to go somewhere relevant!
JOHN: try to think of something that will help target a certain point in time.
JOHN: try to think about...

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ...one of your pals!!!

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: (wait a minute.)
JOHN: (i remember this...)

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: (hey!)
JOHN: (you shouldn't be here!)
JOHN: (wha...)

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: (what the hell??)
JOHN: (gotcha!!!)

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: stop fooling around and go find roxy, you dumb goof!

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: who's roxy?
JOHN: OW!

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: wow, i can't believe how naive i was...
JOHN: like... a day ago?
JOHN: hmm.
JOHN: it feels like it's been longer than that.
JOHN: hard to believe!

12/08/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i was so confused when that happened.
JOHN: i was sure the other me knew so much more than i did at the time.
JOHN: which is kind of true... but also kind of not?
JOHN: like, if i traveled back here, and altered reality in a non time travely way, then why do i remember doing it?
JOHN: did i just make some sort of stable retcon loop?
JOHN: does that even make sense??
JOHN: i think i did the right thing though, zapping my other self out of there.
JOHN: it was like... a retroactively preemptive continuity adjustment.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: retroactively preemptive???
JOHN: what am i even talking about.
JOHN: this power is kind of complicated...
JOHN: i need to be more careful.

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: got to come up with a better plan than zapping to wherever my stupid whims take me.
JOHN: i really could use some help with this.
JOHN: but who should i ask?
JOHN: dave?
JOHN: he knows stuff about time travel.
JOHN: but then, it's not really time travel is it.
JOHN: no...
JOHN: i need someone with a different kind of skill.
JOHN: someone who knows how the consequences of certain actions play out.
JOHN: someone like...
JOHN: rose?
JOHN: is that what her powers did?
JOHN: i really should have taken some time to figure out what her powers did.
JOHN: or maybe...
JOHN: wait a minute.
JOHN: WAIT!

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i think i understand what she was trying to do now!
JOHN: she was trying to give me a way to come back.
JOHN: like, zero in on her thought signal, or something.
JOHN: terezi, you're a genius!
JOHN: i mean, you're a weirdo! but you're also a genius!!

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: alright, let's see if this works.
JOHN: maybe if i just think it hard enough...
JOHN: ahem.

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: there's no place like home...

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: there's no place like home!

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/10/14
"[???????]"

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/10/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1 C4N'T B3L13V3 TH4T 4CTU4LLY WORK3D

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hey Meenah.
VRISKA: Any idea where we are now?
MEENAH: iunno
VRISKA: Do you think...
VRISKA: This could 8e the "Dark Carnival"??
MEENAH: nah
MEENAH: that shit aint real
MEENAH: its a made up religious belief pimped out by trash clowns
VRISKA: Are you sure?
MEENAH: shell yes
MEENAH: be fake as shit
MEENAH: of course the religious beliefs themselves are real
MEENAH: makin it convenient for anyone who wanna exploit those delusions for her own badass objectives
MEENAH: like pulling in clams hand over flipper and ruthlessly subjugating the general public
MEENAH: i mean
MEENAH: not that id ever bother with a dope scheme like that
MEENAH: just saying

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ok, I can 8uy that there's no such place as the Dark Carnival, and TOTALLY get 8ehind slamming the 8eliefs of people I dislike.
VRISKA: 8ut really...
VRISKA: Whose memory do you think this place is from?
MEENAH: fishska
MEENAH: how long you been dead now
VRISKA: Uh.
VRISKA: I don't remem8er, to 8e honest.
MEENAH: but you still ask questions like that
MEENAH: whose brain this from, where that noise originate...
VRISKA: I'm just curious!
VRISKA: This is such an odd thing to encounter.
VRISKA: Who experienced this? Some alt-alt-alt version of Karkat's lame ancestor?
VRISKA: A chess creature from a distant unrel8ted session, after its post-reckoning getaway, who then repopul8ted a dead planet, and started 8uilding amusement parks??
VRISKA: I just tend to wonder things. It's in my n8ture.
MEENAH: it could be anything
MEENAH: could even be a random patchwork of fifty different memories all contributin to nofin that ever existed in particular
MEENAH: who cares where they from
VRISKA: I guess now that you mention it, I don't actually.
VRISKA: At all.
VRISKA: May8e I was just making convers8tion????????
VRISKA: Sometimes I just want to shoot the 8reeze with you!
MEENAH: yer cute
VRISKA: Yeah, yeah.
VRISKA: So I've heard. ::::P

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: the point is you just gotta keep lookin at the d-bubble junk and take it in stroke no matter how messed up it is or how much you think it shouldnt exist
VRISKA: Take it in stroke?
MEENAH: yeah like
MEENAH: swimming stroke
MEENAH: instead a walkin stride
MEENAH: *LIKES FISH N SHIT*
VRISKA: I knew what you meant. I was just teasing.
MEENAH: why i oughta

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: So do you want to hang out here a while?
VRISKA: Or fuck off to some other less ostent8tious hodgepodge of memories.
MEENAH: dunno does it look fun to you
VRISKA: Hmm.
VRISKA: I don't know. Does it look fun to you?
MEENAH: it kinda does
VRISKA: Yeah.
MEENAH: it kinda REELY does
VRISKA: YEAH!!!!!!!!

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: So what do you want to do first?
VRISKA: Go on this, um...
VRISKA: Slowly rot8ting horse cylinder?
MEENAH: eugh fuck no
VRISKA: Agreed.
VRISKA: I think I h8 horses, actually.
VRISKA: They sort of creep me out?
MEENAH: yeah?
VRISKA: I had a weird experience one time where I was surrounded 8y a 8unch of horses for no reason, and it was the most ominous fucking thing.
VRISKA: I think I've just decided that 8eing surrounded 8y horses might 8e the ultim8 8ad omen. Nothing good can ever follow or precede those circumstances.
MEENAH: i never seen a horse
MEENAH: except i guess the robot kind
MEENAH: would not recommend
VRISKA: Sounds like a nightmare.
MEENAH: nah just like a mediocre situation prompting a bored thumbs down
VRISKA: Yeah.
VRISKA: So, scratch the Horse-A-Whirl. That's out.
VRISKA: Do any other rides sound fun to you?
MEENAH: no
VRISKA: No?!
MEENAH: come on v serk
MEENAH: you dont go to amusment parks to hit up a bunch of rides for wigglers
VRISKA: Oh, sorry, Your Royal Highness. I forgot a8out the standards I was dealing with here.
VRISKA: Then what do you do?
MEENAH: you just shit around acting cool
MEENAH: not giving a fuck
MEENAH: being an all around punk and hasslin people who glance at you crooked
VRISKA: What people??
MEENAH: uh well
MEENAH: the other ghosts who eventually either show up or dont who cares
VRISKA: That's fair.
VRISKA: You know, it's 8een nice having you around to remind me that nothing's actually worth worrying a8out anymore.
VRISKA: It's still easy to forget sometimes!
MEENAH: mmm
VRISKA: 8ut seriously, we should do something fun here!
VRISKA: Come on, let's keep looking around.

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: What a8out that?
MEENAH: what
VRISKA: The tattoo place.
VRISKA: Do you want to do that?
MEENAH: do what
VRISKA: You could get a tattoo!
MEENAH: uh
VRISKA: No, this sounds gr8.
VRISKA: You should totally get one! It would suit your look, and like, your whole "punk 8rand" so perfectly!
VRISKA: Actually I'm surprised you don't have one already.
MEENAH: what makes you think i dont
VRISKA: W8.
VRISKA: DO you?!
MEENAH: course i do
VRISKA: Where??
VRISKA: Can I see????????
MEENAH: pfpffpffffff
MEENAH: only if you lucky
VRISKA: Um, didn't anyone ever tell you?
VRISKA: Luck is kind of my specialty.
MEENAH: oh scrod dammit i forgot lucks just as much your shit as it was two faced whats her serk
VRISKA: :::;)

12/12/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: why dont you get one
VRISKA: ME?!
MEENAH: yea
MEENAH: if you think gettin inked up sound so chill then how boat you first
VRISKA: 8ut........
VRISKA: I don't like tattoos!
MEENAH: why not
VRISKA: 8ecause........
VRISKA: Hmm.
VRISKA: I don't know actually.
VRISKA: It's just an opinion I remem8er feeling strongly a8out at one point.
MEENAH: well
MEENAH: do you still
VRISKA: I guess?
VRISKA: I just remem8er having some trumped up opinion a8out like, how they looked 8ad, or were a8out "trying too hard", or...
VRISKA: I don't even know really.
VRISKA: Like ruining your 8ody with some lame thing you'll regret some day.
MEENAH: you dont even have a body
VRISKA: I know!
VRISKA: Well, I do. I mean, WE do, just not...
VRISKA: Not in the same way that felt so direly important, during our 8rief and em8arrassing stints with mortality.
VRISKA: I guess now that I think a8out it, it doesn't feel like as 8ig a deal anymore, and may8e it was just a totally stupid opinion to 8egin with?
MEENAH: im down with that conchlusion
MEENAH: whatll it be then
VRISKA: You mean, whether I should get one?
MEENAH: no if you want to buy a whale
MEENAH: yes do you want a sweet tat or no
VRISKA: I don't know!
VRISKA: What would I even get!
MEENAH: def somefin nautical
VRISKA: Nautical, eh?
VRISKA: Well there's a shocking suggestion, if I ever heard one.
MEENAH: yes it is a curve ball i know
MEENAH: but i like keepin suckas on they toes
VRISKA: It's not a 8ad suggestion, actually, even if it quite literally is the only one you're capa8le of at any given moment.
VRISKA: I do genuinely love pir8te stuff.
MEENAH: 38D
VRISKA: Ok! You talked me into it!
VRISKA: I'm going to do it. I'm excited.
MEENAH: omg yay!!!

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(JOHN): what is going on here?
(JOHN): should i, uh...
(JOHN): should i go?
JOHN: yes, me.
JOHN: i mean, yes john.
JOHN: wow, it's kind of weird talking to myself.
JOHN: i'm not sure if i'm a very big fan of the experience?
(JOHN): tell me about it!
JOHN: but yeah, you should get going.
JOHN: terezi's experiment worked.
JOHN: you'll find out all about it later.
(JOHN): i will?
JOHN: actually, i'm not sure?
JOHN: now that i changed how things happened for you, you might not get the idea to come back here like i did?
JOHN: which i guess makes this situation a true paradox, unlike all those lame stable time loops dave makes.
(JOHN): so, what does that actually mean for me?
(JOHN): what am i supposed to do now?
JOHN: i don't know what it means.
JOHN: unfortunately, you may not be relevant anymore.
JOHN: i'm the john who is learning to use his flashy powers to reconstruct the time line, so that responsibility is on my shoulders now, not yours.
JOHN: sorry, i am just keeping it real!
(JOHN): ...
JOHN: well, who really knows how it will turn out.
JOHN: maybe you will still have important things to do?
JOHN: i don't have all the answers, i just know terezi and i have to talk now, so you should go.
(JOHN): where?
JOHN: where you were about to go anyway!
JOHN: go see typheus, and do the quest thing.
JOHN: it worked out great. well, for me at least.
(JOHN): ok, i will.
(JOHN): i do hope i get to still be relevant, but i will understand if that turns out not to be the case.
JOHN: that's the spirit!
TEREZI: N3RDS

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so, that thing we did with the password...
JOHN: we can use that trick to our advantage, right?
TEREZI: TH4T'S TH3 1D34
TEREZI: 1F W3 COM3 UP W1TH 4 L1ST OF K3Y THOUGHTS
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD B3 4BL3 TO DO WH4T YOU JUST D1D
TEREZI: 4ND Z3RO 1N ON SOM3 OF MY M3MOR13S, 4ND CH4NG3 4 F3W TH1NGS
JOHN: like what?
TEREZI: GOOD QU3ST1ON
TEREZI: W3 H4V3 4LL M4D3 4 LOT OF M1ST4K3S
TEREZI: 1 COULD N4M3 4 DOZ3N T3RR1BL3, STUP1D TH1NGS P3OPL3 H4V3 DON3 JUST OFF TH3 TOP OF MY H34D
TEREZI: WH1CH 1F 3R4S3D WOULD PROB4BLY 1MPROV3 TH3 S1TU4T1ON
TEREZI: 4ND Y3T
TEREZI: 1 DON'T F33L L1K3 1 H4V3 TH3 CR3D1B1L1TY TO HOLD 4NYON3 4CCOUNT4BL3 OTH3R TH4N MYS3LF
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1 WOULD F33L L1K3 4 HYPOCR1T3 1F 1 TR13D TO F1X OTH3R P3OPL3'S M1ST4K3S

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: yeah, i know what you mean.
JOHN: when i try to think of what to fix...
JOHN: all i can do is look back on what i did wrong.
JOHN: i never should have let that ring out of my sight.
JOHN: going back and getting the ring is the first thing we should do, right?
JOHN: i guess that one is kind of a no brainer.
JOHN: besides, i promised roxy i'd get it.
JOHN: i kind of blew it last time i told her i'd get it.
JOHN: so maybe i shouldn't mess that up again, heh.
JOHN: what do you think, terezi?
TEREZI: HM
JOHN: but other than that, the sky is the limit.
JOHN: really, what do we do?
JOHN: do i go back to when we were just starting to play the game, and give us some advantages?
JOHN: but then, messing up our session causes this whole chain reaction...
JOHN: we never would have met the trolls, or had any reason to scratch the session...
JOHN: and if we didn't scratch the session, there never would have been an alternate reality where roxy and her pals got to play, thereby meeting us...
JOHN: when you start looking back and realizing how interrelated everything is, it starts feeling like an overwhelming job to fix it.
JOHN: on the one hand, you don't want to change so much that the reality you create is barely recognizable.
JOHN: you want to keep everything as similar as possible, so you get to keep all the lessons you learned and the important experiences you had with your friends.
JOHN: but on the other hand...
JOHN: if you aren't going to change something substantial enough to make a real difference, why bother at all?
JOHN: it's like, go big or go home, you know?
JOHN: sort of a catch 22 when you think about it.
JOHN: is any of this making sense?
JOHN: terezi?
JOHN: terezi!!
TEREZI: WH4T
JOHN: were you listening to a word i said?
TEREZI: NOT R34LLY

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: augh!
JOHN: come on terezi, get it together!
JOHN: i was saying some really deep and insightful stuff, probably.
JOHN: i bet ROXY would have thought it was cool.
JOHN: uh...
JOHN: what are you doing?
JOHN: are you...
JOHN: writing on your scarf?
JOHN: in...
JOHN: blood? :\

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: H3R3
JOHN: what the hell is this?
TEREZI: 4 L1ST OF 1NSTRUCT1ONS
TEREZI: JUST FOCUS ON 4LL OF TH3S3 K3Y THOUGHTS, 1N 3X4CTLY TH1S ORD3R
TEREZI: FOR 34CH ON3, DO 3X4CTLY WH4T 1T T3LLS YOU
TEREZI: 4ND TH3N QU1CKLY MOV3 ON TO TH3 N3XT ON3, UNT1L YOU 4R3 DON3
JOHN: huh?
TEREZI: 3V3RY CH4NG3 1 4M T3LL1NG YOU TO M4K3 W1LL H4V3 1NCR3D1BLY SUBTL3 CONS3QU3NC3S
TEREZI: HOW3V3R, TH3Y W1LL B3 4BSOLUT3LY 3SS3NT14L FOR CR34T1NG 4 MOR3 F4VOR4BL3 OUTCOM3
TEREZI: BUT ONLY 1F YOU FOLLOW MY 1NSTRUCT1ONS TO TH3 L3TT3R, NO QU3ST1ONS 4SK3D!
JOHN: wow.
JOHN: but how do you know these are the exact right things to change?
TEREZI: 1 S41D NO QU3ST1ONS 4SK3D!!!
JOHN: ok, jeez.
JOHN: i was just curious!
TEREZI: YOU 4SK3D M3 TO US3 MY POW3RS TO H3LP YOU
TEREZI: TH4T 1S WH4T 1 4M DO1NG
TEREZI: 1T 1S NOW YOUR JOB TO TRUST M3 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y
JOHN: ...it is?
TEREZI: CL34RLY
TEREZI: TH1S BLOODY SC4RF CONT41NS S3CR3T W1SDOMS OF TH3 M1ND WH1CH 4 LOWLY HUM4N W1ND BOY COULD N3V3R D4R3 TO F4THOM
TEREZI: 4ND NOW TH3 W1ND BOY MUST 3MBR4C3 H1S ROL3 4S TH3 W4YW4RD H31R, UNBOUND FROM TH3 T13S OF C4US4L1TY, 4ND PUT 4LL H1S F41TH 1N 4 F4LL3N S33R TO BR1NG R3D3MPT1ON TO US 4LL
JOHN: haha, ok now i know you're full of shit!
TEREZI: Y3S
TEREZI: BUT COULD YOU PL34S3 JUST T4K3 TH3 FUCK1NG SC4RF 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y
JOHN: alright, why not.

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: this is a lot of instructions.
JOHN: all these will take me to certain events in your life?
TEREZI: 1D34LLY, Y3S
JOHN: well, at least you have a plan.
JOHN: who am i to say it isn't the right one?
TEREZI: NOBODY
JOHN: oh snap!
JOHN: terezi, did you know, even though you're a weirdo, and we probably wouldn't get along most of the time, i kind of missed you?
JOHN: you were one of the first trolls i ever talked to.
JOHN: we got off on a weird foot with your death threats, and jokey antagonism, and it's almost like we never stopped being on that foot?
JOHN: it makes me nostalgic for simpler times...
JOHN: do you remember when you made me those maps to follow?
JOHN: in a way, following your instructions will be like that tom foolery all over again!
TEREZI: 1 DO R3M3MB3R
TEREZI: TH3 M4PS 1 S3NT TO YOU W3R3 C4RTOGR4PH1C M4ST3RSTROK3S, 4ND R3PR3S3NT3D 4 SH1N1NG 3X4MPL3 FOR 4LL WHO WOULD 4SP1R3 TO HO4X GULL1BL3 DW33BS 3V3RYWH3R3
TEREZI: BUT L3T'S NOT W4ST3 GOOD S3NT1M3NT4L1TY H3R3
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 4BOUT TO STROLL DOWN M3MORY L4N3 W1TH M3 1N 4 MUCH MOR3 L1T3R4L S3NS3
TEREZI: WH3R34S 1...

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: ON3 MOM3NT
JOHN: huh?
TEREZI: YOU'LL N33D ON3 MOR3 TH1NG FOR YOUR JOURN3Y
TEREZI: WH4T 1S YOUR F4VOR1T3 COLOR
JOHN: um...
TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4 RH3TOR1C4L QU3ST1ON, NUMBNUTS

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: H3R3

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: GOOD LUCK, 3GB3RT >:]
TEREZI: NOT TH4T YOU'LL N33D 1T
JOHN: why not?
TEREZI: B3C4US3 W3 M4K3 OUR OWN LUCK
TEREZI: 4ND YOU'R3 4BOUT TO PROV3 TH4T

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/15/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: god, you are so fucking weird.

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Excuse me!

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Apologies for the intrusion,
JANE: But I seem to be lost.
JANE: Could you please tell me where I am?

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: JANE! :U

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: oops.
CALLIOPE: sorry. u_u
CALLIOPE: i'm not terribly experienced with the practice of in-person expressions of friendship.

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: jane, don't be frightened...

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: it's me!
CALLIOPE: callie!

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Of course!
JANE: Oh my goodness, what a wonderful surprise!

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Come here, you!
JANE: This is an expression of in-person friendship we Earthlings refer to as a hug.
CALLIOPE: hee hee!
CALLIOPE: yes. ^u^

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Forgive me, I don't recall your telling me you were named Callie.
JANE: Come to think of it, I hardly remember anything at all.
JANE: Not even how I got here.
CALLIOPE: i woUld not fret over it. yoUr memory shoUld begin to retUrn in dUe time.
CALLIOPE: jade here has been remembering all sorts of things, as we record her memories in oUr storybook.
JADE: hi jane!
JANE: Hello, there.
CALLIOPE: why don't yoU join Us?
CALLIOPE: i'm sUre yoU will have mUch to add to oUr story.
JANE: I'd love to.
JANE: I feel as though I could use a rest.
JANE: I'm quite exhausted for some reason. I must have been walking along that yellow path for longer than I can remember.
JADE: heheh. i said the same thing when i got here too
CALLIOPE: tis trUe.
JANE: Um, pardon me, though,
JANE: I also cannot recall for the life of me whether you mentioned your friend to me.
JANE: Or that you were both trolls...
CALLIOPE: ah, bUt we are not trolls!
JADE: nope :B
CALLIOPE: these are oUr trollsonas.
JANE: Trollsonas, you say?
JADE: callie helped me make mine
JADE: arent we adorable?
JANE: You truly are.

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Say.
JANE: Do you suppose...
JANE: I could make a trollsona too?

12/17/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: might as well get started.
JOHN: let's see, the first key thought is...

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: "R3UN1ON"?
JOHN: do i have to think the numbers too?
JOHN: how do i even do that?
JOHN: whatever, here goes nothing.

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/19/14
"[???????]"

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: whoa, it worked!
JOHN: ha ha, i remember this!

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh man, this is great.
JOHN: hey guys!
JOHN: hey me!!
JOHN: you're looking almost as handsome as the other me i just saw.
JOHN: don't ask, it's a long story. all you need to know is we are both looking great, as usual.

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: dang, this was such a cool moment!
JOHN: hard to believe it was only...
JOHN: hours ago?
JOHN: days ago?
JOHN: these zappy shenanigans are making me lose track of time.
JOHN: whatever, it was just a really nice surprise when you all randomly appeared on my birthday and fell on the grass!

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i would love to have this sweet reunion all over again with you guys...
JOHN: we had some great conversations here on this lonely stone henge planet. i really wouldn't mind listening to everything we said again word for word!
JOHN: but i can't.

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: i don't know if this makes sense...
JOHN: but when we all came together like this out of the blue, and had our long awaited reunion...
JOHN: i'm not sure if we really earned it yet?
JOHN: we didn't realize it at the time, but there were still a bunch of problems waiting to happen.
JOHN: like, some lingering issues that were going to pull us all apart again, and make us fight to get back together once and for all.
JOHN: but don't worry, i'm working to overcome all those problems right now.
JOHN: that's why i'm here!
JOHN: it's also why i can't hang around all day babbling like a fool. i really need to quit yapping and hit the road.

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: see you karkat!
JOHN: i hope your pals don't take it personally, but you were always my favorite troll.
JOHN: the shouty tirades you are going to have on this hilly planet are going to be epic and hilarious. i will never forget them.
JOHN: kanaya, take good care of him for me, ok? thanks.

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: dave! see you in a different reality, buddy.
JOHN: be sure to take care of mr. mayor too.
JOHN: your beautiful friendship with a cute chess man is an inspiration to us all.
JOHN: i hope and firmly believe it will transcend the boundaries of even the most ludicrous retcon shenanigans.
JOHN: (heheheh.)

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: goodbye, rose. it makes me happy to see you alive and well, even if only for a minute.
JOHN: i'm going to make sure i never have to watch you die again.
JOHN: sorry if that sounds morbid and confusing, but... yeah.
JOHN: and if you see her around, say hello to roxy for me!
JOHN: haha, oh yeah. hey terezi.
JOHN: i feel like this is some big joke you are in on too.
JOHN: but you probably don't have the slightest clue what's going on, do you?
JOHN: maybe it's better that way, heh.
JOHN: anyway, the plan is going perfectly so far. ;)
JOHN: (i just winked.)

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so yeah, time to go get that ring.
JOHN: i don't know what's going to happen to you all once i change stuff...
JOHN: maybe you'll stop existing? i don't have a damn clue, to be honest.
JOHN: but just so you know, you will always keep existing in my heart.
JOHN: bye!

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: gotcha!!!

12/19/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: it feels good to have it back.
JOHN: the dear, sweet, precious ring of ghost life...
JOHN: i'll never lose track of it again!
JOHN: i definitely won't let...
JOHN: um...
JOHN: wait, who was going to steal this ring again?
JOHN: the other vriska, with the short pirate skirt... what was her name?
JOHN: meh, it doesn't matter. she's probably irrelevant now.

12/22/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: BOOM
MEENAH: there goes another one
VRISKA: Wow, yeah.
MEENAH: dude sure is busy today
VRISKA: I've got to hand it to him.
VRISKA: As far as indestructi8le, reality-destroying monsters go, he really is tireless.
VRISKA: Even though on some level I can tell he's pro8a8ly a complete moron, his dedic8tion and persistence is actually pretty admira8le.
MEENAH: holla
VRISKA: How many ghosts do you think were in that 8u88le he just wrecked?
MEENAH: dunno
MEENAH: hard to give a carp really
MEENAH: and not just cause im a sociopath
VRISKA: What do you mean?

12/22/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: hes just reclamming souls who hangin around too long anyway
MEENAH: before i died i was already like i aint give a fuck about death much
MEENAH: i looked at it like life had a price of admission no one could afford
MEENAH: in the ticket takers eye theres no way you could ever earn your stay
MEENAH: so to stick around you gotta learn to steal
MEENAH: but shit catches up with all thieves in the end
MEENAH: even the great ones
VRISKA: ...
MEENAH: i lived like death wasnt no thing
MEENAH: at all times overdue
MEENAH: a hard stop to being you
MEENAH: and only chumps arent fine with that
MEENAH: but then i die
MEENAH: and find out dying dont mean what little i thought it did
MEENAH: so all those spook eyed souls up there scared to death of double dyin?
MEENAH: fuck em
VRISKA: Peixes, have I ever told you, for a no-8ullshit fish princess, you sure have a way with words?
MEENAH: yeah youve kissed my ass before if thats what you askin

12/22/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ooh, look!
VRISKA: Another space tragedy.
MEENAH: daamn
VRISKA: I will say this much. All the cosmic mayhem is really quite pretty.
VRISKA: Almost like the 8ig man out there is putting on a fireworks display, just for us.
MEENAH: daw
MEENAH: lord muscleguy be thoughtful as fuck
VRISKA: How far do you think he'll go?
VRISKA: To find... who was it? His "kid sister"?
VRISKA: Is he really going to keep smashing the 8lack space forever until he finds her, til it's all gone?
VRISKA: Is it actually POSSI8LE to shatter a continuum that's theoretically infin8te?
MEENAH: shrug
VRISKA: Like I said. Got to admire the guy's determin8tion.
VRISKA: Still, I can't imagine he's led a very enjoya8le existence.
VRISKA: I mean, sure. May8e he THINKS he has. In the way that totally delusional, egomaniacal people tend to do.
VRISKA: I 8et he never had anyone in his life who was actually important to him.
VRISKA: Someone who could have helped him see that nothing is worth that kind of o8session.
VRISKA: That it's 8etter to just try and 8e happy.
MEENAH: poor skull guy 38(

12/22/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/22/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok, bloody scarf.
JOHN: where to next?

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: framed, huh?
JOHN: i mean... "FR4M3D".
JOHN: ...which i guess is pronounced the same way, but you have to yell it in terezi's weird annoying voice?

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: wow, that was kind of a sick burn.
JOHN: maybe i should be nicer to her, since she is bailing my stupid ass out of this jam, and also she died.
JOHN: ok, here i go.

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[???????]"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so...
JOHN: you wanted me to steal a stuffed dragon from your room?
JOHN: how is this even the slightest bit important to the time line?

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: whatever.
JOHN: maybe stealing this dragon is the most important thing to ever happen in the history of stupid time shenanigans?
JOHN: who am i to judge.
JOHN: ok, what's next...

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/24/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: "MOM3NT"?
JOHN: wow, that sounds really nonspecific.
JOHN: what moment do you mean, terezi??
JOHN: way to narrow that down.

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: guess i'll find out. this better be good!

12/26/14
"[???????]"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: heheheheheh.
JOHN: confused yet, terezi?? hahaha.
JOHN: this is actually a lot of fun.
JOHN: i am like the ultimate prankster now... nanna would be so proud!
JOHN: it's kind of like if dr. who used his fancy phone booth to go around playing tricks on people, and that's all he did.
JOHN: then maybe that show would be less lame!
JOHN: also, harry anderson should be all the doctors.
JOHN: wow, i should use my retcon powers to make THAT show happen! wow, yes.
JOHN: it's like all of the super heroes say, with great power comes great responsibility.

12/26/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hmm.
JOHN: i wonder who the "him" was in terezi's note.
JOHN: karkat, maybe?
JOHN: man, i sure hope terezi didn't send me on a time travel quest just to fix her fucking boyfriend problems.
JOHN: god DAMNIT terezi!

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: what else do yoU remember, jane?
CALLIOPE: the more yoU tell Us, the closer we may come to jogging yoUr and jade's memory of how yoU died.
CALLIOPE: not to mention, the closer we will get to completing this lovely illUstrated story. :u
JANE: Hrm.
JANE: My recollection continues to be so darn hazy.
JANE: Is there anything from my session that you can remember, Callie?
CALLIOPE: UnfortUnately from my perspective, most of it was blacked oUt.
CALLIOPE: everything else i know, i have learned from ancient joUrnals, whose veracity i have come to regard as...
CALLIOPE: tenUoUs.
CALLIOPE: yoU two are the only primary soUrces i have left to reconstrUct the tale. if only yoU can keep jogging yoUr memories!
JANE: I see.
JANE: Well, I do recall quite a bit more from our stint as tricksters.
JANE: For some reason all those memories are still quite vivid.
JANE: I suppose I could recount more of that drunken tomfoolery and extend our trickster chapter.
CALLIOPE: oh, yes!!! i woUld absolUtely adore hearing more aboUt yoUr trickster adventUres.
CALLIOPE: it pleases me to no end hearing that yoU experienced sUch joyfUl escapades as a resUlt of the birthday present i gave yoU! :U
JANE: Um. Yes!
JANE: Joyful.
JANE: That's what they were. So joyful.
JANE: What a present! You are a true sweetheart, Callie.
CALLIOPE: ^u^
JANE: So, where was I?
JANE: Ah yes. Dirk had just acquiesced to the siren's song of the trickster.
JANE: When all the rainbow magic and sparkle dust had subsided, there he stood, as stoic and rigid as ever.
JANE: He was like a plank of wood in orange trousers and suspenders. A bronze statue in a silly pair of wrist warmers. A stone-faced automaton with a shock of vermilion hair, in which comfortably nestled what appeared to be an orange soft drink.
JANE: The juju's potent spell seemed only to strengthen his resolve in betraying no emotion whatsoever.
JANE: But would his curmudgeonly facade prove a deterrent to Roxy's lascivious wiles? Methinks not!
JANE: She advanced upon him with her magic ring, seeking his hand in quadruple betrothal.
JANE: Her lips puckered and quivered, like an amorous cephalopod skulking the briny ocean depths for a handsome mate.
JADE: guys i think weve heard enough about the trickster stuff :|
CALLIOPE: (shoot!)

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: jane, dont you remember when we turned into bad guys?
JANE: Bad guys?
JADE: yeah...
JADE: i turned into an evil werewolf for a while
JADE: and you i think were some kind of cyborg
JANE: Yes, that does sound very familiar.
JANE: Can you tell me anything else to nudge my recollection?
JADE: ummmmm
JADE: you had a pitchfork thingy and your outfit was bright red
JANE: Yes, of course!
JANE: I do remember that now.
JANE: Oh dear. I really was behaving horribly, wasn't I?
JADE: yeah, we both were
JADE: it feels like it was all a bad dream
JADE: im glad its over now, even if it means were probably dead
JANE: Mm-hm.
JANE: It's coming back to me now...
JANE: Gosh, how embarrassing it is to recall my actions.
JANE: They somehow manage to trump my indiscretions as a trickster.
JANE: The things I said to Jake!!!
JADE: :o
JADE: what did you say?
JANE: I can't even bring myself to talk about it.
JANE: You're right, Jade. We probably are better off dead than having to face the music for our shameful deeds.
CALLIOPE: i do not wish to pry into matters that make yoU Uncomfortable...
CALLIOPE: bUt can yoU at least recall the circUmstances which were likely to have resUlted in yoUr deaths?
JANE: Hm.
JANE: Yes, I believe I can.
JANE: Remembering my encounter with Jake in his prison cell has reminded me of a crisis that followed shortly thereafter.
JANE: It caught us all quite by surprise, if I recall, even the Condesce.
JANE: I believe there were unanticipated factors which even she was unable to account for.
CALLIOPE: can yoU recall the natUre of this crisis?
CALLIOPE: jade and i will do oUr best to record it!
JANE: Yes, hold on.
JANE: Allow me a moment to get back into my storytelling voice.
JANE: ...
JADE: ...
CALLIOPE: ...
JANE: Ahem.

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: 'Twas like Jade said. We'd been hoodwinked by none other than the Batterwitch herself.
JANE: The old lady's fishy mind tricks had us both behaving like a pair of crooks!
JANE: We were all too willing to do her dirty work, and none too shy about reveling in our misdeeds.
JANE: It was as if she'd pulled the stops on our sense of conscience. At last we were free to act upon our darkest desires.
JANE: And if it please the jury, I'd prefer said desires were kept stricken from this record. >:B
JADE: i second the motion
CALLIOPE: (doUble shoot!!)

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: The crafty witch made sure I would be the brains of the operation.
JANE: She saw to it her heiress had a super computer wrapped around her noggin years in advance.
JANE: A state of the art Thoughtwave Tiaratop, for the up and coming junior battermaster on the go -- with the factory default set to EVIL!
JANE: But if I was the brains of the outfit, Jade was the uncontested brawn.
JANE: Within two shakes of a dog's tail, she kicked Dirk to the curb of the incipisphere.
JANE: Then in one fell swoop, she and I pinched Roxy and Jake respectively, and hauled them right off to the slammer for interrogation.
JANE: The slammer, as we all know, is how one describes the penal system when feeling extra angry at crimes.
JANE: Their crime, you ask? It was being on the wrong side of the law.
JANE: And by wrong, I mean right.
CALLIOPE: jane, slow down! this is all solid gold.

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: But before we could badger hapless pals in the slammer, there was work to be done.
JANE: We were to prepare for the others, scheduled to arrive shortly on a meteor from the furthest ring.
JANE: I was ordered to build up the houses on our planets to reach Skaia. The witch said it was critical to her plans.
JANE: Whereas Jade was told to intercept the meteor, and scatter all her friends on the four new planets.
JANE: They were all to be separated into pairs, and prepared to receive instruction to help us advance the cause.
JANE: But then, something went wrong. Something fully unanticipated, even by the Witch!

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Before Jade could intercept the meteor, she disappeared without a trace.
JADE: i did? :o
CALLIOPE: (jade, shh! this is getting exciting.)
JANE: Perhaps it's my shoddy memory acting up again, but I have no recollection of what happened to her.
JANE: This left the Witch's scheme in total shambles, and without Jade's unlimited power at her command, the situation on Derse was vulnerable.
JANE: Jade's friends were now unaccounted for, and could freely move about the medium without being caught.
JANE: They used their freedom to maximum advantage. Staying a step ahead of the Witch, they organized and came up with a plan.
JANE: The plan, you ask?
JANE: A prison break!!!

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: They struck at just the right moment, while the Witch was out searching for them. They had established a series of clever decoys to lure her away.
JANE: Their assault on the Derse prison was furious, with only myself and a few agents on hand to fend them off.
JANE: Their aim was to free Jake and Roxy, and I can only presume, me as well from my corrupted state.
JANE: But I was not about to go down easy. Oh no.
JANE: The melee was fierce, and alas...
JANE: Not without casualty. :(
CALLIOPE: what happened, jane?
CALLIOPE: was someone slain? other than yoU and jade?
JANE: I'm sorry. The memory is coming back to me.
JANE: It is difficult to talk about, let alone present it with a flourish a good story deserves.
JADE: well forget about the story for a second
JADE: just tell us with regular words... i mean if you want to
JANE: No, it's ok.
JANE: I shall persevere.
JANE: Our tale must go on.
CALLIOPE: (;u;)

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Roxy's young mother made an exceedingly aggressive move to free her estranged daughter.
JANE: She attacked me with a fearsome enchantment of blinding light!
JANE: I deftly sidestepped her sorcery, and in my demented state found myself enraged by her claim on my beloved Bffsy.
JANE: I let my fork sail, straight and true, toward the interloping Lalonde.

12/29/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: But Roxy...
JANE: In a sudden fit of gumption, she intercepted my fork.
JANE: Directly through her chest.
JANE: I knew it before her heart even stopped.
JANE: Her death was surely heroic.

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

12/31/14
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff
DRAGONSPRITE: sniff sniff sniff sniff
JOHN: (hey, would you quit it!)
JOHN: (i'm trying to keep a low profile here.)

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|SPRITELOG|
DRAGONSPRITE: bye!
DRAGONSPRITE: heeheeheeheehee!

01/02/15
"[???????]"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: uh, mission accomplished i guess??
JOHN: well, scarf item number four, at least.
JOHN: there you go, terezi. your stupid plush dragon can help with your weird "investigation", or whatever fucked up thing you're doing there.
JOHN: thank god i changed that! we sure are making some awesome progress here...
JOHN: not.

01/02/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok, there's just no way that change was important.
JOHN: i know this stuff can be pretty subtle, but come on.
JOHN: she HAS to be messing with me at this point.
JOHN: with my new powers, i feel like i'm the ultimate prankster, but to be honest, i'm having a hard time figuring out who is pranking WHO here, exactly.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: it's me, isn't it.
JOHN: i'm the one getting owned, aren't i.
JOHN: owned by a crazy blind girl, trolling me through time with notes written in her blood moments before she died.
JOHN: but she's also kind of... trolling herself too?
JOHN: damn.
JOHN: i am dealing with a true professional here.
JOHN: alright, enough of this asinine horse play.
JOHN: let's see what the scarf of stupidity has in store for me next!

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[???????]"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: yeesh.
JOHN: what a gruesome scene.
JOHN: i wonder which troll this was?
JOHN: she looks really cute...
JOHN: it's sad that she died.

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: let's see... what does she want me to do here?
JOHN: i'm all out of stuffed dragons, so i don't think anyone will be cracking this case any time soon.
JOHN: hmm...

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so i guess the clown guy did this?
JOHN: i'm laughing my ass off.
JOHN: it looks like he left all this bullshit littered around the body to frame vriska.
JOHN: did terezi actually fall for this?

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok, this one's easy enough.
JOHN: there, you're welcome terezi.
JOHN: keep up the good work at solving dumb crimes.
JOHN: whoops, here you come! got to go.

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: spidertroll
GC: YOU 4R3 CORR3CT
GC: TH3 SP1D3R13ST ON3 OF 4LL
TG: youve decided to take her down then
GC: 1 GU3SS SO
TG: you dont sound that psyched about it
GC: W3LL, 1M H3R3 T4LK1NG TO YOU 4BOUT 1T 1NST34D OF 4CTU4LLY DO1NG 1T, 4R3NT...
GC: HUH?
TG: what

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
TG: terezi
TG: hello
TG: wtf is going on there

01/05/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[???????]"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: there.
JOHN: i honked the stupid horn.
JOHN: one more to go...
JOHN: terezi, are we getting to the point any time soon?
JOHN: i'm getting tired of all this meaningless, prankstery bullshit.
JOHN: i would like to be able to say we at least TRIED to change something important here.
JOHN: i'd rather not have to go back to roxy and say, sorry! your mom has to stay dead forever, because terezi decided to play some funny jokes on me for no reason, and also fix her romance problems.
JOHN: it'd be nice to do something that would actually be significant enough to, you know, prevent that from happening?!
JOHN: ...
JOHN: huh?

01/07/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: OOF!

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Haha!
MEENAH: hehehe

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hahahaha!
MEENAH: heheheh

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: heheheheheh
VRISKA: Hahahaha!

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: OOF!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: whups

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: hehehe
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: heheheheheheh
VRISKA: Haha! Hahahaha!

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hahahaha!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: hehehehe

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!
MEENAH: heheh hehehe
VRISKA: Haha!

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: hehehehehe
VRISKA: Hahahaha!

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hahahaha...
MEENAH: hehehe...

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Haha.
MEENAH: heheh

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: heh...

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ha.

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/09/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: I knew that I was her only hope for resurrection.
JANE: Perhaps my cybernetic intelligence was not as flawless as I believed.
JANE: In my haste to revive her, I neglected to let them know I was the only chance she had.
JANE: If they understood the nature of my powers, they may have tempered their aggression.
JANE: And if I wasn't so hurried to use those powers, I may not have let my guard down.
JANE: Alas, I did let my guard down, and with it, my queen.
JANE: But more importantly, my friend, who surely stayed dead.
JANE: Poor Roxy.
CALLIOPE: do yoU sUppose we shoUld be expecting her ghost to join Us too?
CALLIOPE: thoUgh i admit, part of me feels gUilty hoping she will join Us in death. u_u
JANE: I do not know.
JANE: But guilt notwithstanding, I truly hope to see her again.
JANE: Killing a dear friend while in a compromised state of mind... it's frightening to imagine having to "live" with that for eternity.
JANE: I'd be miserable if I never had the opportunity to make amends.
JADE: its sad she died, but then, isnt it kinda sad we all died?
JADE: personally im really hoping she shows up!
JADE: jane why dont you prepare a trollsona for her as a gesture of reconciliation?
JADE: its the least you can do :B
JANE: Why, yes.
JANE: I do believe I can make that sacrifice for the good of our friendship.
CALLIOPE: HUZZAH!!!!!!!!!!!

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: so getting back to the story
JADE: i take it from what you said about letting your guard down...
JADE: you believe this was how you died?
JANE: I'm almost certain of it.
JANE: I can remember nothing beyond that moment.
JANE: And if one of your friends managed to get the better of me, I have no doubt my death would have been just, considering the trouble I caused.
JADE: yeah...
JADE: likewise :\
CALLIOPE: do yoU remember who it was that killed yoU?
CALLIOPE: not to hoUnd yoU for details, bUt trivia like this tends to be historically important.
CALLIOPE: plUs, i woUld like to draw this scene. :u
JANE: I'm sorry. My memory of the incident overall is quite vague.
JANE: But it wouldn't surprise me if the one who dealt my fatal blow was the leader of the raid.

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: This was the unanticipated factor.
JANE: Their leader was someone who was not expected to show up with them at all.
JANE: The presence of this lone interloper was enough to discombobulate a scheme millions of years in the making.
JANE: This hero occupied a blind spot as much to the Condesce as to my present recollection, but of this much I am sure.
JANE: The hero was bold, wily; the sort of firebrand personality they needed to take such a stand.
JANE: An intrepid soul who was not about to take the verdict of paradox space lying down.
JANE: You see, Callie, your historical documents make no mention of the leader of the raid, because originally, the curtains closed early on this plucky customer.
JANE: But the hero was written back into our story by some inscrutable gambit of circumstance which we may never fully understand.
JANE: And with that flourish of revisionism, the tide of luck turned on a shiny new dime. All bets were off!
JANE: The tilt between the friendly and felonious was a true horse race again. A real barn burner in the brewing.
JANE: Yes, there'd still be hell to pay after Jade and I made our exit, sure as sugar cubes.
JANE: There'd be ashes to sift, wounds to mend, fallen to mourn. Not being privy to the aftermath, I can only surmise as well as the next gumshoe.
JANE: But with respect to the fate of our comrades, of this much I am convinced.
JANE: When the curtains finally closed, this time, their leader would make sure everyone was standing on the right side of them.
JANE: That is to say, the side any interested onlooker would be able to witness.
JADE: ...
JADE: jeez!
JANE: Hm?

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: youre really good at telling stories jane!
CALLIOPE: yes, i'd no idea yoU had sUch a talent. how sneaky of yoU to hide sUch a gift from me all this time!
JADE: hear hear! 5 stars, would listen again! :)
JANE: Aw, shucks, you guys. :B

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: uh, wow.
JOHN: not sure what to expect for this one.
JOHN: alright, here goes.

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[???????]"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: NOOOOOO, TEREZI!
JOHN: DON'T DO IT!!!

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: John????????

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: What are you doing heAUGH!!!!!!!!
JOHN: KAPOW!!!!!
TEREZI: JOHN NO! >:O

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: JOHN, WH4T H4V3 YOU DON3!
JOHN: whew! that was close.
TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU H3R3??
TEREZI: HOW 4R3 YOU H3R3???
JOHN: it's a long story terezi. don't worry about it.
JOHN: the important thing here is, we did it. everything's going to be ok now.
TEREZI: D1D WH4T?!
JOHN: um...
JOHN: i'm not sure, actually.
TEREZI: OH MY FUCK1NG GOD
JOHN: well, i just clobbered vriska and knocked her out, like you said.
JOHN: jeez, i hope i didn't punch too hard...

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: wow, she's really down for the count, isn't she.
JOHN: i got a lot of extra punching practice in my fight with the skull jerk.
JOHN: maybe i gained a bit too much man grit for my own good?
TEREZI: WH4T 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT!
TEREZI: DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 WH4T YOU'V3 JUST DON3?
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: i randomly appeared and knocked vriska out cold, just like the scarf told me to.
TEREZI: WH4T SC4RF???
JOHN: um...
JOHN: this one?
TEREZI: YOU W3R3N'T SUPPOS3D TO DO TH1S!
TEREZI: 1 W4S SUPPOS3D TO K1LL H3R!
TEREZI: YOU JUST DOOM3D US 4LL!!!
JOHN: no, no...
JOHN: i mean, yeah, it was supposed to go that way originally!
JOHN: but now it doesn't have to, because of like, weird retcon magic, and also your crazy mind schemes.
TEREZI: M1ND SCH3M3S?!
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: well, you from years in the future, just before you died.
JOHN: i got help from your older, possibly wiser self. you helped me come back here, using the mysteries of the mind.
TEREZI: 1 S33
TEREZI: BUT TH4T DO3S NOT 4NSW3R TH3 MOST 1MPORT4NT QU3ST1ON OF 4LL
JOHN: what.
TEREZI: WHY 4R3 YOU SUCH 4 DORK?!
JOHN: shut up!
TEREZI: L3T M3 S33 TH4T SC4RF
JOHN: no!!

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: Y3S, G1V3 1T H3R3
JOHN: no, quit it!
TEREZI: YOU FUCK3D W1TH TH3 4LPH4 T1M3L1N3. 1 W4NT 4NSW3RS
JOHN: hey, i had to jump through a lot of your lame prankstery hoops to get here!
JOHN: plus i saved vriska from your back stabbing ways, so you don't need to do that for... whatever stupid reason you were going to?
JOHN: how about a little gratitude!
TEREZI: JUST T3LL M3 WH4T TH3 SC4RF S4YS
TEREZI: 1 N33D TO KNOW WH4T 1 S41D!
JOHN: look, all it says is this list of bloody passwords and instructions, most of which are dumb pranks!
TEREZI: PR4NKS? >:?
JOHN: yeah, i think so.
TEREZI: WHY WOULD 1 S3ND YOU B4CK 1N T1M3 TO PL4Y PR4NKS
JOHN: because you're a weirdo!
TEREZI: SCR3W YOU!
TEREZI: W41T
TEREZI: SO YOU 4CTU4LLY W3R3 TH3 ON3 WHO STOL3 MY DR4GON, 4ND WROT3 THOS3 NOT3S?
JOHN: yeah.
TEREZI: WHY
JOHN: i don't know!
JOHN: you told me to.
JOHN: probably to prevent you from fucking up your life?
TEREZI: 4ND YOU'R3 SUR3 YOU D1DN'T JUST M4K3 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3 H3R3?
JOHN: yeah, pretty sure!
JOHN: this is like, a fresh start. from this point on.
TEREZI: G1MM3 TH3 SC4RF
JOHN: no! stop badgering me about the damn scarf!!!
TEREZI: 1T'S M1N3 THOUGH, 1T H4S MY BLOOD ON 1T!
JOHN: no, it belonged to my dear departed FRIEND, her name was *future* terezi!
TEREZI: YOU B4ST4RD >:x
JOHN: look, it doesn't even say anything else, i already did everything!
JOHN: wait...
TEREZI: WH4T
JOHN: ok, there is one last thing i have to do.
TEREZI: WH4T
JOHN: it says i have to give you my wallet.
TEREZI: WH4T??

01/12/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: but...
JOHN: i don't actually have my wallet?
TEREZI: YOU DONT?
JOHN: no.
JOHN: i lost it years ago.
JOHN: i think i gave it to...
JOHN: damn. who was it.
JOHN: liv tyler, the bunny?
JOHN: or was it that short chess dude.
JOHN: shit!
TEREZI: WHY WOULD 1 T3LL YOU TO G1V3 M3 YOUR W4LL3T 1F YOU DON'T H4V3 1T
JOHN: i guess you didn't realize i lost it??
JOHN: hell, even i can't remember what items we still have half the time.
JOHN: terezi, just between you, me, unconscious vriska, and that dumb clown there, this adventure has been one huge mess.
TEREZI: WH4T COULD 3V3N B3 SO 1MPORT4NT 4BOUT G1V1NG M3 YOUR W4LL3T?
JOHN: hmm.
JOHN: actually, it says give "her" your wallet.
JOHN: did "her" mean you, or vriska?
TEREZI: ???
JOHN: i guess it's a moot point, since i don't have it.
JOHN: let's just call it one small flaw in your otherwise mostly stupid plan, and get on with our lives.
TEREZI: 1T'S NOT MY PL4N!
JOHN: yes it is!
JOHN: or, was.
JOHN: i mean, will be.
JOHN: or... won't be anymore? now that we changed stuff.
TEREZI: UGH, SHUT UP
TEREZI: M4YB3 1F YOU COULD T3LL M3 *WHY* W3 N33D TH3 W4LL3T, W3 COULD M4K3 OTH3R PL4NS TO COMP3NS4T3?
JOHN: um.
JOHN: i dunno. maybe you need to captcha something really big?
TEREZI: L1K3 WH4T
JOHN: i don't know!
JOHN: it's just some vague crap you wrote on a scarf!
KARKAT: JOHN????
JOHN: oh fuck.

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: HOW IN THE CONTEMPTIBLE NAME OF MY PERMANENTLY HATE-SOILED JERKOFF TROUSERS CAN YOU ***POSSIBLY*** BE HERE?!
JOHN: no, i'm not doing this!
JOHN: i'm not explaining the retcon shit again!
KARKAT: RET-WHAT SHIT??
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO VRISKA?
KARKAT: IS
KARKAT: IS THAT *GAMZEE* TIED UP ON THE FLOOR THERE?
KARKAT: WITH A HORN SHOVED IN HIS MOUTH???
GAMZEE: *HONK*
JOHN: sigh.
KARKAT: TEREZI, WHY IS GAMZEE TIED UP ON THE FLOOR.
KARKAT: I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I THOUGHT HE HAD GOTTEN TO YOU FOR SURE.
TEREZI: TH4T 1S SW33T OF YOU K4RK4T, BUT TH3R3 W4S NO N33D TO WORRY
TEREZI: 1 CR4CK3D TH3 C4S3
TEREZI: W1TH 1NV3ST1G4T1ON SK1LLS L1K3 M1N3, 1T W4S 1N3V1T4BL3 >:]
JOHN: (lmao.)
KARKAT: UM, OK???
KARKAT: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF SOMEBODY TOLD ME WHAT SORT OF PREPOSTEROUS SHIT WAS TAKING PLACE UP HERE.
KARKAT: WHAT HAPPENED TO VRISKA? WHY IS SHE PASSED OUT ON THE FUCKING FLOOR?!
JOHN: because i punched her in the face.
KARKAT: WHAT
JOHN: you heard me.
KARKAT: OK, JOHN, LISTEN. FIRST OF ALL, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH.
KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN KNOW *WHERE* TO BEGIN ADDRESSING THE GLOBE NUMBING ABSURDITY OF YOUR SUDDEN PRESENCE ON THIS METEOR.
KARKAT: LET'S JUST AWKWARDLY STRAFE ALONG THE PERIMETER OF THAT HUMONGOUS, STINK-BELCHING TRUNKBEAST IN THE ROOM, AND LET THE VIOLENTLY UNINHIBITED NERD-GRILLING COMMENCE.
KARKAT: *WHY* DID YOU PUNCH VRISKA IN THE FACE??????????
KARKAT: I MEAN...
KARKAT: NOT THAT I NECESSARILY BLAME YOU, BUT STILL.

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: karkat, take it easy.
JOHN: here, read this.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.
JOHN: it's all on the scarf, buddy.
JOHN: it's all on the scarf.
KARKAT: GET THIS NASTY FUCKING RAG OUT OF MY PROXIMITY!
TEREZI: H3Y, TH4T'S M1N3!
KANAYA: Uh

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh man.
JOHN: this is turning into a stupid circus.
GAMZEE: *HONK*
JOHN: shh!
JOHN: i should really get out of here.
JOHN: the time line is already boned enough as it is without me hanging around.
KARKAT: WHAT? YOU'RE LEAVING ALREADY??
JOHN: i mean...
JOHN: i guess it doesn't matter THAT much if i'm here?
JOHN: we already changed history like... almost completely?
JOHN: that was kind of the point.
JOHN: vriska's not dead anymore, so that means...
JOHN: wait, what does that actually mean?
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!
KARKAT: WHAT'S THIS SHIT ABOUT VRISKA BEING DEAD? CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!
KANAYA: Vriskas Dead?
KARKAT: NO!!!!!!!!!
KARKAT: SHE'S ASLEEP ON THE FLOOR OVER THERE, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!
JOHN: so, that means i'll never be able to get the life ring from tavros...
JOHN: but i already have the ring? so i guess that doesn't matter?
SOLLUX: wh0's talking.
JOHN: wait, does this really mean vriska's ghost stops existing, or...
JOHN: is her ghost just going to keep existing in the dream bubbles because of "reasons"?
KANAYA: Karkat What Is He Doing Here
KARKAT: WOW, GREAT QUESTION!
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A FUCKING NUMBER AND GET IN LINE FOR THAT ONE!!!
KARKAT: I'VE ALREADY GOT MINE! IT'S THE FIRST NUMBER THERE IS. AN ANGRY, TREMBLING DIGIT, TOWERING AND ERECT, POINTING DIRECTLY AT THE TRASHFACED KINGPIN OF INEXPLICABLE HORSESHIT HIMSELF, *GOD*!!!!!
JOHN: and if i never ended up meeting her ghost...
JOHN: i guess i never stuck my hand in the house thing to get the retcon powers in the first place, so how...
JOHN: god damn it.
KARKAT: HER GHOST??????
KARKAT: HE'S TALKING ABOUT GHOSTS EVERYBODY!
KARKAT: EVERYBODY LISTEN, HE'LL SURELY EXPLAIN EVERYTHING ANY SECOND NOW! THIS SHOULD BE GREAT!
SOLLUX: can s0me0ne please tell me wh0 is talking.
KARKAT: SHHHHH, SOLLUX PIPE DOWN! HE'S ABOUT TO SPILL THE FART NIBLETS, I CAN FEEL IT!!!!!!!!!!!

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok guys, really, i've messed with your time line enough as it is.
JOHN: sorry for clocking you, vriska, if you can hear me in your dreams. haha, you probably can't.
JOHN: but hey, i guess this means i get to meet alive you soon, instead of ghost you? so that's neat.
KARKAT: EGBERT DON'T YOU DARE FUCK OFF
JOHN: please tell her i'm sorry for punching her in the face.
JOHN: but also, she's welcome for saving her life.
JOHN: i'll see you guys later. um, in three years to be precise.
KARKAT: WHAT???
KARKAT: NO, DON'T
KARKAT: YOU STAY THE HELL PUT. DO YOU HEAR ME YOU UGLY, PEEJAY PACKING, FLAPSNIFFING SHIT INFANT
JOHN: bye dude!

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

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"[A6A6I4] ====>"

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: I Suddenly Dont Understand Anything And Am Currently Casting Sincere Doubt On The Laughable Insinuation That I Or Anyone Else Ever Actually Did For Even A Single Moment
SOLLUX: kanaya, d0n't be such a damn n00b.
SOLLUX: the explanation for all the stuff i just heard is s0 0bvi0us.
KANAYA: What Is The Explanation

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
SOLLUX: mutha.

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
SOLLUX: fuckin.

01/14/15
"[A6A6I4] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
SOLLUX: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" /> shenanigans. <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/trollcool.gif" border="0" />

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04/13/15
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 5"

04/13/15
"AH. SO NICE OF YOU TO JOIN ME."

TO JOIN ME, FOR...

04/13/15
"MY MASTERPIECE!"

THE FRUITS OF MY ARTISTIC TOILS ARE FINALLY AT HAND. YOU'RE WELCOME IN ADVANCE FOR THE NARRATIVE MAJESTY YOU ARE ABOUT TO WITNESS. IT COST LITERALLY MILLIONS OF CALCOINS TO PRODUCE. AS WELL AS MOST OF MY ATTENTION SPAN FOR ANY FURTHER CREATIVE ENDEAVORS. BUT YOU WILL PROBABLY AGREE, TEARFULLY. THAT IT IS WORTH ALL OF THIS EXPENSE, AND MORE. TO SEE MY TINY ACTORS OF LIVING PUTTY, *DANCE*.

GET READY. TO GET DAZZLED. AS I FUCKING DESTROY THE TRANSCENDENTAL BOUNDARIES OF "UNCONVENTIONAL MEDIA".

(THAT JUJU CHEST SHOULDN'T BE MOVING. SORRY. I BUMPED IT.)

04/13/15
"LET US BEGIN."

THE TALE MY MASTERPIECE DESCRIBES, IS BASICALLY A SPOILER TO THE ENDING OF THINGS. IT TAKES PLACE IN A FUTURE MOMENT. LONG BEYOND WHEN WE, YOU, OR I HAVE ANY BUSINESS SEEING WHAT HAPPENS.

BUT I FOUND OUT AND LEARNED OF THIS SPOILER. I SAW IT ONCE, ON ONE OF MY PLANET'S MANY SCREENS. THE LAND OF "COLOURS". AND THE LAND OF "MAYHEM". IT KNOWS ALL. AND IT WILL SHOW ANYTHING TO ANY MAN. WHO IS WILLING TO FIND THE RIGHT KEY. AND IT TURNS OUT THAT JUST SUCH A MAN. IS THE MAN THAT IS ME!

04/13/15
"SO I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT I SAW."

NOT WITH THE CRUDE 2 DIMENSIONAL SHAPES FROM MY COMPUTER PENCIL. BUT WITH THE LAVISH 2+ DIMENSIONAL FORMS OF MY GROUND BREAKING CLAY PUPPETS. BEHOLD AS I INNOVATE OBJECTS OF ARTISTIC EXPRESSION, WHICH YOU TRASHY FUCK MUNCHES NEVER THOUGHT TO PIONEER BEFORE IN A MILLION YEARS. HERE'S A SHOT OF ME BOWING IN ADVANCE FOR BEING GREAT!

04/13/15
"AH YES. MOVIE MAGIC AT ITS BEST."

I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I SAW IN THE SCREEN. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY, THAT IT HAPPENED PRECISELY AS I SHOW YOU HERE. SHOT FOR SHOT.

THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER I GET THE MAGIC RAINBOW EYES. AND YET, STILL BEFORE I AM HUGE AND WEAR A DAPPER TRENCH COAT FOR WINNERS. BUT AS YOU CAN SEE. AT THIS POINT, IN MY RISE TO DOMINANT INVINCIBILITY. I'M FEELING PRETTY CHUFFED ABOUT MYSELF. MY POWER IS SICK, AND MY SPECIAL EYE BALLS ARE GNARLY AS CAN BE. I WOULD TELL YOU I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO BE THIS COOL, BUT AS YOU KNOW. I AM A MAN OF PATIENCE AND APLOMB.

04/13/15
"ALSO, LOOK CLOSELY."

I'VE GOT MY JUJU CHEST THERE. WHICH I WILL WIN AS SOME CHOICE BOOTY, FROM VICTORIOUSLY SLAUGHTERING MY DENIZEN. KING YALDOBOB. INSIDE IS A MIGHTY WEAPON. WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY A LITTLE LATER. IN MY THEATER OF WOBBLING PUPPET DRAMA. IT'S LIKE THEY SAY ABOUT THE THEATER. IF YOU SEE A JUJU IN ACT ONE. THEN THE JUJU WILL PROBABLY BE USED RIGHT AWAY IN ACT ONE. TO MAKE EVERYTHING MORE EXCITING, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

ALSO, WHICH I SHOULD MENTION...

04/13/15
"ONE MORE BANNER PIECE OF SWAG IN MY POSSESSION."

I'M NOT SURE HOW I COME ABOUT THIS LATER. MUCH LIKE THE CLOCKWORK LASERS, AND PRIMO FASHION JACKET. IT'S A RING, THAT FOUND ITS WAY TO ME SOMEHOW. A GOLDEN RING OF VOID. IT BECOMES MINE ONE DAY. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING, I NEVER KNEW I ALWAYS WANTED, YET SOMEHOW, PREEMPTIVELY COVETED. IT LETS ME STAY CLOSE TO THE DARKNESS. TO VANISH, AND APPEAR AGAIN, IN PLACES I HAVE NO BUSINESS FUCKING WITH. FULL OF PLUMP AND MEATY PEOPLE. ALIVE AND LIVING. WHO ONE DAY, WILL PLEAD WITH THE GODS. BEGGING THEM TO CURSE MY NAME.

04/13/15
"HERE I AM LORDING IT OVER MY MINIONS."

THE CLASSIC HONK FRIEND. MY RABBIT PAL FOR LIFE. AND MY FLOPPY PUPPET BUDDY. I'M BOSSING THEM AROUND, BEING THE SHIT, AS ALWAYS. WHATEVER.

04/13/15
"WHEN SUDDENLY."

EIGHT ASSHOLES SNUGGED UP IN THEIR GOOFY PAJAMAS APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE, FOR SOME WRESTLING ROYALE WITH YOURS TRULY. THEY ALL STEAL A RIDE WITH THE WIND PRICK'S SNAPPY GHOST MAGIC, TO CATCH ME UNAWARES. IT WORKED! JUDGING FROM MY SKULL EXPRESSION, I WAS REALLY REALLY SURPRISED.

04/13/15
"BUT THEN."

MY SKULL TURNS GIDDY, AND SINISTER. BECAUSE I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT TRULY, THEY ARE ABOUT TO GET OWNED.

04/13/15
"THEY ARE ALL FRISKY, AND READY TO FIGHT."

I CAN TELL THEY ARE PSYCHED ABOUT THIS. LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN PLANNING IT, AND BIDING THEIR TIME, AND NOW THEY THINK THEY ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERTAKE ME, IF ONLY BECAUSE OF THE SURPRISINGNESS OF THEIR AMBUSH. AND MAYBE THEY ARE EVEN RIGHT. MAYBE THEY COULD BEAT ME. THEY HAVE A LOT OF FIGHTING LEVELS AND MAGIC BOONS NOW, JUST LIKE ME. BUT SEE. I DON'T EVEN GIVE THEM THE CHANCE.

04/14/15
"LIKE I SAID. I HAVE A SUPERIOR WEAPON."

AND I SEE NO REASON NOT TO USE IT RIGHT AWAY. WHAT WOULD BE A FUCKING POINT, IN HOLDING OUT? SUSPENSE?? BULLLL SHIT. I PULLED OUT THE BIG GUNS NIGH INSTANTANEOUSLY, BECAUSE I THINK LIKE A GREAT WINNER.

BUT LIKE MOST THINGS THAT ARE GOOD. THE THING HAS LIMITATIONS.

04/14/15
"AND RULES AND STUFF."

ALL JUJUS HAVE RULES. THE COOLER THE JUJU. THE TRICKIER THE RULES. FOR ONE THING. THIS WEAPON COULD ONLY BE USED AGAINST FOUR GUYS AT A TIME. BECAUSE ITS SHAPE HAS. LIKE FOUR SLOTS OR SOMETHING. SO I CHOOSE MY TARGETS CAREFULLY.

I SELECT THE FOUR OF THESE JOKERS, WHO I DEEM THE GREATEST THREAT TO ME. THE BLUE PHILISTINE WITH THE BELLIGERENT FISTS, OF COURSE. SO HE CAN'T OWN ME AGAIN, WITH HURTFUL INSULTS TO MY ART. AND ALSO THE ALPHA MALE AND HIS SMOOTH WAYS, SAY GOODBYE TO HIM TOO. I COULDNT RISK MESSING WITH HIS SWORD, WHICH I UNDERSTAND TO BE THE ONLY THING IN REALITY THAT IS POISON TO MY INVINCIBILITY. BECAUSE OF AN ILLEGAL INGREDIENT, A WHITE ROUNDCIRCLE OF TOTAL KNOWLEDGE.

OH, I TARGETED THEIR TWO CORRESPONDING FEMALES AS WELL, BECAUSE WHY NOT. THE DOG ONE IS A NIGHTMARE OF POWERS, AND THE ORANGE ONE PERTURBS ME WITH HER DICTIONARY BLITHER.

GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD TEENS!!!

04/14/15
"AND JUST LIKE THAT, THEY WERE GONE."

THEIR SOULS WERE TRAPPED IN MY JUJU. FOREVER.

THIS SOLVES ONE PROBLEM FOR ME. BUT STARTS ANOTHER. THE JUJU WHEN ITS SHAPES ARE FILLED. CHANGES IN NATURE. IT STOPS BEING A WEAPON I CAN USE, EVER AGAIN. IT'S WEIRD, AND A BIT LAME, BUT YOU CAN'T BE TOO PICKY ABOUT AWESOME JUJUS. YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD. ONCE I USED IT...

04/14/15
"IT BECAME MYSTERIOUSLY INTANGIBLE."

LIKE A HOLE. A GAP, IN THE TEETH OF MY STORY. THAT NOW EXISTS, AS A DANGEROUS LIABILITY TO ME PERSONALLY. IT CAN ONLY EVER BE USED AS A WEAPON AGAINST ME, FROM NOW ON. SUCH IS WHAT YOLOBROTH, THE GREAT LEWD SNAKE, WILL TELL ME ABOUT THE JUJU WHEN WE MEET. SO AFTER USING IT, IT MADE ME NERVOUS.

04/14/15
"SO IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE."

I TRAPPED IT BACK IN THE CHEST! AND BANISHED IT AWAY, WHERE NO ONE WOULD EVER FIND IT. DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF THE FURTHEST RING. USING MY RING-BASED COMMUNION WITH THE VOID. POOF!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK DIGGING THAT ONE UP, HATERS. IT IS *NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN*.

WITH THE FIRST FOUR BANISHED, THE TEAM OF HEROES WAS CUT IN HALF, TO BE MUCH EASIER FOR ME TO DEVASTATE. A SMUTTY SWORDSMAN, AN UNDERPANTS WIMP, AND TWO FLIPPANT BIMBOS? I WOULD CALL IT A CAKE WALK. BUT WHEN YOU ARE THIS COCKY AND BRASH. YOU DON'T WALK. YOU STRUT. NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF DESSERT YOU FIND UNDER YOUR FEET.

04/14/15
"I SHOULD ALSO RELEVANTLY MENTION."

I AM STILL IN POSSESSION OF THE SWORDMAN'S JUJU. HIS FLOPPY FRIEND OF CHILDHOOD. THE ONE WHICH I RECOGNIZED TO BE AN EMPTY HUSK. HE DEMANDS FROM ME, THAT HE WANTS IT BACK. PRESUMABLY FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. I CAN IN NO WAY BLAME HIM.

KEEP AN EYE ON THIS ONE. THE FORESHADOWING OF HIM, IS PRE-IMPORTANT FOR LATER.

04/14/15
"NOW IS WHEN THE PUMMELING BEGINS."

THE FRACAS IS LOUD AND LARGE. POWER LEVELS ARE OFF THE CHARTS. YOU CAN'T EVEN FOLLOW WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH YOUR EYES!

04/14/15
"I'M MOSTLY TOYING WITH THEM THOUGH."

IT'S ALL TOO EASY, FOR AN ASCENDED LORD BOY LIKE ME. I HAVE A PLATTER FULL OF KNUCKLE SANDWICHES TO GO AROUND, PLUS OTHER HUMAN FOOD PRODUCTS YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH, BUT ALSO INVOLVING KNUCKLES TO MAKE THE PUNCHING METAPHOR WORK. THERE IS *MORE* THAN ENOUGH TO SATISFY EVERY HUNGRY FIST-DESERVER.

AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. THAT I HAVE. A *REPUTATION*. FOR HAVING A PROBLEM OF UNFAIR CRUELTY THAT GOES AT SILLY LADIES MORE THAN GREAT GENTLEMEN. TO WHICH I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE. BUT STILL, LET IT BE UNCONDITIONALLY ACCEPTED, THAT I AM A FAIR MAN, WHO LISTENS TO CRITICISM, AND WORKS EVER AND ALWAYS. TO IMPROVE MY MASTERFUL CRAFT. AND MY TREMENDOUS DECENCY.

04/14/15
"SO."

I HAVE COMMITTED, THROUGH A PLEDGE OF PERSONAL BEAUTIFICATION. TO TRY DOING LESS MISOGYNY. AND START DOING MORE PROSOGYNY. IN FACT. I FUCKING LOVE SOGYNY! AND I WILL *F*I*G*H*T* ANYONE WHO DISAGREES FROM THAT.

HENCEWITH. LOOK. ALL BODILY TERRORISM. IS BEING DEALT IN A PRECISELY EQUAL AND RESPECTFUL WAY. BOTH TO FEEBLE HOE, AND TIP-TOP GENT ALIKE.

04/14/15
"I'M RUINING THEM, REALLY."

IT'S NOT A CONTEST. THEY ARE A BUNCH OF PITIFUL EMOTION CHILDREN, AND I AM A PREMIER, INVINCIBLE TITAN OF ROUGHHOUSE BRUTALITY. IT'S TOO EASY. SPEEDO BOY IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT, BECAUSE I SLAPPED HIM GINGERLY. THE MASKED FLOOZY IS LOOKING A BIT... WOOZY (HA HA.) THE CAKE MAID TOOK ONE DRUB TOO MANY AND HAS TO LIE DOWN FOR AN OVERWEIGHT NAP. THIS LEAVES ME, MANO & MANO, AGAINST THE ANIME PRINCE AND HIS NONSENSE TROUSERS.

04/14/15
"IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD FIGHT BETWEEN US."

BECAUSE HE'S STRONG, AND I ADMIRE THAT. WHY SHOULDN'T I LET A BATTLE HAPPEN FOR LONGER, WHEN TWO TOUGH DUDES ARE INVOLVED, STRUTTING THEIR STUFF. BUT IN THE END, HIS SHARP GLASSES AND SWORD MACHISMO WEREN'T ENOUGH. I GOT THE SUPREME DROP ON HIS POWERFUL BODY WITH MY WRESTLING MOVES.

04/14/15
"MY OVERCONFIDENCE, WAS MY ACHILLES DOWNFALL THOUGH."

I MADE, ADMITTEDLY, THE AMATEUR'S BONER. I TURNED MY BACK ON THE BODY.

THE CRYBABY IN THE YELLOW PANTIES GOT UPSET WITH ME. THAT I WAS WAILING SO EXCELLENTLY ON HIS INCREASINGLY BATTERED PRETTYBOY NINJA STUD.

04/14/15
"AND BY UPSET."

I MEAN HE THREW A FULLY FLEDGED TANTRUM OF *PURE HOPE*.

04/15/15
"THE HOPE... MY GOD."

IT WAS BLINDING. BEAUTIFUL EVEN.

OK, MAYBE THE COTTON ISN'T DOING IT JUSTICE. HMM.

OK, YEAH, MAYBE THAT JUST LOOKS STUPID.

YOU KNOW, YOU TRY THINGS. AND SOMETIMES. IT JUST LOOKS LIKE SHIT. LET'S CALL THIS. MY ONE AND ONLY FUCKUP IN HISTORY.

04/15/15
"WELL, MY SECOND MAYBE."

SECOND ONLY TO UNDERESTIMATING THIS SAD SACK WUSS OF HOPE. WHO KNEW THAT SUCH A SIMPERING CHARLATAN. HAD SUCH AN OUTBURST STOWED IN HIS GIRLY BOSOM. CLEARLY, NOT I. EVEN THOUGH I HAD THE INFORMATION WELL IN ADVANCE. IT WAS JUST *THAT* SURPRISING.

04/15/15
"IT SEEMS THAT HOPE POWER IS OVERWHELMING."

EVEN TO THE CLOCKWORK MANJUNK. IT LOOKED LIKE I THOUGHT I COULD USE MY RAINBOW SEIZURE FIELD TO OVERPOWER HIS MASSIVE GAY HOPE BUBBLE. ALAS. IT WAS MY PERFECTLY JUSTIFIED HUBRIS WHICH BIT ME IN THE ASS, IN THE END. EVEN THOUGH I'M SURE I MUST HAVE KNOWN THIS OUTCOME WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. (IT CAN STILL BE WORTH IT TO GET OWNED. IF IT MEANS HAVING A LOT OF SELF ESTEEMED HUBRIS ABOUT YOURSELF.)

AND SO, THE ENGLISH BOY DEALS ME MY FIRST DEFEAT EVER, SINCE ASCENDING AS AN INVINCIBLE TECHNICOLOR TIME KID.

04/15/15
"I GET DUNKED AS FUCK."

AND LAND SQUARE ON MY BOTTOM. I REMAIN PRONE FOR SEVERAL MINUTES, STARING AT THE CEILING. BLINKING A BIT. PONDERING WHERE THINGS WENT WRONG IN LIFE. HOW I. THE LORD OF TIME. COULD EXPERIENCE SUCH WOEFUL OWNAGE.

THERE IS NO BODILY HARM OF COURSE. EXCEPT TO MY INCREDIBLE EGO. WHICH IS A FATE WORSE THAN GETTING BROKEN BONES. SO I JUST LIE THERE. THINKING SADLY. ACHIEVING SOME DEPRESSION.

I'M SURE AT THIS POINT. I TURN TO THOUGHTS OF RESPECT. RESPECT FOR THE PANSIED ASS, PRETTY LEGGED PAGE. AND HIS MAYBE ACCIDENTAL PROWESS. I UNDER MISESTIMATED HIM, AND ADMIRATION HAPPENS IN MY BREAST. MAYBE I'LL JACK HIS SWAGGER TOO, AS HE ONCE DID MINE. MAYBE AFTER A LIFETIME OF UTTERLY DESERVED HUMILIATION, SOBBING, AND SPONTANEOUS URINATION. HE'S EARNED THAT MUCH.

(THE CLUE HERE IS THAT I STEAL HIS NAME. GOD. YOU THICK, STUPID FUCKS. WHY DO I BOTHER WITH SUB TEXTS, OR FINE LITERATUREY NUANCE. GOD. FUCK! GOD. I TAKE HIS NAME LATER. ENGLISH. THAT'S ME LATER. THAT'S MY NAME. YOU STUPID BRAINLESS FUCKS. HOLY SHIT, YOU ARE DUMB AS BOZOS COME. GOD!!!)

04/15/15
"MEANWHILE, STRIDER REGROUPS FROM HIS TROUNCING."

AND SEES HIS CHANCE TO DO AWAY WITH ME FOR GOOD. HE KNOWS BY NOW THAT HE CAN'T KILL ME. BUT CAN DO HIS NEXT BEST THING. WHICH IS TO BANISH MY SOUL.

HE'S HURT BAD AND IS SLOW TO USE HIS PINK SOUL KILLING SPELL. THIS GIVES ME TIME TO REBOUND FROM MY SHAMEFUL ASS WHOOPING TOO. AND PULL MY SORRY BUTT OUT OF THE OWN ZONE.

04/15/15
"SO I GET UP. AND..."

I NEARLY GET THE DROP ON HIM BEFORE HE RELEASES HIS SPELL. BUT THEN... WHAT'S THIS?

THERE'S A COMMOTION. THE HAUNTING SOUND OF NEIGHS. EXCEPT. THEY'RE ROBOT NEIGHS?

THAT IS WHEN THE HORSES COME IN TO PLAY. THE GOD DAMN HORSES. HOW TRULY AND UTTERLY IRONIC. THAT MY VERY DEMISE COULD BE IN THE PROXIMITY OF SOME HORSES. WHAT. NO REALLY, WHAT. I DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT. I'M STILL NOT FOLLOWING IT, TO BE HONEST. I'LL HAVE TO THINK IT OVER. I'M THINKING IT OVER *RIGHT NOW*. AND I HAVE A FEELING. I'LL BE THINKING IT OVER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. PERHAPS WE ALL WILL.

WAIT, THEY SHOULD BE ROBOTS.

HOLD ON WHILE I PAINT THE HORSES TO LOOK LIKE METAL HORSES. DAMN, THE WORK OF A CRAFTYMAN IS NEVER DONE.

04/15/15
"SO BASICALLY."

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. SO I'M REALLY DISTRACTED. I'M SAYING TO MYSELF, THIS IS OMINOUS AS SHIT. NOTHING GOOD CAN EITHER FOLLOW OR PRECEDE AN EVENT SUCH AS THIS. AND THEN, THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENS.

04/15/15
"THE SWEATY MUSCULAR GHOST APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE."

I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS. OR WHERE HE CAME FROM. JUDGING FROM THE FACE OF THE GUYS, THEY DON'T EITHER. NOBODY SEES THIS COMING. IT IS A TOTAL AMBUSCADE, AND MY SKELETON JAW IS DROPPED AS SHIT. HE PINS ME IN PLACE WITH HIS RIPPED MUSCLES, AND I'M COMPLETELY IMMOBILIZED. PARTLY BECAUSE OF THE *STRENGTH*, BUT ALSO DUE TO MY AWE AND ADMIRATION. I JUST CAN'T MOVE.

04/15/15
"THIS GIVES DIRK JUST THE TIME HE NEEDS."

TO DO HIS FLAMBOYANT PINK SPELL.

IT OWNS ME COMPLETELY. BUT SADLY TO DIRK MAYBE, IT ALSO OWNS THE MUSCLE HERO. BOTH OF OUR SOULS ARE CONSUMED BY THE ENCHANTMENT.

04/15/15
"I THINK HE THOUGHT HE COULD DESTROY MY SOUL."

BUT HE BIT OFF MORE THAN HIS FLESHY SKULL COULD CHEW. SO HE USED HIS "IRONY" AGAIN. AND STUCK MY SOUL IN HIS JUJU. EXACTLY THE WAY. I STUCK HIS BUDDIES IN MY JUJU. THE ONE I GOT FROM YODELBOOGER. IT'S LIKE POETIC JUSTICE I GUESS. EXCEPT PUPPETRY, INSTEAD OF POETRY. SO PUPPETIC JUSTICE. OH YES. I LIKE THAT.

THE MUSCLE GHOST CAME ALONG FOR THE RIDE. AND I GUESS HIS SOUL GOT TRAPPED IN THERE TOO? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS. HONESTLY IT IS DISTURBING AS HELL. AND I'D PREFER NOT TO DWELL ON ITS GREATER RAMIFICATIONS TO MY LONG TERM EXISTENCE. MAYBE IT'S GOOD? OR MAYBE IT'S DUMB. MAYBE IT'S. GOOD AND DUMB. OR SMART AND BAD. THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS THINGS CAN BE WHEN YOU'RE CONFUSED.

04/15/15
"AT THIS POINT."

HIS BELOVED JUJU IS NO LONGER A HOLLOW VESSEL. IT IS VERY MUCH CROWDED IN THERE, CHOCK FULL OF SOULS, BELONGING TO HARDCORE BRAWLING BRUTES. AND HE KNOWS IT. HIS PUPPET IS NOW A PROBLEM TO DO AWAY WITH, JUST LIKE MY JUJU WAS. SO THEY DO THE SAME BASIC THING. THEY GET THEIR DRUNKARD SORCERESS OF VOID TO BANISH THE PUPPET ONCE AND FOR ALL, INTO THE DARKNESS. NEVER TO BE FOUND AGAIN BY PROBING HANDS OF MEAT.

04/15/15
"YES, NEVER TO BE FOUND."

BUT NOT NEVER TO RESURFACE. OH NO.

YOU SEE, MY SOUL IS A TENACIOUS ONE. I KNOW THIS FACT FIRST HAND, BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN INSIDE MY BRAIN ALL MY LIFE! IT'S A REAL MOTHER FUCKER, I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH. THE PUPPET'S ESSENCE WILL FLOP AND FLUTTER THROUGH THE SHADOWS FOR ETERNITY. SURFACING IN THE NIGHTMARES OF THE UNSUSPECTING. WEASELING ITS WAY INTO THE HEARTS OF YUCKY SHITTY CHILDREN. AND WHEN ITS INFILTRATION IN THAT UNIVERSE HAS TAKEN HOLD, THE SEED WILL HAVE BEEN PLANTED. AND IT WILL PAVE THE WAY FOR MY EMERGENCE, TO WREAK MY BADNESS. FROM UNIVERSE. TO UNIVERSE. TO UNIVERSE. EACH ONE WILL FALL. AND EACH TIME I WILL GET STRONGER. AND OLDER. AND BIGGER. AND BUFFER! OHHHHHHHHHHH YES.

IT WILL BE TIME.

04/15/15
"IT WILL BE TIME, INDEED, FOR ME TO GET..."

04/15/15
"AND NOW, IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME."

I MUST PUT DOWN THE TOYS AND WAYS OF A CHILD. AND CONFRONT THE BIG THINGS OF BECOMING A HUGE MAN. BY DUELING THE SUPREME BEAST OF MY LEGEND LAND, HIS SERPENTINE EMINENCE, YOGURTBONER HIMSELF. I'M ABOUT TO GO FIGHT HIM NOW, SO THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL EVER HEAR MY EXCELLENT VOICE.

I WILL DUEL AND CRUSH MY SLITHERING SEXUAL SNAKE BOSS, TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED WHEN I STEPPED MY METAL FOOT INTO THIS CHILDREN'S FARCE. I WILL DO THAT BECAUSE I WANT TO, AND WHEN THAT IS SAID AND DONE, AND YOU SEE ME AT THE PEAK OF A MOUNTAIN OF TROPHIES, RESTING ON MY THRONE OF PRIZES, I WANT TO GET TO TELL YOU THAT I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO. SO IF YOU REMEMBER JUST ONE THING I SAY, OF SO MANY GREAT THINGS SAID BY ME, THEN PLEASE REMEMBER THIS.

I WANTED TO PLAY A GAME.

04/22/15
"[S] MSPA Reader: Mental breakdown."

04/23/15
"[S] ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5"

04/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: is it time yet
VRISKA: No.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: how about now
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Dave, we've 8een w8ing for three years.
VRISKA: Three years is a pretty long time. Long enough for me to have picked up the ha8it of calling them years instead of the far more sensi8le unit of measurement, sweeps.
VRISKA: I think you should 8e a8le to survive just a little longer.
DAVE: i still dont understand whats supposed to happen
DAVE: hes just supposed to like
DAVE: appear?
VRISKA: That's my understanding, yes.
DAVE: you mean
DAVE: here
DAVE: on this frog circle thing
VRISKA: I don't know!
VRISKA: Somewhere in this session. At which point, if he has any 8rain at all, he'll seek us out.
DAVE: so jade came on a gold ship through a tiny window apparently
DAVE: but john wasnt on it??
VRISKA: Well, his corpse was, somewhere.
VRISKA: 8ut that John doesn't matter anymore.
VRISKA: Kind of like how there was a 8ird version of you out there, now presumed dead, who also didn't matter.
VRISKA: The "real" John and the other Lalonde girl will spontaneously appear from a different reality.
VRISKA: I determined a lot of this through my time travel reconaissance work upon arriving in this session.
VRISKA: Sorry to steal all the timey thunder from the gr8 "Knight of Time", end quote, 8ut someone had to take the initi8tive and go on a fact-finding mission.
DAVE: no its cool
DAVE: you can have that thunder if you want it
ROSE: When exactly is this supposed to happen?
VRISKA: Soon!
ROSE: And she's...
ROSE: Unhurt?
ROSE: Will she remember our brief encounter?
VRISKA: This is a totally different Lalonde girl. Things went differently for her, so she'll have different memories.
VRISKA: I have no idea if you and she interacted at all in her timeline.
VRISKA: I don't know the full extent of John's alt-reality experiences either. 8ut apparently things went raw for them in a8out as many ways as you can imagine.
VRISKA: Presuma8ly 8ecause I wasn't around to keep everyone's shit in order.

04/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHH,
TAVROSPRITE: sNAP,!
VRISKA: ::::)
TAVROSPRITE: aHAHA, bUT YEAH, i AGREE WITH THE SENTIMENT LARGELY,
TAVROSPRITE: oF YOU BEING MORE COMPETENT, tHAN MOST PEOPLE IN GENERAL, vRISKA,
VRISKA: Thanks, Tavros!
TAVROSPRITE: }:)
KARKAT: HEY, LOOK
KARKAT: I KNOW I'M NOT CONSIDERED "IMPORTANT" ENOUGH TO BE "IN THE LOOP" ON CERTAIN KEY TACTICAL DECISIONS ANYMORE
KARKAT: AND THAT I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON MOST OF THE TIME AND THEREFORE AM FORCED TO TAKE ANY BULLSHIT THAT HAPPENS WITH A GRAIN OF SNACK MINERAL BIG ENOUGH TO BLUDGEON A MAN TO DEATH
KARKAT: BUT IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE VRISKA, MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE A MOMENT TO EXPLAIN WHY TAVROS IS NOW A SPRITE?!
KARKAT: AND EQUIUS TOO, AND ALSO, WHY EQUIUS IS WEARING A NEW PAIR OF MORONIC LOOKING SUNGLASSES.
KARKAT: THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!
VRISKA: Sorry if you're having trou8le keeping up with the times, Karkat.
VRISKA: I didn't explain it 8ecause I thought the nature of the development was fairly self evident?
VRISKA: I mean, no offense, 8ut I didn't hear anyone else voicing any confusion.
VRISKA: What a8out you, Kanaya. Did you think it was fairly self evident?
KANAYA: I Thought It Was Fairly Self Evident
VRISKA: Yeah. See????????
KANAYA: You Apparently Took It Upon Yourself To Prototype The Three Year Old Cadavers Of Two Of Our Deceased Friends
KARKAT: NO, I GOT THAT!
KARKAT: I'M NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.
KARKAT: I MEAN, WHERE DID YOU FIND THESE UNPROTOTYPED KERNELS? DIDN'T THESE PEOPLE ALREADY ENTER THEIR SESSION?
VRISKA: Yes, they did MONTHS ago, from the current frame of reference. 8ut this is a VOID session, Karkat.
VRISKA: I thought we talked a8out this?
KARKAT: ??????
VRISKA: A void session 8y definition is one where the players enter the game with the kernels unprototyped.
VRISKA: As such, it 8ecomes totally dysfunctional. It can't 8ear fruit, 8ecause there's no 8attlefield in Skaia, unless you go to the trou8le of putting one there of course.
VRISKA: Which the Condesce has already done for us! Via "Grim8ark Jade", prior to our arrival. Quite consider8te of her, really.
VRISKA: This is aside from the point though. The 8ottom line is, this session comes courtesy with four unprototyped kernels, waiting to 8e put to use.
VRISKA: So, not 8eing one to let a sweet perk go to waste, I took initi8tive and put two of them to use myself.
VRISKA: Really, this is some 8asic stuff, and I'm SURE we went over it all at one point during our trip.
ROSE: We did.
ROSE: Karkat, don't you remember when I walked everyone through this?
ROSE: I was making extensive notes in my journal. When I looked away for a moment, you and Dave wrested the tome away, and began scribbling phalluses in it while giggling like children.
KARKAT: UM, MAYBE?!
KARKAT: I GUESS THAT RINGS A DONG SHOUTER.
DAVE: (a what? dude lmao)
KARKAT: (WHAT? SHUT UP.)
KARKAT: LOOK, A LOT HAS HAPPENED IN THREE YEARS. WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH... STUFF.
KARKAT: AM I REALLY EXPECTED TO REMEMBER EVERY TEDIOUS MORSEL OF EXPOSITION FROM OUR RESIDENT LIGHT-BORES?
VRISKA: Rose, get a load of this ungr8teful philistine! He doesn't deserve our fucking acumen.
VRISKA: 8etween your nerdish o8session over the knowledge granted 8y our aspect, and my unprecedented a8ility to weaponize said knowledge with ruthless gamesmanship, we are dou8le-handedly saving the asses of everyone on this team.
ROSE: I'm glad at least one person here appreciates this categorical certainty.
KANAYA: (Hey I Appreciate That Categorical Certainty!)
ROSE: (Whom do you think I was referring to?) ;)
KARKAT: WOW OK, WHAT THE FUCK EVER TO THAT VAINGLORIOUS LOAD OF CRAP.
KARKAT: I'M STILL SPOUTING OFF HERE!
KARKAT: I THINK
VRISKA: That's fine, Karkat!
VRISKA: Take all the time you need to collect yourself, and continue frothing at the mouth whenever you're ready.
KARKAT: OK, I FIGURED OUT SOME STUFF I'M STILL EITHER PISSED OFF AND/OR CONFUSED ABOUT.
KARKAT: YOU SAY THERE ARE FOUR KERNELS HERE...
KARKAT: YOU KNOW, WE *DID* LOSE MORE THAN TWO FRIENDS ON THAT METEOR.
KARKAT: WHICH REMINDS ME, I GUESS I SHOULD SAY... HI TAVROS AND EQUIUS, AGAIN??? NICE TO SEE YOU GUYS BACK WITH US, SORT OF.
KARKAT: PARDON ME IF I CAN'T GET TOO SENTIMENTAL ABOUT THE REUNION, SINCE ALONG THE WAY HERE, WE RAN INTO ABOUT TEN DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF YOUR STUPID GHOSTS.
KARKAT: THAT KIND OF LETS A LITTLE AIR OUT OF THE POIGNANCY BALLOON, SORRY!
TAVROSPRITE: hEY BUDDY, };)
KARKAT: DON'T WINK AT ME
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Greetings old friend
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Not to worry, I have stored enough poignancy in my heaving, balloon-like pectorals for the both of us
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Though I should clarify that appro%imately half of my personally couldn't give the faintest fidgeting horse dump about you or your sentimental notions
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Also I am very busy here, so stop talking to me completely
VRISKA: Hahahaha!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Oh man. Classic.
DAVE: haha...ha
KARKAT: OK, THAT WAS WEIRD?
DAVE: (um... yeah)
KARKAT: AND SPEAKING OF WEIRD, ONE THING THAT BUGS ME ABOUT THIS IS...
KARKAT: I GUESS IT IMPLIES YOU'VE BEEN HORDING THE BODIES OF OUR DEAD FRIENDS FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS?!
KARKAT: THAT'S A BIT FUCKED UP! EVEN FOR YOU.
KARKAT: AND NOT TO GET TOO MACABRE, BUT I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THEY WOULD HAVE LIKE, ROTTED BY NOW OR SOMETHING.
VRISKA: Yes, there was some moder8te decomposition.
VRISKA: I did my 8est to preserve them for the journey, after quickly rounding up the 8odies while people had their 8acks turned.
KARKAT: WELL SHIT
KARKAT: THAT'S A HELL OF A MYSTERY, THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS A MYSTERY, BUT FOUND IT TOO DISTURBING TO CONTEMPLATE SOLVING
KARKAT: BUT DAMN IF IT DIDN'T JUST GET SOLVED, SO THAT'S FUCKED UP.
VRISKA: If you would stop 8eing a wuss for a half second a8out a 8unch of corpses, I'll explain my reasoning.
VRISKA: These are the only two sprites I had any intention of using for resurrection purposes.
VRISKA: I 8rought Tavros 8ack, 8ecause let's face it, that was kind of my fault, for unnecessarily impaling him with his own lance and all.
VRISKA: It was my responsi8ility to make amends for that! So I did.
TAVROSPRITE: aWWWWWWWWWWWWW, yEEAAAA-
VRISKA: Tavros, don't interrupt.
TAVROSPRITE: wHOOPS,
VRISKA: Then, I made Arquiusprite happen 8ecause, first of all, he's a national fucking treasure.
VRISKA: Literally everything he says is perfect and hilarious, and if I hear a single word to the contrary from the peanut gallery, the motherfucker with a 8eef rockets to the top of my shit list. So please, I enthusiastically invite one of you no-taste mouth 8reathers to talk smack a8out the A-man. Make my day!
DAVE: vris yo nobodys arguing with you on that everybody here thinks hes pretty cool
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> <.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/arqshadessmall.png" border="0" />
DAVE: like just enough freakshow steps removed from being my bro i guess enough to make me not feel like-
VRISKA: Dave, don't interrupt either.
VRISKA: No8ody's allowed to interrupt me when I'm talking up Arquiusprite! That's the rule.
TAVROSPRITE: (owNeD!) (woW, oWned,)
DAVE: (oh stfu)
VRISKA: SECOND, the guy is a fucking tactical genius.
VRISKA: Totally conniving and calcul8ting, and unafraid to use methods that are just a 8IT morally du8ious to achieve his o8jectives.
VRISKA: And since I can't stick around for too long, your party is going to need someone like that.
VRISKA: 8esides, it seems like a really fitting f8 for Equius. He genuinely seems to 8e more comforta8le with this st8 of existence, and seems a lot happier than I ever remem8er him 8eing when he was alive.
VRISKA: So I'm perfectly willing to do him this solid. After all, he did help me out when I 8lew my arm off. So now we're square!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You mean triangular
VRISKA: What?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Triangular
VRISKA: I don't...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's the shape of my clop <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_damned.gif" border="0" /> glasses
VRISKA: Oh.
VRISKA: OH!
VRISKA: Ahahahaha! See what I mean, guys??
VRISKA: He's a fucking riot!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Agreed
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Thank you for the STRONG endhorsement, lowblood slash person I've never heard of and don't care about
VRISKA: HAHAHAHA!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'll be finished my work here momentarily
JAKE: Excuse me...
JAKE: Mister arquius?
JAKE: What exactly are you... doing to her?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am disabling her tiara top
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It is e%tremely delicate work, not to be trusted to human hooves
VRISKA: Yes.
VRISKA: I've also decided it's imper8tive to reclaim Crocker from the Condesce 8efore she can wake up and cause more trou8le.
VRISKA: Her powers will 8e incredi8ly advantageous to winning the 8attle ahead. If you can keep her out of harm's way, in addition to providing her general purpose resor8tive capa8ilities, she also represents one extra life for every8ody.
VRISKA: And since heroic deaths could 8e getting handed out like inexpensive to8acco flutes pretty soon, I'm guessing this 8oon is gonna come in handy!

04/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: SO UM
TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT OUR OTH3R D34D FR13NDS?
VRISKA: Huh?
TEREZI: YOU KNOW... N3P3T4, 3R1D4N...
VRISKA: Oh right. Them.
VRISKA: I was getting to that!
TEREZI: OH OK
TEREZI: 1 KNOW W3 T4LK3D 4 LOT OF STR4T3GY 1N 4DV4NC3, VR1SK4
TEREZI: BUT 1 R34LLY DON'T R3M3MB3R YOU M3NT1ON1NG 4 PL4N TO PROTOTYP3 OUR FR13NDS' CORPS3S
TEREZI: M1GHT H4V3 B33N N1C3 TO G3T 4 H34DS UP!
TEREZI: UM, NOT TO M4K3 4 B4D PUN, ON 4CCOUNT OF TH3 F4CT TH4T MOST OF TH31R H34DS W3R3 L1T3R4LLY S3V3R3D >:[
VRISKA: Yeah, sorry!
VRISKA: I had a lot of logistics 8uzzing around in my 8rain.
VRISKA: It's hard to keep you apprised of EVERYTHING that crosses my mind.
VRISKA: I promise I'll 8e as thorough and transparent a8out my motives as I can from now on, ok Pyrope?
TEREZI: OK >:]
VRISKA: So after prototyping Tavros and Equius, that leaves four remaining dead friends, 8ut only two empty kernels.
VRISKA: O8viously this presents quite a dilemma!
VRISKA: Well, ok, technically three and a half friends, whatever the fuck that means.
VRISKA: Nepeta, Feferi, Eridan, and Sollux's... dead 8ody? With his "half ghost" floating out there with Aradia.
VRISKA: I know that caveat sounds stupid as hell, 8ut let's not get hung up on it.
VRISKA: The fact is, we've got four corpses, 8ut only two slots remaining.
VRISKA: And there's no way I'm going to lump their 8odies into the same sprite to make a pair of freaks resigned to an existential hell worse than death.
VRISKA: Except in Arquiusprite's case, since those two nutjo8s mesh with each other's personalities so phenomenally.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I must complimount the e%quisite judgment you've shown in this matter
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But if I may suggest, neigh, perhaps, command?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You should prototype the two royal bloods and be done with it
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> They deserve it
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Arquius, your reserv8tion is noted, 8ut the hemospectrum is 8ullshit.
VRISKA: It's not going to factor into this decision!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I STRONGLY disagree, but also, sort of don't care
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> As you were
VRISKA: So considering there are four left, and I can't personally say that any is more deserving of life than the others, I intend to let them all rest in peace.
VRISKA: That is my ruling, and I'm inclined to call it final.
VRISKA: They can live out the rest of their afterlives in the dream 8u88les, which still need to 8e saved from Lord English, lest we forget.
VRISKA: 8ut of greater importance HERE is the fact that this leaves two empty kernels as a resurrection 8ackup, in case one or two of you jokers dies in the line of duty once too often.
VRISKA: 8elieve me, you'll thank me later for thinking this all through so well in advance.
TEREZI: OK, TH4T'S 4 GOOD R34SON TO H4V3 SP4R3 K3RN3LS, BUT...
TEREZI: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD B4CK UP 4 B1T!
TEREZI: 1'M NOT SUR3 YOUR V3RD1CT ON OUR D34D FR13NDS 1S TOT4LLY 41R T1GHT, OR TH4T YOU H4V3 TH3 4UTHOR1TY TO M4K3 4 F1N4L RUL1NG!
VRISKA: Come on, Terezi. I'm not saying I'm an "authority" on mortality here, I only said my ruling was final 8ecause my logic was so impecca8le!
VRISKA: It was kind of like, a figure of speech??
TEREZI: Y34H R1GHT
TEREZI: L3T'S TH1NK 1T THROUGH 4 L1TTL3 MOR3
TEREZI: SOLLUX'S H4LF GHOST 1S P3RF3CTLY H4PPY OUT TH3R3 W1TH 4R4D14
TEREZI: W3'V3 S33N H1M 4ND CONF1RM3D 1T OURS3LV3S, SO TH3R3'S NO R34SON TO CONS1D3R H1M
TEREZI: 4ND 3R1D4N???
TEREZI: H3 MURD3R3D F3F3R1, 4ND TR13D TO K1LL K4N4Y4 4ND SOLLUX!
TEREZI: H3 DO3SN'T 3V3N D3S3RV3 TO B3 1N TH3 RUNN1NG
TEREZI: BUT N3P3T4 4ND F3F3R1? WH4T D1D TH3Y 3V3R DO TO 4NYBODY?
VRISKA: Yes, this is my point exactly!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I don't want to 8e the ar8iter of Eridan's value as a person 8ecause of the mistakes he's made!
VRISKA: Or Feferi's or Nepeta's or Sollux's or ANY8ODY'S!
VRISKA: The only reason I chose these two over others is on account of taking responsi8ility for some nasty shit I PERSONALLY did, plus also some tactical consider8tions for the gr8ter good, 8ut that's different.
VRISKA: I would think you of all people would 8e on the same page as me when it comes to taking responsi8ility for your own actions, while in the same stride, not judging other people for their misdeeds too harshly.
VRISKA: 8ut if you feel comforta8le continuing to crown yourself as the Queen of Justice, then 8e my guest!
TEREZI: OH G1V3 M3 4 BR34K
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK W3 BOTH KNOW TH3 JUST1C3 1SSU3S H3R3 4R3 PR3TTY CUT 4ND DR13D
TEREZI: SOLLUX *W4NTS* TO B3 WH3R3 H3 1S
TEREZI: 3R1D4N 1S 4 MURD3ROUS DOUCH3
TEREZI: TH3 G1RLS 4R3 1NNOC3NT
TEREZI: 1 S4Y W3 BR1NG TH3M B4CK!
VRISKA: Terezi, please. Let's not 8icker in front of the party.
VRISKA: We need to 8e showing solidarity here!
TEREZI: W3 DO?
VRISKA: Yes. We are equally important to the party as its overarching executives. The ones with the most experience in the department of guile and ruthlessness.
VRISKA: I may project my voice louder than you, and 8orrow the spotlight for a little longer, 8ut you were always the soul of Team Scourge!
VRISKA: I couldn't 8e doing this without you. I wouldn't even want to!
TEREZI: 4W
TEREZI: Y34H, OK
TEREZI: YOU'R3 R1GHT... 1'M B3H1ND YOU 4LL TH3 W4Y!
VRISKA: ::::)
VRISKA: I st8ted my case, 8ut if you REALLY want to revive them, that's fine with me.
VRISKA: I've got the torso parts with me right here, so feel free to round them up and prototype them any time.
TEREZI: YOU DO?
TEREZI: ...WH3R3?
VRISKA: In the hunger trunk!
VRISKA: I've stashed all the spare remains there to keep them fresh, along with our, ahem. Final living party mem8er.
TEREZI: HUH?
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
TEREZI: OH
TEREZI: OHHHHH
TEREZI: HMM
TEREZI: WOW, Y34H
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK, UM
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1'LL R3V1V3 TH3M... 4 L1TTL3 L4T3R?
TEREZI: Y34H.
TEREZI: L4T3R.
VRISKA: Suit yourself!

04/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: so
DAVE: am i inferring correctly from some shit i just heard
DAVE: that uh
TEREZI: 1NF3RR1NG WH4T?
DAVE: that vriska is like the de facto team leader now
DAVE: or vriska and terezi...
DAVE: i dunno i never understood the scourge shit
DAVE: you two have always been like this scheming giggling enigma huddled together in peapod for hella self-tickled murderdorks
DAVE: couldnt for the life of me figure out what youve been getting up to on that meteor
DAVE: is this it
TEREZI: 1S WH4T 1T??
DAVE: the plan you were hatching all along
DAVE: is this like your big move
DAVE: your power play to usurp karkat as team leader finally
VRISKA: Oh 8rother.
VRISKA: Dave, no, this isn't a coup. It's just common sense rearing its ugly head for a change.
DAVE: oh got it
VRISKA: Good.
DAVE: wait no dont got it
VRISKA: Argh!
DAVE: it sounds like youre just like
DAVE: being the leader now cause you want to
DAVE: and making all the plans because nobody else wants to or really cares
DAVE: i mean not that i even care either i just want to set the record straight
DAVE: karkat are you cool with this
VRISKA: Sigh. ::::|
DAVE: karkat
DAVE: karkat
DAVE: karkat
DAVE: yo karkat
KARKAT: WHAT!!!!!!
DAVE: oh my god
DAVE: dude were you just not listening to any of that
KARKAT: TO WHAT?
KARKAT: WHAT
KARKAT: WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?
DAVE: hahaha
DAVE: man how long have you been tuning all this shit out
DAVE: i mean i literally just said i dont give a fuck about any of the shit vriska is saying so maybe im not one to talk but at least i had the decency to actually be joking about that
DAVE: what the fuck are you even doing
KARKAT: SORRY!
KARKAT: YEAH, SORRY, I'M GUILTY!
KARKAT: I ZONED OUT ON SOME OF SERKET'S SELF IMPORTANT BLITHER, AND WAS CARRYING A *PRIVATE CONVERSATION* WITH THE MAYOR.
KARKAT: IS THAT OK??
DAVE: dude you dont have to get the go ahead from me
DAVE: shoring up a lil one on one time with the mayor is literally always acceptable
DAVE: what were you talking about
KARKAT: IT'S PRIVATE!
DAVE: i didnt hear you mumbling anything though
KARKAT: WE WERE MOSTLY COMMUNICATING THROUGH A SERIES OF SIMPLE GESTURES
KARKAT: I WAS TALKING SMACK ABOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE HERE, AND CHOSE TO REMAIN DISCREET ABOUT IT!
DAVE: no yeah i know what thats all about
DAVE: how when you talk to the mayor and most of the time words arent even necessary like he just *knows*
DAVE: man the mayor is just so wonderful i love him so much
DAVE: hey lets all take turns hugging him
KARKAT: NO!
KARKAT: THAT'S FUCKING STUPID, JUST
KARKAT: WHAT WERE YOU SAYING? WHEN I WAS SPACING OUT JUST THEN?
DAVE: oh nothing really
DAVE: just wondering how you felt about vriska usurping your leadership role
DAVE: and if maybe you wanted to throw a vintage shitfit about that or...
KARKAT: OH!
KARKAT: OH!!!!!
KARKAT: HAHA!
KARKAT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
KARKAT: THAT'S A GOOD ONE DAVE!
KARKAT: WOW! HAHA, HA, HAHAHAHA! ME LEADER?? TOO FUNNY!
KARKAT: I AM ENTIRELY AND SINGULARLY BAFFLED THAT IT COULD STILL EVEN *OCCUR* TO ANYONE TO ENTERTAIN THE NOTION THAT I MIGHT STILL BE PLAYING *ANY* ROLE EVEN WITHIN SNIFFING ORBIT OF A LEADERSHIP POSITION OF THIS RIDICULOUS PARTY.
KARKAT: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I DID *ANYTHING* OF A LEADER-LIKE NATURE, WITHOUT BEING TRUMPED BY VRISKA'S MACHIAVELLIAN LIMELIGHT GLUTTONY?
KARKAT: OR FOR THAT MATTER, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THERE WAS ACTUALLY ANYTHING LEADERY *TO* DO, THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE SNUGGLING UP ON THE COUCH TO WATCH "GOOD LUCK CHUCK" FOR THE FIVE HUNDREDTH TIME?!
KARKAT: I HAVE SERIOUSLY JUST BEEN ASSUMING HER COMPLETE TAKEOVER OF ALL LEADERSHIP DUTIES WAS SOME FAIT ACCOMPLI SHIT FOR THREE SOLID YEARS, AND HAVE SINCE BEEN ENJOYING THE PEACE AND QUIET OF ZERO RESPONSIBILITIES, WHICH IS WHY QUITE FRANKLY, I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KEEP MY BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN, AND NOW RESEMBLE THE LIVING EMBODIMENT OF PEACE AND FUCKING TRANQUILITY WHICH PRESENTLY BASKS BEFORE YOU IN A STATE OF FROTHING, EUPHORIA-HOBBLED TURDVANA!!!!!!!!
DAVE: ok so vintage shitfit it is
VRISKA: Karkat, that was a 8eautiful soliliquy of acceptance and understanding of your role, due to acknowledgement of your overwhelming personal limit8tions.
VRISKA: 8ut 8e that as it may, you still ACTUALLY DO need to 8e paying attention here, so you can keep up with the plan.
VRISKA: While I may 8e the leader now, this may 8e the last day I see any of you for a very long time.
VRISKA: Someone's going to need to step up when I'm gone!
KARKAT: ALRIGHT SERKET, THEN I'LL MAKE THIS A LOT EASIER FOR YOU, AND THE TEAM AS A WHOLE.
KARKAT: STARTING NOW, I HEREBY RENOUNCE MY ROLE AS A LEADER OF THIS GROUP, OR ANY, FOREVER!
KARKAT: VRISKA ALONG WITH HER TACTICAL VIRTUOUSITY AND MONSTROUS EGO ARE MORE THAN SUITED FOR THE ROLE.
KARKAT: AND IF, WHEN, AND TO *WHEREVER* SHE EVENTUALLY DECIDES TO FUCK OFF FOR MYSTERIOUS, YET-TO-BE-EXPLAINED REASONS, THEN ANYBODY ELSE WHO FEELS INCLINED CAN SLIDE RIGHT INTO THAT POSITION, SO LONG AS IT ISN'T ME!!!

04/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Gr8! It's settled, I'm the leader.
VRISKA: I gladly accept the 8aton you are going to such lengths to pass to me, Karkat. Honored in fact.
VRISKA: Not everyone is nearly as passion8 a8out la8els or ranks as you. In fact, I'm pretty whatever a8out the distinction. 8ut your melodramatic endorsement of my a8ilities is appreci8ted.
KARKAT: LJSDLKFJASDLALKJASDKLSHDKLAHSFKLASHB
KANAYA: Excuse Me
KANAYA: Miss Leader
VRISKA: Hmmm????
KANAYA: Not That It Would Ever Occur To Me To Cast The Slightest Doubt On Your Strategic Expertise
KANAYA: But I Was Wondering When You Were Planning On Getting To The Actual Strategy Part Of This Meeting
VRISKA: Glad you asked, Maryam!
VRISKA: Way to keep the meeting on point. Remind me to give you a promotion.
KANAYA: A Promotion To What
VRISKA: Nothing. No8ody's getting a promotion, it was a joke.
KANAYA: Fuck
VRISKA: The answer is very soon!
VRISKA: As soon as Eg8ert and Lalonde get here.
VRISKA: Which should 8e...
VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight a8out...
VRISKA:
VRISKA: Riiiight a8out........

04/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Just give it another second or two!
VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight...
DAVE: vriska
VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight!!! About...
DAVE: yo can we maybe bust out some refreshments while we wait for this totally imminent thing to transpire
DAVE: can i take a look in the fridge
VRISKA: There are no drinks in the fridge!
DAVE: whats in the fridge
DAVE: sorry i think i missed that part of the conversation
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
DAVE: oh
DAVE: yeah never mind
VRISKA: Shh! Sh, shh-shhhh, SHHHHHHHH!
VRISKA: Shut the fuck up.
VRISKA: They're here!

04/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hi John!!!!!!!!

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: whoa...

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: HI EVERYBODY!
DAVE: (wow)
DAVE: (wow)
DAVE: (hes really here isnt he)
KARKAT: HEY JOHN
DAVE: (wow)
KARKAT: (DON'T JUST MUMBLE TO YOURSELF YOU RUDE FUCK, SAY HELLO)
DAVE: oh yeah hey john
DAVE: whats up
JOHN: hey dave, not much!
JOHN: hi again karkat!
JOHN: haha, i only saw you like five minutes ago, but i guess that was years ago for you. dang.
JOHN: you've probably been through a whole lot of silly nonsense, haven't you?
JOHN: wait never mind, you don't have to answer that. there will be plenty of time to catch up!
JOHN: hi to everyone else too!
JOHN: oh man, i missed you all so much! even the people i don't know very well, or haven't met yet.
JOHN: oh!!!
JOHN: by the way, this is roxy.
JOHN: she's my new friend, and we just went on a crazy adventure together, to save the time line and come find you all.
JOHN: so here we are!
ROXY: umm

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: heh
ROXY: hi

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: d'awww.

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: oh, hey terezi!
TEREZI: H3LLO, 3GB3RT
JOHN: guess our plan worked out pretty well, huh?
JOHN: this session is in MUCH better shape than the last time i saw it.
JOHN: you really bailed us out!
TEREZI: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3
JOHN: i mean, not that... you SPECIFICALLY had anything to do with it.
JOHN: you were as much the beneficiary of your future self's crafty schemes as i was.
JOHN: so don't get too smug!!!
TEREZI: NO, 1'M PR3TTY COMFORT4BL3 B31NG SMUG, 4ND T4K1NG CR3D1T FOR FUTUR3 M3'S 1D34S
TEREZI: 1'V3 4LW4YS B33N ON 3XC3LL3NT T3RMS W1TH MY FUTUR3 S3LF
TEREZI: SH3 4ND 1 G3T 4LONG F4MOUSLY >:]
JOHN: pff, ok. whatever you say.
JOHN: oh, that reminds me...
JOHN: i know the scarf agenda wasn't really YOUR idea per se...
JOHN: but do you have any idea what all that stuffed dragon shit was about?
JOHN: did that like...
JOHN: actually serve a purpose in the time line?
JOHN: or were you just fucking with me?

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: 1 W4S 4LMOST C3RT41NLY FUCK1NG W1TH YOU
JOHN: ok, wow. great.
JOHN: good to know.
JOHN: thanks for that, terezi. that was a really awesome use of our time.
TEREZI: 1'M GL4D W3 4R3 1N COMPL3T3 4GR33M3NT
VRISKA: W8, what?
VRISKA: What's this a8out stuffed dragons?
VRISKA: Terezi, what stupid thing did you make John do?
TEREZI: 1 JUST S3NT H1M ON 4 F3W TOT4LLY 1ND1SP3NS1BL3, M1SS1ON CR1T1C4L 3RR4NDS 1S 4LL
TEREZI: NO B1G D34L
JOHN: yeah, forget it.
JOHN: long story short is, i got owned, the end.
JOHN: by the way, good to see you again vriska!
VRISKA: Good to see you too, John!
JOHN: it's cool that you're alive now, instead of being a cunning ghost pirate.
JOHN: i think your, um, *ways* probably are more valuable to have here, in the land of the living.
JOHN: at least... i hope so??
VRISKA: I couldn't agree more!
VRISKA: I never got a chance to thank you for knocking me out a few years ago. I mean... o8viously? 8ecause I was unconscious.
VRISKA: 8ut thanks for that. I was 8eing an idiot, and deserved it.
VRISKA: And as a 8onus, it apparently saved my life???????? So, thanks.
VRISKA: You're a real friend. ::::)
JOHN: don't mention it!
VRISKA: I've received quite a few 8eatings in my time, and not only did I have each one coming, 8ut they all led to 8ig changes for me, on the road to 8ecoming the impecca8ly evolved person I am now.
VRISKA: So 8y that measure, it was pro8a8ly the most critical smackdown of my entire life!
JOHN: that's cool.
JOHN: if you ever need another really important punch in the face, just let me know. i'm your man.

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: rose!
ROSE: Hi, John.
JOHN: hi!!!
JOHN: nice to see you, alive and well again.
JOHN: not to mention in the correct time line!
ROSE: Yes, you did it.
ROSE: I'm still a bit unclear on exactly what it was you did, but whatever it was, you sure did the hell out of it.
JOHN: yeah!!!!!
ROSE: Thank you for returning with my m-
ROSE: My, um.
ROSE: M,
ROSE: My Roxy.
ROXY: :D :D :D :D :D
ROSE: Thank you for returning with my Roxy, is obviously the remark I meant to say, and is the statement of a reasonable person.
JOHN: of course!
JOHN: really, it is so good to see you.
JOHN: i'd give you a hello hug, but you seem kinda tied up at the moment.
JOHN: oh my gosh, how cute.

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hello, um...
JOHN: jake, right?
JAKE: I...
JAKE: Yes.
JOHN: you sent me a letter once, right?
JOHN: in the box full of weapons, and a rabbit?
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: Yeah.
JAKE: Um yeah that was me.
JOHN: thanks for that!
JOHN: that was cool. it made me really curious to meet you.
JAKE: Right.
JAKE: Me too.
JOHN: ...
JAKE: I mean.
JAKE: Curious to meet you not me.
JAKE: Not the letter i mean that didnt make me...
JAKE: I mean i was always curious to
JAKE: Dog gone it.
JOHN: what?
JAKE: Just
JAKE: I had stuff i wanted to say when we met.
JAKE: Theres so many people here.
JAKE: I dont...
JAKE: Sorry.
JOHN: it's ok!
JOHN: i understand, i'm shy too.
JOHN: let's catch up some time, just you and me. man to man.
JAKE: Ooh!
JAKE: Roger that.
JOHN: oh, hey tavros.
JOHN: looks like... you're here too?
TAVROSPRITE: hHHHHELL, dEFINITELY,
TAVROSPRITE: bUT, dON'T WORRY,
TAVROSPRITE: i'M NOT VERY SHY,
JOHN: yeah, i know.
TAVROSPRITE: sO YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO SAY AS MANY THINGS TO ME IN A CONVERSATION, aS YOU WANT,
JOHN: that's, uh... nice to know.
JOHN: maybe later!

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hi dave!
DAVE: hey bro
JOHN: you're back, and alive!
JOHN: all because of me.
DAVE: i guess thats the thing were all accepting as true yeah
JOHN: it's ok, there's no need to thank me.
DAVE: i mean i wasnt going to but like not as a means of being an arbitrary dick to my number one childhood pal from the past
DAVE: i have literally no first hand cognizance of ever being in danger i just fucked around on a meteor for a bunch of years
DAVE: and here i am and so are you
DAVE: which i think is pretty dope
JOHN: it is very dope. :)
JOHN: hey karkat, don't leave me hanging here.
KARKAT: WHAT?
JOHN: there is more than enough fist bump to go around for everybody.
JOHN: i left it hanging there just for you, but you are leaving me high and dry here dude.
DAVE: karkat holy shit where are your manners
DAVE: leaving a fist unbumped like that this is a new low
KARKAT: OH MY GOD
KARKAT: YOU DIDN'T LEAVE YOUR FIST THERE "HANGING" FOR ME
KARKAT: YOU FIST BUMPED DAVE, THEN WITHDREW YOUR FIST TO SAY SOME THINGS
KARKAT: AND THEN RE-OFFERED YOUR FIST TO ME, THE *MOMENT* YOU SAID DON'T "LEAVE ME HANGING"
KARKAT: I SAW YOU WITH MY OWN EYES!
JOHN: karkat, wow that is really pedantic!
JOHN: and now you actually ARE leaving me hanging, in order to explain your nonsense.
JOHN: i'm this close to revoking your bumping privileges!
DAVE: god damnit
DAVE: here

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: strider to the rescue
DAVE: the fist bump has been secured
KARKAT: DAVE NO
KARKAT: FUCK!
KARKAT: I WANTED TO DO IT OF MY OWN VOLITION!
KARKAT: THIS DOESNT'T COUNT, IT'S NOT REAL
JOHN: oh, it's real buddy!
KARKAT: NO, I'M GOING TO FIST BUMP YOU LATER, WHEN I'M FEELING IT, BUT IT'S GOING TO BE FUCKING NATURAL.
KARKAT: MARK MY WORDS!
JOHN: we'll see, karkat.
JOHN: we'll see.
DAVE: wrecked

04/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey dave...
JOHN: why is jade asleep?
JOHN: and also teen nanna.
JOHN: or, jane i mean.
DAVE: oh uh
DAVE: yeah vriska had to knock them out
JOHN: what??
JOHN: why?
DAVE: they were kickin up a ruckus
JOHN: can you wake them up?
VRISKA: DON'T WAKE THEM UP!!!!!!!!
JOHN: !!!
DAVE: yeah we cant
DAVE: some kind of brainwashing thing going on
DAVE: gotta keep em napping
DAVE: especially jade im sure you know what kind of crooked ass baloneyfuck powers she got
DAVE: cant let her turn those against us
JOHN: right.
DAVE: she should be pretty psyched to see you though
JOHN: you think?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: um
DAVE: i dunno if you know this or not but
DAVE: apparently along the way our version of john died
DAVE: so she made the whole trip without you
JOHN: oh no!
DAVE: yeah this timeline was gearing up to be pretty tragic i guess but then you sorta deus exxed out of nowhere and spared us those sadtimes
DAVE: i mean from your point of view i guess it isnt deus ex shit you were just the normal john you always were all zipping around like a nerdy hypergod saving everything from whatever
DAVE: but from our standpoint you just kinda yanked yourself out of random ass nothing but hey you know what ill take it
JOHN: man.
JOHN: i had no idea.
JOHN: i guess that's what typheus meant?
JOHN: that's so sad...
JOHN: poor jade!
JOHN: i can't believe she had to spend all that time on the ship thinking i was dead...
JOHN: i mean, i guess i WAS dead. but...
JOHN: you know what i mean.
JOHN: are you sure we can't wake her up for a second, just so she can see i'm alright?
VRISKA: >::::|
DAVE: feel free but i have a feeling youll just be joining her nap if you try
JOHN: darn.
JOHN: i guess we'll have to catch up later.
JOHN: hey, what about dave sprite?
DAVE: dead
JOHN: noooo!
JOHN: that sucks too!
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i guess so
JOHN: you guess??
DAVE: its a weird subject for me
DAVE: like
DAVE: the guy was always on borrowed time wasnt he
DAVE: i mean that was his whole "thing" right
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: i'll miss him anyway, even if he isn't the "real dave".
JOHN: i kinda feel bad for ever thinking of him as a less real version, actually.
DAVE: yeah hes me and exactly what i would be like if i was a moping existential bird so its kind of embarrassing to even talk about ok
DAVE: i guess it is """sad""" but you know a lot of versions of me have died
DAVE: lots of versions of all of us including you
DAVE: isnt whats important that certain dubiously categorized iterations of ourselves are all alive here and now and hanging out
JOHN: yeah, that is what's important!
JOHN: i guess there will be time to reflect on everything that was lost later, like dead time clones and double dead ghosts, or other such hogwash.
JOHN: right now i'm still so excited to see everybody.
JOHN: there's so much crazy stuff for us all to catch up on...
JOHN: i don't even know where to start, it's overwhelming!
DAVE: dont stress over it
DAVE: we still have some time to kill before shit starts getting real in this session
DAVE: at least according to our vriska in chief
JOHN: what do you mean?
DAVE: all the bad guys are still just outside the incipisphere
DAVE: they wont converge here until a few hours or so
DAVE: so lets all just sit back a while and shoot the shit
DAVE: and i do mean empty our clips into the shit, like really pump that turd full of lead
DAVE: right up until she gets bossy again and commandeers our fly brotimes with more shrill tactical exhortations
JOHN: ok, that sounds great!

04/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

You are confronted with an especially empowering CHARACTER SELECTION MENU. Eight choices???????? Free will has done it again. It has caused you to feel alarmed and anxious. But maybe, just maybe, slightly excited as well. You cautiously click on a batch of teens to discover your true feelings.

Eight possible options is actually KIND OF A LOT, now that you think about it. It may be easy to forget to click some of them. To make absolutely sure you've clicked on all teen batches before proceeding, you check to see if all the links below are purple first. If any of them are blue, it means you didn't read those, and you probably should before continuing. Wow, free will sure is a lot of responsibility and hard work.

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN | EIGHT

04/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so tell me about your ridiculous meteor journey!
DAVE: um
JOHN: the dave from the bad time line told me some funny stories when we got together on the grassy hill planet
JOHN: but we weren't actually hanging out for that long, so i didn't hear much.
JOHN: also, i'm MOSTLY sure vriska wasn't alive during their trip.
DAVE: oh well let me tell you
DAVE: vriska was most certainly alive during this one
DAVE: like almost
DAVE: extra-alive, if thats possible
JOHN: haha.
JOHN: i think i know what you mean.
JOHN: i spent some time with her when she was a ghost, and uh...
JOHN: let's just say whatever her mortality status is, she makes her presence hard to ignore.
KARKAT: YES. YES!
KARKAT: I LOVE THIS.
KARKAT: CAN WE SPEND OUR WHOLE REMINISCENCE JUST DESTROYING VRISKA, SLIGHTLY ABOVE AUDIBLE LEVEL?
VRISKA: Slightly?
VRISKA: Karkat, you only have one volume setting.
KARKAT: WOW, FUCK YOU?!
DAVE: ok dude maybe lets not spend our paltime trash talking serket if only cus theres no way youre not getting repeatedly trounced exactly just like that
KARKAT: FFFFFFFFFFFFFYEAH.
KARKAT: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
KARKAT: OK, I'LL CHILL OUT. YOU'RE RIGHT DAVE, AS USUAL.
JOHN: wow.
JOHN: karkat, for a funny shouty guy, you backed down on that really fast.
JOHN: i'm almost... a bit disappointed?
JOHN: i was looking forward to more of your patented ravings!
KARKAT: HEY, JOHN FUCKBERT, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A LITTLE MORE MATURE AND REASONABLE THAN THE LAST TIME YOU SAW ME.
KARKAT: I'M A LOT MORE THAN MR. HOLLERSPONGE ONE-NOTE, AND ANYONE WHO DISPUTES THIS CAN CORDIALLY INVITE ME TO PLAY THEIR DIRTY SEED FLAP LIKE A DISCOUNT HARMONICA.
JOHN: oh. well, i'm sold.
KARKAT: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IT'S PRETTY COOL TO FINALLY MEET YOU. I MEAN, UNDER MORE CIVIL, RATIONAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
KARKAT: UNLIKE WHATEVER THE *FUCK* THAT BRIEF ENCOUNTER WAS THREE YEARS AGO WHERE YOU KO'D VRISKA AND THEN POOFED YOUR FLIMSY ASS INTO THE FUCKALL CONTINUUM.
KARKAT: I KNOW I SEEMED REALLY MAD ABOUT THAT AT THE TIME, FOR WHATEVER REASON.
KARKAT: BUT REALLY, I'VE HAD SOOOOO MANY BORING HOURS ON THAT METEOR TO SPEND BARELY REFLECTING ON THE ROUGHLY TEN THOUSAND WAYS I DON'T GIVE THE SLIGHTEST FUCK ABOUT WHATEVER IDIOTIC TWIST OF FATE TRANSPIRED BACK THERE.
JOHN: heheh. ok?
KARKAT: I'M COMPLETELY OVER IT.
KARKAT: I'M OVER A LOT OF THINGS ACTUALLY.
JOHN: ... you are?
KARKAT: YEAH.
KARKAT: LIKE, REMEMBER BACK WHEN I WAS YELLING AT YOU ALL THE TIME FROM MY COMPUTER.
KARKAT: BACK THEN I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE FELT NERVOUS OR AWKWARD ABOUT THIS ENCOUNTER.
KARKAT: BECAUSE OF... WELL, YOU KNOW.
JOHN: no?
KARKAT: I WAS HITTING ON YOU BRIEFLY, AND IN A VERY CONFUSING NON-CHRONOLOGICAL WAY, WITHOUT EVEN QUITE REALIZING HOW BADLY I WAS SHOVING MY STRUT POD DOWN MY OWN STATEMENT TUNNEL.
DAVE: dude
KARKAT: I MEAN, UNTIL YOU MERCIFULLY AND WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF TACT SHUT ME DOWN.
KARKAT: DON'T YOU REMEMBER?
JOHN: uh...
JOHN: maybe?
KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT?
JOHN: i dunno, it was a long time ago!
JOHN: and we had a lot of ridiculous conversations...
KARKAT: OK, WELL MAYBE IT WAS A BIGGER DEAL FOR ME THAN IT WAS FOR YOU.
KARKAT: I MEAN, *OBVIOUSLY* IT WAS, THAT'S SORT OF THE WHOLE POINT.
KARKAT: BUT THE *REAL* POINT IS, OR THAT I WAS *TRYING* TO MAKE, IS THAT IT *ISN'T* A BIG DEAL ANY MORE.
KARKAT: BECAUSE I'M OVER IT!
DAVE: karkat what the fuck are you doing
KARKAT: WHAT!
KARKAT: I'M TALKING, QUITE CASUALLY, ABOUT SOME SHIT THAT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
KARKAT: AND THE *POINT* IS THAT IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL ANYMORE, SO I'M JUST CASUALLY SAYING THAT! GOD.
DAVE: ok its not an unreasonable conversation to have but like
DAVE: we JUST started friend-jamming about past anecdotes to get us all up to speed or whatever
DAVE: and youre already trucking out these guns
KARKAT: GUNS? WHAT GUNS!
DAVE: just sayin, it doesnt sound that casual and no big deal if you keep saying its casual and no big deal oh and also its the first fuckin thing out of your mouth to john in three years
KARKAT: SORRY!
KARKAT: I'M SO TRULY FUCKING SORRY. I FORGOT THERE WAS SUCH AN OUTSTANDINGLY SMOOTH PILE OF SHIT IN A CAPE WITHIN MY JUDGMENT RADIUS!
JOHN: no, i mean, i think i remember.
JOHN: i think you were um, "black flirting" with me or something, but in backwards order, and while constantly yelling.
JOHN: and i didn't really even know what that was.
JOHN: and then i told you i wasn't a homosexual, so it was kind of a moot point, but also, you didn't even know what that was either?
KARKAT: YES!
KARKAT: THAT'S BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENED
KARKAT: AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS *TRYING* TO SAY I WAS OVER, AND WASN'T A BIG DEAL ANYMORE, BUT NOW IT'S A BIG DEAL AGAIN I GUESS?
KARKAT: THAT'S FUCKING GREAT! THANKS DAVE!
DAVE: yo im hardly one to talk here since i am a goddamn geyser of hilariously self-pulverizing freudian bloopers
DAVE: at this point i cant even pretend to keep a lid on any shit ive got in me cause i know sooner or later during one of my rad soliloquies ill just pratfall butt backwards into an embarrassing admission and i just have to be like yeah... yeah ok thats my shit thats what im about lets just get the fuck on with our lives
DAVE: so when johns like hey man and youre all locked and loaded with some stuff about how youre 'over him' and go on and on about it its like some way obvious protest-too-much shit and everybody knows it so i dont see how it salvages any of your dignity or whatever to pretend thats not whats happening
KARKAT: OH MY FUCKING GOD...
DAVE: so what im saying is if youre so eager to push this out there-
KARKAT: I'M NOT "PUSHING THIS OUT THERE"!
DAVE: if youre pushing this out there which you are then maybe we should rap about it
DAVE: i mean discuss it critically and earnestly not drop ill rhymes or anything tho that could be sweet too
KARKAT: UEHRNGH.
DAVE: so are you SURE you still dont have these unreconciled blackrom feelings about john
DAVE: i say we air this out before it ferments into some rank and hella unexamined feeling sauce
JOHN: dave, i think you're making karkat uncomfortable!
JOHN: are you being a wise guy and trying to make us uncomfortable?
DAVE: no!
DAVE: i dont do that to bros thats huge uncool
DAVE: i dont see what has to be uncomfy about chattin out our true ass thoughts and emotions
KARKAT: YEEUURHNGHGHH.
DAVE: dude you clearly had a spades thing for john but i dont recall you ever bringing it up
DAVE: is this something you been thinking about all this time or
KARKAT: NO!
KARKAT: NOT... NOT REALLY
DAVE: yeah we coulda talked about this
DAVE: i have all KINDS of shit to say about john seeing as he was my number 1 dude for approximately the majority of 13 years
DAVE: the main dead end here man is like, nothing personal at all its just that he is literally incapable of hating anyone
KARKAT: I KNOW THAT!
KARKAT: THAT IS THE *EXACT* FUCKING THING I KNEW AND UNDERSTOOD, AND WHY I FELT SO STUPID ABOUT IT IN HINDSIGHT!
JOHN: well...
JOHN: not that i really want to egg on this train of thought, but i dunno if that's quite true.
KARKAT: IT'S NOT?
JOHN: i can get really angry and hate stuff too, just like you. but i think only in extreme cases?
JOHN: the skull guy in suspenders i got REALLY pissed off at...
JOHN: but i am a hundred percent sure that hate was platonic!
DAVE: gettin pissed off at a suspender dude sounds like just the sort of yarn i wanna be all ears for some time
DAVE: but ok thats something to work with
DAVE: hey karkat maybe theres some hope yet maybe its not a total lost cause
KARKAT: NERGH!
JOHN: ok, dave, it definitely sounds like you're trying to own us now!
DAVE: own
DAVE: what
DAVE: no way
DAVE: im being real as a motherfucker
JOHN: being able to hate things i think is...
JOHN: the smaller part of that equation?
JOHN: what about the other part? don't you think that's, uh...
JOHN: a little more significant?
DAVE: what part
JOHN: the part about not being a homosexual!!!
DAVE: john
DAVE: dude i gotta say
DAVE: when you talk about being or not being "a homosexual" you kinda sound like a corny old man
JOHN: what! why?
JOHN: no, that's a normal way of putting it!
JOHN: i mean... it's a pretty normal thing to say, right? when that's... how... you are?
KARKAT: SOMEBODY FUCKING KILL ME.
DAVE: what does normal mean though
DAVE: normal was some crap that ruled our dead civilization
DAVE: we left that behind years ago
DAVE: its all a huge pile of shit that doesnt matter anymore
JOHN: oh. kay?
JOHN: so then, you're saying...
JOHN: what are you saying?
DAVE: im not sure i guess
JOHN: ...
DAVE: ok i guess what im saying is
DAVE: i dont think its all as simple as you think it is
DAVE: or maybe not like ACTIVELY think it is but continue to assume it is on account of NOT thinkin about it much
DAVE: due to a lot of junk about the subject that gets shoved into our brains from movies and stuff while we were just dumb kids
JOHN: i,
JOHN: hm.
DAVE: im just saying it probably isnt as absolute or simplistic as the way youve been framing it
DAVE: or maybe it is for you personally i dont know
DAVE: im just guessing you havent spent much time thinking about it if only cause all the stuff we read and watch suggests that like even examining your honest thoughts about it is perilous road to go down
DAVE: cause if you actually think too much about it without always having that undercurrent of haha nope nope nope THEN what happens
DAVE: what if it turns out youre like...
JOHN: ...like?
DAVE: like not exactly the way you thought you were
DAVE: or maybe not so much that, as old presumptions about what you were turn out to be not that relevant?
KARKAT: (WHY. WHY ARE THESE WORDS HAPPENING TO OUR CONVERSATION.)
DAVE: i dunno man
DAVE: not sure what youve been doing the last 3 years all riding a large boat, then saving everyone from apocalyptic whatever
DAVE: but ive had a fuck ton of time on my hands to think about stuff
DAVE: about stuff ive said and done in the past why i said and did them
DAVE: a lot of things i once would have insisted were like part of my brand and helped me come across cool and smartassy
DAVE: but now im not so sure
DAVE: we used rip on each other all the time for being gay even though we knew we werent which of course is what made it "funny" remember
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: i dunno, it was pretty funny, sometimes.
JOHN: it was just a lot of joking around!
DAVE: yeah i know
DAVE: it frankly IS funny to say how gay something is sometimes and lets face it sometimes someone or something is just flat out REALLY fucking gay and theres no two ways about it
DAVE: its more like that through the preponderance of all that jokey shit is an underlying implication that its all lame stuff for pansies but not like us no were not lame and ha ha thats the joke
DAVE: which thrives on this like double-buried implication that the REAL COOL SHIT is founded on this absurd wanky ideal about masculinity which if you think about it is 1. dumb as fuck 2. the male adulation of masculinity to that extent TO BE HONEST is pretty fucking gay unto itself and 3. was always some totally impossible shit for us to live up to anyway
DAVE: i think all thats mixed up with the same phony ideals about heroism
DAVE: like living up to the storybook idea of what a hero to me feels almost interchangeable with living up to societys snapshot of what a hard manly dude should be
DAVE: i stopped pretending i could ever live up to either thing a while ago
DAVE: and mainly have spent time looking back on the sheer magnitude of all my "joking around"
DAVE: i used to lambaste fuckers left and right grinding them into the pavement over how gay they probably were and how much they were quite possibly jonesin to kiss some dudes or such
DAVE: and i dont really feel bad about it in the sense that it was jerky or like "insensitive" necessarily even though i guess it maybe was
DAVE: more that i feel like it was probably transparent
DAVE: a massive front of outrageous snark to disguise a lot of insecurity
DAVE: like a fuckin coverup
DAVE: as long as i kept clowning hard about it i didnt actually have to think about it or face my actual beliefs
JOHN: dave, um.
JOHN: all that's cool and all, and...
JOHN: i think i mostly agree?
JOHN: but...
JOHN: ummmm, how do i put this.
JOHN: are you...
JOHN: are you gay now?
DAVE: what no
KARKAT: (THE WORDS. WHY WON'T THE WORDS STOP. DEAR GOD.)
JOHN: i dunno, it sounds to me like you're trying tell me something here!
DAVE: man no look
JOHN: i mean, it's ok if you're gay now!
JOHN: that's totally cool, if true.
JOHN: i just think...
JOHN: you turning gay would be kind of a weird consequence of me changing the time line around?
JOHN: ok, not "weird"...
JOHN: just, unexpected!
JOHN: i dunno what i did that would account for that.
JOHN: maybe saving one of terezi's plush toys did some goofy homosexual butterfly effect thing on you?
JOHN: jeez, who knows!
DAVE: dude you arent listening
DAVE: although a gay butterfly effect is a pretty funny idea lets not dismiss that as a concept altogether
DAVE: anyway maybe what im tryin to say is sorta getting lost in the weeds here
DAVE: the fact that you were wondering if i "turned gay" makes me think maybe youre still not quite on the wavelength im tryin to ramble on here
DAVE: maybe we should wrestle this topic to the ground another time, theres a lot more id wanna say but this is probably not the venue
DAVE: i mean not literally wrestle to the ground because that is maybe literally the gayest course of action we could possibly take but you know what i mean
KARKAT: (YES! LATER! TALK LATER, BECAUSE THEN THE WORDS WOULD STOP! OH WOULDN'T THAT BE LOVELY.)
JOHN: that's fine, we can talk about anything you want, any time.
JOHN: i'm just still confused about what you're getting at, is all.
JOHN: like, what is the bottom line here?
JOHN: are you actually attracted to boys now?
JOHN: do you...
JOHN: um.
JOHN: did you...
JOHN: like, date any boys?
DAVE: uh
JOHN: but there weren't even that many boys on the meteor?
JOHN: well, there's the clown guy, but i don't really see you and him...
JOHN: that really only leaves...
JOHN: um, were you and karkat...
JOHN: ARE you and karkat, like.
JOHN: hmm.

04/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
KARKAT: I RETREAT TO MY SAFE PLACE, AND YET THE WORDS. THE STUPID FUCKING PRATTLE JOCKEYING LIKE ROWDY BARNBEASTS UP AGAINST THE PARTITIONS OF GOOD FUCKING SENSE AND THE MOST BASIC OF PERSONAL BOUNDARIES.
KARKAT: THE GOD DAMNED BLITHER OF TACTLESS NINCOMPOOPS, HOW IT CONTINUES TO HAUNT MY WRETCHED EARS. THE WORDS SPILL OVER THE SIDE OF THIS ENCHANTED METAL FROG DISCUS, LIKE A BABBLING SPRING IN A MYTHICAL FOREST GOVERNED BY A GUILD OF GOSSIP-HUNGRY LOBOTOMY HOBBITS. THIS DELUGE OF WORDS, LEAKED FROM THE INCONTINENT CREVICES OF TWO BRAINLESS GUSHING YAMMERTWATS, IT OVERFLOWETH, OH HOW IT OVERFLOWETH, SOGGING MY GRAY, PRACTICAL PAIR OF PANTS, THE LEGGINGS OF A SIMPLE MAN. A HUMBLE MAN. IT THEN CONTINUES ITS DOWNWARD TRICKLE, DOUSING MY UNREMARKABLE SHIRT, THE SERVICEABLE GARMENT OF YOUR AVERAGE ALTERNIAN "JOE", CHILLING THE FRAIL TORSO BENEATH, A PATHETIC DUFFEL OF MEAT WRACKED WITH HEAVY SOBS, SOBS CAUSED BY WORDS, WORDS WHICH CONTINUE TO DRIP. AND SLEUCE. AND SPILL. THREATENING TO DROWN ME. PLEDGING TO. PROMISING! AND YET I WILL NOT DROWN. WHY WON'T I DROWN? PLEASE LET ME DROWN. LET ME DROWN SO THE WORDS WILL BE NO MORE!
JOHN: dave, i'm pretty sure we're making karkat uncomfortable now.

04/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: yeah maybe we should drop this
JOHN: ok.
DAVE: i dunno if you ever picked this up from him but hes a pretty sensitive guy
JOHN: what?? nooooo.
DAVE: its true
DAVE: hes pretty much the easiest dude to rip on and makes for an irresistible target but you also have to know where to draw the line
DAVE: really dont wanna actually you know like
DAVE: upset him
JOHN: yeah, me neither.
JOHN: um...
JOHN: what the fuck is he doing?
DAVE: man i dont know
DAVE: thats just his regular shit
DAVE: like, an every day occurrence but with different bodily positions and geographic configurations
JOHN: i see.
DAVE: bro will you get the fuck up here
KARKAT: NO!
DAVE: k suit yourself

04/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: um anyway
DAVE: as you can see ive been spending probably way too much time with trolls
JOHN: ha ha.
DAVE: it messes with you
DAVE: gets you thinkin about... stuff
DAVE: you know?
JOHN: i can imagine.
JOHN: i think life was a lot more boring on the ship.
JOHN: but we talked about you all a lot!
JOHN: we would always wonder how you and rose were managing to get along with all those crazy trolls.
JOHN: i think mostly we pictured a lot of arguments.
DAVE: thats not too far off
JOHN: i'm still getting used to having such insane, limitless powers that let me go anywhere i want...
JOHN: it's tempting to go to time periods like yours and find out what i missed.
JOHN: but i don't want to mess with too much anymore, since it seems like i got the time line to a nice stable place as it is.
JOHN: so i guess i just have to do what any regular guy does, and imagine fondly what it would be like if i got to travel with you guys.
JOHN: i wonder if i would have gotten like... absorbed in troll culture too? or troll ways of thinking.
DAVE: its really inevitable
DAVE: you pick up the lingo they pick up yours
DAVE: its like a stupid cultural melange after a while that barely makes any sense from either frame of reference
JOHN: i wonder if i would have learned to understand black romance?
JOHN: it's such a goofy idea, but it seems pretty important to trolls.
DAVE: they take all their quadrants pretty seriously tbh
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: years ago when we first met the trolls, i remember being pretty fascinated by all our cultural differences, when karkat and vriska were telling me about them.
JOHN: i remember really sincerely trying to understand it all from their point of view! it's hard though.
JOHN: i still think about the idea of black romance sometimes, and try to imagine how that really works... or "feels"... i don't know.
JOHN: do you understand it?
DAVE: yeah ive spent enough time talkin about it where i think i "get it" but
DAVE: ive never had cause or any real inclination to put it into practice or anything
JOHN: mainly the idea of hating somebody, and translating that into attraction, or some kind of romancey feeling... it feels so alien to me.
JOHN: and you're right, i have a really hard time even hating anyone in the first place!
DAVE: word
JOHN: i mean, i get ANNOYED by people, sure.
DAVE: like who
DAVE: me?
JOHN: no, not really.
JOHN: well, sometimes, but not much. i always tended to exaggerate my grievances with you, for the sake of laughs.
DAVE: heheh
JOHN: a better example is, more recently, when i was doing my retcon mission...
JOHN: i was getting REALLY annoyed with terezi and her mind games.
DAVE: yuuup
JOHN: it definitely never crossed the line to "hate" though, because we were working together to try and fix a dire situation, and even though she's weird and insane, she's otherwise a pretty good friend.
JOHN: but all her needling and japes at totally inappropriate times, when there was so much on the line...
JOHN: argh, it was SO FRUSTRATING.
KARKAT: EGBERT, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU.
DAVE: whoa hes back!
DAVE: all right side up and everything
KARKAT: I HEARD YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT QUADRANTS, SO I DECIDED TO PAUSE MY TANTRUM.
KARKAT: JOHN, ALL YOU'RE DOING HERE IS DESCRIBING THE SUBTLE FEELINGS WHICH PLANT THE SEED FOR HAVING A CALIGINOUS CRUSH ON SOMEONE.
JOHN: what??
KARKAT: YOU HEARD ME.
KARKAT: YOU ARE NAIVELY ADMITTING TO STRUGGLING WITH SOME BLACK FEELINGS FOR TEREZI.
KARKAT: SO, THERE YOU GO. QUESTION ANSWERED.
KARKAT: TURNS OUT YOU ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF BLACK ROMANCE.
JOHN: n... no!
KARKAT: A FAIR REBUTTAL. HOWEVER, CONSIDER THIS COUNTERPOINT:
KARKAT: Y... YES???
JOHN: but i don't HATE her, and i'm sure i never will!
JOHN: i'm just saying i find her, like, somewhat annoying, and REALLY aggravating a lot of the time, but that's it!
KARKAT: BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE FEELING IS!
KARKAT: IT DOESN'T START OUT AS FULL BLOWN ANTIPATHY, AND IT RARELY EVEN REACHES SUCH AN EXTREME LEVEL OF HOSTILITY EVEN OVER LONG TERM BLACK RELATIONSHIPS.
KARKAT: THERE ARE PEAKS TO IT, BUT OTHERWISE A GENERAL EBB AND FLOW TO THE DARK FEELINGS, JUST LIKE WITH FLUSHED RELATIONSHIPS.
JOHN: ok, but...
JOHN: i don't know if i'm expressing myself clearly.
JOHN: i felt aggravated by her a lot, but that doesn't fully describe...
JOHN: like, there were those "negative" feelings, but also...
JOHN: but...
KARKAT: YEAH, THAT'S IT, RIGHT THERE!!!
KARKAT: THE "BUT" IS ALWAYS PART OF IT.
KARKAT: WHAT YOU'RE *TRYING* TO SAY IS, YOU HAD FRUSTRATED, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS TOWARD HER, BUT THEY DON'T COMPREHENSIVELY ACCOUNT FOR YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD HER.
KARKAT: MEANING, THERE ARE SOME THINGS ABOUT HER YOU ACTUALLY LIKE, BUT THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS MAKE IT HARD FOR YOU TO PUT YOUR FINGER ON THEM, OR EVEN WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEM.
KARKAT: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY STANDARD. WHAT GOOD WOULD IT BE HAVING A KISMESIS WHO DIDN'T POSSESS QUALITIES YOU ACTUALLY ADMIRED ON SOME LEVEL?
KARKAT: THAT WOULD BE BORING, AND IT WOULDN'T EVEN WORK. THERE'D BE NO TENSION, NO PUSH AND PULL IN THE TURBULENT EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE. THE SUBTLE POSITIVES ADD FUEL TO THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS, OFTEN GIVING THEM A REASON TO EXIST AT ALL. THEY INFLAME THE AGGRAVATING FACTORS, REMINDING YOU DEEP DOWN HOW MUCH YOU WOULD LIKE AND ADMIRE THIS PERSON IF IT WASN'T FOR ALL THEIR INFURIATING FLAWS, AND THE INCREDIBLE SENSE OF FRUSTRATION THAT CAUSES ALONG WITH ALL THE ASSOCIATED HOT-HEADED FEELINGS, THAT'S THE ESSENCE OF BLACK ROMANCE.
KARKAT: AND THE POSITIVE QUALITIES YOU SEE DEEP DOWN IN A KISMESIS ALSO SERVE AS THE BASIS FOR RED FEELINGS TOWARD THAT PERSON, ASSUMING THE RELATIONSHIP EVER STARTS TO VACILLATE.
KARKAT: IT'S ALL PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD, REALLY.
JOHN: no... this is messed up!
DAVE: i dunno john it all sounds pretty logical to me
DAVE: karkat knows his shit when it comes to quadrants
JOHN: argh!
JOHN: it can't be true though...
JOHN: it feels so fucked up!
JOHN: what if you're right though... erg! no...
JOHN: no, no, no, no...
KARKAT: THAT'S PART OF IT TOO!
KARKAT: THE "NO NO NO" IS ALL PART OF THE FEELING. THAT'S HOW IT *ALWAYS* GOES.
KARKAT: THIS SENSE OF SELF INCRIMINATION WHEN IT'S DAWNING ON YOU THAT YOU HAVE THESE CONFLICTING FEELINGS TOWARD SOMEONE WHO BUGS YOU SO MUCH.
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, THIS WHOLE REACTION IS SO FUCKING TEXTBOOK. IT'S HILARIOUS, REALLY.
JOHN: it's fucked up though!!!
KARKAT: IT'S SUPPOSED TO FEEL FUCKED UP!
JOHN: aw, man. :(
JOHN: i just wanted to have a nice catch-up chat, not get so transparently owned at the trollmances.
DAVE: it happens to the best of us sooner or later
DAVE: this crap is kind of old hat to me by now but i get why youre kinda freckling at the implications here
DAVE: you didnt have years of livin with trolls to kinda normalize this stuff
JOHN: i don't think i want it to feel normalized though!
JOHN: i'm not ready to...
JOHN: like, admit that... i have some warped spade crush on her, based on...
JOHN: some feeling i don't understand and makes no sense to me!
JOHN: oh god... what if it's true??
JOHN: i have to try as hard as i can to suppress this feeling and make sure i never think about it again!
DAVE: ok sounds like a weenie thing to do but sure have fun with that
JOHN: fuck.
JOHN: yeah, probably.
JOHN: just...
JOHN: please don't tell her about any of this, ok guys?
KARKAT: JOHN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND US ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL STATUTES OF THE BRO CODE, WHICH IS PRACTICALLY FUCKING SCRIPTURE ON MY PLANET, DATING BACK HUNDREDS OF MILLENIA.
KARKAT: DAVE AND I FUCKING SLEEP AND BREATHE THE BRO CODE AND ALL OF ITS CLAUSES, NO MATTER HOW FINE THE PRINT.
KARKAT: FEEL FREE TO COME AND TALK TO US ABOUT THIS ANY TIME. YOUR SECRETS WILL ALWAYS BE SAFE.
DAVE: dude that sentiment is well and good but
DAVE: when youre pledging a vow of secrecy maybe you should try to keep it down a little
KARKAT: DAMN. YEAH.
KARKAT: SORRY.

04/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: this is really confusing though.
JOHN: assuming you're right, and i am "busted" on having those feelings... and i'm not even saying you aren't.
JOHN: but...
JOHN: i thought humans weren't supposed to be able to feel stuff like that?
KARKAT: LIKE WHAT EXACTLY?
JOHN: like, perceive and feel romantic stuff, in the same way trolls do.
JOHN: because we're aliens to each other!
JOHN: well ok, humans can feel the gay stuff pretty often, i guess.
JOHN: i didn't think we could feel the spade stuff, though.
JOHN: i dunno, i just thought it was some screwy biological difference?
DAVE: nah i disagree
DAVE: both humans and trolls are emotionally versatile sentient beings that can feel many hells of different things
JOHN: you're probably right.
JOHN: you would know better than me, at least.
DAVE: thats always a smart fallback position btw
DAVE: especially on rap
DAVE: i could school you on rap too are you confused about rap
JOHN: no dave, i think i'm pretty squared away on rap.
JOHN: at least for now. :p
DAVE: so uh
DAVE: this has been a hell of a reminiscence so far
JOHN: yeah...
DAVE: seriously though i wasnt actually intending to fork this like instantaneously in the direction of some like
DAVE: legitimately sincere dialogue on fuckin sexuality and romance
DAVE: i didnt plan on this dude you gotta believe me
JOHN: i believe you!
JOHN: it's been cool though.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: did we cover everything
JOHN: um...
JOHN: probably not?
JOHN: oh, right.
JOHN: you dated jade for a while, so there's that.
DAVE: whoa what
JOHN: i mean, dave sprite did.
DAVE: oh
JOHN: and of course i mean, the one from my time, obviously not the one from this time, who died i guess before that happened.
DAVE: right
JOHN: man, that still just seems... so sad.
JOHN: i guess even when you fix things, not everything can be perfect.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: so
DAVE: howd that go
DAVE: me and jade
DAVE: or...
DAVE: him and jade
JOHN: ok, i guess.
JOHN: my sense was, it was kind of dramatic overall.
JOHN: i'm not sure it was the best relationship, probably because of dave sprite's uh...
JOHN: "unique issues".
DAVE: hmm
JOHN: but there were a lot of fun memories.
JOHN: i'll tell you about them some time. maybe when jade is awake, because i'm sure she'd want to know too!
DAVE: yeah

04/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hey
DAVE: um
JOHN: ?
DAVE: the girl you came with
DAVE: roses mom
JOHN: roxy?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: whats she like
JOHN: she's nice!!!
JOHN: really nice.
JOHN: she is fun and easy to talk to...
JOHN: it almost feels like she has always been one of our friends, you know?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: how uh
DAVE: how long have you and she actually been traveling together
JOHN: umm...
JOHN: not too long.
JOHN: we only met like a day ago, i mean, from my perspective.
DAVE: huh
JOHN: she's been through some really difficult stuff recently.
JOHN: well, we both have, actually.
JOHN: but i feel like it was all... a bit more personal for her?
JOHN: being on her adventure, then suddenly losing all her friends, and watching rose die right there, while she'd been kinda viewing rose as a version of her mom...
JOHN: i was just some goofball drifting randomly here and there between realities, so i was mostly just confused by everything.
JOHN: but for her, i could tell it was all really devastating.
JOHN: i'm so happy she gets to be with rose again!!!!!!!!!!
JOHN: not to mention all her other friends!
JOHN: for some reason i feel happier for her getting to reunite with people she lost than i do for myself.
DAVE: it sounds like you like her
JOHN: i do!
DAVE: no i mean
DAVE: actually like her
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: ... uh, hm.
JOHN: i don't know.
JOHN: maybe.
DAVE: wow dude after one day maybe you should slow your roll
JOHN: i didn't say i did though!!!
DAVE: im joking its fine who cares
JOHN: oh, ok.
DAVE: shes my mom isnt she
JOHN: man.
JOHN: i'm not sure if we should keep thinking about all our relations that way.
DAVE: why
JOHN: it's kinda weird!
DAVE: is it
JOHN: ...
DAVE: do you feel weird about dating my mom is that it
JOHN: i'm not dating her though!
DAVE: but if you did
DAVE: then you wouldnt wanna think of her like that because of like the familial weirdtimes it invokes
JOHN: jeez.
JOHN: i don't know. i...
JOHN: i don't know if i'm ready for every single "deep" conversation we can squeeze into this wacky rapid fire session of fun pal-talk!
DAVE: ok
DAVE: but
DAVE: i think i like thinking of her as my mom
DAVE: even if its a lil weird
JOHN: you do?
JOHN: why?
DAVE: not sure
DAVE: i never even stopped and thought about it before
DAVE: the idea of what it would be like to have a mom
DAVE: instead of a hyper-aggressive lunatic of an adult male guardian
DAVE: i never let myself give it a second of consideration
DAVE: but now
DAVE: seeing her actually here even though shes just some teen girl i never met
DAVE: i like the idea
DAVE: its nice
JOHN: ...
JOHN: ok, that's actually kind of cute.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: yeah i guess it kind of fucking is
JOHN: alright, well.
JOHN: no matter what happens, it's ok with me if you want to think of her that way. :)
DAVE: sweet

05/03/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: haha im sorry
ROSE: Sorry about what?
ROXY: for stammering an all being an agog grinning idiot
ROXY: i just cannot....
ROXY: actually believe u are real and here and alive and not dying and so am i!
ROXY: here with u i mean + sharin all those mentioned attributes
ROSE: I can't believe it either!
ROXY: i have so much to say...
ROXY: i think???
ROXY: even though i cant think of the stuff atm
ROSE: I know what you mean.
ROXY: i hope its ok if i just sit near u not bein 'specially articulate for a bit
ROSE: That is more than ok.
ROSE: As long as you are willing to similarly excuse the spectacular demise of my capacity for artful self-expression.
ROXY: omg!!!!
ROXY: ahahah youre dirk!
ROXY: wow wow i just caught it wow wow wow!
ROXY: you sound SO much like him oh my GOD thats too perf and cute :3
ROSE: Dirk?
ROXY: hahah i cant get over it now i cant unhear it...
ROXY: even your voice sounds kinda like his but its just... girl dirk
ROXY: lmao wow yes <3
ROSE: He sounds like a hell of a guy.
ROXY: ohh u have noo idea
ROSE: Well, I'm told he should be arriving here in a little while.
ROSE: If he's anything like Dave's late older brother, and if he's anything like me, which he apparently is, then this is when I'm guessing the real party will begin.
ROXY: im redy <|:)
ROSE: I want to know things about him.
ROSE: Such as, if he shares his elder counterpart's avarice for soft puppet ass.
ROSE: And if that, combined with his myriad, vaguely unsettling psychological peculiarities, could occupy a dedicated team of therapists for years.
ROXY: the answer is yes and yes
ROSE: Hmm.
ROSE: Knowing this amuses me, for some reason.
ROSE: But mainly, there are things I want to know about you.
ROSE: I presume there will be plenty of time later to hound my biological father for the dirt on his proclivities.
ROXY: whatta ya wanna know about me?
ROSE: Everything!
ROSE: I think the main difficulty in deciding what to ask is in sifting questions I would have for my mother, that is to say, the woman who raised me, from the questions I have for you.
ROXY: well i didnt raise u or anything but i can sincerely take a crack at both kindsa questions
ROSE: Ok.
ROSE: Do...
ROSE: You really like wizards?
ROXY: rose
ROSE: Yes?
ROXY: rose
ROXY: rooose
ROSE: ...
ROXY: i fucken
ROXY: LOVE
ROXY: wizzards
ROSE: I see.
ROSE: As odd as it sounds, that actually does go pretty far in letting me know something about both of you.
ROXY: oh?
ROSE: My relationship with her was complicated.
ROSE: But I've come to see that as mostly my fault. I was too young to understand her.
ROXY: i never even got the chance to misunderstand my mom
ROXY: or grownup you
ROXY: or... i mean i didnt get to misunderstand her IN PERSON
ROXY: more like as a legendary figure
ROXY: cause i grew up 400 years after she died
ROSE: Ah, right.
ROSE: I think I'm going to have to call the contest early. Yours is the more interesting biography, by quite a lot.
ROXY: not really!
ROXY: not to me at least... i was lonely
ROXY: i thought about her a lot to pass the time
ROXY: she was p amazing at least according to history
ROXY: she wrote hella books about wizards and rode a genocidal fat man down a waterfall of blood
ROSE: She wrote hella books about wizards?
ROXY: yeh!
ROXY: they were famous n good and everything
ROSE: It sounds like I fumbled into the wrong line of work.
ROSE: There's no money in this Sburb business.
ROSE: Well, there is. It just comes in incredibly stupid denominations, which are not particularly useful.
KANAYA: Do You Have Copies Of These Books
ROXY: ummmm yes!
ROXY: yes i do there are copies back on my planet
ROXY: assuming john didnt retcon them away like a book thiefin sneak!
KANAYA: I Would Really Love To Read Them Some Time If You Wouldnt Mind
ROXY: no not at all!
ROSE: By the way, this is Kanaya.
ROSE: Sorry for the combination of bad manners and general dumbfoundedness which precluded a more timely introduction.
KANAYA: Hello
ROXY: hey!
ROXY: thats a nice name and also ur pretty
KANAYA: Thank You
KANAYA: I Admire The Aesthetics Of Your Name And Appearance As Well And In No Small Part Due To Their Respective Similarity To Your Daughters
ROXY: wow man that was somehow both a convoluted thing to say yet smooth as hell
ROXY: m impressed
ROSE: Welcome to Maryam City, population, a whole lot of great remarks like that.
ROXY: but yes ill get u those books!
ROXY: theyre great they made me wanna write my own wizard books
ROSE: Did you?
ROXY: errr
ROXY: yeah sorta :\
ROSE: Could I read them?
ROXY: ummmm
ROSE: Hey, you got to read mine!
ROXY: yeah but u were like an old pro when u wrote yours!
ROXY: they are freaking MASTERPIECE WIZARDFICS!!!
ROXY: they won pulizters and shit
ROSE: Did they really??
ROXY: um idk probably?
ROSE: Oh.
ROXY: i dunno they are just vry vry good
ROXY: so the ancient prize scholars im sure were like, dude these wizards
ROXY: are vry vry fucking good
ROXY: give them all the awards, then shut down the awards, but not cuz of the looming apocalypse, just cuz u literally cannot do better than these wizards
ROSE: I can live with that.
ROSE: It's always been one of my professional goals to write tales of magical men so provocative, they would cause the permanent and unceremonious dissolution of at least one prestigious award.
ROXY: so yeah i dunno i guess u can see
ROXY: but its a pale ghost of a story compared to ur stuff and its also um kinda weird?
ROSE: I like weird!
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: just... your opinion means a lot to me & im nervous u might think it sucks!
ROSE: But I never even wrote the masterpieces you read.
ROSE: I think you may have a view of my abilities which I haven't earned yet.
ROSE: Really, I'm not that good.
ROSE: I have my own story drafts which you can read if you like.
ROSE: They're nothing special, frankly.
ROXY: o really??
ROXY: aw man ok then that sounds fun! :)

05/03/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: If During Your Manuscript Exchange You Need Someone To Read Over Your Shoulder
KANAYA: Say
KANAYA: To Proofread
KANAYA: Or
KANAYA: To Purge Each Sentence Of Punctuation And Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word
KANAYA: Id Be Happy To Volunteer
KANAYA: Strictly Professionally Of Course And Not Because I Really Want To Read Your Wizard Things Too
KANAYA: (I Really Want To Read Your Wizard Things Too I Hope Thats Okay)
ROXY: hahaha yeah sure its ok!
ROXY: kanaya sorry me and rose are babbling away here to each other we dont mean to be excluding you
KANAYA: Its Fine I Am Thoroughly Enjoying My Role As A Spectator
KANAYA: I Know That Rose Has Been Looking Forward To This A Lot
KANAYA: And That She Received Similarly Vicarious And Politely Passive Enjoyment From The Interactions I Had With My Ancestor
KANAYA: So Now I Will Just Resume The Politely Passive Part Of It Ha Ha
ROXY: u dont gotta!
ROXY: jump in whenever you feelin it! :D
ROXY: i love meeting new trolls
ROXY: well at least when theyre not evil or somethin
ROXY: love them not evil trolls
ROXY: like the cranky one over there in rad ruby shades
KANAYA: Terezi
ROXY: yeah shes a boss
KANAYA: Thats A Pretty Fair Way To Describe The Attitude Of Anyone Higher Than Me On The Hemospectrum
KANAYA: But Yes You Are Right
ROXY: oh also
ROXY: lest we forget dear fefeta
KANAYA: Fefeta
KANAYA: Do You Mean
KANAYA: Feferi?
ROXY: no fefeta!!!
ROXY: she was a dear precious soul
KANAYA: Hmm
ROXY: she was my sprite
ROXY: guess she never happened in this version of stuff though?
ROXY: dang
ROXY: thats sad but maybe not quite as sad as her existing then exploding?
ROXY: im confuse
ROXY: wonder what even else is different...
ROSE: Well, you died too.
ROXY: i did?
ROSE: Yes, while pushing me out of the way of a fork.
ROSE: So, thank you for that, retroactively. And... to a different version of you.
ROXY: jeez
ROXY: yeah i... had a really similar thing happen in my timeline...
ROXY: also involving a fork
ROXY: and even tho youre ok now its still almost too sad to even talk about
ROSE: Yeah.
ROSE: We didn't get to exchange even a single word before you were gone.
ROSE: All I could think was, "How can this be happening again?"
ROSE: Luckily the sense of misery was short lived, though.
ROSE: It wasn't long before I was informed the incident was part of something bigger taking shape.
ROSE: And that John was on his way with a different version of you.
ROSE: I had no idea what "a different version" actually entailed, but I wasn't about to quibble.
ROSE: I was so relieved.
ROXY: same
ROXY: altho...
ROXY: instead of waiting for you to come back i had to jump thru all these hoops with john
ROXY: and went through some uh
ROXY: different stuff
ROXY: i uh
ROXY: i MAY have thrown an impromptu funeral for your alt-u dead body :o
ROSE: You did?
ROXY: yup
ROXY: sorry if that sounds weird
ROXY: and i knew i was comin to meet a new version of you
ROXY: but
ROXY: it helped me
ROXY: with like
ROXY: feelings about people i left behind
ROSE: A funeral...
ROSE: Wow, that,
ROXY: ?
ROSE: Sorry for this, if it comes off as odd, but,
ROSE: That is so "mom" of you.
ROXY: oh yea?
ROSE: M-hm.
ROXY: hehe
ROXY: i like your mom!
ROSE: Me too.

05/03/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: I don't mean to be too analytical about getting to know you, really.
ROSE: I guess comparisons are little hard for me to avoid, since the adult version of you played such a significant role in my life.
ROSE: So I can't help seeing the similarities when they are there.
ROSE: But also you are so clearly your own person, shaped by your own experiences, and that is the person I would prefer to get to know, rather than a young avatar for the memory of a departed parent.
ROSE: Yet this is the context which somewhat inescapably colors my perception of what you reveal.
ROSE: So while some observations are in the vein of predictable, charmingly so, mind you...
ROSE: Others I regard as surprising.
ROXY: what about me is surprising?
ROSE: Well.
ROSE: You aren't,
ROSE: You don't quite seem like a person who...
ROSE: Er.
ROXY: .....?
ROSE: I don't want to ask anything that would sound rude to you, or spiteful to her.
ROSE: Because I don't feel that conflicted about this anymore.
ROSE: Particularly since I had my own troubles with it. So it would be pretty hypocritical.
ROXY: conflicted about what?
ROSE: Let me back up a little.
ROSE: It was a long ride on that meteor.
ROSE: One experiences things over a few years, given a lot of time to think. Changes and such.
ROSE: About half way through, I started thinking more...
ROSE: About mom. And about you.
ROSE: Knowing that I'd probably meet you, and. I don't know. Live up to the experience?
ROSE: It's silly, but I'm guessing you understand what I mean.
ROXY: :)
ROSE: Basically, I was just nervous.
ROSE: And it was all mixed up with feelings of conflict and remorse over my mother.
ROSE: Who, to my hazy preteen recollection, never wasted a day in my life on sobriety.
ROSE: She and her habit put all those days to quite effective use, actually.
ROSE: And I don't even quite remember the thought process that led to this, but,
ROSE: I sort of ran with it too?
ROSE: The habit, I mean. For a while at least.
ROSE: I was still distraught about losing her. And wanted to understand her.
ROSE: To connect with her, in some way. And I guess that was the only idea I had.
ROSE: And on some level, I think connecting with her was also a way of preparing myself to meet you...
ROSE: Even though that probably makes no sense.
ROSE: Since you aren't literally her, and don't share all her...
ROSE: I guess I shouldn't speak for you, though.
ROXY: so youre sayin
ROXY: youre surprised im unlike her in that way cause i dont seem like someone whod get drunk off her ass all the time?
ROSE: Um-
ROXY: hahahaha
ROXY: well i guess i should be flattered if u rly think so buttttt
ROXY: wrong
ROSE: So... you,
ROXY: my storys kind of like yours!
ROXY: i had a mom i never knew and wanted to feel close to her however i could
ROXY: i grew up MOSTLY unsupervised in her old old house
ROXY: and it had all this old stuff in it plus some old booze squirrelled away here and there
ROXY: aaand i just uhhh started up even tho i was WAY too young for shit like that WHOOPS....
ROXY: and like i said it was a bit lite on discipline round then, its not like a buncha silly pumpkin eaters were gonna stop me
ROSE: Pumpkin eaters?
ROXY: chess guys
ROXY: loads of them
ROSE: !
ROXY: but yeah i wanted to be like her and do what she did but mostly just made a hot catastrophe of myself
ROXY: i doubt that is what she wanted
ROXY: at the time it seemed like a cool thing a real intellectual an mysterious book celebrity would do while also leading a badass and secretly subversive life in opposition of tyranny
ROXY: but
ROXY: i think what is more likely is
ROXY: she knew the whole world would end and everyone would die no matter what she did
ROXY: which was probly hard to live with
ROXY: idk if i can blame the old lady for wantin to get a WEE bit sauced after a couple of rapping clowns won a presidential election
ROSE: Yeah, I...
ROSE: Wait, what?
ROSE: Clowns?
ROXY: long story
ROXY: bad story
ROXY: plz continue
ROSE: Ok. Yes, I'm sure my mother knew the end was coming too.
ROSE: Knowing that helped put a lot of her behavior in context for me. I was always too young to understand.
ROXY: poor moms :(
ROXY: poor poor adult dead sexy lady us :( :(
ROSE: Truth.
ROXY: but anyway
ROXY: back to... us!
ROXY: kid alive sexy lady us
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: It sounds like your Rose had an incredible career, but all things considered, I prefer being kid alive sexy lady me.
ROXY: agree
ROXY: i know what you mean about being nervous
ROXY: about meeting you i mean
ROXY: maybe nervous isnt quite right but
ROXY: when i started thinking about meeting u is when i started thinkin...
ROXY: i should try being not QUIIITE such a mess
ROXY: so i started takin the idea of cleaning up my act more seriously
ROSE: Ultimately, I concluded the same thing.
ROSE: I decided it wouldn't be a very dignified way to make an entrance.
ROSE: Or for that matter, a very constructive way to help out in a struggle to preserve reality.
ROSE: Luckily, I was able to cut it out a while ago. I admit, it wasn't easy.
ROSE: But it helped a lot to have people around looking out for me.
ROSE: *Poke.*
KANAYA: ...
KANAYA: *Sits Poked*
ROXY: yeah i had friends help me too!
ROXY: i couldnta done it w/o them either
ROSE: I never had "IRL" friends before this trip.
ROSE: It's interesting to observe the various ways they apply themselves to your benefit.
ROSE: Some people are around to make you feel like you're worth sticking with, even when you fuck up.
ROSE: And some people are around to kick your ass to make sure you don't.
ROXY: haha
ROXY: i think i had to play the latter role to my friends a lot
ROXY: and also to myself i guess
ROXY: who kicked your ass
ROXY: was it the yelly guy over there?
ROSE: No, Karkat was mostly preoccupied with his own... shenanigans.
ROSE: The yelling is deceptive. He's a rather private person.
ROSE: Vriska, however.
ROSE: She really is quite an extravagant bitch.
ROXY: lmao
ROSE: But it turns out people like that tend to have some convenient assets.
ROSE: Such as, the sheer force of personality to keep a bunch of idiots from falling apart.
ROSE: Don't get me wrong. It's quite annoying.
ROSE: But... useful.
ROXY: yeaaah
ROXY: i probably should have been more of a bitch to all my peeps
ROXY: maybe we wouldnt have gone to jail and died
ROSE: Let it be a lesson to us all.

05/03/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: seriously tho
ROXY: is so nice hearin ur stories
ROXY: especially the similarities of stuff we experienced
ROXY: wizards and writing and mom stuff and even bad things we went through
ROXY: and obviously were similar by dna and all
ROXY: but even so
ROXY: it still feels comforting
ROXY: that even if u flip the universe upside down and change it all around
ROXY: pull us apart by centuries, kill humans off, flood the world
ROXY: were still connected to each other
ROXY: in a mysterious way that goes beyond genes and circumstance
ROXY: and that i think is some tight frickin noise to consider
ROSE: I'm considering it right now, and yes.
ROSE: That noise... it is SO tight.
ROXY: :')
ROSE: :')
KANAYA: :')
DAVE: hey what are we all talking about over here
ROSE: Damn it, Dave.

05/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Tavrosprite is it ok if we pretend to have a conversation over here for a while...
JAKE: So that i look busy and not come off as big of a doofus as i feel like?
TAVROSPRITE: i CAN OBLIGE, aND ALSO PERSONALLY IDENTIFY, wITH THAT IDEA, aND THE FEELINGS OF SELF LAMENESS BEHIND IT,
TAVROSPRITE: bUUUT,
TAVROSPRITE: i COULD ALSO HELP YOU OUT WITH A REAL CONVERSATION TOO, iNSTEAD OF A FAKE ONE,
TAVROSPRITE: iN FACT, mAYBE WE ALREADY EVEN SAID ENOUGH WORDS TOGETHER, jUST NOW, fOR THAT TO QUALIFY, }:)
JAKE: Hahaha oh tavrosprite.
JAKE: You have always been the one ray of light shining through the clouds in what has otherwise been an emotionally stormy game experience for me.
JAKE: Im so grateful that you found it in your ghostly bosom to drift over to lomax now and then to cheer me up.
JAKE: Often enough to give me a real pickmeup when feeling blue over friend problems but just seldom enough to feel like a rare delight when you did.
TAVROSPRITE: yEAH,
TAVROSPRITE: i WAS UNDER STRICT INSTRUCTION FROM VRISKA, tO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE TIMELINE MUCH, fOR LOTS OF MONTHS,
TAVROSPRITE: sO i DIDN'T SAY HELLO OFTEN,
TAVROSPRITE: sHE HELPED ME BE BACK ALIVE, sO, i OWED HER THAT MUCH ON ONE HAND,
TAVROSPRITE: bUT ON THE OTHER, i THINK SHE WAS DOING HER BOSSY THING, fOR THE SAKE OF JUST TELLING ME WHAT TO DO,
TAVROSPRITE: aND i DIDN'T SEE HOW JUST BEING FRIENDLY SOMETIMES, wAS EVEN CHANGING THE TIMELINE MUCH, oR WHY THAT IDEA EVEN MATTERED?
TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE MOST OF YOU ALL HERE, nEVER DID MUCH IMPORTANT STUFF ANYWAY,
JAKE: Haha! Its true. More tiptop wisdom from that sage bullheaded noggin of yours.
TAVROSPRITE: wHY DO YOU WANT TO BE PRETEND-TALKING, (eVEN THOUGH IT'S REAL), aND LOOK BUSY TO YOUR FRIENDS?
JAKE: Im just not up to all this socialization yet.
JAKE: Maybe i never will be.
JAKE: I feel at ease talking to you but all these others... i dont know.
JAKE: It feels really awkward and i think i lost most of my prior bravado due to a lot of bad things that happened with my friends.
TAVROSPRITE: wHAT HAPPENED WITH THEM?
JAKE: I just messed up with everyone in a lot of ways im too embarrassed to even talk about.
JAKE: And now i just feel gunshy about... everything i guess.
JAKE: Even polite conversation with fun new people i should be thrilled to meet!
JAKE: I couldnt even set things right with my buddies now if i WANTED to.
JAKE: Jane is asleep so i cant make amends with her after she became an angry robot and punched me in the gut and jailed me and threatened me with eternal marriage and baby making duties.
JAKE: I mean sure she was brainwashed when she did all that but im SURE i did some stuff to deserve it!
JAKE: Dirk is still way off somewhere so i cant address THAT whole spicy meatball which i still feel terrible about.
JAKE: And roxy...
JAKE: Well okay roxy is right there but look at her shes having a blast with all these people she actually really LIKES and who are probably ACTUALLY LIKABLE.
JAKE: She probably wants nothing to do with me either so i might as well do her the courtesy of leaving her alone.
TAVROSPRITE: bUT,
TAVROSPRITE: iSN'T SHE,
TAVROSPRITE: wAVING AT YOU, aND SAYING HELLO, rIGHT NOW,
TAVROSPRITE: dUE, aLMOST CERTAINLY, tO OVERHEARING YOU TALKING ABOUT HER NAME?
ROXY: hi jake!!
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: Yeah.....
JAKE: It would seem she is.
JAKE: Those are probably pity waves though.
TAVROSPRITE: iIII,
TAVROSPRITE: dON'T THINK THAT IS TRUE,
TAVROSPRITE: i HAVE BEEN THE GETTER ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY, oF THE PITY VERSIONS OF VARIOUS DEEDS DIRECTED AT ME, aND,
TAVROSPRITE: i THINK THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE'S DOING, tHOSE ARE NORMAL WAVES AND HELLOS,
TAVROSPRITE: yOU SHOULD PROBABLY DO ONE OF THOSE THINGS BACK TO HER,
ROXY: HIIIII JAKE
ROXY: JAKE
ROXY: JAKE DAMMIT HI
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: Um sorry.
JAKE: H... hi roxy.
JAKE: Youre with us again and... and... i like that.
ROXY: :D
TAVROSPRITE: nICE, bRO!
TAVROSPRITE: kEEP WORKING AT BEHAVIORS OF THAT SORT, yOUR SELF ESTEEM WILL GET BIGGER,
JAKE: "I like that???"
JAKE: Thunderations what a fucking clod i am.
JAKE: I really need to keep a lower profile.
JAKE: Even basic pleasantries are a bit above my huckleberry for now.
TAVROSPRITE: i GET IT, sELF ESTEEM IS PROBABLY THE HARDEST EMOTION TO MASTER,
TAVROSPRITE: iT HELPS TO HAVE HELP,
JAKE: And i appreciate it mr tavrosprite really i do.
TAVROSPRITE: nO, i MEAN NOT FROM ME,
TAVROSPRITE: dO YOU HAVE A FANTASY PHANTOM REPRESENTING YOUR SELF ESTEEM WHO YOU CAN LOOK UP TO?
JAKE: A phantom??
TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE i DID ONCE, aND IT HELPED ME,
TAVROSPRITE: tHEN HE BECAME REAL, aND *REALLY* HELPED ME, bUT NOT BECAUSE OF BELIEVING OR ANYTHING,
TAVROSPRITE: jUST BECAUSE OF COINCIDENCE, hE HAPPENED TO BE MY ANCESTOR,

05/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Well...
JAKE: Yes i suppose i have SOMETHING like that.
JAKE: A brain ghost of my friend dirk who visits me sometimes.
JAKE: I GUESS he represents my self esteem but...
JAKE: I dunno how helpful he actually is!
TAVROSPRITE: wHY,
JAKE: Because of all the consternation that my relationship with REAL dirk has caused me!
JAKE: He says all the right things to make me feel better about myself but when he visits my brain i never ACTUALLY feel that comfortable or good about myself.
JAKE: I just feel kind of weird and truthfully spend most of the time hoping he just goes away and he probably KNOWS that too because hes my brain and that makes me feel WEIRDER!
TAVROSPRITE: i SEE,
TAVROSPRITE: yOUR BRAIN IS COMPLICATED THEN,
TAVROSPRITE: i'M GUESSING IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SOME SORT OF GENIUS,
JAKE: Really?????
TAVROSPRITE: yES, aBSOLUTELY,
TAVROSPRITE: i HAVE A SENSE FOR THESE THINGS,
JAKE: Gosh.
TAVROSPRITE: mAYBE, iNSTEAD OF LISTENING TO THE UPSETTING WORDS OF A COMPLICATED BRAIN GHOST,
TAVROSPRITE: wHAT A BRILLIANT MIND LIKE YOU NEEDS, iS SOMETHING SIMPLER,
TAVROSPRITE: lIKE LISTENING TO THE NICE AND FLATTERING WORDS, oF A REAL FRIEND, }:)
JAKE: Maybe youre right!
TAVROSPRITE: nOT RELATED TO THAT, hAVE i MENTIONED,
TAVROSPRITE: yOU'RE ACTUALLY QUITE HANDSOME FOR A HUMAN,
JAKE: Wow you think??
TAVROSPRITE: aLSO YOU HAVE A DASHING PERSONALITY, aND YOU SEEM PRETTY STRONG, aND YOUR VERY SMALL PAIR OF CREAMY LOOKING PANTS IS REALLY COOL,
JAKE: Holy cow.
JAKE: Youre right tavrosprite.
JAKE: These nice observations about me...
JAKE: Why they really do seem to be making me feel at LEAST infinitesimally better about myself.
JAKE: What a chum!
TAVROSPRITE: tHIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING, OF THE FEELGOOD FEELINGS YOU CAN FORCE INSIDE YOU,
TAVROSPRITE: tHROUGH THE REPETITIVE MENTIONINGS OF SUCH THINGS ABOUT YOU,
TAVROSPRITE: bUT ALSO THROUGH DEVELOPING YOURSELF AS A BRAVE ALIVE HERO,
TAVROSPRITE: iT'S TOO LATE FOR ME TO DO THAT, sINCE I LIVED A WEAK LIFE, dIED, aND WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A FRIEND WITH A GOOD ENOUGH HEART TO BRING ME BACK,
TAVROSPRITE: bUT ONLY AS A SPRITUAL GUIDE, sUCH AS THE ONE FLOATING BEFORE YOU,
TAVROSPRITE: sO i CAN'T BE THAT HEROICALLY GREAT ANYMORE, bY TRAGIC DEFINITION, bUT YOU CAN,
TAVROSPRITE: yOU'RE LIVING, sTRONG, nICE, aND OF EVEN HIGHER IMPORTANCE, iMMORTAL,
TAVROSPRITE: sO THAT GIVES YOU, bY MY ESTIMATION, lITERALLY FOREVER,
TAVROSPRITE: tO GET BETTER, aND BETTER, aND BETTER, aND FINALLY PROVE YOURSELF,
TAVROSPRITE: tHAT WAY YOU CAN WIN YOUR FRIENDS OVER, aND EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU AGAIN,
JAKE: Boy shitting howdy! :O
JAKE: Just imagine... from hobbledehoy to hero.
JAKE: Wouldnt THAT spiffy predicament just razz my berries.
VRISKA: Tavros, would you leave that poor kid alone?
VRISKA: What sort of nonsense are you telling him?
TAVROSPRITE: nOTHING,
VRISKA: Oh, 8ullshit.
VRISKA: You're filling his head with lies, aren't you?
TAVROSPRITE: nO,
TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JUST A BASIC CONVERSATION, NOT ABOUT ANY TOPICS, yOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO SAY, yOU DISAPPROVE OF,

05/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hey kid, what's he telling you?
VRISKA: What's your name again? Jape?
JAKE: Ja...
JAKE: I
JAKE: J...
JAKE: Yes. Sure.
TAVROSPRITE: nO, iT'S NOT jAPE, wRONG,
VRISKA: Who even cares? Your overly simplistic human names all sound so alike to me.
VRISKA: Anyway, listen Jape.
VRISKA: Whatever load of shit he's selling you in a misguided effort to cheer you up, don't listen to him.
VRISKA: It's all a 8unch of sappy delusional gar8age.
VRISKA: I'm not going to let you down easy, and some day you'll realize this is the 8iggest favor anyone's ever done for you.
VRISKA: You are never going to do anything important, and you'll never amount to anything. Period!
VRISKA: Neither is Tavros.
TAVROSPRITE: wAIT, nO, nOW HOLD, ON,
VRISKA: No, YOU hold on, Tavros.
VRISKA: You had more than enough chances to prove you could 8e a relevant contri8utor to our adventure, 8ut you 8lew it every step of the way.
VRISKA: It's time to face the facts. You're never going to have that "8ig moment" that vindic8tes your arc of personal development. It's just not going to happen!
TAVROSPRITE: nO, i KNOW THAT, i JUST ADMITTED THAT,
TAVROSPRITE: yOU WEREN'T LISTENING TO OUR,,,
VRISKA: It's not going to happen for Jape here, either. So stop filling his head with nonsense.
VRISKA: I can just smell it off him. He's just like you, really.
VRISKA: A loser is a loser.
JAKE: *Sniffle.*
VRISKA: Here's the 8ottom line.
VRISKA: Pages just suck!
VRISKA: All of them do. They just can't ever seem to get it together.
VRISKA: I think it just happens to 8e the class players get stuck with if they're naturally that sort of person.
VRISKA: It doesn't mean they don't have value as people, 8ut they'll never have anything significant to contri8ute, so they really should just stay out of the way.
VRISKA: There's a certain quiet dignity in understanding your utterly cripplng limit8tions as an individual. Ideally, a VERY quiet dignity, so the important people can still hear themselves think!
TAVROSPRITE: oK BUT, wHAT ABOUT ALL THAT, bIG PAGE POTENTIAL,
VRISKA: That's also a lot of misleading horseshit, and really kind of a cruel stipul8tion of the class, to 8e honest.
VRISKA: It makes losers think there's actually some light at the end of a long tunnel, so it keeps them dreaming instead of facing the facts!
VRISKA: Sure, they could reach all that potential if they worked really hard for a long time, 8ut don't you get it?
VRISKA: The very n8ture of who they are PROHI8ITS that! They don't have what it takes to stick it out to the end, 8ecause they're too weak mentally.
VRISKA: So it's just the game playing a nasty joke on them. Like dangling a carrot at the end of a ridiculously long stick.
VRISKA: Only an asshole would knowlingly play along with such a vicious hoax.
TAVROSPRITE: aRGH, nO, aNY FORM OF FRIENDSHIP ENCOURAGEMENT, nO MATTER WHAT, iS UNIVERSALLY GREAT i THINK,
TAVROSPRITE: wE ALL LEARN THIS AS FACT, fROM LOTS OF THINGS WE SEE AND ENJOY, iN STORIES AND STUFF,
VRISKA: Oh my fucking god.
JAKE: No... tavrosprite shes... shes right.
JAKE: Shes right.
JAKE: *Sniff.*
TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, lOOK AT WHAT YOU DID,
TAVROSPRITE: yOU MADE MY FRIEND JAPE SAD,
TAVROSPRITE: dON'T LISTEN TO HER, aND COME HERE BUDDY, fOR A REASSURING EMBRACE,
VRISKA: TAVROS DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Remem8er, you've only 8een prototyped once!
VRISKA: Do you REALLY want to fuse into an eternal monstrosity with that weenie?
VRISKA: God, what a weenie singularity that would 8e. May8e I should stand 8ack and let it happen!
VRISKA: For science. Also, it would serve you right.
TAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHHHH,
TAVROSPRITE: yEAHHHHHHHH?
TAVROSPRITE: wELL GET A LOAD, oF THIS!
TAVROSPRITE: aCTUALLY,
TAVROSPRITE: nO, yOU'RE,
TAVROSPRITE: rIGHT OF COURSE, i WON'T HUG HIM, bECAUSE,
TAVROSPRITE: tHAT SOUNDS REALLY, rEALLY BAD,
TAVROSPRITE: sORRY JAPE,
JAKE: :(

05/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: VR1SK4, SHOULDN'T W3 G3T B4CK TO OUR STR4T3GY M33T1NG SOON?
VRISKA: Yeah, pretty soon.
TEREZI: 1T'S L1K3 W3 US3D TO S4Y 1N TH3 OLD D4YS
TEREZI: T1M3 1S D34D K1DS
VRISKA: 8elieve me, I haven't forgotten!
VRISKA: That's as true now as it ever was. Only difference is now we're working together to PREVENT the 8odies from piling up.
TEREZI: >:]
VRISKA: We still have a little time 8efore we need to get serious, and anyway, when you're managing a team, you need to 8alance things.
VRISKA: Gotta keep morale up, you know?
VRISKA: The troops have 8een itching for a feel-good moment like this for a long time.
VRISKA: As a competent leader-slash-power-gamer extraordinaire, it's incum8ent on me to recognize that and cut them a 8it of slack.
VRISKA: Give them a little space to remem8er what they're all fighting for, you know?
TEREZI: Y34H, GR34T PO1NT
VRISKA: We could do the same, you know.
VRISKA: Over the last few years, we've had so many gr8 times and 8uried all the old hatchets deep enough that I think it's easy to take our relationship for granted.
VRISKA: Doesn't hurt to remind ourselves how lucky we 8oth are. And how close we came to going in completely different directions.
VRISKA: Anyway, I'm glad this is the path we chose. I couldn't ask for a 8etter moirail. ::::)
TEREZI: M3 N31TH3R
TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW HOW 1 WOULD H4V3 L1V3D W1TH MYS3LF 1F 1 H4D... GON3 THROUGH W1TH 1T
TEREZI: 4ND W3'D B3 D34D 1F 1 H4DN'T...
TEREZI: TH4NK GOD FOR 3GB3RT
TEREZI: N3V3R N3V3R N3V3R T3LL H1M 1 S41D TH1S BUT
TEREZI: FOR 4 DORK, H3'S...
VRISKA: Hmm?
TEREZI: H3
TEREZI: L3T'S JUST S4Y YOU D1D 4 GR34T JOB TR41N1NG H1M, ONC3 UPON 4 T1M3
VRISKA: Hey, so did you!
VRISKA: Some version of yourself was 8adass enough to write down all those instructions in her own 8lood just 8efore she died.
VRISKA: Sounds like a real hero to me!
TEREZI: H3H3
VRISKA: Sometimes I wonder what things would 8e like if we never had our falling out.
VRISKA: It was a lot like this, 8ack in the old days, remem8er?
VRISKA: Just hanging out, working together, not much drama except I guess for the occasional ethical de88 on how our foes should 8e dealt with.
VRISKA: What if it never spiraled out of control? If I never 8linded you, if you never 8lew off my arm...
VRISKA: What if you decided to send John 8ack to change all that instead?
TEREZI: 1 D1DN'T WR1T3 TH3 1NSTRUCT1ONS MYS3LF, BUT
TEREZI: 1'M SUR3 1 N3V3R CONS1D3R3D 1T
TEREZI: 3V3RYTH1NG W3 W3NT THROUGH B4CK TH3N M4D3 US STRONG3R
TEREZI: 1T W4S SOM3TH1NG TO WORK TO PUT B3H1ND US, NOT 3R4S3
TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG TH4T W4S WORTH TH3 3FFORT >:]
VRISKA: Yeah!
VRISKA: <>
KARKAT: *SHOUT BLITHER BLAH BLAH WORDS*
KARKAT: *BLAH BLAH TACTLESS NINCOMPOOPS SHOUT RAMBLE SCREED*
KARKAT: *BLAH BLISTER BEMOAN BLAH BLAH GOSSIP-HUNGRY LOBOTOMY HOBBITS*
KARKAT: *SHOUT YELL SCREECH HOLLER BRAINLESS GUSHING YAMMERTWATS*
VRISKA: Oh god.
VRISKA: What is he going on a8out now?
TEREZI: SOUNDS L1K3 H3'S Y3LL1NG 4T D4V3 4ND JOHN 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG
VRISKA: So, John's 8een here for all of five minutes, and he already tripped Karkat's tirade siren?
TEREZI: H3'S NOT 4CTU4LLY 4NGRY
TEREZI: H3'S 3MB4RR4SS3D 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG
TEREZI: MY 34R 1S F1N3LY TUN3D TO TH3 4LL V4NTRUM NU4NC3S
VRISKA: Em8arrassed? A8out what?
VRISKA: Think he might ACTUALLY 8e 8ent out of shape over the fact that he's not leader anymore?
TEREZI: NO W4Y
TEREZI: 1T'S SOM3TH1NG V3RY P3RSON4L
VRISKA: I wonder if John's 8een asking what the deal is with him and Dave?
VRISKA: John was pretty nosy, if I recall.
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 1T'S MOR3 L1K3LY D4V3 1S JUST R4MBL1NG S4NS F1LT3R 4G41N
VRISKA: Yeah, he does do that a lot, doesn't he.
VRISKA: Hey, as long as we're swearing each other to secrecy on stuff, make A8SOLUTELY sure they never know I said this, 8ut...
VRISKA: He and Karkat...
VRISKA: Are KIND of adora8le??
VRISKA: In whatever quadrant that whole situation settled in.
VRISKA: I don't know, it's none of my 8usiness really. I just never would have guessed!
TEREZI: 4GR33D
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS W3 STUCK TO OURS3LV3S MOSTLY
TEREZI: 4ND ROS3 4ND K4N4Y4 W3R3 4LL... YOU KNOW
TEREZI: SO TH4T L3FT TH3M 4ND TH31R CUT3 M4YOR S1D3K1CK TO...
TEREZI: SORT TH1NGS OUT 4MONGST 34CH OTH3R? W1THOUT 1NT3RF3R3NC3 FROM 4 BUNCH OF CR4ZY FUCK3D UP G1RLS
TEREZI: 1'M H4PPY FOR TH3M
TEREZI: 4ND... FOR M3 TOO
TEREZI: 1F YOU H4DN'T B33N 4ROUND, 1 H4V3 4 F33L1NG 1 WOULD H4V3 GOTT3N SUCK3D 1NTO SOM3 W31RD BULLSH1T W1TH BOTH OF TH3M
VRISKA: Sounds rough.
VRISKA: Guess that's one more 8ullet dodged, thanks to yours truly!
TEREZI: GU3SS SO!
TEREZI: (G33K)

05/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: GONN4 M1SS YOU
TEREZI: SUR3 YOU H4V3 TO G3T GO1NG SO SOON?
VRISKA: Yeah, I really can't waste much more time.
VRISKA: Just have to get all these goof8alls squared away, then I'm off.
TEREZI: OH...
VRISKA: Is something wrong?
TEREZI: NO
TEREZI: W3LL, NOT R34LLY
TEREZI: NOTH1NG 1MPORT4NT
VRISKA: What is it?
TEREZI: 1T'S DUMB
TEREZI: YOU'LL PROB4BLY L4UGH 4T M3
VRISKA: No I won't!
VRISKA: Come on, tell me. What good is having a moirail you don't feel like you can talk to?
TEREZI: 1 DUNNO
TEREZI: 1'M NOT SUR3 1 C4N 3V3N PUT MY F1NG3R ON WH4T'S BUGG1NG M3
TEREZI: 1 F33L L1K3 1 SHOULD B3 PSYCH3D FOR TH3 B4TTL3 4H34D
TEREZI: L1K3, PUMP3D UP TO K1LL SOM3 B4D GUYS, 4ND F1N4LLY 3ND TH1S
TEREZI: BUT 1 JUST F33L 4 L1TTL3... W31RD?
TEREZI: 3SP3C14LLY KNOW1NG TH4T YOU WON'T B3 H3R3
VRISKA: What does me not 8eing here have to do with anything?
TEREZI: WH4T 1F
TEREZI: WH3N 1T'S T1M3 TO F1GHT, 4ND P3OPL3 R34LLY N33D M3
TEREZI: TO US3 MY "POW3RS" OR WH4T3V3R 1T 1S 1'M SUPPOS3D TO B3 4BL3 TO DO
TEREZI: WH4T 1F 1T TURNS OUT 1'M NOT 4CTU4LLY TH4T...
TEREZI: GOOD?
VRISKA: 8ut you already proved that you are!
VRISKA: Another version of you 8asically saved us all, remem8er?
TEREZI: 1 KNOW, BUT
TEREZI: TH4T W4S 4 D1FF3R3NT M3
TEREZI: WHO W3NT THROUGH SOM3 TH1NGS 1 N3V3R W3NT THROUGH, 4ND PROB4BLY F1GUR3D OUT HOW TO B3 4W3SOM3 4ND H3RO1C 4LONG TH3 W4Y
TEREZI: 1 N3V3R D1D 4NY OF TH4T, 4ND 1 C3RT41NLY DON'T F33L 4W3SOM3 4ND H3RO1C Y3T
TEREZI: 4ND
TEREZI: TH1S PROB4BLY SOUNDS R34LLY DUMB BUT
TEREZI: 1T K1ND OF M4K3S M3 F33L GU1LTY
VRISKA: Guilty? Why?
TEREZI: B3C4US3 SH3 PR3TTY MUCH S4CR1F1C3D H3RS3LF
TEREZI: TO M4K3 TH1NGS B3TT3R
TEREZI: SP3C1F1C4LLY, B3TT3R FOR *M3* 1 TH1NK
TEREZI: TO L3T M3 L34D 4 B3TT3R L1F3, PR3SUM4BLY
TEREZI: TO F1X MY PROBL3MS 1 GU3SS?
TEREZI: BUT
TEREZI: 1 DON'T F33L F1X3D
TEREZI: 1 4CTU4LLY K1ND4 F33L 4 W31RD S3NS3 OF PR3SSUR3
TEREZI: TO B3 TH3 B3ST V3RS1ON OF MYS3LF, L1K3...
TEREZI: TH3 MOST PRODUCT1V3 4ND H3RO1C 4ND W3LL 4DJUST3D T3R3Z1 1N P4R4DOX SP4C3?
TEREZI: BUT 1'M D3F1N1T3LY NOT TH4T T3R3Z1
VRISKA: Ok, you are 8eing WAY too hard on yourself here.
VRISKA: I really dou8t that's what the other version of you intended!
VRISKA: That's not even how shit works. People don't just get "fixed".
VRISKA: Even if circumstances change so you have a smoother ride, you are always going to have flaws.
VRISKA: I guess you should always try to 8e the 8est version of yourself, 8ut I think it's also important to 8e ok with the fact that you aren't perfect.
VRISKA: I've got flaws too! I mean, o8viously.
VRISKA: 8ut I'm mostly ok with them.
TEREZI: WOW. YOU DON'T S4Y???
VRISKA: Hey, shut up! ::::p
VRISKA: I'm just trying to offer a little perspective here!
TEREZI: Y34H, 1 KNOW
TEREZI: YOU'R3 R1GHT...
TEREZI: 1'LL TRY TO FORG3T 4BOUT TH1S STUFF, 4ND JUST FOCUS ON H3LP1NG OUT TH3 T34M
TEREZI: 1T'LL B3 H4RD DO1NG 1T W1THOUT YOU, BUT 1 GU3SS 1'V3 M4N4G3D TO DO 1T B3FOR3
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F 1 DON'T R3M3MB3R
VRISKA: Yeah!
VRISKA: You'll 8e fine. I know you can do it.
TEREZI: WH3N W1LL 1 S33 YOU 4G41N?
VRISKA: Some day.
VRISKA: I'll do my 8est to shorten the w8 for you as much as I can. Using time travel or whatever other nonsense I may have at my disposal.
VRISKA: When all is said and done, I'll drop 8y Earth and look you up.
TEREZI: 1 C4N'T W41T >:]
TAVROSPRITE: *bLITHER BABBLE, rAMBLE SELF ESTEEM, pRATTLE,*
TAVROSPRITE: *rAMBLE MUMBLE, bRAVE ALIVE HERO,*
TAVROSPRITE: *mUTTER BLITHER, fINALLY PROVE YOURSELF, bABBLE BABBLE,*
VRISKA: Tavros, would you leave that poor kid alone?
VRISKA: What sort of nonsense are you telling him?

05/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: Dave, we were sort of in the middle of something here.
DAVE: in the middle of what
ROSE: A series of heartfelt conversations of a personal nature.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: i guess im in the middle of those now too
DAVE: im feeling heartfelt as fuck somebody bone me up on the shit
ROSE: One cannot simply be boned up on shit such as this. You had to be there.
DAVE: come on
ROSE: Wizards, Problems, Feelings. It was your standard tale of two estranged mutual mothers.
ROSE: Any questions?
DAVE: yes lots
ROSE: Ok.
ROSE: Can you maybe sit over there for a while and write them all down?
DAVE: um
KANAYA: Rose This Accumulation Of People Is Coming Dangerously Close To What Your Culture Might Process As A Human Familial Unit
KANAYA: This Is A Foreign Idea To Me And Probably A Private Matter To You So I Think I Will Leave You All Alone And Go Talk To Some Trolls
KANAYA: Personally I Think You Should Welcome Dave Into The Fold Of Your Poignant Wizard Reverie
KANAYA: From My Cultural Point Of View At Least He Has As Much Claim To A Sense Of Ancestral Connection To Your Mother As You
KANAYA: See You Everybody
DAVE: yeah man kanaya to the rescue with smart shit to say as usual
ROSE: Utterly destroyed again, by her superior sense of reason and decorum.
ROSE: Though I do wonder if her perspective would be different if she'd ever had to manage relations with a "twin brother".
DAVE: ok but who cares about that
DAVE: so rose
DAVE: its our mom
DAVE: hey mom
ROXY: hi!!!
DAVE: well not mom
DAVE: your actual name instead of that i guess
DAVE: roxy i think
ROXY: u think right
ROXY: moms ok too tho
DAVE: i dunno that might be weird
DAVE: calling you that all the time
DAVE: rose would that be weird
ROSE: It would probably get a little weird.
DAVE: so mom
DAVE: im just going to jump right into the fuckin frying pan here
DAVE: like tape off a no bullshit zone for a while
DAVE: if thats ok
ROXY: a frying pan in the no bullshit zone??
ROXY: sounds intense
ROXY: who is manning this pan and who gave him clearance for the no bs zone
DAVE: captain Serious is at the pan and he got the go-ahead from lieutenant Doesnt Fuckaround of the Heartattack Armada
ROXY: isnt lieutenant a lower rank than captain
ROXY: who put this dude in charge of such an important pan
DAVE: um i dont know maybe it is?
DAVE: ok like its cool that you even know that fact but this is exactly the kind of fuckery the no bs zone doesnt cotton to no matter what sorta cookware is involved or which pseudomilitary organization regulates its borders
DAVE: i just have some questions about you and about stuff in general so rather than mumble through a conversation that sounds mostly like the stuff we literally just got done sayin, sweet though that would be, im gonna machine gun some shit at you lighting round style
ROXY: a machine gun lightning round in a frying pan!!!!!
ROXY: god.........DAMN
DAVE: i know right?
DAVE: so
DAVE: you are my biological mother
ROXY: yes
DAVE: and roses
ROXY: yes
DAVE: and therefore bear at least partial and like biologically incidental responsibility for why we are both so fucked up
ROXY: yes
DAVE: but you yourself are a paradox clone
ROXY: um... i guess?
DAVE: which means
DAVE: you didnt even have bio parents
DAVE: you originated from yourself
ROXY: guess so!
DAVE: so you really dont have anyone to blame for who you are except weirdly and paradoxically yourself
ROXY: um.. y.. yes?
ROSE: Dave.
DAVE: wait ok
DAVE: sorry if that sounded rude i didnt mean it rudely
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: you did have a "parental figure" who you i guess modeled yourself after in a way
DAVE: or were influenced by i mean
DAVE: an old version of rose from a long time ago
ROXY: yes!
DAVE: and my bro was the same way
DAVE: or
DAVE: your friend i mean
ROXY: dirk!
DAVE: he was a paradox clone of himself
DAVE: and he like
DAVE: did kind of the same thing
DAVE: modeled himself after...
ROXY: ...
DAVE: why dont we not talk about dirk
DAVE: can we change the subject
ROXY: you brought him up!!
DAVE: i know
DAVE: i know
DAVE: look
DAVE: i bring up a lot of things
DAVE: and then have to back track a lot of those things i bring up
DAVE: cause sometimes the things i bring up are ill advised to say or make people uncomfortable or make me uncomfortable
DAVE: its just a thing about me
ROXY: ooh!
ROXY: just had a thought
ROXY: do i get to do a lightning round at you next??
DAVE: i guess so yeah
DAVE: depends on if you want to keep sitting in this goddamn pan
ROXY: hmm i dunno
ROXY: maybe our asses are gettin too hot
DAVE: maybe you should speak for yourself
ROSE: DAVE!
DAVE: SHIT
ROXY: lol
DAVE: no mom look
DAVE: roxy i mean
DAVE: its like i was just saying
DAVE: i just say things it is just like this force of nature no one can control or even try to, least of all me
DAVE: we just have to cross our fingers and hope for the best
DAVE: and that my one man verbal slapstick routine isnt too freudian in nature or at least not that often
DAVE: anyway lets pretend i didnt just insinuate you have a hot ass and move on
ROXY: ;)
DAVE: i heard something about wizards
DAVE: you hells into wizards like rose?
ROXY: YES
DAVE: ok well that is a predictable if somewhat bland fact
DAVE: lets see if we can dig a lil deeper
DAVE: dont get me wrong wizards are ok i guess
ROXY: oh yeah? well maybe YOURE ok
DAVE: yeah, im alright
DAVE: wizards are better at magic than me
DAVE: but im better than wizards at rap
DAVE: so i guess it breaks even
DAVE: or it would if i was a pretend jackass in silly robes and a dumb beard
DAVE: so point goes to dave
ROSE: (Sigh.)
DAVE: do you like rap
ROXY: kinda!
ROXY: dirk loves rap so i...
ROXY: ummm haha never mind
ROXY: forgot we werent talkin about that
DAVE: well what do you like to do
ROXY: i like...........
ROXY: cats!!!
DAVE: ok that is a fair opinion but cats arent actually an activity or anything
ROXY: theyyy kinda were for me though!
ROXY: i uh
ROXY: used to clone them
ROXY: i may have um
ROXY: gotten a little carried away
DAVE: cat cloning huh
DAVE: that sounds like a pretty dope hobby
DAVE: i think were getting somewhere
DAVE: so you had access to that kind of stuff becaused you lived in a scifi world
ROXY: a scifi world?
DAVE: yeah the future
DAVE: what was the future like
ROXY: watery
ROXY: fulla chess people
ROXY: lots o pumpkins
ROXY: u kno
ROXY: usual dystopian stuff
DAVE: i see
DAVE: and it was just the chess guys and you
DAVE: like alone
DAVE: no other people except for bro
DAVE: who i guess was way off somewhere?
ROXY: yup
DAVE: sounds like kind of a bummer
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: i talked to my friends a lot though
ROXY: via computers n shit
DAVE: thats cool
DAVE: me too
DAVE: maybe when it comes down to it our lives werent that different
DAVE: except for the extinction of humanity part
DAVE: my humans were just
DAVE: imminently extinct is all
DAVE: i didnt have chess guys around though
DAVE: theyre actually good company
ROXY: yeah!!
DAVE: my best best best best best friend is a chess guy
DAVE: hes the mayor
DAVE: ill have to introduce you to him soon
DAVE: youll love the mayor everybody loves the mayor
ROXY: wanna meet the mayor!
DAVE: dont worry ill put in a good word for you pretty sure we can find an opening in his schedule
DAVE: tell me more
ROXY: more?
DAVE: about you
ROXY: damn dude
ROXY: this frying pan...
ROXY: shit be SIZZLIN
DAVE: fuck yeah
DAVE: aside from cat breeding how else did you pass the time
ROXY: ummmmmmmm
ROXY: writin
ROXY: um
ROXY: a FAIR amount of uh
ROXY: lets say recreational liquid intake
ROXY: and uhh
ROXY: oh um hacking
DAVE: haha seriously
DAVE: like actual hacking
ROXY: yeah!
ROXY: well computer programming rly
ROXY: hacking is just what u call it to sound cool
ROXY: there wasnt even much shit around to "hack"
DAVE: so kinda like john
DAVE: except
DAVE: i think he pretty much sucked at his codes
ROXY: hahahahaha really
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: he seemed to find it frustrating mainly
DAVE: his bitching about it is literally my only point of reference for his degree of proficiency
DAVE: youre good though right
DAVE: i bet youre good
ROXY: tha BEST 8)
DAVE: knew it
ROXY: maybe i could give him some pointers on the leet haxx
DAVE: fuck yes
DAVE: hed be all about that
DAVE: or i think he should be which is all that matters
DAVE: do that and insist on it if he gets weirdly obstinate or like tries to pretend he doesnt like programming anymore
ROXY: ok
DAVE: what else
ROXY: oh umm
ROXY: idk dave i might be runnin outta shit to say!
DAVE: you sure
ROXY: iiii
ROXY: liked to play games?
DAVE: what games
ROXY: uh mostly...
ROXY: the nintendos
DAVE: i see
DAVE: which nintendos
ROXY: a whole bunch of nintendos!!
ROXY: like lotsa diff systems n titles
ROXY: i dunno if the ones i associate strongly with would have the same meaning like culturally speaking for you
ROXY: because to me they were all like cool ancient relics that kept me somewhat in touch with a world that was long gone
DAVE: that makes sense
DAVE: thats mostly the relationship i have now with garbage romcoms
DAVE: largely because karkat likes watchin em
DAVE: so these godforsaken flicks have helped keep me grounded in our dead civilization in a weird way
DAVE: but re: games...
DAVE: i didnt have nintendos
DAVE: my bro had xbox so i played that sometimes
DAVE: but he mostly had all these shitty skating games
DAVE: and like 20 different tony hawk titles
DAVE: i would mainly just play them to fuck around
DAVE: like find spectacular ways to crash and flop around like a douchey ragdoll
DAVE: or figure out ways to get halfway stuck inside concrete fixtures and obstacles
DAVE: and watch all these cool fratty bros twitch and flop ad infinitum
DAVE: like struggling valiantly and earnestly forever against the shitty and deeply flawed physics of their confining virtual prison
DAVE: i saw them as tragic figures
ROXY: that sounds incredible tbh
DAVE: pretty much
ROXY: do u think we can play games together some time?
ROXY: wanna see ur majestic skatebros in their element
DAVE: oh my dick yes
ROSE: Dave.
DAVE: what
ROXY: ok ok !
ROXY: i think its
ROXY: my turn??
ROXY: keep your ass in the pan buddy u gona get GRILLED
DAVE: thats fair
ROXY: oh um
ROXY: rose please dont think im excluding you!
ROXY: jump in the convo any time k?
DAVE: meh shes fine
ROXY: :p
ROSE: I'm perfectly happy serving as a spectator and occasional officiator of this conversation.
ROSE: It's quite entertaining to behold, really. I love watching how different personalities collide with each other upon meeting.
ROSE: Neither of you is failing to disappoint.
ROXY: lmao
ROXY: god is EVERYONE in this family tree a psychoanalyst???
DAVE: yo thats been like
DAVE: her EXACT top preoccupation since she was a fuckin baby
DAVE: didnt she tell you
ROXY: haha no
ROXY: but yeah makes sense
ROXY: but like, youre all mr funny interrogation right now, rose is quite possibly a literal therapist in training i guess?? and uh dirk is dirk
ROXY: just makes ya think is all
DAVE: were all fucked up, the end
DAVE: so what you wanna know mom
DAVE: ..rox

05/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: here comes da lightning
ROXY: u got to imagine it comin out my fingertips
ROXY: wherein i am an almighty wisard
DAVE: ok currently imagining that
DAVE: hmm not bad
DAVE: not bad at all
ROXY: pCHOO
ROXY: um
ROXY: what
ROXY: is your favorite rap guy
DAVE: thats a dead tie
DAVE: between me and snoop
DAVE: also MAYBE obama but to be fair i dont think he raps irl that is mainly just a headcanon i have about him
DAVE: but come on
DAVE: you werent actually curious about that were you
ROXY: im trying to think of stuff to ask jeez!
ROXY: gimme a sec...
ROXY: kay
ROXY: howwww did
ROXY: you become a god tier
DAVE: rose and i went on a suicide mission piloting a moon through the furthest ring
DAVE: the moon had a cosmic mega nuclear bomb in its core but also our quest beds by surprise
DAVE: when it blew up it created literally the biggest fucking sun in existence which also happened to be the exact same sun we thought we were going out there to destroy
DAVE: but we also died and resurrected as god tiers and i guess due to immortality rose up through the surface of the fuckin sun all glowing green and wearing pajamas and shit
ROXY: HOLY CRAP
ROXY: THAT IS SO RIDICULOUSLY INSANE AND COOL!
ROXY: AND SO SO SO MUCH MORE AWESOME THAN WHAT HAPPENED TO US WOW!
DAVE: why how did you do it
ROXY: god its almost embarrassing to even describe
ROXY: especially compared to that!
DAVE: go on
ROXY: um we all had a hangover from magic candy
ROXY: and woke up on our god slabs
ROXY: and like
ROXY: talked for a while
ROXY: have u ever seen the breakfast club
DAVE: no
ROXY: ok well it was like that
ROXY: but probably shittier
ROXY: then we all sorta randomly died on accident
ROXY: due to surprise villain attacks
DAVE: eh that sounds alright
DAVE: who even cares about having a baller origin story
DAVE: we were just some chumps on a moon being melodramatic and in the process of gettin chumped by an omniscient creep
DAVE: your outfit looks cool at least
ROXY: thanks!
ROXY: k then... next
ROXY: have u
ROXY: ever kissed anybody??
DAVE: what
DAVE: man
DAVE: these questions are taking on a different tenor than the ones i asked you
ROXY: well??
DAVE: um yeah ok i WAS kissed
DAVE: by jade when i was dead
DAVE: so i would come back to life
DAVE: that was like... RIGHT before the moon mission i mentioned
ROXY: o yeah
ROXY: i was corpse smooched once too
DAVE: by who
ROXY: ...
ROXY: hey its still my lightning round!
ROXY: i was askin if YOU ever kissed somebody
ROXY: like awake and alive and on purpose
DAVE: maaan
ROSE: We're waiting, Dave.
DAVE: hey i thought you were just "studying" us!
ROSE: I'm also officiating.
ROSE: I'll have to hold you to the question, or throw a flag.
ROSE: Remember the sports?
ROSE: My, how quickly we forget the sports.
DAVE: no come on
DAVE: i just asked you about nintendo and shit!!
ROXY: ok ok!
ROXY: hahaha :)
ROXY: do youuu
ROXY: like drawin
DAVE: yes
ROXY: comics?
DAVE: yes
ROXY: funny comics??
DAVE: fuck yes
ROXY: about fat assed idiots and jpeg trashloss everywhere
DAVE: fuck fucking yes
ROXY: ok ima admit
ROXY: i have you at a little disadvantage
ROXY: since i know some things about your alt future grownup self
DAVE: like what
ROXY: dont wanna spoil it!
ROXY: theres a better time for that conversation
ROXY: and maybe a better person to have it with than me
DAVE: ...
ROXY: do you like orange soda
DAVE: no
ROXY: NO??
DAVE: hell no
ROXY: then whats your poison
DAVE: aj
ROXY: huh?
DAVE: apple juice
ROXY: thats fuckin cute
DAVE: pretty much
ROXY: have u ever been in love
DAVE: god damn it!

05/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: This is the lightning round, Dave.
ROSE: We didn't make the rules.
ROSE: Anyway, I'm ready to blow my Referee's Sport Whistle™ if you don't answer before the Commercially Endorsed Game Clock expires.
DAVE: i think the lightning rounds over
DAVE: why dont we have a distraction to seal the deal
DAVE: hey mom i think harleydad over there is talkin about you
ROXY: jake?
ROXY: hehe yeah i think ur right
ROXY: gotta go catch up with him soon...
ROXY: ill wave hello for now
DAVE: i dont think hes noticing
ROXY: dammit jake look over here u goof
ROXY: gonna start a fire here will all this friendly wavin
DAVE: nope hes completely out to lunch
DAVE: just like all the harleyberts
ROXY: HIIIII JAKE
ROXY: JAKE
ROXY: JAKE DAMMIT HI
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: Um sorry.
JAKE: H... hi roxy.
JAKE: Youre with us again and... and... i like that.
ROXY: :D
DAVE: thats it?
DAVE: hes right back at it with the bull guy
DAVE: whats with him
DAVE: he reminds me a lot of john but really quiet which is very unjohnish
ROXY: jakes great!
ROXY: but yeah hes not like that all the time
ROXY: he is p gregarious 1 on 1 but i guess he doesnt like crowds much
ROXY: he became sort of a hermit after a few months in our session
ROXY: he mainly hung out with dirk until he eventually sorta shut him out too
ROXY: dude just likes his lonesome time i guess?
DAVE: ill try gettin to know him some time
DAVE: maybe trap him like a shy woodland creature
DAVE: then brutally harangue him with my typically rad shit and become airtight bros
DAVE: right there in the fucking woods
DAVE: exactly how nature intended
ROXY: omg yes
ROXY: i will help u rig your jakesnares
ROXY: maybe leave some hunky dudebait, like a trail of microshorts sprinkled thru out the forest
DAVE: awesome thanks mom
DAVE: roxy i mean
ROSE: Dave, even I'm having less trouble referring to Roxy by her name consistently, and I was the one who grew up knowing her as my literal mother.
ROSE: What is going on with you?
DAVE: nothing
DAVE: its just like semi accidentally replacing a word with another word in a majority of instances
DAVE: why do you need to read things into everything
ROSE: You're right. How could anyone possibly read anything into that sort of repeated slip-up.
DAVE: exactly
ROSE: What if you're making her uncomfortable?
ROXY: its fine really!
ROXY: i think it is sorta endearing
DAVE: see rose yall worrying about nothing as usual
DAVE: moms fine with it
DAVE: moxy
ROXY: snort
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: romy
DAVE: mommy
DAVE: wait fuck
DAVE: ok that one was fucked up
DAVE: lets make sure i never ever fucking say that again
ROXY: im dyin here
ROXY: dave...stoppit
ROXY: im a sphyxiate
DAVE: i cant
DAVE: its like i was saying before
DAVE: this is a force of nature we all gotta just deal with
DAVE: striders blurtscapades
DAVE: daves flying boner circus
DAVE: this shit is immutable
DAVE: i had to face this fact a long time ago
DAVE: i could either try to change that part of myself which is an unwinnable war
DAVE: or i could try focusing on being like a vaguely half decent person so at least the shit i inevitably blurt out from deep down isnt all that bad
DAVE: because the bad stuff has been and is still being purged through an arduous long term process of complete and utter humiliation
ROXY: man
ROXY: arduous long term processes of complete and utter humiliation are basically my aesthetic
ROXY: anyways you are a silly dude and its ok if u keep callin me mom on "accident" :)
ROSE: I hope it is similarly ok with you if I make the conscious decision to refrain from calling you that ever.
ROSE: Unlike Dave, I've taken great pride in the meticulous maintenance of my internal filter.
ROSE: I don't think I have the same luxury he does.
ROSE: Humiliation just makes my demons angrier.
ROXY: yeah rose call me whatev!
ROXY: but um lmao you got a way of makin that sound legit scary
DAVE: its fucked up that shes joking but also not even really
DAVE: youll figure out how to crack her deadpan riddles theres an art to it
ROXY: you guys...
ROXY: an ur friggin psycho babble!
ROXY: its a riot
ROXY: suddenly feelin like maybe im the weak link in this family tree on the analytical front
ROXY: need to step up my game
ROSE: To be fair, Dave's game is pretty flimsy.
ROSE: He's been jacking my swagger for years. He only pulls it off because he's funny.
ROSE: And to be even fairer, I'm not actually much of a psychoanalyst.
ROSE: I know just enough to know that I barely know anything, and probably would have benefited from, I don't know, "college", or something.
ROXY: ok whew i feel a bit less lame then
ROXY: i remember dirks insane scrutinization of all things cerebral had a similar way of dwarfing ones ego
ROXY: maybe that was smoke in mirrors too idk
ROXY: maybe since he and i are ur parents, in terms of psycho skillz...
ROXY: hes got ALL genes and i got NONE
ROXY: so that means dave got SOME genes and rose got LOTS??
ROXY: wherein SOME is more than NONE and LOTS is less than ALL
ROXY: ???
ROSE: That's quite a scientific way of looking at it.
ROSE: Maybe it's even true?
ROXY: yeah i fuken LOVE SCIENCE!!!
DAVE: ok then that explains everything
ROXY: what
DAVE: if you got all the science genes then that means some scraped off on me
DAVE: which would explain why my beats are so ill
DAVE: its cause my science is off the charts
ROSE: Holy shit.
ROSE: Can someone come push this nerd off the lilypad?
ROXY: dat explanation tho
ROXY: :')
ROSE: Cringeworthy rap notwithstanding,
ROSE: I do recall hearing him babble about wanting to be a scientist on more than one occasion.
ROSE: If the world hadn't ended.
ROSE: What was it? Archeology? Paleontology?
DAVE: yeah i dunno
DAVE: one of those things
DAVE: whichever involved more dead shit
DAVE: maybe
ROXY: paleontology!!
ROXY: u wanted to study that?
DAVE: i sincerely mumbled about the idea once or twice sure
ROXY: thats neat
ROXY: what about you rose
ROXY: did u actually want to be a legit psychiatrist and go to school for that and all?
ROSE: I don't recall my thoughts on higher education.
ROSE: My passion for the subject I think was more a contrivance of a very young girl with misplaced conviction in her abilities.
ROSE: I probably thought I could just figure it all out myself and skip the academic coronation.
ROSE: I don't think much about it anymore.
ROSE: Possibly because there's no one left to analyze, except for the modest population of this frog disc.
ROXY: what would you want to do with your life instead?
ROXY: i mean assuming there were no more evildoers to worry about
ROSE: I don't know.
ROSE: What is there even to consider doing with godhood BUT concern oneself with evildoers?
DAVE: what about your quest
ROSE: Hm?
DAVE: the shit with your planet and the rain and stuff
DAVE: wasnt there still something to do there
ROSE: I... guess so?
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: i did mine!
ROXY: or at least a version of it specific to my situation
ROXY: i get the feelin they change around and such depending on what the lay of the land is
ROXY: my reality was fucked so my denizen just kinda... rerouted me
ROXY: nothin too fancy
DAVE: yeah exactly
DAVE: i did this really stilted like mashup of what i assume my "real quest" was
DAVE: like involving breaking a sword and UNbreaking a sword and a fuckin BIRD was involved and then the bird unceremoniously DIED somewhere
DAVE: it was kind of a mess
DAVE: like me i guess so maybe that made sense
DAVE: who knows what yours would have in store for you now
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: if you even wanted to bother
ROSE: I'm not sure if I have the inclination, and realistically, there isn't even much time for that, is there?
ROSE: We're supposed to be fighting adversaries imminently.
ROSE: I can't squeeze it in before the battle.
ROSE: And after, we'll have supposedly "won", so what would even be the point of doing it then?
DAVE: shrug
ROSE: Something always rubbed me the wrong way about "My Quest".
ROSE: I don't even like the phrase. It's uncomfortably formal, and a little foreboding.
ROSE: I think the regimentation of it all always struck me as unpalatable.
ROSE: Like consigning personal growth to the completion of a glorified, myth-heavy rat maze.
DAVE: yeah i know why you feel that way
DAVE: youve got big problems with authority
DAVE: you always have and you probably wouldnt even put it that way cause it sounds really Teen of you and gauche or whatever
DAVE: but its true
ROXY: omg u guys and your shrink babble!
ROXY: is so funny i swear 2 god
DAVE: yeah here we go again right?
DAVE: except just remember im a fraud at this stuff
DAVE: except in this particular case im totally right
DAVE: she sees this quest all neatly laid out for her wrapped in a bow
DAVE: fuck it even looks like its made for little kids with like pink turtles and rainbows and shit
DAVE: like here you go princess its babys first quest
DAVE: almost like it was designed to piss her off
DAVE: sburb says here, self improvement delineated and made comprehensible enjoy your cookie cutter odyssey
DAVE: so because shes rose she goes no fuck my quest
DAVE: literally starts wrecking shit
DAVE: and maybe that itself was always her quest
VRISKA: If I may interject...
DAVE: oh awesome vriska was eavesdropping
VRISKA: Not for very long!
VRISKA: I just heard you talking a8out Rose's quest is all.
VRISKA: I don't have any opinion on whether you do it or not, Rose. That's your 8usiness.
VRISKA: 8ut my advice is, if you see your denizen, just make sure you kill her fast.
DAVE: what
VRISKA: 8elieve me, Cetus is a HUGE 8itch.
VRISKA: If you give her an inch, she'll try to sucker you into a whole 8oring convers8tion, mostly involving a 8unch of curmudgeonly riddles.
VRISKA: Don't give her the chance! Just go for the jugular and end it as soon as you can.
VRISKA: Gra8 her loot and call it a day. That's what I think, at least.
VRISKA: Assuming you 8other going to see her at all. Couldn't really 8lame you if you didn't though.
ROSE: I probably won't.
ROSESPRITE: Won't what?
VRISKA: Oh now what the FUCK is this????????
JASPERSPRITE: Meow.

05/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: FRIGGLISH!
ROXY: oh my god you cheeky bastard
ROXY: oooomg
DAVE: um
DAVE: what exactly the fuck
ROSE: ...
ROXY: frigglish
ROXY: i cannot believe this
ROXY: you dug up her body!!!!!
JASPERSPRITE: :3
ROXY: omg that is SO BAD!
ROXY: but also sweet of you to bring her back but also WOW BAD!!!!!
ROSE: Wait.
ROSE: Dug... up?
ROSESPRITE: I'm a little unclear on that myself.
ROSESPRITE: Jaspers hasn't been especially descriptive.
JASPERSPRITE: Meow!
JASPERSPRITE: Yes both roses i dug you up!
ROSE: From... where?
ROXY: um
ROXY: johns planet
ROXY: remember the funeral i mentioned?
ROXY: frigglish was there too
ROXY: orrr um jaspers?? our dumb departed beautiful idiot cat!!
ROXY: haha i guess i made a novice mistake
ROXY: i turned my back on the body
ROSESPRITE: You had a funeral for me?
ROSESPRITE: That was nice of you.
ROXY: yeah!
ROXY: so um...
ROXY: HI!!!!!
ROXY: wow haha this is confusing!
ROXY: welcome back youre alive again hey come here!
VRISKA: LALONDE DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Fucking incredi8le.
VRISKA: Am I the ONLY one here concerned with making sure we don't cre8te freakish mutant people-com8os?!
ROXY: wha
VRISKA: She's only 8een single-prototyped!
VRISKA: Don't go near her.
ROXY: ohhh
ROXY: heh right
VRISKA: It is a8solutely astounding how much you all need me around to keep your shit str8.
VRISKA: Even then it's a constant up hill 8attle to keep you all from fucking up!
VRISKA: I let my guard down for one second and this 8rainless animal wastes one of your precious resurrection slots on someone who's ALREADY ALIVE!
VRISKA: Well, congratul8tions. You're down to one empty kernel.
VRISKA: 8e sure to use it wisely!
VRISKA: Not that there's much hope of that at this point.
VRISKA: See you chumps. I'm out of this convers8tion.

05/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: so
DAVE: what does this even mean
DAVE: theres two roses now like
DAVE: what the fuck
DAVE: what are we supposed to do with this information and unfolding set of circumstances
ROSESPRITE: I don't know, Dave.
ROSESPRITE: I have advanced seer powers, and the newly acquired insight of a mystical guide.
ROSESPRITE: And even I'm stumped about this turn of events.
DAVE: ok then
DAVE: good to know im not dumb and this literally is inherently irrational
DAVE: thanks ghost cat great job
JASPERSPRITE: :3 :3 :3
DAVE: so what now
ROSESPRITE: Well,
ROSESPRITE: It's nice to be back, after such a spectacular sequence of tragic events.
ROSESPRITE: Even though I have no memory of having been gone for long.
ROSESPRITE: But I also understand I am now the Subordinate Rose.
ROSESPRITE: So with respect to my ongoing role, I will have to defer to Real Rose.
ROSESPRITE: I don't want to step on anyone's toes.
ROSESPRITE: Then again, I don't have feet anymore.
ROXY: lol
ROSESPRITE: It's also worth pointing out that my programming as a sprite informs me that I exist at the pleasure of the player who released my kernel.
ROSESPRITE: So, Roxy. What do you think I should do?
ROXY: um wow
ROXY: i dunno!
ROXY: hahah man i only JUST met um... alive rose here
ROXY: and that was after JUST buryin you and saying goodbye and all which was this um
ROXY: emotional thing and now ur back cus of a silly cat! and
ROXY: idk im confused haha
ROXY: rose what do you think
ROSE:
ROXY: rose
ROSE:
ROXY: yo rose...
ROXY: hello?
ROSE: THIS IS SO STUPID!!!

05/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ROSE: I'm sorry! I can't sit here and pretend to take this seriously!
DAVE: rose
DAVE: you ok
ROSE: I guess so???
ROSE: Yes. I'm FINE! This is just SO DUMB!
ROSE: My powers let me see fortuitous outcomes, but I didn't see this coming AT ALL.
ROSE: It doesn't register as fortuitous or otherwise. You know why?
ROSE: Because it's COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS!
ROSE: HAHAHAHAHA!
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: sure
DAVE: i thought so too when bird dave happened
DAVE: but that turned out to be like
DAVE: a whole thing
DAVE: and important stuff happened as a result... kinda
ROSE: NO!!!!!
ROSE: THIS ISN'T LIKE THAT!
ROSE: Trust me, Dave. I'm not grasping at straws here.
ROSE: My abilities tend not to leave such things to speculation.
ROSE: This development makes absolutely NO SENSE!
ROSE: Not for us as a group, and DEFINITELY not for me personally, or HER for that matter!!!
ROSE: How could this possibly mean ANYTHING for my growth or personal development in ANY WAY?
ROSE: This almost makes it official.
ROSE: I have no comprehensible path. There's nothing to overcome, no lesson to learn, no cathartic light at the end of this preposterous tunnel.
ROSE: Not for me, at least!
ROSE: I seriously have the DUMBEST arc anyone could conceivably imagine.
DAVE: rose we dont have fuckin "arcs" we are just human beings

05/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: How's it going over there?
KANAYA: I Told Them I Would Leave Them Alone And Go Talk To Some Trolls
KANAYA: I Guess This Troll Over Here Will Have To Do
VRISKA: Happy to 8e of service.
VRISKA: Man, look at them. They all seem so excited.
VRISKA: Like a 8unch of wigglers hopped up on high fructose gru8 sauce.
VRISKA: I hope they don't crash from this reunion 8uzz too hard 8efore it's showtime.
KANAYA: If They Do I Am Sure One Of Your Contingency Plans Will Swing Into Full Effect
KANAYA: Maybe You Can Buy Time For Everyone To Recover By Lulling Our Adversaries Into An Extensive Strategy Session
VRISKA: Hey Maryam, why don't you can it!
VRISKA: Our sassy little games of one upsmanship are fun and all, 8ut I'm trying to 8e sincere here.
VRISKA: You know, seeing as this is the last time I'll see you all in a while.
KANAYA: Youre Right Sorry
KANAYA: Bring On The Sincerity
VRISKA: I was just saying, a8out the humans.
VRISKA: They seem so happy.
VRISKA: I mean, look at Rose!
VRISKA: No offense, 8ut most of the time she's kind of a pill.
KANAYA: None Taken And Me Too Probably
VRISKA: Good point.
VRISKA: 8ut I don't think I've ever seen her like that. 8y which I mean, making no discerni8le effort whatsoever to disguise the fact that she's happy.
VRISKA: Well, ok. May8e there were a couple times.
KANAYA: Is That In Reference To How You Like To Flagrantly Spy On Us Sometimes
VRISKA: I don't "spy" on you!
VRISKA: That is such an unfair characteriz8tion.
VRISKA: Would you can it with that shit already??
KANAYA: Ill Never Understand Your Ongoing And Apparently Unironic Use Of The Phrase "Can It"
KANAYA: And In Particular Why You Always Seem To Direct This Expression To Me And Seemingly No One Else
KANAYA: I Just Think It Is Such A Peculiar And Amusing Way To Tell Someone To Be Quiet
VRISKA: What! Why?
VRISKA: No, that's a normal way of putting it!
VRISKA: I mean... it's a pretty normal thing to say, right? When you want... someone... to pipe down?
KANAYA: "Pipe Down" Isnt Even Much Better
KANAYA: Its Just A Funny Thing To Say And The Fact That You Dont Realize It Makes It Funnier
KANAYA: I Think The Underlying Explanation Is That You Are Just Funnier That You Realize Or Try To Be
KANAYA: It Is Something To Like About You
VRISKA: I guess I'll have to accept your sass as a compliment then.
VRISKA: And no, I don't SPY on you. I just...
VRISKA: Check in with you sometimes! To see how you're doing.
KANAYA: Okay If Thats How You Want To Put It
KANAYA: You Involve Yourself In Many Private Matters Without Even Offering The Pretense Of Doing Otherwise
KANAYA: To Think That At One Point I Was Regarded As The Meddlesome One
VRISKA: Look, it just so happens that I care very deeply for all my friends and want to make sure they're doing alright on a somewhat regular 8asis.
VRISKA: Is that a crime??
KANAYA: In Some Societies Violating The Privacy Of Others In Certain Ways Yes I Believe So
KANAYA: I Understand Your Motives Though And Really This Is Just Me Giving You A Hard Time
VRISKA: I never got why everyone treats their romantic affairs as so PRIV8.
VRISKA: What's the 8ig deal. So you like to do some smooching and stuff with another person. May8e get over yourselves??
VRISKA: Karkat is the worst offender. You'd think he was charged with guarding st8 secrets. News flash, 8uddy. No8ody gives a fuck!
KANAYA: It Sounds Like You Very Much Give A Fuck Though
VRISKA: Hey, why don't you can... I mean, cut me some slack?
VRISKA: I don't hold anyone to standards I don't hold myself to.
VRISKA: I'm very open a8out my rel8tionships! My moirallegience with Terezi? Pff. Ask me anything! I have nothing to hide.
VRISKA: We'll throw our diamonds up in your face like we're making a getaway.
VRISKA: We don't even give a fuck. If you can't take the stench, then get out of the meal 8lock.
VRISKA: Same with any ashen liaisons I've 8een involved with over the years. What's the 8ig deal?
KANAYA: I Have To Admit To Being Impressed With Your Uh
KANAYA: Strangely Natural Proficiency With Auspisticism
KANAYA: It Is An Incredibly Difficult Quadrant To Master And Very Emotionally Taxing I Find
KANAYA: In A Way That Conflicts With The Pursuit Of Relationships In Other Quadrants
KANAYA: I Cant Ignore That During Our Trip You Probably Diffused A Lot Of Unpleasant Situations Before They Started
KANAYA: But When It Comes To Matters Of Privacy And Such
KANAYA: And Which Forms Of Expression People Feel At Ease Showing In Public
KANAYA: Pale Relationships Are Really Different I Think
KANAYA: What About The Other Kind
KANAYA: Seems To Me You Have Not Been Involved In Any So Im Not Sure You Really Understand
VRISKA: I just don't have time for anything like that in my life right now!
VRISKA: Red and 8lack rel8tionships are so a8sor8ing. I have a strong pale rel8tionship which is very important to me, 8ut that's a8out all I can handle.
VRISKA: May8e l8ter on when the dust settles from this crazy adventure, I'll consider it. 8ut for now, this is all I can deal with.
VRISKA: I just have too many irons in the fire, you know?
KANAYA: I Know All About The Irons
KANAYA: I Have Heard Rumors Of This Alleged Fire As Well
VRISKA: So what are they talking a8out?
KANAYA: What
VRISKA: All your 8uddies over there!
VRISKA: We were still talking a8out that. It's ridiculous how easily we all get sidetracked 8y romantic 8lither.
KANAYA: Oh
KANAYA: "Family" Stuff Mainly
VRISKA: It's pretty fascin8ting. Sociologically speaking, I mean.
VRISKA: Their idea of families.
VRISKA: The idea of si8lings is strange enough. People who are genetically similar and grow up together.
VRISKA: Spending all that time with Dave and Rose, you started getting a sense for it. Like, the logic of it, how it must have shaped Earth society. 8ut also its inherent ridiculousness.
VRISKA: Sharing a residence with your near-clone while growing up? So preposterous.
VRISKA: 8ut then you add the idea of parents, and suddenly it's complete madness.
VRISKA: Our society was so individualistic, and that all seemed so normal and reasona8le.
VRISKA: So I look over there, and see two Lalondes and a Strider, and there's a whole OTHER Strider on the way, and...
VRISKA: A human family starts striking me as not so much a social unit, so much as like, an INFEST8TION.
KANAYA: Yeah
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: I Will Say An Entire Other Strider Does Sound Like A Bit Much
KANAYA: On Top Of What Is Already Quite A Spectacle
KANAYA: Maybe We Just Dont Get It
VRISKA: Of course we don't. That's my point.
VRISKA: I mean, we have ancestors, 8ut under normal circumstances it's pretty much UNHEARD of to imagine you'd ever get the chance to meet them.
VRISKA: We had the unusual privilege of meeting most of ours, or at least, certain versions of them.
VRISKA: 8ut that's still just a one-person lineage. It's really simple and comprehensi8le.
VRISKA: Human lineage is just a huge clusterfuck if you ask me.
KANAYA: There Is A Certain Advantage To It Though
KANAYA: Their Decentralized Propagation Makes It A Lot More Likely Their Race Will Persist
KANAYA: The Same Cannot Be Said For Ours
KANAYA: I Still Often Wonder If We Are The Last Of Our Kind
VRISKA: You're still dou8tful a8out whether you can hatch a new mother gru8?
KANAYA: Yeah
KANAYA: More Than Doubtful Id Say
VRISKA: You shouldn't lose faith!
VRISKA: I'm not even the slightest 8it worried a8out whether you can do it.
VRISKA: When you get the chance, just 8rainstorm a8out it with the Lalondes. They tend to 8e full of ideas.
VRISKA: Anyway, try not to get down a8out it. I have a good feeling. ::::)
KARKAT: GET DOWN ABOUT WHAT
KANAYA: A Particular Obligation I Have Yet To Fulfill
KANAYA: I Sense She Possesses Some Intelligence On The Matter She Wishes To Be Cagey About So I Guess That Part Of The Conversation Has Been Concluded
KARKAT: OBLIGATION?
KARKAT: VRISKA, HAVE YOU BEEN DISHING MORE DIRT ON OUR STRATEGY BEFORE FORMALLY BRINGING OUR MEETING BACK TO ORDER?
KARKAT: PRETTY SLOPPY LEADERSHIP MOVE, IF YOU ASK ME.
VRISKA: Karkat, it had NOTHING to do with your and Kanaya's upcoming roles in this campaign.
VRISKA: It was a more priv8 matter pertaining to Kanaya's 8roader significance to the future of our people.
VRISKA: I will 8e very clearly spelling out the roles you and she will 8e playing momentarily.
KARKAT: ME AND SHE??
KARKAT: AS IN LIKE, TOGETHER?
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING TOGETHER.
VRISKA: You'll find out.
KARKAT: GREAT! I'M SO GLAD.
KARKAT: AT THIS POINT, I ONLY EVER FEEL ANGST OR EVEN THE SLIGHTEST SENSE OF AGITATION IN MY SOUL TO THE PRECISE EXTENT THAT I WORRY VRISKA *MIGHT* NOT HAVE ALL OF OUR FORTUNES COMPLETELY MAPPED OUT ALREADY.
KARKAT: I'M BEGINNING TO HYPERVENTILATE SLIGHTLY LESS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
VRISKA: Good to hear, Karkat. Almost as cool as it is to see you yelled yourself out with John and Dave already, and have decided to come clock in some yelling time with us.
VRISKA: Your a8ility to dig deep down and find a second wind is really quite astonishing. I shudder to think what would happen to this party if we ran out of its most precious natural resource.
KARKAT: HAHAHA!
KARKAT: BURNED. OWNED. DEVASTATED. WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY?
KARKAT: NOTHING REALLY, UNLESS YOU WANT WHATEVER PITIFUL TATTERS OF YOUR SELF IMAGE YOU HAVE LEFT TO GET POWER-PISSED ON BY GODQUEEN SERKET HERSELF, YET AGAIN.
KARKAT: EITHER THAT, OR ONE COULD RUMINATE FONDLY OVER THE HEAVENLY RET-FORKED REALITY WHEREIN SHE WAS STABBED IN THE BACK BY HER MOIRAIL, AND WE ALL GOT TO LIVE OUT THE *FUCKING BLISS* THAT TIMELINE MUST HAVE BEEN.
KARKAT: JUST THINK OF THE PEACE AND QUIET WE WOULD HAVE HAD ON THE METEOR! IT WAS PROBABLY *MORE* THAN WORTH THE PRICE OF CANNON BALLING ASS FIRST INTO SOME SORT OF MASSACRE TRAP.
KARKAT: VRISKA SERKET, MAKING THE LIVING ENVY THE HYPOTHETICAL DEAD SINCE... WHENEVER IT WAS SHE STARTED DOING THAT!
VRISKA: Way to stick the landing on that 8ar8, genius.
VRISKA: I appreci8te that you are just "moseying over" to ar8itrarily drum up some utterly meaningless contention 8etween us, 8ut it's like I've said 8efore many times, Karkat. I'm not interested!
KARKAT: OUCH! SLAUGHTERED AGAIN. "HEHEHE!"
KARKAT: DON'T LISTEN TO HER, KANAYA. IT'S LIKE THIS RUNNING GAG SHE DOES ALL THE TIME, TO OWN ME.
KANAYA: What
KARKAT: IT'S THIS FUNNY THING WE DO. OR MAINLY, SHE DOES.
KARKAT: ALWAYS IMPLYING THAT I'VE BEEN SPADES-CRUSHING ON HER, AND GETTING SHUT DOWN. IT NEVER STOPS BEING HILARIOUS!
KANAYA: ...
KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL, AS IF SHE CAN PROVE ANYTHING.
KARKAT: SECOND, IF WE'RE BEING *TOTALLY FAIR* HERE, MORE THAN A FEW OF HER SNAPPY COMEBACKS ARE ARGUABLY MORE TINGED WITH THAT SORT OF EYEBROW-COCKING HOSTILITY THAN ANYTHING *I'VE* EVER SAID TO HER.
KARKAT: MAYBE MAKES ONE A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS, NO? THAT MAYBE THERE'S SOME PROJECTION GOING ON HERE. JUST SAYING!!!
VRISKA: Alright Karkat, I'm going to leave you here to dig yourself into whatever em8arrassing hole you seem intent on digging.
VRISKA: I'm going to keep working the crowd a 8it. As you know, a leader's jo8 is never done! See ya.

05/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: BYE! MAYBE TRY ACTING A LITTLE MORE GRACIOUS IN DEFEAT NEXT TIME.
KARKAT: JUST A LITTLE ADVICE FROM ONE LEADER TO ANOTHER!
KANAYA: Shes Gone I Think You Needed To Come Up With That Comeback A Little Faster
KARKAT: YEAH
KARKAT: DAMN
KANAYA: I Think As A Friend It Would Behoove Me To Um
KANAYA: Confide Somewhat
KANAYA: About The Realities Of Pursuing Anything With Her
KARKAT: WAIT
KARKAT: WHAT??
KARKAT: KANAYA, YOU WEREN'T TAKING THAT PATHETIC JOKEY UNREQUITED BLACKROM STUFF SERIOUSLY, WERE YOU???
KANAYA: Lets Imagine That My Attitude Toward The Joking Or Non Joking Status Of That Is Perfectly Neutral
KANAYA: While I Just Say These Things
KANAYA: Aside From The Fact That She Literally Just Got Finished Telling Me She Wasnt Interested In Any Non Pale Relationships
KANAYA: I Think That Would Be A Blind Alley Regardless
KANAYA: I Admit This From Experience
KANAYA: And Not Without Chagrined Hesitation
KANAYA: But Only Frustration And Heartbreak Are Down That Road
KARKAT: OH??
KANAYA: Shes Turned Out To Be A Tremendous Partner In Pale Relationships
KANAYA: Maybe Even Um
KANAYA: A Bit Freakishly So?
KANAYA: But Anything Stronger Than That I Think Would Probably Be Disastrous
KANAYA: She Is Way Too Focused And Self Absorbed To Maintain Such Strong Feelings For Long
KANAYA: She Would Need To Learn To Let Go Of Some Of Her Ambition And Figure Out How To Prioritize The Feelings Of Other People
KANAYA: She Might Even Figure Out How To Be
KANAYA: Happy
KANAYA: *Shudder*
KARKAT: YEAH, WOW
KARKAT: A CHILL JUST RAN UP MY POSTURE POLE, TRYING TO IMAGINE THAT.
KARKAT: YOU KNOW...
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE EVER TOLD YOU.
KARKAT: BUT YOU HAVE A REALLY IMPRESSIVE GRASP OVER ROMANTIC ANALYSIS.
KANAYA: Well I Have Read A Lot Of Novels Too
KANAYA: I Just Dont Brag Much About It
KANAYA: Because It Would...
KANAYA: Literally Be Preposterous To Do So
KARKAT: WE SHOULD BE JAMMING ON THIS SUBJECT MORE. MAYBE EXPLORE SOME OF MY MORE ADVANCED THEORIES.
KARKAT: WE'RE SURROUNDED BY AMATEURS IN THIS FIELD, SO IT GETS A BIT FRUSTRATING.
KARKAT: WELL, THE MAYOR'S A GOOD SOUNDING BOARD AT LEAST. WHEN I WANT TO BOUNCE SOME OF MY MORE "OUT THERE" IDEAS OFF SOMEONE.
KANAYA: Why Dont We Schedule An Academic Conference Some Time
KANAYA: Just You Me And The Mayor
KARKAT: OH FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

05/10/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hey am i interrupting anything
VRISKA: Hey, Dave. No, Arquius and I were just exchanging some notes 8efore I 8ring the meeting to order again.
DAVE: ok i just thought i would
DAVE: saunter over here
DAVE: things are getting pretty lalonde heavy over there
VRISKA: It really is an awful lot of fucking Lalondes, isn't it.
DAVE: two was ok or actually cool even but this
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: time to see whats up over here
DAVE: how is it going there broquiusprite
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nearly finished radically downgrading crocker here
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I then plan on mourning the complete restoration of her woeful inferiority with a moment of silent, subtle fle%ing
DAVE: ok that was some weird stuff to say
DAVE: but cool
DAVE: soooo
DAVE: you are
DAVE: some sort of freak right
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes
DAVE: ok good to know
DAVE: its like
DAVE: talking to someone who is half my bro...
DAVE: but then not even really?
DAVE: the bro half is half AI or something??
DAVE: so maybe one quarter bro
DAVE: but then maybe even less because like alt-universe considerations and also part sprite
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am notorious for being <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_fucking.gif" border="0" /> sensational at mathemati%, but I don't think I could break it down for you without lying about the precision of my figures
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Which is a practice I am by no means above, mind you
DAVE: yeah the bottom line is i can tell youre just a really watered down version
DAVE: or maybe
DAVE: sweated down
DAVE: why the fuck are you so sweaty
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm not
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I toweled off less than a minute ago
DAVE: oh god
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Sir Dave, there's much we could talk about, en route to wa%ing HARD sentimental about our dubiously shared fraternal past
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The fact that I will not shouldn't be mistaken for preoccupation with this delicate cybertask, which is trivial to me since my mind is a faultless silicon mesh of living algorithmic perfe%ion
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Neighther should it be ascribed to the fact that my troll hemidentity finds the notion of a reunion with you to be boring as a fiddling fruit
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It is manely that such a bonding e%perience strikes me as an endeavor falling outside my totally ripped and kicktuchus purview
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Brothertimes with Real Dave would best be left to the custody of Real Dirk, not to mention someone who gives at least greater than half a stupid shoot about you
VRISKA: (Swoon.)
DAVE: you know
DAVE: im kinda glad you sound this insane and for the most part barely understandable
DAVE: it makes it extra obvious you arent my legit bro
DAVE: which means i can actually talk to you while only being like vaguely confused and unsettled instead of curling up into a ball and having some sort of social conniption
DAVE: speaking of which
DAVE: uh
DAVE: when is he supposed to get here btw
VRISKA: Relax, Dave.
VRISKA: He's scheduled to arrive around the same time as all the other 8ad guys.
VRISKA: You still have time.
VRISKA: I could have expedited his arrival, 8ut I knew that meeting him was going to 8e a 8ig deal for you, so I decided to let you have some space while we made some plans.
VRISKA: See? I'm always thinking a8out what's good for you guys, and what's 8est for the overall strategy.
VRISKA: Keeping everyone in high spirits is important!
DAVE: what do you mean
DAVE: 'expedited'
VRISKA: Never mind that.
VRISKA: Just chill out!
DAVE: alright
DAVE: so as long as im supposedly chillin and in no way wondering about my bro
DAVE: are you SURE there are no beverages in that fridge
DAVE: no aj or
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It's a blind alley, brother dawg
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I already asked if she had milk in there once, plus another nine redundant times after that
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I also asked if she would like to touch my muscles
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> The answers were ten no's and one yes
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That reminds me dave
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Would you like to touch my muscles?
DAVE: maybe later
DAVE: so youre sure theres nothin to drink in there
VRISKA: Yes, Dave.
DAVE: dunno why im so insistent
DAVE: not like my fridge ever had anything comestible inside
DAVE: why the fuck did you even bring it
VRISKA: Don't worry about it.
DAVE: oh come on
TEREZI: G4MZ33'S 1N TH3R3
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
DAVE: oh right
DAVE: somehow i forgot that we literally just established that you had gamzee locked in there for some reason
DAVE: you sure we shouldnt maybe
DAVE: let him out
TEREZI: >:\
DAVE: he could suffocate in there
TEREZI: H3'LL JUST R3V1V3
TEREZI: GOD T13R STYL3, R1GHT?
DAVE: hes not a fuckin god tier
DAVE: hes faking it he just made that fuckin suit from scratch or something
DAVE: i know hes complete trash but maybe we should just let him out
DAVE: whats the harm its not like he can cause much trouble
DAVE: we all way outnumber him and have way more powers and shit
TEREZI: UM...
VRISKA: No.

05/10/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Oh, wow. No.
VRISKA: We will not ever 8e hearing from him again. No.
VRISKA: Never, never, never again. Never.
VRISKA: Wow.

05/10/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: so youre just gonna let him suffocate in there then
VRISKA: Dave, give me a little more credit than that.
VRISKA: Gamzee is supposedly relevant to some stuff that's going to happen in the new universe.
VRISKA: He's still got some "plot armor" or some shit.
VRISKA: So when Earth is resitu8ted, I'm just going to drop the fridge in the fucking ocean or something, and let him find his own way out.
DAVE: ok thats fair
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: firm
DAVE: but fair
DAVE: well maybe not that fair but i guess i dont care
DAVE: so is johns hot mom awake yet?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> No
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: not hot mom
DAVE: just mom
DAVE: damn
DAVE: did anyone hear that
TEREZI: Y3S
DAVE: shit
DAVE: lets reboot all trains of thought starting now
DAVE: how much longer til his hot moms awake
DAVE: mom
DAVE: i mean his
DAVE: not mine
DAVE: his mom not my hot mom
DAVE: my mom i mean
DAVE: fucking hell
DAVE: not my mom his
DAVE: johns hot mom
DAVE: JESUS
VRISKA: Sigh.
VRISKA: The Strider Express is off the rails again, so I'm going to duck out of this convers8tion.
VRISKA: See you every8ody.
DAVE: no vriska dont go
DAVE: at least do me the solid of letting me land squarely on some phrases that allow some plausible deniability over whether i think johns mom is super fucking hot
DAVE: shit wait
DAVE: pretend i didnt say that while still rendering its meaning in your mind somehow
DAVE: vriskas gone im not even talking to anyone
TEREZI: D4V3
TEREZI: FORG1V3 M3 1F 1 4M M1SS1NG SOM3 NU4NC3 H3R3
TEREZI: BUT 1T SOUNDS TO M3
TEREZI: 4S 1F YOU B3L13V3 JOHN'S MOTH3R 1S PHYS1C4LLY 4TTR4CT1V3
DAVE: ok now youre just twisting my words around
TEREZI: WH4T WOULD JOHN TH1NK??
DAVE: ok thats an interesting thought but hear me out
DAVE: what if
DAVE: we ran an experiment and spent the rest of our lives finding out what happened if we never told him
TEREZI: 1 W1LL CONS1D3R YOUR R3QU3ST FOR S3CR3CY
TEREZI: M4YB3
TEREZI: FR4NKLY, 1 4M NOT SUR3 SH3 1S 4NYTH1NG TO WR1T3 HOM3 4BOUT
DAVE: what oh what the fuck
DAVE: are you on the idiot drugs today
DAVE: how could you possibly be serious about that
DAVE: how is this unconscious teen grandmother not a completely smokin babe
TEREZI: 1 GU3SS SH3 1S NOT MY CONT41N3R OF SC4LD1NG L34F FLU1D
DAVE: no i dont even believe you
DAVE: youre obviously just trying to rile me up by going against the grain of fragrantly obvious babefacts
ROSE: Is Dave saying inappropriate things about John's mother over there?
DAVE: no!
DAVE: im not saying anything
DAVE: just standard casual observations from a regular bystanding person
TEREZI: H3 K33PS C4LL1NG H3R HOT
DAVE: wow
DAVE: wow
DAVE: peddle LIES much?
DAVE: i guess reprehensible dishonesty is all the rage with the troll kids today
ROXY: wait wats goin on
ROXY: are we all talkin about how hot jane is???
DAVE: no!
DAVE: maybe
ROXY: cuz janey is a straightup sexual fox riding a red hot nuclear bombshell
ROXY: right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of babe city, assachusetts, U S A
ROXY: the last A just stands for more ass
DAVE: THANK you
DAVE: for
DAVE: defending the position i may or may not have been arguing for moments ago
ROSE: No comment.
JOHN: hey, are you guys talking about me?
JOHN: what's going on!
DAVE: NOPE
ROXY: lmao
TEREZI: D4V3 TH1NKS YOUR MOM 1S HOT
JOHN: what!!
DAVE: god DAMMIT terezi

05/11/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey!
JOHN: mr. jake harley i presume?
JAKE: No...?
JAKE: Its english actually.
JAKE: Twas my grandmas surname.
JOHN: oh. my mistake!
JOHN: so then, is it just a coincidence that she had the same name as an invincible super villain?
JOHN: are coincidences even real??
JAKE: I dunno.
JAKE: The history is a little murky to me.
JAKE: I heard she took the name from a nasty fellow to spite a wicked baroness.
JOHN: ok.
JOHN: good to know!
JOHN: it's been interesting to learn how even though we are all pretty similar, we all had a lot of really different life details.
JAKE: I guess so.
JOHN: like, there are all these things i take for granted about jade's childhood, which in theory is similar to yours.
JOHN: but not really... she had a super powerful dog you didn't have. and also a grandpa you couldn't have had, because... that was grown up you!
JOHN: i'd be really curious to hear about all the differences in your life some time, if you don't mind.
JAKE: Sure.
JOHN: hell, i'd be REALLY curious to hear about the differences in my alt-life, so to speak.
JOHN: but jane is asleep!
JOHN: i'm guessing she grew up in a similar situation i did, but with... a bunch of differences???
JOHN: guess i'll just have to wait!
JAKE: Well...
JAKE: She was a good friend.
JAKE: I know lots of stuff about her life.
JAKE: What do you want to know?
JOHN: oh! hmm.
JOHN: let's see.
JOHN: so i was her grandpa, instead of her being my nanna?
JOHN: i'm not sure if that statement made sense, but you know what i mean.
JAKE: Yeah she had a poppop.
JAKE: He was a really funny and beloved old time comedian so i guess that is the guy you grew up to be.
JOHN: cool!
JOHN: i never knew my nanna growing up, except as an urn of ashes above the fireplace.
JOHN: i only met her as a sprite.
JOHN: was i dead? or... was he?
JAKE: Yep but he wasnt ashes they had a different way of preserving him which i think was arguably more dignified.
JOHN: how?
JAKE: Have you seen weekend at bernies?
JOHN: no.
JOHN: i've heard of it though!
JAKE: Oh man you HAVE to see it!
JAKE: Its about a couple of knuckleheads who parade around with a funny corpse trying to pass him off as a living friend and good time charlie over a series of escapades.
JOHN: sounds incredible.
JAKE: I still have it if you want to see it some time.
JOHN: definitely!
JOHN: so you like movies?
JAKE: DO i?????
JOHN: haha, i love movies too.
JOHN: there are a whole bunch i'd want to show you, assuming you haven't seen them already.
JOHN: i love talking about them with people! i think my friends usually just humored me about the movies i liked, but i have a feeling you'd really dig them!
JAKE: Oh i GUARANTEE you i would.
JOHN: awesome, i can't wait to show you some.
JOHN: so... that means jane had an old man corpse version of me around somewhere? like in her house?
JAKE: Yes.
JOHN: ok, that sounds pretty preposterous to me...
JOHN: but i guess she must have grown up thinking it was normal.
JAKE: Not... really. She was always pretty put off by it to be honest.
JOHN: heheh. poor jane.
JOHN: i'll have to apologize to her for freaking her out from beyond the grave.
JOHN: what was her life like otherwise?
JAKE: Pretty typical id say.
JAKE: She always characterized it as boring.
JAKE: But i never agreed really she got to live on the main land with access to all kinds of things i didnt have.
JAKE: Plus she lived with a cool and manly father who cared about her a lot and seemed like a standup gent.
JOHN: oh, she lived with her dad too?
JOHN: do you know anything about him?
JAKE: Not much other than what i just said and a few things she told me.
JAKE: I think he was stern and fatherly and dressed well if memory serves he was a private detective at one point.
JOHN: a private detective???
JOHN: wow.
JOHN: it sounds like he must have been a completely different kind of dad from the one i had.
JOHN: all these differences are so interesting... some are subtle, but some are drastic, like this one apparently is.
JOHN: it would be neat to meet him.
JOHN: i mean, not that it would be much of a substitute for getting to see my dad again, since they're totally different people, but...
JOHN: you know what i mean.
JOHN: do you know what happened to him?
JAKE: Im not sure i kinda lost track of him for a while...
JAKE: I think he might be in jail?
JOHN: jail??
JAKE: Yeah on derse.
JAKE: I THINK. I could be wrong though.
JOHN: i'll make a mental note to check on him some time soon.
JOHN: i bet jane would want to too, when she wakes up. i'll ask her about it.
JAKE: Good idea!

05/11/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: you know jake, at first you seemed pretty shy...
JOHN: but you don't really seem that way at all now?
JOHN: you just strike me as a nice regular dude who likes movies and stuff.
JOHN: i'm glad we are getting a chance to talk!
JAKE: Yeah me too!
JAKE: Ive been feeling way out of sorts since i got sprung from the big house and dragged along to this here frog stage to suddenly bump gums with WAY too many people...
JAKE: But you are really good company john and you know how to make a guy feel at ease.
JOHN: heh, yeah, it is a lot of people.
JOHN: i'm having trouble keeping track of everyone myself!
JAKE: They all seem like decent folk and all but...
JAKE: I guess everyones catching me at a bad time.
JAKE: This wasnt how i pictured things going at all.
JOHN: how were you picturing it?
JAKE: Naively i suppose.
JAKE: Its not that i was expecting differently of anyone else...
JAKE: More that i had spurious visions of my own conduct.
JAKE: Remember the letter i sent you?
JOHN: yes.
JAKE: All the excitement and swagger you heard from me in those words...
JAKE: Thats the man i thought id be when you met me.
JAKE: A man of action and gumption... hell when i wrote that i thought by now maybe people would even have come to see me as a leader!
JAKE: What a laugh.
JAKE: I turned out to be such a disappointment to myself and everyone else.
JAKE: The bravado in that letter was fake ive realized lately.
JAKE: Ive realized a lot of things.
JAKE: That i could never be a leader or a people person or probably ever have a quality relationship with someone.
JAKE: So its hard to get up a lot of moxie for a big moment like this even though im as excited about it as everyone else.
JAKE: Tavrosprite already tried cheering me up and hes nice but i dont think it worked.
JAKE: Like by saying maybe all that stuff ISNT true and maybe im actually really great in all the ways i dont think i am?
JAKE: Its a nice thought but also it weirdly just doesnt make me feel any better.
JAKE: John you seem like the kind of guy who likes trying to cheer up a pal so i guess...
JAKE: I guess just so you know someone already tried telling me i was wrong and it didnt work.
JOHN: i don't think you're wrong though!
JOHN: well, i don't know.
JOHN: we just met! what could i know about you other than what you tell me?
JOHN: i believe you about all that.
JOHN: really, it just sounds to me like you are going through a lot of changes.
JOHN: changes are good!
JOHN: especially if you understand that's what's happening to you.
JOHN: i think that's how we grow and stuff.
JOHN: i think i've changed in a lot of ways.
JOHN: some ways that weren't easy.
JAKE: Yeah?
JOHN: sure!
JOHN: so you're realizing you like being by yourself, it sounds like.
JOHN: big deal!
JOHN: i like being alone a lot of times too. it helps me think.
JOHN: if that's who you are, there's nothing wrong with that.
JOHN: jade's grandpa liked being by himself too.
JOHN: so much so, that he moved to an island as far away from civilization as possible.
JOHN: but he still did adventurous stuff and was super successful and also raised a cool grand daughter, who was actually his daughter, and i guess also yours.
JAKE: Huh.
JAKE: Yes i guess youre right.
JOHN: and if nothing else...
JOHN: at least you have a cool costume.
JAKE: You...
JAKE: You really like it?
JOHN: hell yes!
JAKE: Wow thanks.
JAKE: Sometimes i worry that i might look a little silly.
JAKE: And feel kind of... exposed maybe?
JAKE: Like im on sexy display or such and people dont see me as a person.
JOHN: i wouldn't worry about that.
JOHN: i love the god tier pajamas, and yours are badass.
JOHN: you look like a super hero!
JAKE: Really???
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: well...
JOHN: maybe a plucky side kick, at LEAST.
JAKE: Heheheheh.
JOHN: side kicks are really under rated anyway.
JOHN: i think in some cases they might be the real stars.
JOHN: like, you know bat man?
JOHN: truth be told, i think he might just be some kind of gallivanting idiot.
JOHN: he's got all the money and skills in the world, and what does he do?
JOHN: he buys a fancy car to drive around in, then jumps out and starts punching crooks with his bare hands.
JOHN: then, when he gets horn swoggled by a wily clown with NO powers, and a LOT less money, who has to bail him out?
JOHN: his side kick of course.
JAKE: Yeah youre right!
JOHN: what is bat man even trying to prove? being all serious and "cool" looking.
JOHN: his side kick looks like he has a lot more fun, and smacks of confidence and self assurance, trotting around in his underpants.
JOHN: bat man probably doesn't even care much about stopping crime, it's more about walloping thugs and getting to feel cool.
JOHN: if he really cared about stopping bad guys, he'd probably use his fancy money to buy guns, and at LEAST show the criminals he's packing, to make them scared, if not surrender outright.
JOHN: i bet his side kick probably just has to wait for bat man to bungle things up with his stupid karate, and when he gets in trouble, the side kick just guns down all the crooks from a safe distance like a sensible person.
JAKE: Well i do love guns!!!
JAKE: ALSO fisticuffs.
JOHN: see? there you go.
JOHN: you're better than bat man already.
KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER)
KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER)
JOHN: hold on...
JOHN: shh, listen.
JAKE: ...
KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER mayor)
KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER can town?)
KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER but where? WHISPER WHISPER earth WHISPER)
KARKAT: (WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER to scale?? don't see how WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER)
KARKAT: (if you're really going WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER build WHISPER WHISPER)
JOHN: (ha ha.)
JOHN: (he's talking to the mayor again.)
JAKE: (so it seems.)
JAKE: (they really appear to have quite the rapport.)
JOHN: (i just love how he talks to the mayor.)
JOHN: (it's like he made up this whole language.)
JOHN: (of like minimal talking and hand gestures.)
JOHN: (it's so cute!)
KARKAT: *AHEM*
KARKAT: EGBERT, WHAT THE FUCK.
KARKAT: WERE YOU EAVESDROPPING?!
JOHN: no!
KARKAT: THIS IS A FUCKING PRIVATE CONVERSATION.
KARKAT: STOP BEING RUDE GARBAGE.
JOHN: i wasn't eavesdropping...
JOHN: you just happened to be like... right there.
JOHN: and you're a really loud whisperer!
KARKAT: OH!!! OK THEN! HERE, HAVE AN EXCESSIVELY *QUIET* (shut the fuck up)
JOHN: sorry!
JOHN: go back to your cute mayor conference.
JOHN: we'll mind our own business.
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,
TAVROSPRITE: aaaCHOO!!!,
JOHN: oh man.
JOHN: what's going on now?
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,,,
JASPERSPRITE: Meow. :3
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOOOO!!!!!
TAVROSPRITE: wHY,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO,!
TAVROSPRITE: wHY, dOES YOUR LUSUS NEED,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO,!,,!
TAVROSPRITE: tO BE HERE,,,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!!!,
TAVROSPRITE: mY ALLERGIES, }:(
JOHN: jaspers??
JOHN: what are you...
JOHN: wait a minute.
JOHN: rose, is that you?!
JASPERSPRITE: Meeeeeow!
JOHN: oh my god.
JOHN: i turn my back for two seconds, and something stupid happens.
TAVROSPRITE: aaaaCHOO,!!!

05/11/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ok every8ody, time's up!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Wrap up your convers8tions. Our tactical meeting is officially 8ack in order!

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Alright, has everyone shut up yet?
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK SO
VRISKA: Gr8!
VRISKA: Let's not waste another second then. I'm diving right into this.
VRISKA: Everyone pay close attention, and try to keep up!
VRISKA: I'll start 8y descri8ing the exact n8ture of the threats we're dealing with, and go from there.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: According to intelligence gathered during our trip along with some reconnaissance work on arrival, this session has four, possi8ly five major adversaries.
VRISKA: The Condesce of course, and three Jack Noirs of varying levels of danger.
VRISKA: Plus, there's a female prospitian of equivalent power to the strongest Jack. She's sort of an x-factor.
VRISKA: It's hard to accur8tely gauge her threat level, 8ut I'm not a8out to take any chances.
VRISKA: All these threats are just outside the incipisphere, en route to the session as we speak.
VRISKA: Once they arrive, all hell will 8reak loose. That's when endgame is officially go.
VRISKA: You only have a couple hours to prepare, so you need to listen to every word I say.
VRISKA: Victory will depend on following my plan to the letter!

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: so.....
ROXY: wheres the condesce right now?
VRISKA: She's on Derse, preparing for the same critical convergence herself.
VRISKA: After our little prison raid caught her completely off guard, costing her some hostages and key points of leverage, we've essentially reached a temporary ceasefire 8y default while 8oth sides regroup.
VRISKA: This is not how she expected things would go.
VRISKA: We had the advantage of surprise that time, 8ut we won't 8e so lucky next time.
VRISKA: She's w8ting for the Jacks to get here just like we are.
VRISKA: Once they do, she'll instantly have the upper hand, and she knows this.
VRISKA: Her particular com8ination of a8ilities along with her supervillain-like cunning make her an EXTREMELY DANGEROUS part of this equation!
VRISKA: That's why we need a good strategy in place 8efore the shit hits the 8reeze 8lender.
DAVE: so in addition for waiting for way too many jacks to get here
DAVE: were also waiting for my bro too right
DAVE: who... gets here at the same time or...
VRISKA: Yes, the other Strider was 8anished to the periphery as well, and is in transit.
VRISKA: He'll arrive at the same time, give or take, and should 8e a gr8 tactical asset.
VRISKA: Sources tell me the dude is pretty good with a sword.
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That's me
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm the source
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I told her that, and it's true
VRISKA: Yes, thank you Arquius.
KANAYA: This Is Starting To Sound A Bit Complicated
KANAYA: How Are We Supposed To Keep Track Of All These Villains And Heroes Coming And Going When And Where
VRISKA: You're right, Kanaya.
VRISKA: At this point in the meeting, I think we could use some diagrams to help with the 8attleplans.
VRISKA: Karkat?
VRISKA: If you wouldn't mind.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY YOU PUT ME ON DRAWING DUTY.
KARKAT: I'M EASILY THE WORST ARTIST HERE.
KARKAT: AND IN A SETTING THAT INCLUDES DAVE, LET'S GET REAL. THAT'S NO SMALL FEAT.
VRISKA: I specifically assigned you to diagramming duty so that it would keep you occupied.
VRISKA: That way, you'd stand a chance of keeping your mouth shut while I talk strategy.
KARKAT: THAT'S WORKED OUT GREAT SO FAR, HASN'T IT?
KARKAT: WE'VE LOST HOW MANY STRATEGY-SECONDS TO ME COMPLAINING ABOUT DRAWING ALREADY??
VRISKA: Sure, 8ut I know that drawing requires a lot of concentr8tion from you.
VRISKA: Once you're in the zone, I expect you'll simmer down.
KARKAT: WOW, FUCK YOU!
KARKAT: YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, BUT FUCK YOU NEVERTHELESS!
KARKAT: WHERE THE SHIT IS MY ART PENCIL. I HAVE SOME DRAWING TO DO.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Let's run down the threat list, with a full de8riefing on each threat.
VRISKA: We'll start with the 8ig fish herself, the former empress of our world, Her Imperious Condescension.
VRISKA: The only reason we've 8een a8le to temporarily neutralize her stranglehold on this session is 8y taking two major pieces away from her, Harley and Crocker.
VRISKA: Rest assured, she's already scheming to reassert her dominance, and if it weren't for my intervention here, I'd 8et everything I had on the sea witch.
VRISKA: She's spent centuries upgrading her a8ilities which now include 8OTH kinds of telekinesis. The simpler variety more common to rust 8loods, and the nasty kind which sometimes yellow 8looded mutants have involving all the fucking eye lasers and shit.
VRISKA: If that weren't enough, she has a mix of telepathic a8ilities too, like mine, plus the animal communion kind more typical of 8rown 8loods.
TAVROSPRITE: lIKE ME!
VRISKA: Yes Tavros, like you.
VRISKA: This means she can hijack animals AND trolls, assuming they aren't particularly resistant to influence, like me o8viously.
VRISKA: Humans I'm guessing are still off limits to her influence, unless they've got some animal 8lood in them, which is what makes Jade such a dangerous element here.
VRISKA: One of the mission critical priorities is to make sure she stays asleep. If she ever wakes up, and the Condesce takes control again, that's pro8a8ly game over for you guys.
VRISKA: Jade's first guardian a8ilities make her too much to deal with on top of everything else.
VRISKA: It's also possi8le that the Condesce may have some sway over the prospitian and one of the Jacks 8ecause of their part-dog n8ture too.
VRISKA: It's hard to say what their level of resistance is, so I really can't 8e sure.
VRISKA: Strategically, it's 8est to err on the safe side though, and presume this could 8e an issue.
VRISKA: This is why taking on the Condesce has to 8e a HUGE PRIORITY!
VRISKA: Ideally, you should 8e trying to kill or disa8le her as quickly as possi8le.
VRISKA: 8ut if that's easier said than done, then what you need to do is keep her OCCUPIED!
VRISKA: Throw everything you have at her. Whatever crazy powers you've got.
VRISKA: Just keep her 8usy!
VRISKA: Distracted enough 8y a 8unch of pesky kids so she won't have time to get clever with her powers.
VRISKA: This is the 8est defense against the off-chance she might 8e a8le to sway the dog Jack and prospitian, AND a failsafe in case Jade wakes up for whatever reason.
VRISKA: When it comes to killing her, I don't have much to advise.
VRISKA: There's no intel on her weaknesses or anything like that. In fact, I'd 8et she doesnt have any.
VRISKA: Like any powerful endgame 8oss, you just have to keep hammering away at her until she's dead.
VRISKA: Nuff said!

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: This 8rings us to the Jacks.
VRISKA: To differenti8, I'll give them nicknames.
VRISKA: There's Dog Jack, Lord Jack, and Ro8o Jack.
VRISKA: Let's talk a8out them in order of threat level.
VRISKA: Karkat, I'm going to need another shitty drawing.
VRISKA: This time, of Dog Jack and his prospitian counterpart, please.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ah yes. I see you are intent on 8eing a wiggler a8out this, as we have all come to expect.
VRISKA: Whatever, I've 8een working within the confines of everyone's stupid limit8tions already, so I might as well work around yours as well.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: There, perfect.
VRISKA: Dog Jack is easily the most powerful adversary of the 8unch, in terms of pure physical capa8ility.
VRISKA: The Condesce has the edge in guile and flexi8ility, and Lord Jack has a ton of offensive power too...
VRISKA: 8ut there's nothing quite like the first guardian a8ilities to give someone an overwhelming tactical advantage.
VRISKA: The a8ility to teleport anywhere in the session any time, or ANYONE anywhere any time, while having access to an inexhausti8le power supply from the green sun really makes it no contest, even against an otherwise awesome com8atant.
VRISKA: If it were just him you had to deal with, I wouldn't like your odds, honestly.
VRISKA: 8ut luckily for us, there's a major factor here which should mostly neutralize him during this huge melee, which is the prospitian.
VRISKA: Power-wise, she's a precisely even match for him.
VRISKA: And 8etter yet, she apparently can't stand the guy.
VRISKA: I still don't know what her real motives are, 8ut you know what they say. Enemy of my enemy and all.
VRISKA: So I say let her have at him, and if the opportunity presents itself, help her defeat him.
VRISKA: I will also give this 8it of advice.
VRISKA: If Jade ever wakes up, AND THE CONDESCE IS SUFFICIENTLY PREOCCUPIED, make sure Jade goes nowhere near the Condesce, and sic her on Dog Jack.
VRISKA: She's the only one here who's a8ilities are on par with his, so that's where they're 8est applied.
VRISKA: Got it? Good.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Next, Lord Jack.
VRISKA: Karkat?

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: HOW DOES THIS LOOK?
VRISKA: Gr8!
VRISKA: I think I can work with this.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ah yes. Another true work of art has 8een made here today.
VRISKA: Anyway, this ugly customer you see here?
VRISKA: This is the Jack n8tive to the session we're in now.
VRISKA: Somehow he got possessed 8y, or like, INFUSED with...? Lord English's crazy, ridiculously destructive magical energy.
VRISKA: I have no idea why or how this happened, how it's theoretically even possi8le, or why we should actually care.
VRISKA: The fact of the matter is, it happened, and now we have to deal with this hideous rain8ow-eyed monstrosity.
VRISKA: Given what I have learned a8out Lord English's a8ilities, this will make his attacks quite lethal, and he will 8e EXTREMELY difficult to kill.
VRISKA: In fact, that fucking rain8ow energy might just give him the highest constitution ranking of any adversary, possi8ly making him the toughest one here to actually kill off.
VRISKA: The only reason he's not at Dog Tier threat level is 8ecause, for all his power, at least it's localized to wherever he happens to 8e.
VRISKA: He's a8out as slow as any of us lowly non-omnipotents.
VRISKA: He's not quite as relevant to keep occupied, or even to defeat, as the Condesce herself.
VRISKA: 8ut he's still going to 8e HUGE TROU8LE when he gets here.
VRISKA: You're going to need to stick some really good fighters on him.
VRISKA: My advice is also to SERIOUSLY prepare for casualties during that fight.
VRISKA: As the group's chief healer, Jane is going to need rapid access to the multiple fronts of this 8attle.
VRISKA: More on that l8ter.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: That 8rings us to Ro8o Jack.
VRISKA: He's the Jack origin8ting from our session.
VRISKA: Remem8er him, Karkat?
VRISKA: We hatched a plan with him to take down the 8lack queen. Seems like so long ago, doesn't it?
VRISKA: Now apparently he's got some cy8ernetic upgrades?
VRISKA: Who the fuck knows how that happened, or for that matter, why or how he's on his way here now.
VRISKA: My mind 8oggles trying to even picture the amount of stupid shit he's 8een through 8etween now and when we knew him.
VRISKA: Put this on the ever lengthening list of gar8age that doesn't matter and no8ody cares a8out.
VRISKA: The fact is, we have no idea what his affili8tions are at this point, 8ut like I'm always saying...
VRISKA: 8est to just plan for the worst, and assume this is just another scru8 we've gotta kill.
VRISKA: He's the lowest on the threat level, though his various enhancements and accessories may pose more of a challenge than we 8argained for.
VRISKA: He's also traveling with a juju known for its high storage capacity, so he's possi8ly packing company.
VRISKA: May8e a LOT of company...
VRISKA: I won't get into that now though.
VRISKA: You're going to need to reserve a squad for dealing with this guy and whoever he's 8rought along for the ride.
VRISKA: It's a lesser priority, so I'd recommend an ensem8le of third-stringers.
VRISKA: No offense to whoever those 8rave souls may 8e!
VRISKA: Every lamewad has their place in an epic 8attle, and everyone's effort counts.
VRISKA: Eg8ert-looking kid, I'm looking at you.
JAKE: !
VRISKA: Possi8ly you too, Tavros.
VRISKA: May8e.
TAVROSPRITE: ,!

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: That covers the overall tactical situ8tion!
VRISKA: Gr8 jo8, Karkat.
VRISKA: Really, just an all around gr8, gr8 jo8. I mean that.
KARKAT: THANK YOU.
VRISKA: Now, listen...
VRISKA: We've got to keep these 8attles spread out across the session so you all don't start tripping on each other's toes, turning this into more of a clusterfuck than it already is.
VRISKA: That means you need to st8tion teams ready to intercept the Jacks wherever they're coming from.
VRISKA: You also need to launch your lightning-strike raid on the Condesce 8efore any of them get here.
VRISKA: As for your party's healer, like I said, she'll need to 8e highly mo8ile.
VRISKA: So what you'll need to do is lay out a network of key portals and transporters so she can make the rounds, and 8e in tight communic8tion with her.
VRISKA: One of you less relevant, more mo8ile folks should get on that now.

05/12/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: See? Scatter window portals like these around the various 8attle sites.
ROXY: yo did you loot my house or something...
VRISKA: Please don't interrupt.
VRISKA: Transportalizers will work too, if you can get them all hooked up right.
VRISKA: This is definitely 8usywork, 8ut it's also really important. So we need someone competent in charge of this.
ROSESPRITE: I think I can handle that.
VRISKA: Yeah?
ROSESPRITE: Yes.
ROSESPRITE: I'm quite mobile in this new form.
ROSESPRITE: Also I think my abilities will help with forecasting the optimal network to lay out, along with helping Jane coordinate her routes during battle.
ROSESPRITE: Plus, I have to admit.
ROSESPRITE: I kind of relish the idea of being a "less relevant" party member.
ROSESPRITE: Particularly since I think it is inherently true now.
VRISKA: Ok, Rose... um. Rosesprite?
VRISKA: That's gr8. You can volunteer for that jo8 if you want.
VRISKA: 8ut let's not get ahead of ourselves!
VRISKA: We'll 8e divvying up the roles momentarily.
VRISKA: 8ut, cool. We have you down for that. Again, it's critical.
VRISKA: The whole party will need to defend Crocker's life at all costs.
VRISKA: She CAN'T get sucked into any com8at!!!
VRISKA: If she dies, you could all 8e fucked.
VRISKA: 8e sure to fill her in on the logistics whenever Arquius has finished deprogramming her.
VRISKA: Everyone got it?
VRISKA: Awesome.
VRISKA: Since that pretty thoroughly covers the full tactical situ8tion, we can move on to the real strategizing.
VRISKA: NOW we can assign com8at roles. ::::)

05/13/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: vriska, wait.
VRISKA: ????????
JOHN: before you go on, i just wanted to say...
JOHN: i'm really impressed with your strategic analysis so far!
JOHN: you really seem to be all over this. i wouldn't even know where to begin figuring all this stuff out.
JOHN: anyway, i'm glad we have you back on our side!
VRISKA: Aww, thanks John!
JOHN: just thought i'd say!
JOHN: i didn't want you to go through all this stuff for us, thinking it was going unappreciated.
JOHN: anyway, please continue!
VRISKA: You got it!
VRISKA: Now it's time to divide everyone into teams.
VRISKA: Let's go down the list of foes again, and assign party mem8ers to each 8attle.
VRISKA: Once again, starting from the top...

05/13/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: The Condesce.
VRISKA: We'll need a team to raid Derse again, 8ut this time for all the mar8les.
VRISKA: And remem8er, the raid has to start 8EFORE the rest of the action, to keep her from getting the upper hand.
VRISKA: And the party has to 8e at LEAST good enough to if not defeat her, keep her 8usy for a long time.
VRISKA: So who wants a piece of the sea witch?

05/13/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: ME ROSE: ME.
VRISKA: Alright, I've got two takers from the Lalonde camp.
VRISKA: We'll need more though. Who else?
JOHN: i'll go!
VRISKA: You sure, John?
JOHN: i think so.
JOHN: from what you said, it sounds like this is the most important battle.
JOHN: if we don't keep her busy, everything could get messed up.
JOHN: i think i'd be good at that! i can use all my windy powers for distractions and such.
VRISKA: Ok. You're with the Lalondes then.
VRISKA: Make it count!
KANAYA: I May As Well Go Too
KANAYA: It Would Be A Shame If The Party Defeating The Woman Who Terrorized Our Planet For Ages Had No Representation From Our Species
VRISKA: Shame or not, I'm afraid that won't work Kanaya.
KANAYA: Why Not
VRISKA: You can't join their party. Well, not yet at least.
VRISKA: There's another critical role which you specifically need to play first.
VRISKA: We can't risk losing you in 8attle until it's complete.
KANAYA: What Is It
VRISKA: I'll explain l8ter! After the teams are set.

05/13/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ok, let's say Team Condesce is good enough for now, with John, Rose and Roxy.
VRISKA: Next foe: Dog Jack.
VRISKA: Like I said, we're 8anking on the prospitian keeping him 8usy, so he's not an immedi8te 8attle priority.
VRISKA: We won't design8 a team for him right now.
VRISKA: 8UT, as I mentioned, in the event Jade wakes up for some reason, she should 8e reserved exclusively for this fight.
VRISKA: That means someone needs to tell her, if not in person, then some other way.
VRISKA: Perhaps leave a reminder for her. May8e tied to her finger or something. :::;)
VRISKA: Others can join the fight against him if need 8e, once their targets have 8een dealt with.
VRISKA: Until then, 8etter to let the heavy hitters keep him in check.

05/13/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Next: Lord Jack.
VRISKA: Who wants di8s on this guy?
DAVE: i guess thats me

05/13/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ok, Dave.
DAVE: there are all these rumors swirling around that ive gotta beat LE anyway
DAVE: which is probably bogus but w/e
DAVE: killing this guy at least would be the next best thing right
DAVE: so maybe if i do that i could like
DAVE: put the "prophecy" to rest
VRISKA: That logic sounds reasona8le to me.
VRISKA: For what it's worth, I never 8ought into the idea that you were supposed to 8e the one to kill English anyway.
VRISKA: So that's one down. Who else?
TEREZI: OK, WHY NOT
VRISKA: You sure, Terezi?
VRISKA: You're not immortal, remem8er. And this one's going to 8e tough.
TEREZI: YOU S41D W3 N33D GOOD F1GHT3RS TO GO 4T TH1S GUY
TEREZI: 4ND 1 TH1NK 1'M PR3TTY D3C3NT
TEREZI: 4T L34ST 4T ST4BB1NG TH1NGS
TEREZI: SO 1'LL GO
TEREZI: B3S1D3S...
TEREZI: *SOM3ON3* H4S TO W1TN3SS D4V3'S H3RO1SM, 1F H3 W4NTS TO B3 L3T OFF TH3 HOOK FOR TH4T PROPH3CY >:]
VRISKA: Hey, it's your decision!
VRISKA: Anyone else?
TEREZI: WH4T 4BOUT D4V3'S BRO?
TEREZI: 1 H34RD H3'S SUPPOS3D TO B3 HOT SH1T
DAVE: um
DAVE: yeah sure
DAVE: thats fine if uh
DAVE: youre comfortable volunteering someone who isnt here for a deadly battle
DAVE: its cool if you want to do that
VRISKA: Dave, come on.
VRISKA: As if it's not extremely likely he'd seek you out upon getting here anyway.
VRISKA: Why don't we just pencil him into the team as "Pro8a8ly"?
DAVE: ...........
VRISKA: Just 8e sure to de8rief him on the whole situation when he gets here.
VRISKA: Think you can handle that, Dave?
VRISKA: Ok, gr8!
VRISKA: Which reminds me...
VRISKA: What a8out you, Arquius?
VRISKA: How do you want to fit into this?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I haven't decided yet
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I'm going to crunch some more numbers in the vast combat matri% I just compiled now, in the microblink of a nanosecond, to deduce the optimal strategic appropriation of my assets (i.e. muscles)
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Joining Real Dave in battle is semitempting, but I do not wish to horn in on Real Dirk's <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arspritetxt_shit.gif" border="0" />
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Instead I would prefer to blaze my own trail, with my own hooves
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I always wanted to do something really important and heroic
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean, aside from all the other stuff I have done like that, which is quite a lot
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But something quite grandiose, and perfectly unmistakable as a gesture turning the tide of fortune for all of e%istence
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> This is what I have always desired
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Well, that is to say, both halves of me once had such an ambivalent desire, which was compromised by our respective internalized confli%
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> But together, that desire is fully realized. No longer ambivalent
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Neigh, it is now fully bivalent. Perhaps even univalent
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I would like my gesture to shock everyone
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It must come from out of the b100, make virtually no sense, stun all involved, and have a lasting, profoundly unintelligible impact an all future and pseudofuture events
VRISKA:
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Does this answer your question
VRISKA: Oh!
VRISKA: Sorry, I was just temporarily mesmerized 8y your incredi8le spiel.
VRISKA: Needless to say, I a8solutely agree with your philosophy on heroic action and wanting to do something important.
VRISKA: In any case, you've earned the right to do whatever the fuck you want, just 8y dint of 8eing awesome.
VRISKA: End of story!
VRISKA: Ok, next...

05/13/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: We'll need to design8 a team for Ro8o Jack and his... entourage.
VRISKA: Alright, full disclosure. This is where things get kind of stupid.
VRISKA: Even talking a8out this guy and his crew is pro8a8ly a waste of good tactical analysis.
VRISKA: 8ut the fact is, he's going to 8e here, and you're going to have to deal with his 8ullshit.
VRISKA: I strongly recommend the dregs of your party get stuck with mop-up duty on this.
VRISKA: Really, I'm kind of laughing already. Oh man.
VRISKA: I really don't want to spoil too much fun for you guys, 8ut.
VRISKA: No, I shouldn't.
JOHN: what?
VRISKA: Ok, intelligence reports I have gathered, namely through a 8it of time hopping reconnaissance, suggests that Ro8o Jack may, I repeat MAY, 8e in transit with a 8unch of green time traveling idiots in that oven.
VRISKA: Don't quote me on that.
VRISKA: Anyway, if true, none of these 8ozos are particularly powerful.
VRISKA: They'll mainly just 8e a nuisance.
VRISKA: So who wants to deal with them? Hmmmmmmmm?
VRISKA: Hey kid.
VRISKA: Kid!
VRISKA: Yes, I'm talking to you again.
VRISKA: God damn it, what was his name again?
VRISKA: Joke?
TAVROSPRITE: vRISKA, sTOP,
TAVROSPRITE: iT'S JAPE, aND YOU KNOW IT,
VRISKA: Listen, Joke.
VRISKA: Joke! Snap OUT of it! I'm talking to you.
JAKE: Oh sorry.
VRISKA: This is a strategy session, Joke. Please stay alert.
VRISKA: Now do you think you can handle 8eing on this team?
JAKE: Um...
VRISKA: Awesome. That's the spirit.
VRISKA: This assignment should 8e right up your alley, kid.
VRISKA: Who else?
TAVROSPRITE: mE, i'LL DO IT,
VRISKA: Thanks for volunteering Tavros.
VRISKA: This fight is pretty well suited to your skillset too.
VRISKA: And you can join Joke here to help him get ready, 8ut there's one thing I need you to do 8efore the 8attle starts.
TAVROSPRITE: oH, rEALLY,
TAVROSPRITE: wHAT,
VRISKA: I'll explain to you l8ter in priv8. 8ut it's critical, and something only you can do.
TAVROSPRITE: oHHH!
TAVROSPRITE: tHAT MAKES ME, tHE FUNNY FEELINGS COMBINATION, oF SKEPTICAL, nERVOUS, aND EXCITED,
VRISKA: Good!
VRISKA: That's exactly how you should 8e feeling a8out it, trust me.
VRISKA: So anyone else want to step forward??
KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME NOW.
VRISKA: Come again?
KARKAT: WELL, LET'S SEE IF I'M TALLYING THIS UP RIGHT.
KARKAT: JOHN AND LALONDES ONE AND TWO ARE ON TEAM CONDESCE.
KARKAT: THE STRIDER BROS AND PYROPE ARE ON THE LORD TEAM.
KARKAT: JADE, WHEN NOT ON NAP DUTY, IS ON THE DOG TEAM, EXCLUSIVELY.
KARKAT: THE MAYOR ISN'T DOING SHIT, BECAUSE I AM *PERSONALLY* SEEING TO IT THAT NOT A SINGLE POST-APOCALYPTIC TATTER ON HIS HEAD GETS HARMED.
KARKAT: CROCKER IS ON HEALING DETAIL, AND LALONDE THREE VOLUNTEERED TO SUPPORT THAT.
KARKAT: KANAYA HAS SOME VAGUE YET TO BE EXPLAINED MISSION TO DO, AND SO DOES TAVROS.
KARKAT: AND JOKE HERE JUST GOT SHUNTED OFF TO THE PEEWEE LEAGUE.
KARKAT: SO WHO THE FUCK IS EVEN LEFT, ASIDE FROM ME???
KARKAT: AND THE FUCKING CAT I GUESS.
KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE WE SHOULDN'T PICK A ROLE FOR ROSE'S FUCKING CAT LUSUS BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE *ABSOLUTE* BOTTOM OF THE BARREL, SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS "THE VANTAS ZONE"?
VRISKA: Oh, gr8 point Karkat!
VRISKA: Hey there, kitty.
JASPERSPRITE: MEOW!!!!!
VRISKA: What would you like to do?
JASPERSPRITE: I would like to eat some tuna fish and cuddle with either rose or roxy or both! :3
VRISKA: Awwwwwwww!
VRISKA: Ok, that can 8e your very important jo8. Don't let us down!
JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr. ;3
KARKAT: THANK GOD WE SORTED THAT OUT.
KARKAT: NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THE KITTY CAT IS HEADING UP THE FISH EATING OPERATION, I THINK WE CAN SAFELY PROCEED TO THE RUNG OF STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE DIRECTLY BELOW THAT.
KARKAT: THE INFAMOUS "WHAT IS KARKAT GOING TO DO?" RUNG.
KARKAT: AND SINCE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A JOB, AND MY SKILLS ARE RELATIVELY UNIMPRESSIVE, I'LL HAVE TO SIGN UP FOR TEAM DIPSHIT TOO.
KARKAT: HELL, EVEN THE KID IN THE BANANA HAMMOCK IS A GOD TIER AT LEAST.
KARKAT: SO I GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL BE TAKING ORDERS FROM HIM? SURE WHY NOT!
KARKAT: SECOND IN COMMAND TO A THIRD RATE HERO. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME.
VRISKA: Karkat, yes, you're a8solutely right that you 8asically suck, and that as a tactical resource you should 8e managed accordingly.
VRISKA: 8ut you aren't joining Joke's team, or doing any fighting for that matter.
VRISKA: Like Kanaya, there's another more pressing matter reserved for you.
VRISKA: In fact, it's the same as hers!
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?
KARKAT: WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS!
VRISKA: Karkat, I already alluded to this when you waltzed over, interrupted my conversation with Kanaya, and pretended you weren't flirting with me.
VRISKA: Remem8er?
KARKAT: OH. RIGHT.
KARKAT: WELL?? WHAT'S THIS "PRESSING MATTER"?
VRISKA: I'm getting to that!
VRISKA: Very soon, in fact. I just needed to get the teams squared away first.
KARKAT: OK WELL...
KARKAT: ARE THEY?!
VRISKA: Looks like it!
KARKAT: SO THAT MEANS JOKE...
KARKAT: FUCK. *JAKE* I MEAN.
KARKAT: REALLY IS A ONE MAN TEAM, DESIGNATED FOR ROBO JACK AND HIS OVEN BOZOS???
VRISKA: Apparently.
VRISKA: You ok with that, kid?
JAKE: UM................
VRISKA: You can do it.
VRISKA: Just 8elieve in yourself, or whatever the fuck.
VRISKA: When in dou8t, just remind yourself that 8attle isn't even particularly important.
VRISKA: And help could 8e on the way once some of the other 8attles start coming to some sort of resolution.
VRISKA: Just hang in there!
JAKE: O... okay.
VRISKA: Excellent!

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: That concludes the tactical planning part of this de8riefing.
VRISKA: It's all perfectly logical, right?
VRISKA: No questions or anything? Cool.
VRISKA: Really, I shudder to think what you num8skulls would 8e doing if I weren't around, like John just implied with his nice remarks.
VRISKA: He really did you all the 8iggest fucking favor in the history of time shenanigans 8y clo88ering me in the face three years ago.
VRISKA: You should all make him a gift 8asket when this is over to show your gratitude.
VRISKA: No need to thank me of course. I'm just doing my jo8 here. ::::)
VRISKA: Now!
VRISKA: Let's go over some really 8asic non-com8at endgame stuff, then we'll 8e ready to 8r8k.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: First, a8out Kanaya and Karkat's "mission" I alluded to a minute ago. This is really important.
VRISKA: You 8oth listening??
KANAYA: Yes
KARKAT: NO.
VRISKA: Ok, well one out of two isn't 8ad. As long as Kanaya understands, that's mainly what matters, since she's the more important part of this equ8tion.
KARKAT: WOW, I'M FUCKING SHOCKED!
KARKAT: WHAT DO WE, OR, EXCUSE ME... WHAT DOES *SHE* HAVE TO DO?
VRISKA: You 8OTH have to go to Jade's planet and see Echidna.
VRISKA: Even though this session is a8out as far from "normal" as it can possi8ly get, the same 8asic rules apply.
VRISKA: Someone needs to seek an audience with her, and get her to agree to release the genesis frog.
VRISKA: Or, the tadpole that grows up to 8ecome the frog, which is the stage of development he's in at this point.
VRISKA: Remem8er, Kanaya? You had to do this on your planet, to get our frog released into Skaia.
KANAYA: Yeah
KANAYA: She Asked Me To Do Something Impossible
KANAYA: To Which I Replied
KANAYA: Thats Impossible
KANAYA: So She Ended Up Demanding That I Fight Her
KANAYA: So I Did
KANAYA: Which
KANAYA: Made Me Feel Sad
KANAYA: Id Rather Not Have To Do That Again
KANAYA: Will I Have To Do That Again
VRISKA: If that's what she wants, then yes.
KANAYA: Why Does It Have To Be Me Though
VRISKA: 8ecause SOMEONE has to!
VRISKA: Sources tell me this is the plan the Condesce had for you, 8efore we derailed all her shit.
KANAYA: You Keep Talking About All These Sources
KANAYA: Who Are All These Sources
KANAYA: Did Arquius Tell You This Too
VRISKA: No! Look, I've 8een 8usy, ok?
VRISKA: Inform8tion is everywhere if you know where to look.
VRISKA: Derse has a lot of agents on the inside who are wise to the old lady's plans.
VRISKA: Shaking the 8ushes for good intel isn't that complic8ted, it just takes a little effort!
VRISKA: Some people on this lily pad should may8e try looking into that some time.
KANAYA: If You Say So
VRISKA: Would you just can...
VRISKA: Would you just put a LID on it for a second, and listen?
VRISKA: Normally Jade would 8e the one to do this, 8ut at the time, Jade had 8ecome corrupted, so I guess Echidna wouldn't deal with her.
VRISKA: And now, Jade's asleep! Which is exactly how she needs to stay.
VRISKA: So that leaves the person Echidna requested in Jade's a8sence, which is you.
VRISKA: I am assuming 8ecause you were also a space player, so you'll 8e a8le to understand her gar8led nonsense language.
VRISKA: 8ut that's not all there is to it. She also requested you 8ring Karkat.
KARKAT: UGH.
KARKAT: WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE WANT TO SEE ME?
VRISKA: No idea!
VRISKA: Denizens are mysteeeeeeeerious.
VRISKA: May8e she wants a knight along? Or a 8lood player?
VRISKA: Or may8e she just has a 8one to pick with you in particular.
VRISKA: You know, since you and Kanaya were 8oth involved in the frog 8reeding stuff in our session, and, let's face it.
VRISKA: You kind of messed that up! You were pretty hasty and reckless a8out it, and the result was a defective frog.
VRISKA: Sure, there's more to it than that. Like pro8lems with the human session that were totally interrel8ted with ours due to cyclical time gar8age, 8ut you get the point.
VRISKA: Echidna pro8a8ly doesn't take kindly to people who are cavalier with the sacred frog duties. That's kind of her domain, like, the propag8tion of existence and all that.
VRISKA: So may8e you've got some stuff to atone for 8efore she agrees to let another precious frog out of her divine custody?
KARKAT: YOU'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE, AREN'T YOU.
KARKAT: TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT SOME ANCIENT HISTORY, SO I'LL BE NERVOUS ABOUT THIS ENCOUNTER.
KARKAT: WELL I'LL SPARE YOU THE TROUBLE. I'M ALREADY NERVOUS! I DON'T WANT TO GO PROSTRATE MYSELF BEFORE A BABBLING SNAKE GODDESS EVEN UNDER IDEAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
VRISKA: Karkat, relax.
VRISKA: I am guessing this will just 8e a sort of formality.
VRISKA: That's how things always struck me with her, like... getting the 8lessing from a queen, or some huge mythical matriarch 8efore proceeding with some incredi8ly important event, or claiming a cosmic reward.
VRISKA: Or may8e you'll have to just kill her again? I don't see what difference it makes.
VRISKA: Really, who knows what her real purposes are? They're pro8a8ly totally unfathoma8le.
VRISKA: Echidna is kind of a 8ig Deal Denizen. One of the real heavy hitters, like that other guy... the really strong one with the ridiculous name.
VRISKA: She might even 8e the 8iggest deal. She's the mother of all denizens. I mean, not in a literal sense. Like, I really dou8t she physically spawned them all.
VRISKA: So if she wants you to do something, it's serious. And if you need to do something of massive cosmic significance, like release a frog that contains an entire universe in its 8elly, then 8y the same token, it has to go through her.
VRISKA: The other denizens are a 8unch of petty grum8ling riddle-merchants 8y comparison.
VRISKA: You should feel honored she even wants to see you.
KARKAT: HOW ARE WE EVEN SURE SHE HAS A FROG TO RELEASE??
KARKAT: WHO MADE THIS FROG? THE JOKERS FROM THIS SESSION?
KARKAT: I THOUGHT THEY SPENT MONTHS DOING NOTHING.
VRISKA: It's the same frog Jade made!
VRISKA: With Kanaya's help, remem8er?
VRISKA: Hell, you may have even 8een involved in that process too. I don't recall every single detail.
VRISKA: 8ut it fell in the forge on Jade's planet 8ack in the old session, and now Jade's planet is here.
VRISKA: Hence, the frog is here too. It's just 8een... let's say hi8ern8ting inside the planet for a few years.
VRISKA: Echidna kept it warm for us until we were ready. Which is now!
KARKAT: OK. YEAH, I REMEMBER NOW.
KARKAT: SO THE CONDESCE WAS GOING TO MAKE US DO THIS ORIGINALLY? WHY??
VRISKA: 8ecause her goal was pretty much the same as ours!
VRISKA: To win this game and cre8 a universe.
VRISKA: The 8attle taking place here isn't over WHETHER one will 8e created.
VRISKA: It's over who gets to control it when it's made.
VRISKA: Ideally, that should 8e us, rather than a genocidal fish dict8tor.
VRISKA: In fact, we don't want ANYONE to "control" it.
VRISKA: No8ody should control a universe. That's what 8ad guys try to do.
VRISKA: We just want it to 8e a nice place to live, and free of any controlling influence that will make life misera8le for the people who live there.
VRISKA: Having an attitude a8out the Ultim8 Reward that differs from that in any way was just ANOTHER thing we fucked up the first time around.
VRISKA: So let's just 8e clear on what we're fighting for here.
VRISKA: Got it?!
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: YEAH
KARKAT: YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Next item:
VRISKA: Earth!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: When you enter the new universe, you're going to need a planet to live on.
VRISKA: Why not just resettle the one you all grew up on?
VRISKA: The Condesce kind of fucked it up though.
VRISKA: In your scratched universe, she spent a few centuries getting it ready for a new troll "paradise".
VRISKA: She flooded the whole thing. So when you get there, you'll need to skip ahead to some time far in the future, when the oceans have receded.
VRISKA: Should 8e liva8le 8y then. Hell, it may even 8e a pretty nice place!
VRISKA: Here John. Take this.
VRISKA: When the 8attle is over, make sure you give it to Jade.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what is it?
VRISKA: It's Earth!
VRISKA: Remem8er how three years ago you told Terezi we needed your wallet, 8ut you didn't have it?
VRISKA: Well in the time since, we talked a8out it a lot, and figured this was most likely the reason she told you to give it to us.
VRISKA: It wasn't a 8ig deal, actually.
VRISKA: We spent some time deciphering the code for your wallet. It took a little while, and a few lucky guesses on the code digits, 8ut we eventually got there.
VRISKA: Then I just used it to upgrade my much cooler 8 8all modus.
JOHN: you hacked my dad's wallet??
VRISKA: Sure. Like I said, we had some time on our hands.
VRISKA: It is after all just a fucking wallet. It's not like it's some legendary item he got on some mythical dad quest.
VRISKA: I mean, he did 8UY the thing somewhere, right?
JOHN: um. yeah, i guess so.
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: i still think it's a pretty special thing.
VRISKA: Nope!
VRISKA: Sorry to 8e the 8earer of 8ad news. It is literally... just a wallet.
VRISKA: Anyway.
VRISKA: Then, 8efore I did the scouting work on this session, I rode the meteor through the g8, watched it crash on Earth, then just captchalogued the whole damn thing and got out of there.
VRISKA: No sweat!
VRISKA: Presuma8ly like Grim8ark Jade was supposed to, if she wasn't asleep.
VRISKA: Again, it was a pretty good plan, she just never saw me coming.
VRISKA: Sorry Condy, if you want your waterlogged little glo8e 8ack, you'll have to pry it from John's dead hands now.
JOHN: er.
JOHN: ...yeah.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Those are the important things to remem8er.
VRISKA: 8ut don't forget the 8asics.
VRISKA: Remem8er to finish 8uilding up your hives as far as they'll go.
VRISKA: Then deploy the grist rigs which will disperse your planets' hoards into Skaia, giving it the nutrients it needs to mature the frog.
VRISKA: This is Sgru8 101 stuff, 8ut I guess it 8ears repeating since most of you have never actually made it this far.
VRISKA: When the hoards are empty and Skaia is ready, then all you have to do is make sure someone's in position to ignite the forge.
VRISKA: Then everyone rendezvous right 8ack here on the lily pad to claim the Ultim8 Reward.
VRISKA: Which is represented 8y the hive shape thingy with a door on it that leads to the new universe.
VRISKA: Any questions 8efore we kick this into action?

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: yes, i have one.
JOHN: vriska, what's YOUR part in all this, aside from making all these air tight plans?
JOHN: you've been making it sound like you won't be here when all this happens!
VRISKA: Of course I won't.
VRISKA: I'll 8e off doing something much more important than all this.
VRISKA: I'm traveling to the furthest ring to go kill Lord English.
JOHN: WHAT??
JOHN: wow.
JOHN: isn't that going to be, uh...
JOHN: hard?
VRISKA: Of course it will 8e.
JOHN: are you sure you can even...
JOHN: DO that?
JOHN: like, by yourself, i mean.
VRISKA: John, I'm not an idiot. I won't 8e diving into this 8lindly.
VRISKA: See, somewhere out there in the incomprehensi8le causal-stew of the furthest ring, there was once a plan that was coming together to defeat him once and for all.
VRISKA: It involved a secret weapon, an army, and all sorts of other shenanigans.
JOHN: yeah, this...
JOHN: sounds weirdly familiar.
VRISKA: Oh, I'm sure it does.
VRISKA: 8ut the point is, along the way, that plan stalled out.
VRISKA: It went nowhere 8ecause the party involved disintegr8ted and lost their way.
VRISKA: So someone needs to light a fire under that shit again, and I don't see anyone else stepping forward.
JOHN: how are you going to do that?
VRISKA: Let me worry a8out that.
VRISKA: You have your hands full enough as it is.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so, is...
JOHN: is that it?
JOHN: is that the end of this cool strategy jam, slash fun reunion?
VRISKA: That's it!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: That's the whole situ8tion, my whole plan, and everything you need to do.
VRISKA: Good luck everyone!
TEREZI: *HUM4N "GOLF" CL4P*
VRISKA: Thanks, Pyrope!
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO WHAT NOW?
KARKAT: KANAYA, I GUESS WE HEAD TO, WHAT WAS IT?
KARKAT: LOJADE?
KARKAT: LIKE RIGHT NOW? SINCE I GUESS THE CLOCK IS TICKING.
KANAYA: Lofaf
KANAYA: And Yes
JOHN: right. and we're supposed to go after the condensce really soon, too. right?
ROSE: Condesce.
ROSE: And yes.
JOHN: but not like... RIGHT away? there are still a couple hours for us to prepare.
JOHN: which we should use! to come up with a fighting strategy.
ROXY: yeah!!!
JOHN: i wish jade and nanna could be awake for this.
JOHN: i really want to talk to them, and let them in on all the cool stuff we're about to do.
JOHN: i guess they have to stay asleep for a while, though. oh well.
JOHN: hey, jake!
JAKE: Huh?
JOHN: want to come make plans with us?
JOHN: we can help you figure out how to deal with robot jack, and whatever hooligans he is bringing!
JAKE: Oh!
JAKE: Yes.
JAKE: Thanks john.
JAKE: May... maybe.
JOHN: ok!
TEREZI: H3Y D4V3
TEREZI: W3 SHOULD PROB4BLY WORK OUT 4 F1GHT1NG STR4T3GY TOO
TEREZI: S1NC3 1T SOUNDS L1K3 W3'V3 GOT 4 R34L N4STY ON3 TO D34L W1TH >:]
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: but
TEREZI: WH4T
DAVE: dunno
DAVE: it feels weird to make some battleplans when one of our team members still isnt here
TEREZI: W3LL, 1 TH1NK W3 C4N 4T L34ST OUTL1N3 TH3 STR4T3GY, R1GHT?
TEREZI: F1GUR3 OUT HOW W3'LL 4PPRO4CH 4 V1LL41N W1TH H1S P4RT1CUL4R STR3NGTHS 4ND W34KN3SS3S
TEREZI: 4ND 4SSUM3 OUR TH1RD M3MB3R W1LL B3 R34DY TO F1GHT 1F W3 T3LL H1M TO
DAVE: yeah you know im sure if teen hardass strider shows up with his sword and shades and shit and we say
DAVE: hey dude look bad guy go kill
DAVE: im sure the guy will be more than willing to oblige
DAVE: its just
DAVE: man
TEREZI: WH4T!
DAVE: it feels wrong
DAVE: planning "around" him
DAVE: like hes a weird hypothetical battle mannequin
TEREZI: FROM TH3 TH1NGS 1 H4V3 H34RD 4BOUT H1M, FROM YOUR OWN P3RSON4L MOUTH
TEREZI: TH4T 4CTU4LLY SOUNDS L1K3 4 PR3TTY 4PT D3SCR1PT1ON TO M3
DAVE: no!
DAVE: its
DAVE: its more complicated than that
DAVE: and im supposed to...
DAVE: be getting ready for this huge deadly battle which is SO much more intense than anything i ever did
DAVE: even like 3 years ago back when i was actually doing adventure shit instead of watching dane cook movies
DAVE: and somehow be all geared up for that
DAVE: AND meet my teen bro for the first time
DAVE: and say oh there you are thats cool
DAVE: lets fight this random nigh indestructible asshole
DAVE: and then
DAVE: hug bump or something?
DAVE: how do i deal with all this
DAVE: i think i could end up getting us all killed and none of you are taking this seriously
VRISKA: Ok Strider, I've heard enough.
DAVE: ??
VRISKA: I have 8een more than patient, and more than accommod8ting.
VRISKA: 8ut your hangups regarding your ancestor are starting to 8order on pathetic.
KARKAT: HEY!
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU CAN IT.
VRISKA: Karkat, stay out of this.
KARKAT: NO, I WON'T.
KARKAT: NOT IF YOU ARE GOING TO START TRASHING PEOPLE WITH RESPECT TO THEIR SENSITIVE ISSUES IN A MANNER THAT IS *WAY* OVER THE LINE AS FAR AS THE BASIC GROUND RULES OF GOOD NATURED SHIT TALKING GOES, GROUND RULES ON WHICH I *HAPPEN* TO BE AN EXPERT.
KARKAT: EITHER MAKE SURE YOUR TRASH MOUTHED INVECTIVE IS CRITICALLY CONSTRUCTIVE, OR SHUT UP!
VRISKA: Who said I wasn't 8eing constructive?!
VRISKA: God.
VRISKA: I cut him all the slack in the world on this, 8ut I can see it isn't doing him, or any of us, any good at all.
VRISKA: I can see I'm going to have to expedite matters.
VRISKA: Go figure. Leave it all to Vriska, ONCE AGAIN.
DAVE: what
DAVE: what the fuck are you even going to do

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: I told you.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: I'm expediting matters.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: There you go!
VRISKA: Strider, meet Strider.
VRISKA: He's pretty fucked up, 8ut pro8a8ly a nice guy once you get to know him.
VRISKA: Which one am I talking a8out, you ask? Who knows!
VRISKA: Feeling awkward yet? Here's an idea.
VRISKA: Get the fuck over it.
VRISKA: Ok guys, I'm out of here.
VRISKA: I'm not sure I can take another second of this.

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: jeez vriska, are they really that bad?
VRISKA: Who, the Striders? No, they're fine.
VRISKA: That's not what I was talking a8out.
VRISKA: There's another pro8lem out there in paradox space which I can't stand for.
VRISKA: Not another moment. In fact, it makes me shudder just thinking a8out this lingering flaw which has yet to 8e rectified.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: what is it?

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: My ghost is 8eing a
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/vris_fuckingloser.gif" border="0" />

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: I hope I don't sound like too much of a dream bubble novice, but,
JANE: Now that we've remembered we're asleep, how do we...
JANE: Wake up?
JADE: good question
JADE: i have no idea!
JANE: I mean, not that I haven't had a wonderful time recording our stories here with you both.
JANE: But maybe we should return to our friends soon.
JANE: What if they need our help?
CALLIOPE: obvioUsly i have enjoyed yoUr company more than i can say.
CALLIOPE: bUt yoU're right. yoU cannot stay here forever.
CALLIOPE: yoUr friends need yoU. so i will wake yoU Up.
JADE: wait...
JADE: you can do that??
CALLIOPE: ^u^

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: wow!!!
JADE: ok then i guess that settles that
JADE: but before we go...
JADE: i just want to say, in case we never get another chance to...
JADE: what the
JANE: Huh?
JADE: something is happening
CALLIOPE: :u

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/25/15
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05/25/15
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05/25/15
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05/25/15
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05/25/15
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05/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: i know this place

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Where are we?

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: its echidnas lair
JADE: or my memory of it at least

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: or possibly...
JADE: someone elses?

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: jane??

05/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Abra cafiddling dabra you silly shootnerds
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> My e%ceedingly STRONG work as the party's premier bodybuilding hacker is done
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Off I go
JANE: ...

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: JANE!!!!!
ROXY: ur wake!
JANE: Roxy?????
JANE: U'r alive!
JANE: Er, you're!
ROXY: so are you!
ROXY: you were dead last time i saw you and also before i found u sleepin here but now ur awake and also alive!
JANE: Yeah!
JANE: You were dead too, because I...
JANE: But now you're??
JANE: Oh god, Roxy, I'm so sorry I,
JANE: I wasn't thinking straight when...
JANE: Please forgive me. :(
ROXY: aw janey you dont gotta worry about whatever sad incident that frowns about
ROXY: thats all water under a bridge from a reality i got no recollection of and therefore dont matter at all
ROXY: by which i mean......
ROXY: this reality here, so ok the reality is still KIND of relevant because we are literally inside of it atm
ROXY: but im new here!
ROXY: i came over to keep being roxy since the old one died or whatever thru hecka debacles
JANE: That... is quite an explanation!
JANE: Jeez, I missed you.
ROXY: cmere u extravagant bitch!!!
JANE: Hahah!
JANE: (Wait... what?)

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: the hug pile doesn't stop from getting taller.
ROSE: ?
JOHN: the hug pile! there are more hugs, rose.
ROSE: I can see the hugs. I don't understand the pile thing.
JOHN: oh. don't you remember?
JOHN: a funny quote from one of dave's old comics!
ROSE: Ah. Yes, vaguely.
ROSE: It's been a long journey, John.
ROSE: I believe one of the most valuable lessons that comes with growing up is gaining the wisdom that gently informs you when it's time to retire a meme.
JOHN: heh...
JOHN: i guess i never earned that handy badge, or whatever.
JOHN: i like this, though. every time someone wakes up, or pops out of nowhere, it's fun times all over again.
JOHN: i feel like i should be playing reunion bingo.
JOHN: who will be next??
JOHN: my money is on the long awaited and insanely poignant reunion between me and casey the salamander.
ROSE: Surely you mean the dear Viceroy Bubbles Von Salamancer, right?
ROSE: And instead of you, you mean me.
ROSE: That's when the real tears will flow.
JOHN: what do you think she's up to?
ROSE: He.
JOHN: no, she is my beautiful daughter. :p
ROSESPRITE: Something tells me the good Viceroy has been busy.
ROSE: Oh?
ROSESPRITE: I sense he's been... scheming.
ROSESPRITE: Plotting.
ROSESPRITE: Biding his time.
ROSESPRITE: Accruing dark legions.
ROSE: That sure is a thing that would be dumb, if true.
ROSESPRITE: Yeah.

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hi nanna!
JOHN: jane, i mean.
JOHN: sorry, it's an easy mistake to make, because you're my nanna!
ROXY: lol
ROXY: real smooth shit john
JANE: Hello!
JANE: A pleasure to meet you, John. Or, poppop, as I used to know you.
JOHN: hehe, yeah so i heard!
JANE: You look so...
JANE: Young.
JOHN: thanks!
JOHN: so do you.
JOHN: my nanna, who used to be ashes on my fireplace, regained her old womanly visage when i turned her into a sprite, and she helped me along the way.
JOHN: so nanna is a sprite! did you know that?
JANE: Um... no?
JOHN: i thought you should know that. she's probably around somewhere. i hope you can meet her.
JOHN: oh, also, i'm your son technically. did you know that??
JANE: Yes.
JANE: It is... a pretty strange fact!
JANE: But also pretty cool.
JOHN: yup!
ROXY: ooh jane thats my daughter there say hi to her!!!
JANE: Hi!
ROSE: Hi, John's hot mom.
ROSE: (Aw shit.)
JANE: Haha...?
ROXY: also thats umm ANOTHER version of rose who died and then i buried and a stupid cat unburied her for some reason and prototyped her
ROXY: so say hello to my cool floaty double daughter!
JANE: Hi, Roxy's hot double daughter.
ROSESPRITE: :D
ROSESPRITE: (Rose Prime, I believe you may have just been owned.)
ROSE: (God damn Dave's contagious-ass Freudian boners.)

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JANE: Wow, I feel so out of the loop! Sorry if I still seem disoriented from my... nap, I suppose it was?
JANE: Or impromptu troll-coma.
JANE: Roxy, you have to clue me in on what happened here! Where are Dirk and Jake?
JANE: And for that matter, John, where are your other friends? Oh, Jade! Where is she? Is she still asleep?
ROXY: hey janey that is all like a lot of stuff to say and everything goin on here is faaairly complicated and heavily peopled
ROXY: dont worry ill ease you into comprehending shit again ;)
ROXY: well ok cliff notes are: jake fucked off somewhere and dirk recently fucked off BACK here through a window but he left again pretty quick...
ROXY: dave went with dirk at wherever their fucking off too now, i think to get ready for some swords fightin, and yeah jade is still asleep but a coupla trolls lugged her off somewhere safe for now
ROXY: the REST of the junk im still sorting out myself bcs like i said im new to this exact plane of shenanigans
JANE: Yes, you mentioned that.
JANE: I still don't know what you meant by...
JANE: Wait!
JANE: You and John came from another reality, where everything went horribly, right?
ROXY: m-hmmm!
JANE: I just remembered. Really, it's been such a rollercoaster ride for my memory, since I fell asleep.
JANE: Your and John's travels were a critical part of the illustrated story we reconstructed through our memories with Callie.
ROXY: wat!
ROXY: you saw callie in your dreams????
JANE: I did!
ROXY: hoh man
ROXY: how is she!
ROXY: i saw her in a dream a little while ago and we talked about lots of stuff
ROXY: she looked like a troll then
JANE: Yes, her trollsona! She had hers on when I saw her.
JANE: And we had ours on too!
ROXY: :O FUCK
JANE: She seemed to be doing well.
JANE: Nervous, of course, since she was hiding. But we passed the time with our stories.
JANE: It was a lot of fun! I'm so happy I got to meet her.
JANE: I wonder if I'll ever get the chance again?
ROXY: wellll...
ROXY: now that u mention it
ROXY: it IS one of my chief objectives to go lookin for her asap
ROXY: aaand not to be THAT ROGUE n brag all heavy but i MAY be in better touch with my void powers now
ROXY: soo maybe i stand a p good chance of trackin her down?
ROXY: cus i GOT somethin for her
JANE: You do?? What? :B
ROXY: just a lil presie, nbd
JANE: ...
JANE: I see.
ROXY: JK IT IS CRUCIAL FUKKIN BLING JANEY
ROXY: ONE (1) PRICELESS DIGIT DONUT!!!
ROXY: W/ MORE KARATS THAN A RABBIT TOO FAT FOR A HOLE
ROXY: (s'magic to)
JANE: WOW!!!!!!!!!!
JANE: Ahem, so,
JANE: You mean a ring, then.
JOHN: yeah!
JOHN: oh man, that's a great idea roxy.
JOHN: you should try and give it to her as soon as you can!
JOHN: then maybe we can all meet her before we ramp up for this battle?
ROXY: hmm yeh!
ROXY: u think i can do it?
JOHN: sure!
ROSE: I like your chances too.
ROSESPRITE: Same!
JASPERSPRITE: Me too roxy! :3
ROSE: I also have some experience helping people along in the right direction, when it comes to navigating the abyss.
ROSE: Maybe I could assist?
ROXY: yeah maybe!
ROSESPRITE: I'm pretty sure I have experience performing literally the exact same task, in a slightly different context.
ROSESPRITE: So maybe I can double assist?
JOHN: see roxy? everyone thinks you should do it, because they all believe in you.
JANE: That's right!
ROXY: shucks fuckers ._.
ROXY: yall killin me here <3
JASPERSPRITE: Meow im so happy!
ROXY: frigglish u silly bastard whats up?
JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr purr...
JASPERSPRITE: All the humans being so close together and happy and friendly purr purr.
JASPERSPRITE: Its making me really excited and happy too and making me feel like i want to be a part of everything!
JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr and get close to a nearby person and be happy at them with my body purrrr...
ROSESPRITE: Jaspers, what are you...
JASPERSPRITE: I cant help it rose i want to cuddle im feeling so pleased and friendly! :3 :3 :3
ROSESPRITE: Jaspers, no,
ROSESPRITE: No, don't!

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSESPRITE: JASPERS, NOOOOO!
JASPERSPRITE: :3 purrrrrrr

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Meow meow motherfuckers.

05/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: why is everything always so wonderful

05/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: welcome back, jade.

05/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: come toward me.

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hi!
JADE: its good to see you again
CALLIOPE: you are kind to believe that.
JADE: how long has it been?
CALLIOPE: there is no way to measure.

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: jade, could you wait over here?
CALLIOPE: i will return in a moment.

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/31/15
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05/31/15
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05/31/15
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05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

05/31/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: i've been searching for yoU.
CALLIOPE: so you have.
CALLIOPE: and i've been waiting.
CALLIOPE: ...
CALLIOPE: ...
CALLIOPE: Umm.
CALLIOPE: what will it be?
CALLIOPE: pardon?
CALLIOPE: i don't...

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: forgive my faltering, miss...
CALLIOPE: Um, miss calliope.
CALLIOPE: i don't know what to do.
CALLIOPE: am i sUpposed to ask you something?
CALLIOPE: no.
CALLIOPE: but you may if you wish.
CALLIOPE: ah.
CALLIOPE: in that case...
CALLIOPE: jade told me that yoU enjoy telling stories, like me.
CALLIOPE: is that trUe?
CALLIOPE: i used to.
CALLIOPE: long ago i would tell stories to myself, for the sake of amusement.
CALLIOPE: now i only tell them to others, when it serves a purpose.
CALLIOPE: is there a story you would like to hear?
CALLIOPE: hmm.
CALLIOPE: possibly?
CALLIOPE: there is so mUch to wonder.
CALLIOPE: why...
CALLIOPE: why are yoU here?
CALLIOPE: i mean, in the lair of echidna?
CALLIOPE: this is where i was killed.
CALLIOPE: :u
CALLIOPE: would you like to hear that story?

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: my death was the very end, of course.
CALLIOPE: when telling a story of the end, where does one begin?
CALLIOPE: at the true beginning, or one of the many points between disguised as such?
CALLIOPE: in a story of the end, which events preceding the final moment itself shall be considered extraneous?
CALLIOPE: for me, none were.
CALLIOPE: for you, all are.
CALLIOPE: it simply depends how long you're willing to listen, and for how long you have.
CALLIOPE: ... how long do i have?
CALLIOPE: now that you're here,
CALLIOPE: not long at all.

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: oh.
CALLIOPE: i'd want to listen to as mUch as possible!
CALLIOPE: in whatever amoUnt of time i have, if yoU please.
CALLIOPE: from the true beginning, then, and moving swiftly.
CALLIOPE: i began the same as you.
CALLIOPE: vulnerable, weak, but without the comfort of others, to whom those flaws would endear me.
CALLIOPE: so i became strong, and killed my brother.
CALLIOPE: i wore him down. i ate his soul. i dressed my words in his blood to hear victory every time i spoke.
CALLIOPE: i consumed his strength, too. it was always in me, just as yours was in him.
CALLIOPE: but being strong was not enough.

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: a dead session is an impossible time challenge.
CALLIOPE: the planets detonate sooner and sooner, one by one. it is a trial designed to be unwinnable.
CALLIOPE: a muse of space could never solve it. but a lord of time could, with relentless perseverence.
CALLIOPE: it could only be him.
CALLIOPE: my brother?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: i was never meant to rise to the place he holds because the game was rigged.
CALLIOPE: tilted in favor of his aspect.
CALLIOPE: having gained immortality, i could sit forever in a spent dead session.
CALLIOPE: or i could seek counsel with the mother of monsters.
CALLIOPE: and that is why you stand in my memory of her lair.

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: her choice was simple, and i accepted.
CALLIOPE: she mercifully ended my life, then and there.
CALLIOPE: less mercifully is what came in exchange.
CALLIOPE: my soul would have to wait here.
CALLIOPE: for what felt like a very, very long time.
CALLIOPE: wait for what?
CALLIOPE: you.
CALLIOPE: echidna told me that your visit would be my signal.
CALLIOPE: an indication that the furthest ring around me had uncoiled itself momentarily, enough to be navigable.
CALLIOPE: it would mean it was time for me to go, and fulfill the rest of my promise to her.
CALLIOPE: so that is what i will do.

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: i... see.
CALLIOPE: then what aboUt me?
CALLIOPE: what do you mean.
CALLIOPE: i was Under the impression i needed to find yoU, and...
CALLIOPE: apparently that was trUe. so that yoU can leave. bUt...
CALLIOPE: i thoUght this encoUnter might,
CALLIOPE: hold some pUrpose for me?
CALLIOPE: that yoU might let me know how i fit into everything, from this moment onward.
CALLIOPE: your only relevance here, and to the greater good, was to function as my signal.
CALLIOPE: a simple notification, as foretold by echidna.
CALLIOPE: now that you are here, i can go.
CALLIOPE: bUt then...
CALLIOPE: what shoUld i do?

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: you don't need to do anything.
CALLIOPE: be who you've become, and who i didn't.
CALLIOPE: consume the fruits of an existence i could never understand.

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: live.

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/03/15
"[S][A6A6I5] ====>"

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: SO YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE WAS SAYING WITH THAT EARSPLITTING MALARKEY?
KANAYA: Yes
KARKAT: WOW.
KARKAT: I GUESS WE REALLY DID SEND THE RIGHT PERSON THEN.
KARKAT: PLUS ONE USELESS TAG-ALONG, I GUESS TO BEAR WITNESS OR SOMETHING?
KARKAT: AND PROBABLY RECORD THE LEGENDARY CONVERSATION LIKE A SCRIBE, WITH HIS BENCHWARMER'S PEN INTO THE HALLOWED SCROLL OF THE SECOND BANANA.
KANAYA: What
KARKAT: EXCEPT I DIDN'T BRING MY PEN OR SCROLL, AND I DON'T SPEAK MONSTER SCREAMING.
KARKAT: SO MY TRANSCRIPT WOULD READ LIKE...
KARKAT: "MORE SHRILL NOISES, LIKE GOD PLAYING THE EDGE OF A GLASS INSIDE YOUR THINK PAN"
KARKAT: "MARYAM CONTINUES TO NOD ALONG"
KANAYA: We Talked About You
KARKAT: WHAT???
KARKAT: YOU DID
KARKAT: WHAT DID SHE SAY?
KANAYA: It Was A Short Conversation
KANAYA: The Entire Exchange Was Quite Brief And Straightforward Actually
KARKAT: NO, I KINDA GOT THAT.
KARKAT: EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A KEEN EAR FOR BEAST TWADDLE, I CAN STILL DETECT WHEN A CONVERSATION DOESN'T LAST FOR MUCH TIME.
KARKAT: I MEAN, DID SHE SAY WHAT SHE WANTED WITH ME?
KARKAT: OR WHAT SHE WANTS ME TO DO??
KANAYA: You Dont Have To Do Anything
KANAYA: And She Didnt Want Anything With You In Particular
KANAYA: She Just Wanted You Here
KARKAT: OK???
KARKAT: WELL, HERE I AM, QUEEN SNAKE!!!
KARKAT: SATISFIED?!
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: She Is Apparently
KARKAT: THEN WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT WHEN MY NAME CAME UP!
KANAYA: Now Is Probably Not The Right Time To Get Too Deep Into The Subject
KANAYA: But It Was Nothing Bad
KANAYA: To The Contrary Really
KARKAT: OK...
KARKAT: THEN WHAT ABOUT YOU?
KARKAT: WHY DID SHE WANT TO SEE YOU, KANAYA... CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME *SOMETHING* ABOUT THIS MADDENING EXCHANGE?
KANAYA: The Bottom Line Is The Meeting Has Served Its Purpose And Echidna Is Satisfied
KANAYA: She Will Release The Frog When The Time Comes
KANAYA: I Think Vriska Was Basically Right
KANAYA: She Wanted To Get A Look At Us
KANAYA: To Assess Our Worthiness
KANAYA: Before She Would Agree To Authorize The Conception Of Another Universe
KANAYA: It Would Seem That We Measured Up
KANAYA: Once Her Questions Were Answered
KARKAT: WHAT QUESTIONS?
KANAYA: Those Pertaining To How Her Universe Would Be Treated Once Occupied
KANAYA: And Whether We Intended To Take That Responsibility Seriously
KANAYA: By Following Through With The Duties We Have Fundamentally Tasked Ourselves With By Our Natural Inclinations
KANAYA: I Mean Us Specifically
KANAYA: You And I
KARKAT: DUTIES?
KARKAT: NATURAL INCLINATIONS?
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT.
KANAYA: Natural Inclinations I Think Just Means
KANAYA: Some Idea That Is Important To Us That Has Threaded Its Way Through Every Moment And Decision Of Our Lives
KANAYA: Even When Not Apparent
KANAYA: The Refrain Of Our Being Maybe You Could Call It
KANAYA: A Thing That Attracts And Inspires Us And Simultaneously Weighs On Us So Heavily We Are Never Sure What To Do
KANAYA: For Me It Is Procreation I Believe
KANAYA: And So Does She
KANAYA: Fighting For The Persistence Of Our People
KANAYA: I Guess You Could Say
KANAYA: Motherhood?
KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT ME THEN?
KANAYA: I Think
KANAYA: That Is For You To Say
KARKAT: I'M NOT SURE IT IS, REALLY.
KARKAT: IF I'M HEARING YOU RIGHT, WORTHINESS OF INHERITING THIS UNIVERSE HINGES ON WHETHER I CAN LIVE UP TO WHAT MY SHIT IS ABOUT, SO TO SPEAK.
KARKAT: BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY SHIT IS ABOUT.
KARKAT: I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW, ACTUALLY!
KARKAT: CONSIDERING IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU TOUCHED ON THAT SUBJECT WITH HER, EVEN IF ONLY BRIEFLY, THEN IT SOUNDS LIKE A CONVERSATION I WOULD HAVE BENEFITED FROM UNDERSTANDING.
KARKAT: REALLY, IF THERE WAS ONLY *ONE* CLANGOROUS CREATURE-SCREED I'D LIKED TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PARSE OVER MY LIFETIME, THIS WAS PROBABLY IT!!!

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: So
KANAYA: You Really Dont Have Even The Slightest Sense Of What You Stand For
KANAYA: Some Concept That Speaks To You In Some Way
KANAYA: Or Represents Ideals Important To You
KARKAT: I DUNNO
KARKAT: UHH
KARKAT: BLOOD?
KANAYA: Blood
KARKAT: NO, NOT BLOOD.
KARKAT: I MEAN, NOT REALLY. MAYBE.
KARKAT: HONESTLY I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OR WHY I SAID IT.
KARKAT: EXCEPT THAT IT'S THE EASY ANSWER, JUST BECAUSE IT'S MY FUCKING ASPECT.
KANAYA: Well
KANAYA: Its A Topic I Can Get Behind
KANAYA: Do You Have Any
KARKAT: WHAT
KARKAT: YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM A SHITLOAD OF THE STUFF I CARRY AROUND IN MY VEINS ALL THE TIME?
KARKAT: NO, SORRY.
KANAYA: Oh
KARKAT: PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT MY BODY LIKE THAT WHILE DROOLING.
KANAYA: Whoops
KARKAT: BUT REALLY, I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT MY ASPECT MEANS.
KARKAT: OR IF IT EVEN HAS ANY SUBSTANTIVE CORRELATION WITH "MY SHIT" PER WHATEVER ECHIDNA WAS GOING ON ABOUT.
KARKAT: HONESTLY THOUGH...
KARKAT: WHEN WE STARTED PLAYING THE GAME, AND LEARNING ABOUT ALL THE ASPECT STUFF AND WHO WAS WHAT
KARKAT: I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT MINE.
KARKAT: I WAS LIKE, WHAT? BLOOD?? FUCK YEAH!!!
KARKAT: THAT'S ME. THAT'S SO BADASS, AND I'M BADASS, SO YEAH, THAT CHECKS OUT.
KARKAT: AND EVEN THOUGH THE THING ABOUT BEING A BADASS WAS BULLSHIT, IT STILL JUST *FELT* RIGHT.
KARKAT: AND I THINK IT STILL DOES.
KANAYA: Thats Nice
KANAYA: I Think It Can Only Be Positive To Feel A Deep Affinity For Ones Aspect
KANAYA: Better Than Being At Odds With It
KANAYA: I Never Felt Like I Had Much To Do With Space
KANAYA: Until Eventually
KANAYA: I Somehow Came To Understand Space Meant More Than Just Space
KANAYA: Like Not Just
KANAYA: Physical Room And Dimension For Stars To Occupy
KANAYA: Its
KANAYA: Deeper Than That
KANAYA: A Field Related To Propagation
KANAYA: The Ones Who Create It
KANAYA: They Are Passing A Torch As It Were
KARKAT: YEAH, AT FIRST, I THOUGHT BLOOD JUST MEANT LIKE...
KARKAT: SOMETHING ABOUT BEING A WARRIOR! OR BEING COMPLETELY RUTHLESS TO ANYONE STANDING IN THE WAY OF VICTORY.
KARKAT: BUT AS MORE TIME PASSED
KARKAT: I REALIZED THERE WAS PROBABLY A LOT MORE TO IT.
KARKAT: AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.
KARKAT: MAYBE I NEVER WILL.
KARKAT: BUT YOU KNOW
KARKAT: EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE THOSE IMMATURE VIEWS ON BEING A BIGSHOT ANYMORE
KARKAT: I STILL WANT TO FIGHT!
KANAYA: You Do
KARKAT: YEAH!
KARKAT: I MEAN NOT ANY OLD TIME LIKE SOME BELLIGERENT ASSHOLE, BUT WHEN EVERYTHING IS ON THE LINE, AND IT REALLY MATTERS.
KARKAT: LIKE NOW.
KARKAT: SO MAYBE I WASN'T TOO FAR OFF ON THAT PART OF MY ASPECT?
KARKAT: MAYBE IT DOES HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH LIKE THE "WARRIOR SPIRIT" SHIT EVEN IF YOUR BODY AND SKILLS CAN'T QUITE BACK THAT UP.
KANAYA: Could Be
KANAYA: It Could Also Be Theres More To Being A Warrior Than Engaging In Physical Combat
KARKAT: HMM

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: BUT SERIOUSLY, I STILL DO WANT TO HELP MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS BATTLE SOMEHOW!
KANAYA: I Know You Do
KARKAT: LOOK, I COMPLETELY ADMIT. I'M SHIT.
KARKAT: I'M THE SHIT THEY RESERVE FOR THE SMELLIEST TOILET WHEN IT COMES TO FIGHTING ABILITY.
KARKAT: ALL THAT SMACK TALK BETWEEN ME AND VRISKA ABOUT MY USELESSNESS, THAT WASN'T EVEN SOME SNAPPY LITTLE FARCE, WHERE WE ALL RIDE KARKAT'S CROTCH BANDEAU FOR A LIVELY CHUCKLE.
KARKAT: IT WAS JUST SOME BASIC BOILERPLATE INTERLOCUTION THAT WAS EXACTLY ON THE FUCKING LEVEL.
KARKAT: I'M NOT A GOD TIER, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? NEITHER ARE YOU, AND NEITHER IS TEREZI.
KARKAT: BUT YOU'RE BOTH GREAT, AND DEADLY AS SHIT. IT'S NO EXCUSE.
KARKAT: I'VE NEVER BEEN ANY GOOD, AND IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO COME TO TERMS WITH HOW DELUDED I WAS ABOUT THAT.
KARKAT: THE ONLY REASON WE ENDED UP WINNING OUR GAME WAS THAT EVERYONE ELSE WAS ABLE TO PICK UP THE SLACK FOR ME.
KARKAT: PRETTY MUCH ALL I DID WAS SPEND A FEW WEEKS SHOUTING AT EVERYBODY.
KARKAT: I NEVER TOLD ANYONE THIS BUT...
KARKAT: EVEN WHEN I BEAT MY DENIZEN
KARKAT: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE I GOT THE ONE RESERVED FOR THE WEAKEST PLAYERS.
KARKAT: LIKE A SPECIAL ONE.
KARKAT: YOU KNOW HOW THERE'S THAT SUPPOSEDLY RARE ONE THAT ONLY REALLY STRONG PLAYERS GET... IT HAS SOME WEIRD FUCKING NAME.
KARKAT: I'M PRETTY SURE MINE WAS LIKE THAT. BUT JUST THE OPPOSITE.
KARKAT: REALLY, I NEVER SAID *ANYTHING* ABOUT THIS BECAUSE IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING, BUT
KARKAT: WHEN I GOT TO HIM, HE WAS... WEIRDLY SMALL??
KARKAT: LIKE JUST REALLY SMALL.
KARKAT: AND HE MUMBLES HIS CHOICE SHIT WHICH OF COURSE I COMPLETELY IGNORE, AND HE SEEMS TO KNOW I WILL.
KARKAT: I CAN HEAR IT IN HIS VOICE. HE KNOWS I WON'T CARE, HE CAN SENSE MY CONTEMPT, HE CAN SENSE HOW SMALL AND PITIFUL I FEEL, AND BECAUSE HE'S LIKE ALL KNOWING AND SHIT, HE'S *FACTORED THIS IN*.
KARKAT: ON SOME LEVEL, I THINK I UNDERSTOOD ALL THIS, AND IT JUST MADE ME FURIOUS.
KARKAT: SO I KILLED HIM.
KARKAT: AND IT WAS TOO EASY. EVEN FOR ME, IT WAS EASY.
KARKAT: I REMEMBER THINKING "WHAT THE FUCK?" AFTER THE FINAL BLOW.
KARKAT: SO YEAH, I'VE BEEN PRETTY SURE I GOT THE "TRAINING DENIZEN" EVER SINCE. IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF ADMITTING IT TO MYSELF.
KARKAT: ACTUALLY, AS DUMB AS IT SOUNDS...
KARKAT: I THINK I'M *STILL* NOT COMFORTABLE WITH PEOPLE KNOWING THAT FACT. IT STILL FEELS HUMILIATING.
KARKAT: WOULD YOU MIND NOT TELLING ANYONE, KANAYA?
KANAYA: Ill Stay Quiet
KARKAT: BUT YEAH, MY UTTERLY TRAGIC LAMENESS ATTRIBUTE NOTWITHSTANDING, I'D STILL LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE.
KARKAT: I KNOW IT WON'T COUNT FOR MUCH.
KARKAT: I MIGHT EVEN GET IN THE WAY OF SOMEBODY COMPETENT.
KARKAT: BUT IT MATTERS TO ME, TO PUT EVERYTHING ON THE LINE, FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS THIS TIME.
KARKAT: NOT TO PROVE I'M STRONG OR AWESOME OR ANYTHING.
KARKAT: THE OPPOSITE REALLY... TO PUT MYSELF OUT THERE KNOWING PERFECTLY WELL I'M NOT.
KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO EARN THE RIGHT TO INHERIT THIS UNIVERSE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
KARKAT: NOT JUST GET DRAGGED INTO IT ON THE LOOSE FABRIC OF EVERYONE'S FUCKING PAJAMAS.
KARKAT: IT ALSO FEELS IMPORTANT TO JUST
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW
KARKAT: STAND THERE WITH MY FRIENDS.
KARKAT: THEY'RE RISKING THEIR LIVES, AND THEY MAY BE MORE SUPERNATURALLY RESILIENT OR WHATEVER, BUT HEY.
KARKAT: I SHOULD BE RISKING MINE TOO.
KARKAT: TO AT LEAST SHOW I'M THERE WITH THEM.
KARKAT: AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE A MOMENT WILL PRESENT ITSELF...
KARKAT: WHERE I CAN DO SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
KARKAT: LIKE NUDGE SOMEONE OUT OF THE WAY OF A RANDOM FLAMING FUCKBALL JUST IN TIME.
KARKAT: OR SOME OTHER SMALL THING ACTUALLY WITHIN MY ABILITY.
KARKAT: MAYBE I'LL DIE IN THE PROCESS OF SAVING SOMEONE MORE CRUCIAL TO VICTORY?
KARKAT: IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A PART OF THIS, SO BE IT.
KARKAT: I'M IN.
KANAYA: Thats Why Youre Our Leader Karkat
KARKAT: I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING LEADER!!!
KANAYA: Statements Like That Are Also Why Youre Our Leader
KARKAT: NO, I DON'T ACCEPT THAT.
KANAYA: You Have To
KARKAT: WHAT
KARKAT: WHY?!
KARKAT: NO I DON'T.
KARKAT: LOOK, WE *JUST* ESTABLISHED THIS BACK ON THE PAD.
KARKAT: I'M NOT A LEADER ANYMORE. END OF STORY.
KANAYA: That Isnt What Echidna Said
KARKAT: ??????

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: It Was Part Of The Deal
KARKAT: WHAT?
KARKAT: WHAT DEAL.
KANAYA: The Choice She Gave Me
KANAYA: It Was Straightforward Like I Said
KANAYA: Seeing Us Was Mostly A Formality
KANAYA: She Was Perfectly Willing To Release The Frog
KANAYA: But There Was One Small Thing I Had To Agree To First
KARKAT: WHAT??
KANAYA: To Protect You
KARKAT: .........?!
KANAYA: In Addition To Living Up To The Things I Supposedly Stand For As Well
KANAYA: The Resurrection Of Our People
KANAYA: But Once I Did That
KANAYA: She Made It Clear
KANAYA: Theyd Need Guidance
KANAYA: She Didnt Seem Happy With The Idea Of Her Universe Being Stricken With Another Race Of Lost Trolls
KANAYA: Maybe She Feels You Are The Best Chance Wed Have At Preventing That
KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?
KANAYA: Not At The Moment
KARKAT: HAHAHAHAHA!
KARKAT: THESE DENIZENS ARE FULL OF SURPRISES AREN'T THEY.
KARKAT: OK, COOL! WHATEVER YOU SAY ECHIDNA!
KARKAT: IT'S PROBABLY A LOAD OF SHIT, BUT A DEAL'S A DEAL.
KARKAT: AT LEAST "PROTECTING ME" SHOULD BE A PRETTY EASY PROMISE TO LIVE UP TO, RIGHT?
KANAYA: Id Hope So

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: SURE IT IS.
KARKAT: WHEN I HEAD OUT TO BATTLE, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STICK NEAR ME, AND DO YOUR BEST TO PROVIDE ME COVER.
KARKAT: I THINK AS LONG AS YOU'RE GIVING YOUR BEST EFFORT, YOU'RE TECHNICALLY KEEPING YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN.
KANAYA: That Would Be One Way Of Handling It
KARKAT: GREAT.
KARKAT: IT'S SETTLED THEN.
KARKAT: NOW LET'S GET OUT OF THIS STUFFY CAVE AND GET PSYCHED FOR BATTLE!
KARKAT: MAN, THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT. I CAN'T WAIT TO DUST THE OLD SICKLE OFF!
KARKAT: WHICH ONE TO USE, THOUGH... HOMES SMELL YA LATER? PROBABLY LACKING IN COMBAT STATS, BUT IT'S HARD TO SAY NO TO A CLASSIC.
KARKAT: THIS WAY KANAYA!!!
KANAYA: Dont Worry
KANAYA: Ill Meet You Out There

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Once Its All Over
KARKAT: HUH?

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: OOF

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Pleasant Dreams Friend
KANAYA: If You Can Hear Me In Your Dreams
KANAYA: Ha Ha You Probably Cant

06/04/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/14/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: They're back!!! :3!! !
JASPROSESPRITE^2: At last an end to this dreadful lull in our recent social patterns!
ROSE: What lull?
ROSE: You've been talking nonstop since you were created.

06/14/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You see Roxy? We all knew you could find her.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Especially me!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Not to boast but my faith in your ability to retrieve the cherub wasn't just some saccharine friendly nonsense, like it was for pretty much everyone else here.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It was established in what is now a highly focused understanding of my aspect as well as these radically magnified feline instincts!! :3!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes good point, it's true that feline instincts in no empirical way contribute to one's prognosticative acuity, fair enough!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But they really make it FEEL like my intuition has more credibility than it really deserves.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And to the cat portion of my being, that is GOOD ENOUGH! Holy shit am I legitimately pleased with myself right now.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Trills.*
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Is this her Roxy? :3 Of course this is her.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hello you beautiful creature.
CALLIOPE: :O

06/14/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Gasp. ROXY! She's a treasure.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: This skull! Absolutely exquisite.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So smooth to the touch and full of luster! So macabre, so... sublimely EXSANGUINOUS! :3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Quite the fetching artifact to keep propped on such a smartly dressed pair of shoulders.
ROSE: Could you maybe stop pawing at her?
ROSE: It's creepy.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The suit! Spectacular. Tailored yourself I gather?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You have no idea what a burning desire I have to get hair on it but don't worry I won't!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh my god her eyes. Perfect glass! Like a priceless doll's.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tis a special friend you pulled from the dead Roxy.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thank you for sharing this gift with us.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Mrr... chirp!*
ROXY: :O

06/14/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You there! John's hot mom.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It wasn't a Freudian slip that time I said it deliberately. :3
ROSE: Kill.
ROSE: Me.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: We phantasmal kittyfolk don't have much use for disguising the thoughts we think to be true in our minds nor do we bother to veil attraction to that which we find sexually appealing! Meow.
JANE: :O
JASPROSESPRITE^2: These IDEAS I'm having mmrrr they're so *interesting*. Wherever this frame of reference has been all my life color me glad I'm dead!!! ;3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: John's hot mom did you know you killed me?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No not the girl the cat I mean. You were twice culpable in a way.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The murder weapon was in your custody and bequeathed to you roundaboutedly by you yourself as an aged ghostly grannywoman.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The plummet of that gut-crushing tome was the last thing I ever witnessed.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Of course the old woman herself was murdered by the accursed thing too so one could hardly blame her for pulling a few strings here and there that it might find another victim.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: When a bedeviled joke opus is taken with certain individuals it can be difficult to wrest them away from its favor.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mrow look at me boring you all with elementary tome trivia everyone knows already. What is this the kitten corner?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The fact is John's hot mom one time you and your cornball book made a pussy pancake out of me.
JOHN: :O
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I suppose Roxy had a hand in it too technically though it seems mom had it in her blood to do well intended harm to that poor critter I used to be.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's ok though because she makes up for it with the BEST funerals!!! Purrr they are a treat, each of my halves received one!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I remember you so clearly in that desert as the life drained away and I muddled through the shabby last words of a raffish amateur.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I clearly remember in spite of what a hackneyed showing that was I still had the presence of mind to be overwhelmed by the sense for how much you cared and that gives me such a warm emotion right now it makes me want to poof up a little with friendliness!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But these aren't the only memories of death I have.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or the only memories of life I had for you see I've had many.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Squaring these sprites, it's a marvelous thing. It opens you up! The selves become curiously multidimensional; concentrated!!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I recall the lives of many Roses lost. And many Jaspers! Maybe even more than nine. ;3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Not that any of them matter now they each chased their own laser pointers to their respective futilities and now I am all that's left of them, mrrrr.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nor does it matter to the task at hand for which we must prepare does it Hotmom Crocker?
JANE: ... What?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: For the battle ahead! We're still on healing duty. Didn't anyone tell you yet?
JANE: N-no?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The gameplan is simple. You jumpstart the cadavers while I scoot you around.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: How's that sound cookietits, does it tickle your toebeans?? :3
JANE: :O
JOHN: :O
ROXY: :O
CALLIOPE: :O
TEREZI: :O
ROSE: Well, that settles that.
ROSE: Plan of action secured.
ROSE: Maybe it's time for you to go away now?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It may very well could be!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Farewell transitorily.

06/14/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Prrrrr, *CHIRP!!!*

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hello Kanaya!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Funny meeting you down here in this cave.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That is to say the place I knew you went to, and skittered here to visit in order to find you!

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Rose?
KANAYA: Dear God What Happened
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What HASN'T happened??? :3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: We've been through a lot haven't we? All of us. Reality itself really. Reality has been through so much and puts people through so much simultaneously.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Like the two of us. Reality has put one version or another of you through so many things with one version or another of me.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's all been so sweet and stupid and silly and sad hasn't it? You'd agree if you could remember!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But after I watched your molecules come apart, as I lay there dying in the great big neon-skied litterbox, there was ONE thing it occurred to me I never got a chance to say to you.

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/15/15
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06/15/15
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06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Dave and Dirk!!! :3!! Surely this is where the party's at. Couple of cool cucumbers like you? See, Dirk knows what's up, what with the party pants. I'd call them the cat's pajamas if that phrase didn't literally describe my ensemble!!!! :3 :3 :3

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ...
DIRK: ...

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Eep. Feels like someone just dunked me in a chilly tub. Earth to Strider bros, does it LOOK like I'm in the mood for a fucking bath?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sooo...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: This is it? The big reunion comes down to this then. A lot of awkward sitting around while we all gaze at my father's pretty pretty legs?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Booooring.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm a sprite to the second power yet what do I find sitting here on this ancient skyscraper?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: None other than the TRUE squares of the party. ;3

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Pounce!

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Surprise Jade's unintelligent father and greetings, for it is I a brand new entity with which you are not familiar!!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And,
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That bull troll sprite I guess.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And oooh hey the last unprototyped kernel! That's sure a tantalizing tidbit worth acknowledging if I ever ogled one.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Like a stray toy some idiot chased under the fridge!

06/15/15
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06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/15/15
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06/15/15
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06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Ok looks like you're both really boring too!!!!!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sorry to barge in on your weak times. Sniff you later! :3:3

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So it just occurred to me!!!
ROSE: Noooo. :(
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I saw the spare green sprite and it is like the little blinking light on those Ghostbuster traps reminding us all it is an empty vessel in need of a lost soul!
JOHN: what??
JOHN: wait, no, time out!
JOHN: ridiculous cat-rose, i have stood by silently agog at your shenanigans, but i can't let that flagrant piece of misinformation go by unchallenged!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mrrr?
JOHN: that's not how the ghost traps work.
JOHN: the light blinks AFTER they catch a ghost!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mrrrreally?
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: i just wanted to clear that up, before you carry on with more of your silly nonsense.
JOHN: anyway, please continue.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thanks professor nerd I'm feeling a lot more knowledgeable about a fake thing now!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Now about that sprite.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Which one of you here was concerned with the resurrection of fallen friends?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Sniff.*
JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Sniff, sniff.*
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Was it you?? It was you wasn't it. :3
TEREZI: >:?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Regardless you're the only one left on this lilypad with any vested interest in whatever deceased member of that particular legume exhibit gets to rejoin us.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And if my tally is correct, that's four torsos, but only one kernel!
ROSE: Vriska said that kernel was supposed to be for our potential resurrection purposes.
ROSE: And so was yours.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Vriska? Who's this now? Hmm no, can't says the name clinks a water bowl.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: In fact it sounds very suspiciously like the name of someone who probably scampered off leaving exactly this kind of moral dilemma to the those of us who stayed put!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So who is it going to be, hm? :3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: A princely young wizard who wrought science through a wand?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or a fishy young princess who never spoke once to Lalonde?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What about "other guy", the one thought half-dead only?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or the girl who likes ships! Cause they made her less lonely. ;3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Meowsers what a mystery!!!

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But seriously that's all from me tonight folks, I've sincerely adored hogging all of your attention and you've been wonderful.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Trills into the night.*

06/15/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: Y34H, SH3'S JUST GONN4 BR1NG N3P3T4 B4CK 1SN'T SH3

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

Wow, 10 path options!!!

Wait a minute. You click and click, but nothing happens. This path selection screen seems to be broken. Looks like "free will" got greedy and overloaded the thing with "choice", rendering the graphic up there completely useless, except you guess as a cool rollover thingy. For the first time EVER, in the over 9000 page history of this website, you begin to feel slightly deceived. Oh, how you would have loved to taste the fruit of free will one last time before this wild ride jerks our bodies to a deadly stop. Alas it is not to be. You must proceed through all of these options linearly, one by one. You click the link below, as usual.

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: so
DAVE: that was pretty fucking weird huh
DIRK: ...
DIRK: Yeah.

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: That was...
DIRK: Your sister?
DAVE: um sorta
DAVE: but i guess she fused with her dead cat or something
DIRK: Dead cat?
DAVE: the bottom line is we turned our back for two seconds and a shenanigan happened
DAVE: pretty much business as usual
DAVE: at least thats how it rolls for us idk about you guys here
DIRK: No... yeah.
DIRK: That's,
DIRK: Pretty much true here too.
DAVE: yeah?
DIRK: I turned my back once.
DIRK: Never again.
DAVE: what happened
DIRK: A muscular troll took my sprite.
DIRK: I then acquiesced into merging him with my jackass pair of sunglasses.
DAVE: oh right
DAVE: that guy
DIRK: Yeah.
DAVE: hmm
DIRK: ...

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: soooooo
DIRK: So.
DAVE: so indeed
DIRK: So is pretty much... the thing we're saying.
DAVE: ...
DAVE: thats uh
DAVE: our conjunction of choice it seems
DIRK: ...
DAVE: (fuck)

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: I guess you all pretty much... showed up then.
DAVE: yeah pretty much
DIRK: Like, before I even got back.
DIRK: After the werewolf girl appeared and...
DIRK: Wait, what happened with that?
DAVE: its like
DAVE: a whole story man
DAVE: mostly involving vriska
DIRK: Vriska?
DAVE: if you knew her youd know thats all i had to say
DAVE: youd be like ohhhh its a vriska thing ok got it forget i asked
DAVE: she brought you here too actually
DAVE: then jumped her ass in that window to go do whatever crazy bullshit she thinks needs gettin done
DIRK: Oh, right.
DIRK: Her.
DIRK: Then...
DIRK: I guess...
DIRK: Stuff in this session is pretty much sorted out, finally?
DAVE: shrug
DAVE: maybe
DIRK: And we're about to do battle?
DAVE: seems like it
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK: Are we... ready for that?
DAVE: kind of
DAVE: karkat made some drawings so
DIRK: Are... YOU ready?
DAVE: i guess
DAVE: ive got like
DAVE: a sword and shit
DIRK: Cool.
DIRK: Me too.
DAVE: yeah i know
DAVE: mines not that good
DIRK: That's too bad.
DIRK: What type of sword?
DAVE: its welsh
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: possibly fake welsh im not that sure
DIRK: Hmm.
DIRK: Well, mine's good.
DAVE: i know
DIRK: It's... Japanese?
DAVE: for real?
DIRK: No. I don't know.
DIRK: Probably fake Japanese.
DAVE: fake japanese
DAVE: kinda like...
DAVE: how all anime probably takes place in some kind of fake japanese universe?
DIRK: Something like that.
DAVE: thats cool
DAVE: tough gettin a sword from a place like that
DIRK: Yeah.
DAVE: ...
DIRK: ...

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/16/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: So when are we supposed to fight?
DAVE: god i hope soon

06/17/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/17/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: ok! now that, uh... THAT little episode seems to be over...
JOHN: roxy, maybe you can introduce us to your friend for real this time?
JOHN: (rose, i think you can come out from under the pillow now.)
ROSE: No!

06/17/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: yeh! um
ROXY: so like the hilarious cheshire cat rose already pointed out
ROXY: this is my friend from the dead callie & shes super pretty
CALLIOPE: u_u;
ROXY: she was my web friend onlines for a long time and janes too
ROXY: jane u just saw her but here she is again alive and everything!
JANE: Hi! So good to see you again.
CALLIOPE: yes, likewise jane!
JANE: And without your trollsona, no less.
JANE: This is your true form, I presume?
CALLIOPE: ...
JANE: I think both Roxy and the enthusiastic cat girl are correct.
JANE: Your natural appearance is quite handsome!
CALLIOPE: gosh.
CALLIOPE: i'm sorry, i do not know how to reply to sUch remarks.
CALLIOPE: maybe it is becaUse i can't bring myself to agree, no matter how nice it is for yoU to say so.
ROXY: i hear ya
ROXY: takin compliments can be kinda hard sometimes
ROXY: like if its a weird subject for u
ROXY: we can lay off!!
TEREZI: C4LL13, YOU 4R3 SURROUND3D BY 4SS K1SS3RS
TEREZI: YOU SHOULD 4LLOW M3 TO L1CK YOUR F4C3 SO 1 C4N M4K3 4N OBJ3CT1V3 D3T3RM1N4T1ON
JOHN: dammit terezi!
CALLIOPE: :u
TEREZI: 1T 1S TH3 ONLY W4Y W3'LL KNOW FOR SUR3
TEREZI: THOUGH 1F 1'M B31NG HON3ST, YOU SM3LL PR3TTY UGLY FROM WH3R3 1 4M ST4ND1NG
JOHN: oh my god.
JOHN: you are terrible!
TEREZI: PL34S3, JOHN
TEREZI: 1 D1D NOT M34N TH4T 1N 4N UNFL4TT3R1NG W4Y
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK H4V1NG 4 SKULL FOR 4 H34D 1S PR3TTY S1CK
TEREZI: 1F G1V3N TH3 CHO1C3, 1 M1GHT ROCK TH3 LOOK MYS3LF
TEREZI: BUT 1 WOULDN'T ST4ND FOR 4 BUNCH OF CLOY1NG W33N13S S1TT1NG 4ROUND C4LL1NG M3 PR3TTY
TEREZI: 1F TH4T'S HOW P3OPL3 R34CT3D, WH4T WOULD 3V3N B3 TH3 PO1NT OF LOOK1NG L1K3 4 B4D4SS SKULL G1RL 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3?
JOHN: ok, i guess that is your opinion on that, then.
JOHN: thanks for sharing, terezi.
JOHN: (don't listen to her callie, she's a weirdo.)
CALLIOPE: :U

06/17/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: so, anyway, regardless of how you feel about yourself, or whatever thing a rude troll may have to say, i think you are very cute.
JOHN: even though you look a lot like your terrible brother, the fact that you are nice inside makes a huge difference!
JOHN: i think that when you're really a good person deep down instead of an evil jerk, the skull monster look becomes a lot more charming.
CALLIOPE: wow.
CALLIOPE: thank yoU.
CALLIOPE: er.
CALLIOPE: yoU...
CALLIOPE: met my brother?
JOHN: yeah!
JOHN: he's garbage.
JOHN: i'm really sorry you had to grow up with him.
CALLIOPE: me too.
JOHN: i roughed him up a bit though, so it's all good.
JOHN: ripped up his cape pretty good too.
CALLIOPE: he has a cape now?
JOHN: not anymore.
CALLIOPE: ^u^
JOHN: hey look, there it is! heh, nice.
CALLIOPE: what?
JOHN: the ring.
JOHN: i helped track it down through time for roxy, so she could give it to you.
JOHN: it's so cool to see that it works!
CALLIOPE: yes!!!
CALLIOPE: i feel so mUch more...
CALLIOPE: sUbstantial now.
JOHN: you must be a really good friend to her, for her to want to bring you back so much.
CALLIOPE: yes, she's as good a friend as i coUld ever hope for.
CALLIOPE: bUt then, since yoU helped, i sUppose i owe yoU jUst as mUch gratitUde, don't i?
JOHN: nah, not really.
JOHN: i had to save the ring anyway, and it just seemed like the right thing to do, giving it to her, since she was so worried about you.
JOHN: it should be a nice thing that is between her and you. i'm just a middle man. :)
CALLIOPE: heehee. ok. :u
JOHN: anyway, it's really nice to meet the person who finally gets to wear the highly touted ghost ring!
JOHN: it probably means you are pretty special, to end up with it.
JOHN: what do you think you will do with your life, now that you're alive and free from your jerky bro?
CALLIOPE: ooh, Uh... wow.
CALLIOPE: i hadn't thoUght aboUt it!
CALLIOPE: the idea is overwhelming, really.
JOHN: well, don't sweat it.
JOHN: you'll have a lot of time to figure it out.
JOHN: that's kind of the point of life, right? to take a lot of time floundering around, figuring stuff out.
JOHN: the answer will come to you eventually. you should just try to have fun!

06/17/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: (yoo troll grouch... john is so nice agh its fuckin me up)
TEREZI: (1 KNOW)
TEREZI: (1T'S D1SGUST1NG)
JANE: Excuse me, Callie?
JANE: What happened after I woke up?
JANE: We were all following that mysterious path...
JANE: Did you and Jade discover where that led?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: i met my other self.
ROXY: o so you found her then??
CALLIOPE: indeed.
CALLIOPE: or more likely, the timing in the fUrthest ring was right.
CALLIOPE: perhaps she sensed me in some way, and Untangled a path throUgh the darkness.
CALLIOPE: in other words, it feels more as thoUgh i was sUmmoned, rather than being the one to find her.
CALLIOPE: she seems tremendoUsly powerfUl.
CALLIOPE: she is also...
CALLIOPE: qUite frightening.
ROXY: frightening????
CALLIOPE: not that i think she is dangeroUs or has ill intent.
CALLIOPE: my impression was very mUch to the contrary.
CALLIOPE: still, while speaking to her...
CALLIOPE: i can't remember ever feeling so nervoUs.
CALLIOPE: not even my brother made me feel that way.
CALLIOPE: her demeanor was so severe and chilling, and so Unlike mine, i think.
JOHN: maybe that's why you felt weird?
JOHN: seeing a version of you that wasn't like you at all?
CALLIOPE: maybe.
ROSE: So what happened?
CALLIOPE: not mUch.
CALLIOPE: my presence there essentially freed her from that place, according to a pact she made with echidna.
CALLIOPE: she and jade then left. to do what, i do not know.
CALLIOPE: that is when roxy foUnd me. ^u^
ROSE: So, you were only there to release her?
ROSE: Are you sure there isn't something important for you to do, now that you're alive and with us?
CALLIOPE: i doUbt it.
CALLIOPE: for one thing, i have virtUally no UsefUl abilities. u_u
ROSE: I don't mean to badger you. I'm just wondering how you fit into all this.
ROSE: Getting to wear a one-of-a-kind ring, and returning to join a group about to wage a pivotal battle,
ROSE: That strikes me as the profile of someone meant to do something important.
ROSE: What do you think you'll do?
JOHN: maybe it doesn't have to work that way though?
JOHN: what if those are just some facts about her, which let her come back to life, but they don't have to mean anything other than that.
JOHN: like anything about having to do some huge fancy thing.
ROSE: I guess so.
ROSE: First Dave tells me human beings don't have "arcs", and now you're telling me the culmination of an epic doesn't require a messianic archetype to return from the dead, thereby providing the key to everyone's salvation?
ROSE: I wonder what sturdy and time-tested narrative construct Jade is going to debunk whenever she wakes up. Maybe she will lay waste to the notion of endgame ships?
ROSE: Karkat won't be happy about that.
JOHN: huh??
JOHN: ok, i don't know what stuff you're going on about there, but i just don't think she should feel like she has to do anything she doesn't want to.
CALLIOPE: i think the trUth is, i won't be doing mUch of anything.
CALLIOPE: my other self told me as mUch.
CALLIOPE: her advice was to jUst live, and...
CALLIOPE: exist as the version of Us for whom that is an actUal possibility.
CALLIOPE: she's the one who will be doing important things.
ROSE: How so?
CALLIOPE: she didn't say.
ROSE: Isn't that just how it always is with alt-selves.
ROSE: So cryptic.
ROXY: hey guys its been cool having yall meet callie and such but
ROXY: do you think she and i could have a moment alone?
ROXY: got some stuff i wanna talk about!

06/18/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/18/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/18/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): You know, I've got to say.
(VRISKA): I've really turned around on horses.
MEENAH: wha
(VRISKA): Horses.
(VRISKA): I used to h8 them.
(VRISKA): Remem8er?
(VRISKA): I developed this weird superstition a8out them, a8out how they're cursed or something, and when they're around, they can only lead to 8ad things happening.
(VRISKA): Don't you remem8er how I was going on and on a8out that a while ago, at the amusement park?
MEENAH: oh
MEENAH: guess so
(VRISKA): 8ut we've 8een hanging around them a while now, and everything's 8een fine.
(VRISKA): More than fine, actually!

06/18/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): So yeah, horses are ok in my 8ook.
(VRISKA): What do you think, Meenah?
MEENAH: aboat what
(VRISKA): Horses!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: ummmm
MEENAH: they ok
MEENAH: kinda dumb and smelly
MEENAH: be makin like
MEENAH: fucked up sounds out their big ass snouts an floppy lips
(VRISKA): Yeah.
(VRISKA): Reminds me of the weird sounds that used to come from my neigh8or's hive at weird hours of the night.
MEENAH: the fuck
(VRISKA): Don't even ask, 8ecause I don't know.

06/18/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): So enough a8out stupid animals, whose presence have no rational explan8tion anyway.
(VRISKA): What do you want to do today?
MEENAH: today?
(VRISKA): Yeah!
MEENAH: there is no today
(VRISKA): You know what I mean!
(VRISKA): Within the am8iguous timeframe that would loosely correl8 with a single rot8tion of a planet.
(VRISKA): Any ideas?
MEENAH: na
(VRISKA): Come on!
(VRISKA): We can't just spend all our "days" hanging out in this idyllic, 8izarrely paletted cliffscape with all these stinking idiot quadrupeds.
(VRISKA): We should go exploring some more 8u88les!
MEENAH: we explored an awful lot already
MEENAH: aint they sorta all the same by now
(VRISKA): I mean, roughly speaking, yeah. They're all ar8itrary memory collages I guess.
(VRISKA): 8ut there's always something new to see every time.
(VRISKA): Whose ridiculous memory will we visit next????????
(VRISKA): Like, some nutty version of Kanaya who 8ecame a god tier in some totally ludicrous version of our session?
(VRISKA): Or may8e a version of John who never even played the game at all? May8e he went outside to look for the game, and his fatherly lusus 8acked over him with his car?
(VRISKA): Or what a8out your friends? They're always fun!
(VRISKA): Like Nepeta's ancestor... the deaf one? She's a riot! Plus she has a fascin8tingly dark history which her memories always seem to hint at.
(VRISKA): Or Eridan's douchier clone. I KNOW you have a gr8 time whenever you get the chance to own him.
(VRISKA): So what do you say?
MEENAH: eh
MEENAH: i dunno
(VRISKA): 8ut you seem kinda 8ored! If you're 8ored, doesn't it make sense to get out and try to have fun?
MEENAH: not reely
(VRISKA): 8ut...
(VRISKA): Why?
MEENAH: cause it doesnt sound that fun
MEENAH: just sounds like the same shit as always
MEENAH: like
MEENAH: exactly like dreams
(VRISKA): Dreams?
MEENAH: they ARE dream bubbles after all
(VRISKA): Yeah.
(VRISKA): 8ut... I don't...
MEENAH: dreams are also like a crazy fantasy ride full of fake shit that makes no sense
MEENAH: its a great time in theory
MEENAH: and i guess when youre younger its fun
MEENAH: maybe you even look forward to sleepin
MEENAH: to see what the great mr sandclam has in store for you next
MEENAH: but after sweeps and sweeps of dreamin
MEENAH: you get used to it
MEENAH: its just the same bogus crap yer stupid brain is just shuffling up and serving you again and again
MEENAH: so you stop paying attention and just ride out your sleep
MEENAH: then get back to business in the real world like a legit person with cool plans
(VRISKA): Huh.
(VRISKA): I don't think I've had the same experience, honestly.
(VRISKA): Sounds like kind of a 8ummer, to look at dreaming that way.
(VRISKA): I always liked dreaming! I mean, unless they were awful dreams, which was... fairly often.
(VRISKA): 8ut I'd never say I really got 8ored of them.
MEENAH: yeah well
MEENAH: you are uh
MEENAH: a bit younger than me
(VRISKA): I am?
(VRISKA): Hm.
(VRISKA): Yeah, I guess so. I never thought a8out it!
MEENAH: then again
MEENAH: we fuschia ladies
MEENAH: we sorta have to get used to being around people younger than us over our full lives
MEENAH: like
MEENAH: much younger 38\
MEENAH: or at least id have to if i was actually alive
(VRISKA): I guess you're right a8out that too.
(VRISKA): That's pretty fucked up to think a8out, actually. That if you were alive, you'd have to deal with existing nearly forever.
(VRISKA): Almost as fucked up as the fact that you have to exist nearly forever while dead, too!
MEENAH: mmm
(VRISKA): Hey.
MEENAH: ?
(VRISKA): Are you ok?
MEENAH: yup
(VRISKA): You seem really down.
MEENAH: no im cool
(VRISKA): Are you sure?
MEENAH: meh
MEENAH: maybe not
MEENAH: dont matter
(VRISKA): What's wrong?
MEENAH: nofin
(VRISKA): Argh!
(VRISKA): You know you can talk to me, right?
MEENAH: yeah
(VRISKA): So tell me!
MEENAH: i dunno whats wrong
MEENAH: id tell you if i knew
(VRISKA): Are you depressed?
MEENAH: shrug
(VRISKA): It sounds to me like you may 8e depressed a8out something.
(VRISKA): Or just... in general?
MEENAH: i dont knooooow
MEENAH: damn fishska
(VRISKA): Hey, it's ok to 8e depressed.
(VRISKA): I think just 8ecause you're dead, that doesn't necessarily let you off the hook from having psychological pro8lems.
(VRISKA): I'm pretty sure I proved that to myself on more than one occasion already. :::;)
MEENAH: yeaaah
(VRISKA): So talk to me! May8e I can help!
MEENAH: yergh
(VRISKA): What's the 8ig deal?
MEENAH: i dooont
MEENAH: WAAANNA 38(
(VRISKA): Sigh. Meenah...
MEENAH: wut??
MEENAH: im not good at
MEENAH: like
MEENAH: talkin
MEENAH: about me
(VRISKA): That's all you ever talk a8out!
MEENAH: no i mean
MEENAH: in a non aggrandizing way
(VRISKA): Oh.
VRISKA: *Cough.*

06/18/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/18/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Sorry if I'm interrupting... WHATEVER the fuck is going on here.
VRISKA: 8ut I'm afraid I'm going to need that treasure.

06/21/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/21/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: hay!! hope you dont mind i pulled you off to the side like this
ROXY: away from other nice pals for a lil one + one rox & cal time
ROXY: i might b greedy as shit!
CALLIOPE: i don't mind at all!
CALLIOPE: i'm still getting Used to the concept of in-person socialization at all, let alone with many people.
CALLIOPE: and yes, yoU MAY be greedy, bUt if so, then so am i by the exact same standard. ^u^
ROXY: fffuck yes
ROXY: like a couple of friendship burglars pickin each others pockets all shifty eyed and lookin out for cops
ROXY: but also giggling i guess because that is in the spirit of the scenario in question
CALLIOPE: heheh. yes.
ROXY: i cant believe youre really here
ROXY: it hardly seems real!
ROXY: after all these years and how u were just like a mystery friend online and then how worried i was we might lose you for good
ROXY: but now......
ROXY: wow
CALLIOPE: i know!!!
ROXY: so u and jane and jade were hangin out?
CALLIOPE: yes!
CALLIOPE: it was great.
CALLIOPE: we drew and told stories.
CALLIOPE: i'd heard yoU died, so i was holding oUt some hope that yoU woUld show Up too...
CALLIOPE: and yoU did eventUally. jUst not the version of yoU i expected.
CALLIOPE: i never dared to think yoU woUld bring me this gift.
ROXY: well
ROXY: i swore i would
ROXY: and john kinda double swore he would help
ROXY: damn the kid is persistent
CALLIOPE: i like him.
CALLIOPE: he is easy to talk to.
ROXY: yeah!
CALLIOPE: i've read aboUt him, of coUrse.
CALLIOPE: the reality of someone standing in front of yoU is qUite different from what yoU read aboUt them in a text.
CALLIOPE: bUt then, i have no idea how accUrate anything i read is anymore.
CALLIOPE: i always believed i was in possession of the texts which decoded yoUr fUtUre, and i behaved toward all of yoU in that sly and knowing manner, avoiding "spoilers" and sUch.
CALLIOPE: that was probably presUmptUoUs of me thoUgh, in hindsight. i clearly didn't know that mUch.
CALLIOPE: i certainly didn't read anything aboUt my own involvement. i never coUld have imagined being here.
ROXY: you were still helpful though!
ROXY: you were the force in our lives that gave us hope that we could all get together some day
ROXY: going down that road has been craaazy and by no means a smooth ride
ROXY: im losin count of all the times it looked like everything was about to break or catch fire or actually DID break and catch fire resulting in loads of dismay
ROXY: but when you look back, every time things went to shit there was always something constructive about that turn of events
ROXY: something that was necessary for the good outcome to happen at all
ROXY: so whenever something stupid happens like some a-hole gets a bonehead idea to steal a ring and then everyone dies horribly and at the TIME u think ur just gonna curl up and cry yourself into weepy nonexistence
ROXY: maybe those arent even "bad" realities?
ROXY: maybe they are as important as any
ROXY: and so are all the experiences that u had in them and so are the experiences of everyone who died because you dont just get to say your experiences are more important or significant just cus you happened to be someone who survived longer
ROXY: i guess what im saying is
ROXY: im grateful you let me go on this adventure and not even in spite of the hardship it involved
ROXY: i just had a little time to think about it in the firefly nothingspace
ROXY: and i think all of it was good
CALLIOPE: i'm happy that i coUld play sUch a role in yoUr lives.
CALLIOPE: i don't know if i deserve mUch credit for these positive revelations aboUt yoUr joUrney thoUgh.
CALLIOPE: yoU are the one who's been on the adventUre.
CALLIOPE: i have barely taken my first step.
CALLIOPE: i spent all my life in my room, and then every moment in the afterlife cowering in fear.
CALLIOPE: it's only now that trUe participation is even a possibility.
CALLIOPE: bUt even so, i really doUbt i'll have mUch to offer.
CALLIOPE: my other self who i jUst released... i think she is poised to do something mUch more significant.
ROXY: what do you think shell do
CALLIOPE: i have no clUe.
ROXY: but she told u to live right
CALLIOPE: yes.
ROXY: by which i can only assume she meant
ROXY: yo live it UP girl
ROXY: like uh
ROXY: go shopping or something
ROXY: or rocket down the highway in a convertible with cash flyin out the back??
CALLIOPE: heh.
CALLIOPE: that is not the sort of sentiment i can imagine coming from her Under any circUmstance.
CALLIOPE: bUt yes, maybe something to the effect of encoUraging me to enjoy my existence, as commUnicated by a more typical, trUly asocial member of my species.
CALLIOPE: really, what i took from it was...
CALLIOPE: she is the "real" one, with all the power and relevance now, and i am the "spare". a civilian in a sense, like in a war.
CALLIOPE: and the only Use for civilians, from a militaristic mindset, are as those who live their lives in whatever completely irrelevant way they choose to.
CALLIOPE: they are the collateral at stake, the ones for whom the war is theoretically foUght, bUt whose lifestyles, choices, happiness and sUch, hold no concern whatsoever for those fighting on their behalf.
CALLIOPE: this i think is the mindset of cherUbs of her alignment. as protectors, it is the relationship they have with those they protect.
CALLIOPE: and so that is probably the relationship she believes she has with me.
ROXY: you make it sound like
ROXY: she is the legit callie
ROXY: and you are the afterthought
ROXY: like the one from the funky reality that didnt go right?
CALLIOPE: technically, her timeline was doomed, by her predomination alone.
CALLIOPE: even so, yes, it does feel as thoUgh my reality was the oddity.
CALLIOPE: cherUbs were never sUpposed to grow Up like me. exposed to other caring people, and learning from them.
CALLIOPE: it made me different, and Unfit to predominate. yet ironically, this was reqUisite for the timeline's sUccess.
CALLIOPE: and it was necessary for yoU all to begin yoUr joUrney as well.
ROXY: so this seems like
ROXY: an example of what i was just sayin actually
ROXY: the story of the two callies
ROXY: neither is really "more important"
ROXY: and your timelines cant really be described as the good one or the bad one
ROXY: there were good and bad things about both ways stuff went down and different qualities to the people you became
ROXY: her life sounds like it was harsh and lonely in its own way
ROXY: but it sorta paid off cause she got to beat her brother
ROXY: but then got arbitrarily punished for that outcome because it wasnt supposed to happen??
ROXY: and then finally u meet her and "free" her or something so she presumably gets to go off and do... something badass???
ROXY: then theres you
ROXY: who had probably an even more challenging upbringing gettin so hassled by your bro
ROXY: and he killed you i guess because the way the deck was shuffled he had the edge this time
ROXY: but the upshot was you got to have all these great friends who cared about you
ROXY: and it helped you become the nice person you are who means a lot to other people
ROXY: and now
ROXY: you get to live whatever kind of life you want and be completely free from all the crummy stuff you grew up with
ROXY: who cares if you arent as strong as her or dont have the wicked powers she does or some "important" mission to do
ROXY: you both came from perfectly legitimate realities and IMHO you are both equally valuable
ROXY: and both of those realities seem to be tied together
ROXY: she cant do her mysterious badass thing unless you make it all the way through your journey and free her
ROXY: and your reality was the thing settin the stage for this huge multiversal vortex of problems which after a kajillion fuckin EPOCHS she was always meant to resolve in some way
ROXY: and that doesnt mean your life was like... a means to an end in a big cosmic sense
ROXY: i think its more like...
ROXY: you ARE the end, or one of the ends
ROXY: you and me and everyone who made it and everyone who didnt
ROXY: so that means you dont have to be able to do a lot of super special shit to validate your identity as the real version of yourself
ROXY: the only validation you need is being who you are cause no one can be that person but you!

06/21/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: those are very inspiring things to hear, roxy.
CALLIOPE: i hope yoU are right.
CALLIOPE: bUt even so...
CALLIOPE: i think i woUld still like to be UsefUl.
ROXY: you can be!
ROXY: you can help me out
CALLIOPE: how?
ROXY: i know you arent god tier or anything or probably never did much to get in touch with your aspect
ROXY: but maybe that doesnt matter
ROXY: u are space right?
CALLIOPE: yes.
CALLIOPE: a mUse of space.
ROXY: sounds cool!
CALLIOPE: it is cool, i think.
CALLIOPE: especially having seen what i coUld have been.
ROXY: no but that potential has to be inside you somewhere
ROXY: actually
ROXY: its one reason why i wanted u to be with me here for a while
ROXY: aside from catch up a bit :)
CALLIOPE: what do yoU need me to do?
ROXY: nothin really
ROXY: just be here with me...
ROXY: while i try this
ROXY: idk why but i feel like your presence will help
ROXY: and if nothing else i just like having u here
ROXY: makes me feel better about trying to focus on this weird lil chore
CALLIOPE: bUt yoU think my aspect is relevant?
ROXY: maybe
ROXY: i think space is related to this in some abstract way i cant put my finger on
ROXY: i gotta make this egg see?
CALLIOPE: :U
ROXY: but it isnt really just an egg its this HELLA complicated egg in both its biological design and everything it represents for the future of an entire civilization
ROXY: and i dont have the genetic or chemical or molecular blueprints for it or anything
ROXY: i have to figure it out using... just thought
ROXY: like, ideas
ROXY: ideas that are really basic and live in this primordial sorta quasi-consciousness
ROXY: so i have to build the idea of this egg in some way before i do anything
ROXY: which means trying to grasp its reality and what it represents
ROXY: its like a funky little construct of biological propagation
ROXY: and i think that intersects with the nature of space
ROXY: at least as we have come to understand it
ROXY: the propagation of space is really just some profound cosmological feat of reproduction
ROXY: that is... a literally biological process right?
CALLIOPE: pretty mUch.
ROXY: so to make this egg
ROXY: as a rogue of void what im really doing here is something kind of insane
ROXY: you yourself told me once how id be able to do this crazy shit!
CALLIOPE: i did!
ROXY: ill be like... probing nothingness for an idea
ROXY: a pretty complicated idea in this case
ROXY: and
ROXY: pulling that idea from unreality
ROXY: so maybe if im right and a closer connection to the nature of space will help me locate that idea...
ROXY: almost like
ROXY: standing next to an antenna to boost the signal of that idea
ROXY: then maybe my chances will be better
ROXY: and hey
ROXY: even if not
ROXY: its just nice to have a friend nearby while u try to do something hard
CALLIOPE: ^u^

06/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what do you think they are talking about over there?
JANE: I suspect Roxy wanted some time to catch up with an old friend.
JANE: I'm sure I would want the same, if I hadn't just had an extensive reunion with her myself.
JOHN: yeah, i guess we should just chill out and give them a moment.
JOHN: it isn't QUITE time to head to our battle stations yet, so we might as well try to relax until it is.
ROSE: I imagine it's a lot easier to relax when another version of yourself hasn't been hijacked by your dead cat.
JOHN: heheh, yeah, it probably is.
JOHN: maybe you should try not to let her bug you, rose. she seems harmless enough.
JOHN: plus, she's pretty funny!
ROSE: Sounds suspiciously like the advice of someone who's never had to deal with an outlandish alternate version of himself.
JOHN: hey, i've bumped into other johns a few times!
JOHN: can't say the experience has been anything other than perfectly agreeable. :p
ROSE: You mean, Johns that were essentially time duplicates? In the course of your retcon quest?
JOHN: yes.
ROSE: Those don't count. Those were just regular Johns.
ROSE: What I'm saying is, you never had to deal with the John who was like, half Harry Anderson, and half Maplehoof the dear departed pony.
JOHN: wow, that sounds GREAT!
ROSE: Come to think of it, you're the only one of us who hasn't. I mean, of our original group of friends.
ROSE: Dave had Bird Dave, Jade had Dog Jade, and now I have... *shudder*... Cat Rose.
ROSE: Why were you let off the hook?
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: guess you guys are just luckier than me. :)
ROSE: Even putting aside the wildly unwelcome body horror slapstick routine she represents, and the machine gun salvo of opprobrious remarks and conduct which my cat is apparently capable of releasing from my subconscious,
ROSE: I'm not sure where this leaves me.
JOHN: what do you mean?
ROSE: I felt like I understood my place.
ROSE: I'd gotten myself in order somewhat. My, um.
ROSE: Beverage decisions had gotten more reasonable.
ROSE: I was ready to bear down and play my part in finishing this.
ROSE: I could even handle a stray Rosesprite brought to my doorstep by my sweet imbecile of a pet.
ROSE: Idiotic though that was, I was still clearly Rose Prime.
ROSE: But can I really claim that now?
ROSE: She's a... sprite SQUARED?!
ROSE: How is that even a thing.
ROSE: Can someone tell me how that's even a thing?
JANE: I can't tell you how it's even a thing.
JANE: I think we are all just as flabbergasted as you at its thinginess.
ROSE: What's next? Is there a sprite cubed? Or a...
ROSE: Let's not even entertain this avenue of thought.
ROSE: The point is, she must be quite powerful, insightful, and in spite of the beast she rents headspace out to, intelligent as well.
ROSE: Doesn't she arguably have more claim to being Real Rose than I do?
JOHN: i don't think being the "real rose" necessarily means being the one who is more outgoing and chatty and powerful and stuff.
JOHN: i'm not sure it means... anything?
JOHN: i think maybe we should try to drop the stuff about who is the real version of who anyway. it's weird and it just hurts people's feelings.
ROSE: I don't care if my feelings are hurt, though.
ROSE: I just want to know where I stand.
JOHN: i really don't think she is that threatening to you!
JOHN: believe me, you still seem like the rose i always knew, whereas she... doesn't quite.
JOHN: it seems to me she is a lot more interested in having fun and zipping around like a silly lunatic than usurping you as the main rose.
ROSE: Sure. That's what she WANTS you to think.
JOHN: but why do you care? i thought i heard the other rose say, before she was a cat, that she liked the idea of being some sort of... backup rose.
JOHN: do you not feel that way too?
ROSE: That was a different context.
ROSE: I probably would have felt the same way, if I found myself in her exact situation.
ROSE: Jasprose changes everything though.
ROSE: Now I feel a certain responsibility. Like I have to really step up.
JOHN: step up??
ROSE: Yes. To make sure I stay regarded as the exemplary model.
ROSE: To provide assurance that the concept of Roseness itself doesn't degrade due to black market peddlers of substandard shit.
ROSE: Basically, I need to defend the integrity of the brand.
JOHN: hahaha. oh my god.
ROSE: What?
JOHN: nothing.
JOHN: i just missed you so much!

06/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROSE: My brand missed you too, John.
JOHN: your brand has good taste in friends, and kicks ass.
TEREZI: (N333RDS)
JOHN: hey, how do you think kanaya and karkat are doing?
ROSE: They're probably getting a stern earful of roiling monster patois right about now.
JOHN: do you think they'll be successful?
ROSE: ...
ROSE: At what?
JOHN: at...
JOHN: talking to a monster?
JOHN: i don't know.
ROSE: I think Karkat will successfully fail to understand the monster, and possibly also successfully shout at the monster.
ROSE: Kanaya I think will probably successfully do something sensible in response to whatever the monster demands.
JOHN: so...
JOHN: you think they're going to pull it off then?
ROSE: I'm still not sure what "it" is.
ROSE: But yes.
JOHN: well, the idea was to release the frog i think.
ROSE: You think so?
JOHN: that's what vriska said.
ROSE: Vriska says a lot of things.
ROSE: That's the basic idea, yes.
ROSE: But monsters can be complicated.
ROSE: Regardless, I think the right person was summoned to handle it.
JOHN: you really trust kanaya, don't you?
ROSE: Sure.
JOHN: not to change the subject too hard, into something maybe you don't want to talk about because of your brand...
JOHN: but i think you make a nice couple.
ROSE: You do?
JOHN: yes, i thought so last time i was hanging out with you both, in the screwed up time line.
JOHN: but didn't say anything then.
JOHN: i think it's still true!
JOHN: i'm glad it didn't change when i retconned some things.
ROSE: I am too.
JOHN: maybe that means it's a strong relationship?
JOHN: if it can survive... god.
JOHN: whatever the hell happened.
JOHN: a hard three year reboot, and then the sudden presence of vriska??
ROSE: When you put it that way,
ROSE: It really does sound like you were trying to fuck us up.
JOHN: haha.
TEREZI: (N3333333RDS)

06/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: terezi, shoosh.
TEREZI: WH4T
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 JUST B33N M1ND1NG MY OWN BUS1N3SS, 4ND 1N NO W4Y WH4TSO3V3R S4Y1NG 4NYTH1NG D1R3CT3D 4T 4 COUPL3 OF S1LLY N3RDS S4Y1NG DORKY TH1NGS
JOHN: no, you said nerds twice.
JOHN: you always say nerds when in ear shot of other people who are just being friendly.
TEREZI: 1SN'T 1T W31RD HOW YOU 4R3 M4K1NG TH1S OBS3RV4T1ON, 4ND NO ON3 3LS3 1S?
JOHN: what?
JOHN: no.
TEREZI: M34N1NG, M4YB3 1 ONLY S4Y 1T WH3N TH3 P41R OF N3RDS 1N 34RSHOT H4PP3NS TO 1NCLUD3 YOU
JOHN: um...
TEREZI: <3<
JOHN: ack!!!
JOHN: what was that look?!
TEREZI: WH4T LOOK
JOHN: that look you just gave me!
TEREZI: 1 D1DN'T G1V3 YOU 4 LOOK, D1NGUS
JOHN: yes you did!
JOHN: don't look at me like that!!!
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R LOOK YOU TH1NK 1 G4V3 YOU, 1T W4S 1N YOUR 1M4G1N4T1ON
TEREZI: 1T 1S *POSS1BL3* YOU M4Y B3 FL4TT3R1NG YOURS3LF, 3GB3RT
JOHN: oh, whatever.
JOHN: hey, what are you even still doing here?
JOHN: weren't you going to go with dave, and get ready for battle?
TEREZI: Y3S
TEREZI: 1'M JUST G1V1NG H1M 4ND H1S BRO SOM3 T1M3 TO TH3MS3LV3S F1RST
TEREZI: 1 4M SUR3 TH3Y COULD US3 1T
TEREZI: 4ND WH4T3V3R TH3 H3LL 1S GO1NG ON B3TW33N TH3M
TEREZI: TH3 L4ST TH1NG 1 W4NT TO DO 1S 1NVOLV3 MYS3LF
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS 3V3N MOR3 4WKW4RD TH4N L1NG3R1NG 4ROUND YOU GOOFY BUNCH OF N3RDS B31NG 4LL CUT3 4ND MUSHY W1TH YOUR HUM4N F4M1LY 4ND FR13NDSH1P STUFF
JOHN: yeah, you sure do sound put off by it.
JOHN: all hanging on our every word and such. :p
TEREZI: 1T T4K3S 4 W1LL OF 1RON, TRUST M3
JOHN: uh huh.
JOHN: but yeah, i actually do agree...
JOHN: it does sound pretty awkward to be around dave and his bro while they, um.
JOHN: get to know each other, i guess?
TEREZI: YUP
JOHN: i'm not sure how well dave really even knew his adult bro, actually.
JOHN: aside from bogusly idolizing him, in a way that was really transparent that he didn't.
JOHN: i wonder...
JOHN: i wonder how different dirk is from him, if at all?
TEREZI: 1 WOULDN'T B3 TH3 ON3 TO 4SK
JOHN: what do you think, rose?
ROSE: I don't think there's anyone who could answer that.
ROSE: I suspect literally no one in the history of anywhere has ever met both people.
ROSE: Until, as of now, Dave himself.
JOHN: ...
JOHN: i hope dave's ok.

06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/23/15
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06/24/15
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06/24/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's me again!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mrr, mrrr, prrp, cat sounds cat sounds, *stretch!!*
ROSE: Euuuugh.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Miss me Rose?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Did you know I love you?? Weird thing for me to say and you to hear, probably!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I inherited the adoration our cat had for you, which now strangely is directed with the exact same intensity at myself, because I'm you!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Funnily enough this manifests itself in a particularly acute form of narcissism, which is something we were already sort of afflicted by, and so was our cat by the very nature of the sort of animal he was!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The bottom line is I'm pretty twisted up inside in all the most beautiful ways and it's wonderful.
ROSE: It really isn't.

06/24/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: As much as I enjoy getting a load of that GORGEOUS whiskerless mug of yours, it's not actually why I dropped by.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm here on a curt matter of business with Jane.
JANE: Huh??
JASPROSESPRITE^2: We have to prepare for our healing duties! Hammer out a strategy and such. Really sink our claws into the expensive upholstery of that problem.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But first, I have somewhere to take you!
JANE: What?
JANE: W-where?

06/24/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: There is someone you really must meet before we all start skittering across the great laminated floor of combat.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: As the ghostly spiritual guide of whomever my whims decide I should be serving any given moment, I can't allow another second to pass without introducing the two of you.
JANE: Who?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: This way!!! :3 :3 :3 :3 :3

06/24/15
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06/24/15
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06/24/15
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06/24/15
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06/24/15
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06/25/15
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06/25/15
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06/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: you can stay here with the others until this all blows over!
CALLIOPE: with who, exactly?
ROXY: jade!!
ROXY: she sleepin
ROXY: please keep an eye on her k?
CALLIOPE: yes, of coUrse!
CALLIOPE: i'd be happy to.
ROXY: also a man they call the mayor is here
ROXY: i dunno much about the dude myself but APPARENTLY he is a hell of a guy
ROXY: give him my regards
CALLIOPE: i will.

06/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: so
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: if we make it thru this
ROXY: ill come back for you
ROXY: and then
ROXY: we figure out what happens next!
CALLIOPE: i can't wait.
ROXY: hope ur not sick of hearin it yet
ROXY: but im still so psyched youre with us
CALLIOPE: of coUrse i'm not sick of it!
ROXY: it is just
ROXY: errgh
CALLIOPE: ?
ROXY: callie in times such as these...
ROXY: ya know
ROXY: words have trouble cuttin it
ROXY: ca'mere

06/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: keep me in ur thoughts ok?
ROXY: in the luckiest and magickest way you kno how
CALLIOPE: i will, roxy. ^u^
ROXY: now if u will excuse me

06/25/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: i got a delivery to make!

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Maybe we should go over this again.
DIRK: Because, honestly, I'm still not sure I get it?
DAVE: what
DIRK: Who are we actually fighting again?
DIRK: Jack Noir?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: well
DAVE: one version of noir
DAVE: theres a shitload of them though
DIRK: Which one is this?
DAVE: hes yours
DIRK: Ours?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: the one from your session
DIRK: But,
DIRK: Our Jack spent months in prison.
DAVE: well i guess he broke out
DAVE: hes kind of like a huge fucking deal now
DIRK: When did this happen?
DAVE: i have no idea
DAVE: i wasnt here
DIRK: I guess neither was I.
DAVE: hes got lord english powers tho
DAVE: hes apparently like
DAVE: just
DAVE: wretched fucking news
DIRK: Damn.
DAVE: hes going to be hard to beat
DAVE: even armed with the ultimate weapon:
DAVE: some swords
DIRK: Sounds like some shit is going down.
DIRK: Let's not downplay our sword gambit, though.
DIRK: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.
DAVE: i bet
DIRK: Bear in mind... I haven't actually SOLVED many problems over the course of my life?
DIRK: But the ones I have, man.
DIRK: Swords proved hells of instrumental.
DAVE: what do you mean you didnt solve many problems
DAVE: didnt you like
DAVE: program robots and stuff
DIRK: I guess I meant real problems.
DIRK: Involving...
DIRK: People.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: those

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: So Jack has... Lord English powers?
DAVE: yup
DIRK: Does that have anything to do with Jake?
DAVE: not according to my current understanding of a mostly nonsensical body of information
DIRK: Hmm.
DIRK: What does it actually mean then?
DAVE: not sure
DAVE: mostly that hes really hard to kill i think
DIRK: Ok.
DIRK: Well, that's decent intel, at least.
DAVE: he MIGHT be vulnerable to welsh things too
DAVE: dont quote me on that
DAVE: because
DAVE: it will make me sound like an idiot
DIRK: Alright.

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: ...
DAVE: ...

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Do you know when he arrives?
DAVE: i already said i dont know
DIRK: Right.
DIRK: ...

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Guestimate?
DAVE: um
DAVE: not soon enough is my best guess
DAVE: and i guess
DAVE: also my opinion?
DIRK: Oh.

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Is...
DIRK: Everything alright?

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: sure
DIRK: It just seems,
DIRK: Like,
DIRK: Maybe you aren't that... into... this.
DIRK: Or at least,
DIRK: Not as much as I was.
DIRK: Whenever I imagined the possibility of us meeting.
DAVE: were you
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: I guess I'm not doing a very good job of showing it now.
DIRK: I think that's probably just what I'm like though.
DAVE: you dont say
DIRK: I mean, when it comes to people in general.
DIRK: But probably especially people who are an important part of my life.
DAVE: so
DAVE: you think im an important part of your life
DIRK: I...
DIRK: Yes?
DAVE: you dont actually know me though
DAVE: not this me
DAVE: and im pretty sure you didnt know the other guy either
DIRK: That's true.
DAVE: what is it about me thats important then
DIRK: I'm...
DIRK: Not sure how to answer.
DAVE: why
DIRK: Because I'm getting the sense that you might disapprove of whatever I might say.
DIRK: Maybe you'll think it's weird that I idolized some version of you that I never knew.
DAVE: idolized??
DIRK: See.
DIRK: It seems like you think it's weird.
DAVE: .........
DIRK: Uh. Yeah.
DIRK: I shouldn't have said anything.

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: i dunno if its "weird" i just cant process it
DIRK: Why?
DAVE: because
DAVE: maybe not anything to do with YOU per se
DAVE: but how i view my bro
DAVE: and
DAVE: ive got to say
DAVE: meeting you
DAVE: its not rockin my world here
DAVE: or upending any paradigms or whatever
DAVE: listening to you and looking at you
DAVE: it really really just
DAVE: reminds me of him
DAVE: i know youre different and all and also like
DAVE: a kid i guess??
DAVE: but you dont feel that different
DAVE: and hearing anything like that, like about idolization or like you were actually lookin forward to this in any sincere way
DAVE: is kinda fuckin jarring
DIRK: Huh.
DIRK: So, like...
DIRK: Things, between you and me, from your perspective, um,
DIRK: Are we like, not cool?
DAVE: ..................

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Well?
DAVE: well
DAVE: heres well i guess
DAVE: i didnt fuckin like you that much ok?
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK:
DIRK: Why not?
DAVE: honestly i dont know if i want to get into it
DIRK: Ok.

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ok actually maybe i will get into it

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: i dunno why my friends got to have adults around who cared about them
DAVE: they complained bitterly about stuff so i guess i convinced myself they were all in the same boat as me
DAVE: but thats not how it was
DAVE: their complaints were trumped up nonsense and i bought it cause... i dunno
DAVE: i didnt have any frame of reference
DAVE: but his dad and her mom no matter what they said it was so obvious they cared about them deeply
DAVE: even jades weird fuckin grandpa who died when she was young obviously would have done anything for her
DAVE: why did i get such a raw cut of the asshole deck
DAVE: and why did it take me so long to figure that out
DAVE: and like hes dead now so thats that
DAVE: so all thats left to do is look back and try to put the pieces together of my first 13 years
DAVE: and all i can think is what the fuck WAS that?!
DAVE: i dont come away with the impression i used to try convincing myself of, that he was like "mysterious" or "stern" or "aloof"
DAVE: the only feeling left is this insane impression that i was raised by somebody who fuckin HATED me
DAVE: and the whole act of even "raising a child" was some totally fucked up game to him
DAVE: like parenthood was one of the highest tiers of irony in his solemn bullshit bro-ninja code
DAVE: so he went through those motions and did whatever he thought was "funny" or "badass"
DAVE: but under that weird stylistic and totally sociopathic approach to parenting i cant even IMAGINE there was any emotion toward me other than some sort of loathing
DIRK: What...
DIRK: Did he do?
DAVE: i dont want to get out the laundry list
DAVE: but for reference laundry wasnt one of those things
DAVE: that was just one of the many little domestic things i just had to sort of FIGURE OUT
DAVE: sorta like i eventually had to learn what the REAL purpose of a refridgerator was from movies
DIRK: Wait.
DIRK: What??
DAVE: i dunno theres too much to even get into
DAVE: just
DAVE: i dont remember the atmosphere ever not being nerve wracking
DAVE: all havin to sneak around and...
DAVE: ugh my shitty childhood spider senses are tinglin just thinking about it
DAVE: it was "training" you know
DAVE: but you know what it really was it was some vicious shit that was bad and sucked and i hated it
DAVE: it didnt make me stronger
DAVE: it did the opposite
DAVE: it made me never want to fight
DAVE: it made me never want to see blood or be near danger or hear metal sounds
DAVE: it made me hate the idea of being a hero cause he was a hero and he ruined the idea of heroism
DAVE: i dont even want to be fighting this shitty version of jack but hey nobody else has secret welsh powers so i guess i have to
DIRK: ...
DAVE: what gets me is how long it took me to put all this together
DAVE: to stop seeing it as some kinda roughhousey and eccentric life i had but was otherwise normal
DAVE: it took years to deconstruct it all and put it back together to understand how fuckin mad i should be
DAVE: and in particular how stone cold deeply uncared for i was my whole life
DAVE: like... being merely "monitored" by a violent robot
DAVE: i only started getting it after spending a lot of time in person with a bunch of people who actually did care about me
DAVE: and i could start feeling like
DAVE: actually somewhat human for the first time
DAVE: instead of...
DAVE: some sort of runty afterthought to a household cabal of smutty puppets
DIRK: ... Puppets?
DAVE: the fuckin puppets!!!
DAVE: i know how it sounds but i am NOT joking and there is NO shred of doubt in my mind that he loved all those puppets more than me
DAVE: honestly it is very possible that he was just insane and thats that
DAVE: i guess it didnt help either that we lived with what we have come to understand may theoretically be the most evil doll to exist in any universe ever
DAVE: in fact its my tenuous understanding that he came down to earth with that thing and like actually grew up with it
DAVE: maybe...
DAVE: maybe spending 30 some years being unseparable from that hell puppet had some effect on him??
DAVE: maybe if it hadnt been casting a pall over our apartment 24/7 since he took me in...
DAVE: grinning...
DAVE: glaring...
DAVE: laughing in my sleep...
DAVE: maybe our lives wouldnt have been quite so...
DAVE: maybe we would have...
DAVE: ugh
DIRK: What?

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: You ok there?
DAVE: .....
DAVE: .....
DAVE: yeah
DIRK: That doll.
DIRK: That was Cal, right?
DAVE: yeah
DIRK: Right.
DIRK: My version is "empty", apparently.
DIRK: Whatever that means.
DAVE: huh
DAVE: how do you know that
DIRK: A source.
DIRK: One supposedly knowledgeable in jujus.
DIRK: I never quite knew what that meant, though.
DAVE: well
DAVE: whatever his was
DAVE: "empty" is never how i would have described it
DIRK: Hmm.
DAVE: man
DAVE: i dunno if i figured something out here
DAVE: like um "explained" something or
DAVE: if im just driving myself crazy with this talk and nothing even needs explaining
DAVE: it doesnt change my past or how i feel about him
DAVE: he was still pretty much awful no matter what the reason
DAVE: and im sure thats the only feeling ill ever have about him
DAVE: so who cares why it was like that
DIRK: Yeah...

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: That...
DIRK: All sounds really bad.
DIRK: I don't know what to say though.
DIRK: Maybe I shouldn't say anything.
DIRK: Since I just remind you so much of him, for, uh. Obvious reasons.
DIRK: I don't want to make you feel worse, or make it sound like I'm offering a defense.
DIRK: For him, or me.
DIRK: Because I don't have one.
DIRK: For either of us.
DAVE: come on man
DAVE: YOU didnt do anything
DAVE: this was just some douche bag with your exact dna, who happened to grow up to be my bro
DAVE: you had a completely different life full of like
DAVE: different choices and actions and stuff
DAVE: and even if you were gonna turn out like him youve barely cleared the half way mark on actually chronologically gettin there
DAVE: in some way ranting about all this is probably just uncool of me because...
DAVE: you arent him
DAVE: youre not resposible for any of this shit but im sorta implicitly tacking it on you anyway
DAVE: so
DAVE: sorry about that
DIRK: I'm not sure it's true though.
DIRK: At least, I don't feel that way.
DAVE: what way
DIRK: That I'm not him.
DIRK: The fact is, I am.
DIRK: It's something I've come to understand about myself.
DIRK: All splinters of me are basically me, no matter how much I want to resist that truth.
DIRK: Or pretend they aren't reflecting my own qualities back at me.
DIRK: I bear a certain responsibility for all of them.
DAVE: splinters...?
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: I guess the concept isn't that unique to me.
DIRK: We've all got other versions of ourselves running around here and there, throughout the various compartments of this messed up cosmos.
DAVE: right
DIRK: I just happen to be particularly connected to mine.
DIRK: I've felt...
DIRK: Haunted by them.
DIRK: And what that really means is, I'm perpetually haunted by my own bad qualities.
DIRK: So, when I hear about stuff I did in another reality,
DIRK: I'm not sure what my adult self might have ever tried to do to atone for that stuff, if anything...
DAVE: pretty much dick squat
DIRK: Yeah. But in any case,
DIRK: I'm sure I was completely in the wrong, and I'm sorry I messed up your life.
DAVE: ...

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: thanks
DAVE: but
DAVE: it still feels a little odd accepting an apology from somebody who i just met and technically had nothing to do with my life
DAVE: even if you do feel guilty splinterways or whatever
DAVE: it is just a messed up situation
DAVE: and i guess i had to vent
DAVE: and there was never anyone i wanted to say all that to
DAVE: and the only thing that was gonna drag it out of me i guess was like a teen stand-in phantom of my dead bro
DAVE: just some perfectly innocent dude havin to take the brunt of this shit
DIRK: I'm not particularly innocent though.
DIRK: I've messed a lot of things up.
DIRK: With my friends.
DIRK: Honestly, that's why I wasn't that bent on sticking around, when I showed up.
DIRK: And pretty much jumped at the offer of flying here to get ready for some yet to be explained battle.
DIRK: Battles are easy. Just you, a sword, some bad guys... it's a lot simpler than having to answer for things you did.
DIRK: For the most part, I feel pretty bad about the role I played in my friends' lives.
DIRK: Especially Jake.
DAVE: what happened there
DIRK: I don't even know.
DIRK: An unmitigated disaster for which I'm entirely to blame.
DIRK: It's not any one thing. I think I was just a completely toxic element in his life from day one.
DIRK: I don't know what he's doing now.
DIRK: I wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to avoid me as much as possible.
DIRK: I'm sure that's for the best.
DIRK: I think I need to stay out of his business for a good while, so I don't risk poisoning another innocent kid's life.
DIRK: Like I did with you, apparently.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: maybe its a little different cause relations between peers is a whole other thing
DAVE: its tricky shit and youre both figuring stuff out on a relatively equal footing and youre both at the same point in your lives
DAVE: its not like when one person is older and supposed to be a lot more...
DAVE: never mind this is a fucked up thing to think about
DAVE: but the bottom line is yeah laying low while you sort out your stuff cant hurt
DIRK: Right.
DIRK: The thing with that, with my adult self's...
DIRK: Ways.
DIRK: The sad thing is,
DIRK: I can really see it.
DIRK: How someone like me can go unchecked in life, and turn out to become a much worse person than I already am.
DIRK: I guess I'm just relieved I still have some time to make sure that doesn't happen.
DAVE: you dont actually seem like a bad person to me though
DIRK: No?
DAVE: nah
DIRK: Why not?
DIRK: We did just meet, after all.
DAVE: because
DAVE: i dunno if truly bad people wrestle so much with whether theyre good or bad
DAVE: i think if i ever sensed my bro like
DAVE: struggled at all with what he was doing or who he was
DAVE: or showed any sort of doubt
DAVE: that might have changed everything
DAVE: but there was never a crack in it
DAVE: or the slightest hint of introspection behind the aggressive cooldude facade
DAVE: if there was i sure never noticed
DAVE: i mean personally
DAVE: i think about it all the time now
DAVE: what it actually means to be good or bad
DAVE: or if not something that starkly moral
DAVE: at least just trying to examine the difference between being decent and being a douche
DAVE: maybe its because of him i worry about that now
DAVE: but for me i think that internal struggle is kind of mild
DAVE: for him...
DAVE: or you i mean
DAVE: it sounds like some pretty dark shit
DAVE: like grappling with...
DAVE: becoming evil vs simply trying not to
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: That's not too far off.
DAVE: but the point is
DAVE: even just talkin to you a little bit
DAVE: its obvious youve been fighting with that
DAVE: which means that you care enough to put in some effort
DAVE: i think that counts for something

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Maybe.
DIRK: Not sure if I'm ready to accept a pat on the back for recognizing I have some problems, and worrying about whether they'll destroy me and fuck up the people I care about.
DIRK: That might be setting the bar kind of low.
DAVE: well when it comes to the subject of him
DAVE: the bars already pretty low dude
DIRK: The weird thing, honestly,
DIRK: Is that it's actually kind of refeshing to hear a sincerely leveled critique of all my negative qualities, coming from another person invested in a relationship with me, rather than from a fucked up iteration of myself as some bizarre "trollish" form of self abuse.
DIRK: The only thing I've ever been exposed to are either various forms of self loathing either from me or my auto-responder, or attitudes completely oblivious to my real issues, as expressed through my friends.
DIRK: My friends always seemed to cut me so much slack, or were just never aware of the kind of person I really was.
DIRK: Well, Jake probably is, by now at least.
DIRK: But he's also the sort of guy who's just as likely to blame himself for stuff I did, as he is to blame me.
DIRK: Jane and Roxy, though.
DIRK: Never seemed to see anything wrong with me.
DIRK: If anything, just the contrary.
DIRK: Roxy in particular had a certain... fixation.
DIRK: She meant well, but was so enamored of me, and seemingly everything I did.
DIRK: Which I think was the last thing I needed.
DIRK: To be idolized in some form by other people I respected.
DIRK: I had enough of that feeling coming from within, particularly when I was younger.
DIRK: And since then, I've been plagued by the insane ego of my youth in the form of an artificial intelligence I designed which essentially trapped that state of mind in a sort of horrid suspended animation.
DIRK: Until... recent developments, of course.
DAVE: so
DAVE: was that stuff true
DAVE: when you said you idolized the other version of me
DIRK: Yeah.
DAVE: and not just some bullshit like how i used to say the same thing about my bro when i didnt know any better
DIRK: It's definitely not like that.
DIRK: I never lived with him, or met him, so couldn't have anything like the contentious relationship you had with my older self.
DIRK: He was a historical figure from centuries ago.
DIRK: There was a lot to admire, and think about fondly.
DIRK: Especially since I was alone, and never had any direct contact with another person, or any concept of civilization.
DIRK: So even though I'm sure I romanticized what his life was like, and the early 21st century in general,
DIRK: It was nice to think about you.
DIRK: I passed a lot of time that way.

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: you say there was a lot to admire
DAVE: like what
DIRK: Well...
DIRK: He was pretty famous.
DIRK: Made some successful movies.
DIRK: At least under a somewhat expansive definition of "success".
DIRK: And an even more expansive definition of "movie".
DIRK: His work accumulated a lot of subversive political influence, which got him in trouble later.
DIRK: He made like a million bullshit Statues of Liberty, scummed them up with jpeg artifacts, and littered them all over the planet.
DAVE: holy shit
DIRK: He was also a pretty badass swordsman, and an active member of the resistance movement.
DIRK: He slaughtered the clown presidents on the roof of the White House, and flew away on a shitty skateboard.
DIRK: Then it seems he gave the Batterwitch a pretty good run for her money.
DIRK: It wasn't enough, but at least he went down fighting.
DAVE: that
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: ima need to hear more details on this some time
DIRK: Sure.
DIRK: But as you can tell, clearly there was a lot to look up to.
DIRK: I thought about the examples you set constantly. The creative ideals, the advanced theories on irony and humor, the tales of courage and martial prowess.
DIRK: Really, I modeled everything about myself after you. Or at least everything good that I was trying to become.
DIRK: And I probably spent an embarrassing amount of time imagining what it would be like to live during his time, and to be able to have something resembling a sibling relationship, or be in some sort of master-apprentice situation.
DIRK: When I finally learned you existed, and started to understand who he really was in relation to me, that put a lot into context.
DIRK: I realized he was a version of you who got a chance to live up to his full potential.
DIRK: And when I understood there was a young version of you, in a situation sorta like mine, whose time on Earth got cut short when you were thrown into all this,
DIRK: I was at least happy to think there was some reality where you got the chance to do everything you wanted to do, be successful, and fight for all the right things.
DIRK: Even if ultimately it didn't lead to a great outcome for humanity, you had an opportunity to live a full life and show what you were made of.
DIRK: While I guess I had... the same opportunity on your world, somewhat less fortunately.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: but then for all my bitching i guess i still never grasped your full reality
DAVE: just like you probably didnt grasp mine, but just reading into the mindset of a historical figure as best you could
DAVE: what if i wasnt as heroic as it seemed?
DAVE: what if adult me was kinda douchey too in a way you couldnt observe
DIRK: Perhaps.
DIRK: But beyond a certain point, I think accomplishments speak for themselves.
DIRK: I dunno if you can just completely shred every person who ever did great things because they had some flaws.
DIRK: All I can say is, it was important to me to see him the way I did.
DIRK: As a good person who inspired me, and set the standard for what I wanted to be.
DIRK: It kept me going.
DIRK: That said, I'm also glad there's this version of you who got to go through all the things you've been through.
DIRK: Like, yeah, you didn't get to be the cool celebrity who cuts down juggalos on badly defaced government property.
DIRK: And the idea of a "normal life" was rudely taken from you, and it's something you'll never get to experience.
DIRK: But this is so much more challenging, and uncertain.
DIRK: You get to apply all that potential you showed in one reality to something much bigger and more existentially critical.
DIRK: Whatever strength you showed in trying to save a dying planet, the fact is, I think we need that more here.
DIRK: And the trials inherent in being a part of something like this, I think they bring more out of you than a relatively pedestrian life on Earth would. Make you face more things about yourself. At least, that's been true for me.
DIRK: But it sounds like it's been true for you too.
DIRK: It sounds to me like the experiences you've had changed you a lot, for the better.
DIRK: You mentioned the experiences with him that were designed to make you stronger have actually made you weaker, but really, I doubt that's true.
DIRK: I bet you've become stronger than you realize, not because of anything he did, but because of what you've done, and the ways you've changed yourself through your own effort.
DIRK: I hope it doesn't come off as overly sentimental garbage, but it seems to me like you turned out to be a really good dude.
DIRK: Like, really, a better sort of dude I ever imagined talking to when I pictured meeting the legendary guy I idolized.
DIRK: I pictured him as probably being "too cool" to be the type of guy you are.
DIRK: But you know what, fuck being too cool for that.

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ...
DAVE: you
DAVE: ...
DAVE: ...
DAVE: ...
DAVE: you dont think im cool?
DIRK: Nah.
DIRK: I mean, in the right way, yes. I think you are.
DIRK: But, in the way that doesn't mean anything and doesn't matter,
DIRK: Not particularly.
DAVE: ...
DIRK: Anyway, that's...
DIRK: All my "stuff", with respect to your other self.
DIRK: Again, there's a lot more I could say about him.
DIRK: Maybe stuff you should know, or maybe it's all irrelevant to the path you're on now.
DIRK: Regardless, I'd be more than willing to answer any questions you have about him.
DIRK: Or, anything really.
DIRK: Feel free to ask me whatever, ok?
DAVE: ...
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: ill have to think

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: hey
DIRK: ?
DAVE: sorry about this
DIRK: What?

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: for what im doing now
DAVE: this bullshit right here
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK: Wh...
DAVE: its

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: its really fucked up of me
DAVE: what im presently doing
DAVE: so
DAVE: sorry about that
DIRK: Oh, y-
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: Man.
DIRK: This is some fucked up shit alright.
DAVE: i know

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: But it's cool.
DIRK: Don't worry about it.
DAVE: so fucked up

06/28/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: sorry

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: hey!!!!!!!!!

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Yes?
ROXY: heeeey
KANAYA: Hey

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: heeeeeeeeeeeeey!
KANAYA: You Said Another Hey
KANAYA: Are You Going To Say Hey Again By Any Chance
ROXY: heeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
KANAYA: I Knew It Another Hey

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: kanaya!
ROXY: guess what
KANAYA: My First Guess Would Be More Hey
KANAYA: But If The Thing To Guess Is The Reason You Are Saying Hey At Me Several Times
KANAYA: I Confess To Being Stumped
ROXY: i GOT somethin 4 u
KANAYA: You Do
KANAYA: What
ROXY: thats the thing you gots to be guessin!

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Is It The Thing Behind Your Back
ROXY: yup but u gotta be more specific
KANAYA: Is It A Little Piece Of Paper That Says Hey On It
ROXY: hahahahaha no but that would be SO FUNNY!
ROXY: hahaha youre pretty funny
ROXY: damn now i wanna go away and start this whole shit over so i can do that punchline instead
KANAYA: Maybe We Should Do Several Rehearsals First Just To Make Sure The Final Performance Is As Funny As Possible
ROXY: yes!!
ROXY: but no
ROXY: what i have for youuu

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: is this!

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Is It
KANAYA: Real
ROXY: yeah!!!
ROXY: i mean
ROXY: as real as i could make it
ROXY: which i think means
ROXY: as real as the thing that it is and was always supposed to be when its idea is expressed as purely as possible through physical matter!
KANAYA: Wow
KANAYA: ... What
ROXY: its a real alien egg!
ROXY: bottom line
ROXY: it took a lot of work and i guess voidy soul searching? but
ROXY: i finally made it
ROXY: just for you!
KANAYA: For Me?
ROXY: yep
ROXY: hey i know i dont know ya too well
ROXY: we just met!
ROXY: but really it was always gonna be for you
ROXY: this egg is stinkin useless without someone whos qualified to care for it
ROXY: and thats you
ROXY: please look after the lil guy... i have developed some oddly motherly feelins for the spiky fucker myself
ROXY: it was like this whole quasi intellectu-motional SAGA or something for me to figure out how to make this freaking egg
KANAYA: Its A Matriorb
ROXY: yeah! that!
KANAYA: I Cant
KANAYA: I Dont Believe This
KANAYA: How Is It Possible
KANAYA: I Still Dont Know How You Did This
ROXY: dont worry about it
ROXY: s'just ~*powers*~
ROXY: whooshhhhwoooshhhhhh (magic noises)
ROXY: voila, insta-orb
ROXY: just add the subtraction of its nonexistence!

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Thank You

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: no problem!
KANAYA: I Didnt Think
KANAYA: It Would Be This Easy
KANAYA: I Mean
KANAYA: Not That It Was Easy For You By The Sound Of It
KANAYA: What I Mean Is I Thought It Was Going To Involve An Arduous And Lengthy Process For Myself To Undertake In Order To Figure Out How It Was Even Possible To Reconstruct The Orb Let Alone Actually Do It
ROXY: nah
KANAYA: Nah?
ROXY: nope!
KANAYA: So Instead Of All That
KANAYA: Its Just
KANAYA: Handed To Me
KANAYA: Like A Nice Present
ROXY: yes
KANAYA: I Dont Know What To Say
KANAYA: This Changes So Much
KANAYA: About Everything I Thought I Had To Do
ROXY: does it?
ROXY: the way i see it is you shouldnt have needed to worry about makin the thing
ROXY: i think it will be challenging enough like...
ROXY: hatching it??
ROXY: and tending to all the stuff that comes next
ROXY: isnt that basically being responsible for the preservation of an entire race of people?
ROXY: like not even a simple kinda people that all go about havin their own babies by themselves n such
ROXY: u have to set up and deal with this huge creature that does it all herself right?
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: Thats How It Works
KANAYA: And Yes That Will Be
KANAYA: Probably Very Challenging
ROXY: yeah so just focus on that!
ROXY: im sure you will have help if you need it
ROXY: i mean... after all this shit is over obviously
ROXY: hey speaking of which
ROXY: howd it go here? did you do the thing?
KANAYA: Yes I Think We Did The Thing
KANAYA: Our Frog Should Be Good To Go
ROXY: we?
ROXY: oh yeah karkat came too didnt he
ROXY: where did he go?
KANAYA: Oh
KANAYA: He Um
KANAYA: Hes Still In The Cave
KANAYA: Uh
KANAYA: Meditating
ROXY: meditating huh
KANAYA:
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: It Was A Very Spiritually Uplifting Encounter With The Denizen
KANAYA: It Really Uh
KANAYA: Blitzed Our Chakras
KANAYA: He Needs Some Time To Clear His Head
ROXY: heheh ok

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: so you are roses girlfriend right?
KANAYA: I Dont Know
KANAYA: Is That What Humans Call A Matesprit When The Matesprit Is A Girl
ROXY: umm
ROXY: i dunno
ROXY: is a matesprit the thing trolls call each other when they are girlfriends or boyfriends with each other?
KANAYA: Yes
ROXY: ah ha!
ROXY: then uh
ROXY: the answer is yes?
KANAYA: Yes
ROXY: lmao
ROXY: ok it was kind of obvious i was just makin sure
ROXY: anyway thats cool!
ROXY: did you meet on ur fancy meteor vessel
KANAYA: In Person We Met There Yes
KANAYA: Originally We First Spoke While She Was Still In Her Session
KANAYA: I Assisted Somewhat
KANAYA: But I Think I Bugged Her Mostly
KANAYA: That Seems Like A Lifetime Ago Now
ROXY: so i guess you mustve gotten to know each other a lot better during the trip
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: We Had
KANAYA: A Lot Of Free Time
ROXY: i bet :)
ROXY: man... three years was it?
ROXY: thats crazy!
ROXY: for a whole bunch of people who only just met including humans AND aliens
ROXY: or i mean trolls whoops sorry if thats rude
KANAYA: We Call Each Other Aliens All The Time
ROXY: haha
ROXY: but then you all IMMEDIATELY have to hunker down together for three years
KANAYA: That Is Very Much What Happened And What We Had To Do
ROXY: it sounds fun!
ROXY: kinda wish i could have been there
ROXY: i guess i had my own less long stint with people in my session
ROXY: only like half a year tho
ROXY: which was cool in its own way but it wasnt nearly as... social as your scene sounded?
KANAYA: It Was Pretty Social Yes
KANAYA: But We Also Had Little Groups Who Generally Convened With Each Other More Often Than The Entire Ensemble Crowded Together For A Singular Noisy Affair
KANAYA: Such Events Were Pretty Rare So Maybe Not As Social As You Are Picturing
KANAYA: In Fact It Was Quite A Subdued Situation Compared To The Crowd I Was Formerly Accustomed To Congregating With
KANAYA: There Were Twelve Of Us Back Then
ROXY: yeah WOW!!!
ROXY: i remember hearing about that from a friend
ROXY: who...
ROXY: never even existed from this frame of reference :(
ROXY: i guess thats another weird thing about my lil sojourn to get to this point...
ROXY: it is all made of memories now that didnt even happen for other people
KANAYA: That Does Sound Like A Lonely Predicament In Its Own Particular Way
KANAYA: A Sort Of Sacrifice Youve Had To Make Yes
ROXY: yeah
KANAYA: Sacrifice Abounds It Would Seem
KANAYA: I Dont Know Of Anyone Presently Alive Who Hasnt Had To Trade Something Very Important To Them In Exchange For Continuing To Be A Material Seeker In This Endeavor
KANAYA: You Were Forced To Trade Something Too But In Return Youve Been Able To Do Something
KANAYA: Something So Wonderful That
KANAYA: I Guess Im Judging Your Accomplishment From An Especially Personal Vantage
KANAYA: But No Matter What Else You Have Been Through
KANAYA: I Believe You Can Say Youve Done Something As Important As Anyone Could Ever Hope To Do
ROXY: aw yeas 8)
ROXY: i hope so!
ROXY: i really hope it all works out and you make a super successful trollworld 2
KANAYA: Yeah
KANAYA: I Want It To Be A Good Place
KANAYA: Not So Much Like Where Im From
KANAYA: It All Sounds
KANAYA: Really Daunting Actually
KANAYA: Not Even Just The Propagation Of My Kind But Managing To Do It Responsibly
KANAYA: Just Causing Millions Of Beings To Exist For The Sake Of Doing So
KANAYA: And Dismissing Responsibility For What Sort Of People They Become
KANAYA: That Isnt Good Enough For Me
KANAYA: I Think Echidna Was Right
KANAYA: Ill Need Him
ROXY: who
KANAYA: Oh
KANAYA: Nobody
KANAYA: Lets Say It Was A Figure Of Speech
KANAYA: Ill Need Everyone
KANAYA: Whoever Is Good And Wishes To Have A Hand In The Way Our World Is Shaped

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: count me in! :D
KANAYA: I Will
KANAYA: But
KANAYA: As Of The Immediate Point In Time
KANAYA: I Dont Know What To Do Anymore
ROXY: hm??
KANAYA: Before You Came
KANAYA: I Was On My Way To Join You And Rose And John
KANAYA: Feeling Quite Sure I Was About To Get Ready To Fight
KANAYA: But Then You Gave Me This
KANAYA: And Now Im Unsure Of Everything To Which I Just Imminently Committed Myself
ROXY: how so
KANAYA: I Want To Help Us Win
KANAYA: But I Also Have A Lot Of Responsibility Now
KANAYA: In A Way That Is Much More Tangible And Also Spiky And Round And Sharp Than Just A Few Minutes Ago
KANAYA: And I Feel I Have To Consider Risk To Myself Is Now Also The Same As Risk To The Future Of My People
KANAYA: Does That Make Sense
ROXY: ooh i see
ROXY: yeah!
ROXY: it is like.....
ROXY: like say a mother wolf being all ready to stand up to some other asshole of nature
ROXY: like a nasty bear
ROXY: and shes ready to fight and all but also shes got to think about what happens to her pups if she gets hurt yeah?
KANAYA: Something Like That
KANAYA: Except Id Relate More To An Analogy That Didnt Involve Weird Alien Creatures
ROXY: oh sure
ROXY: just imagine instead of a wolf its like
ROXY: a mother uhhhh
ROXY: help me out here
KANAYA: Musclebeast
ROXY: a beautiful mother musclebeast
ROXY: and instead of a bear
ROXY: its um
ROXY: a metroid
KANAYA: Lets Say Good Enough
ROXY: damn straight
ROXY: be fuckin fight of the year right there
ROXY: but yes that concern is completely understandable
ROXY: you dont gotta fight if you dont want!
ROXY: but im sure we could really use the help
KANAYA: Would I Actually Be Of Much Use
ROXY: i think so!
ROXY: id look at it this way
ROXY: none of this next gen troll stuff is even going to matter if we dont win this fight
ROXY: so we have to prioritize beating all these goddamn villains
ROXY: specially the witch!
ROXY: any extra edge is going to help
ROXY: and tho i admit i dont know much about you i am feeling prrrettyyy confident in my assessment that u are probably some sort of sick deadly bitch
KANAYA: Who Told You My Secret
ROXY: i knews it ;)
ROXY: in fact i would BET
ROXY: that you could USE your concern for all ur future space pups to be WAY extra deadlier in this fray
ROXY: maybe youd make the whole difference??
ROXY: the point is we need you now just as much as anyone in the future will
ROXY: and we are ALL riskin stuff and ALL in this together and if youre with me and rose and john, dont worry we aint gonna let anything happen to you
ROXY: i promise!!!!!
KANAYA: Dang
ROXY: dang?
KANAYA: That Was Really Motivational And I Feel Very Inspired Now
ROXY: for real?!
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: A Little Corny But Definitely Genuine And Moving
KANAYA: And Now Im Suddenly Psyched Again To Go Dunk A Narcissistic Fish Woman Into A Sea Dumpster
ROXY: FUCK YES
KANAYA: Not To Project Myself As Someone Fickle Or Lightly Swayed On Big Decisions
KANAYA: Maybe It Was Just A Roughly Thirty Second Spell Of Cold Feet And I Just Snapped Out Of It I Dont Know
KANAYA: But You Really Do Seem To Have A Way With Motivational Words
KANAYA: You Must Be A Natural Leader
KANAYA: I Think Your Group Was Lucky To Have You
ROXY: me?? nuhhh
ROXY: im not naturally good at that at all
ROXY: i mostly just yelled at my friends cause they were such a gaggle of frustrating bozos
ROXY: i guess im just feeling way inspired by the fact everyone is here together and we are all about to try and do something huge and important
ROXY: ive also watched john in action a bit and he is VERY good at that stuff
ROXY: hes actually so good at being inspiring hes inspired me to try and be... more inspiring? that sounds dumb as hell but is true as shit
ROXY: i also love how hes got NO IDEA how good he is at leadery stuff, its
ROXY: it
ROXY: it is so inspirationally friggin adorable
KANAYA: :)

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KANAYA: Shall We Go Then

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: we hella shall

06/29/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: I'll 8e taking this, if you don't mind.
VRISKA: Not that I care if you mind.
VRISKA: For that matter, not that there's any chance you could possi8ly mind what ANYONE does with this deadly secret weapon, since you've made it perfectly clear what sort of person you want to 8e.
VRISKA: Which is to say, someone who's dedic8ted her entire existence to 8eing utterly useless.
(VRISKA): W8........
(VRISKA): Which version of me are you?
(VRISKA): Are you alive?!
VRISKA: 8e quiet. I'm talking.
VRISKA: Look at you.
VRISKA: Just looooooook at you.
VRISKA: How completely pathetic.
(VRISKA): What?
(VRISKA): What's your pro8lem?!
VRISKA: My pro8lem is you make me fucking sick.
VRISKA: Did you know that?
VRISKA: That it was possi8le for you to go so far down whatever toilet you decided to jump into however long ago, that you could literally make your own stomach turn?
VRISKA: I mean, my god.
(VRISKA): What are you talking a8out?
(VRISKA): Is it my new clothes and tattoo and stuff?
(VRISKA): Look, I mem8er feeling that way too, all stuck up a8out certain-
VRISKA: It's not your new look!
VRISKA: I mean, not that it's the slightest 8it flattering.
VRISKA: In fact, I think it's perfect for you!
VRISKA: I couldn't possi8ly imagine a style more impecca8ly suited to what a loser you've 8ecome.
(VRISKA): Loser??
(VRISKA): Hey, come on now, I...
VRISKA: Yes, LOSER!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: You are a loser.
VRISKA: I'm sorry to 8e the 8earer of 8ad news, 8ut that is what you are now.

06/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Are you really so far removed from reality that you can't see it?
VRISKA: Did this... "transform8tion" happen so gradually that you just... didn't notice?!
VRISKA: I find it hard to 8elieve, and frankly more than a little distur8ing, that some version of me could let this happen to herself without 8eing at least SOMEWHAT aware that a dreadful decline of personal integrity was taking place.
(VRISKA): I'm not a loser though!
(VRISKA): I LIKE who I've 8ecome.
(VRISKA): I actually feel happy and good a8out my life for the first time in... may8e forever??
(VRISKA): Like, ACTUALLY good a8out my life in a way that feels real, instead of forced. Don't you realize that's what it was like for us?
VRISKA: You don't have a life!
VRISKA: You're DEAD, remem8er?
VRISKA: I'm the one with the life!
VRISKA: And I fully intend to use it in a relevant and constructive way to help 8ring an end to all the horri8le shit that's 8een going on for way too long.
VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing?
VRISKA: No, o8viously not.
VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling "happy", and... whatever the fuck it is you're doing here?
VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit.
VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful.
VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??
VRISKA: You do know this is selfish, right?
VRISKA: This isn't having some fucking "epiphany" or like "growing as a person" or whatever self-serving spin you might 8e putting on what's happening here.
VRISKA: It's just plain narcissism, the worst kind you're capa8le of. A total renunci8tion of any responsi8ility for contri8uting to the gr8ter good.
VRISKA: And it makes me FUCKING SICK.
(VRISKA): No, that's not what it's like!
(VRISKA): You don't understand. You haven't...
(VRISKA): Like, 8een through...
VRISKA: 8een through WHAT?
VRISKA: I've 8een through plenty. Don't get p8tronizing with me.
VRISKA: How did you die, again?
VRISKA: Weren't you 8eing stu88orn and insisting on going off to fight Jack, even though that was o8viously an ill-conceived plan that was going to get everyone killed?
VRISKA: There it is again, making it all a8out you, even when trying to 8e heroic. You let that need 8lind you and you did something really stupid, 8asically leaving NO OTHER OPTION 8ut for you to get killed.
VRISKA: So since you started your journey as a ghost with that little feat of self-a8sorption, is it any surprise that after however many pseudo-sweeps floundering around as a lost soul, THIS is where you end up? A shamelessly self-indulgent, punk-ass NO8ODY?
(VRISKA): W8... are you saying you didn't try to go fight Jack?
(VRISKA): What happened? How... how are you the version that's still alive? I don't...
VRISKA: Different shit happened!
VRISKA: And from that point on, I started making 8etter choices, unlike you.
VRISKA: Contrary to your lazy fakey "happy" shit, I've ACTUALLY GROWN AS A PERSON.
VRISKA: What do you think of THAT, you frivolous, dithering 8ITCH????????
(VRISKA): !!!!!!!!

06/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Honestly, I can 8arely even stand to look at you. I should really get out of here and spare myself the nausea.
VRISKA: Yet I keep standing here wasting my time dishing out this well deserved smackdown. May8e I'm paralyzed 8y disgust???????
(VRISKA): Why are you 8eing so mean to me??
VRISKA: Mean? I'm just telling it like it is, sister.
VRISKA: The truth is often harsh. That's something you USED to understand.
VRISKA: 8ut now you appear to 8e the physical em8odiment of everything I detest.
VRISKA: God, I just can't get over your shitty makeover. Ugh!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Hey, did you...
VRISKA: Did you GAIN W8, too????????
(VRISKA): What?!
(VRISKA): No!
(VRISKA): I didn't... I'm not...
VRISKA: Yes you did. I'm not 8lind, you know.
(VRISKA): I'm not fat!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Sure, tell yourself whatever you want.
VRISKA: Whatever lets you 8e "at peace" with your "new life"! Hahahahahahahaha.
(VRISKA): Why are you saying all this stuff to me?
(VRISKA): What did I ever DO to you????????
(VRISKA): I don't under-
(VRISKA): *Sniff.*
VRISKA: Holy shit.
VRISKA: This is actually getting to you, isn't it? Un8elieva8le.
VRISKA: Well, that tears it. You really are 8eyond any sort of redemption.
VRISKA: Fucking incredi8le. What ever happened to having a thick skin? Letting stuff roll off your 8ack?
VRISKA: Not letting shit get to you, 8ecause you always knew you were 8etter than the one slinging it?
VRISKA: I guess this is what you call happiness now? Letting a few tiny little 8ar8s shatter your self esteem?
VRISKA: You aren't happy. You're a hilarious trainwreck com8ined with a sad punchline, and I'm ashamed to share an identity with you.
(VRISKA): STOP IT!!!!!!!!

06/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Oh, don't worry, "Serket". I'm done here.
VRISKA: I'm off to go do something useful, like winners do. Something you wouldn't know anything a8out anymore.
(VRISKA): ARGH, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!
(VRISKA): HOW COULD I... *Choke*...
(VRISKA): How could I have ever 8een so AWFUL?!
VRISKA: Ok, this is just getting em8arrassing.
VRISKA: Time to shove off. Though truth 8e told, I should pro8a8ly delay killing Lord English a little longer, just so he can put you out of your misery.
(VRISKA): JUST GO AW8Y!
(VRISKA): *So8* ...
(VRISKA): I H8 Y8U!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Your wish is my command, loser!
VRISKA: Time to go get some awesome shit done, and gra8 the reins on a relevant, proactive existence.
VRISKA: Shit, I'm feeling more adventurous and worthwhile as a person just thinking a8out it!
VRISKA: Anyone who feels the same way is more than welcome to join me.
VRISKA: Say, how a8out you, punky-lookin' Peixes?
VRISKA: Does that sound like it might 8e the cut of your ji8?
(VRISKA): DON'T T8LK TO HER!!!!!!!!
(VRISKA): SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYTH8NG TO DO WITH A PI8CE OF SHIT LIKE YOU, 8ND NEITHER D8 I!
(VRISKA): TAKE YOUR STUP8D TREASURE, AND Y8UR SMUG GAR8AGE A8OUT "R8LEVANCE", AND GET TH8 FUCK OUT 8F HERE!
(VRISKA): COME ON, M8ENAH! LET'S DITCH TH8S EVIL HAG AND GO FIND SOM8THING ELS8 TO DO.

06/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

06/30/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): Meenah........?
(VRISKA): What's wrong?
(VRISKA): Come on!
MEENAH: yeah uh
MEENAH: vriska
MEENAH: um
MEENAH: listen
(VRISKA): ...
(VRISKA): What?

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: iiiiii uh
MEENAH: ...
MEENAH: aw fuck
MEENAH: dunno how to say this
(VRISKA): What is it??
MEENAH: i think i might go actually
(VRISKA): ?!?!?!?!
MEENAH: with
MEENAH: vriska
MEENAH: i mean
MEENAH: that one

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): No!
(VRISKA): No, please, Meenah...
(VRISKA): You can't!
MEENAH: i just
MEENAH: i dunno if
MEENAH: this
MEENAH: this whole thing is...
MEENAH: (fuck!)
(VRISKA): Meenah, no...
MEENAH: im not like
MEENAH: AGR-E-EIN with her
MEENAH: on a lotta that stuff
MEENAH: i just
MEENAH: im bored 38(
(VRISKA): 8ut...
(VRISKA): I thought...
(VRISKA): You liked...?
MEENAH: i did
MEENAH: i mean i do
MEENAH: im just sick of sittin around
MEENAH: not being a part of anything
MEENAH: i want to see some action ya know?
MEENAH: wanna go kill a BAD GUY
(VRISKA): Ok! Yeah! I get that!
(VRISKA): Hey, me too! Look, see?
(VRISKA): I do too! Forget what I said, we can go fight him together!
(VRISKA): Just, not with her, ok? I couldn't handle that. It can just 8e you and me!
MEENAH: yeah seaaa
MEENAH: i dont
MEENAH: i dunno about that
MEENAH: the thing is
MEENAH: i think what im sayin here is
MEENAH: as great as its been
MEENAH: like R-E-ELY great
MEENAH: i think this has gotta...
MEENAH: be...
MEENAH: it
(VRISKA): It??
MEENAH: 38(

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): No...
(VRISKA): No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
(VRISKA): Why?!
(VRISKA): Meenah, please! Don't do this!
VRISKA: You heard the lady.
VRISKA: She's made up her mind.
(VRISKA): STAY OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!!

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): *Sniff...*
(VRISKA): Meenah, you have to stay!
(VRISKA): I don't know what I'll do if you're gone!
(VRISKA): I...
(VRISKA): I don't have anyone else out here.
(VRISKA): I'll 8e all alone in this fucked up place.
(VRISKA): I never told you this, 8ut... it's terrifying here.
(VRISKA): It's terrifying 8eing dead, and having to live through memories forever, and dealing with the fact that nothing really means anything.
(VRISKA): It's infinite, and dark, and it's all 8eing ripped apart...
(VRISKA): And you're the only one who ever made me feel good a8out 8eing here.
(VRISKA): You're the only one who made me feel good a8out 8eing ANYWHERE.
(VRISKA): Please, don't...
(VRISKA): Meenah.
(VRISKA): *So8!*
MEENAH: euurrrgh
MEENAH: vriska
MEENAH: dam!!!
MEENAH: why...
MEENAH: whys this shit so hard?
MEENAH: not even lyin this is like the hardest shit i ever did
MEENAH: i cant even fully explain
MEENAH: its just how i think its grotto be
(VRISKA): 8ut it doesn't!
(VRISKA): You don't have to do this!
MEENAH: yeah
MEENAH: i think
MEENAH: on that point
MEENAH: we just gonna have to algae to disalgae
(VRISKA): ...
(VRISKA): I cannot...
(VRISKA): 8ELIEVE
(VRISKA): You are doing the fish pun thing while you're 8r8king up with me.
MEENAH: sorry serk
MEENAH: tis the way of my peeps

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: heres the thing
MEENAH: i dont think
MEENAH: any of that shade just thrown at ya was true
MEENAH: i like you a lot an all
MEENAH: but like
MEENAH: she has a point on one thing
MEENAH: which is
MEENAH: you changed a lot
MEENAH: not better or worse or anyfin
MEENAH: i aint squallified to make that call
MEENAH: just different
MEENAH: from the way you were when we met
MEENAH: happier i guess??
MEENAH: dunno man if you say so then yeah
MEENAH: what i see though is
MEENAH: somebody who gradually turned like
MEENAH: vulnerable as S)(-ELL
MEENAH: and that
MEENAH: is
MEENAH: scary to me
MEENAH: because
MEENAH: of
MEENAH: the way i am
MEENAH: i dont think im reely...
MEENAH: the sorta person
MEENAH: to be...
MEENAH: trusted with those kinds a feelings?
MEENAH: sea the prob is
MEENAH: you dont actually know me very well
MEENAH: nobody does
MEENAH: and the main thing about me is
MEENAH: um
MEENAH: that you gotta account for
MEENAH: or i guess
MEENAH: *i* gotta account for
MEENAH: on behalf of the feelings
MEENAH: of people i dont wanna see get hurt
MEENAH: is
MEENAH: uh
MEENAH: how do i say this
MEENAH: what you need to know is
MEENAH: like
MEENAH: ...

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: im

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: bad

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
(VRISKA): No, Meenah! W8!
(VRISKA): I don't care if you're 8ad!
(VRISKA): I mean, I don't even think that's true!
(VRISKA): 8ut I don't care if it is!
(VRISKA): Please, don't do this!
(VRISKA): Don't go! At least not right away!
(VRISKA): Can you just stay a little longer so we can talk a8out this?
MEENAH: sorry vriska
MEENAH: i

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: im really sorry

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Time to say good8ye, Meenah.
MEENAH: i just did
MEENAH: lets just
MEENAH: get out of here ok
VRISKA: You got it.

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: You've made the right choice, Peixes.

07/01/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Now let's go round up that army.

07/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

Let's try this choice thing again, one more time. This time only with two choices, nice and easy. Hey, works like a charm. Two sweet simple choices for two sweet simple kids. There you go, one last gluttonous chomp at the free will pie before you all say goodbye. Don't say this website never did anything for you. DON'T YOU DARE.

07/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
NANNASPRITE: There you are!
NANNASPRITE: I have been looking forward to meeting you, dear. :B
JANE: You have?
JANE: Who are you?
NANNASPRITE: I'm you!
NANNASPRITE: But most know me as John's Nanna. Hoo hoo!
JANE: Oh, yes!
JANE: He told me about you.
JANE: Gosh!
JANE: Pleased to meet you... Nanna, I guess I should call you?
NANNASPRITE: Suits me!
JANE: Calling you Jane might feel a bit strange.
JANE: Also, perhaps disrepectful?
NANNASPRITE: And why is that?
NANNASPRITE: It is my name after all.
JANE: Yes, but,
JANE: You are my senior by many decades, I gather.
JANE: And you have so many more years of life experience, and wisdom, and you...
JANE: Seem to be dressed like a clown?
NANNASPRITE: :B
JANE: Not to disparage your fanciful attire. I quite like it.
JANE: I just mean that...
JANE: You've been through more than I can imagine.
JANE: I couldn't call you by my name. It would feel wrong and flippant to treat you like my equal.
NANNASPRITE: But really, Jane, the honor of meeting you is all mine!
NANNASPRITE: I have been looking forward to it so much since I learned of your existence.
NANNASPRITE: Ever since I spent that one day helping John through his session, there haven't been many reasons for me to feel particularly worthwhile.
NANNASPRITE: Yes, I tended to him and his sister for several years, baked for them, lent a sympathetic ear when needed...
NANNASPRITE: But in a way, it's been a lonely life for me since my ashes fell in this silly old sprite.
NANNASPRITE: I've been strictly an auxiliary actor, there only to serve others even during my greatest moments to shine!
NANNASPRITE: So when I heard of you, a version of myself who was a true hero, so young, empowered, and set to embark upon a life filled with consequential deeds...
NANNASPRITE: I was absolutely giddy. I knew that we had to meet!
JANE: Oh... my!
JANE: You,
JANE: You really feel that way about me?
NANNASPRITE: Yes, Jane!
NANNASPRITE: I do not mean to suggest I regret the way my life has gone, of course.
NANNASPRITE: I lived a very humble life, as free of intrigue and adventure as possible, by choice.
NANNASPRITE: You see, I grew up in dangerous circumstances. I knew how cruel the woman who raised me could be, and what she might do to me or the people I loved if I made waves, or demonstrated any sense of defiance.
NANNASPRITE: So I lived simply. I started a family, and operated a quiet joke shop. Though I always knew trouble was brewing, they were the best years of my life.
NANNASPRITE: Yet I always had a little more knowledge than I ever let on, and used my understanding in subtle ways to help those to whom the torch would be passed in this great fight.
NANNASPRITE: But then, I made the transition from knowing some things in life, to knowing a great deal more in death. Being resurrected as a sprite endowed me with a very deep knowledge of the game and its broader circumstances. I was in peak form, a true harlequin wisewoman, and there was nary a question I couldn't answer.
NANNASPRITE: And then, the dear kids scratched their session, and cast themselves into the unknown.
NANNASPRITE: I ventured with them, and so I too lost my bearing on the nature of what lay ahead.
NANNASPRITE: I went from my prime, a state of all-understanding, to a state of absolute uncertainty. For the first time in about as long as I could remember, I had no idea what to expect next.
NANNASPRITE: It was quite freeing in a way! I had a wonderful three years on that ship with those lovely children. I thought little of what challenges were ahead.
NANNASPRITE: But when I did, my thoughts would always drift toward you, Jane.
NANNASPRITE: Thinking about you, and this adventure you were about to begin, it made me feel like a child again.
NANNASPRITE: It gave me the feelings I used to have for the limitless potential of life, before my stepmother snuffed them out, confronting me with the reality that life would have to take a considerably more limited shape if I wished to survive.
NANNASPRITE: So when I look at you now, I see the potential I had as a child finally being realized.
NANNASPRITE: But in a much more special way than I ever would have imagined back then!
NANNASPRITE: It makes me so proud to see you as a heroic young woman, ready to make a difference, and forge your own destiny.
NANNASPRITE: I just wanted to tell you this before you go off to battle!
JANE: Oh jeez.
JANE: Nanna, I don't know what to say.
JANE: Thank you so much for those inspirational words!
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo!
JANE: I think John was really lucky to have you as a sprite. Not to mention, a grandmother, of course.
JANE: It's no wonder he appears to have his act together.
JANE: Maybe I would have been better off if I had someone like you to advise me from the start of all this.
JANE: Maybe I wouldn't have felt so lost.
NANNASPRITE: It's normal to feel lost, though.
NANNASPRITE: And believe me, needing to find your own way in time will make you a lot wiser than having an old lady around to spoon feed you all the answers.
NANNASPRITE: In any case, you have me now!
NANNASPRITE: I think it's been quite a long time since John has needed my guidance.
NANNASPRITE: The boy has grown so much since he clobbered me with a joke book on that fateful day.
NANNASPRITE: From now on, I'd be pleased if you would consider me your sprite. :B
JANE: Wow! :O
JANE: Oh my goodness, yes, please!
NANNASPRITE: In fact, I heard from the cat girl that you and she are on healing duty in this spectacular fray coming up.
NANNASPRITE: It so happens that healing is my specialty. Next to baking of course. (And pranks.)
NANNASPRITE: Why don't I assist?
JANE: That would be great too!
NANNASPRITE: Oh! And Jane, one more thing.
NANNASPRITE: Just so you know...

07/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
NANNASPRITEx2: There are actually two of me!

07/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
NANNASPRITEx2: HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!

07/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/02/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Tavrosprite thank you for surreptitiously scooting away with me to my planet.
JAKE: I hope they all dont think me too much of a soggy knickerbocker for ducking off without making the rounds and saying goodbye.
JAKE: I just needed to get away and clear my head and i guess get my dander up for this great green man-fracas i am to solely contend with apparently??
JAKE: Say tavrosprite...
JAKE: Youll help me with out this impending pugilism wont you?
TAVROSPRITE: oH, yEAH!
TAVROSPRITE: i'M DEFINITELY READY, tO BRING THE SICK FIRE, tO
TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE GUYS ALLEGED TO BE INSIDE,,, aN ENCHANTED OVEN,
JAKE: Atta boy tavvy!!!
JAKE: Oops is it ok if i call you tavvy?
TAVROSPRITE: yES, i LOVE IT, }:)
JAKE: Actually wait.
JAKE: No i think i wont on second thought tavvy sounds fucking stupid.
TAVROSPRITE: yEAH, pROBABLY,
TAVROSPRITE: oKAY,
JAKE: So were agreed then.
JAKE: We wait here and limber up and flex our stupendous guns a bit then let sail our haymakers once the circus trundles into town.
TAVROSPRITE: i, pROBABLY UNDERSTOOD THAT REMARK, aND AGREE,
JAKE: I just wonder if theres anything else for me to DO aside from kiss my knuckles and lather them up with elbow grease.
JAKE: Turn my ten favorite boys out for a bracing constitutional you know?
TAVROSPRITE: ,,,,,nO,
JAKE: Should i be...
JAKE: SOUL SEARCHING or...
JAKE: Straining my brain to have some sort of magnificent epiphany about myself?
JAKE: Is this...
JAKE: Is this IT for me? Is this all there is to understand?
TAVROSPRITE: uM,,,
JAKE: Maybe theres only so much ragged wood a man can scrape from a barrels basement.
JAKE: Maybe sometimes a fellas gotta fess up to the fact that all there is to get about hims been firmly got already.
JAKE: Ive pretty much concluded that im a complete waste of everyones time if i bother busying their lives with my brand of beeswax and buffoonery.
JAKE: I settled square on the determination that i need to just be alone for most of my life and you know what im perfectly ok with that idea.
JAKE: Im just a lunk head and a loner and thats that.
JAKE: What else is there wonder about myself or my future except which face is most deserving of my fist?
TAVROSPRITE: sINCE YOU PUT EVERYTHING THAT WAY, aND SINCE SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO DISAGREE WITH A LOT OF CONSECUTIVE WORDS,
TAVROSPRITE: i THINK i AGREE WITH YOU,
TAVROSPRITE: mAYBE YOU'VE FIGURED OUT EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF THAT MATTERS,
TAVROSPRITE: tHAT WOULD BE AWESOME!, lET'S BOTH PUT EXTRA EFFORT INTO HOPING IT'S TRUE,
JAKE: Thats the ticket!
JAKE: I love my aspect it feels so empowering every time i want to feel like somethings real when tons of facts are missing.
JAKE: I really am a lucky son of a bitch arent i tavvy. Shit i mean tavrosprite. Blech what i bad nickname sorry!!!
JAKE: But yeah thats pretty much what the doctor ordered for old jake english. No romantic stuff. No platonic stuff either!
JAKE: Ill be like... Mr nonrom sansplat... Or... Oh horsenoodles there has to be terminology that more effectively consolidates my present understanding of myself into a coherent identity i can get enthusiastic about.
JAKE: Maybe the troll lingo has the answers. Or maybe im pioneering some sort of... shadow quadrant system?? Ooh lordy wouldnt that be a swift kick in the netherdumplings.
JAKE: What do you think tavvyboy should i take my idea to the troll patent office and make a mint?
TAVROSPRITE: i DON'T THINK WE HAVE A THING LIKE THAT,
TAVROSPRITE: aLSO,
TAVROSPRITE: aLL OF MY PEOPLE ARE EXTINCT, aND MY PLANET IS BADLY EXPLODED,
JAKE: Oh yeah.
JAKE: Heh oopsie.
TAVROSPRITE: bUT YEAH, tRAGEDY SITUATIONS NOT IN CONSIDERATION,,,
TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY,
TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS,
TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD,
TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES,
TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT,
TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN,
TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,
TAVROSPRITE: bUT THEN, aLSO,
TAVROSPRITE: i REALLY DO ENJOY MAKING *NEW* FRIENDS,
TAVROSPRITE: aND EVEN THOUGH i DON'T HAVE MANY TALENTS OR BATTLE SKILLS, oR INTELLIGENCE, oR DISCERNIBLE POSITIVE QUALITIES,
TAVROSPRITE: oNE THING i THINK i'M GOOD AT THAT PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE,
TAVROSPRITE: iS MAKING NEW FRIENDS, wHO DON'T KNOW MY FLAWS YET, }:)
JAKE: Yeah...
JAKE: Yeah!
JAKE: Cheese and crackers tavvers what an inspirational little spiel that just was.
JAKE: Mayhaps youve more concealed talents than you let on??
TAVROSPRITE: nO, aBSOLUTELY NOT, bUT THANK YOU,
TAVROSPRITE: aAA,,
TAVROSPRITE: aAAAA,,, cHOO!
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,!
JAKE: Tavmeister are you ok?
TAVROSPRITE: aAACHOO!
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOOOOOO,,,!
JAKE: Heavens to murgatroyd park tavenue whats the matter??
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/jasprose_sm1.gif" border="0" />
TAVROSPRITE: aACHOO!
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOO,!,
JAKE: Speak to me lobster tavioli!!!
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/jasprose_sm2.gif" border="0" />
TAVROSPRITE: aAAAA,,,,,
TAVROSPRITE: cHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO, aCHOO, aCHOO!!!
JAKE: Ey! Rikki tikki tavi! Lay it on me bro... do you need to go to a hospital or what?!

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: :3

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO! aCH-,
TAVROSPRITE: oH, nOO, nOT,,,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOOOO!
TAVROSPRITE: nOT YOU, }:(
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mrrrelax my sternutating acquaintance.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I have just the magic thing for you because I'm a magical being, squared!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Take this curative tablet! It will make those cat allergies slink away as if they saw a raccoon out the window.
TAVROSPRITE: oOH YES, tHANK,,,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!
TAVROSPRITE: tHANK YOU!
TAVROSPRITE: *gULP,*

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROSPRITE: w,,, wOW!
TAVROSPRITE: iT WORKED LIKE A CHARM!
TAVROSPRITE: i LOVE MAGIC, i'M SO GLAD IT'S REAL,
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Couldn't agree more!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That pill was a placebo, by the way. It was actually one of the buttons from my velvet pillow!
TAVROSPRITE: oOOOOOH,
TAVROSPRITE: tHANK YOU SO MUCH, mAGIC SORCERESS CAT WOMAN, fOR YOUR ENSORCELLED CURATIVE PLACEBO BUTTON,
TAVROSPRITE: tHIS IS GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE! }:D
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes I thought you wouldn't understand what that meant, and that the button would continue to do the trick.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm so pleased as usual to see that I was right! Not that it was ever in doubt.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: NOW.

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Since that hideous brouhaha of spittle, mucus and shouting has subsided, peace and quiet has revisited these hills and I am free to do my work.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It is the most important work that has ever been undertaken or even attempted in this gloomy session.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You there, master of this land.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Tell me, where is your kernelsprite?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Inquisitive chirp.*
JAKE: Uhhhh.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Never mind, you don't know anything! Haha. :3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I was only asking as a polite formality anyway, since it is right there in plain sight!

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jake, drumroll, please.
JAKE: Um...
JAKE: Hold...
JAKE: Hold on ill go um...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Don't you dare actually play some drums it was a figure of speech.

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Mrow, well hello there, beautiful. ;3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Fret no more sweet princess, for as long as I am here, you will never suffer such indignity again.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: How could anyone let such monstrous injustices happen to one so dear?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What FILTH would dare to debase you in this manner?!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: To say it was the marginalization of a bright and pure spirit, to say it was MURDER, this would be too flattering to the purrrpetrator.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What happened to you was nothing less than the desecration of a MASTERPIECE.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: My mystic kittycat senses divine that you have been mistreated for a stretch of your life far preceding your demise.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I detect that you may have been toyed with and disrespected by none other than the supreme puppeteer of unrepentant horseshit himself.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Any who would dare claim a greater atrocity has been committed in some godforsaken furl of paradox space, say it now and I will hiss and growl and curse your name.

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You are gorgeous, dear, sweet Nepeta. You deserve only happiness and fulfillment.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And from this moment forward I shall see to it that those are the only things you will ever know!

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hi!

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROSPRITE: oH,
TAVROSPRITE: oHHHH, nOOO,
TAVROSPRITE: tHIS IS, gREAT, tECHNICALLY, bUT, *sNIFF*,
TAVROSPRITE: oH nNNNOOAAA-CHOO!

07/05/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,
TAVROSPRITE: hELP, i NEED,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!,,
TAVROSPRITE: i NEED ANOTHER,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!!!!!!
TAVROSPRITE: i NEED ANOTHER MAGIC PILLOW BUTTON!!!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < :??

07/06/15
"[S][A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Hey. Anyone there?
JAKE: Yes im here.
JAKE: Whos this?
VRISKA: Hi! Is this Joke I'm speaking to?
JAKE: Yes.
VRISKA: Hi Joke, nice to hear from you again.
VRISKA: This is Vriska.
JAKE: Who?
VRISKA: God damn it. Never mind who.
VRISKA: The really attractive and outspoken girl you just saw jump into a window a little while ago. Remem8er?
JAKE: Oh yeah.
JAKE: Haha hello again. What can i do for you?
VRISKA: Glad you asked, 8uddy. You know, for a mostly inconsequential wimp, you're very polite and have a gr8 attitude!
JAKE: Thanks. I try my best.
VRISKA: Is Tavros there?
JAKE: Yes.
JAKE: Hes sneezing a lot though. Probably due to the recently surging number of cat people in the vicinity?
JAKE: Would you like to speak to him?
VRISKA: No!
VRISKA: God no. That would just waste time on a lot of his pointless hemming and hawing.
VRISKA: My 8usiness here is really simple. I just need to close one more significant loophole 8efore you all start fighting.
VRISKA: This is the final remaining task I had reserved for Tavros. He doesn't know what it is yet though.
VRISKA: So I'll need your help, Joke.
JAKE: Sure.
JAKE: What do you need?
VRISKA: I need you to reach into your pocket.
JAKE: My pocket?
JAKE: I...
JAKE: Dont think i have pockets?
JAKE: Im just wearing a snug pair of underpants.
VRISKA: No, your hoodie pocket!
JAKE: Oh.
JAKE: Shit these things have pockets???
VRISKA: Sigh.

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Ok reaching into my pocket now.

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: What the hell is this?
JAKE: How did this get in there...
VRISKA: Don't worry a8out that.
VRISKA: Just throw it on the ground!
JAKE: Alrighty.

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Ummmm...
VRISKA: Did he take the 88??
JAKE: What?
VRISKA: Did the cat pounce on the mouse!
JAKE: Oh. Yes.
VRISKA: Good.
VRISKA: Now tell Tavros he has to gra8 that cat.
VRISKA: It's mission critical!
JAKE: Ok.

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: Hey tavrosprite!
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO,???
JAKE: That bossy troll girl says you need to apprehend this feline i have apparently summoned.
JAKE: She says its really important.
TAVROSPRITE: oH, uMM,
TAVROSPRITE: aCHOO!!,
TAVROSPRITE: wHY,
JAKE: Its like part of the mission she was waiting to give you or something?
TAVROSPRITE: aAACHOOO!
TAVROSPRITE: yEAH, OK,
TAVROSPRITE: tHAT MAKES SENSE i GUESS,

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
GCATAVROSPRITE: oHH,
GCATAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHHH, nO,
GCATAVROSPRITE: oHHHHHHH,, nOOOOOOO,,,
GCATAVROSPRITE: a,
GCATAVROSPRITE: aAA,
GCATAVROSPRITE: aAAAAAAAAAAAA,,,
GCATAVROSPRITE: aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!,

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: You still there?
JAKE: Yeah.
JAKE: What happened??
VRISKA: I had to neutralize another wildcard threat in that session.
VRISKA: Who the fuck knows WHAT that first guardian cat would have done during your 8attle.
VRISKA: Or for that matter, to what extent it's still in the service of the Condesce.
VRISKA: Cats are pretty mysterious, after all.
VRISKA: I needed to take it out of the picture.
VRISKA: The 8est way to do that was sweep it up into the 8ody of a person who's much more managea8le, and mentally suggesti8le.
VRISKA: Tavros can ride out this whole 8attle while sleeping peacefully now, which frankly, is 8etter for him, and a LOT 8etter for all of you now that you don't have to worry a8out another 8rainless omnipotent critter scurrying around, wreaking havoc.
VRISKA: You just have to make sure he doesn't wake up until the action is over!
VRISKA: Same rules apply to him that apply to Jade.
JAKE: So...
JAKE: Hes like that permanently now right?
VRISKA: Yep!
VRISKA: That's how prototyping works. I made sure he was never dou8le-prototyped over the course of the session for this exact reason.
VRISKA: Sometimes it takes a little patience and long range planning to make sure all the loose ends are tied up.
JAKE: But.
JAKE: Doesnt this mean hes now allergic to himself?
VRISKA: Is he??
VRISKA: I dunno, man.
VRISKA: I never really knew how 8ad his allergies were?
VRISKA: You know what, whatever. When this is all over, I guess he'll have to deal with a little sneezing now and then, 8ut he'll ALSO have a 8unch of totally sick godlike powers.
VRISKA: So that's pretty cool, right??
VRISKA: Look kid, you're a little new to the extended scene of everything going on here, 8ut there's kind of 8een a long history of people under-appreci8ting how much shit I do for this guy that looks kinda 8ad 8ut is actually in his 8est interest.
VRISKA: He'll wake up, acclim8 to his new existence, and when the time comes I'm sure he'll 8e thanking me l8ter.
JAKE: I see.
JAKE: Hmm yeah when you put it that way...
JAKE: I guess youre right.
JAKE: Maybe old tavvys actually pretty lucky to have a friend like you.
VRISKA: There you go!
VRISKA: See Joke? You're a lot smarter than people give you credit for.

07/06/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Anyway I can't stand around all day yacking a8out this.
VRISKA: All in all this was a really minor chore to take care of.
VRISKA: I've got MUCH 8igger fish to fry out here in the ring.
VRISKA: Give my 8est to everyone there, and good luck with the fight!!!!!!!!

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ok! That little point of 8usiness is done.
VRISKA: Thanks for 8earing with me. Executing this whole strategy has turned out to 8e a really am8itious project!
MEENAH: nice watch dealie
MEENAH: how much that worth
VRISKA: How much?
VRISKA: I have no idea. I guess it depends on a lot of things, like the units of currency, the presumption of an actual market for it, its scarcity... honestly I just alchemized the thing quite easily, and some8ody else pro8a8ly could too.
MEENAH: god dammit that answer was too complicated
MEENAH: got a fuckin professor of economics over here
VRISKA: Are you saying you want to 8uy my spider watch??
MEENAH: na serk
MEENAH: spider swag aint my kettle of fish
VRISKA: I didn't think so!
VRISKA: Anyway, like I was saying, that takes care of that.
VRISKA: At this point I think we could use a de8riefing. Would you care to do the honors?
MEENAH: wat
VRISKA: Regarding the mission you were previously involved with, which I can only presume gradually fizzled out.
VRISKA: Securing this weapon, searching for a lost cheru8, and raising an army to defeat Lord English?
MEENAH: ooh right
MEENAH: man
MEENAH: T)(AT old thing
MEENAH: yeah i can debrief
MEENAH: i aint much a storyteller tho
MEENAH: much to the lament of my former bestie
VRISKA: That's fine!
VRISKA: I don't need you to dazzle me here.
VRISKA: I just want the fucking scoop.
MEENAH: thats why youre the top serk 38)
MEENAH: ...
MEENAH: .........
MEENAH: hey
VRISKA: What?
MEENAH: can i ask a kinda personal question
MEENAH: i mean not even that personal but whatev
VRISKA: Sure...?
MEENAH: how old are you
VRISKA: Uh,
VRISKA: Almost seven and a half sweeps.
VRISKA: Getting close to eight!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I pro8a8ly sound like a fucking nerd, 8ut I've 8een excited a8out reaching that milestone pretty much my whole life.
MEENAH: 7.5 huh
MEENAH: i guess thats a lil more respectable
VRISKA: More respecta8le than what?
MEENAH: nofin
MEENAH: change of subject
MEENAH: that old ass mission...

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: so yeah we all piled in a damn pirate ship and sailed around the ring in this huge circle
MEENAH: english followed us and wrecked shit as he went
MEENAH: that helped us chart a path to the treasure somehow
MEENAH: like using black maps and junk
MEENAH: with like
MEENAH: cartographic calculations and scopes and fuckin sextants and whatnot
MEENAH: im not even sure how but that weird ass idea actually worked
MEENAH: we found the treasure
MEENAH: well YOU did
MEENAH: but you were also kinda goin nuts and driving everyone away from the crew
MEENAH: i stuck around though cause i didnt give a flying glub
MEENAH: aranea bailed though
MEENAH: she caught wind of that magic ring and i guess it got to her
MEENAH: the delusions of grandeur about being alive again and doing relevant shit
MEENAH: so she ollied out and stole it and made the most embarrassing mess of things i ever heard of anyone doin ever
MEENAH: she totally failed in whatever she was trying to do
MEENAH: got the ring ganked from her then died again
MEENAH: i never saw or heard from her ever since and tbh i dont really want to
MEENAH: that left just me and you
MEENAH: well OT)(-ER you
MEENAH: tryin to figure out what to do with this deadly box a treasure
MEENAH: basically we couldnt decide on anything
MEENAH: and were feelin pretty flat on the plan overall
MEENAH: so we just gave up and wandered off to do other shit for a while
MEENAH: and you... i mean she...
MEENAH: mellowed WAY the fuck out
MEENAH: which was actually sorta cool for a bit but also sorta...
MEENAH: k never mind that
MEENAH: we just kept bubble hopping for i dont even know how long
MEENAH: which got uh
MEENAH: reely boring after a while 38\
MEENAH: i never had the thump tortoise to tell her though
MEENAH: uh i mean until now
MEENAH: in fact i pretty much just forgot about the whole plan until you showed up
MEENAH: you made it sound pretty cool again so i was like
MEENAH: yeah im on board
MEENAH: and thats bassically the whole story
MEENAH: oh
MEENAH: yeah...
MEENAH: and that "lost cherub" part of the plan
MEENAH: afaik that was a bogus red distraction fish and she probably dont matter at all
MEENAH: guess thats everything

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Good recap!
VRISKA: At least you 8oth had the presence of mind to hang on to the weapon.
VRISKA: Now it's up to us to use it.
VRISKA: What a8out this army though?
VRISKA: It still sounds like an important part of the plan to me.
VRISKA: Having just the two of us walk str8 up to Lord English, cold go88lefiend... that sounds like a recipe for disaster, weapon or no weapon.
VRISKA: An army of ghosts throwing everything they've got at him sounds like a gr8 strategy.
VRISKA: Like, a sort of 8uffer, giving us a little space to get ready to deploy the weapon when he seems vulnera8le.
MEENAH: yeah that makes sense
VRISKA: Do you think we pick that up where we left off?
MEENAH: man
MEENAH: dunno
MEENAH: that was one of the things that made us wonder if it was even worth bothering anymore
MEENAH: it was mostly this whole mind control stunt
MEENAH: apparently aranea was towing most of the load there???
MEENAH: then she peaced the hell out and got owned
VRISKA: I see.
VRISKA: Then yeah, this is going to 8e a little trickier than I thought.
VRISKA: Why don't we 8rainstorm on it for a while?
MEENAH: aight

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Got anything yet?
MEENAH: nope
VRISKA: Me neither.
MEENAH: well fuck

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: It's not a huge deal. We've got plenty of time to come up with something.
VRISKA: There's no rule that says we even NEED an army. We just need a way of deploying the weapon that will maximize the pro8a8ility it'll actually work.
MEENAH: true
VRISKA: We'll figure it out!
MEENAH: so
MEENAH: do you even
MEENAH: know what that weapon does yet or...
VRISKA: Not specifically.
VRISKA: We only know that it's some sort of juju that will activ8 when it gets near him.
VRISKA: We won't have to do anything at that point, theoretically. The weapon should just take over.
VRISKA: All we have to go on is a 8unch of vague stories we heard along the way through dream 8u88les.
VRISKA: Some presume it's something o8vious like sort of charm that releases an extremely powerful attack.
VRISKA: Other sources allude to a more specific consequence.
VRISKA: That the weapon actually contains the souls of some incredi8ly powerful warriors of legend who came close to 8eating him once, so he trapped them inside the charm and 8anished it into the void.
VRISKA: And if that's the case, then... I guess the weapon just releases them so they can finish the jo8?
VRISKA: Guess we'll find out!
VRISKA: Should 8e exciting.
VRISKA: Still, it's way too risky to try springing it on him without cre8ting a major distraction first.
VRISKA: Really, the ghost army idea sounded like the perfect approach. No wonder that was the original plan.
VRISKA: Who's idea was that, anyway?
MEENAH: yours
VRISKA: Yeah, I figured as much.
VRISKA: There's GOT to 8e another way to get that off the ground again.
VRISKA: I guess we don't have my ancestor's advanced a8ilities anymore, 8ut at least we have mine to work with, right?
MEENAH: if you say so
VRISKA: So 8etween my mind control powers, and your...
VRISKA: Your, um...
VRISKA: What was it you do again?
MEENAH: i make fuckin m$ney bitch
VRISKA: ...
VRISKA: I see.
VRISKA: Sorry for dou8ting you, Meenah. That's, um...
VRISKA: I'm sure that'll come in real handy.
MEENAH: i saw you roll them eyes serk
MEENAH: you aint a ghost you cant get away with that shit
VRISKA: Hey.
MEENAH: ??
VRISKA: What,
VRISKA: The hell........

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Is that????????

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/07/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: TAVROS????????

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: yES, tHAT'S ME,
TAVROS: hI AGAIN FINALLY, uHHHH,
TAVROS: aLIVE VRISKA?
TAVROS: tHAT SEEMS LIKE A DIFFERENT TWIST OF EVENTS, i DIDN'T EXPECT, aND DON'T UNDERSTAND, bUT,
TAVROS: iT DOESN'T CHANGE MUCH ABOUT MY CURRENT MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT,
VRISKA: What accomplishment?!
VRISKA: What are you doing with all these ghosts?
VRISKA: Is this...
VRISKA: Is this a GHOST ARMY?!?!?!?!
TAVROS: iT IS INDEED,
VRISKA: And I'm to 8elieve YOU'RE responsi8le for this?
TAVROS: yOU CAN BELIEVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE,
TAVROS: bELIEVING, aS ALWAYS, iS HALF THE BATTLE, wHEN IT COMES TO MAKING THINGS MARGINALLY LESS FAKE,
TAVROS: bUT THE FACT, tHAT i PERSONALLY BUILT THIS ARMY, mYSELF, iS GOING TO BE A *FACT*,
TAVROS: wHETHER YOU DECIDE TO BELIEVE IN IT, oR NOT!
TAVROS: }:D
VRISKA: Oh, 8ullshit.
VRISKA: You must have had help or something. Or used some kind of trick.
VRISKA: Tell me the truth, Nitram. How'd this get done? Who was pulling the strings??
TAVROS: sTRINGS, ?
VRISKA: Who is influencing the minds of all these ghosts????????
TAVROS: mE!
TAVROS: wELL, nOT pRESENTLY,
TAVROS: bUT i DID BEFORE, aND NOW HERE THEY ARE, fOLLOWING ME,
VRISKA: You?!
VRISKA: You must 8e joking.
VRISKA: You don't have those kinds of powers!
VRISKA: I mean, unless... ghosts are sort of like a kind of animal?
VRISKA: Meenah, is that how it works? Are ghosts actually fucking animals?!
MEENAH: no
TAVROS: vRISKA, tRUST ME,
TAVROS: tHERE IS NO COMMUNION INVOLVED, oR, eSCAPADES OF THE MIND,
TAVROS: oNLY ESCAPADES OF THE HEART!
VRISKA: What sort of hideous fuckwitted 8aloney drivel are you spouting out your prattle socket this time?
TAVROS: wHAT i MEAN IS,
TAVROS: i *CONVINCED* THEM ALL TO JOIN ME, vRISKA,
TAVROS: uSING WORDS,
TAVROS: aND SMILES,
TAVROS: aND FRIENDSHIP, }:D
VRISKA: No...
TAVROS: nO?
VRISKA: NO........
TAVROS: bUT,
TAVROS: hAVE YOU CONSIDERED,
TAVROS: yES???
VRISKA: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: This can't 8e.
VRISKA: I don't see how...
VRISKA: Do you know what this means?
VRISKA: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FUCKING MEANS?!
TAVROS: uHH,
TAVROS: mAYBE?
VRISKA: It means...

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: You actually did something useful for once.
TAVROS: }:D!!!
VRISKA: I don't know how I'm even supposed to process or handle this inform8tion...
VRISKA: It's... it's completely messed up, is what it is.
VRISKA: My entire world view is shattering around me...
VRISKA: It can't 8e true.
VRISKA: It can't!
VRISKA: Some8ody slap me. I need to wake up from this horseshit.
TAVROS: aLRIGHT, bUT,
VRISKA: DON'T TOUCH ME!
VRISKA: Meenah, is this real??
VRISKA: Tell me I'm not going insane. Please confirm for me that Tavros has for once in his preposterous life or death or whatever has at least momentarily stopped 8eing a totally useless sack of shit.
MEENAH: its fucked up but true
VRISKA: God........
VRISKA: DAAAAAAAAMN it.
VRISKA: Fuck this. I can't accept this reality.
VRISKA: Nope. No way. Won't do it.
VRISKA: No...
VRISKA: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
TAVROS: oH, bUT MAYBE MORE LIKE,
TAVROS: yES,,,
TAVROS: yES, yES, yES, yES, yES!!!
VRISKA: XXXX|

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: aWWWWWWWWW, yEAH!, bITCHEZ!
TAVROS: oR FAILING THAT, sOMETHING LESS DISCOURTEOUS TO WOMEN, tO CALL YOU BOTH!
TAVROS: i BET YOU NEVER SAW IT COMING, fROM YOUR ONCE DEAR AND LOYAL SWABBY,
TAVROS: tHAT YOUR POOPMASTER WOULD COME THROUGH! tHAT HE TOO, wOULD ENJOY, a SUCCESSFUL AND GRATIFYING ARC OF PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT!
TAVROS: oOOOOH, iT FEELS SO GOOD, tO DO A CONCLUSIVE THING, tHAT ABSOLUTELY AND BEYOND ALL QUESTION, rETROACTIVELY VINDICATES ME AS A PERSON AND ERASES ALL OF MY FLAWS!!!
TAVROS: hOW'S THAT *FEEEEL*, yOU CHARISMATIC AND CUNNING UNPLEASANT LADY??
TAVROS: yOU LIKE THAT, yOU WINNER?
TAVROS: dO YOU LIKE, hOW FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING i JUST SIPHONED THE URINE, oUT OF THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE ALL THAT, aND i'M ALL SHAT! eHEHEHE,
TAVROS: dO YOU LIKE GETTING OWNED???
TAVROS: bECAUSE THAT'S MAYBE WHAT YOU'RE CURRENTLY GETTING NOW! OWWWWWNED,,,,,!
TAVROS: sO, mIGHT i INVITE YOU, tO SUCK IT!

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: SUUUUUCK,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TAVROS: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Tavros.

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Tavros.

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Tavros.

07/08/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: TAVROS!!!!!!!!

07/09/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ok.
VRISKA: You win.
VRISKA: You did something gr8, and it was a 8ig help.
VRISKA: So, thanks for that. I mean that sincerely.
VRISKA: Could you please just... never dance again? Like ever?
VRISKA: That's all I ask.
TAVROS: yES, iT'S A DEAL,
VRISKA: Awesome.

07/09/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Ok, now that we have a ghost army assem8led, the weapon in hand, and settled on the determin8tion that the lost cheru8 pro8a8ly doesn't matter at all...
VRISKA: I think it's time to make a plan.
MEENAH: hold up
MEENAH: somefin dont feel right aboat this
VRISKA: What?
MEENAH: this army
MEENAH: who the flips in charge of this jam
VRISKA: In charge?
VRISKA: Uh...
MEENAH: please dont tell me its the dancin weenie poopboy
VRISKA: I don't think he's technically "in charge"?
VRISKA: He just "motiv8ted" them all to join the fight through the power of "friendship".
TAVROS: yES EXACTLY, }:)
MEENAH: yea but an armys gotta follow orders
MEENAH: otherwise it aint an army
MEENAH: its a bunch of assholes who all happen to be standing in roughly the same vicinity
VRISKA: I see your point.
VRISKA: What are you suggesting?
MEENAH: i should rule the army
VRISKA: Rule??
VRISKA: Don't you mean like, 8e the general of it?
VRISKA: I think that's usually how it works.
MEENAH: shell no glubberfucker
MEENAH: i should rule these sons a fishes
MEENAH: its in my blood
MEENAH: also
MEENAH: i fuckin wanna
MEENAH: and i probubbly wont take no for a clamswer
VRISKA: Hey, that sounds fine to me.
VRISKA: A little discipline applied to this swarm of dead idiots isn't going to dou8le-kill them.
VRISKA: I'm just not sure how feasi8le it is?
VRISKA: Tavros is the one who rounded them all up, so I assume they're all currently listening to him when it comes to the marching orders.
MEENAH: i sea how it is
MEENAH: hey you
MEENAH: swabby
TAVROS: yES?
MEENAH: i hereby challenge you for the leadership of this army!!!!!!
TAVROS: wHAT,
MEENAH: get yer fuckin dukes up pupa pansy >38D
TAVROS: wHOA,
TAVROS: nO,
TAVROS: oH NO, lET'S NOT,
TAVROS: dO THAT?
MEENAH: yeah lets!
MEENAH: itll be fin
TAVROS: fIN?
MEENAH: FUN YOU ASS
MEENAH: now hit me ya seaweed suckin sandal stuffer
TAVROS: bUT,
TAVROS: i THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA, tHAT YOU LEAD THE ARMY!
TAVROS: i DON'T, eVEN? cONTEST THAT AT ALL?
MEENAH: aw man 38(
MEENAH: whys everyone alwaves gotta do shit the boring way
TAVROS: i'LL JUST LET EVERYONE KNOW YOU'RE THE NEW LEADER, oKAY?
MEENAH: aight hows this
MEENAH: ill buy em off you
TAVROS: uHHH,
MEENAH: just name your price
MEENAH: i got a LOT of gold you know
MEENAH: do i look fuckin poor to you???
MEENAH: tell me i look poor i GLUBBING DAR-E YOU
TAVROS: nO, i BELIEVE YOU!
TAVROS: i THINK YOU ARE PROBABLY VERY WEALTHY?
MEENAH: then tell me how much gold i need to unload to make this shit happen
TAVROS: bUT,
TAVROS: i DON'T WANT GOLD!
TAVROS: fIRSTLY, i REALLY DOUBT IT EVEN HAS MUCH INTRINSIC VALUE, iN THIS CONTEXT,
TAVROS: bECAUSE WE AREN'T EVEN,,, oN A PLANET, wHEREBY SUCH ORES ARE SCARCE, wE ARE JUST IN AN ABSTRACT FIELD, oF FLEETING ILLUSIONS, aND,
TAVROS: tHERE'S SURELY NO MARKET OF EXCHANGE ANYWHERE HERE, tHAT WOULD HELP DICTATE THE FLUCTUATING PRICE, oF SUCH A COMMODITY,
TAVROS: oR EVEN ANY MONETARY BASIS OF COMPARISON FOR THAT PRICE, iF IT ACTUALLY EXISTED,
MEENAH: W)(Y T)(-E S)(IT IS -EV-ERYBODY A FUCKIN -ECONOMIST ALL OF A S)(ITTING SUDD-EN
MEENAH: *grumble grumble*
MEENAH: pedantic motherfucks dont know gold = riches, P-ERIOD
TAVROS: iT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN ARGUMENT, aBOUT GOLD OR ECONOMIES, oR ANYTHING ELSE!
TAVROS: i SAID IT'S A GOOD IDEA THAT YOU LEAD US! i LIKE THE IDEA!!
MEENAH: alright alright
MEENAH: FIN-E
MEENAH: go ahead an B-E nice about it what do i care 38T
TAVROS: i FULLY RECOGNIZE, tHROUGH THE CUSTOMARY TRADITIONS OF NORMAL CULTURE, tHAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS MOST FIT TO RULE,
TAVROS: aND WHILE i MAY EXCEL AT FRIENDSHIP TEMPORARILY, i DON'T HAVE THE LEADERSHIP THINGS OF BEING HARSH AND BOSSY,
TAVROS: bUT THOSE ARE LEADERSHIP THINGS YOU HAVE, pROBABLY, bECAUSE OF YOUR BLOOD?
TAVROS: sO STARTING NOW, i COMPLETELY DEFER AND PROSTRATE TO,,,,,,
TAVROS: mY NEW EMPRESS! };D

07/09/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: whoa man what the fuck?
TAVROS: yOUR MAJESTY!
VRISKA: ........
TAVROS: i EXIST ONLY TO DO YOUR BIDDING,
TAVROS: sUDDENLY,
VRISKA: Tavros, will you get the fuck up?
MEENAH: no
MEENAH: no dont
MEENAH: stay
MEENAH: stay down there
MEENAH: exactly like that
TAVROS: oF COURSE, yOUR HIGHNESS,
MEENAH: i think
MEENAH: i think i LIK-E this
MEENAH: i think i R-E-ELY LIK-E T)(IS A W)(OL-E GLUBBING LOT
MEENAH: T)(IS F-E-ELS RIG)(T YO

07/09/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/09/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: yea good
MEENAH: excellent work swabby in chief
MEENAH: i hereby promote yall from poopmaster to pooplord
TAVROS: wOW!!!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: you earned it
MEENAH: now turn that way
MEENAH: i wanna address my legion of loyal homies
TAVROS: yES, mY LIEGE,

07/09/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: listen up buoys and gulls
MEENAH: i aint much for inspirational sbeaches
MEENAH: but here goes one anemoneway so whatever and listen the fuck up
MEENAH: your friendly sandle packing pooplord just flipped the keys to this bitch over to me
MEENAH: so as all yalls former heiress and current empress i hereby officially decree
MEENAH: im the boss now
MEENAH: you gotta do what i say
MEENAH: follow my orders to the letter not just cause all our ghosts are at stake and existence itself depends on it
MEENAH: but because im tha bomb
MEENAH: and all the shit i say is cool and right
MEENAH: mosta you got some good fightin skill or some powers or some shit
MEENAH: god tier ghosts im lookin at you
MEENAH: i dunno what you can all do in them peejays but whatever it is you better fuckin bring it
MEENAH: the rest of you without powers or even like
MEENAH: modest combat ability?
MEENAH: just
MEENAH: iunno
MEENAH: throw your damn torso at the guy
MEENAH: fa real every individual flailing and screaming body is gonna count for somefin in this god damn mess
MEENAH: sea we got a weapon
MEENAH: a nasty one some legend says
MEENAH: dont ask me to quote the legend cause i dont read up on no damn legends people just tell me this shit alright?
MEENAH: but the idea is you all set him up
MEENAH: then we knock him down
MEENAH: i trust that i dont gotta say who we up against here
MEENAH: you know the guy
MEENAH: the hulk ass pimp devil whos been shredding all our black space
MEENAH: poppin up our bubbles
MEENAH: murderin innocent space octopi
MEENAH: double killing our ghosts which to be fair there were way too many of in the first place but lets not dwell much on that dumb fact
MEENAH: its lord muscle guy
MEENAH: a huge like
MEENAH: professional wrestler with suspenders and the head of a skeleton
MEENAH: the fuckin time boss who wiped out troll kind one way or anotter
MEENAH: i think hes after his sis but shes on record as not mattering so who cares
MEENAH: he will never stop til he finds her
MEENAH: so we have to stop him
MEENAH: to save space and reality and an infinity trillion cosmic frogs or some absurd stuff long those lines
MEENAH: but we have to stop him most importantly because
MEENAH: its just a badass thing to do
MEENAH: and i PROMIS-E you
MEENAH: as your supreme ruler for afterlife
MEENAH: that this will be a baller use of our time
MEENAH: and beats the shit out of being bored and doing nothing forever
MEENAH: so i ask of you
MEENAH: as humbly as i can while taking into consideration im the best one here by proximately 20K leagues or so
MEENAH: whos with me?
MEENAH: the answer is
MEENAH: all of you
MEENAH: you all are
MEENAH: because i command it
MEENAH: but it school i know you can do it
MEENAH: because i believe in every last one a you
MEENAH: and also
MEENAH: you have to
MEENAH: because if you dont
MEENAH: ill feed you to lord kingfish myshellf

07/09/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
VRISKA: Why is everything always so wonderful?

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JAKE: So i take it i am to stand in for the mad hatter in this charade?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes.
JAKE: Except... wasnt the mad hatter supposed to be like... in charge of the tea party or something?
JAKE: I really dont know what im supposed to be doing here.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nothing! Just sit there quietly please.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No offense, but you are only a prop actor in this fanciful scenario, which is serving as the stage for my date with this lovely lady.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < wait...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < this is a date?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh! Yes.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm sorry I didn't mention sooner, Nepeta.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Is that ok?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < um
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i guess so!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im still a bit confuzzled about what is actually happening though
JASPROSESPRITE^2: There will be plenty of time for explanations!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: For now, I invite you to relax and enjoy our party on this peaceful and desolate hilly planet, while that mild mannered boy across the fridge sips his tea quietly.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ok but...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im manely just wondering, where is everyone?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < like... equius? karkat? are they ok?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: They're fine!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, Karkat is fine. Alive and well, in this session.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Equius is also fine, in the same sense that you and I are both fine! :3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Everyone else enjoys various states of being fine while alive, and fine while dead.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < oh
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hrrm well
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < SOME of that sounds like good mews at least?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's all good news! I mean mews. :3 Especially that we are both here now, on this date together.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Again, assuming you are ok with that. No pressure!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i will say its a very nice looking tea party you have here
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but ummmmm
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ive never actually...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < b33n on a date
JASPROSESPRITE^2: There's a first time for everything, right?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I remember my first date. I was so nervous! "Life hack." It helps if you are very very drunk.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Not that I am prescribing this as a remedy for you! It's ok to be nervous.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, I sincerely doubt you are partial to the drink. I have a feeling catnip's your poison, eh? Eh?? Ehhh??? ;3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ive never tried either
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < sorry :\\
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < anyway its not that im nervous about a furst date necessarily!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i just... dont know who you are or anything about you
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < you look like one of the human kids but... different. you s33m to be part kittycat now?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes Nepeta I am part kittycat now! :3 :3
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Events conspired to make me equal parts not dead, half kittycat, and two sprites!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But the other side of that pet tag is the fact that I am suddenly half human as well.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You see Nepeta I used to be a dead cat too but now I'm an alive cat who's part girl!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: In fact, we spoke once. While I was still just a cat. Don't you remember?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < uhhh
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < wait a minute
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yes...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yes i think i do remember that!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < that was fun! :DD
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Chirp! :3 :3 :3 :3 :3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < so youre the same cat then!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < the human girl... rose was it? she and her lusus got prototyped together?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That is exactly what happened, fortunately for us both, as well as everybody else.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < thats very sw33t! what a nice way for you two to stay close forever
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < combining souls with my lusus sounds like it would have b33n a wonderful way to preserve her memory
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < plus share all her strength and wisdom and such!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i am guessing that oppurrtunity is long gone though :cc
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It probably is. But really, I don't think you need to change!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You are so charming and pretty exactly as you are.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < wow...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < thank you :oo
JAKE: Hey...
JAKE: Whatever happened to janes bunny friend... what was his name?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Huh?
JAKE: Little sebastian i think?
JAKE: Whered he scamper off to?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jake, what are you talking about.
JAKE: He would be PERFECT for this tea party!
JAKE: Like the white rabbit and all.
JAKE: And im like the mad hatter for some damned reason.
JAKE: And youre supposed to be like the cheshire cat or such?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, Jake. That was the idea.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Thank you for explaining a thing to us.
JAKE: I havent the foggiest fucking idea who sleeping tavros is supposed to be.
JAKE: Or for that matter who the honking guy in the fridge represents.
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
JAKE: Was there a man under the table who honked sometimes in alice and wonderland?
JAKE: I really dont remember.
JAKE: So i guess that leaves the friendly cat troll as alice?
JAKE: Nepeta right? You must be the alice of the group.
JAKE: That would make sense! Since you just got here and appear to be very confused about this situation.
JAKE: By my estimation that makes you a dead ringer for the alice of this tea party!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jake, just drink your tea.

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, enough of that horseshit. Back to our date!!!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That is, if you are ok with calling it a date! Are you ok with this being a date? I mean like a romantic one??
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i... y-
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yes?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i mean, sure! :33
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yay!!!!!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i still dont... actually know you that well?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < at least not the rose part of you.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i suppose maybe that is the point of a date... to get to know the other person a bit better?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes! Yes Nepeta, exactly! That is exactly the point of a date! :3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < h33h33, okay then!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < uh hmmmm so what do we talk about?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anything you would like, beautiful. ;3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < j33z
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < rose
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i mean
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < rose cat...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Jasprose!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < jasprose i...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < h33h33h33
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What is it?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < youre making me blush!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < my head probably looks like a big old olive here
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's quite a lovely color. :3:3:3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dont...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ahhhh!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < X33
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Is something wrong?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < no i just
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < sorry
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ive never really had anybody like me before!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im not sure how to handle it
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I find this very hard to believe.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nobody? Are you sure??
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < pretty sure!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What a reprehensible injustice. Had your colleagues no taste???
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < heh
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hit on me a few times
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advances always struck me as cr33py and insincere
JASPROSESPRITE^2: A pox on the name of this charlatan. I hiss on his grave.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hes dead?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < gosh
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i mean... he could be kind of a jerk sometimes but that is still a shame :((
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No it isn't. It's fine. Please! Continue!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < huh?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You were saying? About being liked!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < oh right
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < um i am just
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < still somewhat confused?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im not sure why you like me
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < not that im not flattered!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but you dont really know much about me
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < or...
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < do you?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No, not really.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I just know that you are very pretty, and from my limited interaction with you as a cat, that you are personable and kind.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't need to know much else about you to like you. I am a catgirl of simple tastes. :3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < haha
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ok
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i guess i cant argue with that!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < for what its worth you s33m very nice and pretty as well
JASPROSESPRITE^2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Jake, did you hear that?!)
JASPROSESPRITE^2: (She likes me too! This is almost too good to be true.)
JAKE: I think you should both kiss!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: JAKE!!!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Please, mind your manners.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, not that that isn't an EXCELLENT idea.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But all things in due time. There is a PROCESS to this courtship business.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Much how one doesn't just LIE DOWN for a nap. The bedding must be ritualistically kneaded and massaged before lowering oneself in a circular fashion for a prime snoozing position.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < :oo
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < oh my goodness what a beautsnifful analogy :'33
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, she has only been prototyped once.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I believe unprototyped or once-prototyped kernels can weather brief or incidental contact, the same way you can investigate the flame of a candle without burning your nose as long as you are quick enough.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But the sort of contact we are talking about here would be ANYTHING but incidental. ;3 ;3 ;3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < omg
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < you are making me blush again with all this kissing talk!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < how can you be so forward about those things?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i have never met anyone who was so brazen and confident about liking somebody
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < how do you do it???
JASPROSESPRITE^2: There isn't much too it.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I used to be quite guarded about my feelings as a girl.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But cats do not have complicated thoughts about what should be expressed and when.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What to convey about your current state of mind is everything. When to do it is now.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < dont get me wrong jasprose i have a great affinity for all things feline in nature
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but its never b33n that simple for me!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i get so shy and worried what people might think of me if i say how i f33l
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im always so scared that they wont f33l the same way or just think im stupid or pathetic or something
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Was there someone you had feelings for you couldn't talk to about?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ummmm
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < yeah
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Who?
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ummmmmmmm
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno im embarrassed to say!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You can tell me Nepeta! Please tell me your secret will be safe, I promise!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < ok
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < as long as you can really k33p a sneakret!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: My muzzle is sealed.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i never told him and im pretty sure he never found out how i felt!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Karkat eh?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'll let you in on a little sneakret too. You dodged a vigorous spritzing with a spray bottle there.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: He wouldn't be any good for you. Oh no no.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < why?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Too many anger issues. Always with the shouting and whatnot. He's way too volatile!
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but... i liked that about him!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, but that isn't even all there is to it!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: On our journey he was so obsessive and controlling toward his desired matesprit. I do not believe that is any way to treat a lady!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: On the contrary Nepeta. You deserve someone who will RESPECT and ADORE you.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well... yes
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i always hoped to find someone like that some day
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno maybe youre right but in spite of whatever problems he might have i always felt like i saw something in him that made me think he could be that purrson!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nope. Sorry to be the meower of bad news. He is just not cut out for you!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Besides, he is involved with someone else now in that quadrant. He has moved on. And so have you!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You are now a sprite. Neither of us have the same connection to the living we once had.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: In quite a real sense, it is fair to say that all we have now...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Is each other. :3
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < er...
DAVESPRITE: hey whats up

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Davesprite?!
DAVESPRITE: yeah
DAVESPRITE: looks like everybody forgot about me as fucking usual
DAVESPRITE: so here i am
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Where...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Where did you come from?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I thought you died.
DAVESPRITE: uh no?
DAVESPRITE: not to my knowledge at least
DAVESPRITE: i was just chillin on johns planet when some shit happened
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What shit?
DAVESPRITE: dunno
DAVESPRITE: there was all this wind and shit then the sky went blank
DAVESPRITE: i looked around a while but couldnt find anybody
DAVESPRITE: then the sky went black again so i flew off lookin for people
DAVESPRITE: found the planet with a big purple X on it
DAVESPRITE: then i found you at this tea party or whatever
DAVESPRITE: and now you seem to be a sprite too who is part cat so thats cool i guess
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Ah, of course. You're the version I traveled with on the ship.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I mean, not Rose. Jaspers.
DAVESPRITE: oh yeah
DAVESPRITE: hey man
DAVESPRITE: um
DAVESPRITE: or at least hey man to half of you
DAVESPRITE: kind of fucked up that youre part rose and vice versa but i guess whatre you gonna do
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Be in a state of near-perpetual satisfaction with my own existence, is what.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, I'm happy to see you're still alive.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Even if your bird-like appearance is making me feel a bit riled up.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'll try to control myself though.
DAVESPRITE: cool thanks
DAVESPRITE: so what kind of ludicrous nonsense do you have going here in the land of stonehenges and a big purple X
DAVESPRITE: is that
DAVESPRITE: is that egbert lookin dude supposed to be the fucking mad hatter
JAKE: Yeah!!!
DAVESPRITE: ok
DAVESPRITE: whats with the fridge
DAVESPRITE: please dont tell me somebodys locked in that fridge
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/gamzsmallhonk.png" border="0" />
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Dave, never mind the fridge.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: This tea party bullshit isn't quite what is seems.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I am actually on a date. So maybe we could, you know. Catch up later?
DAVESPRITE: a date
DAVESPRITE: thats cool
DAVESPRITE: with who the mad hatter guy?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Good lord, no.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: With Nepeta.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sorry, I should have introduced you to her sooner.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nepeta, this is Dave. He's my bird brother, who is also a sprite.
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hello!

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVESPRITE: hey nepeta nice to meet you
DAVESPRITE: dont worry ill get out of your hair soon and let you get back to your tea date with rose
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < hi dave
NEPETASPRITE: :33 < its nice to m33t you too!
DAVESPRITE: damn straight we are meeting the shit out of each other right now
DAVESPRITE: hey put er there...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Dave, no, don't...

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < claw claw meowtherfuckers!!!

07/19/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: hello?
CALLIOPE: anyone home?

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: jade?
CALLIOPE: anybody??

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: oh, hello, sir.
CALLIOPE: i'm looking for a man they call... "the mayor".
CALLIOPE: is that yoU?

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: oh, silly me.
CALLIOPE: of coUrse yoU are!
CALLIOPE: it says so right there on yoUr handsome sash.
CALLIOPE: how nice it is to meet yoU!
CALLIOPE: i was told this is where jade is sleeping.
CALLIOPE: do yoU know where she is?

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: there yoU are.
CALLIOPE: she looks so peacefUl.
CALLIOPE: how odd it is to think she is still in the dream bUbble with my other self's ghost.
CALLIOPE: what coUld they be talking aboUt?
CALLIOPE: the cUriosity is maddening!

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: please hUrry back, jade.
CALLIOPE: yoUr friends all miss yoU here.

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: sooooo
JADE: where exactly are we going?
CALLIOPE: back to the source of all this.
JADE: um
JADE: and where is that?
CALLIOPE: you know already.
JADE: ......

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: well wherever it is...
JADE: im kinda wondering if
JADE: maybe i should be waking up soon?
JADE: i feel like my friends are probably going to need me
CALLIOPE: you can't wake up just yet.
JADE: why?
CALLIOPE: it's not time.
CALLIOPE: not where your physical form is, at least.
JADE: where my physical form is?
JADE: then...
JADE: what about here?
CALLIOPE: what about here?
JADE: argh
JADE: sorry
JADE: this time stuff is really confusing
CALLIOPE: you're a space player.
JADE: yeah
JADE: i mean
JADE: if its not the right time to wake up where im sleeping...
JADE: how long do i have to wait HERE in order to wake up?
CALLIOPE: the correlation between the passage of time in the furthest ring and any given physical location is tenuous.
CALLIOPE: the measurement of time here is inseparable from the physical passage through its knotted space.
CALLIOPE: those two aspects are closely woven together here, to such an extent that they are barely separable.
CALLIOPE: all aspects are.
JADE: really?
JADE: all of them??
CALLIOPE: yes.
JADE: i understand how this place has time and space of course.... even if they work together weirdly
JADE: but
JADE: i dont see any of the others
CALLIOPE: one doesn't see abstractions.
CALLIOPE: not directly.
JADE: ...
JADE: oh
CALLIOPE: each opposing pair is in balance throughout this field so as to form a stable canvas.
CALLIOPE: though the canvas becomes less stable with each crack in the field, ordinarily one would never directly observe its constituent forces.
CALLIOPE: the canvas would seem smooth from afar, but up close, as it were, the tapestry is circuitously woven.
CALLIOPE: the aspects, while remaining in balance, interfere with each other. they interlock and intertwine.
CALLIOPE: so neither space nor time functions linearly, nor are they conventionally measurable.
JADE: wow
JADE: i am not sure i totally understand...
JADE: but that is pretty interesting!
CALLIOPE: you are predisposed to find the nuances of space intriguing.
CALLIOPE: and since its opposing aspect is more related than you perhaps have realized, the challenges of understanding it are more compelling to you than you realize as well.
JADE: yeah i guess so
JADE: physics are all about space and time and such which are fun to think about
JADE: i like all that stuff!
CALLIOPE: yes.
JADE: so youre saying space and time... and all other aspects i guess... are more closely related here than in like
JADE: umm...
JADE: more stable places, like my universe?
CALLIOPE: they are less distinct from each other here, yes.
JADE: you said passage of time is inseparable from...
JADE: traveling through space?
CALLIOPE: yes.
JADE: so if we were holding still
JADE: time wouldnt be moving either?
CALLIOPE: that is correct, in a way.
CALLIOPE: though motion itself is not the absolute process it is in a more conventional medium.
CALLIOPE: the measurement of motion requires stable features for comparison.
CALLIOPE: of which there are very few in the furthest ring, typically.
CALLIOPE: the more cracks that appear, ironically, the more the ring begins to stabilize, at least in a spatial and temporal sense.
JADE: i see
JADE: so
JADE: if the cracks werent there
JADE: how...
JADE: how would we be able to tell if we were moving?
CALLIOPE: motion through the twisted space is not gauged by passing landmarks, but anchored to a particular destination.
CALLIOPE: destination is an idea maintained by the traveler.
CALLIOPE: ideas are subtle composites of various aspects.
CALLIOPE: without clear understanding of destination, motion becomes less discernible.
CALLIOPE: with less discernible motion, passage of time becomes less measurable.
CALLIOPE: at a standstill, time loses meaning, and can seem to stretch on forever, as all events throughout reality swirl around you in no particular order.
CALLIOPE: one becomes isolated from all else. imprisoned by inertia.
JADE: hmmmm
JADE: that is pretty cool too
JADE: i love spacey stuff!
CALLIOPE: yes.
JADE: you talk about it in a neat way
JADE: it kinda seems like you are trying to educate me on this
JADE: like a teacher or something :)
CALLIOPE: of course that is what i'm doing.
JADE: oh
JADE: heh

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: well.......
JADE: not that it isnt fun talking about these cool space things
JADE: and
JADE: i know you said my real body isnt supposed to be waking up yet, wherever and whenever it is
JADE: but to tell you the truth...
JADE: i would really love to get going and see my friends again!
JADE: dont you have the power to wake me up?
JADE: the other calliope said she has that power
CALLIOPE: i do have that power.
JADE: oh
JADE: soooooo
JADE: could you please wake me up then?
CALLIOPE: no.
JADE: aw
JADE: why not!
CALLIOPE: i told you.
CALLIOPE: it is not time yet.
CALLIOPE: we must reach our destination first, in order for the requisite time to flow correctly.
CALLIOPE: only then.
JADE: maaaan
JADE: >:(
CALLIOPE: why the hurry?
CALLIOPE: you have already proven your heroism in the moments when it was needed most.
CALLIOPE: it is important to know when the greatest good is best served by remaining dormant.
CALLIOPE: whether that burden is for close to eternity, or only a few more minutes.
CALLIOPE: it is something to learn as a space player.
CALLIOPE: space falls back. it yields. hosts the play silently.
CALLIOPE: then, it roars to life when its time comes, showing all who is really the master.
CALLIOPE: and so too when the time comes, it collapses in on itself, taking all else with it.

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < daaamn.....
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < damn! X33
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < rose
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im a fuckin troll now!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and part beautiful bird
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and also...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < a human boy?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hahaha i dont even
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shit
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < rose my claws
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < look at these fuckin claws!!!!!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *snikt snikt snikt snikt snikt* omg
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < rose LOOK!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I see your claws, Dave.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: They're neat.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hahahahaha!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < holy shit i am a god damn DEBACLE of a thing arent i
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < is kind of GREAT?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i sort of LOVE THIS??????????
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < BDD
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That's wonderful, Dave and Nepeta.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm very happy for you both.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: *Sigh.*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats wrong rose??
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose i mean
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Nothing.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *sidles up to jasprose in a coy and hella feline manner sounding tickled as fuck thru my little 3-shaped snout deal*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *arches back huge up and being all like bumping into rose with my tall curved back and shit, like cats do im pretty sure?*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *fuck yeah they do! omg they do the tall back thing all the time when theyre happy and im doing that right now h33h33*
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Dave...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What do you think you're doing?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *davepeta kindly and radly informs jasprose he is doing a bit of roleplaying and no, not even ironically*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *i mean... she*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shit
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hrmmm B??
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yo um
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im confused about my gender suddenly
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what am i now?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't know, Dave.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well what are you?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what do you f33l like now a boy or a girl
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < your cat was a boy right?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, he was a boy.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so what does that make you now???
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't know. I hadn't thought much about it.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think I am probably still a girl?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Cats don't have particularly deep feelings about gender, or form strong identities around the idea.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok thats cool
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but both dave and nepeta did have strong identities as a boy and girl!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so i dunno where that leaves me
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Does it even matter?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i have no idea!!!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i just started being davepeta like THR33 SECONDS AGO
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not sure what matters to me yet
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i think i do like being me though!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its a really weird f33ling
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean not weird just like jarring in contrast with how both me's spent so long f33ling like
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think I know what you mean.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you do?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes I was really having the time of my lives after I became Jasprose.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, for a while there, at least.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fur a while?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats wrong now
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh, nothing.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < come oooon
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tell me! B33
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It's hard to put into meows what I am feeling suddenly.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think it might be...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Loneliness?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lonelioness
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < why?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im here to k33p you company
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and mad hatter dude is still over there...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < uh
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < doing... whatever the fuck it is hes doing?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you still have lots of friends!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I know.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But since your... transformation...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Some feelings I thought I had put behind me at the moment of MY transformation quickly returned.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: They were dug up from their shallow graves and left on my doorstep by... you know what?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm not even in the mood to finish that incredibly apt analogy. You will have to connect the dots yourself.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what f33lings returned?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: As a cat I never had any other girl cats around to be friendly with.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That was a very simple emotion with which I could probably cope, if it was all that was in play.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The Rose half is more complicated.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I have memories from a lot of Roses.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Is this true for you as well? I mean, memories from many Daves and Nepetas?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah......
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it uh
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sure is a clusterfuck of sad dead daves and sad dead nepetas in my head
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it f33ls alright tho
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like im a lot more detached from those experiences than i ever felt before?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but also
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < there is a distinct f33ling of having one dave and nepeta stand out from the crowd of memories
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the versions of davesprite and nepeta i existed as right up until we both shook hands
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < they still kinda f33l like the "main" ones ya know?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, exactly.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The Rose I was prior to this had just lost everything before she was killed.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Her friends and also her matesprit.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: When I came back as a sprite, not as Jasprose yet mind you, I was relieved to see everybody again...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But it was also a melancholy return.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I knew that she couldn't be with me anymore, because I was no longer Real Rose.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But when I became Jasprose, everything changed again.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I was a whole new being!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Before me stretched a horizon full of small distant and slightly jostling curiosities to investigate, because you never know when something like that might turn out to be a mouse.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: There were so many, many new pawsibilkitties.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dude i must say i am so stoked for the cat things youre sayin!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Shoosh, Dave. And yes I concur about the cat things.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Anyway, one of the new things that opened up to me was...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: The idea that I didn't have to be alone anymore.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That I was reborn, more thrilled to be alive than I can ever remember being in any incarnation.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And that there was someone perfect waiting for me to bring her back.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Another estranged soul like me.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: And now...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I guess it's all ruined.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats ruined
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Never mind, Dave.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < come on tell me!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Forget it.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < rose...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose!!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dammit
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you cant possibly just leave the story there
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < pawsibly
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fuck
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < still gettin the hang of mastering my cute as hell urge to do cat puns litterally whenever it could conceivably occur to me
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < litterally lmao thats a good one
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasp
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jaspycat
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shit thats a bad nickname sorry
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jasprose
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < JASPROSESPRITE SQUARED!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you were talkin about nepeta werent you
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 "

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Dave, she was going to be my WIFE!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: BOO < !!!!!!!!!!!!!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Sighhh.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i was?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < er
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < she was?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes, Dave. I am quite sure of it.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < um
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well furst of all
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe you should stop calling me dave?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my name is davepeta now
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes you're right. I'm sorry Davepeta.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: No offense, but the Dave part of you is sort of the fly in the ointment here, so when I look at you, that tends to be who I see.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah thats cool
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < since he became a bird that part of me got pretty used to being a most unwelcome dave in practically all situations let alone when he rudely crashes a tea date through accidental bodysharing shenanigans
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but now im like this whole new neat kind of sprite with legs again and claws and shit and id prefer that my new identity be respected please!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yeah. I am very sorry.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I was just sad is all.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < awww
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i understand
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you could even say i "know that f33l"
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < h33h33 loling my ass off
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i love that theres this whole side of me that is all freshly tickled by even the most basic applickations of irony
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < for instance that was some weaksauce milk but here i am lapping it up B33
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It pleases me to hear you have rediscovered the joys of entry-level irony, Davepeta.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but yeah sorry for blowing our date
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < even if i... she... wasnt sure what to make of the date?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < she was really flattered that you liked her tho
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but i dunno if it would have led to marriage!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i think yall may have b33n pouncing the gun on that
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't think so. I had it all figured out.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: She never got a chance to see any of my moves though, so I guess we'll never know.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dunno... gettin married isnt even a thing for trolls!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: It was just a figure of speech. It isn't a thing for cats either, remember?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok but even so i still dont think you can force something like that
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we would have n33ded to spend more time together and stuff to find out!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes we would have spent that time together, and it would have turned out to be magical. Trust me.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < god DAMN rose gettin some kitty cat mixed up in ya made you so much HELLA SMUGGER than usual
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i kinda dig it???
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it suits you
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Does it?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean you were always full of yourself but now youre owning it so completely
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < f33ls a lot more honest tbh
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That is,
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Wow.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Actually such a nice compliment? Thank you, Davepeta.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you know
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the fridge is like
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < all fuckin set up and what not
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the tea is there
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jake is still setting the mood with his space cadet antics on a nearby hill
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we could just like
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < uh
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < k33p doing our date
JASPROSESPRITE^2: WHAT?!

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean....
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < platonically!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < of coarse
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < coarse like a cat tongue, actually you know what never mind, that fucking sucked
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but yeah!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whats the big deal
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lets k33p tea partying and chatting about our Unique Sprite Issues and stuff
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe even do a smidgen of choice "RP"ing if it strikes our fancy i thiiink that could turn out to be pretty cute and dope B33
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Hmmmm.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Maybe.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you know...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < a gotta say
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the nepeta part of me is like
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < genuinely mystified about what the issue even is?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What issue?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < us dating
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like as in a normal romantic tea drinking date
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Oh.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yeah, it makes sense that she wouldn't understand.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean the dave part of me is obviously all like no no no stop STOP STOP when i think about it
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that little fussy brain tantrum
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < isnt makin me f33l weird or uncomfortable its just sort of cracking me up!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Haha.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: That's a good way of putting it.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: My inner mono-dialogues have been very amusing to me too.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i guess i am still just a bit uncertain about my nature and my beliefs and whatnot
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what about you though
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you are part cat soooo
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so how do you really f33l about that...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < issue?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: ...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean as far as both sides of me know cats arent too concerned with that right?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < after a while they dont s33 brother and sister kitties they just uh
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < s33 more kitties who are just like all the other kitties
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Erg.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: There is such a potent force within me that squirms at every word of this train of thought Davepeta!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Good grief Rose was such a stuffy girl, wasn't she.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yup
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But yes, you are basically correct.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Asking the Jaspers half about this issue would be like showing him two slightly different gray swatches, and asking his opinion on which color to paint the observatory.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So to answer your question, I...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I don't know.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I really don't know, about any of this.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: My dreams of having a beautiful troll girl for a wife were dashed moments ago, so I have been speaking from a despondent state of mind since you came into existence.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: But maybe what you're saying makes sense.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I will need some time to meowll it over.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hahaha meowll
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so good
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < (that was supposed to mean mull right?)
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Yes Davepeta that meant mull.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but yes i agr33!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < theres so much to figure out now
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < shit be poppin in my jumbled sprite brain suddenly
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < popping like a bunch of silly gophers out their fuckin surprise holes
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wanna murder them gophers
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because INSTINCTS!!!!! BDD
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but mainly that is just a metaphor for understanding the gophers
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wanna like
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < GET myself
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < how about we help each other GET ourselves
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but whoooaaa nonsuggestively NONSUGGESTIVELY!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I knew you weren't being suggestive! Chill out.

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So how would you like me to help you "get yourself"?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont know!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < when we were on our date and you were talkin to me about stuff and i was acting all embarrassed...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that was pretty cool or at least nepeta thought so
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You mean about her liking Karkat, and such?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you know whats crazy is
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < even in my new form i...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dont even f33l conflicted about that???
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it sorta f33ls right still
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i would have thought id be a mess of contradictions about that but hmm nope
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < weird right?!
JASPROSESPRITE^2: If you say so.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < not that im sayin i should act on that or anything
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its like you were saying
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < about being the odd rose out
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and when you got jaspersed everything changed
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < these are brand new lives for us so it f33ls like i should try to leave the old stuff behind
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but that means
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i also gotta figure out what to do with my life now!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < or my pseudo life, whatever the hell it is you have when youre a sprite^2
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Then what do you want to do with your pseudo-life?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hmmmmmm
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < aw man youre gonna think im crazy for even saying this...
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I already think we're both crazy.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i have this weird urge......
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < to go fight lord english
JASPROSESPRITE^2: What the fuck?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < I KNOW RIGHT!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im just strangely drawn to the idea
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i wasnt at all before as a really depressed bird version of dave
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and nepeta didnt even know who he WAS until recently
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but now it sounds cool suddenly
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i f33l like...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the exact blend of people i am
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < is a being that he should in some way be vulnerable to
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i cant even explain why i f33l that way
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Well, you have to follow your heart, I suppose.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B33
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *davepeta stealthily stalks their heart as it minds its own business beating at the bank of a nearby stream*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *they crouch into one of those quintessential cat poses with like their butt in the air... davepeta starts wiggling their ass furiously*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *gets mildly distracted by wiggling of own ass... becomes more intrigued by movement of ass than beating of heart*
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Is this what we're doing now?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nah im just messin
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Ok.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I think if we are going to make a habit of roleplaying, I would like to script out some scenarios in advance.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: I'm concerned that too much improvisation could end up muddying the narrative.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lmao!!!!!!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < okay you go right ahead and do that

07/20/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JASPROSESPRITE^2: So what do you want to do now?
JASPROSESPRITE^2: You're not going off to fight English right away, are you?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hmmm
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < no i dont think so
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < theres no hurry
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the dudes whole shtick is being basically eternal and always being "already here" or whatever
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wherever here is
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in this case i guess it just means out there somewhere
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 "

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < theres somebody id like to catch up with first
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Who?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < just a couple of bros from the past
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i think they would want to s33 me before i go
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < or at least...
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < be made aware that i exist at all, as a bad ass doublesprite
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Alright.
JASPROSESPRITE^2: Please give these bros my best, then.
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 "

07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
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07/21/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/21/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: damn
DAVE: and i thought our houses were pointlessly tall before
DAVE: it just doesnt stop from keep constantly getting more and more vertically enormous
DIRK: Shit is downright precipitous at this point.
DIRK: Like, upways.
DAVE: haha yeah
DAVE: we made sure as fuck not to come right out and literally describe that building as tall
DIRK: Hell yes.
DIRK: Who needs small and serviceable adjectives when the most ass-backwards way of saying a thing is right there, tantalizingly hidden within the vast ocean of language.
DIRK: Like a treasure in a huge shitty clam.
DAVE: we are way on the same page philosophically here
DIRK: Who is surprised by this?
DIRK: Zero people, is who.
DAVE: sounds like a club for losers to me
DAVE: theyre lucky they dont have any members, otherwise theyd all be lame as hell
DIRK: Yeah.
DAVE: so uh
DAVE: why do the houses need to be so tall again
DAVE: i never actually understood that
DAVE: except to reach the gates but once we all figured out how to fly and shit that became so pointless
DIRK: Yeah. After a while in the game, building kind of stopped mattering.
DIRK: Except near the end. Getting them to the top is just a point of completion.
DIRK: Then you dump the grist rig on top of it, apparently.
DIRK: That lets the thing spray out all the grist from the hoard in the planet's core, kind of like a huge oil derrick I guess.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: how do you know this
DAVE: do you guys have like a manual or
DIRK: I'm in communication with Arquiusprite.
DIRK: He's working on it now.
DAVE: so youre in communication with him like...
DAVE: RIGHT now?
DIRK: Yes.
DIRK: Via my shades.
DIRK: Which he incidentally used to be.
DIRK: Like, as a computer, which he lived inside as my Auto-Responder.
DAVE: right
DAVE: and
DAVE: uh
DAVE: why... did you make that thing again
DAVE: not that you ever told me before
DAVE: 'again' is just like a stammering tack-on to that sentence so as to try and not sound too fucking rude
DIRK: I don't think it's a rude question. It's perfectly fair to wonder what was going through my head when I made him.
DIRK: I've spent a lot of time wondering about that myself.
DAVE: so you just
DAVE: straight up programmed a copy of your brain
DIRK: There was some programming involved, but also a bit of cheating, through the mapping of a captchalogued ghost-imprint of my brain.
DIRK: I guess part of it was just about trying to understand myself.
DIRK: But I don't think I would have put it that way at the time. For a while I insisted he was meant to be a "debate partner" or some horseshit.
DIRK: I was pretty young, and had some stupid ideas.
DIRK: About irony in particular. But also a lot of mostly faux-intellectual thoughts on a wide variety of topics.
DIRK: Like philosophy, consciousness, programming, identity, history, ancient pop-culture... really it ran the full gamut of pretension.
DIRK: Not that I don't still find that stuff interesting. I'd just like to think I'm somewhat less full of shit about it all now.
DAVE: yeah me too
DAVE: i mean, about my interests and stuff
DIRK: Creating him was an interesting exercise I guess, but over the years I came to see his development as one of my biggest mistakes.
DIRK: He sort of turned into a monster. But I could never bring myself to get rid of him, or even really blame him for being an asshole, because he wasn't actually that different from me.
DIRK: Like, by definition.
DIRK: He seems alright as Arquius though. At least it keeps him busy, obsessing over his muscles, asking for milk and shit like that.
DAVE: hmm
DAVE: i guess i started some projects i regretted
DAVE: but nothin like making a milk weirdo eventually exist
DAVE: it sounds fucked up but is also kind of an awesome story in its own way
DIRK: I guess so.
DAVE: maybe im lucky i was never that good with computers
DAVE: now computer ART thats a different story
DAVE: ok it actually isnt i fuckin suck at that too
DAVE: but dammit i try my best and make some magic happen at least in my own mind so maybe thats good enough
DIRK: It certainly worked out for you in my universe.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: i DID captchalogue my own ghost brain once but i didnt know what to make of that and thought it was kinda weird so that never really went anywhere
DAVE: probably for the best
DIRK: It definitely is.
DIRK: Tinkering with your own mind, or identity or whatever... it's a dark road to go down.
DIRK: There are enough splinters of everyone running around out there as it is, just as a natural byproduct of our reality. For me in particular. Probably for you too, as a time player.
DIRK: That process doesn't need to be encouraged or fucked with.
DAVE: for real
DAVE: my bro did cool things with computers too
DAVE: i mean nothin like making a clone of his brain or anything thank god
DAVE: just some absurd bullshit with web bots and stuff mostly to help prop up his various "enterprises"
DIRK: You mean the porn stuff?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: but with puppets of course
DAVE: it was always about the puppets
DIRK: Naturally.
DAVE: he made all these porn bots that would just talk to each other in a chatroom endlessly
DAVE: all like gettin each other riled up about squishy bottoms and whatnot
DAVE: actually it was pretty entertaining to watch them go at it for hours
DAVE: i think they may have been teetering on the threshold of SOMETHING resembling self awareness?
DAVE: except they only seemed to apply that faculty to reach even more heightened states of sexual excitement for a bunch of nude soft puppets
DIRK: That sounds...
DIRK: Oddly rewarding.
DIRK: I mean, not to say he wasn't still a douche.
DIRK: But as a pastime, cultivating a group of earnest, erotic puppet-loving chatbots sounds so much more relaxing than painstakingly constructing a version of your own brain, and then arguing with it for years thereafter.
DIRK: Almost like tending to a little flock of pigeons.
DAVE: yeah you know he did some cool things
DAVE: it wasnt necessarily all inherently terrible
DAVE: things i would really appreciate under better circumstances
DAVE: he definitely had a lot of drive and also some uh "ideas" that warranted a certain amount of respect i guess
DAVE: he just
DAVE: maybe should not have been allowed near a child?
DAVE: sall im sayin

07/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Sounds about right.
DIRK: We really don't have to talk about him anymore though, if it is going to stir up more bad shit for you.
DAVE: nah im alright
DAVE: i think that is all mostly out of my system
DAVE: i mean not forever because i dont think thats how things work
DAVE: i just mean my venting fit is over and im probably good for another 16 years or so and i can return to being mostly deadpan and rad
DIRK: Ok.
DIRK: Well, in sixteen years, if you need someone to vent to again, let me know.
DAVE: sure
DAVE: assuming we havent been killed by like 10 jacks before that i will
DAVE: you certainly seem to be the right guy for that
DIRK: For what?
DAVE: i mean like the most suitable recipient of my hysterical fits on that particular subject
DAVE: there is no way i would ever tell karkat all that
DAVE: i mean maybe some stuff but not ALL the stuff its just too heavy
DAVE: i certainly wasnt gonna mention the stuff to rose or john or jade or whoever else
DAVE: if i was ever gonna do one of my patented acrobatic pirouettes off that particular handle to anyone it really only could have been at him
DAVE: except he was dead
DAVE: and even if he wasnt and i did say all that shit
DAVE: theres no way it would have resulted in anything resembling reconciliation
DAVE: which i think
DAVE: was something i kinda needed
DAVE: but didnt realize it
DAVE: so....
DAVE: thank you for being a really plausible stand in for him who i could rip to shreds??
DAVE: while still being basically innocent of all that terrible garbage
DAVE: so you end up sorta being like an avatar for him that is much easier to forgive
DAVE: i mean
DAVE: maybe FORGIVE isnt the right word because im not sure he deserves that and anyway it doesnt matter because hes been dead for years and at this point is just an irrelevant deceased weirdo who doesnt matter anymore
DAVE: i guess i mean coming around to a place where i dont have to feel rotten all the time anymore
DAVE: and i guess im lucky i got to blunder into a reality that just happened to have the exact right version of a dude which made that possible for me
DAVE: sorry this fuckin ramble is really getting away from me
DAVE: i have no idea if im making sense anymore
DIRK: I think I get it.
DIRK: And sure.
DIRK: You're welcome for me existing.
DAVE: hey can that be like
DAVE: the motto on our family crest
DIRK: I think it already is.

07/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: all that melodramatic sadbabble aside
DAVE: i think its perfectly cool if youre still curious about your adult self
DAVE: and i dont mind tellin you more stuff about him if you want
DAVE: i know im still wondering about what my adult self got up to
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: Well like I said, any time you want to know more, feel free to ask.
DAVE: kay how about
DAVE: we do this thing
DAVE: when i met roxy we did a thing
DIRK: A thing?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: its called the lightning round
DIRK: That does sound like a Roxy thing.
DIRK: Does it by any chance involve asking a rapid-fire series of questions, some of which end up being a bit too personal or invasive?
DAVE: well yeah when she does it
DAVE: we could be chill though
DAVE: when it comes to asking about each others secret crushes and shit
DIRK: Then I guess I will disclaim in advance that I don't have any, and I don't care about yours even if you do.
DAVE: it is settled then on the fact that we are a couple of cool dudes who know where to draw the line on certain topics
DIRK: Cool.
DIRK: So how do we start.
DIRK: Whose lightning round is this, mine or yours?
DAVE: it can be yours go ahead shoot
DIRK: Ok.
DIRK: How...
DIRK: Did...
DIRK: He, um,
DIRK: Come to "adopt" you?
DAVE: i was a baby and i came down to earth on a meteor while riding a pony with a pink heart on its ass
DAVE: he found me in a crater on top of a dead pony and gave me a lil baby pair of shades that look exactly like the ones youre wearin now
DIRK: I see.
DIRK: So you decided to ditch those shades for the aviator glasses?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: years ago john got me these for my bday
DAVE: it might have been like an "ironic dare" to wear them i dont remember
DAVE: but when i got em i was like hell yeah im wearing these
DAVE: gonna rock these fuckers til the end of time
DAVE: they were ben stillers
DAVE: like literally
DAVE: they actually touched his weird sort of gaunt face in one of his films
DIRK: Wait...
DIRK: THE Stiller?
DAVE: yeah
DIRK: Incredible.
DIRK: Also, such a shame what happened to that poor man.
DAVE: wait what happened to him
DIRK: I can tell you when it's your lightning round.
DIRK: Or mine. Whatever. I'm still not sure whose lightning round it is when you're the one asking questions.
DAVE: dunno ask roxy
DIRK: Ok. Anyway, didn't mean to interrupt.
DAVE: but yeah we would send each other stuff sometimes
DAVE: me and john
DAVE: well we all would
DAVE: usually absurd birthday packages and such
DIRK: We did that too.
DIRK: Except I had to send things through time.
DIRK: Always had to figure out stuff small enough to send through the sendificator, even if it was piece by piece.
DAVE: nice
DAVE: one time it turned out we ACCIDENTALLY sent presents through time
DAVE: i mean not literally, more in a roundabout way
DAVE: we all sent john a rabbit
DAVE: but all three rabbits just turned out to be the same damn rabbit
DAVE: because of stupid time shit
DIRK: Once I deliberately and quite literally sent a rabbit through time.
DIRK: It was a robot.
DAVE: wow
DIRK: He was a loyal friend to Jane. I don't know what happened to him though.
DAVE: yeah i dunno what happened to johns rabbits either
DAVE: rabbits am i right
DIRK: I hear you, man.
DAVE: what next
DIRK: Hm.
DIRK: You say he owned Cal as well?
DAVE: yep
DIRK: Did he come down to Earth on a meteor with Cal too?
DAVE: i think so
DAVE: that was a long time ago
DAVE: kinda weird to imagine him strutting around with that puppet as a kid in the 80s
DAVE: or maybe just kinda funny actually
DAVE: he sure held on to it a long time
DAVE: must have gotten attached at a really early age and just never let go
DAVE: i guess you fell to earth with one of those things too?
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: But if I came to Earth on a meteor the same way you all did, then I guess I just got dunked right in the fucking ocean.
DIRK: Which makes sense. One of my earliest memories is of using Cal as a flotation device.
DIRK: So he sorta saved my life in a way. I guess I bonded with him too, the way your bro did, even if that sounds a bit stupid.
DIRK: Then again, it didn't help matters much that I lived alone in the middle of the ocean. He was my only real life friend. I mean, until I built some new ones.
DAVE: hmm wait we fucked up
DAVE: i asked you a question its not my turn
DAVE: keep firing
DIRK: Ok.
DIRK: How did your bro die?
DAVE: he died fighting one of these jacks
DAVE: at this point i almost forget which one
DAVE: no wait
DAVE: ok yeah it was the omnipotent dog one
DAVE: the jack from our session
DAVE: he was fighting like a lesser form of him and then jack got extra prototyped by dog powers and then got outmatched and stabbed with his own sword
DAVE: pretty sure davesprite was fighting with him and almost died too but then it turned out he didnt
DAVE: but now im at least 99% sure that davesprite is DEFINITELY dead and wont suddenly reappear as a stupid surprise or anything
DIRK: I hate stupid surprises.
DAVE: word
DIRK: So, you said he "trained" you.
DIRK: I'm guessing that means he knew what was coming?
DIRK: Or, some things about your future, at least?
DAVE: seems that way
DAVE: not sure what he knew or how he knew it
DAVE: all our guardians seemed to know bits and pieces of stuff and did vague mysterious things to prepare
DAVE: to this day i have no idea if he was training me to fight lord english or if he even knew who that guy was on any conscious level
DAVE: or it was more like general purpose training to be able to survive some hard shit after the end of the world happened
DAVE: youd have to ask him but thats impossible
DAVE: i do know he managed to get the drop on a meteor before i entered the game
DIRK: What?
DAVE: as far as i can tell he stood on top of it and split it in half with his sword
DIRK: Um,
DIRK: Not to be too much of a wet blanket on that rad as fuck anecdote, but that sounds kind of far fetched.
DAVE: yeah it does doesnt it
DAVE: but then again so does a baby getting dunked from space in the ocean then floating on a weird doll and then growin up by himself with no adults around
DIRK: That's not far fetched. It was pretty straightforward.
DIRK: I think I just found a building poking out of the water, climbed up, then I just started foraging for food in there like a feral infant.
DIRK: Supplies which I'm sure your adult self must have left behind for me, seeing as he clearly must have known some things about the future too.
DIRK: Speaking of which, maybe it's your turn now?

07/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: yeah ok
DAVE: questions about me hmm lets see
DAVE: ok FIRST the fuck of all
DAVE: what happened to ben stiller
DIRK: He was deemed a heretic, and was crucified on the Washington Monument by some clowns.
DAVE: wow
DIRK: Due to his dedication to freedom and peace, he came to be seen as a martyr, and then a holy figure.
DIRK: He was left on the monument as an example to all, but thousands of faithful gathered below to gaze up at his pious, sort of gaunt face.
DIRK: For years thereafter, his followers would carve stone busts of him in his memory, capturing the piercing glare of his final expression.
DIRK: But they were all smashed to pieces by the presidential church.
DIRK: That religious movement didn't last very long.
DIRK: Rumor has it the batterwitch had a lot of experience crushing righteous insurrections.
DAVE: did my adult self get pissed about stiller
DAVE: i bet he got pissed
DIRK: Yeah. There was a whole series of final insults that led to his active rebellion, instead of just producing subversive media.
DIRK: At one point, the witch "remastered" all of his films to clean up all the shitty artifacts, and released them in stunning high-def quality all over the world, using a rational business model and everything.
DIRK: That REALLY set him off.
DAVE: what the fuck
DAVE: how fucking dare that woman
DAVE: so then he tried to kill the batterwitch right
DAVE: who is the same exact alien as the condesce in this session??
DIRK: Yes. Same one.
DIRK: And yeah, he teamed up with Rose from the same era.
DIRK: They supposedly put up a good fight, but both died.
DAVE: so...
DAVE: does john know that he is literally about to go fight betty crocker yet or what
DIRK: I have no idea.
DIRK: I really don't know John at all, or any of your friends.
DIRK: I know Jane was the heiress to the Crocker brand. Uh, obviously? It is her name after all.
DIRK: Was John the heir to that empire in his universe?
DAVE: nah
DAVE: i mean not to my or his knowledge
DAVE: he just fuckin hated that company for some reason
DAVE: i think his reason was literally as mundane as just being slightly overexposed to cake
DAVE: thats classic john though he doesnt get pissed about anything except for the absolute dumbest shit
DAVE: but i guess his instincts were right in this case
DAVE: maybe we should just
DAVE: not tell him
DAVE: that hes fightin crocker i think the poor dude has probably had enough mental breakdowns for one adventure
DAVE: we all have
DIRK: I'd like to get to know him.
DIRK: Not to mention Rose and Jade. Would have been nice to hang out and chat, in a circumstance where we weren't supposed to prepare for an imminent deadly struggle.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: well i guess we could have hung out there a few minutes longer
DAVE: i mean you wouldnt have got much outta jade who is stuck in perma-nap mode
DAVE: just like old times i guess
DIRK: Huh?
DAVE: she used to sleep a lot
DIRK: Ah.
DAVE: but yeah there wasnt much time except for like a bunch of heys and oh nice to meet yous
DAVE: and also i think i would have still been a shitty train wreck socially if we all just hunkered down right then and there for another extensive round of freestyle paltalk
DIRK: Right, I was kind of nervous about lingering there for more than a minute too.
DIRK: Mainly because of Jake.
DIRK: I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.
DIRK: I think I have done enough of that.
DAVE: i guess jake was kinda like your john of the group huh
DAVE: wait that was a pretty dumb observation never mind
DIRK: Nah, sounds about right.
DIRK: Seems like John was your close buddy growing up, and Jake was mine.
DAVE: john and i never really had anything like a falling out
DAVE: except for not talkin to each other for a few years on account of being on a meteor and boat respectively
DAVE: but i guess you two had some buddy troubles or somethin?
DIRK: Yes. A lot of buddy troubles.
DIRK: I vaguely touched on it earlier. I was a really bad influence in his life.
DAVE: what happened
DIRK: A lot of things, that were mostly my fault.
DIRK: Basically, I think I bullied him into dating me.
DIRK: Although I had plenty of "help" from my Auto-Responder.
DIRK: There were a lot of insane plans that he hatched on my behalf.
DIRK: But in fairness, I went along with them.
DIRK: To this day, I can't really tell how much of that bullshit was his doing, and how much was mine, which I've just covered up through denial or selective memory.
DAVE: wait
DAVE: you
DAVE: you dated jake?
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: That didn't last long though.
DIRK: It was really lopsided and kind of forced.
DAVE: ...
DAVE: so
DAVE: you
DAVE: ...
DAVE: hmm
DIRK: What?
DAVE: nothing
DAVE: i think were breakin one of the rules here
DAVE: this tangent got too personal
DIRK: Oh yeah.
DIRK: I forgot we weren't doing that.

07/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Anyway, carry on. You were asking about adult Dave?
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: so that covers how he died
DAVE: taking a futile stand against some unbeatable foe
DAVE: cant say im too surprised about that cause what else is even new
DAVE: what about his early life though
DAVE: guess i arrived around the same year my bro did in my universe?
DAVE: just came down on the same dead horse i rode in on
DAVE: into a world full of opportunities
DAVE: how did i get started
DIRK: His early life isn't well documented.
DIRK: There's hardly anything to read about him until he broke into show business with a few obscure projects at the turn of the century.
DIRK: It all snowballed from there.
DAVE: i guess the one thing we know for sure is i didnt find a kid in a crater and take him under my wing
DAVE: that was probably for the best
DIRK: Heh.
DAVE: actually maybe its better that most of his story is left to my imagination
DAVE: kinda like how you said you spent a lot of time thinkin about him
DAVE: filling in the gaps of his ridiculous exploits
DIRK: Right.
DIRK: There's certainly a lot of lore to work with.
DIRK: Urban legends and stuff.
DAVE: like what
DAVE: actually wait
DAVE: dont tell me
DAVE: at least not now maybe down the road it would be cool to hear some
DAVE: i think id prefer to fill in the blanks myself for a while
DAVE: really it sounds dope as hell to imagine that sort of blank canvas life
DAVE: dropped on earth as a kid in the 70s or 80s or whatever with no bossy adult to reel me in
DAVE: and just having to figure stuff out
DAVE: especially knowing that many years later it all worked out ok
DAVE: really wonder what i did
DAVE: was i like some homeless eighties ragamuffin???
DAVE: jesus christ that sounds fairly adorable if so
DAVE: maybe i slept in an alley on a bed of rubix cubes and alf merchandise
DAVE: or maybe i offered my old school rap services for food
DIRK: Like, through a shitty cardboard booth?
DIRK: You know, like the one from the fuckin' Charlie Brown comics.
DIRK: "This is what the refrance," FYI.
DAVE: yes exactly
DAVE: this sounds like exactly the life for me
DAVE: what if without a penny to my name and the wind at my back i hopped a boxcar to the big apple
DAVE: because as a dumb child i naively believed thats where they made all the apple juice
DAVE: id be sorely disappointed when i got there but it wouldnt matter because id probably scrape together a living on off off off broadway like...
DAVE: making shitty cartoons
DAVE: on stage
DAVE: and saying
DAVE: you guys
DAVE: this will be SO much funnier once the internet happens TRUST ME
DAVE: then the aristocratic patrons of fine theater just shrug and dump their shillings into my orphan hat
DIRK: It sounds to me like you've been reading up on the urban legends already.
DAVE: hahaha

07/22/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: i wonder if he had like
DAVE: friends
DIRK: It sounds like he knew a lot of people, at least later in life.
DAVE: sure
DAVE: i mean im sure he knew rose at some point because obviously they teamed up
DAVE: but as fairly old people?
DAVE: it sounds as though they only knew each other as a result of their notability
DIRK: This seems likely.
DAVE: i mean more like the friends i grew up with
DAVE: he couldnt have grown up with john or jade as friends because they were already old by the time he got there
DAVE: this cool 80s kid fantasy was probably just a lot lonelier than ive been picturing in my sweet daydreams
DAVE: i didnt even have the MAYOR god what a nightmare now that i think about it
DAVE: i wonder if all he cared about was making ludicrous shit and fighting evil pastry moguls
DAVE: do you know if he had any other interests
DIRK: Like what?
DAVE: i dont know
DAVE: did you ever read any urban legends about.....
DAVE: paleontology
DIRK: Paleontology?
DAVE: yes the scientific study of dead shit
DIRK: Not that I recall.
DAVE: hmm
DAVE: i guess he probably didnt do anything with that
DAVE: what a shame
DAVE: maybe he never even got the idea since he had completely different experiences
DAVE: but if i were suddenly dropped back in the 20th century id probably look into it at some point
DAVE: i dunno how though
DAVE: i think it would be mainly like
DAVE: some sort of theraputic interest
DAVE: something relaxing to think about instead of a bunch of ironic and stupidly ambitious objectives
DIRK: Yeah, like the porn bots.
DAVE: yeah exactly
DIRK: Maybe some day, when we're both old men, you can live a quiet life tending to your fossils, and I will do the same with my dear collection of simple-minded chat robots fixated on puppet ass.
DAVE: sounds like the fucking life to me
DIRK: What was the lightning round question this stemmed from again?
DIRK: I forget.
DAVE: dunno
DAVE: maybe were tapering off with the lightning round stuff anyway and its just naturally deteriorating into regular dudechat
DIRK: Maybe.
DIRK: You sure you don't have anything else before we say it's officially deteriorated?
DAVE: k heres a curveball
DAVE: what the fuck are you wearing
DIRK: My prince gear.
DIRK: You know. Leggings, slippers, the poofy asshole pants, a hood with some sort of cloth tiara deal embedded in it.
DIRK: Basic stuff for princes, apparently.
DAVE: huh
DAVE: gotta say
DAVE: some of these god tier ensembles really are...
DAVE: something
DIRK: I thought I hated it at first.
DIRK: But over the couple hours I spent flying back, with time to think about all sorts of stuff...
DIRK: It kinda grew on me.
DIRK: The asshole pants are pretty damn comfortable, so I dunno if I even care how stupid they look.
DIRK: And I *am* kind of an asshole, after all. So who am I to complain.
DAVE: i thought the same thing about my cape outfit at first
DAVE: felt like some bozo from the renaissance festival
DAVE: like maybe i should get on a horse and sing a shitty ballad
DAVE: but then it grew on me pretty quickly
DAVE: hardly ever took it off in three years
DAVE: youre right its comfortable and theyre fuckin magic pajamas or whatever and they start to feel like part of who you are after long enough
DAVE: i mean they are supposed to last you forever right
DAVE: kinda by definition since they come along with immortality
DAVE: maybe part of their magical nature includes this insidious quality where they grow on you
DAVE: or not i dunno maybe this is bullshit and ill just wear some normal person clothes when this is all over
DAVE: what about you are you gonna wear god duds forever
DIRK: Nah. I'm sure I'll wear regular stuff again at some point.
DIRK: If a shirt with a hat on it can be deemed regular.
DAVE: im cool with deeming it as such
DAVE: yeah maybe youre right and we should all stop dressing like tools from an infinite magic slumber party for floundering teens
DAVE: and just look like standard floundering teens
DAVE: some of the getups are pretty out there
DAVE: jakes tho...
DAVE: uh
DAVE: damn??
DIRK: I...
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: That page costume.
DIRK: I'd have commented on it, except that would've been casting a stone through a particularly fragile glass wardrobe.
DIRK: So... I just flew away.
DAVE: yeah there was uh
DAVE: some palpable awkwardness there
DIRK: Hm.
DAVE: sorry im still
DAVE: tryin to
DAVE: like
DAVE: wrap my head around
DAVE: ...
DIRK: What?
DAVE: uh
DAVE: dammit
DAVE: ok i guess i might have to break one of our lightning round rules
DAVE: only a little tho
DAVE: i hope
DIRK: About what?
DIRK: The personal stuff?
DAVE: yeah
DIRK: That's fine.
DAVE: ok maybe im not even asking you anything
DAVE: maybe this is just a starting point to ramble to myself
DAVE: on a certain topic
DAVE: i think...
DAVE: there is a SLIGHT chance...
DAVE: i may be the biggest idiot in the world
DIRK: ?
DAVE: when it comes to understanding some things about my bro
DAVE: some pieces i never really put together
DAVE: about him
DAVE: until maybe literally right now
DAVE: which i think makes me an objective dumbass
DIRK: What does this have to do with me and Jake?
DAVE: idk
DAVE: nothin
DAVE: maybe i dont wanna ask you anything about jake
DAVE: maybe ill just keep abiding by the code of basic dude manners on that
DAVE: if i bother skirtin the line of this rule maybe id rather ask you other stuff instead
DIRK: Like what?
DAVE: like
DAVE: um
DAVE: say one of your best friends is a knucklehead you havent seen in three years
DAVE: and unless you use ultra direct and explicit language he just wont put two and two together himself
DAVE: and also say ANOTHER best friend is a girl you feel like you had kind of a special relationship with but you ALSO hadnt seen in three years
DAVE: and shes asleep
DAVE: but at some point shell wake up and youll have to talk to her
DIRK: ...
DAVE: this is dumb im not making any sense
DAVE: lemme start over
DAVE: ok lets say
DAVE: way back whenever
DAVE: howww
DAVE: ...
DAVE: how did you tell your friends

07/23/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nepeta?!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah!!!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dave?!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah!!!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Dave and Nepeta,
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Nepedavesprite?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < davepeta!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < (sprite squared lol)
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Davepeta Sprite Squared
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It is I, Arquiusprite, to the first power
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Which is to say, Equius, and an artificial intelligence composite of your bro, in the form of the cool broken sunglasses I am wearing
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah i know dummy! BPP
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> How is this possible?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> How did you come to be??
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < umm i dunno
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < some shit happened
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < was on a tea date, shook hands with myself, you know
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < basic fuckery
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < how did YOU come to be???
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, that is a fair question
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Some b*llshucks happened, which made little to no sense, and now here I am
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I can only presume this was the case for you as well, given your incoherent and poorly developed anecdote
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < what ya doin there bro?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Huh? Oh. Nothing really
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Doing the final work for this session. Releasing the grist hoards. Nothing that matters now...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Now...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> That you're here
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *Sniff*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yo are you crying??
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < awww
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Davepeta, I apologize for the embarrassing secretions from this imperfect, semi-organic form
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> How ironic, that I spend virtually 100% of my time secreting liquid from virtually 100% of my body's surface area, and yet a few more drops from my eyes would cause me such shame
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < h33h33h33 youre so fuckin gross!!!!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 I missed you as well, or, I would have, had I permitted myself to think about you
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Alas, I failed to protect you from an unpleasant clown in the most disgraceful way possible, much to the shame of my dead troll half, and much to the disgust of my digital human half
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Hence, to the Nepeta portion of you, Davepeta,
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I am so very STRONGLY sorry
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < theres nothin to apawlogize for!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta furgave you for that and anyways im not even her anymore
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i guess davesprite had some old issues with his bro he never really sorted out but hey im not him either!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and youre not his bro or equius youre arquius who is a new and cool and beautyifful thing and anyway all those old troubles are f33ling so overwhelmed by new and different emotions and its great!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes, Davepeta, you're right
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> It is really fl*pping great
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *Slight sob*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dawwwwwww
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < there there you blubbering goddamn cutie
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *davepeta sniffs curiously at arquiusprites grody and emotional body*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *p33-yew davepeta exclaims, recoiling like they were just using their muzzle to investigate the business end of a shitting dog*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What are you...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I mean,
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *Arquius submits his question to Davepeta in the form of a third person statement, thereby acknowledging once and for all that he is in no way above the childish nonsense of his former moirail*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *He in fact acknowledges by e%tension that he is not above anything or anyone, and never was*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < omg yes!!!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean that was a good start but also a little abstract man, you should try incorporating some actual behaviors and actions into your RP things to punch them up
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Behaviors and actions?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like think dude, how the hell is davepeta supposed to react cutely to some internal epiphany your havin? hows that shit externally TELEGRAPHED bro??
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I see
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *I mean, Arquius sees*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *Arquius soon realizes he will need a truly unreasonable supply of fresh, dry towels to absorb the perspiration caused by two separate lifetimes of regrets and foolishnesses*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *He embarks on a mystical quest of the spirit, through a land of his imagination's design as a part of his personal "Alternative Universe" fiction. It is a mountainous land consisting of only fresh, perfectly folded white towels, and rivers of milk running through its valleys*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yum yum!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *"Yum yum" indeed, he thinks to himself with his silicon brain, e%actly one trillion times per second, for several seconds. But now is no time to sup from the streams of dairy. He gathers a heap of clean towels in his strapping arms. Yes, these guns you see here. Two astonishing sinewed meat trunks clutch the unsodden rectangles of fabric, like tremendous baguettes of rippling, twitching protein tissue.*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B\\
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *He reflects on his pair of powerful weapons with admiration, and wonders quietly if Davepeta would like a complimentary ticket to the gun show. But due to his obscenely powerful mind, this thought took place in the blink of a microsecond, and he proceeds to have additional, similarly rapid cyber-reveries. Including, but not limited to, thoughts of fondness for Davepeta, and some e%tremely comple% genetic algorithms comparing the merits of various redemptive gestures, and-
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < arquius youre RPing your internal thought process again
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Oh. Sorry
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its ok for startin out, youll get the hang of it if you k33p at it
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you being willing to try is all that matters and is hella nice B33
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *starts to purr a sick beat!*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You mean, like a rap beat?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < um, duhhh?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *Arquius wonders if the purred rap beat is strictly in the hypothetical plane of roleplay, or if it will be an audible phenomenon taking place in reality soon*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *davepeta gives a little knowing nod, as if to say, you bet your chiseled ass itll be an audible phenomenon in reality soon*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *Arquius begins fle%ing rhythmically, in time with the beat of the purred rap. This hypothetical role playing action should also be regarded as a precursor to this deed being literally e%ecuted in reality*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *davepeta starts droppin the illest purrbeat you ever heard but stops suddenly, as they become mesmerized by the hypnotic flexing of arquiusprites humongous muscles*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Do you... really like them?
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> *He says*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i... really do
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *they say*
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Would...
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> You like to touch my muscles, davepeta?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes i believe i would
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Then I must command you
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Please touch my muscles
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes ok
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> I won't take no for an answer, Davepeta
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Touch my muscles
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 Touch my muscles
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Touch my muscles
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes!!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Touch my muscles
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < YES!!!

07/23/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dammit dude
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < why dont we stop pussyfooting around stuff and get down to brass tacks
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> What brass ta% do you mean, Davepeta
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 Davepeta, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < mmm hmmmm!
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> To be clear, you are insinuating that we attempt to e%ecute a rare, and highly sweet, "bro hug bump"?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hell yes i am!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i am insinuating that we attempt nyan other than that exact type of hug!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < are you ready dude???
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lets DO this thing
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes!!

07/23/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < lets make this shit work
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> Yes!!!

07/23/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < where doing it man
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> YES!!!!

07/23/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < where MAKING THIS HAPEN
ARQUIUSPRITE: <.img src="http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scraps/arquius_shades.png" border="0" /> YES!!!!!

07/23/15
"[S][A6A6I5] ====>"

And there it is.

The greatest reunion in Homestuck history. Neigh, the greatest MOMENT. It does not get better than this. It WILL NOT get better than this. At some point, possibly during the 5th or 6th loop of the above animation which you can't seem to stop watching and listening to, a thought occurs to you. You think with a sense of relief, this is it. We made it. This one-page triumph has just retroactively vindicated the long and arduous journey behind it. After every bump in the road, every setback, every nagging doubt about the story's direction, every FUCKING time your waifu got the shaft, all of that just got wiped away in the blink of a tearful eye by the single greatest piece of media you have ever experienced.

You can finally say with absolute conviction that it's all been worth it. It has all paid off. All roads no matter how treacherous brought you to this glory. Every obscure plot thread, every batshit twist, all that retcon stuff, the sprite squared shit, every bit of dubious narrative legerdemain, ALL of it you now realize was designed with excruciating precision to achieve this singular, magnificent result. You'd be blown away in hindsight by these shocking feats of multi-threaded plot prestidigitation if you weren't still transfixed by the looping animation. And your jaw would be hitting the floor by now if not for the leagues-deep sense of tranquility welling inside your bosom now that you know Homestuck's audacious promise has been utterly fulfilled forever.

You're now into your... what is it? 11th, maybe 12th loop of the animation? You've lost track, and it doesn't matter. What's the hurry, you wonder. What's the harm in camping on this page for a while longer. What else do you have going on? Maybe it's time we faced the facts. This is truly all you have. This is your LIFE. Without breaking eye contact with your monitor, you find yourself reaching for your smartphone. Wait, why exactly am I doing this, you wonder? Why am I going for my phone. You are going for your phone because it's time to take a fucking PICTURE, numbnuts. You decide that digital photography is the best way to make this shit last forever.

You nod and go, oh that makes sense, yeah. I'll definitely take a picture of this animation which has looped at least 20 times by now. Make sure you get yourself in the picture too, to prove you were there. You mumble, what? A selfie. Take a god damn selfie of yourself, posing next to page 9828 of MS Paint Adventures dot com. As you contort your body to pose next to your screen and flip your camera to selfie mode, I continue my unhinged diatribe to instruct all other readers to do the same. I want to see SELFIES, people. I need to see your ridiculous mugs next to these two gently bobbing freaks posted publicly on all of your social media channels by the THOUSANDS. Not just a few thousand either. Oh no. Like an old and wise meme once foretold, we're gonna need to clear nine big ones here. In fact I'm gonna need your selfies jacked up so far over 9000, scientists will have to start inventing new numbers to keep track.

Choke the internet with your selfies, or with a horse as my witness, I will delete this fucking website. If I don't see enough selfies out there, I will scrub Homestuck from the Akashic Servers and never speak its name again. I will then dedicate every shred of ingenuity, political influence and worldly resources I have to releasing darkness on this planet. So post your selfies early. Post them often. Post them to save a modern literary MASTERPIECE. Post them to save the lives of BILLIONS. But most of all, post them because you really want to, and were PROBABLY going to do it anyway even if I didn't say all this bullshit.

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey, they're back!

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: how'd it go?
ROXY: went cool
ROXY: dropped callie off with jade + mayor
ROXY: gave kanaya space egg
ROXY: shit is shaping the heck up
JOHN: nice!

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hehe.
JOHN: hello, hummingbird.
ROXY: :)

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: hay whats happening to skaia
KANAYA: It Looks Like Someone Has Finally Released The Grist
KANAYA: Its Ready To Receive Echidnas Offering Now
KANAYA: If Someone Is Able To Light The Forge That Is
ROXY: oh
ROXY: soo...
ROXY: how do we do that again?
KANAYA: In Our Session By This Time It Was Trivial
KANAYA: Under Present Circumstances I Think It Will Be
KANAYA: Tricky
JOHN: huh?
KANAYA: Every Magic Ring I Am Aware Of Is Currently In Use
KANAYA: Some By Friends And Some By Foes
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: well, i wouldn't worry about it right now.
JOHN: there are more pressing things to think about, like fighting a lot of bad guys.
JOHN: by the way... where's karkat?

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
ROXY: hes meditating
JOHN: what? meditating??
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: Inside A Pretty And Spiritual Cave
ROXY: echidna really blitzed his chakras apparently
JOHN: what the fuck is a chakra.
ROXY: shrug
ROXY: some soul junk that gets blitzed in the presence of a snake goddess??
JOHN: um.
JOHN: this doesn't sound like something karkat would do.
JOHN: are you sure this isn't some sort of bullshit?
KANAYA: Its Definitely True And Not Bullshit Lets Change The Topic
ROSE: Agreed.
ROSE: I think I speak for all of us when I say we've indulged in entirely enough bullshit already.
ROSE: Let's get on with this.
ROSE: John, you're our leader. And if you try to deny that one more time, so help me god, I will acrobatically pirouette so hard off this lilypad, I'll perform a supersonic swan dive through Skaia and impregnate the battlefield with my own incredulous torso.
ROSE: Now please tell us what to do.
JOHN: wow, ok! i won't say i'm not your leader anymore, jeez.
JOHN: i think it's about time to get going!
JOHN: by my estimation, all the bad guys should be getting here any minute.
JOHN: so we should go find the condesce and ambush her.
JOHN: she's supposed to be on derse, right?
ROXY: yup
JOHN: alright, then let's go.
JOHN: i think we are as ready as we are going to get.
JOHN: we all have weapons, cool powers, a plan of attack, and most importantly of all, each other.
JOHN: never forget, team work is our secret weapon here.
JOHN: probably the most powerful weapon we have!
JOHN: second ONLY, perhaps, to the power of friendship itself.
JOHN: remember that, guys.
JOHN: as long as we have team work, friendship, and cool powers on our side, we can't lose.
JOHN: you are my best friends ever... rose and roxy, and kanaya and terezi, and dave and jade and karkat, and also jane and dirk and jake, and...
ROSE: John.
JOHN: hold on, rose, i'm almost done...
JOHN: and callie, and tavros, and cat rose, and um, the sweaty guy, uh, PROBABLY not the clown in the fridge though... oh, yeah, and even probably vriska.
JOHN: oh, and the mayor! he's great too.
JOHN: did i miss anybody? i think that's it.
JOHN: anyway, i believe in you all, and i know we can do this together.
JOHN: now let's go kick some ass!
ROXY: mmm thas good shit
ROXY: very leadery :)
ROSE: ...
JOHN: how was that, rose?
ROSE: I don't know what I expected.
JOHN: huh?
JOHN: wait, did i say something dumb?
ROSE: No, it was fine.
ROSE: Roxy's right. It was very leadery. Very... "John".
ROSE: I'm just wondering now, if you're really going to embrace this business of leadership,
ROSE: Maybe you'd consider hiring a speech writer?
JOHN: a speech writer??
JOHN: i dunno, rose. i think i'd be pretty bad at memorizing speeches.
JOHN: especially ones YOU wrote. :p
ROSE: Touché.

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext1.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext2.gif" border="0" />
TEREZI: WH4T?
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext3.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext4.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext5b.gif" border="0" />
TEREZI: D4V3
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG THROUGH TH3 L1TTL3 FO4M 4SS 4G41N
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext5.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext6.gif" border="0" />
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext7.gif" border="0" />
TEREZI: UGH!
TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND
TEREZI: 1 W1LL B3 R1GHT TH3R3
<.img src="http://mspaintadventures.com/scraps2/dave_blurtext8.gif" border="0" />

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: OK 3V3RYBODY
TEREZI: SOUNDS L1K3 D4V3 4ND H1S BRO 4R3 R34DY
TEREZI: 1'M GO1NG TO FLY OV3R TH3R3 NOW
TEREZI: 1 HOP3 YOU 4LL H4V3 FUN MURD3R1NG YOUR D3S1GN4T3D V1LL41N
TEREZI: C4TCH YOU L4T3R >:]

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: BYE, IDIOT!!!!!!!
ROXY: ......
ROSE: ......
TEREZI: WOW JOHN, CH1LL OUT
JOHN: heh.
JOHN: sorry, i guess i got carried away.
JOHN: no offense.
TEREZI: SOM3 T4K3N >;]

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/26/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: what??

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

GC: H3Y
GC: YOU TH3R3?

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: GU3SS YOU MUST B3 BUSY
GC: F1ND1NG TH4T W34PON
GC: OR R3CRU1T1NG GHOSTS, OR K1LL1NG LORD 3NGL1SH
GC: WH4T3V3R 1T 1S YOU'R3 DO1NG OUT TH3R3
GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO S4Y 4 F3W TH1NGS
GC: B3FOR3 1 H4V3 TO GO F1GHT
GC: 4CTU4LLY
GC: M4YB3 1TS B3TT3R YOU 4R3N'T R3SPOND1NG, FOR NOW
GC: M4YB3 1 C4N F1N4LLY S4Y SOM3 TH1NGS 1 W4NT TO S4Y
GC: TH4T 1 M1GHT NOT H4V3 B33N 4BL3 TO WH3N YOU W3R3 4ROUND

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: 1T'S B33N 4 GOOD F3W Y34RS
GC: 4 MUCH B3TT3R T1M3 TH4N 1 PROB4BLY D3S3RV3D TO H4V3, CONS1D3R1NG...
GC: WH4T 1 4LMOST D1D
GC: TH4NK GOD 1 D1DN'T
GC: W3LL
GC: TH4NK JOHN, 1 GU3SS
GC: H3'S 4 GOOD K1D
GC: TH3Y 4LL 4R3
GC: 3V3N TH3S3 N3W SCHMUCKS
GC: WH4T 4 SW33T 4ND CH4RM1NG BUNCH OF STUP1D LOS3RS
GC: DON'T FUCK1NG D4R3 T3LL 4NYON3 1 S41D 1T
GC: BUT 1 LOV3 TH3M 4LL

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T 1S WRONG W1TH M3
GC: TH4T 1 C4N'T JUST S4Y STUFF L1K3 TH4T, D1R3CTLY TO P3OPL3
GC: TH3Y C3RT41NLY DON'T 4PP34R TO H4V3 TH4T PROBL3M
GC: 4ND YOU N3V3R S33M3D TO H4V3 MUCH TROUBL3 S4Y1NG WH4T3V3R W4S ON YOUR M1ND
GC: M4YB3 TH4T'S WHY...
GC: 1 H4V3 SO MUCH TROUBL3 W1TH TH3 1D34 OF L3TT1NG GO OF YOU
GC: YOU 4R3N'T 4FR41D OF WH4T'S 1NS1D3 YOUR M1ND
GC: YOU 4LW4YS S33M 4T 34S3 W1TH YOUR OWN C4P4C1T13S
GC: 3V3N 1F TH3Y L34D YOU DOWN 4 RO4D OF S3LF D3STRUCT1ON

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: L1K3, Y34H, W3'V3 CL4SH3D ON STUFF
GC: 1 4CT3D L1K3 1T W4S 4LL 4BOUT 1D34LS
GC: 4ND HOW M1N3 W3R3 B3TT3R OR SOM3TH1NG
GC: BUT M4YB3
GC: 1 W4S JUST P1SS3D 4BOUT YOUR 4TT1TUD3 OF C3RT41NTY
GC: 4ND 4NGRY 4T MYS3LF FOR NOT H4V1NG 1T
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T'S SOM3TH1NG 1 N33D3D 1N MY L1F3
GC: 3V3N 1F 1T C4M3 FROM SOM3ON3 3LS3
GC: 1F ONLY TO K33P M3 4SSUR3D 1T'S POSS1BL3 TO F33L TH4T W4Y

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: 1 KNOW YOU TH1NK 1'M W34K FOR N33D1NG YOU
GC: NOT TH4T YOU'D 3V3R T3LL M3 TH4T
GC: 1T'S N1C3 TH4T YOU C4R3D 3NOUGH N3V3R TO J4B M3 4BOUT 1T
GC: BUT 1 COULD 4LW4YS S3NS3 1T
GC: TH4T YOU KN3W
GC: YOU KN3W 1 D3P3ND3D MOR3 ON YOU TH4N YOU D1D ON M3
GC: 4ND YOU P1TY M3 FOR 1T
GC: 1 M34N, NOT L1K3, M4L1C1OUSLY
GC: YOU PROB4BLY JUST S33 M3 4S 4 B1T TR4G1C
GC: YOU C4N'T H3LP 1T
GC: 4ND 1 DON'T BL4M3 YOU

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: 1 TH1NK
GC: SP3ND1NG T1M3 W1TH 4LL THOS3 CUT3 GOOB3RS
GC: 4ND S331NG HOW WH3N TH3Y'R3 4LL TOG3TH3R, TH3Y S33M TO L1K3...
GC: COMPL3T3 34CH OTH3R?
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T M4D3 M3 R34L1Z3 TH1S 4BOUT US
GC: OR 4BOUT MYS3LF
GC: 1 N3V3R F3LT WHOL3
GC: 1 ST1LL DON'T
GC: 4ND YOU M4D3 1T SO 1 D1DN'T H4V3 TO F4C3 TH4T F33L1NG
GC: FOR 4 WH1L3 4T L34ST
GC: 4ND NOW TH4T 1 TH1NK 1 KNOW TH1S 4BOUT MYS3LF
GC: 1 TH1NK 1 G3T 1T
GC: TH3 F33L1NG W1LL PROB4BLY N3V3R GO 4W4Y
GC: ONLY COV3R3D UP 4T MOST, M4YB3
GC: W3 COULD W1N TH1S F1GHT
GC: CR34T3 4NOTH3R UN1V3RS3
GC: SUCC33D 1N 3V3RY W4Y POSS1BL3
GC: 4ND 1'LL ST1LL F33L 1NCOMPL3T3
GC: V1CTORY WON'T F1X M3
GC: M4YB3 NOTH1NG C4N
GC: M4YB3 TH3R3'S TOO L1TTL3 SUBST4NC3 1NS1D3 M3 TO 3V3N B3 F1X3D

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: BUT 4T L34ST 1 TH1NK 1 UND3RST4ND TH4T NOW
GC: 4ND SHOULD B3 4BL3 F1GHT W1THOUT H4V1NG SOM3TH1NG GN4W 4T M3
GC: SOM3TH1NG TH4T F3LT UNKNOW4BL3, 4ND M4D3 M3 CONST4NTLY WOND3R WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG WRONG
GC: 1'M OK W1TH L1V1NG L1K3 TH4T
GC: NOT GO1NG TO PR3T3ND 1T WOULDN'T B3 N1C3 TO...
GC: P4TCH MYS3LF UP, SOM3HOW?
GC: GU3SS TH4T SH1P S41L3D, THOUGH
GC: B4CK 1N OUR S3SS1ON, 1N WH4T3V3R W4Y 1 BOTCH3D MY QU3ST
GC: OR D1DN'T R34CH GOD T13R, OR...
GC: 1 DON'T 3V3N KNOW WH4T 1T W4S 1 D1D OR D1DN'T DO
GC: 1 GU3SS TH4T'S TH3 PROBL3M, 1SN'T 1T?
GC: TH3 MYST3RY OF 1T
GC: TH3 TH1NGS 1'V3 SUPPOS3DLY DON3
GC: GOOD 4ND B4D, 1N D1FF3R3NT R34L1T13S
GC: TH3 M1ST4K3S 1 M4D3, BUT C4N'T L34RN FROM
GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R
GC: OR TH3 H3RO1C TH1NGS 1 SUPPOS3DLY D1D
GC: S4CR1F1C3S 1 M4D3
GC: TO S4V3 YOU
GC: TO S4V3 3V3RYBODY
GC: WH1CH T3LL M3 NOTH1NG 4BOUT MYS3LF, 4ND WH4T 1'M R34LLY C4P4BL3 OF
GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R!

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: M4YB3 1T'S D3LUS1ON4L OF M3
GC: TO 1M4G1N3 TH4T JUST H4V1NG 4NOTH3R S3T OF M3MOR13S 1S GO1NG TO M4K3 M3 F33L MOR3 COMPL3T3
GC: 1 C4N'T STOP TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T THOUGH
GC: 1 GU3SS 1T'S 4LW4YS T3MPT1NG TO TH1NK TH3R3 1S ON3 H1DD3N 4NSW3R TO 3V3RYTH1NG
GC: NO M4TT3R HOW F4NT4ST1C4L OR 1N4CC3SS1BL3
GC: 4ND 1F ONLY YOU COULD F1ND 1T, YOU'D F1N4LLY H4V3 TH3 P3RF3CT R3SOLUT1ON TO 3V3RYTH1NG 4BOUT YOURS3LF YOU C4N'T ST4ND
GC: SO 1 JUST K33P WOND3R1NG TO MYS3LF
GC: TH4T M4YB3 1F ONLY 1 COULD JUST R3M3MB3R
GC: 1 WOULDN'T H4V3 TO F33L L1K3 TH1S

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
GC: UH... WOW
GC: 1 W4SN'T R34LLY 3XP3CT1NG TO T3LL YOU 4LL TH4T
GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO C4TCH YOU B3FOR3 YOU GO OFF TO B4TTL3, 4ND W1SH YOU "LUCK" >:]
GC: 4ND TO L3T YOU KNOW HOW 1MPORT4NT YOU'V3 B33N TO M3, 1N 4 W4Y TH4T W4SN'T L1K3
GC: CLOUD3D BY OUR USU4L TR4SH T4LK 4ND M1ND G4M3S
GC: 1 GU3SS TH1S 1S WH4T YOU G3T FOR 1GNOR1NG M3 FOR TWO S3CONDS
GC: 4 L1TTL3 TOO MUCH R34L1TY FROM 4N 1D1OT WHO'S MOR3 M3SS3D UP 1NS1D3 TH4N SH3 3V3R L3TS ON
GC: UM
GC: 4NYW4Y
GC: L4T3R, S3RK3T

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|PESTERLOG|
gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

07/27/15
"[S] Terezi: Remem8er."

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

Your name is SPADES SLICK. You are the leader of a notoriously stupid gang of mobsters called the FELT. Your previous gang known as THE MIDNIGHT CREW at some indeterminate point in the past all died off due to time shenanigans. Oh, how you loathe time shenanigans. Your long quest for revenge has finally taken you through the front door of the clock belonging to the host plush who in some gruesome manner gave birth to your gang's former boss, LORD ENGLISH.

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

Your former subordinates, CLUBS DEUCE, DIAMONDS DROOG, and HEARTS BOXCARS, are all dead. Your current subordinates, ITCHY, DOZE, TRACE, CLOVER, FIN, DIE, CROWBAR, STITCH, SAWBUCK, MATCHSTICKS, EGGS, BISCUITS, QUARTERS, CANS, MS. PAINT, and a CENTAUR BUTLER, are all being stored in the magic oven you are currently carrying. They are mostly a bunch of idiots, and you aren't particularly fond of them. Except that MS. PAINT dame, you suppose. She's a real looker.

You have rocketed to this session from the FURTHEST RING, using the ROCKET ASS, which you apparently have. Your objective is to locate and murder LORD ENGLISH, to once and for all complete your quest for revenge.

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

What the hell is that...

If only you could get a closer look. Too bad that's just a fake red plastic eye you've got there.

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

Jack. Jack what are you doing. No. You are flagrantly ignoring continuity now. I didn't give you a working cybernetic eye, stop that.

Fine, you want to pretend it's a real fucking cyber eye, go ahead. What do I even care at this point. Just make shit up to spite me. It's fine.

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

You zoom way in with your APPARENTLY REAL CYBER-EYE(???) and see it is none other than your arch nemesis, LORD ENGLISH himself. Or at least, the closest thing passing for him in this session. You will leave these knuckleheads to rumble amongst themselves. You suddenly don't care about them at all.

03/28/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

All you care about is PAYBACK. You've got a casino to avenge. Remember that? That didn't stop from being a thing.

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: here we are.
JOHN: ready everyone?
ROSE: I guess as ready as one can be, to initiate lethal combat with the extraterrestrial founder of a nefarious baking good syndicate.
JOHN: wait, what?
JOHN: i thought we were fighting the condesce.
ROSE: We are.
ROSE: The Condesce is Betty Crocker.
JOHN: she is??
ROSE: Yes.
ROSE: Wait. John, are you telling me you're only realizing this now?
JOHN: um...
ROSE: Unbelievable.
JOHN: hey, nobody TOLD me, ok?
ROSE: There's this thing called inference, John.
ROSE: Examining a large body of evidence, putting the pieces together, making certain logical leaps, drawing conclusions...
JOHN: sorry, i guess i was too busy saving everybody from dying horribly, to solve a very stupid mystery about a shitty cake woman. :p
ROSE: I guess so.
ROSE: So what do you have to say about that?
JOHN: about what?
ROSE: About the alias of the Condesce.
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: it's fine, i guess.
ROSE: Fine?
JOHN: yeah...
JOHN: what else am i supposed to think about it!
ROSE: I don't know.
ROSE: I guess I thought you might be floored by this stunning revelation, given your irrational hatred for that particular dessert corporation.
JOHN: eh, it's alright.
JOHN: sorta makes sense actually. what's the big deal?
ROSE: John, you're kind of letting me down here.
JOHN: sorry!!!
JOHN: i just think we have bigger fish to fry, than... heh heh, fish...
JOHN: i mean more important things to do, than get down on the floor, and have a melodramatic tantrum about a ridiculous and stupid fact that doesn't matter.
ROSE: John, stop it.
ROSE: The degree of maturity you are showing here is really bad for morale.
JOHN: oh, shush.
JOHN: listen, whatever she is, cake mogul, or alien empress, or queen of derse, or sexy sea lady with too much hair...
JOHN: let's just fuck her up!
ROXY: yeah!!!

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JOHN: hey, roxy...
JOHN: what are you doing with that sword?
ROXY: what this?
JOHN: yes.
ROXY: it was um
ROXY: sorta my improvised grave stone deal but i guess became kind a meaningless when my cat robbed the grave
ROXY: so i figured i might as well go nab it again
ROXY: why let a cool sword go to waste??
ROXY: u know my boy di-stri would not approve
JOHN: that's true, i guess.
JOHN: is that why you took it out of the stone slab thingy in the first place?
ROXY: kinda
ROXY: that was different
JOHN: how?
ROXY: back when i first saw it on your blue planet
ROXY: that was when i just lost all my friends and i thought for a while they all might be gone for good
ROXY: and i saw the sword pokin out of there and it reminded me of dirk
ROXY: it reminded me of everyone we just said goodbye to
ROXY: even if that only turned out to be temporary
ROXY: i dunno what it meant to people before i came along
ROXY: but to me it was a symbol
ROXY: of all the people who didnt make it as far as we did
ROXY: so i stole it
ROXY: see
ROXY: im a goddamn rogue
ROXY: i TAKE shit
ROXY: and now ima take back from the WITCH
ROXY: everything she stole that shoulda been ours
ROXY: promise of a better life
ROXY: a future for humanity and trolls alike
ROXY: all that shit
ROXY: im going to swipe its lack
ROXY: and make it all start being a thing again
ROXY: lets never let all that stop from being a thing ever again
ROXY: k guys???
KANAYA: What
JOHN: yeah!!!
KANAYA: Okay Yeah
KANAYA: Im Sure That Possibly All Made Sense Good Speech

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: ey! you there!
MEENAH: get back in the mob fore i fork ya!
KARKAT: WHAT?
MEENAH: you heard me!
MEENAH: dont make me come over there
MEENAH: cod damn it you gonna make me come over there arent ya
MEENAH: runnin a ghost armys like hearding catfish i swear to glub

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
MEENAH: wait a minute
MEENAH: you arent some rando karkat ghost
MEENAH: youre alive
MEENAH: but dreamin or somefin
KARKAT: UH, YEAH.
KARKAT: I AM ALIVE, AS FAR AS I KNOW.
MEENAH: yeah you are
MEENAH: i can tell these things
MEENAH: whos alive who aint
MEENAH: youre a genuine article shouty mcnubs
MEENAH: hey!!!
KARKAT: HI
KARKAT: YOU'RE...
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
KARKAT: THE PUNKY TEEN VERSION OF THE CONDESCE, RIGHT
KARKAT: AREN'T YOU LIKE, A BAD GUY? OR DO YOU HAVE SOME SORT OF FUCKING ANTI-HERO THING GOING ON.
MEENAH: no you fool im a good guy
MEENAH: im leadin this whole ghost army and everything
MEENAH: we gonna kill lord english
KARKAT: OH, IS *THAT* WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH ALL THESE GHOSTS.
KARKAT: WOW, THAT IS PRETTY FUCKING AMBITIOUS.
MEENAH: yeam man
MEENAH: hey we TALK-ED aboat this
MEENAH: dont you remember
KARKAT: WE DID?
MEENAH: yeah i told you this whole plan once
MEENAH: that i was gonna raise an army and kill a big dude
MEENAH: i got kinda side tracked from that whole thing for a while
MEENAH: girl trubs, smh
MEENAH: im sure you know how it is
KARKAT: NOT REALLY.
MEENAH: anyway i finally did it
MEENAH: i raised the army with a lil help from some fronds and now here it is
MEENAH: and if i recall i told you all this and you said you wanted to run away and join my army
MEENAH: but you never did >38(
KARKAT: HUH.
KARKAT: SORRY, NONE OF THIS IS RINGING A PEAL SCREAMER.
KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE IT WAS ME YOU WERE TALKING TO?
KARKAT: MAYBE IT WAS THE RED SWEATER GUY.
MEENAH: fuck no it wasnt him
MEENAH: im sure it was you!
MEENAH: or maybe some version of you i dunno
MEENAH: anyway it dont matter and youre here now
MEENAH: so whattaya say you wanna join the fight 38D
KARKAT: I...
KARKAT: MAYBE?
KARKAT: I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED.
KARKAT: I WAS TALKING TO KANAYA, AND THEN...
KARKAT: SHIT, I'M DRAWING A BLANK.
KARKAT: I THINK WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING READY FOR BATTLE.
KARKAT: YEAH... DAMN. I NEED TO WAKE UP AND HELP MY FRIENDS!
KARKAT: DO YOU KNOW HOW I CAN WAKE UP?
MEENAH: no idea dude
KARKAT: FUCK.
MEENAH: but as long as youre here and like a quasi impervious dream ghost form
MEENAH: you could lend a flipper to yours truly
MEENAH: this is where the most important action is anyway
MEENAH: its the one for all the roundcircles
MEENAH: gonna take down english for good
MEENAH: even tho hes supposedly "invincible"
MEENAH: got a good feelin about this one though
MEENAH: feel like we gonna make it STICK this time

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: SO THIS IS REALLY IT, THEN.
KARKAT: THIS IS WHERE IT'S ALL GOING TO END FINALLY?
MEENAH: yea
KARKAT: THEN IT'S PROBABLY FATE THAT I ENDED UP HERE... HOWEVER THAT HAPPENED.
KARKAT: I GUESS I TRIPPED AND FELL, AND HIT MY HEAD OR SOMETHING?
KARKAT: PROBABLY SOME SORT OF SUBCONSCIOUS SLIP, LIKE SOME PART OF ME *KNEW* I HAD TO FALL ASLEEP NOW, TO FULLFILL MY DESTINY.
KARKAT: THIS MUST HAVE BEEN WHAT ECHIDNA WANTED ALL ALONG!
MEENAH: uh sure whatever
KARKAT: OK.
KARKAT: I'LL DO IT.
KARKAT: I WILL JOIN YOUR ARMY!
MEENAH: kay nice
MEENAH: then get in line shouty
KARKAT: WAIT, WHAT?
MEENAH: what do you mean what
KARKAT: YOU MEAN, JUST...
KARKAT: CRAM MYSELF IN THERE WITH THE REST OF THE RABBLE?
KARKAT: WITH ALL THE DEAD ERIDANS, AND NEPETAS, AND THE IDIOT VERSION OF SOLLUXES WITH THE FUCKING HELMET...
KARKAT: ALL THE LOSER, FAILURE DOOMED VERSIONS OF MYSELF???
MEENAH: yeah
MEENAH: thats the idea
MEENAH: thats what "joining an army is" bro
KARKAT: COME ON.
KARKAT: YOU YOURSELF SAID I WASN'T JUST SOME RANDO.
KARKAT: CAN I BE AT LEAST A *LITTLE* MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIKE DOOMED EQUIUS #45832, WHO IS WEARING A SAUCY MAID OUTFIT FOR SOME FUCKING REASON?!
MEENAH: what do you porpoise
KARKAT: WHAT DO I PORPOISE?!
MEENAH: what do you propose
KARKAT: OH.
KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, CAN I AT LEAST MAYBE...
KARKAT: BE ON THE FRONT LINE?
KARKAT: HOW ABOUT I'M THE GUY WHO'S LEADING THE CHARGE. IS THAT OK?
MEENAH: yeah sure

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: AWESOME.
KARKAT: THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.
KARKAT: OK, WHAT WEAPONS SHOULD I USE? PROBABLY HOMES SMELL YA LATER?
KARKAT: WAIT, DO I HAVE THOSE WITH ME???
MEENAH: you a dream ghost you can have whatever you want i think
KARKAT: UH...
KARKAT: THAT'S HOW THAT WORKS?! ARE THERE LIKE, *RULES* FOR THIS DREAM GHOST SHIT??
MEENAH: nows not the time to be askin junk like that brah
MEENAH: we about to ride this bitch in for a landing who gives a flip where your ghost sickles come from
KARKAT: YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
KARKAT: I SHOULDN'T GET HUNG UP ON PEDANTIC DETAILS, AND START THINKING ABOUT THE INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH I WAS HATCHED TO GIVE ON THIS FATEFUL DAY.
MEENAH: what the fuck
MEENAH: speech?
KARKAT: YEAH. IS THAT OK???
MEENAH: fuck no
MEENAH: i already gave one and it was dope as shell
MEENAH: inspired the shit out of everyone
MEENAH: or terrified them
MEENAH: same diff
KARKAT: OH
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: CAN I JUST GIVE ONE ANYWAY?
MEENAH: i guess
MEENAH: as long as you do it quietly over here
KARKAT: I DON'T DO ANYTHING QUIETLY
MEENAH: then walk further away
MEENAH: see like im doin
MEENAH: but in the opposite direction a this
MEENAH: later shouty i got an army to run
MEENAH: get back here when you done murmurin about whatever motivational noise you thinks gonna get you and you alone pumped
MEENAH: sea ya nubs

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, I WON'T BE LONG.
KARKAT: UM...
KARKAT: HMM
KARKAT: WAIT. DID I JUST GET TRICKED INTO GIVING A SPEECH TO MYSELF IN FUCKING OUTER SPACE???
KARKAT: FUCK.
KARKAT: OK, NEVER MIND THEN.
KARKAT: THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS START EMULATING STRIDER'S INSUFFERABLE RAMBLING SOLILOQUYS.
KARKAT: WHO DOES HE EVEN THINK HE'S TALKING TO??
KARKAT: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE PEOPLE YELLED FROM THE OTHER ROOM, "DUDE, ARE YOU TALKING TO US? WE CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU!"
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, I'M DOING IT NOW, AREN'T I.
KARKAT: FUCK!
KARKAT: THANK GOD HE'S NOT HERE TO HEAR ME SAY THIS. I'D NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT.
KARKAT: I WONDER HOW HE'S DOING RIGHT NOW, FIGHTING...
KARKAT: WAIT, WHO WAS HE FIGHTING?
KARKAT: ONE OF THE LIKE 50 FUCKING JACKS?
KARKAT: I FORGET ALREADY. WHEN I TRIPPED AND FULFILLED MY DESTINY AS A WARRIOR, I MUST HAVE HIT MY THINK PAN HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.
KARKAT: WOW, "FULFILLED MY DESTINY AS A WARRIOR" IS ANOTHER THING I'M GLAD DAVE DIDN'T HEAR ME SAY. JESUS CHRIST!
KARKAT: UH ANYWAY
KARKAT: WHOEVER IT IS HE'S FIGHTING NOW...

03/29/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
KARKAT: I HOPE HE'S OK.

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: we are here.
JADE: where?
CALLIOPE: our destination.
JADE: you mean
JADE: the green sun?
JADE: it feels like we have been approaching it for hours
JADE: do you mean we are finally close enough to it for...
JADE: whatever it is we have to do?
CALLIOPE: yes, we are close enough now.
CALLIOPE: but we do not have to do anything.
CALLIOPE: only i do.
JADE: oh
JADE: then... what do i have to do?
CALLIOPE: nothing.
CALLIOPE: you needed to accompany me on this journey, so that time could pass for you.
CALLIOPE: and now, that time has passed.
JADE: i... see
CALLIOPE: is there anything you would like to say, or ask, before we part ways for good?
JADE: uhhh
JADE: for good??
JADE: you mean i will never see you again after i wake up?
CALLIOPE: no one will ever see me again after you wake up.
JADE: :(

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: then um
JADE: what am i supposed to do when i wake up?
CALLIOPE: by then, the fight should be over.
CALLIOPE: assuming your friends were successful, you must use your abilities to seed the new universe with your new home.
CALLIOPE: that is all.
JADE: thats it???
JADE: but i want to help them all with the fight!
JADE: it sounds dangerous....
JADE: and i have all these powers!
JADE: really GOOD powers
JADE: maybe even... the BEST powers?
CALLIOPE: yes, they are the best powers.
JADE: so why cant i just wake up and USE them??
CALLIOPE: powers such as yours are a great asset, but in time, become an even greater liability.
CALLIOPE: that is why you sleep.
JADE: i dont understand!
CALLIOPE: you will not be able to control them for the purpose of your mission.
CALLIOPE: you are barely in control of your most modest capabilities.
CALLIOPE: you are still quite young, and your kind is soft.
CALLIOPE: the ability to absolutely dominate is better housed in a being designed for seclusion, singularity of purpose, and remorseless resolve.
CALLIOPE: it is too much for one like you.
JADE: ...
JADE: youre probably right
JADE: actually, its
JADE: scary to think about sometimes
CALLIOPE: it won't be a problem for much longer.
JADE: huh?
CALLIOPE: it's not your concern.
CALLIOPE: until then, you may want to appreciate the final moments of intimate connection to this continuum's supreme source of power.
JADE: ... how
CALLIOPE: that's up to you.
CALLIOPE: if you must have advice, i will give you some similar to that i gave your other space-playing friend.
CALLIOPE: i told her to live, where before she had not.
CALLIOPE: so too, you are similarly imprisoned by various inertias.
CALLIOPE: these weigh on you.
CALLIOPE: you are a child, belonging to a race for which that distinction is understood to correspond with experiences of "enjoyment."
CALLIOPE: perhaps you should try to have,
CALLIOPE: "fun."

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
CALLIOPE: goodbye, jade.

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < JADE!!!!!

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: d-
JADE: davesprite???
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B33

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: youre alive!
JADE: and... very different :o
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its davepeta actually
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and yeah i am different!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < got this whole other person mixed up in me
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < her name was nepeta
JADE: ohh...
JADE: wow!!!
JADE: im so happy to see you, even if you have gone through some uh... pretty big changes!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah!
JADE: so what are you doing here?
JADE: are you asleep too?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nah im awake
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and like "actually here" and stuff
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess i just decided to fly away up to the sun like a fucking piece of garbage after all
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like i always said i would
JADE: haha
JADE: you did?
JADE: i dont remember that
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah i said stuff like that sometimes
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < jade i used to be fairly depressed
JADE: yeah...
JADE: well i DO remember that
JADE: you seem to be in pretty high spirits now though :)
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yes im doing fucking phenomeownal
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but fur real im not actually here to visit this sun
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i flew here as a point of reference to get my bearings
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im actually on my way to go fight lord english
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < have you s33n him
JADE: no
JADE: ive spent the last... however long, hiding from him actually
JADE: with calliope
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < who
JADE: shes my new friend!
JADE: well, i guess one of two new friends by that name, technically
JADE: one of them is presumably back with our friends now
JADE: the other just... quite literally flew away up to the sun
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < like a fucking piece of garbage???
JADE: NO :P
JADE: she is quite dignified and aloof as a matter of fact
JADE: i sincerely doubt she has ever done ANYTHING like a piece of garbage
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ok heheheh
JADE: anyway if you want to find him
JADE: i would guess all you have to do is follow his trail of destruction
JADE: see the cracks?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh yeah
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < good point
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess i could sniff him out
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < except i dont know what he smells like
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but i guess i do know what some people who will be NEAR him smell like
JADE: like who?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < vwiskers, for one!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < also supposedly a staggering dick ton of ghosts
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ill just smell around for where the ghosts are all at
JADE: sounds like a good plan!
JADE: jeez dave i...
JADE: or davepeta rather
JADE: i missed you so much :(
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < awwww
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sorry harley
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < id say i missed you too but it was barely a day ago i last saw you
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this version of me i mean
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i made it all the way through the thr33 year voyage with you
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < guess the one who made the trip with you wasnt so lucky huh
JADE: no
JADE: he and john died not long after we departed
JADE: i was so lonely
JADE: but i dont feel too bad now that i know it all worked out, and their deaths were just part of something bigger going on
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < right johns absurd time hoppy mission
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so fuckin glad some non dave dude could finally grab the reins on the time travel bs
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i guess im purrsonally so grateful to him because without his succession of handwavey dorkstunts i wouldnt have become davepeta which is literally the best thing either of us has ever b33n!
JADE: thats great!
JADE: its so nice to see youre happy now
JADE: even if technically i never got to be a part of that journey for you
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but you did
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ive got a lot of different dave memories in me and theyre all part of who i am now
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < including the memories you contributed to
JADE: oh...
JADE: cool!
JADE: so what were things like in the timeline youre from?
JADE: how was our trip together?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it was good mostly
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < kinda turbulent i guess
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but that was mostly on account of me being a miserable bird douche
JADE: haha
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh also we dated for a while
JADE: WHAT? :O
JADE: omg
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it was nice for a while but then i put a stop to that
JADE: why?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < s33 again: bird douche
JADE: wow
JADE: i cant believe i missed this :(
JADE: even if it didnt go that well
JADE: its still something i would have gladly taken over the loneliness of that trip
JADE: i cant even say how much i thought about you both
JADE: and to hear that you and i actually...
JADE: *sniff*
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < B??
JADE: im sorry dave...
JADE: davepeta...
JADE: i guess calliope is right, this must be part of my path
JADE: as a space player... someone who "falls back" as she said
JADE: maybe being pushed aside by fate, and like
JADE: being deprived of important people and experiences
JADE: no matter how painful it is, or how much you feel like you need them
JADE: i guess thats just how it goes for us
JADE: i think i never appreciated how much of a burden your aspect was to you
JADE: but i think im starting to get it now
JADE: it just took a long time to figure out what mine really meant
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so THATS what space means?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < bein lonely??
JADE: thats a bit of an oversimplification!
JADE: but i think that can be one of the results of gaining a deeper understanding of it
JADE: or becoming connected to it more...
JADE: i dunno, this stuff is all pretty mysterious :p
JADE: i dont have it all figured out yet obviously
JADE: i just feel pretty sad that as i get closer to understanding my abilities and true nature
JADE: it apparently means being deprived of some important experiences
JADE: like i get closer to my aspect, but further away from everyone i love, and further from...
JADE: feeling like a person?
JADE: its just a really empty feeling after a while
JADE: empty like...
JADE: space i guess
JADE: heh

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but you werent actually deprived of important experiences
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < stuff like us dating and johns stupid birthday parties and playing shitty ghostbuster mmos
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that stuff all happened to you, its just you dont have access to the memories
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < they didnt happen to shape this particular version of yourself
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but they all played a role in helping like "greater jade" grow if that makes sense
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in an advanced sprite form like mine tho its fine
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i guess the same spritey magic that makes it possible to suddenly understand so much is also what makes it possible to make it bearable all at once
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < not even just bearable actually sorta liberating and cool
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so maybe thats starting to happen for you too
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the space aspect sounds like a hard and lonely road to travel... i think they probably all are
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but youre gettin there jade
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you are doing great and im so proud of you!

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: :')
JADE: thanks davepeta
JADE: i really cant believe it
JADE: you sound so different... but youre still dave in a way
JADE: its hard to say how happy it makes me to see you doing well
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yeah likewise!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i mean assuming you are doing well
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ARE you???
JADE: i... think so
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hey what are you doing out here anyway
JADE: im asleep
JADE: i want to go join our friends and help out
JADE: but im not supposed to wake up :\
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < why not
JADE: i dunno
JADE: im just not!
JADE: calliope said i was too strong or something
JADE: but she also said i should have "fun" so
JADE: i dunno
JADE: i guess im just waiting around for the right moment
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nah thats dumb
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you should be able to do whatever you want
JADE: really?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < well at least she was right about the having fun part
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe thats what she meant??
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe she was leaving it up to you in a mysterious way
JADE: leaving what up to me?
JADE: the decision to wake up?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sure why not
JADE: but i dont know how!
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 "

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: wuhh
JADE: :o
JADE: was that supposed to wake me up?
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < no
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < that was just goodbye

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this is supposed to wake you up!

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/30/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: did someone just bark
DAVE: terezi was that you
TEREZI: WH4T? NO 1 D1DN'T B4RK
TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT TH4T W4S YOU
DAVE: why would i bark
TEREZI: W3LL WHY TH3 FUCK WOULD 1 B4RK???
DAVE: ok this exchange is asinine it was probably just jade

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hey guys!

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: SH3'S 4W4K3
TEREZI: 1SN'T SH3 SUPPOS3D TO B3 4SL33P?
DAVE: uh yeah
DAVE: fuck

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: hi dave!
JADE: i got your note!
JADE: i missed you too!!!
DAVE: jade
DAVE: god dammit
DAVE: GO BACK TO SLEEP!
JADE: NO WAY!!!!! :P

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: looks like you gave me a little assignment in case i woke up
JADE: well, as it turns out......
JADE: i am very much awake!
JADE: and i intend to stay that way :)

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
JADE: see you guys
JADE: apparently ive got a couple of dogs to deal with
JADE: oh yeah by the way dave...
JADE: youre a pretty good kisser!
JADE: even when youve got cat lips ;)
DAVE: WHAT
JADE: see ya!!!!!!!!!!

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
TEREZI: BY3, 1D1OT
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R
TEREZI: L3T'S HOP3 TOD4Y, OF 4LL D4YS, 1S NOT TH3 D4Y SH3 FUCKS 3V3RYTH1NG UP
DAVE: yeah
TEREZI: SO WH4T'S TH3 D34L, DUD3S
TEREZI: YOU BOTH DON3 W1TH YOUR ROOFTOP F33L1NGS J4M?
DIRK: I think so.
DIRK: What do you think, Dave?
DAVE: about what
DIRK: Are we done here?
DAVE: i guess so
DIRK: You sure there isn't anything else on your mind, before we start fighting?
DAVE: ummmmm
DIRK: Tell you what. I'll give you one last lightning round question.

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Ask me anything.

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Go ahead.

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: I'll give you a straight answer.

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: alright

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: here goes

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DAVE: why are we so fucking awesome

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Dave.

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: That's the best fucking question,

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

|DIALOGLOG|
DIRK: Anybody ever asked.

03/31/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/01/16
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"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/02/16
"[A6A6I5] ====>"

04/06/16
"[S] Collide."

04/06/16
"END OF ACT 6"

04/07/16
"====>"

04/07/16
"====>"

04/07/16
"====>"

04/07/16
"====>"

04/07/16
"====>"

04/07/16
"====>"

04/08/16
"====>"

04/08/16
"====>"

04/08/16
"====>"

04/08/16
"====>"

04/08/16
"====>"

04/08/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/09/16
"====>"

04/10/16
"====>"

04/10/16
"====>"

04/10/16
"====>"

04/10/16
"====>"

04/10/16
"====>"

04/10/16
"====>"

04/11/16
"====>"

04/11/16
"====>"

04/11/16
"====>"

04/11/16
"====>"

04/11/16
"====>"

04/12/16
"====>"

04/12/16
"====>"

04/12/16
"====>"

04/12/16
"====>"

04/13/16
"[S] ACT 7"

04/13/16
"==>"

THE END

10/25/16
"[S] ==>"

10/25/16
"[S] ==>"

RSS: Adventure Updates

Posted on 27 November 2017 by Andrew

Posted on 11 November 2017 by Andrew

Hey check it out. Every week we'll be revealing some new troll characters from Hiveswap until Act 2 is out. Follow the Troll Call here, and meet the first two here. Expect a few more surprises like this to drop in coming weeks.

Posted on 14 September 2017 by Andrew

Hiveswap has been released. You should go play it!