FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 599 HOURS FROM NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
FCG: FINE THEN. FCG: SINCE PAST ME JUST BANNED CURRENT ME FROM THE PRECEDING MEMO FCG: AND DOESN'T APPEAR TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY FUTURE WISDOM, AS USUAL FCG: LOOKS LIKE I'LL JUST HAVE TO START ANOTHER MEMO FROM SCRATCH. FCG: HEY PAST ME, GO HAVE A BLAST KILLING THE KING, I'M SURE IT WILL BE AWESOME. FCG: IN FACT, IT WAS AWESOME. BANG UP JOB WITH THAT, DUDE! FCG: TOO BAD IT WAS ALL A HUGE WASTE OF TIME. FCG: OH, WHAT'S THAT, PASTHOLE? YOU DIDN'T READ THIS AND FIGURE THAT OUT AHEAD OF TIME? FCG: OR MAYBE YOU JUST SKIMMED THIS AND IT DIDN'T GET THROUGH YOUR THICK BULGE??? FCG: WHAT A SHOCK! FCG: MEMO-WITHIN-MEMO TO PRESENT SELF: PUT FORTH A MORE CONCERTED EFFORT TO IMPRESS UPON EVERYONE IN THE PAST, MYSELF INCLUDED, WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS THEY ALL ARE. FCG: I AM LEARNING A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY! FCG: IT TURNS OUT YOU CAN'T ALTER THE OUTCOME OF DECISIONS MADE BY MORONS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU YELL AT THEM. FCG: ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS GIVE THEM A HARD TIME AND TRY TO MAKE THEIR LIVES JUST A LITTLE MORE MISERABLE. FCG: WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A MORE NOBLE PURSUIT THAN CHANGING DESTINY FOR THE BETTER ANYWAY, FRANKLY. FCG: LOSERS SHOULD BE FORCED TO FACE THE MUSIC, EVEN FOR THE MISTAKES THEY HAVEN'T MADE YET. FCG: THEIR PUNISHMENT IS BEING ALLOWED TO MAKE THE MISTAKE IN THE FIRST PLACE. TALK ABOUT POETIC JUSTICE! FCG: AND THEN GETTING SOUNDLY BERATED BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER THE MISTAKES ARE BEING MADE IS JUST THE MUCUS ON THE GRUBLOAF. FCG: THE SWEET, TANGY MUCUS. FCG: THIS IS DUMB. FCG: WHY DID I EVER THINK THESE MEMOS WERE GOING TO BE A GOOD IDEA. FCG: NOBODY CARES FCG: I MEAN FCG: NOBODY'S EVEN TROLLING ME ANYMORE. FCG: AND I'M LEAVING MYSELF WIDE OPEN TOO, SAYING SOME PRETTY DUMB THINGS HERE. FCG: I GUESS MAYBE I WROTE TOO MANY. FCG: AND FILLED TOO MANY OF THEM WITH LONG ARGUMENTS WITH MYSELF. FCG: NO ONE'S GOING TO READ THROUGH ALL THIS, ALL THE VALUABLE INFORMATION IS JUST GETTING LOST IN THE YELLING. FCG: YOU STUPID STUPID IDIOT. FCG: OH FUCK YOU, WHY'D YOU EVEN START ANOTHER MEMO THEN?? FCG: I GUESS FCG: THERE ARE A COUPLE THINGS I WANT TO GET OFF MY CHEST, OK? FCG: OH GOD, NOW I'M ARGUING WITH CURRENT ME. FCG: I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I WAS DOING IT, THIS IS REALLY FUCKED UP. FCG: I'VE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER. FCG: THINK BACK TO WHAT WE MIGHT HAVE DONE WRONG. FCG: BUT THE THING IS FCG: AS MUCH AS OUR PAST SELVES ARE A BUNCH OF STUBBORN UNLISTENING ASSHOLES FCG: I CAN'T EVEN REALLY IDENTIFY ANY MISTAKES WE MADE. FCG: IT WAS ALL PRETTY MUCH LIKE CLOCKWORK. FCG: A 600 HOUR CAMPAIGN TO COMPLETE A GAME LIKE THIS IS PRETTY GOOD IF YOU ASK ME. FCG: AND I HAVE ASKED ME. FCG: IT TURNS OUT ME AGREES. FCG: I CAN'T SHAKE THE FEELING SOMEONE ELSE MUST BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. FCG: IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN OUR SESSION. FCG: SOLLUX HAS THE SAME INTUITION ABOUT IT AS ME, HE THINKS THERE'S SOMETHING FII2HY ABOUT IT. FCG: IT'S REALLY INSUFFERABLE THE WAY HER FISH PUNS HAVE RUBBED OFF ON HIM, IT KIND OF MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT. FCG: ANYWAY FCG: HE SAYS HE'S WORKING ON TRACING THE ORIGIN OF THIS DISASTER. FCG: IF I FIND OUT WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FCG: I WILL FCG: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT NOW. FCG: WASTE OF GOOD FRESH RAGE. FCG: I'M A LITTLE TIRED OF ALL THE OLD THINGS I'VE BEEN ANGRY ABOUT. FCG: IT'S GOTTEN SO STALE. FCG: IN A WEIRD WAY I'M SORT OF LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING SOMETHING NEW TO BE PISSED OFF ABOUT. FCG: IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR NOW ANYWAY. FCG: SO I'M KEEPING MY PRONGS CROSSED. FCG: IT WILL BE LIKE FUCKING 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE UP IN HERE. FCG: LAST SWEEP'S EVE WAS PROBABLY THE LAST HAPPY MEMORY I HAVE IN FACT. FCG: WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO FOR THE LAST HOLIDAY? FCG: ANYONE? FCG: I REMEMBER MY LUSUS HAD BEEN GONE FOR DAYS AND I WAS STARTING TO GET WORRIED. FCG: BUT THEN HE FINALLY RETURNED, TRIUMPHANT. FCG: HE BROUGHT THE FRESH BEHEMOTH LEAVING INTO OUR HIVE, AND TOGETHER WE DECORATED IT. FCG: AND FCG: I DUNNO FCG: THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY, I'M GETTING A LUMP IN MY SQUAWK BLISTER. FCG: I GUESS I'M DONE. FCG: I'M GOING TO LIE DOWN NOW FCG: ON THE STEEL FLOOR OF THIS FRIGID METEOR DRIFTING THROUGH THE BLACK UNCARING VOID OF OUR NULL SESSION. FCG: NULL, KIND OF LIKE THIS MEMO I GUESS. FCG: LATER. CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGA: I Dont Think We Did Anything Special FCG: WHOA, HEY FCG: WHAT? CGA: Last 12th CGA: We Stayed In CGA: And I Read Stories To Her It Was Nice FCG: OH FCG: THAT'S COOL. FCG: THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE RESPONDED TO A MEMO THAT I CAN RECALL. FCG: YOU TOOK IT RIGHT DOWN TO THE WIRE. I WAS JUST ABOUT TO CLOSE THIS THING. CGA: Yeah I Know CGA: I Wasnt Sure If I Was Going To CGA: But Then I Noticed A Conversation In Which I Was A Participant CGA: Which As It Turns Out Is The Conversation Taking Place Now CGA: I Scanned It Briefly And Then Perused Other Memos For My Presence CGA: I Found None And Returned To This One CGA: But My Part Of The Conversation Was Gone CGA: I Regarded This As A Prompt To Begin Typing And Record My Contributions Live CGA: That Is How This Works Isnt It FCG: PRETTY MUCH. FCG: FOR A WHILE IT WAS FRUSTRATING. FCG: WHEN I DISCOVERED THE FEATURE I KIND OF BREEZED THROUGH ALL MY FUTURE MEMOS, NOT REALLY READING ALL OF THEM CAREFULLY OR THOROUGHLY. FCG: THEN I LOOKED AT IT AGAIN, AND THE WHOLE BOARD WAS GONE. FCG: BECAUSE IT WAS TIME TO MAKE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO I DID. FCG: AND THEN I KEPT MAKING MEMOS WITH ONLY FOGGY RECOLLECTIONS OF WHAT THEY CONTAINED. FCG: WHILE ALL THESE OTHER CHUMPS FROM DIFFERENT TIMES KEPT GIVING ME SHIT. FCG: INCLUDING MYSELF. FCG: BUT IT WAS ALL GOOD, BECAUSE AS I EVENTUALLY BECAME MY OWN FUTURE SELVES, AND GOT TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDES OF THOSE CONVERSATIONS. FCG: AND COULD DO MY PAST SELVES THE SERVICE OF INFORMING THEM HOW STUPID THEY WERE BEING. FCG: I STOPPED BOTHERING TRYING TO REMEMBER HOW ANY OF THESE MEMOS WENT. FCG: HONESTLY THE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN A BLUR TO ME, JUST NON STOP YELLING AT MYSELF, HAGGLING WITH PAST AND FUTURE KNUCKLEHEADS, KILLING MONSTERS AND SOLVING PUZZLES, CYCLING THROUGH ALL THE GATES AND PLANETS LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES, ZIGZAGGING DOWN TO THE BATTLEFIELD, OUT TO THE VEIL, OVER TO PROSPIT, BACK TO DERSE, AND ON AND ON AND ON LIKE THAT UNTIL WE THOUGHT WE WON. FCG: BUT WE DIDN'T WIN. WE LOST. FCG: WE LOST AS HARD AS FAT GUYS FALL. CGA: What Exactly Happened FCG: DID YOU READ THE MEMO JUST BEFORE THIS? CGA: No FCG: GIVE IT A READ, I'M DONE RANTING ABOUT ALL THAT FOR NOW. CGA: Alright CGA: In A Moment FCG: BUT YEAH, THAT'S HOW TROLLIAN'S TIMELINE STUFF WORKS. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT. FCG: OR NOT! SINCE APPARENTLY THIS IS YOUR ONLY MEMO REPLY. YOU WERE PRETTY SHREWD IN SIDESTEPPING THIS WHOLE CLUSTERFUCK. CGA: It Seems Like A Logical Way To Engineer A System Wherein One Simultaneously Functions As The Reader And Author Of The Transcripts CGA: Its Temporally Sound Construction FCG: THEN YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS SO. FCG: HELL YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER MAID OF TIME THAN THE ONE WE WERE STUCK WITH. FCG: SHE'S COMPLETELY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. CGA: I Think We Are Given Roles To Challenge Us CGA: That Dont Necessarily Suit Our Strengths CGA: At Least I Was CGA: I Have No Idea What Im Doing Here FCG: SURE YOU DO. FCG: OR, YOU WILL. TRUST ME YOU'LL DO FINE. FCG: SO WHAT PROMPTED YOU TO RESPOND ANYWAY. FCG: I MEAN ASIDE FROM BEING STRONGARMED BY CONVERSATIONAL PREDESTINATION. CGA: Oh CGA: At This Point Im Not Even Sure If Im Inclined To Ask Anymore FCG: YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE A CHOICE. FCG: DO YOU REMEMBER IF THIS MEMO WAS MUCH LONGER THAN THIS? CGA: Um CGA: There Is A Good Way To Go I Think Yeah FCG: THEN MIGHT AS WELL SPIT IT OUT. CGA: Its Such A Silly Question FCG: RED OR BLACK? CGA: What FCG: YOUR PROBLEM, DOES IT PERTAIN TO REDROM OR BLACKROM INTERESTS? CGA: Thats Not What This Is About FCG: COME ON. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN USING THESE MEMOS TO SIFT THROUGH THEIR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS FOR WEEKS, I AM A FUCKING VETERAN AT THIS SHIT BY NOW. FCG: SERIOUSLY, I DON'T MIND, IT'LL BE A WELCOME REPRIEVE FROM SHOUTING AT MYSELF. CGA: Im Not Sure What To Say About It FCG: DIDN'T YOU AT LEAST GET A SENSE OF WHAT THIS CONVERSATION WAS ABOUT WHEN YOU SKIMMED IT? CGA: Not Really CGA: If I Were Thinking About It I Probably Wouldnt Have Wanted To Anyway CGA: Dont You Think Its Better To Have Unrehearsed Conversations CGA: Even If The Subject Matter Is Awkward FCG: YES I COMPLETELY AGREE. FCG: IT'S GOOD YOU DIDN'T READ IT. WE CAN AVOID THE SORT OF VERBAL SLAPSTICK ROUTINES I'M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF BY NOW. FCG: I AM SO TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING ALL COY AND TELLING ME WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SAY BEFORE WE SAY IT, AND THEN WE WIND UP FUCKING SAYING IT ANYWAY. FCG: AND THEN WE PROVE TO THE INVISIBLE RIDDLER THAT IS FATHER TIME BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS WE ALL ARE. FCG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OLD THAT GETS AFTER A WHILE? FCG: SO REALLY, TELL ME. FCG: I KNOW IT'S ON YOUR MIND, I GOT A SENSE FOR THESE THINGS. FCG: R OR B??? CGA: Ok CGA: Red Then CGA: But I Guess CGA: Not Really Red Enough FCG: HAHA, WELL ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE CASE? FCG: STORY AS OLD AS TIME. FCG: EVEN IN PLACES WHERE STRICTLY SPEAKING TIME DIDN'T EXIST UNTIL RECENTLY. FCG: WHO'S THE TARGET OF THESE FLUSHED LEANINGS? FCG: IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING. CGA: Its Not The Asking I Mind CGA: Its The Telling CGA: In A Public Forum FCG: I DON'T THINK ANYONE'S READING. FCG: DID YOU NOTICE ANYONE ELSE JOIN IN LATER? CGA: No CGA: It Appeared To Be Just The Two Of Us FCG: SEE FCG: NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO BOTHER. CGA: I Dont Know Whether Thats Reassuring CGA: Or Just A Bit Disheartening FCG: WELL I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. FCG: THEIR DISINTEREST IS MORE A REFLECTION ON ME THAN YOU. CGA: Disinterest Is The Operative Concept Here CGA: Shes Not Even Responding To My Messages Anymore CGA: Could Be Busy CGA: But Im Rapidly Approaching A Resolution To Discard The Preposterous Infatuation FCG: SHE? WELL I GUESS THAT NARROWS IT DOWN SOMEWHAT. CGA: Shit FCG: IF I THINK BACK ON EVENTS KNOWING THIS I COULD PROBABLY PIECE IT TOGETHER... CGA: How About CGA: If I Agree To Consult With You About It In Private CGA: We Can Drop It Here CGA: Before You Crack Me Like A Vault CGA: With Your Weird Romance Sleuthing Acumen FCG: ALRIGHT, DEAL. CGA: It Still Puzzles Me That You Are So Versed In The Topic CGA: Do You Have Access To A Manual Archived On A Remote Server Somewhere FCG: WHAT FCG: NO OF COURSE NOT. FCG: I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ALL THAT MUCH. FCG: I JUST KNOW THIS STUFF WILL DRIVE YOU SHITHIVE MAGGOTS IF YOU DON'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. CGA: That Figure Of Speech You Keep Using Puzzles Me Too FCG: LIKE FCG: NOT THAT I EXPECT YOU TO GIVE A SHIT BUT PERSONALLY I AM ALL TWISTED UP ABOUT BLACKROM STUFF ESPECIALLY. FCG: HONESTLY I DON'T THINK I WAS CUT OUT TO HAVE A KISMESIS, I THINK MY STANDARDS ARE WAY TOO HIGH. FCG: DID YOU KNOW THAT... FCG: THIS FEELS SO INSANE TO ADMIT, BUT FCG: OVER THE COURSE OF THIS ADVENTURE, AT TIMES I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO SUSPECT I WAS MY OWN KISMESIS. FCG: HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT??? CGA: Im Not Qualified To Say CGA: Neither Romance Nor Psychology Are My Strong Suits FCG: BUT OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT TRUE, I NEVER EVEN DID ANY LEGIT TIME TRAVELING WHERE I COULD MEET MYSELF, I JUST BICKERED WITH PAST AND FUTURE GHOSTS ON A CHAT CLIENT. FCG: FITTING REALLY. EVERY CALIGINOUS ADVERSARY I'VE CONTEMPLATED HAS ELUDED ME LIKE A PHANTOM, EVEN MYSELF! FCG: WHATEVER, I'M DONE WITH IT. CGA: And What Of Scarlet Ambitions CGA: Fare Any Better In That Quadrant FCG: NO NO NO I'M NOT AIRING THAT SHIT OUT HERE. FCG: MAYBE PRIVATELY. FCG: IT'S PRIVATE. FCG: LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT, WHAT WERE YOU ORIGINALLY GOING TO ASK ME. CGA: Oh Fine CGA: Heres This Silly Question For You CGA: I Was Just Wondering Given Your Vantage Of Hindsight CGA: If Youd Had Cause To Observe At Any Point In Time CGA: Magic FCG: UH... CGA: Like Real Magic CGA: I Guess What Im Asking Is CGA: Is Magic A Real Thing FCG: WOW, YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT'S KIND OF THE DUMBEST FUCKING QUESTION I'VE EVER HEARD. CGA: I Know CGA: Its Just That I Have A Good Reason To Believe Magic Is Real CGA: Our Ancient Predecessors Discovered How To Use It CGA: But Then They May Have Surpassed Us In Skill By A Great Deal FCG: YOU PUT WAY TOO MUCH STOCK IN THAT RATTY OLD GUIDE. FCG: BUT ANYWAY NO, WE NEVER USED MAGIC. FCG: I MEAN, LET ME TRY TO PUT INTO PERSPECTIVE HOW RIDICULOUS THE WHOLE NOTION IS ANYWAY. FCG: WE CAN ALCHEMIZE PRACTICALLY ANYTHING WITH THE RIGHT MATERIALS AND GRIST. FCG: WE CAN, AND DID, MAKE SUPER POWERFUL WEAPONS AND ITEMS THAT CAN DO PRACTICALLY ANYTHING. FCG: WHAT ADDITIONAL ADVANTAGE COULD MAGIC OFFER? ALL THIS SHIT IS PRACTICALLY MAGIC ANYWAY. FCG: BUT MORE LIKE FCG: GOOFY SCIENCEY MAGIC. YOU KNOW? CGA: Sure FCG: BUT EVERYTHING HERE IS KIND OF MAGIC IN A WAY, ISN'T IT. FCG: FORTUNE TELLING DREAM CLOUDS AND GOLDEN MOONS AND SHIT. FCG: IF YOU LOOK AROUND FCG: THERE'S MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH. FCG: IT'S ALL AROUND US. FCG: MOTHER FUCKIN MIRACLES, RIGHT? CGA: Heh FCG: WHAT DO YOU NEED MAGIC FOR ANYWAY? CGA: Im Running Out Of Ideas CGA: I Need To Figure Out A Way To Stoke This Volcano CGA: In Case You And The Others Are Successful In Recovering The Queens Ring FCG: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT. FCG: AND YOU WON'T NEED MAGIC, TRUST ME. FCG: JUST BE PATIENT, THE ANSWER WILL COME TO YOU SOMEHOW. CGA: I Guess You Would Know FCG: YEAH, REALLY THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. FCG: AT LEAST AS FAR AS THE DETAILS OF THE ADVENTURE GO. FCG: WE WERE ALL PRETTY AWESOME AT THIS GAME. FCG: REALLY AWESOME IN FACT. FCG: UNTIL A LITTLE WHILE AGO. FCG: WHEN IT TURNED OUT WE WEREN'T ACTUALLY ALL THAT AWESOME. FCG: TURNS OUT WE WERE PRETTY FUCKING UNAWESOME ALL ALONG. CGA: Still Baffled By What Would Conceivably Cause Such A Crisis In Awesomeness Post-Victory FCG: WELL FCG: FOR STARTERS FCG: HAVE YOU SCROLLED UP TO THE TOP OF THE TIMELINES YET? CGA: No FCG: CHECK THAT OUT FCG: MAYBE READ A FEW RECENT MEMOS FCG: BUT OTHER THAN THAT IT'S NOT FOR YOU TO CONCERN YOURSELF WITH. FCG: JUST DEAL WITH GETTING THROUGH THE QUEST. FCG: I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU ABOUT IT WHEN YOU CATCH UP WITH ME ON THE TIMELINE. FCG: WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE RIGHT NOW. CGA: Say Hi To Me For Myself FCG: OK I PROBABLY WON'T DO THAT, BUT ALRIGHT HA HA. FCG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE ANYWAY? CGA: You Mean Future Me FCG: YEAH. FCG: YOU'RE MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR CHAINSAW. FCG: WHILE TAVROS IS SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR. FCG: OH GOD. FCG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING??????? CGA: What CGA: What Did I Do FUTURE carcinoGeneticist 2 [FCG2] 600 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG2: OK. FCG2: EVERYTHING'S FINE I GUESS. CGA: What Happened FCG2: I PASSED OUT FOR ABOUT AN HOUR. FCG2: FUCKING EMBARRASSING. FCG2: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, YOU KNOW. CGA: Shithive Maggots You Mean FCG2: YEAH FCG2: IN A GOOD WAY THOUGH. FCG2: OK I'M SHUTTING THIS MEMO DOWN FOR MY PAST SELF. FCG2: SINCE HE'S CURRENTLY LYING UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR AN HOUR AGO. FCG2: SEE YOU IN THE FUTURE-NOW. CGA: Til Then FCG2 banned CGA from responding to memo.
FCG2 banned FCG from responding to memo.
I'm heading out for the weekend. I had planned on putting something up before I left, but guess I'm running late with it. Wasn't planning on a break of such length, but looks like there'll be nothing to see until next week, due to *mishaps*.
The first, an Exile-centric album brought to you by a collection of artists. The second, a solo album composed by Tyler Dever and performed by Erik Scheele. Both are great!
Are you running out of room on your ipod yet? You might have to start deleting some of that crappy non-HS music soon.
Two points of business to trouble you with. ONE: The What Pumpkin store has, mostly, been restocked. TWO: There's a good chance that the Bandcamp page will have new content some time next week.
I'll be out of town for a week, from 6/21 to 6/27. I will try to get some work done while I'm on the road, but updates will most likely be sparse til then. I am just doing you the service of liberating you from this extremely engaging web comic for a short period of time, so that you are free to go do other things, like play volleyball on the beach, and give high fives to your coolest friends.
I also feel that it is important to make an annual tradition of announcing a week long hiatus after sequences culminating in sloppy makeouts. What makeouts will be happening next year? How sloppy will they be? This is how I keep people hooked.
Volume 7 is pretty self explanatory. Contains many songs from the story, plus a bunch of other great new ones. I say this every time, but this is now the best HS volume. AND IT KEEPS BEING TRUE EVERY TIME I SAY IT.
On the solo album: M.G. Bowman has done a lot to shape the sound of Homestuck. Among his contributions were Explore and Sburban Jungle (end of acts 2 and 3 music). He is also a mastermind behind the ambitious Hare Force One project (people ship Con Air bunnies to each other all over the globe). For his album, he has created two characters whose names are featured in the title. They exist somewhere in the Homestuck universe, playing their own session, and each song captures something about their adventure. See his website for what he has to say about it personally. I think it's a really fun and creative album with a fantastic sound.
If you ordered something from the WP store earlier in the month, those items have either been shipped already or will be very soon.
Also, all of the charity squiddles have shipped too. If you ordered one, and it doesn't arrive in the next week or two, let me know and I will look into it. As for the charity sketches, those I will be completing and mailing shortly as well.
Music: Albums incoming. Hang in there. I estimate they will drop within a week. They will contain songs you have heard, and many you haven't. They are great.
Nine days without a new page is a pretty long time! What was even UP with me? 5 days in Toronto + 4 days animating I guess is what was up. Ok that sounds reasonable. Everyone agrees with that and holds the creator exempt from charges of gross dereliction. We all smile pretty hard and our faces begin to hurt a little.
Speaking of which, there will be more music on Bandcamp some time this month, won't there? Yes. Let me go talk it over with the music guys and see what we can put together for you over the next week or two. Hold on, let me go do that now, don't go anywhere.
Only John's and Vriska's are available for now. There are more planned for the near future. (i.e. Aradia's) Note that there are t-shirt versions of the hoodies too, at different shades for a little variety (the tee colors actually correspond to the darker color of the hoods in the comic). Also take a look at the new long sleeve Jade shirt, with her vintage atom symbol. I think it's a nice complement to Dave's broken record shirt, which has the same raglan sleeve style.
Also: PRINTS! There are many great HS fan artists out there, in the art team and otherwise. For a while I have have the idea to offer prints of selected works here and there. For now there are some by art team members Lexxy and SA. I hope to add more to this page gradually.
And one last point on the store. Please take notice of the new support system. If you have a question or a problem with an order, please go through that! The old What Pumpkin email address has gotten swamped with so many different types of correspondence, it's become very difficult to field support cases through it. If you use the new system, rapid satisfaction is considerably more likely!
I should also mention that soon I will be attending TCAF! If you can make it to Canada, you should come. If you happen to already be in Canada, then you really have no excuse not to go.
FACT: You will navigate the latest pages in different ways depending on your browser conditions.
At the end of Insert disc 2, on many browsers (e.g. mine), you will automatically be redirected to the next page when it finishes "loading", or you may get there by clicking the link to "[S] Seer: Ascend" inside the Flash panel. These features will not work for some browsers, and instead you will see this message. Accessing that url will redirect you to the next page, [S] Seer: Ascend.
Note that there is no hyperlink to the next page below the disc 2 panel, and never will be. You must venture into disc 2 through one of the ways described above! I probably wouldn't have even bothered mentioning this if not for the browser compatibility hiccup.
The SbaHJ shirts.....: it is turning into a proud tradition that several weeks after releasing any SBaHJ product I must inform you that they all do in fact glow in the dark, in case you didn't realize. Please suspend this alarming reality in your thoughts as you urgently scramble to use your dollars to make them become your property.
Speaking of scrambling, dollars, and your ludicrous zeal for all the insanely rad things I advise you to drape over your body, there will be lots of cool new things in the WP store, very, very soon.
But before we talk about that, let's carefully examine this fine new album by Clark Powell, who is responsible for such HS scores as Three in the Morning, and the Gate 1 Doctor remix, as well as a plethora of other album songs.
This one's very cool. Clark has a great ambient sound, and his idea for the album was to musically express the Medium's planets, through both their elements and themes. I think he nailed it. Cover art was tag-teamed by me and Cindy (the lady who touches all your WP shirts).
Also: New Topatoco items!
First of all, you will notice there are two new Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff shirts. People are always coming up to me and saying "we NEED more insanely shitty looking shirts to wear to places like church and stuff." What choice to I have but to serve these rowdy individuals with dollars in their hands and outstanding taste in their opinions???
In truth, Jeffrey and I cannot help ourselves from attempting to capitalize on this nonsense, because we both need aggressive psychiatric examination. But if you don't buy these shirts, we will both feel ashamed and foolish. Please buy these shirts. I'm begging you. If you don't, we will probably weep in each others arms, swaddled in an orange heap of 3000 dunking Big Men. As an incentive, I will make this solemn pledge. If I sell out of all of these SBaHJ shirts within a week, you are guaranteed to discover that I have permanently emblazoned SBaHJ iconography on my body somewhere, with real, honest to gog foreverink. You'll wonder how high I even will have had to have been. Fact. 8^y
Also note the classy Sepulchritude hoodie, perfect complement to your Sepulchritude tee. I will be coming out with HS god tier hoodies soon through What Pumpkin, and I thought that as long as such garments were being offered, it would be nice to have a Problem Sleuth one in the mix too. Plus, the godhoods won't have zipper fronts, and this one does. So if you like to zip up, like if that's your thing, then this is for you.
4/13/11
The two year anniversary of HS has come and gone. Not as much fanfare in-story about it as I'd hoped, but at least it got a nod. Remember when games came on multiple disks? You always were asked to swap during a kind of peculiar and underwhelming moment, like walking through a thing, or talking to a guy. Sometimes it was shortly after you got an airship, or something.
I had plans to do something a little more mesmerizing, like last year, but started running out of time. So I revised the plans, then ran out of time for THOSE too. And so on, til I said screw it. Disc 1 probably wouldn't have been able to fit another hefty animation in it anyway. Those discs are only like what, 700 MB??
It takes a lot to meet a deadline coming up fast, when the thing you are planning is meant to be a BIG DEAL, by definition. First you must come up with an animation idea, and that itself will take a long time to make. Then you must move the story along to the exact precipice of that moment, which also takes time, and must do so with enough time left to animate! Plenty of ways to blow it. Making this story on the fly requires not just a lot of drawing and writing, but the sensibilities of a producer. Knowing when to appropriate large amounts of effort for what purposes given various time constraints. I make adjustments to plans all the time, just like I did with the last 4/13 milestone (was originally scheduling end of act 4 for that). Hence this milestone was less jaw dropping, but then if you recall, the original 4/13 celebration was pretty underwhelming too. What will next 4/13 bring? Guess we'll see.
If I'm taking the time to reflect on two years of Homestuck as an achievement I'll do so here only as a gesture of gratitude to the steadfast readers, new and old. I am humbled by your devotion. This is not any sort of platitude to be dismissed as quasi-sincere acceptance speech fodder, or a dispatch from my PR department because sometimes you guys give me money for stuff. This is sincerely true. I look around and still cannot quite believe the magnitude of the enthusiasm that surrounds this story. I stopped being able to keep track of all the fan art for it more than a year ago, and even then there were thousands of fan-made images I would diligently attempt to pore through. I have honestly never seen so much fan art created for anything, anywhere, ever. Even things which have millions of dollars backing their production budgets. Maybe Harry Potter has more? (Alright let's get real. HS fan art is probably just now beginning to approach the subset of drawings that involve Harry being naked with somebody.) Greater and greater hordes of troll cosplayers can be spotted taking over the floors of conventions. You could have pressed me on the subject, but I never would have guessed anyone could be quite so tickled to be slathered in messy gray makeup and crowned by a homemade pair of horns. There is this seething passion for HS that is a self-organizing, autonomous entity unto itself, which is practically inaccessible to my understanding or involvement, even though I'm responsible for the content driving it. I've kept Homestuck's fire hot; its gaping furnace was hungry for coal so I got goddamn shoveling. But you have been responsible for breathing life into this monstrous organism which surrounds me, and now in its breadth transcends my work entirely. To thank you as a whole for this phenomenon almost doesn't sound rational. It's like thanking a furious thunderstorm for the deluge of rain it gave to your thirsty little box of poseys. My paltry utterance dissipates in the far deep rumbling. The clouds don't even notice I'm there because they're too busy swapping fan fiction. Maybe instead I'll offer something more significant than gratitude. Something more personal and experiential. I'll submit my amazement. You can't see me now, but it is a look of wonder and discovery. A boyish look of astonishment at something remarkable beyond words, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, but on a more cosmic scale and more viscerally shocking. Like a squealing horrorterror's gruesome Cesarean birth. That is the look I have every time I disrupt the tunnel vision that keeps the work's bright sun searing my eyes. When they adjust to the dark, I see the silhouette in soft black focus of the young planet sized monster, chirping its affections. I offer it this look because it is all I have to give, with the exception of the tears streaming down my face. Its hunger is piqued at the fluid and my only regret is I can never possibly provide enough to nourish the orphan, now that it can never know the taste of its dead mother's heinous teatbrine.